#why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time???

[goldkirk]

I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.

It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.

still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby

[kyunzin]

☆ 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑‘𝐒 𝐏𝐄𝐓 ☆

✰ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ✰ 𝐇. 𝐇𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢 ✰ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ✰ you have a failing grade. he’s more than willing to give you a bit of extra credit but not for free of course (f!reader) ✰ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒/𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 ✰ nsfw, teacher x student, semi public sex, face slapping, age gap(36 r!22), degradation, praise, hair pulling, face fucking, cockwarming, asphyxiation ✰ 𝐊𝐘𝐔𝐍’𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ✰ do not do this in real life guys this will not happen trust me. i need to sleep i'm too tired for this.

w.c ✰ 2.2k

if only you knew what you were getting into

if only you weren't so stubborn and accepted the grade

if only you knew that your teacher had a thing for sweet, innocent girls like you

you had always had a perfect record of: punctuality, attendance, and grades so it bothered you this much to have this one failing grade on your report.

never had you gotten below a 'B' so it surprised you to this this. you made sure to follow all the criteria for the task so you're perplexed as to why you failed.

you usually aced his assessments so its only natural for you to seek him out to find out the reason behind the big 'D' marked on the top of your paper and then you would find a way to boost this to at least a 'B'.

you had heard rumours before that he hardly gave out bad grades but when he did he would always allow his student to finish some tasks for extra credit.

nobody ever said what he asked them to do for him but all you know is that whenever they do their grade always gets boosted up depending on their completion of the tasks.

its said that some even go back to ask for more tasks even if their grade is perfect.

you were determined to not leave his office without changing your grade even if it meant doing unknown tasks.

in no time do you find yourself in front of his office door, with you papers ready for an explanation, knocking hastily. not even a second later do you hear him tell you to come in. you have no idea how it got to this.

one minute you're sitting across from him arguing about your grade and the next your papers are forgotten laying on top of the desk and you're sitting under his desk with his fist in your hair and his cock down your mouth.

you had no idea this was the kind of task he requested the student to do. never would the thought of sucking your professors cock, to get a better grade, have crossed your mind. let alone committing such a scandalous act in such a public setting much less.

such a studious pupil like you should feel ashamed at your actions, but the way he hoaxed you into believing this is the best thing that you could do to raise your grade leave shame as the last thing on your mind. all you want to focus on is making him feel good.

you're not even sure if this is allowed, but the second he rolled back in his chair and spread his legs beckoning you over to sit between his legs it was game over.

it would be a lie to say that you didnt find him attractive with his stoic attitude and firm build. it may have influenced your decision on agreeing to partaking in his more than improper tasks. had it have been any other professor you'd have reported them straight away.

"i didn't think it'd be this easy," he tilts your head back so that your staring up at him through you lashes with your glossy eyes just about visible to him.

there isn't much space under the desk so you're sitting on your knees, hands in your lap with your head sandwiched between his firm thighs ,that you're sure could crush you head with a slight twitch "i thought i'd have to do more to convince you"

his grip loosens for a second and he leans his head back against his chair but the second you attempt to swallow around his cock the hold is back.

"who would've thought little miss perfect would be such a perfect cock sucker" you feel his hand dragging you back off his cock with his eyes now closed.

"it cant be the first time you've done this," you'd try to shake your head but with his cock lodged down your throat as well as the minimal space all you're able to to is make a hum of disagreement as you partially look up at him.

"come on. don't lie to me, you don't want to be a bad girl do you?" the hold on your hair vanishes and moves forward to caress your face and you lean into the touch closing your eyes almost forgetting the position your in right now.

"ill have you know bad girls get punishments. you don't want that do you?" you're to lost in thought thinking about what punishment you would receive only to be snapped back into realty when you feel your cheek start to sting from where his hand connected with your face.

"don't tell me you've lost your ability to respond," his hands reach back into your hair with a loose grip "you've only been down here for a couple minutes yet you're already cockdrunk"

you have no words to respond, not that you could say them anyway, so you tilt your head down in shame trying to ignore his chuckles from above you.

"c'mon princess, no need to be embarrassed," he gently pulls your head back so he can see your eyes. "its like you were made to be the perfect sleeve for my cock"

maybe its the fact that he's the first male to show any sexual interest in you but you somewhat find some comfort in his words. at least someone is praising you even though it may not be for the most gracious thing.

he slowly starts to ease his cock out your mouth again pulling your head off ever so slowly before abruptly thrusting his cock down the back of your throat all he way to the hilt now using both hands to hold your head steady while he uses you for his pleasure.

its inevitable that you gag around his cock but he doesn't allow you any time to recuperate, instead he fucks into your mouth with vigour without so much as a care to how you're taking it.

you're struggling to breath with his erratic pace and you're starting to become light headed the longer he fucks your throat. its almost like torture for you but it seems to e the opposite for him.

the feeling of your throat jerking around him elicits deep groans from him as he chases his own pleasure using you as he pleases.

it comes to a point where your hair is dishevelled, face is a mess, tears streaking down dour face, and the lower half of your face coated in your saliva and his mess.

before you start to loose consciousness from lack of oxygen you have to frantically slap his thigh to alert him of your struggles. only then does he pull out completely letting get air but your too busy coughing and choking up all the pooled wetness that collected in your mouth.

you're only given a few seconds before his thumb in your mouth preventing you from closing it "you were doing so well s'shame you don't know how to breath properly," his free hand strokes his cock and you can see the slight glimmer from your saliva.

"next time i'll have to teach you how to control your breathing" upon hearing the prospect of a next time your distress falls to back of your mind.

your face is a few inches away from his cock and even though you just felt like you were dying with all your senses being overwhelmed with him all you want is for his cock to be back in your mouth.

you stare up up him and all you can think about is how your probably look like a hot mess while he still looks put together like that didn't just happen.

without his cock in your mouth there's no reason for your face to be in such a state but you make no move to adjust your appearance. "such a pretty cockslut you are"

an almost dumb smile rises on your face and a similar one is mimicked on his face. "if only i could keep you here forever" his thumb glides across your tongue, holding it open to the point where it starting to strain your jaw but you don't dare move.

"i'd have you warm my cock while i grade papers," your already imagining it in your head wondering if he'd let you do more than warm his cock "i bet you'd love that wouldn't you?" this might be the fastest you've nodded and it's almost enough to make you dizzy.

"of course you would. there's no need for a pretty little thing like you to be worried about exams. all you should think about is being here on my cock" you find yourself thoughtlessly agreeing with him, ignoring all the things that are wrong with what he said.

"well that can be a conversation for another day" he removes his thumb and uses his fingers to further smear the mess all over your face.

"for now how about we take care of this" he brings your attention to his neglected cock that standing proud against his stomach, leaking and dribbling down the underside of his cock.

without instruction you lay out your tongue for him not wanting to waste anymore time. "such a good girl you are. i don't even need to tell you what to do"

you close your eyes when his cock slaps down onto your tongue and focus on savouring his taste on your tongue while you still can.

he wastes no time with sliding his as much of his cock into your mouth as he can and slowly dragging it out. you would say that he's being more gentle if he didnt start driving his cock down your throat mere seconds later.

what you do know is that your taking it better than last time. you've somehow managed to learn how to open your throat so its not as hard on you.

"that's it. just keep being a good cocksleeve for me" the longer this drags on the more groans, curses, and praises leave his mouth.

your almost reaching the point where you're struggling to breath until you notice his thrusts start to loose rhythm and you feel his cock begin to pulse.

the final sign is his rushed spew of "fuckfuckfuck- that's it," now loosing speed his aim is to fit as much of his cock in your mouth as he can "just like that- fuck!"

what you don't expect is for him to push your head down and hold you there until he empties his load down your throat without warning. you can feel it failing down your throat but you're unable to swallow it properly.

only when he's sure he's emptied all his cum down your moth does he release his hold on you. "open up let me see" without question you follow his command sticking your tongue out for him to see inside your mouth, showing him the mess he created.

you had swallowed most of it so there's not much for him to see. his hand pets over your hair when he sees your mouth empty and you lean into his warmth. "you make the perfect cumdump, you took all of it without complaint"

his touch disappears but you're not bothered as much so you rest your head on your thigh peacefully content between his legs.

you hear some ruffling going on and the next time you open your eyes he's tucking back into his slacks. looking as put together as when you first walked in here.

there's a flash of a picture being taken and look up to see him setting his phone down on his desk. "it's just to keep as a memory of our fist time" you pose no argument so he doesn't say anything else. something cool touches your face and you recognise it as a wipe.

"wouldn't want you to leave hear looking like this," once you face is clean he works on mending your hair back to a presentable state "this is for me only" you can hear a slight hint of possessiveness in his tone and warms your insides.

once your appearance is decent enough he lets you up from your position and you find it a little painful to stand with your legs having gone numb from being in the cramped position for so long. he must notice your discomfort because he moves to massage your thighs to help ease the pain.

once you feel comfortable enough to walk you regretfully back away from his touch and make your way to leave his office.

your face drops when he doesn't say anything as your leaving until you hear him say "if you ever have any other questions about your grade or want more tasks feel free to come back anytime. my doors always open."

you don't respond and leave the room and if anyone sees you walk out with a stupid smile on your face they don't say anything. when you get an email about your remark your proud to see the top grade on your mark.

in class the both of you act as if nothing happened playing the perfect role of teacher and student, yet after class some have seen you follow him back into his office to 'consolidate your knowledge'.

who can blame you for going back to complete more 'tasks' the next time you hand in an assignment even though everyone knows you have a near perfect score.

© 𝐊𝐘𝐔𝐍𝐙𝐈𝐍 - 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭/ 𝐊.𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

✰ taglist ✰ @leilalilox @keikokashi

[pretty-blkgirl]

Soul’s Desire [Ch. 23]

-Masterlist-

A/N: Contains a written part

The plane ride was so quick you barely got any sleep, but you still felt well-rested as you and the girls got off the plane and were rushed to the cars.

You made sure Han knew you were on your way before putting your phone up and deciding on staring out the window for the 15-minute car ride.

You didn’t bother texting your mom back. You felt both guilty and relieved. You don’t know what made you finally decide to get some help, but you’re glad your patience wore thin. In your heart, you understood that going at least low contact with her would be the best decision to make.

Before you knew it, you were at the hotel and being rushed in. You knew you and your soulmates wouldn’t be on the same floor, but you weren’t new to sneaking around to see them at this point.

Almost three months after you got your mark, you were beyond comfortable with the members. After your rough debut week, you guys started to talk every day and if you couldn’t see each other in person, FaceTime was your go-to. You still needed more time to get to know them on a deeper level, but you truly felt a love towards them.

While thinking about your soulmates who you were going to see in just a couple of minutes, a goofy smile latched onto your face. None of your members commented on it, as they had a feeling they knew why you were so giddy.

You weren’t particularly ashamed of your excitement, that is until you came across a face you met not too long ago.

“Hello y/n” Eunji greeted once you and your members stepped off the elevator

You bowed, “Hi Eunji”

Just as you were about to walk away, she stopped you, making your members stop in their tracks as well

“Are you guys staying on this floor?”

“Yes” You answer

“Oh, that’s fun! I’m not, but one of my friends is up here though. I’m on a lower floor, the one where Stray Kids are”

You nod at her words, “Oh okay”

“Yeah, I'm actually about to go out with a few of them. Haven’t seen them in a while”

You knew she was lying because YOU were about to meet up with all of them. So, you only nod again and wish her a fun time.

You walk off, your members hot on your tails as you guys navigate your rooms.

“That’s the girl that interrupted you, Chan, and Lee Know a few days ago?” Dae questions

“Yep” You laugh, “You can tell she doesn’t fuck with me”

“You think she knows you guys are fated?” Yumi asks. You shake your head firmly

“Nah, I’m sure she doesn’t know. I remember Minho telling her we were good friends, she’s probably trying to get close to the guys so she can get with Chan.”

“She needs to give up” Penny shrugs, “You got all of them locked down”

“I’m not worried about her”

You guys find your rooms and sit your stuff down, then, you five meet back up at the elevator to go down to Skz’s floor.

You were hoping to see Eunji as you walked the halls and greeted staff and other idols, and luckily you did see her.

She was at Chan’s door, talking his ear off as he stood and listened to her with a bored expression. Felix stood near him, and you assumed the rest of the members were further inside the room.

“Oh, hi girls” Felix waves frantically as you and your members speed up to the hotel room. Eunji looks away from Chan and rolls her eyes.

“Hi guys” you grin, “Are we early?”

Chan shakes his head, “Nope, right on time. We’re about to leave for the restaurant”

“Good. I’m so fucking hungry” Penny sighs, making the two Australians laugh

“Oh wow, you sound like a sailor” Eunji mumbles loud enough for everyone to hear.

A sailor? Are you guys not all fucking adults?

“You don’t curse?” You ask, straight-faced

“I do,” Felix says swiftly, “I have a terrible potty mouth”

“Me too” Chan laughs, “Every other word I say is a swear word”

Eunji turns back to Chan and smiles big…and creepy.

“I'm really bad with swearing too!”

“So we’re both sailors!” Penny points out, a glint of pettiness in her voice

A beat of tense silence passes before Hyunjin’s loud laughter can be heard from inside the room.

You instinctively chuckle as well, “I wonder what Hyunnie’s laughing at”

“Probably something Changbin said,” Says Felix

“Can we go eat now guys? I was serious about being really fucking hungry”

Chan nods and goes to retrieve the other members while Felix pulls you into a tight hug

“I haven’t seen you in forever,” He says. You knew it was really risky for you both to be interacting like that with staff around, but you missed him.

You missed all the boys, and it felt good to know they missed you too.

“Felix we hadn’t seen each other in a while either,” Eunji said, “Can I have a hug too?”

Luckily Felix doesn’t have to answer because a hyperactive Han runs out of the room and practically jumps on you

“Y/NNIE” He yells, giving you a tight squeeze before getting off and greeting your members

Hyunjin walks out just as hyper, bowing at Eunji and bear-hugging you.

You repeat that cycle four more times, each member's hug getting tighter than the last.

Eunji was red-faced by the time Chan came back out and properly greeted you.

“Ready guys?” You ask. Everyone nods and bids Eunji farewell as you all walk to the elevator

“I really don’t like that girl” Hana whispers to you once you guys are far enough away, “What the fuck is her problem?”

