#brother i am convinced i was not built to be alive

[dogbunni]

.

[sherewrytes]

𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 ℙ𝕚𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕤, ℝ𝕪𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟 𝕊𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕟𝕒 1

↳ Sukuna x f! black reader

Summary: After the death of his grandfather, Sukuna Ryomen is left to shoulder the weight of his family, caring for his younger brothers, Yuuji and Choso. As he withdraws into grief, his relationship with Y/N, his girlfriend of a year, begins to crumble. When Y/N discovers the truth about his grandfather’s passing during a heated argument, it leads to a painful breakup. Now, both are navigating life apart, but Sukuna’s heart aches for Y/N. Determined to win her back, he must confront his pain and find a way to break through the walls he’s built. Can he rekindle their love, or is it too late?

contents: heavy angst, modern au, 18+, smut, dark romance, drug use, talks of depression and similar topics. (a lil )

fic warnings. ooc, profanity, mental health issues, toxic relationships, cheating, explicit smut, serious drug use, mentions of depression + more to be updated as story progresses.

Please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.

Chapter Playlist:

Chapter 1: Rolling Stone

The blaring of the alarm cuts through the dim haze of the bar like a knife. I squint at the glowing screen, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. My shift is over, but it feels like the world is just beginning again. The sounds of laughter and clinking glasses fade into the background as I gather my things, the weight of another night spent pouring drinks and avoiding questions heavier than the bottles I’ve been slinging.

What the hell am I doing here?

I didn't need this job—my grandfather left a decent savings, more than enough to keep Choso and Yuuji set for college. But I can't touch it. Not yet. The thought of dipping into that fund makes my stomach twist. It's for them.

It’s always been for them.

So, I picked up this stupid job I hate, slinging drinks for people who don’t care about anything but getting wasted.

“Another night, another dollar,” I mutter to myself, a bitter grin creeping onto my face.

The familiar faces of patrons blur as I head to the door, but the fleeting laughter and boisterous conversations wrap around me, a reminder of the normalcy I’m missing. I should be out there, living it up, but instead, I’m trapped in this monotonous cycle of work and regret.

It’s been eighteen months since Jin died, and three weeks since I lost Grandpa. Shouldn’t I be over this by now?

“Just need to keep my head down,” I say aloud, shaking my head. “Keep the money coming. They depend on you, Sukuna.”

I step outside into the night, the cool air hitting my face like a splash of cold water. The streets are alive with the sounds of nightlife, but they feel like a distant echo, a life I no longer belong to. I light a cigarette, inhaling deeply, letting the smoke fill my lungs, trying to drown out the nagging thoughts in my head.

Y/N…

She’s been my anchor since my world turned upside down. I think about the year we’ve spent together, how she’s become the one bright spot in my otherwise dreary existence. But there’s a heaviness between us that I can’t shake. I haven’t been fully present, and I know it.

“I’m trying, dammit,” I whisper, the words almost lost in the rustle of the wind. “But how do I explain this?”

What if I lose her too?

My thoughts spiral. I’ve built walls so high, convinced that keeping her at a distance will spare her from the wreckage I’ve become. But every time I see her smile, it’s like a reminder of everything I’m not—of the light I can’t give her because I’m too busy drowning in my own sorrow.

You’ve done enough of this pity party, Sukuna. Just let her in. She wants to help. You can’t keep pushing her away.

But it’s easier said than done. Every time I think about opening up, about letting her see the raw mess I am, a voice in the back of my head reminds me of the risk. “What if she can’t handle it?”

What if she leaves?

With a heavy heart, I crush the cigarette butt under my boot and head toward my apartment. I can’t let her see how much I’m struggling. I won’t burden her with my pain. But the truth is, I don’t want to be alone anymore. I’m tired of pretending everything is okay when it’s not. I just want to talk to her, to feel that warmth radiating from her, even if it’s just for a moment.

As I approach my front door, I can see the lights flickering inside. Yuuji and Choso are likely glued to some video game, oblivious to the world outside. I shove the door open, the familiar creak echoing in the silence.

“Hey, I’m back,” I call out, forcing a casualness into my voice I don’t feel.

“Finally! We thought you fell in,” Yuuji replies, his voice full of that youthful energy that’s both infectious and exhausting.

“Yeah, as if. Just needed to pay the bills,” I respond, but my heart isn’t in it. I head to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water, chugging it down like it’s the last drop of sanity I’ll ever have.

I should call her. Just see how she’s doing. She’s been so patient with me, even when I’ve been a complete jerk.

I pull out my phone, the screen lighting up with her contact name. My finger hovers over the call button, hesitation creeping in.

What if she’s busy? What if she thinks I’m pathetic for calling her now?

“Just do it,” I whisper to myself, the words barely escaping my lips. “You can’t keep hiding.”

With a deep breath, I press the button, and the phone rings. My heart pounds in my chest as I wait, hoping she picks up, praying she won’t judge me for the mess I’ve made of everything.

“C’mon, Y/N. Pick up.”

After a few rings, her voice breaks through, warm and inviting. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me,” I say, the tension in my shoulders easing slightly at the sound of her voice.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?” she asks, concern lacing her tone.

“Yeah, just finished work. Thought I’d check in on you,” I reply, keeping it casual, though the truth feels heavier than I can articulate.

“Just hanging out. You sound tired,” she notes, and I can almost picture the way she frowns when she’s worried.

Always so damn perceptive.

“Yeah, long night,” I admit. “How about you? You doing okay?”

“Better now that you called,” she replies, her words wrapping around me like a warm blanket.

I need this. I need her.

“Maybe I’ll come over. I could use some company,” I say, trying to sound casual even though my heart races at the thought.

“I’d like that. Just… come over when you can,” she responds, and I can hear the smile in her voice.

“Okay, I’ll see you soon,” I say, ending the call.

As I toss my phone onto the couch and lean back, I realize how much I’ve needed this connection. For all my reckless decisions and the way I’ve pushed her away, there’s something about her presence that makes the world feel less heavy.

Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can let her in.

I head to the bathroom to shower then to my room to change, scrolling through my phone I scrolled through spotify and played P5hng Me A*wy/Mike Shinoda and Linkin Park. I pulled out an old band tee from Bring me to the horizon and some ripped jeans. In the back of my draw I see some Xanax in a baggie. I pulled it out and popped one then a half I had from sometime before. 

I should really quit this at some point…..but not tonight. 

As I step out from my room into the living room, feeling a renewed sense of clarity, the front door creaks open. Choso strolls in, his expression a mixture of nonchalance and mischief that immediately puts me on high alert.

“Hey, where have you been?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady, but I can’t mask the irritation creeping in. I left him home with Yuuji, expecting a quiet night, and instead, I get this.

Choso shrugs, the dim light from the hallway casting shadows across his face. That’s when I catch a glimpse of something on his arm—ink, the kind that shouldn’t belong to someone barely eighteen.

For fuck’s sake.

I sigh, the tension in my chest tightening as I stride over to him, my heart pounding with frustration and concern. “What is this?” I snatch his arm, pulling it closer to examine the tattoo. It’s a crude design, something that looks like it was done in a rush, the lines jagged and uneven.

“Where have you been?” I demand, my voice low and sharp. “I left you home with Yuuji. Did you really think sneaking out was a good idea?”

Choso tries to pull his arm back, but I hold firm, scanning his face for any sign of remorse. Instead, I find a mix of defiance and pride that only stokes my anger further.

“Dude, it’s just a tattoo,” he says, a hint of rebellion in his tone. “I wanted to do something cool, you know?”

“Cool? You think getting a tattoo looking like you did it in a back alley is cool?” I hiss, my frustration boiling over. “You could’ve gotten yourself hurt or worse! What the hell were you thinking?”

He rolls his eyes, his teenage bravado coming out in full force. “It’s not a big deal, Sukuna. Everyone gets tattoos. I just wanted to be like you. You’re the one with all the ink.”

I let go of his arm, realizing the weight of my own hypocrisy. But I can’t back down now. “You think I’m some role model? I’ve made plenty of mistakes. This isn’t about me; it’s about you making smart choices! You’re not ready for this—”

“What, you mean you think I can’t handle it?” Choso snaps back, his youthful anger flaring. “I’m not a kid anymore. I can do what I want!”

“Yeah, well, you’re still living under my roof, and I’m still responsible for you,” I remind him, my voice strained but firm. “So until you can pay your own bills, I expect you to follow some rules. This isn’t a game, Choso. Tattoos can have consequences you’re not thinking about.”

Choso crosses his arms, his defiance cooling slightly as he looks away. I soften my tone, fighting the urge to explode. “I just… I don’t want you to end up regretting something like this. It’s not as easy to remove as you think. And if Yuuji knew you left the house, he’d freak.”

Choso’s eyes flicker with guilt for just a moment, but he quickly masks it. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to try something different. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

Not a big deal?

I lean against the wall, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “Look, just promise me you’ll think about your choices next time, alright? You’re not just a kid anymore, but you still need to act like one sometimes.”

“Fine. I promise,” he mutters, though I can see the annoyance simmering beneath the surface.

“Good. Now go shower and study and cover that thing up. You don’t need to show that thing off to everyone.” I start to walk back to the couch, but Choso grabs my arm, stopping me.

“Wait.” He looks me in the eye, something earnest in his gaze. “What if you’re not here? What if you get tired of taking care of us and just…leave?”

The question hangs in the air, heavy and charged. I open my mouth to reassure him, but the truth is, I’m terrified of what he just said.

What if I do?

“Listen, Choso,” I start, searching for the right words. “I’m not going anywhere. I lost too much already. You and Yuuji are all I have left.”

“Then stop acting like it doesn’t matter,” he shoots back, and I can’t help but feel the sting of his words.

I swallow hard, staring at him, wishing I had the right answers. “I’m trying, okay? Just… let me figure this out.”

He nods, but I can see he’s not fully convinced. “Alright. Just don’t go disappearing on us, okay?”

With that, he heads off toward the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts once more.

I can’t disappear. I won’t. But what if I keep failing?

With a heavy heart, I plop back down on the couch, staring at my phone. I wonder if I should call Y/N again. Maybe she’d have something to say that would make all of this feel a little less overwhelming.

As I sit there, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not just fighting for myself anymore. I’m fighting for Choso, for Yuuji, and for Y/N. I need to find a way to hold it all together.

Somehow. I have to.

I plop down on the couch, the weight of the evening still heavy on my shoulders. The faint smell of cigarettes and whiskey clings in the air. 

Jesus, it stinks in here

 Just as he begins to find a moment of peace, Yuuji plops down next to him, grinning as he passes over his lighter and a pack of cigarettes.

“Here,” Yuuji says, his voice light, almost playful.

“Stay outta my shit, man,” I grumbles, though I can’t help but feel a hint of amusement at Yuuji’s carefree demeanor.

Yuuji chuckles, unfazed. “Where’s Y/N? I didn’t see her at Grandpa’s funeral.”

The question hangs in the air, and for a brief moment, I feel the ground shift beneath me. I had meant to tell Y/N about  grandfather's passing—she had been there for me through so much—but the weight of it all had left me feeling paralyzed.

It wasn’t important that she was there…

I shifted uncomfortably, feeling the guilt settle like a stone in my chest. “It wasn’t important that she was there,” I muttered, trying to brush it off.

“But isn’t she important to you?” Yuuji presses, his tone shifting to something more serious.

I fell silent, the question echoing in my mind.

Is she?

I reach for a cigarette, pulling it out with slightly trembling hands before lighting it. The flame flickers in the dim light, illuminating my features for a moment as I inhale deeply.

“Dude,” Choso pipes up from the hallway, his voice laced with annoyance. “You said no smoking in the house.”

I rolled his eyes, exhaling a cloud of smoke toward the ceiling. “Cut me some slack,” I snapped, though I can’t ignore the tiny voice in the back of my mind telling me that I should be setting a better example.

The deep feeling that I’m forgetting something tugs at me, like a whisper just beyond my mental grasp. But then again, if I forgot it, it probably wasn’t important. Right?

Yuuji is staring at me, a knowing look in his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything more. Instead, he leans back against the couch, looking comfortable in the silence that stretches between them.

“Things have been rough, huh?” Yuuji finally says, his voice softer now.

“Yeah,” I replied, flicking ash into a nearby tray. “You could say that.”

Choso saunters back into the living room, arms crossed, eyeing Sukuna. “You really should talk to Y/N, you know? She cares about you, and it’s clear you’re going through something.”

I glared at him, irritation flaring. “I don’t need you two playing therapist. I’m handling my shit.”

Choso raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Handling it how? By ignoring everything? By pushing everyone away? Because that’s not working.”

The truth stings, and I shifts in my seat, the tension coiling tighter. “I’m not pushing anyone away,” I shoot back, though I know it sounds hollow.

Yuuji breaks the tension with a laugh. “Yeah, you are. You could at least let her in a little. She might surprise you.”

The idea sits heavy on my chest. 

Could Y/N really surprise him? Could she handle what he’s been dealing with?

What if she can’t?

I take another drag, the nicotine coursing through me like a desperate lifeline. “Whatever, man. Just drop it.”

Choso opens his mouth to argue, but Yuuji nudges him with a chuckle, and they both fall into an easy banter, leaving Sukuna to his own thoughts.

Maybe I should call her...didn’t I call her…can’t fucking remember. 

But the longer I sat there, the more I felt that familiar weight pressing down. The feeling of forgetting something important resurfaces, and I can’t shake it off.

As the night drags on, Sukuna fights the urge to reach for his phone again, knowing that if he does, everything could change. But at the same time, it feels like he’s on the edge of something—something he can’t quite see but knows is there, waiting for him to make the first move.

What the hell am I doing?

I flicks the cigarette butt into the tray, the embers glowing as it lands.

“Hey,” I said, breaking the comfortable silence, my voice rough. “What if I mess everything up? What if I don’t know how to make it right?”

Choso and Yuuji both turn to me, surprised by my admission.

“Then you figure it out,” Yuuji replies, his tone steady. “Just like you’ve always done. Just don’t shut her out.”

Maybe it’s time to stop running and start fighting. For once.

With a deep breath, Sukuna decides it’s time to stop overthinking it. He picks up his phone, staring at the screen, ready to reach out to Y/N.

This is my last chance...but I’m exhausted right now. Fuck!

Yuuji’s POV

Sukuna's exhaustion finally takes over as he sinks deeper into the couch, his body curling into itself. The low hum of the television fills the room, blending with the sound of his steady breathing. He drifts off, lost in the chaos of his mind.

Meanwhile, Yuuji glances at the sleeping figure of his older brother, a frown creeping across his face. Curious and a bit worried, he reaches for Sukuna's phone, its screen illuminated in the dim light. He unlocks it and starts scrolling through the messages, his brow furrowing as he realizes how many texts from Y/N have gone unanswered.

“Dude, look at this,” Yuuji says, wandering over to Choso, who’s leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and a bored expression on his face. Yuuji holds the phone out for Choso to see, displaying the countless messages from Y/N that Sukuna has ignored for the past month.

Choso glances at the screen, then rolls his eyes. “Mind your own business, Yuuji,” he replies, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Seriously, though,” Yuuji presses, a touch of frustration creeping in. “He’s been ignoring her for so long. What’s going on with him?”

Before Choso can respond, Sukuna’s phone starts ringing, the sound piercing through the quiet. Yuuji’s eyes widen, and he instinctively silences the ringer, a mix of concern and curiosity flashing across his face.

“What should we do?” Yuuji asks, looking at Choso for guidance, a bit of desperation in his tone.

Choso shrugs, his expression unreadable. “Mind our own business. It's not our place to interfere.”

Yuuji sighs, glancing back at Sukuna, who remains blissfully unaware of the conversation happening around him. “But I like Y/N. She’s cool and puts up with him,” he points out, gesturing to his older brother, still sleeping on the couch. “She deserves better than this.”

Choso lets out a breath, his frustration shifting to something softer as he considers Yuuji’s words. “Yeah, I get that. But what do you expect us to do? You think we can just barge in and demand he talk to her?”

Yuuji's eyes narrow, determination hardening his features. “Maybe that’s exactly what we should do. He needs a wake-up call. This isn’t just about him anymore. He’s got people who care about him—people who are worried.”

“Like you?” Choso scoffs, but there’s no real bite in his tone. “You think that’s going to make a difference?”

“Maybe,” Yuuji replies, his voice firm. “But if we don’t try, then we’re just letting him push everyone away. We can’t let him go down this path alone.”

Choso hesitates, the weight of Yuuji’s words sinking in. He knows Sukuna is struggling, knows that beneath the bravado lies someone broken and scared.

“Okay, let’s wake him up, then,” Choso finally concedes, pushing himself off the wall. “But if he gets pissed, that’s on you.”

Yuuji nods, determination burning in his eyes. “Yeah, well, it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.”

Together, they approach the couch, the weight of their intentions hanging in the air. Yuuji crouches beside Sukuna, gently shaking his shoulder. “Hey, Sukuna. Wake up, man.”

Sukuna stirs, groaning as he squints against the light. “What the hell?” he mutters, running a hand through his disheveled hair, still half-asleep.

“Time to get up,” Yuuji says, his tone serious now. “We need to talk.”

Sukuna blinks, confusion clouding his eyes as he tries to shake off the remnants of sleep. “Talk about what?” he grumbles, irritation creeping in as he stretches.

“About Y/N,” Choso interjects, crossing his arms again as he leans against the wall.

The mention of her name seems to clear the fog from Sukuna’s mind. “What about her?” he asks, sitting up straighter, instantly alert.

“You’ve been ignoring her, man,” Yuuji says, his voice firm but compassionate. “She deserves better than this.”

Sukuna’s heart sinks, the familiar guilt clawing at his insides. He opens his mouth to protest but finds no words.

“I don’t want to hear excuses,” Yuuji continues, determination etched on his face. “You need to reach out to her. She cares about you, and you’re pushing her away. We can’t just sit here and watch you do this to yourself.”

Sukuna looks between the two of them, the weight of their concern crashing over him.

Maybe I’m not the only one hurting here.

“I… I know,” he finally admits, his voice barely above a whisper.

