#Spring Cat Collection

[nubelalifestyle]

Introducing the Spring Cat Collection: Embrace Comfort and Style

🌸 Elevate your spring style with Rothys' chic Spring Cat Collection! 🌺 Explore sleek prints on comfy shoes & bags. 🥿👜 Unleash all-day comfort with the In Love Insole. 🌟 Up to 40% off in our sale – don't miss out! 🛍️ Read more on the blog. #spring

[jomadis]

i have SO MANY adoptables/designs from the past few years that I would love to get rid of oml,, gonna dump them here so that they're at least organized!

Most of these have single/transparent files which you'll get when purchasing! And even if you can't adopt, I appreciate all of your support!! ANYTHING UNDER $4 I'M WILLING TO TAKE ART FOR!!! Just dm me!!

Availability (x means taken):

Wasppaw-- OPEN $10

Hawkbloom-- OPEN $10

Rainwing 1-- OPEN $5

Rainwing 2-- OPEN $5

Zombie Dog-- OPEN $5

Preppy Rat-- OPEN $5

Debil-- x

Angle-- OPEN $5

Beeast-- OPEN $7

Hiker Sheep-- OPEN $2

WoF Hybrid headshots-- ALL OPEN $3

Alien Cat-- OPEN $7

Dilute Calico Kitten-- OPEN $5

Pale Cat-- OPEN $7

Lineless Cats-- ALL OPEN $3

I can take PayPal or Venmo, dm me if you're interested!! <33

[kirbyfigure]

🍉🌈can't stop dreaming☁️🧃 @nostalgiaeternaa

[fxckinemo]

ohhhh i want a cat so baddddd I've never gone this long without a cat in my living space. what happened to mrrow?? mrrrroow?

[violetjedisylveon]

Solid Ground.

Eda Raises Two Gods AU chapter 19

Summary: Ho Ho Ho and happy holidays. Eda finally has the big talk she's been dreading.

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: ⚠️mentions of past trauma, anxiety, panic attacks and child abuse, but it's only talked about.⚠️

A/N: Here's your gift, it's got other gifts inside it. Ngl, this chapter is almost entirely Eda and Enzo talking about therapy and going to therapy and stuff like that so there's not much going on. It's just a lot of talking. The next chapter, the long awaited DSM-5 chapter, will be similarly talk heavy.

I hope you still enjoy it!

Here are some other gifts for you all, Noodle In A Blanket + animatic sneak peek, Celeste The Titan

Eda Raises Two Gods AU Masterpost

________________________________________________________________________________

Today.

It had to be today.

If she didn't do it today she didn't think she'd ever work up the nerve to do it again.

This was for Enzo, her kid needed this.

She could only hope and pray she had the right words for this.

Eda took in a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair, then she knocked on the door.

Enzo was curled up in the nest with a picture book. They preferred picture books over written ones since they couldn't read yet. Nibs was happily dozing on their shoulder. They glanced up at her and gave her a small smile.

She went over to the nest with the plate she'd brought and held it out to them, they gave her a confused glance before taking it.

“Mind if I sit with you?” She asked softly.

Enzo nodded. She climbed into the nest and sat next to her kid, Enzo almost immediately leaned into her side. The kid looked so damn peaceful snuggled up next to her, she didn't want to ruin it, she really didn't.

“Can we talk?”

Eda really didn't like the way Enzo froze up, she definitely didn't like the way they pulled away from her.

“I'm not mad at you, I swear it's not that.” She quickly reassured them.

The kid shot her a wary glance but didn't turn to look at her. She let out a small sigh of relief when Enzo settled near her again, although they weren't as close as before.

“I promise I am not mad, I'm just worried. I'm really worried.” She started.

Enzo's ears flicked towards her, he still refused to look at her. She didn't want him to.

“What happened after you fell,” She paused when Enzo flinched, “it was really scary… for you and for me…” Enzo pulled their legs to their chest, shrinking away from her, “it means a lot more than you think, kiddo.”

“You remember how you felt, right?” She asked gently.

The kid gave her a hesitant nod.

“That thing you felt, it's called a panic attack.”

“A panic attack is this thing that happens when you have extreme anxiety or fear or stress. They can be random and happen without a trigger… but certain things can cause them…” she closed her eyes and tilted her head back.

“I get them sometimes… I get really scared of specific things and then boom, I'm having a panic attack.”

“And sometimes I get into a situation where I feel like something really bad is happening again, it's like I'm stuck in that moment or bits and pieces of it, and that experience causes a panic attack too.” She pretended not to hear Enzo's breathing stop for a few seconds and continued on like normal.

“It's a very troubling experience, it hurts, and it's very scary to feel like I'm stuck in such a bad place again.”

She waited a moment, or maybe she waited an hour, for Enzo to soak up the new information.

“did that happen to you when you fell?”

Enzo squeezed their legs closer to him and tucked their head down. Eda gave them their space, she needed to be careful about this.

“It's okay if you did, you can't control that, or having a panic attack.” She said.

Enzo tilted their head but didn't raise it up, his eye snapped open with that yellow glow it sometimes had.

“You don't have to tell me what it was, I don't need to know, all I need to know is if you had a flashback.” She continued.

The single glowing red eye stared at her, filled with darkness and distrust and fear. She met the fearful gaze, not even the slightest bit afraid of the darkness it held. There was only fear beneath that darkness.

They finally looked away. They blinked and the yellow glow vanished. Their body shook as they nodded.

“Papa isn't ever coming back, is he?”

“No starshine, he's not.”

“He's dead then, right?”

“I'm so sorry starshine, I think he is.”

Enzo turned to her with tearful eyes and then the dam broke.

Enzo cried uncontrollably. They might have been saying something, but she couldn't understand it through their sobbing. Eda sat silently and let Enzo cry, she didn't make any move to comfort them yet, he would come if they wanted it.

Her kid did end up cuddling up against her again, she loosely wrapped an arm around them, not too tight but enough to tell him she was there.

She sat with them for an hour before they calmed down enough to say anything.

