#My Utmost For His Highest | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sincerelyrki · 4 months ago

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you don’t look like an angel

being heavens highest angel, lee heeseung was completely and utterly fucked. he’d made the one mistake that could cost him both his wings and his immortality- he had summoned a demon into the most sacred paradise on earth. it was only his luck that it wasn’t just a regular impure demon; no, it was worse. he had summoned a succubus.

paring : virgin!angel!heeseung x succubus!fem!reader

warnings + genre : smut. slightly dubcon (heeseung didn’t know what was happening). corruption. religious guilt. begging. unsafe sex. marking. oral (m). riding. slight degradation. begging. profanity. blood. cumming untouched. demons hiss and purr.

wc : 5.9

a/n : idk what this is but i had to read the entire thing out loud to make sure it sounded right and i think it’s safe to say that this might be one of my favourite works i’ve ever written so far? something about heeseung and corruption…anyways, as always i’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts 🤞

written perm taglist : @vousty @ilololoveyou @moon0fthenight

Heeseung was just finishing his final prayer when it happened, his hands still pressed together at the base of his forehead. Earlier in the day he’d heard about a new prayer, one that was said to be extremely popular with the rising youth.

It was spoken in another language, one far too complex for Heeseung to understand. But the words were simple, easy to pronounce and fairly similar to a chant he’d heard his mother pray with.

Due to its simplicity, it allowed more room for error. One small mistake could change the outcome of any prayer spoken through an angel's lips. Their loving prayers were far more powerful than any other beings, their direct connection with the lord strengthening their pleas.

With the ability to heal an unknown disease with a singular sentence, an angel's voice was the most sought-after remedy.

But as the old saying says, with great power comes great responsibility.

With a voice as strong as theirs it was bound to be heard. Whether it was heard from the lord or other angels, someone was always listening.

What Heeseung failed to realize was that the language of his new prayer was the language of the unknown. No living human understood the language, their own interpretations being nowhere near the direct translation.

But like all other sayings, their false words made their way through the clouds. The wind was listening, the echoes of their translations meeting the ears of a few young angels.

They weren’t of the right age to learn about the wind's voice yet, so they did what they thought they had to. They spread the word, the listening angels hearing their prayers.

It was a cruel game of telephone, the words jumbling together until it was forced to make its own poem. Heeseung just happened to be at the receiving end of one of one.

For a room that was well above the atmosphere, it was oddly humid. The freshwater flowers that thrived in his usual cold room were now completely withered. Their once vibrant petals were now dyed a terrific red, the hue straining their pure white appearance.

Heeseung watched with the utmost confusion as they contorted within seconds, the vapour diffusing into a puddle of red acid that gathered alongside the vase, identical red streams dripping from each individual stamen.

His hand moved on its own, his fingers a hairstring away from the mysterious liquid before a loud voice echoed from the other side of the room. Heeseung’s main light went out, his bedside lamp coming to life on its own.

“You shouldn’t touch that.” Heeseung jumped in place, his wings springing free from their confinement in his attempt to defend himself.

He was light on his feet when he spun around, unfortunately for him- he saw nothing but darkness on the other side of his room. Your figure blending right into the background.

He grew panicked when his hand was met with air when he reached back for his bow, the situation drawing down fast on him. Not only was he stuck in a room with a mysterious creature but he was left defenseless in said room with the mysterious creature.

What were the chances that you were another angel?

“Are you looking for this?” The angel's jaw fell in shock when his missing bow dropped by his feet, the riser snapped clean in half. His heart sank at the sight, pain creeping across his chest.

His bow was crafted with the finest materials, the limbs harvested from their most sacred willow tree’s aged bark- embezzled with an intricate carving for each of his greatest accomplishments.

In an instant Heeseung grew nervous, he knew he wasn’t in the presence of an angel. Each angel was sworn by an oath, and the roots of the tree webbed across their every bone, making it impossible for them to harm such a sacred weapon.

His jaw remained open when you finally revealed yourself, you were the envisionment of sin.

Yep, you definitely aren’t an angel.

Your breasts were held up with the tiniest fabric he’d ever seen, nothing but two small triangles hanging from your shoulders that were attached with a thin knot. The article did nothing to hide your body, everything except for your nipples out for him to see.

His cheeks grew inflamed by an invisible force pulling his eyes down to follow the curvature of your exposed waist. A slightly larger triangle sat hugging your hips, the right side of your hips was exposed, the fabric cascading in a diagonal slit towards your left thigh. It took him several seconds after staring at your legs to realize what he was doing. He slapped his right hand over his eyes, lips opening to recite his prayers.

Heeseung felt ashamed of his reaction, as angels weren’t supposed to observe nudity in a sexual manner. He’d never viewed another person's body in the way he did yours and he’d spent many hours aiding the other angels bathe during their sicknesses- this was a whole new territory that he’d never dared to think about.

You, of course, noticing his ashamed prayers couldn’t help but take offence. Why would he beg for forgiveness after he called out to you? It wasn’t god who he should be worshiping, it should be you.

“You can’t help your reaction, my body is supposed to make you feel like that.” You humoured him anyways knowing that none of this ashamed shit that he was feeling would matter in an hour.

Heeseung vigorously shook his head in denial, your words not helping his inner turmoil at all. You were wrong, you had to be. He was supposed to be an angel and angels don’t act upon sin.

He’d spent his entire childhood learning about each sin, spending hours of his life drowning in the promise of devotion.

He had been loyal since the day he was born, temptations weren’t even a thought in his head anymore. He was the living epitome of purity. How could he honour his mother if he gave into the word of the demon?

Heeseung kept his eyes on you whilst he completed his prayers, his final words building a sanctuary around his untainted blood. The blood of a virgin.

You started your advance with small steps towards him, your bare feet making no sound as you neared him. The closer you got the more potent the blood’s smell became, iron heavy in the air as your body heat drew closer.

You stopped halfway across the room, your mouth was practically watering by the time you were able to make out the small pool of red, the pretty flowers only making it seem more appetizing.

“Do angels ever crave blood the way we do?” You knew they didn’t, it was against their entire existence but some sick side of you wanted nothing more than to see the angel’s reaction to your question.

Pretty boys were your weakness and Heeseung was so fucking gorgeous. You grew jealous of your future self, loathing that she got to touch him- to fuck him the way you’re imagining it right now. You couldn’t wait to watch him shake beneath you, begging to whoever was listening for you to stop.

Heeseung’s mouth dropped in horror, you craved blood? He looked at you like you were insane for your completely valid needs like he couldn’t fathom craving something so inhumane. He wasn’t completely sure if you meant human or animal blood but after seeing the way you looked at him he’d say had a pretty lucky guess.

“Because I've never craved it more.” Chills went down Heeseung’s spine while he tried reading through your words, were you a vampire who smelled him from Earth? He knew angels smelt the best to them.

His questions answered themselves through the sudden wave of iron clashing with his sensitive nose. He looked over his shoulder towards the flowers that were now completely drenched.

“Whose blood is this?” He was barely finding his voice before he forcefully stuttered his final question, his throat burning with a newfound emotion.

Your head cocked to the side while your lips pulled up into a side smirk, your pink tongue quickly coming out to wet them. It was almost an endearing sight, almost.

Heeseung stumbled back with a small shriek when you suddenly appeared right in front of him, your chest pressing flesh against his for a few seconds too long.

He watched the way you kept your eyes on him whilst reaching one of your fingers out towards the pool of blood, a gasp crawling up his throat when you brought your fingers to your lips.

You made a show of sticking your tongue out, trailing your finger from the bottom up before you stuck in between your lips.

You let out a small hum of approval, the sweet taste of his blood tasting better than any you’ve tried before. You finally understood what your friends meant when they swore that a virgin’s blood tasted the best, however, they never got the pleasure of tasting it from an angel.

“It’s your blood, who else’s would it be?” You watched in amusement as the angel’s face blanched, his wings twitching behind his back as he attempted to curl into himself. ‘Cute’, you hummed to yourself as you mentally took a shot at this moment. If there was one rule about angles that every species seemed to agree on was that angels have always been beautiful. But there was something about this specific one that felt so different. It could’ve been the fact that he was untouched, or it could’ve been the way his fear shone so obviously in his eyes that turned you on so fucking much.

Typically angels smelled of a plethora of flowers, gardens growing from their untainted hands. Usually, the scent bothered you, your body being much more used to the fruit-like and sensual scents that the demons claimed as their own.

Many angels assumed that demons would smell of burnt flesh and plied wood and sometimes they definitely weren’t wrong. But most smelled like you- after all, you needed to smell as good as you looked. No one wants to fuck someone who smells bad, even demons had class.

“What are you?” Heeseung questioned, his wings still pulled behind his back. Even though he knew you weren’t an angel, he still had his doubts. Demon wasn't even a word in his vocabulary, it was one of the few words that were forbidden to be spoken in heaven. Sure, you had wings and the same flawless skin he sported but your wings… they couldn’t be any more different.

Your wings were almost double his size and they appeared much more feathered, looking as if they’d been plucked from the most gracious birds and dipped into the darkest ink, black and red sunsets carving up each intricate row of feathers.

He just never expected you to become his beautiful devastation.

You ignored his question and continued observing the way his body reacted to you. His smell quickly became addictive, your adulterated temperament wearing thin the longer he lingered in your senses.

“What do you want me to be?” You purred out in your most seductive tone. While waiting for his response you took it upon yourself to move closer to him, your steps much less hesitant than earlier.

There was no denying that the man before you was truly captivating but there was something else that caught your attention much faster. His pearlescent wings were practically glowing in the dark, a layer of pale blue surrounding the smoothed edges. Which, after thinking about it for a few seconds didn’t make very much sense to you since the angels tended to constantly stay in the light.

“An angel?” You made a sound of disgust at his disrespectful words, you? An angel? Honestly, you’d rather be a troll which says a lot considering their reputation.

“I’ll be your angel if it helps?” Heeseung tried hiding his very evident fluster by attempting to turn away from your vision but when he tried to move, he couldn’t.

You giggled out loud watching the panic spread throughout his face, your mind fogging with all the ways you could use him whilst he’s in this state. There was something so satisfying about having complete control over another person's body, whether it’s through your mind or actions.

“Aw, what happened?” You cooed, acting dumb has always been one of your strong forts. It came in useful at times like this, the ability to feign innocence with a singular pout.

Heeseung, unfortunately for him, fell right into your trap. He was naive enough to believe that you had nothing to do with his state, which is way beyond you. It would’ve been obvious to anyone else that you were controlling him but perhaps angels thought differently.

“I can’t move.” Heeseung nearly screamed when your hand pressed on the spot where his heart lay beneath his chest, his heart thundering louder than before. It was only racing because he was scared, there’s no way your touch was affecting him. Angels don't feel lust.

Lust. The definition is described as a “disordered desire for inordinate enjoyment of pleasure.” Heeseung lived by the word of the lord. He’d spent his entire life bending backwards to live by the commandments that were shoved down his throat, his lungs choking against the words bubbling to come out.

It wasn’t hard to drown into the mold that’s been made to best fit him but it was nearly impossible to escape. He thought he was fine in this confined space, lonely sure, but free of sin. He was accepted by the lord and that’s all that he’s ever wanted.

But he was made for sin because he was made for you.

“Then I guess I'll have to take care of you. I can’t leave you here all alone, not when you’re this vulnerable.” Poison disguised as worry spilled from your lips and slipped through Heeseung’s mind.

Your words drew more than reassurance through Heeseung, it drew guilt. Guilt for doubting your intentions, for believing that you could’ve been here to harm him. He felt so wronged for you, you must’ve been so angry at him. But still, you offered your help. Maybe he’d slip you into his nightly prayers, thanking the lord for gracing him with your presence.

All the thoughts frozen when your hand touched the edge of his wing, his body electrified with a foreign feeling. No one else has ever touched his wings before, it was an action that was far too intimate to allow anyone else to try.

He knew his wings were sensitive but he never knew they were this bad. His wing twitched under your touch, pushing itself closer to your hand.

You watched in amazement as his wings awoke from their state, your touch bringing them to life. You never controlled his wings, the action far too cruel for even a demon to pull.

You tested the touch again, pressing your palm flat against the parts that were attached to his spine. They fluttered again, a brighter light emitting from the edges, oh. His wings don’t always glow, they won’t glow when they’re being stimulated.

Your wing's nerves were linked to the ones that spread across your pelvis and down. You’d witnessed many demons talking about using it as a pleasurable advantage. Succubus was seen as a sex symbol, so obviously their experience matched the description.

But you’d never gotten the chance to test the theory for yourself. Now that you have you weren’t sure if you’ll ever be able to stop.

Without Heeseung’s knowledge, his cock jumped with each touch. It wasn’t that he was aroused, just overstimulated. He loud out a quiet whine, one that stopped as soon as it came. To you, he was so fucking pathetic. Whining after getting touched twice? But just as pathetic as he was, he was hypnotic.

“Sh, I’m helping you in the best way I know.” You shushed his whines before you moved to stand in front of him, pressing your chest against his. Heeseung wasn’t sure what you were doing when you did that but then something surprising happened.

Your chest began letting out these small vibrations. Your eyes stared up into his whole you enhanced the force, your purrs reaching your throat.

He was so pretty standing all pliant, unmoving as you controlled his body. The purrs came out of nowhere, the sudden affection catching you off guard. But you soon appreciated it, Heeseung deserved only the best.

It was at this moment that you decided that you wanted to keep him. There was no way in heaven or hell that you’d let anyone take him away from you, you’d let the world burn before a singular finger touched his- your- skin. From this second on he belonged to you, wholly and completely.

You’d mark him after mating, your gums were already aching at the thought. As a demon, you could mate however many times you wanted. But you could only have one mate, your bite would solidify the union.

But for now, you just returned your hands back to his wings. And as expected, he choked out another whimper, his mouth gaping open at the liquid heat gathering in his stomach.

“Do you like it when I touch you like this?” Heeseung, thinking he was still sin-free, nodded his head. He adored it.

You let out a cat-ish grin, your pointed canines poking from beneath your top lip. Heeseung knew of only two species who had pointed canines but only one had retractable ones.

You were a demon.

It didn’t scare him as much as he thought it would, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t say an extra prayer in the morning.

And like always, you could tell that he had found out. “I’m a succubus, you summoned me.” Through Heeseung’s cloud of pleasure, he couldn’t make himself question you. Yeah sure, he totally summoned you. He’d believe anything you said as long as you keep making him feel like this.

His head flew back when your hand touched a specific spot on his wings, the only bare spot.

For both angels and demons alike there was a singular spot on the top corner of the right wing. It was bare of any feather, it was strictly skin. There was a small string of skin that held the strongest nerve in your entire body.

The nerve was used for connections, it was what allowed them to converse with the wind. But it wasn’t until now that you both learned that it was much more because the second you touched it, you felt him.

You felt his every emotion, the warmth in his stomach, and the pounding of your cunt.

It all happened too fast, gone before you could relish in it. But if you allowed it for now, there would be many other opportunities for you to test out the connection.

After all, Heeseung would become yours for eternity.

Your mouth widened in amazement as Heeseung came untouched, his mouth opening with zero sound coming out. You weren’t even sure if he knew what was happening, it made it all more enjoyable for you.

“You came untouched?” It was a rhetorical question but still, Heeseung had no idea what you were talking about. All he knew was that there was a euphoric feeling rushing throughout his body, he’d never felt more alive than at this moment.

All he wanted was to feel it again and again, uncaring about what you tabled it as. He didn’t know he could feel this good without sinning, he honestly couldn’t wait to tell his friends.

If only you could hear his thoughts, you’d bathe in them forever. It was cute how Heeseung thought that he was still sin-free, not knowing that he’d committed one of the worst ones yet.

The feeling faded away after a few more seconds, his mind clearing as his consciousness rushed back. He was now much more aware than before and finally noticed a new detail.

You noticed the way he was trying to look down and decided to be a bit kinder, allowing his head to move on its own. Heeseung didn’t seem to notice that he now had full control of his neck, all he saw was the giant wet patch on his bottoms.

It was also now when he noticed he was crying, his tears making smaller marks around his wetness.

“What is-“ He was cut off by your hand grabbing his chin, pulling his confused eyes away from his soiled pants.

“I’ll make you a deal, hm?” Heeseung nodded through his crocodile tears, his puffy cheeks stained with his fallen tears. You gave Heeseung a small smile, making a point to soften your eyes to appear more trusting.

