#REJECT ME SO I CAN MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE
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i miss luke :(
here’s a photo of him where he looks like a real person to make up for it🥳
#HE LOOKS SO GOOD OML#REJECT ME SO I CAN MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE#he looks so soft i wanna give him a hug#luke hughes#lukey pookie#jack hughes#quinn hughes#hughes brothers
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she is everything to me
my love is mine, all mine
#lily evans is the love of my life#lily evans please give me a chance#reject me so i can move on with my life
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Someone sent me this edit and I think I've had enough low-speed internet for one day hahaha thanks 🙃
Credit to: maaikenienhuis on IG. Thank you sm for blessing me with this 😭😭😫😫
@channieandhisgoonsquad @moonlightndaydreams @noellllslut @bethanysnow
#seo fucking fine bro holy hell 😭#plz just reject me already so i can move tf on with my life in peace and agony#skz#itshannji
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Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
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Tall GF Stevie harrington is so beautiful. Knowing she’ll never be mine is my villain origin story
#ILL FIGHT EDDIE IN MY DREAMS MY IMAGINATION AND REAL LIFE#transfem stevie all I need is ONE CHANCE. REJECT ME SO I CAN MOVE ON#t4t steddue in all variations is So Right To Me#Robin has a sister now so does Dustin#Eddie is WEAK for her. he regularly trips over his own feet because he’s staring at her#I love her
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had a bad bout with mother ✌️
#which. hurts.#because she's not a bad person. but she is undeniably someone who has continuously hurt me for the past decade of my life#and doesn't even realize it#and it's only now that i'm starting to realize that a lot of my Quirks™ as a person that i just surrendered myself to are just#responses to my environment and the people around me and how i feel about it.#so it's just now that i'm starting to feel like i can confront them a little bit because#hey maybe i wouldn't be as much of a shut-in if i didn't feel attacked every time i talk to any of you#which perpetuates the issues BY THE WAY#what do you think are the psychological long-term results of having like a 60% negative comment rate on a person every time you talk to the#no wonder i don't feel comfortable talking to you anymore so i don't do it!! we're down to like 0-2 times a day and some days it's all bad!#and why i feel like i can only have a life when everyone leaves me alone !!#i have to slot in food cleaning showering working etc all within the confines of the very specific hours i am left home alone#which gets really difficult when i try to spend as much of my day alone which means i am up enjoying the quietness of the night#which messes up everything else!!#because i just Don't Feel Comfortable whenever I'm not!! and it's genuinely paralyzing!!!!!#and I WISH IT WASN'T. but that's not up to me. and i am just starting to realize that.#because as long as i am afraid of opening my door in fear of getting punched in the face with rejection.#i am not going to be able to move on.#and probably the starting line would be to Not Be In That Situation.#which means i have to put my foot down and try to stop some of this.#but. it's hard. and i am afraid no one will listen to me.#as that is the role that i seem to play nowadays.
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hanahaki disease trope captivates me because (as I interpret it) the call is coming from inside the house. bc you see, the solution is easy. the flowers stop trying to tear their way out of your body if you confess your affections or get over them. go do stuff other than hanging out with your doomed crush for a while or speak your feelings: let the flowers see daylight. but sometimes ... catharsis ... is worse.
it's like when Fall Out Boy said "I'll keep my jealousy close 'cause it's all mine" and when Taking Back Sunday said "if it's not keeping you up nights, then what's the point?" these warm, bloody, one-sided feelings might be as close to reciprocal love as you're gonna get. if you flee or confess and aren't loved in return ... you're healed. free of pain. free of flowers. that precious thing you were holding onto so fiercely, for months ... vanishes.
hanahaki studies the compulsions that drive self-destruction. that turn pain into the means to its own end. human resilience is our greatest strength and an agent of literal body horror. hanahaki paints an intentionally romanticized picture of how vital wanting to get better is to actually getting better. as the adage goes, you can't control how you feel, but you can control what you do about it.
healing is terrifying. watching a character reject it until their death is sobering. watching a character choose it when they are at their most scared and sad and hopeless is ... devastating. it makes me press my hands against the walls of my consciousness.
