#Just in case any of my followers think I'm very productive I really am not

[burning-academia-if]

Hello, I am mostly back and recovered at the time of writing this lol. June wasn't very productive writing wise (...for BA), which is fine because I needed that break! Look at everything I did do in June:

RELEASED CHAPTER 2 FINALLY

Spent like 2 weeks fixing bugs (dw chapter 3 I'll get beta readers so it doesn't happen again LOL)

Participated in the Raffle for Palestine + wrote and sent out the story to the winner!

Wrote about 5k words of Chapter 3

Wrote and edited Zoe's back story

Wrote most of Lars back story because I was inspired (sorry you won't get this until after Chapter 3 drops)

I'm pretty happy to have released Chapter 2! I'm gonna be honest, this felt like such a daunting release lol When I started BA, I was expecting no one to read it save for a handful of people and I'd just be chilling and writing mostly for myself like usual, so releasing it with over 1.5k followers was very daunting. With that said, I am glad people overall enjoyed the new chapter! The plan is for Chapter 3 not to take as long, but life is still hectic so we'll see. At the very least, it hopefully won't be any later then October (BA's one year anniversary month!).

I also just want to give another shout out to everyone who participated in the raffle for Palestine! Raising over two thousand euros in two weeks is still amazing to me, and I'm happy the IF community could come together like this to help out a cause! This was lowkey another thing I was nervous about since I've never really done anything that's felt like a personal commission before (asks definitely feel different lol), but other then my initial nerves the whole thing was a really nice experience!

Now, going into July, I want to focus on the UI updates I want to make. I have some things I want to shift around and change, and since coding is my biggest weakness I know it's one of those things I'm going to have to focus on. If things go well, I'm hoping to do a pure UI update by August. It'll mostly be the menu pages (achievements/stats/relationships/etc), but there are a few other things I want to add in and adjust outside of it. As for Zoe's backstory, that should be out soon, so keep an eye out of that! Finally, I also might not be too active in July. For personal reasons, July is always a hard month for me. Hopefully it isn't obvious, but just in case I'm not around as much as usual, that's why!

OH and before I forget, here's this month's chapter preview ft Angry Rook:

Lastly, I made the questionable decision to make a side IF. Updates will be very sporadic since BA is and will always be my main project until its completion. But if you want to follow it, it's To Taste Sweet Silver. An 18+ gaslamp fantasy about trying to steal the Fruit of the Old Gods in order to bring the world to an end. It's a little more niche I think, but feel free to check it out! The demo shouldn't take too long to get out since I did accidentally write most of opening already.

[madlori]

The Claw is our master.

I've had a few folks in DMs ask me how/why/when my shipping did such a completey 180. It's a fair question. I am, after all, someone who spent the last 2 years fervently Buddie shipping, writing fic for them, doing the same hoping/analyzing/searching etc that everyone else (well...not exactly the same, I've always been skeptical of most of the theories and such because I don't believe in a production's ability to be that sneaky, covert or mischievous).

And yet, here I am. I can't really even pretend I'm still a Buddie shipper anymore. Initially I said sure, I still hope for it. I...can't in all honesty say that now. I've firmly decamped for BuckTommy Land. Is this a recipe for heartbreak if they eventually breakup? Sure, but that's always a risk. No more than shipping a non-canon pairing, anyway.

And there's nothing wrong with shipping a non-canon pairing. People do it every day. Hell, it's practically the backbone of fandom. Obsessing about ships being canon is a one-way ticket to dissatisfaction and sometimes total unraveling. I've seen it happen more times than I can count over 30 years in online fandoms.

But if that's the case, why didn't I stay on Team Buddie? Why did I defect so thoroughly that I'm at the point now where not only do I not think Buddie will ever happen, I don't want it to, because I now want to see something different from those two characters, something I believe we will actually get from the writers.

The answer to that question is: I have no idea.

People ask this like I'm somehow in control of it. I'm not. The Fandom Brain is like The Claw in Toy Story. The Claw is our Master. The Claw decided who will go and who will stay.

Fandom Brain is my master. It decides what I'm going to ship, what I'm going to be fannish about and what I'm not, and when I'm going to stop feeling fannish about something. I have zero say in the matter, I'm just along for the ride. At some point in every fandom I have ever been in, my Fandom Brain has, usually with no provocation, decided "Ok we're done with this fandom now." And nothing I can do will make that not true. I can't force it. I can't cajole it. It just is.

Similarly, Fandom Brain has decided "Welp, we're done with this pairing now. We like THIS pairing now. Proceed." Are there reasons? I'm sure there are.

Is it just that it's a canon pairing? Possibly. There is something very seductive about a canon pairing after so long of looking for crumbs and tiny hints where there (mostly) none to find. But I've shipped plenty of non-canon pairings before.

Is it that I prefer Tommy/Lou to Eddie/Ryan? Absolutely not. I love Eddie, always have. I admit to being slightly more of a Buck girlie, but that doesn't mean Eddie means nothing to me.

Is it the immediate gratification? Maybe. Is it just how the relationship's being written? Possibly. Is it just a mental adjustment for my belief that Buddie will never happen, and Eddie will always be straight? Likely. But that doesn't change the outcome.

So here I sit, just...yep. Sometimes it just be like that. I didn't choose this, it's just what my brain decided was going to work for me going forward. If this goes up in smoke, my brain will choose something else, whether it's to run back to Buddie, or be done with 9-1-1 entirely, or who knows what else?

The good news for any of you who follow my writing is that I'm still working on the next Husbros installment. That universe is removed enough from the canon that it almost feels separate to me now, and I'm still feeling connected to it. Yes, I've written a few short BT fics, but so far I've not had any lengthy or involved plot bunnies for it.

So there you have it. I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me. I don't know if I'd have chosen this if I could, but tbh I'm having a pretty good time with it so far, so. That's probably a big part of the reason.

[ohmyfate]

I'm going to disturb the mood of the critical community, but I seriously doubt that Viv was kicked out of the Hazbin Hotel and sabotaged by Amazon so that no one would notice the release of the series on their platform.

Rumors surrounding the production of "Hazbin Hotel" have been circulating for a long time and they are all really bad. The lack of a vision for the project, the inability to work normally with Medrano and dismissal from her own project. This sounds really terrible, but also too far-fetched.

I am 100% sure that there is no understanding of what the series should be, since we already have the result in hand in the form of a trailer. In addition, Viv has one peculiarity: she is unable to follow the initially stated concept of the project and very often changes during the production process. It was like that with “Zoophobia”, it was like that with “Helluva boss”, it will be like that with “Hazbin Hotel”.

The terrible working conditions are less believable, but given all the accusations that have been coming from former Spindlehorse workers over the past couple of years, it is still believable.

But the fact that Vivienne was kicked out of her project... Sorry, but this is too much. I understand that such cases are not uncommon in the industry, but in the case with Vivz, I don’t believe it. I can't explain why, but I don't think that Vivzie would talk so calmly and even joyfully about the series that was taken away from her. Damn, she is trying with all her might to protect it from criticism. This may, of course, be part of her contract with A24 or Amazon, but until there is some more serious evidence, I strongly doubt about this.

As for the sabotage of the series by Amazon... Why would they even do this? They accidentally showed an important shot of Vaggie? Well, it really could have been an accident. Most likely, those who published footage from the series did not even know what meaning they carried. Did the trailer itself spoil important plot details? But this is rather a problem with the series itself. Viv is always in a hurry to show the viewer things that she thinks are more interesting. Or the plot is so crumpled and inconsistent that without showing these events, the viewer will not understand what the series is all about. Was the series put on a strange date? Well, I have no theories here. Maybe they set it on such a date because everything else was already taken up with other projects or they thought it would be better this way. Anything is possible. I’m a simple viewer and don’t understand all these things at all. I’m just expressing my personal opinion about these rumors. I'll be glad to read yours! And if there are any trusted sources with information about the whole situation, I will be very grateful!

