#like. again. it is such a non-issue. and all of it is on me to choose what i engage w that IS how managing your triggers works.
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emitowrites · 2 days ago
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I've been writing non-stop to The Gold by Manchester Orchestra for the last few days.
If you've never heard it before, do yourself a favour and listen to it.
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It's a master class in less is more immediately followed by more is more. High/low, contrasts, etc.
The space for the vocals, especially in the complete instrumental drop for the first and third choruses? The chorus harmonies? The emotions in the lyrics and the rawness of his voice are allowed to take the centre stage because of the way they've arranged it - it's all working together to serve the song itself.
My favourite part is the second chorus (at 2:12 in the video above), when all of the instrumentation falls away except for the drums and piano playing different rhythms in the first half, and just the vocals and the harmonies on top? And then it all comes back in for the second half of the chorus??? Shivers.
Or watch this acoustic version which is just... ??? I can't even explain how good it is.
Also Phoebe Bridgers did an amazing cover of it, available on spotify too.
Oh and also the songwriters behind this also wrote the soundtrack for the movie Swiss Army Man, which is also a fantastic listen.
Complete lyrics below if you've got auditory processing issues like moi.
Couldn't really love you anymore You've become my ceiling I don't think I love you anymore That gold mine changed you You don't have to hold me anymore Our cave's collapsing I don't wanna be me anymore My old man told me
"You don't open your eyes for a while You just breathe that moment down" Forty miles out of East Illinois For my old man's heart attack
I believed you were crazy You believed you love me
I don't wanna bark here anymore Black Hills, the colly Wasn't really dangerous for us We just catch you coughing What the hell are we gonna do? Black mile to the surface I don't wanna be here anymore It all tastes like poison
You can't open your eyes for a while You just breathe that moment down Forty hours out of Homestake And I'm trying to translate you again
I believed you were crazy You believed you love me You and me, we're a day drink So lose your faith in me
You can't open your eyes for a while You just breathe that moment down You can't open your eyes for a while You just breathe
I believed you were crazy You believed you love me You and me, we're a day drink So lose your faith in me Lose your faith in me Oh, lose your faith in me
If you have Spotify reblog this and tag what your number one song on your “on repeat” playlist is.
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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 19 hours ago
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The Gray Woman 4
Warnings: non/dubcon and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
Character: Lloyd Hansen
Summary: You meet a man who tests your patience. (grumpy!short!reader)
Note: To those who didn’t help me resist this beast, I blame you.
As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️
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You hand over the statement and send off the client with ‘have good day’. The recitation is lifeless, meaningless as it leaves your lips on habit alone. It’s all by rote. Greet them, figure out what they want, and get them out. 
Your next customer steps up as you take a chug of cold coffee. A glimmer of recognition flickers in your head and you squint at his reddened eyes. Oh, you know this man. Well, you’re aware of his existence. 
“Hello, sir, how can I help--” 
“Shut up,” he scowls. “You serious with the hello bullshit? Look at my eyes?” 
You blink and put your cup down, “did you try milk?” 
“Milk?! Milk? You fucking burnt my retinas out.” 
“Are you having issues with your sight--” 
“That’s not the fucking point. You—You remember me now, don’t you?” 
“You grabbed me. I reacted,” you shrug. “If you’re only here to yell at me, I’ll need to call security--” 
“Fuck security,” he steps up and his nose almost touches the glass. He snarls, “do you understand who I am? How many ways I can fuck you? Figuratively and literally?” 
You stare back at him dully. You deal with people yelling about their money every day. You’re desensitized to their threats. To their chagrin. Do they really think you care? That you have any sort of emotion tied to this job? It pays the bills. 
“Would you like to make a transaction today or--” You move your hand under the desk. 
“Don’t you fucking hit that button, sweet cheeks. I’m not going to do anything. Not here. You think I’m fucking stupid?” He growls as he jabs the glass between you. “No, I want you to see what the fuck you did and why I’m going to do worse to you.” He makes a fist and hits the barrier. “And you’re going to fucking remember me.” 
You keep your hand on the edge of the counter. You sit up and look around him, “I have other customers to help. Please step aside.” 
He scoffs and thumps on the glass again. “You’re a real fucking piece of work. You let this bullshit job go to your head? Why? Cause you can hit a few keys on a computer? Money’s still in my accounts, honey. You’re nothing. I could buy you a hundred times over and still have as much left.” 
You exhale and look at him as you wave up the next person in line, “unfortunately, it doesn’t appear that money can buy class.” 
He stomps as the waiting client hesitate, “you can come up. We’re done.” You beckon them again with your fingers then reach for your cup again. 
He looms as the woman comes up to your woman. He’s close enough that you feel your discomfort. You give him a look as take her card. 
“Sir, you need to go.” You warn him. 
He puffs and shakes his head. He tuts and paces back then toward you again. He stops as if he only then notices the woman watching him in horror. He throws up his hands then marches away. 
“Sorry, about that,” you say to the woman. You take her card and swipe it. 
“No, I’m sorry. Must be horrible to deal with that at work,” she replies as she touches her cheek and glances over her shoulder. 
“Money is very personal,” you utter. “How can I help you today?” 
“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be quick,” she assures. “I’m just adding a new payee to my account. I switched phone providers but their online portal isn’t working for me...” 
You nod and help her through the process. As promised, she’s quick. The rest of your day is not. You can’t help but check the clock repeatedly. It’s almost the weekend. So close yet so far away. 
As you get down from your chair at the end of your shift and grab your bag, Veronique approaches. You face her as you hitch up your purse. It’s unusual for her to come to you. Ever. She hides at her desk, more interested in her phone than her management role. 
“Before you go, I’d like a word.” 
You frown. This can’t be good. You rely on predictability. You could drown in it but it’s easier than change. Easier than the unexpected. 
“Sure,” you agree and follow her as she spins on her heel. 
You trail her strut into a back office. One of the executives is there. Gerald, you think? He doesn’t bother with you either. 
“Please, shut the door,” he greets you. You do as he says and Veronique perches herself behind his shoulder like a parrot. “Have a seat.” 
Wary, you cross the office and sit in the stiff seat. It squeaks as you stay on the edge. You cradle your bag in your lap. Veronique grins then wipes it away as she clears her throat. 
“You’ve worked here for more than ten years.” Gerald states. You confirm. “A long time. Must get dull.” 
“It’s work, sir,” you say. 
“You haven’t moved up much. Typically yearly raise but nothing extravagant,” he looks at his lit monitor. “You work for base pay. Not very much, yet you handle a lot of money, don’t you?” 
Your heart picks up. You can’t remember the last time you felt anything like this. That you were uncertain. Everything was always the same. Go to work, go home, sleep, wash, rinse, repeat. 
“Sir, I do my job and I do it by the book.” 
“Do you?” He tuts as he leans back and clicks around. “Because we’ve had some discrepancies brought to our attention. On a particular account. A client you’ve dealt with several times, and according to Veronique, you’ve had as many issues with.” 
You shake your head in confusion. 
“No, I don’t... no.” 
“He was here today. Mr. Hansen? We were just reviewing some footage from his last visits and his statements. There’s some really strange back and forths here.” 
You sit up even higher, “sir, no. It can’t-- I did exactly as he requested. All I did was ask for his ID.” 
“Veronique,” he looks up as his tone turns to disinterest. 
“We have the evidence. We’re submitting a report for investigation. You will be suspended. Beginning immediately.” 
Her lips curve again. Your chest turns to a pit and you puff out in disbelief. This can’t be. How could they have proof when you did nothing? 
“Security is waiting outside to escort you from the premises,” she continues with a catlike smirk. 
You look between her and Gerald. He’s already distracted by his phone. “How about the steak house, V?” He swivels to her. You’re dismissed by the back of his balding head. 
You get up and clutch your bag to your stomach. You turn and march to the door. As you exit, two uniformed men await you. They walk on either side of you, past other tellers and several managers. You’re mortified. 
How could this happen to you? You have a feeling Veronique is behind it but why? She ignores you, like everyone else. What could she possibly get out of this? 
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1moreff-creator · 2 days ago
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You've done this before so this is exclusively self indulgent but can you give your thoughts on DRDT foil theory again haha... I'm enamored by it and think about it daily.
I'll point out as well that there's been a trend regarding which characters are relevant to the chapter's case based on the order of the foils so far.
In chapter 1 it was [Xander, Min, Teruo & Charles] while in chapter 2 it was [Eden, Arei, Nico, Ace] - following this train of logic next chapter's main players would be [Hu, Veronika, Rose, J].
Hu's arc has just started (her beliefs are being challenged), Veronika became worst + Arturo is going to be centered at the start of chapter 3, Rose's arc just started + a money motive would be relevant to her & J's conflict with Arturo is going to be centered at the start of chapter 3.
Feel free to ignore this if you feel it's too repetitive, I just like it when I see people talking about my theory lol.
Well, if the creator of the recap foil theory asks me to talk about it, who am I to deny? It's probably, like, in my top three theories about DRDT, so I'm gonna enjoy talking about it! :D
(Btw I totally get you about enjoying when people talk about your theory. Whenever I see someone mention one of my posts I always go ":O that's me :D" it's great lol)
CW: Murder, electrocution, execution, suicide, self-harm, eating disorders, discrimination against a non-binary person, manipulation, poverty, harmful environments during childhood.
As a quick recap (heh): at the end of the CH1 recap video, the characters are paired up in a certain way. The theory states that they're paired up in a way that represents some of the most important foils in the cast. And... well, it seems to hold up quite well! I'll talk about them here in the order they show up in the recap video.
1) Xander & Min
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And what a start! These two are basically eternal foils, with everything about their characters being contrasted with each other in some way or another. From the very first moment they're seen together, in Min's introduction, they immediately start beefing simply due to their respective talents.
The biggest point of contrast comes from their past with education. From Visiting Graves, we know Xander used to be a diligent student like Min, but he stopped when his family died while he was away studying. He's come to the conclusion that the things taught in school are oftentimes kind of useless for most people's lives, and his rejection of the education system kickstarted his rebellion against systemic issues in general.
Min, for her part, actually has a lot of the same views. Her Bonus Episode makes that pretty clear; she doesn't think things like Hope's Peak's history are really all that useful, and feels insecure because she doesn't see the same value in her talent as she does in others. However, Min still wants to maintain her talent, at least in title, seen as her first instinct when the killing game started was to grab an anatomy textbook and start studying it. Meanwhile, Xander dislikes his talent title greatly, as he believes calling him a "Rebel" undermines the stuff he does.
All of this is literally baked into their first interaction, as mentioned before. Xander seems to project heavily on Min upon first meeting her, assuming that she probably has no hobbies or friends if she's the Ultimate Student and judging her for it quickly. Min isn't particularly thrilled over that, given he knows nothing about her life.
Speaking of backstories, there's other points in those where they contrast. Particularly, the involvement of large companies and rich people in said backstories. Duke Spurling did a thing that killed Xander's entire family, which was the inciting incident for Xander officially leaving behind his studious nature. Meanwhile, XF-Ture Tech helped Min's family out of property, but pushed Min into studiousness for the Ultimate Student title; more or less the opposite of what Spurling did for Xander.
The same can be said of their relationship with Hope's Peak, which is elaborated on in the Bonus Episodes. Xander went to Hope's Peak for some kind of ulterior motive-
Unnamed Classmate [BE2]: I think your ability to get back from adversity is really admirable. That determination of yours is admirable. If you set out to do something, then never give up on that, no matter what obstacles may stand in your way. Even if it's risky or against the rules, as long as it's for a good cause... I'll trust that you know to do the right thing. Xander: Yeah, of course. That's why I've come to Hope's Peak, isn't it?
