#Peter and Bruce

[valentinelocks]

In my mind Peter treats Bruce like they’re that one 40 y/o + 20 something y/o coworker duo in every corporate office

and it completely baffles Bruce bc ??? how’re you oversharing and simultaneously saying nothing at all

And the problem now is he gets war flashbacks from the stress inducing clusterfuck problems Peter offhandedly tells him about, so every so often he’ll cave and ask Dick about him when he’s not around (“that Peter…did he ever get that denied exam extension sorted?”)

But when he finally does see him it’s like the problem never mattered (“oh - what? I said that? Right no, I just emailed the tutor. But you know, that TA who slept with him said...”) until he mentions something crazy again and the cycle continues.

Basically - organised Bruce meeting Peter “there’s a lot of moving parts so I choose to keep track of none of them” Parker

[clicruz13]

Peter and Bruce

Chapter 1: Of Hell-spawn and Parker Luck, Part 1

‘Deep breath, Petey.’ A thin figure clutched his batter suitcase and his satchel as he waited for the penthouse level elevator of Jazz R.C. Hotel. ‘One last long assignment and boom – debt is gone.’

The doors opened. ‘Seesh, not sure why Varnes bailed. And Ms. Brown’s panic? Wish I had been given time to read the paperwork more.’

Peter sighed to himself as the elevator ascended. ‘Ah, well, it isn’t like it’s the first time I’ve gone into a situation nearly blind.’

‘Nice place tho.’ Peter fished his paperwork out of his satchel. The name of the client was strangely missing. Peter scanned the papers.

‘A two week trial?’ Peter groaned. ‘She didn’t set me up with a crime boss or something, did she?’

Peter paused. ‘Would have explained her panic.’

“Ah, Mr. Parker.” Peter jerked in place, accidentally scattering his paperwork and dropping his suitcase.

The door to Penthouse Two had opened. A stately graying gentleman stood in the doorway. Peter smiled sheepishly as he rushed to collect his things. The man’s eyes glinted with amusement as Peter straightened out. The gentleman fished out a pocket watch, struggling as he worked around a sling holding his right arm.

“Ah, ten minutes early. Already an improvement over Mr. Varnes.” The man said mildly. “I am Alfred Pennyworth, family butler to the Wayne family.”

‘……….’ Peter’s brain short-circuited. “Ah. Totally British.”

‘Dang.’ Peter blinked, instinctively glancing at the elevator. ‘Top-tier.’

Peter realized the silence hung for a moment too long. He flushed in embarrassment.

“Indeed.” Pennyworth’s neutral expression warmed. “Ms. Brown has spoken quite highly of you. Your records in the agency speak for themselves. It is a pity you ran into trouble with your last assignment.”

Peter flushed slightly, stuck between embarrassment, suspicion, and mortification. ‘Wonderful. Does everyone know about that?’

Pennyworth’s smile became a smirk as he turned away. “Now, please follow me to your accommodation. I will go over what you’ll need to know.”

Peter stared a long moment. ‘What the hell did I get into?’

“The only person not here is Master Dick. Apparently something came up at Bludhaven’s museum at the last minute.” Pennyworth handed Peter keys. “He should be here in three days however.”

“Hm.” Peter’s brow furrowed. ‘Seems like a normal domestic job so far. Aside from Mr. Wayne being “that rich playboy” and an adoption addiction, there isn’t anything out of place.’

“I would recommend you prepare yourself. While I do not believe Master Jason or Master Timothy to cause you issue, Master Damian can-” Pennyworth trailed off.

Peter felt his shoulders slump as Pennyworth picked up again. “Be difficult to handle.”

‘Difficult how?’ Peter stared pointedly at Pennyworth’s back. ‘Don’t leave me hanging.’

Peter, out of habit, cataloged the office they were in as neurotically lacking in personality.

However, Pennyworth pulled papers off the printer before Peter could ponder why.

“This is the boys’ schedule. Master Tim is currently on a coffee restriction. He is permitted only 8 ounces a day.” Pennyworth sighed. “I am trying to wean him off of his addiction.”

Peter winced. ‘Not pleasant at all. Reminds me of that time with Tony.’

“Master Jason is required to attend the appointments highlighted in blue.” Pennyworth rolled his eyes. “This entire stay in New York was supposed to be a family bonding experience.”

Peter shot a puzzled look. “I dare say, in this case, it would work better if Master Bruce spent more time with his boys than working.”

Peter watched Pennyworth’s long suffering with vague amusement. ‘Social butterfly Brucie inept with his kids? Who knew?’

“I do apologize beforehand for Master Damian’s antics. He can come on as a little intense.” Pennyworth ushered Peter out the door.

‘Dang it, Pennyworth. What the heck do you mean by intense!?’

“Tonight, we are not expected to do anything.” Pennyworth had herded Peter into the kitchen. “I thought I would take the opportunity to know you better.”

Peter glanced at the two exits longingly. Pennyworth gave a knowingly look as he had Peter sit in the kitchen nook.

