#Lot Recovery

[sunlitsoil]

there is always tomorrow

[hunxi-after-hours]

"If rest becomes a form of recovery from work, as is the case today, it loses its specific ontological value. It no longer represents an independent, higher form of existence and degenerates into a derivative of work. Today's compulsion of production perpetuates work and thus eliminates that sacred silence. Life becomes entirely profane, desecrated."

—Han Byung-Chul, The Disappearance of Rituals (trans. Daniel Steuer)

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

[canonkiller]

it would do you well to let it.

[saturnsocoolioyep]

In the same vein as "I've been taking my medication for long enough that I haven't experienced any symptoms in a while, I must not need to take it anymore! (Spoiler alert: the meds are why you haven't had symptoms)" I present to you a similarly clownish thought process- "I haven't experienced that trigger in a long time, maybe I was just exaggerating how bad it was and it'll be fine to engage with this! (Spoiler alert: take a fucking guess babes)"

[metalandmagi]

Romance Anime Starter List

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sick and tired of seeing “Top ___ Best Anime of All Time” lists that are nothing but shounen. So, with "My Happy Marriage" getting a little attention from the anime community, I wanted to put together a list of some romance anime that I consider good “starters” for the genre. Because if I were just now becoming an anime fan, I’d think all there was to offer was shounen action series.

And by “starters” I mean basic stuff that’s not too…out there, and actually involves the characters getting together instead of just harems or using romance as a side plot (sorry Ouran High School Host Club and My Next Life as a Villainess). 

So if you’re new to anime and want stuff that’s not just guys beating the shit out of each other (which is also fun, don’t get me wrong), here are some basics.

Taisho Maiden Fairy Tale- When the pessimistic Tamahiko Shima loses all function in his right arm, his family sends him away to live in the mountains with the cheerful, hard working Yuzuki Tachibana…who was purchased by the Shima family to pay off her family’s debts and basically act as a caretaker/future bride for Tamahiko so they’d never have to deal with him again. It’s a more cheerful version of My Happy Marriage (without the supernatural stuff), except in this one, the guy is the one who has massive self-esteem issues and an abusive family. There are still very serious themes, but ultimately it’s not meant to make you cry every episode. I swear it’s so good, but nobody watched it!

Horimiya- A slice of life in which pretty and popular high school queen bee Hori, finds out her quiet, unassuming classmate Miyamura is hiding piercings and tattoos that could get him expelled. The two gradually find out more about each other and get together in the most realistic way I’ve seen depicted in an anime. It’s also fucking hysterical and genuinely emotional.

Recovery of an MMO Junkie- Another slice of life that focuses on two adults who meet in an MMO game without realizing they also know each other in real life. I don’t want to say much more than that. It’s adorable, and the main character is so relatable it hurts.

Love with Yamada-kun at Level 999- Speaking of MMOs, this is a newer series about Akane Kinoshita, a college first year who’s reeling from a bad break up. In an attempt to get back at her ex, she winds up meeting Akito Yamada, a popular gamer who happens to be in her guild in the MMO they both play at an IRL meetup. The two go from acquaintances to something more as they keep running into each other. Even more relatable main characters and just wholesome relationships all around.

Snow White With The Red Hair- A fantasy in which an apothecary named Shirayuki (meaning, you guessed it, “snow white”) runs away from her home in order to escape becoming the concubine of her town’s prince. While fleeing, she is rescued by Zen, the prince of a neighboring country, and she ends up becoming an herbalist to repay him. It's super cute with some genuinely swoon worthy moments and a couple that just works so well together. I have a habit of comparing this to Akatsuki no Yona, even though the two aren’t really that alike. This is more romance driven while Akatsuki no Yona is more of a serious historical fantasy with romance elements (Yona manga is amazing, but the anime barely scratches the surface, so that’s why I didn’t include it).