“I’ll help you out if you promise to… I can’t say it, I know you’ll say no.” You knew how to play your cards with a man who was desperate enough to do anything.

“Please, I’ll do anything!” Heeseung didn’t know a thing about being manipulated. It was a concept that didn’t exist in his world. Or maybe it did but was disguised as something much less sinister.

“Do you promise?” A hiss. All it took for Heeseung to doubt himself once again was the small hiss that made its way through your throat. It sounded far less human than he was comfortable with, but he trusted you, did he not?

The lord swore forgiveness to everyone who’s wronged him, why wouldn’t Heeseung do the same?

“Anything, please I promise! J- just help me.” An angel's promise. It was the only thing you needed to know that you finally had him.

The only other thing that every species knew about angels, was that they could never break a promise. It was the greatest sin of all, a betrayal that wasn’t worth forgiving. No one, not even the lord, forgave promises. It was the highest honour an angel could give, their promise.

Heeseung knew that he couldn’t go back and undo what had been done, to take back the words that were spoken in a sense of urgency. And he didn’t really know if he wanted to, not when he was finally able to move his arms.

“Sit on the bed.” Heeseung’s legs moved under your command, the promise allowing you to control his every move. What he didn’t know was that you didn’t need his word to control him, it was part of your demon abilities.

He had no choice but to comply with what you said, he wasn’t labelled heaven's highest angel for no reason.

You weren’t completely sure where to start because usually you just did whatever you wanted, uncaring about the other person. All the other people who’d summoned you had already been asleep when you arrived and stayed asleep the entire time. Their mortal minds were far too weak to handle the pheromones releasing from your body, even the other supernatural species couldn’t handle it.

“Mate me.” It was easier to get straight to the point, there was no need for any foreplay at this stage. The connection that you’d made with him was enough to prepare you for him, it was in your dna.

Heeseung on the other hand, didn’t take it as well. He denied it right away, his head practically exploding at your words. Mate you? The lord would never forgive him, he’d be breaking his promise to him.

Promise after promise, it was all Heeseung was good for. He’d promised his life away, his celibacy. He’d be banned from heaven, shunned of his wings. He’s already made the grave mistake of bringing you here, but this? This would cost him everything, his entire life.

But still, you made him feel alive. You made him realize that he’d never felt anything before- not even joy. He’d been a cast of a person who he was forced to be, who even was he anyway?

A follower. And that’s all he’ll ever be for the rest of his life. He’s never hated anymore more than how much he hates you for making him come to terms with his life.

It was his prayers that did this, why would the lord give you him if it wasn’t supposed to happen? You were supposed to be here, the lord approved of you. Why else would you come? It had to be what was happening, Heeseung was finally allowed a pass to be the person he’d locked away many lifetimes ago.

But it stung, deep. His guilt came out in a wail of tears, angry fists banging against the bed beside him. His tormented thoughts roared with life, he was finally letting go.

Fuck the commandments, fuck his promises, and he only hoped the lord would let him fuck you.

And so with a wave of fresh tears and forgotten fears, he did what you said. He stood from his spot, your mind open and free of the handles you had strapped to his wrists.

He’d pulled his pants down in one yank, his underwear pulling down with them. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he was alive. alive. Lee Heeseung was finally alive.

The air smelt different, curtsey to your pheromones. Your hands felt rougher when they met his now bare chest, the bed feeling softer as his wings cushioned his fall.

His head was clear when he felt your hand grab his cock, his heart void of guilt when he felt your mouth wrap around him.

But as the circle goes, it comes back around.

Knowing that other men enjoyed thinking that they’re too big for you, you fake choked on him. Your eyes filled with fake tears as you pretended to gasp for air. Your chest heaved at an uncontrollable speed, fingers numbing at the thought of making him feel good.

Sex came naturally to Heeseung, which was something the two of you didn’t expect. His hands pulled your head back toward where he needed you the most, his thumb pulling your lips apart before he pushed you down to suction around him.

“God- you feel so fucking good.” He doesn’t even recognize himself anymore, his mind too full with the feeling of you to realize that he’d spoken the lord's name in vain.

He wasn’t just betraying himself, he was giving up heaven. He'd give it away a million times more if it meant that he’d spent his life with you. Your name was the only one rushing from his mouth, the only one getting worshiped as your tongue wrapped around his bulbous tip.

You used your tongue to trace circles around the small slit at the top of his cock, collecting everything he was giving to you. He tasted so sweet, nothing like anything you’ve tasted before.

He didn’t warn you before filling your mouth, his amateur thrusts being overshadowed by your much more experienced lick.

You’d pulled away from him after holding him in your mouth, waiting to feel him soften before pulling him off. Heeseung’s head tilted to the side in confusion when you opened your mouth, sticking out your tongue.

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be seeing- oh…

You felt a surge of confidence rushes through your body at the feeling of him hardening against your hands. “Already? you’re so needy.”

You rose to a stand, grabbing his hands to pull him to stand instead. All it took was a snap of fingers for your clothes to be gone, leaving you completely nude.

Heeseung felt like every moment of his life had led up to this, you were his final destination. Without him noticing, he whispered one final prayer. Right when he went to recite the trinitarian formula, he noticed.

Guilt was unforgiving but so was hesitation. He hesitated to give in earlier, but now?

“Are you ready?” Heeseung didn’t recognize his voice anymore, a much deeper one coming out. His hands moved on their own when he pulled your legs around his waist, pushing his hips forward until his cock pressed against your lips.

You nodded once, pushing your legs further apart as you waited for him to make the move. He looked down at you cunt in appreciation, the lord really did take his time creating you. It’s too bad that his favourite creation was going to ruin it.

Heeseung wrapped his hand around his base before giving an experimental squeeze. Heeseung had never touched himself before today, having no idea what was supposed to feel good.

He ignored his embarrassing inexperience and used his other hand to open you up for him. His mouth watered at the sight of your bare in front of him, you looked so welcoming.

He tried not to stare for too long because he knew that if he did he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from using his mouth first. But he’d much rather finish it all off by licking you clean, drinking everything you have to offer.

He tapped the head of his cock against you, watching from under his eyebrows at how you reacted. From the way your hips pushed up, he knew exactly where to touch you.

He kept his head pressed against you as he pushed down, stopping once he reached your entrance. This was the moment that would change his entire life, he was never going to be the same way he was before.

And when he finally pushed in, his head fell forward with a loud moan. The blood of the virgin became the blood of the demon, he was no longer considered an angel in the lord's eyes.

Your hands grabbed his biceps as he pushed in deep, his cock hitting places you’ve never felt before. He sped up, his hips slamming against yours over and over as he grew into a routine.

You obviously liked the way he was moving if your moans meant anything.

“Bring me to heaven.” You managed to plead through your now real choked gasps. Your head was filled with explosions of colours, real pleasure rushing through your blood. His big cock felt too good pushing against your gummy walls, each curve of him fitting perfectly in your crevices. He was made for you.

Heeseung sucked in a harsh breath, a teasing smile growing on his opened mouth. His eyes were now open, staring into your own as he ravished your body for what it was.

“But you’re a demon, and we’re already here…” He let out a small grunt at his harder thrust, his eyes closing once again. He’d lost count of the number of times he’d reached this specific spot in your body, but he was certain that once he found it again he wouldn’t let it go.

“Not that heaven-” your smile matched his as your body burned with the same flame, your impurities mixing with his. You shakily raised one of your hands up towards his face, your fingers wrapped around his jaw as you forced his face close to yours.

His eyes opened once again, his irises now completely black as he let himself fall into the pit of pleasure. “Your heaven” Your back arched with a moan while your legs tightened around his waist.

Heeseung swore he was in love. With you, and the feeling of you. Nothing could turn him back now. He pulled your legs over his shoulder, his chest pushing away from yours as he pushed all his weight into his legs and hips.

He pressed kiss after kiss against your ankles, biting down to create indents across your calves. He knew this angle hit deeper into you because finally, he felt that spot and and over.

Both your volumes rose into near screams when you both reached your peaks. Without thinking twice Heeseunf pressed your knees flat to your chest, his neck stretching out to bite against yours.

Your blood filled his mouth

Angels too sealed the mating process with a bite, but it was different. The magic was stored in each individual tooth. The pockets of their poison were located in their mamelons. And so when the angel bites into their mate, the pockets open into small needles. Three sharp needles accompanied each tooth, it was the only part of the tooth that got pushed through the skin.

Heeseung wasn’t lying when he mentioned not craving blood, but now? His arms shook when had to pull himself away from you, the desire to drink from his new mate stronger than anything. “Thank god-“ He didn’t know what he was thanking anyone for, but he needed something to fall back on. It just happened to be the roots that caught him.

Your broken moans were drowned out by your returning purrs, your eyes white as they rolled into the back of your head. Holy fucking shit, Heeseung marked you first?

Without allowing Heeseung to pull out you flipped him over, his back flat against the bed while you sat flush against him. He looked up through tired eyes, his mind coming back to normal as he softened inside of you.

“Don’t thank god, he had nothing to do with this.” You growled at the angel before you released more pheromones. They seemed to do their job as he was hard again within seconds.

You felt him throb inside of you before you rose the tiniest bit, dropping down right away. Heeseung’s hands gripped your ass, helping your waist move forward and back with each raise and fall.

His hips buckled to meet yours, loud slaps echoing across the room as you sunk into him over and over. Heeseung forced his head up enough to look at where the two of you were connected and god, the sight didn’t fail.

There was a thick ring of cum formed around his base, sticky strings connecting the two of you with every new raise. He’d almost come on the spot once again, his body way more sensitive than yours due to his inexperience.

You saw the way his face scrunched up and automatically knew that he was trying not to cum. You used your mental hold on him to remove his hands from you and pinned them by his head.

His eyes were wide when they met yours again. He felt his heart stutter at the glare on your face. Has he done something wrong? Is he not pleasing you correctly?

“Don’t keep anything away from me, give it all to me.” Your hips momentarily stopped, only his tip remaining in as you stared down at him.

“Breed me.” Your quiet whisper caused an eruption of pleasure to burst through his chest. He had you lying back on your back in seconds, his instincts putting you into the mating press.

“Don’t start what you can’t end.” He didn’t say more before he pushed into you once again. He leaned his head down to meet yours, his lips pulling your bottom one between his teeth.

He gently tugged at it once before he forced his tongue between your lips, your mouth tasting of his earlier release. “You don’t look like an angel,” He ignored the harsh look you threw at him, giving you a small smile before he pressed his lips against your pulse point.

He breathed in a deep inhale, his body welcoming your new scent, one that was mixed with his. He bit the skin twice, the second much harder than the first before he soothed the wound with his tongue.

He trailed small kisses up your neck, all the day until he reached your ear. He pulled your earlobe between his teeth before placing a gentle kiss against it. “But you definitely taste like one.”

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diejager · 8 months ago

Note

Not gonna lie, love the Only Human Series and some of the fluff you do.

Thinking of including this in my own fanfics, but want to see how you would make it. Hunter is a medic and a smart one…

How soon until she exploits the 141’s monster weaknesses?

Soap pinning you down only to give out to belly rubs, Gaz getting preened and his feathers ruffling when you hit the relaxing sweet spot, etc.

Cw: teasing, using vulnerabilities, tell me if I missed any.

At a certain point, you’d gotten tired of their shenanigans, the small pranks and fright they pulled on you when they felt especially cheeky. Gaz and Soap were the biggest culprits, their streaks of mischief the highest than any. Soap would jump you when you lounged around in the Task Force’s personal red room, his round fingers finding a sensitive spot under your ribs and sinking into it with a conviction as strong as he had in battle. Gaz was the cheekiest of them all, throwing you a flirtatious grin before he swept you off your feet, pulling you left and right to appease his little need for attention, his talons finding comfort under your arms and teeth under your jaw.

Whereas Horangi and Rudy were more… mellow, their mischief calmer and rarer than the two first. Horangi, being a stalking feline, stealthily made his way around you, feet carrying him from shadow to shadow with utmost silence without alerting you of his presence and jumping at you when the moment was perfect. Rudy was the least problematic, his gentle soul a being of tenderness, yet still full of eager teasing, whispering sweet words in your ears while you worked, drawing your mind elsewhere until you shooed him off, still squirming in your seat.

You swore the others knew —you knew they did. Ghost’s shoulders would shake in silent chuckles, his eyes warmly staring at you and Soap fighting on the couch after you fell down. Price smoked his cigar while he watched you, his shoulders slumped down and posture relaxed, unbothered by your screeching and Gaz’s cackling. Alejandro, for all his sugary smiles, did little to hide his wide grin, enjoying watching your thighs clench and bite your lip when Rudy pressed himself against you, breathing flirtatious words in your ear. And König, the giant percht was consciously acting as a wall between you and Horangi, helping him get an upper hand into scaring you, his low rumble and big hands caging you between them after a scare, wandering over you until you scolded them.

You would get back at them —you did. Soap was your first victim, the first out of eight that you would make him regret ever tiring you. You knew his tail was sensitive, the soft furs and the nerves connected to his spine made it especially prone to overstimulation, which made it your perfect weapon against him. When you found him relaxing on the couch, his body draped over it, tail swaying softly, you stalked towards him and pulled on it. He jumped, a loud moan slipping from his lips, his back shuddering as your brushed your hand from the base to the tip of his tail, his fur bristling up.

Horangi had the same vulnerability, his tail standing out like a red signal, dangerous and weak. This time, you used Königagainst him, walking as quietly as you could behind the percht, following them and only sliding aside when you found his tail curling upwards. You’d never heard him screech as loudly as he did, his ears raised so high as he whipped around, cheeks flustered and eyes wide as he stared at you, his pupils dilated. Your stroked his twitching tail, smirking at his dark blush as he stumbled on his words, forcing him to curled towards you with shaky hands clutching your arm and waist. You turned a big, bad tiger into a small house cat.

Gaz was more tricky, you knew his wings were sensitive, the pin feathers prone to feeling the change of air current or touch but the muscle of his back, between both wings, was the most sensitive, it was robust, but a weak point for most flying hybrids. You teased him when he came for a check up, realising his wings had a few new feathers, short and young, still so new as they grew out of its root. You unconsciously brushed your fingers over them, gazing at his bare back ripple and tense, his sculpted back jerking and muscles moving at the slightest touch, then you found an excuse - you couldn’t even remember - to knead his pectoralis muscles and watch him stiffle his moans and squirm beneath your touch.

Rudy was the hardest to pick at, he didn’t have any animal characteristics or sensitive spots a monster would have, he - essentially - was a human with special powers. Then, you figured that you might as well give him a taste of his own medicine, turning the tables against him and tease him red. You had no qualms in hissing out promises and filthy secrets into his ear, your hands running over his shoulders and sliding down his arms, holding him still by the hips. You couldn’t hold down the smile that kissed his lobe, feeling the skin warm with a fiery blush, listening to him stammer and choke down any whimpers that threatened to slip. It was your turn to leave him squirming and blushing, biting his lip to stop himself from following the sway of your hips, eyes bleeding out his need for your touch and affection.

Revenge tasted the sweetest when served cold.