“How do you stop them?” Their small, broken voice asked.

Alright Eda, don't fuck this up.

“There is this thing that you can do, it's called therapy. A therapist is the person who gives therapy, they spend a really long time learning how to do their job and how to help people with all sorts of things, there's lots of types of therapy.” Eda said.

“You know Gailine's mom, right?”

Enzo nodded.

“Well she is a therapist for trauma, which is really bad things that happen, she helps people understand their emotions and work through them so they can feel better. She's very good at her job.” She explained.

“So the therapist makes the bad feelings stop?” Enzo asked.

“Not exactly, they don't tell you what to do, and they can't solve the problem for you. Their job is to give you the tools and examples of how to do it yourself. They are also someone who you can trust with whatever you want, they're under an oath to not say a word about anything you tell them to anyone.” She gently corrected.

“Have you seen how Clover uses her magic?” She asked, switching over to the part she was sure Enzo wasn't going to respond to as positively.

“She uses the mind magic, right?” Enzo guessed.

“Yeah, Oracle Magic, and she's really good at it but she's a little odd because she uses it through plants, she really can't do it any other way. Her office is full of plants and they all smell really nice.” She explained.

Enzo gave her a fearful look and tightened their grip on her.

“is she gonna get in my head?”

“Enzo, she's not going to do anything without asking permission. You have every right to say no and she won't be mad at you.” She told them.

“And she's not allowed to do things you say she can't. She has a lot of rules she has to follow, respecting privacy is one of them.” She added when Enzo still looked a little uncertain.

They gave her a cautious half smile and relaxed again.

“What else happens at the therapy thing?” They asked, absently pulling at a loose thread on their sleeve.

“Well, it depends on what you need, so its different for everyone, but when she works with kids like you, Clover does a lot of playing. She has a lot of toys, games and activities that you can play with when you go meet with her. She'll play along with whatever games you come up with.”

“She's got a really big garden at her office, there's lots of plants and some friendly animals, and there's a really nice pond that's got lots of water creatures in it, Gailine keeps sneaking wild animals into it.” She said.

Enzo snickered at their friend's antics.

“That doesn't sound too bad.” They mumbled.

“Eh, it's not all fun and games starshine. It's a process that takes time, and in order for anything to get done, you're going to have to talk about some things that might be uncomfortable, you won't have to go into too much detail, Clover just needs an idea of what she's working with to help you.” She warned.

Enzo narrowed their eyes skeptically.

“Like what?”

They were surprisingly not turned off from the subject entirely. I thought that would have shut this conversation down immediately.

“At the first visit, she's just going to ask you some questions, you can just say yes or no and don't have to go into anything deeper if you don't want to. And after that she can figure out the best way to help you, but sometimes she might talk with you about the bad things.” She paused to gauge their reaction, he was still surprisingly calm.

“It's very important to remember that she isn't trying to hurt you, but all that stuff has to come to the surface so it can be taken care of, and that stuff is what's hurting you. This is to help you handle the bad stuff.” Eda said.

“A lot of bad things have happened to you, haven't they?” She prompted.

Enzo’s skeptical eyes widened with terror.

“Did you look?!” They shouted, jerking away from her again.

She rested a gentle hand on their shoulder.

“It's very clear to see without any magic, starshine. I see it in the way you act and how you talk, a lot has hurt you. It's still hurting you.” She explained calmly.

“Oh…”

“So what do you think? Do you wanna give it a try?”

Enzo frowned and bit their lip.

“So it's going to be fun and I get to play but it's going to make me feel bad while I'm trying to make the bad feel better?” They wondered.

“Yeah, something like that, Clover will also teach you ways to handle stressful situations so you don't have as many panic attacks. It will help make the flashbacks happen less too.” Eda said.

Enzo's eyes lit up at that.

“It stops the nightmares?! And the blue blood and the bad thoughts?!” They asked eagerly.

Blue blood? He's never mentioned that before.

“Uh, yeah, er, kinda after a while… does that happen often?” She asked gently.

“Sometimes I think things I don't mean to, I don't like it when that happens, those thoughts always make me feel weird.” Enzo answered.

“It'll stop all that?” They asked.

“It will make it happen less, and when it does you'll be able to manage it a lot better than you do now.” She clarified.

“It will feel better, right?” 

“Yes, after a while.” She repeated.

“But it will feel better, right?” Enzo asked again.

There was a strained, cautiously hopeful look in their eyes. They were tearing up again. They rubbed at their teary eyes, mumbling apologies to her and trying not to cry. Eda gently pushed their hands down and cupped his face. 

“i don't want to hurt anymore…” they whispered.

“Oh Starshine…” Eda cooed.

“It will feel better after a while, you don't have to hurt forever.” She said softly.

Enzo broke into a tearful smile and hugged her, crying more out of relief this time. She brought them closer and started humming a soft tune until they calmed down.

During that time, King wandered into her room and the little gremlin must have assumed it was cuddle time since he forced his way into the nest to join them.

Enzo stroked King’s soft fur as they calmed down.

“Is this why Gailine’s mom was coming over so much, cause you were talking about this?” Enzo asked.

“Yeah, sometimes we were talking about this. More times we were talking about other stuff, like old school stories and how old friends are doing or what crazy plant Eibhlín made this time. Normal adult stuff.” Eda said.

Enzo nodded and spent a few more minutes playing with King's fluffy fur.

“… philip always got mad when he was called anything else…” Enzo started quietly.

Eda glanced down at them, the owl beast growled in the back of her mind. This can't be good.

“…he got really mad at me when I called him “Pip” once… I didn't know he didn't like it… he yelled at me for a while…” Enzo trailed off again, she felt them tense under her hands.

“…do… do you get mad when people call you my mom…?” They asked.

“I mean… well it's just… Gailine always calls you my mom… and I never stop her cause I kinda like it… but I'll stop liking it if you don't like it!” they blurted before she could respond.

The Titan clearly had it out for her. She was barely prepared for the big conversation she set out to fail at having, now her kid was asking the other big question that was eating away at her and- wait, Enzo likes it when people call me their mom?