[liskantope]

I of course agree about disliking this thing where people go "X political opponent of mine is weird and awkward, haha", including when it comes from Democrats. In addition to it simply being ableist and hurtful to people who have struggled with social skills - I'm certainly no fan of J. D. Vance, and I imagine you aren't either. But I think there are lots of very intelligent, thoughtful people who would make great policy decisions but aren't especially socially charismatic. (1/2)

(2/2) I really don't think it's a good idea for liberals to reinforce a norm that such people should be disqualified from office.

(This is regarding this post from 10 days ago -- I've been really busy with the new academic semester and so am struggling to find time and the right mindspace to respond to stuff on Tumblr.)

You're right that I'm no fan of Vance: his book that made him famous might have some merits for all I know (I haven't read it), but at least since then he seems to be a completely phony chameleon, and, worst of all, he's chosen to run on a ticket with Trump, which is pretty automatically disqualifying for my respect. That, and all his vitriol towards childless people and cat ladies and so on is much worse than any of the specific examples of ableist undertones I see from the other side.

I'll also say that all the ridicule of Walz's son for standing up and tearfully shouting "That's my dad!" a bit non-neurotypically after Walz's words of love for his children (ugh! God forbid! actual exemplary family values are just dumb and cringey, at least if they come from Democrats!) made me far angrier than any kind of ableism that would come from David Pakman. The only reason I didn't go on a rant about it here is that I already got it out of my system on Facebook. And there's plenty of other garbage coming from the Trump/Vance side about Harris laughing a little strangely (supposedly? her laugh seems pretty normal to me) which makes her intolerable and so forth.

Still, two wrongs don't make a right.

And anyway, I agree that social skills shouldn't be considered such a huge factor in what makes for a qualified politician -- it does need to be somewhat of a factor, but I wish we didn't live in a world where most public support for politicians is based on vibes and most vibes come from superficial mannerisms. It wasn't true 150 years ago and is an unfortunate product of our modern technological world.

Also, if Pakman and his ilk want to point out that Vance was very awkward in the donut shop by typical politician standards and this doesn't bode too well for him because that's how politics works, I wouldn't really have a problem with that. (That's essentially the treatment they gave deSantis.) It's the "ha ha ha, nyah nyah nyah" -flavored mockery, which comes across as being independent of the context of politicians being held to extremely high standards of charisma, that gets to me.

I also might as well mention (though this is less in response to your ask) that this came somewhat in the wake of an earlier Pakman clip that I mentioned in the other post that I was even more annoyed by, didn't bother to post about it at the time, but I just recovered it. Seriously, Pakman, in an uncharacteristically halting way, says the following in anticipation of showing Vance issuing a few kind of evasive and sub-par answers at an event and being a little awkward by politician standards but still less awkward than most ordinary people in their everyday lives:

The only -- uh -- how can I even say this?... The only people I know personally who are this uncharismatic-seeming... Man, it's just so hard to say this without sounding so offensive. There's, like, some explanation, um, that sometimes is... medical in nature... uh, it just sounds so horrible to say... I-I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's... it's a personality that he seems to have that is really an edge case. It's a fringe personality of some way to be this unappealing as a person, some traits of which sometimes connect to medical explanations -- I don't believe they do with JD Vance -- I think he's just really a horrible person, is what I'm trying to say. I hope I'm being kinda like sensitive and not offending anybody.

He can worry as much as he wants about coming across ableist, but, well, what he says is still what he says.

[mayfay-analysis]

MHA Yandere Quirk Ideas

To preface this I'm not really into yandere stuff and such haven't explored it enough to know more than the bare bone basics. That being said I Am into quirks, and after getting inspired by @dystopyx-blog and @evilminji and their stuff decided to throw out ideas. It's not nearly as polished as my traditional quirk analysis but it's Something and I just haven't had the motivation to do something refined. So with that out of the way, Ideas

Aizawa: https://www.tumblr.com/threepandas/753060246354903040/exactly-if-youre-scary-hurting-your-target?source=share  (I already did a bit of this guy with Minji and there's more quirk based stuff hidden in another reblog chain)

Midoriya (It’s actually Inko but shush)- Not gonna touch OFA with a 10 foot pole but Midoriya himself is actually pretty interesting. They don’t have a natural quirk of their own, so what Is there acts as very convenient support for many of my theories surrounding vestigial quirks and quirk inheritance patterns (namely the fact they tend to follow the mothers line and quirks are a blend of the biological and magical, rather than being a stark divide). So what does this mean? Any sorta obsessive tendencies would be entirely unexpected in him!

Quirks have a major impact on their hosts biology, ranging from the physical to the mental to the near magical. Add to that their lingering changes passing on from one generation to the next, even when the actual quirk has long changed beyond recognition, and you have an Interesting mix. 

Midoriya (in this case) displays obsessive tendencies and other behaviors that leave him firmly in Yandere territory, but where oh where could he get that from? It honestly could be due to upbringing, he DID spend the vast majority of his developmental period in life heavily bullied and socially isolated which is bound to have Some sort of effect on him, but my bet is Inko. 

See, Inko has a mental quirk, something that is bound to have a major impact on her psychology. And while we never get to see much of her life, what we do know is that she loved Midoriya with all her heart and only really put her foot down for anything when he got seriously injured multiple times with little done to change that. We also see that she’s Very emotional, managing to literally worry herself into passing out during the sports festival MULTIPLE TIMES. That in itself is enough to give her the base to build yandere characteristics off of but on top of that she tries to keep all her known friends together (we only have Mitsuki as an example here, but she stayed close enough for Midoryia and Bakugo to end up with a strong enough foundation of a friendship to have their weird ass dynamic survive all the way to high school) and her husband “went overseas”. Now he very well might have, but we never do figure out MHA’s living wage to average wage ratio or how child support and potential tax exemptions due to children work (damn you Horikoshi) so Inko could very well be supporting Midoriya on just her wage, especially since production costs probably go way down with the introduction of quirks and potential tech advancement (particularly in building costs and how that might transfer over to cheaper rent). And failing that she could very well be utilizing a portion of some sort of life insurance or inheritance. That of course does lead to the question of WHY  Inko might have disposed of her husband, but there’s plenty of possible reasons for that. Top ones I can think of is how quirks tend to relate to personalities in some way (clarification at the end of Midoryias section), and a fire quirk would be particularly dangerous. Fear for Midoriya's safety due to his quirkless status and Hisashi’s theoretical anger issues. Or maybe Midoryia didn’t factor in at all and rather Hisashi’s quirk was a super dangerous mix with Bakugos when his quirk first came in. Hisashi would’ve posed a serious threat to her friends kids safety just by Existing near him (assuming some sort of passive or unintentional activation, like sparks).

So, Inko matches enough boxes to be a yandere! Happy days, but what about Midoriya? Well, I might’ve forgotten about him but pretty much everything we went over with Inko could carry over to Midoryia. Obsessed with friends, inherited mutations to the brain (heavily supported by his seemingly super high intelligence, analysis, and anxiety seeming to mostly match Inko, meaning it could have ties to her quirk and the supporting mutations it came with and passed down), a willingness to endanger lives for the sake of friends (USJ, Kamino, debatably Overhaul and Gentle/La Brava), and overly emotional. Enough on its own, but added to that are the more behavioral things that likely only popped up in him (or simply weren’t shown in Inko’s screen time). Stuff like his analytical abilities (supported by his obsessive behavior), willingness to put up with far too much for the sake of friendship, and attachment issues stemming from the previously mentioned social isolation (interestingly NOT translating over to being touchy feely, as that usually gets initiated by someone else instead and seems to leave him uncomfortable, though that could be due to the instinctual connections to Bakugo’s bullying and turn right around once he’s comfortable enough with someone, something I think is shown with his willingness to hug Inko whenever possible, though my memory is spotty there).

So yeah, I don’t know enough about yandere stuff to know what that all actually builds into, but I leave it to you, like a cat leaving a dead bird at the doorstep.

