#idk this is my diary fr
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#first therapy session went well !#i didn't cry which is v surprising lol#maybe bc we didnt go too in depth about things but#therapist already picking up on things i didn't like#never really thought of myself as an anxious person#depression was more so what stuck out to me#but like therapist was like bestie... u sound more anxious than ur perceiving#like i put that i don't struggle with social anxiety bc generally in a group of people im pretty outgoing#but like my coping skills are isolation lol#and i often turn down invitations bc of my insecurities#and in general just hate being perceived despite wanting it#like i literally havent answered any asks on here in months bc#im afraid of what people think of me#and im scared of interaction#but im also dying for human connection lol :'))#i also avoid men completely bc trauma so yeah#and it all stems from a deep deep belief that i am not worthy of love n wOw im sad but like we can only go up from here right :'))#LMAO SORRY THAT THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG HAS BECOME BUT#idk this is my diary fr#anywho sorry for everything#will most likely delete all these rants bc its embarassing lol but#love you all#and im so sorry for not answering the asks#thank you for reading my fics#your comments mean sm to me truly#love you endlessly
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still obsessed with her as a meifwa



#shes my pookie fr#love drawing their meifwa curses like beastmen#it is a curse afterall so idk#katelyn the firefist#aphmau#minecraft diaries#mcd#mcd rewrite
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I am fully convinced that the reason why Jinshi was not in this ep is cause he was busy having a silent tantrum and sulking in his room cause of the "frog" incident
#the apothecary diaries#girl fr#touched IT#called it “fairly sized”#and they damn near fuck right then and there#honestly understandable#i have not read the manga#so idk whats actually going on#but this is my headcannon now#bro is just facedown on the floor somewhere
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crazy how rewatching this series is making me go actually insane /pos
anyways !! have some of the skrunkly
he’s irene’s favourite little tragedy <3333 and also my favourite little tragedy by pure coincidence
#art#artist#character art#fanart#minecraft diaries#mcd laurance#aphmau mcd#aphverse#idk what else to tag here bro#but uh like. this series was fr fr my childhood#he’s so silly <333
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Kiki is the best side character, change my mind🫶
#art#drawing#my art#artists on tumblr#traditional art#digital art#homestuck#fanart#my drawing#digital art based from traditional art#aphmau#aphmau mcd#kiki#kiki mcd#zane x kiki#zane romeave#zane ro'meave#she loved animals and held up a casual conversation with the high priest of O'Khasis#what more could you want in a woman tbh#minecraft#minecraft diaries#mine#my art <3#red#red and black dynamic fr#o'khasis#zane fanart#zanki kine#idk pick a ship name and go with it#still watermaking with texture
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my therapist watched a criminal minds episode for me for therapy reasons which i won’t be discussing HOWEVER some of her feedback was that i remind her of emily prentiss. the praise. the ego boost. the woman i am😌
#lowkey why i have so many emily drafts cause neither of us can communicate so how am i supposed to write a fic when neither person#is willing to be vulnerable#also we just have a lot of the same traits#me and my therapist are besties fr idk what to tell u guys#kt needs a diary
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The Hell now, I'm drooling over the Good Omens version of Archangel Michael, too?..
The tag's about Lady Crowley, not myself, but still...
I mean..

She does seem like she'd take and rail you.