‘This is an interrogation, isn’t it?’ Peter lamented.

“Good lad.” Pennyworth poured a teacup for Peter. “Now, Mr. Parker…”

Pennyworth had taken his own cup and sat opposite. “To be frank, I -”

Peter heard the front door open and four heartbeats just as Pennyworth started.

“Alfred, we’re back." The voice of a tired deep-voice man boomed in the space. Underneath that, Peter could make out a trio of males arguing. Alfred looked slightly annoyed at the interruption and mildly resigned.

“Please, Mr. Parker, stay here.” Pennyworth stood up.

“Master Bruce...” The swinging door obscured what Pennyworth was saying. Peter winced slightly. The trio of voices grew in intensity, though Peter couldn't hear much. Someone had paid for some decent sound-proofing. Then again, Peter wasn’t exactly trying to listen in.

Peter sipped the cup. ‘Pretty good tea.’

The door swung in, revealing two teenagers and a child. Peter stared at the trio whom froze in their tracks. The smell of Chinese food wafted from the paper bags they carried. Peter’s sixth sense kicked in.

The cheap wooden chopstick shattered harmlessly over Peter. There was the sound of someone crashing to the floor with an oomph. He yelped as the hot tea splashed on him as he ducked under the table. His sense blared. He found himself unable to react in time as he was pulled out and pinned to the floor with a kitchen knife to the neck.

‘Okay, don’t know if I want to coo at the kid or freak out.’ Peter stared at the (maybe) ten year old child who he suspected was Mister Damian as his mind raced, half-hysterical. ‘And now I know why Pennyworth said intense. It’s like someone crossed Matt with Natalie – only funsize.’

“DAMIAN!.” “Master Damian.”

“Chill, shortstack.” The Wade-built teenager pulled the kid off. “Nice reflexes, man.”

Peter touched his throat. Luckily Damian hadn’t managed to press in. Peter needed to maintain a low profile. A seen rapid healing cut might place in him in a precarious position.

Pennyworth helped him to his feet. “Mr. Parker, please forgive me. I didn’t expect-”

Peter shook his head with a wry smile, placing his palms out. ‘Parker luck strikes again.’

The borderline adult-teenager whistled as he left his brother drown. “Damn, and I thought Alfred had nerves of steel.”

Pennyworth whirled on the pair and grabbed Damian by the ear. “Pardon us. I believe I need to reiterate an earlier conversation with Master Damian.”

The silence hung awkwardly for a moment. Bruce Wayne offered a hand. “I apologize about my youngest. I’m Bruce Wayne.”

Peter gave a quick shake before signing out his surname. Bruce’s eyes widened a bit, but hid it quickly.

‘Huh.’ Peter tilted his head slightly.

“These are my other sons, Jason and Timothy.”

“Yo.” Jason waved near where the food was placed.

“Hello.” The fore-mentioned Timothy squinted at him.

‘Whelp.’ Peter tucked his hands behind his back as the conversation stalled and died a miserable long death. The staring contest made him want to flee. ‘This gotta rank in my top five awkward moments ever.’

______________________________________________

‘Okay, why do I stay?’ Peter pulled the door open to the Royce. ‘Petey, you have officially lost your mind. Is the money really worth this...’

The unholy union of Matt-Natalie glanced at him as he exited the vehicle. Peter’s sixth sense had been humming off and on the entire time since their initial first meeting in the kitchen. Damian had been stalking him through the penthouse the last two days as Peter went about his job. Peter didn’t bother to count how many little ‘incidents’ he ducked or ignored. And then the insincere apology should have told him everything he needed to know.

The Tony-wannabe, Timothy, spent half the time in a tired daze and the other half watching him suspiciously. And he was sure a few ‘pranks’ were not the play-hunt style of the littlest Hellspawn. Peter pretended not to be bothered by the kids’ antics. The two usually behaved when either the normally elusive Bruce was around or Pennyworth.

Then there was Jason. The nineteen year old had quite a mouth on him. (Aunt May would have washed his mouth out.) Yet Peter wasn’t sure what to make of the kid. Half the time when he was in the penthouse, he could be found reading various pieces of classic literature. Otherwise, he seemed to enjoy taking the mickey out of his siblings.

However it was clear to Peter that Jason and Bruce had issues. Arguments that always seemed to stop when he entered the room.

‘Granted if I wasn’t doing my job, I’d ease-drop on those conversation.’ Peter shut the door after Jason exited.

He gave the driver, Eddy Lorne, a thumbs up. He watched longingly as the car drove off.

‘It’s quite sad when they use you as a leash for the devil spawn.’ Peter’s mouth twisted for a second.

It had become apparent when the ‘boys’ (as Alfred fondly called them) tended to clash or enable the others' worse habits. At the movie theater on Day Two, Peter had to confiscate four knives off of Damian and at least two guns from Jason before they had entered. He had stopped Tim four times from getting coffee. Not to mention stopping Damian from trying to strangle Tim in the bathroom while an amused Jason looked on. Something about who owned a bird?