“I don't mind it.” Eda said.

Enzo let out the breath they had been holding since asking the question.

“…I thought you didn't like it cause your face always got red when it happens, like how when you get mad… are you not getting mad?” Enzo asked timidly.

Oh.

“Nope. I'm definitely not getting mad. I'm getting embarrassed.” She said.

Enzo stared at her for a moment then the light went off in their head.

“Like whenever Datura talks about that bird you like so much?!” They guessed.

Right on que, her cheeks started to warm.

“Right now! You're doing it right now!” He pointed out.

“I know starshine.” Eda mumbled.

“Why do you get so red over a bird anyway?” They asked, relaxing into her side.

“They aren't actually a bird. That's just what Datura calls them.” Eda said.

“So who are they?” Enzo asked.

“They’re an… old friend of mine.” she settled on saying.

“Enough off topic questions” Eda said, stopping her kid from prying more into her past.

“Do you think you can go to a therapy appointment? I'll go in with you, if you want me to.” Eda asked.

“I… I think I can… I think I'm ready now.” Enzo said.

Eda gave her kid a light squeeze.

“I'm really proud of you, starshine. You're an amazing kid, you know that, right?” she told him.

“You really think so?” They asked, looking up at her in awe.

“Oh absolutely.” Eda swore.

“Thank you m-Eda!” 

“Excuse me?” Eda asked.

“Nothing! I said Eda! I just said Eda!” Enzo squealed, their face flushing pink with embarrassment.

Eda raised an eyebrow and gave her kid another light squeeze.

“C'mon starshine, what did you wanna say?” she asked.

Enzo squeaked and buried their face in his hands.

“…mama…” they mumbled.

Not that long ago, Eda would have rejected that title instantly. Even a few weeks ago when she had just started to get more comfortable with it, she still wouldn't have accepted it. Hell, just a few minutes ago she panicked that the kid liked it.

Now that they had actually said it, now that it was out there, she didn't hate it as much as she had thought she would. She kind of liked it.

She absolutely knew she wasn't the best as far as parents went. She didn't have the best example for herself and she was a wanted criminal and a cursed witch. That didn't exactly scream stable child rearing environment, but…

Enzo had just called her “mom”, they thought of her like a mom, their mom.

Even if she wanted to, she was in way too deep to back out now. 

This was her kid, she wasn't going to abandon them.

That being said, her face still turned bright red. Emotions were weird.

“Do, um, do you want to call me that?” She asked, clearing her throat with an awkward cough.

“is it okay? I don't want Papa to get sad…” Enzo asked.

“Starshine, I'm sure your dad is happy for you.” She assured him.

A fond smile formed on their face.

“… yeah, he would be…” they giggled.

“So I can call you mama?” 

“Sure starshine, if you want.”

“I want to.” They said.

“Alright then.” Eda nodded.

Enzo beamed and hugged her with an adorable little giggle.

“Thanks Mama.”

“Anytime kiddo.”

XXX

Eda grabbed her scroll, the kids were fast asleep in the nest beside her after dinner and a nice warm bath. King needs a haircut soon. She thought absently as she searched up the name of Clover’s office, “The Garden House, Resources and Services For Healing The Mind And Body.”, she was going to make Enzo's first appointment.

She had already talked it over with Enzo and told them that she would try to get it done some time this week, it really all depended on how busy Clover was.

From what she had been told, the first appointment was easy to make, and all the important information got sorted out afterwards. So all she had to do was make the appointment. That was the easiest part of this whole day.

She submitted her request for a Friday first appointment and put her scroll away. She would tackle that tomorrow, now she was going to bed with her kids.

[lv-tangle-universe-blog]

in case you didn't see...

mostly villain poker world

[ninjonnyuszi]

Collection of my paintings 🖌🎨

[metalchris]

Early November Concert Recap

Read my show recaps of Mercyful Fate, Katatonia and the Dave Sherman benefit show. The post is loaded with pix and videos.

I went to a few shows last week that were all great and I shot a lot of photos and videos and thought I’d share them here with you all. Mercyful Fate, Katatonia and the Dave Sherman Benefit show were all great experiences, I’m so glad live concerts are back this year. Mercyful Fate First up was the return of Mercyful Fate at the Fillmore Silver Spring on Tuesday, November 8th. Teutonic thrash…

[magistralucis]

@absolut--kurant!

Thieves Guild

[onika-t-maraj]

…

[queers-gambit]

Curiosity Killed The Cat

prompt: after rescuing you from kidnappers, you overhear your boyfriend-turned-savior complain about how clingy you've become.

pairing: Mafia!Bucky Barnes x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Marvel

collection masterlist: Clingy Baby

word count: 5.1k+

note: author wants things out of her drafts! also don't take this fic too seriously, it's not much at all - just me writing for the fuck of it until i'm ready to focus on my bigger projects.

warnings: modern AU, Mafia AU, obvious cursing, small hurt and comfort, brief depiction of physical violence and self-destruction in the form of: loss of appetite, lack of sleep, other symptoms of depression. NOT edited! author is ashamed because she knows she can give you something better but oh well.

Your feet planted, jarring you to a halt the moment you heard your name in a conversation you were not apart of.

You heard the hammering of your heart, echoing beats of your blood pumping with harrowing desperation. Hands turned cold and clammy, sweat breaking out on your brow and then freezing, feeling as if your throat had swollen to a new restriction and you were anchored in you in place.

Rooted.

But for now, all you could identify was the paralyzing anxiety that anchored you to your spot and made your heartbeat thunder in your ears. You stood outside the lounge, unable to comprehend relevant thought; still listening to low, docile tones continue their conversation, but you couldn't hear real words.

You were stunned. Panicked, confused, hurt - so very hurt. That seemed to register, too; you were really, really hurt.

This was perhaps why curiosity killed the cat.

You reprimanded yourself for listening in - transporting back to childhood during all the times your parents would scold you for eavesdropping. You knew it was wrong, you knew this was a private conversation meant to be shared between trusting confidants, but you couldn't help it - you heard your name and stopped. It was natural, right? To feel curious regarding a conversation seemingly about you that you, yourself, was not apart of?