#diary pages#stop it i'm having a bi moment over an angel in go...#good omens#good omens michael#good omens fandom#good omens thoughts#archangel michael#fr i'm very much a hierophiliac for this specific religious figure#but lusting after those is blasphemous so not like i'm betraying my beliefs#why... is... she... not... in... uniform... or armour#why do i have a feeling good omens betrays michael in portrayal#don't worry general i'll fix it#literally everyone calls her that in my wips#except satan who calls her by name#and the antichrist who calls her “aunt michael”#general i'll have the serpent of eden dripping wet for you#serious brainrot over this pairing#crowley x michael#fem!crowley x michael#idk what nonsense go s2 did with michael (in s1 she already wasn't portrayed as the leader) but she does have the stern expression
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tw body image it’s nothing serious at all but just in case. anyway now that my gym is closed i was going through my old pictures and realized my body looked the best and i felt the best when i ran every other day + did body weight/dance workouts and ate super clean because my mom had stomach issues and i was her moral support eating like an amish for a year
#i found flying yoga place near me lmfao i might try it out but other than that when it’s too cold i ride stationary bike#and do a little workout with the weights i have at home luckily i never really rely on machines#but yeah i was so lean and slim and just elongated idk i haven’t weighted myself in a while but i don’t think there is a huge difference at#all it’s just that i gain muscles very quickly and easily and i was weightlifting for a while#literally not that anyone cares this is just fr my diary entry LMFAOO#tt
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Y’all I really think I wanna do drag/be a drag king. The more I think about it the more fun it sounds I just have no idea where to even start
#dear diary#drag#drag king#< pleas for help#fr tho I think this is the vers of cosplay I’ve been looking for#it makes sense for me tbh#I love costumes and esp acting out masculine characters#but I’m not a man. 95% sure I’m not at least#but god I would love to don masculinity for a little while and just have fun with it#I wanna make one of those irl tv heads I’ve been dying to make and pair it with an slutty suit and#idk do a number to video killed the radio star maybe?#I can’t do makeup and like hiding my face so it sounds v fun
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woagh 2 posts in one day
#sketch#listen your honor i love him#im unsure if i wanna tag yosuke in this bc theyre like 15 min sketches so i think imma leave it like this and let the lord decide#i know hes not a like the fan fave in persona but somehow the trash boy has grown on me and is now like top 4 for the whole damn franchise#like mold or smth#you just gotta like reimagine him as a very tired repressed bi 16 yr old in a closet made of glass and he immediately becomes more likeable#like bro he works retail and is 16 thats why hes like that#also like the scene from the group date in pq where he goes “all right now we can be partners for all eternity!!!!”#that lives in my head rent free#listen he lives with teddie and works retail#as someone who also worked retail i promise you most of his not kanji related outbursts are justified#the kanji stuff is bad fr fr but like hes also 16 in 2011#let the 1st 16yr old who was not an asshole and uninformed cast the first stone#sorry i have a lot of feelings for 1 yosuke hanamura and i needed to tell all of you in this my diary#which reminds me#most of yall came from me posting about dr which ndrv3 has a very special place in my heart and on my walls#but alas p4 kicked saihara to the curb so idk if ill be making anymore??????? maybe i might in the future but idk im old and tired#and dr is and always will be full of 13 yr olds which is fine but i dont wanna interact with them bc im old#and tired of the same discourse every 6 months#maybe when the not actually but totally is dr4 that kodaka is cooking up drops ill make dr art again but unlikely for rn#once i figure out how p4 protag chan's bowl cut works ill draw boys kissing#i do need to figure out how to draw boys kissing#since it will also lead to figuring out how to draw girls kissing which is almost dare i say more important#anywho thank you for coming to my newest diary entry#i will never stop yapping in the tags#this is a promise#yall gotta know all my thoughts in as many characters and tags tumblr will let me have
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:/
#this was. not prompted by anything recent i’m just thinking about it#but idk Why my friends feel compelled to make jokes about me hating butches????#like it’s obviously not TRUE….. and like i shouldn’t get upset if it’s not true but#it resurfaces a time of my life (think. when i was like 18) that is really really embarassing#it just makes me feel like i haven’t changed. which i have#and i know it’s all jokes and almost always has to do with discussing characters from stuff or whatever#but still. it feels like that kind of mean spirited joking where you’re actually kind of seriously making an accusation underneath the joke#ykwim#anyways. i love butches and these jokes are dumb and the next time one is made i will say something fr#bc i don’t wanna be stuck as the image of me who is fresh out of high school. jesus christ#i think the main one i’m thinking of is like#i had mentioned that i used to not think that jaina from naddpod was hot#when like. she clearly is. and also is implied to be butch or at least my friends hc her as butch#and everyone dogpiled on me and was like SO YOU HATE BUTCHES#and like i tried to earnestly be like No why would you say that 😭 but nobody paid me any mind. idk#it’s happened at other times in a similar way and again it’s a JOKE but it still gets to me#diary
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dinner fr tnight :3 salmon cooked in kerrygold butter and hot yuzu sauce, basmati rice w that trader joes mushroom umami seasoning n some olive oil, and roasted zucchini w some salt n peeper
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"That's not how systems work. You're taking this too far. You don't know what its like to feel so out of control, to have memory blackouts, to wake up years later, to have someone in your system grieve someone they didn't know was dead."
Bec. Becayse... hecause i didnt talk about experiencing it? Or. Because i said that i like my system or that i have a majority positive experiences over negative ones?
Because i did. I absolutely have been thru every single one of these things and I've had multiple people talk down to me as if I'm stupid and perpetuating false information, or just simply being super disrespectful. I never assume, i never make blanket statements, and i go forward knowing that everyone collectively is new to studying this stuff in a modern way, though its been around for a while.
