#MY EX FUCKING SUCKS
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I won’t curse you to handle my love
I’ll take care of it
I’ll feed it & bathe it & kiss it goodnight
We’ll wake before dawn breaks
& when I’m ready I’ll take it for a walk
Back to your favorite park
I’ll hold it gently & tell the stories of our time together
& while we look at the sunrise
Back turned to me eyes glued to the melting sky before us
Take a deep breathe & then
Then,
I’ll kill it myself
Point blank
No room for a mistake
I don’t have it in me to condem you to this
I don’t have it in me to force you to kill it
I’ll kill it myself
I’ll tell it all the things it wants to hear & handle it gently, more gently than you ever did
It will have a drink & eat to it’s full
Full
Fool
I’ll kill it myself.
Y.
#rumoredr3birth#writeblr#writing#literature#poetic#writerscorner#writblr#writers on tumblr#writers and poets#weird and poetic#MUHHH#poems and poetry#is this poetry?#poets on tumblr#poem#poetry#trans poetry#MY EX FUCKING SUCKS
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an extremely abridged version of a longer scene I wrote out months ago, but the longer scene involved mago going up the stairs leading to the senate and I'm gonna be real. I didn't feel like drawing all that when I mostly wanted to test out some pens and see which ones fit best for what I'm envisioning (what I'm envisioning also involved blood and gore).
anyway, I was scribbling away at it on and off during the fall, and I think this particular page is as done as it's going to be (the pens I wanted to test out were tested and I think I figured out the dream team combination for this particular idea)-- maybe next year I'll try and tackle drawing the entire scene out :) it depends on if I. finish reading books. the research pile for this is dense.
As evidence that the joyful tidings he brought were true, [Mago] ordered a quantity of gold rings to be piled up in the vestibule of the Senate-house, and they formed such a great heap that, according to some authorities, they measured more than three modii; the more probable account, however, is that they did not amount to more than one modius. [2] He added by way of explanation, to show how great the Roman losses had been, that none but knights, and amongst them only the highest in rank, wore that ornament. [3] The main purport of his speech was that the nearer Hannibal's chances were of bringing the war to a speedy close the more need there was to render him every possible assistance; he was campaigning far from home, in the midst of a hostile country; [4] vast quantities of corn were being consumed and much money expended, and all those battles, whilst they destroyed the armies of the enemy, at the same time wasted very appreciably the forces of the victor. [5] Reinforcements, therefore, must be sent, money must be sent to pay the troops, and supplies of corn to the soldiers who had done such splendid service for Carthage.
Liv. 23 12
#furthermore Carthage must have it's own tag#komiks tag#ghghhhhhh. i fucked up my back helping to fix a fence and lemme tell you. this shit sucks#im tired and everything Feels Bad. i want to upgrade my spine to some kind of deus ex type of thing.
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This isnt really an ask this is just me holding out my empty plate to you
More Grujaja stuff please!!!!! very yummers!!!! :D /noforce
Great news, i have a bit of unposted doodles of Grujaja cuz like i mention in other posts every time i draw smthn sad w him I cope by drawing cute or silly images. (and one other sad one oops)
the rest of the doodles are for my silly hc (honestly borderlining au at this point w the amount of images i've made for it lol) that caused this whole mess, those under the cut for the sanity of the people. [thumbs up]
Grujaja making Hector die from stress right before he tries to ascend to godhood.