“Like I said earlier, she wants to bump privates with Chan, and she wants to be besties with the rest of the guys. Too bad that’s not fucking happening”

“You’re cute when you’re jealous,” Seungmin says from behind you, scaring the shit out of you.

“You being nosey?”

“You being territorial?”

You roll your eyes, “Hush”

~~~~|~~~~

Taglist: @chuuyaobsessed @h0rnyp0t @prttyxbby @yukichan67 @hanniemylovelyquokka @xxeiraxx @loveforlee444 @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor @cunninglibrarian @holly-here @galaxy4489 @hyunmikim @yougottobekittenme @hyeon-yi @katsukis1wife @multi-fandom-nightmare @staybabblingbaby @kozumesphone

[jknox11]

jeremy put on another fake smile on his face, hoping it was convincing enough to everyone there. the fancy and big dinners organized by his family always felt like a chore, today wasn't different. jeremy could see his older brother glaring at him from across the room.

he had showed up vibrant and charismatic as always. he wore the suit tailored for him, he hid his natural curls the way his mother liked, he complimented and smiled to everyone in there. he engaged in conversations. he did everything he was asked to do. and even then, nothing seemed enough to his family.

he knew part of the disapproval this time was due to his new blonde hair. it was the first time jeremy showed it to anyone who wasn't his friends and team. and his family clearly wasn't happy about it. they made sure he knew that, the day he got home with his hair dyed. and they made it clear they expected him to have it dyed back to "normal" the day the current dinner he was at came.

he didn't.

tired of feeling like a deer caught in headlights, he excused himself out of the house. the night air touching his face. he barely had time to properly enjoy his five seconds alone when a voice said behind him.

"running away already?"

jeremy froze, already regretting his decision. at least inside the house his brother wouldn't have how to insult him.

"i just needed some air." his voice sounded so small even to his own ears. he hated feeling like this. this wasn't him.

"so you can lead a whole team different seasons of the year with no problem, but can't spend more than an hour at least pretending to like your family?" his brother's voice raised a bit. jeremy hated how he flinched. "what? not gonna say anything? you out of all people? the one who never knows how to shut up? you who has ruined this family exactly for never shutting the fuck up."

his brother was closer now, his anger made jeremy feel dizzy. he knew this outburst wasn't just because of today. he knew his brother was waiting for an opportunity to get him after jeremy's many successful attempts of sneaking out of the house to not have to talk to him.

"bryson, please, i don't wanna do this now."

"you can't keep running and hiding like a coward forever. look at me." jeremy did, carefully. like any wrong move done by him would start a war. "you always have been so pathetic. i never understood why this family even cared about protecting you in the first place. why they even bothered to help you after everything you caused that night."

jeremy tried to walk away from his brother, but he was faster and grabbed his arm. jeremy did his best to not wince, knowing his brother would thrive from the sensation of hurting him.

"you are such a pest in this family. ruining everything with your stupidity that one time was not enough, you keep on embarrassing yourself. embarrassing us."

"i haven't done anything. i can't and won't change who i am. it doesn't make me ashame-"

"SHUT UP." the grip on his arm tightened. but jeremy went on. he was so tired of accepting the insults, dirty glares and accusations towards him without defending himself.

"you say i'm a coward because i've decided to live and be who i really am and still find happiness in it, while you hide yourself behind this family day by day. hoping to be given the crumbs they're willing to offer you disguised as the promise of a successful future that you never even got to choose yourself."

"im warning you, shut up. you're nothing but a disgusting fa-"

"that's enough, bryson. leave him alone." a third voice interrupted them. their sister. his brother gave him one last glare before letting him go with such force, jeremy almost lost his balance for a bit.

"i despise you. i wish you had gone through with it that night. i wish you successfully had killed yourself."

"bryson!" his sister's voice was almost hysterical now. she went to jeremy's side and their brother finally walked away and entered the house again. "hey, jeremy..."

jeremy didn't notice he had started crying until he felt his sister's fingers on his face trying to wipe away his tears. if possible, that just made him want to cry more. it had been so long since she showed him anything else other than indifference or disapproval.

"he didn't mean it." jeremy's hands were shaking as he gently removed his sister's hands from his face.

"we both know he did. it's okay." do you feel like that, too? do you also wish i wasn't here anymore? was what he wanted to say, to ask.

his sister opened her mouth, but closed it again. there was nothing else to be said. there hadn't been anything to be said between them anymore for a while now.

"get back inside, i'm sure everyone has noticed your absence by now." he tried to give her a smile, his shaky hands searching for his phone in his pocket.

"you're not getting back in?"

"i can't." he could feel his sister ready to argue with him, but whatever she saw on his face made her change her mind. jeremy wondered if he was hallucinating the tears that filled her eyes.

"text me when you get to them safe?

that was the first time the whole night the smile that grew on jeremy's face was genuine. them. laila, cat, jean. jean.

"okay."

his sister nodded and hesitated for a second before walking past him and getting inside the house.

"jeremy? everything okay?" laila's voice filled his ears as she picked his call.

"i'm going home."

"jeremy's coming!" laila warned to probably a very curious cat and jean sitting next to her. "we're waiting. hurry! jean made us a french dish for dinner, can you believe it? this giant ass french man is finally warming up to us!"

giving one last look at the big mansion beside him, jeremy scrubbed on his face to make sure any trace of tear on his cheeks was gone. his hands undoing the gelled hairstyle he had and finally freeing his curls again.

home. he was going home.

[holylulusworld]

Sleeping Beauty

Summary: All you wanted was a date.

Pairing: Former Tony Stark x fem!Reader, Jake Jensen x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, fwb relationship, unrequited feelings, Tony being a douche, implied cheating, mentions of hacking, revenge served cold, Jake being a cutie

A/N: This is an AU. Tony is not Iron Man in my story.

“Y/N, we can’t,” Tony shook his head. You were asking about going on a date again, and it seemed like he was mad at you for even considering going out that night.

“Tony, why not? All I’m asking for is a date,” you exasperatedly said. “We have been hiding our relationship for too long. I thought we could go for dinner or watch a movie. No one will recognize us.”

“Y/N, I thought you knew that this was sex only. We are not in a relationship. I cannot be seen with the help.”

“The help?” You splutter. “I’m not the fucking help, you asshole!” You slapped him across the face. “We have been together for three years. This had nothing to do with sex only, Tony! Even if I was the help, there’s no reason to be ashamed. A job is a job!”

All the pieces suddenly fell into place. Tony only ever used you to have a warm body on lonely nights. The secrecy, all the time you had to hide under his desk, or even the broom closet when someone threatened to walk in on you.

In other words, he was a coward.

“Maybe it’s for the best to end this here and now,” he said without missing a beat. “And you should call me Mr. Stark in public from now on.”

“Tony, I never called you Mr. Stark. Not even before we were a thing,” you sniffled and turned away to wipe your eyes. “How could you change so much? Or were you always an asshole?”

“People could get the wrong idea if you call me Tony.”

“Oh, like we are together or something?” You sneered. “Tony, can we not talk like adults? I know you are scared of commitment and settling down but hurting me like this because you panic is not how you treat someone who means more than a quick fuck to you.”

“See, that’s the problem,” he casually shrugged. “You don’t mean more than a quick fuck to me. It was good while it lasted, but I don’t want a relationship. I told you so more than once.”

You nodded thoughtfully and even cupped your chin. You hummed and dropped your hand from your chin. “I can’t remember hearing these words from you. Remind me, Mr. Stark. Was that before, or after you told me that you love me and that no one will ever take my place.”

“Why do you have to make things complicated, Y/N? We are over and should act like adults. Only because I don’t want a relationship with you, doesn’t mean you cannot work here any longer.”

You tried not to laugh at this poor excuse of a man. He broke up with you and threatened your job at the same time. “Fine, you are free to go and fuck whoever caught your eye. I’m at my desk and check on the latest numbers of the company you pretend to run.”

Holding your head high you left the room. Tony wanted to sneak out of your relationship like a coward, so you had to be the adult and hold back the urge to break his face.

Your heart was battered and bruised, but you were in this position before. Because men are scared little boys pretending to be all grown and tough they hurt the ones loving them without thinking twice.

Two weeks later you were almost over your heartbreak. You finally realized you hung your heart on a man not able to commit and tried to move on. If Tony wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, you had to accept his decision and act professionally.

That was until you saw him getting all cozy with his ex-girlfriend. He even dared to make his revived relationship public to rub salt into your wounds.

Not two weeks after he broke things up with you, Tony Stark, the eternal bachelor proposed to Pepper Potts and showed off his pretty fiancé. He was all over her, and she, well she gave you boring looks and smirked at you.

You knew right there and then that Tony broke things off with you for her, not because he was scared of commitment.

“Jensen,” you looked around the dingy bar. “Why did we meet up here?”

“No hug for me?” Jensen frowned deeply when you slipped into the booth next to him. “We haven’t seen each other for three years and all I get is an annoyed look?”

“Jake, I don’t have time for this,” you snapped at Jake. He wasn’t the bad guy in your story but pretending to be alright while your world was falling apart wasn’t easy.

“Last night you said something about your boss and boyfriend. So…” Jake expectantly looked at you. “How can Jake help you?”

“I-“ you bit your tongue. “I installed a sleeping beauty in someone’s system some time ago. It was meant to be a backup if anything happens to my data on their server.” You licked your lips. “You see, all the data I tried to protect are now…”

“Unprotected thanks to the little surprise you left in their system,” Jensen concluded. He was all giddy and wanted you to pour him in. “What do we do with your sleeping beauty now?”

Jake cocked his head to watch you fidget with your phone. “I don’t know, Jensen. That’s why I called you.” You exhaled deeply. “The man I believed loved me dumped me for his ex, pretending we never had a relationship. He threatened my position within his company and rubbed his infidelity into my face.”

“What a piece of shit!” Jake exclaimed loudly, earning funny looks from the people sitting in the booth opposite your position.

“I wanted to be the bigger person,” you sniffed and shoved your phone toward Jake. “I tried to act professionally and move on. You know, like an adult.”

He nodded and eyed you up and down. Jake always had a thing for you but never dared to ask you out. “What happened?”

“Tony Stark started to show off his pretty fiancé,” you hissed her name and wrinkled your nose. “I swallowed the hatred and still tried to be the greater person.”

“Of course,” he hastily said and scooted a little closer to you. “What happened?” Jake asked again.

“After he announced his engagement with that bitch not two weeks after he gave me the boot,” you took a deep breath, ignoring the dull ache in your heart, “he fired me.”

“Is that guy real?” Jake huffed. “I mean…how can he do something like that? He makes us all look bad.”

“Us all?” You quirked a brow.

“Men. Cockowner,” he shrugged. “If a guy pulls a stunt like that, he dooms us all. In the name of all men, I’m very sorry this douchebag did this to you.”

“If you are truly sorry, help me with sleeping beauty,” you pointed at your phone. “Their system is wide open for you. I just don’t know what to do with it.”

“What do you want?” He moved even closer to look you deep in the eyes. “Do you want me to anger him a little or more?”

“I want him to be as embarrassed as I was that night. I want you to leak every dirty little secret he tried to hide. Tony Stark will regret fucking me over.”

“We can’t do it right now,” Jake said. “If you leave the company and only a few hours, or even days later I hack their system…”

“They will know I was involved,” you ended Jake’s line. “You’re right. I was blinded by my anger that I didn’t think this through.”

“How about you take your two-weeks’ notice and pretend everything is fine. You leave the company, and we wait a few more weeks, or months. And when he feels safe and prepares for their wedding…” Jake slammed his fist onto the table. “Baaaam! I’ll strike and destroy him!”

Three months later…

“Signed. Sealed. Delivered, ma’am,” Jake grinned as you stared at the monitors at his penthouse in disbelief. “I got you good, Tony Stark, and fucked you over.”

You clasped one hand over your mouth and giggled. Jake used the sleeping beauty you hid in the system to leak all of Tony’s dirty little secrets. “Wow! I mean…wow! You outdid yourself!”

“If you ever want to fuck someone else over,” he leaned closer to grin at you while squeezing your thigh, “I’m your man…”

[obaex]

the one that chases you (one) - rafe cameron

summary: jj makes a decision that will alter the course of your summer, driving you to figure out who you really are and who you really want.

word count: 1k

warnings: mention of drugs, heartbreak

a/n: my first series! i hope y'all enjoy it. it's fully written, i plan on releasing a new part every few days. let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

series masterlist

You were laying with your head on JJ's lap, eyes fluttering, heavy with the weight of a day in the sun and the weed that had been passed around earlier. John B navigated the boat to the dock and JJ shifted you off of him to help tie it off and unload the cooler. He had been off today. Distant. When you kissed him, you felt like his mind was somewhere else and he wasn't his usual handsy self. You had chalked this up to a bad day, but you couldn't scratch the feeling that there was something else brewing under the surface. You had been dating for months now and with summer just getting started you were excited to spend your days surfing, going to the beach together and partying at the boneyard.

You were the last one off the boat and JJ pulled you aside as the others wandered off the dock and into the chateau.

"Hey, can we talk for a minute?"

Your heart plummeted into your stomach. This didn't bode well.

"JJ…what is it?" you said, instantly concerned.

"The last few months have been great. Honestly, so fun. But, summer is here and we're going to be so busy with everything and I want to have time for the boys, you know? To hang out with John B and Pope, I mean even Kie really. I think we'd be better off as friends. Just keep things chill, you know?"

This wasn't happening.

Every word was a punch to your gut. Your lip was quivering involuntarily, but you didn't want him to see you cry. Just keep things chill? After six months together spent tangled up in his sheets, your hands running through his blonde hair, blue eyes transfixed on you? Just keep things chill? You had been falling hard and fast, the L-word lingering on your lips, too afraid to say it for fear it wouldn't be reciprocated and now your worst nightmare had come true. You thought you had finally held the attention of the island's playboy, now you were just one in a long line of broken hearts. You felt like a fool.

You knew if you tried to say anything your emotions would get the best of you, so you pursed your lips tightly and nodded like you totally, absolutely understood and agreed.

"Nice! Right on. I knew you'd get it” he said. “So, like we're cool to start seeing other people, it won't be weird?"

Was he really asking you about seeing other people in the same breath that he was breaking up with you?

"Seriously, JJ?" you broke your silence, incredulous. "Un-fucking-believable." And with that, your tears began to flow. "I don't know why I thought I was any different to you, why I thought I was special. Clearly I'm not, so go do what you want to do, I won't stand in your way."

You shoved past him, picking up your pace as you ran down the dock, embarrassed and ashamed that you let him see you crumble. He didn't say anything, he didn't try to follow you, he just let you go.

"Hey - what's going on?" Sarah called from the back porch as you ran past her towards your car. She continued to call after you, chasing you as you got into your front seat, your tears falling heavily now as sobs wracked your body. You fumbled your keys, trying to put them in the ignition and failing.

"Oh my god, he didn't" she said, instantly piecing together the situation. "I am so sorry, come here." She crawled into the front seat next to you, pulling you into her arms.

"Give me the keys, you can't drive like this. I'll take you home." You relented, crawling into the passenger seat, resting your head against the window and continuing to cry as she navigated back to Figure 8.

Just like her and Kie, you were a kook-turned-pogue, enticed by the carefree, laidback nature of life on the cut and the smooth-talking blonde surfer that had said all the right things. So much for that.

Sarah pulled into your driveway, located right next to hers. You had been best friends and neighbors your entire life and you never felt more grateful to have her taking care of you as she came inside and tucked you into your bed.

"Obligatory best friend speech" she said, "I know you cared about him, more than you let him know. I am so damn sorry Y/N, I hate to see you like this. You deserve so much more than him. Seriously, you deserve someone that's going to chase after you and pursue you and only have eyes for you. And I promise he's out there. Everything happens for a reason. But, for now you need to give yourself time to rest and heal and cry and eat the tub of ice cream in your freezer. Okay?"

You nodded, sniffling and reached out to hug her before burying yourself deep in your sheets.

Sarah crossed through your backyard into hers, sliding through the front door and making her way to the kitchen where Wheezie sat on her phone.

"Are you seriously home on a Saturday night right now?" she asked teasingly.

Sarah shot her a look, "Friend emergency."

"What happened?"

"Do not repeat this, but Y/N and JJ broke up. It was awful, she's devastated."

"What!? What an asshole."

"Wheezie!"

"It's true!"

"You're not wrong. He is just not boyfriend material. Promise me you'll stay away from boys forever?" Sarah said, ruffling her sister's hair as she made her way upstairs. She rounded the corner and ran straight into Rafe who was lingering in the hallway. She eyed him suspiciously, “Were you eavesdropping?" she asked.