Sasaki to Miyano- When the shy, easily flustered Miyano meets Sasaki, a cool “delinquent” upperclassmen, the two end up bonding over manga…specifically BL manga. That’s right, Miyano is a fudanshi, but due to his small stature and somewhat feminine appearance, he’s constantly trying to convince others that he’s not interested in having his own love story where he’d be reduced to a stereotypical doe-eyed uke. But as Sasaki and Miyano spend more time together, they realize that what they have is more than friendship, and they have to come to terms with their own perception of gay relationships. This is my favorite romance of all time. It’s a slow burn, but boy is it worth it. Their relationship is so natural and realistic, just like Horimiya. Just two people hanging out and bonding over things the way people do in real life!

Given: The story of some boys in a band with trauma. Enough said. It's great. Go watch it.

Bloom Into You- Yuu Koito is a high school girl who’s been waiting her whole life for her own perfect romance to start…but when she receives a confession, she realizes she doesn’t know how to respond when she’s just not into the guy. And then she gets another confession…this time from the cool student council president Touko Nanami, who basically jumpstarts her lesbian awakening. Very cute story about how we perceive the concept of love vs actually feeling it. Also has a canonically aro/ace side character, so that’s a win for me. Another show like this is Adachi to Shimamura (but I honestly don’t remember much about it. It just didn’t stick with me as much).

Ore Monogatari- Takeo Gouda is a tall, bulky high school first year with a sensitive heart of gold. He wants nothing more than to find his own true love, but most girls are intimidated by his enormous stature, and they end up falling for his conventionally attractive friend instead. That is, until he meets the tiny, adorable Rinko Yamato. He falls in love instantly, but he’s sure she’s interested in his best friend like everyone else, so he vows to help get them together, even though his heart is breaking. Peak himbo behavior. Pure of heart, dumb of ass.

Yuri on Ice- Yes it’s the gay figure skating anime everyone knows. And yes it’s a fucking romance, okay? I will die on this hill. The romance between Viktor and Yuri is just as important as the plot!

Kaguya-sama Love Is War- Two insanely smart high school students both have a crush on the other, but since they’re…you know…high schoolers, neither of them wants to admit it first. So they come up with increasingly convoluted plans to get the other to confess first. This will go down as one of the best of all time. It’s a hilarious yet poignant modern classic.

Fruits Basket- I’ve talked about it before and I’ll talk about it again. A romance “comedy” that slowly morphs into a drama about a girl named Tohru who finds herself living with the mysterious Sohma family after her mother dies. Little does she know, the Sohmas are the victims of a  (somewhat silly, but ultimately tragic) curse that she must fight to break. Even though I’m more into it for the family drama, the romance is still top tier and plays an important role in the story. This is my second favorite anime of all time, and it’s a classic for a reason. If anyone hasn’t watched it yet, GO WATCH IT! IT WILL RIP YOU TO SHREDS!

And now for some honorable mentions that didn't quite fit into the regular list:

Ride Your Wave- A movie about a surfer who falls in love with a firefighter……and I’m not going to say any more than that. Go into it blind. If you like stuff like Your Name, this is a good one to watch.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun- A comedy about a high school girl who finds out the upperclassman she has a crush on is actually a shoujo manga artist, and no matter how she tries to confess to him, he just never gets it.

The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague- A slow burn slice of life that focuses on a guy with ice powers who has a crush on his coworker. That’s it. That’s the show. When I say slow, I mean SLOW. It’s perfectly cute and fluffy, but my god does it take forever to get anywhere with these two.

Skip to Loafer- A high strung, small town girl decides to go to high school in Tokyo, where she meets a variety of classmates, including the laid back Sousuke Shima. The unlikely pair become friends, and soon enough, she starts to feel something more than friendship. The only reason I didn’t include it in the main list is because they don’t get together by the end of the first season, but it’s still really cute (also canonically trans character for the win!?)

So that’s my starter list. And no, I didn’t include Toradora, even though it’s a classic. I know it’s blasphemous, but I like it more as a comedy than a romance. It kinda lost me with the ending. But anyway, maybe someone will find something they like. Or maybe you'll just want to roast me and my picks 😅

[desultory-suggestions]

Sometimes you have to commit to being wildly happy against all odds. Even in the face of terrible adversity we can find joy, beauty, and hope that will carry us forward.

