#SPRING AGAIN? NO PROBLEM
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it feels so weird to be fixated on the terror rn . like in spring. ?? what do you mean the sun is shining outside, the birds are chirping and flowers are in bloom. all i know is the arctic cold, the horrors, and the pursuit of a pointless goal that only benefits Britain and will cost me my life and the lives of my crewmates after years of suffering & starvation
#when hyperfixations don't aesthetically match with the environment#this is like my batman 2022 hyperfixation during spring and summer all over again tf#Northern hemisphere problems ig#the terror#call of the arctic
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Henford Hall -December, 18:39PM
#sims 4#ts4#ts4 build#so im kinda back again#this year has been crazy#i move to Paris in september 2022 to study there two semesters#then i came back to spain and move to a new city#well is not really new since its my hometown but i hadn't live there since 2015 and I missed it so much#and between work uni and RL things I didn't have much time to play sims#so here I am again but you know how inconsisten is this blog so dosen't expect regular posts lol#probably i will not have time to play in the future but who cares#now about sims#i've been trying to make some trees DR with new meshes but they refuse to show the correct textures in autumn winter and spring#I suspect it has to be something related to vertex paint or any information attached to the leaves mesh that i'm not getting in s4s#i'll be posting that later to see if someone can give some advice#also had a problem with a building deco for Hendford wich I converted from Cities Skylines#i'm really frustrated with s4s and me lately#well i think its enough for today#come back for more ted talks
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'o em are you upset about the fact that you live far away from anything interesting which is the case because you voluntarily moved away from the city to live in nowheresville midweststate again' yes and also I definitely didn't have to move here I could hae gone lots of other places with more happening. but don't you dare rub it in.
#news from the cupola#and also I say this as if I didn't manage to finagle my way into seeing henry v in the nearest big city this past spring.#but also. the upsetness prevails once again.#I guess I should learn to drive. this would not fix the problem but it would help somewhat.
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joe is &j broadway’s william afton. he always comes back.
#to be clear i have no problem with joe i love joe#but like#HES BACK????#AGAIN?????#if he’s afton this is like his scraptrap era at this point#spring bonnie (in the show and hadn’t left) -> springtrap (brought back first time) -> scraptrap (brought back second time)#&juliet musical broadway#joe moeller
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semi-heavy adhd vent tw 🫢🫢
personally of the opinion that the worst thing about adhd is the subtlety. we joke abt how obvious and silly it is but its barely visible 95% of the time.
& u spend your whole life not knowing if the mental struggle you have doing basic shit is what everyone deals with or if something's wrong. even when you KNOW you have adhd and even have it TREATED you STILL don't know if you're having a normal amount of obstacles.
i've been on meds for two years now and i just spent a whole fucking summer semester not sure if i was having adhd burnout or if my meds weren't working or if i was actually just being lazy. i think its all three, but who knows! and now i have a final tomorrow that i have to pass and i dont know if i can because i could barely fucking do any work all semester.
this happens like every year/semester but this one particularly stings cause it was supposed to be really good this time!! lots of free time, one class to worry about, the best nd-friendly note-taking system i've ever used, lots of flexibility, and friends to spend time with. it was even a science class!! chem, not bio, but better than non-science, right? but apparently, the only way i can ever stay motivated and on the ball is if im chained to a super-stressful and merciless schedule. so i have to choose between my long-term success and my mental health!!
i don't envy neurotypicals for the weird fucking ways they operate sometimes but good lord fucking jesus it sounds nice to be able to do things. i feel like a loaded gun with a busted trigger; i have all these amazing ideas and well-thought-out schedules and all the passion and desperation to follow through, but my brain and body just. won't. do it.
