#JINX WAS READY TO DIE BY HER SISTER’S HANDS

[crystallizsch]

jinx arcane i love you you've done nothing wrong whatsoever

if i had a nickel for every time i liked a character with side bangs like this and braids i’d-

[bwat5-blog]

Vi's Grief: An Honest Accounting

**Spoiler Warning for all of Arcane**

The reason I am giving my two cents on this when so many others have done such an excellent job already (check out the one I re-blogged, title is "all because of one woman" i believe), is because of a slew of conversation I have seen recently, making it out like Vi was just having a sad puppy phase waiting on Caitlyn, and that the moment Caitlyn snapped her fingers Vi came padding back for treats and pets.

In fact, what we are witnessing here is to me one of the saddest points of the story. In which a woman so characterized by her tenacity, her hope, her love and her spirit, just has nothing left. So to that end, I am going to be discussing the collective grief that brought Vi so low, and hope to relay the emotional weight and depth this moment should be given. (Even if the pacing of season 2 DID NOT).

Disclaimer: Anyone following me knows Vi is my favorite character and that I have written about her quite a bit. To that end, there be some things in this I just briefly touch on, that I probably got more detailed with in other posts. As always, thank you to anyone who takes the time to read and/or respond. Discourse and appreciation of stories and characters with heart and depth are how keep them alive. Below are a quick list of points I have explored in other posts regarding Vi's character that are relevant to this discussion but not needing full on analyses here.

Vi DID NOT make Jinx

Vi WAS NOT a bad sister

Vi IS NOT the Jinx

Powder:

The genesis of the grief and guilt Vi will struggle with for the rest of the story. In a moment of unimaginable pain, an at most 16 year old Vi lashes out at Powder who has seemingly caused the deaths of their family. She hits her, grabs her roughly around the face and calls her a Jinx before stalking away into the alleyway to cry. She almost instantly stops, looking at her sisters blood on her hands with horror, and stands to go back before Marcus materializes out of the shadows, stealing her away and throwing her in Stillwater for seven years.

I have discussed this tragedy in several posts and with heavy detail, so I will give you the overview here:

Every scrap of evidence before Vi lashes out suggests a loving, supportive, and protective relationship between she and her sister

While older than Powder, as I said per the writers Vi is 14-16 old during this time (I guess they never decided) which is extremely young

Vi tried not to involve Powder in this at all because she wasn't ready, and rightfully so. We have seen Vander's lessons regarding responsibility to those who look up to you settling in Vi's mind over the first three episodes. She knows there is a good chance they may not come back from rescuing Vander, and tries to keep Powder safe.

When Vi lashes out she has seen her entire family die violently, has narrowly survived a fight for her life against multiple adult thugs, and is wounded and afraid

There is no situation where a rational adult would blame Vi for what happened. But, grief isn't rational. One of the last lessons Vander imparted before his passing becomes a part of her so strong it will impact her forever in ways good and bad alike. "when people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish".

Vi loses everything, and everyone. Thrown in frightening, dark, violent prison without cause for seven years. Her whole world shrinks to the darkness in that cell and all she can think about, all she can focus on and hope for, is to someday make it right to the sister who looked up to her.

Jinx:

Seven years locked away from the world and when Vi gets her chance, she takes it. Lets quickly run down their reunion:

Vi immediately embraces Jinx and apologizes for everything that happened.

Jinx asks if Vi is real, clearly concerning but Vi doesn't bat an eye and just comforts her sister

When Jinx tearfully admits she has changed (the tone clearly indicating in a bad way as Vi understands) Vi does not judge or question, affirming that Jinx did what she had to in order to survive

After seeing Caitlyn and the paranoia and fear planted by Sevika and Silco in Jinx takes ahold of her, Vi continues to try and embrace her sister even pushing Jinx's machine gun out from under her chin

Fights back to back with Jinx against the firelights. We only see first real sign of fear/concern over Jinx's behavior when she realize how manic/gleeful Jinx is in combat, but Vi is taken by the firelights before it can be addressed

Vi immediately tries to take responsibility, accepts her, comforts her, and tries to protect her. They are separated and taken to the firelights hideout where she is reunited with Ekko. Ekko tells her unequivocally that Powder is gone. There is only Jinx, and that she works for Silco because she wants to. Now of course that is not entirely correct either. Jinx is an extremely complex character dealing with a multitude of factors to her decisions. What it really comes down to is this, when Ekko assures Vi she cannot change Jinx, Vi replies "I know my sister, I can reach her.. I have to try"

The Bridge:

After everything she has seen, and everything she has been through and been told Vi turns around from Caitlyn and Ekko, her every intention of going back into the Undercity for her sister alone. She only turns around after the combined betrayal by Marcus, and detonation of the firelights by Jinx almost kill Ekko and Caitlyn. Vi then is witness to her little sister breaking down and almost murdering them both, surrounded by the bodies from Jinx's bombs.

The Dinner Party:

Vi spent seven years in that terrible place, all with the dream of finding Powder and making things right between them. We have seen Vi stabbed, beaten, hunted and shot at all in pursuit of this dream. Jinx herself has at this point almost killed Vi herself. And even still, "when people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish".. All Vi can see is that she failed her little sister. From the sad and tender moment with Caitlyn in Cait's bedroom, to the fact that Vi goes after Sevika and Silco alone to put an end to it, she is carrying so much grief and sorrow over what's occurred. And its all made manifest at Jinx's dinner party.

This is a very intense scene and we could come at it from a lot of angles. To my view these are what matter:

Jinx has abducted Vi, Caitlyn and Silco

Jinx is finally acknowledging all of Silco's crimes against their family, but wants Vi to kill Caitlyn in exchange for "getting powder back"

Vi will not sacrifice Caitlyn but tries to keep Jinx and Caitlyn from hurting each other. Leading to Caitlyn having a shot at Jinx and not taking it before being knocked out

Vi and Silco "battle" over Jinx's soul leading to her breaking down but ultimately saving Vi's life over Silco. She then attacks the Piltover council, killing Caitlyn's mother

Interlude:

What follows is the aftermath of Jinx's attack and the eventual attack by Chem Barron on the memorial. The sister Vi fought so hard to get home to, has killed Caitlyn's mother. And worse yet, Vi convinced Caitlyn to stay her hand before it happened. Vi has tried so hard to protect the people she loves, tried to keep them safe. And while learning she cannot save everyone, and that the weight of the world is not hers alone are two of Vi's most character defining lessons. She isn't there yet.

The Ventilation Chamber:

"My sister is gone.. there's only Jinx now".

People have said Vi gave up on her sister too quickly, that she never really loved her, and that nothing justified donning the uniform and coming after Jinx in this way. As we have just been over it I won't list it all in-depth, but in short, Vi has been violently forced to recognize that Powder has become a violent, unstable, unpredictable murderer. And Vi still blames herself for this transformation that left only Jinx behind. So she does what she always tried to do, even if its the worst possible thing someone could ask of her. She puts on the uniform that has symbolized her parents death, her peoples oppression, and seven years of terror and abuse. So she can take responsibility and end the threat to the entire land that her sister has become. And it ends with her little sister ready to die.. happy believing it will be Vi's hands that end her.

Caitlyn:

Vi and Caitlyn are one of the driving forces of the story. Their love story has mattered so much to many people for many reasons, myself included. For this discussion, we are focusing on the moments that demonstrate their meaning to each other, and what is lost when it all goes wrong. Eventually I am doing a deep-dive on their story and going point by point, but this will focus more on the big picture.

Meeting:

After seven years of isolation and pain at the hands of enforcers. Vi is greeted by Caitlyn wanting information. They play their roles, Vi the cocky inmate, Caitlyn the uptight officer, until Vi reveals she has been beaten up. Caitlyn's response is a stoic thing. She does not march to the desk demanding justice. She does not get all teary eyed and beg Vi's forgiveness for her organizations corruption. She crosses the red line. She decides not to walk away. Later in their discussion, Vi accuses all enforcers of being "Asshole criminals in fancy uniforms". Caitlyn does not bluster. She does not fight. She does not curse Vi as some undercity thug and leave. She just listens. It's the sort of thing you would normally consider insignificant. But we see it from Caitlyn again later when she is talking with Ekko. Even if she doesn't believe it yet, Caitlyn listens. And Vi hasn't had that in a very long time. All concluding in Caitlyn Kiramman, scion of one of the great houses, freeing Vi from prison. The vulnerability in Vi's face when the door opens, and the shock on Caitlyn's face in response is beautiful.

Caitlyn Saves Vi:

Caitlyn's rescue of Vi from Sevika is when Vi's walls start to slowly come down. It's not an instant process. Even after being stabbed Vi is still making jokes, trying to do it all herself. But as the events play out we see the true beginnings of their connection. Caitlyn barely knows Vi. But she immediately engages Sevika to save her, and even trades her prized weapon to save Vi's life. The incredibly soft and tender physical contact between is so telling. And Vi for all of her tough, harsh exterior has been denied anything like this her entire life. Caitlyn has freed Vi, saved her life, and is likely the first real affection Vi has had in her life since before Vander was killed.

Vi Chooses Caitlyn:

We discussed this incident earlier pertaining to Vi/Jinx. So all we need to say here is that for the first time since being freed, we see Vi prioritize something.. or someone.. over getting back to her sister. The concern and relief in her face clear to find Caitlyn alive.

Caitlyn's Abduction/The Dinner Party:

We discussed this event in detail earlier. But some things we have to remember when discussing Vi's relationship with Caitlyn are as follows:

Caitlyn was abducted from her own home

Jinx offers Vi "Powder" back if she will kill Caitlyn

Caitlyn repeatedly tries to tell Vi Jinx is too far gone, but doesn't take the shot at Vi's urging

Caitlyn is violently knocked out by Jinx

Caitlyn has to watch as Jinx murders her mother

This woman that Vi has clearly come to care for, perhaps even love by now (hard to say it a shorter tv show), has now been terrorized and almost killed by Jinx repeatedly. And now so has her mother.

The Strike Team:

In the aftermath of Jinx's attack, all is thrown into chaos and confusion. Retaliation by Piltover upon the undercity is not a question. Its happening. Caitlyn is trying to manage her grief, while Vi is trying to be there for her and manage her grief/guilt over Jinx's part in it all. Caitlyn offers her the badge in order for them to be together to try and bring Jinx to justice, but Vi refuses. The enforcers are the symbol of too much pain from Vi's past. It takes the attack on the memorial for Vi to relent, knowing the only way she keep Caitlyn safe and have any control over what happens with her sister, is to join the strike team and wage war in the streets of her birth.