bonus Capo trying and failing to pretend like he doesn't care as well. if you even cares. /silly
#great god grove#ggg spoilers#bizzyboy gr#ggg grujaja#ggg patty#bizzyboy p#i love how patty is 1 crumb big compared to grujaja. thats his friend thats also his teddy bear#ggg hector#ggg capochin#<- these two unda the cut lol#i hate the crying gruja doodle but i recognize someone might like it so it stays#on god the stupid hc stuff is straight up named “Groves worst babysitters” in my sorting files#The image of grujaja climbing onto hector haunted me so badly you have no idea. i just think drainfolk r like that and like climbing things#these two suck at being responsible in many ways and yet end up the closest thing my grujaja has to family besides the other bizzyboys#which is why the poor guy deals with so much bullshit#“closest thing to family i have are the two incredibly fucked up ex-leaders of the bizzyboys and then also the bizzyboys themselves”#absolutely hopeless setup for this guy to end up a well adjusted individual post game#and why the one comic w him and capo was so evil for me to make w me faceplanting the desk#he's trying so hard though. he's trying.#once again apologies for being insane#hope this appeases u
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There's always some random stranger on the internet that understands exactly how to explain something better than you ever could yourself
#healing#ex christian#deconstruction#atheist#raised by narcissists#writing#thoughts#narcissistic parents#toxic family#toxic parents#parentification#growing up too fast#i dont belong to my parents#you dont own me#you fucking suck#oldest daughter#oldest child
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I'm not completely opposed to making Pharma a weird guy in general pre-Messatine, the main issue I have with it is that a lot of that type of fandom is less "what if he was just a weird little guy" and more seems to be written with the implication that Pharma went crazy because he was just always a little crazy (or a little evil, or a little heartless, etc). Basically, to me it downplays the fact that Pharma underwent massive trauma for two years straight that other characters barely survived for a few hours/days and instead frames Pharma snapping as some sort of... I don't know, genetic/fated downfall because he was just weird, he was always off, is it really any wonder Pharma ended up Like That because I mean there was always something a little weird about him.
It just seems to accidentally imply that Pharma snapping under the pressure of years of torture was some sort of moral failing or sign of him being weak/immoral. You know, Pharma was always kind of a little creepy/insane/evil deep down which is obviously why he killed people. If he were just a normal, not-weird, good person then he would've been mentally strong enough to Not Go Insane. Like uhhhh it just seems kind of fucked up to imply that the reason some people are unable to cope with long-term trauma and have violent/unhealthy coping behaviors is because there's just something innately wrong with them, and then try and look back on their whole life trying to contextualize how they were actually unstable and evil all along instead of just accepting that like. Normal people (tm), yes normal and good people, can be put in situations where they're slowly turned into broken monsters because they had no escape and no good choices.
And also it's equally fucked up to imply that like. Whether or not you can deal with psychological torture without snapping is some sort of function of how innately moral or mentally strong you are. Incredibly victim-blamey to basically go "well the reason Pharma went insane is because he was just always cracked in the head, unlike our good buddy-pal-friend-hero Ratchet who's the perfect doctor and a good Autobot who's never done anything wrong which is why when he's an asshole/hurts people he's not nearly as destructive or Weird About It."
It's not that "Pharma was always kind of crazy" can't be done, because anything can be written well with enough thought. But I think in terms of writing, it's a very difficult and nuanced line to balance and most people literally just can't do it without implying that trauma victims/mentally ill people are evil or something. And Pharma is already unfairly villainized enough as-is, and in canon his trauma was already downplayed in favor of "haha crazy doctor chainsaw go brrr look how weird and quirky and craaaazyyy he is." So it's one of those things where 1. Most people just aren't good enough to write it and 2. "Always a little crazy" Pharma is already oversaturated enough in the fandom anyways and it's enough of a battle to get people to recognize that he's a tragic character and not just an evil asshole.