#vent#adhd#im really freaking out ngl but i will pull through because i HAVE to#i did the math and as long as i get like a 50 on this test i will almost definitely pass#but i'd at least like a -B#im just trying to find a way to be productive without destroying myself#cause i tried the insanely busy routine in the spring semester of my senior year of highschool and it worked!!#but i was sickly and exhausted and losing weight and everyone but me noticed#i kinda promised my friends not to do that to myself again#god i hate having adhd sometimes FUCK#i keep telling myself im only 18 and i'm still figuring out my adhd and unlearning the habits i learned growing up to survive#and that a lot of people do stupid shit and struggle in college even WITHOUT adhd#but omg how long is it going to take until i can rely on myself#im really scared im never gonna figure it out and i wont be able to do the things i wanna do#i just wanna sit in a lab all day and research cells or some shit man!! put me in a room full of bugs or worms or something!! jesus!!#this isn't the fun witty adhd stuff i like posting about but hey at least my brethren out there will be able to relate :)#adhd student#adhd struggles#adhd mood#adhd problems#neurodivergent#neurodivergent student#college#stem student#buggie's nerd stuff
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"While I have lived quite a few romcom cliches lately, I have not lived the plot of that Zendaya tennis movie."
#ebf liveblogs life#context doesn't help#this spring is going to be an adventure y'all#i'd planned a school schedule where i get to avoid people#i am apparently not allowed to have that schedule#i am going to make myself everyone's problem again
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X gets revived despite everything AU
Gotta come up with an alias for X so it's not weird that, you know, the guy everyone thought was trying to kill them is just strolling around base.
But maybe they should have actually thought of an alias before introducing X in front of everyone.
#I think abt this alot#The cover story they're using is X is a prototype Pantheon soldier that Zero stole and Ciel reprogrammed#Zero can't with them sometimes#looling at this again...why tf did I draw X's eyes so big???#Zero tries to keep X out of the fighting because as he states at the end of Z1 He's so tired of it#but the problem is that X is stubborn and post resurrection is feeling antsy like he needs to move#and since he doesn't have to lead jack has regained a spring to his step#X is a big boy#Zero if you don't want X to run into fire anymore to give him the peace he wanted in Cyberspace then DON'T RUN INTO FIRE
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*takes my last adderall so i can finish all my work in one day*
*finishes one (1) assignment*
*gets distracted and spends the rest of the day hyperfocusing on delicious in dungeon again*
#i rewatched half the anime last night cause i was too tired to do anything else#i even almost got sucked into reading the manga again the other day but forced myself to stop after 1 chapter#def gotta buy hard copies#this is one of if not the only thing i can enjoy multiple times IN SUCCESSION!#actually i was like this with turning red and spiderverse too but#dunmeshi is different.... dunmeshi is special..... my enjoyment of it is more than just the animation or the art.....#ive never felt this particular way about anything but i've always wanted to#in the past my fanart often felt a little forced even tho i liked those things it was hard to get excited about anything#i think dunmeshi is partially responsible for my depression being in remission#literally#the only depression i feel since spring is about financial problems or being lonely#tangible stuff#but it's not the deep internal depression ive felt for most of my life#idk how to explain but like there's layers to depression#the easier kind to heal from is based in identifiable current issues like loneliness or financial troubles or grief or burnout#then theres the kind that comes from complex trauma or i think sometimes its genetic too#i thought that part would only go away once i solved the surface level stuff and could heal thorugh positive experiences to contradict#the pathways my brains formed overtime via trauma#but although ive had a few moments that have helped#i think dunmeshi. moving out of my old apt where i lived with 3 cishet men into an apt with 1 chill roomie. having time over summer to#get used to a self made routine (despite having MANY financial issues and still not being able to spend it how i planned)#all that is mainly what helped!#like for the first time i was getting excited abt stuff!#i still kinda struggle tho with maintaining that excietment#except with dunmeshi!#it's like no matter what my excitement hasn't diminished#thats very comforting#i gotta force myself to engage in more media so i can find more things to love#i have a habit of putting off things i know ill love bc i wanna be ready for it#so that if i do love it ill have the time and energy to get inspired and make fanart
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Books Read in 2023:
Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman (2019)
Luck in the Shadows by Lynn Flewelling (1996)
The Last Sun by K.D. Edwards (2018)
The Little Book of Lykke by Meik Wiking (2017)
American Cozy by Stephanie Pederson (2018)
The Queer Principles of Kit Webb by Cat Sebastian (2021)
The Conscious Closet by Elizabeth L. Cline (2019)
My Happy Marriage Vol. 1 by Akumi Agitogi (2019)
Silent Spring by Rachel Carson (1962)
[ID: Covers of the aforementioned books. End ID.]