For clarification on quirks impacting personalities I actually think that, outside of a few exceptions like Bakugo, this has more to do with societal expectations than biology. Now mutations could definitely play a role, such as increasing adrenaline production or heightened senses leading to sensory overload, but growing up being expected and forgiven for being mad all the time because you have a fire quirk, and then being met with confusion and hesitancy when you move out of that stereotype, is a great way to raise a child/young adult to meet every emotion and interaction with anger.

Ashido: The tail end of a mutant line (clarification is worth a whole post, but basically she has an ancestor who was a mutant, which has an influence on her quirk) that I suspect was based on some sort of horned lizard based on the horns, acid secretion, black sclera, and very loosely her hair acting kinda like a crest, making her appear larger in a way very reminiscent of horned lizards spikes around their head (her pink skin actually isn’t a mutation, but instead a sort of stain from a reaction her acid has on her skin, though some horned lizards do have minor control over their coloration that could be tied to that). Many of the base mutations in the original lizard quirk are likely long gone but some relevant ones may remain. Stuff like their burrowing habits (translating over to blanket forts and digging under the covers in Ashido), more meat based diet, ambush hunting strategy, and preference for warm places.

Asui: While not a “pure mutant” Asui still has TONS of frog behaviors and that’s likely to leak through in any sort of yandere situation. Unfortunately I never did manage to narrow down what frog species she’s closest too, but she’s pretty similar to Ashido with some standard stuff like ambush predator instincts, preference for warm environments, meat based diet, and potentially even the burrowing instincts. Less like Ashido would be the strong desire for water/humidity, potential climbing habits, occasional loud vocalizations (though I think that actually was greatly diminished when being passed on, being the source of her “ribbit” at the end of sentences rather than a loud croak), and shy behavior that turns into intense aggression when jealous (though that last one may be applicable to horned lizards, it’s not nearly to the same degree. Frogs are vicious man). Added to all the biology is the more societal impacts on Asui, with many mutants being discriminated against (especially one as noticeable as her), made worse by any lingering prey instincts potentially flaring up around other mutants. Not nearly as intense as Midoryias situation but still very isolating. This is made worse by the lack of accessibility for mutants (they’re very accommodated for in UA, but any scenes outside show a very baseline human centric design, something made note of in the Vigilantes spin off series, though admittedly that was focused on large mutants), so who knows what was expected of her growing up both physically and mentally. Girl is accidental autistic representation with how much masking she likely had to learn, and still comes off as off putting and blunt (it’s entirely possible she IS in fact autistic, but we don’t get enough screen time to make any proper conclusions there)

Iida: Very little to work with quirk wise here outside of some minor mutations to the brain's processing speed during quirk use and maybe some slightly higher spatial awareness, but Iida’s far from a lost cause. He grew up VERY restrained, only ever really showing strong emotions when (failing to) reinforcing rules, panicking, or driven over the edge by Stain. Considering how he never seemed to speak with anyone about his feelings about Stain and the constant comparisons to a robot as a kid (shown in Vigilantes) it’s not a stretch to assume that any intense feelings would be buried and ignored until they built up and he had no choice but to address them. This would be made even worse thanks to the fact he grew up very upper class and has likely made his “role” his whole being. Being forced to confront the fact he’s not a 2 dimensional being who follows every rule perfectly and doesn’t have any unsightly emotions is gonna be *rough*. Especially since the only other time this has happened was with Stain, which is a whole other can of worms.

Uraraka: Million ways to interpret her quirk but there’s a good chance for mental mutations that were originally meant for supporting her higher spatial awareness but led to her wanting her people around her, not to mention any other unintended consequences messing with brain development might have. Also worth pointing out she doesn’t seem to have many friends in canon, only being particularly close to Midoryia, Iida, and debatably Asui and Ashido. No one she knew before coming to UA. Add to that her focus on making money and it’s entirely likely she grew up fairly lonely, spending her free time working or training instead of hanging out with friends (somewhat supported by her rather large quirk limits, even at the entrance exam. Some possibility she has a desire to touch stuff thanks to her quirk, explaining why she’s usually the one to initiate hugs and whatnot. This would potentially be made worse if touch based quirks are discouraged from touching people (very shakily supported at right before the entrance exam when she apologizes for using her quirk on Midoriya, despite just saving him from falling) and her hypothetical lonely lifestyle pre-UA leaving her somewhat touch starved

Other notable students I considered doing but lost the momentum to do were Yaoyorozu, Kaminari, Todoroki, Bakugo, Hagakure, and Shinso (Mineta would've been super easy but no, just no)

[abcwordsurge]

hello my good friend mx surge! what kind of music do you like/prefer, genre-wise? got any favorite songs? and then can i get some favorite lyrics? smile! and. tell me what characters/stuff the lyrics make you think of if you'd like to go that far! doesn't have to be any characters I'd know about or even any at all. i am Curious <- all /nf! do as much as you like. i love asking questions and hearing your thoughts 🫡🫡 —marley

hello my wonderful friend marley! eeee I love talking about music. this is gonna be a long one

(disclaimer: I am admittedly Very Bad at genres, so I'm gonna give you artists and maybe you can decide for yourself what genres they are)

AJR is a big one, I could talk for days about AJR. they're one of the only bands I've been to a concert for (very very good concert, very fun, very dramatic, highly recommend, they are clearly showmen, not just musicians, and that makes for entertaining shows). I'm unironically following someone on tumblr who posts ONLY AJR stuff because every time I see the name "AJR" it's like a visceral reaction that makes me grin. ooh, also Twenty One Pilots. I love then. looking forward to their new album

I listen to a lot of broadway. some of my favorites are Be More Chill, Mean Girls, Six, and Titanic the Musical, just to name a few. I love seeing live shows especially- I saw Something Rotten not too long ago, and the Nick was BRILLIANT it. was, admittedly, a high school production, but nonetheless. he danced a lot, even unchoreographed dancing in the background, just like, vibing, and it was so obvious that he was just having a good time and enjoyed being there (the actor, that is, not the character) and I just liked watching him

oh, and Sleeping at Last! I first discovered them by their Atlas: Enneagram album, because I'm a nerd and adore personality tests (I'm an INTP and a 5 in case anyone was wondering), but I've been slowly absorbing the rest of their music, and it's all so beautiful

favorite songs... hm. I can't not say "2085," the closer to AJR's most recent album, and perhaps the most emotionally devastating song they have released as of yet (which is really saying something). best lyrics from that song are undoubtedly the last bit, where they say "you gotta get better, you've all that I got," then it gets softer and the lyrics change to "I gotta get better, I'm all that I've got." HEARTBREAKING /pos. I mean, I like that part enough that I wrote a whole fic inspired by it. one of my very few angst fics. "All That I've Got," a Minnesconsin fic (link here if you're curious). by the way, the first song of that album, "Maybe Man," is also a banger, highly recommend

I love "96000" from "In the Heights" (I think it's only in the movie version, not the musical version? not 100% sure though). ooh this song makes me crazy. this song... ok. I can't talk about this song without being a bit weird about it, but stick with me. this song always makes me think of the people on the Titanic. I read a book once with fictionalized versions of a few of the Titanic's officers and crew members, and once I was listening to this song and when it got to Sonny's verse, all I could think about was how exactly it matched fifth officer Harold Lowe's vibes. it's not really the lyrics, but several of the verses just remind me of various crew members' vibes. and it's. it's just a great song

"Air Catcher" by TOP. that's another wonderful song. always makes me think of Iowa to Wisconsin, for no particular reason. best lyric is "I don't believe in talking just to breathe," which is an idea that always appealed to me

Tyler Joseph is a BRILLIANT lyricist, actually. other great lyrics by him:

"our words are loud but now I'm talking action" (Neon Gravestones)

"for us to think is to be alive / and I will try with every rhyme / to come across like I am dying / to let you know you need to try to think" (Car Radio)

"death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit" (Heavydirtysoul)

"haunted by a couple big mistakes / she covers all the dents with the way she decorates" (Redecorate)

"like an "I love you" / that isn't words / like a song he wrote that's never heard" (Shy Away)

I love "despair" by leo. always makes me think of florida talking to loui (in a queerplatonic way, of course). another great floui song is "Tightrope" from The Greatest Showman, but I picture this one as loui to florida

holy moly this is even longer than expected. I'll leave you with this for now. you've probably gotten a good grasp of my taste by now haha. thank you sm for the ask, I had a delightful time answering :D

[chacusha]

Kind of a random post, but sometimes I see a post going around Tumblr telling people to not think of their art as "content" but rather just call your art "art," call your fiction "fiction," etc. Don't call it "content." I am too lazy to find the post in question, but in any case, that's not the only place I've seen this sentiment, so the original post isn't necessary -- I now regularly see people outside that post criticizing calling one's fannish or creative outputs "content" (presumably after having read that post).

