#Of course... parents on the other hand

[bruhstation]

who here loves divorce? I do. here's captain star and captain zero: two people who can't help but drag other unwilling people into their huge mess! including the youth. can't forget the youth

(bit of ramble in the tags)

[goldkirk]

I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.

It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.

still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby

[pinkravat-art]

imagine, if you will, a TMA and Good Omens crossover where The Antichrist is replaced by The Archivist and the four horsemen of the apocalypse are replaced by all 14 avatars and the Them are the archival crew. Nothing really changes for aziracrow they're still useless

[teabutmakeitazure]

20k aven fic is almost complete

i shall post when i am out of the trenches (the big sad)

also, TBT might not end this summer but it's definitely ending this year. it depends on how fast i am able to push out chapters which isnt seeming to be very fast

[woundedheartwithin]

Part of learning and accepting that I have adhd has been mitigating all the things I hate about things I have to do as best I can so that I can actually do them. One of those things has been changing where and how I brush my teeth. One of my biggest issues is that I think it’s fucking gross to brush my teeth in the same room I poop in, so I started brushing my teeth in the kitchen, which also has an added benefit of having a window instead of a mirror. And the best part is, now I can stand there and brush my teeth and watch my neighbor chase his horses all over their pasture because they don’t wanna be caught 😂😂😂

[2pen2wildfire]

My mom got a shitty tattoo of a dragonfly on her hip when she was my age and she always regretted it and got it removed like a couple years ago anyway should I get a better one in the same place just to fuck with her.

[miusato]

I dont have a clear idea in my mind but ever since I sketched that dumb AU of Shinjiham in HS i have the feminine urge to make up a HC of them lmao i doubt anybody be reading this but i like talking to myself and reread this the next morning so ima just write this down lol

Like I said I dont have a clear idea but basically Shinji extended his study and ended up in the same year as Kotone (11th grade) because he actually got into a coma. Im playing around the idea that the story revolves around why is he in the same year as she is? Why did he fell into coma and how did he get into coma in the first place? This also means that Kotone didn't meet him until he enrolled into her class. Aki is still her senior and they're friends because idk I havent think of this yet lol but anyway one day Aki asked if she can help him keep an eye on Shinji and told her about him going to enroll in her class soon and he knows Shinji will struggle because he's pretty much an outcast and some people speculates and make rumors about his reasoning for his extension and Aki really cares for him and doesnt want him to fall behind or fail so he asked her a favor to help him out.

Shinji is hard to befriend at first and tell her to buzz off but when she mentioned Aki asked her to keep an eye on him and she won't take no for an answer, he sighed and said how annoying he is for setting him up like that lol At first he is kinda frustrated at how persistent she is on trying to help him and how she gets into everyone's business in class but he's aware of how contagious her presence can be and knows how people around her always be at ease when she's in class so he slowly opened up to her and accepts her kindness.

I dont really want him to be as depressive and suicidal as canon but I can see him having a self-worth issue and having a hard time accepting goodness around him. I kinda imagine at one point Shinji and Aki had a huge fight about him pushing everyone away and screaming at him that he's not as mysterious as he thinks he is and he's too blind by his own pity party to see how people still loves him and it took him a fist on the face and Aki crying to get that through his thick skull.

After the fight, he didn't come to school for a few days which actually worries Kotone because despite how uninterested Shinji always be in class, he never delibrately skip class and oddly enough he always pass his homework on time so she visited his place with his homework packets (and after bribing the office clerk for his address) and when she sees him all bruised up in his face she was like SHINJI WHAT HAPPENED WHY YOURE ALL FUCKED UP WHO DID THIS TO YOU AWAFSJQGRAJALA and he hissed at her to shut up and after she apologised, he admits that Aki punched him and after reassuring her it's technically his fault, he asked if she actually liked him and just as she's about to stammer with red on her cheeks, he quickly corrected himself that what he meant is if she likes being friends with him because he is such an ass to her and opens up about what he fought about with Aki and it's not until he sees tears in Aki's face that he's not the only one hurting and him pushing people away to not hurt them actually hurts other people too. Kotone assured him that if he realized that, its not too late to change and he has friends to help him get back on his feet. When she mentioned "friends", he looked at her and asked "Kotone, are we friends?" And she beamed at him and hook his pinky around her and whispered "Always been." and that's when he really accepts her and sees her as a genuine friend and not some annoying girl in class.

Idk how do I make them ended up dating but I just like the idea of a slow burn relationship so in the meantime they're just friends with budding feelings towards each other hsksksksksk

[ladykailolu]

Do you think that...for the rest of Klavier's life, he's haunted by the image of his brother? The Gavin brothers resemble each other very much in the face, so every time Klavier looks in the mirror, he can see Kristoph looking right back at him (without his glasses)

[marivanilla05]

Erased AU sketches

[dogbunni]

.

[slippery-minghus]

hhhhhhh fuck i hate the waiting. i won't find out about this job thing until next week and aughhhhhhfjdkskah

nightmare coworker comes back from leave on monday too and i'm just so over her. if i don't get this job maybe i should go back to working in food service just so i can gtfo aughhhh

i just had two weeks of fucking peace and quiet at work and i'm not ready to go back. not ready to give that up. it reminded me how it feels to be normal at work. reminded me how much dealing with nightmare coworker makes me miserable. how stretched thin i get and how much harder it is to get my work done.

i gotta fucking get out of here

[pepprs]

i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!