-which we can somewhat confidently assume to be bad for the school given Xander's... Everything. For Min's side, just getting to Hope's Peak was Min's entire goal for the entirety of her childhood, playing right into the hands of the Ultimate Contest for Eminent Students, and thus into the school's hands.
By the way, if you go back and look at what Absolutely-Not-Mai says to Xander, the idea of "bouncing back from adversity" could be connected to Min's whole "mistakes are to be corrected" thing. This one's an insane stretch, though.
For another point, though I don't know much about this particular topic, I find even their designs are opposites in some ways. Although arguably that's more a result of them being foils in general and DRDT having good character design but y'know.
Both of them seem to wear some kind of school uniform, but in totally different ways. Xander does everything he can to stylize his, be it wearing his coat as a cape, or getting a tongue piercing specifically because they weren't allowed and he could hide it, as stated in a Q&A, doing everything he can to fight against this institution. On the other hand, Min wears hers normally, and several Q&A answers clarify that she finds comfort in the colors and style of her uniform. One fights against institutions, the other works withing their systems (Min even wants to be a teacher which is an extension of that idea), you get the point.
Also this plays into the theme of fate because of course it does. Just replace "institutions" with "fate" and you kinda get the point. Xander fights against it, Min accepts it. Or, she accepts the fate of being the Ultimate Student, at least.
Their relationships with other characters, Teruko and David in particular, is another point of foiling. I've brought this up before, but as a recap: Xander betrayed Teruko so she openly hates him even though her real feelings are much more complicated than that, while Min tried to save her only to then panic and try to win the class trial, which causes Teruko to openly hate her even though her real feelings are much more complicated than that. But Teruko takes on Min's philosophy of fixing mistakes in the second trial, which is notable because in the same trial, David calls Min pathetic before his magical girl transformation, only to reveal that he's following Xander's ideals a while later. And while Teruko and David may not be recap foils, they sure are foils in general, so the foiling Xanvid and Terumin duos are formed. Cool!
As a minor point also connected to relationships, I could see the angle that Xander's friendship with David might parallel Min's thoughts on Mai. This one's iffier because anything about Mai is iffy, but I think it's worth mentioning.
The starting point of the Xanvid thing is the fact that they both used to idolize each other, but eventually decide that they should just be friends like any other friends. Cue the whole "foxes and children" quote from The Little Prince that shows up in LGI in the "I hate the things I love..." scene- I don't know how many people can follow what I just said, but I hope the main idea got across, at least.
Xander [1-5]: Enough with these idols or role models, okay? Let's just be friends.
In the same way, everyone loves Mai, but Min's Mai quote is:
Min: An average girl with nothing special at all about her.
Which can kinda be said about Min too, but the whole point of the end of the Bonus Episode is how Min is special to Mai.
Think of David as Mai and Xander as Min. David and Mai are idolized by everyone who knows them (pre 2-11 anyways), but Xander and Min see them as regular people (post 1-5 for Xander), while Xander and Min aren't idolized (by most of the cast at least) but are special to David and Mai respectively. I don't really know if it works perfectly, but it's close enough for me to mention.
You can even try to fit in some kind of point about the theme of cooperation vs competition, though I'll admit it's a bit of a stretch.
Competition is greatly important for Min's character, but she doesn't often go out of her way to help others. She helps when asked, sure, as she does when Surely-Not-Mai asks her to help her study in BE1, or when Eden asks for help baking and the subsequent clean-up. However, there's several scenes where she avoids conflict by reading that anatomy textbook of hers, such as in her introduction and when Arei's yelling at the Baking Squad.
Meanwhile, Xander doesn't really compete on anything with anyone aside the arm wrestling contest (which isn't much of a competition anyways), but he constantly tries to butt into other people's issues. It happens in Min's introduction, in his chat with Nico in 1-5, right before stabbing Teruko, you get the idea. So, he constantly tries to cooperate even without the consent of the person they're trying to cooperate with. Again, a stretch, but kinda works.
All of these foils culminate in Xander's death and Min's murder. Xander, like always, is proactive and acts even with incomplete information:
Xander [1-5]: Then, why did I do this? I don't even know... Why? Just why did you ask me to kill Teruko?
Trying his best to cooperate with an unknown ally to, presumably, hinder the mastermind's plans; fighting against the killing game like he fights against any other system.
But then Min barges in. She was just trying to fix the mistakes of the past, aka cleaning up the remnants of the baking thing. But just like her being randomly sponsored by XF-Ture Tech was in some ways both a blessing and a curse, she once again finds herself in a situation where, depending on how you look at it, she's either in the right place at the right time (to save Teruko) or at the wrong place at the wrong time (because she'll end up dying from this).
Xander attacks, and there's a bit of brain vs brawn thing that happens. I hadn't mentioned that theme before because Xander is intelligent and Min is arguably not the smartest in the cast, but it's true that Xander's physical prowess and Min's intelligence are some of their most notable strengths. This is brought to the forefront when Xander tries to kill Min by overpowering her only for her to outsmart him with the light switch trick.
However, again similarly to how she was pushed into a corner by the XF-Ture Tech contract, Min now finds herself in a position where she must compete with others for her own survival. And not just any form of competition, but a class trial. Once again, Min has to compete under the rules established by an institution, as she did in the UCES. She ultimately gets executed, but kept trying to survive until the very end, fighting for her life the same way she'd been fighting for her future her entire childhood; by trying to give the right answers in a test.
Look, there's probably more foils (because each time I look at these two I find more of them), but I need to stop at some point. These are characters who foil even in their fucking custom weapons for God's sake. Xander's "gun" looks extremely dangerous, when in reality it's nothing but a piece of plastic; and Min's pen looks totally safe, while actually hiding a knife. If I keep looking, I'll keep finding, and I have to talk about 7 other foiling pairs, so I'll keep it at that for this post :v
2) Teruko & Charles
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There's plenty to talk about with these two as well! The main point of foiling is their respective character arcs so far.
Charles started out as a prickly and judgemental guy, pushing the others away as he felt superior due to his talent. However, after the events of the first trial, he started opening up a bit more, and hanging out with the others, mainly Whit.
Teruko, for her part, started out friendlier. She made a quick connection with Xander, and we saw her socializing with the elevator scene with Ace and Levi, and the baking squad scene. However, she went the other way after the first trial, pushing the others away to avoid getting attached and trusting no one. She's swinging back to trusting now, but the point stands.
Basically, Teruko and Charles went in opposite character arcs in the first two chapters. In that sense, Charles exists as an early warning to Teruko about the dangers of pushing others away, as the only reason Charles managed to get through the first trial is because Whit trusted him and his hemophobia. So, trust, relying on others, important themes their stories share.
And it's not just the in-killing game arcs, as their backstories also vaguely foil. Charles had a pretty privileged upbringing, while Teruko obviously had a lot more issues with her luck and all. Funnily enough, this includes them having scars they don't properly remember getting. Charles believes the dog bite wound on his arm is a birthmark, while Teruko doesn't know where the scar on her back came from.
Which is what gets us to the theme of memory we got going on. Both of them have memory issues, albeit different ones: Charles has childhood amnesia, Teruko has prosopagnosia. They even both have a brother of indeterminate fate, what with us not really knowing what happened to either "Kyo" or Elliot. Well we know Elliot's dead at least but you get the idea.
Speaking of the Elliot situation, one can tie this pair to a theme I can best define as "challenged preconceptions." Basically the idea that there's preconceptions these two carried into the killing game which are challenged by the events within it. That can technically be said about a lot of characters, sure, but Charles and Teruko have a fair amount of very specific notions which are only begin doubting in the killing game.
For Charles, this would be the existence of Elliot; that's the point I was trying to make with that segue back there. Charles thought he was an only child, but turns out he had a brother at some point.
Charles [2-7]: From birth all the way to the present, there are probably many things that you had taken for granted to be true. Things you never thought to question before, like those frivolous lies about "Santa Claus" or the "Tooth Fairy." Or perhaps less frivolous lies, like the idea that your parents know what's best for you. Once you're given some hitherto unknown information, you may begin piecing together a bigger picture of your past. Things you had accepted as truth your whole life begin to reveal themselves as lies. And once all the pieces are in place, you realize you were blind for never seeing the whole story before.
It's what Charles' numeral in LGI references: "if you doubt, brittle things are broken."
For Teruko, there's a few preconceptions that get challenged over the course of the killing game, but probably the most notable one is the idea that she's doomed to live a horrible life due to her luck.
Teruko [2-16]: I have always said that my misfortune, my personality, the choices I make, everything was all a product of a bad luck that I can't control. That I grew up in such horrible circumstances, so I was destined to grow up to be a terrible person. That everyone else abandoned me, so it's not my fault that I'm alone. I want to say that it's fate's fault, and that I had no choice in the matter. But, even so... Even so... Everyone. Xander, Min, Arei, Ace. Maybe even Levi. Is it my fault that they died? [...] Whether it was the fault of fate, or my fault... I already knew the answer. I had known what the answer was since a long, long time ago.
I think you can kinda see the point.
Their aptitude in class trials can also be mentioned. Although Charles was sorta out of it during the first one, he was definitely pretty good in the second one. And Teruko is far and away the most influential character in trial discussion overall. The fact they're equally matched intellectually speaking helps them play off each other pretty nicely.
Like with Xander and Min, there's probably more to talk about, but that's enough for me in this case.
3) Eden & Arei
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The girlies! Arei's playground breakdown very neatly captures a lot of the themes these two foil on. Mainly, the theme of kindness and being a "good person." Arei used to try and be kind, but she was hurt because of it and thus decided to fight back against her sisters through becoming mean. Eden, meanwhile, remains kind and compassionate even through the despair of the killing game. This also plays into the idea of strength; while Arei is physically stronger and more forceful when it comes to getting what she wants, Eden is stronger in her resilience, her ability to remain Silly despite the horrors. Both have their merits, as we see for example when Arei defends Eden from Arturo and when Eden manages to move Teruko in the 2-3 kitchen scene, respectively.
Meanwhile, when we speak of being a "good person", Arei's breakdown of what that means in 2-13 is really all we need to talk about. Eden's seemingly unending patience and kindness is not what's truly needed to be a "good person", as even she must have made mistakes and hurt people in the past (cue fork CG). Rather, being a "good person" just means trying to change for the better whenever you mess up, represented by Arei. Not to say Eden's not a good person; she is, but you don't need to be like her to be "good"- you get the point.
In the same ballpark, we have the theme of friendship, what it means to be friends. In fact, Arei's little 2-10 reconciliation speech connects both this theme and the last.
Arei [2-10]: Being a good person means doing nice things. So if there's anything you need from me... Whether it's defending you from scary jerks like Arturo or baking some stupid fucking cake... I'll do it. I promise. I'll do anything for you. Okay? Eden: I... Arei: Because... because... Because that's what friends do.
Arei believes friendship to be all about doing things for the other person, protecting each other. This is pretty central to her character, seeing as "Because that's what friends do" is her secret quote. Eden brings up the same thing when acused of murder.
Eden [2-14]: I just wanted to help Arei.... I didn't kill her... Teruko: You know I can't just take your words at face value, Eden. Eden: Please, Teruko... You're my friend, aren't you? Friends help each other.... So please, help me...
So. That.
One could also connect Eden's theming around new beginnings (birthday right before New Year's, favorite color is daffodil yellow and daffodils represent new beginnings, her name references the Garden of Eden which comes from a story about the beginning of the world) to Arei's redemption arc, as Arei gets a "new beginning" in the kindness she once showed. This even ties into Arei's death thematically, as Arei not only dies trying to be a good friend to Eden (tying into the theme of friendship), but she specifically dies in the playground, a place connected to childhood. So we once again get "new beginnings" by connecting her place of death to her origin point and the time when she was kind, if you get the idea.