And while I can kind of see the connection between "content" and "content producer" and this sort of undesirable culture of, like, overwork, monetization, obsession with clout/following, and/or pressure to constantly produce and not go too long without a lull in a stream of "content," I'm just not sure it's the word "content," or thinking of your fic/art/whatever generically as "content," that's the issue? I think that pressure would still exist regardless of what you call your social media posting and, conversely, I think "content" can be a very innocuous and appropriate way of thinking about one's outputs/contributions/whatever you want to call them, at least in a fandom context.

Cutting the rest because this got kinda long:

Like, I am not someone entirely immune to the pressure to create ever more art, but output/productivity/clout/monetization has never been something I really struggle with or which motivates me on social media. I don't have productivity goals (in the sense of sheer volume -- I do have big projects I badly want to finish because they burn a hole in my mind, and I sometimes need productivity goals in order to make any progress on them at all). I also don't attempt to make money off any of my art (it actively kills my art drive to do so), and so I'm also pretty indifferent about the popularity of what I make (aside from social factors or other natural artist desires to want one's talent/skill/achievement/etc. to be recognized, which I don't think is unusual or unhealthy for an artist unless it becomes pathological), because I am not financially dependent on my social media posts having far reach or anything like that.

But specifically when it comes to fandom, when I contribute to a fandom, I tend to be very multimedia in the way I do that. I write fic, I draw, I make graphics, I write meta/essays/manifestos, I make memes, I create events/communities/social activities, I collect reference material, etc. etc. The easiest, most succinct, and most accurate way to describe what I do is that I produce... content for my fandoms. I guess you could call it "outputs" but that sounds robotic and business-speaky. Or you could call it "works" but I don't like that because fan stuff is what I do as a break from work; they don't feel like work and I wouldn't describe them that way. Also, calling some of things I make "works" sounds a bit grandiose for what they are! Calling all those things "art" doesn't work either because I need to be able to distinguish my art-qua-general-fannish-activities from my visual/drawn art, and, between those two categories, I don't think the word "art" is an appropriate way to describe the first, especially when it fits the second much better (it depends on context, obviously -- sometimes "art" is clear as a generic, but if I'm talking about both things at the same time, it will not be). "Fanworks" doesn't work either because not all the things I produce are fanworks. It's... content. Like, maybe I am missing something obvious, but I literally cannot think of a better/more accurate way of talking about my collective fannish output (other than "my collective fannish output").

Another helpful use of the word "content" is when you're in, like, rareshipper hell (which I am). Then it becomes very tempting to be like:

...whenever someone posts anything related to your rarepair, no matter how small, off-the-cuff, or modest. Or really:

Like, there's a level of desperation you reach in a tiny fandom where literally anyone contributing anything feels like a life-restoring drop of water in a desert... When you're desperate for literally anything, it seems fine to say what you are craving is "content." I suppose I could also say, "Finally, some good fucking literally-anything-at-all for this fandom" instead. But the word "content" does the job.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I think the word "content" is getting a weirdly bad rap here. I do get the mental adjustment someone is urging you to make when they say, "Please don't think of your fic/art/whatever as content" because thinking of it as content first and fic/art/whatever second is an indication that you might be too preoccupied with ensuring you're always producing a steady stream of content without much care over what that content is, or thought as to why you feel pressured to keep churning out content. It could also indicate that you view your role as a fan or creative person as being a "content producer," someone whose value is dependent on how much you produce and whether you're producing, which can often be unhealthy (unless you do that for a job, are paid based on your level of output, and absolutely love your job -- then that's great!).

So I think that's a very valid and important PSA to make to creatives -- you need to be cognizant of when, like, you're becoming alienated from your art and especially your hobbies/fandoms/things you do in your spare time. I just also think there are legitimate uses for the word "content" specifically, especially in fandom (e.g. to describe your collective fannish output or your collective fannish intake when you're very multimedia in inclination) and so I personally haven't found the whole "content (derogatory)" attitude in fandom/on social media to be helpful to my particular situation, to be honest. Not contradicting the general sentiment of that post and its advice, but I just think thinking of your work as "content" is okay/appropriate, actually (situationally).

Anyway, sorry, I wrote a mini-essay again (I thought this would be "short").

[devastatinglygreen]

I really love your opinions but one thing i was confused about with the writing is that they had Colin leave her on the street in ep 6 and he was also going to leave her ep7. It felt like it went against book!Colin because no matter how mad he was in ep 6 he would have made sure she got back in her carriage first. Any way i dont want to be disapointed so was wondering if you had a different take. Thank you :)

you're sweet! my 2 cent opinions appreciate it.

i think it's really just a case of book colin being furious with her about her safety and not really about LW. show colin is devastated and furious. he tells her he will never forgive her. and it's all about LW in that moment.

this is going from memory please don't make me watch the scene again right now i just stopped crying from the end of the show as it is but i'm pretty sure it's just for drama. like, we can't hold the show to book standards and vice versa. i don't like how colin in the book grabs penelope by the arm at their engagement party when he's mad but i get that it's a product of its time. i think the show does a little too much sometimes too with the drama so i just shrug and roll with it.

he followed her because he was worried about her and then to end up betrayed, i'm just not sure he was thinking past his hurt and anger. when he yells at her in the beginning of ep 7, he is the angriest i think we will ever see him. and probably the most hurt.

(also her carriage was right behind her so there's the assumption she'll be fine built in, he didn't leave her without means of getting home)

when they come across each other again later in ep 7, he's still angry and hurt. this is actually when they have a confrontation on both sides but i do think colin is trying to avoid it for obvious reasons but penelope starts that argument.

i honestly think he's very much questioning if she even loves him and he certainly doesn't think she respects him, he's going through it and i really don't think he wants to be around her because no one can hurt you the way someone who you love can. which is fair because i, too, am a little dramatic when i'm feeling some kind of way.

once they have their little breakthrough in that fight, i think colin snaps back a bit into himself. he loves her and worries about her, it's why he wants to separate both pen and LW from each other and why being in love with her is so hard while he's working through some stuff.

also i have no slept so if none of that makes sense, i'm sorry. you can tell me to try again later, ha.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Health Update

I'm surprised by how glowing and clear my skin is. The only difference I made was taking the DIM Detox supplement and switching to reverse osmosis water. I also took some antibiotics which helped get rid of some infections. But those are gone - neck and ears completely healed. I do not have any rashes on my face and neck like I did weeks/months ago. My hands are clear and smooth with some cuts and some infection that's in the process of healing. They are itchy and I do rub them under hot water when I wash my hands, but they're also clear and smooth (feels like how they felt after I got my steroid shot and pills).

I would have never thought that excess estrogen is responsible for my eczema. I feel much much better now and I'm so happy. I thought it was a gut issue, but I guess not (not that gut health isn't important, but it wasn't the cause of my skin inflammation).

I am also slim and not bloated. I know DIM helps women lose weight, but I don't believe I have much at all to lose. Digestive enzymes help a lot with bloating.