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#i think this one is especially rambly sorry but it's been on my mind#but like. i just think about it a lot about how like#how well ppl cope with stress/difficulty/trauma without disturbing others or falling apart is often conflated with strength if not goodness#like. it's already a thing mentally ill ppl have to deal with all the time whether it's jsut depression/anxiety#and getting told to suck it up or get tougher or stop inconveniencing others#to ppl with the 'scary'/villainized disorders like idk bipolar or borderline#who are literally seen as inherently dangerous just for existing#so when ppl engage with the idea of 'pharma was always a little Off' it just feels like they're taking his trauma reaction#and going 'oh clearly a Normal Guy and Good Autobot wouldnt do this. he had to have already had something wrong with him'#and so pharma understandably going insane after 2 years spent being blackmailed by the DJD (famous for psychological and physical torture)#is taken from a tragic horror story with tons of factual evidence as to why pharma was trapped and couldn't get out#to basically just 'lmao pharma was always a little kuh razy also he's a psycho ex stalker who's a loser in love with ratchet'#so like what the fuck man you're saying that the reason pharma broke under more psychological pressure than any other victim of the DJD#is bc he was just. what. too weak? his mind was too fragile? he just didn't have strong enough morals?#like god do we really need to be spreading the idea that anyone who snaps due to trauma is just innately weak/evil/weird/creepy#bc i have news for you friends no amount of integrity or innate goodness stops you from breaking when you hit your limit#the no. of ppl who can get through a situtation as horrible as that while doing nothing morally wrong and coming out perfectly sane is 0#if your standard for morality is 'not snapping under horrific pressure' then most ppl don't pass that standard like#i'm sorry but pharma not being able to cope with someone NO ONE ELSE IN THE SERIES WAS ABLE TO COPE WITH#does not retroactively make him evil bc he then proceeded to make horrible decisions in a situation where he was psychologically compromise#stop trying to retroactively characterize (contradictory to canon might i add) pharma as always being Not Good as an explanation#newsflash buddy lots of good people collapse under pressure and lash out and it's not a sign of their innate evil if the way they collapse#is messy and scary and Unfun and inconvenient and they're the only one who snapped unlike their Actually Good People friends
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the thing they don't tell you about most mlm romance books is that they fucking suck ass
#thinking about like. rw&rb. anything by that author that wrote boyfriend material. most anything on kdp. only one i fw was ari and dante but#even then the random transphobia at the end gave a real bad taste in my mouth#im just in a hater mood rn ignore this unless youre also a hater#but anyways that boyfriend material and the sequel husband material books fucking suck so bad#couldnt even finish the second one#felt like it was trying to make a comment on the queer community but in the most lame and het conformist way possible#literally having a boring lawyer character being like ' i dont feel represented by this#when hes talking about a rainbow decorated gay bar#like ok whatever man but why do we care? why is the author trying to moralize this? why does teh prose suck and why is so much casual#bigotry against welsh people in these books#like fr they call out british bigotry against the irish and then turn around#and every welsh character is bumbling idiot with no personality besides being an idiot and talking about being welsh#like. hello???#also i keep adding to these tags but anyways the author also tried to like#make the main character out to be the bad guy?? when his ex boyfriend exposed all his secrets to the press??#and the author like. portrayed the mc as the bad guy for being upset?? like that is what the second book is about???#its so stupid and victim blamely and utterly lame like these books are so uninspired and feel like the author was just. idk???#also dont get me started on how much i hated rw&rb and finished it#i think i have a post somwhere on this blog abtout it
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i think everybody should think about how much of a privilege driving is before they judge people who don’t drive for being immature or whatever. like do you not realize that not everyone had a high school with driver’s ed or parents/older relatives who could teach them, not everyone had time to learn when they were younger, not everyone can afford a car and car insurance and any repairs that a car might need, not everyone lives in a place that is drivable anyway, and not everyone has good vision or a healthy enough brain and/or body to drive. and nobody needs to explain to you why they don’t drive! all you need to know is that the can’t, don’t want to, or it doesn’t make sense for them at this current time in their lives. fuck off!!!!! the response to inadequate public transportation isn’t that everyone should drive instead!!!!!! also everybody complains about bad drivers but people are incentivized to drive regardless of their actual driving ability because it’s shameful not to drive even if it’s a personal choice. and like maybe some people are just not self aware about their own driving abilities but some people just don’t understand that they are in control of a large machine that is dangerous if they don’t operate it properly and they have to be more responsible for the people they’re putting at risk because they don’t care enough to pay attention or follow the rules of the road or keep their tempers under control while they’re behind the wheel. anyway not everyone can or should drive, that’s all
#apropos of nothing i just was thinking about how judgmental my ex and her friends were in college that i didn’t drive#and i was not as bothered by that as i should’ve been lol#because i was low key deeply embarrassed about it so i thought it was kind of fair that they were being dicks about it#it was mostly this one guy. i tried to explain my reasoning but he just didn’t get it and kept pushing that it was dumb not to drive#and like. yeah sometimes it can be limiting but for most of my day to day life it’s not a problem at all#having a car would be a bigger problem to figure out rn#anyway now i think he should just go to hell#he was kind of judgmental a lot actually and had a pretty big ego imo with no reason to be that self centered#my ex was kind of egotistical too but at least she was an extremely interesting and bright individual#it was grating that she thought she was the most interesting person in the room all the time but she actually was lol#anyway. whatever this isn’t about her it’s about ME and not driving#it’s not gonna happen until i have enough money for a car and time to learn how to drive#and probably not until i actually get assessed (+ treated if diagnosed) for adhd bc my biggest fear is being a distracted driver#if anyone has a problem with that they can suck my dick#anyway. anyway.#that’s all i guess#i fucking hate drivers rn the drivers in my city are nuts
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Illymation: Don't be a dick to fat people.