Again, probably more here, and for this one in particular I'm not even sure I really scratched the surface, but I'll call this good enough for now.
4) Nico & Ace
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So these two have a ridiculous amount of beef and that's not really new. Even their very talents have foils; both work with animals, but Nico loves all animals, while Ace hates them, especially horses. 
Ace [1-5]: Animals are fucking lame, anyways. Seriously, they suck hard. If someone told me their cat was acting up or something, I’d give it a good punt.
But the main point of contrast is the theme of agency and taking control of their situation.
Ace’s thoughts on this are expressed quite clearly in his secret quote, “I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.” He feels he lacks control over his talent (forced into it despite being deathly afraid of horses), over his feelings (obvious), over his relationships with the cast, etc. And so he tries to feel in control by bullying Nico, especially when he gets their secret so he can try to blackmail them. Not that Ace doesn’t bother Nico before that, but it does get worse in CH2. He repeatedly does self-destructive things just so he can feel in control of something, be it killing Arei because he feels everyone hates him and he has no way of fixing that before he dies, or trying to find reasons to get mad at Levi so he can try to control his feelings towards him when they become inconvenient for the whole murder thing.
Nico, for their side, keeps having their agency undermined by people around them. They get pushed by both David and Ace into revealing their secret before they were ready, Hu keeps defending them even after they ask her not to, they keep getting spoken over during the trial, etc. You can even extend that to stuff like feeling like they have to present as a man at the start of the series because the people from their backstory don’t respect their identity, or more minor events in the killing game like Ace reproaching them for just… wandering around.
Nico [1-8]: The motive was on my mind. So I was nervous. I tend to pace around when I’m nervous. That’s not a problem, right?  Ace: Seriously? You were ‘wandering around’ all alone? You’re definitely the killer!
Basically, Nico struggles to assert themselves a lot of the time, which means they end up going from 0 to 100 pretty fast on the whole “murder Ace” plan. 
That’s how we get to the theme of victims/perpetrators, or rather, how sometimes things are more complicated than that dichotomy. The theme is explored throughout their relationship, with Nico originally being a victim of Ace's bullying, then Ace being a victim of Nico's attempted murder, then Ace being a perpetrator of actual murder, you get the idea. Pretty straightforward there. 
Going further, this also connects to the theme of forgiveness and apologizing, which comes up a few times in the trial. Nico doesn’t apologize to Ace after explaining their plan because they still hate him and know Ace isn’t going to forgive them, so they see no point in doing it. This parallels how Ace doesn’t expect anyone to forgive him for killing Arei, though with Nico, the question of forgiveness is currently open-ended, as there’s several characters who either have shown a willingness to ignore their crimes (Hu) or don’t know what to think of them (Rose). Basically, Nico has a chance to move past their mistake, which Ace isn’t getting.
And as usual, Ace’s death is the culmination of the themes his character embodies. He kills Arei, who is connected to him via the theme of bullying. He does it out of fear of death, because he feels he doesn't have enough control over his life to avoid getting killed by the enemies he made by insulting them all. Arei was on the path of forgiveness with Eden, which Ace cut short. Ace replicates what Nico did to him because Ace’s murder is the conclusion to everything that’s happened to him in the killing game, with everyone hating him and all that. You get the point. Hopefully.
For a relatively smaller theme, we can bring up dissatisfaction with their body. Nico is non-binary, meaning they’re presumably not very happy with the sex they were born with. Meanwhile, Ace has an eating disorder, not to mention that he always wears gloves for some reason (hiding his hands), and he wears heels to be taller because he’s shorter than he’d like, even though he’s also tall for a jockey. Can’t win, this guy. 
Again, probably more to talk about, but I’d like to get this post out at some point this year :v
5) Hu & Veronika
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You mention in this ask that, since the first two recap foil pairs were important for CH1 and the third and fourth were important for CH2, it's possible that Hu-Vero and Rose-J could be important for CH3. That's certainly an interesting observation! We could also extend that to CH4, I guess, but that's a bit too far for me to talk about... so I won't! I will talk about CH3, though.
I'll get to Rose-J in their section, but I could definitely believe that Hu-Vero could be important for CH3. There's a fair bit of setup for both of them going through some kind of arc in the chapter, which you kinda mentioned in the ask (Hu has to deal with the fallout of the Nico situation, while Vero's reactions to Levi's near death and Ace's execution imply she's getting worse), and there's already a narrative connection between them through their pact about the secrets in the second trial. Not to mention that Vero's always given people CH3 death vibes, which I get even if I'm hesitant to say that myself.
But that's just speculation. What about the foils we already have? Well, the main point of contrast is their reaction to conflict, especially when it comes to a specific person they're particularly interested in. Hu always tries to mediate conflict and defend the people she considers good, mostly seen in her white knighting of Nico all throughout CH2. Veronika's the opposite. She enjoys watching conflict, stirring the pot with her psychoanalysis, and particularly enjoys whenever Arturo does some bullshit. Basically, Hu goes "I can fix them" while Vero goes "I can make him worse." Classic dichotomy there.
Then there's the matter of change, metamorphosis even. Hu’s character is designed around it, with her butterfly hairpin and the fact her name means “still lake”, as water is often connected to rebirth. And we know she has changed, from the hopeless child who attempted suicide three times into someone who seems quite attached to her life, if her secret quote is anything to go by.
Hu [Profile Source Code]: I want to pay for what I’ve done. But even then, I still want to live.
Much in the same way, we know Veronika in present is not the same person she used to be years ago. She mentions having been quite outdoors-y back in the day, some of that bleeding into her excitement about the playground, and of course her motive secret is that she used to self-harm, but no longer does.
And yes, the theme of self-harm/suicide is another one where these two foil, which has even come up with their motive secret pact in CH2. We don’t have many details on that yet, though.
That said, the reasons for why they harmed themselves seem to be quite different, which is noteworthy. Although we don’t know what exactly led Hu to attempt suicide, we do know that nowadays she desperately wants to be relied on so she feels useful, meaning it’s very likely her suicidal tendencies came from a feeling that her life had no meaning, or something equally depressing. Meanwhile, provided her secret is to be believed, Veronika just hurt herself when she was bored. Definitely very different reasons for self-harm there.
Looking over your original post on this (have I mentioned I’ve been cross-checking my own thoughts with your own? ‘Cuz I’m doing that), you also bring up maturity, which is indeed an aspect in which they foil. Hu’s character profile states she acts motherly, and the highlighted word in her subtitle quote (“Can you please try and act with a little more maturity?”) is, in fact, maturity. Meanwhile, Vero has childish tendencies, most evidently seen in the scene where the playground gets introduced.
There’s definitely a lot of things about these characters which we currently don’t know about, so I’m sure this section could get significantly larger in the future. But for now, this feels decent enough for me.
6) Rose & J
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According to the extension of the original theory stated in this ask, J-Rose might be an important pair for CH3. And I can definitely see that! Rose's mental state has deteriorated a lot, so CH3 is primed to be a turning point for her character. Your point about Arturo being important at the start due to Levi's condition, and that possibly leading to attention being drawn to J, is also very reasonable. Not to mention that, as you seem to be aware of given what you said in the ask, DRDT's motives have so far aligned pretty well with the THH motives, with the first one being videos of their family and the second being secrets. This is important because, if that pattern continues, the third motive might be related to money. And one of the themes in which these two foil is wealth and poverty, which we'll get to in a moment, so it's entirely possible this pair could be quite relevant as a result of that. Not a bad idea in the slightest.
In any case, this is another set that mainly foils through backstory, at least for now. Rose was born into poverty, J was born into wealth. Rose tried to do everything she could for her family, J tries to distance herself from her mother as much as she can. Some parallels can be drawn between the influence the Spurling Foundation has on Rose’s life and the things Mariabella tries to force J to do. I can’t recall if this actually got mentioned in the series itself yet, but based on the childhood drawings post, we can tell J was probably forced to wear dresses despite disliking “girly” things per her profile, and from there infer that she was likely forced into doing a lot of things she didn't want to do.
These backstories can additionally connect to the ever prevalent theme of fate. Rose has accepted her fate, in a sense, believing that she’ll never escape her contract with the Spurling Foundation (see: her secret quote, “In the end, the only thing I can do is watch my wretched life go on”). On the other hand, J constantly rejects her fate by going against her birthright and hiding that she’s a Rosales (see: her secret quote, “Please don’t call me your daughter ever again”).
This is literally baked into their designs btw. Rose’s apron is stained all over, as if to signal she’s stained by the mistakes of her past, while J wears a hoodie as if to hide her identity as much as possible. Notably, J’s shirt actually has a paint splatter design, so she literally is hiding the stains (which in her case would be her last name) that Rose doesn’t bother covering up. 
(Btw while I was looking at their designs for this I noticed J’s hoodie has two zippers, which threw me off a lot lmao. Apparently those are a real thing, but it still caught me off guard and I wanted to mention it lol)
On the topic of design, why do they wear the same shoes?
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(Rose's on the left, J's on the right)
Like, Rose’s are a bit less saturated and maybe a bit more green than blue, but that’s the only difference I can see. I don’t think there’s any other pair of pairs of shoes that look this similar in the cast. Whit and Arei’s are similar to these, but they have a few different details. I don’t even think this is a foil thing I think Rose and J just have very similar taste in shoes. I find this amusing. 
Anyways. Their talents are artistic.
…Yep, that’s the parallel! Admittedly, it does come up a bit, with J saying the decor looks new during the prologue, and Rose saying she could figure out a few things about the building if she could analyze the paint on the wall. They be detective-ing and stuff.
Arguably, the theme of betrayal can also be brought up, though it’s very minor. Rose got betrayed by Nico, who used her turpentine for their attempt on Ace. And something like that kinda happened to J around the same time, as she dragged Teruko into a dressing room to avoid Arturo and got a knife to her throat for the troubles. It barely counts, but given Teruko is one of the only people J seemed to genuinely like before that point, I’d say the situations are similar enough to mention, if nothing else. 
Leaving it off there!
7) Arturo & Levi
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Let’s get the obvious one out of the way. Their talents are aesthetic related, be it related to people’s physical appearance or the clothes they wear. These talents connect to some of the other themes of their characters, such as Arturo’s obsession with beauty and Levi “styling himself” as a good person by doing things good people do, if that makes sense.
Then there’s the other big one; their family situation. Arturo’s home life was likely pretty bad, which we can infer from how desperate he seemed to get the hell outta dodge; and his sister committed suicide because Arturo left. Levi also left his family behind, although in his case he says everyone was a “bad influence” on everyone. Plus, he directly killed his father for one reason or another. We did get to see how Arturo felt about Levi’s nonchalance about the death of his father in the second trial, and that furthers their foiling. 
Arturo [2-13]: How could you simply *forget* that you murdered your own family member?
Yeah that.
Going back to the talents, there’s some contrast between how they got them. Arturo studied from a very young age and for years to become a Plastic Surgeon just as he entered adulthood, while Levi admits to being relatively new to fashion. They both kinda use their talents to escape their past in some way (it was part of Arturo’s plan to get the hell away from his home and Hope’s Peak is the reason Levi was never convicted for his murders), just that one had a little more planning behind it. 
Then there’s the matter of protection. Arturo repeatedly resents the idea that because he has some medical training, he has to be the cast’s doctor every time someone gets injured, and panics when he’s asked to do something as serious as saving Levi’s life.
Arturo [2-16]: I–! I’m not that kind of surgeon! I’ve told you, over and over, I have no experience with saving lives!
