#Personally I love her and SHE DESERVED BETTER

[thewoollyviking]

I’m of two minds about this…

Yes, I agree it would be jarring for Steven to line the Diamonds up against a firing squad and have them executed.

Yes, it’s better to let them live if they can undo a lot of the damage they had done…

However, there is one notable harm that they have done that the show makes clear they cannot undo. And that is the abusive and neglectful treatment of Rose.

And this isn’t just me showing my Rose bias or being pedantic. Their mistreatment of Rose directly led her to most of the conflicts in this show.

They infantilized her and treated her like less of a person partly for not having a colony where they had several. So Rose wanted a colony.

They told Rose that Earth was her planet. That it belonged to her. But then turned around and told her she had no authority to stop the colonization peacefully. So Rose went to war.

Rose faked her shattering, believing the Diamonds cared so little about her that her death wouldn’t matter and that it would finally drive Homeworld away to end the war…

And then they corrupted all but three gems across Earth in an act of pure spite and grief.

After damn near 6000 years, Rose believed that Homeworld and the Diamonds all but completely forgot about her and Earth and was certain Steven and the rest of her family would never have to deal with them…

And, well, we know how she was wrong there…

They made Rose believe she was worthless and awful. In White’s own words “the part of me that I always have to hide”. The reason why Rose grew up such a guarded, broken mess of a gem who never felt like she could be open and honest with anyone.

Rose’s demons were placed in her head by the Diamonds.

Rose is gone, and more importantly gone FOREVER because of them.

And yet… after season 5 that revelation doesn’t seem to bother them? If anything the death of Rose is brushed aside so they can beg Steven to come live with them. And Steven in turn feels he HAS to be cordial with them.

The Diamonds seemingly learned nothing and have not suffered after realizing the family member they mourned wasn’t murdered, but instead ran away from them because of how awful they were to her.

But meanwhile for Rose, it’s as if everything she had ever done to try and crawl her way out of the pit of fucking misery she was born into didn’t matter.

At best, all the people she ever loved and cared about become deeply uncomfortable whenever her name is brought up in casual conversation. And at worst, as we see with Steven, they can’t even stand to look at her anymore.

Meanwhile, Steven and the others are making sure to be extra patient with the Diamonds as they take on the role quirky space grandmas

This is what I mean when I say that post season 5, consequences only exist if your name is Rose Quartz.

Why does Rose have to settle for the ending where everything good she did ultimately doesn’t matter, her own son regularly tap dances and spits on her grave. And her own family is all too eager to shove her in a closet and forget she ever existed…

But the people who abused her, who did such an awful job raising her that she was willing to fight a war partly so she could finally get away from them… we apparently need to be patient with and give them the benefit of the doubt.

Fuck. That.

The Diamonds may not deserve to die, but they sure as fuck deserve to suffer for the wrongs they inflicted on Rose alone.

They do not deserve the comforting lie that they could ever be good people if the show is already so quickly to condemn Rose.

Sometimes I think about how and why some people had such a *bad* reaction to the end of Steven Universe, specifically in regards to the Diamonds living.

Even though they no longer are causing harm to others and are able to actually undo some of their previous harm by living, some folks reacted as though this ending was somehow morally suspect. Morally bankrupt, even.

And I think it might be because so many of us were raised on a very specific kind of kids media trope:

They all fall to their deaths.

Disney loves chucking their bad guys off cliffs. And it makes sense- in a moral framework where villains *must* be punished (regardless of whether their death will actually prevent further harm or not), but killing of any kind is morally bad for the hero, the narrative must find a way to kill the villain without the protagonists doing a murder.

It's a moral assumption that a person can *deserve* to die, that it is cosmically just for them to die, that them dying is evidence that the story itself is morally good and correct. Scar *deserves* to die, but it would be bad for Simba to kill him. So....cliff. (edit: yes, cliff then hyenas. But cliff first. Lol.)

Steven Universe, whatever else it's faults, took a step back and said "but if killing people is bad, then people dying is bad", and instead of dropping White Diamond off a cliff, asked "what would actual *restorative*, not punitive, justice look like? What would actual reparations mean here? If the goal is to heal, not just to punish, how do we handle those who have done harm?" And then did that.

Which I think is interesting, and that there was pushback against it is interesting.

It also reminds me of the folks who get very weird about Aang not killing Ozai at the end of Avatar. And like, Ozai still gets chucked in prison, so it doesn't even push back on our cultural ideas of punitive justice *that much.* and still, I've seen people get real mad that the child monk who is the last survivor of a genocide that wiped out his entire pacifist culture didn't do a murder.

[genderqueerdykes]

TW: Transphobia, intentional misgendering/mentions of abuse, gaslighting, and generally gross behavior. You asked for experiences from transmasc people, so, here I am. I'm a transmasc person. Still figuring out what kind of person that is, but... I'm transmasc, which is what matters here. I've been told a LOT of harmful things in the community, both from abusers and from friends(who I no longer talk to). This is my experience. My first real experience with all of this was from a shitty ex, who at that point controlled my life and had identified as bi since he was 12. He denied me the ability to transition (I couldn't drive myself to the doctor and had no money to pay for more than the prescription), saying that I would turn into a monster and break up with him, abuse him, become violent, etc. He pressured me into using she/her pronouns along with he/they. I used genderfluid transmasc at the time as my labels, and he used this as an excuse to proudly call me "his wife in training", saying that because I didn't bind half the time, I was practically a woman. I'm now in therapy because while the term genderfluid fits, I legitimately get panicked when I try to use it because not only did he use it against me, but people used it to... detransify me. De-masc me.

Now, I'm a feminine person in some respects. I like a good accessory and bright colors and cute things. But because I wasn't performing hypermasculinity to become "a true man", people used genderfluid as a term to say "Well, clearly you're fine with female pronouns and terms because you wear earrings/paint your nails, and genderfluid falls in the scale of woman, so I'll just call you woman." People used the term so often to de-transify me, ESPECIALLY in the community.

When out and about, it does not matter if I have he/him or they/them pins on- people, even queer people, CONSISTENTLY read me as transfeminine even though I'm the opposite. I love trans women, but that's not what I am- and to be agressively labeled female by people who mean well and aggressively labeled male in a "you're just a monster masquerading as a female" way from strangers who are transphobic feels like absolute dogshit.

I'm nervous about top surgery sometime this year or next year. I want to keep a little bit of my chest, because I'm a larger person- but I'm legitimately worried my doctor will go against my wishes and give me a bird chest or carve out too much. I want top surgery not only because it will make me feel more like myself, but because my stupid chest is what EVERYONE points to- queer or non- and says that "but you have that, shouldn't you enjoy it?"

Being labeled a faker, a potential monster in the making, as someone who's just confused, and worst of all, being labeled as someone who didn't know what my own label meant... it's worn me down. I'm not sure what to do with myself, and am in gender therapy to unpack the trauma of what other people have placed onto me, both queer and cishet alike. I have quite a few understanding, loving friends in the community- but there have been just as many people who haven't understood and try to fit me into a box until I bled.

This stuff isn't just "oh silly transmasc! That's part of the experience! You just have to deal with it!" I don't, actually. And I refuse to. I refuse to give up the things I love for other people's assumptions of my body, label or identity. Even if it hurts to fight back, I'm tired of letting transphobes inside and outside our community harm me based on what THEY think I should be. This is my story. Sorry if it's bleak, but... that's the truth. I hope it helps others see that blaming us for all the harm the community faces, and making us into your blank dolls to play with, breaks us. It's awful. Please, treat us better. We deserve better. We always have.

Thank you for letting us share our stories.

thank you for taking the time to type this out and share, i really appreciate it. this is very insightful and important. i can't believe how awful people are to you. that shouldn't be happening. i don't want to take away from your story so i'll keep it brief

people, even queer people, CONSISTENTLY read me as transfeminine even though I'm the opposite. I love trans women, but that's not what I am- and to be agressively labeled female by people who mean well and aggressively labeled male in a "you're just a monster masquerading as a female" way from strangers who are transphobic feels like absolute dogshit.

this happens so often. this is what i mean when i say that trans men and mascs are also affected by transmisogyny. many people mistake trans men and mascs for trans women and transfems. it's a real thing and we need to acknowledge it.

[nestaians]

repeat after me: just because a man is seen to be a good, kind person by people, his family, does not mean he can’t be terrible or abusive to someone else

cassian is seen as a good person by feyre, by inner circle, they see him as a “good, kind hearted male” when;

cassian has constantly invaded nesta’s boundaries and harassed her

he has done it from their first meeting, back when she was human

nesta has repeatedly made it clear she does not want to be around him

“leave me alone” he does not

cassian has constantly refused to listen to nesta’s wants and needs

“i don’t want anything from you”

when she talks of how wants her ceremony and he thinks of his family’s opinions first

when she says to not call her with that nickname

cassian has constantly stalked nesta and been possessive over her

cassian has constantly pushed nesta’s buttons

because he sees interacting with her as a game rather than talking to her like a normal person

cassian has constantly said nasty stuff to nesta

“i don’t understand why your sisters love you”

“not eating won’t bring your father back”

the shackled line

cassian constantly reminds nesta of things he believes are her wrongdoing

feyre hunting

cassian has constantly pushed nesta to her breaking point

the nasty comments

the hike

cassian has constantly made what happened to or what nesta does about himself

when cassian learns of what tomas did

nesta rejects him and he thinks it’s because of his upbringing

nesta opens up and talks about her childhood and he thinks that’s what she wants, a prince and makes it’s about his own upbringing

cassian has constantly tried to make nesta do things she doesn’t want nor asked about nor consent to

accept his presence

be train her to be a warrior

to make weapons and be used to win wars for rhysand

be nicer to feyre for feyre

be a part of his family

cassian has constantly let nesta down

his promises to protect her

his promises to keep her safe

him agreeing to lock her up in HoW

him laughing at her when she falls down the stairs and is hurt

him putting mor first

him sucking rhysand’s dick and not standing up for nesta when his precious high lord wants to use nesta as a weapon or worse wants her dead, instead cassian punishes her

him never saying anything to stop his family from making jokes or comments about nesta -it’s worse when u remember she has opened up to him about herself

him never standing up for nesta

him never putting nesta first

but it’s poor cassian, right? nesta was mean to him, didn’t accept his gift and broke his heart🥺

“nesta does not deserve cassian” and that i agree with, because these people are right, she does not

she deserves better

why is it okay for nesta to apologise to cassian for her having boundaries?

why is it okay for nesta to be gaslighted into believing she was in wrong?

why is it okay for nesta to think she has to earn cassian and others love after being with him?

what about cassian sexualising her when she was unhealthy?

where does cassian having sex with nesta while being her main caretaker for her recover from drinking, fucking and her trauma and her being a vulnerable emotional state come into this? it’s called taking an advantage

how is nessian not an abusive relationship?

nesta deserves a better mate, a good partner and a healthy romantic relationship where she can feel safe and be truly happy

like she has with valkyries

but it’s never going to happen with cassian bc cassian does not love nesta, he does not even like her for who she is nor sees her as her own person -like inner circle

inner circle as a whole are abusive towards nesta

cassian loves the idea of nesta, a strong proud queen, and having a mate for “someone like him” (his words, not mine) aka he has a lot of unresolved issues and he projects them onto nesta

nesta was abused as a child, then neglected and let down by her father, then sa again and again (tomas, the cauldron, etc) and now is in a toxic environment, forced to be apart of a toxic family where no one actually is there for her and is stuck with a man who does not actually love her

free her!

to summarise: cassian may be a good, kind and perfect male in the eyes of his family, but he is abusive towards nesta. men like that exist IRL

[ainnur]

we know you like celestialchaos (Wukong/Xiangliu) and divorced shadowpeach (where Macaque is the pathetic ex) but do you have any other LMK ships?

with or without Wukong, doesn’t matter

I DO!! Im a semi multishipper so I have few ships I like and some of them a pretty rare but I'll explain why I like them in simple way.

Start with my third favorite:

StableBoy (Ao Lie/Wukong)

To me this ship just a cute one. It match my hc that Ao Lie being the first person Wukong ever open up to after all the shit he been through because Wukong loves horses lol. And Ao lie is one of the persons that see Wukong grow to be better. I can see it as first ever heathy relationship Wukong ever have. Also Ao Lie the first person he ever truly trusted always listening to what he says. Ao Lie is Wukong's light.

OTHER SHIPS 👇🏼👇🏼

GoldenDragon (Mk/Mei)

Best friend to lover trope. They is two people that would say "If we single when we 27, we just marry each other" and the keep their dynamic. Plus they always be their for each other and match each other energy. They know each other the best and I like that about them. And when I first watched lmk I actually think they were dating or something lol. Im just like the silver and gold brother demon 🥲 sue me. If anything GoldenDragon is not parelle with Shadowpeach but StableBoy.

FreeNoddle (Tang/Pigsy)

Old married couple for the win✨ I just like how they lovingly fight with each other but comfort each other when needed.

LionPeach (Azure/Wukong)

This really giving love at first sight 😭I mean what is this. Look I like them because they cute. Azure admire Wukong and see him as great warrior, a bother, the King! Little bit too much its unhealthy. And Wukong have all his trust and having same gold as him and that is making the world a better place. But because his admiration, he blame Wukong for failing. For not achieving what he expect of Wukong to be. He also think what he doing is right. But even everything he never wanted to hurt anyone deep down and he made mistakes and redeemed himself with his life despite everything he loved his friends and they all loved him. Just look at Wukong when Azure die. And after everyting Wukong still care about him in a way.

Shadowpuppet (Not Mayor/Macaque)

Petty rival that somehow get together lol. I like them both being shitty to each other but cant leave each other side because they only have each other 🥲.

DestinyBone (Mayor/Lady Bone Demon)

One side love. Mayor do everything for LBD while her only focus on her destiny. Everything he do is for her but now she gone...he is nothing.