[frogathy]

childhood was spent thinking i’d go to hell and men would not love me if i swore so now to heal from that i am swearing as much as i fucking can until i come to my own fucking conclusion about how i feel regarding the usage of such crude vocabulary

[timey-fandom-stuff]

... I really gotta stop coming up with wildly ambitious AU ideas.

[navree]

Happy weekend!

I wanted to ask what you make of Otto comparing Alicent to his wife. I definitely see the manipulation behind it, especially knowing that Alicent was close to her mother given that’s one of the main reasons she goes and prays at the sept.

But there’s also something about Otto standing up and staring Daemon down when he brings up his deceased wife and something about how he compares Alicent to her mother when she’s standing up to him at certain points.

And now that I think about, maybe this adds a bit more bite to Rhaenyra lying on her mother’s grave. At that point both Rhaenyra and Otto have used her mother to manipulate her.

Thank you, I hope you enjoy your weekend!

Thanks for the well wishes anon! Weekend's gonna be busy cuz I've got transfer application deadlines coming up and that's always A Lot to do, but I hope your's is more relaxing than mine!

I do definitely see it as a manipulation tactic, a lot of what Otto does is manipulation cuz he just appears to be a manipulative dude (honestly, no shade on him for that I appreciate it), but I do think it was something primarily driven by emotion. We don't know a whole lot about Otto as a person, his thoughts and feelings and emotions, but what we do know for certainty is that he dearly loves his wife and his children. The bit where Daemon brings up his wife is a clear example of this, because Otto in general is a pretty even keeled person (we later see him responding measuredly to Gwayne getting injured and being a reassuring figure for Alicent in that) but this one comment gets a rise out of him and he's clearly fighting the urge to absolutely deck Daemon. He, like Alicent, is very affected by this loss, and there can even be an insinuation that he never fully recovered from it, as he never remarried even though over twenty years passed and there was likely some expectation that such a high profile nobleman would remarry even though he already had sons.

When it comes to why he said that to Alicent, I see it as twofold. One, Otto and Alicent have this dynamic by the time this line is said that's almost that of a wife and husband than that of a father and daughter. I think it was @b-rainlet who pointed out that they're the ones who kinda slot into the role of "mom and dad" for Alicent's kids at times (when Criston's not fulfilling his "I'm not the stepdad I'm the dad who stepped up" obligations), and the way that they interact with each other in episode 7 and episode 9 almost reads as partners than as a man and his child. So when Alicent isn't reacting subserviently to him, as a Westerosi daughter should, but openly talking back to him and standing up for her kids, he likely does think a lot of his wife, of the role she played in his life when she was alive and likely any talking back she did regarding their own children. There's also the fact that Alicent might be very much like her mother, in both personality and looks, sometimes kids take a lot more after one parent than the other (case in point, I am much more like my dad in temperament and I'm a dead ringer for my paternal great aunt in looks and I clearly got nearly everything genetically from my dad's side of the family), and Alicent might be approaching the age her mother was when she died. And I think he remarked on it, almost in spite of himself, because of point two: he was feeling emotional.

Otto loved his wife. And we also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Otto loves Alicent. He's hurt her, he's put her in bad situations and he hasn't always done right by her, but he loves her. He understands her emotional needs and her psychological issues like her anxiety and he does, in his own way, do his best to try and alleviate them (like that reassurance at the joust and honestly, that scene between him and Alicent in ep 2 always read more to me like Otto is just sad his daughter feels the need to self harm than anything else), and even beyond his ambition, a huge driving force for his wanting Aegon on the throne is because he is genuinely worried for Alicent's future. I don't remember what exactly the wording was, but Rhys said that part of the conversation Alicent and Otto have in episode 5 is motivated by the fact that Otto loves her and is scared for her future. Which makes sense, he and Alicent are close, and they're both clearly strongly affected by the death of his wife/her mom. And with all that, we need to remember that Otto's line to Alicent about her mother comes on the heels of Alicent pulling away from him, Alicent saying that their hearts were never one. Otto is a widower, and a father who is right now losing his daughter (due to the consequences of his own choices, yes, but that's still what's happening). And in that moment, I think he was just overcome with emotion, not just at how alike Alicent might be to her mother and what their relationship is, but also the fact that he feels he's lost them both.

(I know there's a more incestuous reading, given the shifting in the dynamics between him and Alicent and also that this show in general is open to a LOT of incestuous readings, but I have a mild headache right now and don't have the cognitive ability to go into that in too much detail other than to say that I see it and I do find it an interesting read.)

It likely does add some bite to Rhaenyra's whole "I swear to you on the memory of my mother" thing, but whereas Rhaenyra was out and out lying and using Alicent's feelings on dead parents as express manipulation to get an outcome she wants, Otto's just trying to control the situation and try to turn it around in his favor, which might be more forgivable in Alicent's head, especially since a lot more time has passed since her mother's passing at this point. And it's also possible that the situation itself will be forgivable because of following events. Alicent's about to go through a huge trauma, she's going to be physically attacked and threatened with further violence in her own room, she's going to watch a close companion (the bedmade Blood and Cheese strangled to make sure to tie up all loose ends) and her own grandson die in front of her eyes, and of course have to deal with the psychological ramifications of the way it happened and how it affected Helaena, as well as having to be a support system to Aegon and the other two kids as well (the book is explicit that Maelor was basically given over to Alicent's care entirely after that night because of Helaena's mental state). And when you go through something like, it doesn't matter how old you are, sometimes you just need your parent to be with you and support you and help you and comfort you.

[abyssembraced]

Back at it again with More

I think this is gonna be my last one though, at least for now