Or maybe it was about a girl? Peter couldn’t quite recall except all he had wished he could have webbed them to the seats.

Peter reached out and caught Damian as he seemed set on chasing Jason whom passed by. Damian seemed to be demanding not to be called kid. Peter sighed, resigned. Surprisingly Damian paused as he glanced up. Peter glanced down. Rolling his eyes, he gently shoved the kid in the direction of the necessary airport terminal.

Jason returned from his raiding of one of the airport shops. Peter found himself the owner of a small bag of gummy-worms.

‘…’ Peter ruthlessly squashed down the memories threatening to overcome him. ‘Keep it together, Peter. No need to flashback now.’

“Okay there, Parker.”

Jason looked ready to bump his shoulder.

Peter took a partial step away and gave a quick smile. He signed thank you to Jason, before stowing the bag in his pocket. Timothy gave him a long side-glance as Damian began chattering about his pets – one of his favorite subjects as they navigated the airport.

“Flight 182B is now disembarking.” Came the announcement.

Timothy perked up and began waving. “RICHARD!”

Peter idly eyed the approaching adult. ‘What is it with Bruce and dark-haired bright-eyed children? Are these all of his or something?’

The fore-mentioned Richard bear-hugged Timothy. Peter was surprised to find Damian clinging to his side. Jason and Richard gave each other a cool nod. Damian muttered a sullen greeting to Richard’s cautious one.

‘And now everything becomes a lot more interesting.’ Peter met the surprised gaze of Richard head-on. ‘When did my life turn into a soap opera?’

“Where’s Alfred?”

“Dick, met Peter Parker. He’s Alfred’s new assistant.” Jason clapped a hand on his shoulder.

‘Only until the start of next week.’ Peter, trapped between two of the brothers, merely rocked from the friendly blow.

‘Yep, this is my life.’ Peter was aware there was some silent conversation between the brothers.

“Oh?” Richard put out a hand with only a partially faked cheer. “Richard Grayson-Wayne.”

Peter smiled politely as Richard’s grip increased minutely. ‘What is with the testing me all the time?’

‘Play dumb, Petey.’ Peter extracted his hand and stuck them in his pocket. ‘Just one more day.’

______________________________________________

“Please enjoy your day off, Mr. Parker.” Pennyworth smiled as they passed each other in the elevator hall.

Peter slumped against the elevator wall in relief. He needed a break.

‘Never thought I’d be the cause of so much tension.’ Peter rubbed his forehead. ‘Geez. Alright, Peter. Focus. We’re out for the day.’

Peter suspected that he was being followed. He spotted Mister Dick as he got on the subway for Queens. Then when he stopped at Belos Bakery for a quick breakfast before popping into Flora’s, he thought he saw Mister Timothy.

He pointedly ignored this when he entered into Cedar Cemetery.

‘Hey, Aunt May, Uncle Ben, how have you been?’ Peter noted the gravestone had been cleaned up absently. His aunt must have been by since a new bouquet of day-lilies lay at its’ foot. Peter laid down his carnations.

‘Me? I’ve doing alright. Currently working for Mr. Big-Deal Wayne until the twentieth. The butler Alfred seems to like me well enough, but the family.. eh, who knows. Unlikely for the job to continue afterwards. At least at the end, I know I’ll have all the medical bills paid off.’

Peter rest his head on the gravestone. ‘I’m thinking about going for a teaching degree. Not sure if I’m going back in as, well, you know. I’m not sure I have the strength to start from absolute zero.’

Peter chuffed to himself. ‘Didn’t realize you could empty oneself so much. I know I’m not going to keep away forever. I just need to take care of myself. Right, Aunt May? So-’

Time passed as he chatted to the dead. A clock-tower rung out noon. Peter dusted himself off and made for Delmar’s. Old man Delmar hadn’t even recognized him but Peter couldn’t hold it to him. Peter had drastically changed over the five years.

Peter, when he sat at a window booth, spotted Mister Damian and Mister Jason trying to chill on a bench across from Delmar’s Deli.

‘What. The. Hell?’ Peter glanced out the window as he chewed. ‘Don’t they have better things to do?’

A mischievous smile grew on his face as an idea occurred. ‘Alright, how ‘bout a little payback?’

After he finished his meal, Peter headed into the maze of streets that had been his hood for years. He spotted the four clustered together as he walked downtown Flushing in the reflection of one of the many boutiques on the roadway. Peter used the time to stop at a few stores, expanding his currently limited wardrobe.

‘Alright, now just to time this right.’

As he picked up a shirt at one boutique and a tie at another, he watched the quartet lag behind slightly. Especially when one of the more eager saleswomen managed to delay them via Dick. Peter pretended to dillydallied, window-shopping.

Once he was sure they were far enough behind, he causally stepped into an alleyway with a fence. By time the quartet made it to the alley, Peter had climbed the wall to the roof and waited.

“The hell?” Jason’s voice boomed up. “Where did he go?”

“We saw him enter this alley, didn’t we?” Dick asked.

