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#Source: Superstore
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Cressida: I know we’ve always had this unspoken rivalry-
Penelope: It’s not a rivalry, you’re just always mean to me.
Penelope: And it’s not unspoken, you talk about it all the time.
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incorrectbatfam · 9 months
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Diana: Clark, what was it you were complaining about yesterday? Remember?
Clark: Yeah. Why are our villains so ugly?
Bruce: No, how the Justice League keeps us under forty hours so they don’t have to give us benefits?
Clark: Oh, right, yeah. That sucks too.
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Anakin, on his communication device: Come on, what would you do if you were me?
Obi-Wan: If I was you, I would’ve killed myself years ago.
Anakin:
Anakin, tearing up: *voice cracking* Why do you even bother calling-
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i-only-see-daylight · 6 months
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Manon: Elide, your husband, Lorcan, is a loser, Aelin and I both agree.
Elide: You do?
Aelin: No, uh-uh, I never called him a loser!
Manon: Sorry, I’m the one who called him a loser. Manon: Aelin called him a clown.
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angelofthenight · 9 months
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Vance: We're not leaving this room till we figure out this whole will they, won't they, Kermit and Miss Piggy thing we got going on.
You: Wait, sorry, am I Kermit or…
Vance: Yeah, 'cause you're smart with skinny legs and I'm Miss Piggy because I'm a star.
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the-black-bulls · 5 months
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Asta, hyping up the squad to exercise more: Getting 10,000 steps a day reduces stress, it lowers your blood pressure and increases your lifespan!
Gauche: Yeah, I don't care. I don't plan on living past 30 anyway.
Noelle: 30? You're, um, you're under 30?
Gauche: What?
Noelle: Nothing. Wow. [to Asta] I'm in, I don't want to look older than my age in my twenties.
Gauche: What?
Noelle: Nothing, nothing.
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bwaybby09 · 5 months
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During a Tornado Warning:
Les: What do we do if the tornado hits us?
Spot: Uh, what do we do if the tornado hit us? I'm not sure, maybe get blown away by it?!
Race: No, no, you hide under a doorway.
Katherine: No, no, no. That's an earthquake.
Davey: Actually, they say you're not supposed to do that anymore.
Albert: Who cares what they say not to do for something that's not happening.
Jack: They say that you should go towards the eye of the storm.
Spot: Where’s the eye of the storm, Jack?
Jack: I don’t know…
Spot: That’s what I thought.
Crutchie: Tell someone you trust.
Jack: No Crutchie, that's only if the tornado's molesting you.
*bonus*
Race: Okay, this is just a drill! Everyone grab a clutch buddy!
(Race grabs onto Spot)
Spot: Oh, get off me! No!
Race: Hold on to me!
Spot: Get off me!
Race: I am saving your life!
Spot: I don’t wanna be saved by you!
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Clara: Are we gonna stand around and just point fingers or are you gonna help me fix this?
12: I was thinking we could point fingers for a few more minutes.
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Eloise, holding a crying Auggie at arms length: Hey, listen to me. You’re out of control, okay?
Eloise: You’re a baby. Your life is not that hard.
*Auggie cries louder*
Eloise: YOU’RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF!!!
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cowboymephisto · 5 months
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Mammon: Is something going on with you and Solomon? Asmodeus: No. What? No. Mammon: I don't know man, you guys are exchanging little peek-a-boo glances, and it's making me uncomfortable. Asmodeus: Okay. The other night, when we were all locked in at RAD Solomon kind of... came on to me. Mammon: Wow. Asmodeus: Yeah, right? Mammon: I didn't know Solomon was into fancy little porcelain doll-men.
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amazing-spiderlad · 1 month
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Vaggie: Super mario is an offensive Italian stereotype
Lucifer: What? That's ridiculous... Let's ask Angel, he's Italian- Hey man, super mario is okay, right?
Angel: I've actually thought a lot about this- Mario bros? Amazing. Mario kart? Great. Mario party? It's like- what happened?
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angelofthenight · 2 years
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Tommy: Your husband Alfie’s a lunatic, Arthur and I both agree.
You: You do?
Arthur: No, uh-uh, I did never call him a lunatic!
Tommy: Sorry, I think I’m the one who called him a lunatic.
Tommy: Arthur called him a clown.
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Tony: Stephen, can I ask you something and you don’t freak out?
Stephen: No.
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waterfire1848 · 5 months
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Vaggie: I say this with love. It's crazy you haven't been murdered yet. Charlie: I know.
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incorrect-losers · 26 days
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Bev: We're not leaving this room till we figure out this whole will they, won't they, Kermit and Miss Piggy thing we got going on
Bill: Wait, sorry, am I Kermit orrr
Bev: Yeah, 'cause you're smart with skinny legs and I'm Miss Piggy because I'm a star
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