[positivelyadhd]

here is your reminder that all trauma is valid.

trauma is to do with how our brains process (or don't process) memories and experiences and that if something is traumatic for you then that is trauma.

it doesn't matter if you or someone else thinks it should be significant or not or if someone else went through the same thing and wasn't impacted by it. what matters is if it's significant to you and how it impacted you.

a huge part of recovering from trauma is allowing yourself to accept that you had it in the first place.

[journal-from-the-heart]

i think, for trauma survivors, especially those who were emotionally abused, invalidated, or gaslit, it is really important not to underestimate the significance of speaking bluntly about what happened to you. Forcing yourself not to beat around the bush, not to downplay what you went through with your words. say what happened, without any caveats, without any “but it could’ve been worse”, “but i might just be being overdramatic”, “but it wasn’t really THAT bad,” and so forth. sit with the discomfort until you can begin to let yourself realize that it WAS that bad, you WERENT being overdramatic, and even if it could’ve been worse you still didn’t deserve it. It’s almost like a form of reclamation, taking back your memories, taking back your life, even the difficult or gross parts, and refusing to let anyone change the narrative or tell you how you should feel anymore, even yourself. and it hurts and it’s scary and it feels weird and awkward and sometimes you want to convince yourself you’re lying, but i think sitting in those weird feelings and letting yourself admit that you really did go through trauma puts the power back in your hands to process things and be compassionate to yourself while you heal

[enden-agolor]

thanks for giving recovery 600 kudos, that is actually crazy?? i will never understand how this fic became so successful but i'm seriously so honored, so here's some quick little doodles <:D

[imagoodone-iswear]

and now for the people in the back:

NARCISSISTIC ABUSE DOESN'T EXIST!

WHAT YOU MEAN TO SAY IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE!

STOP DEMONIZING AN ENTIRE GROUP OF PEOPLE (thats a TON of ppl btw) WHO HAVE NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN IN DEVELOPING A DISORDER CAUSED BY ABUSE AND TRAUMA IN AND OF ITSELF!

YOU ARE ONLY DOWNPLAYING AND DISBELIEVING EMOTIONAL ABUSE WHEN ITS JUST AS TRAUMATIZING AS ANYTHING ELSE!

if you use 'narcissistic abuse' as a legitimate category then you also have to acknowledge 'autistic abuse'! you cant use one but then discard everything else because suddenly "that doesnt exist"!

you want to be the good guys? then maybe stop demonizing people who also just have a disorder. im not excusing harmful behaviour or trauma, we all make mistakes, even egotypicals. what i want is for you to stop grouping in every bad experience or interaction with us!

try to understand and help, not demonize. mocking, triggering and putting down narcissists for their symptoms or disorder will never move anyone to get help!

[aventurineswife]

your angst with aventurine killed me 😭 as an apology, do you think you could write some fluff and domesticity with him? thanks :)

Early Morning Reassurance

Summary: After waking up from a nightmare where he lost you, Aventurine clings to the comfort of your shared morning routine. In the warmth of your kitchen, wrapped in each other’s arms, he finds solace and reassurance in the love you share. As the nightmare fades, domesticity and affection ground you both in the present.

Tags: Domestic Fluff, Comfort, Soft Moments, Vulnerability, Gentle Affection, Nightmare Recovery, Established Relationship, Reassurance, Playful Banter.

Warnings: Brief mention of nightmares, Kiss, and a lot more kisses hehe.

A/N: AHAHA!! I'M NOT SORRY BUT I'M NOT MEAN EITHER!! So, have some Aventurine fluff to recover from the previous fic 🤭 (He's my fav, if you can't tell). This can be read as a standalone or you can read this before to understand better. Hope you enjoy!

The morning sunlight filtered through the kitchen window, casting a golden glow across the countertops as you hummed quietly to yourself. The scent of fresh coffee filled the air, mingling with the soft crackling of eggs sizzling in the pan. It was a peaceful, lazy morning, the kind you treasured most.

You were focused on flipping the eggs when you felt a familiar warmth behind you. Aventurine's presence was unmistakable, his arms sliding around your waist from behind, pulling you close. His chin rested on your shoulder, and you could feel the soft tickle of his breath against your neck.

