#Jegulus x rosekiller

[nikolai-alexi]

For @jegulus-microfic

Prompt: Weekend (I’m a day late, but I fell asleep at my desk writing this last night lmao)

WC: 1,250 i really tried to keep it under 1k but fjdjdnfjr here we are i once again failed the “micro” portion of this

Tags: Poly RoseStarKillerChaser (Jegulus x Rosekiller), a very strange RSKC dynamic here, James and Regulus have been together for a year-ish but James, Evan and Barty are only just beginning to navigate their own little relationship, James is quite anxious about the whole thing but he’s trying really hard, it’s very vaguely implied that Regulus, Evan and Barty have been together for a while (in what capacity? idk man I just work here), it’s all very queer platonic tbh, they’re just a big puppy pile of exhausted people and everyone uses James as a human heater like the little reptiles they are, Barty is a human wrecking ball and just constantly walks into a room and bites whoever’s nearest to him because he’s Barty and what else would he do, I have an unreasonable amount of affection for James calling Barty “bub”, Evan is adorable and touch starved and just wants a hug, Reg is a cat animagus, it’s vvv wholesome

It’s the first weekend they’ve all managed to be together since term started. Which is, objectively, insane because it’s Christmas break. Every single time they’ve tried to spend any amount of time together, someone has had something come up. Whether that’s exam prep, suspicious friends, detentions, or projects, it’s all somehow managed to ruin their plans.

And look, James gets that trying to make four schedules align all at once whilst avoiding suspicion from friends or getting caught by professors is difficult, but he is sick of it. This…thing…they have going is new. It’s tremulous and blooming and none of them really know where the lines are with each other. It makes James so incredibly nervous. He knows where he stands with Regulus, after a year together he feels mostly confident in what he’s doing with Regulus, the boundaries, the navigating, the trauma responses. But with Evan and Barty? He has no idea what the hell is happening. It makes him anxious. He wants to know how to define the lines of this strange relationship the all have. They aren’t friends, but they aren’t not friends, but they aren’t lovers, but they aren’t not lovers. It makes James’ head spin. He doesn’t like not having clear expectations.

He’s forcefully ripped out of his rather maudlin thoughts when someone audibly collides with his side, knocking the breath out of his lungs with a soft “oof” and disturbing the previously peacefully sleeping cat on his lap. Regulus, in his frankly adorable animagus form, grumbles without opening his eyes more than a tiny slit and rearranges himself before going back to sleep. The scent of cigarette smoke, whiskey, and Evan’s vanilla shampoo invades his nostrils when he tries to turn his head.

Barty is slumped unceremoniously against his side, face buried into James’ neck, one hand atop Regulus’ soft fur, and the other fisted in James’ shirt.

Then Barty bites him. Hard.

James rolls his eyes. This, he understands. Their new dynamic may only be a few months old, but Barty entering a room and biting the nearest person to him? That was old news.

“That bad, bub?” He asks quietly.

Barty doesn’t say anything, just stops biting him so he can tuck his head into James’ neck and nod. James’ free hand instinctively comes up to card through Barty’s hair like he’s seen Evan do thousands of times. Barty stiffens at the first few passes of James’ fingers, but he slowly relaxes and James can feel his low hum resonate through his own chest.

He shifts just a bit and sees Barty’s ridiculously long legs hanging off the armrest of the sofa and chuckles. Barty is just a slumped over heap of awkward limbs and exhaustion. James’ wand is in his bag across the room, but a casual flick of his wrist has it sailing towards him.

Transfiguring the sofa whilst they’re laying on on it is a bit trickier, but he’s not been the top student in transfiguration for seven years straight for nothing. He manages to get a large bed with a bit of a crooked frame beneath them after several long minutes without disturbing Reg or Barty. Both of them are fast asleep. He’s not sure when Barty drifted off, but he can feel his soft snores against his neck.

Thank Merlin for the amount of Quidditch training he does, because trying to situate Barty is a feat, but eventually, he gets Barty tucked against his right side so he’s no longer hanging precariously off the furniture. Regulus has abandoned James’ legs in favour of smushing himself in between James and Barty, the body heat thief he is.