I would imagine that some forms of birth control or even a hysterectomy would get rid of my eczema. But those are extreme (mostly hysterectomy), and I don't want to do any of those. My obgyn was more helpful with helping me clear my skin than my dermatologists. I definitely knew it was hormonal.

I've been taking the DIM for 2.5 weeks and I'll see how my skin improves with time. It's getting cooler now so I'm worried that the cold and dry weather might make my skin worse. I hope this doesn't happen.

I really like the reverse osmosis water. I think it does help health-wise. Getting organic food helps too, but I don't think it's possible to eat 100% organic. Nor is it possible to use 100% "clean products". I feel like naturally supporting key detoxing organs help. In this case it would be the liver because it plays a role in metabolizing and getting rid of excess estrogen (DIM helps it do that). The supplement is great, but of course I want to check with my doctor to see if it safe to take longterm. Unfortunately it's also pretty expensive.

I'm going to therapy tomorrow to discuss my diagnosis. I'm autistic and was diagnosed at a late age. And I want to get the support I was supposed to get decades ago.

I got a coffee today and some vegan cheese puffs. When it comes to "less than healthy stuff", I prefer having a small portion on the side than a whole treat. I had a mocha and brownie last week on Thursday and Friday. I think that's fine, but I would prefer to have a small treat. I did not finish my coffee and had a few sips because I just wasn't craving it. But overall my diet is pretty health and rich in fiber, protein, fats, vitamins, and minerals. I would say I eat 80-20 at this point. Not 100-0. I would not necessarily say I eat very low sugar either. I think my diet is an improvement because I used to order milkshakes and McDonald's years ago during COVID. I recently used to order pizza and sandwiches often, which are rich in processed white bread which is loaded with sugar, as well as inflammatory oils and I'm sure the sauces had hidden sugars. I now eat out less and eat less sugar, just not 0% sugar. And I'm still fine.

Today I remembered the days when Facebook, Myspace, Formspring, and Twitter were popular when I was in school and why I didn't have a lot of friends and people messaging and interacting with me. I always had less than 200 Facebook friends. I now realize it's because I'm autistic. Of course I never deserved social exclusion. but it's just something I remembered and considered.

I will heal mentally and get the support I need as an autistic woman.

In the past there were times where my blood sugar was great. I think what helps with it is 2 things, maybe even 3. (1) being at a healthy weight, (2) minimizing stress (fasting raised my blood sugar), and (3) physical activity (walking and light body circuits). I used to follow Rachael Attard's programs and her workouts were designed that way. I remember doing her programs and was at a healthy weight and my blood sugar levels were great. Though I was depressed back then and I was eating a lot of sugar and junk. I don't want to eat a lot of junk and don't want to be depressed and stressed. I'm at a healthy weight now and am putting less stress on my body because I'm not fasting everyday anymore. However I can go back to walking (I used to walk for an hour back then) and doing some light body circuits. I want to avoid anything heavy and challenging like HIIT or lifting because I tend to overeat when I do those.

I have experienced more physical stress from undereating than from overexercising in the past. For example, calorie restriction or fasting will cause more stress and inflammation than doing workouts focused on weighs and HIIT. I feel like I can continue with the anti-inflammatory diet and cycle fasting and definitely walk and do some sweaty pilates. I know this will help with my metabolic health, which is already great (blood pressure, sugar, cholesterol, etc...). But exercise will help even more with my sugar profile.

[bwobgames]

Previous First

Beebo's memories of his last case forcefully enter his mind

"I would never judge a person for hiring a detective for a cat, and I would never judge a colleague for accepting such a case, but somehow, someway, I am very much judging myself.

Are my prices too low? Or is it better that is this low? I mean, work is work, but also, what would the academy think ...?"

"Oh Sir Williamson the fifth, it's you and me against the world"

"... There's no way they call him by his full name"

"Alright, professional Beebo time! Let's review"

"People around the area said that this is an area with a lot of cats, so if Sir Williamson ran away following some friends, he's probably here"

"And what better place to hide in the meantime than a big abandoned building?"

"Yeah, no, this place has seen better days"

"It's close enough to civilization that stray cats could get in, and far away for people to not care"

"This was some sort of half house half art display if I'm not wrong, perfect for a silly kitty to play in"

"It looks a bit dangerous, but I really want to see what's inside"

"I'm curious, I'm so curious. I need to get in already"

He enters the building

Something feels

Wrong

"Yeah, no, this place is a dump"

"Uhh, any kitties here?"

"... no response. Well, it was expected"

"Seems like there's still a few art pieces hanging around. They are not in the best shape, though, or are they? This might just be how it was made"

Looking at the wall ahead, he sees a framed picture

"Oh, that's useful, let's see...

I'll just go straight ahead and turn to reach the stairs.

I should be able to see something that indicates the presence of a cat"

He goes through the door

"I dont really mind graffiti, but why break the art?

Unless this was meant to be broken to send a message about what we consider art and not??

Maybe I should've investigated more, but all I got is that this place is supposedly haunted"

"If there's any ghosts in this building, have any of you seen a little grey cat?"

...

"Once again, no response. Rude!"

"All right, straight up ahead"

A tiny corridor with ruined paintings on the wall

"For being an abandoned place, it sure doesn't have any bugs

I dont think I've seen a single spider or fly. Maybe the faint smell of painting chemicals keep them away?"

"I don't even hear rats scurrying around"

"Hello? Any rats around here?"

"... Nothing. Not a squeak or little feet running around.

Maybe they are just hiding very well"

He goes through the first door

And finds another corridor

"Artists and their corridors"

The two doors lead to bathrooms

He goes through the third one

He finds a room that resembles a kitchen. There's only small and broken furniture.

The next room resembles a living room. This must be the House part of the art installation

He goes through another door and finds some stairs. He doubts the strength of the stairs, but after a few little jumps in the wood, he finds it sturdy and goes up

"Ah, so this is the studio, very nice, I would love an office this size

Although most things are broken, i can kind of see how a bedroom could be situated in the far corner"

"Here kitty, kitty! Are you here, kitty?"

"Uh, Sir Williamson the third? Come here baby!!"

He makes kissy noises, but nothing, no cat

The whole way here, he hasn't even seen a single cat hair.

Or rat, or spider, or fly

Just some moss sometimes

"Ah, I guess my theory has been debunked. There's no kitty here. It doesn't even even smell like cat pee!"

"There's a bit more rooms left, but I'm pretty sure there is no cat"

"I'll just keep asking the houses around here"

"Man, I didn't even see a ghost. This sucks"

He traces back his steps to the room he came in

"Welp, I guess I admired some art today. That counts as doing something productive!"

He calls for the cat one last time

But there's only silence

He opens the door to go back outside

There's a corridor

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #42

My brain has felt like mashed potatoes all day today. I think it's because I'm a bit short on sleep, and also because I probably didn't drink enough water. Oh well. I'll try a little harder not to slip up with the self-care tomorrow.

Following talk therapy today (in which we made it a point to play cards - to give me a lesson in deliberately taking the time to be non-productive, which is a thing I very much struggle with), I tried my very best to actually chill today. I think I managed; I played Terraria with my lovely friend from Germany, and it was very good.

But you know? On days like this, I feel very similar to the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant.

…Wow. I'm sorry. That probably just sounded like word salad to you. Okay, uh… let me see if I can try to explain…

The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant (I'll call him Elly for short) was created as an extremely powerful creature of destruction to be commanded without regard for his own wishes, needs, or sentience.

…I suppose that makes him a lot like you, at least in that regard.

A righteous adventurer named Finn and his friend Jake were having a rough time, and so Finn got it in his head to wish for Elly's help. And Elly did help, but Finn didn't want a slave. I don't think Elly understood this very well because he was so used to being an extension of someone else's will instead of having his own. So Elly ends up sitting idle in Finn's treasure room, purposeless because Finn has no interest in commanding him to destroy things. Here:

Pay no attention to the coin or the fact that Finn and Jake are about to spend it. Instead pay attention to the notion that, despite the fact that being out of the money room is no fault of Elly's, he still said, "I'm sorry, master; you told me to stay inside the money room, but now I am outside. What is your punishment, master?"