Choso steps closer, his expression softening. “Then what are you waiting for? Call her. Don’t let this go on any longer.”

Sukuna glances down at his phone, the screen still displaying Y/N’s name. What am I waiting for?

With a deep breath, he picks it up, the decision weighing heavily on his heart. Maybe it’s time to stop hiding and start fighting for the people who matter most.

Sukuna’s POV

I glance down at my phone as it lights up again, Y/N’s name flashing across the screen.

Not again.

I let it ring, barely registering the sound as I mumble to myself, “I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

But the ringing doesn’t stop. I grit my teeth, a sense of dread bubbling in my stomach. “For fuck's sake,” I mutter, watching it ring again.

Why can’t she just give me a minute?

When the phone vibrates for the third time, I finally snap. “Fuck!” I answer, irritation spilling over as I press the phone to my ear. “What?”

“Where the hell have you been?” she shouts, her voice cracking like a whip through the line, the frustration palpable.

I wince, already regretting picking up. “I’ve been… busy,” I respond, my tone defensive.

“Busy ignoring me?” She scoffs, and I can practically see her rolling her eyes, her frustration radiating through the call.

This is so typical…

I take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm brewing inside. “I’m not doing this right now, Y/N. It’s not a good time.”

“Not a good time? You’ve been dodging my calls for weeks! What the hell is going on with you?”

Weeks… The word hits me hard, the weight of it settling heavily on my chest. I can’t keep running from this.

“Look,” I start, my voice low, “my grandfather is dead.”

Silence falls on the other end, thick and suffocating. I can almost hear the gears turning in her head.

“...When’s the funeral?” she finally asks, her tone shifting from anger to concern.

“It was three weeks ago,” I reply, the admission tasting bitter on my tongue.

“Three weeks?” she whispers, disbelief lacing her words. “And you said nothing?”

“I'm handling it, Y/N!” I bite back, the frustration boiling over. I can feel the anger and grief bubbling up, the remnants of my grandfather’s absence clawing at my throat.

I don’t want to talk about this. Not now.

Her silence feels like a dagger, cutting deeper than any argument we've had before. “This isn’t how you handle things, Sukuna,” she finally says, her voice shaking.

“I’m not doing this dumb shit with you tonight,” I snap, the heat of the moment overwhelming me. “I’m hanging up.”

And with that, I cut the line, the sound of the call ending echoing in the stillness of the room.

What the hell was I thinking?

My heart races as I throw my phone onto the couch, the silence that follows feeling deafening. I bury my head in my hands, fighting against the emotions swirling inside me.

She doesn’t understand. She can’t know what this feels like… The anger, the pain, the constant ache of losing my grandfather and not being able to show it. How could I have told her?

I lean back against the couch, the weight of everything pressing down on me.

Just give me time…

But as I sit in the dim light, the loneliness creeps in. The silence is heavy, and I know I can’t keep pushing her away. I want to reach out, but the fear of exposing my vulnerability paralyzes me.

I close my eyes, wishing for the chaos to settle, for a moment of peace to wash over me. But it doesn’t come.

Tomorrow, I’ll talk to her. I’ll figure this out.

But as the minutes stretch on, I realize the truth—if I keep this up, I might lose her for good.

Ding.

I sigh, my heart sinking as I open my eyes, dreading that it’s another text from her. I reach for my phone, bracing myself for the disappointment, but I feel a wave of relief wash over me when I see the name flashing on the screen. It’s not Y/N.

It’s Toji.

I’m five minutes away and I got pizza and weed.

I throw the phone back onto the couch and turn to Yuuji and Choso, who are in the kitchen, their heads craned toward the door, eyes wide with anticipation.

“Zenin is coming over,” I announce, trying to keep my voice steady.

Yuuji shrugs, a nonchalant expression on his face. “And I don’t give a fuck.”

Choso snickers, and I can’t help but wonder,

Who raised this kid?

“Yuuji,” I say, my tone firm, “you’ve got school tomorrow. Head to bed.”

He rolls his eyes, but I can see the weariness creeping in. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

I shift my gaze to Choso, who’s been sitting quietly, but I know he’s been feeling the pressure of finals coming up soon. “You need good grades to get into university, too. Go study or some shit.”

He raises an eyebrow, a playful grin tugging at his lips. “I will, but it’s hard to focus with you two around.”

Great, more attitude. “If you can’t handle the distraction, then take your study materials and go somewhere else.”

“Not a chance,” he says, laughing as he grabs a bottle of soda from the fridge. “Besides, I want to see what Zenin brought.”

I shake my head, the corners of my mouth twitching upward despite my efforts to maintain a stern facade. “You two are impossible.”

The door swings open a moment later, and Toji steps inside, a broad grin on his face, pizza boxes stacked high in his arms. “Guess who brought dinner!” he calls out, the aroma wafting through the air and instantly making my stomach growl.

“About damn time!” Yuuji jumps up, rushing over to help him with the boxes, while Choso just stands there, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

I lean back on the couch, watching the chaos unfold. This is a welcome distraction. I can feel the heaviness of the earlier conversation with Y/N slipping away, if only for a moment.

Toji, pulling out a baggie of weed from his pocket and tossing it on the couch next to me. “Let’s get this party started. It’s been a rough week for all of us.”

Yeah, rough doesn’t even begin to cover it.

But I nod, grateful for his presence, even if he’s a walking headache sometimes.

Maybe this is what I need—just a bit of normalcy, a moment to breathe.

I watch as Toji sets down two boxes of pizza on the table, and he turns his gaze to me, studying my face.

“Where’s Y/N?” he asks, his tone casual, but I can hear the underlying concern.

I stay silent, reaching for the weed instead, the familiar ritual of rolling a blunt providing a momentary escape. As I begin to roll, I feel Toji’s eyes on me, a bead of sweat forming at the back of my neck.

“What?” I finally snap, my voice edged with irritation.

Toji sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. “Guess we’re doing this.”

Yuuji, ever the meddler, chimes in with a grin, “Y/N broke up with him.”

I shoot him a glare, my hands stilling. “She didn’t.”

“Sure sounded like you guys were about to,” Choso adds, his voice matter-of-fact, as if I hadn’t just dismissed Yuuji’s comment.

I lean back, rolling my eyes. “So you’re both minding my business now?”

Yuuji shrugs, that infuriating smirk still plastered on his face. “Of course.” He smacks his lips exaggeratedly, just to piss me off even more.

Toji raises an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. “What happened?”

I take a deep breath, the memory of our earlier fight flooding back, sharp and painful. “We got into it,” I say, my voice low. “She called me out for ignoring her, and I... I told her my grandfather died.”

“To be fair,” Toji interjects, “that’s a pretty big deal.”

“I know!” I shoot back, frustration creeping in. “But it was the way she said it. Like it was my fault I hadn’t told her sooner. I just—”

I stop, running a hand through my hair, feeling the weight of it all settle on my shoulders. “I didn’t want her to worry. I thought I could handle it. But I’m just a mess right now.”

“You can’t just shut her out,” Toji says, his voice steady, and I can tell he’s trying to keep me from spiraling. “You need to let her in. She cares about you.”

“Yeah, but does she really? Because it doesn’t feel like it right now,” I mutter, frustration boiling beneath the surface.

Choso exchanges a glance with Yuuji, and I know they’re thinking the same thing. 

You’re fucking this up, Sukuna.

“Look,” Yuuji says, more serious now, “maybe just talk to her. Apologize or something. She might be pissed off, but she’ll listen. She always does.”

“I don’t know if I can face her after that,” I admit, the confession hanging heavy in the air.

Toji slaps my shoulder, pulling me from my thoughts. “You don’t get to hide from this. Just be honest. You’ve got to get your shit together, man.”

I nod, taking a deep breath, the reality of it all sinking in. “Yeah, you’re right.”

The weight of my decisions looms over me, but amidst the chaos and noise of the kitchen, I can feel the glimmer of hope.

Maybe I can fix this… maybe it’s not too late.

I finish rolling the blunt and take a moment, grounding myself. “Alright, enough about me. Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Yuuji and Choso dive into the pizza boxes, their laughter echoing around me. And for a moment, the laughter drowns out the noise in my head, the worries about Y/N fading to the background as I join them.

My phone rings again, cutting through the brief moment of normalcy. I glance at the screen and see it's Y/N. My stomach drops at the sight. I switch the ringer off again, desperate to avoid this conversation.

Toji, however, doesn’t miss a beat. He watches the phone and answers it. “Hey, what’s up, Y/N?”

I can hear her voice through the speaker, sharp and clear. “Where’s Sukuna?”

Toji shrugs, glancing at me. “He’s around. Is there something you need?”

I feel the air shift in the room as Y/N’s voice crackles through the speaker. “Tell him to come get his shit from my place.”

My heart drops.

She isn’t doing this right now.

 The weight of her words hits me like a punch to the gut.

Toji pauses, clearly surprised. “Are you sure about that?”

“His grandfather died,”

 Y/N responds, her tone unyielding. “And?”

And? 

The anger surges through me, hot and raw. I mouth to Toji to pass me the phone, but he shakes his head, his expression saying it all: 

Don’t. Just let it go.

“Y/N, you know it’s not that simple,” Toji says, his voice steady but laced with caution. “He’s going through a lot right now.”

“Yeah, well, so am I,” she snaps back, frustration dripping from her words. “I can’t keep doing this, Toji. He’s been ignoring me, and I’m done. Just tell him to come get his things.”

I can feel my heart racing, the anger boiling beneath the surface.

She really done with me?

Toji glances at me again, gauging my reaction. “Y/N, I get that you’re upset, but maybe you should talk to him instead of kicking him out. You guys have been together for almost a year.”

“Exactly! Almost a year and I feel like I’m in this alone. I’m tired of waiting around for him to decide he wants to talk to me. I deserve better than this.”

Does she really think I don’t care?

“Okay, but…” Toji starts, but Y/N cuts him off.

“No, Toji. I’m not going to keep making excuses for him. He needs to take responsibility. If he doesn’t want to be with me, then that’s his choice.”

I’m clenching my fists now, the frustration spilling over. I can’t just let this happen.

“Just pass me the phone,” I finally say, my voice low and dangerous.

Toji gives me a hard look but eventually relents, handing me the phone with a reluctant sigh. I can feel the weight of the moment pressing down on me.

“Y/N,” I say, trying to keep my tone even, but it cracks slightly, betraying my anger. “You really want to do this right now?”

“What do you want me to say, Sukuna?” she replies, her voice steady yet tinged with hurt. “You’ve been ignoring me for weeks. You think I’m just going to sit here and pretend everything’s okay?”

“I’m not ignoring you!” I shoot back, frustration bubbling over. “I’m dealing with shit, and I thought you’d understand. My grandfather just died, for fuck’s sake!”

“Then talk to me about it!” she retorts, her voice rising. “I can’t help you if you shut me out. I’m not asking for much; I just want to know you’re okay.”

“I’m handling it, Y/N,” I insist, my words coming out sharper than I intended. “But you don’t get it. You don’t know what it’s like right now.”

“Then make me understand!” she snaps. “Stop pushing me away!”

I can hear the desperation in her voice, and it’s like a knife twisting in my gut.

“Y/N, I…” I start, but the words fail me.

What do I say?

But before I can finish, she sighs deeply, the sound heavy with resignation. “Just come get your stuff. I can’t keep waiting for you to figure this out.”

“Fine,” I reply, my voice quiet. “I’ll be there.”

She doesn’t respond, and the silence stretches between us like an unbridgeable chasm.

“Y/N…”

But it’s too late. She hangs up, leaving me with nothing but the echo of our argument hanging in the air.

Toji and Choso watch me closely, the weight of their scrutiny pressing down. I want to scream, to lash out, but instead, I drop the phone to my side and run a hand through my hair, feeling the tension coil tighter in my chest.

The weight of the argument hangs in the air, thick and suffocating. With a heavy sigh, I pass my car keys to Choso. “Go pick up my stuff.”

He raises an eyebrow, shaking his head. “Nah, bro. You’re doing that on your own. I’m not getting in that mess.”

I scoff, frustration boiling over. “Seriously? You think I want to deal with this shit alone?”

“Yeah, I do,” Choso replies, crossing his arms defiantly. “I don’t want any part of that drama. You can’t just ignore her for weeks and expect her to roll over when you come crawling back.”

“Whatever, man,” I mutter, pushing myself off the couch. I turn to Toji, who’s watching us with a bemused expression. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, waving me off. “I’ll keep an eye on these two losers over here.” He messes up Yuuji’s hair, earning a frustrated grunt from the younger guy.

With a heavy heart and a storm brewing in my chest, I head to my car. The engine roars to life, but it does little to drown out the chaos in my mind.

 What the hell am I even going to say to her?

[anyydidi]

WRITING THIS POST BECAUSE I'M SO SICK OF PEOPLE MISCHARACTERIZING FORD!!!!!!!!!

Before we begin, everyone is entitled to their opinion. If you really think Ford wouldn't truly care, you do you.

That being said, I feel like people who claim that Ford wouldn't do a single thing to bring Stan back if their places were switched do not understand his character at all.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that he would open the portal. At least not right away. The one thing I agree with is that Ford wouldn't put the life of his brother above the whole planet like Stan did. He realizes the threat of the portal and Bill too much to do that.

But have people forgotten that Ford also loves his brother? Yeah, he was angry, bitter and resentful, but he wouldn't have just let Stan die in the multiverse. Especially since that would be entirely his fault he got stuck there in the first place.

For people thinking, "But Ford was too blinded by rage! He didn't care for Stan until after Weirdmaggedon!", have you seen the show? Have you read the journal? Through everything that happened, Ford kept a photo (tattered and worn, obviously taken out a lot) of him and his brother in his left, inner breast pocket which is the one closest to the heart. If that wasn't enough, for those who haven't read the journal, Ford kept reminiscing about and mentioning his brother before the portal incident. Even though those lines were often crossed out, it was obvious that at least unconsiously he had Stan in mind a lot. And at the end of the journal, it is written that he worked day and night, to the point of passing out, to bring Stan's memories (and essencially Stan himself) back. (Oh and have we forgotten about the absolutely shattered expression he had when he erased Stan's memories? You don't look like that for a person you don't deeply care about).

Still not enough to believe that Ford cared about Stan before Stan's sacrifice?

Let's talk about the fact that when Ford was at his lowest, that being paranoid, sleep deprived, tortured by Bill, drowned in guilt, and completely alone, he reached out to Stan? He says it himself, "I needed help, someone I could trust." After everything, he still trusted Stan to an extent and believed him to be his last hope. You don't give trust like that to people you truly hate.

Ford was self-absorbed and egocentric, but also hurt and betrayed. That feeling came from a misconception, but that doesn't make it any less valid. It is understandable that he acted towards Stan the way he did, with venom and bitterness. But we can be angry at people we love and still care for their well-being.

How I said earlier, I don't think Ford would really open the portal. He wouldn't risk the entire world for Stanley. But I do think he would do anything in his power to be able to bring Stan back safely. You cannot be telling me that he'd be able to live with the guilt and not do anything about it if he could. After all, in his head, it would be his fault. He got tricked by Bill, he built the portal, he made Stan come to him and showed him the portal and he wasn't able to let go of the journal and fought Stan for it. I'm convinced he'd still throw some blame at Stan for some of the fight to make himself feel better at first, but after some time he would just blame himself completely (the same way I think Stan did with the science fair incident). The guilt for all of that would eat him alive.

Let's not forget, Stanley worked for 30 years, basically half his life to bring Stanford home and I believe Ford would be willing to do the same. He would just go about it differently. He would either try to get rid of the threat of Bill and then be willing to upgrade the portal and turn it on again, or maybe try to find a completely different way to get Stan back from the multiverse, or in the end something entirely different, I'm not fully sure.

What I am sure of is that Ford wouldn't just let Stan be stranded in the multiverse without doing absolutely nothing. Maybe he wouldn't succeed, maybe Stan would actually have to find his own way back home because Stanford wouldn't be able to find a solution without risking their entire universe. But Ford would at least try, give it his all, because despite everything, he still loves his brother. Differently than Stan loves him, because Ford is a different person than Stan, but he still does.

So I beg you, people. Stop taking Ford's complex character from him. He can be a selfish, self-centered asshole, but he's not heartless.

[cloversplace]

The gang on a snow day hcs bc it’s snowing where I am, (Johnny and Dally are alive bc I can): 

Pony: Reading a book by the fireplace, sipping hot chocolate, and trying to avoid Steve’s various assassination attempts

Johnny: Either reading with Pony or making snow angels outside, built an igloo in the lot

Soda: Making a snowman with Steve, questions on whether Ponyboy is stuffed inside one of the snowballs, Steve insists that the snowman can talk and it is NOT Ponyboy inside “Guys Pony’s inside with Johnny totally!” *Ponys muffled screaming comes from inside the snowman* “ShUT UP!” 

Steve: Trying to murder Pony, picking snowball fights (Mostly with Dallas and Two-bit)

Dally: Snowball fights? No. Snowball warfare. Throwing snow, chunks of ice/icicles, Two-Bit, etc. Pegs everyone but Johnny with the snow, tries to peg Darry bc mf has a death wish

Two-Bit: Making snow cones, except instead of putting juice or sm in them, he puts beer inside. Tries to convince Soda, Pony, and Johnny that it’s js apple juice. Darry is not amused when it comes to a tipsy Ponyboy so that gets shut down real quick.

Darry: Trying to keep everyone else in the gang from either dying or killing one another. Fights back in the snowball war with Dally and Two-Bit, also hits Steve pretty hard with one too. “What was that for?!” “For trying to murder my kid brother, dumbass” 

If it snowed today for you (Where my northeastern peeps at?) hope u had fun and ur snow day didn’t turn out like Pony’s lol. Someone save him from the snowman pls 😔

[angstigone]

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓰𝓸𝓭 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓸𝓭𝓼

𝗛𝗲𝗶𝗮𝗻 𝗘𝗿𝗮! 𝗥𝘆𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗦𝘂𝗸𝘂𝗻𝗮 𝘅 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

(A/N): hello there, lovelies!

dearest besties, I shall take the next week off but till right now here's something to keep you anchored!