I have discussed the strike team and the morality of their actions in other documents so here I just want to talk about what this means between Caitlyn and Vi. Vi knows Caitlyn was going. And this was the only way to stay by the woman she loves. But i think at least on some level, even though they are hunting chem barons, and even though the use of the grey is not NEARLY what the fandom has made out of it, Vi is wearing an enforcer uniform, in Zaun's streets, doing violence. I don't know how that couldn't weigh on her. Even if logically she knows she is doing the right thing, it has to feel like a betrayal of where she came from. Caitlyn knows this as well but with each passing day is relenting more and more to her rage before Vi's eyes

The Kiss:

"Everyone in my life changed promise me you won't change"

We all knew it was far too late for Caitlyn to keep that promise. And as I have said in another post, it wasn't really a fair thing for Vi to ask. But does that make Caitlyn a liar and Vi selfish? No.. Caitlyn sees the woman she loves laying bare her fear and her vulnerability, in a way she knows Vi only trusts her enough to show. A way she knows Vi is only showing because Vi loves her.

And for her part, to ask someone who has lost a loved one not to change is impossible. That loss leaves a whole, and you can't be who you were before that hole was carved from you. But Vi has watched the woman she loves sliding further and further down this dark road unable to do anything but try and be there for and keep her safe. Vi's entire world was violently ripped away before she was imprisoned. And now the events of the last few weeks have taken her sister as well. Caitlyn is all that she has and she is afraid.

Heartbreak:

The fight in the chamber comes. It is fearsome, and terrifying, and heart breaking. But when it quiets, Caitlyn has Jinx in her sights. The woman who murdered her mother, who abducted her, who has caused Vi so much pain she is RIGHT. THERE. And Vi stops her.

There has been much debate on what happened. Perhaps in that moment, Caitlyn didn't care if she hit isha. Or, she truly believed she would not and was willing to risk it. Neither are the Caitlyn we know. So Vi stops her. Trying to get her to see the child in danger through Caitlyn's rage and pain.

This whole sequence turned my stomach. It feels like a violation as its supposed to. Once separated after the explosions, Caitlyn and Vi argue, and Caitlyn breaks her promise. She tells Vi she is no different than Jinx. Jinx who killed her mother. Who terrorized her. Who killed those enforcers and became Silco's daughter. And when Vi tries to stop her leaving. Caitlyn hits her in the stomach with her rifle. Leaving her all alone and in pain, crying on the ground.

Conclusion:

Well once again this ran longer than I meant it to. I for sure repeated some things some of you have seen from me already, and I'm sure there was a more concise way to do this. But much like Vi's breakdown over Vander's body at the end, or Caitlyn's becoming the commander, this is an extremely dark, bleak moment that the breakneck pace of season 2 flashes by. And a lot of people really seem to underestimate what she is going through. Up to this point, Vi had defined herself by her loyalty and strength. Her willingness to stand for those she loves no matter the cost to herself. She only knows how to live for those she loves, and believes that is all she is worth. Now, in a very short period of time, the hope of reuniting with her sister has been violently, savagely destroyed. The Last Drop is forever changed. Vander, Milo and Claggor are dead. And the woman she loves, the woman she began to believe loved her (we know Caitlyn does but her darkness is for another post), has left her as broken and alone its like she never rescued her from that prison at all.

[volatilebrat4103]

Broken cycles and fixed bonds (Part 3)

The room falls silent, realisation dawns on Y/N, “Jinx?”  She remembers how her girlfriend had told her of her past, her mistakes, how she killed the mother of her sister’s girlfriend.  She didn’t mean to of course but it happened.  Caitlyn can only nod as she watches the tears fall from her eyes.  “I’m sorry Y/N” Caitlyn’s voice fills with sadness as she carefully treads over to her sister who is frozen in her spot, chest heaving as she clutches her shirt.  “A-and dad?” 

“He’s alive and well”  she sends a reassuring smile to her now fragile sister.  With this Y/N collapses to her knees with Caitlyn surging forward to catch her, letting her sob into her shoulder.  Caitlyn holds her close, trying to comfort her, the weight of their shared grief is palpable, and Caitlyn can feel her own emotions welling up in response.

After some time Y/N’s sobs die down to broken whimpers, she pulls back to meet her sister’s eyes, “I’m sorry smalz” she manages through her tears.  Caitlyn hand tenderly cups the younger one’s cheek, wiping away the never-ending steam of tears, “it’s okay, I’m sorry too” her voice soft and assuring.  “I know you’re only just finding out but please…don’t hate Jinx, I have a feeling you know what happened”  Y/N nods, her tears slowing down, “As much as it hurts I can’t hate her, I love her too much”  she buries her head in Caitlyn’s chest.

“You know, I remember the first time she told me about one of her biggest regrets…she told me how she killed the mother of her sister’s girlfriend” she sniffles before continuing, “I kept thinking it must have been painful to carry that weight, I kept reassuring her that we’ve all done things we regret, hurt those who mean the most to us” 

Caitlyn tightens her arms around her little sister, wishing she could take away all her pain.  “I mean hell, do I even deserve to mourn mother after all the things I’ve done?”  Y/N mumbles with a pang in her heart.  “Hey none of that” Caitlyn pulls Y/N’s head from her chest guiding her eyes to her own, “regardless of what you have or haven’t done, she was still your mother” Her tender hands cupping Y/N's face.

The two sit in comfortable silence, the occasional tear escaping but quick to be swept away by the other’s hand.  “Do you think she would hate who I’ve become?” Y/N whispers causing her sister to chuckle.  “No but she would loathe your appearance”  she tries to brighten the mood, eliciting a chuckle form Y/N. “Of course, ‘no scion of the Kiramman name shall be seen in public looking like a vagabond’ “ Y/N mocks drawing out a laugh from both sisters.  “oh how I hated her lectures on appearance” Y/N groans throwing her head back.  “And yet between the two of us you were always dressed elegantly”  Caitlyn teases, “Only to avoid being suffocated in dresses” Y/N shivers in disgust at the thought causing Caitlyn to laugh once more.  “Oh and don’t forget the hair”  Caitlyn chuckles. 

“She would be devastated to see you cut your hair so short”  Caitlyn smiles whilst running her fingers through her sister’s now short yet neat hair.  “I can imagine the lecture I would receive about it, something along the lines of, ‘a Kiramman woman must be elegant and beautiful, not run around looking broody like a man’” the two laugh imagining their mother lecturing them. 

The laughter slowly dies down, “She never forgot about you, even kept your room exactly the same”  Caitlyn spoke in the silence.  Y/N looks down, slowly pulling out a pocket watch with the Kiramman crest, the silver shining brightly against the light.  Y/N stared at it before carefully opening it revealing a family photo when they we much younger, “I never thought I’d be back here, I could always picture the look of sadness on her face, and it broke me time and time again.”  Y/N’s words were raw, her voice hoars as a lump formed in her throat.

She pulls her little sister in for another hug, her presence calming her once more. “You ready to go out there?”  Caitlyn gestures to the door, both women knowing their girlfriends we on the other side and had possibly heard the whole fight.  “Does it make a difference whether I am or not?”  Y/N shakes her head as Caitlyn gets to her feet offering a hand to the younger of the two.  “Now or never” Caitlyn continues, “Yeah, I owe her an explanation”  Y/N looks down sombrely, “She has always been so honest with me about her past, about what she had done…I’m a hypocrite”  Y/N takes the hand offered to her, rising to her feet, now standing almost a head taller than her sister. 

They head to the door together before exiting the room, feeling eyes on her Y/N looks up, Y/E/C meeting pink.  “Hey” Jinx says softly, stepping forward as she picks at her nails.  “Toots I’m so sorry I-“ Jinx is cut off with a chaste kiss. 

“It hurts but it was a long time ago, neither of us knew that it was my mother” Y/N reassures with tear glossed eyes.

Y/N takes a deep breath, feeling a sense of trepidation, glancing at Caitlyn who nods encouragingly.  “Maybe we should sit for this”  She leads them back to the small living room where they had all previously been in, taking residence on the small table whilst Caitlyn and Vi share a chair leaving Jinx to use the other positioned in front of Y/N.

“Do you remember what I told you about my past?”  Y/N asks Jinx, taking her hands in her own, fiddling with her fingers.  “I mean it wasn’t a lot just that you were different from your family and that you didn’t belong” Jinx’s hand reaches up to cup Y/N’s cheek to comfort her the latter leaning into the warmth. 

“Precisely, I am the second born Kiramman daughter, my mother is” Y/N pauses, letting out a sigh, “was council woman Cassandra Kiramman, Caitlyn is my elder sister however…we do not share the same father”  Both Caitlyn and Y/N looks to each other for reassurance.

“Many of the people affiliated with my family begun to look down at my mother, saying she was unfaithful.  It was plain out obvious that I was not human, after all what human child had pointed ears and a tail?”  At this Vi looks up confused, “Tail?”  she tilts her head as the other three chuckle.  “Yes, I have a tail, I prefer to tuck it away” Y/N smiles at Vi who nods in understanding.

“As I was saying, my birth had tarnished my mother and the Kiramman name, it wasn’t her fault but yet she had to live with the consequences” Y/N’s frustration grew but Jinx was there to dissipate it, her touch along grounded her.  “My father he…he forced himself on my mother and as a result I was conceived”  Y/N finishes looking down with tears in her eyes.

“Caitlyn was the legitimate child of the Kiramman blood line whilst I was the half breed baseborn”   Tears slowly escape with Jinx being quick to wipe them away guiding her to look her in the eye.  “It’s okay toots, I’ve got you”  she comforted with a small smile.  “I desperately tried to bring pride to our family name but I was forever the burden, don’t get me wrong my family loved me unconditionally, even Tobius raised me as his own, but it didn’t change the fact that whilst I was present my family would be shunned” 

“Y/N” Caitlyn chokes out, her heart breaks hearing how her sister truly feels, Y/N was always the rock between the two, always eager to support her sister in any way possible, the strong one.  And now, now to hear that her little sister was breaking truly hurt her. 