When Evan comes barrelling through the door of the Come and Go Room an hour later with dark purple bags under his eyes and a manic sort of look, James just holds his left arm out in invitation. Evan sheds his shoes and outer robes with easy efficiency and falls onto the transfigured bed in an eerily similar fashion to Barty. Evan isn’t quite as tactile with James as Barty is yet, so he has to quickly mask his surprise when Evan tucks himself against James’ side, tucking his freezing hands under James’ shirt.

“You okay?” James asks, careful to keep his voice as quiet as possible. Regulus still opens his eyes enough to glare at him, but perks up considerably when he sees Evan and comes to curl up on James’ chest, tucking himself under Evan’s chin. James feels him purring just seconds later. Reg doesn’t pick favourites, my left arse cheek, James thinks with a wry grin.

Evan sighs softly, and his breath tickles, but he doesn’t say anything, not that James expects him to. Evan is like Regulus with his words — selective and careful. When he speaks, you stop and listen. When he doesn’t speak, you listen to what his silence says. Evan and Regulus communicate more in their quietness than they ever do with speech. It’s been something James has had to actively work very hard on to understand. He and Barty operate on a much similar frequency to each other. They’re both chaotic and loud in their own ways. Barty has a mean streak that gets him into trouble, and James has no boundaries with other people which gets him into shitty situations. They balance each other out, sorta. James attempts to keep Barty from hexing first years and Barty pushes anyone who has the audacity to look at James wrong down the stairs. It works…sometimes.

James brings his arm up and very tentatively wraps it around Evan; a silent question hanging in the air between them, to which Evan nods his acquiesce. That small gesture makes warmth bloom behind his breastbone and he knows he’s not imagining the almost inaudible huff of laughter from Evan when he no doubt hears James’ heartbeat pick up underneath his ear. He doesn’t bother to keep the grin off his face.

He wraps his arm around Evan and drapes his arm over Regulus’ back, brushing his fingers against Barty’s. He doesn’t hold Evan to him, just keeps his arm loose and relaxed, draped over him. Never pinning or holding him down. Evan’s breath comes quickly for a few, long moments, but eventually it steadies out once more. It doesn’t take long, between being tucked against James’ side, the purring cat curled under his chin, and Barty’s annoying, but comforting snores, for Evan to fall prey to the siren call of sleep too.

James remains awake a while longer. He listens to Barty snoring, feels Regulus purring and his little paws making biscuits in his sleep, breathes in the smell of vanilla and the Forest after a rain shower that perpetually clings to Evan, and feels his mind’s activity slow to a crawl. All of his anxieties take a back seat, his racing thoughts settle down, and the constant buzzing between his ears quiets. He knows they only have this weekend. Monday will come around and Regulus and Evan will have to go back to their awful families for the holidays, he will go to his parents’, and Barty will be left, alone, at school. He knows they only have three days of this together, but from where he’s laying, this doesn’t seem like a bad way to spend their time together.

He loses the battle against sleep with a sweet smile stretched across his lips. Yeah, he thinks, this isn’t a bad way to spend it at all.

[sommerregenjuniluft]

@jegulus-microfic december 6 - obstacle - 2773 words (dont look at me like that)

cw: explicit sex, voyeurism ft. rosekiller, bit of degradation and slapping (as a treat)

((also shoutouts to everyone that voted on my poll but @casstration and @kaaaaaaarf hath spoken and so i went with option 1 lols, emjoy))

also posted on ao3

The winter cabin that they booked is by no means small, but it does only have two bedrooms. Which the four couples of them had to divide somehow.

It was somehow decided that Pandora and Lily get to have the one bedroom in the back by the balcony harboring the whirl pool. Regulus isn’t very aware of how or why that happened but he doesn’t question it.

Then it was dicing it out between Remus and his brother, Evan and Barty and James and Regulus for the upstairs bedroom. 

Regulus is pretty sure Sirius rigged that.

And after Sirius has tugged Remus and their bags towards the stairs, chirping happily, it was between the four of them to make out the living room sleeping arrangements.

It’s a large room with a few random shelves as dividers rather than doors. There’s the big ten person couch in front of the TV and a king sized mattress shoved onto a wooden raising beneath the wide window next to the bookshelves, creating a cozy reading nook.

Regulus had simply pointed James to put their stuff by the window and that was that.

It’s their first night now, after a half day of skiing and snowboarding through the snow or sweating in the sauna or tasting themselves (Remus) through the entire resorts hot chocolate menus.

James and him are cuddled up in their many sheets and blankets, the waning moon spilling dim light over them.