"What? No? M'just going to get a drink" he mumbled, brushing past her.

In reality, he had heard every word and his mind was running a mile a minute.

part two series masterlist

[bengiyo]

Moonlight Chicken Ep 8 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

This brings us to the end of finale week, and I couldn't ask for a better show to close us out.

Yesterday, Alan opted to stay with his family instead of compelling Wen to take care of him. Also, Jim and Wen went on a cute date..Jam came to the house to tell Li Ming that she wants to remarry and also wants to be a mother to him now. Li Ming did not want any of this at all because they have never been close, she didn't raise him, and be doesn't want her making decisions for him.

Meanwhile, Jim accidentally outed Li Ming to his mom as Jim struggled with his own fears and insecurities about Li Ming. He and Jam had a not-great conversation about it, and so Jim went to talk to Wen about it. Wen gave Jim some perspective, and Jim gave Wen probably the best sniff kiss we've seen in a very long time.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Hong passed away, and we spent the back half of the episode on her funeral. Khaotung destroyed us with his performances, and the funeral opened up all of the characters to think about where they are. Li Ming and Jim reconciled. Jim cleared things with Alan, who met Gaipa at the funeral. Heart and his family came to the funeral. Jim finally decided to let go of the restaurant and set down his burdens.

We just started and I'm already crying! Jim feels so much lighter now that the restaurant and Li Ming aren't weighing him down. He's also finally acting like a gay uncle. He's helping guide Jam away from Li Ming and assuring her he'll help his nephew.

Chapter 8: The Self-made House and Home

It's such a relief to see Li Ming comfortable around Jim again.

Big fan of the "Person's for Men" hoodie.

I love Wen. I want to be this bold in love.

Fourth has incredible chemistry with Lookwa. I get why they paired them twice. Jam has had a messy romantic history her son has witnessed. I get why she values his approval.

There are so many people like Gaipa, who went on to get degrees that they don't necessarily get to use. I don't think they should be ashamed of the lives they've built.

I like that Wen and Gaipa never turned nasty with each other over Jim.

This party was so sweet. Saleng is being that cousin again. Li Ming taught Heart how to cut chicken. Wen made fuck-me eyes at Jim. Jim basked in the warmth of his little family.

I like how double-speak is a constant character trait of Alan's.

Heart's mom is really trying. I'm glad they told her about the school Heart wants to attend.

Heart and Li Ming are so adorable that it almost hurts. Fourth is all about kissing the homies.

I see Earth and Fourth aren't just gonna give me a break. "When did you know yourself?" is really the question. I don't mind Li Ming not answering, but the way he answers tells me he always knew about his uncle and chose to live with him because he didn't want to figure himself out with anyone else. I'm so glad Jim reiterated that there's nothing wrong with him, even as Li Ming gives the kid answer that getting money is more important.

That hug from behind? I think that was inspired by all of the GMMTV actors hugging Aof that way. Gosh, Fourth is really a special talent.

Big fan of this last minute complication in Wen's promotion.

The "Welcome Back Foam Fest" shirt is foreshadowing Tinn's fantasy in My School President.

First and Khaotung are so powerful. They sailed an entire ship in two scenes.

Kinda like the idea of Jim with a food truck.

Oh, I'm crying because of Mark Pakin again. Leng got the necklace back, and is working well enough that Praew can focus on carrying for their son, Jason.

Jim took Wen to meet his sister's new family and called him boyfriend. Wen is giddy in his seat over it.

I said this earlier, but Lookwa and Fourth work so well together. I like how she immediately tried to use sign to thank Heart. You can see her making the decision to get the money for Li Ming to go with Heart to America.

They really did the thing with Heart and Li Ming. I see why GMMTV greenlit them for Our Skyy 2 even before My School President released.

I really love how Aof's compassion and empathy infuses his characters. Yes, Jam was not a good mother to Li Ming, but she's trying to do right by him now. Life is the future, and she's doing what she can now to help Li Ming the way he wants to be helped.

They saw the shift in demeanor when Li Ming stopped being so angry and knew that Fourth and Gemini could carry a show.

I really love Alan joining their little family at the end here. Of course Saleng is going to tease Gaipa. I also like that Wen is learning sign language as well. What a beautiful final shot.

What a pleasant epilogue. Loved the metaphor about there being nothing wrong with the DVD, and rather it just being the player. You are still capable of love. You just need to try a different player.

Final Verdict: 10, Must Watch. This was Aof's best work so far with his best cast. This show managed all of its threads flawlessly without a single missed beat. Everyone is dialed in the entire time to tell a story about the families we build and the love we bring to our communities. In so many ways this feels like Aof in conversation with Boss from I Told Sunset About You. I have such high hopes for the future of queer storytelling out of Thailand after the last week.

[hdmason]

To disclose, or not to disclose

Words: 905

Of course a major step between Mason and potentially achieving his biggest dream is paperwork. Just his fucking luck.

It had to be forms, that was the last thing he ever wanted to do. His autism made this shit nearly impossible when it was just a one or two page document for the doctor, but now he had four pages? Fuck him, he guessed.

But if this was the the biggest hurdle in between him and getting on a show that could potentially debut him? Then he would do it to the best of his ability. He would even write twice as slowly as he normally did so his handwriting would be actually legible. Sure, his Korean handwriting was better than his English, but he didn’t want to take any risks and have anyone unable to read a single symbol.

He had to do this in stages, basically filling out a section, then taking a break and playing a round of Overwatch. Another section, then a youtube video. A section, then a few minutes doing the upkeep on his Minecraft world. He was actually almost done but stopped when he realized the next section might actually be the hardest.

“Three pieces of trivia about you”.

Fuck. Why was talking about yourself so easy when you weren’t supposed to, but when asked, you forget who you are? Well, maybe that was just Mason.

Then, Mason smirked as he thought of his first one, thinking that his autism would be a badge of honor for making it this far in the trainee process with it. However, before his pen hit paper, he thought about it again. This wasn’t just some personality quiz or dating app profile, this was potentially his future. He had to really think about this.

He had to consider where he currently was. He was in South Korea, where autism still had a huge stigma around it. Mason wasn’t ashamed of it by any means, but he knew to not draw too much attention to his condition with those who grew up here until he really got to know them and knew they would be accepting. This show wasn’t like telling a friend, this would be telling the world something about him that could change their perspective of him before he even got a chance to show off who he was. Mason knew everything about everything in kpop, and he knew there were zero openly autistic kpop stars. Sure, there were some he suspected, but that was mostly him hoping for the sake of solidarity; he didn’t have any concrete proof.

But then that was a potential positive, wasn’t it? If Mason was the first kpop star to be openly autistic, maybe he could seriously make a difference in the public’s perception of the disability. It could be huge! Plus, Mason knew how important representation was. He thought of how many little kids with autism could see him living his dream and see themselves in him, and wasn’t that the most important thing in the world? If Mason could help one kid feel better about themselves through his performances, his entire career would be worth it. With that, he put his pen back to paper, ready to write about his condition when another thought hit him.

He wouldn’t be able to be representation for anyone if he wasn’t let on the show in the first place. The stigma was there, correctly or not. If he publicized it too soon, he might not even get the chance to be on TV, let alone debut.

Mason sighed, leaning back in his chair and running his fingers through his hair. Who knew writing three facts about yourself could be so hard? He blew air out between his lips as he stared at the paper before making a decision.

He would publicize his condition... just not yet. He wouldn’t be able to make any difference at the trainee stage. But once he debuted, once they won their first award, once he was already a welcome presence in people’s homes, then he could drop the bomb. He could then be an inspiration for little kids with autism everywhere. He made a promise to himself that he would do it, make his condition known, once he was in a more stable position and actually able to make a difference.

But that left him with three more “fun facts” to think of.

Think, Mason, think. Who are you?

Alright, well, he’s been dancing since he was eleven. That not only showed off his skill, but also his dedication to his art. Boom, there was one. Second, hm... oh, maybe his love for Overwatch 2? It was a relatively popular game, either for good or bad reasons, so people would see he also has interests outside of kpop (though admittedly, not many). Now for the third...

Well, people calling him the “unofficial maknae” of the Wonder Nation boys was interesting, right? That was something that no one else was going to write and was memorable, at least a little?

He wrote all three down before going back and reading the entire document, triple checking it for errors. It looked good to him, and he was honestly proud of himself for getting it done so quickly after receiving it. He literally reached around and gave himself a pat on the back before deciding to celebrate with a bit of ice cream.

He earned it. 

[dumbbitchfrommars]

Unreliable | responsible

Feeling like a victim (of my own doing)

Where do I channel this ugly energy?

Do they feel guilty? I hope they do. I’m way too young for either of you. I never even in the slightest showed enough interest to excuse that kind of behaviour. Am I to be blamed for what happened? Was I too flirtatious? Did I send the wrong message?

I want to drink… but I won’t.

I’m not some innocent, clean, unbreakable thing you can play with as you please with no consequences. I’m a human being. The fact that you took advantage of how young I am disgusts me. The fact that every man in that place were vultures who wanted to lay their claim on the youngest prettiest bird there is repulsive. The fact that the women all hated me for existing because I had male attention I didn’t even ask for or seek is disappointing.

Were the lessons I learnt and the people I met worth this dirty feeling? An entire day lost to disassociation because I am so uncomfortable with everything that took place. That I can’t even talk to the one person who I had a genuine connection with because I’m so shaken and traumatised and hurt that I was taken advantage of and betrayed and let down. But I’m the one responsible for my own pain. It was my doing.

If I process this and learn the lesson, I become a better and smarter version of myself. But at what cost? I feel so ashamed. I feel embarrassed. I feel like this would not have happened to any one else in my position, and that it happened to me shows I’m weaker, dumber, less than. Unreliable.

It was just a kiss. But intimacy is so sacred to me. It needs love and romance and deep connection. Not on fucking nangs with someone twice my age preying on me and my sister and another girl way too young for them.

I feel like I’m trapped in that moment. Surely they saw the discomfort in my eyes? Surely they saw how young I am and thought it was not right? Surely they knew I need more time to make that decision for myself?

I’m angry that I was in that situation but I also know it’s pointless to regret going, to wish I’d listened to my intuition when I didn’t want to go in the first place. It’s not normal behaviour. It’s why I was so thrown off and didn’t know what to do. It’s the manipulation of a situation, to control me and get me to do things I don’t want to do. It’s fucking weird and I don’t want to be around people like that. I was never supposed to be around people like that. He doesn’t even have any normal friends. He is not a normal person. He’s a predator and that’s what I saw when I had that nang.

I don’t know how to process this. Writing isn’t helping. I feel so violated over a stupid fucking kiss. I feel so weird.

Even the guy I had a connection with. If you don’t like guys like that for yourself, why are you telling me to be with him and give him a chance? Like are you fucking joking? Is that how little you think of me? Is this what I deserve? Is there anyone I can trust to fucking look out for my best interests? But we had a real connection. But he’s also kinda cringey and weird and medium ugly. I’ve been trying so hard to step away from that shit. But maybe that’s for me. This is where I get confused. What is it that I want and what is destined for me and is there a division between the two????????

I’m fucking so over it

[casspurrjoybell-30]

Bonding with the Enemy - Chapter 35

*Warning Adult Content*

Departure

Darren sat anxiously at the dining table with his belongings.

Every now and then he considered getting up and checking to see if the Alpha was awake yet but he forced himself to remain where he was until he had the right words prepared. 

'Come with me.'

An ache in his chest had the rogue feeling short of breath as he mulled over Jasper's possible reactions. 

He didn't feel like they were well enough acquainted to run away together but he couldn't help but feel like that would be a preferable outcome.

But then the more logical side of his brain told him that the man wouldn't agree.

Jasper had been specifically raised to become the Alpha of Parkwood, so of course he would say no.

Plus it wasn't like they had been bonded for very long.

He knew he was getting ahead of himself with such daydreams but it was nice to think about.

In the end, the most realistic outcome was that he'd have to leave by himself. 

After everything they had been through, Darren knew deep down that he didn't really want to leave Jasper but he didn't trust himself to be able to help run a pack that never cared about him.

Without a connection to the town, he would definitely make some rash decisions out of spite. 

"What's all this?" he heard the groggy Alpha ask as he stepped into the dining room in nothing but his pajama bottoms.

'Here goes nothing' the rogue thought as he took a breath and braced himself.

"We need to talk."

"Is something wrong?"

Darren tried to piece together his speech but no matter how many times he ran it over in his head, it never sounded right.

Might as well just get it over with.

"I can't stay," he managed to mumble half heartedly. 

Jasper looked confused but then his expression softened and Darren felt a rush of emotions cross their bond. 

A sense of hope blossomed in his chest as the rogue prayed that the man would offer to join him but that was quickly dashed by the reply he received. 

"I know."

'What the fuck did that mean? And more importantly, WHY WASN'T JASPER TRYING TO STOP HIM?'

Darren had hoped the guy would at least act a little upset or maybe ask him to stay a bit longer.

Maybe discuss how they were going to keep seeing each other or work out a long distance relationship.

Literally anything but 'I know'. 

"I..." Jasper hesitated. "I have some things I need to work out on my own anyways. This is... probably for the best."

For once, Darren was completely speechless. 

"You leaving now?" Jasper asked, gesturing towards the bags.

"Er... yeah?" Darren's voice cracked and he quickly covered it with a cough. "You... don't have a problem with me leaving? Not even a little?"

"You were already planning to leave, weren't you?"

"Well, yeah but I mean... last night... I thought..." Darren felt unable to finish that sentence since he knew he was the one at fault for having preemptively packed his bags.

His momentary panic that morning had him ready to flee town in an instant but Darren stayed because he knew Jasper deserved to be treated better than that.

"Don't... don't you want me to stay?"

Jasper smiled sadly.

"I want you to do what makes you happy. And I know... I know you can't be happy here. Even if it's with me."

Darren's chest tightened as the man turned and gave one last glance back.

"So... see you around I guess."

A storm of emotions raged in the rogue's chest as he felt like he had been tossed out.

Sure, Darren was quite the handful for most people but did that justify Jasper's lackadaisical reaction? 

Depressed and too ashamed to pursue Jasper any further, he quickly dialed Sophie on his new phone so she could take him to the Red Point bus stop.

As she drove, she noticed he was acting strange and would glance over with concern.

She looked like she wanted to say something but took a while to finally muster the courage. 

"Do you think you could stay one more night?" she finally asked.

Darren shook his head.

His heart felt like it had been shattered. 

"Please?" she begged. "I had a surprise prepared for you."

"I'm not in the mood for surprises."  

"It's just for tonight. Afterwards, I'll drive you to the bus stop first thing. Promise."

With a long, drawn out sigh, he eventually gave in.

"Fine."

Sophie smiled back at him and veered the car towards her house where he spent the rest of his day regretting everything.

He wondered if maybe he should stay after all?

Just the process of leaving was tearing him apart.

What did he even have to go back to anyways?

'A job? His uncle?'

The one thing that Darren had been proud of was the fact that he had saved nearly enough money to get a place of his own.

He had planned to move out of his uncle's one day but now that he had grown accustomed to living with four other people and sharing a room, he felt like the experience would be too lonely to bear. 

That night, he struggled to resist reaching out through the bond as he replayed their conversation over and over in his head.

By morning, he was determined to meet with Jasper at least once more and demand why he was suddenly so nonchalant about being mates. 

"Okay, let's go," Sophie interrupted his thoughts midway through breakfast and she began pulling him along behind her.

"What? Where are we going?" he demanded but she just smiled mischievously before shoving him in the passenger seat of the car.

"You'll see," was all she said as she drove off and pulled up to another house not too far away.

This one had a bunch of cars located out front and looked like it was hosting some sort of party.

Ringing the bell, the door soon flew open to reveal her tomato looking friend, Alysha, who hugged his aunt with all her might.

"Sophie. I'm so glad you made it," the woman beamed, then, strangely, smiled at Darren.

"Come on in. Everyone's waiting."

"Waiting for what?" Darren asked Sophie, who just gestured for him to follow.

He did as she asked and was led to the living room where a moderate crowd was gathered.

There was an array of food on a nearby bar counter and men and women were all chatting together, some more happily than others but as soon as Darren entered, they stopped and stared at him.

