#Suicide survivor

[lovealexhunt]

I am... Mental Health Awareness Month

I've spent a while trying to decide what I wanted to share this mental health awareness month. I've shared self-care tips before. I've shared positive affirmations. I've shared my story. I've shared resources. I talked about fandom bullying and anon hate, as well as respecting fandom space and not being someone's friend. I could have done all of those things again, but I wanted something different. So I had the thought of just reframing thoughts on mental health and even our own view of our struggles. 

Mental health struggles are often shadowed by stigma and shame. Even though the conversation has shifted over the past several years, there is still so much more that needs to be changed and addressed.

I can't speak for anyone other than myself, but I know that even when I post about my struggles with anxiety, depression, OCD, and suicidal ideations, I still personally feel shame. I still feel there is something "wrong" with me. I still wish it could be different. That thinking is keeping me from getting past my struggles. I don't think I'm alone here.

It's time to reclaim our narratives and celebrate our victories because that's what we're doing every day. I might still struggle every single day but I'm here! I am resilient strong and victorious in my struggle. And if you're reading this, and have struggled yourself, you are all those things too! You are here and that is such a wonderful thing and it's something to celebrate!

Every journey through mental health challenges is unique, but within each story lies moments of courage, resilience, and triumph. By reframing our experiences as success stories, we not only acknowledge the strength it takes to navigate these challenges but also inspire hope in others. Let's shift the conversation from one of struggle to one of empowerment, where we highlight the milestones achieved, the lessons learned, and the growth we have made. 

So here is my challenge for you this mental health awareness month, take a moment to claim your victory. If you feel comfortable, join me in sharing your mental health successes (no matter how big or small). Healing is possible. We are not defined by our struggles. We are resilient and courageous!

Take a moment to find your "I am" statement(s). Claim your victory and remind yourself you are so much more than what your mind tells you. There are many to choose from in the images above but there is also a blank one if you'd like to make your own! 

💖dani

Need help? International Emergency & Suicide Hotlines for over 100 countries

[other mental health posts and resources by me]

[worldbuildingwanderlust]

I have danced

On the precipice of Death

And seen the truth

Beyond Illusion

[hole34]

i walk into my dad’s room to watch an episode of the simpsons with him, immediately turns into a discussion about the chinese government where he blurts out it’s the fact the chinese people don’t have guns that makes their living conditions so poor. turns into an argument about gun rights, i bring up american suicide rates in relation to legal guns and rejection of mens mental health in favour of patriarchal aggression. my dad hits me with this:

“if someone wants to commit suicide, nothin’ll stop them and you’re wastin’ your time.”

i ended the conversation here, struck with tears i knew he’d go off about my immaturity. i still only have one thought:

what if he knew, his own daughter tried to take her life five times, wanting to more than dozens, because of her father, but is alive right in front of him because of getting help.

i never told him i’ve attempted even once, he knows i go to therapy but he complains about my therapist not telling him what i say in confidentiality. he asks me for it too, and i don’t tell him because it’s about him. and he’s a somewhat abusive man, nazi, 75 years old and just about done with all the kids he’s had. if i told him i’m in therapy because i tried to take my life because of him i’d be done for, no way to say what but likely beaten or disowned. and here he is, my dad, telling me there’s no hope for suicidal people and they genuinely are better off dead for the sake of everyone else. telling his own creation, the very girl who had tried five different times and five different ways to kill herself, alive in front of him.

neonazis are ruling america and they don’t have a single drop of empathy for the life of anyone completely innocent.

[monsteracademy]

today has finally been a day where I've evolved from "I don't feel like killing myself" to "I don't want to kill myself"

[green-enby]

Opening up about something. Not sure if I should, but I feel like it's important to talk about. Trigger warning: talks of passive suicidal thoughts. But it gets better. /srs

I'm currently on the highway with my dad (he's the one driving). I've been scared of the car ever since I witnessed my sister's first driving attempt (lol sorry sis). Back then, a couple years ago, maybe less, whenever I was in a car, the thought of it getting into an accident was, albeit scary, bittersweet. I thought "if I end up dying, good fucking riddance". I suspect I purposefully went on drives with my sister hoping it killed me. (And that's nothing compared to the much more painful depths of my depression and suicidal thoughts).