Y/N looks over to Caitlyn, their eyes meeting, “The only way to save the family was for me to disappear, make everyone believe I was truly gone.  And so I did…I faked my death and fled the city, swore I’d never come back” The room fell silent, the only sound being the crackling of the fireplace.  Caitlyn’s face was etched with pain and regret, her eyes welling up with tears.  Vi’s expression is a mix of shock and compassion, her eyes fixed on Y/N’s face.

Jinx slowly pulls her lover into her arms, Y/N quick to nuzzle into her neck trying her best not to completely break down. 

Other Parts

[fumifooms]

Jinx’s eyes and lost innocence

This sequence.

A bomb like she made in her youth. Except that unlike then, this one works, this one explodes… With paint and glitter and powder, instead of intending to kill or hurt.

The man who shielded himself from it sure that it would be his end, surprised, checking himself for wounds with disbelief, covered in paint, as if it was just some harmless prank. Relief. But the second surprise comes with the sound of the gun behind him. We see their eyes shift, both of them, her steeling and readying her shot without urgency and him understanding with urgency that yes, he is going to die, at her hand, and the bomb was just a fluke, a cruel prank, a distraction at best.

And this. These are the seconds that interest me, what ties it all together. The way we linger. The way she lingers. To, during a fight scene, slow down the pace to watch her face as she pulls the trigger and feels the recoil of her gun, watch her take in how she just took another life, watch her mouth part and her eyelids flutter when she notices the kid.

There are not enough emotions on her face for someone who just killed, but also there are more than there should be for a cold-blooded killer showing as much practice ease as she is. Does she always have this moment when killing someone? Did seeing her paint bomb go off, shooting someone covered in her paint and glitter of it, make her feel anything? Did she see the change in her that empowered her that she both loathes and clings onto in that split moment, too? Why did she even remake that first bomb? Why make it work and make it work to shoot off harmless fun showy things? Why indulge in this remnant of her past, why with that innocent intent intact stills if it didn’t get warped with the use of distracting an enemy to better sneak attack? Why taint that memory? Is the reaction only when she sees the kid?

Why does the camera linger, why does she linger? We’re not sure, and I’m sure she herself doesn’t know, but what we know is that she’s changed, and yeah, we’re low.

The kid, watching the fresh corpse fall, with curiosity more than anything.

Jinx with the gun gesture, reflecting their earlier conversation, referencing it. A shared secret, shared smirks, a relationship forming. Complicity. Jinx is knowingly or not taking her under her wing, shaping her by example like mentorship. A little girl that she resembled once getting desensitized to violence at her hand, encouraged to see killing positively. Empowering.

Episode 2 explores her past and upbringing in many ways, talking about Silco, her many mistakes, seeking out Sevika the last remnant of a person of her life with him and sticking with her, doing something for her despite knowing she should be betraying her any minute now. But fast forward to episode 3, the next time she has to confront it and herself.

Jinx praises Vi for finally using the right name for her, Jinx, and Vi talks about how she’ll kill her so she stops sullying the memory of Powder, blahblahblah. They exchange some punches and rows of bullets, we see Jinx’s eyes take in and calculate and shift here too, react and then react. Vi using the same mirror Caitlyn shot into intending to kill Jinx to shield herself from Jinx’s shot.

But this is it. When Vi uses her huge metal hextech fists to rip her invention, her gun, apart. Jinx is not the only one sullying memories, Vi is here, as an enforcer for Piltover, using Vander’s choice of weapon, and she uses it to hurt her, destroy her things, her inventions whose worth was such a source of insecurity and identity growing up.

This is when Jinx sees so very closely, at the other end of it, her sister’s rage and murderous intent as she rips metal apart.

We see her expression shift again and again during these few shots and the ones before and after. Her face as she watches Vi’s through the wires of her gun. As Vi roars. She grows less confident, less sure, more nervous, dare I say more fearful.

The music kicking up. Jinx’s face right then cutting to Jayce’s with a very similar expression, staring at something he doesn’t understand. "What have we done" he says.

Vi has always always been stronger than Jinx, inventions were how she made herself strong, and Vi can destroy them, Vi can rip metal apart.

And oh. Oh. This is truly really for real now. A fight to the death. No punches pulled.

She crawls away from Vi and it’s only the hextech malfunction that saves her.

Sevika smiles at Caitlyn biting her hand, with newfound respect as she draws blood. At her will, her bloodthirst, how far she’ll lower herself to hurt and fight. This is a scene about corruption arcs.

Jinx stands before Vi whose symbol of corruption just failed her, chained her to the ground vulnerable, and Jinx pulls the trigger just like Caitlyn, just like Vi was ready to do. No punches pulled.

Except they are. Jinx has steeled herself but Vi is softening. Vi is strong but she is vulnerable too and she can be made weak with Jinx’s guns and bombs.

And despite this when Jinx falls from her own weapon misfiring at a shot meant to kill her Vi is reaching out to catch, not hurt. Hold, not claw. Deflect, not counter.

Push, not punch.

Jinx’s eye shines pink like shimmer and this is when Vi shifts on the offensive, just before Jinx fires the shot that barelly misses her as she throws Jinx roughly at a wall.

And now they’ve fully switched places. The longer Vi has to fight Jinx the more she’s conflicted, the more Jinx loses herself to the fight the more she rages.

The chorus swells. "Just when you’ve done it all / you will turn it all / to ashes and blood" No words left to say, nothing left to mend.

She’s ready to die when she lunges at Vi with only her fists, she expects to die, hopes so. Knows from experience their respective results in that punching arcade game full well, even if she were to try with all her might, having tried all her might. She’s felt cursed by fate for a long time and she accepts it, just wants to go out with the most fireworks, to have been seen, to have mattered one way or another.

Vi punches the altar next to Jinx even as she’s got her pinned down defenseless and she readies her fist. And she has all the time to do it, she could have done it, except she couldn’t. And it costs them the chance to killl her.

The scene as a whole has a split focus on Jayce, Jinx and Vi centrally, and the song lyrics match that quite well. The full ones lyrics are worth looking at but to keep it quick: "How does it feel to reach the line that no one ever got to cross? Does it make you a god now?" A rethoric question of course, the song spells it out like it’s a damning wake-up call. The scene is all about regret. Our choices have led us here, it says. Jayce is dreading and afraid of what he’s done, Jinx is empty and as self-loathing as ever, Vi wants to stop blaming herself and is still conflicted on what side she should be on. "Catch the fire burning out your soul / Just make it die or you will turn it all / To ashes and blood" Jinx, accepting this is where she dies. She’s said in episode two she wants to kill the last of her family, but we all know it’s a lie, she’s never wanted to destroy and break things, never wanted to cause ashes and blood. She wants to fix things. She wants things to fix. She just wanted glitter bombs and arcade games. She wants there to be something left she can fix, but it’s all just dust now.

Jinx has never been in that place before, she took the time to draw all those Powders and Vis on pillars while waiting for her to show up so they can kill each other. She’s lingering on the past again, bringing it into the now to use it as a stage for battle.

Jayce is reckoning with the consequences of what he’s created and done, that he might cause a lot of ashes and blood. Vi being corrupted too, by Piltover, by rage, by Jinx, by Powder. Vi is being turned to ashes and blood, this is what jinx has made of her, what she’s made of herself. Vi is being corrupted too, by Piltover, by rage, by Jinx, by Powder. Vi has changed, too. Their whole society, their whole lives, their world figuratively and literally, it’s all crumbling.

"Every sin will be forgiven / If you lay down your weapons to the ground" But that’s not really how this works, is it. Jayce or Jinx can’t fix what they’ve done. Vi can’t say this, can’t fix her. No, they’ve dug their graves and the ground is where they’ll all be. Powder is dead.

Just when you think you’ve lost everything. Everything can get ruined and marred a little more, always. The past is not only in the past, it’s here and it’s haunting. Jinx will keep sullying the memory of Powder for Vi and Vi will keep tainting Jinx’s memories of her sister and their childhood.

[mvmnbnv]

Do you know what’s annoying me in this fandom ?

The fact that despite everything the show has been doing with ‘caitvi’; despite the fucking abuse; the lack of acknowledgment of that; how sped up their fucking relationship has been; dumb ass caitvi fans are literally STILL frothing at the mouth for the crumbs they’ve been given. All the while thinking it’s actual hot shit. I’m so fucking annoyed. Nobody is recognizing how badly the show is taking Caitlyn and Violet’s stupid romance arc. I you loved a ship so much, I figured you’d want it to be respected??? Doesn’t seem like the fans give a shit. ESPECIALLY about fucking Violet.

They just keep talking about wanting Cait and Vi to have hatesex. Man, fuck this fandom fr…

Everytime I see people talking about them having sex after all this I die on the inside. And yeah...there's just no respect for vi...like at all. From fans or from the show. Either ppl are so desperate they'll take anything or have already romanticized these gross behaviors to the point of thinking its cute. And now you have ppl trying to go "see?? Take that caitlyn haters! She does love vi!" .....mf based on what??? Second hand accounts?? Her being more than ready to hit vi again?? Not even asking how she's been at all?? Hitting her to begin with, leaving her for a year and fucking someone else?? How does this scream she loves vi to anyone...and the way vi had more anger for jinx than she did her is so annoying to me....the way she apparently still trusts her bothers the shit out of me, especially after that trust was literally broken. I don't think fans or the writers respect vi at all. And I'm not about to be gaslit into thinking this shit is good. Hell I have jinx who despite having every right to drop vi and want her gone after what she'd done she still goes looking for her and wants a relationship...she still gives a shit about her sister and looks out for her at her lowest. And I'm supposed to settle with someone who aside from what other characters say I can't even tell if they give af or not...? I'm so tirrreed

[sequenceofmind]

this image will continue to hunt me forever. the acceptance, the defeat. jinx did not care for her life anymore and she was ready to die at the hands of her sister. and vi's expression when she realises just how suicidal her baby sister is...