“Mmm… you’re up early.” you teased softly, leaning into him as he pressed a gentle kiss to the side of your neck.

“You weren’t in bed,” he murmured, his voice still thick with sleep. “How could I stay asleep without you?”

A smile tugged at your lips as you reached up to place your hand over his, his fingers curling gently against your waist. Aventurine’s touch was always comforting, grounding. It felt like you belonged exactly here, in this moment, wrapped up in his arms.

“Cooking breakfast.” you said, tilting your head slightly to give him better access as he peppered lazy, affectionate kisses along your neck and shoulder.

“Looks like a lot of work,” he murmured against your skin, his tone playful. “I’d rather just keep you like this. Forget the food.”

You let out a soft laugh, warmth spreading through your chest at his words. Aventurine, for all his sharpness and bravado, was always soft with you. His gestures, his touch—everything about him when you were alone like this felt so gentle, so far from the calculated risks he usually took in the world outside.

“I’m pretty sure you’ll want breakfast in a few minutes.” you teased, flipping the eggs before they burned.

He chuckled softly, tightening his arms around you. “Maybe. But right now, I just want you.” His lips brushed the shell of your ear, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine.

You turned your head slightly to catch a glimpse of him, his sandy-blond hair a little tousled, his eyes—those vibrant magenta and cyan—soft with affection. He looked so different like this, without the sharp edges, without the mask he wore so easily. It was just you and him, no gambles, no strategies—just the two of you, wrapped up in the simplicity of a quiet morning.

“Did you sleep well?” you asked, noticing the way he clung to you a little tighter than usual, like he needed the closeness more than anything.

For a brief moment, his eyes flickered with something—a shadow of emotion that you almost missed. He hesitated before answering. “I… had a nightmare...” he admitted quietly, his voice so soft you could barely hear it.

You frowned slightly, turning off the stove and setting the spatula down. “What happened?”

He was quiet for a moment, his face pressing into your shoulder as if he didn’t want to say it out loud. Finally, he murmured, “I lost you.”

Your heart clenched at the vulnerability in his words. Aventurine wasn’t the type to easily admit his fears, but you could hear the tension in his voice, the lingering traces of whatever terrible dream had haunted him.

You turned in his arms, facing him now, your hands gently cupping his face. “I’m right here,” you whispered, your thumb brushing softly against his cheek. “It was just a nightmare.”

His vibrant eyes met yours, searching your face as if needing the reassurance. “It felt real,” he murmured, his forehead pressing against yours. “Too real.”

You leaned up slightly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, your fingers threading through his hair. “I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered against his lips. “Not in this universe, or any other.”

He let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes as he held you close, his arms wrapping around you as if he never wanted to let go. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “For doubting… for being afraid.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” you reassured him, pulling back just enough to look into his eyes. “We’re here. Together. That’s what matters.”

Aventurine’s lips curled into a small, grateful smile, the tension in his body slowly melting away. He leaned down, pressing another kiss to your lips—soft, tender, filled with the kind of love that made your heart swell.

“Thank you,” he whispered against your lips, his voice barely above a breath. “For being here. For staying.”

You smiled, resting your forehead against his. “Always.”

For a long moment, you just stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s arms, the soft sounds of the morning filling the space around you. The nightmare, the fear—it all seemed so distant now, fading in the warmth of your shared embrace.

“Alright,” you said finally, a playful glint in your eye. “Now, are you going to help me finish breakfast, or are you just going to stand there and keep distracting me?”

Aventurine chuckled, pressing one last kiss to your forehead before pulling away slightly. “Oh, I think I’ll keep distracting you.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Of course you will.”

And with that, the two of you slipped back into the easy, comfortable rhythm of your morning, the nightmare nothing more than a forgotten shadow in the light of the life you’d built together.

[gayghostrights]

thinking about John Doe and the dark world as a metaphor for addiction/relapse.

How circumstance and trauma pushed him to do something he told himself he’d never do again, and how he has to live with the consequences and the memories, even though he’s working to not be that person anymore.

And how much shame he carries about the things he’s done, because even if he was pushed to do them, he still did them. To him, he still made that choice, and he has to bear the weight of that.