PuppetPeach (Wukong/Mayor)

Toxic yuri- okay look I have this idea for them with Mayor try to find someone else to serve after LBD is gone. At first Mayor dont like Wukong because you know, Wukong is the one make him realize that LBD never actually need him. But when fighting with Wukong he remember something. The warm that Wukong left him. It also cold when come to lbd and that how he like it but this warm feel strange to him. After some stalking he see Wukong as the leader, as the protector, as the hero and most importantly as a KING. Someone who deserve to be serve. I made a fanfic once about them HERE

StringDoll (Spider Queen/Lady Bone Demon)

✨Toxic Yuri for real ✨No explainition just them

IronBull (PIF/DBK)

Vilain power couple ✨. They may be a shit parents to Red Son but damn they're THAT couple. They just good with each other. I like how dbk defend PIF by saying that PIF can handle herself because she is a strong women but still worry about her because THAT his wife, he have right to be worry. And PIF? She loyal for him. 500 years finding way to free her husband from mountain. *Ehem* Take note Macaque *Ehem*. PIF would rush to her husband always. Just like when Azure attack DBK and his family, PIF quickly rush and jump infront of her husband wanting to protect him. I was like damn, you go girl ✨They either be good parents or good couple. They made their decision lol.

GoldenFeather (Peng/Wukong)

Okay I like this ship because my friend @starrclown make me ship theme with their cute fanfic. But I still have my own idea for them. I like them in 2 way

1)Peng having a casual crush on Wukong. Its never anything big. Peng just think Wukong is funny and chaotic. Peng love 'chaos' anyway and without it they think it be boring. Peng know that Wukong never actually like anyone and is fine by that. If Wukong like them back it be awasome but if Wukong dont Peng will be just find.

2) Peng have crush on Macaque😬. Hate crush but still crush. The thing is that Mac is a simp for Wukong and Peng just don't get it. He just don't get what so good about Wukong that got Macaque drolling like that. Peng being curious and also don't want seem as coward like Macaque ask Wukong for a "night" just to have the taste. Now he understand Macaque and wanting Wukong

Also Peng might be more important to Wukong consider he is one of first ink from Wukong scroll that show up and the first one to attack

This is OC x Canon:

ToxicPeach (Steve/Wukong)

Okay this is crack ship that me and my friend @halfdeadhalfpaniced made with random character we call Steve. But more time pass I kinda like the ship. Steve the wanna rockstar fall in love with the Monkey King himself. Wukong is questioning why he like that loser lol

[letsgobarbs]

I wanted to comment as soon as I had read it but I was too busy bouncing off the walls of my home, you know just the average girl dinner reaction.

“then he will wrap his big strong arms around you, and squeeze until he can feel your ribs snap.” 

Uuuhhh that’s a real intimate way to kill someone Joel, you sure it ends in reader’s my death? Hmmmm, keep telling yourself that. I was literally so gagged when the reader duct taped the remote to her own hand. I was like we didn’t know we had a genius among us.

I’m growing OBSESSED with Joel’s voices. At least, someone loves us out here. 

Give’er a lil kiss.

YEAH GIVE ME A SMOOCHIE SMOOCH.

I was so sad that we almost got shot man Joel better be very fucking grateful AND a twisted ankle for his stupid jerky. 

UGH and the flashback fucking killed me. I was so heartbroken for her, I knew something bad was there in the past because it was hinted in Part 1 but knowing her brother was in on it somehow was shit shit shit. 

We’re really committed to mister-man, forgetting the pain in the ankles when he’s all sad and depressed. 

PUDDIN’. Because every Disney princess deserves a pet sidekick even the crazy ones. And I love how smart it was hahahaha playing dead when she was having a moment. 

“Skin peels back like overripe fruit.”

Uh yuck but apt. 

Ugh this was all Joel’s fault really man why’d you have to insist on meat???

“Joel would beat your face bloody,” WITH KISSES

“and bludgeon your chest in until it caved” WITH LOVE

“What’s that? Fresh meat finally—”

STOP BEING OBSESSED WITH MEAT THAT’S OUR PET.

OBSESSED OBSESSED OBSESSED with Joel’s inner voice. At least SOMEONE is honest around here. 

You are in fact insane, but he made you stop crying.

sigh dream man, honestly. It’s all a girl could want.

“Joel’s blood runs cold like ice… who the fuck are you talking to? Or about?”

bitch YOU! Ya think she’s gonna kill her pet? Naw.

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” you say softly, finally meeting his stare head-on. “I just wanna feel normal again…” Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Yeah Sug, keep that to ya’self. You feel ashamed, real shame, uncomfortable for sharing too much, and now the voices are agreeing with each other? That’s never a good sign. You’ve done something wrong.

Fucking teared up at that bit. We have done no wrong. EVER. She deserves to feel normal, no shame and discomfort in that. 

Look'it that, ya went'n made her cry! For what!? She's just trynna be nice t'ya! Jus' like she said. She wants a lil boyfriend, someone t'snuggle up with at night-- like a normal person!

YES YES YES. Listen to the voices inside your head Joel. Is it wrong for me to be so fucking excited for Joel to learn about her past? Because I am. I am SO fucking excited for it. I want him to lose his absolute shit. 

Ya’ want that sad lil puppy t’come over here, dont’chya?” He does, oddly enough. You being crazy was better than you giving him the cold shoulder, like he wasn't even there.

JUST GIVE INNNN. Admit you want us so badd.

It’s ‘cause you don’t wanna kill ‘er. Ya’ wanna be deep inside that tight, wet, warm perfect hole.

AKDFSLGNSRKLAWNIRJGBAWOGEJFAWL wow give it up for mister honesty here. 

like Joel’s played some terrible prank on you and you just found out.

My heart fucking clenched. I feel so bad for us.  

“Ya' wanna be m'crazy girl? Like Harley Quinn?” 

FROTHING AT THE MOUTH YES.

Never would I have imagined we would have the most delicious sex with oven mitts on. PERFECT fucking chapter, so scrumptious. 

Part 2- Cave In

Series Masterlist | Part 1

Summary: After the civilized world you once knew came to an end-- the men that survived... well they just take, take, take. Growing tired of having things taken from you-- you have a hankerin' to take somethin' for yourself... and make him perfect.

content warnings: Reader (no descriptions besides having hair that can be pulled) is in a weird mindset; hears voices, talks to herself. non-con/dub-con (if you're looking for enthusiastic consent, ya wont find it here) smut, cock-warming, unprotected P in V, creampies, oral (m&f receiving), rough sex, dirty talk, pussy and peen pronouns, alcohol consumption (altered mental state). Joel wears a shock collar and other various horrible things that would keep him in check-- and he doesn't fucking like it.

Reader warning- flashbacks of readers graphic and sad past!!!

While it looks real pretty, this is a Dead Dove, Do Not Eat. If ya do and then come complaining to me that you ate a dead dove-- I'm gonna fight you. I warned you!

Joel’s mind drifts off to the days and nights he spent teaching Ellie how to play guitar– watching her learn, grow more confident in the way she held the instrument. Then hearing her play her first song is one of his favorite memories. He wonders what her, Dina and JJ are doing right now. 

He wonders if Tommy and Ellie are looking for him– Joel can’t imagine they wouldn’t be. Not after what they did in Seattle a couple years ago. His daughter and his younger brother would come looking for him, and eventually they’d find him- and rescue him.

The three of them- Joel right alongside them, would kill you in the process, he’d make sure of it. 

That’s all he can think about– being rescued and watching you die as you wrap a second layer of duct tape around the oven mitts on his hands. 

As much as Joel hates you, he can’t deny that you’re resourceful. 

With the shock collar still around his neck, and now, two pairs of oven mitts secured to each of his fists, Joel watches you untie his arms from the chair. 

He is stiff, and misses the fucking sun. Joel just wants to the feel the warmth on his face- but he can’t really even think about that now, he’s thinking of all the ways he’s going to fucking knock you out the minute you crawl into his lap. 

He’ll knock the shock collar remote out of your hand, headbutt you– a real one, he’ll go right for your nose and try and break it– then he will wrap his big strong arms around you, and squeeze until he can feel your ribs snap.

He’s got it all planned out- until he hears the sound of more duct tape ripping, and he wonders what part of him you’re going to tape next. 

Joel watches in horror as you tape the remote to your palm, your thumb gingerly laid across the button that would shock Joel probably into next week. You wrap the tape until Joel can barely see the remote anymore. 

You’re more resourceful than he thought, and that’s terrifying. Joel is almost sixty years old– he’s being outsmarted by some insane woman who lives in a mall in what now is the woods outside of Jackson. 

How did you get here? Where’s the rest of your group or community? Joel hasn’t seen a single other person since he got here, and he hasn’t seen or heard you interact or say you had to go meet up with anyone since he’s been here. 

There is no way you’re surviving out here all on your own on peanut butter, raspberries and whiskey. 

“Let me go,” his voice croaks. “C’mon. Y’don’t really wanna do this.” He’s pleading. He hasn’t fully begged yet, not pathetically– which is what you must want to hear. You wanna hear Joel– the big strong man cry and whine and beg for you to let him go. 

You drop the roll of tape on the floor beside your feet, “Got some rules ya’ gotta follow, Mister.” You ignore Joel, taking an inched step towards him. “Number one is ya’ don’t hit. You don’t hit– I don’t zap ya'. Sound fair?" You don't wait for him to reply. "Good. Glad we're on the same page.”

Joel rolls his eyes and is immediately met with an intense muscle spasm throughout the entire right side of his face, and down his neck. It spreads out over his shoulder and through part of his chest. 

It lasts for only a split second, but it leaves Joel panting, his brow already beaded in sweat from just that short electric shock. 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ– don’t fuckin’--" he starts to warn you with a stern tone and narrow eyes– but he’s greeted by your wet, stare only inches from his. 

Your mouth opens and closes once, twice… three times before any sound comes out. “Stop makin’ me hurt you,” you whine, one single tear falling from the corner of your eye. “I really don’t like hurtin’ ya’-- I don’t wanna do it, so don’t give me reason to, right?” 

Joel glares at you while deep down inside him somewhere his heart twists slightly. 

Awww, look it’er cryin’. Cute lil puppy, alone, out here in the woods–

Joel blinks twice as you crawl into his lap, your soft, warm body pressing against his tentatively, as if you were waiting for him to start fighting you off, to start screaming and shouting at you. 

He wants to so badly, he wants to feel his forehead connect with the bridge of your nose as hard as it can– but it’s like you hypnotized him when you curled up on his lap. 

“Now ya’ wrap your arms ‘round me,” you breathe against Joel’s neck. 

Joel fucking sighs at the feeling, almost wishing you press your lips to the spot directly behind his ear.

Go on, move your arms…

Fuck no! Something is seriously wrong with him, he needs to talk to someone besides you. He knows you’re a bad person; a good person wouldn’t do something like this. 

Joel knows that if he puts his arms around you the way you want him to, he might start squeezing, and keep squeezing regardless of the pain from the electric shock. He’d seize up and wouldn’t be able to let you go, even if he wanted.

That might not be a bad thing though, either Joel would kill you, or you would kill him. It would solve his problem either way– and that was fine because he didn’t want to keep living like this. He couldn’t.

It would drive him fucking insane. He already feels like he is going insane the way he wants to kiss your neck, and suck on the spot where your collarbone ends, and your throat begins.  

C’mon, fuckin’ do it. Ya’ know she wants it, give it to her– make her fuckin’ beg for it first…

Oh fuck, Joel knows that is the unstable part of his brain talking– and he has to shut it out. 

You are Joel’s attacker, his fucking captor– the one keeping him from his family, the one he worked so fucking hard to get back. He might never see them again because of you. He’s thinking of all the ways he could hurt you–to hurt you badly, he wants to see you dead– but all those feelings of anger and hatred flee from his brain when you press the most soft, sweetest, barely-there kiss to his jaw. 

“Thank you,” you murmur, resting your head on his shoulder. The way you sigh and melt into Joel, molding to him, has his head spinning for a whole new reason, and he’s completely fucking sober this time. 

See big feller, ain’t that hard t’just comply.

Joel realizes only then that he has both of his arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close to him, with his cheek resting on your head. 

She ain’t t’bad, right? Smells nice’n sweet, like a pretty lady.

It’s so hard to hate you and want you dead when your soft, sleepy breaths flits across the skin on his neck. 

“I have more movies–” 

“Anything besides the princess movies- please,” Joel sighs, not removing his cheek from your head. “I can’t do the princess movies again, anything else…”

“Do you like Batman?” The action of you lifting your head off his shoulder is the only reason he pulls away from you. “The cartoons?” 

Joel snorts, and nods his head at you. “I do– me ‘n Tom–” Joel stops himself from sharing too much with you for no reason whatsoever, his eyes dropping to your bare thighs. 

It makes his mouth water when he looks at them, even though they’re bruised to hell, with fresh cuts and old scars adorning your supple, and kissable looking skin. 

He can feel you looking at him, waiting for him to finish what he was about to tell you. His eyes flash up to yours when you question him. 

“Who’s Tom? Whatta’bout him?” 

Joel can see your desperation in your face and eyes–they're wide, still slightly wet with the tears from zapping him moments ago. You must want to know so badly, and he decides to use it to his advantage. 

“Get me some meat– anything– n’ I’ll tell ya’.” Joel can’t help but smirk to himself because this is going to work. 

Your eyes light up, and you lean in real close- the tip of your nose pressed against his. “Promise?” 

Joel nods, his eyes locked on to yours, “Promise.” 

Give’er a lil kiss. 

Joel leans forward to do it, but you pull back with your brows furrowed and a scowl on your face. 

“No. Ya’ punched me last time ya’ did that.” You whisper at him, still frowning. 

“Sorry f’that-” Joel starts but you don’t let him finish. 

Your head shakes from side to side quickly, eyes still wide– untrusting, but desperate for something, he’s seen that look before so many times in so many different sets of eyes. After you scramble out of his lap, finding your footing on the floor beside the chair, you look down at him, still frowning. 

“Sorry don’t mean nothin’- not out here it don’t.”

S’okay, Sug. You’ll be fine– Mister-man’s gonna be real thankful. 