(and yeah a sequel is in the works).

as always, comments and reblogs have me writing faster and better!

have a nice day!

SUMMARY: in times of need you found yourself praying to the god in the woods

An idea hit you as you are suddenly reminded of your mother’s trips in the woods to pray as the house in which you had all lived hadn’t been built near the village and hence she couldn’t go to the temple; she had made with what she had and she had a few times brought you to pray upon the altair.  You hadn’t ever cared about such things - not as a child, too busy observing everything and playing games, not as an adult, when hunger and tiredness where all you felt - but you now understood the search for comfort as you assured yourself that both children are deep sleep before you slink into the night, directed towards the forest. And maybe it was the fact that you wish to disappear not unlike your father or to search for comfort in nature… Either way you found yourself on your knees, praying to a god whose name you don’t know and promising everything if only he helped your brothers - and you - survive. “I don’t ask much but a modest life and a bit to tend to” you weren’t lazy, nor stupid and the wind that blows seemed to say ‘what will you give me then?’ “Everything. Everything I am and everything I own”.

WARNINGS: mention of death, injuries, blood, animal death and such, pre-relationship, gothic and fairytale elements, she/her pronouns - afab character.

Last winter had taken a toll on the village and especially on your family.

Your mother had been long gone when your father hadn’t one day come back from a hunting trip.

This meant that you had been left alone caring for your boyfriends as it seemed like everybody was convinced that bad luck followed your family.

Left without parents, you had tried to handle the housekeeping and hunting, mostly growing the small garden in the back of your house and taking care of the few animals left alive by the intense cold that had just begun to thwart the income of a shy spring.

Whatever you needed you tried to exchange it at the weekly market but oftentimes, merchants or villagers would refuse a deal with you due to the bigotry of your circumstances and when men accosted you, it wasn’t with pure intentions.

Since you had grown into what was considered an age to be a spinster, everybody at the village refused to entertain a conversation with you but men didn’t disdain the possibility to bed you for a night, even under a compensation and although the thought disgusted you, there was a brewing desperation in your chest the night that you found your chicks slaughtered by an animal.

Eggs had always been a good source of income as the villagers in - at least - that department weren’t picky, with the scarcity that came as the nearest farm was miles away and many couldn’t have chicks.

So, with their death, you had now lost the major source of income for the following weeks and you didn’t have enough money to exchange for new chicks, even in a fewer quantity than the ones you had owned.

You had wrecked your head all night for a solution, although one didn’t come easy as you thought about rationing the food and selling what had been left behind and was valuable enough at the weekly market although you doubted that anybody would have made a deal with you

Unless you sold something else.

The thought of selling your body felt atrocious to you, but your little brothers would starve if you didn’t  do something as you are the sole family left to them.

«Big sister is worried» Kahiro had uttered at dinner as you tried to spoonfeed his twin, Shin’chi with the roots soup that you had cooked, hoping that such a meal - although not inviting - would fill them for the night.

You, yourself, went without dinner as the worries were raging in your head and you wouldn’t have been able to feel the taste of things.

«I don’t want it!» Shin’chi kept on protesting while you tried to be both sweet and kind, stern and authoritative but eventually the soup drenched wood tiles of the kitchen floor and suddenly you were hungry and feeling like a dog as you considered licking it off to sate your aching stomach.

Instead, you steadied yourself as a burning headache filled your mind and you couldn’t help but think that maybe your father hadn’t simply wandered off: he had willingly gone away to avoid the misery that came with your family.

Never like right now, hungry, worried and resourceless you had felt the curse upon your house.

«Then go to bed, immediately! No more dinner for you!».

You dreaded the task of being harsh with your brothers; they are much younger than you, enough that they could be sons instead of brothers - which they are as there is nobody else to handle them - and yet, you are young as well. 

A whole child who turned up too old as the heavy burden lowered your shoulder and your tired gaze followed a disgruntled Shin’chi bolt to his room, while Kahiro was swift to finish his soup and follow him.

Not before passing by you and clutching your sleeve to attract your attention, he said:

«Don’t cry, sweet sister. He’s just… being a meanie».

And only then you realized you were crying, immediately brushing away tears: what good did they do to the world? 

They were just a waste as irritation brewed in your stomach and you wondered why were you crying?

What use was there to cry when you couldn’t provide for your brothers or…

An idea hit you as you are suddenly reminded of your mother’s trips in the woods to pray as the house in which you had all lived hadn’t been built near the village and hence she couldn’t go to the temple; she had made with what she had and she had a few times brought you to pray upon the altair. 

You hadn’t ever cared about such things - not as a child, too busy observing everything and playing games, not as an adult, when hunger and tiredness where all you felt - but you now understood the search for comfort as you assured yourself that both children are deep sleep before you slink into the night, directed towards the forest.

And maybe it was the fact that you wish to disappear not unlike your father or to search for comfort in nature…

Either way you found yourself on your knees, praying to a god whose name you don’t know and promising everything if only he helped your brothers - and you - survive.

“I don’t ask much but a modest life and a bit to tend to” you weren’t lazy, nor stupid and the wind that blows seemed to say ‘what will you give me then?’ “Everything. Everything I am and everything I own”.

The praying session in the woods left you tired and without a purpose as the realization had hit you: there were no gods, nor miracles and by the following morning you’d still be hungry with two more mouths to feed and even less food to do so.

Or so you thought, as when you went to open the door to try to at least milk the starving cow that you still own to offer milk for your brothers’ breakfast, you are startled to find the carcass of a deer; you startled at the gory sight and wonder who ever could have done this. 

Which animal, more likely? 

The skin is damaged thoroughly and although the whole thing is still quite meaty and for the moment you doubted whether to bring it inside or not, you did wonder whether it could be a trap or how it had come to you.

Still, you found yourself not caring as the deer lasted you a week with the skin being sold in the weekly market: the villagers might have their bigotry but the few pieces of its mane that you were able to save from the blood spectacle on your doorsteps, were wonderful of a deeply white that has you wondering whether you were committing a sin against the gods by selling it.

Still, it must be the gods - or better, the god in the wood - that had sent you such a thing, hence it is no sin.

By then, you weren’t yet convinced that it’s the gods’ work, truly; it must be a coincidence but then other gifts start showing up: other animals horribly killed and yet, each one is enough to last you a week if not more if you are careful with the meat.

Then alive animals, some new chicks and a horse.

And while the horse could have been a wandering one, the chicks didn’t seem so accidental.

You welcomed everything still, as desperate as you were, promptly noticing that the gifts came at the start of the week and they would be delayed if you didn’t come in the woods, as if whichever god that had taken you beneath his mantle, was a jealous and worried one that rewarded your visits and prayers with gifts and your lacks with silence.

By the time summer approached, your life had much improved as you weren’t only able to properly provide to your brothers but the gifts of the god changed in nature; as you were by now able to handle your brothers’ needs, the things coming to your door are far more… frivolous. 

It started with flowers: nothing that could have been found in the woods but instead, you were sure, they had belonged in a luxurious foreign garden. 

Then it was pretty dresses, much fancier than you had ever owned even back before your family had fallen from grace. 

You had nowhere to wear them though, as going to the village in such fabric would have given place to rumors and that was the last thing you  needed as they all seemed startled already by the amount of game and furs you brought to sell, as you justified their existence by stating you had found it all in the woods.

Still, such luxurious fabrics tempted you and when you’d be at home, finished with the harshness of the average day, you’d try them on and indulging your brothers you’d pretend to be a luxurious lady or even princess of some fable, blessing your soldiers with a favor before sending them off to battle or declaring a winner among their internal ‘wars’.

You sometimes wished to have a mirror to see yourself in such a getup but you couldn’t handle such frivolousness when your main purpose of each day was to save some starving mouths.

Still, you wore the exotic fabrics when you’d go and pray, mostly to show to your god your gratefulness and he seemed to enjoy such a thoughtful action, rewarding you with two deliveries that same week: one for you of a beautiful headpiece made of what you were sure was jade, and another for your brothers. 

Matching wooden ponies for them to pretend to ride as you had yet to teach them on the same horse that had been delivered to you.

As summer broke through, though, things started to get slightly more complicated as it seemed like different villagers had been attacked by what many described as a curse through the night, leaving the bodies horribly disfigured to the point that their loved ones struggled to recognize them. 

You had been trying to avoid, then, the trip to the village as you knew that your visits were further witnessed with a tenseness that had many uncomfortable if not suspicious. 

Still, you couldn’t rely wholly on the kindness of your god for everything and your brothers had insisted on a visit to the village, having been cooped up with the good season in the house and although they had each other for company, you guessed they might just enjoy some kids their age.

You kept an eye on them as you went through the market, selling your eggs as you kept an attentive ear to the rumors going around although a strange silence fell onto you the moment you walked in as if the conversation had been awkwardly about you and nobody else, and now caught the villagers felt shame. 

Or worry.

“Don’t play with them” you heard a mother call out to her own child, who was waving around his toy to your brothers “They have a curse upon them. And their sister is nothing but a witch”.

You clenched your teeth at the insult not just for yourself but also your poor brothers who fell behind you, any joy left being shut off as they clutched your skirts as if to hide underneath them. 

That visit didn’t solely leave behind a bad taste in your mind but as you were coming back you were caught in a summer rain tempest that left you drenched and although you were quick in bathing your brothers, they both came down with a severe fever the following day.

You trekked down the village - feverish yourself - to seek out a healer and some medicine that might help your brothers. 

Still nobody wished to sell you anything and the healer shunned you out, pushing you out of her hut the moment that you walked inside. 

In the dirty mud you cursed underneath your breath before promptly regaining a bit of your dignity and going back with an unsteady step to your own hours and although you weren’t a firm believer in miracles - no matter what happened in the forest - you still hoped and prayed that your brothers would be safe by the time that you came to them.

You were startled at first upon hearing noises coming from the door, as your brothers had been too weak to get up from bed and it couldn’t be a wandering animal as you had ensured that everything would be closed and looked; you rushed inside mindful to grab a huge rock to use as as weapon as inside the sight was startling: a white-haired human was standing atop your brother’s bed, who looked less flustered and far more peaceful in their slumber as a wet rag had been put on their foreheads.

As if sensing your return, the white haired stranger turned to you with a prompt neutral expression as they started speaking:

«Their fever broke through and it shall pass through the night»

You were startled as you inwardly clutched tighter the rock in your hands, having hidden it behind your back.

«… I have left some medicine brewed for you as well, and if you allow me, I’ll take onto the household chores for the day and…».

«Who are you?» you screeched, croaking due to the sickness in your body and although you were trying to sound threatening you were well aware that if they had any bad intentions, they wouldn’t only have the advantage of you being sick but they could easily hold your brothers hostages.

The fact that they hadn’t till right now was a good thing, but you had grown to rely only on yourself, shunned out of your own community, and now the sudden quest of trust had you uneasy at best. 

«My name does not matter as it’s my lord’s own» not very reassuring and the intruder noticed the disbelief promptly on your face «… but if you must know I am Uraume».

«What are you doing in my house, Uraume?» you questioned as you pushed the rock forward if anything to show them that you had a weapon onto yourself. Not a very good one as the white-haired stranger promptly sent you a disimpressed look «… how… how did you get through?».

«The door» oh you didn’t enjoy that they were being sarcastic, certainly not when they had intruded in your peace and although they had somehow meant to help your brothers, you’d have preferred for them to leave. 

And never come back.

«… and it’s my master that has sent me. To help you, my lady».

«I am no lady» you shot down before rushing out of curiosity «… who is your master?».

Now the plot thickened as if this stranger had been sent to you by somebody there must be a bigger plan and although they might not be an inherent threat, you felt unease at the thought of people - strangers - knowing about where you and your brothers lived. 

You couldn’t pick up your things and move, especially with all the gifts that you had received recently, no matter the distaste you found for the village who hadn’t helped you. You couldn’t leave your god of the wood behind and suddenly it hit you while Uraume’s face brightened in satisfaction.

«No… it can’t… it can’t … be» and yet, he was the sole one who knew of your struggles, and the sole one that had seemed to care so far «… your master… is a … a god».

«Not yet» Uraume corrected promptly «… but he’s quite close. He’s glad that you have enjoyed his gifts so far as he finds your gratitude satisfactory».

It startled you to know that the help you had received wasn’t the result of a god who just wished your devotion, but something definitely more human as Uraume might be ethereal but you could tell they were very much as human as you; and this scared you although the heated state of your mind: if it was a human behind everything… 

… considering the state of the animals he had brought to your door…

«I see fear in your eyes, but I’ll have you know that my master doesn’t wish any injury nor cruelty upon you or your siblings» they spoke attentively, coming one step closer to you definitely ignoring the rock in your hand, probably painfully aware you were far too sick to swing it to them and with the way they fluidly moved you thought Uraume to be human, but not human enough «… he finds your worship an entertaining practice and such a thought fills him with satisfaction. He asked me to come to you to be of help to you».

And it downed you: although Uraume and his master were strangers to you, they had been a better community than the village that had been supposed to cherish you. 

The god in wood might be a cruel one but he was still your god.

«… I… can’t think» you admitted but you startled when your legs suddenly gave out underneath you and all too soon Uraume was beside you, trying to swiftly push you to lean against them although you protested; you might have come to conclusion that neither them nor their master would harm you, but this didn’t mean that you were eager to have either in your house «… let me… let me go!».

«Not till your own fever breaks» they spoke now less haughtily and respectfully «And such thing won’t happen if you don’t rest».

«I… I can’t…» on top of the lingering illness, you had been too concerned with your brothers to even sleep and it all came onto you although your body tensed up and shivered as it tried to fight against Uraume’s hold «… I don’t… you might… your master might be my god but I don’t… trust you».

«Then trust him» and as if talking with a spoiled child, Uraume added with a meager smile «… he has always helped you when you most needed it. He’d never send somebody to hurt you. Or your brothers».

You felt like Uraume had hit the target with their words and although begrudgingly you agreed to be brought to bed, with your eyes settling like an hawk on Uraume who was swift to move around the house, as if it was their own and you’d have been far more worried if you had been in your right mind as a boot of sanity came by when the attendant went to serve you dinner, by spoon feeding you.

Your brothers’ sleep had seemed much better than any they had gotten the previous night and Uraume insisted that they’d wake up soon. 

It was enough that as you were treated as a child yourself, you grew restless and ask Uraume some questions.

«Who is your master?».

«That’s for me to know and for you to discover when the time is ready».

«Isn’t that ominous?» you protested lightly as a spoon of hot soup was promptly shoved into your mouth «… not that I am not grateful for his help, but I just wonder… how… and most importantly what he might want from me?».

«He shall come soon to tell you in person».

The thought set fear alive in the pit of your belly, although it alighted with something else as well, a feeling you couldn’t detect fully as it was new for you as well.

«… and he shall tell you what he wants from you».

The thought didn’t thrill you as Uraume, themselves, held an air of eeriness; their master must be somebody far more ruthless, considered the animals he had haunted for you and your brothers, and somebody far more powerful. 

To meet such a man… it thrilled you in both a positive and negative way.

«I know it feels scary» it seemed like Uraume could just read your mind as they went to grab a clean rag to douse your burning forehead although with a belly full and rest beneath your eyelids, you definitely felt better and far more relieved at your brothers’ safety «… but if my master had any intention to hurt you, he’d have done so long ago».

«… again, that isn’t exactly reassuring» you shot back promptly, as your eyes moved to your brothers: your safety might be assured but what about your own? Uraume, again, caught the drift before you could utter your worries.

«My master might be a harsh one but he won’t harm your children, my lady» you startled at the title, as you flustered about being called something you had never been but Uraume shut down any attempt you made at correcting her «… if anything your devotion to your brothers is something that he admires. Greatly».

You flustered, although it wasn’t a true complement, suddenly finding that the verbal spar you had had with Uraume had left you tired and although you wished to keep an eye on the attendant, you found yourself drifting towards unconsciousness, startled when you woke up to your brothers’ little hands pushing and pulling on your shoulders for you to wake up. 

They didn’t seem anymore feverish and were running around the house while the sole telltale sign of your previous sickness was a slight headache and for a moment you considered everything of the previous night a dream, although the whole house was ordered and you even found some food awaiting for you, an homemade treat that you hadn’t cooked.

And although you were grateful for Uraume’s help, you felt the tension at what they had said: their master would soon come for you and then you’d understand what he might want out of you.

You had taken to lose sleep at night because of this, and that’s the sole reason why you managed to get out of the house when the fire first started; you had taken to be restless and although the woods always calmed you down at times like this after the revelation that your god existed and wanted to connect with you, you had paced yourself with your visits although you knew they’d mean less weekly gifts. 

You had been sitting down at the window sill of your brothers’ room watching them sleep comfortably in their beds as this sight always calmed you down although all too soon your nostrils were tickled by something that smelled akin to smoke. 

You at first thought that it might be from the hunters’ encampment in the woods but then it became more extensive and you saw the phantom hand of smoke.

You were quick to shake awake your brothers as you opened the window to let yourself and the children out of the house, startled when you saw the front going up in flames; was this… was this the punishment from your god for your dissertation? 

No, it couldn’t be: Uraume had said that he wouldn’t have harmed you and so far, your lacks had been returned with silences on his part. It had little to no sense to punish you - and your brothers - so harshly, when before he hadn’t ever.

Still, you came all too soon to a second realization as you heard voices and chants and quickly sending your brothers to hide in the woods nearby, you notice a crowd of villagers with torches; those fuckers… they hadn’t only shunned you and your brothers out due to their bigotry and superstition, but they had wished to hurt you and your brothers. 

Purge your own lives with fire.

And that was when it hit you, just how awful you had been treated.

«Why… I…» you tried to make sense of the burning feelings in your chest «… I hate them! I hate them! I wish they would all be dead!».

It felt childish and with a second thought, you’d have been careful of the words that left your mouth as an eerie calm settled across the whole area and the flames were promptly smothered, much to the villagers’ horror as their eyes settled onto you.

«Witch!» they shouted all in chorus as they raised their torches and you’d have thought they’d have burned you alive «… curse upon our village!».