Curiosity, indeed.

Blinking rapidly, you remembered the only other time you felt such mounting, pressurized fear, and while it might be dramatic, the only other time you could remember this level of anxiety was from about two months ago...

"Yes, baby, I got the bacon."

"And the jalapeños?"

"Uh-huh, the biggest they had."

"Cream cheese?"

"Do you know who you're talking to?" You laughed into the phone. "I'm a professional housewife by now, you can relax. I got all you needed for your fancy little dinner experiment."

Bucky laughed down the phone, "Oh, please, like I didn't see you salivating when we watched the segment on Top Chef."

"Hush," you laughed, too. "I'm leaving the store now," you told him, pushing out of the heavy glass doors, "and should be home in, like, 10 minutes?"

"Lemme pick you up."

"I have legs to walk with, so, no thank you."

He sighed, "Well, I'll open the wine to let it breathe. Red's still good?"

"Let's do a white tonight, please."

"Good deal," he mused softly. "Hey, I was thinking earlier - "

"Hang on," you pleaded.

"What's wrong?"

"No, nothing. There's just a van slowing down, I don't want to get hit," you chuckled some, looking up and down the street before crossing. "Sorry, so, what were you thinking?"

"We haven't been to Paris in months."

You smirked, "I'm sure our plants in the apartment are dead by now."

Bucky laughed, "Oh, I am, too. But, look, how 'bout it, Peach? You, me, all the croissants we can consume this weekend. I'll take Monday and Tuesday off, we can leave tomorrow night."

"Oh, that sounds nice," you moaned. "Paris in the spring? Baby, that's so dreamy!"

"So, is that a yes?"

"It's a hell yes," you grinned. "Do you know the weather?"

"Supposed to be nice and sunny, not too warm or cold. Figured this would be ideal," he chuckled. "But does the weather matter if we're in bed the whole time?"

"No, we're not wasting our time!" You laughed. "We're gonna go do shit, okay? Stereotypical tourist-couple shit."

"I'll bring the camera."

"And I was hoping we could have dinner at that little place we love?"

"I wouldn't take you anywhere else," he mused.

"I think it's - FUCK!" Bucky froze when he heard the screeching of tires; a van coming up to a skidding halt, flurry of voices all yelling but he heard yours clearly. "No, no, no, hey, hey, what the hell's happening? Hey! What's this - hey, hey! Don't touch me! Ow, shit! No! Hey! Fuck's sake - oh, my God! Ow! Hey!"

"Baby!? Peach! Hey! The fuck's going on!?"

There was a thudding over the phone, and Bucky listened to more struggling - more fidgeting and fighting - and then the slamming of a car door. Still calling your name, Bucky heard a scrape over the line before a different voice answered your phone, "James Barnes. On behalf of HYDRA, you're overdue on your payment and we warned you there would be consequences. Deliver the full amount of 17 million - "

"It's 15," he growled.

"Two million more for the inconvenience of stalking your woman."

"If you even so much as touch her, I swear to God - "

"17 million at midnight, at the pier, or every minute you're late, she'll receive the brunt end of our frustration."

"Don't hurt her - "

"Midnight, Mr. Barnes, at the pier - you know where. Don't be late, she looks like she won't last long."

The line went dead after he heard your screech of pain, confusion, and fear. The moment the line cut, he dropped his phone and slowly lowered himself to sit on the kitchen floor, shock coloring his system. It wasn't that he didn't have the money, quite the opposite - but he and his men had a plan in motion to take out HYDRA, their org's competition, and this was totally against all they anticipated. After a minute to sit in his own worry, Bucky jumped to his feet, grabbed his phone, keys, wallet, and two handguns; holstering them both before shrugging his suit jacket on.

He made every phone call he could, gathering the men he trusted most to (one of) his warehouse(s).

For hours, you were strung up by your wrists in a joint-pulling position while the Brooklyn Mafia formulated a plan of attack. It was the most pain you've ever known, but then the abuse started and you were blinded by this new pain. You had bruises most places, cuts that wept blood; scars that would never heal, wounds that wouldn't ever close. You were delirious, miserable, confused, just dazed and confused; praying to a God who didn't listen.

"Oh, look at that," your captor mocked, holding a thick-bladed hunting knife in hand, "it's one minute til midnight, and I don't see your loverboy anywhere."

You sniffled, unable to respond.

He stared out the lone window, tisking and narrating, "Nope, I see not a soul - and with how protective he is over you, you'd think he'd want to ensure your safety. Not leave it to chance, huh?"

You whimpered as the clock struck midnight, your heart hammering in heavy-hung worry. You had tears in your eyes, heart nearly beating out of your chest, feeling incredibly nauseous. The desire to scream never lessened, just fearing what was to come; the men in the room making you fear for the state of your life, their knuckles cracking. You only begged, "Please. Don't."

The main captor laughed, "You can do better than that! C'mon, give me the satisfaction of tellin' ol' James you begged for mercy - but it wasn't enough to sway me. I'll lie, for sure, and say it happened but it will be so much sweeter if you actually do it."

"Please," you shook your head, avoiding eye contact. "Just don't do this, please."

"Oh, honey," he mocked, "it's not our fault he's late. Lads! Have at her, but leave her face for now - she's still real pretty."

You listened as he gave commands in Russian, understanding after the years at Bucky's side; whimpering when the first blow landed to your gut and knocked the wind out of you. The minutes drug by and you felt your resolve crumbling, heart still hammering to a never-before-felt speed that made it feel as if it were jumping out of your very body at every single pulse point. You struggled in your restraints, but it was futile by how tight you were bound; unable to protect yourself.

At 12:03 am, the doors blew open in a resounding blast; concrete crumbling and sprinkling the floor. You cried out as the smoke choked you, coughing through the haze; only barely able to make out certain figures to know Bucky had brought his best men. However, despite the sting to your eyes from the swirling dust and smoke, you saw a lone man stalk through the blasted wall, through the fray, and straight up to you.

