#POINT IS : THEY'RE ALL FUCKING ADORABLE!!!!
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linddzz · 15 hours ago
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If you think about the actual timeline for the Jayvik divorce arc it is so. fucking. funny. Guys that was like...five months?? Maybe a year?? And most of that was because Jayce got stuck going crazy getting his ass kicked by the bisexuality demons in a pit in the torment nexus.
Really, within the course of a few days all counted, these insane and enmeshed dipshits went through
-Frankenstein's Monster/Frankenstein Allegory Divorce. Came Back Wrong Event. "Can't Let You Go" as an act of betrayal. Sleeping alone in the lab crying listening to Coldplay's "The Scientist" after divorce vs divorcing your situationship to go become Jesus
-"We're Separated." Jayce doing Hellfire from Hunchback but make it bisexual. losing his mind in The Pit. symbolically recreating his ex's life journey. Viktor going through his "starting a cult and taking psychedelics in a hippy commune. getting a balayage bc I'm so over him while wearing the blanket he put on me as a wrap dress" era.
-Divorce 2.0 now with Judas/Jesus Allegory!! The "I love you and will scream as I kill you for all our sakes" ass trope. Hexcore, play "Judas" by Lady Gaga. play "Mary On A Cross."
-Separated era 2.0. Sexy Gay Villain. Im Evil and Gay and Here to Serve Exactly What you Are. Cunt. engaging in horny homoerotic fights with your rival/ex. The Magneto/Xavier era. "My ex came back and he's so much hotter now." Dom!Viktor truthers get our validation and get fed.
- Viktor getting turned down by his hot ex and taking it so bad he becomes Bodyhorror Evil Robot Wizard God. take a shot every time Viktor pins or lifts Jayce by the throat.
-brief cameo flashback of Jayce being haunted by Viktor smiling before getting blasted, just to sprinkle some "dead wife in an action movie" trope to the arc. as a treat.
- Madoka Magika Cosmic God Doomed Gays Era. The small devotee standing in awe before the Beloved God imagery.
-"You were always perfect to me. Your flaws are beautiful. I always loved you for everything you are. All I want is you." Piltover's Ultimate Dumbass Loverboy commits to the power of love except it isn't working. Jayce's voice cracking as he says how much he's always adored Viktor.
(Sidenote can you imagine Mel Medarda in the hive mind collective feeling so fucking tired seeing Jayce immediately confessing his endless devotion and adoration to the Evil Robot God Viktor? She's probably dealt with these two being unhinged and enmeshed for years. she's so fucking sick of them. she is so out of the polycule.)
- IN EVERY REALITY IN ALL POSSIBILITIES. "But babe our fates are inextricably enmeshed throughout realities and throughout universes." Life Without You Is Fields of Dreamless Solitude.
-We Go Into the Darkness Together. Fuck Orpheus I'm Built Different. Category 1000 Forehead Touch. clutching hands and each other as we enmesh our souls for eternity and explode into a butterfly launching into the cosmos. Undoomed Him From The Narrative The Wedding is Back On.
ALL OF THAT IN. HONESTLY. A SPAN OF DAYS. (jayce stuck in the pit barely counts ok). the last four points alone were in a fraction of a frozen second. unhinged. deranged. they're insane. your honor what the fuck is wrong with them???
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leviathanxprincess · 3 days ago
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Introducing the Tartaros Devils to Your Plushies
The Tartaros Devils deciding to show up to your room for sex end up getting met with you deciding to sit down and show them all your plushies!!
Notes: mildly sexual content, nothing too crazy. Gender neutral reader!
Find Mammon's and others reactions here !
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Bimet
He doesn't exactly see the appeal. They clearly weren't anything expensive. Just cheap stuffed creatures. What they could they possibly offer that he couldn't offer tenfold and then some?
Don't clock him on being jealous because you cherish your plushies so deeply, or do clock him on it if you wanna work him up even worse.
He glares your plushies are you introduce them. Not only are they taking up his valuable time that he was meant to spend sleeping with you, they're taking up your attention too. And they aren't even a valuable object!! At least in his eyes.
He voices his thoughts, he can't help himself. Call him out. Tease him a little. It's fine, Mammon would do the same.
Unfortunately unlike with Mammon he can and will cut you off. With a kiss or pushing you against the wall or something else along those lines.
Point is you can call it out but it changes nothing. Bimet still gets what he wants in the end. Just tease him more afterwards it's fine.