Taglist: @craxy-person @crowbird @dead-cipher @iwannabealocalcryptid @iizx7y @mxtokko @capricorn-anon @perfectus-in-morte @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @bvxygriimes @distracteddragoness @konigsblog @angelcakes-22 @cassiecasluciluce @ramadiiiisme @ramblingsofachaoticthinker @im-making-an-effort @love-dove-noora @jinxxangel13 @daisychainsinknots @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @mul-pi @danielle143 @beau-min @makayla-666 @urfavsunkissedleo @notspiders @brokenpieces-72 @luvecarson @petwifed @randominstake @heartelysia @jggykhug09090 @cassiecasluciluce @hayleybarnesx @shironasumi @sparky--bunny @bloobewy @call-me-nyxx @sans-chara @infpt-zylith @sweetnanah @aldis-nuts @thigh-o-saur @evolutionarry @kaoyamamegami

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mybeautifulchristianjourney · 1 year ago

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by Oswald Chambers | Not being reconciled to the fact of sin— not recognizing it and refusing to deal with it— produces all the disasters in life. You may talk about the lofty virtues of human nature, but there is something in human nature that will mockingly laugh in the face of every principle you have. If you refuse to agree with the fact that…

#My Utmost for His Highest #Oswald Chambers #devotional #Reconciling Yourself to the Fact of Sin #June 24 #2023 #utmost.org

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jihyoruri · 3 months ago

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❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ PRETTY WHEN YOU CRY kim chaewon x reader

↳ warnings richgirl!yn, read these three parts before this one if you haven’t already, getting glimpse into yn, chaewon is chaewon…, mentions of weight & throwing up, yn’s family (a real warning fr), pre debut stuff

yn knew who she was from a very young age.

she came from an old money family, the moon family, but it wasn’t just any old money—it was wealth built over generations of hard work, or so her father would tell her.

her family was extremely important, involved in almost every major company in korea. they held a high status and were regarded with the utmost respect, held to the highest standards imaginable.

and oh was that standard installed in yn.

the numbers four, ten, fourteen, sixteen, eighteen and nineteen is something that yn will always remember for six important reasons. It's likely the reason she is who she is today.

age four is the last time yn remembers really crying.

she probably cried before that, but she obviously didn’t have the memory to recall those times.

ever since she was born, she remembers being in her father’s arms, never her mother’s. her father took care of her along with her brothers.

yn knew her father wasn’t the best man, but he wasn’t the worst. at least he acknowledged all three of his children. while he definitely paid more attention to her brothers, he still looked after her.

her mother, though, never acknowledged her. even when yn was a little baby, her mother’s focus was always on her boys.

both parents’ attention was always on the boys—they were the future of the family, the men of the family. at least her father made a little bit of effort when it came to yn.

at age four, yn was at the age where all she wanted to do was play outside, winter had fallen and disappeared and it was finally getting warmer outside, so it was the perfect opportunity to go play outside.

she asked her dad to accompany her but he was getting ready for a meeting.

“go play out front,” he said patting her head, “it’s beside my window, so I’ll be able to see you, the gate is locked so it should be safe, it’s big enough for you to run around, just watch out for the flowers, the maid planted them yesterday.”

yn excitedly ran out of her father's office, dashed down the large marble steps, and headed for the front door, but not without bumping into one of her older brothers.

“where you are going?” daeun asked his sister.

"outside! dad said I can play out front," she replied eagerly.

the ten year old clicked his tongue and shook his head. "lucky you. after jae’s done getting ready with mom, I'm next." he was about to remind her that the whole family had dress fittings today for the ball they were hosting, but she was already out the door.

yn basked in the sunlight as she ran out front, rolling in the grass and sprinting on the concrete.

suddenly, her foot slipped, causing her to fall and hit her knee on one of the decorative stones. blood started to paint the stone red

yn let out the loudest cry imaginable, clutching her knee, not even caring about the blood on her hands.

“yn!”

yn looked up, she furrowed her eyebrows confused to see her mother running towards her and not her father.

“oh my- what happened?!” the woman asked kneeling in front of her daughter.

“I was running and tripped.” yn sniffed as her mom lifted her up, she wrapped her arms around the woman’s shoulders leaning her head down, “where’s daddy? I need him to look at my knee.”

“he’s in his meeting,” the woman informed the crying girl, “I’ll look at your cut.”

“but he always looks at them! do you know how to look at mine?”

the woman patted her daughters back as they made their way inside the big house, “I look at your brothers all the time, let me patch you up and then get you ready for the dress fitting.”

instead of arguing more yn just sniffled tightening her grip on her mother who walked further into the house.

“we also can’t be crying like this anymore yn, we don’t do that here.”

age four is also the first and last time yn remembers being held by her mother.

it was also the last time she remembers fully crying.

age four the standard was officially introduced to her.

yn thanked her father as he passed her a second piece of bread. "jae, pass me the butter, please."

"you're having another piece of bread?" her brother asked with a grin. "slow down on the carbs, yn."

"pass your sister the butter," their father said sternly. jae immediately quieted his laughter and slid the butter over to yn.

daeun gave jae hard nudge, “leave yn alone it’s not her fault she’s menstruating.”

yn's mouth dropped open as her brothers laughed. She looked at her mother with a betrayed expression. "you told them?"

"I had to," her mother shrugged, cutting the beef on her plate. "they might have been concerned about why you're eating so much."

yn pressed her tongue to the inside of her cheek. ehen she realized she was having her first period, she wanted to go to her dad, but what could he do? she knew she had to go to her mother, even if it made her uncomfortable

“yn is always eating though, especially this year.” jae said, “even the maid brings her snacks.”

“always snacking and writing those poems.”

"can you shut up, lardass?" yn snapped, getting ready to lunge over the large dinner table.

"leave your sister alone," their father said, taking a sip of his wine.

silence fills the table for their mother speaks up, “actually yn, I got your dress in a size four.”

yn looked up from her now abandoned bread confused, “size four? I’m a size eight though.”

“I know.” her mom shrugs, “I feel like you can be a little smaller, it would make you look attractive.”

“why does my ten year old sister need to be attractive?” daeun asked in a joking manner.

“you know what I mean.” their mother said before looking at yn, “you need to slim down a little honey, cut out some things.”

“can you two talk about this on your little girl hangouts.” jae cut in.

yn scoffed, “what girl hangouts.” she muttered to herself, her mother barely talks to her much less have girl hangouts, “may I be excused?” she looked at her father who nodded his head.

“where are you going?”

“the washroom.”

it had been two months since that dinner, yn stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom. her size four dress fitting perfectly.

“see,” her mother started, “you look so beautiful, size four is the size for you, I’m glad you took my advice on cutting out some food.”

yn stayed silent just look at herself in the mirror, she looked up at the ceiling as she felt the back of her eyes start the burn, the water threatening to spill out.

“are still sick?” she turned to look at jae and daeun who entered the room that their mother had exited.

“she was sick?” daeun asked look at his younger sister who sat her vanity, looking through her expensive perfumes.

“yeah for like the past two months.” jae said, “sometimes after dinner I would hear her throw up like crazy in the washroom.”

daeun raised his brow at yn who barley acknowledged jae’s words.

“can you guys tell dad I’ll be downstairs in a second.”

"Sure," jae said, tugging daeun along with him. daeun looked back at yn before shaking his head and following Jae out of the room. along with him.

there’s a reason yn will always remember the age ten.

XIV

the starting of age fourteen was weird for yn.

jae was eighteen and daeun was twenty , they were barely in the house these days cause they were making their way through training for the family name, they were slowly becoming more and more important to the family business.

while yn was stuck at in the big mansion she called home, her father was also out of the house, always at meetings and press conferences and if the boys are out the house her mother is also out the house.

so yn was really alone.

and she wanted out.

she was tired of the same routine, waking up, going to school, coming home, sleeping.

she laid on her big pink bed, humming along to the lyrics of hoot by girls generation that came from her cd player, she owned every album from the girl group.

yn loved music, she loved the singing, dancing and rapping, she could totally see her self doing that for living.

wait…

isn’t sm entertainment holding auditions…

today.

she jumped up from her bed and and ran down the marble steps of her house while she called her dad.

“hey daddy! I’m going out, where? oh nothing just want to get some fresh air, I won’t leave the gated community I promise.”

she knew if she called the chauffeur to drive her, he would tell her dad. yn huffed as she adjusted her skirt and her pink chanel sweater. she slipped on her Mary janes and turned off her phone.

she was going to have to make a run for it.

yn has never ran like this in her life, her father would kill her if he found out she was doing this but it felt so right.

she ran and ran until she was right in front of the recognizable building, sm entertainment.

she walked in to see a woman standing there with a paper in her hand, she look at yn and raised a brow, “hi! are you hear for auditions?”

“yes,” yn nodded her head, adjusting her sweater, “yes, I am.”

the woman scanned yn’s expensive attire, “really?”

“yes.” yn stated firmly, she could sense the woman’s thoughts, and if there’s one thing her father has always thought her, is to not let people underestimate you, she was above them. “is there a problem?”

yn adjusted her sweater even more, showing off the costum family crest that was sown into her sweater, causing the woman’s eyes the widen.

“oh nothing, the audition rooms is down this way.” the woman says gesturing down the hall, yn’s stern face melted into a kinda smile.

“thank you.” she said before walking down the hall.

as she walked she saw a line of people leaning on the wall beside the room.

yn made her way to join the line, standing beside a girl with bangs.

the girl looked at yn and smiled, “are you nervous?”

“this was kinda a rushed idea, so I don’t know how I feel yet.” yn said looking down at her mary jane’s.

the girl laughed and scanned over yn, “hey what’s up that that logo thing, I’ve seen it everywhere since i’ve been in korea.”

yn looked at the crest, “oh, it’s my family crest.”

“that’s cool, so your family is pretty big huh?”

“I guess who can say that,” yn said before looking at the backpack the girl had, “can you actually do me a favour.”

“depends on the favour.”

“can I put my sweater in your bag? and take it out after the auditions.”

“sure!”

yn unzipped her sweater while the girl opened her bag and stuffed it inside, “thank you so much.”

“no problem.” the girl says before looking at the shirt, “ I like your shirt.”

“thanks, it’s miumiu.”

“that sounds expensive, I’m yizhuo.”

“I’m yn.”

“good luck yn.”

“good luck to you too yizhuo.”

the girls stood in line for about an hour, yn listened to yizhuo talk off her ear about if they both made it into sm all the way until it yizhuo‘s turn.

yn looked at the time on her watch, her family wouldn’t be home for another couple hours, she should be able to get home on time , hopefully.

she watched as yizhuo walked out the room with a smile on her face, mouthing a good luck.

if they weren’t there before the nerves were definitely catching up to yn now, she took a deep breath and walked into the room to see three adults sitting.

she gave them a charming smile and stood in front of them.

“hello.” the woman out of the three said to the younger girl with a smile, “state your name and age.”

“I’m moon yn.” yn looks at the three adults, they were scanning her face as if they were trying to figure her out, “and I’m fourteen years old.”

“okay yn, what’s your specialty?” one of the men ask, looking the girls mary jane’s, how is she gonna dance in those?

“uh…” yn didn’t even know what to say, this was definitely an impulse decision on her end.

“always snacking and writing those poems”

“rap.” she states causing the three to raise their brows in surprise, obviously not expecting the girl decked out in pink to say that, “I love rapping.” she lied.

“show us you skills.” the woman said causing yn to mentally curse herself.

she looked deep into the back of her mind to find one of her writings, shaking off her nerves she recited something she wrote a while ago, her flow becoming better as she went on, trying her best to free style.

as she finished the woman nodded her head impressed, “did you write that yourself?” she asked writing on the paper in front of her.

“yes.”

one of the men hummed nodding his head, “now what song are you performing for us today?”

I guess her days of memorizing and singing girls generation songs and choreography is finally gonna pay off.

“I will be singing into the new world.” yn says shaking out her nerves.

the three nodded their heads surprised, this girl kept surprising them.

“let’s hear you.”

as yn started, all she did was think of the words her family members would tell her, to always show confidence, to show people that you’re better, and that’s what she did.

once she finished, she put her hand on her chest to smooth out her breathing, she can’t believe she just did that, the only time she’s done something like this was in the comfort of her big bedroom.

“thank you yn, you will definitely be hearing back from us.” the woman said to the girl who smiled and thanked them.

yn was about to rush out the room but was stopped by one of the men.

“are you related to the moon family, you look so familiar, like I’ve seen your face on tv.”

yn hesitated, she thought about lying but they would easily search her family up, “yes.” she nodded her head.

all three of them looked even more surprised, but yn had no time for more conversation rushing out the room and bumping into yizhuo, who had yn’s sweater in her hand.

“woah, you’re in a rush.”

“yeah, I have to head home.” yn said taking her sweater from yizhuo’s hand and dragging it on.

“wait can I get your number.” she asked handing yn her phone.

yn rushingly typed out her phone number in the girls phone and rushed out the building.

“it was nice meeting you!” she heard yizhuo yell.

and just like how she got to sm entertainment she got home the same way, she ran miles making her way to the gated community that she called her neighbourhood.

yn was about to make it through her gate, when she heard a familiar sounding car, she immediately ran to the back of the house and climbed the tall fence falling to the ground with a big thud.

she didn’t have time to whine about the pain and ran towards the outdoor stairs that lead to the balcony of her bedroom.

she slide open the clear sliding door and rushed into her room.

she took off her sweater letting out a sigh of relief until she heard foot steps heading towards her room, she threw the sweater across the room and jumped on her bed right on her stomach.

her bedroom door opened to reveal daeun, “dad wants to talk to you.” he said before closing her door.

yn felt a nervous feeling bubbling in her stomach as she got up from her bed and out her bedroom.

it was silent as she went down the stairs to find her father standing at the end of the stairs looking at her with a stern face.

“have a nice walk around the neighborhood?” he looked at yn who laughed nervously.

“yeah I got back an hour ago.” she lied forcing a smile.

“come with me.”

yn nervously followed her father into the dining area where the rest of her family sat staring down at her.

“sit.”

she sat beside jae who side eyed her before looking at their father, she hasn’t had much of an relationship with her brothers now that they’ve have started officially working with the family company.

she could brush of the obvious favouritism towards them when she was younger but as she got older the more she resented her brothers.

her father stood looking at her as she looked down in her lap.

“look at me, we don’t look down.” he said sternly causing yn to snap her head up immediately.

“now tell me why,” he starts, “one of my associates is telling me that they saw my daughter running around the city and entering the sm entertainment building?”

yn winced at the sound of her fathers voice before looking at her mother and brothers that just stare at her waiting for her to talk.

she couldn’t stay silent, if someone is talking to you, you answer them.

“I want to become an idol.” she says quietly, silence fills the air after her words.

“you want to become an idol?” her father asks shocked, why in the world would his daughter want to become an idol, “no, I won’t allow it.”

yn inched up in her chair looking at her father with pleading eyes, “come on dad, just look at it, if I debut and I have a perfect idol image, everyone will praise you for raising such a good daughter and bringing a good image to the family name.”

her father looks at her processing her words the look on his face made her hopeful, “I’ll be the best trainee to exist, I’ll be at the top of everything, I’ll be better than everyone, I’ll show them that the moon family is multi talented and not to be underestimated.”

there’s more silence.

“you’re gonna be at the top of everything, if you aren’t number one of everything I will take you out.” he says looking at yn who couldn’t fight her smile but dropped it immediately.

“thank you.” she replied in a level toned as her father just nodded in response.

“go to your room.”

she rushed out the dinning room and up the stairs to her room, as soon as she closed her door a smile broke onto a big smile.

she heard buzzing from her phone only to see an unknown number.

hey it’s yizhuo, I really hope we get to train together, wanna call rich girl ?

yn couldn’t help but playfully roll her at the nickname before typing out a sure.

she spent the whole night on the phone with yizhuo, she had never talked to a person like how she talked to her, she felt relaxed.

if she gets into sm she really hopes yizhuo gets in as well.

and her hopes came through.

yn squealed on the phone as her and yizhuo opened their letters at the same time, both of them being accepted into sm entertainment, meaning they’ll be training together.

yn will never forget fourteen.

XVI

age sixteen, was a age full of accomplishments and hardships.

she was number one for every single monthly evaluation since she started training at fourteen, living up to her promises she had made to her father.

the compliments that the trainers and senior idols that visited the trainees would say to her felt good, she had grown a passion for the little lie she made in her auditions she loved rapping, it was what she felt comfortable with.

but under all the accomplishments she has had, there was a girl who wanted to burst into tears everyday.

her father really took her words to heart about her being better than everyone, he told the company to make sure yn trained on her own in another practice room, making her isolated from the other trainees.

after a year yizhuo and her stoped texting and calling each other, yn’s head was full of training and being the best that she has barely paid attention to her phone.

she thrived in the praises her father would throw her when she would tell him that she hadn’t slept because she was training so much.

his thats my girls made her feel like she was on top of the word, with her father’s praises she didn’t need friends she didn’t want friends. all she wanted was to make him proud, maybe even have her mother finally notice her.

the other trainees would call her untouchable, and not in a good way she was pretty stuck up in their eyes, with her rich girl mentalities. when she was in the same room as them the aura always shifted she never laughed at jokes, she never cried at harsh feedback, she was always stone cold, when people tried to talk to her she would always say something shady and mean and walk off.

but she somehow came on top every time, even with her in their opinion shitty attitude.

she was like a robot, some of them wondered how she didn’t get tired.

but oh she did.

it was was five am and yn was currently passed out on the practice floor, she had been practicing since the early morning before with zero breaks, she didn’t remember the last time she had eaten anything but that didn’t matter when she was practicing.

voices were heard outside the door but yn didn’t even flinch completely out like a light.

