#hate life

[depresyjna-szmata]

„Znowu moje myśli idą w złą stronę mimo że, było już tak dobrze”

[ang331]

Why’s my life going to shit right before the new year? Like…hello? 🤨

[iamp0tato]

I apologize for the depressing themes below. Read the tags.

I’m a people pleaser. I have been my entire life, bending over backwards for people, giving up things that I like/love because it gets in the way of others being happy, changing things about myself or things that I do because someone doesn’t like them. I know that I will continue to do this because of how I was treated growing up. I’ve stopped interacting with pages I love, that I adore (not just on Tumblr) because I feel nothing but shame, humiliation and embarrassment for the way I interact. I grow attached to pages for one reason or another and I hate it because I can’t find people to connect with because they don’t like the things that I like so I isolate myself and find things that I can enjoy in “secret” (ie nobody knows who I am). Since I started writing and posting updates about the various fics I have, I’ve been getting so much hate, insults and just horrible messages from people, not just on here but Ao3 as well. My email is visible (which I’m changing today) so I get nasty emails. This however is one thing I WILL NOT CHANGE. I refuse to change/edit/rewrite things that I’ve already done or plan to do. My writing is for ME. Yes it is in a specific demographic of people that also enjoy Outlast but my fics are for me. My most recent Franco fic contains actual real life stuff that’s happened to me (some things changed as I don’t want people to know exactly what happened to me) but it’s based off my life. I had debated putting a tag like that on the fic but decided against it and this post is the only way people will know about it. I’ve been called stupid all the way up to people telling me to k^ll myself (scherza su di loro, ci ho provato così chiaramente che l'insulto non funziona). My fics are also filled with some things that I want to happen in my life (happy things) that I know I will never get so I transfer it to writing so I can deal with the fact that I’ll never get it. But to sum this up, the people that send me anon asks, emails and whatever else they can do, I don’t fucking care. This is the one thing I have for myself and I refuse to give it up like I have so many other things in the past.

[the-mortal-incorrects]

Alec: How the fuck do people just stay motivated their entire lives? What drives you? I got out of bed once and I’ve been exhausted ever since. Jace: You need to learn to hate life to the point where you want to get revenge on existence itself.

[azhar456]

no one hurts me more than I hurt me..

[meavii]

I'm so tired of school, I hate it

I hate people at school, I hate tests, I hate everything about it

[stayuberhappyallthefreakintime]

I couldn’t trust my own emotions. Which emotional reactions were justified, if any? And which ones were tainted by the mental illness of BPD? I found myself fiercely guarding and limiting my emotional reactions, chastising myself for possible distortions and motivations. People who had known me years ago would barely recognize me now. I had become quiet and withdrawn in social settings, no longer the life of the party. After all, how could I know if my boisterous humor were spontaneous or just a borderline desire to be the center of attention? I could no longer trust any of my heart felt beliefs and opinions on politics, religion, or life. The debate queen had withered. I found myself looking at every single side of an issue unable to come to any conclusions for fear they might be tainted. My lifelong ability to be assertive had turned into a constant state of passivity.

[depressionandobsession]

Boże, dlaczego musiałam urodzić się aż taka głupia i brzydka

Teraz zostanę sama do końca życia :(((

[xoxohomicidal-cougarxoxo]

I'm probably going to crash tomorrow

Can't wait

[meavii]

God, my life is so boring, just going to school, sleeping, eating (crying, mental breakdowns etc. too lol)

Like, I don't even have any friends or hobbies (except listening to music or sleeping)

Every day is almost the same, I want it to be different, but I can't make it more interesting or better (I can only make it worse)

[kloppinthekop]

[footballlover8]

Who else wanna jump off a bridge and die? ✋✋✋

[sepultvamp]

ㅤ𖣒ۢㅤㅤㅤ۪ㅤㅤㅤ𝖋ㅤㅤ𝖼𝗎𝖾𝗋𝗉𝗈𝓼ㅤㅤㅤ𝑦ㅤㅤㅤ𝖺𝗅𝗆𝖺𝗌ㅤㅤ࣪ㅤㅤ𝒸ㅤ

[rainstormwindsky]

I'm done with it

Currently, life feels like living this life is not worth the suffering. I am unable to be happy or cheerful like others. Everything feels gloomy- from waking up in the morning to trying to put down the phone at night and go to sleep. I'm sighing at everything. There is nothing I can look up to eagerly every day. I don't know when this will end. I don't want to distract or numb myself by reading a book or binging a series. I don't know what to do. Life is unfair. I don't like the way it is. It feels like I am not able to change it too. Accepting this life makes me feel that it's not worth the suffering. There must be a gain from this suffering even if it is the dark night of the soul. But I couldn't see anything further. let alone the desire the to achieve something financially or academically. Life has been really unfriendly lately.

[opt1mistic]

IM SOOOO SICK I CANT DO THISS

[meavii]

tw: vënt I guess

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Idk what's wrong with me, like wtf I'm so sensitive, ugly, shy and so awkward

I hate this feeling when others are brave and happy and I'm lonely, sad and so quiet

Maybe I'll be better in another universe?