#my skull. from multiple people who decided i was toxic for being myself in this new age. my new way

[our-inspire-verse]

"That's not how systems work. You're taking this too far. You don't know what its like to feel so out of control, to have memory blackouts, to wake up years later, to have someone in your system grieve someone they didn't know was dead."

Bec. Becayse... hecause i didnt talk about experiencing it? Or. Because i said that i like my system or that i have a majority positive experiences over negative ones?

Because i did. I absolutely have been thru every single one of these things and I've had multiple people talk down to me as if I'm stupid and perpetuating false information, or just simply being super disrespectful. I never assume, i never make blanket statements, and i go forward knowing that everyone collectively is new to studying this stuff in a modern way, though its been around for a while.

All i want is to demedicalize a part of the community (because OBVIOUSLY some will have need for the medical part) and be honest about myself, and listen to others being honest about THEMSELVES.

Systems are. Extraordinary. Every single one of them, and every individual within them. Talk about your experiences, be annoying. Talk too much. Talk only about the good. Talk about how you adore them. Talk about the bad. Talk about any part of it you deem important even if others think its silly, or cringe, or wrong or bad or stupid or anything else. Whatever YOU think of it, it must be.

I promise you aren't the only system experiencing whatever it is you're experiencing and that there is a community for you. Find the people who will listen, and speak.

[who-is-page]

I’m heavily pro-endo so that statement was meant literally (polytherian does not experience any form of plurality but calls themselves a system purely based on having multiple theriotypes).

Even if we were just talking about self expression. As a disabled person, does being radically accepting mean I have to accept nonhumans who are not disabled (who have said they are not disabled) using medical equipment to express their nonhumanity (i.e. someone using a cane solely for the purpose of showing they should not be bipedal). Because, it’s their right to express that way but it doesn’t sit right with me that I’m watching someone use medical equipment as an accessory. It’s not harmful but it’s also not something I can agree with.

I guess my point is. Where do you draw the line with radical acceptance? If we believe everyone about everything, if we accept every form of expression, at what point can we recognize what is harmful and not? If a couple people are hurt by it, is that harmful or just a personal opinion?

By no means is any of this meant as an attack. I’m really just trying to figure out where the radically accepting folks come from (as I once thought myself to be RA but found it brought on much toxicity and drama to spaces that weren’t that way before). As I said. I love Beastpunk for all its other qualities… just not the radically accepting (basically blind faith in my opinion) part…

Look, as someone who walks with a cane and wishes it was as well-loved and accepted an accessory as glasses currently are, so I'd get less shit about using one and accessibility for canes would be more baseline, I think you seriously need to reconsider why you can't agree with that. And why, even though you openly admit it isn't harmful, it's still being used as an example in this scenario.

Let's open the doors on this-- we're talking about a concept where we are trusting people to know themselves better than we know them, and where we are accepting the aspects about people that they cannot change, and where we are accepting people's non-harmful forms of self-expression. Where does any of that suddenly scoop your ability to think critically and deeply about information being presented to you out of your skull? I'm hunting through my essay and, you know, I simply just can't find the part where we yoink out your common sense or ability to question others.

Beastpunk is against plenty of harmful ideaologies and communities-- like pshifting, for instance, for historical reasons as outlined in the essay. You can be beastpunk and have opinions about what constitutes harm and what doesn't. But, as I said before, you're conflating radical acceptance as spoken of here with tucking tail and showing off your throat and belly, so to speak. You are confusing radical acceptance within this framework with an inability to confront others and to dig in deep to question why you are uncomfortable with something to decide if it really truly causes harm or if it's just internalized shit you need to unpack (re: the cane thing). And look, I cannot give you that skill. And being beastpunk requires that skill.

I cannot in good faith recommend beastpunk to you when you have so blatantly misunderstood what it represents, and seem to have a total inability to grasp one of the underlying, core principles of it.

Other folks are also welcome to chime in.

[aplaceforthesoul]

i have this 'friend' who is kinda toxic (i think this qualifies?) but i've been trying to distance myself, perhaps not in the best way, but they've caught on and asked me why i left them during classes and idk what to say. and now they're also saying i've done something to upset them in the past 2 weeks and she won't tell me what bc 'if i don't know then you can't apologise properly'. and it's kinda petty bc, well i am usually really aware of what i've done and it was term break last week so what could i have possibly said over text to her?

she's kinda toxic bc (i'm being as neutral as possible)

- in groups she silences my opinions by saying 'shut up, nobody cares'. multiple occasions and i brought that up with her and she was like it's a joke, i was joking. well jokes don't make you wanna cry , right

- she duped me into thinking something finished earlier than it really would (2hr film which she told me was an hour) and i was shocked she'd lied abt that to get me to stop complaining it was so long (i have mocks, can't afford to lose time)

- idk why but before half term she constantly was flicking me, smacking me and several times i've asked her to stop, perhaps i didn't say it in a serious way but she hasn't stopped. a joke, she says.

- got her to buy me a book and i paid and she kept forgetting it and when i said it was stressing me out on the 4th she dismissed my feelings. idk if i was overreacting ngl

- i think she outed me. there were 3 of us (her, me and another) and i commented on a line being not straight and she said 'it's straighter than you'll ever be' in front of the other person. isn't that outing? (idk i'm probably straight but i told her i'm questioning but that doesn't matter here)

- she knows i have anxiety and while i ordered something she laughed at me for stuttering and was joking abt it for a whole minute

and idk maybe i've taken this approach badly by not speaking to her and distancing myself and being irritable around her but on monday morning after half term she was like 'i'm mad at you' and wouldn't say what so i hung out with other people instead and she was mad abt that. then yeah, going back to my first paragraph, she's not telling me where i went wrong.

she also got her sister involved and she messaged me saying 'i can't believe you, i don't like you rn' (she's literally 12) and i told her that's unnecessary to get yourself involved but i realised she blocked me *skull emoji*.

anyways i really appreciate your time and this blog and everyone who runs it. hope you have a good day!

She’s not kinda toxic. She’s straight up toxic. That’s all really unacceptable behaviour and honestly? Time to just quit being around this person - for your own sake. You’ve just listed a good bunch of reasons why this person doesn’t deserve to be in your life or get to the spend time with you. Nobody ever has the right to put their hands on you without your permission. No matter whether that’s flicking, poking or even doing something nice like hugging you. I play fight with my best mate but it’s play fighting and it’s also not one sided. If I don’t wanna be touched and I’ve made it clear, they respect that. You asked her to stop and she still ignored you? That’s more than toxic. It’s actually abusive. This person doesn’t deserve your time and honestly I don’t even know why you need to explain yourself to her.

I’ve no doubt that she won’t tell you what you supposedly did because she hasn’t got anything and she’s making it up to suck you back in. You don’t owe this person a thing. Put yourself first. Life is way too short to let people bully you like this. If they ain’t treating you with respect, drop em like a stone. You could explain these reasons to her but honestly she is unlikely to change her behaviours for more than a few days. I can say from experience, getting someone toxic out of your life can be really freeing. You get to decide who you keep around, just put yourself first and take care of yourself by removing this person. You’ll honestly be better for it long term. Best of luck friend!

- Bonnie