Regulus is pleasantly heavy boned and drowsy but James is on a mission. Tugging Regulus’ leg over his hip, trying to get him closer, always closer, always so clingy and trying to deepen the kisses Regulus is purposely keeping close mouthed for now.

James growls a little, abandoning Regulus’ mouth to find a path down where he’s met with less resistance.

When there’s a teasing stroke of tongue Regulus grumbles, tries not to let it on with his voice that James’ plan is working, “Behave yourself.”

“I dunno what you could possibly mean by that,” James murmurs heatedly into the sensitive skin of Regulus’ neck as he grinds their hips together. And just like that Regulus whole fucking body is trembling. It’s bordering on ridiculous.

Regulus huffs, “I mean that sleeping in the same room as Evan and Barty could pose somewhat of an obstacle, don’t you think?”

“No, not an obstacle,” James responds, nipping at Regulus’ ear lobe, “Rather an opportunity.”

And the second Regulus mouth parts around a moan James’ palm is there, muffling the noise. Which, insightful, thank you, but also it has absolutely no business being that hot but it definitely is and therefore results in Regulus hips bucking even wilder, a whine ripping from his throat.

James chuckles low and when Regulus blinks his eyes up at him there’s a dangerous smirk on his boyfriend’s annoyingly handsome face. Regulus wants to sit on it.

He tuts, coos a little at Regulus in the precise moment that he runs his fingers over the front of Regulus briefs. 

Regulus nearly chokes trying to keep the noises down.

James leans down, admonishing, voice patronizing in his ear, “You gotta be quiet for me though, love. Can you be a good boy and do that for me?”

Regulus pants, pelvis tilting up to chase his boyfriend’s retreating hand.

James tuts again and makes a dissatisfied noise at the lack of answer.

A small frustrated sound slips through Regulus’ teeth and he moves to punch James but this one simply intercepts the fist and thumps it down on the pillow over Regulus’ head and in one swift motion settles on top and between Regulus spread legs.

The thick line of him pressing against where Regulus is undoubtedly pulsing and wet under his boxers.

“C’mon, baby, don’t you wanna be good for me?” James whispers against Regulus’ jaw.

There’s currently no thought inside Regulus’ skull anymore, just a whole bunch of blank and static noise. All that matters is getting his mouth back on James’ and this one’s hands back on his body.

So Regulus nods fervently, the Yeah so delicate it barely carries over the small space that’s left between them. Trying so hard to be good and quiet but also knowing James wants vocal confirmation.

There’s a hint of teeth along his skin, James smiling, and then wet lips closing around a patch of skin on Regulus’ neck, sucking.

“Hah, mngh–” Regulus’ fingers find their way around James’ wrist, short nails digging in.

“That’s it, love,” James says, soothes the mark with his tongue and then– starts slowly and very fucking deliberately rolling his hips.

Regulus head tips back with the way his eyes roll up into his head.

Upsetting James’ hand over his mouth for a moment and letting the sounds go unfiltered.

“Shh,” James makes, smirking tauntingly, “Regs, baby, I thought you promised me to stay quiet?”

Regulus gasps, hiccups a little in his haste to reply while staying as quiet as possible and also coming down from the dizzying arousal coursing through his belly and making his head feel cotton-filled. 

“Sorry,” Regulus squeaks and James gives cheek a tender kiss in acceptance of the apology before continuing.

Something creaks on the other side of the wide room.

The thought loses importance rapidly though when James’ other hand makes its way under Regulus’ sleep shirt to roll a nipple around as he continues rocking into Regulus.

“Please– please, Jamie,” is all he can manage.

A few more excruciating moments go by in which James plays with him and Regulus suffers and grunts and pants through the onslaught of feeling so fucking good but having to stay quiet about it until the older boy shows mercy.

There’s a wet patch on both their briefs now that Regulus is pretty sure isn’t fully to his credit.

Especially with the wild glint in James’ dark eyes as he roughly pulls Regulus’ briefs off before he discards his own underwear messily, all the while tugging Regulus’ loose limbed and out of breath body closer by his thighs.

The sheets are fuzzy and soft beneath and then there’s a pillow stuffed under Regulus’ ass, and then another one.