[violent-viscera]

(okay, i apologize i initially wrote this post as a reblog but i decided i wanted it to have its own separate post)

can we talk about jinx following vi around after their s2a1 fight? bc as much as i love the sisters, there's no two way out of recognizing that the girls were out for BLOOD. no mercy, no empathy, no affection.

look at the stoicism and determination on both sisters. wavering in their convictions, standing at opposite ends of the bank, one wearing blue for piltover and one wearing the grit of zaun.

next, these girls are going at each other. guns ablaze, iron fists curled and ready for action.

and arcane’s signature: blood and spit. completely refusing to shy away from how hard these are going at each other.

all this and vi revving up to deliver the final blow and jinx resigned to die at her sister’s hands.

and if theories are correct and a significant time lapse happens in act two (which is basically guaranteed)…i NEED and am fiending to know why jinx shows up and checks up on vi.

how did we end up here?

[sofokl13]

tw: suicide

ok you know what?? i may not let jinx go actually. i think her conclusion can go both ways. there's some evidence she might've lived and i can't imagine riot actually killing of the most beloved character like this. but what if they do?

i know people have very strong opinions on characters sacrificing themselves, especially if said characters could achieve redemption any other way. they say it's depressing and shows that when you're broken enough, the only way is to kys. but, my two cents as someone who's been battling suicidal thoughts for years and maybe yearned for a sacrifice like this... i don't disapprove of this message. i think people deserve to go out on their terms. suicide isn't inherently bad. it's a human right. and jinx has been through so much that maybe it was the best choice for her. after all, that's what silco said; the only way to end the cycle is to opt out. she was ready to do that with burning everything left after her jinx-style, but in the end, she was ready to go out like a hero. instead of simply killing herself, she made it an act of love for her sister. she went out on her own terms.

on the other hand, if she's actually alive, it could be explained in a satisfactory way too (because IMO characters magically turning up alive isn't a much better trope either). as i wrote above, she lives like a jinx but doesn't die like one. it's her ultimate act. well, what if this is where jinx dies? her christening. jinx was born in the flames and died in the flames. instead, powder comes back. she passed the test. she's free now.

idk, this is going to be a controversial post probably, but i wanted to pour out my thoughts and feelings. i do hope jayce, viktor and heimerdinger don't come back because IMO their arcs were finished perfectly. but jinx is a more complex and volatile character. schrodinger's cat, even.

either way, she will always live in my heart. thank you, riot and fortiche.

[saintheartwing]

Analyzing Arcane: The Redemption of Jinx (MAJOR SPOILERS!!!)

I know when to admit when I'm wrong. And I thought Powder, or rather, Jinx...was just plain beyond help. It looked like she'd fully given into her worst self.

And then...Arcane, Season 2, shows me how wrong I was...with the introduction of Isha.

We get a tiny HINT it's not too late for Jinx when she actually HAS a chance to shoot her sister...when her sister comes looking for her in the arcade they spent so much time in, and picks up Claggor's goggles.

She's fingering it, lost in thought about the past, and Jinx cries. It's not just the fact that it's her sister and all her emotions about what's happened recently are flooding, she's probably also thinking about how what she did got her friends killed as she watches her sister hold one of the last remnants of her friend's memory. And she just can't do it. She can't shoot her sister.

She runs off and runs into trouble, and of all people...SEVIKA is the one who helps out. The two used to hate each other, but with Silco gone, the two bond over the mess he's left them in. The Underground's crime bosses are tearing each other apart and innocents are caught in the middle, and they have a hole left in their lives, cuz despite the fact that he didn't do much on his own...Silco had a way of bringing people together and uniting folks that kept order. Things were mostly under control...now they're not. Now, the rules are gone.

And it seems Jinx wants to die. She lets Vi and Cait track her down and they're obviously intent on killing her. And Jinx is just fine with Vi doing that despite an initial and vicious fight.

In truth, when it's clear Vi's won, Jinx is like "I'm glad it was you" and just lies there ready to die. Then...Isha rushes in to save her.

And this...this is how we see what Jinx really needs. Jinx's entire life she has been almost entirely dependent on others for what she needs because she can't exactly manage on her own. The trauma she endured in losing her parents had her relying first on Vander and Vi, then on Silco. Then without him...without ANY kind of support structure...any kind of love...

She just doesn't have anything to live for. Then, with Isha, things change.

Now, she's not building bombs. She's painting bugs and having them do fun little gladiatorial battles. SHE'S the big sister figure who has to be responsible. And while all of this is happening, the city of Zaun is seeing Jinx as a rebellion against the police state Piltover is becoming, using her blue hair as a symbol of uprising, stoked BY Isha who imitates Jinx to help further stoke the flames of rebellion.

Later, Isha gets captured along with a bunch of other Zaun residents and tossed into Stillwater Prison. Jinx goes with Servika to bust them out, and...they're all grateful to see her.

All of them are just so happy she busted them out, she's absolutely stunned. She's NEVER had so many people openly happy to see her. And she's touched. And then...

Then it gets back. Warwick, the werewolf-esque beast that mad scientist Singed's been basically working on in the background of the series gets let loose.

And frankly her gun is like a POPGUN to him, it barely does a thing. It looks bad, real bad...until...he recognizes two things. One...the bomb she's got in her hand when she tries to blow herself and him up together. And two...her face. Her hair. Her eyes.

And he says one word that has Jinx realize the truth. The awful, yet still hopeful truth.

"Powder?"

Yes.

It's Vander. Jinx realizes her father figure isn't dead. She goes to Vi to tell her all about it, realizing that if Vander is TRANSFORMED but still able despite everything to recognize HER...then perhaps all the damage that was done all those years ago, maybe it's not impossible for it to be fixed. They can still be a family. It might not be what it was...but it'd be having her father back. Her sister back. And when they eventually find him in the mines, Vi actually reaches through to him.

I just about broke out crying here. They are a found family once again. Naturally, they want to try and cure their dad OF him being all big, furry and with violent tendencies, and luckily, Victor has a commune of people he's been healing of terrible wounds. He can make the blind see and the lame walk and all that, and he's happy to welcome Vander in, seeing him as perhaps his biggest test. He's a bit more...creepy cult leader but his compassion hasn't changed. For once, the sisters have hope. Vi even suggests "hey maybe we could stay here in this commune, it actually seems really nice" and Jinx is like "Wait...you WANT my opinion"? She'd been afraid Vi wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Now though that Vander seems like he'll be back to his old self, AND she has her sister and Isha though, Jinx is actually happy.

The selfishness she had inside her simply needed to be balanced out with a real support structure. She needed to know she was loved. She needed to know that Vi WOULD never give up on her. That love won't change. Nothing can change that bond, not ever.

Sadly...things end horribly. Singed comes by and he's brought Ambessa AND the Noxian army with them...just as JAYCE has come round. As we find out later on, Jayce has basically been to a bad future and he's seen what he thinks happens if Viktor is allowed to just keep doing his cult stuff...his idea of healing people will actually allow Hextech to overrun all of Piltover and BASICALLY ANNHILATE EVERYTHING into a kind of watercolor painting nightmare. The only way to stop it...is to kill Viktor, who's mentally STILL trying to heal Vander.

So Singed stops the curation of Vander AND with Victor being almost killed by Jayce, Vander is tragically lost in the beast of Warwick, and he's going wild. Worse still, there's only one way they can get away from him AND the Noxian forces, as Isha has gotten hold of the gem cores that have so much magic power...the ones which can EXPLODE. She loads three into Jinx's gun, dives under Warwick, and...

...well...

The good news is our heroes get away. The bad news is Jinx has now lost her father again, AND lost Isha. She is at her absolute lowest point.

She's not eating. She's so dirty and not bathing. Her hair is growing overlong. She even apologies to Cait saying that she never meant to kill Cait's mother, she didn't know she was even in the tower she fired on. Not that it excuses what she did.

Her inner voice in the form of Silco, now with a blue eye to contrast against the orange eye he had in real life, tells her that killing is a cycle. It's only stopped...when someone gets the courage to finally walk away. Jinx feels that he's right. There's only one way she can break the cycle. There is no "Good version" of her. She should die.

But who should show up? The "Boy Savior". Ekko.

Ekko has been VERY busy. Thanks to an experiment with Jayce and Heimerdinger, they got tossed into alternate timelines. In the one he and Heimerdinger ended up in, although Vi died...basically everything went great. Zaun got full freedom, it's basically utopian, his father figure Benzo AND Vander are alive, in fact Silco and Vander made good and they're still friends. Claggor and Mylo are inventors. POWDER is one too and she's...well, CUTE! He actually got a kiss with her on the rooftop they spent so much time at as a child. It's heartbreaking and touching. And he's there now with a "gift"...the work of him, Powder and Heimerdinger in that timeline...a device that sends you back four seconds in time. Though any damage done to you remains.

And so Ekko talks her down from the edge. "No matter WHAT happened in the past, it's NEVER too late to build something new".

She notices the device...and she sees those monkeys. She knows full well SHE didn't build that...though in a way she did, and I think she puts two and two together seeing his time travelling machine. And she makes the choice to fight for Piltover and Zaun against the oncoming hordes of Noxians, fighting alongside her sister.

Thanks to Ekko's time-travelling abilities, Jayce, Jinx, Cait, Mel, all our heroes manage to succeed. But Vi, seeing Vander in the state he's in, can't bring herself to just leave him...which is a mistake. Vander seems basically gone...and so Jinx sacrifices herself to save Vi.

Seemingly blowing herself and Warwick up, though it's implied at the VERY, VERY end that perhaps she's NOT dead, because a zeppelin flying off is the last shot. A zeppelin JUST like the one Powder said one day she'd be flying in...

With THAT...as "The End"..

So...the bottom line of the show being that if you're willing to change and make yourself better...you CAN be. It isn't too late for you. Though you cannot do it on your own. People need to be surrounded with those that love and care for them to give them that final push sometimes, and that's a good thing. The whole season two has shown that if Jinx had the love and care of those who she loved and cared for...she could be the "better version of her". And seeing Vi would never, ever give up on her gave her the strength to be that.

I've never been so happy to be proven wrong about a character. Thank you, Riot Games, and thank you, Fortiche, the French studio that made the beautiful animation for this amazing series.

Seriously, folks. Go watch this on Netflix. PLEASE.

[lipstickchainsaw]

Alright, I have one more Arcane post in me before Act II (or maybe two, if I can find the time to get my thoughts on Jinx as Janna in order), so let's talk about Vi and Caitlyn, what they did to and for each other, and the fallout of episode 3.