All i want is to demedicalize a part of the community (because OBVIOUSLY some will have need for the medical part) and be honest about myself, and listen to others being honest about THEMSELVES.
Systems are. Extraordinary. Every single one of them, and every individual within them. Talk about your experiences, be annoying. Talk too much. Talk only about the good. Talk about how you adore them. Talk about the bad. Talk about any part of it you deem important even if others think its silly, or cringe, or wrong or bad or stupid or anything else. Whatever YOU think of it, it must be.
I promise you aren't the only system experiencing whatever it is you're experiencing and that there is a community for you. Find the people who will listen, and speak.
#system babbles#mild rant?#idk im vaguing again but like. fuck off this is literally my tumblr blog thats what we do here.#we diary post.#im angry still bc im literally going thru some of this system stuff rn like being a system is so fucking hard and their words are ringing in#my skull. from multiple people who decided i was toxic for being myself in this new age. my new way#anyway please goD god damn it like. just be nice fr like wht why why why stopppp splitting yhe community up so much#literally please god damn relax fuck we're all literally just surviving i had such a nice evening with my headmates#we're going the fuck through some stuff rn and we really need our community but we keep. being reminded. of things.#actually plural#osdd system#did#dissociative disorder#system positivity#kinda personal#kinda negative#idk posting bc ✌😚✌ im just really frustrated rn
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#jk if sb is going inside my bra its obv my manz#bUT fr tho#idk which pcs to use#i have an all time fav hyungseok pc#its THE fuzzy hat one#but idk#might use one from geekin era#bc he looks FINE fine there#but i cant have dey feeling left out#so itd make more sense to use matching ones?#☆ ; dear diary ?#could also wait for my ittabook hyungseok pc to arrive tho#yes i did end up buying it#couldnt help it so what#ARGH IDK SO MANY OPTIONS
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Sleepless night </3
#worse is that i was thinking. and i should leave that to the professionals honestly#no but idk. it wasnt a bad thinking. just realising that i need to find a way to give myself some more understanding and peace#its hard for me to allow myself to care about things#and it terrifies me to love because to love something means you can lose it too#so being in a relationship where i actually love the other person and allow myself to love fully is very hard even if its wonderful#and it makes me happy to see how far ive come#and i do think i am privileged to get to know myself more through the challenges of being in a relationship#and getting to know myself more through the act of loving someone else !#but i think if you knew the context of my life youd see how absolutely crazy this is for me#ten years ago i didnt even understand that i was allowed feelings at all#and now i sometimes feel like crying because i love him so much#no but fr i just recently discovered last year that i was capable of missing my family and i was like WOW new emotion unlocked#and i really really do see it as a privilege to be able to feel things bc i remember how empty it was not to#but i also feel like im a baby learning how to walk while everyone else is running already#so i guess tonight im just sleepless and kind of.. not sad really? but just crying because its overwhelming#ahh man i always realise reading through my own tags that i make no sense. if anyone is reading them- sorry gang 🙏#but summary. i cant sleep. i think alot. i used to not feel things and now i do. this is nice and new and sometimes hard#but i can tell that i am changing as a person and change is always hard 👍#diary entries
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okay I feel like all the furniture in my brain stands upside down, what's more, disorganised. funny 'tis this feeling like someone else constantly pushes their fingers inside my skull and blends everything inside. and suddenly I don't know what to think because the furniture is not organised right, it's placed so funny, I mean. it shouldn't be this way. what a fucking mess
#if I noted my every thought somewhere hell if only I noted my every thought somewhere#it would be so much fun to read because my thoughts are so... funny lmao#I get why ppl unfollow me tbh Ion even know what to do w tjis profile anymore because I just use it like a diary#and it's in my carrd so basically everyone could take a glance into my head and I don't like the idea of that#tho I don't want to create a new profile because I just hate hpw tumblr sideblogs work#+ I have too fucking many artworks uploaded here already#idk man fr#sometimes I trumy feel bad for ppl who follow me as an artist because that's not only an art profile for me#look yes I'm a person w feelings too but I get why ppl don't want to see THIS#these are my fucking problems I get why you don't want to see my messed mind#so may also find it triggering although I try not to post heavily triggering shit#but like damn it feels so fucking unserious like I have a free will and I choose to upload this madness#I don't know what to think nor say I just#my life is a freakshow and I just live in it
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