“Well he fuckin’ better! I hate gettin’ shot at, I hate havin’ t’fuckin run real fast- I hate that the place is almost three fuckin’ hours awa–” Your eyes fall onto the horizon where the sun is starting to rise just over the mountains in the distance. “Ain’t even get any fuckin’ sleep–”

Oh Sug, it’ll be worth it, he’s gon’ tell you–

Lies. He’s going to tell you lies, and for what!? You almost got shot–

“I know I almost got shot— You don’t think that I know I almost got shot!?” You’re nearly shouting in the woods. “Now both of yous be fuckin’ quiet– m’tired, and I twisted my fuckin’ ankle–”

And it’s the truth, you did twist your ankle when crossing the stream about a mile back, and thankfully the raiders had stopped following you a while ago, but with all the adrenaline it was easy to keep running. That was, until you slipped on those stupid fucking rocks.

It takes you thirty more minutes to get home, and by the time you do everything hurts, and you just want to go to sleep. Your ankle throbs with every tender step you take.

Taking a deep breath, you plaster on a smile and push open the door. "Honey, I'm home," you call out in a sing-song voice, trying to mask all your exhaustion and this fucking pain that won’t quit.

Mister’s already watching for you as you make your way slowly down the stairs. His eyes narrow as his eyes mill across your frame.

You don't look great. Disheveled, torn clothes, scrapes on your hands and knees from when you fell.

"What happened t’ya?"

Oh he’s worried ‘boutchya! Let him help you, honey.

You wave off his question with a limp hand. "Never mind me,” you toss your backpack on the table, the bottles of whiskey clank around inside noisily as you sit down in the metal chair beside Joel’s recliner. “Gotch’yer meat you wanted to fuckin’ bad.” You say, rolling your eyes.

Mister-man looks you up and down. "Y'look like hell," he says, his eyes tracing over the scratches on your arms and legs.

You ignore his words and his wandering eyes and open up your backpack. “I got jerky,” you pull out two large containers of dried meat and set them on the table. “-got bread ‘n more peanut butter— they had jam this time.”

“Who is ‘they’?” Joel asks, his eyes never leaving you even as his arms and wrists begin to twist gently under the restraints.

Embarrassment floods you, it takes over everything that you are, just like it did when you told him you had been watching him for a while. You know what you did was bad, and you shouldn't be stealing or killing-- but you're only doing it for him!

You look at him, with a hollow feeling in your chest that you can't quite place. "They’s just... people," you say quietly. "They don't matter none."

Joel tilts his head, studying you so intently that makes you want to squirm. "Ya’ hurtin’?" he asks, voice rough like sandpaper grating your ear canal.

“Who is Tom?” You avoid all questions about you, and any issues you have because why burden Mister-man? You're not his problem, you want to give him a worry, burden free life here in the mall with you and Puddin'.

Mister watches you very carefully as you pull a slice of jerky out of the container, he’s practically drooling when you place it as his lips. He groans as he begins to chew, and immediately takes another bite before he’s even swallowed the first.

He doesn’t answer— not even after the entire piece of jerky is gone, so you withhold the next piece.

“Who. Is. Tom?” You shift closer to him and wince when your ankle brushes against the leg of the chair.

"Tom... Tommy is my brother." His voice… there's something almost tender in his tone when he says his brother's name.

It feels like someone it clenching your heart in their fist, and they’re fucking squeezing.

"You're my fucking sister!" His voice is so hoarse, raw and desperate. It doesn't even sound like him anymore. "Don't— please, don't fucking do it, I'm sorry-" "You told me sorrys don't mean nothing anymore— not out here they don't!" You shout back at him, the gun in your hand trembles right along with the rest of your body. "You were supposed to t-take c-care of me! You p-promised mom and dad," you sob, your thumb pulls the hammer of the revolver back and your index finger squeezes the trigger. "Hey, HEY!" He holds both of his hands up, a weak attempt to shield himself from whatever is about to happen. Shoot him, kid. He deserves it after what he put you through. He let those guys— The gun just goes off, you don't even feel yourself pull the trigger. All you see is a fine, red mist explodes from his forehead and the back of his skull— and then everything is quiet, everything is calm. Good job, Sugar. I'm so fucking proud of you.

That was the first time you ever heard the light voice, the sweet voice that says nice things to you.

And m'gonna be here for ya' forever, Sug.

“I know,” you sigh.

Mister blinks at you, “You know Tommy?”

You blink back at him, “No?”

The silence stretches between you, thick and heavy like the evening air at the end of the summer. Joel watches you, his eyes darting between your face and the jerky still in your hand. “Okay…”

“Did Tommy like Batman?” If Tommy likes or liked Batman or anything about that universe at all, he’s an okay guy in your book.

“He likes Superman,” Joel chuckles when he delivers the news. “I’m the one who likes Batman.”

You audibly gasp, “You like the comics and the cartoons?”

Joel's lips twitch at the corners, almost forming what looks like a smile. "Used to read 'em with Tommy when we was kids. " His eyes fill with sadness.

You lean forward, tilting your head to the side in curiosity. "Why’re y’sad?" you whisper, the pain in your ankle momentarily forgotten.

"I ain’t sad," Mister-man is gruff. "Tommy and I used to collect comics, argued about who was cooler. Obviously Batman, 'cause he ain't got no superpowers. Just pure skill. Tommy thought Superman was better."

“Both of ‘em suck— I just like Harley Quinn,” you nod.

You were going to say more but the very faint sound of clicking ticks in your ears. It’s far enough away that you can get upstairs and drop the metal gate that locks the store up nice and tight.

It’s never fun, and you don’t like having to do it— but thankfully you just made a haul, so you’ll be good for a couple day.

You just hope Puddin’ is okay. Ya' saw him yesterday, but he didn't sleep in the big bed with ya' like he normally would.

“Har—” Mister-man starts, oblivious to the terrors that are lurking just above your head.

“Shhhhhh,” you hold your finger up to your mouth and furrow your eyebrows at him. “Stay quiet ‘n I’ll give ya’ some more jerky, okay?” You whisper almost silently.

He nods and stays quiet because he knows how scary those fucking things are, and he probably doesn’t want to be tied to a chair if one every came around.

Standing up feels like a pack of sparklers— like the ones they used to have at the 4th of July parties when you were a kid, before all this— it feels like those, popping and sizzling up your leg. You have to bite back a moan as your body leans against the table for support. The table skids across the floor noisily as you hold yourself up on it and it makes your blood run cold.

You have to get up those stairs and drop that gate, Sug. Mister is countin’ on you…

It’s like time freezes and all you can picture is poor Mister getting torn apart.

You hesitate listening intently. The clicking grows louder, a sickening, bone-chilling sound that echoes through the abandoned mall. Your twisted ankle throbs, but adrenaline starts pumping through your veins.

“Gotta move, sweetheart.” He must have heard the clicking this time too. Joel’s whispering voice is even and calm even though your chest feels like it could cave in on itself, your ribs feel like they could explode inward towards your lungs like sending shattered bone fragments hurdling towards your delicate, soft insides. “Y’can do it. I know it hurts—”

The metal gate. Everything around you goes silent, and the only thing you can hear is the sound the gate makes when it closes and locks into the floor. You have to get to the metal gate.

You clutch the railing with a white knuckle grip and pull yourself up the stairs two at a time, biting almost completely through your bottom lip, grunting with each painful step.

The clicking is clearer, and closer now that you’re on the same level as the infected, and you can tell there is more than one, and they’re moving fast.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” you hiss as you limp towards the entrance of the store.

As you reach it, you can see the seven infected closing in fast. Your sweet, sweet Puddin’ is hauling ass towards you— the infected right on his little, scaly tail.

“C’mon Pud,” you whine, dropping the gate down for just enough room for him to run through, and possibly let one of the infected in if you weren’t quick enough closing it behind him.. “C’mon Puddin’!”

It’s like your words spur him on and his little legs kick into overdrive. He slips under the metal gate just as the infected slam into it, throwing you off your balance. You’re thrown back at least three feet, and watch in horror as the gate starts to rise on its own.

Move kiddo, come on! Get your ass up and fucking shut that gate!

Your body screams in protest as you scramble across the floor, your twisted ankle sending sharp bolts of pain through your leg.

Puddin' is playing dead right behind you, but you don't have time to think about him right now. He's safe and inside, that's all that matters. The gate keeps rising, inch by torturous inch, and the infected are pushing against it with stupid inhuman strength!

"No, no, no," you mutter, pushing through the pain. The clicking grows louder, more frenzied, as the first infected begins to squeeze its misshapen head underneath the rising gate.

Pulling the knife from your belt in one hand, you bring it down into the skull of the infected trying to slip through, and with the other, your fingers grapple for a hold on the handle of the metal grate.

The infected skull cracks open with a sickeningly wet crunch, dark blood and gray matter splattering across the floor.

Your hand finally grips the smooth metal tightly, even though now your palm is nearly dripping with sweat, and with a grunt that feels like it's being stolen right out of your lungs, you pull down with all the strength you have left inside of you.

The gate comes down with a crash that echoes throughout the mall, the infected on the other side of the gate screech and squeal loudly. Some of them stick their arms through the slots, and their skin peels back like overripe fruit, claws scraping desperately for any piece of you they can reach.

You don't even want to think about how grotesque they are, you flip the lock that secures the gate to the floor as their fingers grapple and scratch deep into your skin. It clicks into place and you finally exhale, not realizing you had been holding your breath.

So fuckin’ proud of you, Sug. Knew you could do it.

The shrieking cries of the infected fill the otherwise silent mall and the confined space you’re now trapped in. You can't help but glance back toward Puddin'—the little white and gray furball who is still playing dead.

“S’okay, we’re safe,” you sigh, letting yourself rest on your elbows and then on your back completely. You stare at the ceiling, and wonder how long the infected will stick around.

The sounds coming from right above Joel has his heart racing, and he’s trying to free himself from his restraints harder and more desperate than ever before.

With a roar of determination, uncaring of the dangers above him, he jerks one arm up and then down. It’s not enough; he can still feel them biting into his skin painfully, creating new rope burns.

“C’mon, c’mon!” he grunts as time stretches into an eternity. The picture of you being shredded by gnawing and gnashing teeth makes his stomach churn.

Just as that thought creeps in, he hears a metallic rattling, but the wailing of the infected are still clear as day.

The clang of metal echoes again, and for a moment, he thinks maybe you did it. Maybe you’ve locked them out. Maybe you just signed yours and his death certificates and locked some of them in the store.

He tries to twist his wrists again, then again, but each movement sends sharp, stinging pain surging up his forearms. “Fuck!” He exclaims loudly.

She’s up there, fightin’ them off all alone—

"I know, dammit.” His jaw is tense and he focuses all of his energy on trying to loosen the ropes enough, or rub them against the metal fame to fray it enough so he can snap them. The strain builds in his muscles, and he can feel the ropes biting deeper, but he can’t stop— the feeling inside him brings him right back to the hospital in Salt Lake when he was looking for Ellie.

He thought he had felt helpless then, he thought he had felt helpless when that girl and her group of friends had trapped him and Tommy in that cabin— but now he knows the true definition of despair. Tied to a chair, listening to you getting torn apart right above him, and then he’ll have to watch those infected come to tear his throat out.

The door to the basement opens slowly, and Joel’s heart almost stops beating completely. Bile rises in his throat at the uneven steps that start down the wooden steps. It’s a slow, clumsy sound accompanied by grunts and pained whimpers.

When your boots come into his line of sight, he exhales loudly. The sight of you, safe and still breathing sends a warmth through Joel’s spine that spreads into the rest of his body and he’s not sure why.

Awe shit, she’s hurtin’ real bad.

Joel fucking knows, he can see it with his own two eyes. You’re limping, worse than you were went you bolted upstairs and now you’re covered in fresh wounds, and blood trickles down your left forearm, wrist and fingertips, leaving little droplets in your wake. Your cradling something dead and furry in your right arm.

“Ya’ get bit?” Joel’s skin prickles as he asks, trying to get a better look at your arm, straining to see in the dim light.

“Naw,” you grunt at him, sitting in the chair you had been sitting in before you had run upstairs. “Just got scratched.”

Joel eyes you, unsure if he can believe you while you extend your left arm and show him the deep gouging scratches carved into your flesh. “S’bad,” Joel murmurs as you press your arm against your dirty jeans. He flinches at the sight, and turns his arms under the ropes.

What’chya wanna do? Hit her or help her?

Both? Joel synchronously wants to do both. He wants to lay you down on the mattress across the room and tend to your wounds. He wants to wash the blood of your skin, and wrap you up— watch your eyes glisten and sparkle as he cares for you. And then Joel would beat your face bloody, and bludgeon your chest in until it caved.

“M’fine,” you offer weakly. “Ain’t the worst that’s ever happened t’me.”

Somewhere deep inside of Joel twists painfully when the inflection in your tone tells him you think that’s true.

“How’s your ankle?” Joel doesn’t bother looking, he knows it’s bad by the way you limped down the stairs.

“Said m’fine,” you grumble, setting the dead animal down on the table very gently next to the shock collar remote.

“What’s that? Fresh meat finally—”

Joel doesn’t even see it coming, your hand moves so fast and the next thing he knows he is being zapped into silence.

“Ain’t fuckin’ fresh meat- you don’t ever speak about Puddin’ that way, ya’ hear me?” You zap Joel the entire time you’re speaking, and he can barely hear you over the screaming between his ears. It’s deafening and blinding, and making him feel fucking stupid.

“Fine fine.” Joel grits out through a jaw clenched so tight he might actually break his teeth.

You flick the remote off and toss it on the table as if it’s too hot to touch any longer. The buzzing in Joel's ears fades slightly, leaving only the thudding of his heart and the rasp of his breathing.

“I fuckin’ hate hurtin’ you,” you sob softly, wrapping your arms around what appears to be an opossum. You pull it closer to you, and nuzzle your face against his fur.