Now though. I'm just scared of dying, and there's no longer ANY part of me that would be happy about that. I saw a car getting eerily close and I thought "Oh no!! What about my friend I want to live with? What if she needs me to and I'm not there? What about all my other friends that I love and want to spend time with? What about all the myriad of languages I want to keep or start studying? All the places I want to see? The people I could meet? What about the activism I want to keep doing? What about my pile of books left to read, of videogames to play, of covers to record, of projects to complete? I want to grow older and get my dream job. I could contribute so much to the translation world. Someone could benefit from my work. I want to see what I'm capable of doing".

And that almost came as a shock to me. I knew I'd fully recovered, but this solidifies it. And the reasons why I want to continue living aren't even out of guilt for the people I'd leave behind. It's all about what I WANT to do with the time I have ahead of me.

I never believed it when I heard people say it gets better, but it really, truly does. And this is coming from someone who tried to kill themself and was hospitalized twice. I was CERTAIN I was a lost cause, or "the exception". The sucky thing is that even if I could go back in time to tell younger me, they still wouldn't believe me. Depression is such a fucking horrible disease. It makes you believe all these awful, untrue things.

So may this be a memo, that anyone, ANYONE can heal. It takes lots of time and a good therapist, but if I did it, anyone can. Sending hugs to everyone who needs, and I hope you'll get where I am soon as well. Be patient with yourself. I love you. /p

[giannic]

I'm grateful for her showing me how to organise clothing into simple categories, i.e. "winter clothing" & "summer".

I wish she hadn't gaslighted me, messed with my mind, helped to isolate me, gone behind my back to reinforce the idea in my family's minds that something was wrong with me.

I'm grateful she went on walks with me in parks. I'm glad for the memories of eating out, going to museums, movies, even cat shows. I'm sad to remember how she said horrible things to me, things that weren't true, e.g. "everything I said went through the filter of my mental illness". I wish I hadn't told her anything about me.

I'm grateful & glad how she taught me to care for cats and dogs. But I wish she had shown the same passion for me.

I'm so confused. Sometimes I wish I had never met her. I don't want to feel the sorrows anymore. Sometimes I wish I were dead.

[schnabelcopter]

I did 2 things I thought were impossible. I lived passed 27 years old and I just bought a house.

Please no matter how hard it is, keep living, it’s gets better.

[sapphic-scylla]

Gonna be real with you here.

CW: mentions of suicide

I’ve been there and I know what it’s like. It’s not a fun place to be.

But when I am trying my damnedest to help you out, raise your confidence and be there with you to get you though those depressive states and try to raise your confidence and you just keep saying no? I’m gonna be blunt, eventually I just stop trying.

If your depression is that bad, there are facilities for that. There are therapists for that. There are institutions for that.

I know. Money is hard to come by these days, but it’s rough to be a post-suicidal person and have to come back and relive it all over again as your friend won’t help you lift as you’re trying to pull them out of the well.

I understand life can be difficult and that is seems like ending it all can seem like the only option some days, but it doesn’t get better if you don’t help push your own car.

There are hotlines, therapists, facilities, institutions, friends, loved ones, neighbors, all kinds of people who you can go to for support.

However, if you’re bitching and moaning over social media that “life is hard” and you “can’t find the motivation to go on anymore” and making post after post about your problems, you’re not doing it as a cry for help, you’re doing it for attention so that someone can come shower you in compliments you won’t accept and magically fix your problems for you not really.

Trust me. I’ve been there. Social media did not help and in fact made it worse. If you’re really on the edge of just giving your life away, call 988. Or get on the phone with your therapist.

I know this sounds brutal and like a lot of VERY tough love, but believe me when I say that I cannot help you if you’re unwilling to help yourself.

There are reasons to live if you’re willing to search for them, but refusing to put in the leg work won’t help you and it wears on the people that are trying to help you when everything we say to try to make you feel better gets met with disregard and rejection.