Once again, he was reminded of his rogue status.

"Is this him?" one of the women asked as she approached slowly.

Sophie nodded and the woman's face broke into a broad smile as she grabbed the rogue's hand and shook it.

"I'm so happy I can thank you in person. You don't know how much it means to me that you helped get my little girl back."

Darren froze as he struggled to comprehend what was happened.

One by one, more people stepped forward to shake his hand and thank him.

Some even went as far as hugging him and he finally realized who these people were. 

This was a gathering for the parents of the missing children.

Each and every one of them took turns to tell Darren how their kids are doing now that they're back home, though there were still a few waiting for their own kids to come home.

Then Kenny, of all people, stepped forward.

"If you hadn't bothered coming to Parkwood, Holly might have died that night," the Beta admitted as he encouraged his wife to stand by his side.

"I can't tell you how grateful we are. And... I know you like being a rogue and all but I'm sure Gerrit would love to have you join the pack. If you're willing that is."

The parents behind him nodded in agreement, including the once snooty Alysha.

Darren was almost overcome with emotion before he realized what the man had said.

"Wait... What?... Gerrit?"

"Yeah," Kenny nodded. "I'm sure he'd prefer you as his Beta anyways. I honestly don't think he ever got over me punching him."

"Hold up... only Alphas have a Beta," Darren argued.

"Yeah, I know. I worked for Jasper remember? Right up until he handed the title over a few days ago."

"EXCUSE ME?" Darren blurted.

"He never told me anything about that?"

"You were still in the hospital when the decision was made. It turned out that apparently Jasper and a bunch of Betas were trafficked into the pack as kids. Beth already left to find her real family and Jasper found out his parents had sold him to pay off a debt to Liam. He was devastated and said he needed to do some serious soul searching, so he handed the title over to Gerrit instead."

Darren felt like the ground had fallen out from under him.

When Darren's own parents had ignored him, Jasper was there.

When Darren's aunt was thrown in prison, Jasper was there.

When Darren was in danger, Jasper was there. 

And yet, after everything Jasper had been through, Darren didn't return the favor.

"I need to go," the rogue demanded, grabbing Sophie by the arm. "I need a ride."

"Why? What's going on?"

"I need to find my mate."

There was a visible reaction in the crowd and Kenny was the one to speak up.

"You have a mate in the pack?"

Darren looked back at the man with utmost seriousness.

"Yes. Jasper."

Before the Beta could properly react, Sophie made a 'say no more' face and immediately hopped back in the car.

Thanks to their bond, Darren was able to pinpoint the man's location almost immediately.

It should not have been so surprising to find that he was at the bus stop in Red Point, checking the route schedule.

Sophie let the rogue out while she hunted for a parking spot, and Darren trudged towards the former Alpha with determination. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Darren demanded once he was in earshot, startling the distracted man.

"Why didn't you say you weren't the Alpha anymore? Why didn't you say you were leaving?"

Once Jasper realized it was Darren who was chastising him, he glanced away awkwardly.

"I was going to tell you last night but then... we didn't get that far."

The rogue stopped in his tracks as he recalled how the man had returned early and visited him in his room.

Had the man really been planning on telling him about all the changes in the pack and Darren's horny ass thought he was just there to get laid?

"So why didn't you tell me this morning?" Darren pushed.

"I said I couldn't stay. If you were leaving anyways, then we could just leave together."

Jasper looked surprised by that suggestion and asked hesitantly.

"You... you want to leave with me?"

"Of course I do," he blurted.

"I'm scared of being in charge of anything, I'll admit that. But... we've been though a lot together and you more than proved you're not the same asshole who once punched me to impress his friends. So... I won't hit you anymore."

That last sentence had the former Alpha blinking in confusion.

"What?"

"I won't hit you anymore. Remember? Back on the hill when you apologized and said I could hit you as much as I wanted until I felt like it was enough. Well, this is enough," Darren gestured between them. 

The two stood staring each other down, neither knowing where to go from that corny declaration.

Eventually the rogue realized what he had said and blushed.

"I-I mean... well... er... we still have a lot to work out so... I don't know. Maybe we can call it a road trip and sort things out properly this time?"

"Are you sure?" Jasper asked seriously.

"You know there's a chance I might come back one day, right?"

Darren thought back to the grateful faces of the parents who thanked him.

Of Kenny's praise, of his sister's smile and most importantly, of his time with Jasper. 

He had squashed his emotions behind a wall of sass and vengeance but the nicer Jasper was to him, the weaker that wall had become. 

His old self would have blamed the bond for the mushy feelings he started having for the man but after hearing Mary's story, he knew that the bond couldn't force emotions.

If they could, then Mary would never have been able to hate Liam as much as she did. 

No, these were his own real emotions. 

"That's fine," Darren declared.

"You have a lot of things you need to sort out and I'll be with you every step of the way, just like you tried to be for me this passed month. And if you return to the pack, I'll nag the shit out of you if you go back to your old dumbass self."

Jasper couldn't help but laugh at the rogue's comment.

"Is that a promise?"

"Well it's either stick with you or explain to my uncle what happened to his super expensive magic collar," Darren shrugged jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

The former Alpha stepped closer until their faces were inches apart.

"Do you really mean it?"

Darren stared up into his eyes.

Originally he would have felt pressured as the guy's mate to help run the pack but with how hard Jasper tried to push him away today, it was clear that the man would never force him to do something if he sensed that Darren didn't like it.

"Yes."

A sense of relief washed over the former Alpha's face as he bent down to kiss the rogue.

They stayed like, embracing each other tenderly, right up until Sophie appeared and interrupted them. 

"So... you just weren't going to tell me about this the whole time huh?" she stared Darren down accusingly and he shrugged awkwardly in response. 

From there, Jasper decided to take Darren back to the house himself so they could properly plan where to go.

As it turns out, the man had sold his car in order to afford to travel.

His excuse was that the Nissan was a gift from Liam and he didn't feel right using it since it might have been bought with dirty money.

So after calling his uncle up to explain the situation, Darren went to pick up his things from Sophie's house, then the two of them got Kenny to drive them back to the bus stop a few days later. 

Some pack members had stopped by to see them off and Jasper looked somewhat reluctant to go but the man insisted that this was what he wanted, so Darren didn't say anything. 

Soon, the bus pulled up and opened it's doors, waiting for new passengers to board.

The two grabbed their bags and waited for the people ahead of them to get on first. 

Meekly, Darren grabbed Jasper's free hand and glanced sideways at him.

"Hey..."

"Yeah?"

"You remember what you said the first time you tried to jump me?"

A blush graced the former Alpha's face.

"Yeah..."

Darren leaned closer to whisper in his ear.

"I think I love you too."

Jasper turned back towards his mate, grinning ear to ear as a rush of affection flowed through their bond.

Then it was finally their turn and they stepped onto the bus, ready to embark on a new journey together. 

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

Louis hoping Annie burning in the incinerator is darkly funny bc it highlights the blindspots he has in his moral compass. he doesn’t want to eat and kill and doesn’t like how Lestat indulged in eating and killing, but hopes Lestat ate and killed the woman he cheated on him with. It’s not an unheard of response to such a thing. Lot’s of people who have been cheated on take their anger on the person their partner cheated with bc they still love the cheater they cling too. But that very human response is amplified by his solution to things that need vex him being murder now that he has the power to do so. He’s selective, but it’s still a monstrous solution.

It’s also sad tho bc he says this with a underscoring hope that, that would resolve a problem he knows is inevitable if she’s still alive. He wants to go back to the two weeks of acceptance and honor Lestat pretended he had for Louis’ decision. Except Lestat feels ignored, and he’s only ever done the absolute most when he felt ignored in the past (i.e crashing paul’s funeral and making a scene, killing miss lily, killing the priests, turning Louis ahead of when he intended.”) and he knows this and dreads/fears it.

Louis knows Lestat was just humoring him (“you got a better chance making the Mississippi run north”) He knows Lestat don’t care about the business of the azalea to keep on performing there. He knows it was only a matter of time before Lestat grew tired of it. he knows that’s why Lestat had Antoinette in his face like that. he was disrupting the arrangement. He just wanted to believe they could keep that going. He hoped that in making it clear that Lestat couldn’t tempt/provoke him, Lestat would still honor his decision. It’s all misplaced empty hopes tho. He wouldn’t be lowkey confirming she’s dead if he really believed Lestat had killed Antoinette. He’s fully aware of the fractures in their arrangement, he knows there’s an imminent break.

He feels defeated when He learns she isn’t burning. and Lestat uses the logic he was once calling impractical at the start of the hour to add insult to injury and defend his actions— barreling towards the break. I think that’s why his walls crumbled for a moment of vulnerability in saying “aren’t I enough?” not just to not be cheated on, but to be loved and accepted in the way he chooses to approach his immortal life with Lestat. In how he chooses to be a vampire. bc those things are so conflated now that to ask if he’s enough in one way is to ask if he’s enough in the other. This is a moment that Lestat could have seen that just like him Louis wants to be loved as he is bc he’s never loved as he is. Lestat knew it enough at one point to use it in his marriage proposal/vows “Be all the things that you are and be them without apology.”

but he’s lost sight of that now. and maybe he never considered that one of those things Louis would be is ashamed/rejecting of vampirism his dark gift. so he doesn’t see that Louis does love him and is saying he loves him in his own way in this moment. “She burn quick?” (I hope you killed her. I love you and I’m so angry you cheated I want her dead) / “Aren’t I enough” (Why isn’t my love enough? why aren’t I enough? etc. etc.)

Instead of hearing what Louis is saying between the lines, Lestat laughs and triggers the break.

i had someone who used to be my best friend do this to me. i was super vulnerable about something i was experiencing (for the first time as well) and she laughed at me and didn’t understand why that broke something in how i viewed and treated our friendship going forward. she also wanted me to be someone she wanted and not who i was. this episode is full of things that i feel too deeply 😭.

the way he says “don’t laugh” makes me want Louis to tag me in.

Lestst equating Louis reading to his cheating is so loaded. so, so loaded. i’ll never get over it.

Louis said nah playa, im gon fuck! pleasures of the sloppy by the bayou for me!!!!!!

should have just threw annie in the fire. now your sanity is burning up inside. i can see the flames behind your eyes Lestat. every “of course” is the fire spreading to a new section of your heart and mind. a menaaaaaace to everybody including his own damned self.

[beyonce’s dont hurt yourself plays in the background]

iwtv ep 3 rewatch thoughts

Louis: I don’t want you kill people anymore, there it is.

Lestat: A fish that doesn’t swim. A bird refusing to fly.

I’m borrowing this statement to use for Louis in this moment - I believe this is when Lestat diagnoses Louis with hysteria.

In this scene the power imbalance between them becomes defined more by patriarchal gender dynamics. Lestat dives into a more rigid paternalistic approach when dealing with what he perceives to be Louis’ irrational shame of being a vampire and going against his very nature despite what Lestat has been trying to teach him. This reading of their relationship is intentional. so much so that while he says this the focus of the camera pans out to frame a shot of Antoinette walking past and there’s a parallel shot of Louis and Lestat sitting at a table next to another couple, a man and a woman who are presumably husband and wife, where both husbands’ (Lestat and the man) gazes follow after Antoinette and Louis and the wife literally notice at the same time. This is them (as in the writers etc. etc.) being really over handed about what they’re implying about Loustat’s relationship/marriage/companionship moving forward. Louis is literally sitting on the same side the wife is sitting and Lestat the husband. Antoinette poses a very similar threat to both Louis and the wife who is a bw (only her black husband could die behind Antoinette, at worst, given the era).

For what it’s worth (not much) I don’t think Lestat is actively plotting in the sense of being aware that he is forcing a gendered hat on Louis that doesn’t fit. I think he believes that this is a role Louis is suited for, especially if he’s drawing from the trauma of his relationship with his mother and the ways Louis might remind him of her. What I mean by that is his focus is on the front he see that Louis is putting on. He thinks he’s removing the offending hat Louis is, for a reason he can’t understand (and won’t bother to), clinging to. I think he believes the final frontier of Louis’ problems is simply submitting to his vampire nature (and to him lbfr) which i talked about in the tenor scene. (He doesn’t realize he hasn’t escaped the confines of humanity, he just benefits from them more in a way that lends to his ability to live as if they don’t apply to him)

Louis’ acting like he’s not a vampire and Lestat likens this to his business “a cover, an illusion to throw off the scent of the dogs.” The section of the Azalea where they are engaging in “polite conversation,” where the word “vampire” is off limits is a front for the nefarious business of trafficking women where consumption of bodies is allowed as long as Louis can separate himself from it. Pimping hidden in the shadows of the Azalea, the way he seeks to hide his vampirism in the shadows of his humanity. Bluffing is fine in a game of poker against humans Lestat believes is beneath him—against human’s he naively believes he elevated Louis above by giving him the dark gift—but it’s no way to live as a Vampire and it’s no way to love Lestat.

This is most offensive to Lestat, and I don’t doubt concerning given the impact it will have on Louis. Lestat: “You’re going to struggle. I fear for the feline population of New Orleans.”

He’s being really snarky about this, but I believe he means it. Louis’ hunger will not be satiated by eating cats or other small animals. He will be weakened physically and mentally by it. Lestat drives this point in by saying he’s gonna render them extinct in the area, behind this reluctance to kill or feed from humans. Lestat fails to see Louis is trying to regain some semblance of control over his life where he has very little control over how so many things are playing out against his favor even with the success of the Azalea which is unstable. There’s also the situation with his family. The fact that he has to kill to survive but doesn’t want to. the fact that he believes himself already damned, but still full of shame and guilt. Then as things worsen between him and Lestat etc. etc. He needs something to control.

Lestat sees this as more than just a moral quandary just not in the way it could have lent to the understanding of Louis so much as it clearly imo pokes at Lestat’s insecurities about whether he can be loved for who he is fully. He sees himself as above humanity, fully immersed in being a vampire and proud too and Louis is rejecting that so in a way, to Lestat, he’s rejecting him and the dark gift he’s given. He thinks he’s being played the fool. (“I can pretend the fool”). Louis agreed to all these things and now he’s switching up and holding out. (marriage contract etc. etc.) Lestat overcorrects so egregiously he’s the agent to his own fear being realized—the threat of Louis leaving him.

I don’t think i’m saying anything of a revelation to say Lestat can stop himself from acting out. I don’t think it’s anything new to say he has a clear need and demand for attention. He immediately follows this up with causing a scene and performing. He hops on stage and plays the piano for and with the people of the Azalea—what Louis seems more inclined to give his time and energy to rather then enjoying being a vampire and his new life with Lestat. Plus It’s not like it doesn’t work a little. Louis’ in 2020 in Dubai with a whole new husband crediting his white ex for something i doubt he actually was the catalyst for. idk I have my doubts about his claim about the Wolverine Blues. I think Danny being openly and immediately doubtful, as far as to play it, was intentional in making us question that as well imo.

He does this again tho. In part because it sort of worked in his favor this time especially since he threw the scent of this being what he does when he feels threatened (which i believe to be the main reason he does it again) to he was helping Louis out bc the pianist was gonna leave Louis. An interesting redirection considering this is a reaction to the fear that Louis will leave him. He’s playing poker. and he sort of* won this hand. So yeah he does it again, but more manically, later on with Louis’ preference of military men (i just know he thought about that sailor at the bar and it sent him over the edge) when he sees Louis would rather let an old flame do him “some face” (🤭) and eat a dog than fuck him and feed with him. but let’s not jump ahead. let’s let ep3 seduce us as Louis has been seduced!!!

antoinette brown said she gone be here all night y’all she really claimed the eternal night from jump. you can see the moment Lestat gets the idea to torment Louis with the “rotisserie chicken” (🤭 anon you will always be famous). She passed by and he turned so quick to Louis all bright eyed like “you’re going to struggle” ☹️ knowing he gonna be the agent of that particular struggle.

*i say sort of bc Louis is impressed by the scene he created when he starts playing, and it probably smoothed things over that night, but he doesn’t budge on his disordered eating bc that’s not how it works Lestat!!!! (“did i forget to mention i’m terrible at this game” or something to that effect)

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 1

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Words: ~2200 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to any kind of emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*. 

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