His legs exposed to the cool air, eliciting shivers, and spread apart wider by broad palms, smoothing up and down the sensitive skin there on the inside of his thighs and admiring. And Regulus swears there’s something in James’ gaze, something unnatural because it feels just as teasing as a gentle stroke of fingertips up and down where coarse dark hair turns to slick, glistening skin.

So visceral, turning Regulus on even more and making him arch with a silent cry parting his lips, eyes locked onto James’ flushed features and the mess of his hair.

God, he’s so gorgeous Regulus is going to die.

James chuckles, maybe Regulus said it out loud, who knows, and then this insane nutter of a human being leans down over Regulus, making him shudder with the returning body heat of him. 

He brings their bodies in close, not flush together but touching, and Regulus whines brokenly when James’ shaft slides through the slick between Regulus’ legs.

And that’s before he rasps, right into fucking ear, low and incriminatingly sexy, “Die a little death for me, love.”

It’s all a bit hazy from thereon out.

There’s the palm returning to press over Regulus’ mouth when he fails to keep the noises to a minimum again.

There’s James’ thighs warm under Regulus’ and his slick mouth closing over his nipples, lips brushing over the scars there.

Regulus doesn’t know how much time goes by, not a lot he guesses, but he comes to again when his own whine rings clearer in his own ears.

High-pitched and needy because James is teasingly slapping his large cock down over and over where Regulus needs him most. Guiding the leaking tip up and down the slit of him and pushing in only so far just before he fully breaches him.

It’s maddening and rude and Regulus wants to insult him, spit venom but all that comes out is babbling and begging. No shame whatsoever.

“P-please, James, please I’m ah–” arching into the slap, watching cross eyed at the strings of cum and spit connecting them. Regulus ruts his head into the pillow helplessly, shaking it, and squirming, whimpering pathetically.

“Fuck, baby, fuck– fuck, c’mere. No, look at me,” James growls and Regulus eyes flutter open as his hips twitch. “You’re perfect. An angel, you hear me?”

Regulus hums and it comes out sweet. Pliant and agreeing, and James curses again.

There’s another sound in the background Regulus thinks but then James asks, “You ready for me, love?”

Regulus moans, abdominal muscles jumping and nodding quickly as James adjusts, crawling even closer.

He checks the pillows under Regulus, and then guides his cock forward.

There’s the silky wet of the tip again, warm and smooth. A small push, the almost-breach and then the head slips in entirely and Regulus gasps.

One smooth, slow, long thrust until James is panting above Regulus, completely sheathed inside.

James groans brokenly, dips down to place a quick kiss to Regulus’ sternum, “Fuck, love, you feel so good around me.”

Regulus whines in agreement, hips bucking where they’re flush with James’. “Please,” it’s barely a breath.

James pulls back and then rolls his hips forward again, an experimental little thing, not hard by any means but Regulus feels it.

The moan slips out on its own, loud and reverberating off the walls and Regulus whimpers when he feels a hand around his throat.

Squeezing lightly and Regulus hiccups again, makes a garbled sound when James gives a first real thrust.

His boyfriend tuts, leans down on one elbow and forces Regulus to look at him.

There’s a small part in Regulus that despite knowing James would never really deny him pleasure when playing is afraid of his boyfriend pulling out and stopping after keeping him so under- and overstimulated for so long. As punishment, which is a whole other box of exciting but not what Regulus wants– what he needs right now.

James frowns at him, while he keeps thrusting, Regulus clenching around the girth of him. There’s barely a husk in James’ voice when he murmurs, “That’s not how one’s being quiet, baby.”

Regulus gulps, hiccups and apologizes again, voice high.

James shakes his head in faux disappointment. It’s so startlingly sexy to have James switch between the praise and degradation, it has Regulus’ head reeling.

“Well, it’s a little too late for that now, is it?” James says accusingly, raising his eyebrows at him and then gives a particular hard thrust.

Regulus gives a squeaking gasp, throwing his head back.

But James pulls him back down by the jaw, fingertips digging into the bone and staring into his eyes as he pounds into Regulus’ tight, wet heat.

Regulus groans choppily before James nuzzles their noses together and says, “I think we’re being found out.”

Before Regulus’ brain is capable of processing the information James tips his head to the side, gaze drifting further into the living room.

He startles a little when once the blur fades he finds two pairs of eyes looking back at him unwaveringly.