Levi, conversely, actively wishes to protect the others, seen for example when he attacked MonoTV in the Prologue and when he jumped in front of Teruko right before she got shot at. It’s even clarified in the subtitle quote of his profile (“I will do my utmost best to make sure that you all are safe”). Levi likes to protect others so they see him as a “good person”, which segues nicely into a more vague theme of categorizing important people in some way. Levi wishes to be seen as a good person and thus is quite interested in those he considers good (eg Eden), while Arturo is only interested in talking to beautiful people. It’s very vague and I don’t have much to say about it, especially since we don’t know exactly where Arturo’s obsession with beauty comes from, but it’s there.
Speaking of that, another point of comparison is the way both of them seek the approval of one specific person in the cast. For Arturo, it’s J because of her mother. For Levi, it’s Ace because of what happened in the first trial. They do it in quite different ways, but it is a thing that happens, and the differences help highlight the main narrative points these plot points bring to the table.
I’m calling that good enough!
8) Whit & David
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We sure left a pretty interesting one for last. This is probably one of the ones I’m the least clear on, mostly because both Whit and David are sorta unclear characters. However, there are still a few interesting things I can bring up.
Let’s start with the theme of idolization of the dead, because it’s quite literally what Whit’s secret quote references.
Whit [Profile Source Code]: We tend to idolize the dead. 
Whit idolizes his mother, and thus tries to be like her in any way he can. He dyes his hair blond, he completely ignores the fact she’s dead, you know the drill. Meanwhile, David idolizes Xander. Take a pick from any of his 2-12 lines or any of the Xander related LGI bullshit to see what I mean by that. 
Though, speaking of family members, Diana Chiem. Given we have no idea what the deal with her is yet, I won’t speak too much on it. But if you’ve watched my Vivisection of the David MV, you might know that there’s a theory brought up there that Diana may have died during Hope’s Peak time and that David’s started saying she never existed when that happened. The link sends you to that section of the video. It’s kinda insane, but there’s some basis for it, and it would create a pretty clear connection between Diana and Elizabeth (Whit’s mom) so I’m bringing it up. 
Then there’s the theme of hiding/avoiding sad topics and the like. David is obviously not as happy with his life as he presents himself as, at least for most of the story, while Whit has a history of horrendously avoidant behavior when it comes to anything that’s even remotely negative.
David does occasionally talk about heavier topics, but always behind some kind of persona. Either as the inspirational speaker who takes on a leadership role in CH2 (see: revealing his family history of depression (which I think is true, even if he probably never thought that was actually his secret), comforting Arei in the playground) or as the cartoonishly evil person he pretends to be immediately after his magical girl transformation (see: “Arei was a weather spell” line). He’s seemingly a bit more candid when it comes to Xander in 2-12 for a bit, but then he mostly reverts back to just being an asshole most of the time, other than a few outbursts of genuine emotion (funnily enough, one of them being David shouting at Whit to take things seriously). Meanwhile, Whit (in my opinion) doesn’t seem to have a persona, per say; he’s just kind of an unserious person who repeatedly uses humor and other tactics to distract from the Horrors. He’s a deeply strange person, but that’s kinda just who he is.
Then there’s- say it with me everyone- the theme of fate. David believes people can’t change, that they’re fated to remain the same no matter what happens during their life. He’s made that stance relatively clear. Whit, for his part, has a much more optimistic view on humanity and the like, as he tells Teruko.
Whit [2-3]: Charles… No, everyone here… we might act callously, but we’re all only human. We're all real people with our strengths and weaknesses.  You included, Teruko. Just like Charles, even if you’re acting cold, there’s still a part of you that’s good–
(And yes, “we’re all only human” can be contrasted with the whole “David doesn’t really feel human” thing from LGI and Tally 5)
Thus, his connection to fate is actually something that hasn’t been talked about in the main series yet, but rather comes from his character profile. All it takes is noticing the repeated references to luck and thing that are “guaranteed” (aka fated) to happen, and you can kinda piece it together from there. 
Whit [Profile]: It’s said that if you get the Ultimate Matchmaker to find you a romantic partner, you’re guaranteed to have a happy and stable relationship for life. Unfortunately for Whit Young, he seems to lack all luck when it comes to finding a relationship himself.
And since that profile talks about his talent, I'll use it as a segue to look at similarities between Matchmaker and Inspirational Speaker. Both are talents based around influencing and advising people on how to achieve happiness, either in their love life or their… life life. Thus, both require some level of understanding on how people think and act, which manifests in Whit’s self-proclaimed intuitive nature and David’s confidence in his beliefs when it comes to people not changing and all that. 
And… yeah I’m gonna say I’m okay with that for now.
-
Wow, that was quite a bit, now wasn’t it! And it still feels like I could find more if I thought about it long enough, but I hope this was enough for you. Thanks for the ask! The DRDT cast is really fun to talk about, though, so the excuse to do so is always welcome :D
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instantpansies · 2 months ago
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life is hard for us oz fans who are only meh about wicked. have half a meme.
#it's not even that i dislike boq as a character - he's fine. i think galinda is the most intriguing of the musical esp in her relationship#with power and how that relates to her relationships with other people. but boq is fine#i am just SO fucking tired of conflating boq wicked with nick chopper baum books#that's not my tin woodman. and i don't want him to be. nick (unlike many oz characters) has a very specific and set backstory#he has a whole damn book about it ffs#and boq is such a different character in terms of role symbolism and personality that i just cannot see him as even an au version of nick#fiyero too to be completely honest. though his mischaracterization doesn't bother me quite as much bc i read the book and he is rather#intriguing as a separate character - i don't love him in the musical tho. anyways specifically calling boq the tin woodman and saying#all the baum book stuff happened to him is so irritating to me because they are not at all the same. and nick is one of my favorite charas#in any media ever. idk. no hate if you like boq ofc and i don't want to stop you from having fun with the characters#i just am getting tired of the greater oz fandom latching on to wicked as fleshing out the baum or mgm characters. it's an entirely#different world. (and yes we can discuss the fact that wicked is intended to be canon compliant with the 39 film - but once again it's#a stretch to say it fits the charas. and that isn't the issue i have here.)#anyways. sorry. i'm just tired of wicked = boq = nick stuff#esp im annoyed at the fiyero and boq blorbo-ifying i see when the women of this musical are far more interesting and proactive#boq and fiyero are just furniture/pawns in the great drama that is elphaba's life and the way she pulls glinda into it with her#but WHATEVER i DIGRESS and shit. ignore this. whatever#it's the way people attempt to reconcile a lot of non-compliant media into whichever one they like the best. which is all fun and games#i am just being a hater. ok? this is me being a hater.#analysis#wizard of oz#wicked#wicked musical#toast talks oz#toasty talks
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jasper-ontheoffbeat · 2 days ago
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I’M UP HATING POP PSYCHOLOGY. MEMEME
to be more serious: i have empathy for the urge to compartmentalize like this. genuinely, i do— for some, processing trauma feels easier when there are ready-made labels for the things/people that hurt them. i so deeply understand the urge to file away overwhelming chaos; to make sense of the cruel and senseless; to be comforted by pop psych “gotcha” moments and cling to categorizations. i know what it feels like to try to neatly reorganize broken self-concepts and horrifying histories. i’ve dealt with this exact issue myself.
that being said… unfortunately, it just. doesn’t. work.
automatically slapping warning labels on ASPD, NPD, BPD, etc is simply not fair nor accurate. the nuances shouldn’t be ignored: does the concept that mental health matters come with conditions? does furthering the stigma really empower victims, or does it drive offenders away from self-awareness and recovery? does it really help to boil human behavior down to lists and labels, or does it just skew our perceptions of ourselves and others even further? is it productive to focus on condensing things, or should we ultimately focus on understanding the complexities that make generalization ultimately impossible?
this is NOT to say that ANYONE has to entertain or forgive abusive people. not at ALL. i’m also not saying those who don’t care to improve should be forgiven and/or granted the opportunity to keep treating others poorly. there is a stark a difference between acknowledging nuance and normalizing/excusing abuse— you can express pain without making harmful blanket statements. in fact, it’s straight up ignorant to disregard those who are working their asses off in recovery. these disorders can be uniquely challenging to live with, and stigma makes everything 10x worse, especially when trauma, defensiveness, and self-hatred are inseparable from disordered beliefs/behaviors. you have EVERY right to cut off shitty individuals and despise them and feel rage and do whatever you need to do to heal— at the same time, people who present in malignant ways won’t get any better if they’re universally met with hostility. after all, 99% of the time, recovery seems like a far better outcome than total shunning. wouldn’t it be so much better if these people had safe spaces in which they could to learn to never abuse other humans again, and to develop healthier self-concepts?
(i say this as someone who’s been abused horribly countless times by people who present like this, developed BPD as a result, and gone through wild amounts of intensive therapy. i no longer meet the criteria for BPD.)
(of course, there are some acts that are UNFORGIVABLE. those require a… unique approach. i don’t feel qualified to go into that territory because personal experiences have left me way too biased; just know that i don’t mean to erase that line.)
also, re: MBTI/love language/brain development/brain gendering/dark empathy/blah blah blah: the same principle applies. individuals’ psychological makeups and backgrounds are too complex to accurately box in. that is the nature of the human condition, and even though it gets overwhelming, at the end of the day, it’s beautiful! there is no linear pathway for anything, and that is a GOOD thing! at best, all of those words can provide useful loose blueprints for furthering introspection; at worst, they create interpersonal divides that are either based on faulty assumptions or entirely non-existent.
we don’t have to fit into boxes to find community. it’s fine to use things like MBTI and love languages as cute, unweighted bonding tools, BUT in order to truly understand each other’s wants, needs, traits, and issues, we simply need to COMMUNICATE. no matter how isolated we feel in our struggles, WE ARE NOT ALONE. we are all mosaics of the experiences that have shaped us, and we each deserve to be understood as works of art, not as sums of our most basic parts.
tl;dr pop psychology egregiously simplifies human behavior and it is Not helpful as it seems
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who up hating pop psychology
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bread-wizards · 2 months ago
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I think that Orym actually does doubt Imogen, but this isn't a thing that is unique to Imogen. Orym doubts all of them to an extent, because paranoia is something he struggles with (and this is continuously reinforced by the story).
It's not a 'good' thing that he should never get over, nor is it an immoral character flaw that proves he actually hates Imogen. However it's also not something I think he can get over as long as the threat of having to possibly fight his friends exists.
"I have all the faith in the world in you guys, all of you. And I have also spent time thinking how to neutralize each of you."
#cr discourse#critical role#cr3#orym#text post#people talk about orym being hypervigilant and then deny his behaviour created out of that hypervigilance#but also see people being weird about orym due to this. you can dislike him all you want but some people are doing too much#“he hates imogen! she has given him no reason to doubt her! she is good” guys its literally just paranoia#he doesn't need a reason to doubt her nor any of them. he just does due to their uncertainty about everything#this group is impulsive. shown by their 'we are an improv group' response to the question 'whats your plan to stop the end of the world'#this is all in line with oryms usual level of slightly paranoid behaviour which is exasperated and justified by the story#he followed fearne away from camp when she wanted to do something on her own but then she was jumped and nearly killed#that paranoia was proven correct#again the next night when he slept with a sword on his back after fearnes dad threatened to come back and attack her friends#and he was attacked in his sleep (by laudna but at the time he didnt know that)#then imogen told the whole group that she and laudna considered giving into the darkness together#something that both ladies then expressed they wanted orym to take them out if they went too far#this is just a result of all of this#so i think this is a non-issue. if you like it great. if you dont then whatever#just this time it rubbed people the wrong way because of irl hang ups of people valuing their own personal privacy#the same way any kind of mind stuff 'modify memory' or psychic reading of minds without permission rubs me personally the wrong way
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triaelf9 · 4 months ago
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honestly one of the most disgusting things ppl can do is weaponize the various atrocities occurring around the world to "gotcha" people online and win The Morality Game.
Especially if the ppl you're going after are part of those targeted.