Joel recoils at the sight, but watches as the dead animal comes to life, and gives your cheek a gentle lick. “That’s your pet?” He asks, disbelief dripping off his tongue.

You don’t look at him, or even really acknowledge that you heard him— you just continue to snuggle the animal and cry quietly.

Joel doesn’t really know what to do, he wants to comfort you in a weird way, but he still wants to see you dead? But the thought you dying also scares him a little?

It’s ‘cause you wanna be the one snuggled up next t’her. Jealous of an opossum—

No the fuck he doesn’t! Joel does not want to snuggle up to you, he doesn’t want to feel your warm body pressed against his—

Even though she’d fit perfect right next to ya’. Picture it, ya’ got’chya arms ‘round her ‘n you got your legs all wrapped in hers…

The sight of you, vulnerable and fragile with that small, stupid animal, tugs at his heart in ways he hasn’t experienced in years. He shakes his head violently, as if he could actually dislodge the thoughts spinning in his mind. “You’re fuckin' crazy,” he mutters to himself under his breath.

Your chair scrapes across the floor as you turn quickly to the right so you can face him. Your jaw ticks and one of your eyes twitch. “I ain’t fuckin’ crazy— stop sayin’ that.” You whisper to him. “Why ya’ bein’ so mean? I jus’ saved your life…” Your face twists up like you might start crying again, and your eyes now are still wet with the tears you had been crying moments ago.

“Saved my life?” Joel scoffs through clenched teeth, the remnants of your electric assault still tingling faintly in his fingers and toes. “That’s what y’think you did for me?” He can feel his resolve faltering as the fat, wet tears begin to roll down your cheek, but he forces himself to stay angry. It feels safer— it feels better that way. “More like puttin’ me through hell, darlin’.”

He doesn’t even mean for the word darlin’ to come out of his mouth, he wasn’t even thinking it, at least— he doesn’t remember wanting to cal you darlin’.

But the moment it slips out, he watches your expression change. You wipe at the tears staining your cheeks, smearing dirt and blood across your face. A flicker of something warm and soft ignites in your eyes, like sunlight breaking through dark clouds. “Darlin’…” you echo him, a fractured smile threatening to bloom despite the pain etched across your features.

Joel’s heart sinks, and also bursts with pride all at the same time. You are in fact insane, but he made you stop crying.

Look’it that, she’s almost smilin’ now.

That warmth spreads through him again, against his will—against all logical reason. “I didn’t mean it,” he mutters, not really sure if he did mean it or not. Yet the sight of you still clinging to that opossum, caressing him carefully as he nibbles gently on one of your fingers. The sight draws him in deeper than he would like to admit, but he just wants to clean you up, wrap you in bandages and then let you fall asleep on his lap.

“Didn’t�� mean it?” You repeat the words like you don’t understand them, and your smile falters just a bit as you study his face, searching for truth. “Liar,” you smirk at him.

There is a warmth in your crazy eyes that makes Joel want to sink as far into the chair as he possibly can, he wishes he could disappear but he doesn’t. He says, watching you like he’s frozen in place. “Nah, s’just the shock talkin’,” he whispers and nods his head to one side like there would be a video replaying the who ordeal that happened only moments ago. He wishes there was so he could watch it happen over and over, so he could build up the walls around him, keep you the fuck out of his head.

“Yeah…” There is a distance to your tone, like you’re not really there anymore, and you drop your gaze to the opossum nestled in your arms. “Ya’ made me do that though,” you whisper, eyes flicking up to him quickly— they’re darker, a little scary and Joel wishes he could hide inside his own skin.

“Made you?” Joel’s voice rises, anger flaring throughout him like a wildfire in a forest of dead, dry trees. It spreads fast before Joel can control himself.“Y’think I made you do that? You are a crazy fuckin’ bit—”

You zap him again with a jolt that sends white hot sparks crawling up his spine, and sucks the air right out of his lungs.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” you scream and clutch the opossum tighter.

Joel watches as it goes back to playing dead in your arms. He’s about to shout back at you, start a screaming war and hope those infected break through that gate upstairs and kill both of you— but then you whisper something quietly, and Joel almost doesn’t catch it.

“I’m not gunna fuckin’ do that, stop tellin’ me t’kill him.”

Joel’s blood runs cold like ice… who the fuck are you talking to? Or about?

“Are you still hungry?” Your voice is soft, almost sweet now. “I can get you more jerky… I got lots of whiskey—” you say, the fierce anger from moments ago melting away, replaced by a manic eagerness to please him. You reach for your bag again, your arm still bleeding badly— but you’re unfazed by it, or at least doing a good job pretending it doesn’t bother you.

You pull out a glass jar.

“Are those coffee beans?” Joel can barely believe his eyes. His mouth starts to salivate immediately.

You wrinkle your nose at him and shrug your shoulders. “Dunno— they look like some kinda bean— smell all burnt up to shit though,” your nose stays scrunched up as you begin digging around in your bag again.

“Lemme smell,” he can barely contain his excitement as he watches you unscrew the lid to the mason jar. There is a hesitation in your movements when you go to hold the jar under his nose, like you’re trying to figure out his game, the trap he’s set. Your eyes scan all around him, face and body unmoving. “I jus’ wanna smell it— I’ll tell you if it’s coffee or not,” he’s as close to begging for something as he’s ever gotten.

“You like coffee?” You sound so curious, and gingerly place the mouth of the jar under his nose. He takes in a deep inhale and the wonderful, deep and rich aroma of coffee fills his nostrils.

Joel groans loudly, and for a long time as the scent permeates his sinuses, he can almost taste it on his tongue for a fleeting moment.

“Take that as a yes,” you giggle and let him breathe in the smell a little longer. “How do I make it for ya’?” You ask, pulling the jar away and screwing the lid on tight.

“Gotta grind those beans up real fine— then let it brew in some hot water.” Joel explains, watching as you dig around in your bag for more of your loot. "They make special pots for it— percolators."

"Percolators?" You parrot him, tilting your head to one side—

Cute lil puppy.

You fucking are, Joel hates to admit it to himself but even all covered in blood, and muck— looking like you've been to hell and clawed your way back out by the skin of your teeth— your eyes are bright and alert, watching him intently.

"Yeah, keeps the coffee grounds out of your water—" he starts, but you cut him off.

"So you put those crushed up beans… in the water… to just not want them in the water at the end of it all?" You hold up the coffee beans and look at them incredulously, your eyes squinted and narrowed on the glass jar with one eyebrow cocked up slightly.

Joel can't stop the corners of his mouth from turning up at your expression, your face still dirty and tear stained. "Never had coffee before?"

You shake your head at him, and continue rifling through your bag.

The opossum on the table comes alive again now that you're calm and quiet, he pops his little head up and this is when Joel notices the small teal and pink collar around his furry neck. As you pull the rest of the things out of your pack, the little critter starts to lick and clean your wounds.

It makes Joel grimace at the sight of the wild animal trying to help you, take care of you, but again— it tugs at a place inside of him he hasn't dared venture in years.

You're in the small bathroom just off the main room cleaning up in the sink you filled with water from a jug you brought down yesterday. “Ya’ wanna sleep on the bed t’night?” You nod to the mattress pushed up against the wall across the room.

What the fuck?

Mister-man looks just as shocked as the dark voice in your head sounds. “Ya’ gon’ let me sleep comfortably- take these fuckin’ ropes off me?” His voice is bitter and bites at you, makes you furrow your brows at him.

Sug, he’s been tied up for a while now—

For good fucking reason, he’s going to kill her the minute she unties him.

He’s got the dang collar on now, he’s gonna listen to her.

What happens when she falls asleep? Huh? She’s been up going on almost eighteen hours—

How d’ya know how many hours it’s been? She don’t have a watch or a clock!! You don’t know what the fuck you’re talkin’ ‘bout.

She’s going to fall asleep and the minute she does— he’s going to strangle her.

The image of Mister-man with his hands around your throat makes you do two things— it makes your stomach flip, and it makes your cunt clench.

What the fuck was that?

She likes the idea of Mister-man chokin’ her a lil, dont’chya Sugar?

The heat rises from your chest and up your neck, behind your cheeks. You kinda do want Mister to choke you a little, but not with the intention to kill you!

“What’re you fuckin’ smirkin’ ‘bout over there?” Mister snaps at you.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, you are smirking and just standing in front of the sink frozen in place. You swallow hard, trying to ignore the images of Mister’s big, strong hands around your neck. “Nothin’,” you lie to him, which makes you feel bad— but you can’t tell him that’s what you were thinking about.

Tell him, see what he says…

Will you shut the fuck up—

“I figure you can sleep there ‘n I’ll sleep in the chair t’night— still gon’ have to tie you up, but least you can lay down…”

That’s not really what you want. You want his arms wrapped around you, and your legs all messed up in his. You wanna feel his warm breath on the top of your head because that’s gotta be the best way to fall asleep, feeling someone else’s warm body, feeling their heart beating inside their chest.

Let’s ya’ know they’re really there- ain’t a dream or something you’re imaginin’.

“Why the hell d’ya want me all comfy f’anyway, huh?” he asks, suspicion laced in his tone, but a hint of curiosity glimmers behind his dark brown eyes.

You shake your head and go back to cleaning your arm so you can bandage it. “No, I’m jus’ tryin’ t’be nice. Figur’d you could stretch out if ya’ wanted.”

He watches you, that suspicion still etched into the lines of his face, but the curiosity is unmistakable, swelling in the way his brow furrows deeper and his lips twist just slightly. “Why ya’ tryin’ to be nice?”

“I dunno… don’t want you hatin’ me no more—”

Stop it right now! Shut the fucking door and stop talking to him.

“Why would I ever stop hatin' you?” His voice is low, almost a whisper. Mister-man hones in his gaze on you like a hawk. “You think bein’ nice t’me is gonna make me forget that ya’ tied me up down here?”

You shrug lightly as you wrap a bandage around your arm, feeling the warmth of blood already seeping through the fabric.

Don’t listen to him, Sugar. He don’t mean it.

Sounds like he fuckin’ means it.

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” you say softly, finally meeting his stare head-on. “I just wanna feel normal again…”

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Yeah Sug, keep that to ya’self.

You feel ashamed, real shame, uncomfortable for sharing too much, and now the voices are agreeing with each other? That’s never a good sign. You’ve done something wrong.

“Normal?” He chuckles, but it feels malicious. “Ain’t nothin’ fuckin’ normal about this, sweetheart.”

“Stop sayin’ that if you don’t fuckin’ mean it!”

His laughter dies down, leaving an awkward silence between you. The room feels smaller, somehow and it feels like Mister-man is right on top of you with judging eyes. “I do mean it,” he replies, softer now but still sharp and angry. “Y’think it’s normal t’be tied up in the basement by some—”

“Some what?” You interrupt him as the anger rises to meet the shame and hold its hand.

Mister stares at you, face unchanging when he speaks. “Some. Crazy. Fuckin’. Bitch.” He enunciates every word. “What is this? Some fuckin’ fairy tale to you? One of your stupid princess movies, huh?”

“They’re not stupid,” you snap back, your voice rising in defiance. “And I’m not crazy. I just…”

“Just what?” he presses, his tone challenging. “What do you want from me?”

Don’t fucking say it.

“I jus’ want ya’ t’like me,” you whisper- feeling small and insignificant. “Want ya’ t’not hurt me again,” you point to your still slightly blackened eye.

His studies you like you’re a problem that he can’t solve— the muscles in his jaw flex, and he pinches his brow together tightly. “Ya’ want me t’like you?” He echoes softly, he says the words like they might unleash an evil into the room.

You nod, feeling like you’re frozen and on fire all at the same time, it makes your stomach churn like you might be sick. The way he’s staring at you make you feel naked and exposed.

“Why?” he asks suddenly, breaking through the silence and makes you flinch.

“You’re handsome,” you let the words slip out of your mouth before you can stop them.

He shifts in the chair like you made him uncomfortable, confusion weaving its way into the creases of his hardened and in fact, beautiful face.

“Handsome?” he repeats the word like it's a foreign language, like it’s something he hasn’t heard in ages.

“I sure think so,” you nod again.

Your face is so hot it feels like it’s being held to flames.

Well, this is the most you’ve talked to anyone in a real long time, Sug… it’ll get easier.

You could just stop talking completely and go to sleep. You’re delirious.

No she ain’t. Mister-man is handsome, and she want’s him inside her again real bad.

Your walls clench around absolutely nothing at the thought of his thick, throbbing length plunging inside of you, stretching you to fit around him perfectly. The idea of it happening again makes you dizzy and you can’t help but bite your lip, your face somehow grows hotter than you thought possible.

The look Mister gives you- the half smirk, one raised eyebrow makes you think he can read your mind.“Handsome,” he snorts softly, eyes never leaving you, but now they trail down the curves of your body. “You trynna ‘sit in my lap’ again, sweetheart?” The words come out of his mouth slow like molasses, and that country twang he has sends a shock right to your core.

“Maybe,” you say, voice trembling slightly but unwavering, “maybe if you wanted to, I would.”

His face softens slightly, the anger and suspicion melting away like snow in the sun. He raises an eyebrow, a small smile playing on his lips. "Why would I want that, honey?" he asks, his voice teasing slightly.

“You seemed to want it the other night,” you limp out of the bathroom and sit down in the metal chair beside his recliner.

“I was real drunk,” Mister explains, but his demeanor has changed, he looks relaxed, he’s resting his head on the back of the chair, looking at you through hooded eyes. “Ya’ took advantage of me,” he growls softly, but beckons you over with a nod of his head.

“Ya’ told me t’do it…” you snap. “I ain’t take nothin’. Advantage- I ain’t-- what? You asked me t’do it!”

He sure fuckin’ did ask you! How dare he say that bullshit ass—

I hate to admit it, but… he’s right—

The last thing you ever wanted to do was take something from Mister-man that he didn’t want you to take! It’s the worst feeling in the world- being held down and forced into—

Shhhhh, Sugar. It’s alright, s’all over now. It was just a misunderstanding.

