#brother i am convinced i was not built to be alive

[dogbunni]

.

[angstigone]

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓰𝓸𝓭 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓸𝓭𝓼

𝗛𝗲𝗶𝗮𝗻 𝗘𝗿𝗮! 𝗥𝘆𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗦𝘂𝗸𝘂𝗻𝗮 𝘅 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

(A/N): hello there, lovelies!

dearest besties, I shall take the next week off but till right now here's something to keep you anchored!

(and yeah a sequel is in the works).

as always, comments and reblogs have me writing faster and better!

have a nice day!

SUMMARY: in times of need you found yourself praying to the god in the woods

An idea hit you as you are suddenly reminded of your mother’s trips in the woods to pray as the house in which you had all lived hadn’t been built near the village and hence she couldn’t go to the temple; she had made with what she had and she had a few times brought you to pray upon the altair.  You hadn’t ever cared about such things - not as a child, too busy observing everything and playing games, not as an adult, when hunger and tiredness where all you felt - but you now understood the search for comfort as you assured yourself that both children are deep sleep before you slink into the night, directed towards the forest. And maybe it was the fact that you wish to disappear not unlike your father or to search for comfort in nature… Either way you found yourself on your knees, praying to a god whose name you don’t know and promising everything if only he helped your brothers - and you - survive. “I don’t ask much but a modest life and a bit to tend to” you weren’t lazy, nor stupid and the wind that blows seemed to say ‘what will you give me then?’ “Everything. Everything I am and everything I own”.

WARNINGS: mention of death, injuries, blood, animal death and such, pre-relationship, gothic and fairytale elements, she/her pronouns - afab character.

Last winter had taken a toll on the village and especially on your family.

Your mother had been long gone when your father hadn’t one day come back from a hunting trip.

This meant that you had been left alone caring for your boyfriends as it seemed like everybody was convinced that bad luck followed your family.

Left without parents, you had tried to handle the housekeeping and hunting, mostly growing the small garden in the back of your house and taking care of the few animals left alive by the intense cold that had just begun to thwart the income of a shy spring.

Whatever you needed you tried to exchange it at the weekly market but oftentimes, merchants or villagers would refuse a deal with you due to the bigotry of your circumstances and when men accosted you, it wasn’t with pure intentions.

Since you had grown into what was considered an age to be a spinster, everybody at the village refused to entertain a conversation with you but men didn’t disdain the possibility to bed you for a night, even under a compensation and although the thought disgusted you, there was a brewing desperation in your chest the night that you found your chicks slaughtered by an animal.

Eggs had always been a good source of income as the villagers in - at least - that department weren’t picky, with the scarcity that came as the nearest farm was miles away and many couldn’t have chicks.

So, with their death, you had now lost the major source of income for the following weeks and you didn’t have enough money to exchange for new chicks, even in a fewer quantity than the ones you had owned.

You had wrecked your head all night for a solution, although one didn’t come easy as you thought about rationing the food and selling what had been left behind and was valuable enough at the weekly market although you doubted that anybody would have made a deal with you

Unless you sold something else.

The thought of selling your body felt atrocious to you, but your little brothers would starve if you didn’t  do something as you are the sole family left to them.

«Big sister is worried» Kahiro had uttered at dinner as you tried to spoonfeed his twin, Shin’chi with the roots soup that you had cooked, hoping that such a meal - although not inviting - would fill them for the night.

You, yourself, went without dinner as the worries were raging in your head and you wouldn’t have been able to feel the taste of things.

«I don’t want it!» Shin’chi kept on protesting while you tried to be both sweet and kind, stern and authoritative but eventually the soup drenched wood tiles of the kitchen floor and suddenly you were hungry and feeling like a dog as you considered licking it off to sate your aching stomach.

Instead, you steadied yourself as a burning headache filled your mind and you couldn’t help but think that maybe your father hadn’t simply wandered off: he had willingly gone away to avoid the misery that came with your family.

Never like right now, hungry, worried and resourceless you had felt the curse upon your house.

«Then go to bed, immediately! No more dinner for you!».

You dreaded the task of being harsh with your brothers; they are much younger than you, enough that they could be sons instead of brothers - which they are as there is nobody else to handle them - and yet, you are young as well. 

A whole child who turned up too old as the heavy burden lowered your shoulder and your tired gaze followed a disgruntled Shin’chi bolt to his room, while Kahiro was swift to finish his soup and follow him.

Not before passing by you and clutching your sleeve to attract your attention, he said:

«Don’t cry, sweet sister. He’s just… being a meanie».

And only then you realized you were crying, immediately brushing away tears: what good did they do to the world? 

They were just a waste as irritation brewed in your stomach and you wondered why were you crying?

What use was there to cry when you couldn’t provide for your brothers or…

An idea hit you as you are suddenly reminded of your mother’s trips in the woods to pray as the house in which you had all lived hadn’t been built near the village and hence she couldn’t go to the temple; she had made with what she had and she had a few times brought you to pray upon the altair. 

You hadn’t ever cared about such things - not as a child, too busy observing everything and playing games, not as an adult, when hunger and tiredness where all you felt - but you now understood the search for comfort as you assured yourself that both children are deep sleep before you slink into the night, directed towards the forest.

And maybe it was the fact that you wish to disappear not unlike your father or to search for comfort in nature…

Either way you found yourself on your knees, praying to a god whose name you don’t know and promising everything if only he helped your brothers - and you - survive.

“I don’t ask much but a modest life and a bit to tend to” you weren’t lazy, nor stupid and the wind that blows seemed to say ‘what will you give me then?’ “Everything. Everything I am and everything I own”.

The praying session in the woods left you tired and without a purpose as the realization had hit you: there were no gods, nor miracles and by the following morning you’d still be hungry with two more mouths to feed and even less food to do so.

Or so you thought, as when you went to open the door to try to at least milk the starving cow that you still own to offer milk for your brothers’ breakfast, you are startled to find the carcass of a deer; you startled at the gory sight and wonder who ever could have done this. 

Which animal, more likely? 

The skin is damaged thoroughly and although the whole thing is still quite meaty and for the moment you doubted whether to bring it inside or not, you did wonder whether it could be a trap or how it had come to you.

Still, you found yourself not caring as the deer lasted you a week with the skin being sold in the weekly market: the villagers might have their bigotry but the few pieces of its mane that you were able to save from the blood spectacle on your doorsteps, were wonderful of a deeply white that has you wondering whether you were committing a sin against the gods by selling it.

Still, it must be the gods - or better, the god in the wood - that had sent you such a thing, hence it is no sin.

By then, you weren’t yet convinced that it’s the gods’ work, truly; it must be a coincidence but then other gifts start showing up: other animals horribly killed and yet, each one is enough to last you a week if not more if you are careful with the meat.

Then alive animals, some new chicks and a horse.

And while the horse could have been a wandering one, the chicks didn’t seem so accidental.

You welcomed everything still, as desperate as you were, promptly noticing that the gifts came at the start of the week and they would be delayed if you didn’t come in the woods, as if whichever god that had taken you beneath his mantle, was a jealous and worried one that rewarded your visits and prayers with gifts and your lacks with silence.

By the time summer approached, your life had much improved as you weren’t only able to properly provide to your brothers but the gifts of the god changed in nature; as you were by now able to handle your brothers’ needs, the things coming to your door are far more… frivolous. 

It started with flowers: nothing that could have been found in the woods but instead, you were sure, they had belonged in a luxurious foreign garden. 

Then it was pretty dresses, much fancier than you had ever owned even back before your family had fallen from grace. 

You had nowhere to wear them though, as going to the village in such fabric would have given place to rumors and that was the last thing you  needed as they all seemed startled already by the amount of game and furs you brought to sell, as you justified their existence by stating you had found it all in the woods.

Still, such luxurious fabrics tempted you and when you’d be at home, finished with the harshness of the average day, you’d try them on and indulging your brothers you’d pretend to be a luxurious lady or even princess of some fable, blessing your soldiers with a favor before sending them off to battle or declaring a winner among their internal ‘wars’.

You sometimes wished to have a mirror to see yourself in such a getup but you couldn’t handle such frivolousness when your main purpose of each day was to save some starving mouths.

Still, you wore the exotic fabrics when you’d go and pray, mostly to show to your god your gratefulness and he seemed to enjoy such a thoughtful action, rewarding you with two deliveries that same week: one for you of a beautiful headpiece made of what you were sure was jade, and another for your brothers. 

Matching wooden ponies for them to pretend to ride as you had yet to teach them on the same horse that had been delivered to you.

As summer broke through, though, things started to get slightly more complicated as it seemed like different villagers had been attacked by what many described as a curse through the night, leaving the bodies horribly disfigured to the point that their loved ones struggled to recognize them. 

You had been trying to avoid, then, the trip to the village as you knew that your visits were further witnessed with a tenseness that had many uncomfortable if not suspicious. 

Still, you couldn’t rely wholly on the kindness of your god for everything and your brothers had insisted on a visit to the village, having been cooped up with the good season in the house and although they had each other for company, you guessed they might just enjoy some kids their age.

You kept an eye on them as you went through the market, selling your eggs as you kept an attentive ear to the rumors going around although a strange silence fell onto you the moment you walked in as if the conversation had been awkwardly about you and nobody else, and now caught the villagers felt shame. 

Or worry.

“Don’t play with them” you heard a mother call out to her own child, who was waving around his toy to your brothers “They have a curse upon them. And their sister is nothing but a witch”.

You clenched your teeth at the insult not just for yourself but also your poor brothers who fell behind you, any joy left being shut off as they clutched your skirts as if to hide underneath them. 

That visit didn’t solely leave behind a bad taste in your mind but as you were coming back you were caught in a summer rain tempest that left you drenched and although you were quick in bathing your brothers, they both came down with a severe fever the following day.

You trekked down the village - feverish yourself - to seek out a healer and some medicine that might help your brothers. 

Still nobody wished to sell you anything and the healer shunned you out, pushing you out of her hut the moment that you walked inside. 

In the dirty mud you cursed underneath your breath before promptly regaining a bit of your dignity and going back with an unsteady step to your own hours and although you weren’t a firm believer in miracles - no matter what happened in the forest - you still hoped and prayed that your brothers would be safe by the time that you came to them.

You were startled at first upon hearing noises coming from the door, as your brothers had been too weak to get up from bed and it couldn’t be a wandering animal as you had ensured that everything would be closed and looked; you rushed inside mindful to grab a huge rock to use as as weapon as inside the sight was startling: a white-haired human was standing atop your brother’s bed, who looked less flustered and far more peaceful in their slumber as a wet rag had been put on their foreheads.

As if sensing your return, the white haired stranger turned to you with a prompt neutral expression as they started speaking:

«Their fever broke through and it shall pass through the night»

You were startled as you inwardly clutched tighter the rock in your hands, having hidden it behind your back.

«… I have left some medicine brewed for you as well, and if you allow me, I’ll take onto the household chores for the day and…».

«Who are you?» you screeched, croaking due to the sickness in your body and although you were trying to sound threatening you were well aware that if they had any bad intentions, they wouldn’t only have the advantage of you being sick but they could easily hold your brothers hostages.

The fact that they hadn’t till right now was a good thing, but you had grown to rely only on yourself, shunned out of your own community, and now the sudden quest of trust had you uneasy at best. 

«My name does not matter as it’s my lord’s own» not very reassuring and the intruder noticed the disbelief promptly on your face «… but if you must know I am Uraume».

«What are you doing in my house, Uraume?» you questioned as you pushed the rock forward if anything to show them that you had a weapon onto yourself. Not a very good one as the white-haired stranger promptly sent you a disimpressed look «… how… how did you get through?».

«The door» oh you didn’t enjoy that they were being sarcastic, certainly not when they had intruded in your peace and although they had somehow meant to help your brothers, you’d have preferred for them to leave. 

And never come back.

«… and it’s my master that has sent me. To help you, my lady».

«I am no lady» you shot down before rushing out of curiosity «… who is your master?».

Now the plot thickened as if this stranger had been sent to you by somebody there must be a bigger plan and although they might not be an inherent threat, you felt unease at the thought of people - strangers - knowing about where you and your brothers lived. 

You couldn’t pick up your things and move, especially with all the gifts that you had received recently, no matter the distaste you found for the village who hadn’t helped you. You couldn’t leave your god of the wood behind and suddenly it hit you while Uraume’s face brightened in satisfaction.

«No… it can’t… it can’t … be» and yet, he was the sole one who knew of your struggles, and the sole one that had seemed to care so far «… your master… is a … a god».

«Not yet» Uraume corrected promptly «… but he’s quite close. He’s glad that you have enjoyed his gifts so far as he finds your gratitude satisfactory».

It startled you to know that the help you had received wasn’t the result of a god who just wished your devotion, but something definitely more human as Uraume might be ethereal but you could tell they were very much as human as you; and this scared you although the heated state of your mind: if it was a human behind everything… 

… considering the state of the animals he had brought to your door…

«I see fear in your eyes, but I’ll have you know that my master doesn’t wish any injury nor cruelty upon you or your siblings» they spoke attentively, coming one step closer to you definitely ignoring the rock in your hand, probably painfully aware you were far too sick to swing it to them and with the way they fluidly moved you thought Uraume to be human, but not human enough «… he finds your worship an entertaining practice and such a thought fills him with satisfaction. He asked me to come to you to be of help to you».

And it downed you: although Uraume and his master were strangers to you, they had been a better community than the village that had been supposed to cherish you. 

The god in wood might be a cruel one but he was still your god.

«… I… can’t think» you admitted but you startled when your legs suddenly gave out underneath you and all too soon Uraume was beside you, trying to swiftly push you to lean against them although you protested; you might have come to conclusion that neither them nor their master would harm you, but this didn’t mean that you were eager to have either in your house «… let me… let me go!».

«Not till your own fever breaks» they spoke now less haughtily and respectfully «And such thing won’t happen if you don’t rest».

«I… I can’t…» on top of the lingering illness, you had been too concerned with your brothers to even sleep and it all came onto you although your body tensed up and shivered as it tried to fight against Uraume’s hold «… I don’t… you might… your master might be my god but I don’t… trust you».

«Then trust him» and as if talking with a spoiled child, Uraume added with a meager smile «… he has always helped you when you most needed it. He’d never send somebody to hurt you. Or your brothers».

You felt like Uraume had hit the target with their words and although begrudgingly you agreed to be brought to bed, with your eyes settling like an hawk on Uraume who was swift to move around the house, as if it was their own and you’d have been far more worried if you had been in your right mind as a boot of sanity came by when the attendant went to serve you dinner, by spoon feeding you.

Your brothers’ sleep had seemed much better than any they had gotten the previous night and Uraume insisted that they’d wake up soon. 

It was enough that as you were treated as a child yourself, you grew restless and ask Uraume some questions.

«Who is your master?».

«That’s for me to know and for you to discover when the time is ready».

«Isn’t that ominous?» you protested lightly as a spoon of hot soup was promptly shoved into your mouth «… not that I am not grateful for his help, but I just wonder… how… and most importantly what he might want from me?».

«He shall come soon to tell you in person».

The thought set fear alive in the pit of your belly, although it alighted with something else as well, a feeling you couldn’t detect fully as it was new for you as well.

«… and he shall tell you what he wants from you».

The thought didn’t thrill you as Uraume, themselves, held an air of eeriness; their master must be somebody far more ruthless, considered the animals he had haunted for you and your brothers, and somebody far more powerful. 

To meet such a man… it thrilled you in both a positive and negative way.

«I know it feels scary» it seemed like Uraume could just read your mind as they went to grab a clean rag to douse your burning forehead although with a belly full and rest beneath your eyelids, you definitely felt better and far more relieved at your brothers’ safety «… but if my master had any intention to hurt you, he’d have done so long ago».

«… again, that isn’t exactly reassuring» you shot back promptly, as your eyes moved to your brothers: your safety might be assured but what about your own? Uraume, again, caught the drift before you could utter your worries.

«My master might be a harsh one but he won’t harm your children, my lady» you startled at the title, as you flustered about being called something you had never been but Uraume shut down any attempt you made at correcting her «… if anything your devotion to your brothers is something that he admires. Greatly».

You flustered, although it wasn’t a true complement, suddenly finding that the verbal spar you had had with Uraume had left you tired and although you wished to keep an eye on the attendant, you found yourself drifting towards unconsciousness, startled when you woke up to your brothers’ little hands pushing and pulling on your shoulders for you to wake up. 

They didn’t seem anymore feverish and were running around the house while the sole telltale sign of your previous sickness was a slight headache and for a moment you considered everything of the previous night a dream, although the whole house was ordered and you even found some food awaiting for you, an homemade treat that you hadn’t cooked.

And although you were grateful for Uraume’s help, you felt the tension at what they had said: their master would soon come for you and then you’d understand what he might want out of you.

You had taken to lose sleep at night because of this, and that’s the sole reason why you managed to get out of the house when the fire first started; you had taken to be restless and although the woods always calmed you down at times like this after the revelation that your god existed and wanted to connect with you, you had paced yourself with your visits although you knew they’d mean less weekly gifts. 

You had been sitting down at the window sill of your brothers’ room watching them sleep comfortably in their beds as this sight always calmed you down although all too soon your nostrils were tickled by something that smelled akin to smoke. 