Yeah, he's not really taking in. Well. Any information about your plushies but it's fine! You can always just repeat the lesson later!
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Valefor
Well, aren't you just the cutest little thing for him? Absolutely adorable.
He can't help but entertain this. He'll let you ramble on for as long as you want.
Of course, there is something in it for him. And he does make this clear to you from go.
The longer you keep talking for, the longer he gets to fuck you for. The times are definitely not equal to the amount of length you end up talking for, he's just making up shit as he goes along.
You know this, but what are you gonna do? Protest? Good luck that's gonna add more time for him !
That being said he's also making it worse by squishing your cheeks while you're talking, but he just can't help himself!
Either way, he knows this is gonna end in sex. And you also know this is gonna end in sex. Prepare to be completely exhausted and ready to pass out by the time he's done with you.
That being said, he definitely memorized everything you tell him about your plushies. Of course he'd do that for you.
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Eligos
On one hand, he loves how excited you are and how cute you look while rambling on about your plushies. It makes him so so happy to see how happy you are!!!
On the other hand, he's supposed to be the cutest thing in this room and supposed to be getting all the attention. What the hell.
Why is your focus not entirely on him and instead these plush objects you adore so much?
He gets pouty and kinda jealous pretty fast! I can't even lie. He will require your attention soon.
Because of the way he is, he's not exactly memorizing a lot of what you tell him, but he is happy that you have something you love so much.
However, you also need to love him that much!! So you better get ready to focus all your attention on him!!!
Suddenly he remembers the exact reason why he came to you, and he will be getting the attention he craves so much after all.
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bazpire · 1 day ago
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Some headcanons of Azmidi because I'm fucking starving and I adore him
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His main love languages are gift giving and acts of services.
He'll leave small presents and gifts around Sweetie's house while they're gone, like their favorite snacks or drinks, as a way to say "I know what you like and I like making you happy" and "I was in your home." He'll also leave handwritten love notes in different strategic places. Their work bag, their fridge, their nightstand, places he knows they'll look into at certain times of the day (yes, he has their schedule memorised, of course he does.)
Yeah, he can be equally adorable and terrifying, which is why Sweetie likes him in the first place.
He also will take note of the chores Sweetie doesn't enjoy and do them/part of them while they're gone/sleeping so that the workload is much easier.
He's freaky, but also, he really does appreciate and care for them. Beyond just a meal, he deeply desires for them to be safe, happy, and satisfied.
He checks in on them quite often, to the point that it could be annoying to anyone else. Almost every day, their phone will ring, and a soft, concerned voice will ask, "How are you feeling? Are you alright? Have you eaten? Drank water? Taken a break? Do you need something when you get home? I'll get it for you, I'll do it for you, tell me if you need or want something, I got you."
And kind of crazy headcanon, but I really think he isn't jealous at all. He not only trusts entirely in Sweetie, but also knows that there's quite literally no one that knows them like he does, that can give them what they need and desire more than anything like he can. He knows that he understands them and loves them in a way that not anyone would be capable of. So he's pretty secure in his relationship with Sweetie, which is why he allowed them to go on a "date" with that one guy in the first place. Azmidi knew, from the very beginning, even before that guy was aware of his Sweetie's existence, that this "date" was nothing more than a means to an end. This man was little more than a prop. A tool to get his Sweetie even more riled up, even more scared. And it worked perfectly, as he knew it would.
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hypersexualshanks · 1 day ago
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penny for your thoughts... shanks with a ftm reader
i wonder what it is about him that draws us to him like this...
shanks with a boyfriend is just generally an adorable concept to me. his favorite thing in the world is celebrating and goofing around with his men, after all. for his partner to be part of that, to be someone he can mess around with like the rest of the guys, all the while being able to be more physically affectionate with them than he is with the rest of his crew, would be a dream come true for him. nothing would be more affirming than being part of the red-haired pirates' celebrations. the moment you start drinking and joking around with the crew, you're one of the guys, no questions asked. shanks makes it a personal goal to make sure you always feel that way. need to borrow one of his shirts since they're loose enough to obscure your chest? say no more. if you want him to keep the fact that you're trans a secret, his lips will be sealed, but it's not something you need to worry about either way. pirates can't afford to dwell on the past; all the crew cares about is who you are now.