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risingsunresistance · 13 days ago
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sorry him saying he has no idea where the misogyny thing comes from when ludwig just talked about how he sent him a big apology for calling his friend a whore when it was about THE WRONG WOMAN is funny as fuck
i dont think he realizes that the reason no one gives a shit about his apologies and honestly just straight up ignores them is because EVEN IN THE EVENT THAT THEY ARE TRUE he's been proven to lie soooooo many times to the point where you really cant believe a word that comes out of his mouth. he says something and im like "damn maybe i was wrong about that one... i'll look into it" and you get more info and go "oh. he just made that part up. and misworded that. and lied about that part... oh it was actually WORSE than i initially thought!"
#im sure tommy has done some dumb shit#i am MUCH more likely to believe he can change and grow as a person than you can 🧍#im willing to stick by him and watch him become a better person and own up to his mistakes#i have been trying so hard to see the good in you for like 4 years now and i just. cant. every time i think i might be wrong im right again#i HATE to bring it back to this bc it's such a non-issue and not very relevant but#the speedrun issue really was where he showed his true colors#the actual subject here doesnt matter im talking about the way he handled it. im still pissed off all this time later i'll never get over i#he cheats. BLATANTLY cheats. gets proven. sends his mob after the mods. denies everything#hires someone with all this money he has to say he didnt cheat (BUT THE GUY NEVER EVEN SAYS THAT HE JUST CLAIMS THE GUY SAYS IT)#(BC HE DOESNT EXPECT ANYONE TO ACTUALLY READ THIS DOC HE THINKS HIS SUMMARY IS ALL THAT MATTERS)#finds out he did cheat But On Accident (supposedly)#DOESNT SAY SHIT FOR MONTHS AND LETS EVERYONE CONTINUE TO HARASS THE MODS. GEO IS SUICIDAL#and then does a stream where he's like haha hey guys so umm i did an oopsie 😝 but i didnt cheat this isnt cheating it's just. lying!#anyways it doesnt matter bc this was so fun and i had a blast making content :) and besides it isnt a big deal anyways it's just a game :)#months of harassment didnt affect ME so you should be fine :D was a lot of fun thx guys :)#THAT SHIT was where i lost all respect for him#THAT was where i saw this same pattern every damn time#doesnt matter how big or small the issue is it's the same damn thing every single time#even when you're right. you've destroyed all your credibility by continuing this behavior!#yeah you're valid in thinking tommy downplaying your videos is just mean but. frankly i dont give a fuck!#you're probably right about a few other things too and again i just dont care!! he can change and grow and you never will!!!#i'm willing to give him a chance. you've had PLEEEEENTY of chances and havent taken a single one#chat#discourse#i guess? idk this is the only angry rant i'll do. i feel bad might as well add to it lmao
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seitmai · 18 hours ago
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Ahh many thoughts
“Non-existent,” he had replied with a sad shake of his head. “Same.”
Mood lol
You don’t know that Bob Floyd doesn’t require much to fall in love with you.  That the paltry moments between physical encounters is plenty for love to flourish for him.  That the handful of soft touches, the smiles, the little laughs…they are enough.  The way you pat his cheek after you brush a chaste kiss there once you’re dressed and about to leave his place.  The time you slid his glasses on his face, then kissed the tip of his nose.
🥹🥹🥹
(A therapist once posited that you’re this way because of your own childhood:  the only child of two career Army parents.  Your chaotic formative years—bouncing around the world, unable to set roots, sometimes even shifted from one parent to another due to conflicting deployments—left you with a wound, your therapist suggested.  Disliking having a mirror held up to yourself, you just ghosted said therapist and never dug into that part of your internal makeup again).
Hahah the last sentence cracked me up 😂
You canvass the Hard Deck for a month.  Take in all the fly boys and consider the fly girls too. 
One has to make an informed decision 🤷🏻‍♀️
Not the sort of man you’d go for, usually.  Quiet, reserved.  Hardly ever drinks but gets in on the sing-alongs.  Plays pool when someone needs an opponent.  Is often the designated driver, and you smile when you see his bemused frustration when he steers a fellow Dagger, drunk and stumbling, out the door and safely home.  He’s so stable and pulled-together.  You bet he’s never cheated on a girl or stolen her car.  Not your type at all.
This would exactly be the guy I go for hahah
He’s good-looking though, in a quiet way.  Ditch the shitty Navy-issued glasses, muss up his hair a little, and he’d be downright handsome. 
Facts
The third encounter is…wonderful.  It’s like Bob was homing in on you, treating you like one of his weapon systems.  Calibrating you.  Figuring out what you like and doing more of that, seeing what you don’t respond to and never doing it again.  Which makes it sound cold, how he figures you out, but Bob is so damned warm.  Warm and sweet and considerate, and he grins at you and laughs with you, and it’d be so easy to fall for him—
Not the calibrating 🤭
He’s usually so secure in himself, but he has a small crisis of confidence.  He wonders what he lacks—what makes him a good hook-up but not a good boyfriend?  If he could just show you…if he could take you out on a proper date.  Buy you flowers, buy you dinner, take you for a moonlit stroll along the beach.  If he could cook for you, show you that he’s not that useless breed of man who can’t or won’t do homey tasks.  If he could take care of you when you’re sick, be a sounding board when you rage…
He is desperate to be a fixture in her life 🥺
It never occurred to Bob before, but he adds it to his list of sexual acts:  have you sit on his face and smother him with your pussy.
It's on his to do list 🤭
Bob generally lets you set the tone of your arrangement, but sometimes he has a moment of dominance that makes a wave of desire wash through you so strongly that your knees actually go weak.
🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️
Of course it was easy to catch feelings for him.  He’s perfect, and right now he’s staring at you like he wants to eat you alive.
I mean how can one not?
He laughs, and he shifts his weight onto one arm so the other is free to reach down and grasp your waist.  “If you kill me like that, I want how I died mentioned in my obituary, okay?”
Deal 🤝🏻
She smiles, snorts out a light laugh.  “Yeah, the two of you are a real fucking vibe, Bob.” Phoenix nods.  “Dislocated nose.  Slight concussion.  Embarrassed.  Convinced she murdered you, until I set her straight.”
Haha I can't
“She knocked you out,” Hangman cuts in.  “And broke your nose.” “You weren’t moving and there was blood everywhere,” Rooster adds. “She also gave you grade two whiplash,” Phoenix continues.  “And it looks like you’ll be sporting a pair of gnarly black eyes by morning.”
And he is gonna wear them like a badge of honor knowing gave it to him 🤭🫡
“She has all these rules.  To keep it clean.  To keep feelings out, you know?”  He lifts his hand again, drops it again—the best version of a shrug he can manage.  “I have to think that injuries requiring ambulances is an unwritten rule too.”
This is so funny if he wasn't so defeated
“You ever tell her you wanted to revisit the rules, then?” “No.” Her smile widens.  “You’re so fucking dumb, dude.”
Someone had to say it 🤷🏻‍♀️
“There’s a pool about you and Baby on Board.”  He sips his own coffee, smiles at you.  “I want to know if I’m out money or if I have a payday coming.” “You bet on us?” He holds up a hand.  “Whoa.  All the Daggers bet on you.  It wasn’t just me.”
😂😂😂
“It doesn’t matter either way,” you finally answer.  “I nearly killed the guy.  Is there a pool on that?” Hangman laughs, and he settles in the chair near your bed.  “You didn’t nearly kill him.  You only lightly injured him.  Then Bradley lightly injured you.  It’s hilarious.”
This just such a silly situation but those two are so in love they see it in such a different way because they both think they destroyed everything 😂🥲
“If anything, Bob’s gonna have some light duty, but he can do some systems work on the ground.”  The smile reappears on his face, and he slyly adds, “and his cred just skyrocketed.”  A beat.  “The quietest Dagger just got his face rearranged by pussy.  He’ll never have to buy his own drink again as long as he lives.”
He's not wrong 😅🤷🏻‍♀️
He looks awful.  He looks…well, he looks like he pulled the full weight of an adult woman onto his face, pussy-first. 
🤭🤭🤭
But his smile…God, when he sees you, it’s just like Jake said:  his poor, mangled face lights up, and his smile is so wide it looks like it might hurt.  It hits you again, as it often does, how different he is from your usual type of man.  That he loves to see you, is happy when he sees you, even injured.  That he doesn’t need you around to fix his life, but he wants you around to just…be with you.  Bob is no one that needs fixing; he just wants you there with him.
🥹🥹🥹
“You could make a claim against my insurance, I guess—” “Just a date,” he interrupts.  “I just want one date with you.”
He's so cute 🥰
“Hmm.”  He releases your hand but pats the space on his bed beside him.  “I don’t know if I’d be comfortable making you miserable, honey.”
🥰🥹🥰🥹
“I’d like that.”  He shifts a little in the bed, then adds, “maybe around the six-month mark, you could meet my family.” “Would they make me miserable?” you tease. “Oh, they’d make your life a living hell,” he teases back.  “My dad would give you this whole disgusting speech about how he always wanted another daughter, my mom would drop hints about my grandma’s engagement ring being set aside for me—”
Awwww so happy for them 🥰
Would love to read about their miserable time with Bob's family if you ever feel up for it 🤗
First Time for Everything
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(Bob Floyd x F!Reader)
CW:  Angst (friends-with-benefits; idiots in love; talk of bad past relationships; injuries); smut (vague references to sex; oral sex gone awry); 18+ only.
Word Count: 5591
AN:  This was requested by an anonymous person!
AN2: Usual caveat - not edited in any way. Likely grammar bugaboos, tense switches, etc.
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Bob Floyd would have never thought he’d end up in a friends-with-benefits situation, but there’s a first time for everything.
You’re the one who drives the entire enterprise.  A civilian who works at Top Gun, you’re no stranger to the stress of dealing with a multi-billion-dollar fleet of planes.  You serve as a liaison between the Navy and the bevy of contractors who build and maintain the planes, and if Bob has to juggle a million complicated systems mid-flight, you have to juggle a million tricky relationships and contracts on the ground.
You put the question to him, late one night at the Hard Deck.  Harvard and Yale had been leading a spirited conversation about dry spells, long distant relationships, juggling hook-ups.  You and Bob sat there, listening but adding little.  But after the other Daggers started to peel away one by one, you had turned to Bob and started asking about his love life.
“Non-existent,” he had replied with a sad shake of his head.
“Same.”
There was a beat of silence—you sipped at your drink; Bob cracked another peanut.
“Any prospects?” you asked.
Another shake of his head.
“Yeah, same here,” you replied.
Then there was another long stretch of silence, but this time you fixed Bob with a curious look.  It lasted long enough for him to notice, for him to squirm in his seat—
“So, I have an idea, and you’re totally free to say ‘no,’” you started, and the rest was history.
-----
That was months ago.  Bob has gotten to know you much better since then.
Much, much better.
He knows what you feel like.  He knows what you taste like.  He knows the place on your neck that makes you keen when he puts his mouth to it.  He knows exactly where to press the tips of his fingers when they are inside you, where to find the spot that makes your pussy pulse with arousal, that makes your breathing stutter and your eyes roll back, that makes you moan out his name—
He knows how it sounds when you moan his name, and he knows how that affects him in turn, and he knows that he doesn’t know nearly enough about you.
He doesn’t know what you eat for breakfast or how you take your coffee or if you even drink coffee at all.  He doesn’t know much about your family, little about your childhood, only a bit about your wants and likes and dislikes.
Because of the rules you laid out that night at the Hard Deck.
Hooking up, friends-with-benefits, you had explained, requires clear lines be drawn.  Otherwise, it gets messy.  Feelings develop.  Misunderstandings happen.  People get hurt, sometimes badly.
