#JESUS CANT HELP ME RN

[cxrnlia]

i have..something inappropriate to say. but i will stay quiet. the only thing i will say is HIS THIGHS ARE FUCKING KILLING ME JESUS LORDDD-

[puppyeared]

started stardew valley for the first time. born to remember villager likes and dislikes forced to immediately forget it the moment i take my eyes off thw wiki

[flufflecat]

anyone else finding it really, really personally nauseating that the pjo show would remove gabes entire character and replace him with someone less abusive to make sally a Strong Female Character. like wow, im sure glad that youve proven that women who are abused are the REAL threat to feminism, and they should just try talking back more!! what a good message to send to abused kids. sorry, kid. i guess you just didnt argue hard enough and #Own your abuser into seeing how cool and strong you are. what do you mean that arguing with an abuser will only make them hurt you more? but look how snappy and cool and feminist sally is now!!! youre clearly just being abused wrong.

[alluringscreech]

Where the everloving FUCK can i read up about all the different classpects? I keep looking but i cant find anything. Oh does it suck to be a homestuck who has zero clue how to actually navigate wikipedia n shit

[wjehfshs]

I forgot to take my meds so I’m gonna do some silly short imagines/scenarios with COD and DBH characters x reader

Warnings??: swearing. Cringe and uncreative :3, but I’m having fun so… reader being chaotic and silly

Mentions of smoking/cigars at one point and blood at one point but not too bad

A really fucked up looking cake made by reader and Connor

Somewhat Connor x reader

Price being basically the dad of everyone

Hank and Connor being the best father son duo

Hank kinda being a father figure overall

Hank also creating an abomination

OOC Connor??? Sorta??? Idk if headcanons about Deviant Connor count as OOC we don’t really see much of Deviant Connors personality.

COD imagines

Reader: who’s got their hands on their favourite food and they’re devouring it (may or may not be inspired by me at dinner earlier today)

Everyone else: looking on in fear and awe, their food basically untouched as reader is basically oblivious to the world

Soap: “Jesus fuckin Christ lad/lass, could ya slow down?! It’s givin’ me a stomach ache just looking at ya”

Reader: who stops dead in their tracks, food stuffed in their mouth as they are mid chew, fork with more food on it held up in midair as if they are about to take another bite. And they start slowly chewing again as they slowly descend back into their episode of shovelling food down their throat

Soap: “that’s fuckin it, bloody hell im eatin in my room” as he picks up his plate and walks off

Reader: walking back inside with a plastic tub that seems to be wet and heavy.

Price: “what have you done this time.”

Reader: “noooothing” they smile a little to themselves as they try to conceal their laughter

Price: “let me look in the tub. Now.”

Reader: backing off not wanting to make him angry.

Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Rudy, Alejandro, and Graves: All siting peacefully in the main area.

Price: in the background “Why the fuck did you bring a fucking baby Shark inside?!”

Ghost: covered in glitter, absolutely pissed beyond belief “would you like to tell me why there was a bucket of glitter sat on top of my door?!”

Reader: “well that’s actually a funny story you see…” starts booking it in the opposite direction

Ghost: chasing after them at full speed, still covered in glitter, leaving a glitter trail behind him.

Everyone: very confused as to why there is a glitter trail eventually leading to a locked door with a glitter covered Ghost banging on it with reader crying/laughing behind it out of both fear and it being the funniest shit they have seen all day

COD headcanons

I like to imagine Gaz really likes Beyoncé so if he’s ever put on cleaning duty he will wait until everyone’s asleep and he’ll listen to Beyoncé with his headphones on while cleaning, he’s definitely been caught a couple times by Price or Graves or something. He never lived it down but it still didn’t stop his love for Beyoncé.