"Bu-Bucky!" You choked in relief as he reached to untie your feet first. You dangled for only a moment as his metal prosthetic ripped off whatever held your wrists to the torture contraption. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Bucky, holy shit, baby, please, please, please," you rambled as he freed you and instantly caught you on his broad shoulders.

"I got you, Peach, I'm here, I've got you," he promised in your ear, hoisting your legs around his waist so they latched and then wrapping his arms around you securely. "Don't let go and don't look up, okay? Hear me, Peach?"

You nodded into his neck, only able to cry.

Bucky jolted and jerked slightly as he moved through the fight again, but not a minute later, you were stepping outside into the sobering, brisk spring air. This was the moment you understood how dangerous and fleeting life with Bucky could be, making a promise to yourself that if he says take the car, you'll take the fucking car.

And now, here you were, outside the high-rise apartment's lounge (which was just a converted bedroom), listening to your boyfriend complain about you some 2 months after the whole fiasco. HYDRA had been all but wiped out, and in the weeks since, Bucky's men had gone on smaller missions to eradicate the HYDRA members they heard rumor of being local. Yet you didn't feel safe, yet.

You didn't feel safe if you weren't around Bucky.

Everything made you jump: the beep of the done-dryer, that spritz of the automatic fragrance mister in the bathroom, the "duh-dunnn" of a loaded-up Netflix. Keys jingling, car horns, the barking of the dog in the apartment a floor below you... Everything.

Being around Bucky was just like holding a safety blanket. He would always protect you, and for about a week after your rescue, he laid in bed and around the home with you; being lazy; time off work to simply hold you and assure you were safe. Safe in his arms. Safe in his embrace, his presence.

So now... To hear this... You were devastated.

You didn't mean to eavesdrop, it just sort of happened. It was still earlier in the morning, but Bucky hadn't been in bed beside you and based on the feel of the sheets, his body hadn't been there in a while. So, you made some coffee and then ventured around the home in search of your lover; coming upon the lounge and hearing voices from within.

You knew it was common for Steve Rogers and / or Sam Wilson to stay late or visit early, so, you weren't shocked by that, but did falter in announcing yourself when you heard Sam ask how you were doing since the kidnapping. He used your name specifically, making Bucky sigh, and for your curiosity to peak.

"She's different, man."

"How so?" Sam wondered.

"She doesn't like being without me now," he chuckled without humor. "I'm serious, she won't go to the gym until I do, waits to have meals together, won't leave the house if I'm out, and," he scoffed to himself, "you can forget going to the grocery store or anything - she's even stopped going to work - "

"You told her to stop working, like, two years ago when y'all first moved-in together," Sam deadpanned.

"I know," Bucky shrugged, "but it feels tenfold now that she's so reclusive."

"It's normal," Steve sighed gently.

"Yeah? Is it normal that I can't even go take a shit without promising her I'll be right back?" Bucky snapped in exasperation. "It's that bad, she's that fucking clingy, man. I go in the kitchen to make dinner, she's in there 30 seconds later to 'help' me. I take a shower, she finds a reason to linger in the bedroom, but that was better than before, when she wouldn't even shower by herself. It's just a lot, she's everywhere I look. I'm starting to find new reasons not to come home, man, she's always fucking here - and when I walk in the door, she's on me. I need to fucking breathe, but I can't tell her to stop, she'll get her feelings hurt and then I'm the bad guy."

"Man," Steve laughed, "you can't be the bad guy if you go to her in a calm and collected manner, but it's only been two months. She's still recovering."

"Exactly why if I say anything, no matter how calm and collected, I'm the bad guy. I get she's hurting and tryna recover, but Goddamn, does she have to be in every room I'm in? Do everything with me? How do I tell my traumatized girlfriend to back off? Let me breathe?"

Sam laughed, "You don't! You just said it - she's traumatized! Cut the girl some slack, she's got a lot to fuckin' deal with!"

"I'm not negating from that fact," Bucky argued, "I'm just trying to say, the way she's clinging onto me like she can't function without me is just grating at my nerves. I just need to breathe and recharge, but I can't tell her that - fuck's sake."

"Buck," Steve smirked, "you're worried Peach isn't gonna listen, but that's her literal superpower. Just communicate, she can't read your mind, but you need to remember how traumatic all of that was for her to experience - she's scarred from that kidnapping, man. So, sure, you need to recharge, but she needs the support."

"Is it wrong to ask for a day here and there to do that? To recharge?" Bucky asked quietly.

"If you communicate, it's perfectly reasonable to ask for," Sam assured softly. "And whatever you do, don't tell her you think she's clingy. Chicks hate that, that word is, just, like, taboo or something. Real heavy, negative connotations."

"But she is," Bucky growled quietly, "'s like she's afraid to let go 'cause I'll disappear or something."

"Oh, noooo," Sam mocked, "I'm Bucky and my girlfriend loves me too much and trusts me too much and actually feels safe and dependent on me too much - ohhh noooo!"

There was a thump, Sam's cried, "Ow!", and Bucky telling him to shut up. You slowly backed away from the door, trying to settle your breathing as you made your escape down the hall. When back in the kitchen, you whimpered and let the first tears fall... The first of many you shed in the hour it took you to prepare breakfast for everyone; doing your best to eat as you cooked so you didn't have to linger around the men. You took Bucky's words to heart, and maybe you were too sensitive, maybe you should venture outside again.

So, when the lads came out, you set the table without making eye contact with any of them. "Here," you directed, setting the pancakes down, "I made breakfast, come eat, it's still hot."

"Wow," Sam smiled brightly, "thanks, Peach!"

You hummed, still avoiding their eyes as you just set the abundance of food to the table. "You... Cooked without me?" Bucky asked you with skepticism.

"Mhm," you hummed, setting the coffee pot down to a hot pad, "and I'm going out shopping with Nat, so, eat up, lads, I'll do the dishes when I get home. Love you, boys, bye," you waved them off, snatching your keys and then moving to the door to stuff your feet into your sneakers.