Your rules keep those lines clearly drawn.  No spending the night.  No dates beyond sex—no lunch dates or movie nights, no days at the beach together.  You call each other and make plans to fuck, and then you part, and that keeps it neat.  Clean.
There’s no way you can know it, because you don’t really know Bob either, but there’s no rule on earth you could put in place that would keep him from falling for you anyway.  You work with numbers and contracts all day, so you believe in the power of words, in rules. 
You don’t know that Bob Floyd doesn’t require much to fall in love with you.  That the paltry moments between physical encounters is plenty for love to flourish for him.  That the handful of soft touches, the smiles, the little laughs…they are enough.  The way you pat his cheek after you brush a chaste kiss there once you’re dressed and about to leave his place.  The time you slid his glasses on his face, then kissed the tip of his nose.
Which is why your rules turn out to be so important after all:  because here he is, hopelessly, painfully in love while you only see him a safe place to release your sexual frustrations.  He cannot imagine how much worse it would hurt if those lines didn’t exist.
*****
You have a chronic issue with men.
You pick the worst possible boyfriends.  From high school until now, you seem to only attract cheaters, losers, and general assholes.  Numerous boyfriends cheated on you.  One stole your car.  One stole your prescription sleeping pills and got arrested trying to sell them. 
It’s not that you’re attracted to assholes, really.  The whole bad-boy schtick bores you.  It’s more that you like to fix things; you like to turn chaos into order.  That trait serves you well at work, untangling all the intricate contracts and orders and rules between the Navy and their contractors. 
That trait serves you less well in love, because people often can’t be fixed, at least not without wanting to be fixed.  And anyway, the guys you date need deep fucking therapy, not a girlfriend with a fetish for setting order to the universe.
(A therapist once posited that you’re this way because of your own childhood:  the only child of two career Army parents.  Your chaotic formative years—bouncing around the world, unable to set roots, sometimes even shifted from one parent to another due to conflicting deployments—left you with a wound, your therapist suggested.  Disliking having a mirror held up to yourself, you just ghosted said therapist and never dug into that part of your internal makeup again).
But the therapist did make you aware of your bad patterns with men, so you swear off relationships, which is easy enough. 
You still have needs, though.
You canvass the Hard Deck for a month.  Take in all the fly boys and consider the fly girls too.  Profile them, watched how they acted when they think no one is watching.  Watch them sober, watch them drunk.  Watch to see which ones are handsy in an unwelcome way, and which ones remain respectful.
It’s Bob Floyd who catches your eye.
Not the sort of man you’d go for, usually.  Quiet, reserved.  Hardly ever drinks but gets in on the sing-alongs.  Plays pool when someone needs an opponent.  Is often the designated driver, and you smile when you see his bemused frustration when he steers a fellow Dagger, drunk and stumbling, out the door and safely home.  He’s so stable and pulled-together.  You bet he’s never cheated on a girl or stolen her car.  Not your type at all.
He’s good-looking though, in a quiet way.  Ditch the shitty Navy-issued glasses, muss up his hair a little, and he’d be downright handsome. 
Not the sort of man you’d go for, usually, but you aren’t looking for a boyfriend or a future husband.  You just need a zero risk, reliable guy to get off with.  It seems like a long shot because Bob is so quiet, but when you put the idea to him, he blinks…then asks you to clarify.
Then he agrees.
-----
That was months ago.
The arrangement works.  It’s exactly what you were looking for.  Bob Floyd is exactly what you thought he was:  reliable, steady.  He’s no broken man-child; he’s quiet but that belies a secure sort of masculinity that you’ve never really experienced before.  He knows who he is and what he wants, and he isn’t swayed by anything.  He’s solid.
He’s also surprising, in some ways.
To be crude about it, in looking for a friend-with-benefits, you needed only two things in a man:  a clean bill of health and a hard dick.  Bob is able to provide both (he hands you his test results from his latest physical, neatly folded in an envelope the first night you meet up).
He is also able to provide more than that.  The first night is a little awkward, but only because you are near-strangers.
The second encounter is better.
The third encounter is…wonderful.  It’s like Bob was homing in on you, treating you like one of his weapon systems.  Calibrating you.  Figuring out what you like and doing more of that, seeing what you don’t respond to and never doing it again.  Which makes it sound cold, how he figures you out, but Bob is so damned warm.  Warm and sweet and considerate, and he grins at you and laughs with you, and it’d be so easy to fall for him—
It's been months, but for fucks sake, you’re falling for him.  It’s embarrassing, because you gave him this tough-girl speech about rules and lines and not catching feelings, and he had nodded seriously and said he understood…and now here you are, the idiot who is catching feelings, who is realizing that maybe your type of man was wrong all along, that maybe who you needed was a reliable, steady man with warmth and blue eyes that swim a bit behind the lens of his thick glasses.
*****
It’s been months, and Bob always worries that this arrangement will end. 
One of your rules had been that the arrangement stops the moment one of you find someone else, and Bob always worries that someone else will catch your eye.  That you’ll find some man—you are surrounded by handsome, capable men every day, for heaven’s sake—that you find an appealing prospect.  Someone you want to sleep with and be with.
Someone better than him.
He’s usually so secure in himself, but he has a small crisis of confidence.  He wonders what he lacks—what makes him a good hook-up but not a good boyfriend?  If he could just show you…if he could take you out on a proper date.  Buy you flowers, buy you dinner, take you for a moonlit stroll along the beach.  If he could cook for you, show you that he’s not that useless breed of man who can’t or won’t do homey tasks.  If he could take care of you when you’re sick, be a sounding board when you rage…
Bob decides to do what he can, which is to just be the best lover he can be.  To be the most considerate, most adventuresome, most giving man you’ve ever taken to bed.  It’s all he can do anyway, so he might as well give it his best.
-----
Bob usually lets you lead.  He lets you set the schedule, and for every five times you call to hook-up, he calls once. 
The arrangement, such as it is, does work for him.  For all the angst of his unrequited love for you, the hooking up does relax him.  It helps him burn off extra energy, which helps him focus at work.
It also helps him explore things he has never tried before.
With you, Bob has played around with role play:  tame scenarios where he gets to pretend that he’s a different person than he is.  He has tried a variety of positions that have tested him in both strength and flexibility.  If there’s a list of sexual acts, Bob feels like he’s steadily working through it with you.
There’s still one, though…
It’s Fritz who starts the conversation at the Hard Deck.  You’re not there, but the guys all are, and the conversation drifts towards the usual locker room talk.  Fritz kicks it off by talking about his latest girl.  The guys egg him on for details.  Bob grins around the rim of his glass, says little, but then Fritz says, “man, when she sits on my face and smothers me in that pussy, I could die happy.”
It never occurred to Bob before, but he adds it to his list of sexual acts:  have you sit on his face and smother him with your pussy.
The idea takes hold so fiercely that Bob has to shift in his seat, suddenly warm at the thought of you sitting on him, his mouth on you.  He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, and he’s sending you a text before he even has a beat to rethink it.
Want to meet up tonight?
You reply within a minute.
Sure.  Mine or yours?
Bob pauses and considers.  He catches Rooster’s eye and tilts his head at him, gesturing to his roommate for a sidebar.  Rooster comes over and stands beside Bob.
“What’s up?” Rooster asks.
“What are your plans for tonight?”
Rooster grins at the question.  It’s not exactly a secret that you and Bob are hooking up, though you don’t publicize it either.  Bob doesn’t know that his fellow Daggers have a betting pool about how the situation with you will resolve.  He’s caught the sly grins between them sometimes and wondered at what they mean.
“You asking if the apartment will be empty?” Rooster asks.  “Hell, Baby on Board.  Keep it to your room.  I don’t care what happens in the privacy of your own room.”
Bob can’t help the blush that heats his face.  He shouldn’t be embarrassed, but sometime the two of you get lost in the moment, and more than once, Rooster has sidled up to Bob the day after and clapped him on the back, congratulated him on his prowess—
Rooster catches the man’s discomfort and elbows him in the side.  “I was planning on finding myself some companionship for the night,” he finally says.  “The place is all yours.”
Bob thanks him, then texts you. 
My place?
Another beat before your answer comes.  When?
Now.
*****
Bob generally lets you set the tone of your arrangement, but sometimes he has a moment of dominance that makes a wave of desire wash through you so strongly that your knees actually go weak.
Like his text.  No softening his final message, just a simple, single word that holds a universe of promise.
Now.
“Yes, sir,” you murmur.  You only take a minute to brush your teeth and slip into nicer lingerie, but then you get in your car and head over to his place.
He must have been waiting at the window, watching for you.  You aren’t even halfway up the steps to his porch when the door swings open, and there he is. 
Of course it was easy to catch feelings for him.  He’s perfect, and right now he’s staring at you like he wants to eat you alive.
-----
“Explain it…again,” you manage to get out between kisses.  “How does…it work?”
Bob raises himself, props himself on his forearms on either side of your head.  His hair is mussed (perfect), and his glasses are on the bedside stand, so his blue eyes peer down at you. 
“You sit on my face,” he replies simply.
You huff out a breath.  “Sure, but….like, how?  I weigh a lot—”
He shakes his head.  “Not a problem for me, honey.”
“But I could hurt you.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I could kill you.” 
He laughs, and he shifts his weight onto one arm so the other is free to reach down and grasp your waist.  “If you kill me like that, I want how I died mentioned in my obituary, okay?”
“Not funny!”  You poke him in the side, and he laughs again.
“Seriously, Bob.  I don’t want to hurt you,” you continue.
“You won’t.  I promise.  It’ll be fine.  But I want to do this.”  His smile fades, and he fixes you with a darker look that sends a bolt of lust right through your core.  “Please.”
-----
The two of you, once you got over your initial awkwardness, usually move so well together.  Perfectly coordinated, in sync. 
This…is not that.
For the first time, the two of you aren’t working together.  Bob can’t know it, but it’s not just a physical misalignment—there are hidden feelings at play.  As you tentatively hover over where he lays on the bed, you feel suddenly exposed, like Bob might be able to see the feelings you’ve caught for him.  It’s so intimate, you think, being so bared to him.  You hold yourself back, shy, and Bob doesn’t understand the sudden reticence in you.  He chalks it up to fear of hurting him.
And you can’t know it, but Bob absolutely loves how intimate it is, being so exposed to him.  There are hidden feelings on his side too—how hard it hits him, that he’s never done this with another woman before, and how he cannot imagine doing it with another one after you.  He’s ravenous for you, wants to possess you in every way he can, but when he tries to tug you closer to him, you chalk it up to general horniness and nothing more.
It is all misunderstanding, in the end.  You hold yourself back, hover over his face.  He grips your hips, tries to pull you to him.  The two of you struggle against the other, not understanding what is really driving the other—
“Come on,” he growls.  “Give it to me, honey.”
“Bob, I don’t—”
“I can take it.”
“But I—”
It happens in a split second.  Bob tugs you down against him in the exact moment you try to get a better balance over him, and the force of his pulling you down is added to the full weight of you shifting, with a bit of gravity, and you hit Bob so hard.
There’s a sickening crack, like a chicken bone snapping.  You look down at him, startled, and see his blue eyes widen in pain—shock—
You scramble off of him, call his name, but he doesn’t move, and then you see it.
Blood.  There’s so much blood, all over his face, and you yell his name now, but he still doesn’t move—
You’ve killed him.  You’ve murdered him, and you scream.  You reach for your phone and fumble it, and your body just acts.  You back away, your mind scrambling, and you think I need to stop the bleeding, so you think to go to the bathroom for a towel, but when you pivot quick on your heel and turn towards the closed door, it is already swinging inward, right at your face, hard, and there’s an explosion of pain behind your eyes.
Then everything goes dark, and you don’t wake until you’re in the ambulance.
*****
Bob wakes up to the paramedics sliding him onto the backboard, his head immobilized between two foam blocks.  Rooster hovers at the perimeter, a worried look on his face.