“I never saw her leave yesterday.”

“why do you care yizhuo? didn’t she stop talking to you.”

“yeah but… I’m just worried.”

“is the door locked.”

“I don’t think so.”

“let’s check on her.”

the door creaked open and gasps filled the air, yizhuo and two other trainees jimin and minjeong ran over to yn’s passed out body.

“yn!” yizhuo shaking the girl who could barely open her eyes at the action.

yn tried to open her eyes fully but it was so difficult, she felt yizhuo pull her up to lean against her, “jimin unnie give her your water.”

jimin pulled the water bottle out her backpack and handed it to yizhuo who had to force the water in yn’s mouth since the girl could barely grip anything with how weak she was.

yn leaned against yizhuo as silence filled the air, the three girls looked at her with concern as she attempted to sit up.

“this is humiliating.” yn mumbled to herself as she looked at the three girls with red eyes.

“what happened?” jimin asked looking at the girl that she always thought was at the top of the world who currently looked like she fell off the top of the world.

“I don’t know,” yn said trying her best to keep eye contact with the older girl, “I was practicing and then I wasn’t.”

“you’ve been practicing since yesterday?” minjeong asked the girl shocked, she didn’t have much of an opinion on yn like how the other trainees did, she thought the girl was hard working to be honest, but now maybe a little too hard working, “have you eaten?”

“no, its whatever.”

“it’s not whatever.” yizhuo said looking at yn, “this is crazy yn, you’ve been blowing me off because you’ve been depriving yourself?”

all yn did was lean back onto the girl, exhaustion surrounding her.

“I was wondering how you stayed in shape, I guess the secret is you don’t eat.” minjeong said mindlessly, causing jimin to nudge her.

“hey,” the oldest started, “how about we go to the cafe across the street and get you something to eat, for yizhuo’s sake at least.”

yn looked at the older girl before letting out a sigh, allowing her to pull her off the ground.

jimin had firm grip on yn who could barely stand up as yizhuo and minjeong got off the floor.

“I’m practicing with you in this room for now on.” yizhuo said dusting herself off, “jimin and minjeong unnie are as well now.”

yn side eyed the girl, “I don’t think that’s allowed.”

“I don’t care, right?” yizhuo turned to jimin and minjeong who hesitantly nodded their heads in agreement.

yn stayed silent, looking at jimin In shock when she interlocked her hand with yn and guided her out the door, she barely knew the girl but was already acting so kind.

“I like your bag.” minjeong said to yn as the four of them walked, she picked it up for yn when they left th practice room, “how much was it?”

“actually never mind don’t tell me, It’ll hurt too much.” the girl cut yn off causing the other three to laugh.

yn will never forget sixteen because she acquired three of the most important people in her life at that age, plus another a year.

XVIII

age eighteen was when yn officially thought it was the end of the world.

after letting yizhuo, jimin and minjeong into her life she grew a sense of freedom.

she still worked just as hard as she did at sixteen but this time she had people looking after her, there was also a new addition to the friend group a year later.

yn laughed as aeri took photos of her in the practice room.

the five girls were put into a group together, they were told that they were gonna debut together, yn was just glad that she was debuting and with people she considered her friends.

“no fansite’s please.” yizhuo joked as she stood in front of yn guarding the girl from aeri’s phone, “that’s how we’re gonna act like when we debut.”

“knowing yn she’ll pose for them.” minjeong cut in laughing at the three girls.

“I’m made for the cameras.” yn joked posing for aeri while yizhuo kept blocking her.

“yn your phone is ringing.” jimin cut in on their fun, “I think it’s your dad.”

yn furrowed her eyebrows, why would he be calling her?

she took her phone from jimin’s hands and brought it to her ear, walking out into the hallway, “hey dad.”

“hey honey, I’ve got some news for you.” she couldn’t pin point her father’s tone as he talked, “the company is doing a partnership.”

“that’s good?” yn replied not understanding why her father needed to tell her this, the family barely talked to her about the business, “is that all?”

“no actually, it’s with hybe.” he said into the phone while yn tried her best to understand why he’s telling her this, “okay?”

“meaning you have to leave sm,” he says nonchalantly while yn felt like water had been poured all over her.

her heart was in her stomach, “what?”

“yeah, you’ll be transferred to be a trainee in source music.” he says it like he’s reading off of something, “you’ll be guaranteed a spot in their upcoming new girl group.”

“dad- I’m already in a group- I’m literally debuting in a couple of months.” yn felt like she was gonna throw up, all this hard work, her friends for nothing.

“this is business yn.” her father said sternly, “I can’t have you in company that could be a possible threat to money.”

“but you said, if I stay on top of everything I can stay in sm, I’ve been number one for the post four years almost five years.” she argues, this couldn’t be happened.

“I said you could be an idol if you stay on top of everything, nothing about the company.” her father said.

“dad please.” yn said into the phone her voice cracking.

“are you about to cry?” her father asked sternly, “we don’t do that, stop it.”

“I’m not crying.” yn said looking up, “just this is so unfair, I’ve worked hard.”

“so have I,” her father replied brushing off his daughter’s words, “it’s either you move to hybe or you’re not training anymore.

and with that he hung up.

yn took a deep breath to calm her nerves and opened the practice room door to only be met with four girls staring at her like they’ve seen a ghost.

“did you guys hear anything.” she asked, throwing her head back when they nodded.

“I’m sorry guys, he’s just such-”

“an asshole.” aeri cuts off looking at yn with sad eyes, “so you’re really leaving.”

“I guess I have to, this was just dropped on me out of thin air.” yn trying her best not to burst into tears.

“maybe we can all audition for hybe and become a group there.” minjeong said look at yn who slide down the wall and wrapped her arms around her knees.

“no you guys have worked too hard for that.”

“so have you,” jimin said, “this is so unfair.”

yn shrugged she looked at yizhuo who stared back at her, she could see the tears rushing to the girls eyes.

she smiled weakly at yizhuo who rushed to her side and bursted into tears, “this is so unfair, we were supposed to debut together, now what? you’re back to being a trainee?”

yn and the rest of the girls hugged the crying girl, “it’s okay.”

“it’s not okay.” yizhuo said harshly, “you’re supposed to be crying with me.”

yn couldn’t help but laugh at the girls words, “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to convince myself that this is fake.”

the girls huddled together in silence, “he said I have guaranteed spot in the line up for their new girl group.”

“so I guess we’ll see each other music shows?” aeri tried to lighten the mood, causing the girls the weakly laugh.

yn will never forget age eighteen, it was the year all her hard work went down the drain.

XIX

age nineteen was the age of complete chaos.

yn’s year of training at hybe was a lot, it was draining.

she trained under source for a while and hated it, she met a couple of girls that she was in the lineup with for the new girl group, they were pretty cool but it wasn’t the same as sm, she was the oldest out of all of them and didn’t connect with the girls much.

she had to watch aespa debut from behind the screen while she was stuck in the source music practice room, she still couldn’t believe her father, she always had a feeling that the family business would be put above her feelings one day but I guess she didn’t think that day would actually come.

she still talked to the girls who were now idols but it never felt the same on both ends, they were supposed to be together.

her days under source honestly felt like they were merged into one, everything was the same.

that was until yn was told that she was going to be moved under another label under hybe called ador with five other girls.

the six of them were gonna be the first new hybe girl group.

the girls were sweet, it was obvious all of them looked up to yn as a big sister, they also thought how rich she is was pretty cool.

but it was like the world was against yn because as soon as yn and the other ador girls were getting closer and getting ready for their debut yn got a call from her dad.

yn leaning against the mirror of the practice room, “hello?”

“hey honey did you get then news?”

yn slide down the mirror and say on the floor crossing her legs, “what news?”

“you’re getting moved back to source.” he says nonchalantly, “tomorrow to be exact.”

yn squeezed her eyes, “dad, you’re joking right?”

“when have I ever joked with you?”

he’s right, “so what? just like last time I can’t debut.”

“not exactly, plans changed I was told that your groups debut was gonna be postponed and that another girl group was gonna be debuting,”

yn furrowed her eyebrows she was not told this at all, “so what?”

“so, I told them that you would be a good asset to the group, you’re probably the most talented and would bring a lot of attention,”

“so I’m debuting in another group?”

“yes, you can thank me.”

yn rolled her eyes into the back of her head, “thanks dad…bye I have to tell the other girls.”

as much as she didn’t want to admit it she was excited to finally become an idol, all this hard work would finally mean something.

it was weird walking into that practice room full of other girls that have been working together, she was the new girl.

“this is yn, she will officially be apart of the lineup and will be working with you guys for now on, we’re gonna try our best to help her with the choreography and help her catch up with things, make her feel welcomed, she’s a really important figure, I’ll leave you guys to get to know her for a little.”

she tried her best to ignore the last sentence, her family followed her everywhere like a shadow.

“hello.” she said confidently even though she felt slightly uncomfortable under the eyes of the six girls.

she gave them a charming smile, “don’t worry I’m a fast learner, I think.”

she heard a giggle come from a girl standing in the far right causing yn to raise a brow at her.

“sorry,” the girl cleared her throat, “I’m kazuha.”

yn gave her a smile “nice to meet you kazuha.” she says before looking at the other girls.

she nodded along as they stated their names before looking at the last girl who just stared at her, “and yours is?”

“you don’t know me.”

“no sorry.”

“I’m kim chaewon.”

yn furrowed her eyebrows at the way the girl said her name to her, like she had some sort of authority over she, she didn’t like it.

“I’m moon yn,” yn responded, she didn’t have to say her name, that was already told earlier, but she felt like she had to.

chaewon raised a brow at yn’s tone, “rich girl huh?”

yn narrowed her eyes before turning towards the girl who had introduced herself as kazuha, “you seem cool, wanna show me some of the choreo before we have to start practicing?”

yn hasn’t acted this stand offish since she started at sm but it seemed needed, she couldn’t just let anyone talk to her the way they wanted, that’s not what she was taught.

the girl smiled at yn, “sure!”

as yn let the girl drag her to the other side of the room she heard the chaewon girl say something to the taller girl beside that she learned was yunjin, “this is who we lost ruka to? a stuck up rich girl?”

she decided to brush it off, it was the first day, they would probably warm up to each other.

oh how wrong was she.

nineteen was the age things officially went both uphill and downhill for yn.

this is just a chapter before things get worse ngl

#richgirl!yn #le sserafim x reader #lesserafim chaewon #lesserafim x reader #leaserafim #kim chaewon x reader #chaewon #aespa #aespa x reader #chaewon x reader #girl group imagines

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idratherdreamofjune · 2 years ago

Quote

It is one thing to go on the lonely way with dignified heroism, but quiet another thing if the line mapped out for you by God means being a door-mat under other people's feet. Suppose God wants to teach you to say, "I know how to be abased"—are you ready to be offered up like that? Are you ready to be not so much as a drop in a bucket—to be so hopelessly insignificant that you are never thought of again in connection with the life you served?

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

#Oswald Chambers #My Utmost for His Highest #quote #yikes #the idea again of giving up dignity and honor

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mindfulldsliving · 2 months ago

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Rivers of Living Water: Embracing Diffusiveness for Spiritual Fulfillment

In life, diffusiveness emerges as a vital and compelling force, spreading ideas, emotions, and actions much like water flowing in a river. This endless movement isn't just a natural phenomenon but a metaphor for adaptability and growth.

Be Like Unto this River And when my father saw that the waters of the river emptied into the fountain of the Red Sea, he spake unto Laman, saying: O that thou mightiest be like unto this river, continually running into the fountain of all righteousness.~ 1 Nephi 2:9 ~ What is your present spiritual condition? Are you finding yourself struggling in life? It may be time to consider adopting a…

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netherfeildren · 10 months ago

Text

Honey, Stomach, Mine ; 1. Genus: Tragedy

Series Masterlist ; Part 2.

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

Summary: Existence is a needful thing. Choice is fickle, nature inescapable. Run to the end of the world, Joel, all those things will still find you.

She'll still come for you.

-OR-

the A/B/O outbreak AU

Rating: Explicit 18+

Content Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics; Dystopian Society; Outbreak not Cordyceps AU; Light Angst; Slow Burn; Shocking Considering the Implications of Me and This Trope but Alas; Biologically Assigned Soulmates; Power Dynamics; Topping From the Bottom; Government Controlled Reproduction; Segregation of the Designations; Institutionalized Sexism; Vaguely Handmaidien Undertones; Incredibly Soft Despite the Tags; Be Not Afraid, Dear Reader!; Yearning; Emotional Hurt/Comfort; Competence Kink; Alpha Joel; Omega MC; Very Soft Joel; Older and Jaded Alpha; Young and Needy Omega; Age Gap; Size Difference; Size Kink

A/N: I've found there is an absolutely shocking lack of A/B/O in this fandom, and this is my contribution to begin rectifying that. I swear that despite the way the tags read, this is entirely and sickeningly sweet soft, comfort, caretaking fic.

Share thoughts, please. It's sort of a different one.

Word Count: 6.3K

Read on AO3

Tip Jar

Genus : Tragedy

To a one Mr. Joel Miller,

500 Sheahan Road

Clallam Bay, WA 98326

United States

We are writing to inform you that as of January 8th, 2015 there remain two weeks until your designated omega’s twenty second birthday, and a year since she has come of age. We have made several attempts to contact you with no response. As mandated by the federal government, you must collect her by January 22nd, 2015 or she will be distributed to another individual of the designation alpha who would be willing to accommodate her.

The omega’s evaluations are all up to date, and she has displayed pristine results in both health and behavioral tests. It is estimated that her first heat will occur soon, and we strongly encourage you to collect before the fever starts and our facility is forced to place her with another willing alpha that may see the process through. As she is part of the Federal Alpha/Omega Pairing Program, and is biologically paired to an alpha already, that being you, if not collected she would be placed in the bidding pool and distributed to the highest offer.

Again, we strongly encourage you to contact our facility with a response on your decision as soon as possible so that we may prepare the omega. We would like to remind you that these creatures are delicate, and unexpected changes to their habitats and surroundings cause high levels of distress. It is of the utmost importance that we proceed in accordance with the omega’s nature.

Enclosed is a brief note from your omega that she has requested to attach:

Dear sir,

I hope that you are well. I have been told that you have not decided if you will come for me, but I ask that you please do. I have been waiting, but they have told me I cannot wait anymore, and I do not know what will happen to me if you don’t come. I promise that I’ll be good if you do.

And at the bottom, in a pristine and swirly pen, and kindly, her signature, there for him to see. The name of the woman, or girl, who seems to have taken all of Joel’s choices from him. He follows the letters with the nail of his thumb, scratching at the ink as if he could make it disappear, make the reality of this poor thing out there in the world waiting for him, disappear.

At the outbreak of the designations, twelve years ago, there had been mass hysteria, mass chaos, a terrible uncertainty of how the world could continue on, segregated into biological designations as it had suddenly become. Thought to be a product of the dwindling population rates, some whispered a government experiment gone awry, a freak genetic mutation had begun to appear within the biological markers of certain people.

Designations: Alpha, Beta, Omega.

It was not that society had unfolded, lost sight of itself, it was more so that from one day to the next, a new and unknown sort of hierarchy had been established, those that were, those that were not. Those that could live their lives as they’d always done, unruled by their biological urges, and those now marked as something new and different and set by a different sort of mandates.

Joel had been one of these people.

The designations had become controlled, weaponized, systemized, almost immediately. Almost. Before the government had mobilized and taken stock and hold of the situation, there had been a momentary lapse of order. Chaos wearing the names and faces of the people he’d once known, people that should have been safe or protected, protective. The true nature of the dynamics were quickly revealed. Obvious: an unmated alpha in need of an omega was a volatile thing, quick to aggression, hungry for violence. Less so: an omega, once thought self sufficient, independent, autonomous, was found to be at times fragile, vulnerable, full of necessity. Both connected by that string of desperation that could only be soothed in a pairing of the two. The desperate drama of being no longer only yourself.

It should have been an obvious thing, the mutation, a byproduct of the dwindling population levels, reproduction rates, was in service of something that would correct this misdirection of nature. Alphas and omegas were, are, idealized pairings for one another in terms of reproduction, in terms of biological pairings. It should have been obvious that this would be wielded as a means of control. It should have been obvious that this was an untenable situation that would cast people into roles that left no choice for autonomy, for freedom.