#2023media#gigi.txt#humankind was a solid book. jsut about like... humanity being good and shit#i def def do not agree with everything that man says politically hes too liberal and if i hear the words homo puppy again i will lose my#GODDAMN mind but overall. solid.#luck in the shadows is a very good start to a gay high fantasy book series from the 90s!!! the writing was rlly good im looking forward#to the rest of the series. gotta get my hands on it wah#the last sun was. so fucking weird. bad weird. i kept sharing screenshots with my discords. do NOT rec#little book of lykke was the shocking info that if u have robust social programs and good transit and etc u will b. happier. SHOCK.#american cozy was a worse version of that just like uwu lets suck denmark's dick for a whole goddamn book#queer principles of kit webb was boring. gonna be real. it was fine it was just fucking boring.#the conscious closet was good in terms of info abt clothes and problems and shit BUT in terms of politics was so fucking capitalistic hell#i might purchase it just to reference like it was quite solid in terms of that#super loving my happy marriage. reading the manga too. mwah.#SILENT SPRING WOULD'VE CHANGED MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE IF I READ IT IN HIGH SCHOOL GO READ IT GO READ IT#MY TOP BOOK OF THIS YEAR NO QUESTION!!!!
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I don't trust Google translate enough to tell me how to properly say something in Ukrainian but I hope this little doodle of Spring Man sporting some Ukraine colors and love brings you some joy
ZUKAAAAAAAA I'M LITERALLY GONNA CRY RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
HOW ARE YOU SO FAST??!!! I'M HUGGING YOU REALLY TIGHT RIGHT NOW MAN IT'S THE MOST ADORABLE ART OF HIM!!!! 😤😤😤😤💕💕💕💕💞💞💞💞 Thank you so so much LOOK AT THIS CUTIE EVERYONE!!!!😭😭😭😭😭
Zuka youre the best I'm literally out of words
#I LOVE YOUUUU#THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN😭😭😭❤❤❤❤❤#IT MADE MY DAY AND MY NIGHT TOO BECAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP BUT THEN I CHECKED TUMBLR AND THERE IS HIMMM#I can't describe how happy I am right now I REALLY CANT#He looks so sweet and kind oh my God I love him with all my heart😭😭😭❤❤❤#His smiling kind face always fills me with an energy and motivation to never give up!#It really helped me a lot during the toughest times and I'm so happy to see him again 🥹🥹🥹🥹💞💞💞#MY BOY!!!!#Also even if you write something not very properly by the Google translator that's not a problem at all so don't worry!!#I understand it's hard with another languages but even if I see something with a small issue or smth that still will make me very happy!#So all of you are free to write something even from Google translator if you want to hehe That's all good!!#spring man#Ukraine#friend's art#arms#arms nintendo#arms game#ctr ask
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#SORRY im mad about my stupid college again#WHY do they require so many internhip hours??????#no wait i KNOW why. bc the chef who runs the program is EVIL AND STUPID#he literally thinks he as a chef is gods gift to this earth. he thinks CHEFS are gods gift to this earth but only if they agree with him.#however. gods gift to this earth do NOT deserve breaks. ('chefs dont get breaks' is a direct quote)#he thinks all chefs should work like dogs and SUFFER. and the industry should never change#and he loves the power of being the program head. (and most students' advisor)#and he can say im preparing you to be the best!!!!! and get away with it#and he doesnt respect pastry chefs. and guess what i am hahahah#like i know the culinary industry is toxic and most chefs are jerks. but bakeries are very different from restaurants#so i thought i could handle some jerky chefs during school and get my degree and go work in a bakery#(i can handle some jerky chefs)#the problem was that a jerky chef ran the program as if you were already working in the worst restaurant environment imaginable#and he only taught like everyone wanted to be world renown chefs of 5 star parisian restaurants that take 4 years to get a reservation#(which is crazy that he thinks hes qualified to get other people to that level but ok.)#and thats great for people who want that! but some people (me) just want a cute little bakery!