Peter chuckled to himself before walking to the other side and dropping down. The second alley had been blissfully empty. He walked out of the second alley back onto the main drag. He heard Jason swearing in the distance as he headed to the closest subway.

The high from the prank last only until he started to think things through.

‘You are an idiot, Parker.’ He berated himself during the subway ride. ‘What if you had been caught? Got to keep a low profile. Or-’ Peter shuddered as he recalled memories.

Both Pennyworth and Mister Wayne seemed baffled when Peter walked into the kitchen. Alfred had a medical kit out and was bandaging Mister Wayne’s fist. Peter, more interested in a drink and nap, merely waved. He raided the refrigerator for the can of Sprite he hid in the back before retreating to the guest staff quarters.

He flopped onto the bed after placing the drink on the night-stand. Peter didn’t even manage to drink the soda before he drifted off.

______________________________________________

Peter watched bemusedly as Damian and Timothy hustled Pennyworth out the door. Jason saluted and Dick nodded. Soon Peter was left alone in the kitchen. Pennyworth had no time to give him his instructions for the day.

‘Should I try to collect laundry or vacuum?’

“Parker?”

‘Not alone as I thought.’ Peter turned on his heel to face his current employer.

Wayne hid the appraising eyes with a smile. Peter debated if he should call the man out. Consider yesterday’s incident with his kids, Peter was quite sure that ‘Brucie’ was likely either a crime lord or a super-villian.

‘Actually, it might be safe not to poke the bear.’ Peter pondered. ‘I’m more or less a working drifter at this point. No one to call foul if I was to disappear.’

“Peter.” Peter blinked in surprise. “Where did you disappear off to in that head of yours?”

Peter signed an apology. Wayne smiled.

“I hope you don’t mind taking over Alfred’s work. The boys consider Alfred to be family and…” At that, Wayne shrugged. “Anyway, today is the annual Science Expo and I promised Lucius I would show up.”

‘So is this more of a status thing or something?’ Peter mused as Wayne rambled on. “Nope, adult-sitting.’

“- would it be alright with you?”

Peter hummed an agreement. However, he rolled his eyes when Bruce was not looking.

‘What did I get myself into?’

______________________________________________

Peter kept his hands behind his back as he trailed after Wayne. Peter struggled to keep a straight face. ‘Dang, if Fisk lost about a thousand pounds, he and Luthor could be twins.’

Peter resisted the urge to flee as Wayne made a beeline to a lanky African American talking to the famous Lex Luthor. The look he received from Luthor made Peter’s flesh crawl.

“Lucuis! Lex.” Wayne greeted the pair with firm handshakes.

“Ah, Brucie, about time you made it.” Luthor drawled. “Ah, did you exchange Pennyworth for a new model?”

Peter could see the sudden tension in Wayne’s back though it didn’t translate into his voice. “Ah, no. This is Mr. Parker, Alfred’s new assistant. Parker, this is Lucius Fox, my CEO, and this is Lex Luthor.”

Peter stumbled when Wayne pulled him closer, his hand clapped on Peter’s far shoulder. Peter stiffened from the contact. He silently breathed deeper through his nose. Bruce squeezed his shoulder lightly before loosening his grip.

“Charmed.” Luthor smirked, giving Peter a look up and down before dismissing his presence. “Lucius and I were discussing S.T.A.R. Lab’s newest robotic creation. -”

‘What the hell?’ Peter step back behind Wayne, caught between a shudder and an eye twitch. ‘Did I just – nope. Nope. Not thinking. No thinking until we’re out, Peter.’

Peter listened with half an ear to the two men politely insult each other as he scanned the room. A few people caught his attention. A slightly slouching reporter who kept glancing in their direction. An admittedly dark-haired gorgeous woman flitting from group to group. The last was a stout African American women who met his eye by accident.

At that moment, Peter was nearly blinded by his sixth sense. Reacting on instinct, Peter shoved Wayne into Fox and Luthor as pain burst into his side. Peter struggled against hands, his head ringing.

“-rker. Peter. Peter.” The pain receded but everything sounded a bit distant. “Stay with me!”

Peter blinked as he could see the ceiling.

‘When did I…’ The thought formed muzzily. ‘Got shot.’

Wayne’s mouth moved ahead of the words.

“Don’t fall asleep."

"Please -.”

Peter try to wheeze out a reply. His voice failed. He whined when someone jostled him. The world edged with gray and then faded.

[noodles-and-tea]

Well, yes.