Evan is on his back, neck bent and head hanging halfway off the cushions, bleached locks dangling, at an angle that simply must hurt, one hand fisting the plush armrest and the other in Barty’s short hair where he’s mouthing relentlessly at Evan’s hard and exposed cock, taking him down his throat every so often. Regulus doesn’t see it directly but the way Barty’s body is moving under the thick duvet leaves Regulus thinking he must be rutting his own aching length into the cushions below.

It’s only now that Regulus realizes him and James aren’t the only source of noises. 

Barty’s throaty moans vibrate around Evan’s cock mixing with Evan’s soft pants and little cries whenever Barty seems to do something expertly with his mouth.

“James,” Regulus moans, not quite able to tear his eyes away from his two best friends yet.

“Yeah, baby?” he grunts, sliding impossibly further in on the next push of hips, making Regulus’ head snap back around at him.

“I love you,” Regulus breathes reverently.

James dives down into a searing kiss in response, tongue and teeth and spit sticking to Regulus’ chin when they pull apart for air.

James keeps fucking into him, making Regulus’ steadily climb higher and then locks him right in place with his eyes as Evan and Barty’s noises grow louder and lewder in the background. 

James’ voice is dark when he demands, “Who do you belong to?”

It punches out of Regulus without missing a beat, “You.”

James’ shudders above him, hips stuttering and Regulus moans at the sensation. “Yeah, that’s right,” James pants, kissing Regulus’ shoulder. “All mine.”

And then he pulls out and flips Regulus. His cheek squished into the sheets and staring right back at Barty blowing Evan again.

“So generous of me to let them watch, aren’t I, love?” rasped low in his ear as James slips back in from behind, his warm body blanketing Regulus.

Several shivers whack through his body and then there’s something small and vibrating shoved between Regulus’ front and the pillows.

James presses his clit right into it, hands on his ass cheeks and grinding, fucking him deeper into the bed.

Regulus stutters through a loud whine, eyebrows scrunching and hips uncoordinatedly rutting back on James’ cock and down into the vibrator.

“Aw, precious baby– fucked stupid already?” James taunts and helps Regulus resume to a proper rhythm again, picking right up from where his climax started coiling deep in Regulus’ stomach.

“Just let me take care of you, love,” a smack on Regulus’ ass and he moans helplessly into the open room. Sees Evan’s hips buck in response and Barty take him further in his mouth with a desperate noise. 

It’s all so hot and dizzying. Regulus feels so on display it makes him both want to squirm under the close scrutiny but also bloom under the attention and stay still for them. All of them. Let them look their fill. Regulus feels splayed out from the desire you regard the muse with as you paint them to the canvas.

It’s a frighteningly fast climb and with every rut and push and tug Regulus is driven closer, his legs trembling uncontrollably where they’re bracketing James’ from the double stimulation and in the end all it takes is James’ mouth biting and sucking on his lips, Evan’s stuttering moans and the sight of Barty’s eyes rolling back that has Regulus climaxing.

A loud, surprised noise and then he’s clenching down on James’ fat cock, pulsating and it doesn’t take another five seconds before James is following after him, spilling and jerking pleasantly inside where Regulus is still quivering with the shocks of his orgasm.

Meanwhile across the room he hears Evan curse and make a truly obscene noise which in turn makes Barty groan and pant, the rustling of blankets doing nothing to drown out the sounds.

When Regulus blinks his eyes open to James’ gazing at him carefully a smile pulls onto his lips.

James blows out a relieved little breath. “Was that okay?”

“Yeah, baby, it was better than I could have imagined,” Regulus answers truthfully, grabbing blindly for James’ hand and giving a small peck on a random knuckle before he tapers into a bit of a giggle.

His body is pleasantly sluggish and tingly. James’ tilts his hand back and kisses the tip of every finger in response. 

He’s still inside of Regulus, slowly growing smaller.

James takes onto kissing at Regulus’ nape, warm body still pressed close and it’s almost enough for Regulus to drift off until—

“Oi, Potter! Why don’t you two beauts come over here and snuggle? Couch’s big ‘nuf for the four of us.” Barty’s smirk is audible in his voice and Regulus hears Evan muffle his snicker.

Regulus makes a small sound and snuggles deeper into the soft sheets, way too comfortable to be moved.

James understands that as the decline that it is and snarks back, “In your fucking dreams, Crouch!”