You at first thought that it might be from the hunters’ encampment in the woods but then it became more extensive and you saw the phantom hand of smoke.

You were quick to shake awake your brothers as you opened the window to let yourself and the children out of the house, startled when you saw the front going up in flames; was this… was this the punishment from your god for your dissertation? 

No, it couldn’t be: Uraume had said that he wouldn’t have harmed you and so far, your lacks had been returned with silences on his part. It had little to no sense to punish you - and your brothers - so harshly, when before he hadn’t ever.

Still, you came all too soon to a second realization as you heard voices and chants and quickly sending your brothers to hide in the woods nearby, you notice a crowd of villagers with torches; those fuckers… they hadn’t only shunned you and your brothers out due to their bigotry and superstition, but they had wished to hurt you and your brothers. 

Purge your own lives with fire.

And that was when it hit you, just how awful you had been treated.

«Why… I…» you tried to make sense of the burning feelings in your chest «… I hate them! I hate them! I wish they would all be dead!».

It felt childish and with a second thought, you’d have been careful of the words that left your mouth as an eerie calm settled across the whole area and the flames were promptly smothered, much to the villagers’ horror as their eyes settled onto you.

«Witch!» they shouted all in chorus as they raised their torches and you’d have thought they’d have burned you alive «… curse upon our village!».

«There were children in my house!» you shouted back, uncaring of the feeling of a rope snapping tight around your stomach as if you were being pulled by something «… you… you are the true monsters!».

«Let’s burn her and ensure that whatever she does in our village will stop, before it’s too late!» one of the most important villagers spoke, as he moved closer to you with a torch, pushing it in your direction while you tried to back away but all too soon the villagers had surrounded you and you felt like a trapped mouse about to meet the end of a trap.

You closed your eyes and heard a slight and sharp breath of wind, promptly startled when you heard the noises of the villagers dim down as they had done when the flames had gone out all in a swift move. 

Also in that case you had heard a gush of wind and slowly you understood the two things had been connected.

Your god had arrived as he moved through the parted crowd of villagers. 

You noticed that a few had been brashly cut in half in an horrid spectacle of blood and guts. 

The man, you had thought your savior, was at least a few heads taller than any man you had ever met; bright pink hair and maroon eyes - double in number - set on you as he moved through the road he created for himself.

He wasn’t human, that much you knew.

And while you should have felt dread - fear at least - for what he had done to your fellow villagers, you found yourself not shivering due to that, as you reasoned that if he hadn’t killed them, they’d have done the same to you. 

A prey never feared the predator who ate the animal stalking them and hunting them down.

Your god was massive and strong and with elegant gestures of his hands he freed himself quickly to come to you, with blood slightly coating his four arms and the elegant traditional clothing he was wearing, as elegant in the fabric as your own and startled by such a parallelism you uttered, almost stupidly.

«My dresses… the ones… you gifted me… they were inside» you doubted that they’d have been salvageable and the thought filled you with a sensation of shame at having shown such gifts so little care, startled when the enormous monster offered you one of his impressive hands as if to tell you to come and with a slight hesitation you put your hands in his, startled to see it was the least bloody one.

«I’ll have new ones made for you» he spoke solemnly and resolutely «… better in quality and more fitting».

You nodded a bit flustered by how easily this unknown man - a stranger - wished to take care of you with an intensity that hadn’t been in your life for such a long time. 

He gently pulled onto your hands although you held your ground. 

You knew he could have easily swept you off your feet or eaten you - as his elongated fangs indicated - but he simply looked at you curiously as if he couldn’t place your behavior.

«… my brothers…» you couldn’t leave them behind, not even for such a caring monster.

«They are with Uraume» he spoke promptly and obviously, as if he was already ahead of you «… probably bothering them as they take after their sister’s inquiring curiosity».

You raised an eyebrow at the slight tease, not truly convinced that such a huge monster could joke so easily. And get you to smile so openly as you hadn’t done in a long time.

So, you followed him before saying.

«You aren’t going to hurt me, right?.

Iit made little sense as to how much he had done for you, rescuing you through the winter and saving your brothers in the summer. Right now, he had even avoided you burning alive, although your house was gone.

«Hurt you?» he chuckled boisterously although his face scrunched up in displeasure «… why would I hurt you, little dove?».

You flustered at the petname, effectively unable to come up with an effective reasoning as to why he’d hurt you: he had protected you so far and most importantly he wanted something from you.

«… then… what do you want from me?» from a poor orphan who had just her brothers to look after.

The monster smiled, all sharp and scrunched eyebrows. It shouldn’t have felt reassuring as he clutched your hand more gently, effectively stopping to clutch it as he’d do with a resisting person.

«Isn’t it obvious what I want?» you shook your head and he pursued his lips in disapproval, as if to say ‘I thought you smarter’ «I want your devotion, sweet thing».

Again the petname, again that slight fluster, but still it wasn’t enough as his eyes gently downed onto your lips for but a moment.

«I want your devotion to me and I want you to worship me, as my rightful wife».

credits for dividers: @/saradika-graphics

[klausysworld]

Yandere!Reader with Sub Klaus

Vulnerable for the taking

Klaus was known to be ruthless and terrifying. He was someone who always got what he wanted and would do whatever necessary to have it.

The small issue was: so am i.

So when i met him, and i saw just how broken he was inside, i knew that i wanted to keep him. His eyes were so sad as he wondered the streets of Mystic Falls, poor thing was just nearly killed by his step-father, betrayed by his sister and told nobody would ever love him. How that pathetic excuse of a father was wrong.

He took a seat on the local park bench. His face fell to his hands and his body began to shake with his sobs.

I silently sat beside him, my hands moved to lightly rub his back making his head shoot up, he looked at me with confused and teary eyes.

“What did they do to you?” I muttered seeing his blood stained shirt.

“Who are you?” He questioned quietly

“Someone who wants to help” i whispered and he frowned

“I don’t need help” he murmured though his face nuzzled my hands subconsciously as i held him. My thumbs brushed over his stubble making his eyes droop, he was surely exhausted after fighting for his life.

“No? Bet you’re tired though, where are you staying? Let me take you home” i whispered. Now of course i knew where he was staying, he was in a hotel just outside of town while his mansion was being built by the hybrids he had gathered the past couple weeks. I already had a copy of the key to his room and the receptionist was lovely but he was a paranoid man and I couldn’t frighten him off now could i?

“Come on Niklaus” i encouraged as he looked to me cautiously

“How do you know my name?” He questioned i smiled at him

“I met your sister, Rebekah, she asked me to check you made it out alive incase the others did something to her, which I believe it’s safe to assume that they have.” I explained and he sighed in what i presume to be relief.

It’s true, i became fast friends with Rebekah after offering her somewhere to sit for lunch, she was easy to get open up, she spilled everything about her family in the span of ten minutes. I liked her, she was very bouncy and joyful and then when she mentioned her brother who had murdered there mother and feared her father would murder him in an act of revenge, well it was a great opportunity to meet him and have him see me as someone good.

I may or may not have found out some information on him since his first mentioning in town. See Caroline, Bonnie and Elena weren’t exactly quiet with their talking about the supernatural, i found out like a lot.

So i ended up having a thing for him. It’s fine plus he’s a fun person to try and capture. I thought he’d be a little more angsty but thankfully i got him at a vulnerable time, he was quiet and exposed.

“You can come to my house if you don’t want to go back to wherever you’re staying?” I offered and his head nodded slightly

“Rebekah sent you?” He confirmed

“Bekah sent me, said that they were planning something with…Mikael?” I told him and that was enough evidence for him as he nodded and stood up letting me bring him to my home.

He stayed silent the entire time as i brought him to my room and gave him some clothes to change into and a towel for his shower. He thanked me quietly before disappearing into the bathroom. When he reemerged he was little keener to talk.

“How did you meet my sister?” He asked as i combed through his hair, i had convinced him i could help nourish his curls.

“School, she makes a big impression” I muttered gently getting out the little knots that had formed

“You must too if she chose to be friends with you” he hummed looking to me through the mirror infront of us

“I think she just needed someone to he kind to her” i said with a smile as his lips upturned back at me.

I added the mousse to his hair and gently brought my fingers through it to apply it evenly. I watched as his eyes fell shut and his lips parted as i massaged his scalp. I tugged lightly at a lock of his hair causing a moan to slip from his mouth, his eyes opening as his cheeks went bright pink and a smirked at him through the mirror

“Just let your hair dry naturally and ur should come out nice and curly” i told him while spraying his hair over and taking a step back. His eyes were already shades lighter than when i found him earlier as he smiled

“Can we sleep now? I’m exhausted” he muttered and i nodded

“Of course you can stay in my bed, I’ll be just downstairs” i told him gently stroking his face with the back of my fingers

“Nonsense you should stay in the bed with me. I won’t bite, promise” he said while beckoning me over to the bed and pulling me down with him.

“I don’t know…I’m told biting is your specialty” i hummed and he grinned showing me his sharp, deadly teeth making me roll my eyes and lay down beside him

“I have no reason to bite you” he mumbled as he shuffled closer to me.

He fell asleep with his head on my chest, mumbling to me about something I couldn’t quite make out while i wrapped my arms around him. He was such easy prey for someone who was known to be a predator.

———————————————————————

Since that day my home had become a safe haven of sorts for him. He was always sat waiting for me when i got home, eyes lighting up when i walked through the door.

It got to the point where he could only sleep if he were in my arms

“You keep the nightmares away” he murmured once as he nuzzled my neck and i hummed “Then I’ll just have to keep you here with me” and he didn’t seem too bothered by it, rather happy i would say as he nodded and kissed my neck tenderly.

He became more attached by the second and i loved it. He never put up a fight when i asked for him to stay, when i wouldn’t let him leave my hold and keep him in my bed all day.

I found that he was uncharacteristically well behaved and kind. He always had me do his hair and tend to his wounds. He would sit patiently and allow me to do whatever i like, he had grown to completely and utterly trust me.

It were as though he were a puppy and i were his master. He was obedient and learnt to follow me wherever i went.

His siblings didn’t mind me taking him, i kept him with me always. Got him to move in and everything. Sometimes his family would come visit

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so…comfortable” Elijah told me as he watched Niklaus cook our dinner

“Uhuh sure, i mean i knew he was a dog but this is stepping it up” Kol muttered making me glare and Rebekah smack the side of his head

“I think it’s sweet, he’s happy” she murmured with a small smile as she flicked her eyes between us.

Klaus was even more happy knowing his family liked me, all the more eager to stay with me.

It wasn’t long until i had him entirely.

How he thrived when he was beneath me was addicting, having him squirming and whining while he his hands stayed tied above him head “Please, please let me” he would whimper as he neared his high, eyes screwed shut as he hung onto the edge tightly “not yet, you gotta be good, just another minute” but he could never wait the whole moment.

I had him wrapped around my finger in every way,practically and sometimes literally on a leash. He came to me whenever he needed or wanted for something and i did whatever i could to get it for him. Whether it was stealing Elenas blood or punishing a certain Lockwood for a betrayal.

“I’ll keep you safe” i would assure him as he would smile back at me

“I know you will” he murmured

“Yeah?” I whispered kissing his cheek and he nodded as i climbed on top of him

“I know because i love you” he uttered and i felt my heart grow

“I love you too, i always will”

[redbleedingrose]

i think eris collects fancy wine and lucien has a lot of old maps what do u think

Oh, I have been waiting all DAY for someone to send me an ask about my favorite Vanserra bro’s! I am so excited tehehhe!!

Hobbies for the Vanserra Bro’s

Eris Vanserra

Okay, starting with the love of my LIFE!!!

He is a master of all trades tbh. He has so many hobbies, especially once Beron goes bye bye LMAO. He has so much more free time, he was already practically running the Autumn Court, even when Beron was alive. But now, without the added stress of his father, he is trying to explore all different avenues for hobbies, especially when you can join him.

He absolutely collects fancy wines. I think Er is a collector in general. He likes collecting wines that you both can share after a long day of hard work, he likes to collect unique and rare editions of his favorite books that he can display in the library he built for you, he likes collecting rocks and geodes and seashells that he will use as decorations in Marwa and Twila’s nursery. When they are born, Eris becomes a collector of all things for his favorite babes. He collects dresses and jewelry that they will use when they are older, he loves collecting shoes and handbags for them. Eventually, a new wing to your home is added just so he can store all of things he has collected over the years for them that they have unlimited access to. I also think Er would collect children’s stories and books for them, he loves encouraging them to learn and grow into smart, young ladies. He absolutely expands the library for them, creating a little play space for them along with hundreds, if not thousands of books that all belong to them.

I also think Eris would become involved with creating DV shelters. He would absolutely love being involved in foundations and charities that specialize in helping women get away from their ab*sers, and building a new life for themselves. He has created a whole new job sector for these women, and often finds himself visiting these shelters so that he can help the older ladies running the home cook and clean. You can picture him in his apron, scrubbing away at the tile with furrowed brows trying to get the grout out. He would also bring his pups to the shelters so that they can play with the ladies and the children.

While Beron was alive, he did have a secret hobby that only you know of. One that you and him will take to the grave. One that was the reason for your first oathe to him, the reason that you have a tattoo that matches his on your left forearm.

Tehe.

You know those smutty books that Nesta reads?

Yeah…… He ghost wrote those.

Don’t ask questions, but he did.

The poor male had to express himself and his desire for you somehow.

Anyway, only you and him know that he is Prythian’s best selling romance author. And thats the way its going to stay.

That secret follows you both to the grave.

Oh and Eris is for sure an animals rights activist. He loves his horses and his pups so much, even though he will never admit it, but he has spent a lot of time creating laws that provide protections for endangered species and animal rights in general. He has limited hunting grounds in Autumn Court to allow for safe areas for animas to roam and exist freely. He absolutely tries to convince you to move onto a farm with him. He wants so many animals on that farm, he wants pigs and goats, dogs and cats, horses and cows. He also really loves the idea of having chickens.

One day you will give in from his incessant begging.

Not today, but one day.

Lucien Vanserra

Lucien is also a collector, just like his older brother. He absolutely collects old maps. He also collects coins that he finds on the ground, claiming they are lucky, and he also collects stamps from different courts, using them to depict his travels and act as an homage to his journey through life that lead to finding you. I think Loosh also collects art and pottery, and I know he himself, has dipped into the talent of pottery as a hobby. Even if all of his vases are a little crooked and his mugs are kinda cracked and a janky orange color.

He tries his very best, and thats all that matters to you.

So you will absolutely display his crooked vases in your home, and use his janky orange mugs, even if he glares at you while your coffee leaks in dribbles onto the floor and you smirk at him over the rim of the mug and you wiggle your eyebrows as you “cheers” him. Because you are a loving, good mate who displays your mates talent of course.

Even if it is just to make fun of him

But I also think he is a nature freak. He loves cultivating and collecting rare herbs and plants that he can grow in Day Court. He loves using those herbs and plants to create herbal remedies. He is a big naturalist. I think before you accepted him as your mate, he spent a lot of time in the Day Court libraries trying to get his mind off of you and he did that by studying old medicine. He studied different healing techniques and herbs that he could use to create medicinal potions. Over time, it grew into collecting these herbs and creating these potions for those who are sick, especially the elderly where he ended up donating a lot of his creations.

He also loves going fishing, he could spend hours in the ocean or in a lake or river swimming and fishing. He always releases them back into the wild, but I think there is something he finds peaceful about being in nature and being able to use nature in different ways. He loves going on hikes with you, and he absolutely is a camping nerd. His first holiday with you included going no-contact with every other person he knows for a week and spending that week in nature with you. He taught you different ways to find fresh water, and he would catch fish and cook them for you over the fire he stoked. At some point, he became really really good at cooking outdoors and was creating meals that are almost impossible for the most experienced chefs to make out door using nature.

Anyway, it was fun, and while it may not be your cup of tea for every vacation you take, you will go with him on this camping trip at least once a year to get away from society and spend time with your favorite male.

But!!! This does spark an idea for Lucien.

He loves to take young children out into nature to teach them about it, teaching them how to fish and how to survive in the outdoors just for fun. So he creates a little group of 5-10 year old children similar to Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, encouraging all children to join him as he takes them out into nature. He teaches them how to swim, and how to tie sailors knots, and how to safely make s’mores. The children of Day Court look forward to it all year, excited to spend one on one time with their high lord who teaches them so many things, who is so kind to them, who is so funny and cool to hang out with. Story time in front of a campfire slaps for those kids. Eventually, when your children grow of age, he brings them with him, giving you a whole week for yourself to rejuvenate and vacation in peace.

With that being said, Lucien does take action similar to his brother. He creates national parks and conservation areas to protect nature. It is something that he finds incredibly important and he knows that one day, his children and grandchildren, and future generations as well, will appreciate his efforts to protect the world. He goes as far as convincing other courts to join his efforts as well, expanding protected areas.

Masterlist

[cosmic-corporation]

AFJAGAJJHA I LOVE THE YAPPING OK (<- avid tag reader) IM EATING THIS LORE UP LIKE A DELICIOUS GOURMET MEAL /ref YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND🔥🔥 ITS SO FUN TO READ!!! CREATIVITY CREATIVITY!!!! (also reading lore just motivates me to do stuff idk why) (ough… platonic marriage /silly)

what about cassian? hehehehe (laying on my bed, on my stomach, reading lore and kicking my feet like a little girl)

- ducky anon

ooh when I catch you ducky, ducky when I catch you-/j

Cassian is... One of the BIGGEST characters I have they live in my brain all the time as we as their partner in crime, Archie ( @gl0wsticko 's character I lob archie am <3)

suicide mention after the 'read more'

That's the newest rendition of Cassian that I've got :]]

and since they're the character I have built the most, I'm gonna section things up a bit!!!