[rainedravens]

"holy shit they finally confessed, what comes next--"

[wukongfeetpics]

characters have to be a little bit awful in ways that you cant defend. its good for the ecosystem. your honor he did do that. He did in fact do that

[bloodyboi]

[babymangosworld]

Me when y/n is acting like a little fucking child for male validation

[uniicorns-arereall]

are you guys ever reading a good fic and then the author just adds a random terrible line and you just stare at it like this:

[morgangalaxy43]

The Avengers 2012 era was the best time ever in the fandom

Thor loves pop tarts, Clint lived in the vents, Bruce and Tony did science together, Steve was the mom friend of the team and did art in his free time, Natasha was cool aunt of the team, Loki was there too and a bunch of other characters like Peter, Sam, Bucky, Vision and Wanda all lived in the Avengers tower together

It was a much simpler time where everyone in the fandom was chill and having fun together

[c1nnam00n]

me seeing that my fav character barely/doesn’t have any fanfics OR imagines

[fromdove]

HOW I THINK SOCIAL MEDIA IS LIKE IN ㅤㅤㅤㅤ GOTHAM CITY

tiktoks where people are like “day 54 of trying to get batman to notice me by looking helpless and holding a brick outside of wayne tower.” and then like. a day later they upload another one like “guys it worked. i threw the brick at a window and he SWOOPED DOWN AND YELLED AT ME. i think we’re engaged now.”

BATMAN FAN ACCOUNTS. “batm4nslut6969: yall i saw him last night and his thighs were THIGHING. i can’t.” “i want him to run me over with the batmobile. respectfully.” “what does it say about ME that i’m in love with a man who beats people up in alleys.” “he punched my cousin and now my cousin’s life is on track. king.”

you’ll see a tiktok like “get ready with me to testify against the penguin 😘” and they’re curling their lashes like “trial’s at 10 i’m wearing valentino. hope the DA is hot.”

facebook moms in gotham be like “hi!! anyone else’s toddler develop shadow powers after playing near the narrows??? normal or???”

“guys u wont believe what just happened i was literally just tryna get a tuna sandwich and then scarecrow gassed the 6 train again 💀” followed by: “ok but like did anyone else get lowkey productive on fear toxin bc same”

and like imagine those "what's in my bag" videos but it’s like “what’s in my gotham emergency kit” and they pull out like mace, an inhaler, one (1) batarang they found in an alley, a granola bar, and a tiny bottle of holy water just in case it’s some demon this time.

every batman chase has like. three angles. one guy from his apartment, one guy hiding in a dumpster, and one guy who just happened to be doing a GRWM video when batman crashed through the laundromat window behind him like a medieval poltergeist in kevlar.

there’s also that one tiktoker who’s like. always posting “day in the life as a gothamite 🥰” and it’s literally her dodging debris from a police chase while trying to get a matcha. like she’s got wireless earbuds in while the riddler is detonating something in the background. caption: “when i said i wanted chaos i meant eyeliner not explosives 😭😭😭😭”

people be going live from literal crime scenes. like “hey besties so i’m outside ACE chemicals rn and idk what’s going on but i just saw a clown sprint past. anyone know what’s happening???” and everyone’s commenting like “GIRL GO HOME” and “go inside nowwwwww” and “live laugh leave gotham.”

you'd see youtube videos like “i lived in gotham for 2 days and here’s why i left” and it’s just footage of a man watching fire rain from the sky while eating a pretzel in pure silence.

twitter’s a HELLHOLE. people tweeting like “batman knocked over my hotdog stand again. this is the third time. i’m filing a restraining order” and “why does bruce wayne look like he hasn’t slept since 2003” and “if the joker had a podcast i’d listen. just being honest.”

ALSO fancams of villains??? OF COURSE. edits of scarecrow like “your mental health isn’t scary but he is 😍🔥” and joker fan edits with lana del rey playing over it like “he slayed literally. like a bunch of ppl.”

there’s discourse about EVERYTHING. “does batman exploit underage sidekicks??” vs “no they CHOSE to be there 🙄”

imagine gotham love confession tiktoks like “i met him in an alley while harley quinn was robbing a jewelry store” and the comments are like “literally gotham's version of a meet cute 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘”

theres podcasts like “the ethics of vigilante justice” and then they go off topic and start debating if bruce wayne and batman have ever been in the same room and one of the hosts is like “they have different jawlines 🙄”

the gentrification discourse?? YEAH. “just moved to crime alley!! rent was SO cheap!! the vibes are kind of ✨✨ except for the screaming at night. also someone left a human tooth in my mailbox. i think that means i’m accepted into the neighborhood??”

and of course. OF COURSE. the joker thirst edits. like i wish i was kidding. i wish. but someone posts “what if he kidnapped me actually. like what if i let him.” and it’s a picture of him looking crazy with 15 different filters and a caption that says “he’s literally me (i need therapy).”

and GOTHAM INFLUENCERS. OH MY GOD. the way they would be the WORST. “hey guys today i’m doing a billionaire morning routine <3” cue 6 am ice bath in the wayne building gym someone does a house tour and people in the comments are like “i think that’s *insert famous rich socialites name's* old penthouse????”

homeless ppl getting filmed for fake charity clout. omg. “today we’re giving a makeover to this unhoused gotham citizen 🥺”

gotham meme culture is top tier. like they’re actually so funny. because they have to be. it’s trauma response meets terminal irony meets "oh the joker blew up a costco again time to live tweet." they have memes like: “you vs the guy she told you not to worry about” - it’s a pic of bruce wayne (or some rich socialite) in a suit and then batman looking like roadkill in a cape or something like “just got mugged by harley quinn and she said i have bad taste in shoes. kinda valid tbh.” or “why is scarecrow hot now. like when did that happen.” “penguin looked at me sideways in the club. should i press charges or kiss him idk.”