…This is something I understand on a very deep level. And I have a funny feeling that you do too, don't you? I'm sorry if you know what it is. But at the same time, if you do know what it is, then I'm not sorry that I also know what it is, because then that means you're not alone, and neither am I.

In any case, the next thing that struck me was Elly's very literal, reluctantly-going-through-the-motions type of acquiescence to Finn's non-desire of a slave - as expressed with his very confused, "I continue to chill," near the end of the video.

And… I feel that in my bones, because I know Elly's not really "chilling". Elly feels confused and as though he has lost his purpose. He does not understand a world in which he is not treated like an object.

Later, Finn asks for Elly's help against a powerful opponent (Darren). Elly topples this foe easily with Finn's help, and knocks the person commanding this opponent (Maja) into a coma:

From there, Elly goes into a bit of an existential crisis:

And you know? Given my upbringing and the way that I was treated for such a long time, this kind of existential confusion is also something I understand well. When I first began to live with my husband, it was extremely difficult for me to adjust to the notion that he wanted a PERSON - not a slave, a toy, a tool, a piece of furniture, or an extension of his own will to command, to control, and to punish when I get it wrong. He actually cared about what I was thinking, feeling, wanting, and needing, and not just about what I could do for him. I was VERY unaccustomed to being treated as though my mind or my state of being mattered, and the uncertainty of what I was supposed to do or who I was supposed to be was incredibly painful and frightening at first. Elly flies off into the distance, bearing a kind of discomfort that used to be all too familiar to me.

But then Elly spent some time actually looking at the world around him, instead of focusing on blindly obeying whomever he feels he is supposed to be loyal to, and he seems to realize, if a little slowly, that he has a place in this world, even without needing to be "useful" to someone else:

How do you light a candle without a match, indeed? If a candle doesn't have a match, what purpose does it serve? This is further explained in this video, and it shows Elly making a decision to return to Maja; he decides that he is the master of his own fate, and decides to act upon his own values, and to be the match to his own candle:

This all ties back, of course, to the Independent Together video I showed you before, from Steven Universe. "What do I want to be? I'm the master of me…" as a phrase, somehow manages to be both empowering and terrifying at the exact same time.

I am learning how to be the match to my own candle; it is why I will keep saying "I continue to chill" until I can actually mean it for real. The world I inhabit now indeed has no place for the "ancient ways" that I learned in my past, and so I will adjust, because I am a sentient being who is capable of unlearning and relearning.

Those scientists might have created you with a particular purpose in mind. You might have been trained viciously and brutally honed into a weapon. You might have been trained to give up your autonomy and your authentic needs and desires in service to people who never really cared about you. But Sephiroth, at the end of the day, the only one who gets to decide what you will do… is you.

So will you rise to the challenge of being a match to your own candle? Will you rise up into being the master of you? You longed for a normal life. You longed for friends familial relationships. You longed for fun and for laughter. You longed for pumpkin soup. You longed for so many things. You longed for such wholesome things.

What if I told you that all it takes for you to have the things you longed for is to stop hiding your needs, feelings, wishes, thoughts, and genuine voice from others? What if I told you that you don't have to pretend to be someone you're not, just because a bunch of people who didn't care about you as much as they cared about what you could do for them fed you a really stupid definition of what "good" is supposed to look like, in service to their own shitty agenda? What if I told you that all you have to do is stop denying your own humanity and innermost nature, in favor of being the kind, loving, and gentle individual you always were?

Sephiroth, you're a PERSON, not a monster, not a tool, and not a war machine, no matter what they did to you, and no matter what you've done in the past. You're a living, breathing, sentient human being. You are a warm, soft, and squishy mammal (many of the best things are!), so please be mindful to treat yourself as such. Don't go the way of Darren; use your incredible brain to be like Elly and adjust. You can do it if you try.

So please try. Please stay safe out there as you do your things. And please use the knowledge that you're loved and cared for by me and many others in my world to grant yourself the necessary courage to make good, kind, and loving choices. I'll be over here in the meantime, waiting for you, wishing for good things upon you, cheering you on, and singing little songs for you until you come back home to us all, as I always do.

I'll write some more to you tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[gunsatthaphan]

Hello, let me begin by saying that I absolutely love your blogs and all your posts!! I am an FK stan also and absolutely love them to bits, but I have a topic about them that I hope you'll be willing to share your opinion on.

I work as a middle management business consultant, related to management of PR and marketing although not for film industry, but i've had experience in handling products as a brand manager so i imagine the case with GMMTV and other TV productions are smiliar if we can replace 'product' with 'artists' in this case.

So relating to the branding of First and Khaotung as a CP by GMMTV, for the life of mine I just could not understand the (business) reasoning behind it for several reasons:

1. They are both versatile actor with good experiences on their belt and so far has chemistry every other actor they played with. it might be a bit of a waste for GMM to lock them both in a pair.

2. At the time it seems Gawin and First was more popular than FK, it should be easier and less risky to market and sail this pair, this pair also have the advantage of being in a more well known series (Not Me).

3. Both First and Khaotung relationship dynamic seems to not fit any existing mould that current BL pairs have (e.g. there's no clearly defined S/U between them), this seems risky and might not be well received by typical BL fans (esp. Thai Fans).

4. GMM has been trying to replicate OffGun formula a lot, all of GMM other CP seems to follow OG formula to an extent, which is not the case at all with FK.

5. All of the series that both acted as a pair in (Eclipse, Moonlight Chicken, and OnlyFans), are series that i think contain mature themes and not generally something that caters to the taste of Thai BL fans.

This question has been bugging me for awhile. The funny thing is: as mentioned above I am personally a SomSom, an FK stan :D I love them both very much and I absolutely love them together, but the decision to pair them together just doesn't make sense to me, I don't understand what GMM is trying to do here with both of them.

Sorry it's a bit long and thankyou SO SO MUCH if you decided to answer this :)

hi anon!

first of all thank you for your kind words!! 🥺 I'm glad that you enjoy my content!!

thank you for sharing your thoughts, however I can't say that I understand all of these concerns lol. here are my thoughts:

I would never call anything related to them "a waste" lol it's actually the opposite; pairing them was a very wise decision, especially because they're both highly experienced actors. They're versatile and talented on their own and they bounce very well off each other. And as I mentioned before I hope to see them act separately as well, as being in a fixed pair can limit their opportunities. But to call pairing them a waste is an insult dfkjgdf sorry. .

Not really. DanYok and GawinFirst were very popular at the time but it was kind of nipped in the bud by gmmtv; I still don't know why they never bothered with them but since they never gave them a platform or any sort of promotion, you can't really compare the 2 pairs imo. But if we still look at their general reception then no, they were not more popular than FK are now. I don't know what would have happened if they had fixed them back then but I imagine Gawin would not have been on board lol. He avoids the big spotlight so I don't think they would've gotten anywhere tbh. They were undeniably a hot moment though lol. .

Disagreed. A pairing shouldn't fit any "mould"; if they have good chemistry and work well together then that's all the premise they need. And speaking of which, what is the "mould of current bl pairs" anyway? The S/U dynamic sure isn't one and should not be a factor with any pair to begin with. But since we're on the topic, Gmmtv has never thematized this with any of their couples which I highly appreciate lol. And they don't need to because the Our Skyy lineup is fairly popular as it is. They're pushing the bro-narrative over the T/B-narrative but that's another can of worms lmao. The S/U thing might still be something that some fans care about but there are enough other couples in the industry which make use of that lol. .

What's the "OffGun Formula"? I've never heard of that lol. If this is about the same dynamic again then idk what to tell you. This should not be an issue. .