"Woah, woah, woah," Bucky left the table, approaching you urgently, "hey, what do you mean? You're goin' out?"

"Yep, figured I've stayed in too long, might as well get out and remember life doesn't stop just 'cause I'm sad."

"Peach - "

"I'll see you when I get home, Buck, okay?" You mumbled, slinging your purse on your shoulder.

"Well, here, here, hey, wait, hang on," he pulled his wallet out, handing you over a wad of big bills. "Spend it all, okay? Have fun, call or text if you need me, yeah?"

"Sure."

Bucky leaned in to kiss you but you just opened the door, ready to leave. He frowned, watching you, barely managing to call a quick, "Love you!"

You didn't return the sentiment, feeling hallow and all too silly to return the affection. In your purse was your laptop, headphones, chargers, and whatever else, so, instead of meeting your friend, Natasha - being just a ruse to avoid Bucky - you started small and just went to the local café. You used to frequent it back in the day, but times were changed, and yet, they were all the happier to serve you the same as before. Getting cozy in the corner, you set up camp and ordered your favorite coffee basically every other hour - letting the day waste away as you caught up on work emails.

Might've wasted time on Instagram and Facebook and Pinterest. Got shopping done on Amazon. Browsed through Target's online selection. Checked out the sale items at Kate Spade. Perused Fenty Lingerie because you could.

Before you knew it, a message was coming in over your MacBook from Bucky, asking where you were - why had you turned your location off?

You packed up and with a to-go cup, made the short trek back home. When you got back, Bucky was pacing in the living room; staring at his phone and typing, then deleting, retyping, groaning, glancing up, typing again, then doing a double take. "Where've you been, Peach? Huh!?" Bucky demanded. "You're late!"

"Out with Nat," you eased.

He huffed through his nose, nodding slowly, "You have a nice time?"

"It was okay," you answered. "I'm gonna go to bed after I shower."

His brows furrowed, "I have a meeting tonight."

"I know."

"O...kay?" He let you go, wanting to ask why you didn't ask him to join like you had so often in the past few weeks.

And it didn't stop there, in fact, it got worse. When Bucky got home from his meeting, he was actually shocked to see you nestled in the bed; teetering on the edge of the shared space while snuggling a weighted body pillow.

When he tried to give you a snuggle, you stirred to life and pushed him back, muttering, "Too hot."

The following morning, he was relatively surprised to see you up and about before him; barely getting a word in before you were slipping out the door to go on a morning jog. He was confused by how all of a sudden, where you were once everywhere he looked, now, you were disappeared and distant and gone. You worked out alone, cooked alone - but always left him a plate, but long gone were the cute little sticky notes you left for him. You once haunted the apartment by never wanting to leave, and now, ghosted in and out of it on a daily basis.

You never bothered to go far from home. You liked hanging at the coffee shop and luckily, your job let you work from home most days, and the rare time you were due back in the office, it was only about a 20 minute walk. You got better at lying, couldn't even remember the last time you and Bucky had sex, and even now, the last time you had a meal together. You didn't text him about your day; where you once might've told him about an adorable dog you saw on the street, now, you only ever texted him if he asked a direct question.

Food lost appeal, your appetite vanished.

Sleep evaded you, plaguing you with nightmares when you did rest.

Interest dulled, passions were snuffed, and only fearful, confused anger remained. It showed in the way weight seemed to shift around your body, thinning; the lack of sleep creating dark rings and bags under your bloodshot eyes.

After two weeks of this, Bucky grew irritated and short with everyone around him. It reflected in his work, the way he spoke to everyone; even Steve and Sam getting the brunt end of his anger. Without you to assure him, Bucky was off his rocker; losing his cool; his patience stretched far too thin. So much so, the two mates approached an outside associate, Natasha Romanoff, after a particularly snappy meeting to plead for her to talk to Bucky.

"James," Nat greeted as she strode into his office without knocking.

"I know you're my oldest friend, but you don't have that privilege yet," he mused, never looking up.

"What?"

"Not knocking. What is it, Nat?"

"Just came to check on you, you know, like friends do."

"Hm," he chuckled without humor, "and what did Peach say to you?"

"About...?"

"Me."

"Nothing, I haven't gotten ahold of her for weeks."

Bucky paused, slowly lifting his head in confusion; brows furrowed and mouth set in a firm, straight line. "What?" He grit.

"Huh?" Nat wondered.

"She's been telling me that she's hanging out with you for the past two weeks," he revealed.

"Nope, not since the incident with HYDRA."

Bucky's (right) flesh hand crushed the pen in his grip, taking a long breath. "All right," he sighed, "so, why come today?"

"What's really going on, Buck?" She worried softly. "Is it really whatever's going on with Peach? You're this pissed off? What'd she even do?"

"She just..." He cut himself off with a long sigh. "It's nothing."

"Bucky," Nat gave a pointed look.

"She's just avoiding me," he muttered. "It's like she's barely home, almost like a ghost."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, and no," Bucky snipped, rolling his neck out. "I'm just worried about her now, she's never not communicated before."

"Something's bothering her," Nat shrugged. "She probably needs you right now, Buck."

"I can't do it all," he whispered. "I can't be who she wants and run this organization at the same time."

"She doesn't need that, she just needs you to be her partner," Natasha spoke softly. "She needs to feel loved and supported, and surely, she maybe felt weird about whatever you were projecting. Instead of taking it out on your men," she smirked, "why don't you just talk to her? 'Cause I hear you're bein' a more-than-usual asshole lately. You need to ease up or get laid, 'cause you're taking it out on good, loyal men, and that's entirely unfair."

"They can take it."

"Sure, but they shouldn't have to," Nat rolled her eyes. "Look, since you won't answer me, I'm assuming the sour mood is in regard to whatever relationship issues you have right now?"

"Sure," he tossed the pen away, opened a skinny drawer to his right and select an identical one.

"Bucky," she growled.

He sighed, "She's lying to me, Nat. Saying she's with you when she's not... Is this an affair? She's gone all the time now."