“What—” Bob manages to croak out, but the room grows dim again, and he fades in and out until the hospital.
-----
He comes to and stays awake in a quiet hospital room.  There’s the steady beep of a monitor somewhere behind and above him.  When he tries to turn his head, though, he finds himself held in place by a brace.
“You’re awake finally.”  The voice is familiar, and a moment later, Phoenix’s face swims into his peripherals. 
“You scared us, Baby on Board.”  Rooster, to the left of him.
“Who knew you had it in you?”  The voice at the foot of the bed, the hint of smarm.  Bob feels a hand on his ankle, jostling him lightly.  “You dirty fucking freak.”
“Shut up, Bagman.”  Phoenix glares at the cocky pilot, then turns back to Bob, her gaze softening.  “How are you feeling?”
He considers his answer.  He feels…rough. 
He also notices that his Dagger teammates are there, but you are not.  Which makes him feel worse.
Phoenix seems to read his thoughts.  Something in his expression must give him away, because she leans in closer and sets a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“She’s still downstairs,” she says, low near his ear.  “You got a room, but she’s still in the E.R.  They haven’t released her yet.”
“E.R.?”
She smiles, snorts out a light laugh.  “Yeah, the two of you are a real fucking vibe, Bob.”
Rooster steps closer to the bed and grins down at him.  “You’re lucky I struck out at the Hard Deck.  I come home, barely get my shoes off, when I hear a scream.  I go running back to your room just in time to knock your girl out.  She ran headfirst into the door when I opened it.”  He claps his hands together.  “Down like a bag of rocks.”
Bob’s heart rate picks up, and the monitor registers it.  Phoenix glances at the machine and snorts again.
“She’s fine,” she assures him.  “I’ve been bouncing between you and her.  It’s just slammed down there, so she’s been waiting for the doctor to release her.”
“She’s okay then?”
Phoenix nods.  “Dislocated nose.  Slight concussion.  Embarrassed.  Convinced she murdered you, until I set her straight.”
Bob smiles despite himself.  “She thought I was dead?”
“She knocked you out,” Hangman cuts in.  “And broke your nose.”
“You weren’t moving and there was blood everywhere,” Rooster adds.
“She also gave you grade two whiplash,” Phoenix continues.  “And it looks like you’ll be sporting a pair of gnarly black eyes by morning.”
“Wow.”  Bob breathes out a reedy whistle.  “And you’re sure she’s okay?”
Phoenix nods again.
Rooster and Hangman offer to go grab some coffee from the hospital cafeteria, leaving Bob and his partner alone.  Phoenix drags a chair over and settles closer to him, and Bob feels his mood sour little by little.
“Are you okay?” Phoenix finally asks. 
He lifts his hand, drops it back onto the bed.  “I guess it’s ruined now.”
“What is?”
“Our…arrangement.  Mine and hers.”
She tilts her head.  “How so?”
“She has all these rules.  To keep it clean.  To keep feelings out, you know?”  He lifts his hand again, drops it again—the best version of a shrug he can manage.  “I have to think that injuries requiring ambulances is an unwritten rule too.”
Phoenix stares at him, but a smile starts to creep across her face.  She shakes her head then, grips his shoulder again.
“Do you love her, Bobby?”  The question is asked softly, kindly.
Bob forgets the brace for a second and tries to nod.  “Yeah.”
“You ever tell her?”
“Against the rules.”
“You ever tell her you wanted to revisit the rules, then?”
“No.”
Her smile widens.  “You’re so fucking dumb, dude.”
*****
Hangman’s the one who stops to check in on you.  He has a paper cup of coffee in each hand, and he holds both up to you.
“Wasn’t sure what you liked.  One is black, one is cream and sugar.”
“Cream and sugar, please.”
He walks over to your bed and hands it to you, then studies you.  You know you must look like hell—your eyes red from the hysterical crying of thinking yourself a murderer.  Your nose—not broken, only dislocated—swollen and tender.  And the general misery of how badly everything has turned out.
“You like the little nerd, huh?”
You take a sip of the coffee and thank him for it. 
You don’t answer his question.
Hangman sighs, leans against the wall.  “It’s just that, if you do, I’d like to know.  I have a lot riding on it.”
“Huh?”
“There’s a pool about you and Baby on Board.”  He sips his own coffee, smiles at you.  “I want to know if I’m out money or if I have a payday coming.”
“You bet on us?”
He holds up a hand.  “Whoa.  All the Daggers bet on you.  It wasn’t just me.”
You shake your head.  “I don’t understand.”
“Some of us bet that you’d end up together.  Others bet that you wouldn’t.  Not that hard to understand.”
You try to take a steadying breath through your nose, which is an effort with how swollen it is.  You look away from him and fix your eyes on the open doorway of your room.  You watch the nurses and doctors scurry back and forth, the gurneys of hurt and sick people. 
“It doesn’t matter either way,” you finally answer.  “I nearly killed the guy.  Is there a pool on that?”
Hangman laughs, and he settles in the chair near your bed.  “You didn’t nearly kill him.  You only lightly injured him.  Then Bradley lightly injured you.  It’s hilarious.”
You can only wince at his word choice.  It’s not funny at all.  Miramar is a gossipy hive of rumor, and Bob’s injuries will put him out of commission for at least a while—
“Is this gonna hurt his career at Top Gun?” you ask Hangman.  You glance over at him and catch the way his expression softens at the angst in your voice.  “Did I just fuck up his life completely?”
He reaches out and grasps your hand for a moment, gives you a friendly squeeze before he releases you.  “Shit happens.  The Navy knows that.”
“Still…”
“If anything, Bob’s gonna have some light duty, but he can do some systems work on the ground.”  The smile reappears on his face, and he slyly adds, “and his cred just skyrocketed.”  A beat.  “The quietest Dagger just got his face rearranged by pussy.  He’ll never have to buy his own drink again as long as he lives.”
“Jesus,” you groan, and you cover your face with your hands while Hangman laughs, but a second later the doctor enters your room and tells you that you are being released.
Hangman doesn’t take the hint and leave.  He watches you sign off on your discharge papers, sips his coffee.  He hands you your shoes, and he helpfully holds out your coat so you can slide into it.
“That little nerd loves you, you know,” he says suddenly.  “It’s obvious as hell, which is why I laid a big bet on it.”
“He does?”  The surprise in your voice makes him chuckle, then shake his head.
“Probably hard to see it from where you’re sitting, but he does.  His dumb face lights up the minute he sees you, and when you aren’t around, he’s like a lost puppy.  So if you feel even an inkling of the same for him, just go upstairs and put him out of his misery, okay?”
It feels like grace you don’t deserve.  You hurt Bob, even if you hadn’t meant to, and for Hangman to offer this sliver of hope you don’t think you deserve—
You can’t help the tears that spring to your eyes.  Hangman doesn’t remark on them; he only stands by the doorway and waits for you.
“You’re a regular Cupid, Jake,” you offer.
“Nah.”  He finishes off his coffee, crumples the cup, and tosses it in the nearby trash can.  “I just want that fucking pool money.”
-----
The tears that threatened downstairs…they break free the moment you finally see him.
He looks awful.  He looks…well, he looks like he pulled the full weight of an adult woman onto his face, pussy-first.  His nose is swollen in a splint, he’s in a neck brace, and both eyes are so bruised that they can barely open beyond slits.
But his smile…
God, when he sees you, it’s just like Jake said:  his poor, mangled face lights up, and his smile is so wide it looks like it might hurt.  It hits you again, as it often does, how different he is from your usual type of man.  That he loves to see you, is happy when he sees you, even injured.  That he doesn’t need you around to fix his life, but he wants you around to just…be with you.  Bob is no one that needs fixing; he just wants you there with him.
Phoenix and Rooster have the good sense to leave, ushering Hangman along with them.  Bob, when he sees the tears coursing down your face, frowns and holds a hand out to you.
“I’m okay.  I’m okay.  It’s fine,” he repeats.  You make your way over to him and take his hand, and maybe it is okay.  He holds you tight, his big, warm palm enfolding yours—
“Are you okay?” he asks. 
You shake your head.  You’re not okay at all.  You don’t know if Jake was lying, but you can’t lie to Bob anymore just as you can’t lie to yourself.
“I broke one of the rules,” you admit.  You watch him, wary.  You have the sense of how he might react, but you can’t know for sure.  You just have to push through and say it.  Put it out there.
“I broke a rule too,” he replies.  He squeezes your hand.
“Yeah?”  It comes out shaky, unsure.
“Yeah.”
“Which rule?”
He lifts your hand to his mouth and brushes a gentle kiss to the back of it.  He’s so damned soft, and you blink against the fresh tears that threaten to spill over your face.
“It’s your own fault,” he grumbles, but he smiles when he says it.  “If you didn’t want me falling for you, you shouldn’t have been so easy to fall for.”
You laugh, a nervous sound that nudges up against the wall of tears you’re struggling to hold back.  “Even though I almost killed you?”
“I mean, you didn’t almost kill me, but you definitely owe me for all this.”  He gestures with his free hand at his face. 
“You could make a claim against my insurance, I guess—”
“Just a date,” he interrupts.  “I just want one date with you.”
“That’s it?”  The sick feeling in your stomach starts to recede, and it’s replaced by the fluttery feeling of promise, of something new and wonderful starting. 
“Just once chance to show you how good it could be.”  His expression is dead serious, and he squeezes your hand again.  “Me and you.  For real this time.”
“I, uh…”  You clear your throat and glance at his bright blue gaze, then look away.  You fix your eyes on where your hands are joined together.  Your hand fits perfectly in his.
“I’ve only ever dated assholes,” you admit.  Another glance at him to see how he takes in your words.  “Guys who don’t have their shit together.  It’s why I wanted the whole…arrangement with you.  I’ve never been with a man who didn’t need, like, intensive therapy.  Or the occasional law enforcement intervention.”
“First time for everything,” Bob replies mildly.
“What if…what if I don’t know how to be in a relationship unless…unless…”  You trail off, not sure how to say it without it sounding completely terrible…but then, the reality of your dating life has been completely terrible anyway.
“You afraid you don’t know how to be in a relationship unless you’re miserable?” he asks gently. 
“Maybe?”
“Hmm.”  He releases your hand but pats the space on his bed beside him.  “I don’t know if I’d be comfortable making you miserable, honey.”
You perch awkwardly on the sliver of bed available to you, but Bob reaches up and gets a hand on your shoulder, tugs you gently down towards him.  It’s careful maneuvering—a stark difference to what got you here—but you eventually get comfortable beside him, your cheek against his shoulder, your temple against the hard molded plastic of his brace.  His hand finds yours again, and he threads his fingers through yours.
“What if we started with that one date you owe me?” he offers.  “And then maybe a second date.  I’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and you see how it feels to not be miserable.”
One date, maybe a second.
“I think I can handle that,” you reply.
“Then a third date, then another.”
You smile.  “Okay.”
“Maybe around, say, the fifth date, you can spend the night.  Let me make you pancakes in the morning.  Fresh-squeezed orange juice.”
“Okay.”
“Then after maybe a month, you could keep some stuff at my place.  Shampoo, extra clothes.  So you’re comfortable.”
“I could take you to my favorite taco place,” you offer.  “Over in Imperial County.”
“I’d like that.”  He shifts a little in the bed, then adds, “maybe around the six-month mark, you could meet my family.”
“Would they make me miserable?” you tease.
“Oh, they’d make your life a living hell,” he teases back.  “My dad would give you this whole disgusting speech about how he always wanted another daughter, my mom would drop hints about my grandma’s engagement ring being set aside for me—”
“They sound horrible,” you laugh. 