It should have been obvious to Joel, who almost immediately, and even though he had been well into adulthood, a father to a young daughter, presented as an alpha, growing pains once again this late into his life. It should have been obvious that this was a situation that should have necessitated greater care, vigilance, protection. After all, this was the role of an alpha. He should have listened to this new nature of his that was suddenly, demandingly, presenting itself, acted quicker, stronger, with more wisdom. But he’d failed, he’d continued to fail for years to come after that terrible night when the world had turned back to its base nature in a hedonistic attempt for the preservation of humanity.

Alphas were immediately feared, ostracized, and above all else, obvious. A designation was not a thing a person could hide, especially not an alpha, the truth of their nature. Many were gunned down in the streets at the start, imprisoned, experimented on and sold, debased and tortured. They’d been caught, him and Sarah, separated from Tommy trying to escape the madness. She had, in her innocence and without designation, still only herself, still only his little girl, been caught in the crossfire of a world's desire to tame or trap something it could not understand.

Joel had, in many and the worst of ways, been caught in the crossfire too.

With time, years and the sort of suffering that can only be forced upon anything that is different or out of the norm, a system had been created. Government mandated programs, laws, registries that kept track of the designations. A hierarchy in which those that were essentially and biologically considered stronger than what a normal human should be, were ostracized, exiled, denigrated, muzzled, and those that would be considered weakest, left without any voice at all, without freedom either.

The Federal Alpha/Omega Pairing Program had been established for the continued preservation and furthering of reproductive rates. A registry was created in which all those with the designation either alpha or omega had to present themselves on, biological markers determined, all choices stripped. The program served as a match making machine, when two biological markers presented themselves as compatible, as mates of one another, an omega was assigned to an alpha for keeping. To do with as they’d see fit.

He had gotten word of her only last year. Twelve years of solitude, of nothing, of running from a girl with green eyes he’d not been able to protect and the reality of himself he detested, the what and why of who he was. He’d left Austin, wandered and hidden and groveled in the dirt like a worm until he’d finally found a quiet place to settle. A place alone, undisturbed. And for so long, he’d not been happy, surely, but he had been. Joel had been.

He looks down at the letter in his hand, dragging his thumbnail over the swoop and slope of her signature once again. This was a person who, as mandated by law or biology or fucking whatever, had been deemed as his. His other half, mate, ball and chain. The terrible reminder of what he really was and could not escape, in the form and shape of his perfect opposite.

Last year, when he’d gotten word of her existence, that she’d reached the age of twenty one and was now ready and available for his retrieving, he’d balled up the letter and thrown it with such weightless force into the fireplace in his living room that the air filled wad of paper had fallen limp and nothingful just shy of the flames, rolling in the ashes and dust, coating the reality of this imposed, undesired fate in dark soot. He’d been so angry he’d gone out and howled at the moon like the beast the world would have themselves believe he truly was.

He did not want to be an alpha. He did not want an omega. He did not want to live off the coast of Clallam Bay alone in this house he’d built with his bare hands because he had no other use of them now, no other function or purpose or meaning. He did not want it to be now, he wanted it to be twelve years ago. He wanted to still be a father.

He did not want to be an alpha.

He did not want an omega.

He crumples the letter in his fist, looking out at the bay over the edge of the cliffs from where the cabin is perched. From his spot on the deck he can see as far out as the sea allows, sight stopping suddenly as if the edge of the world had dropped off a ledge. Sometimes he longed, so, so badly, to go find that edge, to drop off it as well. He had only tried once. Never again. The grizzle of scar tissue at his temple, a testament to yet another one of his failures.

The first summons had come two weeks before her twenty-first birthday, and he’d laughed, after the anger, he’d laughed. A girl-woman of only twenty one years, deemed of age, for the role the government or God had deemed her ready for, served up on a platter to him for his own ravaging. For the correction of what nature told was an anomaly that only their coming together could solve. It was sick, disgusting. He wanted no part of it. And so, despite the knowledge that this poor thing was out there, in some government facility, places they took omegas, many orphans, but also, oftentimes separating them from their families for so called safe keeping, just another word for kidnapping. Rearing and breeding and no choices, no choices for any of them ever.

He’d ignored it, turned a blind eye and a revolted heart away from it all, and shirked the supposed responsibilities he owed this omega who he knew nothing about, who knew nothing about him. But nature is, after all, a terrible and inescapable thing. And not even so much the nature of his designation, although that did, unfailingly, play a part in his demise, surely, but the nature of his character, of Joel’s heart, that was the true heavy player. He was not the sort of man who could turn away from someone who’d rely on him, who’d need him. A responsibility. That was, he convinced himself, all he should or could see her as. And for a year there’d been a sort of tugging of a string from behind his navel, an umbilical cord connecting him to his ignored fate. He hated it all. He wanted nothing to do with any of it. He wanted to rot in his aloneness and misery and bitterness, fester in the fear that lived around him from the world. It’s why he’d come here, it’s why he’d exiled himself. Balanced on the tightrope border between the Salish Sea and the Makah Reservation on this high and pristine cliffside cut from the crust of the earth; he was left entirely alone, at peace with only his own chaotic demons to torment him. He wanted it this way, he wanted this; please, please, he’d already given away so much, lost so much of himself. Should he also be forced into this too? To sacrifice the terrible peace of his solitude to save this poor creature that was being forced on him. He wanted to say no, that he didn’t give a fuck, that what would happen to her could, it was no business of his. But those words… another willing alpha, bidding pool, highest offer… they made him see, not even red, black, black and devastating anger or rage or something horrible and base, and what could only be a product of mother nature railing against him for ignoring what he truly was. Something that whispered terrible words of mine, mine, fucking mine. A hiss he did not recognize, did not want to admit he recognized.

He was old, weathered and beaten and past his prime. Unmated. At the end of his line and unmated and purposeless, and his bones were tired, but itching and clamoring within the confines of his skin that this was wrong, that he was wrong, and that he needed to right this immediately.

That she’s waiting, and dear sir, I do not know what will become of me if you do not come. I promise that I’ll be good if you do.

And so Joel goes to her because he knows she is waiting, because fate or purpose or nature is not a thing to be ignored forever.

“It’s her birthday today,” the caretaker says, voice ascetic and cold and direct. Not a voice, Joel thinks, for soft things; cadence that has his teeth on edge, hackles raised. “You’ve arrived just in time. She’s been asking for you, and we’d just set her name in the pool, ready to release for auction tomorrow.” That black rage muddies the corners of his vision, and he focuses on the cold shock of the blank white hallway they’re making their way down. Hospital-like, barren and hard, this place, facility, prison, they keep them in, the omegas in the program. He feels slightly sick, uninhibitedly angry as if his teeth would fall out of his skull, as if he could throw himself to the ground as a child throws a fit, spew his anger for the world to see how much he does not want this, how vehemently he’s opposed to it all.

“She may seem young and small, but she’s twenty two now. She’s ready, and she’ll take it as you wish. It’s what she was made for.”

Joel seriously considers, just for a moment, killing the cretinous little man beside him. Take it, he says as if he has any right to speak of you taking anything that Joel would give you, as if it’s any of his business, anything he could ever understand if the beta stench oozing off of him is any indication. He hums nothing more than a grunt of acknowledgement. If he parts his teeth he’ll take out a chunk of flesh. He should behave, there are easily frightened things nearby.

White doors with a small circular window at the center line the hall on either side, endlessly down the length of the seemingly endless corridor. The caretaker, white scrubs, pristine like the rest of everything here, and Joel feels suddenly huge and bestial and brutish, marring and dirtying this place that is supposed to be of peace and quiet for the fragile things locked inside.

A terrible place that makes him desolately depressed. You’ve been here so long, and he had not come, and it’s all just one more tally of failure on his rap sheet.

When they finally stop before a singular door, the number fourteen emblazoned in large black, bold print just beneath the small viewing window, Joel suddenly feels– he can’t say for certain, he doesn’t know, or doesn't want to acknowledge the truth of the voices and sounds ringing in his ears, but he knows, recognizes it for the sound of the moment Sarah died all those years ago. His past and present suddenly clashing to meet here in this antiseptic white void, before the door to this fate that’s clamored in quiet waiting for exactly a year today. The sound of her voice, calling his name, saying it hurts, Tommy, his shouts ringing loud and then ebbing soft and as lifeless as she was while the reality of what they were living came to pass before Joel too, could realize. He’d left too, his brother, ran from the truth of Joel at the first easy opportunity. And she’s just there, her voice and her eyes and the feel of her is just there in his mind, on the tip of the tongue of his memory, and then the man opens the door and then there you are.

He feels worse now, hulking, deformed, malformed like he was born wrong. “I’ll give you a moment,” the man says low, that cold voice monotone and almost too quiet to bear now. Joel feels he needs something loud and shocking. He fears he won’t fit through the door. “It’s better if you meet for the first time without distractions. She knows you’re coming.”

He thinks he asks if you’re sleeping, he can’t be sure, but he feels the vibrations of his throat work, his jaw move as if it’d come unhinged, his tongue swollen in his mouth, gums fat and painful, full of bile and terrible memories, and he is a badly made thing in need of some goodness in this moment. And then a shift of the small lump beneath the blankets, the reality of the moment snaps into focus, he steps inside the white box cage you’re kept in. The door shuts behind him, and then it is only him, the thing he would not be, and you, the thing he would not want.

He doesn’t decide it until he finally peers into your eyes, that he can’t, will not, keep you.

Wide, luminous and wet, but not afraid, wholly curious, peering up at him from above the edge of a thick wool blanket. Something drab and gray and stiff looking that immediately sets him on edge, brings that anger back, just the simple sight of the blanket. The two of you stare at each other in silence, the weight of that thing that tells of what you are, sitting heavy between the two of you as he looks down at you from his great height, presence that should be intimidating and cowing, looming over your prone and small form on the bed. But despite his stance, something swelling within him causing him to puff up like an angry dog and want to bear his teeth at you, despite the curtain of tears in your eyes, there’s nothing of the stench of fear.

He shuts his eyes to the sight of you, huffing long and bullish through his nose, mistake, the scent of you, God, help me, and he listens to the rustle and shift of the blankets, opens his eyes to see a little nose peeking out from beneath the gray, drab thing to sniff primly at the air he’s now filling with his presence.

Soft and warm and woman, the smell of a cunt that belongs to him. That’s what it is at its basest. More complexly: vanilla, bergamot, juniper berries, sweat and fever and salt. Taking a plunge off the cliffside, bypassing the sharp teeth of rocks that would kill you, waiting for the dark ice shock of sea and finding nothing but molten life. This is what you smell like.

Worst of all, there is something in you that smells of him. His, yes, but not what he means, not his, him. Something that smells of recognition, like the two of you are the same.

Something chained inside of him rattles at the bars of its cage, desperate to be let out and quenched.

He steps back, frightened at your movement, at the reality of what the two of you are, so obvious here in this cage, at your perking up, your recognition of who and what he is, what he’s come for. You don’t speak, but you tell him. You wriggle beneath the covers, shimmying to turn and face him more fully, still clutching the blanket up high over your mouth, still covering half of your face, and he wants to bark at you to let him see, that he needs to see, but he grinds his teeth together. Molars going to dust down his throat, muscle wrapped around his mandible strung so tight he fears the fibers of it might burst and pop.

You settle on your side facing him now, and then something to beguile him, to bring him to his knees muzzled and obedient and calm, the sweetest, sultry little crooning cry. Something provoking, alluring, something to beckon him to you in surrender and acceptance and welcome, come from your chest up your throat to his ears. He jerks back at the sound, your big eyes still expectant and wet but demanding now. I am here waiting for you. I have been here waiting for you. Come now. He steps back to your bedside, a too small, too stiff metal railed cot he’s going to wrap around that fucking guard, caretaker, idiot, whatever he is when he comes back, falls to his knees, and your little fingers peek out and up and over the edge of the blanket now. And you surprise him doubly, tenfold, more than he can comprehend – but he already decided he will not keep you, he already made up his mind – when you say: “You came. You remembered me.”

He could never have forgotten.

A low hum, a sound to make your eyelids flutter and your legs shift beneath the heavily draped blankets. “Today’s your birthday, sweetheart, is it? Would you like to come home with me as your gift?”

He could never have forgotten.

The house that the large man who you’d waited your whole life and then a year for, brings you to – and you can’t be entirely sure, for you’ve so little experience or knowledge – but from what you can think you’re feeling now, from what you can decide, is lovely.

He had taken you in a car, a truck, you like the sound of the word, —ck, —ck, —ck, and driven a long while, through the big city which you’d seen little of, between forest and beside sea, and then finally up a long and winding road and more forest, more trees and green than you’d ever seen in your entire life, until you’d come to a cliffside, the backyard a drop off of air and rock and endless dark water, and a small house perched just there at the edge. Wooden slats, weather beaten and salt lashed, a copper sloped roof, and two pert chimneys, despite the not large area of the house, cabin. It looks, very much, as if it had grown straight from the cliff rock, sprouted by the forest, strong bones that spoke resolutely of remaining where they were no matter how hard the wind howled.

“How did it get here?” You ask the man, alpha, who’s name is Joel who has finally come for you after a life and a year of waiting.

“I made it,” and his voice is rough and demanding of attention, demanding of you, even if you don’t know, although, you do understand, what it is he’s demanding.

And you think, yes, of course. It looks a little, a lot, like him. Obvious, that it came from him.

It would be easy to think that you’re nothing but young and stupid and untried. Just a little omega kept in a cage. But you feel, after this life, not life, of being you and the thing you are, that you’re none of those things despite it all. You had lived, you had been out in the world at one time, even if briefly, even if only as a child, green and inexperienced and innocent, and although you still remain all those things, you had been out there at one point. You had never had a mother or a father, dead when you were an infant, killed in the outbreak, but you had lived with your aunt, your mother’s, many years older, sister, until you’d been ten years old. So you see, and he should see too, this man now before you, this alpha, that you were untried and inexperienced and young compared to him, but you’d had a decade of real life, even if it was the life of a child, even if afterwards it was a not life, but the before, that counted very, very much to you and so deserved respect and acknowledgement. And he should see that, although you do not know, you do understand.

After your aunt had died, and they’d taken you, first to the orphanage, and then to the place for omegas, after you’d started to mature and develop, perhaps that real life had ended. Or been put on hold, waiting for him, this alpha who seems, for all intents and purposes and from what you can gather from his sullen silence and dark looks, nothing like pleased at your presence here now. But then there was the: today’s your birthday, sweetheart, is it? And yes, yes it is your birthday.

It’s your birthday, and you’re free. And yes, you’d lived the not life in the white box for so long, and yes, you are, in fractions, so afraid and knowing so little of the world, but you do know that you want to live and to see the sky.

You want to see the sky every single day.

His big clunking truck rolls to a slow stop before the house, a wide deck wrapping around the entire boxed thing of it, and he starts to move, unclipping his belt, grabbing the bag he’d brought with him stuffed with his clothes he’d promptly tucked and folded you into when he’d shuffled you into the cabin of his truck, and you’d been all thank you, sir, to which he’d given a shake of his head, only Joel. Only Joel. No other words, no other directions, only his hands pulling your strings like a puppet. You had accepted it for the chance to feel his touch, to familiarize yourself with the closeness of him.

You want to know things. You want to know him.

He’d barely said a word the entire drive here, but you could be patient, and they’d prepared you for this, after all. They’d prepared you long and well and told you all they thought you’d need to know. So you find yourself, and not at all shockingly, as you’d waited so long for this, for him, for freedom and the sky, and look, now there’s even sea too, not even a little bit afraid, only anticipatory in bated breath, stuttering heart, excitement.

You had never seen the sea before, and you want to know things. You want to know him.

He jumps heavy and thudding form the truck, and you start to shift, something suddenly frantic and clawing rolling in your chest when you realize he’s leaving the confines of the small space the two of you had found yourselves encased in together, the warm heat from the vents blowing his smell, his smell, all around you. You’d never encountered anything like it before. Salted vetiver and warm cardamom, something sweet and musked and heavy like what your fingers taste like after you’ve pet long and needy at that soft wet place between your legs when the hurt was so tight you felt nothing would sate it. It’s a scent that you think would devastate to have taken away now that you’ve tasted it. And it’s everywhere as the two of you’d sat in his staunchly imposed silence on the truck ride to this place he was bringing you to, his home at what seems like the end of the world. It’s in your nose and down your throat, heavy and cloying and sweet on your tongue, wrapping around your waist and covering your skin and your hands so that you’d even pressed your palms entirely over your face and rubbed yourself like a cat, coating yourself in him.