"No way," Nat laughed. "Baby girl doesn't have the energy to entertain anyone - let alone two men. You're just the exception."

"Why lie, then?"

"Maybe she didn't want you questioning her..."

"No shit."

"Well, did you get into a fight?"

"No."

"Any reason she doesn't want to be home?"

He shook his head with a sigh, "Not that I know of."

"You had to do something."

"Honest, I haven't. She was being all clingy, but then one day, a switch flipped."

Nat frowned, "You think... Your girlfriend is being clingy... Because she was kidnapped and beaten up... Because of your fucking job... And is probably scared...out of...her mind...? I get that correct?"

Bucky paused for a long moment, muttering, "Oh, my God."

"Yeah, you asshole. Think of it that way! She's afraid!" Natasha snapped. "And probably picked up on your energy, so, she made herself scarce."

"I didn't mean - "

"I don't care, go home, apologize to that sweet angel - she doesn't deserve this."

Bucky paused, "What is 'this' exactly?"

"James. Focus on the present - your woman. Go make this right. We all know you're this big, bad dude - but it's okay to be a little sensitive towards the woman who loves you without condition!"

Bucky relented, figuring the redheaded Russian mobster was right.

The entire drive home, Bucky considered the ways you had changed in the few, short weeks since he vented to Sam and Steve about your clinginess. You didn't take meals with him, didn't cook, work-out, or do anything you used to do together. Sex? Forget it. Dates? Nope. Cuddling? No, you're always 'too hot'. And when he thought about it, he remembers seeing the wads of cash he'd leave for you stuffed in his sock drawer - surely trying to make him think it was just another emergency fund he had hidden. You never spent his money, feeling humiliated by his choice of words.

Clingy...

You didn't text or call him when he was gone, you hadn't even so much as kissed him in what felt like ages... Well, more like you hadn't initiated any kisses...

His heart weighed in his chest as he realized he hadn't even so much as hugged you in days. You were rarely in the apartment together, and when you were, you were just silent and busy with chores. It was as if you operated on the exact opposite schedule as he did, went to new extents to avoid him, and his heart clenched in his chest.

When he got home, you were caught cooking in the kitchen - being obvious that you weren't expecting him. The door slammed and his baritone voice snapped, "Peach!"

You gulped, holding the sauce-covered wooden spoon to your chest. When he rounded around the corner, he found you and slowed down, sighing in relief. "What's wrong?" You worried in a timid tone.

He panted lightly, relaying, "Needed to find you."

"I'm here."

"I know," he relented, charging up to you and engulfing you in a tight, heavy hug. "I needed to talk to you, Peach," he whispered.

"What's wrong?"

"You. You're what's wrong."

"What the fuck does that - "

"No, no," he pulled back to stare down at you fondly, "I don't mean it like that, just that... You're struggling. I can see that. But you're not alone, I'm here with you, and I got a little caught up in my head when I realized someone was so very dependent on me - it fucking scared me. But then... Then you just shut yourself off and hid away from me, and oh, my God, it's so much worse, baby. Don't do that," he breathed, "okay? Don't ever shut me out - don't stop loving me, don't stop talking to me, don't give up on us. I can't read your mind, you can't read mine, it's not an excuse - but we understand better when we trust each other enough to communicate what's required. I'm so sorry I got caught up in myself, I didn't know what you needed - but I'm here now, I'm here - I'm not leaving you."

You collapsed into his chest, taking a shuddering breath.

"Don't ever stop talking to me, Peach," Bucky whispered, kissing the top of your head; keeping you close. "I'm so sorry, baby, if I - "

"If?" You snapped, pulling back to glare at him through your tears. "I heard you, Bucky. I heard you talking to Sam and Steve, and about how clingy I am."

"I was wrong," he insisted. "I was overwhelmed and tired and just stretched thin, the easiest thing to do is attack those closest to me, and that's you. It's not right, it's the worst I could do to you after all you've been through, and I'm so sorry. I was wrong, you're not the person to take this out on - and I'm so sorry, Peach."

You sighed, "I don't mean to be... I don't mean to cling - "

"Nah," he chuckled, caressing your cheek, "you cling as much as you want. Cling as tight as you want, baby, don't let me go. I'm sorry for what I said and the way it made you feel, it was wrong - so fucking wrong of me, and I see that. When you pulled away from me, I just... I couldn't think. It felt so wrong, and I knew it was my fault." He took your face in both palms, promising, "I'm so sorry, Peach."

You shrugged meekly, "It's okay."

"It's not."

"No, but apologizing is a step in the right direction."

He nodded, "What else can I do?"

"Nothing - "

"Peach."

You paused to think, smiling shyly, "Movie night?"

"Whatever my pretty girl wants," he nodded.

"Hmm... Get a bath with me?"

"All right... Sure, okay..."

"And face masks."

He sighed, "Okay."

"And mani-pedis."

"Baby."

"You said you were making it up to me, right?"

He smirked, "That's right... All right, yeah, sure, fine, we can..." He sighed again, "We can do all that, Peach, whatever you want."

"I just want you," you told him softly. "I didn't mean to be so clingy. I was just afraid... I felt afraid everyday, just so very unsure in this life. You're the only thing that makes sense to me, Buck, and when I heard you, I just... I guess I realized how dependent I'd been and wanted to give you space. Last thing I want is to smother you, to drive you away from me."

"Not ever gonna happen," he promised softly. "I just didn't handle it like I should've. I'm sorry, Peach, but I'm here now - for whatever you need. Want me to take a few days off, just be together? I'll arrange it. Want to get away for a bit? We can go."

"I just need you," you whispered. "Only you and I should be okay - I can be okay if I have you, but feeling like I lost you? Even a fraction? Buck... James, it was such a harrowing feeling, I wasn't sure what to do to move forward. So, I think I just panicked, shut down; thought if I could just get back to normal, you'd love me again..."

"I never stopped loving you," he swore, "I just had a bad lapse in my own judgement. Nothing against you, baby. Nothing."