some of them are rich rich. and also literally host giveaways with captions like: “win a week in my tower penthouse if you repost and comment ur favourite crime i’ve survived 💋”

the drama is UNREAL. like gotham reddit?? a cesspool. like there’s this one post every week like : “AMA: i dated bruce wayne for 3 weeks in 2018 and he ghosted me after i found a batarang under his couch.” and then batman side of reddit is like “this guy tried to sell me fake kryptonite at a gas station AMA” and the replies are like “was it the guy in the trenchcoat outside the CVS?? i knew he was shady.” oh and you know there’s a gotham reddit thread called r/gothamCitizenSupport and it’s just “does anyone know how to get joker gas out of your vents” “batman smashed my windshield again how do i file an insurance claim” “my roommate joined a cult and now she glows in the dark?? normal or should i move out?”

you know the “hot takes” girlies?? yeah they’re deranged. “ok but like… what does batman really do for the economy.” or “i’m just saying gotham has more billionaires than public libraries and i feel like that’s not a coincidence???” or “why is no one talking about the gentrification of *xyz place name* just because ivy turned a building into a forest resort spa”

the comments are always fighting for their lives like: “he saved my life leave him alone??” or “girl i got evicted because catwoman turned my apartment into a goth club shut up”

ALSOOOO there are entire sides of gotham tiktok like:

“batman sighting alerts”

“gotham thrift hauls (featuring actual riddler merch)”

“bruce wayne conspiracy theory corner”

“citizen thirst traps featuring blurry robins”

“updates from people who work at arkham: the podcast”

and every time a villain escapes it’s like “uhhh guys. just saw mr. freeze at the bodega. he said he wants vengeance.

"guys...my parents just told me we're moving to gotham because its cheaper...help me what should i expect?"

OH AND BATMAN WOULD HATE IT. and there are so many compilations like “BATMAN GETTING FED UP WITH CITIZENS PART 7” where it’s just clips of him looking pissed af. dramatically because someone asked for a selfie mid-chase or tried to ask him to do fit check in their video.

[clicruz13]

Peter and Bruce

Chapter 5: Bruce Wayne, Crime Lord of Gotham; Part 3

“- state of emergency… Gas mask requirement until 2:00am. Evacuation is in progress for Bo….” Peter nearly snapped the knob off the radio.

Thompson glanced over her cards while Peter sat back down. Alfred sighed.

“It should be over soon enough.”

“Maybe.” Thompson gritted out, the nails of her free hand tapped on the island.

Alfred placed a hand over hers. “My dear, I’m sure you’ll be right back in the action soon enough. At least, Miss Reid is proving herself. And Fox Jr. is not a slouch either.

Thompson snorted. “Who knew old Alfy could have good ideas.”

‘The not-knowing is always the worst.’ Peter grimaced at his phone, ignoring the byplay. ‘If I had my suit…’

Peter shook his head at his foolishness. ‘Don’t be stupid. No one know who Spiderman is here. Nor do I know enough about the criminals in the Asylum. Besides I don’t even know where Wayne sent the kids. Though knowing Mr. Heartless, probably in the middle of it to keep control over his criminal empire.’

Peter, at some point, fell asleep on the island counter. When he woke, he was alone. A blanket had been draped over him. The tea set washed and put away. Cards neatly placed in their box. The morning sun streamed in the windows.

Peter gave a triple whistle; high-high-low and waited. No reply.

Checking his phone made him sigh in relief. The kids had responded that they were alright sometime early in the morning. However the lack of the Doctor and Alfred was … wait, a text from Alfred. Both had gone into town to check on the clinic.

Peter headed to his room to take a shower and get at least a meal started. When he entered his room, his sixth sense flared. The window was opened.

The first attack missed as he dodged but he moved right into the second one.

Bam.

______________________________________________

“I thought you said this room would be empty!” Peter grunted as his throbbing head reminded him of the hit. One of his attackers had wrapped him up in wire. Someone was also laying on him.

‘Ugh, would be easy to snap if need.’ Peter squinted. ‘At least they put me on the bed.’

“Hey, I wasn’t expecting a Pennyworth 2.0 either.”

‘I am not sure if I should be insulted or flattered.”

“At least, he’s a cute version.” The first shifting into a bubbly singsong tone. “I think somebody’s up.”

‘Space please.’ Peter thought as his sight was filled with a pale Gothic blonde with pink and blue pigtails.

She giggled at his discomfort. She was kicking her feet in the air.

‘Is she wearing a cat costume?’ Peter saw the glimpses of the second intruder with pointed cat ears.

“Harley…”

“Don’t worry, Kitty-kat.” The named Harley chirped. “You can do whatever in Hunky-Wayne’s office. I wanna to stay with the cute butler.”

