#Sorry for being so depressing lol

[cafffeineconnoisseur]

All those kota cases have started making sense to me.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[thebirdandhersong]

Lol

[slu7formen]

okay, final message before i make an official comeback cause i’m missing tumblr so much

like, no one cares but i’m still gonna say it; i’m sorry for disappearing so long. maybe you know, maybe you don’t, but my college career is fucking consuming me, like i’m on the edge of anxiety 👍🏻

also it’s been stressing me so much that it has affected my health and the way i eat, and i won’t share anything more than that because again, no one cares. it’s just an explanation onto what has been happening that i suddenly stopped posting

trust me, i still have a luke castellan obsession, still have more than seven drafts on my computer which are all on the work, and i’m posting back again this week!

i guess the only thing left to do is still thank everyone who still comments, likes, reads my stories and sends requests even though my last post was more than a month ago; so, thank you! 🩷

[that-was-anticlimactic]

something's in the air, i feel the heat

“Do you trust me?”

And how could Cole say no to that? Did he trust Kai? He trusted Kai more than he trusted himself. He trusted Kai with his life. If he fell, he knew Kai would be there to catch him.

So, Cole took his shirt off, tossing it on the ground beside him, then moved so his back was to Kai. “Always.”

Nothing happened for a minute. Cole stood there, neck and shoulders aching and twitching. He wondered, briefly, if Kai was just trying to get him shirtless (it wouldn’t be the first time), and really, he was not in the mood for that. Not when his body wanted to hurt him.

But then a pair of warm hands—Kai’s hands, he would recognize those oddly soft callused and scarred palms anywhere—landed on his back.

[or, cole's experiencing a lot of pain thanks tp tourette's and kai gives him a heated massage]

🔥2,295 words | cole-centric, lavashipping🔥

happy tourette's awareness month!!!

[moomoogothgf]

Kinda obsessed with how cellulite covered and full of dimples my butt is getting

[basically-fabulous]

when will a game come out that is good actually

[chryblossomjjk]

...

[5tr4wbaby]

[lucky-draws]

companion piece/"reply" to this post: x - transcript under the cut:

Maria, Thanks for your letter. I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I don't know why it did - it's not as if I were busy. I was touched by what you said. But I'm not sure what I can give you. And - I think you may have got things a little twisted. About how you got here, I mean. I just can't shake the feeling that I brought you into being. All that time in the hospital I spent wishing, wishing for some company, wishing I wasn't so ugly, wishing things were different - it's like the town took all of that energy and made something twisted out of it. It seems like the kind of thing this damned town would do, anyway. You asked me why I'm always at the lake. Don't you know? That's what ghosts do, isn't it? They end up staying in the places they were happiest. I loved this place in life. I still do. It's so peaceful. Even though the whole town is quiet now, I think the lake has its own kind of quiet. I don't feel scared of the silence here. Oh, I guess you'll tell me I'm not a ghost. You told me all those things I hardly understand - about Ernest and books and spells and little vials of white liquid and James, my James, out on the lake - and, well, in any case, it is true that when I pinch myself, my flesh seems solid enough. But this isn't living. I don't feel like I've been brought back to life. I'm not spinning at all - I'm a stopped clock. It's funny - you said you weren't much of a letter writer, but then you went and wrote all that stuff about music box dolls and parallel lines. Well, I sort of suprised myself with how much I wrote to James. I guess love and pain and loneliness and all those types of things make writers of us all. But I'm nobody's doll, or puppet, or clock. I'm just a living ghost. I loved James, and I still do, in a way that maybe only ghosts can. There's no use now in hatred or blame or regret. I wonder where he is. The town took his life in exchange for mine, you said - it makes sense, but I don't really know what to believe anymore or how this town works. Sometimes I have half a mind to go searching for him. But I don't want to leave the lake. And you - I'm sorry, I just don't know what to think about you. If I'm truthful, you scare me. And I know I shouldn't say things like, because I know how it is to feel like a monster, after all. But I spend all day looking at my distorted reflection in the lake - you'll understand, maybe, why I don't much feel like going to see it at the bar, too. Besides, I'm not sure someone as pathetic as me could make you whole again. I'm sorry, I guess I'm always letting people down. Write me again, though - if you want. It is nice to hear from someone. I'll always reply. Take care. Mary

[girl-that-wants-to-die]

[fretbored34]

It's just the depression and existential dread 😃

[celerydays]

for christmas i would like the gift of better coping mechanisms when i get into a mid-project art frenzy

can i not just be CHILL 😵‍💫 the crazy hyperfixative need to see something through to the end once i get into the "head empty, no thoughts, only finishing this latest art piece/project" always makes me suddenly forget how to function normally lmao

this 4AM bedtime / 7AM wake up / barely eating / staring for hours at my iPad screen / bordering on making my carpal tunnel flare up from how long i sit drawing is probably why I got sick so many times during October ajsklflaghgld 😀

anyways uhhh expect something sometime in the next couple of days i guess 😙

[problemcore]

hiiii halfway? thru the story. hard as hell to avoid spoilers online i need to stay away 😭 rant in tags, spoilers for 2.2 . i already reached 30 tags wow 💀

[anxietywasright]

I mean nothing to anyone anymore

[ziipzeepzop-eez]

guys oh my word.

tfw you look back through some of my document diary entries, and all i can do is just wow where'd you come from fella?