#hanahaki disease#hanahaki#i did no research into the history of the trope. I'm going off what I've picked up through osmosis. def add to/correct these thoughts#as you see fit#i like the common ending where the hanahaki-haver learns that their beloved loves them too. has loved them the entire time even.#it makes me think of how mental illness can trick you into thinking everyone else dislikes you as much as you dislike yourself#when usually there are lots of ppl in your life who care about you a lot. but you can't see it#you have been taught (or ... as in my case ... taught yourself) not to see it#so instead of taking a chance on a love that has always had its door cracked open ... you torture yourself#and the healing process is how you learn to tap on those doors. take a look inside. accept the love you find#and move on if the person doesn't reach back out to you. healthy rejection coping#not this torture spiral of repressed cravings for intimacy#phew. anyway. I've been reading some great hanahaki Genshin fics. keep up the great work yall#snowswords#analysis
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🚬🧸🧃🎀
#anyway so yeah im so sick of hating myself. of missing out on things and being too scared to go after things i want when i have the chance#so sick of almost being 25 and having spent almost 6 years alone in my room missing out on life#and my mom and sister might be moving in the not too distant future#so i have to try to get my life together for real now!!! or homelessness will be awaiting me :D#what i will try to do.. is start going to the gym (w my mom so i dont have to deal w the anxiety of an unknown place by myself sksk)#i'll workout 3-5 times a week. every week. i like going to the gym so if i just get started i dont have a doubt i'll not be able to do it#i'll focus on finishing my english class. hopefully in december even if i have the possibility to get it extended a few months#then i'll start my other 4 classes in january#i'll be patient and wait for my ultrasound and get the gallstone situation fixed (latest in january if i need surgery)#(and i have to try to make sure i eat properly so i dont wind up with b12 deficiency... i cant eat anything without pain but i have to..)#also i have an appt at the psychiatric in mid october. and im still waiting on what my healthcare center says. hopefully i can get cbt#if possible i will really really try to apply for jobs as a personal assistant sometime between january-may#if i have a job instead of being on wellfare i will 1) have way more money 2) not feel constabtly anxious abt being rejected and homeless#i'll stop caring abt me being 'old' and a late bloomer. the planet is dying. who cares if im 28 and start university????#i'll take my time to finish high school. and the thing is i really should get a job before starting higher vocational education#bc the program i want to start i HAVE to have a laptop. and theres no way i can afford that now. cant even save up to it#also need to find and put myself up on waiting lists for student housing/apartments so i can actually move#i hate this city and i need to get the fuck out of here!!!!#but the world is crazy rn and it's super hard to find places to live and find jobs but it's not impossible so i need to try#i cant live like this & i have no idea how tf i'll manage to be a normal person and have a life but i need to try bc what else am i gnna do?
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tomorrow is such an important day, im a mcfucking nervous anxious wreck already gOD
#got the school interview tomorrow#i just. really want this. something needs to change in my life and getting to study something im genuinely interested in#and something i genuinely like and i know i could do as a career would mean everything to me#unfortunately if i do become a student thats gonna put a terrible dent on my finances as well as i have to move and thats gonna be#the next four years of my life. but i also just REALLY want this#my life needs a meaning. and this could hopefully be it#i have no idea what they are gonna ask in the interview but apparently its gonna be scored from 0 to 60 points which. nerve wracking#the other assignments were 0 to 20 so its total out of a 100. i know i have at least ten points so far if i got to the interview lol#but yeah im. i just really hope it goes well. i really need this. im tired of not going anywhere not doing anything not having a future#please. i dont ask for much. ive had enough rejections this year already idk what im gonna do if i dont get this or any of my backup plans#just.. yeah. im tired but i gotta set up stuff tomorrow oof. pull my assignments up and set up my laptop for the interview and hhhh#im just. nervous#idk what im gonna do if i fail this#and thats fucking terrifying#god i hope i can sleep tonight mmm#night is an absolute mess on main
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I miss all my old friends and it's sad to think that they probably don't feel the same way
#just thinking about last summer and the people I spent my time with#they're all gone and that's so sad#ik it's normal to lose people to time and life changes but I wish things would have been different#mainly my one friend. we used to be such good friends and I miss it#I wanna try to reconnect but I think I'll get rejected#and it will probably be worse to KNOW someone doesn't miss me than to just think it#idk. it's just sad to me that you can share all those memories with someone and they can move on so quickly#like nothing that happened ever had any value#and it's a shame that people leave a permanent mark on you. I think about them every day and there's so many reminders#I miss current friends too tho#my one really good friend is busy all the time so it's basically impossible to see each other#and the problem is that I never ask anyone to do anything bc I assume they won't want to and I don't wanna get rejected#and when people ask me to do things I usually can't so eventually they stop asking#but I understand that it makes them feel rejected too even if I'm just busy and can't do anything#just so sad. other people move on so easily but I never do#isn't there a taylor swift lyric about that? idk I'm not a swiftie#I just love all my friends past and present and I wanna see them and spend time with them#but there are so many situations that get in the way and it's always on my side#but not my fault. i hate this#Sera
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Spent so much time around my parents today wow i dont belong here i am not the ideal child at all
#i will never be my older sister#tbh i dont have it in me to be jealous anymore#i used to feel that way in highschool but now i just feel#hm. defeated?#like shes a nice person. shes a good person im glad shes not disappointing my parents#if she was like me then we would both make our parents so so sad#she balances things out is what im saying basically#this is why i feel like dying is okay. i might make my parents grieve briefly but theyll move on quickly#especially if they find out i was going to like. bring shame to the family#theyre not cruel people but they dont have room in their home or their hearts for someone who cant use the resources they provide#in the way they deem ideal#they pay for my tuition bc i rejected my offer into art school and chose pysch instead#they pay for my meds bc they want me to be a functioning member of society that can eventually get married to a man and give them grandkids#my life is not supposed to be in my own hands#hah. god im tired#z.post
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This one magazine has been sitting on my submission for 8 weeks and I know some mags take forever to reply but I'm about to start gnawing the bars of my cage. Hurry UP!!!!!!!