“Just don’t kill him or something.” Kitty-kat sounded like she was just done.

“Who me? Nah, that was more of Red’s thing.”

‘Wonderful.’

Peter tried to be subtle about trying to get out from under her. Only for her to hug him.

“And where do you think you’re going?” She was pouting. “We should get to know each other better. Granted we need to keep ya a secret from Pudding.”

‘Pudding?’ Peter felt a bit incredulous.

“He gets so jealous easily. He just might kill ya if he found out.” She put her cheek in her hand, looking pensive. “So, shh. Right? Anyway, are those bandages covering something or they just for looks?”

Peter just blanked out. “Seesh, you’re the silent type, ain’t ya.”

Peter’s phone buzzed with a notification. “What do we have here?”

‘Should have put a lock on that.’ Harley sat up on his chest as she opened the phone. Her fingers flied across the screen.

“Oh, ya’re a Petey. That’s a nice name for a nice face.” She blinked at what she was reading. “Aw, crap. Well, it’s been nice meeting ya, Bandage-man. Maybe when ya in town, I’ll see ya. Nite-night.”

‘Wha-.’

WHAM.

______________________________________________

‘Agh, I’m getting slow in my old age.’ Peter thought wryly. ‘Maybe I’m just a masochistic.’

Alfred readjusted the ice-pack. “Hold it a few moments more. The swelling is almost completely down.”

Alfred, content with Peter’s progress, patted his hand as he left. “I need to check on Miss Stephanie and Miss Cass. “

Tim, arm in sling, sipped a large mug of java. “Either you are the luckiest man alive, Mr. Parker, or the unluckiest. Can’t decide.”

Peter gave a deadpan glare. Tim jiggled the tablet he tucked into his sling with a shit-eating grin.

“I mean the footage caught them downing you and drag you in. Then fifteen minutes later, Catwoman exits but Harley Quinn stays for longer. And we find you in the bed, tied up. Kinky.”

Peter considered his options but Jason beat it to him.

“OW.” Tim nearly dropped his precious coffee.

“Oops, my hand slipped.” Jason deadpanned. “They didn’t do anything else to you, did they?”

Peter frowned, tilting his head so the ice pack stayed while he gestured. [Card girl talk.]

“I bet.” Tim muttered as he put his mug on the island. “OWCH.”

“Next time, you pair up with Damian.” Jason snagged the empty mug to dump in the sink. “You and Dick are a horrible combination.”

“What?” Tim exclaimed. “Please don’t! I’ll -”

Peter’s sixth sense didn’t overload him like it had earlier but it rose to a dull roar. Peter turned as the two boys fell silent. Wayne stood, emanating predatory energy and only a bandaged first. Peter stood up, allowing the ice bag to land on the table. Peter watched warily as Wayne scanned the room.

Wayne’s eyes landed on Peter. Peter found himself dwarfed in Wayne’s shadow. Wayne’s eyes seemed to harden impossibly harder as he lingered on the rapidly yellow-green on Peter’s face.

Wayne breathed in deeply once, twice. Peter thought for a split second he heard a rumble.

Something vaguely familiar tickled Peter’s mind.

‘Deja vu and I need to have a talk soon.’ Peter mused as he meet Wayne’s eyes evenly.

“Hey, Old Man, how’s Damian?”

Wayne blinked and just like that, his eyes softened back into a summer sky. For a second, Wayne seemed confused but he masked it. Had Peter not been watching, he’d miss it. Wayne moved to pick up a fresh coffee. Tim was typing on his phone, like he received a new text.

“The head wound looked worse than it was. Fox patched him up.”

Peter hid his clenched fists behind his back. ‘Looks like he ain’t hiding his secret anymore.’

“You ready for my report.” Jason asked mildly despite the tension in his jaw.

Wayne’s eyes drifted back to Peter before agreeing. Peter only relaxed when he heard them enter Wayne’s office. Tim grabbed Peter’s arm.

[Thing wrong.]

“Yeah, I agree.” Tim said very softly. “I’m not sure what’s going on with Bruce but I’ve already asked Barbara. I think it might be safer if you stayed with her for a few days.”

Peter raised his hand to sign but Tim shook his head sharply.

“It's triggered by you. Whatever this is, it only occurs when you’re around. I’ve been watching the footage.”

‘And if it’s because I’m a meta-human and older…’ Peter fretted.

[D-U-K-E?]

Tim’s brow furrowed before clearing. “Don’t worry. If it’s based on THAT, one of the people coming to help definitely keep his attention.”

______________________________________________

Peter never even made it down the front steps of the manor an hour later. Even before Barbara gasped the beginning of a warning, Peter twisted to dodge the tackle. Wayne’s eyes were trailing glowing blue light and the snarl he gave emphasized fangs as the man twirled around.

‘Shit.’ Peter finally recalled what was going on. ‘You’re an idiot, Peter.’