in bed, shanks is all service, making a point of figuring out what language you're comfortable with and where he should and shouldn't touch you. he's adaptable; this man is the textbook definition of a switch. if you're post-op or want to use a strap he'll let you on top with no complaints (though he will be bratty about how fast or slow you fuck him). he prefers to be on top, though, if you let him, and he'll be merciless once you do. he'll feel no need to hold back, pulling your hair and growling in your ear while he fucks you stupid. he's a fountain of praise while he's fucking you, purring about how you're such a good boy for him, about how precious you look underneath him. having a lover he can party with like the rest of the crew and drag into his quarters and rail the brains out of whenever he sees fit would drive him wild. (especially if you're on t and hornier because of it-- if that's the case, he'll spend every night fucking you until you can barely walk the next morning.)
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squarebracketsmileyface · 20 hours ago
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in your universe, did Brian take Tim’s virginity? in my head he did, something about Brian being so sweet and gentle with Tim with Brian kissing Tim all over his body makes my brain go brrrrr
Oh definitely he did. I'm currently stuck between two places for when I want it to have happened, honestly.
Under the thingy a bit for length and a bit for the fact that it's talking about sex and alcohol a fair bit
Because on the one hand, I could make it when they get together properly in uni. Tim got overwhelmed at a party and Brian found him holing up somewhere absolutely not coping at all, probably just because he lost track of his friends and kinda freaked out a bit, and yeah they were both fairly drunk, but Tim needed comfort and Brian gave him that. And then once Tim had calmed down one thing led to another and it ended with them sleeping together at that party. Brian's definitely had sex before at least a couple times in this version of it, he's still awkward, especially since Tim's his best friend and has been for a couple years at this point, he doesn't want to ruin that.
Then both of them are like "well shit" the next morning after they stumbled home together and woke up hung over (Brian more than Tim, Tim's used to being drunk at that point and knows how to deal with it—though he does try not to drink, chain smokes instead most of the time—Brian not so much, Tim has to look after him a bit cos he's being a bit of a baby, but he doesn't mind that, counts it as returning the favour of Brian looking after him the night before) and they remember what happened. But they sit down and they talk, because Brian's a psychology student and Tim's had a decade of therapy (albeit not the best therapy, but still therapy), and they kinda figure things out and go, "you know what? I like you, you like me, how about we date? No one needs to know, that way there's absolutely no pressure from anyone, and we just see how this works out?"
Because I think that'd be absolutely adorable.
Or
I want it to have been something kinda stupid when they were still pretty new friends, as in, both probably still 16, maybe Brian had just turned 17, something like that. Once again, it was a drunk thing, at least on Tim's side of it. That's the one thing that's constant in my mind is Tim lost his virginity while drunk, because my version of him was pretty much at least slightly tipsy all the time throughout his time in highschool. He had a friend who was old enough to buy alcohol who had absolutely no moral issues buying alcohol for him even after realising Tim was becoming pretty reliant on it. Tim was struggling so bad with even just existing after getting out of the hospital to have at least a couple years of normal highschool before college, that he kinda needed the alcohol to help him cope/function.
It would probably have been a much worse decision if it was that second one, or like, Tim made the decision at a worse time mentally. Like, it wouldn't go badly for either of them, wouldn't fuck up their friendship or anything for more than a bit of awkwardness that went away after like a few weeks, but in this version of how it goes, it happens because Tim's in a pretty bad downward spiral that he doesn't know how to handle. Probably with Tim very drunk because something or other had happened, or had been happening for the past week that he absolutely didn't know how to handle. So he turned to two things he knows help, alcohol (drinking all day, probably skipping school for it so he wouldn't get caught) and getting comfort from Brian. But this is a pretty damn bad spiral, so Brian's usual amount of comfort wasn't really enough.
He'd have found himself going back to Brian's place after school, spending the whole evening there slowly getting more and more drunk, with Brian at first joining him because whoo alcohol! Something they're not meant to have! But he doesn't drink as much as Tim and after a while starts gently attempting to be like "heyyyyy, maybe you should drink some water instead, you just seem to be getting more upset? Let's go make something for dinner and watch a movie or something, yeah?" And eventually that works, they eat and they watch a movie and Tim sobers up a little before they go to bed, but he's still struggling a lot (probably hallucinations is how I'm thinking, hallucinations and rapid switching, thought they wouldn't know that second part, probably just assumed it was part of the being drunk) and he ends up crawling into bed with Brian instead of taking the air mattress on the floor like he usually does when he stays over.