The door slams, bringing you out of his scent induced reverie and back to the present, and you scramble to undo your buckle too, even though when he’d clipped it for you he’d very sternly said to not take it off, desperate to follow him wherever he’d go. But you realize quickly he’s coming around the front of the truck to your door, and then he’s there pulling it open and letting in a biting gust of wind come off the sea and up the cliffside to slash you across the face with its icy rancor. You shiver, teeth clattering and chattering in your mouth, trying to gather the blankets he’d cocooned you in, his too big, so soft clothes, more tightly around yourself, and find your feet.

He gives a rough but soothing noise, and easy as anything, plucks you up and out of the seat and into his arms, kicking the door closed behind him as he goes. Into his arms. You hold yourself stiff and wide eyed, chewing on the tips of your frozen cold fingers, and staring at him this closely, it’s shocking. Large, had been the first thing. Tall and broad and thick the way they’d said alphas are. This you had expected. The rest, you had not. The eyes, you think, more than anything. His eyes, a strange mix of hazel and brown, but dark. Eyes, that even in your greenness, you can recognize as sad and angry. And the creases at the corners, between his brows, the gray threaded through the lush, dark curls and at the corners of the hair along his jaw. He looks like he would be someone’s father. The patch of bare skin, heart shaped, amongst the whiskers. He’s beautiful, and unthinkingly, or perhaps entirely intentional, you stick out one of your saliva soaked fingers and poke him gently there, only a small prod, to feel what the heart feels like. His gait stops instantly, that permanent frown he’d worn since you’d first laid eyes on him, deepening. “Don’t do that,” he gruffs, continuing his steps up the porch now, the dark, heavy boots you’d noted as he’d taken you from the facility falling thunk, thunk on the wooden boards beneath. He’d not given you shoes of your own. And at his tone, the grumpy look, you have the inexplicable urge to laugh. To laugh at him. Surly, you want to tease, but swallow it, itchy fingertips back into the warmth of your mouth to stop yourself from touching again.

Another gust blows against the two of you as he somehow transfers you, cradled into only one arm, to pull the jingle of keys from his pocket, and you’re jarred with painful shivers, huddling closer into the unbelievably broad expanse of his chest, the unbelievably steaming warm slab. At the touch of your cheek against his collarbone you realize all he’s wearing is a simple, green flannel, no coat, nothing warm. “Aren’t you cold?” It seems suddenly, supremely important you ask, head shooting back up. He peers down his nose at you, finally getting the door open, and his eyes are a very peculiar sort of dark, you cock your head at him, a very strange sort of creature this man is, who’s come to collect you, who you’d waited all your life and a year for.

“I’m fine,” he says.

You don’t believe him.

He sets you down on a large, dark leather sofa, chocolate, the hide smooth and worn and lived in. The rest of the house, not only a house, also a home, for it’s obvious in the way of his things, the way they’re arranged and fixed and the way they too live here, not only exist here. I’ll be like that too, you think. It’s all comfortable, it’s all warm, like a den and a place to relax and be protected, juxtaposed by the sight beyond the large windows, nothing but dark, violent sea as you’ve never before seen.

He really had found a perch at the edge of the world, brought you here to perch as well.

There’s a large fireplace, inlaid with large slabs of dark stone and thick beams of wood, and yes, this too is also obvious in a peculiar and particular way. The house very much looks like it was made by the hands of a single man in some way that you cannot specifically say, but can obviously see the truth of. He made this house, and then he came for you and now he’s brought you here, and you feel, suddenly, so pleased and warm and right. Everything feels so, so right. You sigh dreamily, suffused at once with a tight, deep heat at the pit of your belly, the scent of him everywhere, bubbles floating up from the bottom of you and seeming to pop out your ears. You lean back into the deep couch, wiggling this way and that, rubbing your bottom into the soft cushions to snuggle up, bringing the neck of his sweater he’d put you in up to your nose to breathe deep and long.

He’s moving around, arranging things this way and that, a thick log in the slumbering coals, a pillow here, another blanket atop you, not looking at you, setting a wide berth once he’s settled the throw, not talking to you. It’s fine, let him do as he pleases and needs, you’ll sit here and watch. You can tell he doesn’t like to talk, that words cost him something, and you know so little, but you understand this. Words do cost something, truths, the truth of your before life and your not life. The truth of those realities cost. So, yes, you understand, and he doesn’t have to talk if he doesn’t want to yet. And looking at him, you realize that everything inside of you feels soft and bruised and little. And yet, despite all that, ready, in want and need of him. Ready to be big.

Joel.

You must say the word out loud, his name, for he stops and finally turns to face you. There is something vibrational within him. Different. You’ve never seen a creature as such. You’d never seen an alpha before, not since you’d presented, you’ve never been around one. The caretakers were all always betas, people who would not be affected by the omega’s presence and fluctuations.

He swallows once, twice, twitches and jerks and heaves a big sigh. He’s so full of energy as you, suddenly, in opposition, feel so sleepy and drowsy and ready to close your eyes and only feel warm and relaxed. You like his house, you might love it, even.

Your eyelids droop low, slow blinks, and you watch his face fold into a frown. You want to laugh, he does that so much. They’d said that alphas could have big tempers, that they could be brash and aggressive and loud, but that the omega would naturally temper that. You think it may be true because as you watch him through the weave of your lashes, his frown deepening the longer he stares at you slowly drowsing on his couch which you hope he’ll never make you move from, the jitters and the shakes and the trembling that he’d seemed, just a moment ago, to be so full of, begin to quietly abate.

He takes a step toward you, another and another until his shins meet the edge of the sofa, and you snuggle deeper into the cushions, making yourself into as little a ball as possible, so full of sleepiness.

“How do you feel?”

“I like your house so much,” you slur, head drooping, lashes drooping.

He clicks his tongue, makes that rumbly noise you think is an alpha thing because it has your eyes suddenly clicking open, sleep haze clearing momentarily so that you can look up at him again, and he’s looking at you so peculiarly. You scrunch your nose up at him, there’s no need to look at you so, you’re only an omega, only a little tired, nothing to stare at so strangely.

“I’m–” he clears his throat, makes that rumble, growl, huff sound again, “I’m glad you like it. I wanted you to be comfortable while you’re here.”

And oh, he’s so nice, you tell him, and, “I am. I’m so comfortable.” You melt further into the couch, and he crouches down to peer at you more directly, pulling a soft pillow from the opposite end and tucking it under your head, the large, rough cup of his paw cradling your skull, big fingers weaving through your hair. He arranges you so gently, like he’d take care of you. Like you’re here, finally, finally, you’re here to be taken care of.

It’s what they’d said would happen, and you’d waited so long. You’d waited too long to be let out of the white box, for him to come, to see the sky. And now there was so much; of him, of the house, of the sky, of your whole life and the sea.

You nuzzle your head into his big hand, the heat of it searing your scalp, your ear tucked into his palm. “Brave girl,” he hums. He has such a deep voice, a good voice for an alpha, you think, a very good voice. You feel it vibrating in your toes and in your eyelashes and in your belly. “You’ve been through a great deal, haven’t you?” You want to say yes, you want to remind him that you’d waited for him for so very long, and that when you woke up, if you remembered, you’d be very cross with him for taking so long to come for you.

“You rest now,” he says. “It’s all alright now.” Yes, a very good voice.

2. More Intelligent Than a Face

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death---dealer · 4 months ago

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Thick as Thieves. ( Noa x Human!Reader. ) Part Fourteen.

*banging my pots and pans* getting bETTEr

Title: Thick as Thieves. Fandom: ( Kingdom of the ) Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( Injury, mentions of blood, heavy mentions of sexual implications. ) Pairing: Noa x Human!Reader. Words: 9.5K ( WHO ALLOWED THIS ) Summary: Approval was a big part of Ape culture; Noa sought it from his Father and never got it in return. What now as he held himself in animation to get approval from his own Mother and then you, his Echo? READ THE SERIES HERE.

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His body felt unable to do anything more the moment that Dar and Soona tore you from his embrace, nothing but the shattered remains of sediment and your blood catching against his body in that glimpse of terror he wished to never re-live. The lifeless cling you had to Soona, your voice nothing more than a gashed memory to Noa as you forgave her with kindness for… Never coming back, your hand grasped hers tightly out of wanted support, Soona’s face softened as you embraced her before green eyes met Noa’s in understanding. There it was, he thought to himself, the time that those around him began to understand the irrationality that ran through their Leader to save what they considered to be just another Echo.You understood as she placed you gently on the ground, your face contorting into pain that Noa wanted to bare for you… How he wanted to, heart dropping itself into the bowels of his navel.

Was this the unsaturated embodiment of… Empathy…?

Noa tilted his head minutely and felt the flood of affliction from your limbs to his own like it was secondary nature to feel what you felt, Dar and Soona moving quickly to analyze the extent of damage done from the crown of your delicately placed head against the flushed leaves of the forest floor littered with moss and colored leaves as the season was on the very brink of changing, down the curved points of your body itself, Noa tearing his eyes away for only a moment when your thinned and carded shirt was torn off and placed to the forefront the darkened and nearly black bruises that were forming against the skin that he himself wanted nothing more than to sink his sharp canines into; but now… They were kissed with Death itself and Noa felt a surge of aggravated annoyance rush through him.

How bad was it? He was unable to hear words from Soona or Dar, their hands pressing as softly as a morning dew against a petaled flower, but you cried out, more crimson from your mouth as it fell down the side, tracing the outer lines of your ear before one by one it began dripping onto the ground below you.There was a shared look between them as Soona signed a muted ‘inside damage’ towards Noa’s mother who nodded it the utmost agreement. It was apparent from their demeanor that it was dubbed the highest of priorities, Noa finally letting himself look back at your bare chest save for the fabric of your bra; an item that never made sense to him but now he was thankful for he wanted to be blessed with seeing your breasts only when you were ready to show him. You were breathing slowly, rested and unsure if the next one was going to cause more affliction to the skin that he could see.

Noa felt himself shuddering at that. No longer did the pain in his own form matter. What was yours became his own, the coating of innate sensationalized suffering riding through him like a horse through an open field. Marking your torso as checked by the two Female Apes, your legs required less attention. The evident nature of the mangled skin, the tearing apart of tendons. It would take months, if not more to heal if Noa recalled your last injury correctly and applied the correct equation to the damage done this time around. Months… Noa looked at your legs and felt his jaw tighten itself together, canines coming to rest autonomically in the gums that allotted the position of them.

Noa… Would wait years if he had to, no other option for a mate existed for him. No other… He wanted to protect and to provide for the rest of his life, no other he wished to share himself with in the heightened sunless nights.

Noa’s mouth parted, his jaw slacking forward as he collected what little remained of his own sustained breathing out of wrought and acute determination. Empathy… He felt towards you, beaten to an inch of your life as you ran a parallel line to each other but never merged until the moment you were brought back to him. It was disgusting to even indulge in the thought but Noa found it difficult to shove it aside.

How, somewhere in the larger scape of things, if that was even the case, you were always meant to yell at him, to slur your words and he was always meant to brittly crush your bones between his fingers in a means to defend himself against your phrase. You were always meant to leave, but you were always meant to return to him such as Eagle Sun did day in and day out.. Always destined to share in the same fight; Noa was never a full believer in that despite the Elders instilling in him from a young age that things did happen for a reason, but the reason would only become clear when you lost the purpose to begin with. It… all made sense now.

Noa had almost lost you, he still could, that idea tugged at the very crevices of his mind that he was trying to ignore despite common place occurrences of Death surrounding the Earth… And even though the moment of clarity happened at the embankment of your meeting place and was never uttered beyond that of inflictions against phrases, the stream that blessed the land with opulence carried the hushened noises of both of you to one another.

He was so refusant in seeing that as the true intent; he bargained against it for months. The Ape was always meant to share his life with another, but it wasn’t brought to light that the other half he had been searching for in the darkness just happened to be the whispering of an echo that reverberated off the walls of Echo ruins. A call to the slotted ideals that shattered in on themselves once they were touched with the sound when you made the pre-chosen decision to stay at the Clan.

The very Master of the Eagles was helpless, propped against the hardened bark of the tree trunk as he watched them, his mouth ghosting over words he rehearsed time and time again but had yet to get the chance to whisper to you, dirtied and oh so incredibly tired as the blistering in his shoulder became more evident in the lack of adrenaline that shot through the svelte muscles that lined his bones. Noa could just drift into a fitless sleep now, knowing you were in the care of his Sunset sister, so gentle with you and his Mother, the stability in his life when he was torn to ashes himself much like the remains of the village.

There would be a time the ideas he had would could to light, the phrases he wanted to say would be breathed so delicately into your ear as fingers tangled themselves into hair and fur alike and Noa shifted his entire body weight above yours into flashed white heat, hotter than that of any fire that had ever burned since the Rise three-hundred some odd years ago.

The Ape chanted in his mind as it became his new mantra; he would tell you when you woke up. The agony he went through not to tell you when you asked, the torment Noa wanted to feel himself knowing that he may not even get the chance; was it worth it? When your gaze sustained his own and you were clenching to the familiarity of safety, love and you were no longer cusping at the life you wanted… No, Noa corrected himself there, the life that you two deserve to have together. Was it worth it to wait?

It… was but at the same time it wasn’t.

There would be no need to hold onto the tightrope anymore, for either party. The game of Chess that neither of you truly understood how to play from the beginning would come to an end, the Queen always destined to win and climb her way to the top, even if it meant dragging her King along. Noa… Drew a deep breath in, feeling the rumbling of his own wheeze drizzle against the back of his throat as his green eyes that began to rival in hue the foliage that surrounded the area, even down to the minute speckles of tasteless iron that coated some of the leaves reminiscent of the bloodshot tear in the whites of his eyes. Noa was ready for it to be over, as much as he tried to convince himself that he loved the chase.

The chase left him tired… The chase left you wounded, almost dead and there was no way to logically make sense of that anymore no matter how much the Ape tried. No more, Noa muttered inside of his mind and finally looked down at his wounded shoulder for just a split second. He’d heal with time, his hand pressing to his chest to assess his bones and the severity of which they were crunched under the full weight of a male Echo, much more than your own, much more pressure and not as pleasurable as Noa would imagine it would be if you were to ever give into the temptation of caressing your body to his.

What was going on inside; Noa nodded in stunted silence, he would heal but he was afraid you wouldn’t, unable to shake the feeling of dread that was driving his conscious mind to pessimism. The light of the new day drenching your body and giving all three of them a clearer understanding that seemed to only justify the thickened moisture that clung to the swept wrinkles that accentuated his eye sockets.

The head wound - a large slice right along your hairline from what had to be a spearhead of sorts, maybe even one of those… Knives… Yes that was the word, Noa preened with mild pride that he was able to recall a distant conversation with you about such an obscure Echo item that you had compared to the slicing of a spearhead itself, it danced blood down the sides of your vacant expression and trickling into your eyes like faux tears that ultimately drenched themselves onto the dried ones of your cheeks. Iron and salt, coarse and hard, dried to your face and Noa was unable to keep the maintained stare on it as he felt shook with the guilt that lingered the moment he saw you leaving his sight.The scattered nature of the cuts against your skin that Noa wanted to score with his hot muzzle were abundant.

Whatever the Ape was able to deduce against your sternum, the bone weakened and stricken with captivating his gaze as he was able to see your heart beating. Noa felt if Soona pressed down on it too aggressively, it would snap under the touch; down the frontal portion of your body and arms, unable to see in full clarity your backside that you were resting on but he figured it was nothing less than the pieces he was able to take morbid delectations in. One by one, he counted them in diligence, one way to keep the Ape from falling into a slumber and missing some part of this, some part of your life. And one by one, Noa felt a tiny bit of him die for not having been able to see that this was preventable in the first place when he irrationally sent you from his side.

Ignoring the whimpering of his body that trudged more to the aspects of sleeping the pain off, Noa curled himself into a ball as Dar pulled herself away from your body, your hand still reaching and holding onto Soona’s as his friend held her face perpendicular to your own. Noa… Knew she had lied to him, that there had been no Apes sent back for you. Shutting his eyes pensively, he sensed there was something being said there between the two of you, words of assurance and praise Noa hoped for all that both of you had sustained, and words of reassurance whispered from your lips as Soona should not feel guilt for doing what she did.