Family

THE WHOLE IRVINE FAMILY IN AGE ORDER SOVANNA - MOM - 59 HANNES - DAD - 57 ATTICUS - OLDEST BROTHER - 36 CASSIAN - MIDDLE BROTHER - 28 CECIL - MIDDLE SISTER - 16-17-18 IONE - YOUNGEST SISTER - 13-14 DOYLE - DOG - 3

Cassian is currently trying to avoid their own family due to their mission. Cecil pursues Cassian, trying to convince them to come back home. Ione has no memories of Cassian, only the stories Cecil and Atticus tell her.

Mission

At a fairly young age, Cassian was taken to a cult and some sort of curse was put upon them. idk how to really explain it, BUT, their mission is to take out any humanoid creature that *isn't* human. (themself INCLUDED!!!) they're a hypocrite SHIT. But, due to this mission they left their family to keep them safe. They moved around constantly trying to avoid enemies they've made and to avoid being found by Cecil. Along this, they found Archie who became their partner in crime. archie uses xe/xim for whoever is wondering. Once Cassian is no longer able to go on with their mission, they are supposed to end their own life due to the hypocricy mostly. They don't remember being cursed, they only know they get strong, painful headaches at the thought of purposfully sparing someone they shouldn't or at the thought of keeping themself alive in the end.

Relationships

Despite having left, their relationship with their family is still decently intact!!! They love and miss their family every day, having a framed family photo always hidden wherever they're staying. Cassian and Cecil were also quite close, with Cassian still sending Cecil letters and voice mails some days. The lanterns and candles on their antlers are from Cecil. see here's where it all goes so fucking KABAMBAM

ARCHIE AND CASSIAN'S RELATIONSHIP!!!!

they're gay for eachother. 100%. no denying it. in so many AUs if things went right they'd be together. The two pine for eachother in secret, but neither confesses. Archie fears rejection and Cassian is scared to love someone, worried about the enemies they've made and mostly worried about xir safety. If Archie were to confess, Cassian would reject xim and initially be cold and harsh, but later come around to apologize to xim for being mean. (THEY ARE THE DEFENITION OF 'Somethin' Stupid' BY FRANK SINATRA KILL ME) But regardless, Cassian would do anything and everything to keep xim safe from harm. their love languages if ur curious; feels loved with acts of service and physical touch, but expresses love with words of affirmation for the most part they're also a cuddly and koala kinda guy.

Fears

They don't have a lot of fears, honestly. They mostly just fear killing their family and Archie, seeing as those are the only people they have left that still care about them. They're also violently insecure about their deer traits (antlers, ears, nose, and tail) :]

Hobbies

They're a BIIIIIIIIIG reader. and word man, so many fancy word,,,, They also enjoy cooking a lot :]

Misc

THEY'RE FUCKING BRITISH !!! They/them but prefers masculine terms like "boyfriend" and stuff like that They have a weighted spider plushie they cuddle with silk pjs, skincare routine, very hygiene oriented. you would not expect them to be a murderer/hj

also here's their playlist :] helps explain personality or wants and stuff.

the family excluding cassian ^

AND THE SPECIAL XE, ARCHIE !!!!!!! <3333 i love archie sm archie cassian all day all night all that's in my brain GET THE TWO OF THEM OUT/j

anyways there's your extra large lore session i love cassian sm <3

[camp-mithril-lake]

Oho? Another person with a fan continuity? I read up on your ideas and i love it i cant wait to see more of your au!!

I love seeing fan continuities! They are so fun!

I am more than happy to talk about it more! I'm still hammering out details so it is subject to change though. I have been fully convinced to include Strongarm though. I am just deciding if she is the Ultra Magnus kid or the JazzProwl kid. Leaning towards JP though, because it would be hilarious when she drops certain things her "mentor" taught her and everyone thinks it was Prowl.

I have done some more building on everyone! And have a few "episode" ideas. I'm going to frame it as Seasons and have smaller fics be episodes instead of one larger fic. I've always wanted to do a similar frame never found the perfect story for it.

The main things I've built up are Hot Rod, Thunderclash, and Ambulon/Bob/Sunstreaker's backstories. This will be long, so I'll put it under the cut.

HOT ROD & FLAMEWAR

Hot Rod is a war orphan who was taken in by Kup who found him alone and sick in a house. Hot Rod was too sick to tell anyone that his twin sister had left to find medicine/help and they'd been alone there for awhile with Hot Rod getting sicker. The medics in charge of taking care of him had trouble because they didn't know he was a split-spark twin and and couldn't figure out what kept causing his spark to go into distress. It is unhealthy for twins, especially closely bonded ones, to be separated until adulthood.

Sunstreaker was actually the one who noticed it as bond shock and fetched Ratchet. This saved Hot Rod's life and Autobots were immediately sent to check for his sister when he was coherent enough to offer a description and designation. She wasn't there though.

He bonded quickly with the rest of "Kup's orphans", especially Springer and Arcee. Hot Rod is trans and during his final upgrade adjusted his frame to suit his preferences. He is always on the look out for his sister who he knows is still alive because their bond is active. Though very weak and suppressed due to the medicine he has to take.

He grew up underfoot with Kup interacting with the Wreckers and other special groups, mostly moving from place to place in the training areas or staying on the ship, because Kup didn't bring kids into active war areas. When it was possible he sent them to stay on family housing where it was safe. Hot Rod still grew up learning how to make bombs and where the perfect place to stab someone was because the Wreckers were not the best babysitters. As the youngest he was incredibly spoiled and protected in their own strange way though, especially once Springer got into a position he could recommend his baby brother be sent to safer places and Arcee started working directly with Prowl and Elita-1.

Kup told them they had to let their brother live his life and was the one who arranged for Hot Rod to get the job and have a little breathing room.

Hot Rod's twin sister, Flamewar, actually ran into the Decepticons first and tried to rob them, biting and getting caught and grabbed by the Combaticons. By the time they could move out to investigate Hot Rod had already been found and the area they'd been hiding in was destroyed.

The Combaticons weren't free to go back to safely drop off an orphan so they just took her with them. When she started to grow ill, later than Hot Rod as she'd been mostly healthy, they kidnapped a medic and forced him to treat her. She stayed with them for months and they became her new family.

They kept her, registering her as part of their elective kin and she grew up a Decepticon but one who was less than enchanted by Megatron. She loved them and was happy and they supported her search for her twin, who they were incorrectly looking for under the name Flareup.

The Combaticons eventually rebelled though after careful cost-benefit scenario but made absolutely certain to not implicate her, going as far to leave her somewhere else and distance themselves so it wouldn't come back on her. She got to visit them during their trial and Onslaught told her to betray them so per her parents' orders she spoke against them on the stand. She was pardoned, and to repay an old favor, Soundwave made sure she was cared for. She had definitely inherited the Combaticons opinions and views though and kept getting in trouble.

She was eventually sent to Dreadwing and Krok.

SUNSTREAKER, BOB, and AMBULON

Bob (Bucket-of-Bolts), Sunstreaker's nickname for him that became his name, was an Insecticon in the same facility as Ambulon and Sunstreaker. All three of them were test subjects for the experiments going on there done by Scorponok and Flame (who betrayed the Autobots). Sunstreaker and Bob bonded and Ambulon eventually started working with them as well to escape. The facility was not approved by the Decepticons as Scorponok was plotting to overthrow Megatron, which lead to it being attacked once discovered.

They escaped but Sunstreaker and Bob were injured in the attack. Ambulon was planning to go neutral but seeing their injuries instead called the Autobots and turned himself in to assure they lived. Ambulon defected and joined the Autobots during this time. Bob was gravely injured and couldn't transform any longer and had some damage that he potential could never recover from. There was a possibility he could heal especially with care and steady spark energy transfusions to assist, but that was only a possibility.

Sunstreaker immediately devoted himself to Bob's care and is weaker and off the frontlines because he is doing transfusions daily to help in his recovery and vowed to stay with Bob no matter what his frame looks like or severe the injuries. Sunstreaker had also taken a very long time to recover due to the extent of the injuries.

Ambulon is trusted by them both and eventually was off parole and approved for service and got sent with them as a result.

THUNDERCLASH

Thunderclash is the main Autobot Commander in the area nearest to them and will appear often as well. He was recently reassigned to the Safe Zone, which has caused a bit of a scandal. He is also Hot Rod's age and shouldn't be in command due to this.

Thunderclash was another orphan who Ratchet took in when his family, a relatively wealthy political family, was assassinated. Ratchet did not want him to join the war effort at all and did everything he could to discourage him. This lead to some fighting and eventually, Thunderclash running away. Ratchet was heartbroken. Thunderclash was already very large and lied about his age to join the Autobots in another region.

He was doing well and came under the wing of the base commander who was more than a little reckless. During a risky maneuver that failed, their command structure was devastated and Thunderclash, having been closely working with him had the clearest idea of what was going on and where everyone was, took over temporarily to get them through it and won the battle.

He continued to stay in command since there was no way to get out communication under siege and was in control for awhile keeping the region together and eventually being officially promoted to fill the role. He was rapidly promoted, caused at least partially by further deaths to a higher position much too quickly. When the area finally settled and connections were reestablished he was considered famous both militarily and politically.

When he was sent to meet High Command and give his report though, Ratchet recognized his kid through the final upgrade and new paintjob and the whole charade was revealed. It was a huge blowup and Thunderclash's age and inexperience coupled with his too rapid promotions being backfilled by more trusted officers lead to his "reassignment" to calmer climes with more experienced officers accompanying him to ease him into leadership since they now had the option.

This lead to rumors that someone had tried to suppress the "rising star" of Thunderclash, who was actually very relieved by his reassignment and flying by the seat of his pants.

He was deeply traumatized by the events that lead to his promotion and his "heroics" are nothing but terrible memories. His issues with his previous commanding officers recklessness leading to so much death causes tensions between himself and Hot Rod.

[bluemoose86]

Thoughts on The Woman King

Spolier-free:

First of all, I loved this movie! And so did the other two people I went with; the three of us literally talked about how we all wanted to see it again after it was over

Great fight choreography, loved getting to see a bunch of women go absolutely feral in battle without them being sexualized or still having to “look pretty.” There’s a lot of close-ups during fights of the Agojie killing people and it’s not pretty, it’s brutal and it’s fucking awesome (the movie is PG-13 though so it’s not overtly gory, which I personally appreciated)

THE ACTING???? On point the ENTIRE movie. Give Viola Davis, Thuso Mbedu, and Lashana Lynch ALL the awards RIGHT NOW. Viola Davis embodied Nanisca perfectly and was equally impressive in the epic battle scenes and in the emotionally vulnerable scenes. I’ve seen several articles talk about how this was a career performance from her, and she herself called the film her magnum opus. Lashana Lynch stole every single scene she was in. Izogie my beloved. I also enjoyed John Boyega’s portrayal of King Ghezo and Sheila Atim as Amenza

Also I literally had to do a triple take when I found out Thuso Mbedu, who plays 19 year old Nawi, is THIRTY ONE?????? SHE’S ONLY THREE YEARS YOUNGER THAN LASHANA LYNCH???? SHE’S THE SAME AGE AS SHEILA ATIM???? In other pictures she looks older but I am actually 19 and I stg when I found that out, I felt old

And still speaking of the actors, really cool how the majority of, if not all the Black actors in this movie were dark skinned, particularly the women. I read that when the movie was first being pitched, some studios wanted to cast light-skinned and well-known actresses, but the producers refused

The beginning felt a little rough to me in terms of pacing, but the movie hits its stride around the mid-point or so. And trust me, when it starts working, it works.

The script was also a bit weak sometimes, but I thought the performances made up for it

I’ve seen some people online saying the movie glorifies the slave trade or glorifies Dahomey while brushing the kingdom’s involvement in the slave trade to the side, which really confuses me because...it doesn’t? The movie opens with a text-scrolling intro à la Star Wars that literally mentions the slave trade, and several characters in the movie talk about it as well. Nanisca and King Ghezo have a conversation about how Dahomey profits from the slave trade, and how Ghezo’s brother sold their people—including his and Ghezo’s own mother—as slaves for profit. And then it gets more overt when some Portuguese men land at the port city, one of them specifically to buy slaves, and when we go into the city and LITERALLY SEE slaves being chained up, kept in cages, and brought onto the block to be sold. The movie both shows and tells you how awful the slave trade is, and how the people in the movie are impacted by it. At one point, some of the women are captured and prepped to be judged and sold and the entire process is presented as brutal and degrading. I’m seriously convinced that the people who say the movie is “glorifying slavery” have never seen it

Wanted to end this section on a good note lol so I’ll once again say IZOGIE MY BELOVED!!!!! Favorite character without a doubt, also gave off fruity vibes but y’all let me know if you picked up on that too lol

Overall, I definitely recommend this movie and I will 100% rewatch it in the future. Also this movie BETTER win some fucking Oscars or else 😤😤

Spoiler thoughts below!!

Izogie’s death scene was very well done. I kind of guessed they would end up killing her off since they really built her up as a character, but that didn’t lessen its impact at all. Lashana Lynch and Thuso Mbedu acted their asses off (as they did the whole movie, but particularly here). The actual set-up was good too: having Nawi convince her to stay alive so they could all escape together, setting her broken arm and then having to pretend like it was never broken, having her be the only one who actually escaped but deciding that Nawi was right that the Agojie should help each other and trying to go back for her, only to get killed while Nawi is begging her to keep running. Heartbreaking, but that’s what made it so good

By contrast, Nawi’s friend’s death (the Mahi prisoner, I forgot her name I’m so sorry) was not really impactful at all, beyond her dying right after being accepted by the other Agojie who had a problem with her before. I wish they had spent a little more time on both Nawi’s friends as individual characters and their relationship with each other. We barely saw Nawi interact with either of them before they became best friends, and after the Mahi girl died, neither Nawi or her other friend mourned her on screen (I know Nawi had been kidnapped at this point, but the other girl survived and wasn’t kidnapped)

I loved how Nanisca and the other Agojie went to the city intending to just rescue their own but she found out that the slave traders killed Izogie and Nawi was missing and she said “burn it to the fucking ground.” Iconic as HELL and I wish more stories would let their MC react like that

Also loved that the prisoners that Malik freed drowned the slave trader he came with. Fuck you dude

A woman literally getting to kill her abuser? We love to see it

I wish they’d brought up Nawi being an orphan a bit earlier in the movie, since it seemed like it was introduced rather suddenly after she became an Agojie. They could have pretty easily tossed in a line from her parents admonishing her for acting so terribly after they “rescued” her from the orphanage. 

I also really enjoyed Nanisca and Amenza’s relationship! I got kind of gay vibes but the only thing that was explicitly confirmed was how close they are and how much they mean to each other, which I was also happy with. I’m so glad Amenza survived the movie lol

[rustedbread]

Your fake moral high ground is built on fragile pillars of lies. Those pillars will one day collapse along with your tainted world views and siblings will be free to love each other as they please. Until that day comes try to shield yourself behind your hatred of others as much as you like, it only proves us stronger and tougher.

No my moral high ground is built upon the fact that siblings aren't meant to be in romantic relationships which is like, a big thing in society and it shouldn't be disregarded bro plus the moral high ground you're insulting me for is like an actual high ground I have over you due to the fact inc*st is wrong if you're going to be like "oh well?? prove it!!" It is just wrong, I know I'm not going to convince you but it is wrong on every level I shouldn't have to prove to you that inc*st isn't good, and if I do you really shouldn't be on my page or near me in general Like, bro bro have you never seen or had a healthy sibling relationship? that that's not meant to be romantic people can love their siblings but you are advocating for biologically and non-biologically related siblings to be in romantic relationships which is wrong I can't understate at all how wrong it is because honestly, it baffles me you don't understand that fact maybe you don't understand the fact that I am an older brother who cares about his younger sisters a fuck ton and the mere insinuation that it would ever be okay for someone like me to be in just ew I'm not even going to type it out that's how disgusting it is to me jeez if you thought this would change my morality, you are so wrong simply stating that my morals are ground upon fragile pillars of lies ain't going to work because I do have the moral highground wanna know why? It's because I'm the one on the right here the moral highground I'm standing on is one I didn't have to build, it's a pure monument of us, built long over time a monument structure humanity has made throughout all the time we've been alive and you say that is a pillar made of lies? frankly I think that is a disrespect to humanity itself get away from me.

[bitacrytic]

DISCLAIMER: I am not an eunseom/tanya shipper. i think they shouldn't have kissed. i think they should have existed for two more seconds in each other's presence before they made their entire relationship romantic.