Vi is a notoriously protective person; it's been her driving motivation from the very beginning, and the great tragedy of Vi as a character is that she has to watch herself lose the very people she's trying to protect often for reasons outside of her control.

Because her protectiveness, her self-conception as the older sibling, is the rock she built her identity on. It is the thing that kept her going in prison, even as the who she was protecting her sister from shifted from Piltover and its enforcers to Silco and his goons. It provided her with stable ground, and she needs that stable ground to fight from.

And then Acts II and III of season 1 are all about destroying that stable ground. Her home is no longer what she thought it was, her sister is so very different, what is she doing all this for? Who is the person she's protecting here? She burns every bridge with the Undercity in order to resolve this tension, tears down her childhood home, wrecks her second home in a (rather pointless) fight with Sevika, joins in an extrajudicial raid against her people, is willing to step over a dead kid to answer this question.

And in the end, she no longer recognises her sister at all.

All that's left, then, the only place she has left to go, is with the sole companion throughout this quest, the woman from Piltover, an enforcer, hell, a council woman's daughter, the woman who seemed to get it. That could be her rock. That could be the one she was useful for. That could give her the stability of purpose she needed.

So she clung to Caitlyn, trailed after her like a lost puppy, but that came with ever more compromises. Little ones, that no doubt irked, like being offered a job as an Enforcer, like hearing she was one of the good ones, having her people called animals to her face. She doesn't get upset about any of that (compare her to the way Viktor responds to Jayce when he crosses that line, and how Jayce actually reconsiders his stance as a result), she can't get upset about any of that.

Because if she got too upset about that, she might lose her rock, she might lose what keeps her here. She can't press Caitlyn on this, because Caitlyn might show herself as having changed, and then where does she go?

So she compromises further. She wears the uniform, she gasses the people of Zaun, ignores the moments where the Strike Team is more brutal than necessary, and when the cognitive dissonance here threatens to become too much, she tries to resolve it by begging Caitlyn to stay who she is, who Vi got to know in season 1, who Vi thought she was.

But when she has Jinx at her mercy, when Jinx is ready to die by her hand, Vi sees Powder in her eyes yet again, and hesitates (because Powder wants to die, but the world won't let her), but it doesn't stop her. What stops her is Isha throwing herself on top of Jinx to protect her, and what breaks the cognitive dissonance isn't even the thought that Caitlyn might shoot her, it's the fact that killing Jinx in front of Isha would create another Jinx.

And this time, Vi is the monster, because while she begged Caitlyn not to change, she had not realised how much she'd changed. How she forewent the 'good heart' Vander so praised her for. As this snaps into focus, she realises this is one bridge too far, one compromise she can't countenance.

And it gets her called evil by virtue of her blood.

So she loses the last bit of stable ground, and her step away from her moral event horizon sees her lose everything.

For Caitlyn- well, okay, look, I'm just going to quote what I said about her sociological role before the season started:

She has seen just enough from the Graysons of the world to see that as a more honest way of living life than what her mother does, and so she decides to slum it, insisting she should be treated just as everyone else, unaware of how her class privilege affects any of those interactions as well. Seeing it as a more honest living, as a goal to target with a single-minded focus, does lead her to approach the problem with a bit more understanding, allows her to actually see the Undercity and its many aspects, but even then, she's still coming from above, and her family is still responsible for much of that suffering, and when that check comes home, her appreciation for those nuances doesn't exactly survive.

Nailed it.

It has been noted that the name 'Kiramman' shows up a lot more in season 2 than it did in season 1, and that's because, in season 1, Caitlyn was removed from her sociological role. As she approached and moved beyond Grayson's appreciation for the Undercity, she got to live that more honest life she'd always dreamed of. She got to experience the Undercity alongside Vi, not as Caitlyn Kiramman, heir to one of the most influential families in Piltover, but as just another person.

She spent most of season 1 separated from her class position, but in season 2, she no longer gets to have that little luxury, because her last name starts mattering more than her again (last names the people of the Undercity don't have), and while she resists its trappings at first ('Hextech may keep us alive, Jayce, but it's not what will save us'), by the time she gets the key to the family records, accepts becoming the representative of the Kiramman legacy, she has very much lost that battle.

The thing that makes the Grey so thematically beautiful is that it is very much a representation of Caitlyn's grief choking Zaun, as she undoes her mother's good work to try to avenge her. It's a very rich representation, too, because it also narrows her perspective, and worsens the problems that already come with the single-minded, targeted focus that her sniper represents.

Because throughout it all, Vi's been there, and Vi, to Caitlyn, has been the proof that she is still living that more honest life. That she hasn't fully lost herself to grief and anger, that she's still able to see the good in Zaunites, so she can't be too far gone.

And so, as she takes aim at Jinx, knowing for certain that she'll make the shot (and justifiably so, I think), she doesn't see the stuff surrounding it, the consequences of shooting Jinx, and the way it will perpetuate the cycle of trauma and violence through Isha.

And she hasn't been able to see the journey Vi's been going through, and how Vi responds to her actions.

So when Vi resists her, she can either take a step back and ask herself what the fuck she's doing (like Jayce did), but that'd mean changing the target. The alternative, then, is that Vi is also one of Them, instead of one of Us. Because the position of 'one of the good ones' is inherently fragile.

And without Vi to keep her honest, to keep her Caitlyn instead of Kiramman, she lets Ambessa seduce her with that very name into becoming a dictator.

[vole-mon-amour]

2x04, part 2.

These two having this kind of dynamic in s1 would've been fun. Also, the fact that Sevika didn't turn away from her after Jinx had that meltdown and almost shot her. She and Silco :)

She's like a fun aunt or an older sister. Love the dynamic.

You guys don't know your heroes. Show some respect.

That's right <3 That's what you get. Get her ass, Sevika.

I'm in love with her. She's slaying this haircut.

The way Jinx says it, lol.

The way they draw tears and spit this season is over the top.

I don't think topsiders understand how screwed they are because it's Sevika and Jinx who rescue them. A symbol, indeed.

Look at this beautiful design.

I feel like the writing is very OOC for Jinx this season, especially compared to s2. True to the game, though. Or maybe they just want to show how Silco's death is affecting her.

Okay, she's Viktor now. Cult found and all of that. (But if Viktor dies, does that mean Jinx will die too?)

I'm feeling.

She's just a kid and she deserves better :( Honestly, fuck topsiders.

And Sevika is proud of Jinx.

I love this family so much. Silco is missed. I wonder what he'd thought of Isha. He could be gentle and sweet (and he was with Jinx).

Gotta admire Sevika for being ready to fight with one hand, and a human one at that. What a badass woman.

They are carrying this season on their bare shoulders. The irony is, that beast is kind of on their side. Kind of. If we forget that he's an experiment for the sake of testing him and his strenght. Dude doesn't care about people anymore.

Look at her and her design. I'm still so in love with this.

the fact that something in him still recognizes her ;_; And the fact that he can TALK, and he still has consciousness. Oh, we're in for such a wild ride.

[bwat5-blog]

No Matter How The World Tries To Break You: Revisiting Vi's Loss

** Spoilers for all of Arcane**

"Vi is such a crap sister"

"Vi let Jinx die"

"All she had to do was move, she refused to listen to Jinx even after everything she did!""

"Jinx is gone because Vi couldn't let Vander go"

**This is sort of a return to one I've already done but with some updated thoughts and more of a complete picture, so if you read my stuff you have probably heard most of this**

In the weeks since the show ended everyone has been sharing their reactions, fan-art and fiction, trading theories and asking questions. It has been truly wonderful to be a part of. And my understanding and appreciation of these characters and their story has only grown thanks to this community.

However, certain things have also persisted. Things that I simply cannot wrap my head around. One of which, is the amount of people suggesting that in that last moment between the sisters and what used to be their father Vi failed. She faltered, "letting her trademark refusal to let go of the past cost her sister her life" (hypothetically)....

They dismiss or disdain her heart and refuse to consider it in their judgement. But to dismiss Vi's heart is, first of all to dismiss a massive part of her story, but it also to dismiss her humanity. And it is the humanity of Arcane that makes this story what it is. And so as I have in bits and pieces across other posts, we are going to take another very quick look at what she has been through, and keeping that in mind, discuss that tragic moment between the former family and why she can't move off of that platform.

A Barebones List of Vi's Suffering: No discussion of blame or right or wrong just what happened.

Age 9-

Witnesses the death of her birth parents and several of their people at the hands of Enforcers

Age 15-

Has spent years living in harsh and dangerous Undercity (think back to the fight with Deckard if you need reminding.. "wanna see how that ends")

Witnesses violent deaths of Mylo, Claggor, and Vander. All after coming so close to saving them and fighting off armed thugs all on her own.

Parted from Powder in way that leaves massive amount of guilt and fear for her little sister's well being

Kidnapped and thrown into prison with out cause

Age 15 to Age 22-

Seven years in Stillwater prison. Abused, assaulted, completely deprived of love and kindness and hope.

Age 22-

Stabbed and beaten by Sevika after being told her sister was Silcos daughter

Narrowly escapes Silco's ambush in her old child hood home, having to bring it down to get away

Reunited with sister to find she is unstable and dangerous, taken from her after barely any time together when Vi is knocked out

Almost killed by sister on same bridge where their parents died. Surrounded by victims of her sisters bombs

See's Zaunite boy killed during she and Jayce's raid on shimmer plant

Almost killed by Sevika again during fight, knocked out and abducted by Jinx after she wins

Her long lost beloved sister who has clearly become someone very different, offers to be who Vi wants her to be if Vi will just murder the innocent woman she has come to have feelings for. Vi stops Caitlyn from shooting at Jinx trying desperately to keep them both safe, sees Caitlyn violently knocked out, is then almost killed by Silco before Jinx saves her, but kills Caitlyn's mother.

She is willing to hunt Jinx down, but Caitlyn asks her to wear the uniform of the people who killed her parents

Survives the memorial attack in which Caitlyn was almost killed as well.

Agrees to become an Enforcer: Compromises her principles, doing violence in the streets of her home. Readies herself to kill her sister.

Realizes after giving up on and almost killing her sister that she IS still in there.

The woman she loves, who she put on the uniform for, tells her she is no different than her sister, hits her, and leaves her.