[thisextensiveuniverse]

I know I've posted one of these here before, I made a lot of people worry when I did so, so I think it's probably best if I post another that I give a bit of an explanation. The embarrassment of having to reach out and ask for help in such a manner is on par with the reason itself. The year ended with a bang for me but not in the way a year should. I had to take a leave of absence from work for a time due to my, then, steadily deteriorating mental health. It's a slow fall, a darkness that slowly but surely creeps into your world view until at long last the remaining shimmers of sunlight are nothing more but cold, all consuming darkness so dense you can't see your own hand before your own eyes. My family doesn't know the true extent of how bad things had gotten through that period, heck up until this moment they didn’t even know I took a leave of absence, the fact that I was out of work for a period would’ve heavily outweighed the reasons why. And why would they? When their response last time was “you’re not asking for help, you’re asking for money, you’re panhandling!” and “Do you know how embarrassing this is for me!” and best of all “You won’t work because you’re sad!” (Oh, yes, they'll deny until they're blue in the face, but those are exact quotes.) My response to the person who would make such statements is: “Do you know what it's like to want to die? To uncap that bottle of Valium you just got refilled, down the entire thing, lay back against your pillows, and let Fate take over?”Depression isn’t just sadness, not for some people, for some it means not wanting to be alive anymore. It’s hard to explain that to someone who pretends they understand when they really don’t and don’t want to stop and listen to you try and explain it in the best way you can. That is the sadness that sometimes keeps me from being able to function like an ordinary human being and causes me to miss work every now and then. Thankfully, this time my body was already used to a higher dose that’s taken regularly, all that happened was I was knocked out for a good time before resurfacing. Things aren't better, that's a bit of a ways off, but I am steady now. I applied for short term disability for the time I was out of work on my leave, and though I did meet the requirements, the benefits are paid out to full time employees only. Ultimately, this led to my short term disability claim being denied, because I’m part time. The amount listed is for my rent, what’s due to bring me current once more and back into good standing, back into a stable living situation without fear of losing it. Any help is more than appreciated and I'm always forever thankful. I love you all, more than I can verbalize and express. If you have any concerns, I would appreciate it if you reached out to me personally, as reaching out to certain family members has proved to be more of a hindrance than the other way around.

[gaybitch-3000]

im so tired of no one understanding.

im not just some stupid little kid whining that no one understands them, why can't you just take me seriously. You know what happened last time.

[worldbuildingwanderlust]

No darkness can dim

The brighter light

Of a new day

.

.

.

Don't give up

[writingbyje]

"Survivor"

In the light, I wonder how depression ever convinced me to leave this earth. In the night, I remember.

[brinaarcadia]

Ten years later.

[darkness-compelled]

I'm decorating for my 420 party, cutting out weed leaf shapes and just kind of letting myself feel like a kid again.

Time for another trauma dump. Trigger warning for suicide attempt, hospital, drug and alcohol abuse.

May is the anniversary of my suicide attempt from 2011. I had just filled my Zoloft prescription and I took the whole bottle and a bunch of sleeping pills and some tequila.

I remember destroying my home and my partner begging me to throw up. She called 911. I don't remember anything after that until like the next day I think. I lost a lot of time.

But I remember waking up and being asked if I was glad I lived and saying no. I remember one really kind nurse guy and a shitty asshole nurse. It was like an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other.

I couldn't walk and I was hallucinating. They used a catheter on me. It was humiliating.

I was under suicide watch. I couldn't even get up. But ok I guess.

The pills disrupted my heartbeat. It was all wonky and irregular. For years I couldn't go to concerts and even still loud bass I can feel in my heart sends me into a panic.

And all I can think about is the bad stuff. Just wait until you hear how my virginity was stolen from me. Next on, wtf how is this my life?

[rainninpain]

My boyfriend of four years cheated on me and thr only reason I ever found out was because he paid this female for sex it was a regular thing between them for several years before he met me. Ive been struggling for awhile with my mental health and was actually in the hospital when he fucked this bitch. He didn't pay her all of what he owed so she messaged me to tell me what they did and to tell me her youngest kid was his.

Before the revelation of cheating came about I handed him my phone one night so he could look something up, I was grooming my dog. He not only looked up what we needed he went to my texts messages and looked for messages between another ex bf and a former fiance. There were inappropriate messages from them talking about sex but there was never any acting on it as opposed to be actually physically got with this chick.