-

However, I am more sympathetic to that ship than whatever could happen between her and saya or yangcha becuase:

Saya is NEVER going to happen. Ever since the day he pushed her against the tree and tried to kiss her against her will, tanya has stopped seeing him as some cute extension of his brother. she can barely stand to be in the same room as him. the only reason she's working with him is because she's made her own assumptions of what the prophecy means and thinks that working with saya will somehow save eunseom. nothing more. they haven't grown closer in ten years. they've grown apart. they're drawn to each other under the umbrella of "people who want to get rid of tagon" and that's it. besides, considering how much saya made it obvious that he wanted to conquer her somehow in season one, i wouldn't want them to be together. not to mention the fact that if she hadn't drawn boundaries with that emotionally stunted man, he'd have been taking her for granted and treated her way worse than he already does.

Yangcha is nice to her and believes in her and wears her bell and protects her and is always by her side. but yangcha is an extension of tagon. he started out that way and even though it's been ten years, tanya obviously hasn't let go of it. she's taken liberties with his trust to see if he'd report her and so far, he hasn't. he's been loyal. she knows that. but she's still a bit distrustful of him. the fact that she resorted to reminding him of all the times he's betrayed tagon tells us this. because she could have convinced him to keep quiet without throwing his loyalty in his face like that. (it wasn't fair and i felt bad for him, but i'm always glad when tanya does something neferious) yangcha is not number one. as much as he has done for her, he really isn't. yeah, it's sad, but she doesn't love him and honestly, she doesn't have to. it's her affection to give and no one is owed affection.

Eunseom has been built up to be PERFECT in tanya's eyes. it's been eleven years since she last saw him and the last time she did, he was trying to save them. in her head, he's still trying. he's wholesome and loving and perfect and can do no wrong. even while eunseom is telling her the horrible things he's done... the horrible things he will do... all tanya is hearing is "if i help him, his hands will remain cleaner." she remembers that loving carefree boy from wahan and she will never believe such a boy could become the man that eunseom actually is. she's built this guy up in her head that she doesn't want to believe he's doing all these things of his own accord. she's lying for his sake. she's protecting him. because she hasn't seen him for over a decade, she's written his backstory and she's sticking with it.

Neither yangcha nor saya stand a chance while eunseom is alive. if he'd died, maybe she would have moved on. but he's been alive. he's been fighting. and now he's returned with more than one mantel.

everyone else might see tanya as a god, but to her, he is two gods.

yangcha and saya will never stand a chance.

[thesilentmedium]

The Aftermath || Jonas & Lil

TIMING: The night after Homemade Panaderia LOCATION: Ballard house PARTIES: @thesilentmedium  & @the-lil-exorcist SUMMARY: Jonas has a break down to Lil after the incident with Metzli CONTENT WARNING: Domestic Abuse TW (Mentions of it cause Jacob Ballard memories)

It had been a rough night for Jonas, the image of the man in his front hall wouldn’t leave his mind. He had gone through several stages of panic, that man’s body was somewhere out there wherever Metzli put it and he may have been the one attacked but his mind was now convinced he was somehow an accomplice to murder. He had rolled around all night trying to console himself that he hadn’t been the one to kill the man and that it had been self defense. Still he worried what might happen if the police found the body. Would Metzli get in trouble? Would he get in trouble? 

Jonas didn’t think he would survive prison, he wasn’t built for such an environment, he didn’t want Metzli in there either though if how they handled the intruders was anything to go off of they would survive just fine. All these thoughts lead back to the image of the man dying and his friend running off. He swore he recognized her face, which was just another factor keeping him awake. 

By the time morning rolled around Jonas had dark bags under his eyes and he shuffled down the stairs, a very worried Blue right behind him. He paused when he saw the figure making coffee in the kitchen and couldn’t help the tears from flowing as he waddled over and hugged his twin. The tears were a mix of relief and dread at the sight of his twin. Words that were normally just a tad off sounding now became near incomprehensible as he spoke, “A man died in our house last night, I was trying to teach someone to make bread and then he broke in and the person I was teaching stabbed him and I do not know what to do Lil-” 

—-----

Lil had been out most of the night, dealing with ghosts and leads, as she tried to keep the growing fear of losing family and not being able to do much. Yawning, she had stumbled into the house around three am going to take a nap before it was time to start the next day. It wasn’t sustainable, but well Lil could live in most scenarios for at least a bit. 

She hadn’t expected Jonas to be up, but she could hear him moving around as she made a pot of coffee - the one thing that she could do without burning down the house- after she had carefully fed Auggie. Really it had been a pretty peaceful time. 

Until she felt Jonas hug her hard. The type of hug that was a ‘I’m glad you're alive’ and not a normal Jonas hug. It caused her to freeze for a second, immediately trying to hear her dad screaming -. Turning around to see him there was a bit in her stomach as she realized that he was crying. “Hey -it’s okay breathe,” Lil signed as  Jonas tried to speak, his voice slurred and panicked. 

It took her a moment to realize what he was saying, and she froze for a moment before starting to look over Jonas to see if she was missing something. He was supposed to be baking with someone last night, dealing with an intruder. “Jonas what happened? Here let's sit down,” she signed before tugging at her brother to get him to the living room, trying to quell the growing anxiety of what he was talking about. 

Was he trying to confess to murder? Lil didn’t know, but she wasn't going to be her main concern either. “Breathe in and out. One step at a time.” 

______

Blue let out a soft whine as Lil led her boy over to the couch. She made a point of keeping herself in between him and the front hallway, trying to obscure his view so the already panicking man didn’t break down even more. Jonas was sniffling and rubbing at his eyes as he tried to focus on what Lil was signing. Once he was settled facing away from the scene of the crime, Blue laid her head in his lap. If he didn’t need his hands to fully communicate, they would have been digging into her fur. 

“I had someone over to bake, they wanted to learn how to make sweet bread, but before we could finish some of those people that had been following us all over town broke into the house. They tried to throw salt at Blue but our guest was faster and they killed one of the intruders. The other ran off.”  Jonas was signing quickly trying to get everything out but it was far more understandable than his speech. 

“I do not know where the body of the man is. But Lil I just stood by and let them kill him. I did not stop them when they cleaned up either. What if the cops come asking questions?” Jonas didn’t know if calling the cops in that situation would have been for the better or worse. Metzli might have ended up in jail or he would have. If he had been alone it could have very well been him dead on the floor and not the stranger which was just another point of panic to add on. “Whoever is following us knows Blue is not a normal dog.”  It felt like his main line of defense was being stripped away by this knowledge. 

—----

Lil usually would be clinical in high stressed situations like this. Although she was never cold really, most of the time she was able to be objective, but she couldn’t help the shake in her hands as she watched Jonas speak, wanting so badly to stop him and just pull him into a hug. She couldn’t though, she needed to know what had happened and what she was going to have to do.  

On some level, Lil understood bad things happened to good people, but the anger didn’t leave her body anyway. Making sure to breathe Lil signed, “Okay. Someone broke in, tried to hurt Blue and your friend stopped them.” She tried to be calm, but there was a fury that someone had tried to hurt her brother. As soon as he told her they had tried to throw salt at Blue she knew immediately that it wasn’t a misunderstanding. They were targeting her brother. 

Someone was trying to kill her brother, and Lil was furious. Still, she had to be calm now. She needed to be reassuring and hell she needed to be more like June. Reaching over Blue for a moment she put her hand on his shoulder before taking it off  and signing, “You shouldn’t have stopped them, Basil. Whoever did this wanted to hurt you and your friend protected you. I know it’s scary, but think of it like if it happened to me instead. It was right.” At the thought that Jonas didn’t know where the body was buried Lil shook her head. “If the cops come by, tell them you don’t know and you didn’t hear anything. I doubt that they’ll come and if they do I’ll talk to them. You don’t have to talk to them. - Look at me buddy.” 

She paused before continuing making sure Jonas could see what she said, “ I know it’s hard, but that man was going to hurt you and Blue. Your friend stepped in and stopped him. They were a hero, and you needed protecting.  I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” The last bit was hesitant, guilty as she realized that Jonas could have been alone. 

Someone could have hurt him and she wouldn’t have known. A pain of fear and dread hit her stomach before anything else. She could live with someone hurting her, hell she did, but the idea of Jonas being alone and hurt broke something.  Lil  didn’t realize she was crying now until she wiped at her face in frustration before signing, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you went through that, but you did the right thing. I love you, and I know it's hard. I’m sorry.” 

____ 

The right thing. He did the right thing. Jonas tried to let that sink in to calm his worries, focusing on Lil’s hands. She was right if it had been Lil in this situation he would have thought the same thing. He could also agree that Metzli was a hero, if they hadn’t been there he probably would have been killed or taken by those who broke into the house. These truths did not make him feel better about it though. 

What was stopping them from coming in and trying on their own again? Jonas was alone most of the time unless he was at work. Lil was too busy trying to find their parents to keep him company every night and the guard their uncle promised was taking longer than expected to show if they showed at all. Whoever was targeting his family could very well have targeted the guard as well. He was making things worse thinking these things and was doing his best to focus on Lil’s hands instead. He did the right thing, he survived. 

Jonas rubbed at his eyes and nodded. “I love you too. It is okay. You are busy doing something important, but Lil why are they after us? What did we do to them? Did they target everyone else too?” He could feel the tears refusing to stop, he was such an easy cryer it was embarrassing. Though he supposed crying over being targeted by strangers was more valid than most of the other times his eyes leaked. “I do not feel safe here Lil.” 

—--

There were a lot of things Lil didn’t know. She didn’t know how to comfort Jonas at the moment, to keep him from crying. She didn’t know where Jane or Jude was - the two siblings that were better able to see the big picture. Most importantly, she didn’t know who had been at the door so ready to hurt her twin. 

Still, she was going to find out. While Jonas seemed to cry, there was a bit of rage that settled into her stomach. Carefully she tried not to let it show instead watching Jonas and breathing slowly and trying not to cry herself. “I don’t know. I don’t know but I promise I’m going to find out. I will.” 

It was the only thing she could do. She couldn’t lie to Jonas and say that she had it under control, because obviously she hadn’t. So instead she just signed back, “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know why they are doing this but I will figure it out. I’ll get Uncle Charlie to move quicker and stay with you until whoever comes gets here. I won’t leave you alone again.” It would stop her progress, but at the end of the day Jonas was the one she was supposed to protect. 

“Do you want a hug? We can do a movie day. I won’t even make you watch the minions,” Lil signed looking at Jonas. 

___

Jonas always tried to rely on the people he knew, sometimes being deaf just forced you into that position, but with the break ins it was getting harder to have faith in Uncle Charlie and the guard he said would be here. Which was in no way fair to the older man who was trying his best to help his niece and nephew who he hadn’t seen in person for years. It wasn’t Charlie’s job to keep them safe, though being the uncle who was closest to June, perhaps he felt it was. Jonas tried to keep reminding himself that what they were asking of the more experienced exorcist was a lot. They needed someone capable of guarding them on such a short notice of course they would take a moment to get here. He just hoped Lil could get their uncle to come while they waited. 

As soon as a hug was offered Jonas leaned over into it. It was a little awkward given that Blue’s big head was still in his lap, refusing to move despite being now smushed between the twins. He hugged his sister tightly before letting go, “I am sorry you have to do so much.” He felt more like a liability than a help to his sister. She had to go out and look for things while Jonas was taking care of the bakery, even then she helped out there too. Really in the grand scheme of things he was rather pathetic. He always had to have someone else step in to save him and cried at the first sign of being overstressed. He trusted too easily, saw the good in people where there really wasn’t any to offer and god forbid he ever actually punched someone hell he couldn’t even bring himself to curse in frustration despite all the things that had happened. He was a weak man who could barely muster a smile at his sister’s joke. Jacob Had been right to call him a disappointment. 

With his stomach swirling with fear and rediscovered self hatred he finally did manage to nod about the movie. “Okay. Can we watch it upstairs? I do not want to be down here right now.” Jonas pointed over his shoulder, “The man died by our front door.” He was sure the request made him seem even more fragile compared to his sister and her normally calm composure but he wasn’t sure what else to do at that moment. Sitting there thinking about everything was only going to make it worse and in the end help neither of them. He could berate himself all he liked later when his sister wasn’t trying to calm him down. 

—-

Lil wasn’t soft, something that was fairly obvious when she looked at her twin. Whatever kindness and generosity had settled into his soul, she lacked it. Still, she wanted badly to be a comfort to people. Her rough hands weren’t good at holding that though, but even now she could see that Jonas was calming down at least a little as she said that she would figure it out. Maybe she wasn’t gentle or kind, but surely she could make the scary things go away. She needed to, as much for her sake then for Jonas who was sitting there frightened and looking lost. 

For once, Lil had to keep it together, and she was going too. 

She held Jonas tightly for a moment, wishing that she had answers that would make all of this feel better, and knowing that she didn’t. Pulling back only after she felt Jonas stir to move back she shook her head and signed, “It’s fine, Jonas. I’m fine.” She didn’t stop and consider any other option, she had to be okay, and she had to push forward. If she didn’t then  - well. It didn't help to dwell on it. 

“Okay. We can watch upstairs.” Lil signed, nodding with her words looking to Blue for a moment as if she was asking for permission to move Jonas. “Let's have a chill day, and I’ll make sure everything is okay tomorrow. Come on I’ll even get the teddy bears down if you want. We’ve got this. Together. ” With that Lil stood up, offering her hand to Jonas. “I got you.”  

___

Blue looked at Lil who was looking at her and sighed a little but willingly moved off her boy so both her charges could go upstairs. Jonas shuffled awkwardly as he reached for Lil’s hand. The nagging voice of his father was ringing out in the back of his head about how he couldn’t even get off the couch on his own. He grip tightened on Lil’s hand before letting go once he was firmly on his feet again. 

“The teddy bears are already on my bed. I stole some of Jane’s as well.” Jonas did not normally keep stuffed animals by his bed; the two little koalas, Lil and he had been so attached to in their younger years, were sitting on his windowsill to keep them safe from his ever fidgeting hands. But tonight was different. He needed the extra stimulation to keep from falling apart completely. The soft fur gave his hands something to do while his mind worked away at terrible thoughts. If his father were to see him now he surely would get an earful. His father who very well may be dead. 

Jonas told himself not to think of that as he followed Lil around the house repeating the words she had said to himself. They got this, for better or for worse they got this because they were together and as a team they were stronger. They always had been despite Jacob, despite everything that had tried to pull them apart so far. She got him and he got her…. He would do his best not to pull her down with him. 

[lorenzobane]

Alright- finally getting around to the last episode of Picard, and I figure why not liveblog it:

It is still SOOO unclear to me why the fuck the Changelings are even bothering to help the Borg. I guess their conceptual mission (conquer everyone) is pretty similar, but.... that feels like. Not enough.

It is very nostalgic to see everyone on the Enterprise-D, though. I can't deny that. Picard's got me there.

WHY is Jack the command signal? It remains stupid. I genuinely thought the Pah Wraith theory was more interesting than this aiuwhefs;djlk';

I do love the Borg cube's exterior design, though- its so iconic, and seeing it rendered with modern graphics

Awww poor little cook- but also he had to run the deli because his brother "had a hernia"..... sir. You're in the future. Why would that stop anyone from doing anything for longer than like. a day. I think your brother was lying to you.

Okay, I'm gonna be so real- am I the only one who kinda doesn't give a shit about Jack? I get he's there to add some stakes, but I truly don't care at all. Explode him idgaf.

If the idea is to wake Jack up from his evil slumber then why would you not send Beverley....? Who, ya know, raised him?

"And I will make it a threesome" Okay i love you Worf

Okay- like I said, I am not immune to nostalgia, "it's been an honor serving with you all" OKAY, fine Daddy Picard you got me.

Also a lot of long lingering looks between Deanna and Will... Makes me think one of them might not make it out alive

You know it really is so telling how much of the original Borg design, from the ship to the interiors, they kept. Tells you how impressive it was the first time around. It is just so creepy and excellent.

Cool. Picard has magical Borg senses.

Fine fine, the Riker/Picard/Worf scene was sweet. Can you tell that I'm a willing sap for alllll the TNG nostalgia?

LMAO I'm SORRY i actually love the camp excellence of the Borg Queen emerging from the shadows to cackle evilly

Okay HELL yeah for a Seven of Nine "Big Damn Captain" speech

This is just so funny. The Borg queen is so so fucking funny. Why is she so melodramatic. Real Miette energy.

Oh this changeling connection is dumb as hell

Worf's Bat'leth with a built in phaser is COOL okay. Sometimes I am a teenage boy.

I am not immune to TNG theme music

I am also not immune to people who have trusted each other for a lifetime coming together again. Geordi trusting Data's gut.

Ahhhh the classic "all hope is lost" moment, how I love thee

I'm sorry to say it, I really am because its the emotional heart of the story, but I just don't care about Jack

LMAO conflict solved with a hug from dad- Christ the daddy issues on star trek continue to astonish and amaze

Longest "one minute to get out" ever

I'm sorry I'm sorry but once again I'm weak for the old "the strength of their connection saves the day" and I'm a sentimentalist at heart

Kinda obsessed with the idea of Riker just being the type of guy who needs a universe-ending catastrophe every once in a while or they get bored

God Michael Dorn is sooooo good at playing Worf its not even funny. He's just. Worf. I could watch him play this character perfectly for the end of time.

Love it when Starfleet just Starfleets. "Ehh you're reckless and a little insane, but in that good way that sometimes saves the galaxy. here- have a ship and hang out on the frontiers, and don't bother us."