“I ain’t m-mean t’do that,” you say weakly through the lump forming in your throat. “I thought ya’ wanted me t’do it— that’s why ya’ punched me?”

His eyes widen slightly, “I didn’t punch ya’ for that.”

"Then why did ya’ punch me?" Your voice cracks slightly as tears begin welling up in your eyes again; embarrassment filling every cell within your body once more.

“I was gonna try’n leave. Go home—”

“Ya’ lied t’me… said you’d stay,” you whimper, wiping the tears before they can fall.

“Please stop cryin’…” Mister-man's voice is surprisingly gentle as he speaks, and you feel your heart squeeze in response.

You sniffle, trying to regain your composure. "I wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t ask me first," you mumble, wiping your nose on the back of your sleeve.

"Why not?" Joel asks softly. 

Look'it that, ya went'n made her cry! For what!? She's just trynna be nice t'ya! Jus' like she said. She wants a lil boyfriend, someone t'snuggle up with at night-- like a normal person!

There isn't anything fucking normal about you, not at all. 

“I ain’t like stuff gettin’ taken from me,” you admit quietly, turning your gaze away from him.

Joel narrowed his eyes, sitting up a bit straighter in his recliner, the leather creaking underneath his weight. "What’ya mean by that?"

“Lets get ready for bed, ‘kay?” You ignore his question and stand up, wincing when you put any weight on your ankle. You hold the remote in your mouth gingerly as you begin untying him from the chair.

****

Joel watches you from the mattress in the corner. You have his hands still bound up in the oven mitts, and now you’ve tossed a rope over a pipe in the ceiling and tied up his elbows so he can move and lay down. Stretch out if he wants to, but he can’t walk more than five or six feet in either direction— and the pipes secured tighter than he had been hoping it would be.

Joel can hear you reading the Batman comic books to yourself and that opossum you keep calling Puddin’, but you haven’t looked or spoken to him since you tied him up an hour or so ago. Just left him with two things: a plastic bottle of water and metal flask with whiskey in it. He was silently thankful when you twisted the lids off without him having to ask.

He knows struck a nerve with his question, but he didn’t really expect you to shut him out completely. He takes a swig from the plastic water bottle.

Ya’ want that sad lil puppy t’come over here, dont’chya?”

He does, oddly enough. You being crazy was better than you giving him the cold shoulder, like he wasn't even there.

He wonders if you read to that stupid animal every night, and if you snuggle with him in the bed you sleep in upstairs. He wonders if you have to drink yourself to sleep every night with how many bottles of whiskey you brought back.

His mind just continues to race.

****

Joel can’t sleep. He thought for sure the minute he put his head down, he’d drift off and sleep better than he has since you tied him up down here, he’s got a blanket and a pillow now but they do nothing to comfort him into closing his eyes.

Call her over, see if she’ll come snuggle up next to you.

“Hey,” Joel whispers into the completely dark room.

“What?” You whisper back to him from the void.

“C’mere— it ain’t fair ya’ gotta sleep in that chair. I know s’uncomfortable.” What the fuck is he doing? He’s not going to willingly allow you into his space, is he?

“M’fine,” you murmur back to him. “Go t’sleep.”

“Can’t sleep— come sit in my lap again,” Joel smirks to himself because fuck, what he would do to feel your warm cunt enveloping him like you were made strictly for him, and him alone. It makes his cock twitch just thinking about it.

Joel holds his breath, waiting for you to respond. Then, finally, you murmur back, your voice barely more than a whisper, “Why would I do that?”

“‘Cause I’m handsome…” Joel teases you, listening to the way the chair creaks as you shift on it. He wishes so badly he could see you. “I know ya’ wanna feel good, I wanna feel good too.”

“Y’just wanna punch me again, try’n escape—”

“Where would I go? Them infected are still up there, I ain’t gettin’ outta here anytime soon,” he’s being honest. He had thought about it, but the idea of having to share a room with your dead body— even if he moved you upstairs, the idea of having to wait around with your corpse until the infected cleared out gave him a bad feeling.

It’s ‘cause you don’t wanna kill ‘er. Ya’ wanna be deep inside that tight, wet, warm perfect hole.

“Fuck,” Joel mutters under his breath. His cock’s fully hard now, and it’s making a tent in the black sweatpants you put on him before bed. He rubs the oven mitt on his hand against the bulge in the fabric and groans loudly.

“What’re you doin’?” You ask from your place in the chair.

“Come find out, sweetheart.” He sighs, leaning against the wall the mattress is pressed up against.

Joel listens to you limp and shuffle towards him in the dark. Your hands hesitantly touch his shins before you crawl onto the bed with him.

“Take ‘em out f’me, baby girl,” he leans into you now that you’re sitting next to him, pushing his nose into your hair. He inhales deeply and takes in the heady scent of your sweat lingering whatever fucking pheromones that are making him just as insane as you.

“Ya’ really want this?”

Joel wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you as close as he can get. “M’sober this time,” he moan quietly into your ear when you push his mitt covered hand, away and slip your hand underneath the waistband. He bucks his hips up into your fist as you begin to stoke him.

“You’re s’warm,” you sigh, turning your head to face him.

Joel wastes no time catching your lips in a kiss, slipping his tongue into your mouth to taste you, savor your flavor. You taste like whiskey and strawberry jam. The smell of cheap bathroom hand soap lingers on your skin from washing up in the sink. All of it makes him feel like hes intoxicated.

“Fuck, y’feel so good,” he growls into your mouth, nipping at your bottom lip gently as you pull away. “Take these fuckin’ mitts off me—”

Your hand leaves his pants and the warmth of your body is gone from beside him. “It’s a trick?” You sound hurt in the dark, like Joel’s played some terrible prank on you and you just found out.

“No, no, no-” he’s desperate for your touch. It felt so good, and he wasn’t even thinking about trying to trick you or do anything shifty once you took the mitts off, he wanted to grip you and grope you. Plunge two or three fingers right into your wetness. “No, m’not trynna trick you— I just wanna touch you.”

“S’what you said last time,” you snap at him. He can tell you’re still close, probably still on the mattress. He shifts and tries to get closer to you but he hears your skin drag across the concrete floor.

“Shit,” Joel grumbles. “I know, fuck— I know, but I mean it this time-”

“I don’t believe you.”

Of course you don’t believe him! He socked you right in the eye as hard as he could the last time he didn’t have at least 4 inches of padding on his fists.

“I wanna make y’feel real good, the way y’were makin’ me feel real good just then,” he’s inching towards the sound of you dragging yourself across the floor on his hands and knees slowly. The ropes stop him from going any further while you continue your retreat. “C’mon, baby…”

“Y’just sayin’ that, don’t mean it…” The sound of your body shuffling away from him stops though, and he wonders if he’s got you on the hook with the pet names.

Try it again, Mister.

“Please, honey… I wanna hear y’moan Mister’s name,” he coos to you, hiding from him somewhere in the darkness.

You let out a long, slow, shaky breath before you answer. “What is your name…”

He’s so fucking desperate for some sort of relief that he tells you before he can come up with a fake name— he’s learned the hard way about sharing his real name with strange women. “Joel.”

“Joel…” You whisper back to him. “My very own Mister-J?” You sound excited.

“Mister-J?” Joel cocks his head to one side, but is pushed back onto the mattress by the force of you barreling into him.

“That’s what Harley calls the Joker,” your straddling his waste again and without thinking twice, Joel wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you into him. His forearms brush against the bare skin of your thighs and it makes him groan softly as he pushes you down into his lap.

“Ya' wanna be m'crazy girl? Like Harley Quinn?” Joel chuckles as he nudges his nose against your chin, tilting your head back to expose your neck.

You hesitate, and pull back from him slightly.

“I ain’t gon’ bite you,” he promises, leaning in as much as he can so he can press his lips to the column of your throat.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, sinking into him like you’re melting. “Oh fuck,” it leaves your mouth as a whimper, and Joel’s cock throbs at the sound.

“Like this?” He nips at the spot where your neck meets your shoulder and you shiver in his arms. He can’t hide the smile, he doesn’t care to. He loves that he’s capable of making you make those sounds.

You hum an almost silent ‘mhm’, and wrap your arms around his neck and thread your fingers through the curls at the nape.

Joel has so much more room to move around now that he’s unrestrained, so he rolls his hips up into yours so you can feel what he has to offer. You gasp and arch your back, pushing yourself further onto him. He moans softly, his mitts trailing down your spine and cupping your ass cheeks as best they can. He can feel the heat between your legs growing and he has a nagging thought in his head.

Lay down, let her climb right on top—

Joel shifts and wiggles down onto the mattress so he’s flat on his back, with you still straddling his hips. “Take your lil shorts off,” Joel taps your thigh, and then lifts his hips so he can shove his sweatpants down his legs.

You don’t ask any questions. You roll off of him and Joel feels your shoulder touch his as you lay down to remove your bottoms. You go to crawl back into his lap but he stops you.

“Sit up here,” he grips your hips as best he can with the mitts, and tugs you up to his face.

“What!?” You sound distressed, “Ya’ want me t’do what?”

“Turn around, and sit down,” Joel growls up at you.

You hesitate, the uncertainty clear in your voice. "I-I don't know..."

"C'mon, darlin'," Joel coaxes, his voice low and husky. "Let me taste you. I promise ‘m gonna make you feel so good."

With shaky movements, you turn around and slowly lower yourself over Joel's face.

He inhales deeply, taking in your scent. "That's it," he murmurs encouragingly. "Just like that." Joel can feel the heat radiating from your core as you hover uncertainly above him. He lifts his head, nuzzling his nose against your inner thigh. "Lil lower," he nips at your supple skin.

With a soft whimper, you finally sink down onto his waiting mouth. Joel groans at the first taste of you, his tongue delving between your folds. Your sweet and tangy, a little sweaty and musky— it’s fucking heady and perfect. He can’t get enough.

“Oh fuck,” you shudder as Joel licks a stripe from your clit to your entrance, which is already dripping and Joel feels pride swell in his chest.

Without Joel having to ask, or prompt you in any way, you lean over and take his hard, aching cock in your hand. Joel nearly comes right there when he hears you spit on it noisily and palm your warm saliva around the throbbing, drooling tip.

“Fuuuuck,” Joel moans approvingly before his tongue pushes into your entrance.

"Oh god, Mister," you whimper, your hand still working his cock in long, slow strokes. Then you kitten lick the tip and he has to stop himself from bucking his hips.

Joel's mind goes blank as your warm, wet mouth envelops the head of his cock. He groans against your pussy, the vibrations making you shudder above him. His tongue laps eagerly at your fold, drinking in your arousal as it flows freely.

You bob your head, taking more of his length with each downward motion. Joel's hips twitch, fighting the urge to thrust up into the heavenly heat of your mouth. Instead, he focuses on pleasuring you, sucking your clit between his lips and flicking it with his tongue.

You whimper around his cock, grinding your hips down onto his face.

Joel pulls back slightly, his breath hot against your core. "That's it, baby girl. Ride my face," he growls before diving back in, his tongue circling your clit.

You pull away, your hand replacing your mouths ministrations and rest your head on Joel’s hip as you stroke him, never faltering on giving him pleasure. “Please d-don’t stop!” You cry out, your grip tightening around his shaft as you rock your hips. Joel's mitt-covered hands grip your thighs, urging you on.

"Gonna cum for me, darlin'?" he murmurs against your slick folds. "Let me taste it."

Joel feels you tense above him, your thighs quivering as you grind down harder on his face. He doubles his efforts, lapping at your clit with quick, firm strokes of his tongue. Your hand on his cock speeds up, pumping him in time with the rocking of your hips.

"Oh god, oh fuck," you whimper, your voice muffled against his hip. "I'm gonna-- I'm--"

Your words dissolve into a high-pitched moan as you come undone. Joel groans as he feels your pussy pulse against his mouth, a fresh wave of your arousal coating his tongue.

Your sounds, the way your hips continue to rock against his mouth as you unravel has his own release bubbling up to the surface. Joel groans deeply as his own orgasm crashes over him, his hips bucking up involuntarily as he spills into your hand. You stroke him through it, milking every last drop as he shudders beneath you.

Joel's whole body twitches as you clean him and your hand with your tongue, "Taste good," you mumble against his stomach, pressing soft kisses to the trail of hair between his cock and belly button.

Then, with shaky movements, you lift yourself off of Joel's face and turn around to face him. Even in the darkness, he can sense your uncertainty.

"C'mere," Joel murmurs, his voice rough. He reaches out, pulling you down to lay beside him. You settle against his chest, your breath warm on his neck.

“Don’t kill me in my sleep, ‘kay?” You sigh, pressing a kiss to his pulse point.

Joel murmurs something incoherent, already on the verge of falling asleep.

Sorry it was like 45 minutes late (two days early if you look at the master list ok?-- I may have had something to drink.... and of course thanks @pedrospookie for that adorable fucking mood board. I hope you all like this chapter-- it's a little domesticated (i think), but I have more crazy, unhinged antics coming next chapter!)

TAG LIST: @pedrospookie @gothcsz @joelmillerisapunk @sp00kymulderr @paleidiot @goodvampykitten @rosebuds-and-moonlight @diabaroxa @zhazy-blog2 @almostempty @xdaddysprincessxx @tobethlehem @lilac-boo @xkyxkyxxlylcylulucuflfluclu @rav3n-pascal22 @baronessvonglitter @joelmillerisapunk @syd-djarin @probablyreadinsmut @itwasntimethatdidit40 @letsgobarbs @lovehappyloki @joelalorian @pedrostories

(omg I think I got everyone but that's so many people, please let me know if I left you off or if you want to be taken out of the tag list!)

[nonbinarytoast]

Ok so I had an idea and it stemmed from a shit post about how being trans fem would fix Yellow and I’ve been seeing a bunch of Faroe verse stuff and something is going on in my brain that just sepcufiyf rgohfoihvuo

Anyway what if Kayne decided to bring a different universes grown up Faroe, who had somehow survived in the dark world since she was a child, to the dreamlands? What if Larson didn’t survive after getting there and Yellow was left stuck inside a dead body? What if Faroe came across this body and decided to give it a proper burial? What if, while putting this body in the grave, Yellow jumped to her?