The internet: EWWWW SHE'S GLORIFYING OBESITY LET'S DOX HER!!!!!!!
#illymation#doxxing#like jesus fucking christ#I felt so bad for her#all she did was make a video about her experiences#bitches hate nuance#At least I found out about a cool new youtuber#noah samsen#he's the goat#yes I know he's been doing youtube for years but I JUST found out about him now#anyways I hope Illy's doing okay#she doesn't deserve this#like probecita she had to move states#I'd probably kill myself if I was in her shoes#hope she's doing good#it was her video on her abusive ex that help me realize I was groomed and encouraged me to get psychological help#I'm not saying she's a saint but no one deserves to be doxxed and harrassed the way she was#also fuck tbys#he can suck my dick#man need to get a life
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WIP Wednesday
Thank you so much @celaestis1 for the tag—we're kicking off early this week! (I say, at 10:30pm on a Wednesday my time.)
Something a little (a lot) different this week, but... well, it's work for a fic that's in progress! I decided I'd make my own life a lot easier by using royalty-free backing tracks for at least some of this stuff, but composing/lyric writing to pre-existing music is VERY different to starting from scratch, so this is an ADVENTURE. Hence why I'm starting rhythm-first, then lyrics, then melody. Even though it's not a snippet in the usual sense, I hope you enjoy anyway?
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Forever feeling feral for whatever y'all are up to, so tagging @affectionatelyrs @anchoredarchangel @anincompletelist @blairwaldcrf @celeritas2997 @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @cultofsappho @daisymae-12 @dumbpeachjuice @everwitch-magiks @firenati0n @getmehighonmagic @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heybuddy-drabbles @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @indestructibleheart @indomitable-love @inexplicablymine @leaves-of-laurelin @littlemisskittentoes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @matherines @myheartalivewrites @ninzied @notspecialbabe @orchidscript @rmd-writes @sherryvalli @ships-to-sail @smc-27 @sparklepocalypse @ssmtskw @stereopticons @tintagel-or-cockleshells @welcometololaland @whimsymanaged and, as always, anyone who wants to play! (If you take the open tag please tag me so I can see!!)