Worf, House of Martok...... My beloved

Poor Deanna, you do deserve a beach vacation

Starfleet history must be BUCK WILD. You tell the story of that time a crew of old people stole a ship from a museum and saved the world. Like. Okay.

NEPOTISM BABY JACK CRUSHER

uaoeisdjokf THIS fucking guy. Okay, now that I know he's lame I like him more

"What could possibly go wrong?" Wow was that a heavy-handed setup. I think I heard something about a TV show and now I feel extra convinced they are either planning one or at one point were.

Everyone being SO NORMAL about Captain starting words is so fucking. okay starfleet really MUST be the nerds of the galaxy.

Okay. I'm gonna be honest I don't think I needed quite so much nostalgia bait at the end. It was nice for like. A second. Especially when it was intercut with the younger characters.

Ending on them playing poker together, la ti da- everyone got a happy ending and in Starfleet heroes are rewarded

Anyway- it was fine. I found the episode kind of underwhelming honestly, but it wasn't horrific. Just kinda. Star trek typical levels of nonsense.

[bloodiedthorns0102]

is this cheesy?

maybe, i cant really say a lot of my writings ever been good in all fairness- i was always taught to only write in ways that appealed to people who lived through a past thats no longer present for me to live in. Write it this way and that- use these words and not those-

arent i just human though?

i guess writing this in a more human or casual way makes it less terrifying- its kinda just a stream of thoughts that's been rushing through my head. and sure my heads wild to listen to already as is- but the more i see things as so tragic nowadays and my views been pushed down to such a negative chapter of this play-

i cant really say its easy being trapped with myself

nowadays we see these changes all over the world but it's blurred and smudged over into a mucky grey

and isn't that annoying too? im an artist- so smudging something that's supposed to be more vibrant into something terrible to look at is just disheartening and disappointing. me myself I've had a lot of emotional shifts as of lately too- been feeling like a rubix cube being knocked around after years of no use.

im getting off track though- even if you didn't know it- man many of these writings are like "life changing" to some people but really it just sounds like im talking to the stars again whether that's on my new roof, on my old balconies at the apartments i used to live in, or the old porch my grandpa built with my mother when i was a child at my childhood home. to me speaking to the stars is just a reflection of myself im speaking to without the harshness of such a pale exhausted face staring back at me.

i mean light years away someone is maybe seeing me through a telescope like we are the beginning of our universe right now and im happy. im happy and not truly aware of the pain and sadness i was feeling yet and i had my brother and a somewhat normal life.

ive always lived so lonely though no matter the amount of cats or animals ive had.

even looking at the stars makes me feel smaller even if it can be so motivating seeing such a big picture thats so close to reach yet so far away. i cant help but be nihilistic and critical can i? dear lord and here i was reading about two vampires loving each other so dearly earlier.

back to the star thing though- i cant help but feel crushed looking at the fading remains of stars we call beautiful cause really all we are are looking at the past when we look up at them. the light hasnt hit our eyes yet in time to be present for them.

and thats really how i feel nowadays- a star in its death that no one can see because the light of the present hasnt truly hit them yet because they are so far from me to even touch. like really it takes 8 seconds for us to see the suns light- but imagine being so far people only see you at the age of 1,000 out of maybe millions of years you have been alive.

and i guess thats why i make myself feel so much hurt and sorrow- to convince myself im truly living and present within my own life and others- to feel like i made SOME impact- anything something nothing everything. i just, cant fathom im here for it all to amount to anything

but really can anyone? then again thats the question we all ask and we always say the same thing to each other

"yes you can!! you already are now!!"

if i have why cant i feel it paving a path within my own stone filled garden??? why cant my roses flutter to life again slowly??

and we all know it takes time but is that time or light ever gonna be able to hit the eyes of others fast enough?

will my death be so near to me or has already happened but no one has seen it yet?

why am i so far away- or are the people i love the ones that are far? why does their light shine so bright just for me to dread knowing its going to dim out at any point without me being able to predict it.

and ya know theres only so many tiktoks you can see on that damn for you page of people just living and sit in your room wondering if youre ever gonna live as much as them.

but are they also living?? i guess my therapist has shown me how to live more then say even a trip outside ever could in just almost 2 years. though living is always a choice for the person within it. i guess it makes the dilemma of people seeing my life much slower then how my death began better right? they see how i chose to live and fulfill myself rather then begin to give up cause i felt my core exploding from immense amount of energy and collisions.

and sure thats sweet to hear but- when is everyone gonna try and live within the present alongside me and how much more do i have to plead and beg and scream and whimper in pain for someone to realize its actually happening??????

ok maybe that got a little dark

but idk- questioning it all might be futile but questioning it can bring awareness so why not ya know?? may as well not be blind even towards myself even if this all feels VERY dramatic and ill probably cringe over it hours later.

imagine lmao

[sinclair-wax-fan]

All the boys are very mechanically inclined. Vincent clearly tends and maintains the intricate piping of the waxing system in the basement. (The pipes have to be flushed regularly with boiling water to keep the wax film inside from building up and clogging.)

I like to imagine he does regular maintenance checks of the town buildings and let’s Bo and Lester know what major issues he needs help mending.

Of the three, he’s the best at coming up with creative rigging that gives the illusion of the town being alive. The puppies with the wagging tails? The old woman who opens and closes the curtains? That’s Vincent. He’s great with small gears and clockwork. (He is also the only one who had the patience to read the manual and figure out how the old projector in the theater worked. Bo fucking hates that thing because it constantly breaks down and he refuses to touch it at this point.)

~~~~~

It would be a grave mistake to think Bo is stupid.

He has a temper for sure. He’s impulsive, vicious, endlessly tenacious, and only cares for social graces as a tool for stalking prey or charming people into getting his way.

But the man is deeply cunning and whip smart in the fields of mechanics and mathematics.

He’s basically an engineer, degree or no degree. He’s the one who help maintain the really big stuff: the towns power grid; the houses septic tank—he wasn’t joking about the bathroom at the station being broken, one septic tank is enough to deal with, thank you—and the well that delivers water to the house and museum.

(Again, I am convinced everything is powered by the nearby sugar mill—which is directly in between the town and the camp site we see in the movie, which was close enough Paige sees it up the road and runs to it. The kids were visibly parked by what looks to be some kind of small pond/creek— I headcanon it as an offshoot of the larger stream the mill is built directly next to. I imagine the mill utilized hydroelectric power, making it completely independent from any existing grids. Ambrose was a modern company town whose electric was incorporated into the mills set up.

Bo worked at the mill in maintenance before it shut down—and learned some very useful info from the older engineers while he worked there. Enough that once the town was rapidly emptying of workers and inhabitants, he turned to his brother and said “I have an idea that I think you and I can pull off together.”)

Also, the friendly mechanic schtick is only half a ruse. He absolutely knows cars inside and out. Tinkering with cars and various broken machinery around Ambrose as a teen is how he got enough experience/notice to earn himself an entry level position at the mill. (Maybe his first job was actually as an attendant at the gas station?)

The town takes money to run and he makes most of that money by repairing cars in the next town over (where he owns a small garage).

~~~~~

Lester, while he is part-time employed to clean roadkill through a contractor with the state, has taken plenty of odds jobs that include: roofing, bricklaying, and carpentry.

Also, some specialized personal hobbies: hunting, taxidermy, tanning and leather work, and smithing!

All those odd looking knives hanging next to clothes rack on the wall of Vincent’s workshop? Actually gifts from Lester! (The man just really likes knives.)

I also headcanon that Vincent’s satchel was made by Lester as a birthday gift when they’re young. If you look, you can see animal teeth decorating it. (I like to think he also made the actual blades for Vincent’s knives. Although I think the bone Vincent later carved for the handles probably didn’t come from an animal.)

I also like to imagine he makes the glass eyes for the waxed figures. (Their real ones don’t last long.) That’s about the extent he’s willing to help with the bodies, however—if you don’t count helping dispose/bury some of the less desirable corpses.

Lester and Vincent are closer than Lester and Bo. Lester has always kind of idolized Bo for being his “cool” older brother—but he also learned growing up to keep a careful eye on Bo, to always be aware of him. The loquacious older man has since better learned to direct his baser impulses away from his own family and towards his victims, but when they were younger he didn’t have that outlet. At times, the younger, smaller Lester was a convenient target Bo just couldn’t help but zero in on—especially when angry.

He did often try to make up for his indiscretions against his little brother in his own way—typically in the form of smuggling Lester booze/cigarettes/small stolen goodies from stores, protecting him from other bullies, letting Lester borrow his truck and later helping him get one of his own—but Lester certainly never has the luxury of forgetting what Bo’s capable of.

As they got older—with Bo finding new prey and Lester being able to come and go from the family home as he pleases—it got easier.

Now a days Bo genuinely values the aid Lester provides and they often bond over the more “normal” activities they enjoy that Vincent can’t relate to/has no interest in.

[nevereverlandboys]

Different Pulses 

Pairing: Felix x Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Summary: After Pan gets defeated, Y/N and Felix live together in Storybrooke with the "heroes". They both don't get along and seem to avoid each other, until the "heroes" need to leave them alone to save Henry from another threat. Will Y/N get along with the cold, distant boy?

Part: (1/?)

@madd-devil

This story is heavily inspired by "When it's cold" by:

@the-original-weirdo-83

@peter-pan-on-neverland

Y/N's eyes wandered through the small room, from the small bed to the huge window, stopping at the small drawer underneath it, before finally stepping further in. The walls were dyed light blue and besides a big clock and a flat screen they were empty. There was nothing unusual with this room, nothing really striking and yet it still felt a little strange. She walked forwards and ripped the dark curtains away, opening the window to welcome the golden sunlight into the room, warming her skin. The air smelled different and even the birds chirped in another tune. It seemed as if this world was quieter than the other, less dangerous and more welcoming. For a moment Y/N was soaked into the moment and drifted off into her thoughts, as suddenly some cursing in the next room ripped the girl out of her thoughts. With an annoyed snarl, she rolled her eyes and let herself drop onto the small bed, trying to ignore the sounds that probably came from the grumpy former second in command. After all, he still did not like being taken from Neverland, as he found himself with Y/N in a new home in Storybrooke. He still did not fit in and fought with everything he had to integrate. The second in command was stubborn and feisty, hot-tempered and constantly in a bad mood. Felix had barely granted Y/N a smile since they came off the Island and after he was brought into Mary Margaret's and David Charmings flat, everything went worse. The lost boy usually locked himself up inside his room, stayed there until after dinner to grab himself the leftovers, before vanishing back behind the wooden door. He never seemed to understand the technology around him, not even trying to understand it, but getting angry instead if it did not work out like he had imagined it to.  Y/N on the other hand, found herself in a healthy relationship with her hosts real quick. They took it as their own responsibility to take both of them in, after Pan was defeated. Felix, because he was the most stubborn boy that would never find his peace in an orphanage and Y/N, because she was the only girl next to Wendy that lived with the lost boys. After all this time on the island, she found herself being close to Henry as well. The small, young boy was like a little brother to her, making the girl laugh and joining her whenever Mary Margaret would allow them to go out. She was a careful woman and even though she trusted Y/N, there was no reason for her not to be cautious. Also Y/N suspected Mary  not to act like granting the girl a privilege while Felix was still being guarded. 

Another loud yell from behind those walls disturbed the girls' peaceful daydreams once more, so she grabbed the pillow and pressed it over her head to muffle all the sound, trying her best to ignore everything around. It was a day too pretty for this and Y/N only wanted to relax, but not a few minutes of delightful silence later, she heard a knock on the wooden door. Moving her body properly under the sheets, she faced the door and mumbled just loud enough,"Come in."

The door swung open and revealed the former second in command's worried face, his sweaty hair hung down his face and he breathed so loud that the girl could literally feel anger flooding in the room. The atmosphere turned immediately tense and the room seemed to shrink around her with each second passing. Y/N held her breath and raised one eyebrow in confusion, trying her best to hide her insecurities behind a questioning look, as the lanky, blonde boy's eyes pierced her urgently. 

"Where is the little rat?" Felix spoke in a hoarse tone. 

"The ra-" She started confused. "Oh."

Henry.

"He took my cloak." Felix raged. "Where is the bastard, so I can smite him!"

"It's in the laundry." Y/N interrupted him before Felix would even try to hurt Henry and give him the fault for her doings. She found it in the bathroom and washed it along with the other laundry. The girl's voice was almost inaudible, well knowing the boy's temper from all the countless encounters with the other lost boys. Felix's eyes twitched and he gritted his teeth as he slowly came closer, one step after another, to close the distance that kept her away from him, the only distance that gave the girl at least a little bit of comfort. Henry could be glad to have to spend the time with the grumpy lost boy on weekends only. How much she envied him.

"What?" He snarled with his face just a few centimeters away from hers and for a moment her mind went blank, the only impulse she felt was to storm out of the room. As she crashed to the door, Y/N did not even bother to look back and swiftly grabbed her shoes and keys before leaving the apartment.  The door swung shut with a loud crash that echoed through every room as Felix swayed back in his own room, every cell inside him questioning why his heart felt so heavy. Y/N was not even sure if the lanky boy bothered to chase after her and if her actions seemed a little exaggerated, but when Felix built himself up in front of her, the girl's heart sank into the bottom of her body and fear overtook her mind. The former lost boy had been cruel to other boys for less than that.

She did not stay out for long, simply walked around the block to get some fresh air and to get some space from the tall boy. Also, because she knew that Mary would be mad if she was not home when the woman returned. The first week did not start well and Y/N let out a frustrated sight as she thought of the future. Mary and David left her alone with him half of the day, having the boy locked up in his room was not consoling though, the fact alone that he was present was enough to make her feel nervous. When she returned to the apartment, Felix was nowhere in sight, so she quickly snuck back into her room, hoping that he would leave her alone for the rest of the day. On the other hand, she had to make sure that he would not hurt Henry, the poor boy did nothing wrong. For a moment Y/N hesitated until she decided to get Felix's cloak from the washing line on the balcony. Not a surprise that the asshole did not know it was there, when he never left his room. Still, the girl felt a little curious when she thought of what he might do all day by himself- especially with no understanding of technology. Was he not bored? There was no convincing answer that she could think of and Y/N wondered if she would find out as she strutted with the big cloak in her hands towards Felix's room. She  knocked at the door and immediately regretted it after the previous events. Nevertheless she tried to be brave and push her fear aside, telling herself that the former second in command was not threatening at all.

She knocked again when nothing happened and suddenly some angry footsteps stomped into her direction-, firm and loud, before the tall boy ripped the door wide open, revealing his furious face.

"What the fuck do you want?" Felix growled, the veins of his neck throbbing and his hands pressed so tightly into fists that his knuckles turned white. 

"I-...eh." Y/N stammered nervously and tightened her grip onto the cloak. Her eyes widened as she thought, He would not hurt me, would he? "I have your-"

"Keep that!" Felix interrupted her, his words were like poison.

Felix slammed the door shut before  the girl could say another  word, leaving her in the dark hallway with an unsettling feeling inside her guts that something was wrong. But how could she even tell what? Felix never spoke to her that much and it was pretty obvious that he would not do more in the future. All Y/N knew was that the grumpy boy missed the island and that he missed Pan, even though the girl never understood his obedience to the green devil. Peter Pan was manipulative and evil and she was glad he never left Neverland alive. Felix couldn't give her the fault for his loss, she had never helped the heroes and even refused as the only one next to him to say a word. Well, Y/N opened up quicker and befriended the "heroes" after everything they did. It was a saint if she could speak freely about it. The cloak must mean a lot to Felix, or else he would never be this angry, even for a boy who had a tendency to violence-, he never hurt Y/N before. She really hoped he would take it back and overcome his rage. The idea that Felix might only looked for a reason to hate Henry more occured her a few minutes later, but it was an unspoken thought that seemed to be way too assumptious.

"I am sorry about Peter." She moved her forehead onto the wooden door, resting it there for a bit and after a while she watched a single tear drop down onto the ground. Peter was not completely evil, not to Y/N at least and deep inside he was a loss to her as well. There was a short time where Felix seemed to be nice too, back on Neverland just weeks before Peter got defeated. He had shown the girl a flower field and tickled her until some boy's would crossy their way and disturb that lovely moment. It was the first and only time he had ever been close in a comforting way. Since then, Y/N had always hoped to see the boy underneath this rusty shell, but it was all gone since the second he stepped off the boat.

The door stayed closed and she stared at Felix's cloak, wondering what to do with it. When Y/N returned to her own room and snuck underneath the covers, the cloak was still under her arm. It did not smell like Felix anymore. The ticking of the clock was the only sound filling the room, capturing the girl's eyes to check the time- six pm. It was late, almost time for Mary Margaret to come back from work and cook some dinner, and when it was time for Y/N to sleep, David would come home too and Emma would come tomorrow, to bring Henry over for the weekend. Y/N barely saw David. He was always busy with his work in the police station and would get home late in the night. He left Felix and her up to Mary and Emma, which was definitely a hard task thinking of the rebellious boy next to Y/N's room. The man could not stand the former lost boy, the girl had seen it in his eyes when Emma brought her onto the ship, back then,  from escaping Neverland. Felix's emotions seemed mutual and everyone around could sense it. That both of them were separated most of the time, was not so bad after all. Mary Margarett even tried to take it as an opportunity to get to know more about the former lost boy, but all her attempts failed. The boy kept shut, would not reveal his past and barely replied to any of the woman’s actions. It was tiring to watch, quite a show though. It seemed like a boring game of charade, in which Mary kept asking him countless questions and then tried to interpret his annoyed growls as he ate some cereal. Breakfast was a strict rule for him to join and dinner to avoid. 