You nodded again, letting him tuck you into his chest; perfectly snug under his chin as he coiled his arms around you. He let out a long sigh, his guilt swelling to new heights, but for that present moment, everything seemed okay.

Felt okay.

Appeared okay.

And you'd both do whatever it took to remain as okay as you possibly could.

requesting rules and masterlist

Marvel masterlist

Clingy Baby collection masterlist

[nethompson]

5x7 randomness... Some of the 5"x7" artworks I've created using various art mediums and subjects.

SteelArt By N.E.Thompson https://steelart.storenvy.com

[inkskinned]

it is the first snow today. i think we should all have off work, even though it didn't stick. i think there should be 4 national holidays, one for each season. happy first snow, go home and make cookies. for spring it can be the first crocus. for summer the first lightning bug. for autumn, the first golden leaf. go home, kiss your dog, feed your cat (who is absolutely already-fed but somehow still starving.)

i think we should all take more showers together, but i mean that in the soft way. i mean it like taking a nap. two years ago i had 5 adult friends in my queen bed, all of us laying across each other, head over belly over thigh over hand. any time one of us would giggle, it would ripple over each of us, like pulling on a spiderweb. kim actually needed to nap and didn't get to sleep and i am still sorry for it even though this is one of my most precious memories.

i think we should all wash each other's hair, i mean. i walk my dog and i watch someone put up twinkle lights around their front porch. alex and i just moved, and i love the neighborhood. already so many of our new neighbors have stopped by to say hello. the nice lady downstairs also collects plants, like me. she gave us her number on a pink post-it note. i am trying to decide whether to make her cookies or brownies.

i am going through a very hard time. something bad happened this weekend that i do not wish to discuss. it is hanging over me. i think of the green ribbon, and the woman who had her throat cut. it feels like that sometimes, inside of my body. like i am walking and talking despite being half-corpsed. like i am hanging on by a ribbon, standing on some kind of cusp. i keep saying - at least it wasn't worse. we are so lucky it wasn't worse. the idea is river-rock smooth now, all the edges worried off.

in this very dark night - the sun sets by 3 now - people don't need to, but they try anyway. they paint the missing light into things. i have an embarrassing number of missed calls and texts, but i feel the love from them nevertheless - hey. if you need something, i'm here. i will bring you food/puzzles/anything. i got you.

i think we should all have a big group chat where we do errands with strangers. this week i got lost in a home depot, which is wild because i'm a lesbian and we are actually hatched in a lowe's lumber section. there were two other women in the whole store. we ended up shopping together, at first by accident (we all needed things in the same aisle), and then because, well, why not. one of the ladies was taller than me, so she pulled down the screws i needed. i am agile and have the personality of a raccoon, so they sent me after anything below 3 feet. we talked about holiday plans and never learned each other's names, but did learn all the drama about each other's families.

i am making you cupcakes, because i have so much affection i want to pour it into batter. you ask me if i am eating enough per meal. i wrap your gift twice, trying to do it prettily. i get excited to give it to you, just because i hope you'll be excited too.

my parents drive an hour just to see the new apartment and to do the parent thing; standing in the kitchen saying things like "oh you'll get so much use from this dishwasher" and "well, you could paint that" and "when your mother and i moved it was uphill both ways and in a snowstorm and of course your brother was an infant." my mother brought me a plant for housewarming. i always say i love you before she leaves.

i play dnd on tuesdays still, after all these years. we all keep that night free. at one point, between grad school and marriage and all of it, we had to have a serious discussion about how to keep it running. we will keep going, we decided eventually. just to see each other, even if we don't play - you are all important to me. sebastian is not prone to affection but last night he stole my usual sign off - i love you all, be good, he said. he was laughing.

i don't love the winter, actually. i like snow in theory, but i grew up in the north, and am too-familiar with the season of "mud and sludge". i don't like being cold. but i do love something kind of soft and rare: every year around this time, people remember oh yes. you and i are human together. and i have love to spare.

it is the first snow, and something in my heart is finally warm again. i have spent what felt like the last 18 months just going-through-the-motions. it has felt blank and immediate, like i would never actually feel again. that sounds extremely trite and stupid - but that is the boring and familiar experience of depression. life just washes up against your windows, and you watch it happening. you see things that should be lovely and affecting, and it just whispers too-thin. i was desperately uncreative. uninterested in my hobbies. unimpressed by my writing. i told my therapist, often, i don't know how to find hope again.

almost sheepishly, something strange and lovely is burning in my chest. i keep not-looking at it, worried it will scamper back into the shadows again. it is skittish and wild, but it is so warm i want to sink my hands into its fur and feel it breathing. i love-hate it: if it's real, it can hurt me when it leaves again. but i am icarus-born, sun-lover and poet: i can't help myself. despite my best intentions, i am falling in love with life again.

i am planning to make cookies for my friends. alex and i are going to go christmas tree shopping. we picked out matching dish towels last night, and they have little mushrooms on them.

i love you. it does come back. yes, even after a long time. even for you. i promise. keep trying. you will wake up and it will be a day you can smile about.

write me when you get there. we will take the day off of work, and i will wash your hair, and we will both be laughing.

[radiomax]

Saturday, April 8, 2023 6am ET: Beyond The Balcony

#16 The companion program to the Balcony Show featuring independent music and beyond. In this installment we present music from these artist: (Episode 16) Brandon Maddox, Canaan Cox, Connor Bracken & The Mother Leeds Band, Convoy, Dustin Chapman, Iris Grey, Max Restano, Sam Sims Band, Christian Porter, Sonja Sergeant, Spring Brooke, Honest Heart Collective, Parachute Brigade, Water Street,…

[violetjedisylveon]

Snugglessss

Hello, I humbly present to you a traumatized baby god in adorable owl pjs with a snek.

Enjoy!

Eda got those for Enzo, and King has a matching onesie.

Eda raises two gods AU link here.

And I absolutely love this btw, it's so cute and gave me so much of the happy feels while doing it!

[lv-tangle-universe-blog]

updating this soon

done