«There were children in my house!» you shouted back, uncaring of the feeling of a rope snapping tight around your stomach as if you were being pulled by something «… you… you are the true monsters!».

«Let’s burn her and ensure that whatever she does in our village will stop, before it’s too late!» one of the most important villagers spoke, as he moved closer to you with a torch, pushing it in your direction while you tried to back away but all too soon the villagers had surrounded you and you felt like a trapped mouse about to meet the end of a trap.

You closed your eyes and heard a slight and sharp breath of wind, promptly startled when you heard the noises of the villagers dim down as they had done when the flames had gone out all in a swift move. 

Also in that case you had heard a gush of wind and slowly you understood the two things had been connected.

Your god had arrived as he moved through the parted crowd of villagers. 

You noticed that a few had been brashly cut in half in an horrid spectacle of blood and guts. 

The man, you had thought your savior, was at least a few heads taller than any man you had ever met; bright pink hair and maroon eyes - double in number - set on you as he moved through the road he created for himself.

He wasn’t human, that much you knew.

And while you should have felt dread - fear at least - for what he had done to your fellow villagers, you found yourself not shivering due to that, as you reasoned that if he hadn’t killed them, they’d have done the same to you. 

A prey never feared the predator who ate the animal stalking them and hunting them down.

Your god was massive and strong and with elegant gestures of his hands he freed himself quickly to come to you, with blood slightly coating his four arms and the elegant traditional clothing he was wearing, as elegant in the fabric as your own and startled by such a parallelism you uttered, almost stupidly.

«My dresses… the ones… you gifted me… they were inside» you doubted that they’d have been salvageable and the thought filled you with a sensation of shame at having shown such gifts so little care, startled when the enormous monster offered you one of his impressive hands as if to tell you to come and with a slight hesitation you put your hands in his, startled to see it was the least bloody one.

«I’ll have new ones made for you» he spoke solemnly and resolutely «… better in quality and more fitting».

You nodded a bit flustered by how easily this unknown man - a stranger - wished to take care of you with an intensity that hadn’t been in your life for such a long time. 

He gently pulled onto your hands although you held your ground. 

You knew he could have easily swept you off your feet or eaten you - as his elongated fangs indicated - but he simply looked at you curiously as if he couldn’t place your behavior.

«… my brothers…» you couldn’t leave them behind, not even for such a caring monster.

«They are with Uraume» he spoke promptly and obviously, as if he was already ahead of you «… probably bothering them as they take after their sister’s inquiring curiosity».

You raised an eyebrow at the slight tease, not truly convinced that such a huge monster could joke so easily. And get you to smile so openly as you hadn’t done in a long time.

So, you followed him before saying.

«You aren’t going to hurt me, right?.

Iit made little sense as to how much he had done for you, rescuing you through the winter and saving your brothers in the summer. Right now, he had even avoided you burning alive, although your house was gone.

«Hurt you?» he chuckled boisterously although his face scrunched up in displeasure «… why would I hurt you, little dove?».

You flustered at the petname, effectively unable to come up with an effective reasoning as to why he’d hurt you: he had protected you so far and most importantly he wanted something from you.

«… then… what do you want from me?» from a poor orphan who had just her brothers to look after.

The monster smiled, all sharp and scrunched eyebrows. It shouldn’t have felt reassuring as he clutched your hand more gently, effectively stopping to clutch it as he’d do with a resisting person.

«Isn’t it obvious what I want?» you shook your head and he pursued his lips in disapproval, as if to say ‘I thought you smarter’ «I want your devotion, sweet thing».

Again the petname, again that slight fluster, but still it wasn’t enough as his eyes gently downed onto your lips for but a moment.

«I want your devotion to me and I want you to worship me, as my rightful wife».

credits for dividers: @/saradika-graphics

[redbleedingrose]

i think eris collects fancy wine and lucien has a lot of old maps what do u think

Oh, I have been waiting all DAY for someone to send me an ask about my favorite Vanserra bro’s! I am so excited tehehhe!!

Hobbies for the Vanserra Bro’s

Eris Vanserra

Okay, starting with the love of my LIFE!!!

He is a master of all trades tbh. He has so many hobbies, especially once Beron goes bye bye LMAO. He has so much more free time, he was already practically running the Autumn Court, even when Beron was alive. But now, without the added stress of his father, he is trying to explore all different avenues for hobbies, especially when you can join him.

He absolutely collects fancy wines. I think Er is a collector in general. He likes collecting wines that you both can share after a long day of hard work, he likes to collect unique and rare editions of his favorite books that he can display in the library he built for you, he likes collecting rocks and geodes and seashells that he will use as decorations in Marwa and Twila’s nursery. When they are born, Eris becomes a collector of all things for his favorite babes. He collects dresses and jewelry that they will use when they are older, he loves collecting shoes and handbags for them. Eventually, a new wing to your home is added just so he can store all of things he has collected over the years for them that they have unlimited access to. I also think Er would collect children’s stories and books for them, he loves encouraging them to learn and grow into smart, young ladies. He absolutely expands the library for them, creating a little play space for them along with hundreds, if not thousands of books that all belong to them.

I also think Eris would become involved with creating DV shelters. He would absolutely love being involved in foundations and charities that specialize in helping women get away from their ab*sers, and building a new life for themselves. He has created a whole new job sector for these women, and often finds himself visiting these shelters so that he can help the older ladies running the home cook and clean. You can picture him in his apron, scrubbing away at the tile with furrowed brows trying to get the grout out. He would also bring his pups to the shelters so that they can play with the ladies and the children.

While Beron was alive, he did have a secret hobby that only you know of. One that you and him will take to the grave. One that was the reason for your first oathe to him, the reason that you have a tattoo that matches his on your left forearm.

Tehe.

You know those smutty books that Nesta reads?

Yeah…… He ghost wrote those.

Don’t ask questions, but he did.

The poor male had to express himself and his desire for you somehow.

Anyway, only you and him know that he is Prythian’s best selling romance author. And thats the way its going to stay.

That secret follows you both to the grave.

Oh and Eris is for sure an animals rights activist. He loves his horses and his pups so much, even though he will never admit it, but he has spent a lot of time creating laws that provide protections for endangered species and animal rights in general. He has limited hunting grounds in Autumn Court to allow for safe areas for animas to roam and exist freely. He absolutely tries to convince you to move onto a farm with him. He wants so many animals on that farm, he wants pigs and goats, dogs and cats, horses and cows. He also really loves the idea of having chickens.

One day you will give in from his incessant begging.

Not today, but one day.

Lucien Vanserra

Lucien is also a collector, just like his older brother. He absolutely collects old maps. He also collects coins that he finds on the ground, claiming they are lucky, and he also collects stamps from different courts, using them to depict his travels and act as an homage to his journey through life that lead to finding you. I think Loosh also collects art and pottery, and I know he himself, has dipped into the talent of pottery as a hobby. Even if all of his vases are a little crooked and his mugs are kinda cracked and a janky orange color.

He tries his very best, and thats all that matters to you.

So you will absolutely display his crooked vases in your home, and use his janky orange mugs, even if he glares at you while your coffee leaks in dribbles onto the floor and you smirk at him over the rim of the mug and you wiggle your eyebrows as you “cheers” him. Because you are a loving, good mate who displays your mates talent of course.

Even if it is just to make fun of him

But I also think he is a nature freak. He loves cultivating and collecting rare herbs and plants that he can grow in Day Court. He loves using those herbs and plants to create herbal remedies. He is a big naturalist. I think before you accepted him as your mate, he spent a lot of time in the Day Court libraries trying to get his mind off of you and he did that by studying old medicine. He studied different healing techniques and herbs that he could use to create medicinal potions. Over time, it grew into collecting these herbs and creating these potions for those who are sick, especially the elderly where he ended up donating a lot of his creations.

He also loves going fishing, he could spend hours in the ocean or in a lake or river swimming and fishing. He always releases them back into the wild, but I think there is something he finds peaceful about being in nature and being able to use nature in different ways. He loves going on hikes with you, and he absolutely is a camping nerd. His first holiday with you included going no-contact with every other person he knows for a week and spending that week in nature with you. He taught you different ways to find fresh water, and he would catch fish and cook them for you over the fire he stoked. At some point, he became really really good at cooking outdoors and was creating meals that are almost impossible for the most experienced chefs to make out door using nature.

Anyway, it was fun, and while it may not be your cup of tea for every vacation you take, you will go with him on this camping trip at least once a year to get away from society and spend time with your favorite male.

But!!! This does spark an idea for Lucien.

He loves to take young children out into nature to teach them about it, teaching them how to fish and how to survive in the outdoors just for fun. So he creates a little group of 5-10 year old children similar to Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, encouraging all children to join him as he takes them out into nature. He teaches them how to swim, and how to tie sailors knots, and how to safely make s’mores. The children of Day Court look forward to it all year, excited to spend one on one time with their high lord who teaches them so many things, who is so kind to them, who is so funny and cool to hang out with. Story time in front of a campfire slaps for those kids. Eventually, when your children grow of age, he brings them with him, giving you a whole week for yourself to rejuvenate and vacation in peace.

With that being said, Lucien does take action similar to his brother. He creates national parks and conservation areas to protect nature. It is something that he finds incredibly important and he knows that one day, his children and grandchildren, and future generations as well, will appreciate his efforts to protect the world. He goes as far as convincing other courts to join his efforts as well, expanding protected areas.

Masterlist

[klausysworld]

Yandere!Reader with Sub Klaus

Vulnerable for the taking

Klaus was known to be ruthless and terrifying. He was someone who always got what he wanted and would do whatever necessary to have it.

The small issue was: so am i.

So when i met him, and i saw just how broken he was inside, i knew that i wanted to keep him. His eyes were so sad as he wondered the streets of Mystic Falls, poor thing was just nearly killed by his step-father, betrayed by his sister and told nobody would ever love him. How that pathetic excuse of a father was wrong.

He took a seat on the local park bench. His face fell to his hands and his body began to shake with his sobs.

I silently sat beside him, my hands moved to lightly rub his back making his head shoot up, he looked at me with confused and teary eyes.

“What did they do to you?” I muttered seeing his blood stained shirt.

“Who are you?” He questioned quietly

“Someone who wants to help” i whispered and he frowned

“I don’t need help” he murmured though his face nuzzled my hands subconsciously as i held him. My thumbs brushed over his stubble making his eyes droop, he was surely exhausted after fighting for his life.

“No? Bet you’re tired though, where are you staying? Let me take you home” i whispered. Now of course i knew where he was staying, he was in a hotel just outside of town while his mansion was being built by the hybrids he had gathered the past couple weeks. I already had a copy of the key to his room and the receptionist was lovely but he was a paranoid man and I couldn’t frighten him off now could i?

“Come on Niklaus” i encouraged as he looked to me cautiously

“How do you know my name?” He questioned i smiled at him

“I met your sister, Rebekah, she asked me to check you made it out alive incase the others did something to her, which I believe it’s safe to assume that they have.” I explained and he sighed in what i presume to be relief.

It’s true, i became fast friends with Rebekah after offering her somewhere to sit for lunch, she was easy to get open up, she spilled everything about her family in the span of ten minutes. I liked her, she was very bouncy and joyful and then when she mentioned her brother who had murdered there mother and feared her father would murder him in an act of revenge, well it was a great opportunity to meet him and have him see me as someone good.

I may or may not have found out some information on him since his first mentioning in town. See Caroline, Bonnie and Elena weren’t exactly quiet with their talking about the supernatural, i found out like a lot.

So i ended up having a thing for him. It’s fine plus he’s a fun person to try and capture. I thought he’d be a little more angsty but thankfully i got him at a vulnerable time, he was quiet and exposed.

“You can come to my house if you don’t want to go back to wherever you’re staying?” I offered and his head nodded slightly

“Rebekah sent you?” He confirmed

“Bekah sent me, said that they were planning something with…Mikael?” I told him and that was enough evidence for him as he nodded and stood up letting me bring him to my home.

He stayed silent the entire time as i brought him to my room and gave him some clothes to change into and a towel for his shower. He thanked me quietly before disappearing into the bathroom. When he reemerged he was little keener to talk.

“How did you meet my sister?” He asked as i combed through his hair, i had convinced him i could help nourish his curls.

“School, she makes a big impression” I muttered gently getting out the little knots that had formed

“You must too if she chose to be friends with you” he hummed looking to me through the mirror infront of us

“I think she just needed someone to he kind to her” i said with a smile as his lips upturned back at me.

I added the mousse to his hair and gently brought my fingers through it to apply it evenly. I watched as his eyes fell shut and his lips parted as i massaged his scalp. I tugged lightly at a lock of his hair causing a moan to slip from his mouth, his eyes opening as his cheeks went bright pink and a smirked at him through the mirror

“Just let your hair dry naturally and ur should come out nice and curly” i told him while spraying his hair over and taking a step back. His eyes were already shades lighter than when i found him earlier as he smiled

“Can we sleep now? I’m exhausted” he muttered and i nodded

“Of course you can stay in my bed, I’ll be just downstairs” i told him gently stroking his face with the back of my fingers

“Nonsense you should stay in the bed with me. I won’t bite, promise” he said while beckoning me over to the bed and pulling me down with him.

“I don’t know…I’m told biting is your specialty” i hummed and he grinned showing me his sharp, deadly teeth making me roll my eyes and lay down beside him

“I have no reason to bite you” he mumbled as he shuffled closer to me.

He fell asleep with his head on my chest, mumbling to me about something I couldn’t quite make out while i wrapped my arms around him. He was such easy prey for someone who was known to be a predator.

———————————————————————

Since that day my home had become a safe haven of sorts for him. He was always sat waiting for me when i got home, eyes lighting up when i walked through the door.

It got to the point where he could only sleep if he were in my arms

“You keep the nightmares away” he murmured once as he nuzzled my neck and i hummed “Then I’ll just have to keep you here with me” and he didn’t seem too bothered by it, rather happy i would say as he nodded and kissed my neck tenderly.

He became more attached by the second and i loved it. He never put up a fight when i asked for him to stay, when i wouldn’t let him leave my hold and keep him in my bed all day.

I found that he was uncharacteristically well behaved and kind. He always had me do his hair and tend to his wounds. He would sit patiently and allow me to do whatever i like, he had grown to completely and utterly trust me.

It were as though he were a puppy and i were his master. He was obedient and learnt to follow me wherever i went.

His siblings didn’t mind me taking him, i kept him with me always. Got him to move in and everything. Sometimes his family would come visit

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so…comfortable” Elijah told me as he watched Niklaus cook our dinner

“Uhuh sure, i mean i knew he was a dog but this is stepping it up” Kol muttered making me glare and Rebekah smack the side of his head

“I think it’s sweet, he’s happy” she murmured with a small smile as she flicked her eyes between us.

Klaus was even more happy knowing his family liked me, all the more eager to stay with me.

It wasn’t long until i had him entirely.

How he thrived when he was beneath me was addicting, having him squirming and whining while he his hands stayed tied above him head “Please, please let me” he would whimper as he neared his high, eyes screwed shut as he hung onto the edge tightly “not yet, you gotta be good, just another minute” but he could never wait the whole moment.

I had him wrapped around my finger in every way,practically and sometimes literally on a leash. He came to me whenever he needed or wanted for something and i did whatever i could to get it for him. Whether it was stealing Elenas blood or punishing a certain Lockwood for a betrayal.

“I’ll keep you safe” i would assure him as he would smile back at me

“I know you will” he murmured

“Yeah?” I whispered kissing his cheek and he nodded as i climbed on top of him

“I know because i love you” he uttered and i felt my heart grow

“I love you too, i always will”

[armpirate]

Anti-romantic || JJk | Ch. 38

Pairings: Boxer!Jungkook x fem!reader || Enemies to lovers, neighbors

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, curse, illegal boxing, violence

Warnings: fuckboy!Jungkook x reader, smut, dirty talk, curse, mention of tarot and fate

Summary: Jungkook had always been carefree when it came to love. He always believed he was worth sharing himself with everyone, and thought it was selfish of him to ever think of keeping himself exclusive to just one person.

And maybe that was exactly what got him into the big problem he was in.

A curse that kept him away from love didn't seem an issue for him. The fact that his ex-girlfriend thought he'd be affected by the idea of the girls he slept with running away from him after sex was ridiculous. She actually did him a favor, and took a burden away from him.

At least that was what he thought at first.

He had never found himself thinking of the possibility of repeating with neither of his hook ups, because they disappeared before he was able to even think about it. But when he makes the mistake of sleeping with the sexy neighbor that lives in front of him, he finds himself hoping to get the chance for a second round every time their paths cross.

Y/n hated him the second he set foot inside the building by the way he started making her life a miserable mess for no reason. Sleeping with him was a big mistake she wasn't thinking of repeating. At least not until he came up with the excuse that she rejected him for a curse. Not only she thought he was annoying, but she was also convinced he was crazy. 

There was no way she could take him seriously.

Aprox. time of reading: 17 minutes

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Y/n sat at her desk, eyes glazed over as the bright glow of her laptop screen illuminated the light newsroom. The cursor blinked at her mockingly on a blank page titled: "The Best Parks for Weekend Picnics".

Parks for picnics, she thought with a sigh, dragging a hand down her face. How am I supposed to write about picnics when my entire life is falling apart?

She hadn't responded to Jungkook's texts all day. She couldn't. Every time she heard her phone vibrate, her chest tightened, and her heart started racing. She couldn't face him -not yet. Not after what she had found in his office. The days that followed consisted of her checking through her peephole whether he was near her door just so she'd be able to escape without having to face him.

A noise from across the room startled her, making her jump slightly. She glanced up, only to see Jackie standing at the edge of the cubicle, arms crossed, watching her with a look that screamed "I'm worried".

—You okay? —Jackie asked, stepping closer.

—Yeah —Y/n swallowed hard, forcing a smile—. Just... trying to focus.

—Y/n, you've been sitting in front of that laptop for hours —Jackie raised an eyebrow, unimpressed—, and you haven't written a single word.