Y/N rolled over and grabbed her phone, turning some music on to change her thoughts and kill the silence. Even though it was so early, she felt how her eyelids were getting heavy, how she slowly drifted off into sleep, using the cloak as a pillow. Throwing it away was not an option for her, there could always come a time where the former lost boy would demand it back. 

It felt like a whole night when the girl woke up from a strange feeling of someone pulling on something underneath her. Out of reflex, she tightened the grip on the cloak in her arms. The pulling got stronger and when she realised that this was not a dream, she slowly opened her tired eyes.

"I changed my mind." Felix scoffed. "I want it back."

With a mind still dizzy and drunk from sleep, Y/N's sight was still so blurry, that it was hard to catch up and she needed a moment to follow the lost boy's words. He obviously meant the cloak, but why did he make such a fuss about it when he did not want it in the first place? 

"Y/N?" He pronounced her name so carefully when he realised her eyes were closing again. She did not respond. 

The sound of Felix's knees hitting the floor startled the girl out of sleep, finding herself sitting bolt upright in bed, pressing the cloak with widened eyes tightly against her chest. He let out an amused chuckle, grinning from ear to ear. Being fully awake now, Y/N realised why the tall boy was here and she slowly reached her hand forward, handing the boy his cloak over. What the hell did he do in the middle of the night inside her room? Why could this not wait? Her eyes wandered to her phone on the small nightstand-, it was eight pm and winter. It caused the girl to genuinely laugh to herself.

"Sorry for washing it." She whispered meek, avoiding Felix's gaze and dropped her head back onto the pillow before turning  away from him to close her eyes. 

"It's all right." With that Felix quickly made his way back to his own room, the door closing so quick as if he had run.

The next day he kept quiet, did not say a word at breakfast, not even a snarky comment towards Henry who was constantly talking about one of his favourite movies and its heroes. The word 'hero' usually was enough to make the former lost boy explode. Not this time. His steel like eyes were glued onto his bowl as he ate in silence. Later he would sit in the living room, watching some TV that Henry forgot to turn off and would not even complain when Y/N joined and switched the channel. For a moment she felt his eyes burning on her skin. When she met his gaze, the former lost boy rose to his feet and walked away, slamming his door to confirm he was in his room now. Felix was strange and not the friendliest boy for sure. Still, Y/N had the feeling that there was more behind his behaviour that he would let her on and that he exaggerated an act. Mary would give her some tasks over the time like getting the groceries, which she would really appreciate doing, since it was a great way to get out. Y/N and Felix were no prisoners of course and the cold of the thick snow creeping in from the outside would keep her under her covers anyway. There never has been snow on Neverland. It was entirely strange and yet so familiar, waking a nostalgic feeling inside the girl. When Y/N found her way to the grocery store, there was no one to harm her and she had all the time she needed to wander through the different Isles and shove anything she liked into the shopping cart. There were no lost boys with spears and torches, that would hunt the girl down until her feet would bleed. No Pan that played his dangerous, manipulative games, that only entertained him in a twisted, sadistic way,  satisfying him, that it could already be a kink. 

It was freedom. 

The good snacks from the store disappeared immediately inside the drawer, keeping it safe from Henry or Felix. Both had the tendency to steal Y/N's food. She would often cook for herself, learning new skills since there was nothing else to do anyways. As soon as Mary returned, the girl hoped she would bring some more groceries, but she got disappointed. The snow held her off too long, the mood to go into the supermarket was simply gone and Y/N could understand that.

"You can go with Henry." She smiled and grabbed herself something to drink from the fridge. 

"When will he be here?" Y/N asked, raising an eyebrow as she waited for an answer. The short haired woman slowly turned around, her face seemed to be frozen in an unbelieving, perplexed and slightly fearing frown.

"Isn't he here alr-" She stopped and both of their heads shot into the same direction when a key was put inside the front lock, turning and unlocking the door. The girl expected the young boy to get home, instead, Emma stormed into the apartment, shortly followed by David and the girl already saw on their faces that something was wrong. Mary let go of what she was doing and closed the distance between them with quite some concern on her face.

"They took Henry!" Emma bursted out, her eyes searching the room as if her son could just hide somewhere and would just magically appear any moment. She looked full of hope. David gently rubbed her back and told Mary to get her things. They always seemed to find trouble and now Y/N finally understood what Felix meant, when he once claimed that their hero being was only a facade and they were the true danger. Were they? Henry was gone and that was because he was so important to these women.

"Who took him?" Y/N asked worriedly.

"Stay out of this, you are not a part of this." Emma ignored the question and  gently shoved the former lost girl out of her way to get her keys. She ripped the door wide open and jumped down the hallway without bothering to close it, expecting the others to follow quickly. 

"We will get Henry back." Mary turned to Y/N, trying to comfort her by holding her hands. "You don't have to worry."

It was not the young boy she worried about and the short haired woman knew that. With a quick glance back to Felix's closed door, Y/N gulped and immediately shook her head.

"I can come with you!" She protested at the thought of being all alone with the former second in command.

"No," Mary said and sighted. "I need you here."

Her gaze wandered off to Felix's door again and her look grew frustrated. Y/N followed with her eyes and nodded before facing the short haired woman again. She turned to the counter and grabbed her purse to pull out her wallet.  Then she collected all the money she had and put it in a sugar box inside the shelf. 

"I trust you enough." Her words meant a lot. "Besides, once in a while Regina will check up on you two."

With that, Mary Margaret turned around and gave David a final nod, before both of them left the apartment to join their daughter in the car. As soon as Y/N closed the door behind them, everything went into an uncomfortable silence. There was no single sound instead of the unbearable striking of the clock hanging on the kitchen wall. 

"Great." Y/N moaned quietly. At least they could have told her who took Henry and for what possible reason. The adults would always seem to know better and in this case they decided it would be better to keep Felix and her out of this. Did they really want to leave her out of it, or was Y/N just not to be trusted? Felix would easily try to convince her about that. The former lost boy probably would not  care  at all. It was smart of Mary Margaret to hide some money for Y/N. The fridge was almost empty and she wondered how long they would be away and when she would need food. There was nothing good inside it, nothing appealing, so  Y/N closed the door and strutted back to her room. Dropping into the sheets, she grabbed the remote next to her pillow and turned on the TV. Henry had shown her how to use it real quick as he often joined the girl to play video games. All those years living here and using all these things caused him to always be smarter and it was the first thing Y/N noticed that Felix disliked about him. At the end, there were countless things the scarred up boy hated, but Henry was always the center of his anger. 

With the time passing by, the rumbling in the girl's stomach got louder until her tummy literally screamed for something to eat. Back in the kitchen, there was still nothing  appealing and with a quick glance to Felix's wooden door, she wondered if the former lost boy would like to eat something too. Each step further towards his room felt more heavy and Y/N's stomach turned inside out. The moment her knuckles knocked against the cool wood, she questioned why she even tried to be nice and get along with him. The floor was cold, maybe she should have put on some socks or turned on the heater. There was no sound on the other side of the wood and Y/N started to wonder if Felix was even home, when suddenly some heavy footsteps slowly strutted closer. Felix swayed the door wide open and rubbed his tired eyes, then rested his heavy head on the doorframe. He only wore some grey sweatpants, revealing his scars on his pale chest. The air around the girl thickened and her body heated up at the sight of his messy, sweaty morning hair. 

"Sorry." She mumbled and avoided looking at him. His presence alone caused shivers to run down her spine. "Did I wake you?"

"M-hm." Felix grumbled tiredly, fighting to keep his eyes open. Y/N's eyes wandered back to the open kitchen and its clock. It was four o'clock.

"Are you hungry?"

The tall boy remained silent for a moment, his dull eyes staring at the girl as if he did not understand the question, turned to look at his bed, then slightly nodded with his head as if it was the hardest thing to do.

"I could eat." He spoke with a deep, raspy voice, laying his focus back onto Y/N. Fuck, he sounded so hot, it caught her off guard and left her unable to speak for a glimpse moment. 

"I am ordering food." She said after a small moment. "What would you like?"

Felix pressed his brows together, then lifted one in confusion. "How does that work?" He asked and Y/N chuckled in amusement, feeling how her stiffened limbs relaxed. 

"You choose a restaurant and then decide what you want to eat." She explained and showed the blonde boy her phone. "They deliver it and you pay."' 

"Ah."

Y/N were not sure if Felix was not understanding it, or simply did not like it. He brought his hands up to his arms and rubbed the scarred skin, feeling how cold it was and finally bothered to put on a T-shirt. If Y/N were honest with herself, she liked Felix's exposed back. Muscles danced under tender flesh, as arms stretched upon the ceiling, forward and crooked together, pulling the cotton over his chest. Back on Neverland, Felix always seemed to be violent and rough, harsh to others and never in a good mood. There has not changed much, yet the dangerous, threatening touch was missing since he came to Storybrooke with Y/N. He was bent to new rules now. 

"Pizza." Felix said and stepped closer, closing the distance and bent down to take a glimpse of the menu. "Do they have some?"

Y/N's skin started to prickle when she felt his breath against her cheek and immediately froze in place. Why was he so close? 

"You know Pizza?" She asked unsure, still a little curious. Felix smirked and let out a husky chuckle. "Sure I do."

He walked past her into the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water, gulped it down, filled another one, gulped it down, but when he repeated that for a third time, the second in command could not finish it and disposed of the remains in the sink.  He turned around to check the time and widened his eyes as he realised how late it already was.

"The days are dark during winter." The boy mentioned with a side-along gaze, as if he knew that she might have criticised him for sleeping that long. Y/N did not know how to respond, but was confident enough to join the tall boy in the kitchen, pulling the chair back and taking a seat at the table. Both of them did not say a word and with each second passing in silence, she regretted sitting there with him even more. 

"Why did you run from me earlier?" The question caught her off guard, she needed a moment to think for the right answer. The girl tilted her head in Felix's direction, his eyebrows were lifted up in a questioning look and he leaned at the counter, waiting for the girl to open her mouth and speak.  He was just curious, not too gruff nor angry. 

"You scare me sometimes." Y/N admitted. "It's like being back in Neverland."

The former lost boy nodded disappointed and shifted his gaze out of the window to hide half of his features as if she would ever be able to read them.

"You really did not like the Island." The boy stated, receiving a light nod as an answer. "Was it so bad?"

"There were no toilets."

Felix could not help but chuckle, a warm genuine smile spread over his face and he nodded his head in agreement when he faced her again. 

"Toilets sure are great." He laughed. "Or warm running water."

Felix pushed himself away from the counter and slendered over to the girl, taking a seat on the chair in front of her. "It took me three days to find out how that works, by the way." He added after a small pause. Y/N could only shake her head in response and give him a brief smile. "Must have been cold."

The tall boy agreed in silence and crossed his arms in front of his chest, waiting for the food to arrive. He would disappear for a while to go to the bathroom, giving her some space to clear her mind. All she could think about was how beautiful the former second in command looked when he smiled, making her nervous the longer he stayed with her. For a moment, it seemed like he was another person when she was all alone with him. 

"Where are the others?" Felix asked when he returned from the bathroom, pulling the chair around to straddle it. 

"Someone took Henry." Y/N admitted low, not even wanting him to know that, well aware that he would only mock this situation, probably having expected such a thing sooner or later. 

"Hm.’' Felix let out an amused chuckle and gave her a winning smirk, one that said,"Told you so!"

"We're on our own for a while." The girl said, checking her phone for a message from the delivery guy. Not long. Almost here. How the time had passed by.

"I am  fucking happy they are gone." Felix snorted and rolled his eyes."They were such a pain in the ass."

At least they gave him a home and clothes, food and no worries about his current life. That was something and even though Y/N knew how beautiful the Island could be, the former lost boy had not been safe there. None of them were. How could he still be so blinded after all? Y/N wanted to respond but decided to keep her mouth shut. Right at that moment the doorbell rang. Shifting from her seat, Y/N strutted over to the door and opened it, waiting a few moments for the delivery guy to get up the stairs and hand her the Pizza. She pulled a twenty dollar bill out of her pocket and handed it over to the man before closing the door. The boxes felt hot on her cool hands and the smell of fat, cheese and pepperoni filled the room, making the girl realise how hungry she actually was. Felix's stomach started to rumble when she started to cut her Pizza, so she assumed he did not have any breakfast either. For a moment the girl really enjoyed the boy's company and hoped he would stay longer, but she was also sure that he would take his food and vanish as quickly as he used to do. Yet, Felix never ceased to amaze her. He waited in silence until she was done cutting, then he took the knife and in that moment her fingers touched his, she felt  a quick, electric sensation followed by butterflies rumbling in her stomach. Taking the Pizza, she quickly strutted into the direction of your room to hide her sudden joy, just to be stopped by Felix calling her name.

"Where are you going?"

"Into my room?" Y/N gave confused back ,wondering why he would want her to accompany him all of the sudden.

"Oh- I thought…" Felix sounded disappointed.

"Oh…" Her eyes widened and maybe she sounded a bit too harsh. "I thought you wouldn't want-"

"Nevermind." Felix barked harshly and swiftly vanished behind his own door, not even giving the girl a chance to say another word. Damn, this boy was so sensitive, his mood was constantly switching and Y/N wished to find out why he was always  so pessimistic about everything. Not now, she thought, not now. First she would eat, then she would take care of that matter. 

The boy let out an annoyed sight when he opened his door after Y/N knocked not long after she finished eating. Felix was eating the last slice of his pizza and held the empty box in his other hand.

"Why are you always coming to me?" He snarled.

"I just care about you! For god’s sake! You act so fucking mean since we came here and I wonder why." She raised her voice and knitted her eyebrows together in a serious manner

"Please don't do this." Felix moaned theoretically. "Please don't act as if you cared!"

Felix swiftly turned around and threw the empty box of Pizza aside. His fast movements caused her to flinch a little, but still she managed to remain calm.

"You don't care!" He snarled. "Nobody cares. Just leave me alone."

The tall boy did not need to turn around and give her a final glare, he made it clear that she was not wanted and no matter how much he needed her help, she respected his wishes. Y/N had really no thought to waste about him when she went straight into the bathroom to take a bath that might cool her nerves. That fucking audacity and this childish behaviour, as if Felix really meant what he was saying. They both knew he was not serious and that he was simply lying to himself about his emotions. There was no place for love in his heart after being manipulated by Pan for so long, nor  for friendship. Y/N did not care what the former second in command told himself about their friendship, it all has been a lie and a game for Pan, something to entertain him. It was worthless. His loss meant nothing, still Y/N cared how Felix felt about the betrayal of every former boy.

While she stripped off her clothes, the girl waited for the bathtub to be filled with hot water and bubbles, a metaphorical way to clean her thoughts when diving in. She should rather think about helping someone out and earn some money, so she could afford buying her own things. She splashed the water with her fingers and slowly sank deeper into the bathtub to enjoy the silence. The hot steam filled the room and when her thoughts drove off to something pleasantly, she almost forgot the time. Back in Neverland there was nothing to worry about time, the days were almost all the same and no one was there to rush someone. Things have barely changed in Storybrooke, since there was nothing to do for Y/N and the lanky lost boy, so they needed to find something to kill the time. 

It had been an eternity since the girl had taken a proper bath and maybe it was time to get out, but the hot water remained too tempting for her to step out. With a deep breath she closed her eyes and leaned back, as suddenly a door slammed shut, immediately telling her that Felix was leaving his room again. His slow footsteps definitely made their way towards the bathroom and Y/N realised that she did not lock the door. She did not really forget to lock the door, right? The girl could not recall it and to get out of the water, to check was too late, as she watched agonised how the door handle went down and the door swung wide open, causing her heart to skip a beat. The tall lost boy did not seem to notice her at first, but as soon as he entered the steamy room, Felix froze in place. His eyes widened and his face turned blank. For a long moment, they both stared at each other and Y/N felt relieved that she was at least covered by a thick foam of bubbles. 

"Fuck, sorry...I-" Felix stuttered through half open lips, as if the little sight of a girl's skin was enough to steal his voice. It gave Y/N her confidence back.

"I didn't mean to-" the boy still couldn't open his mouth while his gaze burned holes through her. It took him a moment, but suddenly Felix shook his head to ban whatever he was thinking about and shifted his eyes away, then turned on his heels to swiftly leave the bathroom. 

At least he could have closed the door, Y/N thought as she sunk deeper into the water in embarrassment. Fuck, how in the hell could she forget to close the door? At least he did not see anything, or did he? The whole situation left her frozen in place, unable to think clearly. Y/N did not even dare to step out of the water to close the door, so she just sat there, trying her best to calm down. After a while, the skin of her fingertips were already wrinkled up, leaving a rough touch on her softened skin and she finally thought about getting out of the bathtub. A long time  had passed, since Felix stepped into the bath and now the water was starting to get cold. The girl's eyes searched the room for a towel until she realised that she had washed them and now they hung in the living room. Fuck this shit.