Anyhow for months and months he tried to find more and more ways to make me that bad guy when he crossed the physical line. I never denied those texts were inappropriate in a relationship, but he found ways to continuously find ways to read my emails and messages. First i locked the phone, than my tablet, than my car from when my phone was on blue tooth and than finally my smart watch.

I had been sexually assaulted and he didnt seem to care he pressured me more and more about how we werent habing sex and he needed intimacy and blah blah. He brought this shit up over and over for two years. I asked him repeatedly to table the conversation about our sex life and intimacy but he wouldnt.

Two weeks ago I called him out on the fact that he rarely listened to me when talking to him about anything. He didn't say anything. I asked him how often he was talking to the chick he fucked he said rarely. I already knew that was a lie but wanted him to be honest and he wasn't. Than i saw she was coming to town to visit whatever family she has here and i asked him and he lied again. He than got pissed off at me for telling him she couldnt come in our home nor was i going to allow him to take our vehicle to go see her and/or give her a ride. He laughed and called me dumb.

I asked what normal woman would be ok with their partner talking too and hanging out with the woman they cheated with?! He said probably none.

A week goes buy and I am no longer able to fight with him.about this but asked why he can't just be honest. The next night he sends me a text message, couldnt even tell me in person that he isnt in love with me and hasnt been and all this other fucked up shit. We just bought a $500,000 home and hes planning to move out and take the only car we have and leave me fucked. Tonight he tells me his pos alcoholic former bestfriend got his army disability money and he will be leaving even sooner cus the friend owes him $10,000. I asked if he told Josh we aren't together and he says yeah and wtf does it matter since Josh and I dont even speak anymore. I had to deal with Josh's shit for almost 2 years because of my bf. Josh is an alcoholic and caused so many issues.

This is not the first time Justin hurt me i nearly died in 2017 because of him and a friend bullying me. I NEVER should have trusted him again but I have bpd and didn't want to be alone and he promised he would never hurt me again and yet thats all he has done. My dad died 4 May 2021 and my mom 19 April 2022. So i have had nothing but fucked up shit for awhile now. Which is why my mind goes to the darkest and impulsive places. I hate life more and more everyday. My mom was my bestfriend and we were there for eachother and never abandoned. Now not only she is gone but my dad to and I am alone in this world because I trusted someone I shouldn't have. A pos like him. I should have known better....here i am alone in an expensive house with tons of pets a place I thought i would be happy because we bought it and got this specifically for my mom becauae it is handicap accessible but she died two months after moving in.

I truly no longer care about anyone and anything. The more I allow myself to feel things the more pain I end up in. I just want it all to stop. SI is on my mind constantly. The method I'd use so it would guarantee no coming back. The other times I called my doctor and she called 911.

I'm a fucking idiot and an absolute failure at everything. I can't even work because my mental health. I quit working after my first suicide attempt on 7 February 2016. That attempt was the worst of all and I wasn't expected to make it. Why I did I have no clue. I guess I was a puece of shit person in another life and this is KARMA or maybe its just karma for all the shit ive done my entire life.

I always want to help people and everything I ever did that was good never happened in other peoples eyes. I am the villain. I sacrificed half my life to take care of my addict sisters kids and yet my plder sister who actually did the fucked up shit before and after the kids mom died gets all the credit for everything I did. Thats an entire other situation but it all culminates to now and what I am dealing with. I don't know or understand why everyone hates me, why they abandon me, why the hurt me, what is wrong with me?!? I don't belong on this Earth. All I have is constant unbearable pain from loss, grief, depression, anxiety, sadness, trauma, ptsd, bpd, bipolar. What is the point in continuing to live this miserable life?! No one misses me. No one even talked to me at my mothers funeral.not even the other siblings!

[cherieye]

TW: suicide

It just hit me that it's been 9 years since I attempted and my youngest sister is the same age I was when I did and she is moving in with me this year. She saw me lifeless being taken down stares by firemen when it happened. She is the 9th child in my family, born on the 9th of Feb. We are 9 years apart and I had open heart surgery on the 9th of May in the year of 1991.

I can't help but sob, this is hitting me so hard.