What if a battle hardened Faroe who had never even known her own world curled in on herself at night, only knowing her name and her father? What if Yellow, who never knew who they were, had been trapped in that body for so long they to longed for something to know? What if Neither of them knew what laughing was? What love was? What a freind was?

What if Yellow felt new in this body? What if she asked Faroe what it was like to be a woman? What if her voice changed over the years they spent together? What if she realized how alone she felt in Larson and Arthur? What if she realized she was a she?

What if Faroe learned what to love was? What if Faroe, who had never stepped foot on earth, yearned for what she didn’t know was romance? What if Yellow got her own body after a couple years? What if they both felt each other’s touch for the first time? What if her name wasn’t Yellow anymore, but something she decided on? What if it was something she chose? What if Faroe got her books to help find it? What if they sat, in a pile of old parchment and leather, and curled up next to each other, feeling warmth in togetherness for the first time?

What if Faroe is what it took for Yellow to realize she was a person? What if Yellow is what it took for Faroe to realize she deserved a better life than the one she had been given? What if all it took was love?

[thewidowsledger]

Good Luck, Babe

Chapter 4: A Piece Of You | 4.0k

© thewidowsledger - DO NOT REPUBLISH AND PLAGIARISE

Summary: The once secret, a forbidden love hidden from the world. Those stolen moments together had been thrilling, but ultimately, drove the person you truly love away from you. But when she left, she didn't just leave you; she also left you a part of herself that would constantly remind you of her for the rest of your life. This fragment of her essence became an indelible mark on your soul, shaping the course of your life in ways you never could have imagined.

You know what they say, when someone leaves, someone else will come.

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

Tags | Warnings: +18 ANGST, cheating, smoking, smut but it was kind of cut off so it's just smu— pls laugh guys

Author's Note: This is about to get ANGSTIER. Nat's pain is valid but is her actions justifiable? Does r deserve all that? Pls pls pls I want to have y'all's thoughts, leave it in my inbox or in the comments or else I will not continue writing this jk i'm not joking. I removed some parts here that I think would be a better use on the next chapter that will be posted in 3 weeks (I know it's gonna be a long wait, but I've got to update the mob boss au and I've got to serve some angst fics for y'all)

Navigation | Masterlist | Series Masterlist

⧗

You're leaning over the counter, trying to read and sign the slip for Aliah's exams. You're terrible right now, you didn't realize how private schools can be so complicated that you have to sign a permission slip before they let your daughter take an exam. Suddenly, someone peers over your shoulder.

"You don't even know what you're signing, do you?"

This bitch.

You didn't look entirely at the woman but you saw her in your peripheral vision. You returned your focus on filling up whatever paper you are filling up.

But suddenly the woman leans in closer, her musky perfume overwhelming your senses. She effortlessly points out the correct line, her long fingers tapping the paper. "Is your child a transferee?" she asked and you nodded nervously.

"Check that one, then don't write anything down here." You gulped and nodded before shakingly dragging your hands to do whatever she just said.

When everything was signed, you double checked to make sure to get everything right this time. You push it towards the clerk, who scans it quickly. "All done, Mrs. Romanoff," she says with a smile.

"Romanoff." You heard the woman behind you whisper. You finally turn to face her, your heart racing as you meet her gaze.

The woman stands tall, her blonde hair cut short and stylish, framing her square-shaped face. She's dressed in a black leather jacket, paired with jeans and combat boots, giving her an edgy, intimidating look. She holds your gaze for a moment longer before her gaze flickers to the wedding ring still on your finger. Her expression shifts slightly, becoming more calculated. "So, you're the wife of one of the big sponsors of this school? Natasha Romanoff?" She asks the question almost casually, but there's an underlying intensity in her tone. "The transportation tycoon?"

The mention of her name and the title made you feel a pang of discomfort. The word wife and the title of being Mrs. Romanoff suddenly feels like ill-fitting suits. Your marriage, after all, had been little more than a convenient arrangement—for your daughter. So you are not sure whether to confirm or not, so you just let out a small awkward smile hoping that she won't budge further about her question. And the blonde seemed to read between the lines that theories started to formulate in her mind. She was about to formally introduce herself when she saw a kid running towards your direction.

"Mommy!" She watched you scoop up a little girl that clearly is yours, giggling as you attacked her face with kisses.

Behind her was another girl, it was the blonde's niece, catching up. "Auntie!" The little girl waves, her gap-toothed smile wide. "Up!"

Without missing a beat, the blonde reaches down and scoops up the kid, tossing her playfully into the air before catching her. The kid squeals with delight. "Hey, monkey face," she says, ruffling the girl's curly hair. Then her kid glances at Aliah who was in your arms.

She grins, her eyes bright. "Auntie, this is my new friend, Aliah!" she announces proudly. You turned around so you and your daughter could face them together, then Aliah looked at the woman who was carrying her friend, her little hands waving with a grin.

Now, it's your daughter's turn to introduce her newfound friend to you, "Mommy, this is Monica!"

"Hi, Monica."

The blonde watches as you speak to Monica. She's mesmerized by the way you interact with the children, so gentle and natural. Monica giggles at your greeting, "Hi!" she chirps back, climbing down to her aunties grasp.

Aliah wriggles out of your arms, wanting to join Monica on the floor. The two girls run off together, laughing and chattering excitedly. Now, you're left standing alone with the blonde again. She clears her throat nervously, a slight flush creeping up her neck, "I hope I didn't overwhelm you with my question a while back."

You shake your head with a warm smile, waving off her apology with a casual flick of your wrist. "O-oh, no worries." Your voice is sincere, as you pull the strawberry shortcake trolley bag of your daughter towards you.

Over the years, even when Aliah wasn't transferred at this school, you had always been present and active—you're always there, quietly observing, helping when needed, but never seeking the spotlight or engaging in small talk with other parents.

You glance around the hallway, taking in the other parents chatting and laughing in small groups. This is unfamiliar territory for you. Despite your active involvement in Aliah's school life, you've managed to maintain a certain level of privacy, keeping to yourself and avoiding unnecessary interactions with others as much as possible. Especially now, being in this marriage under the convenience of your daughter and being in this new school, it has only reinforced your desire for privacy. You don't want others knowing your personal business.

"So, how is…your daughter adjusting?" her question pulled you out of your trance.

"She's doing well and she seemed to be adjusting quickly." You respond briefly, keeping your answer vague but positive. You don't elaborate further, not wanting to delve deeper into Aliah's personal life or yours and invite more questions. She seems genuinely nice. She's not trying to pry in a malicious way—she's just being friendly. But your private nature won't allow you to relax and chat casually like the others.

"That's good."

After the painfully awkward silence, there was a sudden impact of the ball against the blonde's head that made your lips twitch despite your usual guarded expression. She stumbles slightly from the impact "Oh my..." she mutters, rubbing her head.

"S-sorry…" you bashfully stuttered as she saw you trying to hold your laughter back.

But what you didn't know is that she smiles victoriously, pleased to have finally seen a crack on you. Then, she traps the ball between her feet skillfully, making you raise an eyebrow. She looks your way, catching your surprised expression. She smirks slightly, then kicks the ball high up in the air, sending it back to the students with perfect aim and unexpected strength.

"Show off." You murmured to yourself.

She overhears your quiet comment, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. She adjusts the strap of her niece's bag, feigning ignorance but purposefully stepping closer to you. "Did you say something?" she asks teasingly, obviously enjoying your rare slip of emotion.

"N-no…" You giggled softly, you looked at her and she smiled.

"I should've introduced myself earlier but yeah, I'm Carol. Monica's aunt." She lends her hand over you.

"I-I'm Y/N…Aliah's mommy." Your small, hesitant hand disappears into her larger, calloused one.

She grins widely at your soft-spoken introduction. "Nice to meet you, Y/N." She smiled, gently releasing your hand. "So…I'll see you around?"

You didn't answer, your attention to her was long gone after you saw your daughter running towards your direction. You then fixed her trolley bag and prepared to leave.

Carol can only watch you and your daughter walk away, an unknowing smile playing on her lips. Then, all of a sudden a ball comes flying out of nowhere and hits her square in the back of the head again. She stumbles forward, letting out a loud "Ow!" and a string of curses under her breath.

"I'm not a fucking soccer goal net!"

"Auntie Carol, you said bad words!"

⧗

In the dining room, you and Aliah sit at the table, enjoying a quiet dinner together. Aliah chatters excitedly about her day, telling you all about the kids she played with and the games they played. You listen attentively, smiling at her enthusiasm, occasionally asking follow-up questions. You also made sure to ask her if someone or something is making her feel uncomfortable, it is a small routine you do with her to make sure she is comfortable and safe in school.

Aliah suddenly stops eating, her brow furrowing. She looks down at her plate, pushing her food around with her fork. You watch her carefully, knowing that look. She lifts her big, brown eyes to meet yours. "Where's Mama?"

As if on cue, her Aunt Yelena walked in the dining room. Aliah instantly perks up and slides out of her chair to run to her great-aunt's open arms.

"Yeye!"

"Hey, baby!" She scooped the small child onto her arms and put her back to her chair. "Finish your food, I have a surprise."

"Hi, Yelena. I cooked pasta, I'll get you some."

She couldn't decline as you were already walking to get her a plate, so she sat down beside your daughter kissing her forehead.

You placed the plate of pasta in front of her, "Thank you, Y/N." She smiles at you, her eyes meeting yours briefly before she focuses back on her food. "Mmm, this is really good," she says between bites.

All of a sudden, Aliah pipes up, her voice loud. "Mama!" She whines, looking around the room. Yelena sets her fork down, realizing the absence of her sister during dinner. "Yeah? Where's Natasha?" She asks, raising an eyebrow at you.

You immediately recognize the tone in Aliah's voice—that slightly higher pitch whine that signals a tantrum incoming. You kept your voice calm and soothing, "I'll get Natasha. Sounds like someone wants her. Rick told me she just got home an hour ago but he also said that she has an important meeting right now, but I'll check."

Walking out of the kitchen, you run your fingers through your dark hair, glancing sideways at the large picture frame hanging in the hallway. You catch your reflection—you lean in to see if your make up was still on.

As you near her office, you subtly adjust your blouse, smoothing out the wrinkles. Then, you push open the heavy door of Natasha's office carefully, you peeked inside, your eyes immediately drawn to her, seated in her high-back leather chair, facing away from the doorway. There was a head peeking through her desk. Clearly, a woman with wavy red hair was kneeling in front of her. You notice the absence of Natasha's wedding ring on her finger as she's tied the red-haired woman's hair with her tight grip. Natasha moans softly, tilting her head back, exposing her neck.

You were too shocked, too frozen, too numb to feel the tear that slid down your cheek.

Slowly and quietly, you pull the door closed, careful not to make a sound. Your heart pounds in your chest as you stand in the hallway, that single tear now joined by others streaming down your face. The shock and pain of the scene you just witnessed hit you like a physical blow. Your stomach churns and you feel the sudden urge to throw up. The room spins and you grab onto the wall to steady yourself, trying not to pass out from the overwhelming dizziness that washes over you. You inhale deeply through your nose, counting to four in your head, then exhale slowly through your mouth, counting to four again, like how your therapist taught you. You repeat this pattern, trying to calm your racing heart and clear your mind, fighting the panic attack that threatens to consume you.

"You're okay, you're okay, Y/N. You're fine. You're okay." You chanted over and over as you wiped the tears off your face.

You manage to pull yourself together and walk back to the dining room, putting on a brave face. Yelena looks at you suspiciously, your puffy eyes didn't go unnoticed by her.

"Baby, m-mama is in a very important meeting. Okay?" The blonde also noticed how your voice almost cracked as you spoke. Your daughter who is oblivious to the turmoil within you, behaves angelically as she finishes her food. The threat to tantrum was long gone. "Yelena? C-can you put Aliah to bed tonight? I've got…some things to do." You asked her hesitantly.

Yelena's eyes soften with worry, obviously noticing how uncharacteristically gentle and strained your voice is. Without a word about your eyes or voice, she simply responds, "Sure," flashing a small smile.

She also made sure to pay a visit on her sister's meeting tonight.

⧗

You retreat to your room, walking towards your large cabinets, you abruptly open your one of the drawers, grabbing the pack of marlboro red. Your fingers hover over them as you wrestle with temptation. Your hand trembles slightly, knowing the instant relief those chemicals could provide right now. The tightness in your chest, the dull ache from holding everything in…

It's an unhealthy habit that you've been using as a coping mechanism at the same time, it is an unhealthy habit you're trying to get yourself out with.

"Fuck," you whisper, unconsciously unrolling the pack's wrapper.

The cigarette trembles slightly between your fingers as you light it. The smoke curls up around your face, mirroring the storm brewing in your eyes. You sit on your bed, staring at nothing, the self-loathing growing heavier with each puff.

You took your wedding ring off your finger, you tried not to let the dam of tears break from your eyes as you examined the ring.

Everything's becoming clear to you now.

A dark voice in your head begins to whisper, planting seeds of self-doubt and guilt. You hurt her, destroyed her. Therefore, you deserve this pain, you deserve every pain she gives you. You're not good enough, never were. Your mind continues to whisper poisonous thoughts. You took a deep drag of the cigarette, the smoke burning your lungs like the guilt burning your soul. "This is karma," you told yourself. "You deserve every bit of her hate…"

A flicker of memory flashes before your eyes—the early days with Natasha, the sneaking together, the way she would sing for you in the middle of the night whenever your heart is heavy after a loss, whatever tournament you had joined. Your heart aches at the bittersweet nostalgia, the knowledge that you threw all that away because you were a fucking coward.

You stood and walked out onto the terrace, the night air enveloping you like a cold blanket. You took a long drag before exhaling slowly, watching the smoke dissipate on the icy breeze. The nicotine buzz barely touches the edges of your pain, but it's something. "She always hated these fucking things," you murmur, half-smile tinged with bitter irony.