You had to know that… She… She did it to keep Noa from succumbing quicker to Death. If Soona told Noa that you were alive, he’d tear himself apart from the inside, literally tenderizing the muscles from his bones in an attempt to drag you from the consuming fire himself. Allowing the allotment of a lie was the only way to save him, Soona rationalized that as Noa was doing in the moment of tentative silence he was in now.

There was no way to deny the sickeningly grateful notion that Noa felt as he re-opened his eyelids, subdued anger leaving the tracing around his irises. Noa understood why Soona did what she did; fear drove even the most optimistic and gentle Apes to take drastic turns in order to save and salvage what they held dear. Apes, Noa looked at Soona with a slight smile, were also Selfish… Without that emotion… Grazing his glance from his friend to you… Noa would be gone, never to see the light again and never to hold you against him in the utmost satisfaction that he needed, aligned now with his desperate need to breathe the air.

Soona mimicked Noa then when you coughed, his hackles rising in a protective stance as her calloused fingers caressing so closely to your mouth as she wiped at the blood that pooled down the point of your chin and eclipsed itself down your jaw line. She was so gentle, Noa sniffling quietly and trying to bring his mind somewhere that wasn’t lingering with the scent of burned wood that clung around the musty atmosphere. You mustered for her a meager smile, tugged around the edges and most likely undetectable to Soona herself but Noa… Always noticed those minute expressions you gave and they were truthfully his favorite. There was something there that Noa wasn’t understanding of as you squeezed her hand with all your might, Soona returning the gesture. Thank you, you said to her, thank you for doing this for me and for helping me now… “Tha.. Thank… You for co-coming… back fo-for m…--- Me now…” That voice was unmistakably yours and it tickled at Noa’s ears in the most sweet caress as the agonistic whimper rested around the edges of your tone, Soona’s hand drifting itself up your arm to grasp at your forearm entirely, past the wrist that Noa had once grasped so tightly to cause you substantiated pain that he was going to spend the rest of his life begging for forgiveness for even when you give it time and time again as Noa suspected was going to be the case.

“Told you… I would… I am sorry for… Not coming… sooner… Afraid…” Noa saw the shift of your pathetically placed nod, knowing you would think the same. The muscles of your neck were unable to drift in power, he wanted to hold it for you and take the motions as his own. Just tell him what action you wanted and Noa would do it for you, for the rest of the time he had with you…

Thank you, Soona, Noa hoped she could feel that gratefulness that tugged on the very edges of his fur, sweeping through the breeze that tickled around her ears, being born within a sunset always assured the emotions that he felt were encased in her own. Thank you for keeping me alive long enough to come back to my Echo…

“She is… in bad… condition…” Dar’s voice was dull and lacked any support because she felt there was nothing to give her Son as she came to rest beside him. Noa, instinctively like a scorned young Ape, rolled himself against her side and felt a racked sob encase his tightened and bleeding body at the mention of finally being able to release the tension that was riding along as Noa felt he needed to keep himself strong for you. ‘Must ask you… My son…’ Noa knew the question.

Noa feared the question.

‘What is… this Echo’s meaning to you?’ Signed and concise, the young Ape felt his walls crumbling down brick by carefully placed brick.

Noa said nothing and felt his body shift on what seemed to be its own volition as he curled into a ball beside his Mother, his only source of comfort as you were busy with Soona and vice versa. Anaya… Would scold him playfully for this, Noa knew that. Noa did not yearn for that here, what he wanted was his Mother to understand… But how could she… Noa squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his Mother’s body shake beside him as she readjusted the hunched position she was in to properly allot her bruised and battered Son into her embrace, one arm wrapping around him and lightly trailing the twill of her blue shawl with it. The wispy comfort it gave him as he buried himself into her side, face casing into the fur that felt so much like his own but always held a longing of maternal instinct and wisdom that was always going beyond his own thought stream.

“Cannot… tell you… Would not… understand.”

Infliction in the last word was indicative enough that Noa was dragging himself into the mind processes instilled in him from not the Elders this time… But from his Father. That Echo were all inherently bad, seeking to bring destruction where they ravaged the Earth but where in his Father’s words were there any mentions of Apes being the same way?

Selfish, Noa rocked himself against Dar and sniffled loudly, her body staying stagnant and strong the way that she knew that Noa needed. Noa had been selfish here, his fluttering gaze that was frenzied with agnostic bullets aimed towards himself from the very Echo weapon that rendered his right side virtually dead in most regards, looking over towards your body as Soona began inspecting once more, carefully this time, around the splatter of black and purple on your chest. Selfish… Hateful towards things he did not understand… Ignorant and so very…

“Reminds me… Of your Father. The way.. You look at her.” Noa stopped his paced and languid movements against his Mother, amply expanding eyes to the point where Noa felt the skin beneath his eyelashes was going to snap from being stretched beyond comprehension. “I do not… understand.”

Whimpering that out, he turned his face then towards the tree trunk and looked at the tracing of the lines that drifted upwards to the sky until it tapered into the leaves that fluffed outwards and provided the most wonderful but saddening lighting. Dar extended her free arm that was not cased around the wounded nature of Noa’s shoulders and urged her boy to look up to her. Noa did just that, falling himself back in time to when he would cry on her about how cruel and vindictive Koro was towards the younger Noa; towards his thoughts and his outview of the world. It felt so similar, Noa so small and incomprehensible.

‘Your Father would… only want your happiness, my Son.’

No words spoken, Noa felt reluctant at the intricate way Dar signed towards him as a few birds began their calling through the woods, themselves on the search for something greater like the Ape who looked nothing more than a child in his Mothers embrace. Noa’s face crunched in on itself, the expression familiar enough to Dar as she ‘tsk’ed under her breath and tugged him even closer, careful of the gouge that would scar his shoulder once healed. Canines rattled up and down as Noa processed, trying to come up with a response but he felt nothing coming to fruition as he let out a distressed yelp.

“She cannot… leave me…” Noa shook his head adamantly as Dar tugged his face inwards to bless his forehead against her own, Noa disregarding the flutter of his neck muscles that told him the motion was not a great idea, but he needed the brief and smothering gesture that radiated what felt like self-assurance from one Ape to another. “I am so… Afraid… Mother… She will…---”

Noa could not bring himself to say it but the implication was left bare and cold in the deadened silence that followed as Dar nodded in empathetic understanding. She missed Koro, as was evident in how she held her only child, half of him engrained with the late Master of the Birds which she saw in his leadership and outlandish obsessions but the other half… Hopeful and devoted, Dar let her stare trail back to where you were laying on the moistened Earth. Romantic, through and through and she knew that Noa was unaware of this shared trait. She missed her Mate and felt the pull to be protective towards her own Son in the vividly cusped imagination that he was about to embark on a similar endeavor without ever knowing what the fruit actually tasted like once burst onto tastebuds.

“We… Eagle Clan… Must believe… They…” She looked at Eagle Sun who came to beckon for you, trailing his way on the ground on stickly legs and bounced towards your way in his own seeking comfort, beak trailing downwards and grabbing a delicate strand of your hair which Soona was quick to fix, shooing off the bird from your presence. Wake up, Sun told you in silence as he refused the gesture from Soona to leave, not only does Noa need you, I do too…

Dar narrowed her eyes on the bird in convoluted confidence, “Our Eagles will always lead us to where we… need to seek forgiveness.” “I wish to seek…” Noa was careful with his words as he turned his body away from Dar to look forward once more; Towards the broader and fur lined coat of Soona’s svelte muscles to your own, tattered and senselessly bleeding appendages as you admired the scape of the trees than lined your vision above. Noa’s breathing began to feel muffled again and mindlessly crinkly. ‘I need… her to… know….’

The feeling in his chest became more evident as a ricochet from his lungs exploded against the back of his throat, finally telling the Ape than words at this point were useless, his vocal cords were going to fail him. ‘It is my fault… I sent her… away… Anaya and Soona…’ Pressing his lips together, Noa felt his self-control dwindle into the everlasting nothingness than came from his deepened sense of self-hatred. Everything he had done to you was shrouded on the delicate features of your skin, the same skin than Noa wanted to hold onto and bruise for himself out of another wave of self-indulgent lunacy.

‘Anaya and Soona think she left of her own will.’ Noa explained to his Mother, unable to stop the present scheme to demolish his own self-worth, something Dar cherished so much because to her, Noa was worth so much more than he bargained against.

‘I sent her away. Gone… from my side…’ Fingers worked against the language, regretting every word that came to be. Noa was terrible, his leer unable to dance away from your body as Soona began to wrap your legs into tweeded fabric that bristled around the edges with dirted twine. A temporary fix to a much larger problem. ‘Never told them… Noa sent her away… Ashamed… Still… am…’

“We do things… without understanding… Consequence.”

“We do stupid… things when… no time is taken to understand!” Noa hissed at his Mother, suddenly enthralled with the want to delve into deprecation rather than take anymore wisdom that was offered in loving understandment. Talking was pure torment for the Ape as the fur catapulted itself against the crown of his skull and down the base of his neck in an innate display of self-defense. Dar could not defend him, no one could anymore.

“My Son…” Dar sighed against Noa’s disintegrating self. “You think… You… Do not understand?” The clear tone was leaking disappointment and Noa snapped his gawk at her, inviting to the pull he had to be scorned into submission for his actions. “You brought Echo… to the Clan… Brought devastation… But brought… something…”

Words ceased as Noa’s slitted eyes felt more guilt at the fact that the demise of the Clan was always going to fall at his feet. There was no way around it, the forewarnings began with the lack of acceptance from his Father growing up. Noa was not a Leader; Noa was a scared Ape who would run and turn at the casted shadow of doubt he covered himself in. There was nothing more to say, but the dead air that centered his gravity made Dar’s next words even more bitter. "Echo brought something new to you. You have learned much. Of Echo ways, of ways of Clan… Of Noa.” “Do not… understand… Your… kindness towards me.”

“You are my Son, and I am proud of you---” Jaw clenching, the muscles tightened themselves as Noa gritted his teeth in frustration. “I want to take her… As my Mate.” Noa bit back, his tongue against his right upper canine for a split second out of vindictiveness as if to mutter to Dar ‘Try to be proud of me for that. It’s impossible.’ As were the subsequent shattering of words he wanted to use as fuel. If the village was burned down to ashes, Noa wanted to be too and he’d be the one to stoke the flame just to seek the disapproval he knew had to be coming so he could move on in secret. The intent would never change, Noa wanted you and only you and if his own Mother posed a threat to that then he would leave; that was the deciding factor though the Chimp felt it was a decision made in haste and inflicted selfishness to see how much he truly was able to get.

He wanted his Echo, but he was afraid now to lose his Clan as lucidity came back from the injuries that left him post-hazed in the aftermath of a terrible loss.

A confession from you was checked off, the words so tastefully leaving his ears pricked as his shoulder fur preened itself in the utmost satisfaction. He would take you… In your words, as a Human. In his words, as his Echo and Mate. A denial from his Mother would derail that and would… Ruin it. It was the driving force that kept his speech so clear and vengeful. Noa spoke with hatred towards himself.

“Ape and Echo. Cannot… stop myself… from thinking it is… possible… Raka,” Noa glimmered his attention back to Dar for a split moment and she swore she could see her boy smile in self-assurance but it was surely the trick of light, “Caesar… The ways… of Caesar… Could be true… For us all… For Eagle Clan to… learn and to grow… Need her… by my side...”

There was a stunted silence between the shared blood that coursed through the two Apes, Dar jilting her head at the words so confidently said without a stutter. She knew; it was apparent as she said earlier. In the way than Noa possessed his gaze against yours. She knew; it was apparent in the leaking hesitation Noa had when posed to give your body over to Soona and herself who only came to help. Ape and Echo…

She thought hard, brow ridge coming down above her stare. Not unheard of; other Clans she had met had stories. Not as admittedly swept in a sunsetting glass, it was often Apes taking what they considered to be their own on the Earth and in itself held much danger for both parties. Never did the notion that her own child would want to wander down such a path come to Dar’s train of thought but the longer she processed it, Noa’s words desperate for acceptance, it was attune to her Son’s personality. Push the boundaries of what is possible for Apes…

Bring more peace and prosperity to the Clan itself and build reinforcements. Not arranged like the other Clans who did it out of true selfishness, not smothering for the Echo to live a life they did not want but something brought to light from mutual affection and understanding between two species, hands reaching for each other over and over again over countless conversations she had seen afar that Noa and you partook in. There was selflessness in her lineage that Dar had sensed. There was willingness on the Echo part that Dar now realized to be acceptance of the most respectful way, her own ideology towards you changing on a dime.

He sought something new, something to help fix the hole that was left when Koro refused to listen and you… Did that for him. You held onto him, kept his balance and only when you were gone did it shatter into tiny shards of glass that the entire Clan had to deal with in the crossfire. She did not understand the appeal. The desire to be with Echo in such a way… But there were those who sought for the unknown. No Ape, Dar needed to understand that, was ever going to fill Noa’s wants and desires; her Son was always destined for you and she truly believed in that, the divine intervention.

Dar saw that now even as Noa trembled beside her with the admission. In his confession blessed to the air, Noa was seeking the only permission he needed before he’d allow himself to take his place next to Soona and to help his betrothed Echo.

“It will… not be easy.” Dar eased into the approval with a casted look at her Son and then back at your more delicate form, trying so desperately from the look of your fisted hands, to keep the pain inside as to not alarm Noa any further. It was universally recognized as the Mother of the Eagle’s leader nodded her head tentatively. She did not understand but… There was no understanding in the realm of who you choose to love.

“Echo… will continue to pose…threat to Ape… But… If this is what you choose… What you need… You need to know it will be a difficult journey for both of you. Very long… May… Bear no fruit.”

“Do not care,” Noa bared his teeth at the whimper that drifted deftly from your chapped lips, Soona’s mouth muttering the tiniest bits of an apology for you. “Will figure… that out later… Need…” Noa swallowed hard, the feeling of dirt sediment lining along his throat causing incredible discomfort with the motion of his jugular as he raised a hand for his Mother. Flattened, straight to her line of vision and palm beckoning to the sky. The tearing of his tired muscles faulted momentarily and Noa felt his arm falling but with an ardent grunt, he hoisted it even further for Dar to accept. “Need you… to help me… Please…”

There were no more words spoken, nothing more than Dar needed to tell her Son as her fingertips grazed the very cusp of Noa’s blood dried hand. Within moments, as if the contact between the reinvented the muscles that had been blown to oblivion, Noa brought his hand to her neck and tugged her inwards to bless his Mothers forehead with his own. Thank you was spoken between the brow contact.

“Go to her now. Help… Soona. We will.. Get her back to the Clan to begin healing…” Noa squeezing his eyes shut and seconds later, he was dragging his damaged body towards his Sunset Sister, determination drawing itself to the forefront with every cusp that his feet had on the ground that tore the Earth apart with its gait.

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A Month Later.

Pressing a large hand to his ribcage as a blaze sped at the muscles, Noa took a deep rattling breath in, curt and brisk with the idea that the bones themselves were tugging back into position from puncturing his lungs. That was evident to your gawk where as you were able to admire the pure stance the Chimp truly possessed with a dry mouth, urged and agitated with desire to touch the shoulders that were moving so dexterously, jealousy piqued as you were unable to work the same way he did. If you asked nicely maybe he'd work his hands for you, your lips parting with the compulsion to speak, the words stopping themselves in your tightened throat as the guilty continuance to admire the Ape was much greater than speech. Noa’s shoulder blades brushed with acute and censored protectiveness that sunk deep from the depths of his honey fur to keep the budding relief of breathing to himself as the hackles rose down his spine as he prepared the clay jar, so familiar to both of you now; used twice, smeared against smoothed skin that he wanted to cling to for the rest of time. The first time, your skin flinched away from him because he was seen as a threat; an Ape who would kill you with vicious intent. This time... You were so accepting of his grazing finger pads, calloused and attune to the nature of your pores. You'd never been touched like that before; you never wanted to be by anyone other than Noa.