They end up kissing and don't get round to talking about anything before they're very awkwardly wiggling out of their clothes and figuring out how having sex actually works. Then the next morning rolls around and they're not as awkward as they expected to be, they don't regret it exactly, but they're also a bit like "😬 oh we did that... Well, uh... As long as we're still friends?" And it kinda ends there, they both definitely still have crushes on each other but for whatever reason neither of them act on that again. Until uni comes along, then you get that same party (the one Jay and Alex also "get together" at for the first time properly) and they sleep together again for the first time in like a year or so, and this time they actually talk about it and have that same whole "I like you, you like me, how about we date?" exchange as above.
...could technically have both if I wanted, just make Tim forget about the time in highschool so he thinks the time in uni is the first lol
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dysfunctionalcreature · 3 months ago
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idk about yall but one of my most ever favorite aftg headcanons is that Andrew is really good with kids, and in the future when Aaron and Katelyn settle down and have kids, their kids will absolutely adore "Uncle Andrew", and he'll happily suffer through whatever sort of play the kids want to do with an as genuine and un-menacing smile on his face as he can manage, whenever he and Neil (and Kevin) come to visit
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raelyn-dreams · 1 year ago
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Pretty 5 is so beloved bc we have:
Arashi "I dream of being a beautiful woman and also had explicit attraction to girls and my male teacher" Narukami.
Tori "I'm in love with my unit leader but he's in an arranged marriage to my sister and I feel selfish for wishing it was me" Himemiya.
Mika "I'm going to live with my beloved partner in Paris as a direct parallel to the life his queer grandfather never got to have" Kagehira.
Hiyori "I'm a princess in the units with the most fanservice imaginable and almost kissed my partner in an mv 3 times" Tomoe.
And Aira "I blush over idol fanservice and am a tsundere towards my unit leader and enamored with my former online friend" Shiratori
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blue-banditt · 2 months ago
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the temporary nature of everything whilst youre in your twenties is terrifying
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atsuchiii · 11 months ago
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Hyakkaou Student Council gotta be my favourite student council in anime. Everytime I come across student council interactions in kkg fanfics, I reread that entire scene at least twice. Specially when it's them being silly together xjnxndns
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britneyshakespeare · 22 days ago
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i am at the looking-at-dolls-as-self-soothing part of the night. i definitely wanna beef up my bratz collection since unboxing my alwayz bratz yasmin was just like... oh... oh man... and... and i didn't think it'd be like that for me man i didn't think i had as much nostalgia for bratz as i actually do not just buy owning some but by touching them and playing w their clothes and their hair.
and one of my issues of course is that i'm a redhead and as a redhead my Default Lookalike Doll is meygan (not that having a doll that looks like you is the most important part of bratz, but it is so much of the fun right? the fact that there's a character out there for just about everyone?). and i like meygan as a character well enough, that's not the issue. but of the meygan dolls that have been reproduced, there's none of them that are like, hardcore needs for me except for sweetheart meygan. and i did not buy sweetheart meygan in time. i was not really collecting at that point. that was like 2022. i had a few... na na na surprise dolls at that time. which is funny bc i have four of those that i got all either on clearance or w giftcards and i do really like them even though a lot of doll collectors thought they were kinda dumb, and they were. i just liked the gimmick of the fabric bodies and there were just enough dolls i thought were really cute that i kinda caved at one point. i also knew it was a brand i wouldn't go overboard with. anyway. we were talking about meygan...
sorry meygan back to you girl. i know original 2000s bratz that have not yet been reproduced at crazy expensive on the secondhand market and it's genuinely out of control. but sweet heart meygan, both the repro and the original, are selling for triple digits on mercari, ebay, what have you. that's just ridiculous. frankly. i'm not buying her at that. i don't even like her enough to hunt for her regularly, if that's how it's gonna be. there are plenty of more readily-available bratz dolls that are either regular retail price or clearancing online andin stores. did you guys know alwayz bratz jade is going for 15 bucks on amazon right now? that's crazy. the other always bratz dolls aren't going for that low if they're even marked down yet. that release wasn't even that long ago. anyway i'm thinking of getting jade from that line bc i know some ppl thought that alwayz jade was a let-down, but i thought she was cute. yasmin was my favorite from that line and that's why i got her but jade was my second fave there easily.