Y/n opened her mouth to protest but realized her friend was right. She hadn't written anything. She couldn't. Her thoughts were stuck in a whirlwind of Jungkook, her brother, and the revelation that had shattered the fragile trust they'd built. How could she even begin to concentrate?

—I'm fine, seriously —she muttered, turning back to her screen—. Just a lot on my mind.

Jackie didn't budge. Instead, she walked over and perched herself on the edge of Y/n's desk, eyeing her closely.

—Is this about Jungkook?

Y/n stiffened at the mention of Jungkook, biting her lip to keep from reacting. Of course, Jackie had figured it out. She was sharp, and Y/n had been anything but subtle. She'd been a mess ever since that day at the gym.

—Look —Jackie continued, her tone softer now—, whatever's going on, it's eating you alive. You need to deal with it, because this —she gestured at the screen— isn't helping. Avoiding the guy isn't going to solve anything.

—I'm not avoiding him —Y/n lied quickly.

—Sure —Jackie gave her a knowing look—. And I'm the Queen of England.

Ever since their argument, Jungkook had been waiting in front of the building, with a clear distressed look on his face while he hopefully checked on every person who walked out the door. Jackie had seen him a few times that week, while also knowing that Y/n was staying in the office longer than usual. Or, at least, longer than she stayed ever since she started being serious about Jungkook.

It didn't take her older coworker too much thought to understand what was going on between them.

—I just... —Y/n let out a frustrated sigh, slumping back in her chair— I don't know what to do. It's complicated.

—Complicated how?

She trusted a person she shouldn't have trusted. She should've listened to her inner self when she kept telling herself Jungkook was bad news. Yet she decided to give him a chance, to try and see through that first impression she got of him, because he was offering her a safe space that she craved and needed.

—We are giving each other some space —she finally said.

—Does your boyfriend know about its meaning or am I missing something?

She knew about his visits the first day Alma came up joking about him showing up, but they received no response other than how she was spending the night there until late. That first night she expected Jungkook to be sitting by her door, or waiting in his place for her to come, but he didn't show up, he didn't insist.

And she was glad he didn't put her in such a tough position.

—Why don't we go out for a drink? —she suggested, trying to set her free from the office— I bet alcohol will work great to get you to roll your tongue.

—Jacks...

—I was kidding. But it'll help you to disconnect —she assured her—. Whatever happened between you two... Going from home to the office and vice versa won't give you the break you need. I promise you —she arched her eyebrows, trying to insist—. You don't even have to drink, you can get a milkshake if you like.

That comment stole a smirk from Y/n, while also rolling her eyes. She agreed with her friend, it'd definitely work to let her mind rest from everything that was just building up noise.

As Jackie left, Y/n turned back to her laptop, the cursor still blinking at her like a ticking time bomb. She rubbed her temples and sighed, her thoughts drifting back to Jungkook. She could still feel the weight of his arms around her from that day, the way he had kissed her before everything had spiraled out of control.

"Y/n, we need to talk. Please."

She couldn't focus, not here, not anywhere. And no matter how hard she tried to push it all aside, the truth gnawed at her insides.

Her phone buzzed again right when she was about to put it inside her bag. She looked once more, sure and hopeful it was Jungkook, only to come across an unknown number.

"If you want answers, come to 12th and Michigan. The bar's called 'The Blue Rose.'. I'll be there at eight"

She frowned, sitting up straighter. No name, no explanation, just an address and a promise of answers. Everything about it screamed "danger," but she was too deep in this mess to ignore it. If there was a chance it could lead her to more information about her brother... Well, she couldn't let it pass. And she was far too upset with Jungkook to even think of telling him.

Fine, she thought.

—Jacks, we'll have to leave that drink for another day —she let her friend know, when she walked behind her to head to one of the offices at the back.

—Better plans?

—Not better, but something came up —he let her know—. I'll make up to you.

Minutes passed lower once she was looking forward to leaving the office, almost causing her to lose her patience until the time of the meeting finally got closer enough.

The bar was dimly lit, with the scent of stale beer and the low hum of conversation filling the air. Y/n stepped inside cautiously, scanning the room for anything that seemed out of place, until her eyes landed on a young woman sitting alone at a corner table. The woman looked up at her and gave a small, hesitant wave.

—You sent the text? —Y/n frowned, walking over to her.

The woman nodded, motioning for her to sit down. Up close, Y/n could see that her eyes were red, as if she'd been crying recently, but her posture remained composed.

—You already know my name —she let her know—, but I'll say it anyway. I'm Elia. I was Noah's girlfriend.

Y/n's breathing was blocked by the knot in her throat as she looked at the woman in front of her, looking around for any sign that let her know that was all an act.

—Will you sit? Or will you keep looking around for ghosts?

Y/n's lips were pressed tight against each other as she sat in front of Elia, before she gestured towards the waiter to ask for the same drink she was having.

—Noah talked a lot about you —she finally said—. He talked a lot about your family, but especially about you.

Her heart skipped a bit just about the idea of her brother speaking highly of her, making her smile shyly when she finally got her beer.

—Is your mother still with Mitchell?

—Yeah —she chuckled—. They're so perfect for each other it's scary.

—I'm glad to hear Hannah didn't get in between that —after Y/n dedicated her a confused look, Elia felt forced to explain herself—. Noah told me she fought several times with Mitchell because of how supportive he was about his boxing.

—She's convinced Noah would've given up on it if everyone had told him to stop —she smirked—. No one knew he was doing illegal fights until that night, yet Hannah always managed to blame Mitchell for it.

—Your brother didn't only die because of how brutal the fight was —she murmured.

—I know he had heart issues —Y/n interrupted her before Elia could continue.

—I just want you to know he didn't want to keep it from you. He just... Your mother was happy again, you were almost finishing your degree, and he didn't want anyone to know he was stuck in that dark place still. When he learnt one of the fights caused him... well, he thought of retiring. But as much as he wanted to, he needed to pay for the treatment, and he could only do it if he kept boxing.

Y/n's eyes started watering as she started hearing more of the story, feeling forced to look away to hide the fact of how much that story impacted her. It'd have been so different if she had been able to read through her brother's actions and attitudes, if she hadn't been so centered in herself... she probably would've noticed something was wrong. And... maybe... Noah would still be alive, because she for sure wouldn't have let him get on that ring.

—Why are you telling me this now?

—I know what you've been doing these past few months —Elia admitted, glancing around before leaning closer—. And, let's say I've been helping you. I was the source of the source of your source, I dropped the leads for you to follow, I was the one who sent the bag...

—Why didn't you just come to come directly?

—I had to stay in the background. I really thought of meeting you and introducing myself —Elia confessed, her gaze dropping to the table—. But I didn't know how. After he died, everything got so messy. And... I didn't know who to trust. Not even you, at first. I wanted to see what you'd do with the information.

—You thought I was going to go to the police and relate you to all that shit?

—More like sending me to Alessandro and Elijah.

Y/n stared at her, processing the weight of Elia's words. Her brother had kept this part of his life hidden from everyone, and now this woman -that stranger- was sitting in front of her, having helped her navigate an investigation she barely had control over.

—I still don't understand —Y/n said slowly—. Why now?

—It just felt right to let you know —she shrugged— And I'm sure Noah would've wanted me to meet you sooner rather than later.

The silence between them was tense, heavy with unsaid things. Y/n leaned back, trying to wrap her head around it all.

—How did you know about me, first of all? —Y/n questioned.

—Jason told me you wouldn't give up on knowing about your brother's death, so I decided to step in before things got serious for you.

—How nice of Jason to air out my business —she mumbled between her teeth—. Well, good news for you, you don't need to keep giving me breadcrumbs on what happened to my brother, because I already know. Jungkook was the one behind the fight, so that's all I needed to know.

Y/n blinked, confused at Elia's attitude when she just chuckled at her answer, taking a sip of her beer. Her brother's girlfriend didn't blame her for acting that way, or assuming things she didn't quite know. To be fair, it was surprising how much of Noah she could see right in front of her eyes while looking at her.

—I kept guiding you to Jungkook because Jungkook had the information, not because I wanted you to catch him lying. You think it's that simple? —she tilted her head— Jungkook just agreed on Noah going there, but everyone knew he had no say in what happened. First of all, his gym was in such a poor state that he'd have needed to send anyone they asked just to get the money they offered. Second of all, once Rossi had his eye on someone, he wouldn't stop until getting them. He wanted Jungkook, but he was injured, and he barely stepped in the gym during that time, so the next target was Noah. Ever heard of the line of 21?

Y/n had heard of that before, but she didn't quite know what it was about, because her focus was on so many things at the same time, that she forgot about those small details.

Slowly, she shook her head.

—Noah, Jungkook and another boxer were part of it, although Noah didn't tell me much about him. Bets went crazy whenever their names were on those polls. The title is simple, they all were twenty one when they all trained in the same gym. Noah was a beast, bloodthirsty even. And Jungkook was the closest to a death machine. So what could you get when you put them together? He almost killed Noah that night, but he stopped, despite Noah getting up time and time again. Jungkook stepped back for a long while after that, he was only limited to training. I know he switched gyms... And I wish Noah had done the same —she sighed—. Your brother looked for somewhere to train when the gym he trained in went bankrupt after Jungkook left and after the other boxer suffered a coma. Noah needed the money, he even fought in fights that weren't arranged, so when Elijah reached out for him for that fight... He didn't even ask Jungkook before accepting —Elia's lips twisted when remembering the news.

Y/n's thumbs kept fidgeting over the table, making some sense out of all the times she wondered why Jungkook was so adamant on not letting his trainees fight for him. Now she understood why.

—The only thing I can blame Jungkook for is how he didn't show up to check on how he was. He didn't show his face, not even once —Elia's voice cracked—. But the real people, the ones putting needy people in danger, are still out there living life as if they weren't behind all of these crimes.

Y/n exhaled slowly, her mind swirling with everything Elia had just revealed. The answers felt closer now, but so did the danger. And now, she had to figure out how Jungkook fit into all of this -and what she was going to do next.

The bar was dimly lit, with neon lights flickering over the weathered wood, and the low hum of chatter surrounded the place. Jungkook sat slumped at the bar, one hand loosely holding a whiskey glass, his third one in less than an hour. Across from him, Jimin watched with mild concern, his beer untouched as Jungkook swirled his drink and sighed.

—She hates me —Jungkook muttered, rubbing a hand over his face—. She found the file, the one on her brother. The minute she saw it... I could see the way she looked at me change. I didn't even have time to think of an explanation before she found it.

—What explanation? —Jimin frowned, leaning back in his seat— You should've told her as soon as you found out, but I bet you acted like nothing happened —with Jungkook's click of tongue, he knew he was right—. Did you try to explain yourself after she found out?

—No —Jungkook answered, his voice bitter—. I didn't get the chance. She just stormed out, and now... now she's avoiding me at every damn turn. I've been so used to not having to give any explanations, that I fucked it up at the first need of giving one —he mumbled, taking the last sip before emptying his glass.

—Maybe she just needs time —Jimin gave him a sympathetic look—. It's like a bomb being dropped on her, Jungkook. She's gonna need time to process that, especially with how much this affects her.

—I don't know —Jungkook shook his head, laughing dryly—. It's more than that. This thing... I bet she thinks I just kept it in the dark because I wanted to keep fucking her, but it's more than that. I kept it in the dark because I was so fucking scared of losing her, that I didn't realize my silence would only push her further.

—It's nice to see you're human —Jimin tried to cheer him up—. Trust me, she needs time.

—You have no idea how stubborn she is —Jungkook's lips twisted, before he turned to a waiter to ask for another round—. Once something gets in her head...

—Sounds like someone I know —Jimin took a sip of his beer, raising an eyebrow.

Jungkook shot him a glare, but Jimin just chuckled. The alcohol was starting to hit Jungkook hard now, loosening his tongue in ways it never would have otherwise. His voice was more slurred than before, his thoughts spilling out.

—She was so perfect for me. Too perfect to be true. And I messed it all up —Jungkook muttered, frustration boiling to the surface—. I can't stand knowing it was all my fault. I can't blame anyone else —he ran a hand through his head, moving his bangs back—. Her looks keep hunting me, every time I think of her, and I hate myself for putting her through that. It was hard enough when I knew that guy was critical, but after learning I guided him to his death. Fuck, I killed her brother. How is she going to ever forgive that?

—Jungkook, you were just getting started, you weren't in a good condition after retiring. And you know you had no say in that boy's decision once Elijah contacted him.

—I could've tried to stop him if I had cared.

—No, you wouldn't have gotten anything —Jimin insisted—. We all know you're in those fights, Y/n's brother is no exception. If he needed the money, nothing you could've said or done would've stopped him. If you hadn't agreed, he would've gone to a different gym and fought in their name.

During those few minutes of silence, Jungkook's leg shook constantly under the table while he tried to think of everything that happened during that time, only coming up with blurry memories that made him wonder... How many people did he send to those fights without looking into those cases, before he chose to fight himself?

—Those big names are the only ones to blame, and should be the only ones to pay —Jimin muttered—. They're the only ones who should suffer being hunted by their consciences, but I bet they're more than calm rolling over their fresh cash.

Jimin was right. Gym owners were to blame, he still had no excuse by the way he barely glanced at Noah's history, but Alessandro Rossi took advantage of those people's needs to get more and more money. Not only Noah would've probably fought either way, but Jungkook would've probably found his establishment ripped to shreds by the next morning.

That was how they worked.

If there was a way he could redeem himself, it was definitely exposing all of them.

—Hey, hey —Jimin tried to stop him after Jungkook downed his drink in one go.

The glass slammed down on the table, the loud thunk punctuating his next words:

—I'm gonna fix it all. Somehow. This shit will keep going if we keep going after the wrong people. You're right, those big names are the ones that need to pay —Jimin tilted his head, confused at how that was linking to his statement on fixing the issue—. I'll get them at their own game.

—What are you thinking? —Jimin narrowed his eyes.

Jungkook's lips curled into a half-smile, his mind racing with an idea that was both dangerous and reckless, but something that might just work.

—Rossi —he said slowly, letting his name hang in the air for a few seconds—. I was invited to the Union Stockyards.

Jimin remembered that and how surprised he was at Jungkook declined the chance of finally setting himself in a better position, although it made sense for him when his friend mentioned Y/n, and how he didn't want her to worry.

The best fighters went there. The first time Jungkook was invited it was before he retired, keeping it low, and sticking himself to small fights, until he was once again offered with that chance. Not only the money was important, but also the possibility of catching a talent scout's eye was the biggest it'd ever be for him.

But Jimin knew Jungkook wasn't considering participating because of the money or the promise of a better future. And, deep inside, Jungkook knew he wasn't doing it to expose Rossi. He was doing it for Y/n, because he wanted to give her what she wanted and he wanted to prove he wasn't on the wrong side of the story anymore.

—You're not thinking of...

—I am —he cut in, voice resolute—. I'm gonna participate. Only inside I'll be able to look close enough. Top level fighters get to coddle up with those big names you said. And after I get that evidence, I'll snoop to the police and get their asses.

Jimin looked at him like he was crazy, and maybe he was.

—Look, I know you're a good boxer, but those fighters are brutal —he tried to make him think twice—. Shit, this could backfire in so many ways...

—I've been in worse fights —he shrugged, the alcohol making him more confident than he should be.

—But is it really worth it? —Jimin frowned, leaning forward— Doing all of this, putting yourself on the line... just for her and an argument that could be done by next week?

Yes.

—It's not just about her.

He clearly lied. If it hadn't been about her, he most definitely wouldn't have been aware of all his mistakes.

Jungkook's smile faded, and for a moment, he was quiet. He glanced down at his empty glass before speaking again, his voice softer, more raw.

—It's about finding justice. It's about Noah, it's about me... It's about rich people using poverty to come up with new entertainment for them.

For the first time, Jimin smiled at hearing such a crazy idea. His smirk was wide and deep, ready to get on board with whatever Jungkook was planning to do.

—Sounds like you'll have some training to do until the weekend.

Jungkook nodded, though he wasn't entirely sure if he was ready for what was coming. But one thing was certain: if this fight could give Y/n the breakthrough she needed, he'd step into that ring without hesitation.

Taglist: @jk97bam @ttanniett

[goldenboywrites]

run boy run

The flames from their fire licked at Beckett’s skin. The smoke was heavy in his lungs as he breathed in and out slowly. It had been two weeks since he had been reunited with a small portion of his guard, and they had been hiding in the wilderness ever since. It had been a long six months, and Beckett was half tempted to reach out and touch the flames just to confirm that he was alive. There were fleeting moments where he wasn’t sure - convinced he had died after his brother killed their father, framed Beckett for it, sold him to a hostile neighboring country, and told everyone he had murdered Beckett as a way to avenge their fallen father. 

He hadn’t because Conrad’s bravery was an illusion he gave to the people. He hadn’t even come to place Beckett in chains and drag him out of his quarters. He sent others to do his dirty work. He hadn’t even dared to kill Beckett because he knew that any fight between them wouldn’t rule in his favor; it would be the last mistake his brother ever made. 

From what he was told after he was dragged from the castle and transported by carriage to Keblon, Elias, Beckett’s right hand and more of a brother to him than his actual brother, he had already been suspecting Conrad of foul play. He cozied up to Conrad, proclaimed his loyalty, and waited for him out the details. Conrad did not outright tell Elias, but he said enough that he could connect the dots. Eventually, Elias and a few others who could be trusted turned on Conrad and traveled to Keblon to break out Beckett, their true king. 

“You should eat.” Elias joins Beckett around the fire, shoving a tin plate of roasted venison under his nose. Beckett takes it without thought but doesn’t eat any. Food these days tastes like ash. “Before you head to the temple.” The temple of Selunio. At first, Beckett had refused to entertain altering their journey to include a stop there, but he was no match for Elias’ stubbornness. The temple of Selunio is where it is prophesied that a King from Beckett’s family line shall approach the altar to receive a gift, but only in dire times. When experiencing hardships, his father traveled to his temple for prayer, where he had his grandfather and the Kings from their line. It didn’t make sense for Beckett to risk going to the temple. His brother, by now, must have received word he had broken out of Keblon, and this was the first place he would look for Beckett. But Elias felt it was worth the risk. 