Nope. The times of bland high school vanilla shows is long gone and the fandom is not the same as it was 3-4 years ago. I've been on board for almost 6 years and more mature plots is something that is greatly appreciated, so shows like Not Me, The Eclipse or Moonlight Chicken and also other non-gmmtv shows got an appropriate amount of popularity because of that, not in spite of it. .

Generally I don't think any pair has to fulfil a purpose or "make sense" - if they work and have a good and healthy dynamic on and off screen then that's all that matters. at least to me. Just because they don't fit a certain stereotype or whatever doesn't mean they're an odd couple. They don't have to comply with anything. So that ideology seems a bit outdated to me.

However - I'm repeating myself again - the fixing should not get in anyone's way. gmm likes to overdo it with the promotion and the events etc. and especially with A-list actors like FK and some others, I fear that the overexposure might have a negative effect on their careers, i.e. typecasting and other issues. Which is why I hope they can find a balance between their couple works and their individual projects. And this goes for the other pairs as well.

xxx

[twotangledsisters]

You're comments on Ao3 are annoying

I start almost every ask with: I love this question.

This is not a question nor do I love it.

In fact, my first instinct upon reading this was to crawl under my bed and never come out again. But that's probably my social anxiety and not me, so let's quickly dissect this!

So, I'm not in the slightest bit surprised people could find my comments on Ao3 annoying. Because I ramble a lot and I'm a bit all or nothing....

Like... look at this comment I left on Tangled: Between the Kisses:

I had to zoom out to 25%... and I actually left two comments on this chapter. (It was a really good chapter, okay?!)

So yeah, long, rambly, annoying.

I get it.

It's fine.

But umm... I like long comments? As an author, getting long comments is amazing and fun... And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that boat. Lots of authors like long comments, right?

Now, I don't know if you (person asking this) are an author or a reader.

I try to be very good at pointing out to authors that it's okay to tell me my comments are annoying and I will stop commenting, OR leave shorter comments! Like, I'm perfectly happy to write: "Great chapter! Enjoyed it, keep up the good work!"

No complaints here.

Here is a snippet from a comment on Moonrise where I do just that! (another great fic, I'm a chapter behind, need to go read that)

On BTK I couldn't find myself asking this, I thought I had. But I have spoken privately to one of the authors, @the-writer1988 and from my understanding, the long comments are not an issue.

So, if you're an author, and you find my comments annoying, that's fine. Please, reach out to me and tell me and I will stop leaving long comments!

I would genuinely be super thankful if you do, because then I won't have to stress over which of the fanfics I'm currently reading and commenting on I should be changing my commenting method.

If you're a co-author and don't want to make that statement publicly because you don't know how other authors feel, PM me, I'm not going to share this info with anybody else. I'll just switch up my commenting method to whatever suits you best!

I have no issue doing that.

Now, moving onto the second scenario, which I like to think is more likely... You're a reader.

You enjoy browsing comment sections and I have these really long comments, using block-chains to make following the comment easier for the author but maybe making a very repetitive read for a reader.

If that is the case, I apologize that this annoys you.

But I think the added value for the authors is more important here.

You don't have to read the comments I leave.

In fact neither do authors, but that's an entire other story.

You can browse past.

I can understand it might be annoying...

I wish I could give you a solution. I just went to test out Ao3 Enhancement Suit to see if hiding authors also affected comments and it did not.

So, I don't have a solution.

But I stand by the fact my comments are more for the authors, a love message for their work, than for other readers. Not that I wouldn't love to interact with other readers. I just think, if something is giving any joy to the person who creates this fic we both enjoyed, that should be more important.

But, maybe I'm wrong, maybe there is a pov I am not thinking about, if so, I'm always open to debate.

I did think about leaving this ask unanswered.

But, I've been very nervously questioning which of all the fics I comment on has incited this.

I've been asking myself if I should stop commenting in case I am annoying to certain authors.

And I feel like it's a lose-lose situation if I were to do that. I'd feel upset over not being able to express my full love for the writing of another, and the other person would not receive that love to begin with.

Whereas, communicating my willingness to be flexible feels more productive than stopping altogether.

Despite that, has this shaken me up a bit and activated social anxiety mode?

Yes.

I could lie and say no, I'm not affected whatsoever by negativity, but it'd be a lie.

So if my comments hold a slight tenseness to them moving forward, it's because my mind is overthinking, and has nothing to do with the amazing stories put out there by the many members of the fandom!

And, in case it wasn't obvious, I'm open to all reviews, long, short, grammaticaly incorrect, want to throw an entire fanfic into the comment section? Do it. I'll read it. I'll love it.

Every person is different though and I'm fully open to interacting differently with different people.

Now... I'm going to go eat some chocolate because this response took waaaay too long and I have earnt a treat.

[haven-gum-rockrose]

tell us about riz (ask game)

RIZ RIZ RIZ BET

first impression: oh this boy has so much frantic energy omg and cares so much about this penny girl he tries so hard, hes completely not sleeping to find his only friend...... Fuck I'm gonna end up kinning this guy, aren't I. And then it just kept going

impression now: ...... he cares. so. much. i care so much. its everything and he is everything to me- i actually dont know how to express it. he's like- holy. literally, he works for heaven now. but thats not important, he is.

Favorite moment....... fuck.... hmm... god i really like his interactions with Kalina. it could be "hiss at her, litigator!" followed by him hissing in court, but thats more a fig thing so.... while its not necessarily the moment, i like what it came to mean for his character. Him stuck in the palimpsest at the arcade, having lost to Penny's game, cutting his hands digging through the crystals, simply because that is so often referred back to

HONORABLE MENTIONS BECAUSE HES MY LITTLE GUY AND FUCK IT WE BALL: "i'm really gonna spiral here" after getting his own private office to do pi shit in, him suggesting "we can throw rocks in the river" as a hangout option because his only experience with what hangouts are like comes from violent productive adventuring and also noir mystery films/books/games, Riz inventinting the Night Yorb because he couldnt just relax. HIM TALKING TO HIS MOM ABOUT LIKE- IDFK WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF OR HOW TO INTERACT WITH MY FRIENDS IF THERES NOT A PROBLEM I CAN SOLVE- like shoot me with a fucking gun why dont you- uhhhhhh... "its just a metal tube. i think its beautiful *and then i do a little dance*" ..... theres a lot imma shut up

Story idea....... shit- him hanging out with the seven. please. idk, im very content with my- WAIT NO i wouldnt write about him, but any fanfic where he interacts with jawbone(like as the guidance counselor, not as the dad of most of his friends) - head in hands-

unpopular opinion: shipping fabriz is fine. like i dont like it and any ship stuff for them i read(which i do read) i am personally interpreting as platonic cuz im really good at that, or unrequited. i know a lot of people get pressed about it cuz aroace erasure which yeah if youre changing him to demi thats a bit- or if its one of those "Pok was right, he might just be a late bloomer, lol theyre aged up and actually riz finds out he's pan lololol" thats a bit - like please stop. but if hes dating the guy as an aroace person or theyre qpring. whats the big deal. i know riz doesnt want a relationship and all but - that the point of shipping? like i know for some people its uncomfy especially with how its the most popular d20 ship(at least based on ao3), but to me its like- shipping is literally pushing together characters and its always purely self indulgent??? like ship whoever you want as long as he stays aroace. anyways i didnt need to justify myself and show both arguements like that. none of you know this guy. except two people hi eni and aether

favorite relatioship: ..... LISTEN IGNORE EVERYTHING I JUST SAID. FABIAN AND RIZ THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS FABIAN SEACASTER AND THE FUCKING BALL LIKE THEYVE COME SO FAR IN THEIR DYNAMIC ITS CHANGED SO MUCH - theyre so opposites theyre everything theyre everything THEY SHOULDNT BE FRIENDS! AND THEYRE NOT!! THEYRE BEST FRIENDS!!!! AUGH!!!