"Felix!" She called him as loud as she could, but there was no answer. The boy did not respond until she called him again.

"What do you want?" His voice echoed through the hallway. She sounded unsure and intrigued. 

"I have a problem."

"Well now you have two." Felix yelled back.

Y/N frowned in confusion and lifted her head.

"How's that?"

"I ain't interested in your first problem."

She let out an annoyed sight and rolled with her eyes and brought her fingers to her forehead, running over her skin in a steady, relaxing movement. Why was he like that? Was it really necessary to always find a way for drama? 

"I don’t have a towel." She whined, hoping for him to bring her one. The grumpy boy did not respond again, an unbearable silence filling the apartment. Felix was there, the girl knew that he was. He had not shut his door yet, so he must be in the living room or kitchen where he would perfectly understand you.

"Felix…" She called him, already giving up that he would come and breaking her mind by finding a way to get past him. "Please."

A few seconds later she heard his footsteps come back again, the wood creaking under his weight and announcing the boy’s arrival. He did not even enter the room, instead Felix threw the towel through the open crack.

"I need to take a piss, so please hurry up!" He said rather cowardly before the footsteps led him away, then shutting the door shut. Y/N did not hesitate and got out of the water as quickly as she could, barely drying her skin before she sprinted into her own room before the former lost boy would cross her way again. 

Why did such things always happen to her? Could it not have been someone else to walk in like Emma or Mary? Of course not, destiny always found a way to punish the girl,- first Pan, now Felix. Nevertheless, the cold boy stayed inside her mind all the time. She dressed herself and got ready to snuck under the blankets. For a while she allowed herself to dream of him cuddling against her back, how his big body would feel like pressed against hers, or maybe even… on top  of her?

NO.

Fuck no, she was not having dirty daydreams of mister cold facade. There was nothing special about Felix, right? Eventually that long scar that ran over his jagged jawline and those blue, stabbing eyes fascinated her. Those  piercing eyes, that were sharp as daggers and intimidating as the gaze of a shark. There was definitely something mysterious about the former second in command, still, Y/N had told herself that she was done with adventures and risky decisions- Felix was definitely one of those,- that she could tell. He was hot, but also the biggest asshole she ever met. The former lost boy kept wandering through the apartment and distracting the girl's dreaming thoughts with each passing second. He would not leave her mind until she fell asleep.

(Next Chapter ->)

[aro-is-gay-af]

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3

I advise you to read it first, as this post is the continuation. 

Yeah, there will be Part 3 for sure. As usual, sorry for gramatical confusion and/or any mistakes.

Love you all, thank you for 100 (!) notes under Part 1. 

Warnings: Rape, Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 6768

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings’ mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

ENJOY!

You tried not to break your eye contact with Aro, as it made you unusually calm and on place. As soon as you walked through the door to the throne room you felt almost like at home. You knew it would take some time to get used to the new place, especially a place like this, though, you didn't find it repulsive or frightening.  

You sat down in the chair that Aro had pulled out for you. It was a little gesture but it made you a little less weirded out. Now, that you were alone with three kings, you were not as relaxed as you might have thought you’ll be, for your legs were trembling with exertion.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. You’ve barely eaten, been up on your feet since you got off the plane and through all day long, you were strongly convinced it was your last day on Earth. On top of this, you’ve just allowed Aro to touch your hand and then kiss it. You were certain that if it was for any other person, you wouldn’t be so willing to do so.

Aro took a seat opposite to you, whereas Marcus and Caius sat, probably, on their usual seats, not that far from you both. You were tired, but confident that some things needed to be established as soon as possible. You understood this perfectly. Also, even though Alice told you about basic things, you still were oblivious to most information.

“You have impressed me with your declaration” it was Caius who started the conversation. You looked directly at him.

“I’m not stupid, nor suicidal” you said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “At least, not anymore” you admitted, your upset tone impossible to miss. Caius tilted his head, eyeing you carefully.

“While on the plane, Alice told me briefly about basics,” you said. Seeing their stares, you rolled your eyes. “Yes, she also explained to me the laws. I knew this trip would’ve only two possible endings for me.”

Aro had known about this prior, but Marcus and Caius looked taken aback, to say at least.

“You knew you’d probably die and still came here?” it was Marcus who asked. It was a weird experience, even if you’d known him only for a few moments, to see such an authentic interest in his behaviour.

You nodded and smiled.

“Sure I did. Bella’s stupid ass didn’t give me another choice” you chuckled. Caius smiled again with that creepy smile, which he also had on his face while in the throne room.

“Stop that, brother” Aro scolded him lightly. “We don’t want to frighten [Y/N].”

Caius only rolled his eyes.

“You are familiar with the fact that I am as old as you, brother?” he asked Aro mockingly, sprawling comfortably in his chair. “There’s no need to scold me like I’m a child.”

Aro frowned.

“Yes, brother, I am certainly familiar with this. But nonetheless, you should be more gentle when it comes to [Y/N].”

Even though you’d been tired, somehow kings’ presence had risen your spirits. Also, it was quite funny to see them mock themselves like this.

“Can I say something?” you asked, visibly amused by their behaviour. You've relaxed a little and only then you felt how tired you really were.

“Of course, cara” said Marcus, who didn’t exactly talk much until now. All of them were looking at you, curious about what you wanted to say.

You smiled shyly, not being accustomed to receive so much attention at once.

“I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m not exactly…afraid of you? I guess I’m mostly curious. I wasn’t… concerned while we were heading here. Like, at all” you admitted, trying your best to find words, which would suit your emotions.

Three of them were listening very carefully, even Aro, who had already known your thoughts.

“Alice wasn’t trying to scare me, but I felt that she was extremely cautious when it came to your coven. Bella also was exaggerating with drama and I…” you immediately felt sick and couldn’t end the sentence. You were happy to maybe die? You were happy to have something to think about, other than rape? To think about something different than this unwanted child?  

It was as they felt the change in your mood. You saw Aro wanted to touch you but restrained himself from doing so. Marcus’s expression was calm but you actually thought, he was being beyond emotional about this. And Caius…he looked genuinely concerned.

You smiled sadly, as none of them said anything.

“I’m not exactly aware of how this mating bond thing works, but that’s probably the reason” you said quietly, with insecurity so overwhelming that you couldn’t look at the kings anymore.  Instead, you embraced your knees with yours arms and glanced at your feet resting on the edge of your chair.

You tried hard not to cry. You weren’t weak, you weren’t unstable. You were harmed in the most brutal way and you knew, it would take you a while to get out of this state of mind. Nevertheless, you didn’t want them to consider you weak or unworthy of their attention. Right now, they were the only ones you had in this world.

Your throat tightened and your lips trembled from the sob you denied yourself to make. One of them handed you a handkerchief, while making an effort not to touch you. You glanced up, as it turned out, at Marcus, who was holding the handkerchief in front of you.

“It is perfectly alright to cry, cara. You have no idea how many times I wished to shed at least one tear” he said, while you were wiping away yours. You believed him, of course. When you were in the throne room, at first Marcus looked completely lifeless and depressed. It changed after he spotted you, but you knew his behaviour didn’t come out of nowhere.

You’ve managed to calm yourself a little bit. After you regained your composure, Aro smiled gently at you, making you give him your full attention.

“My dear, we would be delighted to explain to you everything, but I can clearly see that you are extremely tired. So much has happened today, and the best way we can handle this, is when you are well rested. May I suggest coming back to the topic without any more delay, when you’ve had enough sleep?”

You smiled because of his intricate wording.

“Sure. Although, there’s no need for you to talk to me this way” you said amused, while also trying not to sound rude. The way Aro expressed his thoughts was extremely distinguished and you understood that this was part of his personality that he had acquired over three millennia.

Caius smiled to himself hearing your remark and Marcus didn't hide his amusement either. Even Aro seemed mildly entertained.

“Forgive me, cara mia” he said apologetically, mischievous tone of his voice never escaping your attention. “I am quite old by now” his remark made Caius laugh loudly. You laughed too.

“I don’t think your age matters in this case” you said, your spirits raised just a little bit.

 ***

 After your brief conversation, it was Marcus who showed you to your room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room, as you had all suite to yourself. As soon as you saw it, you decided that it was really too much, that a bed would suffice, but fell silent after Marcus explained, why you needed to be isolated from others.

You almost forgot they were vampires and you could die if you walked into the wrong one. You shared your concerns with Marcus, who was extremely amused to hear about them. Only the most trusted members of the guard knew of the whereabouts of your chamber. The lower ranks didn't even know that you were staying in the castle for an extended period of time.

Marcus assured that overnight the kings would consider, who would be the most qualified to become your personal guardian. You were a bit embarrassed, as you seemed to be creating quite a problem with your presence in the castle. Nonetheless, you thanked Marcus, making sure beforehand that you would definitely see the three of them, as soon as you got some sleep.

Your chamber was huge. You could’ve sworn it was twice the size of the house you owned in Forks. You had your own bathroom, walk-in-closet and even a small kitchenette with a fridge. The star of the room was the massive bed with a mattress so soft, you felt like you were lying on a cloud. Before you went to bed, you decided to have a bath, because it would be silly to sleep in such a bed while being dirty.

While searching for pyjamas, you realised there were not many clothes in the wardrobe. Could this have been a guest room? You concluded that it was very likely. Anyway, you had nothing against guest rooms which looked like this. You found a thin-strapped, ankle-length nightdress, in a fabric so pleasant that it was impossible to resist wearing it.

The bathroom was ridiculously large, with two sinks to the left of the entrance, a huge bathtub in the middle and a shower that was built into, what you assumed, was a marble wall. On the opposite side of the entrance there was a vanity, with all kinds of beauty products and perfumes. You also didn't expect the bathroom to be in bright colours, and yet, the walls and floor were white marble, whereas all other elements were golden. You didn't even want to think about the fact that indeed, you had real gold faucets to your exclusive use.

You continued to think about the fact that it seemed too much. The lavishness overwhelmed you and, at the same time, distracted you from unpleasant thoughts. The washing up part, as always, was difficult for you. You tried not to look in the mirror at all. Eventually, you decided you didn't have the energy to try a bath, so you went for a quick shower.

It wasn't until you were in the shower, before you truly felt tired. You doubted it was an evening, but you felt like you'd just done a double shift at the hospital. It felt wonderful to have your hair washed, only to cuddle up later in an incredibly soft towel.

While changing into your nightgown, you didn't even glance in the mirror. You were unable to look at your naked body in the reflection. You were afraid, even though the bruises and wounds had long been healed.

Climbing onto the bed, you tried not to think too much. You didn't want to think about what you were going to do with the baby. You didn't want to think about the fact that you would probably have to explain to Caius and Marcus, why you were pregnant in the first place. You also didn't want to think about Aro seeing those memories. You were glad that you could fall asleep and, at least for a little while, be relieved of the burden of reality.

***

 “Alright. What is there that we need to discuss?” you asked, trying to focus. You were back in the study with the round table, except that there were many more papers and books on it than the day before.

It was the strangest morning of your life. According to what Aro told you, you slept for about fifteen hours. He was by your side when you woke up, but not in such manner as to startle you in any way. He came to ask how you were feeling and what you felt like eating for breakfast. You thought that with a kitchenette in your room you would be preparing your own meals. You were very much mistaken. When you said that you would like to eat scrambled eggs, Aro only smiled and told you to get dressed.

You didn't have time to ask what you were supposed to wear since the walk-in-closet was almost empty, but he had already disappeared. It turned out that you were wrong again. In those fifteen hours, someone had managed to restock your wardrobe at least halfway. You were too surprised to look at everything, but you had never seen such expensive and well-tailored clothes. You picked out the first pieces you were sure, you would feel comfortable in.

After a quick shower, you dressed up and when you came out of bathroom, Aro was already waiting for you. He brought you your meal and while you were eating, he would talk to you about things that were of minor importance. It was hard not to notice that he was in a great mood and you had to admit that you were sharing his optimism. He waited patiently for you to end your meal so that both of you could join Marcus and Caius in the study. If your human memory didn't fail you, a great number of issues had to be discussed.

You smiled, seeing so many papers and books on the wooden table. Caius and Marcus were sitting in the exact same places as yesterday.

“You should’ve wake me sooner, you know. I never sleep this much” you said, also sitting in the same place you were assigned the evening before. Aro sat in the chair on your right.

“You should sleep as long as you feel like it, dolcezza,” said Caius, focusing all his attention on you. You blushed a little. You weren’t used to being in the centre of attention. It didn't make you uncomfortable before, but after what happened... It was going to take some time before you could fully recover.  

“Caius is right. You should get plenty of sleep, my dear. If there’s no need to wake you up, we simply will not do it,” said Aro, whose smile has not left his face even for a moment.

When Marcus had finished whatever he was doing, you could finally move on to the conversation between the four of you. You thought that Aro will lead the conversation but, apparently, you were really going to discuss this together.

“I gathered you were a nurse before. You also worked with Carlisle,” started Aro, getting straight to the point. You nodded your head in agreement.

“Yes. I worked on Paediatric Intensive Care Unit but hospital in Forks is so small that I usually ended up also helping Carlisle with many things” you admitted, trying to divide your attention between three of them. If you were to stay a human for a little while, you needed to work on that. It was rather problematic to look at them all at once.

“We became friends when Bella started seeing Edward, but then the whole moving out thing came up and right now, I don't really know if I know Carlisle as well as I thought I did,” you said, without a trace of regret in your voice. Aro knew very well that you had a grudge against the doctor. Sure, Edward had left Bella, but you were sure Carlisle would have at least told you about the promotion. Now you knew it wasn't about that at all, and yet the grudge continued.

Aro smiled lightly, but you saw a glint of sadness in his eye.

“After you transformation I will be pleased to invite here my old friend Carlisle along with his family. I hope everything will work out fine between the two of you” he said with hope in his voice. You had no idea that Carlisle new Aro to the extent that he called him an old friend. You promised yourself to talk about this with Aro while in private.

“I’m…a bit concerned about this, actually” you said anxiously. “I know I need to become a vampire one day, but…” You never ended the sentence. Were you afraid of pain? No, certainly not. However, you wanted to begin with knowing your mates just a little bit more. You wanted to know more about this world you were supposed to spend eternity in.

“It’s perfectly alright to be afraid, [Y/N]” said Marcus, leaning closer to you. You felt stupid and young.

“I don’t think I’m afraid. I’m only…uncertain, because I know close to nothing about your lifestyle and I’m not sure I’m quite ready to experience it,” you tried to explain, as best as you could. Aro was a little bit ahead of Caius and Marcus, as he saw at least parts of such thoughts in your mind. Caius was the one to answer you.

“It understandable, [Y/N]. While you’ll be spending time with us, we’re going to explain everything to you. One step at a time, as my dear brother said earlier. And tell me, how do you like your chambers?” he asked, clearly curious about your opinion. You smiled, but it was a shy one.

“I love it, really, but, as I asked Aro earlier, isn’t it too much?” you suggested, trying not to offend him. Aro and Marcus smiled softly, Caius snorted.

“Nonsense, cara. With us, you'll have the very best of all worlds” he assured you.

“In that case, thank you, all of it is truly wonderful, although I feel a little awkward.”

Again, all three just laughed, but it wasn’t impolite in one bit. Aro put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“My dear, no need for you to fret about such things as money. The most important person to us is you and we will give you whatever you need” he assured you, still with that magnificent smile. You nodded shyly, not being able to say anything. You had only been with them in a room for a short while and you felt like you were drunk. The aura they exuded was irresistible. Simultaneously you wanted to be with each of them separately and with all of them altogether. It was not an affection, not yet, but this strange attraction did not allow itself to be forgotten easily. You yearned to be in the same room with them, just to be able to talk to them and look at each other constantly.

“I have… I have a house in Forks” you said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Would you like to sell your property?” asked Caius, raising an eyebrow. Aro was also intrigued. Marcus just continued to look at you, almost as he studied your face.

“I guess. I don't think I want to go back there again” you said quietly, recalling how many bad things happened there. You were no longer at ease, not even to mention amused. The kings, just as it happened the day before, felt the shift in your behaviour. “Ever” you emphasised, but it was only a whisper.  

Bad memories deluged your thoughts. Your mother's illness and death. Your father's accident, then his death. Also, the most recent events. You swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“I don’t want this house. I don’t want to come back to this godforsaken place ever again,” you said, wiping away a single tear with your fingers. You were ashamed, but you could not hold back the tears that followed. You did not deserve to go through all of this.

It was Marcus who spoke first.

“Cara, Aro told us nothing about your past, but I can assure you no one is going to hurt you here. You can be certain about this” he said gently, handing you a handkerchief. You accepted it gratefully, then began to quickly wipe away your tears.

“Marcus is absolutely right, [Y/N]. There is nothing in this world that we cannot protect you from. We will always be by your side. You won’t be in danger ever again” Caius assured you, while you were still trying to get these tears under control.

Aro seemed as if he wanted to lock you in an embrace and never let you go again, but he restrained himself. You knew it was because of your memories, because he saw what happened to you, and because he literally lived through it with you. You thought that probably the latter pushed you towards this decision. Who could know better what you’ve been through, than a person who knew about all things that happened during your life? You wanted a hug, desperately, and you already knew, you could trust Aro on this one.