#dont even get me started on this other one. i submitted in mid march and they said they take 8-12 weeks to respond starting from may 1#so im not gonna know one way or the other until uhhhh. june or july.#please just reject me already so i can move on with my life
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Would it be stupid of me to request time off on the day after the Eurovision final
#there’s no consequences for requesting time off; to clarify. i’m on a zero hours contract so unless i’m sick or outright ask for holiday pay#i’m just getting a day or more of unpaid time off#but still. would it be silly and frivolous#i don’t even want it in order to drink… i just want to stay up and watch the entire thing including the voting#and not have to worry about working a 9-5 the next day (because i always seem to fucking get signed up for 9-5s while everyone else gets to#do a delayed start. what is that about)#i put in the request. it’ll most likely get accepted. like i don’t see why it wouldn’t#there’s already 3 people signed up to work that day… they don’t need me#the only reason i think they’d decline it is because i have unpaid time off the following sunday; but i will HAPPILY cancel that so i can#have the 14th off instead. i requested the 21st off for a pokemon go community day but tbh i’m not even really playing pogo anymore#since they nerfed remote raids and ya girl lives in the middle of nowhere so there goes like. my only way of getting legendaries.#anyway. that happened. i’ll just leave it and if it gets rejected i’ll bring it up with my manager#and lie or something and say i had plans on the 21st but was going to move them to the 14th and would it therefore be okay for me to have#that day off instead? i feel like that would work#honestly though idk why i worry considering one of the guys in retail has weeks of time off… i’m starting to wonder why he took the job#and if he’s ever actually planning on coming back to work. i legit haven’t seen him in a month and i’m there ~4 days a week#it’s a little bit fucking wild but anyway yeah.#nothing better come between me and the eurovision or we are going to have a problem#it’s bad enough i’m going to miss some of wimbledon. i’ve worked in education most of my adult life so this too is a new concept for me#if i can catch the opening day and the finals i’ll be happy tbh#personal
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Since I don't have twitter rn for mental health reasons this app has become my venting space so rip you guys
#anyway i had two really promising job interviews last week#have been rejected from both#i continue to wake up to emails saying my applications dont even reach interview stage#the job market is FUCKED#and i am getting closer and closer to losing my home#i am so defeated#all i do is try and im not good enough#and i have boomer relatives breathing down my neck telling me i just need to try harder and i#as if i havent submitted over 400 job apllications since may this year#as if im not open to taking jobs WAY below what i need fonancially to survive just so i have SOMETHING#i am just so tired#and i dont know how much more i can take#of waking up everyday with a countdown clock over my head#resigning myself to the fact i am gonna have to pack up my life AGAIN#and move back to a tiny close minded town where im not out#get misgendered constantly#has bo opportunities either cause theres like 5 ppl in the whole town#and live in the back bedroom of my parents small council bungalow that was only ever meant to house two people#ill have to get rid of so much of my stuff cause i wont be able to take it all#i rlly dont know what to do anymore#i rlly dont know how i come back from this when the system is rigged against me#*sobs*
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biting and killing and biting and killing
#just need to vent a little. here we are in the tags as per usual.#SO my avoidance of people has gotten A Lot Worse Lately#and my severe fear of rejection is making it so i can't even mention i got tickets to a concert some of my friend are going to in our gc#because i feel like that's Wrong and Bad and will make me Evil if i do it#because i'm stealing attention and manipulating them into spending time with me#which i can recognise is. a bit of an irrational response.#but i'm just SO FRUSTRATED with myself#i haven't told like half of my friends i'm moving in two weeks because i haven't seen them irl#and whenever i talk to people in real life i chronically overshare and cannot force myself to shut up and it's BAD#no matter what way i do it i always end up doing it wrong#i just want to Connect with people and Be with them but i can't do it!!!!#my social anxiety is still So Bad and i'm beginning to think it may be a part of a bigger issue#i've been questioning having avpd (avoidant personality disorder) for a while and i'm gonna talk to my therapist about it when i see him#because i have been Repeatedly Validated that it is Okay to talk to my friends but i physically can't do it without having a panic attack#and that!!! is something i want help with!!! because it feels bad!!! but i can't Reach Out!!!!!!!!!!!!#luckily i have plans to see a lot of them irl on wednesday so hopefully i can talk about some of this stuff then#but until then i just have to exist in my silly little isolation purgatory#at least i'm rewatching rvd and it's so good. currently on killing thee mr honey#i think i will go get a little snack and keep watching my show and do some uquizzes and then try to sleep#i had like a 3 hour nap today so it's okay to be up a little late#this has fully just turned into me journalling but it's okay this is my blog
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