#wip wednesday#kiwiana-writes#wip: rockstar alex exes to lovers#cannot fucking believe how hard this has wormed its way into my brain#there's still a part of me that wants to make it fully epistolary but#that scene of henry hearing a song about himself in bed while sucking someone else's dick is :chefkiss:#and it's hard to do that in an epistolary way so#here we are lmao#also tracking wordcount etc for this in my lil writing airtable is gonna be an adventure#but that's future MJ's problem
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Be my Valentine? 🌹
#me#girls with tattoos#valentines day#free the tiddy#brat#im back#tumblr girls#aesthetic#shout out to my ex#you suck#fuck you#myself
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Let me bitch and moan before posting positivity for a sec because Derek DLC doesn't make you feel like you're cheating on Cove if you're dating him because Derek is actually yours and Cove's friend so spending time with him and crashing to his place doesn't feel weird if you do a platonic route. Which is not the same for Baxter DLC because WDYM I CRASH TO BAXTER'S PLACE AFTER INTERACTING WITH HIM FOR 3 DAYS AFTER 5 YEARS HE GHOSTED ME WHAT THE FUCK-
#misty talks our life#our life#olba#derek suarez#misty talks baxter#baxter ward#BAXTER DLC SUCKS IF YOU GO ON PLATONIC ROUTE AND YES IT'S AN ISSUE BECAUSE THE GAME ADVERTISE ITSELF TO HAVE PLATONIC ROUTES#AND THAT IS JUST...WEIRD#idk man personally i wont be crashing to my ex friend house after we didnt see each other for 5 years??#like can we all agree that baxter dlc suck if you do the platonic route#and yes i should be to do the platonic route BECAUSE IS IN THE GAME ADVERTISEMENT#edit: HOUSE HOUSE I MEANT HOUSE#someone said to read my tags and then i realized my mistake#to make it clear going into the house of someone to stya for the night after youve seen each other for3 days is still bad#especially if youre dating cove bc why the fuck arent u going to your boyfriend/husband/fiance hotel?? like i get that is last minute and#the hotel didnt count for another guest but if not im sure jude and scott wouldnt mind if you and cove shared the guest room#BUT NO LET'S GO TO BAXTER'S GUEST ROOM IG???#IM JUST#AND AGAIN#YOUVE SEEN BAXTER AFTER 5 YEARS THAT HE GHOSTED YOU AND YOUVE SEEN EACH OTHER FOR A WEEK AT BEST#IS STILL WEIRD I ACCIDENTALLY MADE IT WORSE LMAO#misty spreading misinfo on the internet#oh and mind you cove stays at the hotel while you alone go to baxters apartment#this sounds more and more like a potentional thriller i wont lie
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i think the reason i cling to male characters so much despite being sapphic is that im like literally obsessed with the idea of a man loving me and being nice to me. something that has never occurred
#this is about to get reeeaaaaaaaalllllllllll venty so just a heads up i just need this off my chest bad#tw vent#im so jealous of the people who have had wonderful male figures in their lives because in no capacity have i ever had that#i've had a positive relationship with. one man in my life#my friend#we're not even like besties or anything. just friends#ive had 3 dads (one biological 2 step) and all of them have fucking sucked and traumatized me#every male ex ive ever had traumatized me#like i just so badly want to believe that there are good men out there#and i know that there are plenty of people out there who love men and have had great relationships#AND IM SO JEALOUSSDLKFJ#im just literally the epitome of daddy issues which is so funny#my stepbrother even calls me “daddy issues”#i dunno im just spewing nonsense but like. its just been heavy on my heart recently#and why ive been struggling with my sexuality so much#blegh#eeeuuuuuuuuughghgggg
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my character lore right now is so funny to me. this is my progen main character chosen one, she is a sweetie pie. this is her wife, who is a bitch. this is her wife's ex girlfriend, who is also a bitch. this is her wife's best friend, who is just kinda lame. together they kill skeleton zombies <3
#this is ofc presage alecto claw and epithet in order#at first i didnt Super like that i basically went#this is my beloved baby girl and her wife who sucks#but giving her fuck ass wife an equally fuck ass ex is SO FUNNY#yes girls make each other worse#alecto is if you made ''gruff jerk man with heart of gold'' a woman and thats on purpose#scribes#pursuit primordial
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You know it’s a shoddy carpenter who blames their tools, but all this shit is broken.
#the Smurfs#Smurfstorm#smurfblossom#gutsy Smurf#vanity Smurf#hefty Smurf#handy Smurf#brainy Smurf#farmer Smurf#jokey Smurf#a collection of ship requests… in which only one of them in my hc would actually be an active and current relationship LAMO#stormblossom#whatever the fuck the gutsy/vanity ship name is. its 2:30 in the morning when i queue this so my brain is suggesting gutanity but im sure#thats not right.#anyway i ship both those pairs as being like. exes. still friends ! but didnt work out romance wise. still have fun together ^q^#hefty/handy#which is. handy not even being that much into dudes but like come on. heftys taste is p much exclusively bears. he has like 1 exemption#and its not his bestie?? its the weird little rat fuck twink that his bestie hates so much?? gross. your taste sucks.#now… da last one#jokey/farmer#now this i can get into as a cute little… like. There’s Something There.#farmer crushes first. he finds her dedication and hard work in following through on the stupidest bits charming.#realising the only men i ship her with are ones who she can have long discussions about chemicals with. hm.#her autism swag is charming…
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i think honestly what irritates me about yoshidas work SO much is that people will tell you that banana fish is THE gay manga (ignoring the many things that came before it and were more groundbreaking, ie MW literally having on screen (or like. on panel but still.) gay sex in it and that came out like a decade before BF did) when there really isn't barely any gay rep outside of the pedophiles and the one time ash drops the f slur. like im sorry but somehow yasha, a work she wrote in 1996, has more gay rep in it but also has the same issues.