You were about to get another cigarette when you saw your daughter, huddled in the doorway, her face streaked with tears, sniffling.

You froze on the spot and cursed yourself, you immediately stubbed out the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it, trying to make the smell and the smoke go away, but it's too late—she started wailing loudly, her tiny fists balling up as she cried. You've taken to hiding in the bathroom or stepping outside when you need a cigarette, not letting your daughter see or even inhale the smell of smoke because she hates it and you would never have your daughter breathe it. You genuinely think you're being stealthy. But it seems like every time you would light up a cigarette, your daughter would immediately know.

Seeing how it affects your little one's purity and innocence makes you feel guilty.

"You pwomise you stop smoke!" Aliah cried out loud. You carefully walked towards her, without warning, she ran towards your bed grabbing your pillow and heaved it towards you with all her might, her small arms flailing.

Getting down on your knees so you're at her eye level, you watch her tiny form trembling with emotion as she throws every pillow she can reach in your direction. "Shh, Ali...mommy's sorry..." Your voice trembled, but she continued. You took every hit of the pillow from your daughter.

You hated making Aliah cry, you hated hurting Natasha. You hated yourself causing them this.

Everything's too much, it's too much. You feel every pain physically now.

Suddenly, you crumbled to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. "Mommy's…just hurt." Your voice breaks as tears pour down your face and fall on the pillows scattered in front of you. "I'm so sorry baby, please forgive mommy…"

As you break down in sobs, your daughter suddenly stops throwing pillows and stares at you with a frown.

"Hurt, mommy is hurt," you sobbed each word as you pointed to your heart, her little brow furrows even more. She's seen you do this before when you're sad or upset.

She walked towards you, throwing the pillows back on your bed. Then, she climbs onto your lap, wrapping her tiny arms around your neck. "Mommy hurt?" Through your sobs, you nod gently, holding her close. Her soft baby scent fills your nostrils, the smell of cigarettes long gone. And you realize how much you're hurting not just yourself, but this innocent soul who depends entirely on you. She placed her ear on your chest, a thing she grew up doing to ensure your heart is still beating whenever you tell her something hurt.

"Mommy's hurting...bad..."

And you deserve all of it.

⧗

"How many hours have you been sucking her?"

"Fucking hell, Yelena!" Natasha yelled, she pushed her office chair back and zipped her pants up.

"Out. Now." Yelena's voice brooks no argument, and the woman quickly scrambles to her feet, fleeing the room without another word. Natasha could only huff in embarrassment.

"That door is fucking closed for a reason."

"Well, it's unlocked, it seems like you wanted everyone to see the meeting you're doing here."

Natasha rolled her eyes as she moved to the nearby cabinet, pulling out a bottle of expensive red wine and a single glass. She pours herself a generous amount, her hand steady despite the tension in the room.

"Did you at least finish your meeting, sestra?" Yelena emphasizes the word 'finish' with heavy sarcasm. Natasha's jaw clenches visibly at Yelena's insinuation, her hands tightening around the wine glass. Without offering any to Yelena, she takes a long sip, still avoiding her sister's gaze.

"So this is your plan?" Yelena started again but her sister didn't bother to look. "Make her miserable?"

Now she got her sister's attention.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She murmured.

"I should've realized it." Yelena's laughter is sharp and devoid of any warmth, a bitter sound that fills the room.

"Can you…can you go?" Natasha irritatingly spat at Yelena without looking at her.

"Asking her to marry you, I thought you wanted a fresh start, sestra…"

"Watch your mouth." Natasha warned her sister, her pointed finger hanging in the air while the glass of wine was still in her hand.

But Yelena seemed unfazed by her sister's threat. "But I didn't realize…"

"Shut up!"

"That you just want to make her watch as you fuck some communal pussy with her wearing that wedding ring you put on her while you don't wear yours!"

"Fucking shut up!" Natasha hurls the wine glass across the room, missing Yelena by mere inches. The glass shatters against the wall, the sound echoing through the space. Yelena, however, remains eerily calm, not even flinching at the near miss.

She let out a deep sigh, shaking her head disappointingly. "Why are you doing this, Natasha? You've got so many options and money! You could've taken Aliah from her if that's the only thing you want! You can pay for better lawyers than her, you could've won custody!"

Natasha's jaw clenched as she tries to suppress her emotions once again. She takes a shuddering breath, attempting to regain her composure and stave off the spiral of anger and defensiveness threatening to consume her once again.

"But that's not what you really want don't you?" Her sister continues, Natasha finally meets her eye to eye. "Are you happy watching her go miserable? Kneel the ground you walk on just to earn that forgiveness from you?"

"She deserves it."

Yelena huffed about how unbelievably heartless her sister is right now. "I watched you fall apart over her. And now...now you're tearing her apart piece by piece." Yelena's voice breaks slightly. "I understand your pain, Natasha. I truly do, you're my sister. I held you through the darkest parts of it. But this...this is different. This is you actively choosing to hurt her, to break her."

"She deserves it." Natasha repeated coldly under her breath.

"Yeah, sure, Natasha. Whatever you say." Yelena was getting tired. "You're right, Y/N deserves all the pain you give her, sure. But does your daughter deserve that too? Because let's be real, you're not just hurting her, you're hurting your daughter too."

⧗

You tucked Aliah back to sleep. You made sure to change her clothes, making sure the fresh scent of soap and fabric softener replaces the lingering aroma of cigarette that clings to her skin. You smooth Aliah's hair, you wipe away the last of your tears. Her eyes flutter closed finally, her breath evening out into the rhythm of innocent sleep. You gently adjust her blankets, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before stepping back, your own eyes damp with residual emotion.

"I love you my Iyah."

You carefully extract yourself from Aliah's room, then go straight to your room. The first thing you did was take the hidden cigarettes from their usual hiding spots. Cracking open the window for fresh air, you aggressively grind each cigarette beneath your slippers, tossing the broken remnants into the trash.

You're not physically addicted, but cigarettes have become a crutch, a coping mechanism for the pain—when something hurts. The memory where you saw Natasha and a woman who was doing god knows what kneeling under her made your throat itch wanting some relief. But the memory of your daughter's face, her little sniffles seeing you take a long drag and inhale a smoke made your body physically flinch. That will be the last, you will not make your daughter cry again, you will not hurt her with a fucking nicotine stick. She deserves better than a damn smoker of a mom.

You straighten the rumpled bed sheets, placing the pillows Aliah had thrown at you back neatly against the headboard. Suddenly, there was a knock on your door, then, the doorknob aggressively rattled. You were about to get it when suddenly it creaked open and you saw Natasha in her disheveled state.

"N-Natasha…" your voice quivered, she is the last person you would expect to go to your room right now.

She towers over you, her tall frame blocking the light from your room. You step back instinctively, she breathes heavily in your face, the scent of alcohol burning your nostrils. Her face is completely expressionless, almost scary in its neutrality. The lack of emotion makes her features somehow sharper, more intense.

You're frozen, shock rendering you unable to process the situation. Your mind is reeling, you are still trying to move on and forgive her from what you saw earlier—her and a red haired woman, their intimate pose burned into your retinas. And now, she's here, in your room, drunk and cold.

"Nat…what-what do you want?" She doesn't answer your question, her droopy eyes dropped down to your blouse. Your body trembled as she slowly, deliberately unbuttons each button.

You didn't resist, fear rooting you in place. Your mind is screaming at you to push her away, to run, but your body refuses to cooperate. Tears well up in your eyes as she slowly pushes your blouse off your shoulders, leaving you in just your lacy bra. Natasha leans in close, inhaling deeply at your neck as if trying to consume your scent. You smelled like marlboro red. Her lips brush your skin, sending involuntary shivers down your spine. She shoves you to your bed before crawling on top of you. Then she almost ripped your bra that is solely covering your upper body, exposing your breasts. She's not gentle, not sweet. She's cold, hungry—an animal. She sucks harshly on one nipple while pinching the other. You hissed, your body arching in pleasure.

It is twisted, you just saw her with another woman but now, you're letting her take you like this—no words, no tenderness. She's a force of nature, teeth grazing on your skin, fingers digging into your flesh. She's using you, taking what she needs, and you're letting her. At least it's you that she needs right now, right?

A tear rolls down your cheek, your hands reaching the back of her head as her mouth continues to attack your body.

It's better to have her like this, than none at all.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

I came across this take, thought you'd probably have stuff to say about it.

"The character that is the first in the group to trust Zuko?" Aang. Literally Aang. We see it in the Blue Spirit episode, and THAT was the "we could have been friends" moment that Zuko spent nearly all the show secretly obsessing with, to the point that he had a vision of himself BECOMING Aang.

"Sokka was the one in favor of leaving to die" BULLSHIT, Katara was agreeing with him fully, once again, AANG was the one going "What fuck, no"

"Katara trusted him twice during book 2" She trusted him once, in Crossroads of Destiny, immediately paid the price for it. If you're going to count The Chase, you gotta count it as EVERYBODY trusting Zuko (and Iroh).

"The character who Zuko emotionally connects with?" Literally everyone in the Gaang, hence the life-changing field trips (and the talk with Toph in Ember Island). Not to mention IROH, MAI, and even Azula at their old Beach House.

"The character Zuko feel safest letting his guard down" Literally what fucking guard? Zuko has ALWAYS struggled to NOT let his emotions boil over and he has the recurrent problem of saying literally ANYTHING that comes to mind, and hurting the people he cares about, because that boy has NO chill. He literally "talked to Aang" in the North Pole when Aang's soul had literally left his body. That boy went up a mountain just to scream at God to fuck around and find out. What. Fucking. Guard. Did he "let down" around Katara?

"The character who helps Zuko heal from his trauma?" Iroh. Literally, that's his entire role in the story. Other people had important moments with him (his mom, Aang, Mai, and yes, even Katara) but IROH is the one with him through it all and the one he literally thinks of as his "shoulder angel" telling him right from wrong, healthy from unhealthy. His "fuck you, dad" speech to Ozai literally included "Uncle was a much better father than you." Katara had fuck all to do with Zuko's healing journey, because he had ALREADY mostly dealt with his trauma by the time they actually became friends - or even people who had friends in common. She had nothing to do with his healing/redemption arc.

"The character known for showing most compassion to others?" Katara does fit, but so does Aang, and (depending on what part of the story we're on and as long as your name is not "Azula") so does Iroh. And even if Katara was, undeniably, THE most compassionate one, with no one else even coming close to it - how does that translate to "Therefore she and Zuko are meant to be?" He is not the only person who needed/deserved compassion, nor is that all it would take for him to fall in love with someone.

"The character who primarely bears the burden of having to step-up into a parental role?" Yes, adultification was indeed a big source of pain in Katara's life (even if the Gaang, and especially Aang, brought some childhood joy/freedom back into her life). But WHAT THE FUCK does that have to do with Zuko? He's nobody's replacement parent. Hell, he needed someone to step up and parent him, hence Iroh being part of the story. He had a fucking regression in his emotional maturity after being physically abused. WHERE is the connection between this character and Katara's character?

"The character who represses their emotions for the sake of others?" Literally could not be Katara. One thing she DOES have in common with Zuko is wearing her heart on her sleeve. Even when she does try to surpress her emotions (see her mixed feelings about Hakoda's return) EVERYONE can immediately tell something is up because it affects everything that she does.

This "Katara repressed her emotions" and "Zuko only lets his guard down around her" nonsense is THE perfect exemple of why I say Zutarians don't like the actual canon dynamic between Zuko and Katara (and maybe dislike even the characters themselves). They literally took these characters that feel intensily and express themselves without much (or any) thinking because they're pure feel and instinct - and replaced them with a generic pair of characters that are "tough" and try suffocate their emotions so nothing can hurt them because that's a popular romance trope, even though it's clearly the wrong trope for them.

No one hates the true "zutara" dynamic quite like zutarians themselves, that's why they're constantly trying to re-write history.

[altocat]

I’m back for more how about Lucrecia and/or Hojo for the hc game

I'll do both.

LUCRECIA

Headcanon A: Lucrecia is, realistically, not perfect mother material, at least in the way Sephiroth envisions. She would need a LOT of therapy in order to help her become a better parent to him if she were involved in his life. She would have loved her son. But she would have needed a lot of help and support.

Headcanon B: Lucrecia has a tendency to get tongue tied whenever infodumping all in one sitting, resulting in a bunch of cutely jumbled nonsense and mixing her words around. Grimoire thought it was adorable and it never failed to make him laugh on a bad day.

Headcanon C: Lucrecia suffers from heavy depression-anxiety disorders. Due to her stubborn nature, she refused a proper diagnosis or treatment, convinced she could pick herself up on her own. She threw herself into her work and refused to allow herself to breathe and recuperate, further escalating her negative feelings. Unfortunately, Sephiroth comes to inherit a lot of her illnesses as an adult. And neglects his needs as well.

Headcanon D: No one ever refers to her as "Lucy" in canon but lots of fic writers including myself have collectively decided that this was her nickname lol

HOJO

Headcanon A: I actually do think that Hojo holds SOME level of affection for his son, albeit in an extremely fucked up narc sort of way. Idk I love the idea of him being pure evil, but also having some realistic complex emotions about Sephiroth as well. He's Sephiroth's greatest abuser. But he's also his father. He is an irredeemably evil person, but there are some grayer aspects in there as well.

Headcanon B: Hojo actually bathes. Fairly regularly. He just looks greasy and nasty because that's just his rotten core leaking out to reveal what he REALLY is under the surface lmao

Headcanon C: Hojo acts completely normal on the surface after Sephiroth's supposed "death" in Nibelheim. Business as usual. But the truth is that he actually suffers some level of depression, unsure if his Reunion Theory will hold firm, unsure if Sephiroth will ever truly return. He copes by projecting onto Cloud and Zack. And builds Chadley out of some twisted sense of guilt and possession, wanting to reclaim a bit of the boy he raised just to fill that presence in his life again.