“Hey, hey now!” Barty retorts, because he can never leave it at good enough, “That’s not how you treat a man you’ve just had very voyeuristic sex in front of!”

“Rosier, beat some sense into your boyfriend, will you?”

“Ha, jokes on you! I’m into that shit, same as dear Reggie as it seems by the way, it’ll only turn into a round tw– Ouch! Baby, that hurt. I—”

[whydousernamesevenexist]

James: Murder is bad, guys.

Evan, Barty and Regulus: Nope. It's just illegal.

[icedcoffeebabyy]

I fear no fancast will ever match how sexy Sirius Black actually is.

[regulusblock]

teen Regulus: what's an orgasm?

teen Barty: when you fold paper to make birds and shit

also teen Evan: that's oregano, bitch

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Evan: why is Regulus crying?

Barty: well, James got drunk at a party so Regulus took him to their room

Barty: When he asked James to come to bed with him, James said “No, thanks. I’m sure you’re lovely but I have I boyfriend and I love him very very much” and went to sleep on the floor

Evan: so he’s crying because his boyfriend is too good?

Regulus: shut up you wouldn’t know about good boyfriends

Barty (said boyfriend): *Offended*

[sspadfoot]

The Marauders doing the trauma dumping sweet trend on TikTok

Sirius: My names Sirius and my parents used to torture me as a punishment until I had to run away and I brought haribos

Remus: My names Remus and when I was 5 I was bit by a werewolf because he hated my dad and I brought sour patch kids

Peter: My names Peter and I was tortured until I joined a fascist cult and I brought giant strawberries

James: My names James and my boyfriend broke up with my to join the cult because his parents told him to and I brought jolly ranchers

Regulus: My names Regulus and I’m that boyfriend. I also tried to drown myself on multiple occasions and I brought marshmallows

Barty: My names Barty and I was imperioed by my dad for most of my life, until I became crazy, and I brought twizzlers

Evan: My names Evan and I was forced by my parents to join a cult and I brought rainbow laces cause we’re all fruity

Pandora: My names Pandora and I can see the future so I saw all of my friends and family die and I brought skittles

Dorcas: My names Dorcas and my girlfriend was killed by one of my oldest friends and then I had to go face to face with the leader of the cult and I brought airheads

Lily: My names lily and my sister hated me for most of my life and I had a horrible toxic best friend who called me slurs and I brought nerds

Marlene: My names Marlene and I was killed by my best friend, my sister was also kidnapped and tortured and I brought Reeces

Mary: My names Mary and I was obliviated by my headteacher and I don’t remember why and I brought squashies

[pxrty-crxsher]

*power goes out*

Evan: Fucking shit, I can’t see anything

Barty: Don’t worry. I’ve got this covered.

Barty: *stomps feet*

Barty: *sketchers light up*

Barty: You’re welcome

[not-rab]

Pandora: The floor's lava!

James: *helping Regulus onto the table*

Barty: *kicks Evan off the sofa*

Dorcas: There are two types of boyfriends

[isabel-lillah]

when James and Reggie got together and James met Reg's friends he took one look at Barty and Evan and he just went god damn it not again

because the flashbacks to pre-relationship Sirius and Remus are hard and he does not want to go through that again

[nikolai-alexi]

For @jegulus-microfic

Prompt: Forest WC: 700

Tags: I’m on a RSKC kick pls don’t hate me, amortentia brewing, James is Losing It, oops sunshine boy is really attracted to the three most untouchable people in Hogwarts

Title: “3x3”

“Uh, Professor?” James calls out, his voice is wobbling and he knows Sirius is looking at him with that look.

Slughorn comes teetering over to his brewing station and peers into his cauldron, “Why, Mr Potter! This looks fabulous, my boy! Well done! Fifteen points to Gryffindor for a perfectly brewed Amortentia on the first try,”

The portly professor goes to wobble away from his brewing station, but James snags his robe sleeve before he can get too far. He’s never been more grateful for his darker complexion because his face is on fire from how hard he’s blushing.

“Thank you, sir, but, um..I didn’t ask you over here to look at the potion. I know I brewed it correctly, but…” he pauses and squeezes his eyes shut tightly, his voice is barely a hoarse whisper when he speaks again, “I think there’s something wrong,”

Slughorn shows a remarkable amount of tact compared to his usual level of social bumbling and comes closer to the cauldron, “What’s the trouble, m’boy?”