i also wanna get the kumi they reproduced sometime and maybe girls nite out cloe since i see she's still available. it's funny there aren't that many core girls i've wanted from the repros but if i go for any of the cloes, new or old, it's gotta be girls nite out. cloe isn't even usually my favorite character no offense blondes she's just kinda. she's just kinda cloe to me. idk i love her but i'm not gagged over her most of the time. these are still bratz standardz we're talking about here so obviously i love her.
there's nothing going on in the world right now other than my bratz dolls. and if someone we won't mention wins the election, i'm definitely going doll crazy. i'm gonna be buying dolls after this anyway, but i'm gonna justify spending an unusual, nearly-irresponsible amount of money. you know. bc i'm an adult and i can.
hey also and of all the lines they could've reproduced why is their most recent slumber party? why? why? when the poll posted by mga had tokyo a go go WINNING? bc tokyo a go go is the correct option? i mean the slumber party line is cute and i like the base dolls and the accessories especially the stuffed animals are cute. but. everyone knows the bratz audience these days is adult collectors. which adult collectors are losing their minds over dolls in pajamas and bathrobes? again they're CUTE. but why. also why did they reproduce bratz babyz when those things were nightmare fuel
#tales from diana#yeah and i have the jimmy paul pride two-pack w roxxi and nevra arriving tomorrow :)#i'm still probably gonna buy all these dolls i'm talking about at some point but i'm just gonna space them out#now is a pretty good time to be a budding bratz collector bc there have been AFFORDABLE OPTIONS once again#but they are not all that way#and i'm so happy for my own sake that i had no emotional investment w the mean girls dolls bc that shit was ridiculous#fuck mga for that one for real#yeah the bratz i have now are the alwayz yasmin and the campfire felicia repro#i should've unboxed felicia first bc i honestly like her better and her hair (being braided) would've been way less of a mess#i have to wash yasmin's hair and im worried about it bc i've never washed doll hair before#but i'm gonna be so honest w you. the state that shit was in? was borderline unacceptable. lol#it's so hard and gelled that i cannot just brush it or anything#the back ie what you could not see in the box is especially nasty... like come on#the alwayz bratz as much as i do like them overall are not the same quality as 2000s bratz. i have to say#not just bc they don't come w a second outfit but the fabric quality and construction just isn't what it used to be#they're still good dolls don't get me wrong. but i feel like they're less pressured bc of how cheap barbies are nowadays#they don't have to put in the same elbow grease to be 'better'#anyway i'm glad i'm talking about bratz dolls which are the only thing that matter in the world to me right now#la la la la la i'm plugging my ears. la la la la la nothing is going on#i have to get a sasha at some point too but idk which one i want? and i want one that's on shelves now not a secondhand. not dealing w that#i think i'll hold onto the hope of tokyo a go go being reproduced bc that's one of my favorite sashas. & she's the best in that line imo#her hair and makeup are just gorgeous and her outfit is adorable#that's like peak sasha and peak bratz to me#but i also like the new pretty n punk sasha. idk. i will wait for suuuuure. don't rush diana#i don't think i wanna have more than one doll of any character before i have a more extensive bratz collection#so who i choose to get for the core 4 is vital... i'm happy w my current yasmin though. the other 3 are kinda up in the air
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ozlices · 10 months ago
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im like sincerely so sorry bc my most shameful flaw is that envy is one of my favorite characters in the entirety of fma which is like. listen it's genuinely irredeemable but she knew exactly what she was doing when she made envy the pinnacle of gender envy bc my non-binary ass is NOT immune to feeling the gender envy to the highest degree for that little freak