Once he saw the permission in your eyes, you immediately found yourself in his arms. As usual, he was immensely gentle and affectionate, stroking your hair while not touching your skin, so as not to accidentally read your thoughts. You cuddled into him trustingly, not caring that he was cold. You had known him one day and he had managed to evoke more trust within you, than friends that you had known for years.

When the crying eased and you calmed down slightly, you rested your head on his shoulder. Again, just like yesterday in the throne room, you felt as if you had been home for a long time. They were your home, not some pile of stones and a roof.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, trying not to be ashamed. Aro stroked your hair again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, cara mia,” he assured you, with a gentle tone of his voice. You glanced at Marcus and Caius, but they only seemed at ease, as you finally were calm and not crying. Not a hint of jealousy. You didn't want Aro to let you out of his embrace and apparently he wasn't going to do anything of the sort either. You felt safe within his arms.

“Can you take care of ‘selling the house’ thing?” you asked, trying to remember what were you talking about before your emotional breakdown.

“Of course, [Y/N]. You could call Isabella later, to gather things you want to have here with you,” said Caius, exceptionally calm. Maybe his behaviour in the throne room was only an act? Or maybe he was being this way only because you were a mess and he didn’t want to upset you more than you already were.

“Yes, I’d like that, please” you said politely, wiping away the last of your tears with the handkerchief you got from Marcus.

“Are you ready to talk about the child, cara, or do you want to postpone it until some other time?” Aro asked you, trying to be as gentle with the word choice as possible. You hid your face in his jet black hair. It smelled of something you couldn't quite define, but it had a calming effect on you. You heaved a number of deep breaths. He gently caressed your shoulder.

“If you feel like sharing this, cara mia, please do. If you are unable to, do not force yourself” he advised, with so much sensitivity in his tone, that you wouldn’t expect from a man, yet alone from a vampire. It seemed that nor Caius, neither Marcus wanted to push you only to get this information.

You didn’t want to ponder about it for too long. It would definitely come to an end with you simply telling nothing at all. While you were not ready at all to talk about it, you needed to explain this somehow. You weren’t ready for any unexpected touch. You were adamant that current thing with Aro was caused by situation and your emotions. While the thought of Caius or Marcus touching you wasn’t downright awful, the idea of unexpected, unwelcomed touch made you twitch uncontrollably.

“As Aro was kind enough to mention…” started Marcus, probably to assure you no words were truly needed. You might, as well, have said it already. You didn't want anyone to accidentally touch you. You wanted to welcome the touch of your mates, just as you did with Aro a few minutes before. Being touched when you didn’t want would be catastrophic, not only for your mental health, but also for the stirring relationship with kings. It would have been worse than talking about rape itself out loud.

“I was raped a few weeks ago” you choked out, trying to make your voice sound as toneless and apathetic as possible. “I haven’t decided what to do with the… with it. Yet” you added, feeling stupid and extremely anxious. You wanted to get it over with, and at the same time you knew, it would have to be talked about at some point.

Nobody said anything. They probably waited for more words, maybe more emotions. You weren’t tense or embarrassed in front of them. Although, the uncertainty, of what were their thoughts on the topic, was a little bit intimidating. As minutes passed and you were saying nothing, Caius spoke up.

“Do you want us to kill him?” he asked, sweeping you off your feet with the question. You stared at him with amazement, completely forgetting about Aro embracing you. Your gaze didn’t discourage Caius a one bit. “Maybe some tortures first? What do you say, brothers?” he asked Aro and Marcus, his eyes remaining on you.

“Could you really do that?” you asked, before Aro or Marcus could answer. Caius started laughing out loud. There was something terrifying and, yet, incomprehensibly appealing about it. He leaned towards you.

“We would burn the whole world for you,” he whispered perilously. “If you want him to suffer, to be terrified, just as you were, say the word” he clarified, with a nasty smirk on his face. “We’ll make his last hours on Earth a living hell.”

Caius had something dangerous within himself. Something primal. He wasn’t so self-composed as Aro and as insular as Marcus. He was violent, fierce, vicious. It should scare you away from him. Only it didn’t. You believed every word he said and wanted it done. Why this little man should live his life peacefully, when you were traumatised and pregnant with a child you didn’t want in a first place?

“Revenge isn’t going to make you feel better” Aro whispered warningly into your ear, but still with calm and gentle voice.

“Yeah, I know that” you said to Aro, while still staring into Caius’s eyes. His also were crimson, but with lighter shade than Aro’s. You weren’t anxious anymore, nor were you in emotional breakdown. “But women he wants to rape will feel better if he doesn’t” you said, smiling almost as darkly as Caius. You got the feeling that you two were going to get along pretty well. Caius leaned back into his chair.

“Fantastic. We’ll talk about it more in following weeks, dear” he said, obviously pleased with the outcome of the conversation.

“Regardless if you keep the child, you’re going to be one of us” reminded Aro, to change the subject. When he mentioned transformation, you were far more conscious than few moments before. You tried not to be pessimistic about the change. You knew questions needed to be asked, but you had plenty of time to ask about anything you wanted and exactly three most experienced vampires in the world to answer them.

“We established it before, Aro” said Marcus for the first time in a while. You gathered that he wasn’t the talkative one here. You disentangled yourself from Aro's embrace and returned to your chair. Enough touching for today. However, you were sure that the sense of safety and comfort that he provided you with, would remain with you for a long time.

“I’m not able to tell you now if I want to keep the child” you said with confidence. “Anyway, I need to know what will happen, whether I decide to terminate the pregnancy or not.”

You were looking directly at Aro. You knew he had the final word here. You had a feeling how it’ll end, but you wanted to hear it anyway and have it straightforward. Aro sighed softly and smiled warmly after.

“If you’d like to keep the child, you’re going to give birth to it and when it’ll be grown up enough, it’ll become one of us” he said, his gaze extremely soft.

“Okay” you agreed. “And what if I’m not going to keep the child?” you asked, because it was the more probable occurrence. Aro saw it within your thoughts and you weren’t going to act like it wasn’t the choice you were closer to opt for. His smile remained gentle and warm, his eyes calm and soft on yours.

“The things that need to be done, are going to be done” he said, and you were extremely grateful that he didn’t use the ‘abortion’ word. You were too emotionally unstable to talk about it so straightforward. “We are going to know each other a little bit more. You’ll also meet our most trustful guards to feel safe. When you’ll be ready, one of us will change you” he explained, as simple as he could. You smiled at him a little sadly.

“Alright. Do I have any time limitations?” you asked curiously, throwing a quick glance at Caius and Marcus.

“No, dolcezza. You can take as much time as you want. You’re finally with us. That’s what truly matters to us” he reassured you. He was neither angry nor upset with the thought of you postponing transformation till the child is being born.

“One step at a time” he said cheerfully and smiled. You also smiled. It was almost impossible not to. “Cara mia, you’re so pretty when you smile. I hope you’ll be able to do that more and more here” this sentence made you blush. All three of them laughed, which made you blush even more.

“Thank you” you whispered, but it was a little unsure and hesitant. You saw concern on their faces.

“May I ask you one more question?” this time it was Marcus who asked.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you checked how far along are you? You’ve told us that maybe you’ll want to terminate the pregnancy, but my concern is about your health and how your body is going to catch up with the decision of yours, regardless what it’ll be” he said, very politely, trying not to offend you. You appreciated that dearly.

Marcus did ask very good question, though. You had no idea how far along you were. It was at least three months since it happened, so your first trimester should be over very soon.

“I don’t know. I haven’t checked. I couldn’t find the courage to do so. The only thing the doctor did, was to confirm the pregnancy” you answered, trying hard to remember if something else was being said.

“We should probably call the doctor, then” said Marcus, concern noticeable in his voice. Aro and Caius agreed with him, so did you.  

“So, do I have my own cook at my disposal?” you asked to change the subject and relieve tension a bit. Enough of difficult subjects for today.

“Ah, yes, my dear, of course!” said Aro with extreme enthusiasm. “I hope you enjoyed your breakfast today. If something isn’t the way you want it, tell any of us right away.”

“Oh, yes, I did! Hey, and I told you that already!” you said, quite amused. “Am I not supposed to be the one, who forgets?” you asked, laughing.

Caius laughed most loudly, clearly amused by what you’ve just said. Aro smiled, watching you being in better mood, than before. Marcus was just Marcus, but he also smiled.

You spent the rest of the day with the kings, talking about many important and less important things. Mostly, you talked about the matter of selling your house, the things you will want to have with you in the castle, the fact that you should give up your job and your personal guard. The latter has been the cause of endless discussion. Later that evening, Aro decided that Renata, his personal guard, would be temporarily assigned to you.

You wanted to argue but there was literally no point in it. You knew that for the time you were still human, you had to have some sort of guard, because you couldn't even handle half a vampire on your own. You weren't tired at all, so after eating dinner you spent time with Caius and Marcus, trying to figure out what you could do together to get to know each other better. Unfortunately, Aro was obliged to attend to some important business, but in this case, you had already established some kind of a bond with him.

Caius and Marcus deeply respected your wish not to touch you in any way. You visited the library and were sure you had simply fallen in love. Sadly, most of the books were written in languages the existence of which you were previously unaware. Marcus was more than happy to offer you to study with him. To begin with, learning Italian. You had not yet discovered what Caius liked to do, but you were sure you would soon find out.

When they too had to attend to important matters, they escorted you to your room, and you decided it would be a good idea to call Bella. Not just about the house, but generally to let her know you were alive. When you’ve finally reached her, you both couldn’t shut up.

“Hi, sister!” you squeaked, overly excited. You heard her laugh.

“Hi! Are you fine, [Y/N]? I was starting to worry, the only thing that kept me from calling you was Alice,” she said and you laughed.

“Hi [Y/N]!” you heard Alice in the background. You threw yourself on the bed, so that you could lie on your stomach. You hugged your pillow and made yourself comfortable.

“Hi Alice!” you greeted her, smiling to yourself like a mad person, who you probably were, given the circumstances. “I’m happy to hear you, Bella, seriously. Are you at Cullen’s place?” you asked curious, as where Alice came from.

“Yeah, exactly. We were all worried here, you know” she admitted, you heard how anxious she was. You couldn’t help it but laughed.

“Well, how could you leave me in the lion's den like that” you joked and heard someone’s laugh.

“She’s fun. I need to meet her” you heard again and also laughed.

“This will probably happen sooner rather than later,” you answer to this mystery someone with confidence. Bella’s side fell silent. “But, you know, I guess I’m okay. I had fifteen hours of sleep today and the best scrambled eggs in my entire life” you admitted cheerfully, thinking about you waking up and eating your breakfast in Aro’s presence. You smiled widely. You heard someone talking in the background, but you had no idea what was this all about.

“That’s good because I was worried sick when we got out of that room” Bella admitted, trying to sound not too worried, though.

“It’s better than fine, you know. And how are you? You seriously were as white as a sheet while in throne room” you said and this was your turn to be worried about Bella again. “Hey, and I hope this asshole isn’t going to leave you again. My threat is in force,” you said in a threatening tone, knowing that Edward could definitely hear it. You heard the same laugh as before plus Bella’s laugh.

“I’m sure he’ll not be doing it again. Carlisle has already scolded him decently.”

Your heart ached a little after hearing Carlisle’s name. You thought he was your friend, or maybe it was beginning of friendship, and now you had no idea what to think about it at all.

“Good. How are you, Bells?” you asked again, hugging your pillow tightly.

“I’m okay, really, [Y/N]. No need to worry about me.”

Of course you were going to worry about her. She was just like a little sister to you. No way you’d stop worrying. Suddenly, you remembered what happened in the throne room and became seriously concerned.

“Have you set a date?” you asked, and again, the other side fell silent. This time completely. You sighed heavily. “I’m not a spy, you know, but I’m worried about you. We will need to talk about all of this. I get why didn’t you tell me, but, seriously Bella, your self-preservation instinct does not exist,” you scolded her, just a little. You had a feeling that she gave no fucks, no matter what anyone could say about this situation.

“Says the “I’m staying here, Bella” person” she gritted out with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes.

“One, they wouldn’t let me leave. Two, you were in danger and I was alright with sacrificing myself to save you. Three…” this time you fell silent, realising something important. “…I wouldn’t go. I’m not able to. This bond, whatever it is, it’s strong shit. You probably now it, as you have this with Edward. I have got it triple.”

After really long moment of complete silence, Bella spoke up.

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?” she asked, her question as heavy as storm clouds. You sighed.

“Because I’ve got nothing to live for, ya know? I was prepared that I wouldn’t get out alive,” you admitted with sad voice, but it was downright true.

“You’re pregnant, [Y/N]” she said, like it was something, which could immediately improve your well-being and quality of life. You felt like throwing up.

“Yeah. I’m pregnant with the child I don’t want, with a man I’ve never met, who forced himself on me and made my life more miserable than it already was. I should probably send him a card or something because, guess what, I’ve never considered that my life is going to be more crappy than it already was after my parents’ death.”

When you ended the sentence and no one said anything, you just sighed heavily.

“You’ve got the date set?” you asked again, merely curious about this and to change the topic.

“Not yet” she said, her voice sad and full of emotions.

“Then do it. They’re patient, to some extent, but don't tempt fate. I don’t want to attend yet another funeral,” you said bitterly, trying not to think at all.

“How can you be so calm about all of this?” Bella snapped suddenly, making you shift uncomfortably on bed.

“And how you can be so calm? How was this your fucking plan from the very beginning? Once again, I try to understand you, while not understanding you at all” you snapped too, tired of any games. Before she could answer, you continued:

“I’m not coming back. I wanted to ask you if you could go to my house and get some things, I can make you a list if it’s going to be easier.”

You thought telling her this right away would be better than if she wasn’t aware for weeks or months.

“What?! Why aren’t you coming back?” she asked with raised voice. You wanted to shout and scream but you didn’t. It was too much for one day.

“Because I’ve got nothing to come back to. You’re going to be a vampire anyway, so I’ll see you in some time. I’m selling the house and I want to leave the past exactly where it belongs” you explained, trying not to yell. The hormone fluctuations didn't make it easy for you at all.

Another silence. You were tired of all of this.

“Can you do this for me, Bella? Because if you can’t, I’m sure…”

She didn’t let you finish.

“Of course I’ll do it for you. Can we talk tomorrow about the details?” she asked, her voice calmed a bit.

“Yeah, sure. It’s well after midnight here anyway, so I should probably go to sleep. I’ve got doctor’s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon” you said, trying to sound casually. Last thing you needed now was to argue about anything with Bella.

“Okay, so, call me tomorrow?” she asked. “And be safe.”

“You too, Bells. Take care. I love you, sis” you said, trying to stop the forthcoming tears.

“I love you too, [Y/N].”

Long after this phone call, you couldn’t get yourself to sleep. You tried bath this time, but it was mostly useless. At least, you were clean. First time after the rape, you decided to touch your belly on purpose. It began to curve gently, and, apart from that, you still felt pain and pressure in your breasts. You put on a nightdress and went to bed, this time actually trying to get some sleep. You also tried not to think too much about what the future would bring.

[fnafsbheadcanon]

Swap AU.

All I have to say

* Henry burn children alive while William Afton try to stop him. *

* Bonnie is the lead but still play a guitar while Freddy is just a background singer *

* The Funtimes and Toys are swap since the Toys were built by Henry and the Funtimes were built by William afton. *

*If Charlie and Evan ( crying child) swap places I doubt the bite of 83 would happen, I may not know a lot about novels but I doubt that Sammy would do that to his sister like Michael did to his younger brother which mean either Sammy wasn't there when his sister got up by a bullies and put in a rabbit's mouth or another accident happen in 83 that cause the death of Charlie. *

* Vanessa is swap with Phone guy, Vanessa or should I say phone girl, only give Sammy some useful advice but mostly just judge and be rude toward him.*

* I am not sure entirely sure how sister location would go down since Elizabeth isn't dead and possessing a A animatronic but I think it would be neat if Michael or Elizabeth help Sammy in this game and the toys were failed killer animatronics experiments made by Henry lock underground after all the failed tests yet depsie being failures these toys still can kill ( of course they didn't tell their dad about this lol )*

* the scooped probably won't of happen especially since Michael and Elizabeth are helping Sammy but I still think Sammy still get somewhat hurt and the toys are able to escape by using one Henry's humanoid as a diguse*

* the murders of the five children pretty go down that same escape for Henry burn their body parts and out them into the suits *

* the bite of 87 still happen yet it happen to Michael instead of Jeremy ( even in a swap au, Michael Afton still suffer) leaving Elizabeth as the only living afton child and you can still William ( when he find out that his children been sneaking out of the house ) would be very pissed and devastated that his animatronic that was supposed to protect people kill his son so immediately shut down the Funtimes animatronics so he can keep his last child alive*

* instead of burning down the pizza simulator location, William would just flood it and run out with Sammy and Elizabeth ( I doubt William would sacrifice himself like Henry did in the Canon also Elizabeth was able to convince her father to save Sammy from being drown by the flood) *

* we have a glitch bear instend of a Glitch rabbit trying to influence Phone guy *

* Now it Glamrock Bonnie potecting Millie from the other Glamrock animatronics *

* speaking of Phone guy, he a lot nice yet in a creepy way that is enough for Millie not to trust him *

* also at one point in the game either William, Sammy or Elizabeth appere to help Millie when Glamrock Bonnie is down *