Peter gave up the pretense of hiding what he could do. As Wayne got closer, Peter used Wayne’s momentum into a flipping kick. Wayne landed in the fountain in the drive.

“NO WAY.” Peter heard Duke exclaimed.

Peter barely flipped upright when Wayne was already closing the gap. Wayne to Peter’s trained sense was beginning to leak magic.

‘Wonderful. What type of demon is this?’

Wayne lunged and kicked out. Peter pirouetted to avoid it, only to have to dodge the next. He glimpsed that Duke (who was fricking flying, of all things) had gotten Barbara out of the damage zone. Right, the wall.

‘Not this again.’ This time Peter launched himself straight up to avoid the broader man from boxing him in. He used the back of Wayne’s head as he descended down to launch himself further away. Admittedly the thud Wayne’s head made against the wall was satisfying. A glance back had him groaning.

‘Alfred wasn’t kidding about him being hard-headed.’

Wayne was fricking smiling as if this was exciting. Peter watched warily from his new perch on a lamppost. Wayne stalked in a wide half-circle.

‘Damn it.’ Peter didn’t let the older man out of sight. ‘He’s trying to keep me here.’

Wayne took a step forward towards Peter, only to be forced back by a bullet. Wayne turned, snarling at the interloper. Jason, head bleeding, held a sniper weapon trained on Wayne as the teenager walked down the stairs.. The rest were positioned defensively around the door. Even Alfred held out his shotgun.

‘Shit had gone sideways in Dunnage.’ Peter’s grip dented the pole.

“Back off, B.”

“No.” Came the guttural response.

Peter, unable to dull the sense in time, was blinded by the magic flare of teleportation. However the meaty thud and Jason’s resulting groan told Peter the story he needed to know.

“Do not interfere.” Wayne barked as he tossed Jason back up the stairs.

‘Come on, it’s not like he’s giving you time to get any seals drawn out.’ Peter’s mind raced.

Peter dodged – barely when Wayne appeared from behind. A few glancing blows didn’t faze the older man.

‘Good news, folks, I’m readjusting. Bad news. He’s getting quick.’ Peter lamented as he was driven back towards the manor.

Peter undershot his flip and ended up with a punch that took the air out of his lungs. Wayne, eyes gone full on cat-like, wrapped his arms like steel around Peter. They both looked eyes. Wayne leaned slightly closer.

“Hello, little mage.”

‘Wa?’ Panic rose up as Peter’s upper functions shut down.

“Am I interrupting?” Someone causally spoke as they floated down right next to them.

In half of a breath, Wayne released him on an account of a punch to the jaw.

‘Get out. Get out, getout, getout. Gogogogogogogogogo.’

Peter fled into the gardens.

Scrambling into the better-than-nothing safety of the topiaries.

Through the orchard.

Falling off the edge of the terrace and into the pastures.

Shade, darkness.

Hide. Hide.

Shhh.

When the panic subsided, Peter found himself cocooned in the corner of the barn. He could hear Alfred the cat mewing at him, Titus whining, and the cow restlessly pacing.

Peter stared at his reddened wrists and began to laugh. And laugh until the tears started.

‘Guess I didn’t actually need the shooter after all.’ He tilted his head so he rested against the back of the cocoon.

“Oh shit.” Duke’s voice woke Peter out of his exhausted doze. “What the hell is that?”

Peter could sense Alfred the cat brushing up against an exterior support

“It’s Peter.” Damian said matter-of-factually. “The tracker leads to here.”

“How are going to get him out?” Duke questioned.

Peter tiredly rolled his eyes. Reaching out, he ripped open the cocoon at little too much and dumped himself onto the loft. He grunted.

Damian helped him up to his feet. Duke stared at the slowly dissolving web. Peter couldn’t find the words to reassure the boys. The panic had drained him completely.

As such, he could be forgiven when exactly he was given the last piece of the Wayne family’s secret for his reaction.

As they rounded the front of the manor, Wayne was sitting on the steps. Wrapped in a blanket, Wayne looked as drained as Peter felt. Jason, at least sitting up and alert, grumbled at Alfred tending to his injuries. Cass and Stephanie were chatting with Barbara. A dark-haired woman in a stage magician costume was talking with Dick dressed in a dark body suit and mask.

‘Eh? Dick in a body suit…’

Peter looked at the four other people talking to Wayne. Superman. Wonder Woman. The Flash. Green Lantern. He had seen them from time to time on the news when he was able to catch it, in papers, and more recently on the internet. Wayne was the first to look up. Peter’s body finally gave out.

‘Holy shit. Batman.’

[noodles-and-tea]

They’re fighting over custody 😔

[kurogxrix]

me when the READER in the X READER has a name:

like babe the fic ate but i do NOT look like an Aurora🙁

[robinismywifesworld]

Why are all the 'x reader' fics I see mostly smuts? Don't get me wrong, they're great and all but I barely see any fluff or angst around here. I literally just want to feel things without the character lusting over the reader 😭

[alixandra-multifandom-version]

Writing fanfiction isn't enough anymore I need that character to kiss me breathless