~~~~~~

You met Billy Russo at an industry conference two years ago. While you didn’t know much about military security at that time, your specialty was online security and both of you ended up attending a lot of the same events. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen, magnetic and a total flirt, and it was obvious he was aware of his good looks and used it to his benefit. You didn’t sleep with him during the conference. Something told you his dance card was already full every night. So, instead, you exchanged contact information and left it at that.

 A year later you were hired as a consultant for one of Anvil’s direct competitors and moved to New York City. When Billy called you to meet for drinks, you knew exactly what he was up to. You were no fool. He wanted information on your employer and thought he could charm you into spilling secrets. You told him it wouldn’t work over a second drink, and he simply laughed.

 You didn’t fuck him until a month later. The official reason for the delay was conflicting schedules but mostly it was due to insecurity on your part. To the outside world you were attractive in the kind of way that snuck up on people. You weren’t the type to turn heads, like Billy was, and your fucked up childhood had ensured you didn’t let anyone in easily. It wasn’t until a pep talk from your best friend, Davina, about enjoying Billy Russo for what he was – a fun time and nothing more - did you finally decide to take the leap.

 Fucking Billy had been unlike anything you’d experienced before. You’d had sex before of course, but not the kind of sex that made you lose all of your inhibitions and scream and come for hours. Billy knew how to coax you out of your shell and demand things from him you’d never even knew you wanted. You fucked him in your apartment, his penthouse, the underground parking lot, in his car and that was all within the first week. He had opened up a whole new world for you and you were willing to try anything and do anything he wanted. After that first night together, all the walls you’d built around your heart collapsed. Your best friend warned you repeatedly that great sex made people confuse lust for love, that she was worried you were falling for Billy, but you told her you were an adult and could handle yourself.

 Of course that had been bullshit.

 It had been been almost a year now since you and Billy were sleeping together and you had no idea where you stood with him. You didn’t even know if he was fucking other women, though a part of you suspected he was. If he was with you two nights a week that left five other nights to be with someone else. It clawed at you, knowing you weren’t enough for him. It heightened all of your insecurities, made you believe that you were worthless and ugly just like your abusive father used to scream at you. Of course you’d never tell Billy that. The minute he suspected you were getting attached to him emotionally he’d bolt, he’d already warned you of that. So you kept your thoughts to yourself and let your pain eat away at your insides when he wasn’t with you.

 At least that had been the plan until you saw him on a date with Madani.

 You were at a restaurant with some of your coworkers, enjoying happy hour, when you got up to use the bathroom and spotted Billy sitting in the other corner of the room. The breath rushed out of your lungs, your knees felt weak. They were enraptured with each other, legs intertwined, heads close, a true couple. You knew who she was because he’d let it slip he’d been working with Homeland on something and, you being you, you’d looked her up. Her pictures didn’t do her justice, because she was stunning. And exactly the type of woman Billy would be proud to be seen with.

 After you and Billy started sleeping together, Billy rarely took you out. Sure you guys would go to some hole-in-the-wall places or fast food joints but never to fine restaurants, not like this one. You never complained because why waste time when you could be busy fucking his brains out? Except now that you saw him and Madani sitting only a few feet away from you, and he was proudly holding her hand and being openly affectionate, you realized it had all been by design. He never took you out because he was ashamed of you. If you had been prettier, thinner, sexier, taller – anything but what you already are – he’d want you as more than a fuck buddy. He’d want you as his girlfriend.

 It was a bitter pill to swallow but at least now you knew the truth and that meant you were back in control of your life.

 As much as it hurt, it felt good to know you were the ones making decisions about your future again and they didn’t revolve around Billy. No longer would you be obsessing over what he wanted, what he was doing, if he’d like a certain thing on you or not, if he was fucking someone else or not. You wouldn’t spend hours researching Billy like you did in the past and finding out things about him that he never knew you knew. No, now you were finally free.

 And it was time to move on.

 Tonight was the night of the fundraising gala. Your company had purchased a table and the CEO of your company had personally extended an invite for you to attend. Based on a conversation you had with Billy three weeks ago, you knew he would also be attending to represent Anvil. When you’d first broached the subject you’d hoped he’d asked you to attend as his date – but he hadn’t. At the time you’d reassured herself the reasons were practical. It would be weird for Billy to be sitting at a competitor’s table (if he went with you) and you would risk offending your boss if you sat at Billy’s. But now you knew the truth.

 So, tonight, you were dressed to the nines in a curve-hugging gold dress with a plunging neckline which emphasized all of your assets. Your heels, which cost more than the dress itself, were over five inches high and made you feel like an Amazonian goddess when you sauntered in them.

 When you walked into the ballroom with Davina in your arms that night, you felt confident in a way you hadn’t in a long time.

 The thing about you that a lot of people didn’t know was that you were fucking fantastic at owning a room – despite your insecurities. You may not be beautiful but you were charming. You were really great at getting strangers to open up, people were drawn to you. It was one of the reasons your CEO promoted you so quickly after a few months. Your job, initially at least, was meant to be a technical role but when you were invited to a party with potential clients you had schmoozed them so easily they had signed the contract within the week. And then you had impressed them with your actual technical skills which only cemented their positive impression of you.

 So, yeah, you were in your element and you were ready to charm.

 “What table are we?” Davina asked.

 “14,” you said. Of course your eyes were automatically drawn to Anvil’s table on the seating chart. 157. A safe distance from your table, which meant there was a good chance you two wouldn’t even be crossing paths in the grand ballroom. You didn’t know whether to be overjoyed or disappointed.

 A while later you were circulating around the north bar, chatting up with some potential clients that your boss had wanted you to pay particular attention to when you saw Dinah Madani. She was in one of those slinky, maroon satin dresses, her hair up, and you felt that surge of jealousy go through you again. She was probably here as Billy’s guest considering this wasn’t the kind of events Homeland agents typically attended.

 “Y/N!” You turned to find your boss waving you towards him.

 Glad for the distraction, you picked up two glasses of champagne from a nearby server and headed towards him, handing him his drink. Your boss was chatting to a group of people you vaguely recognized, but the smile on your face stiffened when you spotted Billy amongst them.

 Fuck. He looked good in a tux. His hair was slicked back, and you were struck with the sharp memory of fucking him in his car one night with your fingers roughly fisting his hair. God, you loved his hair, loved running your fingers through the silky strands.

 Billy’s eyebrow quirked up when he saw you and you wondered what he thought of you so dressed up. No. It didn’t matter what he thought of you. Fuck him, you reminded yourself.

 “Y/N is our new Executive Director,” your boss said, introducing you to the group. “Her division has shown a significant growth ever since she joined Valiant.”

 You smiled, shaking hands with everyone. When it was Billy’s turn, you reached out to clasp his hand, not betraying any emotion even though you felt an immediate charge upon touching him. He gave you an amused smile, like he was enjoying the charade.

 “Nice to meet you all,” you said. “And don’t listen to Roger. Valiant was doing fine on its own.”

 “But Y/N has definitely changed the way we do some of our regular operations. I didn’t realize how archaic this industry’s systems and processes were until she came along.”

 “Sounds like I may need to poach Y/N from Valiant,” Billy said with a smug smile, his eyes fixed on you.

 “Anvil couldn’t afford me,” you reciprocated with equal smugness.

 Roger laughed, patting your arm. “We’re not giving her up without a fight.”

 “Clearly,” Billy replied.

 The expression on Billy’s face was new to you, you had no idea what he was thinking but you also didn’t want to waste any more of your time obsessing over him.

 Roger leaned in closer, lowering his voice so others wouldn’t hear him. “Table 35. Those were the clients I told you about.” As you glanced over to the table he mentioned, your eyes met Billy’s. He was watching you intently, still with the unreadable mask on his face.

 Ignoring Billy, you flashed a confident smile up at Roger. “Don’t worry about it. It’s taken care of.”