At one point, Beckett loved this prophecy. His ancestors had built the temple and maintained it for decades. He had never been but listened intently to his father’s descriptions of the place. Throughout his childhood, it had been a symbol of protection, history, and guidance. But after all he had been through, Beckett no longer believed in a state of grace. If he were to take back his throne, it would be done by his own hands. 

“Eat,” Elias said with a huff. Well, who was Beckett to disappoint his people? 

___________________________________

The temple of Selunio was far grander than Beckett had ever imagined, and he had imagined this place a lot growing up. Pillars carved with gold inlay reached the ceiling. Statues of the Kings before him guided him as he walked to the altar. To the far right, outside of the temple, there was a natural spring with clear water flowing from a waterfall. His footsteps were the only sound besides the water as he walked across the marble. Only Kings were allowed to enter this sacred temple, so he left Elias and the rest of his men a few miles away. 

Beckett approached the altar quickly, withdrawing his dagger from the strap on his thigh. “Hear me,” He said out loud, his words echoing through the temple. “I am of the Savoy line, the rightful king of Adria. Hear me as I have been called to this temple in my most dire need. I request guidance to return the rightful king to the throne. Take my offering,” He sliced the dagger across the palm of his hand, holding it as blood dripped into a pearl bowl on the center of the altar. “And grant me the gift to take my destiny back.” 

He waited until the throbbing in his hand was too painful to ignore. Beckett sighed and wiped the blood off his pants. He wasn’t ready to return to his men empty-handed. He could only imagine the look of disappointment on their faces. We are going to lose. It had been an ever present thought in his mind. One that made him want to give up the throne entirely. I don’t have it in me to lead them anymore. I’ve lost too much of myself. Maybe the gods weren’t listening because Beckett wasn’t cut out for the throne. Maybe it was always supposed to turn in his brother’s favor. 

Maybe he just wasn’t cut out for all of it. 

Beckett sniffled, wiping under his eyes with the back of his hand. He made his way over to the water, tugging off his boots and dipping his feet in. The water was warm and soothing and felt good against his tired bones. He dipped his bleeding hand in next, watching as the red spread throughout the water. He didn’t want to return to his men like this. Elias knew him well enough to see through any mask, and Beckett had difficulty keeping himself from showing his genuine emotions. He felt hopeless, lost, and unworthy of his men’s loyalty and love. “Please,” He begged, tilting his back and looking up at the sky,  “Gods, please help me.”

@magiclwritings

[rustedbread]

Your fake moral high ground is built on fragile pillars of lies. Those pillars will one day collapse along with your tainted world views and siblings will be free to love each other as they please. Until that day comes try to shield yourself behind your hatred of others as much as you like, it only proves us stronger and tougher.

No my moral high ground is built upon the fact that siblings aren't meant to be in romantic relationships which is like, a big thing in society and it shouldn't be disregarded bro plus the moral high ground you're insulting me for is like an actual high ground I have over you due to the fact inc*st is wrong if you're going to be like "oh well?? prove it!!" It is just wrong, I know I'm not going to convince you but it is wrong on every level I shouldn't have to prove to you that inc*st isn't good, and if I do you really shouldn't be on my page or near me in general Like, bro bro have you never seen or had a healthy sibling relationship? that that's not meant to be romantic people can love their siblings but you are advocating for biologically and non-biologically related siblings to be in romantic relationships which is wrong I can't understate at all how wrong it is because honestly, it baffles me you don't understand that fact maybe you don't understand the fact that I am an older brother who cares about his younger sisters a fuck ton and the mere insinuation that it would ever be okay for someone like me to be in just ew I'm not even going to type it out that's how disgusting it is to me jeez if you thought this would change my morality, you are so wrong simply stating that my morals are ground upon fragile pillars of lies ain't going to work because I do have the moral highground wanna know why? It's because I'm the one on the right here the moral highground I'm standing on is one I didn't have to build, it's a pure monument of us, built long over time a monument structure humanity has made throughout all the time we've been alive and you say that is a pillar made of lies? frankly I think that is a disrespect to humanity itself get away from me.

[cosmic-corporation]

AFJAGAJJHA I LOVE THE YAPPING OK (<- avid tag reader) IM EATING THIS LORE UP LIKE A DELICIOUS GOURMET MEAL /ref YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND🔥🔥 ITS SO FUN TO READ!!! CREATIVITY CREATIVITY!!!! (also reading lore just motivates me to do stuff idk why) (ough… platonic marriage /silly)

what about cassian? hehehehe (laying on my bed, on my stomach, reading lore and kicking my feet like a little girl)

- ducky anon

ooh when I catch you ducky, ducky when I catch you-/j

Cassian is... One of the BIGGEST characters I have they live in my brain all the time as we as their partner in crime, Archie ( @gl0wsticko 's character I lob archie am <3)

suicide mention after the 'read more'

That's the newest rendition of Cassian that I've got :]]

and since they're the character I have built the most, I'm gonna section things up a bit!!!

Family

THE WHOLE IRVINE FAMILY IN AGE ORDER SOVANNA - MOM - 59 HANNES - DAD - 57 ATTICUS - OLDEST BROTHER - 36 CASSIAN - MIDDLE BROTHER - 28 CECIL - MIDDLE SISTER - 16-17-18 IONE - YOUNGEST SISTER - 13-14 DOYLE - DOG - 3

Cassian is currently trying to avoid their own family due to their mission. Cecil pursues Cassian, trying to convince them to come back home. Ione has no memories of Cassian, only the stories Cecil and Atticus tell her.

Mission

At a fairly young age, Cassian was taken to a cult and some sort of curse was put upon them. idk how to really explain it, BUT, their mission is to take out any humanoid creature that *isn't* human. (themself INCLUDED!!!) they're a hypocrite SHIT. But, due to this mission they left their family to keep them safe. They moved around constantly trying to avoid enemies they've made and to avoid being found by Cecil. Along this, they found Archie who became their partner in crime. archie uses xe/xim for whoever is wondering. Once Cassian is no longer able to go on with their mission, they are supposed to end their own life due to the hypocricy mostly. They don't remember being cursed, they only know they get strong, painful headaches at the thought of purposfully sparing someone they shouldn't or at the thought of keeping themself alive in the end.

Relationships

Despite having left, their relationship with their family is still decently intact!!! They love and miss their family every day, having a framed family photo always hidden wherever they're staying. Cassian and Cecil were also quite close, with Cassian still sending Cecil letters and voice mails some days. The lanterns and candles on their antlers are from Cecil. see here's where it all goes so fucking KABAMBAM

ARCHIE AND CASSIAN'S RELATIONSHIP!!!!

they're gay for eachother. 100%. no denying it. in so many AUs if things went right they'd be together. The two pine for eachother in secret, but neither confesses. Archie fears rejection and Cassian is scared to love someone, worried about the enemies they've made and mostly worried about xir safety. If Archie were to confess, Cassian would reject xim and initially be cold and harsh, but later come around to apologize to xim for being mean. (THEY ARE THE DEFENITION OF 'Somethin' Stupid' BY FRANK SINATRA KILL ME) But regardless, Cassian would do anything and everything to keep xim safe from harm. their love languages if ur curious; feels loved with acts of service and physical touch, but expresses love with words of affirmation for the most part they're also a cuddly and koala kinda guy.

Fears

They don't have a lot of fears, honestly. They mostly just fear killing their family and Archie, seeing as those are the only people they have left that still care about them. They're also violently insecure about their deer traits (antlers, ears, nose, and tail) :]

Hobbies

They're a BIIIIIIIIIG reader. and word man, so many fancy word,,,, They also enjoy cooking a lot :]

Misc

THEY'RE FUCKING BRITISH !!! They/them but prefers masculine terms like "boyfriend" and stuff like that They have a weighted spider plushie they cuddle with silk pjs, skincare routine, very hygiene oriented. you would not expect them to be a murderer/hj

also here's their playlist :] helps explain personality or wants and stuff.

the family excluding cassian ^

AND THE SPECIAL XE, ARCHIE !!!!!!! <3333 i love archie sm archie cassian all day all night all that's in my brain GET THE TWO OF THEM OUT/j

anyways there's your extra large lore session i love cassian sm <3

ARCHIE IS @gl0wsticko 'S CHARACTER BTW

[bloodiedthorns0102]

is this cheesy?

maybe, i cant really say a lot of my writings ever been good in all fairness- i was always taught to only write in ways that appealed to people who lived through a past thats no longer present for me to live in. Write it this way and that- use these words and not those-

arent i just human though?

i guess writing this in a more human or casual way makes it less terrifying- its kinda just a stream of thoughts that's been rushing through my head. and sure my heads wild to listen to already as is- but the more i see things as so tragic nowadays and my views been pushed down to such a negative chapter of this play-

i cant really say its easy being trapped with myself

nowadays we see these changes all over the world but it's blurred and smudged over into a mucky grey

and isn't that annoying too? im an artist- so smudging something that's supposed to be more vibrant into something terrible to look at is just disheartening and disappointing. me myself I've had a lot of emotional shifts as of lately too- been feeling like a rubix cube being knocked around after years of no use.

im getting off track though- even if you didn't know it- man many of these writings are like "life changing" to some people but really it just sounds like im talking to the stars again whether that's on my new roof, on my old balconies at the apartments i used to live in, or the old porch my grandpa built with my mother when i was a child at my childhood home. to me speaking to the stars is just a reflection of myself im speaking to without the harshness of such a pale exhausted face staring back at me.

i mean light years away someone is maybe seeing me through a telescope like we are the beginning of our universe right now and im happy. im happy and not truly aware of the pain and sadness i was feeling yet and i had my brother and a somewhat normal life.

ive always lived so lonely though no matter the amount of cats or animals ive had.

even looking at the stars makes me feel smaller even if it can be so motivating seeing such a big picture thats so close to reach yet so far away. i cant help but be nihilistic and critical can i? dear lord and here i was reading about two vampires loving each other so dearly earlier.

back to the star thing though- i cant help but feel crushed looking at the fading remains of stars we call beautiful cause really all we are are looking at the past when we look up at them. the light hasnt hit our eyes yet in time to be present for them.

and thats really how i feel nowadays- a star in its death that no one can see because the light of the present hasnt truly hit them yet because they are so far from me to even touch. like really it takes 8 seconds for us to see the suns light- but imagine being so far people only see you at the age of 1,000 out of maybe millions of years you have been alive.

and i guess thats why i make myself feel so much hurt and sorrow- to convince myself im truly living and present within my own life and others- to feel like i made SOME impact- anything something nothing everything. i just, cant fathom im here for it all to amount to anything

but really can anyone? then again thats the question we all ask and we always say the same thing to each other

"yes you can!! you already are now!!"

if i have why cant i feel it paving a path within my own stone filled garden??? why cant my roses flutter to life again slowly??

and we all know it takes time but is that time or light ever gonna be able to hit the eyes of others fast enough?

will my death be so near to me or has already happened but no one has seen it yet?

why am i so far away- or are the people i love the ones that are far? why does their light shine so bright just for me to dread knowing its going to dim out at any point without me being able to predict it.

and ya know theres only so many tiktoks you can see on that damn for you page of people just living and sit in your room wondering if youre ever gonna live as much as them.

but are they also living?? i guess my therapist has shown me how to live more then say even a trip outside ever could in just almost 2 years. though living is always a choice for the person within it. i guess it makes the dilemma of people seeing my life much slower then how my death began better right? they see how i chose to live and fulfill myself rather then begin to give up cause i felt my core exploding from immense amount of energy and collisions.

and sure thats sweet to hear but- when is everyone gonna try and live within the present alongside me and how much more do i have to plead and beg and scream and whimper in pain for someone to realize its actually happening??????

ok maybe that got a little dark

but idk- questioning it all might be futile but questioning it can bring awareness so why not ya know?? may as well not be blind even towards myself even if this all feels VERY dramatic and ill probably cringe over it hours later.

imagine lmao

[wolfjackle-creates]

Danny quite liked having wings. He'd have to make them more often. "So what did you want a fairy for?"

Nightwing stepped forward. "I'm Nightwing and this is my younger brother Robin. He's a new vigilante and needs to learn about magic so he can be a light in the dark of night to the people of Gotham as all the Robins before him were."

Danny's mouth fell open. They tried to summon a fairy to teach a kid magic? That would've ended terribly. He wasn't much better, honestly. Jazz would've been the best. She knew how to talk to people. "Um," he said eloquently. "By magic, I take it you mean the wonder of the world and an optimism that people are good?" Danny was thinking fast. What could he offer? He wasn't any good at this. He needed Jazz and Sam and Tuck. Actually... that might just work.

"Yes, exactly! A lesson in how there's so much more to this world than we can hope to ever understand and that it's a good thing."

Danny nodded. "Let him come with me for a month and a day"—he totally had these fairy tale tropes down—"and I'll see what I can do."

Before Nightwing could respond, Constantine cut in. "Now see here, you aren't gonna take this boy to wherever you came from. You'll bewitch him so he won't want to come back. Or time'll run different so he's fifty years older than when he left. Or any of a hundred different outcomes."

Danny waved him off. "I swear on my afterlife that no harm will befall Robin while he's in my care. His needs will be taken care of and he will have the opportunity to cut the visit short and return home at any point should he so choose. I will do nothing to try and convince him to stay with me. He will experience time at the exact same speed you do and will age at the same rate."

Constantine ground his teeth and it took another half hour of further negotiating before he was happy.

"Great!" said Danny. "Now that that's settled, let me talk to Robin alone for a few minutes to see if what I have to show him is something he'd even want to experience." Before Nightwing could argue as he clearly wanted to, Danny added, "I swear we won't come to any final agreement without all four of us present."

Robin nodded. "Let me speak with the fairy, Nightwing. Constantine has him well tied up in the contract. He cannot hurt me."

Constantine muttered under his breath, "Too easy if you ask me. Something's fishy."

Once they were alone, Damian asked, "You're not a fairy, are you?"

Danny laughed. "Ancients, no. I'm a ghost. And that's good for you, because you do not want to piss off fairies. They are vindictive and mean."

Damian nodded. "Then why do you wish for me to go with you?"

Danny shrugged. "Because, I can't give you the lessons your brother wants me to alone. My sister is great at some of it. But my best friends will be able to give you other perspectives. And I want to show you the Realms of the dead because those are pretty damn amazing, too."

Damian's eyes widened and he took a step back.

"Shit! No, it's not what you think. Strange as it is, it's totally safe for humans to enter the Ghost Zone for brief periods of time."

"That's seems illogical."

"It is. But my friends are still human and have gone in many times. And... If I tell you a secret, will you keep it for me?"

Damian seemed to consider before nodding. "I am annoyed Nightwing has forced me to compete this ridiculous lesson. He's been trying to teach me for over a year now. If it will not put anyone at risk, I will keep your secret."

Danny grinned. "Great." He let his transformation wash over him, leaving behind a living boy a few years older than Robin. "As you can see, I'm still partially human, partially alive. You'll stay with me in my parent's house in Illinois. They've built a portal to the Ghost Zone in our basement. Nothing I could do could prevent you from leaving should you want to while we're on Earth."

"Very well, I accept your terms. I will go with you. Mostly because this seems like the best way to force Nightwing to forfeit his ridiculous quest. And it will mean I do not have to attend school for a month. My classmates are a trial to be around."

"School is awful. I've one classmate who likes to shove me in lockers. I can't get back at him because I need to keep my powers a secret from my parents."

"Change back and I will call the others back in. We will seal this deal and I will go with you to your home."

A flash of white, and Danny was hovering in the air again. Another thought and the ice wings reformed. "This is going to be so much fun."

-----

I have no intention of continuing this. So please build on it! What shenanigans do Danny and Damian get up to in Amity and the Zone for a week? How does Damian react to his first reanimated hotdog or attack of the carrots? Will he look up to Sam and the way she fights for animal rights?

This is such a fun prompt!

Do you believe in fairies?

No one could deny that all the Robins had a unique and lively spirit, they began their career with stars in their eyes and feet in the air. Or at least most of them, Damian was still a work in progress.

Due to how the League of Assassins had raised him, it was a bit difficult to communicate with him. And most of the experiences or dreams that kids his age had were just not available. Dick had done everything to show him the "magic" but nothing was working. Not even his weekly Disney movie marathon.

That's why Dick decided to be a little more...literal about it. He asked Constantine and Zatanna for help in contacting a fairy (Zatanna looked at him as if he was crazy), this was because the last movie Damian had shown interest in was "Peter Pan". Or at least it was until Tinkerbell showed up and Damian declared that "he didn't believe in fairies."

Unfortunately for Constantine, he owed the former Robin a favor, so he tried to summon a Fairy. Of course, since the universe is engaged in making his life miserable, something went wrong. And instead of a Fairy, a ghost was looking around in confusion.

Danny didn't know where he got to, or why the boy in front of him asked him if he was "a fairy", but he decided to play along and quickly form crystal wings out of his ice. The halfa was quite amused by the situation, while Constantine looked doubtfully at the supposed "fairy" who didn't look like a fairy at all.

Danny smiled happily as he sat in the circle, he could leave at any time (and he hated being summoned) but the situation seemed extremely interesting.

[bluemoose86]

Thoughts on The Woman King

Spolier-free:

First of all, I loved this movie! And so did the other two people I went with; the three of us literally talked about how we all wanted to see it again after it was over

Great fight choreography, loved getting to see a bunch of women go absolutely feral in battle without them being sexualized or still having to “look pretty.” There’s a lot of close-ups during fights of the Agojie killing people and it’s not pretty, it’s brutal and it’s fucking awesome (the movie is PG-13 though so it’s not overtly gory, which I personally appreciated)

THE ACTING???? On point the ENTIRE movie. Give Viola Davis, Thuso Mbedu, and Lashana Lynch ALL the awards RIGHT NOW. Viola Davis embodied Nanisca perfectly and was equally impressive in the epic battle scenes and in the emotionally vulnerable scenes. I’ve seen several articles talk about how this was a career performance from her, and she herself called the film her magnum opus. Lashana Lynch stole every single scene she was in. Izogie my beloved. I also enjoyed John Boyega’s portrayal of King Ghezo and Sheila Atim as Amenza

Also I literally had to do a triple take when I found out Thuso Mbedu, who plays 19 year old Nawi, is THIRTY ONE?????? SHE’S ONLY THREE YEARS YOUNGER THAN LASHANA LYNCH???? SHE’S THE SAME AGE AS SHEILA ATIM???? In other pictures she looks older but I am actually 19 and I stg when I found that out, I felt old

And still speaking of the actors, really cool how the majority of, if not all the Black actors in this movie were dark skinned, particularly the women. I read that when the movie was first being pitched, some studios wanted to cast light-skinned and well-known actresses, but the producers refused

The beginning felt a little rough to me in terms of pacing, but the movie hits its stride around the mid-point or so. And trust me, when it starts working, it works.