Age 23-

Spends several months totally alone in self-destructive spiral in which she has given up

Gets Vander back but he is in mutated form

Loses Vander in extremely violent fashion only a short time later

Loses Isha violently

Almost killed by explosion saving Jinx's life

Left behind by Jinx after going to free her

Fights in terrible battle in which for just one example of the death she saw Lorris riddled with arrows

Okay. that brings us back to the incident in question. Now, I don't know about all of you. But I read that list, and then look at the twenty-three year old woman trying to hard to protect the people she loves, and my heart breaks for her. That amount of trauma and loss is staggering. So when Violet stands over the prone body of what was once her father, she doesn't respond to jinx calling about the platform failing. She doesn't speak... she doesn't respond.... her whole world is centered around Vander's prone form, and when she falls to her knees we see what she is seeing.

Her father, the man who raised them when Felicia and Connal were killed. She sees the night he died in her arms the first time. When she was only fifteen... It has come be my belief, that Vi was experiencing what is sometimes called a "Dissociative Flashback" related to PTSD born of the horrific life she has lived.

** DISCLAIMER: I AM IN NO WAY A MEDICAL HEALTH PROFFESIONAL. THESE ARE THE OBSERVATIONS OF A FAN BASED ON RESEARCH AND BELIEF ONLY***

At the very basic layman's level, (because that's all I understand anyway) all of this trauma has culminated in a flashback where Vi is not able to process what's going around her, because her mind is locked in that terrible night all those years ago where she lost her entire family. She can't see the platform crumbling, she can't hear her sisters desperate calls. And it's not until what used to be her father tries to kill her, that her mind is ripped back into the present moment. And it's not the Vi we know... it's the Vi we knew. She blocks his first hit, but then.. she doesn't fight. She crawls back confused and afraid, and when she calls his name she sounds for all the world like a young girl who doesn't understand why her father is hurting her. This is a terrible, tragic moment in which we are seeing this incredibly resilient young woman just finally have enough. It's heartbreaking, and it is in that moment when she is more vulnerable than she has ever been, that the little sister she found her way back to saves her life.

As I said it my discussion on Caitlyn earlier tonight, this is not about favorite characters. This is not about liking or disliking Vi's arc either. This is about empathy and understanding. It is about seeing the humanity in this twenty-three year old woman who has been so strong for others her whole life, laid low and needing someone to stand for her. And so to those of you who feel targeted by this post, I am not questioning you for not liking Vi. That is your right. But perhaps if you cannot see the heartbreaking humanity in this moment, you should begin to ask yourself some questions.

Keep standing up for the stories that matter, because that my friends, is how they endure. Thank you for reading, see you all next time.

[crimson8x]

Watching arcane the experience

Act 1 vi and powder lost their parents vander milo and claggor die vi is alone left alive and she's met with the realisation that it was powders monkey bomb she in rage hits her then removes herself from the situation then gets kidnapped taken to Stillwater prison for 7 years powder is taken by silco

Act 2 the short lived reunion jinx sees Cait the enforcer and immediately turns on vi during fighting vi realising what powder has become before being taken by the firelights jinx once again lost her sister

ACT 3 jinx thinks that silco will hand her over to piltover and vi has replaced her with an enforcer of all people at the bridge she was ready to die but silco saved her even though it was excruciating for her now she kidnapps vi and Caitlin who've broken up Cait is faced with a difficult decision her hesitation leads to jinx getting the upper hand jinx in her delusions shoots silco because he pointed the gun at vi then she fully accepts herself as jinx and shoots towards piltover

S2 ACT 1

Caitlyns mom died Vi begrudgingly puts on the enforcer uniform Jinx sees vi as an enforcer and has a breakdown vi asks Caitlin not to change later realising it's too late at the end caitlyns hitting vi at the same spot her stab wound which she helped heal leaving her alone in pain

Act 2 vi is loosing herself in fighting as a pit fighter ISA is taken by the enforcers jinx gets her back but is left fighting Warwick who recognises her as powder powder goes to vi and vi chokes her before coming with her they find vander he was getting better then jayce shoots Viktor making him go feral isa shoots at Warwick

Act 3

more heartbreak to come

Can't we have nice things for more than 5 seconds

[i-am-bitterly-jittery]

On Death's Doorstep (pt 40/53?)

[<<First],,,,[<Prev],[Next>] [ODD Masterlist]

Word count: 1547

Rating: Teen

Pairings: Creativitwins

Warnings: suggestive clothing, alcohol, shenanigans, crimes

~~~START~~~

“ROMAN!” 

Roman jolted awake as their sibling threw themself onto his bed, causing him to bounce slightly. Remus didn’t seem to care that he’d been sleeping as she wiggled her way up until their head was on the pillow next to his.  

“What?” Roman groaned, their attempts to pull the duvet over his head hampered by Remus weighing the covers down.  

He used to have his own floor, so it was at least a little harder for Remus to bother them during their beauty sleep, but now he was staying in her guest room, and they could barge in whenever she wanted. Like when he was trying to sleep, for instance.  

“It’s midnight,” Remus explained, as though that meant anything.  

“So?” If Roman ducked a little, he could hide their face under the corner of the duvet.  

“It’s our birthday.” 

Oh.  

Their birthday.  

They’d forgotten about their birthday, what with everything else going on and all.  

Roman shimmied his hand out from under the comforter and held his pinky out to their sister.  

“Make a wish,” they said. She twined her own pinky with his and they both closed their eyes.  

This was their tradition, to make a wish on their birthday. They didn’t know when they’d been born, so they just did it at midnight.  

There were rules to the wish:  

It had to be lofty — too lofty to actually achieve, at least before their next birthday, anyway.  

It had to be selfish — no wasting it on anyone else.  

It had to be different — no wishing for the same thing every year.  

With those rules in mind, Roman closed their eyes and wished to be cast as the first gay Disney prince — his wishes were usually pretty similar every year, but he made sure they varied enough to follow the rules.  

“Roman?” Remus whispered after they had spent a few minutes in silence, eyes still closed.  

“Yeah?” He had almost drifted off again, but they fought to keep awake.  

“Can I sleep here tonight?” 

“Yeah.” They gave up on staying awake, but they thought he heard Remus whisper a thanks before they were out.  

The next morning, by unspoken mutual agreement, the two got dressed in their most flamboyant clothes and took full advantage of being two of the three people who could safely leave the building by hitting the town. They always preferred to be just the two of them on their birthday, which really worked out this year as Roman highly doubted either of their friends remembered — heck, Roman had almost forgotten, he could hardly blame Janus or Logan if they had forgotten too.  

The first stop on the birthday docket was their favorite cafe where their favorite baristas, a blue and pink haired woman named Jinx, was ready with their usual, plus two birthday cake pops.  

“Birthday pops for the birthday twins,” Jinx laughed as Remus snatched up her order hungrily.  

“Jinx, my love, I don’t know what we would do without you!” Roman pretended to swoon.  

“Die miserable, I’m afraid,” Jinx shook her head in mock sadness.  

“All too true!” Roman agreed. “Alas, if only I were in to women, and you attracted to men, we would be unstoppable!” 

“The gods are conspiring to keep up apart!” Jinx pretended to swoon as well.  

“Well if you ever get tired of flirting with Roman,” Remus rolled their eyes, having devoured their entire breakfast sandwich already. “I’m always available to be the other woman.” 

“Betrayed!” Roman cried dramatically. “And by my own flesh and blood no less!” 

Jinx laughed again, but valiantly attempted to sober up as another customer came through the door. “I still have to work, but you two paint the town red for me — or green, as the case may be — alright? Happy birthday.” 

“Goodbye, my beloved!” 

“Bye Jinx!” 

The two left the cafe, and once back out in the sunlight, Roman couldn’t resist twirling and allowing their scarlet skirt to flare around them. For just a moment, their spirits soared, then reality came crashing back on him.  

“We’re bad friends,” they observed glumly, the sunny weather no longer reflecting his mood.  

“Nah,” Remus waved his concern off. “We can’t exactly help anyone at this stage, and lying around feeling like shit isn’t gonna help anyone at any stage.” 

“You don’t feel bad that we’re treating ourselves?” 

“Nope! As Janus likes to say: self-care, bitch! They’d want us to be selfish today, as long as we aren’t getting in their way — which we’re not.” 

“A lot’s changed in a year.” Roman observed.  

“Hmm,” Remus agreed halfheartedly. “Maybe by next year we can overthrow the government!” 

“Please tell me that’s not what you wished for,” Roman begged — that sounded like a lot of work.  

“Nah, it’s what I wished for last year.” 

Roman stopped in his tracks to groan, but Remus kept walking, forcing Roman to rush to catch up.  

The second stop in their birthday outing was an occult shoppe in the mall that sold candles that Roman liked and oddities that Remus liked. Before and after the shoppe, they did some window shopping — also known as casing the joint, a birthday wasn’t a birthday if they didn’t commit some crimes — at the surrounding stores.  

In the center of the mall was a large, multileveled fountain. Roman and Remus spent over an hour and twenty-three dollars in dimes trying to outdo each other in terms of tossing coins into the fountain. Tosses were judged both on style and on distance from the fountain when the coin was tossed, bonus points were awarded depending on which level of the fountain the coin landed in. People sent them strange looks as they did this — while dressed in a flamboyant acid green bedazzled suit and a scarlet ball gown — but the twins hardly cared.  

They had lunch in the mall food court before heading back to their lair in order to suit up and rob the stores they had scouted earlier in the day. Coincidentally, the mall was the same one Thomas and Nico had been abducted from; the damage had been repaired, but Roman got some satisfaction in undoing those repairs.  

It was just a simple smash n’ grab, and with no heroes in the city, there wasn’t much resistance. With Dr. Frankenstein and Serpentine busy trying to infiltrate the government, the task of causing chaos throughout the city fell mostly on Gemini’s shoulders (there were other villains too, but Roman found most of them to be pompous jackasses not worth collaborating with), and petty crimes like robbing stores in the mall were encouraged. Roman ended up taking home a gorgeous ruby necklace that he would, unfortunately, have to be an idiot to wear in public any time soon; Remus got a large, glittering skull ring that she insisted on naming Yorick.  

They returned to their lair to stash their ill-gotten gains before returning to Remus’s their shared floor to pull off their third wardrobe change of the day. After grabbing a quick dinner at one of the food trucks that hung around the park, their final destination of day would be The Wrecking Ball, so Roman put on a pair of red booty shorts, a white mesh cut out top, leather harness, and a pair of white leather Prada boots he’d recently lifted.  

They met Remus, now wearing a pair of baggy black cargo pants, adorned with dozens of chains and spikes, six inch platforms, a thick leather collar, and a green crop-top that said in glittering letters WHORE,  back in the living room, and the two set out.  

The bar was packed by the time they arrived, the music blaring so loud that they could hardly think, their ears throbbing from the vibrations. The dance floor was packed, drinks sloshing wildly as bodies collided against each other to the beat — the DJ was keeping the energy pulsing, mixing Cher into Kylie Minogue into Britney and beyond. It didn’t take the twins long to find some marks to sucker into buying them drinks — a vodka cran for Roman, and a Dirty Shirley for Remus — before they abandoned their new suitors and hit the dance floor.  

They lost themselves in the beat, pickpocketing the occasional unsuspecting victim but predominantly just enjoying themselves, grinding against strangers and screaming the lyrics to Barbie Girl. Their drinks never ran empty — the club was packed and it was all too easy to bat their eyes and obtain another one. Roman felt like a prince when the DJ mixed Happy Birthday into the set-list for them, and he certainly auditioned plenty of handsome strangers for the role of prince charming.  

Roman wasn’t sure when it was that they managed to drag themselves back home, but even as exhausted as he was, they couldn’t help but notice a folded paper card lying on the kitchen island.  

Happy 23rd Birthday  -Janus 🐍 

Happy Birthday. There is a cake in your fridge, my apologies for not remembering sooner.   Regards, Logan 

Roman smiled and placed the card back on the counter. The cake could wait until tomorrow, when they could have their friends around them, and Patton, and Remy, Babs, Thomas, Nico. And maybe soon they could have another cake to share with Virgil… 

For now though, it was time for bed. 