Headcanon D: Still riding high on my Vincent-dad-theory-truthing lmao You can't stop meeee Hojo doesn't deserve a son

[starrycassi]

I think Vi deserves to move on. I think she deserves to take a fistful of that Kiramman inheritance money and use it to open as many orphanages as she can possibly manage to build. I think she deserves to look at her wife and decide that they're going to use all this fancy cutelry and jewelry to fund public education. I think she deserves to look at Ekko and install art programs in every single place she can possibly afford to do so. I think Vi is not a very political person — at least not in S2 (which I do believe is kinda character assassination but that's not the point here) but I think she deserves to get her fighting spark back. She is usually more concerned with her family, but she should get to look at Zaun and realize that these people could be her family, too. Not chembarons and not the mob hands but the beaten kids and the kidnapped workers. I think she deserves to open a shelter, and another, and another. I think she deserves to demand that the other councilors, the other uppercrust families aid her in it. We know Caitlyn had basically the pull to do whatever the hell she wants (making a civilian an officer, for example) and I think Vi should get to use that for the betterment of those who need it. She has virtually nothing going on with herself in the finale, so I do, really, hope that if we see her again she is either peacefully resting or putting her energy towards helping other people. I think she would love taking in kids, brushing their hair, teaching them to box. I think she would understand them like no one else has ever, in their life. I think she should get to see Jinx in every single one of them, her eyes and her excitement and her once naive ideas. I think she should get to see prisoners, to ensure that they're being treated like criminal humans and not living punch bags. I think she deserves to see a damn therapist, even if someone has to drag her into the first few sessions. I think she deserves to look at Caitlyn and recognize that she's been hurt by her, and still chooses to stay, to love her. To make the conscious choice to live at her side and to forgive her for everything. I think Vi deserves to heal and I think that won't come until she can sit down, sore and tired and thirsty, and realize that she has done something. That Vander's dream is not achieved yet, but it's starting to.

But that's just what I think.

[slylittleprincess]

Personhood - A Short Saga

Hazel’s life was falling apart, until Sooli Rotalaia, Fourth Bloom decided she could do a much better job living it for her. Now, Hazel’s a ditzy embarrassment, and she fucking hates loves it.

This is a story in the Human Domestication Guide setting by GlitchyRobo. It features strong non-con elements throughout. Read those tags!

BTS below the thing

Personhood was a deeply personal story to write, and I think that vulnerability shows through. It’s a horror to fluff tale of disempowerment that tries to hone in on the terror of being perceived and mix it with the bliss of being known until it creates a scary sexy soup. I’ll leave it up to you whether or not I succeeded in that goal.

It’s also a fun kinky exploration of bimbofication and public sex! That’s important too.

The feeling I really tried to capture was the joy and sorrow that accompanies a transition, both the gender transition and also a transition from appearing able-bodied to appearing disabled.

Originally this story was called “The Concept of a Person”, and that title still gets used heavily within the prose. I found that title made less and less sense as it strayed from being a sequel to “The Nature of Reality” and grew more and more into a personal tale. Personhood felt like it captured a state of being a lot better and it was snappier so that’s what I chose. I still have a third story unwritten story from that list, “The Purpose of a Mouth”, but Open Wide/Wide Open swindled a lot of ideas from that bucket anyways haha.

Mechanically, I was really interested in exploring an inversion of the mind control genre by constructing a scenario where someone might be full body controlled while their mind was untouched. l’ve always found the idea of self betrayal and self conditioning kind of sexy and scary, and I was really proud of how that concept ultimately wove into the self acceptance narrative in a way that stuck to the axioms. One of the other big conventions of HDG is a dramatic and climactic “breaking” scene, and as part of the body control idea I was really tickled by what I called “invisible breaking on a Tuesday afternoon”, an almost anticlimax version of that big moment. In real life, we often make massive realizations at the most benign times. I realized my EDS was never going to go away while I was eating a cupcake on break from work one day. It was my personal wish fulfilment to have Hazel surrounded by friends and unconditional love when she had her private realization.

Personhood is about a lot of things.

It’s about how sometimes you can deny the obvious until a kind doll kind sits you down for a frank discussion.

It’s about the fantasy of someone forcing you to rest and pushing you to become the person you deserve to be.

It’s about putting another “NC” in front of “CNC”.

It’s about the half life you live when you refuse to love yourself fully.

It’s about healthy friends and unhealthy friends. It’s about me, and us, and you, and I hope you enjoyed it. After all, I used to be just like you.

[the-morningstar-family]

Does Willa have a will?

Alastor, Lucifer and Doctor Chaim sit in a room, after he looked over Willa once again. The air is tense, because they know what is coming.

Dr. Chaim: “As you can imagine; I have quite sad news”

The king takes Alastor's hand, who squeezes it.

Lucifer: “We're ready.”

Dr. Chaim: “I am sorry to say that Willa's condition is deteriorating more every day. And while I cannot say with a hundred percent certainty… I do not think that she will live beyond the end of the week.”

Alastor's ears droop, face relaxing with an acceptance of woe, looking sorely disappointed by the universe. While Lucifer looks at the Doctor with pleading wet puppy dog eyes, as if he decided it and isn't just notifying them.

Dr. Chaim: “When Willa had still been able to talk, she asked me to hold on to this, until she is close to death.”

He slides a small paper stack over.

It is a will. Between the official papers that have been filled out there is also text, handwritten by her. The king's small hand hold them with care, despite the shakiness. Alastor has long since buried his head in the blind head, peeking over just enough to read the contents as well.

The Will:

“Dear Friends and Family,

It is a strange feeling to be writing about one's own death. Especially when being aware of how soon that Future will arrive. I am keenly aware of the many Birthdays I will not attend, of the Sinmas celebrations that I won't be part of, how many New Years Eve's will come by without me.

I have been rather fortunate in life, though. I had a wonderful mother, who had been nurturing and loving despite never receiving the same in her childhood. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful son. Bright and curious despite the challenges he has faced since the day he was born. And I am most grateful for the bonds I have been able to make with the residents of the Hazbin Hotel.

Not only have you extended incredible kindness to my son but to me as well. And the second you knew of my condition, you took care of us both. Please allow me to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am afraid there are no words that will ever be enough to articulate these feelings. The ones of love and care despite the difficulties increasing every single day. For every time I fell, and you to pick me up, for every time you wiped my drool, when my body would not let me, I want to express my deepest gratitude. I wish, for all of our sakes, that I could be staying longer. But it won't be possible. And for that my heart aches, and I am so fortunate, to have people who's heart have ached with me, and will continue to do so.

I feel a little selfish asking for more. However, there are a few things I would like to address, before I am unable to.

Again, I am fortunate, that you already treat Felix like your own. I am so very glad to know, that my dearest boy will be safe and sound. What I want to ask you is, to not stop. To treat all of your children to the best of your ability. There is no shame in imperfections, but please, treat them with the care they deserve.

For my funeral I don't have many requests. A small goodbye for all of us is more than enough. I would like to ask you to make sure that everyone can have their goodbyes how they need to have them. Anything beyond that is of little importance.

Thank you, for all you have done. I could not have wished for better company.

And to Felix:

My dear lovely boy. When I first held you, I was completely overwhelmed and so incredibly happy. That is why I named you Felix, because I felt incredibly lucky to have you.

And I am so sorry to leave you. I love you with all my heart. I already miss you, yet you are still in my arms every day.

I wish I could see you grow up. See the person you will become in ten, twenty, thirty years. But I will not even make to next year.

But know, that I love you. And that you are loved, when I am gone. Remember, that to me, you will always be my most wonderful child.

I love you.

Goodbye.”

[bwat5-blog]

Greetings! As you tagged this in such a way that suggests you wanted to share this with all of us, I went and took a quick peek at some other intellectual highlights from the treasure trove of insightful and well written discussion of your page. It seems to be the least I can do to share such wisdom with the other souls like me lost in the dark actually liking Caitlyn’s character. Now of course these are things you shared not wrote originally, and some of them are lacking the whole post, but I captured enough to really share the glory of each one!:

So this one was all about the writers stating Jinx realizing she’s been the problem in Vi’s life. Just a few things:

1. “Jinx pulled Vi out of her pitfighter arc”: Jinx visited Vi multiple times while she was spiraling and did nothing until Vander arrived. Now I personally do believe she was trying to watch over Vi to some degree, but that is essentially head canon at this point because there is nothing to back that up. Never mind that after “pulling her out” Jinx declares herself a hero for busting Zaun out of Stillwater while Vi was passed out in the bottom of a mug. Jinx hid during the entire occupation until Isha was taken,and Vi was in a suicidal spiral caused by among many other reasons- yes including Caitlyn- Jinx. Not exactly the genuine love and kindness way to go. And regarding Cait being too busy to care well that is true, this was during Caitlyn’s darkest period. Caused by Jinx.

2. “Jinx was the one that after everything Vi had done and how angry she was with her, who wanted to be a family with her”- Everything Vi had done?:

A- Like being kidnapped and thrown in prison after the only moment of cruelty she ever showed Powder but still spent seven years punishing herself for?

B- Or maybe getting stabbed, beaten, hunted and knocked out all trying to find Jinx once she was free?

C- Or maybe still trying to get through to Jinx after Jinx attacked the bridge then tried to kill Vi and Caitlyn?

D- Ohhh or maybe you mean when Vi convinced Caitlyn to show Jinx mercy after jinx had almost murdered Caitlyn repeatedly and abducted her nude from her own home? (Spoiler alert Jinx repaid that with knocking Caitlyn out and murdering her mother- ever so kind, truly a hero!)

E- Or even after knocking Caitlyn out how Vi still tries to get Jinx to come away with her?

F- Or maybe you mean when Vi became an Enforcer. After all of the above that Jinx had done. After Jinx’s actions guaranteed Piltover retaliation. So Vi goes with Caitlyn (whose plan stopped the full invasion btw) and brings down the chem-barons and Shimmer. You remember? The dangerous criminals and the poisonous drug that Jinx helped Silco unleash on their people.

And Jinx loved Vi and wanted to be family after “everything Vi had done”. What a champ.

3. Jinx brought them somewhere they could be happy and heal and be a family- No arguments here. Although I would point out it was all Vi’s idea for them to stay but minor point.

4. “the person they put her with couldn’t have given less of a shit. Just being a dictator and sleeping with someone else”- No argument Caitlyn lost her way big time. Now of course she wasn’t a dictator. She was freely given her authority, enforced it in a place she had full authority to do so, demanded arrests be lawful, challenged unnecessary violence and was still meeting with trade guilds to listen to their complaints and concerns. I do have one question on this one though. Did you miss the part where Caitlyn starts a war for Vi then creates the path for Vi to free Jinx from jail? You remember Jinx who murdered Caitlyn’s mother? You must have. Thats okay. Just rewatch S2 E8 and you will feel better pumpkin.

So this is of course another Caitvi cell scene was wrong and Cait didn’t deserve her happy ending but everyone else did:

1. “Jinx directly communicated suicidal ideation to Vi then went off to attempt. It’s almost portrayed in a way where Vi chooses Caitlyn (an enforcer, an oppressor) over her own sister”- She directly communicated no such thing. We as the audience have the benefit of omnipotence. Vi never saw Jinx blow herself and Ekko up, she never saw Jinx getting ready to blow herself up against Vander, Jinx says “there’s no good version of me…. Breaking the cycle” and Silco’s “projection” for lack of a better word said nothing to Jinx about death. Only walking away. So what Vi chose is the woman she loved (who just started a war for Vi and helped her free Jinx) over continuing to chase Jinx. For the first time ever. And if Vi had been the one to find her they would both be dead. The only reason Ekko succeeded was the Z-drive.

2. “It makes me bitter that caitvi got a good ending despite everything Caitlyn did, which she never apologized for, and it was never fully addressed”-

A- Started a war for Vi

B- Jinx’s back to Caitlyn while Caitlyn is armed, totally ignores Jinx and runs to wounded Vi

C- Helps Jinx get wounded Vi to safety

D- After Jinx willingly surrenders Caitlyn keeps her in the Kiramman bunker rather than Stillwater and passes no judgement until Vi is awake even though she could have executed her immediately

E- “I KNOW!”- acknowledges her wrongdoing

F- “We can’t erase our mistakes, none of us”- placing herself and Jinx on same level

G- “No amount of good deeds can erase our crimes!”- placing herself and Jinx on same level

H- “I’ve hated you, hated myself.. I don’t have the energy for it any longer”- acknowledging and admitting self hate for her mistakes

I- literally allows Vi to make her own choice in freeing Jinx AKA the woman who murdered Caitlyns mom among many other crimes

J- Willingly fights on the front line sacrificing her own body to put things right

K- Gives up her council seat to Zaun

3. Timebomb whining- Sorry your personal fan fic didn’t play out how you hoped 🥲

Another jail sex scene bad post:

“She kinda just does that shit on a whim”- Yall are the same people talking about season two robbing Vi of her “agency” but if she makes a choice you don’t like she did it on a “whim”? No. She did it because in that profound moment of feeling like she’d lost everyone the woman she loves came into that place of darkness with her, told her she’d laid down the hate that almost destroyed them, and trusted and respected Vi to make the right choice in freeing Jinx or not. Which Vi did, and Caitlyn isn’t angry or cold. She tries to comfort her with a dumb joke. She makes Vi feel loved, and accepted, and respected. And she showed her what she failed to show her before, that her love for Vi outweighs her hate for Jinx.

Not responding to the rest its just more of the same.

IN CONCLUSION:

Boy that was fun. I know you said there is nothing anyone could say to make you not hate her. Maybe the reason for that is based on the material you are sharing and reading. You need to elevate the discussions you’re engaging in! So, unhook your mind from the unending volcanic eruption of juvenile, shallow, brain-dead analysis that is Arcane Critical and come to the good side. We have cookies.

there is nothing anyone could say to make me not hate that blue haired fascist bitch

[hiya-im-mary]

And so,ANOTJER POLL FOR THE FANDOM!!!!!!!

[alpacacare-archive]

day twoe ah haha

[falindankovsky]

Got possessed by the demons again