The script was also a bit weak sometimes, but I thought the performances made up for it

I’ve seen some people online saying the movie glorifies the slave trade or glorifies Dahomey while brushing the kingdom’s involvement in the slave trade to the side, which really confuses me because...it doesn’t? The movie opens with a text-scrolling intro à la Star Wars that literally mentions the slave trade, and several characters in the movie talk about it as well. Nanisca and King Ghezo have a conversation about how Dahomey profits from the slave trade, and how Ghezo’s brother sold their people—including his and Ghezo’s own mother—as slaves for profit. And then it gets more overt when some Portuguese men land at the port city, one of them specifically to buy slaves, and when we go into the city and LITERALLY SEE slaves being chained up, kept in cages, and brought onto the block to be sold. The movie both shows and tells you how awful the slave trade is, and how the people in the movie are impacted by it. At one point, some of the women are captured and prepped to be judged and sold and the entire process is presented as brutal and degrading. I’m seriously convinced that the people who say the movie is “glorifying slavery” have never seen it

Wanted to end this section on a good note lol so I’ll once again say IZOGIE MY BELOVED!!!!! Favorite character without a doubt, also gave off fruity vibes but y’all let me know if you picked up on that too lol

Overall, I definitely recommend this movie and I will 100% rewatch it in the future. Also this movie BETTER win some fucking Oscars or else 😤😤

Spoiler thoughts below!!

Izogie’s death scene was very well done. I kind of guessed they would end up killing her off since they really built her up as a character, but that didn’t lessen its impact at all. Lashana Lynch and Thuso Mbedu acted their asses off (as they did the whole movie, but particularly here). The actual set-up was good too: having Nawi convince her to stay alive so they could all escape together, setting her broken arm and then having to pretend like it was never broken, having her be the only one who actually escaped but deciding that Nawi was right that the Agojie should help each other and trying to go back for her, only to get killed while Nawi is begging her to keep running. Heartbreaking, but that’s what made it so good

By contrast, Nawi’s friend’s death (the Mahi prisoner, I forgot her name I’m so sorry) was not really impactful at all, beyond her dying right after being accepted by the other Agojie who had a problem with her before. I wish they had spent a little more time on both Nawi’s friends as individual characters and their relationship with each other. We barely saw Nawi interact with either of them before they became best friends, and after the Mahi girl died, neither Nawi or her other friend mourned her on screen (I know Nawi had been kidnapped at this point, but the other girl survived and wasn’t kidnapped)

I loved how Nanisca and the other Agojie went to the city intending to just rescue their own but she found out that the slave traders killed Izogie and Nawi was missing and she said “burn it to the fucking ground.” Iconic as HELL and I wish more stories would let their MC react like that

Also loved that the prisoners that Malik freed drowned the slave trader he came with. Fuck you dude

A woman literally getting to kill her abuser? We love to see it

I wish they’d brought up Nawi being an orphan a bit earlier in the movie, since it seemed like it was introduced rather suddenly after she became an Agojie. They could have pretty easily tossed in a line from her parents admonishing her for acting so terribly after they “rescued” her from the orphanage. 

I also really enjoyed Nanisca and Amenza’s relationship! I got kind of gay vibes but the only thing that was explicitly confirmed was how close they are and how much they mean to each other, which I was also happy with. I’m so glad Amenza survived the movie lol

[sinclair-wax-fan]

All the boys are very mechanically inclined. Vincent clearly tends and maintains the intricate piping of the waxing system in the basement. (The pipes have to be flushed regularly with boiling water to keep the wax film inside from building up and clogging.)

I like to imagine he does regular maintenance checks of the town buildings and let’s Bo and Lester know what major issues he needs help mending.

Of the three, he’s the best at coming up with creative rigging that gives the illusion of the town being alive. The puppies with the wagging tails? The old woman who opens and closes the curtains? That’s Vincent. He’s great with small gears and clockwork. (He is also the only one who had the patience to read the manual and figure out how the old projector in the theater worked. Bo fucking hates that thing because it constantly breaks down and he refuses to touch it at this point.)

~~~~~

It would be a grave mistake to think Bo is stupid.

He has a temper for sure. He’s impulsive, vicious, endlessly tenacious, and only cares for social graces as a tool for stalking prey or charming people into getting his way.

But the man is deeply cunning and whip smart in the fields of mechanics and mathematics.

He’s basically an engineer, degree or no degree. He’s the one who help maintain the really big stuff: the towns power grid; the houses septic tank—he wasn’t joking about the bathroom at the station being broken, one septic tank is enough to deal with, thank you—and the well that delivers water to the house and museum.

(Again, I am convinced everything is powered by the nearby sugar mill—which is directly in between the town and the camp site we see in the movie, which was close enough Paige sees it up the road and runs to it. The kids were visibly parked by what looks to be some kind of small pond/creek— I headcanon it as an offshoot of the larger stream the mill is built directly next to. I imagine the mill utilized hydroelectric power, making it completely independent from any existing grids. Ambrose was a modern company town whose electric was incorporated into the mills set up.

Bo worked at the mill in maintenance before it shut down—and learned some very useful info from the older engineers while he worked there. Enough that once the town was rapidly emptying of workers and inhabitants, he turned to his brother and said “I have an idea that I think you and I can pull off together.”)

Also, the friendly mechanic schtick is only half a ruse. He absolutely knows cars inside and out. Tinkering with cars and various broken machinery around Ambrose as a teen is how he got enough experience/notice to earn himself an entry level position at the mill. (Maybe his first job was actually as an attendant at the gas station?)

The town takes money to run and he makes most of that money by repairing cars in the next town over (where he owns a small garage).

~~~~~

Lester, while he is part-time employed to clean roadkill through a contractor with the state, has taken plenty of odds jobs that include: roofing, bricklaying, and carpentry.

Also, some specialized personal hobbies: hunting, taxidermy, tanning and leather work, and smithing!

All those odd looking knives hanging next to clothes rack on the wall of Vincent’s workshop? Actually gifts from Lester! (The man just really likes knives.)

I also headcanon that Vincent’s satchel was made by Lester as a birthday gift when they’re young. If you look, you can see animal teeth decorating it. (I like to think he also made the actual blades for Vincent’s knives. Although I think the bone Vincent later carved for the handles probably didn’t come from an animal.)

I also like to imagine he makes the glass eyes for the waxed figures. (Their real ones don’t last long.) That’s about the extent he’s willing to help with the bodies, however—if you don’t count helping dispose/bury some of the less desirable corpses.

Lester and Vincent are closer than Lester and Bo. Lester has always kind of idolized Bo for being his “cool” older brother—but he also learned growing up to keep a careful eye on Bo, to always be aware of him. The loquacious older man has since better learned to direct his baser impulses away from his own family and towards his victims, but when they were younger he didn’t have that outlet. At times, the younger, smaller Lester was a convenient target Bo just couldn’t help but zero in on—especially when angry.

He did often try to make up for his indiscretions against his little brother in his own way—typically in the form of smuggling Lester booze/cigarettes/small stolen goodies from stores, protecting him from other bullies, letting Lester borrow his truck and later helping him get one of his own—but Lester certainly never has the luxury of forgetting what Bo’s capable of.

As they got older—with Bo finding new prey and Lester being able to come and go from the family home as he pleases—it got easier.

Now a days Bo genuinely values the aid Lester provides and they often bond over the more “normal” activities they enjoy that Vincent can’t relate to/has no interest in.

[nevereverlandboys]

Different Pulses 

Pairing: Felix x Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Summary: After Pan gets defeated, Y/N and Felix live together in Storybrooke with the "heroes". They both don't get along and seem to avoid each other, until the "heroes" need to leave them alone to save Henry from another threat. Will Y/N get along with the cold, distant boy?

Part: (1/?)

@madd-devil

This story is heavily inspired by "When it's cold" by:

@the-original-weirdo-83

@peter-pan-on-neverland

Y/N's eyes wandered through the small room, from the small bed to the huge window, stopping at the small drawer underneath it, before finally stepping further in. The walls were dyed light blue and besides a big clock and a flat screen they were empty. There was nothing unusual with this room, nothing really striking and yet it still felt a little strange. She walked forwards and ripped the dark curtains away, opening the window to welcome the golden sunlight into the room, warming her skin. The air smelled different and even the birds chirped in another tune. It seemed as if this world was quieter than the other, less dangerous and more welcoming. For a moment Y/N was soaked into the moment and drifted off into her thoughts, as suddenly some cursing in the next room ripped the girl out of her thoughts. With an annoyed snarl, she rolled her eyes and let herself drop onto the small bed, trying to ignore the sounds that probably came from the grumpy former second in command. After all, he still did not like being taken from Neverland, as he found himself with Y/N in a new home in Storybrooke. He still did not fit in and fought with everything he had to integrate. The second in command was stubborn and feisty, hot-tempered and constantly in a bad mood. Felix had barely granted Y/N a smile since they came off the Island and after he was brought into Mary Margaret's and David Charmings flat, everything went worse. The lost boy usually locked himself up inside his room, stayed there until after dinner to grab himself the leftovers, before vanishing back behind the wooden door. He never seemed to understand the technology around him, not even trying to understand it, but getting angry instead if it did not work out like he had imagined it to.  Y/N on the other hand, found herself in a healthy relationship with her hosts real quick. They took it as their own responsibility to take both of them in, after Pan was defeated. Felix, because he was the most stubborn boy that would never find his peace in an orphanage and Y/N, because she was the only girl next to Wendy that lived with the lost boys. After all this time on the island, she found herself being close to Henry as well. The small, young boy was like a little brother to her, making the girl laugh and joining her whenever Mary Margaret would allow them to go out. She was a careful woman and even though she trusted Y/N, there was no reason for her not to be cautious. Also Y/N suspected Mary  not to act like granting the girl a privilege while Felix was still being guarded. 

Another loud yell from behind those walls disturbed the girls' peaceful daydreams once more, so she grabbed the pillow and pressed it over her head to muffle all the sound, trying her best to ignore everything around. It was a day too pretty for this and Y/N only wanted to relax, but not a few minutes of delightful silence later, she heard a knock on the wooden door. Moving her body properly under the sheets, she faced the door and mumbled just loud enough,"Come in."

The door swung open and revealed the former second in command's worried face, his sweaty hair hung down his face and he breathed so loud that the girl could literally feel anger flooding in the room. The atmosphere turned immediately tense and the room seemed to shrink around her with each second passing. Y/N held her breath and raised one eyebrow in confusion, trying her best to hide her insecurities behind a questioning look, as the lanky, blonde boy's eyes pierced her urgently. 

"Where is the little rat?" Felix spoke in a hoarse tone. 

"The ra-" She started confused. "Oh."

Henry.

"He took my cloak." Felix raged. "Where is the bastard, so I can smite him!"

"It's in the laundry." Y/N interrupted him before Felix would even try to hurt Henry and give him the fault for her doings. She found it in the bathroom and washed it along with the other laundry. The girl's voice was almost inaudible, well knowing the boy's temper from all the countless encounters with the other lost boys. Felix's eyes twitched and he gritted his teeth as he slowly came closer, one step after another, to close the distance that kept her away from him, the only distance that gave the girl at least a little bit of comfort. Henry could be glad to have to spend the time with the grumpy lost boy on weekends only. How much she envied him.

"What?" He snarled with his face just a few centimeters away from hers and for a moment her mind went blank, the only impulse she felt was to storm out of the room. As she crashed to the door, Y/N did not even bother to look back and swiftly grabbed her shoes and keys before leaving the apartment.  The door swung shut with a loud crash that echoed through every room as Felix swayed back in his own room, every cell inside him questioning why his heart felt so heavy. Y/N was not even sure if the lanky boy bothered to chase after her and if her actions seemed a little exaggerated, but when Felix built himself up in front of her, the girl's heart sank into the bottom of her body and fear overtook her mind. The former lost boy had been cruel to other boys for less than that.

She did not stay out for long, simply walked around the block to get some fresh air and to get some space from the tall boy. Also, because she knew that Mary would be mad if she was not home when the woman returned. The first week did not start well and Y/N let out a frustrated sight as she thought of the future. Mary and David left her alone with him half of the day, having the boy locked up in his room was not consoling though, the fact alone that he was present was enough to make her feel nervous. When she returned to the apartment, Felix was nowhere in sight, so she quickly snuck back into her room, hoping that he would leave her alone for the rest of the day. On the other hand, she had to make sure that he would not hurt Henry, the poor boy did nothing wrong. For a moment Y/N hesitated until she decided to get Felix's cloak from the washing line on the balcony. Not a surprise that the asshole did not know it was there, when he never left his room. Still, the girl felt a little curious when she thought of what he might do all day by himself- especially with no understanding of technology. Was he not bored? There was no convincing answer that she could think of and Y/N wondered if she would find out as she strutted with the big cloak in her hands towards Felix's room. She  knocked at the door and immediately regretted it after the previous events. Nevertheless she tried to be brave and push her fear aside, telling herself that the former second in command was not threatening at all.

She knocked again when nothing happened and suddenly some angry footsteps stomped into her direction-, firm and loud, before the tall boy ripped the door wide open, revealing his furious face.

"What the fuck do you want?" Felix growled, the veins of his neck throbbing and his hands pressed so tightly into fists that his knuckles turned white. 

"I-...eh." Y/N stammered nervously and tightened her grip onto the cloak. Her eyes widened as she thought, He would not hurt me, would he? "I have your-"

"Keep that!" Felix interrupted her, his words were like poison.

Felix slammed the door shut before  the girl could say another  word, leaving her in the dark hallway with an unsettling feeling inside her guts that something was wrong. But how could she even tell what? Felix never spoke to her that much and it was pretty obvious that he would not do more in the future. All Y/N knew was that the grumpy boy missed the island and that he missed Pan, even though the girl never understood his obedience to the green devil. Peter Pan was manipulative and evil and she was glad he never left Neverland alive. Felix couldn't give her the fault for his loss, she had never helped the heroes and even refused as the only one next to him to say a word. Well, Y/N opened up quicker and befriended the "heroes" after everything they did. It was a saint if she could speak freely about it. The cloak must mean a lot to Felix, or else he would never be this angry, even for a boy who had a tendency to violence-, he never hurt Y/N before. She really hoped he would take it back and overcome his rage. The idea that Felix might only looked for a reason to hate Henry more occured her a few minutes later, but it was an unspoken thought that seemed to be way too assumptious.

"I am sorry about Peter." She moved her forehead onto the wooden door, resting it there for a bit and after a while she watched a single tear drop down onto the ground. Peter was not completely evil, not to Y/N at least and deep inside he was a loss to her as well. There was a short time where Felix seemed to be nice too, back on Neverland just weeks before Peter got defeated. He had shown the girl a flower field and tickled her until some boy's would crossy their way and disturb that lovely moment. It was the first and only time he had ever been close in a comforting way. Since then, Y/N had always hoped to see the boy underneath this rusty shell, but it was all gone since the second he stepped off the boat.

The door stayed closed and she stared at Felix's cloak, wondering what to do with it. When Y/N returned to her own room and snuck underneath the covers, the cloak was still under her arm. It did not smell like Felix anymore. The ticking of the clock was the only sound filling the room, capturing the girl's eyes to check the time- six pm. It was late, almost time for Mary Margaret to come back from work and cook some dinner, and when it was time for Y/N to sleep, David would come home too and Emma would come tomorrow, to bring Henry over for the weekend. Y/N barely saw David. He was always busy with his work in the police station and would get home late in the night. He left Felix and her up to Mary and Emma, which was definitely a hard task thinking of the rebellious boy next to Y/N's room. The man could not stand the former lost boy, the girl had seen it in his eyes when Emma brought her onto the ship, back then,  from escaping Neverland. Felix's emotions seemed mutual and everyone around could sense it. That both of them were separated most of the time, was not so bad after all. Mary Margarett even tried to take it as an opportunity to get to know more about the former lost boy, but all her attempts failed. The boy kept shut, would not reveal his past and barely replied to any of the woman’s actions. It was tiring to watch, quite a show though. It seemed like a boring game of charade, in which Mary kept asking him countless questions and then tried to interpret his annoyed growls as he ate some cereal. Breakfast was a strict rule for him to join and dinner to avoid. 

Y/N rolled over and grabbed her phone, turning some music on to change her thoughts and kill the silence. Even though it was so early, she felt how her eyelids were getting heavy, how she slowly drifted off into sleep, using the cloak as a pillow. Throwing it away was not an option for her, there could always come a time where the former lost boy would demand it back. 

It felt like a whole night when the girl woke up from a strange feeling of someone pulling on something underneath her. Out of reflex, she tightened the grip on the cloak in her arms. The pulling got stronger and when she realised that this was not a dream, she slowly opened her tired eyes.

"I changed my mind." Felix scoffed. "I want it back."

With a mind still dizzy and drunk from sleep, Y/N's sight was still so blurry, that it was hard to catch up and she needed a moment to follow the lost boy's words. He obviously meant the cloak, but why did he make such a fuss about it when he did not want it in the first place? 

"Y/N?" He pronounced her name so carefully when he realised her eyes were closing again. She did not respond. 