James grabs his potions book and shows Slughorn a passage he’s underlined in his annotations, “It says here that you’re supposed to smell three things that attract you,”

Slughorn chuckles, “Not to worry, Mr Potter, if you only smell one or two things, there’s nothing wrong with your potion. The scents it produces and the quantity of them is different for everyone. It’s just most common for people to smell three,”

James gulps, most of the class is staring at him now. He wants the ground to swallow him whole. There must be complete and utter panic in his eyes when he looks at Slughorn, because the man looks quite concerned. James’ mouth is completely dry and his voice scratches his throat when he forces the words out of his mouth.

“That’s the thing, sir,” he mumbles, averting his gaze to the far wall of the classroom to avoid any gaze on him, “I smell nine,”

The potions professor chokes on air and splutters, “Nine? Nine distinct, separate, individual scents?”

James nods miserably. See, the thing is, he knows who each of those scents belong to. He could tell instantly which three people each scent belongs to, and to give you a hint — none of them are Lily Evans.

He runs an agitated hand through his hair, “It cycles through in threes, sir,”

“Explain,” Slughorn demands. James nods, a pained expression on his face.

He leans forward over his cauldron and takes a deep breath, inhaling the potion’s aroma.

“Sea salt, mint, and new Quidditch leathers,” Regulus.

James steps away from the cauldron, breathing in the unscented air of the classroom. He leans over it again and inhales.

“Whiskey, cigarette smoke, and sweat,” Barty.

He repeats it again, stepping away, breathing in unaltered air, leaning back over the cauldron, inhaling.

“Vanilla, broom polish, and the Forbidden Forest after a rain storm,” Evan.

Slughorn studies James with wide eyes, “Fascinating,” he whispers, “I must contact some colleagues about this,”

The potions professor scuttles away and James scoffs. So much for help. He looks up from his station and meets the eyes of a very amused Remus Lupin, who has a wolf’s nose and probably knows just as well as James does who smells like he describes, and Mary MacDonald, who alongside Peter runs the entirety of the Hogwarts gossip mill. He buries his head in his hands and groans.

He gives it an hour before the whole castle knows about this. He gives it a solid two minutes before a specific group people figure out the meaning behind what James smelt. They are never going to let him live this down.

In shorter words, James is fucked. And it’s not in the way he’d like to be.

He slumps down on his stool, dropping his head into his folded arms and wonders if it’s possible for him to go live out the rest of his days as a stag in the forest. He’ll take his chances with Hagrid’s gigantic gang of murderous spiders if it means he can escape the hellscape of embarrassment he’s about to endure at the hand of three Slytherin shitheads.

[wtchyvibes]

[norry-yippee]

New Regulus Black variant just dropped

[icedcoffeebabyy]

Judge: do you swear to speak the truth and nothing but the truth.

James: I do.

Judge: what are your relations with regulus black.

James: omg dare.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Rosekiller finds out about Jegulus

NSFW

"Potter? You're dating Potter, Reg?"

"Fuck off, Barty."

"....He's fucking fit though. Like...really fucking f-"

"Shut up."

"Right."

-

"So, is his cock really as big as they say? I heard rumors it was hu-"

"Fuck off, Barty!"

"Right, right, that's fair. But just...if I hold my hands out, stop when when I'm at the right length. This big? This big? Merlin, this big? It can't actually be-"

"Barty!"

-

"Alright, but if you've been hooking up around the castle, there have to be some stories. C'mon, weirdest place you've hooked up?"

"Your bed."

"For real?"

"No, Barty!"

-

"Who's the top? Do you guys switch? I feel like you switch."

"I'm a virgin."

"Nice try, I don't believe you after last time."

"You're right. Now we've actually fucked in your bed."

"Oh. I guess I deserved that one."

-

"Okay, but how do you feel when you hear the word 'threesome?'

"Like I want to stab you."

"Fine, noted."

"...what about foursome?"

"Get out, Evan!"

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Barty: James’ eyes are Brown, right? Regulus: They are, but a hazelnut brown. And they get these golden shades when the light hits them just right.

Evan: And when was the last time he smiled?

Regulus: Last night at about 1:57 am, when I said something that made him laugh.

Barty: Right. And when's my birthday?

[Regulus doesn’t answer]

Barty: When's my birthday, Regulus?

Stole it from here