#mine#i feel less ashamed for being hornee abt shin tsukimi do u understand. how humiliating that is.#literally dont even perceive me this is my greatest sin ok AT LEAST IM SELF AWARE#THEY LITERALLY DO ALL THE MOST HEINOUS SHIT IN THE ENTIRE SERIES NEXT TO KIMBLEE#AND THEY /BOTH/ GET OFF ON IT TOO WHICH MAKES IT WORSE#BUT THEYRE JUST SO PAINFULLY GENDER IM TOO WEAK TO RESIST#i want their voice. i want it so bad it's so painful i hate them so much. but i also adore them. and hate myself for that#she was targeting ME SPECIFICALLY when she made them frfrfrfr#fma#i hesitate to even put this in a tag but i feel like other trans ppl will get it. right. u get it right or am i just a lonesome fool#also. js. i hate kimblee. i fucking DESPISE kimblee actually. worst piece of shit ever in the whole series.#i actually got mad bc i forgot just how long he lasts in the series. FAR TOO LONG IF U ASK ME.#& also. i. feel like. i should get points too bc envy is rly the only absolute irredeemable piece of shit i actually enjoy#bc usually. i am a sheep. & i HATE them. but. i am also a sheep. to gender envy. sooooo. unsurprising exception.#but like otherwise unless u wanna count like my man dracula from castlevania which i feel like is not comparable bc he was VALID#envy is the only villain i actually truly like. any other 'villain' i like is more... morally grey. or. understandable. u know. u get it.#anyway. dont ever perceive me for this im ashamed#& also no the irony of having the mention of jealousy/envy as a my most strict boundary & yet having the literal embodiment of envy#as one of my fav characters in my favorite anime of all time is not lost on me. i am a walking contradiction we all know this#at least they're not THE favorite. u can take a very predictable guess on who that title goes to
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gu6chan · 2 months ago
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is there a name for those people who are like "I love games that explore feminity 😍" but "feminity" to them is just like........birth and the patriarchy
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dangoulains-devotion · 3 months ago
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yuffie has many interesting elements to her but people refuse to move past "i find energetic kids annoying" and it makes me sad
#first of all...... treat kids with the grace + patience you wish you had been given when you were one. just. in general#second.....#god forbid a 16 year old have flaws...! especially when part of the boisterous energy is because she is masking#she has a very strong love for her home to the point she's gone into unknown territory#entirely in over her head! but she refuses to give up#it's an interesting way to look at how patriotism can affect a person when you look at the differing views of protecting wutai that her and#godo have. i'm so interested to see how 'a miserable daughter's homecoming' is gonna go in remake pt 3#given that we know they want to expand on wutai more than they could in the OG#remake intermission as well has been rolling around in my head bc i think its interesting that sonon still wants godo to be respected but#yuffie very much is like. nah fuck that old drunkard idgaf. at least thats how it comes across#i've always felt like the kleptomania was allowed to bloom because she didn't receive enough care or support on top of the patriotism from#young age... so the intermission dialogue makes me wonder if we'll delve into that potentially being the truth in part 3#anyway... rebirth gave such good yuffie + party sibling moments im excited to get more in part 3#especially with vincent because they're one of the funniest not-quite uncle and niece combos#yuffie ringing vincent post-AC and then he goes to cloud like 'tell her that's illegal' instead of just replying to her normally 💀funny af#pettiness off the charts. i adore their 'i do care about you greatly but i'd also sell you to satan for one (1) corn chip' dynamic#ultimately you like and dislike whatever characters#but its always worth looking past the surface level. you may discover that the layers have a unique charm to them#and if the charms don't appeal after that? well at least you now have a better understanding of the character. win/win#god knows i've tried to like characters and came out of diving into their facets -still- not liking them. but more often than not it#gives me some new appreciation of the character. because the depth is there you just have to put the effort in to connect the dots#(this was spurred on by brainless takes i saw in general chat of a public discord. yes i know. my own fault for looking in a godless place)#these tags are 2 short to add proper nuance to my thoughts but you get the idea. this has been my once in a blue moon ramble post o7#might delete later i just wanted the thoughts expelled teehee <3
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moe-broey · 5 months ago
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Man..