i truly do not get how people can enjoy banana fish with the rampant racism every 2 pages or the rampant sexual assault plotlines (on women and ash bc he is just... written like how yoshida writes women lmao) that are handled IMPOSSIBLY bad and sincerely i hoped yasha would be better because it had been like a decade or so between works. and then it proceeds to continue with the heres our blonde genius protagonist who everyone is weird as fuck to and will sexually harrass and everyone finds it a VERY funny joke to point out how feminine he is when theres barely any women in the work (if you exclude the ones that are being raped/killed/creepy to minors. which to be fair yasha has toned down the sa a LOT) and that its funny that hes kind of gay except not really!! and its just absurd to me how it just persists in all of her stuff because she is not an author that handles gay stuff well. like the scene in banana fish where ash is completely ok getting gang raped and did it solely to get into the hospital when its been SHOWN that he has a lot of trauma with that. and then right after his friend makes a joke at ash's expense about that. like sincerely and genuinely is this what we are hyping up as the old retro gay manga. go read some tezuka and stop reading shit that the most the main characters do is share a kiss in a nonromantic sense and is obsessed w making every gay person be evil!!
#twist rambles#sorry mw u will always be famous to me (horrible fucking manga to experience for like 50% of the time but also it rocksss and theres#about anything tw worthy in there but i wish more ppl did read it)#sorry im like. i like to read her stuff bc her art is interesting to me but oh my god it makes me so angryyyy#rape mention#ask to tag#like... you do not understand my one sided rivalry w her it is SO intense like... bf was one of the worst reading experiences ive ever had#my tzk gay recs are: black jack (protag literally has a transmasc ex bf) and mw (for aforementioned reasons but its like. genuinely bonkers#and honestly there r a lot of minor characters that r lgbt in his works and like. can we please read smth that doesnt suck 100% of the time#like idk god bf is so baffling to me bc theres NOTHING there other than like. the new horrors every chapter. and yasha seems to be reusing#some plot points so it double sucks. haunted by the one analysis showing how the two had similar themes and point 1 was literally child#exploitation like... man. god it sucks. like not that mw is perfect bc its not and its a media i have a lot of thoughts on but man. id take#that over bf anyday bc like... sincerely how is anyone looking past the horrors there!! the story is a jumbled mess and it rly doesnt have#much to sayyyy but whatever lol!! id love if the characters were in a better media id love if ash didnt end the story feeling positively#towards the man who groomed him but whateverrrr lol#this is super disorganized as a post but like. genuinely it is so infuriating bc some of the plot concepts in yasha have potential and then#she keeps doing this like!!
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#so i just posted a “new” art on my twitter#not really new#i just havent posted it because of shadowban#its the gator art#i feel so good about that art bcs not only its my own character its also just reallll hot i love it so much#buti#i just lost 10 followers from posting it#its now sitting on 100 likes#literally everyone hates it#and now my confidence is just so low about it#this happens a lot for some reason#i like the art#people dont like it#and its sad bcs that one is a hit here and in bluesky and in FA#but for some reason on twitter its just#everybody just fucking hate it#if nobody interacts with it im like its fine that means shadowban or whatever#but losing followers?? over a drawing of a muscle fat gator??? that just fucking sucks#i fucking hate this place#i used to be good on playing with twitter but now im just so fucking bad at it#people say its because of algorithm but almost every artist thats good enough are able to post and always get a good reach#anyway i also just found out another EX-friend unfollowed me there as he reach 100k#he started learning to draw after me btw so....#this sucks
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