 You turned back to the group, your gaze skipping past Billy’s. “It was a pleasure to meet you all. I hope you have a great evening.” Bidding everyone goodbye, you headed to Table 35.

 ***

An hour later you were on the terrace, enjoying the cold, crisp New York air that rattled your bone. You were exhausted. Networking took a lot out of you and now you just wanted to go home and soak in the tub. Davina, a natural extrovert, was still in the ballroom, flirting and socializing but you needed a few minutes of privacy so you had snuck outside to compose yourself.

 “Congratulations on the promotion.”

 Your jaw clenched as soon as you heard Billy’s voice from behind you. You turned around to look at him as he swaggered forward, closing the distance between the two of you.

 “You never told me,” he remarked.

 You shrugged your shoulders. “We didn’t tell each other a lot of things.”

 “I get the distinct feeling you’re pissed at me but I don’t know why. Care to fill me in?”

 “What reason would I have to be pissed at you?”

 “You tell me. I’ve called you-”

 “You’ve never called me,” you interjected.

 “Fine. Texted. Whatever.” Billy took a step closer, forcing you to look up at him. Even in your fucking stilettos, he towered over you. “You’ve been avoiding me for two weeks now. Why the ghosting?”

 “I just think it’s time I move on.”

 Oh, Billy didn’t like that. His eyes grew darker, so dark they were almost pitch-black. “Really? You’ve got the next one lined up already?”

 As much as you wanted to believe he was jealous, you knew that wasn’t the case. “We both know you don’t give a fuck about me so drop the fake jealousy bit.” You tried to walk past him but he grabbed your arm and pulled you close. You felt his angry breath skim over your skin as he glared down at you. “Let me go, Billy.”

 “Why?” he snarled. “So you can go fuck Roger?”

 “You really expect me to believe you’re jealous of me seeing someone else?” you snapped back. “Or is it because it’s Roger? He’s more successful than you, he’s your competitor, his company has been taking all the contracts you’ve been fighting for and now he’s got you beat in the one area you thought you excelled at. Fucking.” You angled forward on purpose, holding his gaze. “Here’s an idea. Why don’t you go fuck Roger and leave me out of it?” You smiled up at him. “Or does Madani not let you stray?”

 Understanding dawned on Billy’s face. “So that’s what this is about.”

Part Two

A/N - This is my first reader insert fic. Hope you guys enjoyed it. If you’d like me to tag you, please leave a comment or DM me.  

If you created this GIF, please let me know so I can give proper credit :)

[babyboibucky]

Devil’s Mark: Lead Me Into Temptation

Pairing: CleanRockstar!Bucky x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your chose to give up everything to be with Bucky.

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: Knife play, carving, marking, blood (not period blood okay), tasting said blood, pain kink, oral sex (M receiving), face fucking, tea-bagging, thigh riding, toxic relationship obviously, bible references as usual

A/N: Like I said, this AU owns me??? Whenever new rockstar pics are released my brain instantly goes into a mayhem and I can’t NOT write shit based on those photos. Anyway, enjoy sinning in this one skskksks

Devil’s Mark Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST

You should have been ashamed at how quickly you decided to leave everything behind— your family, your work and your so-called friends, your beliefs and dignity.

All because of Bucky and you were not embarrassed by it. In fact, you were proud of it and you wore it like a badge of honor, quite literally actually. Bucky’s initials that were carved on your left collarbone never failed to remind you who you belong to.

You bled for it and went through the pain when Bucky pressed the tip of his knife onto your skin and used it to permanently mark you with his name. The pain was unlike any other but it was fucking worth it when Bucky rewarded you for being his good, little pet.

“You did so fucking good for me, munchkin.” Bucky cooed, sitting back and admiring his work.

The letters BB looked good on your skin, they were still red but written clearly enough for everyone to see. Tears continued to streak on your cheeks as you caught your breath, having to hold it in as you endured through the process of being marked.

“Aww, is my munchkin in pain?” he teased, wiping away your tears.

You shook your head, “I can take it.” you rasped out, sniffing and ignoring the burning sensation of the lacerations on your décolletage.

Bucky chuckled darkly and pressed a kiss on your neck, sucking your skin as his hand worked its way inside your skirt. His fingers tapped against the first mark he had given you while his mouth slid down to your throat.

“Such a good, little pet you are.” he hummed against your skin.

A combination of a gasp and a moan slipped past your lips when Bucky cupped your clothed cunt, pressing the pad of his palm against your already throbbing clit. He grunted in satisfaction when he felt how moist you had gotten.

Pulling back, Bucky looked at you with amusement. “Did the pain turn you on?” he asked.

You didn’t even know it was possible, you didn’t notice how damp it was between your legs until Bucky asked you about it. Not knowing what to say, you merely shrugged and bit your lip from embarrassment.

“Leave it to me to figure it out, munchkin.” Bucky said before bending down to lick at your fresh wound, humming at the tangy taste of your blood on his tongue.

The sting that you felt went straight to your core and left goosebumps all over your body. Hissing from both pain and pleasure, you threw your head back and found purchase on Bucky’s shoulders. It confused you at first, why the pain aroused you to the point of completely soaking your panties.

But when Bucky’s fingers began to rub your folds, you didn’t bother understanding your arousal anymore.

“Damn, didn’t expect for my munchkin to be a fuckin’ freak. You like it when it hurts, don’t you?” Bucky asked as he sat up straight.

His tongue and lips still had some of your blood, and the sight of Bucky wiping it with his thumb and sucking on it had you whimpering.

“I’m gonna have so much fun with you, munchkin.”

The day that Bucky marked you like that was the same day you had surrendered everything to him like he was a god. You never looked back since then, didn’t have an ounce of regret nor fear at what the future holds for you now that you were reeled into his world.

Everything about you changed— the way you dressed and presented yourself, your likes and dislikes. Bucky gloated at how much you willingly let him take control of you and your decisions.

You’d spent your entire life being constricted by so many rules that turned you into a person you never wanted to be in the first place. Don’t wear that, you look like a whore. Pray and repent for your sins every night, we don’t want a sinner in this family. Stay away from temptation, you don’t want to burn in hell.

It was ironic how you let the devil into your life but still got a glimpse of heaven.

A smirk tugged at your rouge-painted lips as you stared at your reflection in the mirror. You had never looked like yourself until now and you had Bucky to thank. He unraveled the truest version of you, helped you discover things you never knew you enjoyed, made you feel and bask in emotions you had suppressed for years.

Your finger traced the leather collar around your neck, something you considered a symbol of freedom rather than a restraint.

Bucky’s voice calling for you put an end to your pondering. Giving yourself one last look, you made sure to look your best before stepping out of the bathroom.

Your heels clacked as you walked into the bedroom of Bucky’s trailer, quickly catching his attention as he lounged on his bed in nothing but a pair of tight and stringed, leather shorts. His eyes darkened when he saw you, trapping his bottom lip in between his teeth as he got up to approach you.

A breath got caught in your throat when Bucky towered over you, his eyes scanning you from head to toe. You faltered under his predatory gaze and looked away, feeling bare and exposed because of the outfit he had asked you to wear: a black see through bralette, a matching thong and a pair of black stilettos. The collar he had given you was also attached to a belted chest harness that you had adjusted to accentuate your breasts.

“Fuck, knew my pet would look so damn good in that.” Bucky complimented, rubbing his stubbled chin as he took in your appearance.

He grabbed his silver chain from the bed and grunted when he heard your tiny gasp, loving how you got so fucking excited whenever he brought it out. Bucky smirked as he tipped your chin, thumbing your bottom lip and smearing your lipstick around.

“You wanna play, huh?” he asked before gently slapping the side of your breast.

You nodded enthusiastically, humming in excitement as Bucky continued to tease you. He clicked his tongue and took a step back, “Wanna hear my pet speak up.” he said.

“I wanna play, Bucky.” you immediately responded, looking at him with doe eyes and practically begging for him to leash you.

“That’s my pretty, lil’ munchkin.” Bucky praised, lifting your chin up so he could attach the chain onto the ring hanging at the middle of your collar.

Bucky caught you off guard when he harshly tagged on the chain, bringing you down onto your knees with a loud thud. His leather shorts already had a tent and the sight of Bucky’s thick, tattooed thighs instantly made you wet.

“Untie the strings, munchkin.” Bucky said, his hand still holding the chain while his other caressed your hair.

You lifted your hands up but they were quickly swatted away. When you looked at Bucky, he was grinning at you mischievously, “Use your mouth.” he said.

Gripping his thighs for leverage, you leaned forward and bit the edge of the string and pulled at it. You used your tongue and hooked it under the strings, lifting it up until it was loose. Bucky groaned at the sight of you on your knees, obeying his every command.

“You can use your hands now, munchkin. You’ve been such a good girl, go ahead and suck my cock. It’s all yours.” Bucky urged, exhaling through his nose when you didn’t waste any time and pulled his shorts down.

Spitting on the tip of his cock, you watched your saliva drip down to the shaft before licking the underside. You traced the prominent vein with your tongue, batting your eyelashes at Bucky whose mouth dropped open when you took his head into your mouth.

“Oh fuck, shit.” he hissed, scrunching his face in pleasure when you added your hand into the mix to fondle his balls.

“God, munchkin. You’re a fuckin’ sinner.” he breathily chuckled, gathering your hair behind your head into a ponytail.

“You gonna let me fuck your mouth?” he asked, moving his hips away from your lips.

Bucky snickered when your head followed his hips, not wanting to let go of his cock that was throbbing inside your mouth. He gripped your hair tight and yanked your head back until his cock slipped out and slapped against his abdomen. Your spit mixed with his pre-cum forming a string that connected the tip of his dick to your lips. Bucky tugged your head further away until your spit landed onto your chin and neck, dribbling down to coat his now fully-healed initials on your collarbone.

“How d’you want me to fuck your mouth, munchkin?” he asked, keeping his grip on your hair tight and painful.

“Fast, please.” you breathed out, licking your lips as you stared at his weeping, hard cock.

“Yeah, you want me to use your mouth and make myself cum?” he asked again.

You weren’t even finished nodding your head when Bucky pulled your face back down to his crotch. Your jaw ached when you opened your mouth wide, welcoming his cock back into your mouth until the tip hit the back of your throat.

Choking on his dick, your fingernails dug into Bucky’s thighs, creating dents that were easily hidden beneath his tattoos. Your eyes watered when Bucky held you in place for a few seconds before finally beginning to thrust his hips.

Wet, gaging sounds and Bucky’s moans filled the air as he fucked your mouth roughly. Saliva began to spill out from the corners of your mouth, dripping down to your chin and then the floor beneath you. Your tears escaped from your eyes and messed up your make-up, your mascara running down your cheeks, painting it a dark grey and mixing together with the smeared lipstick around your mouth.

“So fucking greedy for my cock, you’re such a slut.” Bucky grunted as he continued to fuck your face, ignoring the way your nostrils flared whenever you attempted to breathe through your nose. You blinked the tears away when you felt Bucky’s cock pulsate inside your mouth. The way his hips stuttered was a sign that he was close, and knowing how Bucky wanted to finish, you tugged his wrists away from your hair and started bobbing your head as you sucked him harder.

“Get under, I want to see my cum all over your innocent face.” Bucky demanded and began fisting his cock as you licked and sucked his balls.

You kept your eyes on Bucky the entire time, just waiting for him to make a mess on your face. The look of pleasure on his face always did it for you, always made you soak and drip for him. The fact that it was you making him feel this way, it gave you a sense of fulfillment. His brows would furrow, his nose would scrunch up and he would snarl and growl at you whenever he was close to his climax.

You loved it, loved seeing a man like him lose himself in you and on you.

“Yes, fuck!” Bucky groaned, taking a step back before aiming his cock onto your face, spurting his release all over you.

“Stick your tongue out, munchkin...yeah, fuck. Just like that, good girl.” he whispered, jerking his cock and letting more of his cum land on your tongue.

Bucky pulled his shorts back up and sat down on the foot of the bed, grabbing his phone and then opening the camera app. Like his good pet, you remained on your knees and didn’t bother cleaning up your face.

“C’mere, munchkin.” Bucky softly said, taking the chain in his hand as he watched you crawl towards here.

“Let me take a photo of you, fuck. You look so damn pretty like that, all fucked up and dirty. What a whore.” he chuckled and gripped your face in one hand, angling your face before snapping a couple of photos.

He threw his phone aside and leaned back, gazing at you with a satisfied smile. You returned the smile and started wiping your face with both your hands, gathering all his cum before bringing it into your mouth without breaking your eye contact with Bucky.

You sucked your fingers clean before proceeding to lick your palms, humming at the taste of Bucky.

You used to be an angel, such a pure soul but all that purity flew right out of the window when you met him. Now, your wings have been cut off and that landed you straight onto the devil’s lap.

“You really know how to make me happy, munchkin.” Bucky praised. “I knew it was right to keep you.” he added, tipping his head at you.

“Come, munchkin. Gotta reward you for being an obedient pet, of course. Why don’t you sit that pretty pussy on my thigh, rub yourself on me. Make that pussy purr.” he said, patting his thigh.

You crawled closer to him and held onto his knees as you stood up. You slightly winced in pain, your knees were red and bruised from being on the ground. Bucky gripped your leash and tugged on it, pulling you down until his thigh was slotted in between your legs.

A moan slipped past your swollen lips when your clothed cunt pressed against Bucky’s thigh. He laughed when he felt how fucking wet you were, your juices immediately soaking his skin, making his tattoo glisten with it.

“Ride my thigh, go ahead. Cum whenever you want.” he said.

You did as you were told and started moving your hips back and forth, moaning wantonly at the friction. You didn’t bother removing your thong, you were too aroused to do that. The throbbing in your pussy only grew with every movement, creating a delicious coil in your abdomen.

Bucky’s eyes kept on moving from your face to your pussy, watching you proudly as you tried to get yourself off. Your breasts bounced with emphasis thanks to the harness and your nipples were pebbled against the sheer fabric of your bralette.

“Bucky…” you whimpered, holding onto his shoulders as you quickened your pace— back and forth, back and forth, side to side.

Your juices were dripping down already, creating a vulgar, squelching sound whenever you moved. The hairs on Bucky’s thigh were also adding to your pleasure, allowing you to come closer and closer to your end.