#also ! its advertised as a 2 year associates program#which. is true that you'll only get an associates degree out of it#but 2 years is including summer semesters. sorry i don't think thats how that works. i think thats 3 years#2 years for people who decide to do extra and take summer semesters.#and i think the only realistic way to complete the internship hours is to take an off semester and only do the internship#so you're not doing it at the same time as classes#but that adds a minimum of 1 semester and maximum 2#or if you cram the spring and fall semesters to have summer off and do the internship during summer#summer semesters are shorter. so youd have less weeks to complete the same amount of hours#it is simply not a 2 year program for the average person!!!!!!#i was IN COLLEGE FOR 2 YEARS!!!!!! AND I ONLY TOOK 1 (ONE) PASTRY CLASS!!!!!! I SHOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!#and what do you MEAN you expect me to be in college for 3 years and only get an associates degree out of it. no thank you#its almost like...... an associates degree requires 2 years of schooling........ and theres too much happening in this program.......#bc the man in charge of it is power hungry and wants to control people and thinks chefs need to be beat into shape.......
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...💇♀️
#so i went to the hairdresser's in september to get a trim after over a year of having NOTHING done to my hair#it was in suuuuuuuuch a poor condition but i loved how long it had gotten so i suffered through the summer#i just wasn't ready to say goodbye to my mermaid hair 🥺#(i should've got it done in the spring but didn't because. well. life i guess lol i wasn't feeling very well maybe)#and so when i finally went to get it done i asked the hairdresser to cut only what was necessary#fair enough i went home only to notice absolutely NOTHING had happened 🙃#i thought i could live with it until maybe later in the winter but i was getting so frustrated with how lifeless and tangled my hair was 😭#so i booked a new appointment at a different hairdresser (a new one has just opened near me)#and aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh my hair looks and feels SO much more healthier now!! 😭 nearly teared up at the hairdresser's feeling my new hair 😂#but at the same time i'm a bit 🥲 because it's quite a bit shorter now 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲#it's not short per se but aaaahhhh I'm having a minor identity crisis lol (no i'm not i'm just being dramatic 💅)#but it's definitely better this way. i love my hair and i'm never ever letting it get in such a terrible condition ever again 🤧#also i'm not going back to that other place again because it wasn't the first time the same person had done barely anything to my hair 🤨#i mean. i guess they just did what i had asked but...#with all the other hairdressers there's never been any problem when i told them to ''only take what's needed''#i guess she was just too cautious to take TOO much of the length of my hair but gurl what's the point if you only take like 1 cm 😐#with ''what's needed'' i obviously mean ''enough so i won't have to come back here next month'' :\#anyway! i'm happy and keep sniffing my hair (and giving myself a headache in the process) because the products they used smell so nice 💖#pointless ramblings hi yess i'm bored by theflyingfeeling
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Sorry to have been a bit quiet on Roman these last couple of weeks. Slowly but surely I’m getting over whatever funky mood I’d been in so thanks for being patient with me ~ ♡
#💀 ;; ooc#Not really sure what's been up lately#Haven't really felt like myself for a while but I shouldn't run away from my problems like that#Feeling a bit more like myself again so I'll give responses a try tomorrow or in the coming days since my schedule is back to normal for now#Not sure about a couple of weeks from now when the Coronation happens might be busy again#April is a bit of a gross month and spring in general nyeh#Hope you're all doing okay lovely people
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Doin bad again folx