The chattering of other Apes, the cluttering of bricked wood, laughter… The laughter was not coming from outside, he was quick to notice. Anaya… The Eagle Clan leader has been so trenched in his own thoughts that he had forgotten that Anaya was in the room with you, visiting as he so often did in the early evenings. Noa peeped over his shoulder at the hunched form resting beside the softer edges of your own aura, Noa too familiar now with how it felt after catering to the needs it developed in order to heal. The fleshy part of your calf seemed to be engrained to the very depths of his palm prints from the countless times that Noa had the delectation of cleaning the wounds himself, taking the bided seconds needed for each leg.

From the right to left his fur tickled at the skin, still sensitive and still urging him that there was more beyond this as you watched with curiosity how he touched you. It was all intricately a part of a forgiveness process that existed only in his own mind before splattering it back with more rooted paste. How it drew back to the moments when he first found you and did the same actions, this time, ripping apart the notions that he would ever cause this damage himself. You knew better now, a part of the Clan itself. It was all intricately a part of a forgiveness process that existed only in his own mind before splattering it back with more rooted paste.

How the Ape awaited the day to feel more than just that, his lushy green and golden gaze resting on the lighter splatter of the bruises trailing and kissing the skin of your collarbone as the pit of his stomach dropped at the reasoning behind the discoloration. That was no more; Noa needed to remind himself and drew a small breath that released from his mouth as a hardened huff. You were here with him… With Anaya and soon Soona would join to garner you the evening meal for you and Noa would watch in bated amazement as you ate. Amazement that you survived what pestilence he brought down on both of you.

“Are you sure,” The wheezing tone of your voice was still there much to Noa’s dissatisfaction. As if to say the wound on his own coarse body did not shoot him with pain, as if to mention the way that it felt at times like his ribs were going to tear the muscles of his lungs apart fiber by fiber. Noa listened innately to the softened spoken attitude you gave Anaya, sensing from the tips of his fur your movements as you lightly placed your hand on the back of the Chimps head with a small sign once you felt a cased bump, “You’re okay? Noa… told me you took a really hard hit…”

Anaya rolled his eyes and let them stare a small dagger into the Master of the Birds himself which was playfully returned upon his arrival back to the normal crouched position on your right side, your body taking in the delectations of the way that he moved beside you. Assured, confident again… The Earth below indented from his weight as he was very wary and cautious to leave your side and often only switched placed when Soona came to tender your injuries if Noa had to account to some responsibility that was resting too uncomfortably on Dar from time to time, only indicative when Noa’s stubbornness flared and he refused to leave you.

Anaya gave you a brisked smile of familiarity, tugging at the strings in your reminiscence to days that had passed before as he hooted a chortle from deep in his throat. Anaya was amused and boasted. “Much tougher than… Noa is. Get hit with Echo weapon and is… Down for count.” “Would like to see you… Do the same thing.” Noa defended himself with ease and earned himself a raspberry from Anaya. A small melancholic grin tugged at your lips from the interaction, your mind tracing back steps as you looked over the scabbing wound buried in Noa’s fur. At this point, a full moon cycle had passed and the days began to feel a lingering semblance of some seeked normality and the fur around the infliction was becoming more dense as a form of healing itself. Fingers twitched in your lap. Everything, your lungs yelled at you to breathe and you were fastened to take a draw in slowly so as to not cause another panicked rage of coughing; everything was healing.

The Apes began to spend their days working to bring flourished greens back of the original scarred land they knew so well, while drenching their sleepful nights in makeshift bungalows deeper in the forest where you were residing at the moment. A refuge of sorts that Noa, Anaya and Soona had scouted out once after the first flooded fire took what was rightfully theirs, where they were able to unwind against a billowing bonfire during the dawns and running into the late evenings for their communal meal before all of them, young and old, repeated the next day and paid the price for Noa’s selfishness.

One by one, families will return soon to the blushed and eloquent towers that sang to the sky nestled so cozily next to the meadow that they raised their birds in, one by one the Eagles will find themselves against their perches of the newly built Eagle Enclosure, happily flittering to their Masters that they had returned home; feathers seeping into the ground and draping it happily with their colors of gray, browns, whites and occasional speckles of blue. Noa wanted that, he thought and gazed down at the paste in a brushed clay jar that was molded roughly and had unkempt edges that would cut at Noa’s thick skin if he were not careful handling it.

Noa wanted to return home, now yearning to accept the thought as Soona arrived, your small grin captivating his attention as you drew it into a loud smile with a laugh. He only slept in the hut with you, silent and possessive on the ground near your shape as you were resting on a tattered bundle of fabrics that made a makeshift mat so you were not susceptible to the dirt. You were comfortable, or so it seemed as the female Ape handed you a wickered bowl with an assortment of what seemed to be berries, nuts and a fish. Not even a nest was provided yet, he felt his heart tearing itself apart. A nest with him was all Noa wanted you to reach for; he hoped it crossed your mind as your body rested to heal but he had no idea if that were the case.

His green eyes narrowed on an unfixed point on the wall. The Ape would crack your skull open out of adoration just to see the processes… Just to see now what you truly thought about him because the words that were left unspoken came back with a vengeance and sank their talons in like an Eagle to a fish. Soon… He reminded himself. They will be spoken soon… Noa had promised you, his fingertips ghosting over your calf for a split second. Once you were able to look at him how he wanted to… He’d return the favor. The speckling of an Echo and an Ape, as one, in their home, chartered to each other over and over again. Noa needed that. Noa needed you to need that.

Placing a blueberry against your tongue, you side swiped the broad frame of the Ape on your right side as Anaya and Soona greeted each other. Squeezing your teeth together, you coated the inside of your mouth with the delicious juices and placed an integral hand onto Noa’s shoulder, near his mitigating skin. It was apparent from the startled jump he gave upon the contact that he had not been paying attention and was dredging himself in thoughts. ‘You… okay?’ Signed for privacy, Noa smiled at the nature of your smaller fingers tugging into the positions it needed to catapult words just for him. Always… Just for him.

‘Thinking.’ Noa signed back surely, ‘Wait until Anaya and Soona leave. Talk then. You,’ His gawk flickered to your wickered bowl before he met your gaze again with a stern and playful stare, ‘Need to eat first.’

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Long days were worn against his muscles, Noa felt tired and reached up to press a hand to his shoulder and tenderized it with his hard finger pads. Healing, but the inside occasionally flared for him when he moved it too extensively. The fetched log that was thrown into the fire was more than enough for today, not to speak for the countless motions he had against your skin earlier to help your wounds. A quick and painfully bittersweet reminder that… This life now had a cost; the cost was great, but Noa was taxed to pay to keep you at his side, safe and forever in his protection. The Master of the Birds. The Leader of the Eagle Clan. His eyes scooted towards your own, finally allowing his weaned frame the privilege of facing you, shoulders bringing themselves together out of lack of confidence for what was about to be pursued, your scrutiny too harsh to imagine but there is nothing there for you to judge.

The Ape was perfect as he always was; slender framed, mouth-watering in the way that his chest stiffened when he looked at you, then pulling his thin waist down into his pelvic bone. Noa had always been so alluring even when you were able to convince your mind that there was nothing there and he was just another Ape there to kill you. There was always the distant thrust of attraction that subdued conversations into submission. You felt captivated as you always had at how the fur against his body must have kept him so warm and you hoped that someday, it would provide you with the same privilege.

Noa’s mouth parted as he sat down beside you, a plume of dirt escaping from the weight he presented to the Earth as his peer brought itself to your healing legs. The wonderment of the eye contact you gave him, lingering now as you glazed your hunger against the drawing of his shoulders drifting through him as Noa tried to focus on the task at him and rid his senses of the previously known sorrow of thinking of what could have been as he brought his longed face to look towards you once more. You accepted him so willingly and it left him nothing short of caught breath and unable to move or convince his mind that breathing was necessary.

Flicking his irises up for a few moments, Noa gave himself the time to draw in the way that your shoulders moved with heavy breathing that was allowing itself to take deeper and deeper strides down your lungs, so different from before and it really raised his self-assurance that things… Were going to be alright. This… Noa brought his hand to rest onto your calf and traced the reddened skin down with a ghosted fingertip. Was all going to be alright and you were healing for him. There was a cased and pinkish scar against your forehead covered by your hairline barely detectable in the firelight that was crackling near the right hand corner of the room.

“What did you… want to talk about? You’re usually okay talking about things in front of Soona and Anaya. It’s got to be something special if you want me alone ” Bring your right calf to present itself for him properly having sensed that Noa wanted to actually touch more. How beautiful it slid itself into the base of his palm, the skin that was able to feel the mild tickle of Noa’s fur sending that involuntary shiver through your senses.

“You… Seem ready to stand up and walk.”

Noa reassured you with a huff, bringing his face in towards your own and maintaining long eye movements against your own. His mouth sunk in on itself. Daring to say something. Daring to utter anything. That phrase was a diversion as you felt a mild seek of disappointment run along your diaphragm as you avoided the moment of eye contact in favor of looking casted to the side. So, he just wanted to talk about… Your legs. About standing on your own two feet when you were under the floating impression that he was going to carry you to the ends of the Earth.

Crawling inside of him was an idea; to embezzle yourself into Noa’s body and tender to his ribs like he had done for your legs. Let me do this for you, you’d cry for him, cracking the bones instead of bringing them back to health under your fingers as if you had enough strength to do that. Sniffling softly, you tore your eyes from him again after noticing the forlorn expression he carried for you now that Anaya and Soona had taken their leave.

The times you were consciously aware that he was with you for the last month were nothing but stifled capsules of the words that had been spoken before, the promise that clung to your tongue but was it really a promise without fruit? You wanted Noa to say what you wanted him to say, never actually knowing it to be a reciprocated feeling… There was something about your stroke with Death that could have simply told you that you were imagining things… Maybe then! With you inside of his own self, you’d know… You’d get the confirmation that clung to the air like a musty summer night. Anxiety… Was going to tear itself into you and refuse to leave without drawing poison into your bloodstream.

You could have gone your own way willingly but you refused and came back to Noa. You needed him.

You could have lived another day without the knowledge that for a moment in time, Noa seemed to hate you and gone on with your life. But you wanted to come back to him.

You would have died willingly for him either way... Justification rested on saving the Apes who gave you something more but your mind knew otherwise. You’d kill yourself to save him, over and over again. It was what he deserved, not a little Echo who was afraid of the world beyond the arms that Noa encased them in… You wanted to hear him say more than just mutters about your sustained injuries. Admittance, something more. Heart racing in your chest was hard to ignore for both parties as Noa was able to detect the movement from his feet from the close proximity his stature had to yours.

Give me words that only belonged to us, you wanted to beg him. Noa felt his breath pick up slightly, his shoulder a dull ache as he rested nearly his entire body weight on it so the Ape was able to cradle his neck towards your face again, more daring than before as he was sure now. The time was not going to get any better and he refused to see if time could tear apart an Echo and Ape rather than bring them together.

With this… Disappeared his entire notion, the entire rant that you were not willing to accept him. The Clan would rebuild itself and he left his own comeuppance in your more than willing hands. Why let him so close if that were not the case? Why let Noa hold your calf, acutely aware that he could very easily mangle with his own touch, and no bars were bared when his hand dragged upwards to case around your thigh and pass the fabric of the scavenged shorts, thinned from time and barely detectable to the outer shell of his knuckles? You stiffened at the feeling. Virgin skin being held. Explored in a way that made your mind burst with the possibilities you had indulged in in the past but now in the present, they were so far away as you were erased of any preconceived thoughts.

The shorts worn here were to give the best access to your legs for him to work against when he needed; taking advantage of the scant skin Noa sought. Worn here now for Noa to drift his leathered touch against in a bated question that desperately rode between your stares at each other that serviced only one answer from your parted lips as your own shoulders began to rise and fall at a quickened pace. Your eyes fluttering between his protruding muzzle, the darker speckles against the bridge of his nose as you swallowed hard from his brazen connection on your suddenly hot skin, Noa mesmerized momentarily at the shot of your jugular bouncing in a very appealing reaction.

“No-Noa what are you doing?” Stifled air was cut by the phrase you whimpered to him, not out of fear but the sudden crazed notion that this was no longer a dream and scooted away the idea that the Ape who helped you back to health, who was holding so desperately to flesh that could be torn to literal pieces at the snap of a pin. You’d let him, your thigh resting comfortably in his grasp, confirmation that it was always meant to be clutched by him in aggravated adoration. Feeling his hand twitch against it, you were unable to draw yourself any closer, movement not too well established since you began the healing process a month ago.

“Noa…” He wanted to pounce on you at the sound of his name, his pupil's blown gaze admiring the way it formed and he carried away the idea that you wanted to say it for him privately. “I… do not break… promises…” Noa muttered and looked down at where he had his hand against your thigh muscle and he squeezed at the tender flesh that he imagined sinking into so many times before. How easy it would be for Noa to take you right then and there. Push your shoulders down, your gasp delectable to him as he grips your other thigh and… He shook his head and drew a pained breath in, this time letting it rest in his lungs for a stiffened time, enjoying the drowning he was impeding on himself. “But...I am… afraid…” What does an Ape say in these moments? What does an Echo deserve to hear? What sort of feelings are you going to understand? There was no longer the sense heightened by the refusal of attraction for each other, Noa looked at you, wanting to speak but nothing was coming out of him anymore when he knew you deserved at least an echoed whisper. Anything… His brain urged to think… He would take you… His Echo… Over and over again so why was he clinging to fear that had no juxtaposition within him in the first place? He felt like he was going insane, the tug-of-war between his conscious thoughts and his heart, a concept he didn't want to acknowledge.

Noa had almost lost you before what if--- Drawing his teeth together, they clattered from the force used to shut his jaw, the muscles bouncing in a tight fixation in front of your eyes as you lifted a hand to encase the side of his face. Without reservation, Noa tore into it and placed his expression flat against your palm and shattered a shiver in front of you. He thought to himself how afraid he had been when he lost his Father… When he had to find himself once. How there was nothing more in the moments he had with you other than the fear that you could be torn apart again.. “I cannot… risk losing you… again… My fault… In the first place you left… because Noa refused to underst…understand…”

The hand on your thigh was lost before it was sternly but gently placed against your sternum, Noa spreading his fingers against the bone there and wanting nothing more than to tear your t-shirt off, more thinned from the elements than even your shorts and he could see your nipples peeking from the anticipation of his touching of such a previously unknown area. No more of that thinking, Noa was going to rest himself into you and never let go, having to admit to the lingering sensation that he was never going to from the first day that you made the agreement that saved your life.

Not sexual at all were his motions, Noa was showing his intent to protect even the most tattered pieces of your shape but he always… To the Eagles above, he always appreciated the subtle ways that your body let him know the physical attraction was so grained and mutual. So very Echo and lost to him, but alluring and drawing into his curious nature. Soon… It would all be his, Noa was riddled with uncomfortable self-assurance and self-confidence. Soon, your shirt would hit the floor and you would be tangling yourself against him. You… Just needed a bit more time… His hardened hand raised itself to a dance against the back of your neck, sturdy and keeping you in his focused line of vision as a gasp escaped your lips at the sensations he was giving you. Clarity rocked through the cut air, so dense that even a spearhead was going to only go an inch once thrown. “Ape… mate… For life. Will never find another… Not common to move on, I… would never have… Moved on… from… this..” Your stare was ample at his chosen words, the thought was there as Noa had to process each one slowly to ensure that there was mutual understanding. No more fumbling around the nature of the relationship. No more questions needed to be asked in solemn introspection when you two were apart.

There were going to be no more split seconds were you were apart, Noa was sure of it as he raised his own hands, teetering to balance on his feet which dug their toes into the dirt. Laying his hands on top of yours that refused to drop from the hold you had on his fur lined face, Noa sputtered his lips out in frustration at the lack of vocabulary he had for the confession. Lack of Echo phrasing that got you two to this sliver in time slower than it needed to be. So… much slower, Noa felt his feet shuffle below of their own volition, almost to the point where he was going to topple over you and crush the very bones that he had cared and caressed for and would continue to do so even if you were against it.

“You asked me… To take you… as Human…” Noa felt the bud of confidence flickering in his voice which was unable to place itself in his throat. He sounded awkward, inflicting all over his vocal cords as the young Ape struggled to find its placement. It was all faux but all the more comforting as your fingers drew into the fur that surrounded his face and pulled near the thicker fur by his ears. You wanted him, Noa knew that from the drop of your mouth. No sounds for him, nothing but he could see the expression on your tongue. Shattered, he drew his forehead aggressively onto your own as you accepted him fully.

“I am yours… If you wish to have me… As an Ape.”

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