“Yeah, you gonna cum? Cumming already, munchkin?” Bucky teased, yanking your leash to bring your lips down to his.

He licked your parted mouth before biting your lower lip, tugging at it until it bled. Bucky sucked on your lip before kissing you messily. You moaned into his mouth when you tasted your blood; it quickly mixed with Bucky’s release, creating a unique flavor that had your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Gonna cum, Bucky.” you whined, moving your hips faster and rougher against his thigh.

“Go on, munchkin. Give it to me, soak my fuckin’ thigh with your cream. C’mon.” he growled as he pinched your nipple.

The pressure in your abdomen exploded and made your entire body buzz from immense pleasure as you came. Electricity ran through your veins, starting from your fingertips down to your toes as they curled. Wetness gushed out of your sopping cunt, completely soaking Bucky’s thighs and the bedsheets beneath.

Your high-pitched moan was like music to Bucky’s ears; his smile was from ear to ear as he watched you get lost in your pleasure, your head tilted back as your nails left scratches on his shoulders down to his chest.

“That’s it, munchkin. Look at this mess…” Bucky pointed out, looking at his drenched thigh and your ruined thong.

Your chest continued to heave as you caught your breath, your eyelids fluttering from mere exhaustion. Bucky started pressing light kisses on your chest, throat and jaw while his hands began to caress the sides of your thighs.

Bucky’s praises and sweet words were your gospel, his grunts were your choir.

And you? Your body was his temple.

“You know I’d fuck you until you were dumb, but I got a concert.” Bucky sighed, helping you get off from his thigh.

“You wanna come and watch?” he asked.

The way his eyes narrowed at you was meaningful, you knew that Bucky was up to something. Whatever it was that he had in mind, you always looked forward to it.

You nodded in response, “I’ll go get changed.” you said and was about to walk away until Bucky grabbed your leash again, stopping you from doing so.

He tutted as he pulled you close, not caring whether you stumbled on your feet. Bucky caressed your face and fixed your hair, tucking a strand behind your ear before winking at you.

“I didn’t tell you to get changed, munchkin.” he said, lifting a brow at you.

“How ‘bout I take you out on a walk?”

Bucky could take you anywhere and you’d let him. Hell, he could keep you leashed and you wouldn’t even bat an eye. Truth was, Bucky could lead you anywhere he wants and you would follow him like a loyal disciple.

He had already led you into temptation, you might as well follow him to the pits of hell.

[mothra-mcyt]

☾ "Don't worry i'm here now." ☽

platonic!Philza x reader

!Trigger Warning: aftermath of physical abuse, blood!

Summary:

After your biological angry father thought taking his anger out on you physically was the best idea, you ran out of the house. Not knowing what to do you called the person that would be able to comfort and help you most in that moment. Philza Minecraft.

2.2k words

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Moving your legs as fast as you could you felt rainwater slowly drench your feet. With every sharp breath you took in you could feel your lungs more hurting. The tears streaming down your face blurred your vision making it hard to see where you're going but you could care less.

The only thing on your mind right now was getting away. Away from the danger that is at home.

What you didn't expect was to see your dad standing in front of you, brows furrowed in anger and beer bottle in his hand when you came home. You couldn't understand much about what he was shouting at you about but when he stomped down on your ribs while blaming you for loosing his job you began to understand what he was so raged about.

Thinking back to it you put your hand over where you know a boot formed bruise would probably form in purple colours.

You came back to your senses when you slipped in a puddle and slammed down onto the ground. A groan left your mouth feeling the already strong pain intensifying.

Trying your best at wiping away the tears forming in your eyes again to look around you saw where you ran.

The train station where you met Wilbur, Tommy, Phil etc. for the first time. Immediately memories started running through your head of seeing Tommy sprint out of the train, running up to you and hugging you as tight as he could. Or of Phil trying to hold you and Wilbur back from trying to steal a pigeon.

At the thought of Phil your eyes started to water again.

He always was there for you, always making sure you took care of yourself.

Never was mad at you when you made a mistake.

He was always so nice and gentle, you didn't want to bother him with your family problems.

None of you talked about it but both of you knew he was basically your father figure.

"Maybe i should call him...but wouldn't i just annoy him i did that... fuck it."

Thankfully you remembered to grab your phone when you started sprinting through the front door onto the sidewalk in a panicked state. Carefully taking it out of your pocket a curse left your mouth. The water of the rain soaked through your pants making your phone wet. Praying to whoever is out there you hoped that it wasn't broken.

A sigh of relief left your mouth when your phone screen lit up showing your familiar background image.

"Dammit. Only 23% left."

Unlocking your phone you immediately went to your contacts. Tapping on Phil's name you were about to press on the call button but you hesitated.

"Is this really a good idea...what if he's busy right now..."

Not realising it your finger accidentally pressed on the call button. Panicking you were about to stop the call but Phil already picked up.

"Hey mate what's going on. Why did you call me?"

Completely frozen you tried to think of a way to get out of this situation but before you could say anything Phil's voice started coming out of the phone again.

"Wait a minute. I hear rain. Are you outside?! It's in the middle of the night! Why are you outside?!"

"I- I'm sorry Phil. I don't know. I don't know anymore."

"Where are you, Are you okay?!"

"I'm at the train station Phil. The one where You, Wilbur, Tommy and the others met me for the first time."

You tried to your best to hide the fact that you were crying in your voice but apparently it didn't work well enough.

"Isn't that like really fucking far away from your home? Also are you crying? You sound like you're crying. Are you okay mate? Please talk to me."

Not being able to stop yourself a sob left your mouth. When you tried to open your mouth again to answer him just more sobs came out.

"Fuck shit okay i'll drive to you. Stay out of the rain and try to get somewhere warmer. I don't want you getting fucking sick. Just go to the toilets or something okay. I'll be there as fast as possible. Stay on the ca-"

It broke off before he could finish. Confused you looked down through blurry vision at your phone clutched in your hands. The screen was black. Frustrated you shoved your phone back into the front pocket of your hoodie.

"Of course the battery had to go empty at this exact time."

Mumbling to yourself you pulled the hood over your head before you went back into the rain to get somewhere warmer. Hoping that your memory for once wasn't gonna betray you you started to walk in the direction where you remember the toilets being.

Thankfully there was a single gender neutral bathroom stall so you don't have to worry about someone coming in and hearing you crying.

Pushing down the handle you stepped into the bathroom. It was bigger than a normal stall would be because it was also for disabled people. The floor looked like it was cleaned not long ago. There was some graffiti next to the door looking like someone tried to scrub it off but gave up.

Stepping to the sink you glanced up into the mirror to see how much of a mess you looked like.

There were obvious marks of a hand on your neck from where he choked you. It may have been only for a few seconds but it was still strong enough to make you shiver just from thinking back to it. Some dried blood that trickled down your forehead from where the green glass beer bottle crashed into your head. If you looked long enough you could see a fading handprint at your left cheek.

"Damn i look like a fucking mess."

Turning on the sink you looked down at your hands. There was some blood on your fingers from when you wiped away the blood running from your nose. Holding them under the water you immediately flinched away feeling how cold it was.

Taking a deep breath you put them under the stream again and started washing the blood away from your hands away first. Forming them to bowl you held them under the water. Knowing this is not going to feel great you splashed it on your face. Immediately regretting your decision you gasped for air.

Feeling it slowly running down your face you took some papers and dried the remaining water and blood off of your face. After throwing them in the trash can you looked back up into the mirror. Even without the scabs and dirt you still looked like a mess. With a sigh leaving your mouth you made your way over to the toilet and sat down on the closed seat. About to put your head in your hands you jumped when you suddenly heard a voice from outside the door.

Slowly starting to recognise the voice you quickly stood up.

"Da- Phil? Is that you?"

Raising your voice only a little to avoid other people other than him hearing it you stepped closer to do the door to listen more closely.

"Yeah it's me, i'm here now. Can you open the door mate? I wanna make sure you're safe."

Hesitating for a moment you slowly wrapped your fingers around the door handle. Carefully opening it you stared down at the ground making your hair shadow your face in hopes of hiding how much of a mess you are or maybe because you weren't able to look him in the eyes, too ashamed to let him see you in this state.

"Can you please look up at me?"

Tears started forming in the corners of your eyes when you looked up at him. You were surprised at seeing how much worry and concerned was showing on his face but also at how shocked he looked.

"Who . . . who did this to you?"

Not being able to hold it back any longer sobs started leaving your mouth. Tears started spilling when you felt Phil wrap his arms around you and pulled you in a tight embrace. Gripping the back of his shirt you felt him putting his hand against the back of your head. He pushed your head against his chest making your tears soak up the fabric of his shirt but he could care less right now.

"Take your time don't worry. I'm here for you and i promise i won't let go."

Slowly starting to calm down again, eyes dry from crying so much you still didn't wanna let go. This is the most comfort you ever felt in your entire life you were sure. But knowing you sadly couldn't stay like this forever you carefully pulled your arms back and stepped back a little. You tried wiping away the remaining tears but it only resulted in your cheeks getting even more wet from your rain soaked hoodie sleeves.

"Let's first get you to somewhere warm and safe. My house is closer so i'll just drive to my place if that's alright with you mate."

Seeing you nod was enough was enough of a response for him so he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and started walking to the exist. Or at least you thought it was in that direction. You don't really remember anything from before you went in the bathroom stall leading to you realising you probably dissociated the whole way here. Probably better that way.

After a while of just trusting Phil with where you two were going you stopped next to what you presumed was his car. Stepping in front of you he opened the door of the passenger seat and let you get in. Closing the car door you immediately relaxed feeling the warmth around you.

When he got in he quickly glanced over making sure you were okay before he started driving. You didn't really remember much from the car ride besides him asking you if you were okay every other 5 minutes to which you always responded with a small nod. Knowing at some point he's gonna want a better response from you but for now that was enough to satisfy him thankfully.

Slowly coming back to the real world you looked out of the window to your left and saw Phil's house. You don't really remember much from when you were here the last time one of the things that was still in your memory that it was bigger than you expected. But it felt comfortable and like there was put a lot of thought and detail into his home.

Jumping a little in surprise at Phil opening the car door he tried to help you out of the car but deciding to ignore him you started to get up.

"For fucks sake just let me help you you stubborn child."

A sigh of annoyance left you but you took his hand and let him take you out of the car.

"I'm gonna be honest Da- Phil i thought i was the one who was going to have to help you out of the car since you're becoming so old-"

"Shut!"

A giggle left you making him give you an obviously joking annoyed look. God you missed these interactions so much. Not like you two stopped having them they just felt a lot better in person rather than over discord or when calling.

Letting him walk to the door you stepped under the roof and waited for him to open it. Glancing behind you one last time you saw that the rain was still going strong but now you wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Cautiously you stepped into the warmth of what you would love to call home and let Phil close the door.

Bending down you took off your wet shoes. A feeling of disgust went through you feeling how soaked your socks were. Standing up straight again you looked around confused because you didn't see Phil anymore. Immediately panic started rising in you. Feeling your heartbeat getting faster you quickly stepped further inside.

"Phil?!"

Trying your best to hide the anxiousness you heard the quick footsteps of a concerned Phil letting you know you failed miserably at it.

"You okay? What's wrong? What happened i was just getting dry and more comfortable clothes for you."

Slowly tears started forming and when you tried to speak your voice cracked.

"I- I don't know. I just thought maybe maybe you left because i-"

Noticing you starting to panic he put his hand under your chin making you look up at him.

"I am not going to leave you. I am not going to hurt you. No matter what i will stay with you. If you need something i will be there to help you. If you're ever sad i'm there to comfort you. No matter how long you cry i won't let you go until you're feeling better."

Not knowing what to do you rubbed away the tears that were about to fall.

"Thank you. Thank you so much Da- Phil-"

"Don't worry you can call me dad."

Registering his words the corners of your mouth went up forming a smile.

"Now come on. Here are better clothes to wear. Don't want you getting sick."

Masterlist

[missluckycharms]

What is grief, if not love persevering?

Anon asked: heyyy! i love your writing sm💕 can you write angst please? make it hurt☹

Masterlist.

Summary: in which Harry is a single Dad due to losing his wife five years ago just shortly after their little love was born. Y/N has been there through it all. Harry has a rough night filled with whiskey and tears for his late wife.

A/N: this one is full of Angst and light hearted jokes to not get you too sad … sorry in advance, it’s a real tear jerker. Enjoy!!

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, talks of alcohol and drug abuse, talks of depression and very low mental health, curse words.

—

Five years.

It’s been five years since the passing of Myla Styles, the woman who granted Harry a wish he always wanted, the woman who loved him beyond all the galaxies and the woman who never saw any wrong in anyone, not even the worst of people, she always used to say “deep down, their heart is just aching” and Harry always admired that about her, she always looked on the positive side of life.

She held that same attitude as he held her hand in the hospital room, her fragile and pale body laying on the white bed as she peered up at him, oxygen tube in her nostrils and too many machines to count hooked up to her body, she was a shell of a woman, but she still had a heart of gold, the same hear Harry fell in love with when they were sixteen years of age. He hated seeing her this way, especially when their nearly one week old baby was resting in his other arm, fast asleep as her Mum clung to every bit of life she had left, but not once did her smile fade.

It all happened so fast, one day she was pushing life into the world and eight days later her life was being taken out of this world. There was complications with birth, the doctors and nurses finding undiagnosed ovarian cancer in her ovaries when they had to send her in for an emergency c section. Myla confessed she felt off, her body didn’t feel right, but she knew if something was seriously wrong, she wouldn’t risk the life of her baby getting treatment, she would rather her baby live over her. Doctors and nurses tried their best, trying to refer her to new hospitals to get stronger chemo if she wanted, but Myla refused, she told them to let her go, she was tired and she couldn’t stick around long enough to see if these treatments would work — she knew she was dying but Harry refused to believe it.

The day she left, was the day Harry felt like his whole world stopped, like the curtains were shut and he was left in a dark room with no way out. He promised Myla he would do his best to take care of their love, who they named Honey. He was dealing with the loss, Honey taking his mind off it a little and giving him reasons to pull himself from bed even on the days when he wanted to lay around and wallow in his own darkness — she pulled him out of those days, but two months later it all came crashing down on top of him.