#might delete later I’m just wide awake and miserable#summer bill came out today and it’s $7100 not including housing which will be $2400#literally dunno how im gonna pay for that and my dad is. adding to the emotional turmoil of it all#not able to get a loan at least not before the bill is due#able to get aid luckily but again who knows when or how much#my bday is tomorrow and for months I’ve been like please just let my bday be a good day i need one#i need some hope. not that I haven’t had good experiences lately bc I have. but nothing that lasts#nothing i get to feel good about for more than a day before a new problem drops#I need to enjoy my birthday without feeling this deep dark dread and fear and fucking guilt and hopelessness#I have fun plans for today And tomorrow and I’m grateful but honestly stressed about that too#bc it’s gonna be a lot + bc of all I need to do outside of that#+ I don’t get to spend my bday w friends the way I want like I have one friend Maybe coming w me#my bday is supposed to feel celebratory and instead it feels like absolutely forcing some illusion of choice or joy in my life#on top of it all. the most peaceful I usually ever feel is in bed w my partner and now my body won’t even let me hold or be held by them#currently laying next to them not touching them so I at least don’t keep them up w how physically miserable I am rn#I’m literally always physically miserable at this point and it feels like spring is never gonna come and provide any relief#but it’s like can I at least be cozy w them. nope instead I’m wide awake facing various horrors#despite being permanently exhausted and falling asleep in class after 40 ounces of coffee#Im just. so fucking unhappy in life rn dude I don’t want life to be like this forever with the constant threat of it getting much worse#fucking shred of joy in this godforsaken world: the sleep noises they r making rn#mine#txt#vent post#suicidal ideation tw#<- cry for help
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couldnt get the diaz save to load normally (had to play it with all eps installed even tho its... the base game gen...) and then the snodgrass save crashes after i finally finished their house and started playing them 😻 i think i will take another 2 months hiatus
#zero.txt#nonsims#im joking......... kinda#finally had a day off to play and then that happened#i think its cause i downloaded a few new mods but idk i uninstalled them then never opened it back up to test#in conclusion i should stop adding mods#BUT ARE U KIDDING ME THERES SO MANY COOL ONES COMING OUT#sighz... should do a complete swipe of my mods folder again cause im having problems installing ea worlds#and i want to move to hidden springs for snodgrass gen 2 😢#i had them installed before my game took a shit on me a while ago and i think thats the problem
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i can hear the frogs ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა ♡ there's this fenced off area nearby with tall grass and a pond in the middle they have to themselves. there are so many of them!
u can hear them in the distance from my back patio but i followed the sound one night and found the source 😌 it's good to hear them again.
#hello spring‚ i see u coming 🙏🏾#i know we're getting out of winter because i can just wear pants in the back now instead of needing like 5 layers for it to be tolerable 💀#y'all i have been SUFFERING 😭#before i started hrt i could b chillin w a frappe in a tshirt in 20°F no problem but that is very not the case anymore lmaoo#rn it's 44° and I'm fine w just my lil jacket 👼🏾#im not sure how cold is “cold” to me actually 🧐#anyways.. i love spring. spring and autumn r my favorite seasons#my favorite part of spring is seeing the transition into it. u know when flowers start budding and ur walks start looking noticably more#vibrant 0: and the different animal sounds and encounters. get a lil boost of energy myself (✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) spring is lovely!#part of why i like hanging out in the back is bc i genuinely love to watch the seasons go by and participate 😔💕#i feed animals year round! rn the seeds i feed to the birds during the day attract bunnies at night - usually just 1 at a time#and the bunnies attract the dog that's not a dog I've seen twice so far o: interesting stuff!#I'm glad as it ran off after the rabbit it didn't notice me bc it passed by right in front of me 💀 but idk#the other time they were just passing by on the other side here n we noticed each other n locked eyes for a bit then they kept waking#it wasn't threatening or anything but i don't know what they are ૮ – ﻌ–ა hmm. i would love to see them again
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