Thinking about 43, in particular, where the witch is trying to tell John that all he was is all he’ll ever be. That, despite the work he’s put into bettering himself, he’ll only be seen as his mistake in the eyes of some.

And it just feels really meaningful that Arthur’s love is what saved him, in this context. That being forgiven and loved unconditionally, even though he’s made mistakes and hurt people, is how he can cope with the memories of what he’s done. It’s how he can stop himself from slipping back into being someone he doesn’t want to be, even when it’s hard.

love isn’t what makes him better, but it’s what makes him want to work to be better. It doesn’t undo what he’s done but it allows him to live with it.

I just think it’s interesting to read this as an addiction narrative, because so often addicts are dismissed because they’re addicts. Regardless of how much we’ve healed or how far we’ve come, there are some people who will never see beyond our addiction and will force their perspective onto us. Some people hold no compassion for us because they think we’ve made the choice, and think that the harm that resulted from that “choice” makes us unredeemable.

and to see John receiving Arthur’s support and love despite what he’s done, or what he was pushed to do, really reflects how important support is to recovery. Arthur doesn’t absolve John of his mistakes, he doesn’t dismiss the harm he caused, but he doesn’t hold it against him. He knows John is more than what he’s been, he knows John is capable of change and a good person in spite of it, he knows John is capable of being better. Only John can do the work of becoming who he wants to be, but Arthur’s love and support makes the work a little more bearable.

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 259

haha :)

[bluegiragi]

okay, first of all, absolutely goddamn feral about you, your art, writing, ideas and aus i am chewing on the bars of my cage and foaming at the mouth and screeching incoherent and rolling around on the floor and- ough... anyway

i do have a very self indulgent question, particularly about Monster AU Ghost and Price, but also extending towards the rest of 141 with their involvement

at one point you mentioned that wraiths were rare, and ghost would likely feel pity towards another one

what would happen if they did come across another wraith? especially someone fairly fresh, maybe even young, younger than any of them. is there anything anyone could do to help them? would they help? price seems to know how to handle ghost well enough, and seems like hes been around since ghost's transformation, but how would ghost himself handle seeing someone else go through something like what he did? if he had to, what advice would he give them that he never got?

just been rotting in my brain 😭 ily gira and i hope youre taking care of yourself, thank you so much for the work you put in and share with us 🥺💕

this!! is!! such a good question, anon!!!! I think there's a lot of sides to that kind of situation, especially if it’s a younger person since I hc Ghost as having a massive soft spot for kids.

lots of writing under the cut!!! my braincells were FEASTING.

I think if it was just Ghost and the newly-born wraith, he'd try to mercy-kill it. The circumstances that lead to the creation of a wraith are truly harrowing, and while Simon understands the desire for revenge that burns at the core of every freshly made wraith, he also believes their plight is a kind of torture. In his mind, it would be kind to put one out of their misery. He wouldn't take any pleasure in it - I think overall, it would be a miserable affair for all parties involved.

If Price or any of the others were around, I think they’d try to convince him to take them under his wing so to speak. But while Ghost currently operates decently with his support system, he’s extremely lucky and should be considered the exception to the trend. Price was instrumental in his recovery - years of working under him solidified Price in his subconscious as an authority figure he could trust. When Ghost lost control, he could still rely on instinct - even with his mind fracturing, Price never changed. But not everyone has this kind of person immediately available to them, and it was crucial that Price got to him as soon as he did. What Ghost is now is not what a wraith commonly looks like. Price dragged him back from a brink.

New wraiths are sort of like rabid dogs, with no sense of self preservation. They’d approach every confrontation with the kind of frenzy you’d see in someone fighting for their life. They’d also be basically impossible to immobilize - you’ve seen how Simon goes wispy at times, imagine trying to handcuff a cloud of smoke. If it came down to a situation where any of the 141 were in danger, Ghost wouldn’t hold back. He’d put the other wraith down.

But if Ghost met another wraith who’d survived that first explosion of fury and managed to calm down, AND the 141 were with him, I think he’d try to help. They bring out the best in him.