He slipped into a wrong mind set, immediately knowing that Honey had to be taken away from him because he was living in fear he would hurt her, one day he woke up and he looked at her and just cried, he held her and he felt nothing, he didn’t even sympathise with her when she would cry for food, he felt nothing towards Honey and this scared him, terribly. Anne, his Mum took Honey in, letting Harry to relax and blow off some steam and get some help, his and Myla’s family all agreeing and saying he needed help and it wasn’t something to be ashamed about — he just lost his wife, they can’t lose him either.

Harry took the wrong route of clearing his mind and getting help, he found his therapy at the end of a bottle and a line of cocaine. He slipped into an endless spiral of week long benders and debts for drug money along with risking losing his home due to him quitting his high up job at his Fathers Law firm, he completely crashed and burned, he couldn’t live without her, he couldn’t stop his mind racing and the only way for it all to stop, and let him feel numb — was when he was drunk and high, passing out in every room of his home and in his garden, the neighbours finding him sometimes in their yard in a mess. They were the ones who got him help, they called up his family and they all rushed him off in an ambulance to get him sober and conscious again. Here is where he made the decision to sign himself into rehab, accepting the help the hospital offered and a few months later, he was out and clean, he stayed with his Mum until Honey turned one and that was the year Harry found his smile again, found his life and purpose again.

Looking back now, he doesn’t know how he ever made himself believe it was Honeys fault Myla was no longer here, he doesn’t know how he’s even alive because of all the drugs and alcohol he ingested every single night for three months solid, but he knows why everything turned around, it was his Angel looking down on him, guiding him and kicking him in the ass to get up and look after their little love, just like she asked him to do before she left, always look after himself and Honey.

It’s been five years since her passing, Harry is doing better than ever, he started working for his Dad’s company again and now he’s the president of the law firm, alongside his Dad who is the CEO, Harry being second in command and then being the CEO when his Dad retires from the firm. They kept their family home, even if it was just the two of them, they loved the home and it still felt like Myla was living here, her makeup still tucked away in her unused vanity in Harrys bedroom and her favourite paintings still hung up around the home. Harry even hired a nanny, she has been working for him for two years now, she’s even working alongside Harry in his office being his receptionist during the day and she’s Honeys afternoon and night nanny when she’s done in work and Honey is home from school.

Y/N is Honeys nanny, she takes care of the little lady and feeds her daily, even taking her to the playground and to the movies when Honey asked her could she go. She would do anything for Honey and Honey loved her endlessly, she loved the way she would allow her to eat sneaky chocolate bars after dinner every now and then and how she would always play dollies with her, kneeling down on the floor of the den and playing with the small girl until they were both in fits of laughter. Harry also adored Y/N, her passion for her job at the law firm along with her passion for looking after Honey is something he admires, she never once complains about being exhausted even though he can tell when she is, she didn’t have to think twice when Harry offered her the job as Honeys nanny, she knew the little one from her being in the office every now and then, and Honey was instantly drawn to her, the way she was so kind and the way she cared for Honey.

Tonight is a hard night for Harry, it’s Myla’s death anniversary and he’s been having a bad day, his mind racing and his heart breaking all over again, but this time he’s stronger, he’s able to power through until he could be alone and just let his emotions go, have a glass of whiskey and just cry a little flipping through old photo albums — he does this every year on her anniversary. Honey is tucked up in bed and he’s sat alone in the den on the sofa, the photo albums on his lap and his hand clutching a small glass of whiskey as he sips on it flipping through many photos from their wedding and from when they were teens and drunk in love in high school — so many memories can be attached to one person, and Harry knew one day they would be memories, but he didn’t know it would be so soon.

“Honey is fast asleep, left her door cracked open so she can shout if she- Harry? Are you okay?” Y/N stops suddenly, her eyes landing on her boss who was hunched over a photo album on the sofa, curtains drawn and the only light coming from a lamp beside a framed wedding photo of him and Myla on the table by the sofa.

“Yeah, thanks for putting her to sleep” Harry says weakly, not turning around which alarms Y/N, she’s seen him like this last year, she let him be as she was only new to it, but this year she’s determined to sit with him all night if he needs — he needs to have some company.

“That’s you?” She asks sitting next to him, Harry not moving or telling her to leave, he accepts her company as she looks down at the photo his eyes are laid upon — two teenagers at a party.

“Yeah, m’hair was a curly mess” he says with a low laugh, looking over the photo of a seventeen year old version of himself, smiling cheekily clutching a red solo cup and Myla wrapped under his other arm holding him around his waist, both their smiles wide and cheeky and their cheeks flushed pink from the alcohol in their bodies.

“I think it looks cute, pitty it’s not as curly now” she says with a light laugh, watching as his ring clad fingers turn the page, taking a sip from his whiskey as he goes.

“This was our prom, she made me wear a pink fucking bow tie — absolutely hated it” he laughs, the crinkles by his eyes evident as Y/N laughs along, looking down at the curly headed teenager in a black suit, white shirt and a bright pink bow tie, matching Myla’s floor length dress next to him, a shawl over her shoulders matching as the corsage around her wrist match the pink of her dress also.

“She hated that dress a year later, she was packing up for college and I was helping her when she found it, immediately burst out laughing” he says laughing loudly, remembering back at the memory he has, Y/N beside him happy at how joyful he sounds speaking of the memories.

“Oh here we go, Frat boy Harry!” Y/N says with a loud laugh, pointing down at a shirtless twenty year old Harry, backwards cap on his head and “Myla’s Bitch!” Wrote on his stomach in paint, two beer bottles in his hands and Myla on his shoulders cheering with her hands up in a red bikini, matching his swimming trunks and baseball cap.

“Some of the best years of m’life, raging parties and no more curfews, we were two hormonal teens absolutely smitten for one another” he says shaking his head with a laugh, his eyes bright as he flicks them over the photos ranging from Harry dancing, Myla being pushed into the pool by him and Harry passed out with a mustache drawn on him with Myla next to him holding the marker with a bright smile mid laughter.

The book is filled with their college days, to their graduation day from college, their photo in their first apartment, Harry on his first day of work and Myla on hers. They took photos of small things, but at the time they meant the world to them, they were milestones in their lives and they never wanted to forget them. Harry is forever grateful that Myla had an obsession with photography, otherwise he wouldn’t have these to look back on and hopefully show Honey one day what her Mum was like, even if she’s drunk and half naked in some of them at college parties.

Harry and Y/N are in fits of laughter, tears falling from their faces as Harry explains every single memory behind each photo, one photo containing a memory of Myla at her bachelorette party, Harry coming out as a stripper and giving her a lap dance as she slaps his ass and throws money all over her husband — that one will definitely not be shown to Honey. Harry is like a whole different person when he speaks about her, his laugh becomes louder and his eyes become brighter, he even ditched his whiskey after one glass to speak about his late wife, Y/N looking at him with pure amazement and proudness of how far he’s come, how he pulled himself from a hard time and carried on life for the sake of his baby girl. He’s truly inspirational in her eyes.

“It should be easier than this by now, right? Like I shouldn’t be still grieving” he says when their laughs and stories come to a stop, their eyes hooded with sleep and faces hurting from laughing.

“What is grief, if not love persevering? You were both childhood sweethearts, you’ve loved her since you can remember and you always will, she’s your whole world, of course you’ll still grieve her, you still love her, and that’s okay” Y/N blurts out, her words quick as she blabs on while Harry watches her, a smile on his face as she explains and accepts his feelings.

“Never knew you were Shakespeare” is all he says, she rolls her eyes laughing, slapping his bicep a little as he shuts the album, tucking it away in the drawer again before turning his focus back onto Y/N beside him.

“Seriously though, never tell yourself you’ve been grieving for too long, it’s okay to grieve and cry yourself to sleep some nights, I get that, I do. You lost a person who made you who you are, but don’t forget, you still have a little one that will need you to be the person who makes her who she is”

Harry thinks she’s amazing, she’s smart and she’s so empathetic towards everyone and anyone. She has a heart of gold and she will never let anyone explain hers or anyone else’s feelings for them, she always allows people to express who they are, heck, one night she brought Harry to a gym after hours, explaining how her brother is a trainer there and he gave her the keys on the condition that she does his laundry for a month, she let Harry rage out and punch the shit out of a punching bag one night because he was so upset. She cheered him on and he was smiling as he was punching towards the end, she helped him release the emotions that built up and would of lead him back down a dark path.

She’s been an Angel sent from above, he knows Myla sent her to him because of how much they’re alike, Harry knows for sure they were sisters in a past life, their kind hearts and understanding natures alike but they have their differences, Myla was very out spoken and loved to party but Y/N is reserved and would rather stay inside with a hot chocolate and her crosswords while watching TV, but that’s another thing that Harry finds fascinating about her, she’s younger than him by eight years, when he was her age he was partying.

“Thank you Y/N, I needed this tonight” he says with a smile, her own smile on her face as she nods leaning over to rub her hand over his in a comforting manner, the pair looking at one another as they soak in their presences.

“It’s getting late, I should go” she says realising it’s nearly midnight, Harry and her need to be in work tomorrow morning and Harry has to wake up to get his little lady ready for school also. He gets a bit saddened when she says this, he secretly wants to hear more of her own college years and her own prom much like he told her earlier.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow” he says with a smile, watching as she gathers up her bag and throws it over her shoulder, car keys now in her hand as she smiles at him once more before heading for the den door. She pauses and looks back at him, his eyes meeting hers as they hold contact for a few seconds before she speaks up.

“See you tomorrow, Harry”

[tbmaybank]

Hey! Could you pretty please write something with JJ like it was in that scene where Sarah didn’t want to tell Topper that she got married with JB? hope u like it 🙏🏻💗

Warnings: some violence, swearing

A/N: I hope this is what you wanted!

Requests Are Open

Support my writing? :)

Taglist;

@k-k0129 @natty2017

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“I love you, you know” your boyfriend, JJ, whispers in your ear as you lay in bed together.

“You’ve mentioned it once or twice before.” You say while smirking at him causing him to roll his eyes at you. “I love you too, though.”

He takes your hand in his, playing with your fingers. “Marry me.” He says, causing a giggle from you.

“I thought you never wanted to get married?” You tease.

“I didn’t. Now I do. Only if it’s you though. So… will you?” His blue eyes looking into yours, and your heart is fluttering.

“I would love too.” You say, bringing a smile on both of your faces. He kisses you deeply. Sitting up, he reaches and undoes the clasp on his necklace, before placing it around your neck.

“Until I can get you a ring, pretty girl.” Your hand goes to the necklace, as you smile at him. You both knew you couldn’t get married until you were both 18, but that wasn’t that far off. Plus, you both loved being able to say ‘my fiancé’.

————-

It was a few weeks after JJs proposal, and you were walking through town, smiling as you played with the necklace. It was something you found yourself doing a lot, even without realizing it.

Suddenly you feel your arm being grabbed, and your spun around to find Barry in your face. “Where’s that little boyfriend of yours, y/l/n?” He says.

“I don’t know. Let go of me.” You say. You can tell there’s going to be bruises left from him.

“No, you see, I think you do know. So you better tell me where he is now, or we’re gonna have a big problem between us.” Pushing you back against a telephone pole as he says this, his other hand going towards your neck, squeezing tight. You try to push his hand away but it’s useless.

“Get the fuck off of her!” You hear someone shout before Barry is ripped off of you. You look to see Topper. You two used to be really good friends, back when you lived in figure 8, before your parents made some bad decisions and ended up losing everything, prompting you to move to the cut. Your friendship quickly faded after that.

Topper pushes Barry away, threatening him. Once he leaves, Topper turns towards you. “Are you okay?”

“I think so. I just wanna go home.” You say, your hand rubbing your neck lightly.

“Here, I’ll give you a ride.” He says, opening his truck door for you.

You nod and get in. “To John Bs though, not my house.”

“How are you?” He asks as he’s driving. “I mean, besides what just happened, how are you?”

“I’m great! How about you?”

“I’m okay. I miss you a lot, you know.” He confesses.

“I miss you too, Top.”

You guys make small talk the whole way to the chateau. When you guys finally pull up, JJ is sitting outside in the hammock, but quickly gets up when he sees Toppers truck pulling up. You both get out of the car, and JJ rushes to your side.

“What are you doing with him?” He asks once he’s next to you.

“He helped me, J. It’s okay.” You explain, taking his hand in yours.

“Barry was hurting her. I got him away from her. Was just giving your girlfriend here a ride.” Top says. JJ looks at you, and you nod to confirm his story.

“Well, thank you. I appreciate you helping her. But she’s not just my girlfriend.” He says, causing a confused look from Topper. “Tell him babe.”

You look at Topper, and for some reason you think it’ll hurt him if you tell him about your engagement. You don’t wanna hurt him after he saved you back there. “Yeah we’re.. we’re together, you know?” You say awkwardly. You can feel JJ tense up next to you, and Topper almost looks amused.

“Alright then. Well, you two have fun with whatever this is then.” Topper says before climbing into his truck and leaving.

As soon as he’s out of sight, JJ turns to you, letting go of your hand. “What the fuck, y/n?”

“What? He knows we’re together.” You say back

“We’re not just together, y/n. We’re engaged.” He looks almost hurt. “Are you like, ashamed of that or something?”

“No J, I’m not ashamed. Im the farthest thing from ashamed. I love you.”

“Then why didn’t you tell him?”

“I dont know! He just saved me from Barry, I didn’t want to hurt him. I’m sorry, JJ.” He doesn’t say anything, just nods while looking down. “J.. I’ll tell him the next time I see him around, okay? I’ll tell every single person I see, because I’m not ashamed. I’m actually very proud to be engaged to the best guy I’ve ever met.” You say, moving to put your hands on his arms. He’s still looking down, but you can tell that now he’s trying to hide a smile.

You pull out your phone, and start doing something on it. He tried to see, but you pull away, smirking at him. “Okay. Now. Look.” You say, turning your phone to him, where he sees a new Instagram post, with a picture you guys took last week. The caption says “can’t believe im going to marry this man.” With a bunch of heart emojis.

“Now everyone knows.” You tell him, smiling.

“I love you so fucking much.” He says, pulling you into a big hug, making you giggle.

Still giggling, you respond “I love you too, J.”