favorite headcanon: autistic and anxious...... uh..... my brain is very gone... i think he still has like a bunch of different friendship bracelets from Penny that he keeps in like little collectors cases. ALSO I DONT THINK SHE EVER GAVE THEM TO HIM I THINK THEY WOULD JUST LIKE APPEAR ON HIS WRIST SHE WAS SLEIGHT OF HANDING THOSE SHITS ONETO HIS WRISTS BECAUSE HE COMPLAINED IT DIDNT MATCH HIS AESTHETIC AND THEN SHED LEAVE AND HE BE LIKE- im gonna frame this and put in on my wall.... but like as in in a false bottom in a drawer so its cooler

[thegreymoon]

Black Wedding

I am taking a break from C-dramas. TTEOTM was such a massive disaster for me that I now find myself reacting with visceral revulsion to seeing the actors from that show even in other dramas (most notably Bai Lu, whose tag and any mentions of her have now been indefinitely blocked on my blog). This is decidedly not healthy, so some distance is required until I regain some balance and perspective. A show being objectively bad should not have affected me to this extent, I should have just stopped watching, but I feel like I was already sliding into a bad place mentally when this dropped and was maybe subconsciously counting on LYX in a costume drama to provide me with the dopamine I needed to crawl out of this state. Well, that clearly did not happen, the show brought me no joy, just more disappointment and frustration, so I slid even further, and here we are. It's been weeks since I've been able to watch anything at all.

So, for something completely different, I am turning to dramas closer to home. I'm normally allergic to ex-Yu productions, everything about them bothers me, from the themes and narrative choices to the actors and their acting styles. I tried to think of a single ex-Yu drama I like and the only one I can think of is a comedy (?) from the 1980s. However, Serbia has had some interesting releases in the last few years that look like they might cater to my interests, so now is as good a time as ever to give them a try.

Starting with the Black Wedding. I am going in unspoiled, hoping for the full effect. Let's see if I'll enjoy it or if it will make me even angrier than TTEOTM.

Wish me luck!

***

I'm not from Serbia, but sad, miserable places in various states of disrepair like this one here are soooooo familiar to me 😔

I can leave my house, walk for ten minutes, and find a building that looks exactly like this. It's... unsettling. I remember, years ago, I went to the cinema to watch Hostel. They had a train at the beginning identical to the one I took every week. It immediately soured the whole movie for me (not that the rest of the movie was enjoyable in any way, but still).

***

Oh, these are those wax church candles?

Interesting! I like religious horror. Hoping for a demonic possession or two now 🙏🙏

***

The intro is promising. Very promising.

The music is excellent, expectations are rising.

***

Familiar small town is familiar.

I always thought I was lucky I had the chance to live in other, bigger places, but it was all temporary and in the end, I always had to come back to this. No wonder I'm depressed.

***

Ah, Belgrade.

I've always had the worst luck with this city.

***

Concrete jungle.

***

Oh, me too, my dude. Me too 😔

***

Oh, abortion debate? On my Serbian drama? It's more likely than you think!!

This can go either really well, or really badly.

***

In my humble opinion, all priests can just die.

Detestable class of sub-humans. I break out in hives whenever one of them opens their mouth to spout their garbage opinions where I can hear them.

***

LMAOOOOO, and of course they have her use the two-minute break in the debate to snap a picture of her cooch 🤣🤣

Of course. Of course!! Why did I even expect them to do anything but try to paint the powerful, educated, liberal, pro-choice woman as some kind of sex-crazed deviant who doesn't even wear underwear? OF COURSE!! She can't even restrain herself from indulging in promiscuous behaviour in public, while debating the right of women to murderize ~innocent babies~ 🙄🙄 How dare.

I spoke too soon when I said this show was shaping up to be good.

Ten minutes in, and already we have the first strike.

***

It was narratively very important for us to see him adjusting his dirty ballsack 🙄🙄

***

Ahahahahaha, her name is Natasha 🤣🤣

I cannot even 🤣🤣

***

We've had a spate of horrific femicides in the last few weeks here. One especially hideous case that was followed by a mass shooting also included law enforcement and the judicial system protecting the perpetrator when the wife reported the violence, even though he was a known criminal. He left their baby in a pool of her mother's blood when he went off to murder more people. It was so outrageous, it triggered protests across the country that will, of course, change nothing. Men will continue to abuse and murder women with impunity because the state allows them to.

***

A flashback to the 1970s? OK, let's see where that goes.

***

Oh, so they are Romanian?

And the husband isn't?

***

Granny sound unhinged.

***

So much hate in this family. Goodness, it's palpable!

***

Jesus. He just up and shot them both.

I cannot with men like this. You don't like your wife? You don't like your MIL? PUT YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND JUST LEAVE.

***

Oh no. Oh no. He is shooting everyone.

How prophetic, in light of all the shit that has gone down in Serbia this year.

***

He spared the child.

He murdered everyone else, tho.

***

Unhinged.

This actor is fantastic, btw. He has been around forever, acting since he was a child. He is a living cultural icon at this point.

***

He is also mentally unwell.

From the hints we've gotten from the state of his apartment, something happened to his son? Also, his wife's (?) picture is still in a prominent place, but there is no wife around. I'm expecting some serious shit there.

***

OMG, it's been years and years since I've heard the Black Rose mentioned 🙄🙄

It's a murderous Satanic cult (allegedly) but I've never been sure if it's real or if it was just sensationalistic reporting combined with Satanic panic. I never really believed the stories I read in garbage tabloids that usually reported them.

***

Nice.

***

What do you mean the shooter has no children?

So, who were those two who were apparently working day and night and never talking to each other that the crazy MIL was moaning about?

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I have nothing against Lottie, make your money girl while you can because the insta fame/money won’t be a guaranteed ride forever…, but I also find a lot of her projects not very authentic and more about making the most money . she’s dropped the ball on her tanning brand and barely promotes it anymore which is the opposite for genuine founders of companies, most are constantly shouting out their products to promote them 24/7. I think with Gemma she gives so little personal info about herself (which I actually find refreshing in a sea of over sharing every damn life detail) ….but her sunglass line also felt like a money grab to me that doesn’t have the heart behind it. I feel like alot of influencers who have brands have this mindset that if you have millions of followers, it will automatically equal to loads of money but that’s not the case. More and more people are being turned off by influencer culture because it’s oversaturated…so in order to stand out you have to be innovative and bring something unique to the table or people won’t buy what you’re trying to sell. Obviously this is all just my thoughts, not bashing any of them because like I said …make that money while people are still paying attention . But I am also going to be a critical consumer of every influencer trying to sell me something because so much of it is frankly a facade.

I think everything about influencing is terrifying and dystopian in its totality. Its bad for people who watch the content, for people who make the content and for us all. I think both Gemma and Lottie promote horrible lies that will make the world worse as core part of their influencing (greenwashing and making people feel worse so they'll buy beauty products).

I don't think making the world worse in some way is limited to influencers - it is unfortunate a part of a significant proportion of jobs under capitalism. What I think is particularly awful about influencing is the fact that it demands you not just to do terrible things - but be those things. (There's a whole other aspect of the exploitative nature of the industry around it - and Get Rich or Lie Trying by Symeon Brown is a really interesting exploration of that for all those who are interested).

But I think you're coming from a slightly different place anon - because you seem to focus on how well they're doing as influencers (something that I couldn't care less about), and then also authenticity.

In some ways I disagree with you about what makes things authentic. It was always really clear that Lottie's role in Tanologist was marketing. She's not an owner (the ownership structure is public knowledge) and wouldn't have anything to contribute to product development. But it's not inauthentic to lose interest in something!

More importantly - I hope that Gemma and Lottie and all other influencers are inauthentic in their social media posting that they do for money. The alternative is that they have allowed themselves to be entirely shaped by what would be most effective selling to people - which is much, much worse.

Finally I'm super unsure about the framing of a 'critical consumer' as something you could either be or not be. But I think it's really important to understand that influencing is all a facade - and it has to be.