The sound of Felix's knees hitting the floor startled the girl out of sleep, finding herself sitting bolt upright in bed, pressing the cloak with widened eyes tightly against her chest. He let out an amused chuckle, grinning from ear to ear. Being fully awake now, Y/N realised why the tall boy was here and she slowly reached her hand forward, handing the boy his cloak over. What the hell did he do in the middle of the night inside her room? Why could this not wait? Her eyes wandered to her phone on the small nightstand-, it was eight pm and winter. It caused the girl to genuinely laugh to herself.

"Sorry for washing it." She whispered meek, avoiding Felix's gaze and dropped her head back onto the pillow before turning  away from him to close her eyes. 

"It's all right." With that Felix quickly made his way back to his own room, the door closing so quick as if he had run.

The next day he kept quiet, did not say a word at breakfast, not even a snarky comment towards Henry who was constantly talking about one of his favourite movies and its heroes. The word 'hero' usually was enough to make the former lost boy explode. Not this time. His steel like eyes were glued onto his bowl as he ate in silence. Later he would sit in the living room, watching some TV that Henry forgot to turn off and would not even complain when Y/N joined and switched the channel. For a moment she felt his eyes burning on her skin. When she met his gaze, the former lost boy rose to his feet and walked away, slamming his door to confirm he was in his room now. Felix was strange and not the friendliest boy for sure. Still, Y/N had the feeling that there was more behind his behaviour that he would let her on and that he exaggerated an act. Mary would give her some tasks over the time like getting the groceries, which she would really appreciate doing, since it was a great way to get out. Y/N and Felix were no prisoners of course and the cold of the thick snow creeping in from the outside would keep her under her covers anyway. There never has been snow on Neverland. It was entirely strange and yet so familiar, waking a nostalgic feeling inside the girl. When Y/N found her way to the grocery store, there was no one to harm her and she had all the time she needed to wander through the different Isles and shove anything she liked into the shopping cart. There were no lost boys with spears and torches, that would hunt the girl down until her feet would bleed. No Pan that played his dangerous, manipulative games, that only entertained him in a twisted, sadistic way,  satisfying him, that it could already be a kink. 

It was freedom. 

The good snacks from the store disappeared immediately inside the drawer, keeping it safe from Henry or Felix. Both had the tendency to steal Y/N's food. She would often cook for herself, learning new skills since there was nothing else to do anyways. As soon as Mary returned, the girl hoped she would bring some more groceries, but she got disappointed. The snow held her off too long, the mood to go into the supermarket was simply gone and Y/N could understand that.

"You can go with Henry." She smiled and grabbed herself something to drink from the fridge. 

"When will he be here?" Y/N asked, raising an eyebrow as she waited for an answer. The short haired woman slowly turned around, her face seemed to be frozen in an unbelieving, perplexed and slightly fearing frown.

"Isn't he here alr-" She stopped and both of their heads shot into the same direction when a key was put inside the front lock, turning and unlocking the door. The girl expected the young boy to get home, instead, Emma stormed into the apartment, shortly followed by David and the girl already saw on their faces that something was wrong. Mary let go of what she was doing and closed the distance between them with quite some concern on her face.

"They took Henry!" Emma bursted out, her eyes searching the room as if her son could just hide somewhere and would just magically appear any moment. She looked full of hope. David gently rubbed her back and told Mary to get her things. They always seemed to find trouble and now Y/N finally understood what Felix meant, when he once claimed that their hero being was only a facade and they were the true danger. Were they? Henry was gone and that was because he was so important to these women.

"Who took him?" Y/N asked worriedly.

"Stay out of this, you are not a part of this." Emma ignored the question and  gently shoved the former lost girl out of her way to get her keys. She ripped the door wide open and jumped down the hallway without bothering to close it, expecting the others to follow quickly. 

"We will get Henry back." Mary turned to Y/N, trying to comfort her by holding her hands. "You don't have to worry."

It was not the young boy she worried about and the short haired woman knew that. With a quick glance back to Felix's closed door, Y/N gulped and immediately shook her head.

"I can come with you!" She protested at the thought of being all alone with the former second in command.

"No," Mary said and sighted. "I need you here."

Her gaze wandered off to Felix's door again and her look grew frustrated. Y/N followed with her eyes and nodded before facing the short haired woman again. She turned to the counter and grabbed her purse to pull out her wallet.  Then she collected all the money she had and put it in a sugar box inside the shelf. 

"I trust you enough." Her words meant a lot. "Besides, once in a while Regina will check up on you two."

With that, Mary Margaret turned around and gave David a final nod, before both of them left the apartment to join their daughter in the car. As soon as Y/N closed the door behind them, everything went into an uncomfortable silence. There was no single sound instead of the unbearable striking of the clock hanging on the kitchen wall. 

"Great." Y/N moaned quietly. At least they could have told her who took Henry and for what possible reason. The adults would always seem to know better and in this case they decided it would be better to keep Felix and her out of this. Did they really want to leave her out of it, or was Y/N just not to be trusted? Felix would easily try to convince her about that. The former lost boy probably would not  care  at all. It was smart of Mary Margaret to hide some money for Y/N. The fridge was almost empty and she wondered how long they would be away and when she would need food. There was nothing good inside it, nothing appealing, so  Y/N closed the door and strutted back to her room. Dropping into the sheets, she grabbed the remote next to her pillow and turned on the TV. Henry had shown her how to use it real quick as he often joined the girl to play video games. All those years living here and using all these things caused him to always be smarter and it was the first thing Y/N noticed that Felix disliked about him. At the end, there were countless things the scarred up boy hated, but Henry was always the center of his anger. 

With the time passing by, the rumbling in the girl's stomach got louder until her tummy literally screamed for something to eat. Back in the kitchen, there was still nothing  appealing and with a quick glance to Felix's wooden door, she wondered if the former lost boy would like to eat something too. Each step further towards his room felt more heavy and Y/N's stomach turned inside out. The moment her knuckles knocked against the cool wood, she questioned why she even tried to be nice and get along with him. The floor was cold, maybe she should have put on some socks or turned on the heater. There was no sound on the other side of the wood and Y/N started to wonder if Felix was even home, when suddenly some heavy footsteps slowly strutted closer. Felix swayed the door wide open and rubbed his tired eyes, then rested his heavy head on the doorframe. He only wore some grey sweatpants, revealing his scars on his pale chest. The air around the girl thickened and her body heated up at the sight of his messy, sweaty morning hair. 

"Sorry." She mumbled and avoided looking at him. His presence alone caused shivers to run down her spine. "Did I wake you?"

"M-hm." Felix grumbled tiredly, fighting to keep his eyes open. Y/N's eyes wandered back to the open kitchen and its clock. It was four o'clock.

"Are you hungry?"

The tall boy remained silent for a moment, his dull eyes staring at the girl as if he did not understand the question, turned to look at his bed, then slightly nodded with his head as if it was the hardest thing to do.

"I could eat." He spoke with a deep, raspy voice, laying his focus back onto Y/N. Fuck, he sounded so hot, it caught her off guard and left her unable to speak for a glimpse moment. 

"I am ordering food." She said after a small moment. "What would you like?"

Felix pressed his brows together, then lifted one in confusion. "How does that work?" He asked and Y/N chuckled in amusement, feeling how her stiffened limbs relaxed. 

"You choose a restaurant and then decide what you want to eat." She explained and showed the blonde boy her phone. "They deliver it and you pay."' 

"Ah."

Y/N were not sure if Felix was not understanding it, or simply did not like it. He brought his hands up to his arms and rubbed the scarred skin, feeling how cold it was and finally bothered to put on a T-shirt. If Y/N were honest with herself, she liked Felix's exposed back. Muscles danced under tender flesh, as arms stretched upon the ceiling, forward and crooked together, pulling the cotton over his chest. Back on Neverland, Felix always seemed to be violent and rough, harsh to others and never in a good mood. There has not changed much, yet the dangerous, threatening touch was missing since he came to Storybrooke with Y/N. He was bent to new rules now. 

"Pizza." Felix said and stepped closer, closing the distance and bent down to take a glimpse of the menu. "Do they have some?"

Y/N's skin started to prickle when she felt his breath against her cheek and immediately froze in place. Why was he so close? 

"You know Pizza?" She asked unsure, still a little curious. Felix smirked and let out a husky chuckle. "Sure I do."

He walked past her into the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water, gulped it down, filled another one, gulped it down, but when he repeated that for a third time, the second in command could not finish it and disposed of the remains in the sink.  He turned around to check the time and widened his eyes as he realised how late it already was.

"The days are dark during winter." The boy mentioned with a side-along gaze, as if he knew that she might have criticised him for sleeping that long. Y/N did not know how to respond, but was confident enough to join the tall boy in the kitchen, pulling the chair back and taking a seat at the table. Both of them did not say a word and with each second passing in silence, she regretted sitting there with him even more. 

"Why did you run from me earlier?" The question caught her off guard, she needed a moment to think for the right answer. The girl tilted her head in Felix's direction, his eyebrows were lifted up in a questioning look and he leaned at the counter, waiting for the girl to open her mouth and speak.  He was just curious, not too gruff nor angry. 

"You scare me sometimes." Y/N admitted. "It's like being back in Neverland."

The former lost boy nodded disappointed and shifted his gaze out of the window to hide half of his features as if she would ever be able to read them.

"You really did not like the Island." The boy stated, receiving a light nod as an answer. "Was it so bad?"

"There were no toilets."

Felix could not help but chuckle, a warm genuine smile spread over his face and he nodded his head in agreement when he faced her again. 

"Toilets sure are great." He laughed. "Or warm running water."

Felix pushed himself away from the counter and slendered over to the girl, taking a seat on the chair in front of her. "It took me three days to find out how that works, by the way." He added after a small pause. Y/N could only shake her head in response and give him a brief smile. "Must have been cold."

The tall boy agreed in silence and crossed his arms in front of his chest, waiting for the food to arrive. He would disappear for a while to go to the bathroom, giving her some space to clear her mind. All she could think about was how beautiful the former second in command looked when he smiled, making her nervous the longer he stayed with her. For a moment, it seemed like he was another person when she was all alone with him. 

"Where are the others?" Felix asked when he returned from the bathroom, pulling the chair around to straddle it. 

"Someone took Henry." Y/N admitted low, not even wanting him to know that, well aware that he would only mock this situation, probably having expected such a thing sooner or later. 

"Hm.’' Felix let out an amused chuckle and gave her a winning smirk, one that said,"Told you so!"

"We're on our own for a while." The girl said, checking her phone for a message from the delivery guy. Not long. Almost here. How the time had passed by.

"I am  fucking happy they are gone." Felix snorted and rolled his eyes."They were such a pain in the ass."

At least they gave him a home and clothes, food and no worries about his current life. That was something and even though Y/N knew how beautiful the Island could be, the former lost boy had not been safe there. None of them were. How could he still be so blinded after all? Y/N wanted to respond but decided to keep her mouth shut. Right at that moment the doorbell rang. Shifting from her seat, Y/N strutted over to the door and opened it, waiting a few moments for the delivery guy to get up the stairs and hand her the Pizza. She pulled a twenty dollar bill out of her pocket and handed it over to the man before closing the door. The boxes felt hot on her cool hands and the smell of fat, cheese and pepperoni filled the room, making the girl realise how hungry she actually was. Felix's stomach started to rumble when she started to cut her Pizza, so she assumed he did not have any breakfast either. For a moment the girl really enjoyed the boy's company and hoped he would stay longer, but she was also sure that he would take his food and vanish as quickly as he used to do. Yet, Felix never ceased to amaze her. He waited in silence until she was done cutting, then he took the knife and in that moment her fingers touched his, she felt  a quick, electric sensation followed by butterflies rumbling in her stomach. Taking the Pizza, she quickly strutted into the direction of your room to hide her sudden joy, just to be stopped by Felix calling her name.

"Where are you going?"

"Into my room?" Y/N gave confused back ,wondering why he would want her to accompany him all of the sudden.

"Oh- I thought…" Felix sounded disappointed.

"Oh…" Her eyes widened and maybe she sounded a bit too harsh. "I thought you wouldn't want-"

"Nevermind." Felix barked harshly and swiftly vanished behind his own door, not even giving the girl a chance to say another word. Damn, this boy was so sensitive, his mood was constantly switching and Y/N wished to find out why he was always  so pessimistic about everything. Not now, she thought, not now. First she would eat, then she would take care of that matter. 

The boy let out an annoyed sight when he opened his door after Y/N knocked not long after she finished eating. Felix was eating the last slice of his pizza and held the empty box in his other hand.

"Why are you always coming to me?" He snarled.

"I just care about you! For god’s sake! You act so fucking mean since we came here and I wonder why." She raised her voice and knitted her eyebrows together in a serious manner

"Please don't do this." Felix moaned theoretically. "Please don't act as if you cared!"

Felix swiftly turned around and threw the empty box of Pizza aside. His fast movements caused her to flinch a little, but still she managed to remain calm.

"You don't care!" He snarled. "Nobody cares. Just leave me alone."

The tall boy did not need to turn around and give her a final glare, he made it clear that she was not wanted and no matter how much he needed her help, she respected his wishes. Y/N had really no thought to waste about him when she went straight into the bathroom to take a bath that might cool her nerves. That fucking audacity and this childish behaviour, as if Felix really meant what he was saying. They both knew he was not serious and that he was simply lying to himself about his emotions. There was no place for love in his heart after being manipulated by Pan for so long, nor  for friendship. Y/N did not care what the former second in command told himself about their friendship, it all has been a lie and a game for Pan, something to entertain him. It was worthless. His loss meant nothing, still Y/N cared how Felix felt about the betrayal of every former boy.

While she stripped off her clothes, the girl waited for the bathtub to be filled with hot water and bubbles, a metaphorical way to clean her thoughts when diving in. She should rather think about helping someone out and earn some money, so she could afford buying her own things. She splashed the water with her fingers and slowly sank deeper into the bathtub to enjoy the silence. The hot steam filled the room and when her thoughts drove off to something pleasantly, she almost forgot the time. Back in Neverland there was nothing to worry about time, the days were almost all the same and no one was there to rush someone. Things have barely changed in Storybrooke, since there was nothing to do for Y/N and the lanky lost boy, so they needed to find something to kill the time. 

It had been an eternity since the girl had taken a proper bath and maybe it was time to get out, but the hot water remained too tempting for her to step out. With a deep breath she closed her eyes and leaned back, as suddenly a door slammed shut, immediately telling her that Felix was leaving his room again. His slow footsteps definitely made their way towards the bathroom and Y/N realised that she did not lock the door. She did not really forget to lock the door, right? The girl could not recall it and to get out of the water, to check was too late, as she watched agonised how the door handle went down and the door swung wide open, causing her heart to skip a beat. The tall lost boy did not seem to notice her at first, but as soon as he entered the steamy room, Felix froze in place. His eyes widened and his face turned blank. For a long moment, they both stared at each other and Y/N felt relieved that she was at least covered by a thick foam of bubbles. 

"Fuck, sorry...I-" Felix stuttered through half open lips, as if the little sight of a girl's skin was enough to steal his voice. It gave Y/N her confidence back.

"I didn't mean to-" the boy still couldn't open his mouth while his gaze burned holes through her. It took him a moment, but suddenly Felix shook his head to ban whatever he was thinking about and shifted his eyes away, then turned on his heels to swiftly leave the bathroom. 

At least he could have closed the door, Y/N thought as she sunk deeper into the water in embarrassment. Fuck, how in the hell could she forget to close the door? At least he did not see anything, or did he? The whole situation left her frozen in place, unable to think clearly. Y/N did not even dare to step out of the water to close the door, so she just sat there, trying her best to calm down. After a while, the skin of her fingertips were already wrinkled up, leaving a rough touch on her softened skin and she finally thought about getting out of the bathtub. A long time  had passed, since Felix stepped into the bath and now the water was starting to get cold. The girl's eyes searched the room for a towel until she realised that she had washed them and now they hung in the living room. Fuck this shit.

"Felix!" She called him as loud as she could, but there was no answer. The boy did not respond until she called him again.

"What do you want?" His voice echoed through the hallway. She sounded unsure and intrigued. 

"I have a problem."

"Well now you have two." Felix yelled back.

Y/N frowned in confusion and lifted her head.

"How's that?"

"I ain't interested in your first problem."

She let out an annoyed sight and rolled with her eyes and brought her fingers to her forehead, running over her skin in a steady, relaxing movement. Why was he like that? Was it really necessary to always find a way for drama? 

"I don’t have a towel." She whined, hoping for him to bring her one. The grumpy boy did not respond again, an unbearable silence filling the apartment. Felix was there, the girl knew that he was. He had not shut his door yet, so he must be in the living room or kitchen where he would perfectly understand you.

"Felix…" She called him, already giving up that he would come and breaking her mind by finding a way to get past him. "Please."

A few seconds later she heard his footsteps come back again, the wood creaking under his weight and announcing the boy’s arrival. He did not even enter the room, instead Felix threw the towel through the open crack.

"I need to take a piss, so please hurry up!" He said rather cowardly before the footsteps led him away, then shutting the door shut. Y/N did not hesitate and got out of the water as quickly as she could, barely drying her skin before she sprinted into her own room before the former lost boy would cross her way again. 

Why did such things always happen to her? Could it not have been someone else to walk in like Emma or Mary? Of course not, destiny always found a way to punish the girl,- first Pan, now Felix. Nevertheless, the cold boy stayed inside her mind all the time. She dressed herself and got ready to snuck under the blankets. For a while she allowed herself to dream of him cuddling against her back, how his big body would feel like pressed against hers, or maybe even… on top  of her?

NO.

Fuck no, she was not having dirty daydreams of mister cold facade. There was nothing special about Felix, right? Eventually that long scar that ran over his jagged jawline and those blue, stabbing eyes fascinated her. Those  piercing eyes, that were sharp as daggers and intimidating as the gaze of a shark. There was definitely something mysterious about the former second in command, still, Y/N had told herself that she was done with adventures and risky decisions- Felix was definitely one of those,- that she could tell. He was hot, but also the biggest asshole she ever met. The former lost boy kept wandering through the apartment and distracting the girl's dreaming thoughts with each passing second. He would not leave her mind until she fell asleep.

(Next Chapter ->)