~~~END~~~

Full disclosure, I did not write the clubbing scene because that is something I don’t know anything other than theory (I’m not a fan of loud, crowded places), my friend wrote that.

While I was waiting for my friend to read this chapter and fill in the club scene, I wrote the next chapter, so you’ll get that pretty soon :)

ODD taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @arsonic-knight @misunderstood-shadowling @lost-in-thought-20 @remy-the-lemon-berry @jinxcrafter @apinkline2715 @gothfoxx @donutsarepartybagels @xoaningout @meganmoneky14 @lunatatic

[idkwhatimdoingbutslay]

Book of Slays: My Fic Reviews and Recs 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

Summary and word count #️⃣:

When Vi lucks out and finds two tickets onto the RMS Titanic in the pocket of some weirdo she fought at a bar, she doesn't think life can get any better. Then she meets Caitlyn.

13 178 words, 6/10 chapters

Important Tags 🏷️:

Alternate Universe - Titanic (1997) Fusion, Arranged Marriage, No Lesbians Die

Characters/Relationships discussed and involved 👩🏾‍🤝‍👨🏼👩🏿‍🤝‍👩🏽👨🏼‍🤝‍👨🏻:

Caitlyn/Vi, Jinx and Vi, Caitlyn and Jayce, Caitlyn and Cassandra

Snippet 📖:

“Deckard carries cash? What an idiot!” She theatrically pulled the bills from the pocket, only to reveal two yellowed slips of paper rather than the green they’d been expecting. “Uh, Vi?"

Both sisters stopped short when they realized what Powder was holding. “Shit, Pow, don’t get oil on ‘em!” Vi carefully took them in her hands and brushed off what little grease had transferred onto the paper. The pair quickly ducked into an alleyway to read without the risk of someone seeing their newfound fortune.

Vi’s eyes skipped across the paper, lighting up brighter and brighter the more she read. “Powder,” she looked up into eager pink eyes and broke into a crazed grin. “We’re going to Piltover!”

My thoughts ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Very sweet <33

First off, I love the dynamic between Jayce and Caitlyn. They’re not resentful or controlling in this arranged marriage, they’re caring and understanding. Jayce gets Caitlyn’s predicament with the fact that she needs to be with him so she doesn’t suffer with any other man. A marriage of convenience but it conveniences the people in it 🫶🏾

Caitlyn and Vi are adorable and always will be. I love the fact that they’re already so attached and caring when it comes to each other. Them being each other’s safe space is very nice.

The plot… honestly interesting. Jinx and Vi are running away from Zaun, looking for a new life but they’re actually being followed. The sibling-like relationships in this fic are just very nicely done. Silco being this menacing presence even though he’s not there. Also the addition of Silco actually having an established connection with Vi instead of “I need to get Jinx away from Silco,” it’s an “I need to get us away from Silco,” is always interesting.

Cassandra is messy, elitist and quite controlling, as per usual, but I’m ready for her to come around and accept her daughter and her choices. Seeing Caitlyn try to live her best life despite her mother and her expectations, not letting her mother completely bring her down shows Caitlyn’s amazing strength and perseverance.

Overall, fun, sweet, interesting and ready for it to continue !!

[zoeykallus]

Arcane - Little Flower Part 4 – Before You Killed Me

Silco x female!reader

Warning: 18+

Violence/Blood/Near Death Experience/Drowning/Hurt/Strangulation/Pain/Drama/Brutality/Cursing

------

Author's Comment:

Heads up, reader is going through hell in this chapter. Buckle up if you are ready or skip it if you are faint of heart.

A shitload of Drama ahead.

I don't know why, I just blame the music again, if it's making sense or not. On repeat while writing: Too Many Tears

------

What Happened Before:

Little Flower

Little Flower Part 2 - Safe And Sound

Little Flower Part 3 - Cupidos

Part 4 - Before You Killed Me

The time you spent with Silco was almost always determined by languid tenderness. Still, your heart raced every time his hand touched you, his gaze crossed yours, or he entered the room you were in. But by now you had seen more of him, more of things you perhaps should not have seen. Things you couldn't forget. The underlying skepticism and fear that had always been there was still present, not severe because you didn't have to fear his wrath, but unyielding.

By now you spent most nights with him, though often alone in his bed as he worked late into the night. Sometimes, though, you would wake up in the morning and he would be lying next to you, sometimes awake, one arm wrapped around you, watching you sleep. Sometimes asleep, lying across the bed any one or more of his limbs tangled somewhere in the covers with you.

You had even made friends with Sevika by now. Well, more or less. Somehow she liked you much more now than at the beginning. You didn't exactly have the same interests, but in a certain sense you respected each other. You admired her loyalty, her courage and her strength. You witnessed the latter from time to time, Silco rarely got his own hands dirty. There were only a few exceptions.

The small syndicate that produced Cupidos, he took into his own hands, personally. He even took you with him. You remembered the day very vividly... Silco had given you a mask, a filter mask, he was wearing one himself when he walked into the building and threw a grenade created by Jinx into the room. Poisonous gas had spread to every little corner of the room. People had gone down gasping, bloody foam coming out of their mouths as they died in great agony, eyes wide open. The images still haunted you sometimes in your sleep.

Yes, you had wanted Silco to take the matter in hand and put an end to Cupidos, but it was more than just an ugly thing to witnes it. He had taken you with him because he wanted to show you that he kept his promise. But seeing those people die had been terrible. You had watched everything, not daring to look away because he was watching you. A part of you was still afraid of him. Even if you loved him by now, and sometimes you doubted yourself because of that.

You were sitting with Jinx in her cave working on a plan for a fancy revolver you were going to give to Silco. The gun looked elegant and fierce. A long muzzle, a big barrel with 12 chambers, an elegant grip with filigree engravings. Anyway, when the weapon was finished, it was supposed to look awesome.

Silco's daughter and you had become close, were almost like sisters by now. Jinx had experienced one or more traumas at some point in her life that she had never been able to come to terms with, something had broken inside her and led to her strongly fluctuating behavior. But by now you had figured out how to deal with it. She often sought your closeness, your comfort and she let you calm her down when she had one of her outbursts again. Basically, Jinx just needed a lot of attention and someone who listened to her, responded to her and gave her the feeling that she was not alone with everything that was going on inside her. Silco loved her, but he manipulated her much more than he helped her. But you didn't think he really realized how much of the damage she had done over the years came from him. Their relationship was an emotional dependency that had unhealthy traits. But you'd be careful not to say a word along those lines to Silco.

"Here look," Jinx said delightedly, holding out the drawing to you.

She had completed the pattern on the handle, it looked like angel wings swinging around a skull.

"That's really impressive, Jinx," you admitted honestly.

Around the skull were delicate rose vines you had drawn.

With a proud grin, the girl said, "I'm sure he'll like that, it was a great idea, Y/N."

Yes it had been your idea. Silco didn't talk about his birthday, so you decided without further ado that you would just give him something anyway and let Jinx in on your plan. The girl had immediately been on fire for your idea with the revolver and you had gone straight to work, discussed how the dimensions should be, which ammunition you wanted to have made for it, which blacksmith you wanted to commission with the individual parts and so on. You had been with her since morning and by now it was almost evening.

"I should probably get back to Silco now, he'll probably be annoyed that I've been gone so long, he doesn't like it when he can't see me for too long," you sighed in surrender.

"Man, he shouldn't make such a fuss!" said Jinx, rolling her eyes.

You laughed softly.

"I might even get him out of that habit someday, who knows".

On the way back, you were already a little nervous. Silco tended to pepper you with questions when you were gone too long, he was a sceptical and jealous man with serious trust issues and you weren't sure how good you were at hiding the fact that you and Jinx had been working on a gift for him. You weren't very good at lying, it was basically uncomfortable for you, so you were pretty bad at it and Silco had a talent for seeing through people, you in particular.

However, when you walked into his office, he was sitting behind his desk, elbows on the table, hands folded and resting against his forehead.

"Hey, I'm back."

Silco looked up at you very slowly. Something he actually did a lot when he was angry or wanted to intimidate someone, slow predatory movements. You blinked nervously, sensing immediately that there was something lurking behind his behavior.

"You've been gone a long time," he said simply in his smooth way.

"Yes, Jinx and I have been working out plans."

After a few seconds he said, "I see."

Unsure of what to say or do, you decided to do what you had planned anyway.

"Is it okay if I take a bath?"

He nodded and finally stared into emptiness again. Something was up, but usually he was coming on to you and he didn't like being probed or pushed. He liked to be in control of everything- how things were handled and when he shared what information with whom, was part of it. You had never seen him angry with you before and you weren't going to, so you shut up and silently made your way to the bathroom.