“The worst.”  He chuckles, and a long moment of silence stretches between you, but it’s comfortable.  His warm hand in yours, the quiet beeping of the machines monitoring him, the steady sound of his breathing…the slightly whistling quality of your own breathing through your swollen nose. 
“You know, I’ve never taken a girl home to meet my family before,” he says, and his voice is serious.  “Never even considered it before.”
You lift your head a bit to look at him, and you see the thoughtful quality of his expression.  You settle back against him.
“And you’re considering it with the girl who broke your neck, broke your nose, and shamed you in front of the United States Navy?”
He chuckles again.  “You didn’t break my neck and I’m not in trouble with the Navy,” he says.  “And yes, I’ve considered it.  First time for everything.”
He doesn’t add anything else, and the drama of the evening starts to hit you.  You feel your eyes getting heavy, start to doze off in the hospital bed with him.  His verb tense choice, though—he has considered it, past tense, not is considering it, present tense—makes you wonder how long Bob might have been breaking that rule…
Bob doesn’t say anything else, but he thinks it:  he never took a girl home to his family because he vowed to only ever do it once—with the girl he plans to marry. 
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symerr · 9 months ago
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more headmates, you never would've guessed it.
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cheruv-ii · 12 hours ago
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I'm seeing a lot of people having issue with the way these awards were handled and I think it boils down to simply— you guys are taking a tumblr awards thing with no real reward other than a shoutout WAY too seriously.
Any award with voting is gonna be a popularity contest, trust me as a kpop stan I know ALL about that, lmao. Yes, things COULD be rigged, but Salem trusted the fandom enough to assume that they wouldn't be, if someone did choose to vote multiple times, then they chose to vote multiple times, shit happens. It's an "award" where the prize is a gold star png that probably took no more than 5 minutes to make, there is no reason this many people are getting on Salem's back for it.
As for Luciben, I know I'm obviously gonna sound biased because it is my oc pairing, however, rarepair is just that, a rare pair. Rarepair does not define based off canon vs non canon, it is simply a rare pair. You say that if it was popular enough on tumblr it shouldn't have been considered, however, look at it in the grand scheme of things, compared to other ships it IS a rare pair, it's just popular FOR an oc X canon ship. Not to sound like a hag, but as someone who's been in fandom for over a decade now, fandom only started having these set in stone definitions very recently, no one used to be like "well this ship isn't a rarepair because yadda yadda." Hell, THE rarepairs used to be things like Elsa and Jack or Rapunzel and Mavis, which were characters from ENTIRELY different franchises. Rarepair has never been about the canonical aspects, its simply been a rare. pair.
I didn't know about the runner up thing until after everything was posted, for all I know Salem decided to add it but then switch things up, I genuinely do not know, however, the amount of people getting genuinely upset over a tumblr gold star and sending Salem think pieces is actually somewhat insane. Once again, it's a tumblr award, it's not that serious, it never will be that serious. Quite honestly I don't think an award thing like this SHOULD be held again simply because of how many people (and I'm not directly saying you, simply in general) HAVE been going after Salem for it.
Overall, if you have an issue with the rewards, sit back and ask what people actually lose out of it, because in the long run, its nothing, the award was no more than a shoutout, mind you the runner ups got a shoutout as well. Its literally just "you got more votes!" Thats it.
CC/CT Tumblr Awards Final Results
Thank you all for participating in the awards. These awards were created as a way for the fandom to have fun and interact with creators that they may not have seen before, while also giving thanks to all creators in this fandom. Whether you write, draw, edit or create headcanons and memes for all to enjoy you are a vital part of the camp cretaceous/chaos theory fandom and the fandom would be much duller without you. Whether you have received an award or not you are a truly valued member of this community.
The winner of each award will be announced in the reblogs of this post.
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sanguine-melancholia · 1 year ago
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i’m so overwhelmed by things that shouldn’t be overwhelming...
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chiprewington · 9 months ago
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Wait so prester worships Perry as a divine figure?
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(art by my dear friend @cogs-inc)
yeah
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nonokoko13 · 1 year ago
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Ok so today I found out Nanbaka ended some time ago so I spoiled myself and man, the ending was so rushed and angst for no reason and overall disappointing??? The author threw very important lore info and a plot twist that felt all out of the blue near the ending... I love angst but when it is well written, and this was not. Their friendship was real, even if prior to the series start wasn't I know what I read was real friendship and this ending ruins for me one of the main themes of this show.
I don't post a lot about this series because I started it before I even had Tumblr but Nanbaka was everything to me back then. Even after I was forced to move on because the english translation stopped and finding all chapters fan translated was very difficult I'd find myself thinking about these characters sometimes and I almost dare to say that it was a comfort series. Not being able to keep reading it without going through a Odyssey was already upsetting but the ending? What in the actual fuck is that. Is not even the fact it was a sad ending what bothers me the most, it's that it was sad and felt bad written or without proper building 🙁
This literally summaries my opinion regarding what happened to the main group:
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Now I feel bad? Bad like when you receive bad news irl? Like I've received a punch in the stomach or a betrayal from a dear old friend
If spy x family or yuu & grim (including all of their friends in twst) separate in the end I'm losing all hope of being happy and relaxing with this trope without fearing the chance of getting backstabbed again forever
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God please let them stick together or I'm going to make you the same thing you have done with me
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letherightonein · 2 days ago
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"You don't need to constantly approach women to understand you're undesirable, that's what I'm trying to communicate."
Men constantly approach women to date them.
My question is an attempt to raise a real criteria of what an incel is, an everytime I think deeply about it, nothing is solid enough to keep using the "involuntary" label, at least at the same height people that uses it demand from lonely women.
Plain loneliness or dysphoric singleness/celibacy seems to be more accurate. There is not accurate measure of "voluntary"
"If you see the very few guys around you easily have success with gals while you don't have one genuinely good interaction with a gal, it's over. "
Sorry, but this is laughable. What's the criteria for "good interaction" here? I have had multiple "good interactions" with incels, giving them my time, energy, empathy, only to be told that I'm a whore the most soft.
At least in the US, losing your V card in high school is becoming less common and most men have to put effort at the beginning of dating.
"Easiest way for a man to truly understand his incel status is to get on a dating app."
You mean, the worst?
Only 5% of het couples formed throught internet last year according to the National Survey of Family Growth. I guess 95% of men are incels now?
And when even out the gender ratio on dating apps, both sexes get the same amount of matches. I guess women are incels too.
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(source)
"You don't have to constantly approach women, you essentially did virtually and they didn't even want to entertain the idea of dating you."
Tapping the sign again:
"Male initiation of dates, which aligns with the initial stage of traditional dating scripts, represents 89.1 percent of the total analytic sample while female initiation of dates, which aligns with alternative dating scripts, represents only 10.9 percent of the total analytic sample." (study)
"Most men have a big ego, they don't want to acknowledge any shortcomings. Especially when it comes to their relationship with women, there are PUAs who brag and try sell courses on "how to pick up women," and in every one of their videos the women seem uncomfortable and reject them. Yet, somehow these men act like they're experts on women despite them having just as much inexperience as a self proclaimed incel. Why? Because most men overestimate themselves and have big egos. So any man who calls himself an incel is very likely level headed and telling the truth. After all it's very hard for men to come to terms that they are incels, many incels try to deny it but come to the painful acceptance that they are indeed incels."
I don't think so, within blackpill communities there is a "you are special" factor at play, where they feel special and as victims of the system that know the-cold-hard-truth nobody else sees.
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Agree with the "men overestimate themselves" bit. But for other reasons.
"The main cause of inceldom is poor looks, essentially growing up most boys are very similar in terms of "personality," character, and interests."
Not true, and I explained why above. Unironically, it's your personality, at least when it comes to cross the barrier of getting a date/sex.
"suffer from a variety of mental health issues including severe depression, anxiety, and loneliness. A significant portion of incels also exhibit traits associated with autism spectrum disorder. While the global prevalence of autism is typically 0.62 per cent, a 2022 study found that 18.38 per cent of incels in their sample had a formal diagnosis, and an additional 24.6 per cent displayed symptoms indicative of autism spectrum disorder" (article)
Tell me in what planet 18% of men are autistic, only within incels such number appears. And those are only for the ones who have official diagnosis.
It's also found they have "a greater external locus of control regarding their singlehood" and also: "Incels (and non-incel single men) significantly overestimated the importance of physical attractiveness and financial prospects to women, and underestimated the importance of intelligence, kindness, and humor." (study)
Basically the study is describing what you are doing right now and what incels do on a regular basis.
"Difference is some of these guys got girls because the main thing separating them from the other boys was their looks."
80% of men are having sex every year and the average american man is almost obese. Math isn't mathing.
"Autism/ neurodivergance is overstated, if you're ugly it doesn't matter, you weren't getting a woman either way. If you're a good looking autistic man you can still get a woman."
I introduce you to Tom Morgan, he is autistic and appeared on a show called "The undateables", because he was, you guessed it, undateable.
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"You deem yourself as somewhat blackpilled. You understand that we don't have much agency in this world."
I embrace the real blackpill, that it's your personality and that it's something that you hardly can change since it's stable (but also dynamic, don't kill yourself) throught life.
Looks is cope, datings apps are cope, Chad is a meme. The reality is that incels got the short stick in life because they are either autistic or herited a mix of shit personality traits that impply low agency and crippling neuroticism that leads to mental illness and isolation. But that requires social assistance, medical treatment and societal awareness, and what the blackpill is achieving is the opposite of that, they transform a disability on a meme to laugh of, and loneliness in a juicy fatalistic theory of which people make entire careers and line their pockets talking about “the fall of the West”, “Hypergamy” or “poor baby incels, they need help” proceeds to do nothing.
I'm fucking sick of it, I'm fucking sick of normies talking about incels, I'm fucking tired of blackpillers grooming children into thinking they are ugly and will die alone. If they are not disabled, autistic, chronically mentally ill and younger than 25 yo, they are mere late bloomers than don't go outside enough period.
Testing a male bullshit story #1
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mabaris · 2 months ago
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I know it’s probably just my age and I’m Too Young To Possibly Get It and You Had To Be There but I’ve always kinda rolled my eyes whenever people talk about how joss whedon was some titan of nerd media and everyone loved his work
avengers came out when I was 13 and I thought that was. all right. at the time, everyone on the internet was nostalgic for firefly, so I watched that and found it extremely underwhelming, and wasn’t interested in seeking out more of that writing. but it is inescapable huh
#was gonna post this on my main but i have way more followers there and also what inspired this was#reading gaider’s post about alistair lol#yes we can in fact tell he was inspired by buffy#the part where he’s like ‘yea he’s persona non grata NOW but he used to be the shit’ citation needed lmao#and it’s always made me kinda roll my eyes#he’s fine. i like him as a character. but everywhere i go there’s been whedon worship#and now that he’s fallen out of grace people feel like they need to do penance for it#when i’ve. never understood it in the first place lol#obviously i’m one person and my opinions aren’t universal either but#i feel like everyone who talks about it is like ‘yeah he’s shitty BUT it’s good’#i guess you had to be there#but when i say i don’t like him now it sounds like im lying or just joining the people who are canceling him#hipster moment. i didn’t like him before it was cool#it’s just the writing style. i’ve talked about it a little before on my main#it’s especially insidious still in SFF novels bc once again. they’ve all seen buffy and firefly and#i remember my older sister liked angel but i’m p sure she had a crush on him#when will i finally be at the age where the things i grew up liking are the influence behind the Hot New Thing#i mean i know the issue is that the things i liked as a kid weren’t popular then either lmao#like i’m sorry but one man from 15 years ago cannot be the sole pillar of an entire genre#people need to diversify their influences and/or we need to let other people write stuff#honestly whedon’s style feels like he was going for american terry pratchett but it’s like. a little mean spirited about it#personal.txt
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