#sorry i'm still upset about bridal sharena. like YEAH she's an incredibly powerful incredibly useful unit#pair her up w winter edelgard and the girlies are cleaning up tt maps extremely efficiently#and YEAH. she absolutely has nice art and huge win for the power of friendship. w veronica.#but man. it's like. i can't even enjoy my time w her.#due to. extremely specific things about me that are entirely a me issue and i can acknowledge that and own that.#it would probably feel less bad if like. sharena got literally anything else. in between now and her bunny alt.#like YEAH... she is the other half of the alfonse duo. which is the cutest shit and i love them so much#idk i know it's a non-problem. it feels dumb to make it a problem.#but genuinely like. i don't like using her w the animations on i don't really like checking the home screen dialogue#it's INTERESTING. for lore/characterization purposes. it's funny and charming bc ofc it is!!!#it's sharena and veronica ofc they're gonna be funny and charming!!!!!!! they are SO endearing to me#but god. i really do just. have problems. and it feels soooooo upsetting that like#my very specific problems are preventing me from enjoying WHAT SHOULD BE. something i should really like!!!!!!!#like there are NO problems w her!!!!!!!!!!!! the problem is ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm gonna thrup#why didn't intsys consult me about this. the unemployable shut-in who runs a semi-obscure tumblr blog. in america#unbelievable..#like would i sound insane if i said marriage is like a trigger for me. like completely seriously and unironically.#like. again. it is such a non-issue. and all of it is on me to choose what i engage w that IS how managing your triggers works.#please please pleeeease don't misconstrue anything i'm saying i'm being vulnerable. rn. and petty. super fucking petty.#and obviously i can just. not use her. or use her minimally. but that's really not my point here i'm not looking for solutions#i'm just. expressing how uniquely upsetting this situation is. w how intense my askr sib interest is#w the fact that sharena IS. absolutely one of my fave charas. i adore her completely and she means so much to me#this feels like. a saw trap. made just for me.#idk again there is no solution here and i fully acknowledge this is a skill issue and realistically not even a problem.#but like. can anybody hear me. it's so dark in here.
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thethingything · 6 months ago
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I keep randomly remembering that the reason our brain is especially fucked and a bunch of our symptoms are worse right now is because of like, an avoidable external thing that's chemically affected our nervous system instead of either our symptoms flaring up on their own or some specific stressful event triggering it, and for some reason that keeps making us feel especially bad about it.
like our mental health being bad because of stressful stuff going on and our mental illnesses randomly flaring up both suck, but I can handle our brain just doing its own thing and/or reacting to what's going on around us.
but something about it being a medication that someone else prescribed that's changed the way our brain functions is significantly more distressing in a way I can't put into words properly. a lot of the symptoms we've got (apathy, brain fog, alexithymia, memory problems, etc) are very typical depression and dissociation symptoms, but they're like a weird version of them that feels very different to how we normally experience them.
the only way I can describe the difference in feeling is that it feels more "artificial" but I can't even really describe what I mean by that. if normal brain fog is looking out the window on a foggy day, this is looking out of a window that's been covered with those frosted vinyl sheets. you can't see shit either way, but the feeling is very different.
I just desperately want it to go away. I'm finding it hard to be enthusiastic about things I'm normally excited about no matter how bad our depression gets, and our usual coping mechanisms for getting our brain to register positive things aren't really working because it's not the same underlying mechanism.
it feels like any control I did have over our symptoms and anything I could do to help with them has been stripped away and all I can do is wait it out and hope it fixes itself, and the whole "being given a drug that changes how your brain functions and takes away your control over what your brain is doing" is pretty much the exact phobia I was trying to learn to figure out how to deal with before we get dental work done, and for the dental work it'd be like... idk probably an hour at most, whereas now I'm just stuck dealing with experiencing it 24/7 for an undetermined amount of time
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#long post#posts made on pain meds#<- we took them like 4 hours ago so idk if it still counts#but anyway this is one of those things where I can't tell if it sounds unhinged#I can't word any of my thoughts correctly and it's really freaking me out#basically a lot of it is like... symptoms we'd normally get but a really weird version of them#like this isn't something our brain would naturally do. it's technically the same symptom but it never feels like this#the apathy we normally get is like ''I'm struggling to feel excited about this but when I go and engage with it I still feel something''#whereas this is ''I keep looking at things I love and adore and just feeling nothing and now I'm questioning my sense of self''#our normal symptoms suck but at least they're familiar and there are things I can do to help with them#whereas this feels like I can't access my own feelings and the emotions I can feel are weird and unfamiliar#and I can't seem to do anything about it and I'm scared it won't go away or that I'll start acting in ways that aren't like me#and some of that is probably just me freaking out and being paranoid#but it's been 3 and a half days and yeah the really bad stuff has calmed down but it's kind of plateaued now#I probably need to do some kind of grounding exercises or anything that would be identity affirming in any way#but I'm struggling to actually do that stuff because of y'know... the exact symptoms that are the reason I need to do it#I feel like I sound insane but here we are I guess#and after all this I still have to also worry about side effects from sedation when we get those teeth pulled#on top of all the fucking phobia shit but like I'm already experiencing that anyway so at this point it's just more of the same shit
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lighthouseas · 1 year ago
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manifesting gumball to win that poll because no one gets him like i do and i say he deserves to win so that means he needs to win
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