You poured yourself some water, made yourself a bubble bath and lay down in the tub. With a relaxed sigh you closed your eyes, let the warmth creep into your muscles and bones and felt how you gradually felt more and more weightless.

When you heard footsteps, you opened your eyes and saw Silco approaching the tub. His facial expression seemed strangely stony. Worried, you looked up at him, frowning.

"Is everything all right?" you asked cautiously.

Wordlessly, Silco sat down on the side of the tub. He reached out an arm to you and his hand gently rested on your sternum, just below your neck, and let it rest there, bent over you. The touch was gentle, yet it sent a chill down your spine, despite the hot bath water.

The expression on his face, it wasn't just stony, there was more, but you didn't know how to describe it. Something dark, angry and at the same time sad, was hiding behind his sea green eye.

"What plans have you worked out with Jinx today?" he asked quietly.

You blinked nervously, again, and knew immediately that he realized you were about to lie. What he didn't know was that you were just trying to hide a birthday gift.

"You weren't with, Jinx, were you?"

His voice had taken on a rough undertone and his chest heaved up and down heavily with each breath.

"What? Yes I was!" you protested.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" he suddenly exploded, making you wince.

"I'm not lying," you said very quietly.

He gritted his teeth and the next moment you found yourself underwater. Startled, you tried to come back up, but his hand on your sternum held you down. Panic rose in you. What had happened, why was he doing this to you!!! You swallowed water, your hands tried to pull yourself up at the edge of the tub, without success, Silco was stronger. Your fingers clawed at his arm, you managed to wriggle out from under the arm in the water and for a moment your head came above water.

Silco jumped into the tub, fully clothed, sat over you so that you could not escape from him again. Anger burned under his skin, anger and a deep sadness that caused him physical pain.

You coughed, clinging to his arms whose hands were around your neck. He didn't squeeze yet, didn't push you under either, just looked at you for the moment as you lay under him in the water your eyes widening, your lower lip quivering before a sob comes out of your mouth.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"You betrayed me," he growled.

"What are you talking about?" you asked, crying.

"You weren't with Jinx, you were at the docks! You were seen there, with the Firelights sabotaging one of my shipments!", his voice growled hoarsley.

You didn't have the faintest idea what he was talking about, before you could react, your head was under water again and Silco's hands were squeezing. Absolute panic flooded your mind, your fingers clawed into his dress shirt and tore the fabric apart.

There was only one thing that kept flashing through your mind, aside from the panic, the bottomless fear. Why? You had always known who he was, but still, fatally and naively, you had never expected him to do such a thing to you. You had done nothing wrong. Yet your head was under water, above you an angry Silco, with wet clothes, his hands around your neck, wet strands hanging down his forehead, a wild look on his face. For the first time you actually saw it, the monster.

The water that came through despite his stranglehold burned in your nose, your throat, your lungs, like liquid fire. The senseless fight for survival that your body waged without your conscious intervention lasted for what felt like eternities. Eternities full of fear and pain. At a certain point you wanted it to be over, it should stop, you couldn't bear it anymore. Suddenly your thoughts became fuzzy, your vision blurred, it no longer burned. You knew your eyes were open and yet it went dark. Finally.

"Everyone betrays me, everyone does at some point and now you did too..." he pressed out between clenched teeth.

A single tear rolled down his cheek. The pain was unbearable. He had trusted you, Silco had loved you, the more violent had been the shock when his informant told him what you had done. It ate him up inside within seconds, his reason dissolved into nothing.

Your resistance weakened. Your eyes were open, staring at him, blank yet reproachful. His arms and shoulders shook with tension and pain, there were scratches from your fingernails all over his arms, some were pretty deep and bleeding.

"What are you doing?!" he heard Sevika ask in horror.

He hadn't even noticed how she had come in. She had never dared to enter his private chambers before. Presumably she had heard something and had come to look and found this scene.

"She betrayed me..."

Sevika had never interfered or contradicted her boss before, but here and now, she grabbed his shoulder and hastily pulled him away from your motionless body.

She lifted you out of the tub with ease, as if you were just a doll.

"Fuck!" she cursed "Why did you do that?"

"She was at the docks this afternoon, with the Firelights, when our Shimmer delivery was sabotaged, Ronon saw her," he explained in a breaking voice, watching Sevika check for your pulse.

"Have you lost your mind!!! She was with Jinx all day, I was keeping an eye on both of them like you told me to! Why didn't you talk to me first!!!"

Silco felt the world suddenly spin around him faster, he felt sick and his chest seemed to tighten.

"That can't be... he saw her... he was sure of it," he muttered, staring at your motionless body.

Sevika began to perform CPR and mouth to mouth resuscitation like she had seen on the docks before.

"Come on girl," she pressed out between ventilations "Breathe!"

Silco climbed out of the tub on wobbly legs and slumped down next to you and Sevika, leaving a trail of water, everything was wet.

"What have I done...?"

"You've lost it," Sevika grumbled "You snapped and acted without reason, that's what happened"

You just lay there and didn't move, didn't breathe, your eyes stared into eternal nothingness and ice-cold fear seized Silco, dragging him with it into an abyss without light.

"I didn't mean to do it..."

Sevika shot him a somber look, "Then why did you? I thought you loved her"

"...I do"

The next moment your body reared up, coughing. Sevika hastily turned you on your side so you could cough the water out of your lungs. She reached for a towel and placed it over your naked body.

Silco was still sitting there, slumped over, not daring to touch you. He stared at his hands then back at you. Those hands had killed you, the woman he loved, in blind rage, how could he ever let those hands touch you again?

Your body was trembling, but your eyes were closed, you were not quite yourself yet.

Sevika carefully wrapped you in the towel, lifted you up and carried you into the bedroom, where she laid you on the bed and covered you with a blanket.

"I don't know if she'll wake up again, but she's alive," she said to Silco who had silently followed her.

He suddenly felt very helpless for the first time in a long time and it scared him.

"Bring me Ronon," he said somberly.

When Sevika went to get Ronon, that snake, Silco changed into dry clothes. Just as he was closing the last button of his vest with trembling fingers, he heard a groan from you.

"Y/N? Little Flower, are you awake?" he asked softly and quietly, climbing onto the bed with you.

Another moan, finally your eyes opened fluttering open. When you saw his face above you, your eyes went wide. You wanted to scream, but from your throat came only a hoarse croak.

"I'm sorry, it's okay, don't panic...", he spoke to you.

You crawled away from him in panic, your heart running marathons.

Wrapping the covers around you, you struggled out of bed to get as far away from him as possible. You felt dizzy and almost fell, but managed to grab a bedpost. Silco got off the bed and approached you, wanting to help you, but when your head jerked in his direction and you looked at him with a look that resembled a cornered, injured animal, he stopped.

"I'm so sorry," he spoke softly.

"I don't care," you said, your voice hoarse and almost unintelligible.

Your hand went to your neck, feeling over the now dark marks where his hands had choked you. You wished so much for all of this not to be real, just a bad dream, but you knew it was real.

He lowered his head and looked at you like a beaten dog.

Very quietly he said, "That's not true."

"Yes it is, I want to get out of here!"

He gritted his teeth. It was understandable that you were scared and angry, you had every right to be, but this knowledge did not make the situation any easier for him.

Gently he asked you, "Where do you want to go? You don't have anywhere else to stay?"

"I don't care, I just want to get away from you!" you pressed out between quivering lips while tears streamed down your face.

It was not only your throat that hurt, it was everything, your whole existence hurt.

There was a long pause of silence in which you looked at each other, both full of pain and fear. But finally Silco took the floor again.

"Please don't go, little flower," he spoke in an husked voice.

"Where are my clothes?" you asked bitterly, ignoring his request.

"In the... In the bathroom, I think"

The next steps happened as if by themselves, your perception was still fuzzy and your overwhelmed mind blanked out a lot, among other things any sense of time and also some of the words Silco addressed to you. But you got the overall tenor. He was afraid to lose you, he didn't want you to leave.

"You should have thought about that before you killed me," you said flatly as you finally got dressed and walked past him out of the bedroom.

Only a moment later, he heard the door to his office open and slam back into the lock.

You didn't know where to go, first of all you wanted to get away from Silco. You had to sort yourself out, think, come to rest, plan next steps. But as soon as you reached a calm place, you sank wearily to your knees, breathing heavily and fighting another crying fit. Everything in you seemed to be on fire, your chest, your throat, your eyes, everything. You forced yourself to breathe deeply to calm down, but the next moment you were shaken by sobs again.

Sevika showed up at Silco's shortly after you left, with Ronon. Handcuffed, the stocky man with the red curls knelt in front of Silco. There was an icy silence, only Ronon's nervous breathing could be heard.

"You lied to me. I don't know why, but honestly I don't care. Y/N wasn't at the docks like you said," Silco finally addressed the man kneeling on the ground.

Ronon said nothing, he knew it didn't matter, he knew he was dead, now he could only hope it would be quick. But Silco would not do him that favor.

Silco walked up and down, Sevika as well as Ronon were silent, no one dared to say anything.

He was thinking about all sorts of things. He had never been a particularly accessible or loving person. The life he had lived up to that point had simply never allowed it. He himself had never experienced affection until you came into his life. Even if it had been rather bumpy in the beginning and he expressed his affection mainly physically, it was still there. It was something special, something he deeply appreciated. Today that had almost been taken away from him.

In his mind's eye he saw you under him in the water, his hands closed around your neck. How could he ever forget that image? How could he ever make you forgive him? How could he ever forgive himself? Quite abruptly, he threw a punch, hitting Ronon in the head and knocking him over. The man remained lying, not daring to get up.

Hot anger burned in Silco, consuming his every thought. He thought of what Vander had done back then, and the irony was biting. He had done to the only person he really cared about, aside from Jinx, what Vander had done to him.

Silco kicked, hitting Ronon square in the face with the heel of his boot, hearing his nose break and the man groan in pain.

Again and again images of you flared up in his mind, with each image he kicked. Teeth broke, cheekbones.

Ronon choked on his own blood, coughing and whimpering through broken jaw and teeth, "Please, have mercy."

"Sorry, all out of mercy," Silco growled, stomping on his face again and again and again.