Soap really loves olives, like, REALLY loves them so much so to the point where every time they get a supply of Olives they have to lock them away so Soap doesn’t take them too his room and eat them all in one sitting (side note: I hate olives, I really fucking hate olives)

Ghost likes hello kitty because it reminds him of the softer things in life (which he doesn’t really get to see much I can imagine) so back at home he has a bunch of hello kitty stuff such as plushies all placed neatly on his bed along with some other stuff like bed sheets, but he refuses to take any of it with him on missions even if he can keep it in his room in the Barracks because he’s just so scared that if the Barracks get attacked his plushies will either get dirty/bloody or straight up “injured” and he just loves them too much to let that happen, just quietly he thinks if that where to ever happen his entire world would fucking crumble in front of him (self inserting myself a bit bc I love my plushies this much too and I love hello kitty)

Price although he smokes cigars he knows how it can make Gaz worry (worried son moment frfr) so he’s trying to stop so he’s taken up chewing a shit load of gum. He will sneak in an occasional cigar if he gets too stressed out on a mission. He just needs that relief for a second but he swears he’ll stop next time (he doesn’t).

Soap likes to collect bath toys, ever since he got his nickname “Soap” he’s taken a liking to collecting bath toys (specifically rubber ducky’s) whenever he’s back at home.

Graves is a full blown homosexual but he’s too scared to admit it so he denies it every time.

DBH imagines

Hank: getting home after reader and Connor (deviant Connor, sorry I really only write deviant Connor bc he holds a special place in my heart and any kind of Connor hurts me) get a day off “Hey im homeeee…”

Reader: covered in flour and butter

Connor: the ends of his fingers are charred black a bit from the oven and he has icing bits in his hair

Reader and Connor collectively: “We made you a cake! :D”

The cake in question:

Hank: literal fucking tears in his eyes out of pure terror and stress. “…Thanks guys, I’m not. I’m not hungry right now but I’ll eat it later” as he slowly shuffles to his room with a shell shocked look on his face.

Connor and Reader: Looking at each other with the stupidest and biggest smile on their faces.

(This is inspired by a tik tok audio)

Connor: who’s deviant but is still used to being a machine so he analyses every single little thing. He walks up to reader. “You’re hair smells different today, did you use a different shampoo?”

Reader: slowly turning around with a scared smile on their face. “That’s actually really… creepy”

Connor: (in his head) “creepy? Am I. Creepy?” But on the outside he looks like he’s on the verge of tears

Reader: who sees his expression and immediately hugs him just to assure him they’re not mad just giving him a heads up that it’s kinda weird, they still love him tho (either platonically or romantically)

Hank: in the kitchen making something

Connor: “Hey Hank, what are you making?” As he makes the mistake, the traumatic life changing mistake of looking in the pot

Hank: who’s boiling fucking raw chicken with nothing but hot water. “Chicken.” He says bluntly as he cleans up and puts the chicken on the plate and eats it while it’s completely unseasoned and practically raw

Connor: from the sheer shock of the encounter he goes into overload and he’s getting warning systems all over telling him sometimes wrong

Reader: who has to sit Connor down as they try not to gag from Hanks creation he dares to call a “meal”

DBH headcanons

Neither Hank nor Connor can cook for shit so 90% of the time it’s either microwaveable food or take out for Hank.

Since Connor turned Deviant he developed social anxiety but when he’s around people such as Hank or reader he’s so silly, he gets so stupid and funny it’s so cute to see him like that (I want to squeeze him and put him in my pocket then have him surgically inserted into my heart permanently I love him so much)

Connors autistic

Hanks Bi

Connors Pansexual

Connor and Hank so father son activities such as play catch outside and walk Sumo (with reader ofc)

Hank had his house renovated to have an extra room put in for Connor (and if you also want to live there an extra room for you but if your romantically in a relationship with Connor you would probably just have a bed put in Connors room and Connor, although he doesn’t need sleep, he’ll go into sleeping mode with you on the bed as you two cuddle)

Connor saved up enough money to buy a phone so once he got it all set up the camera roll is just filled with pictures of Sumo, other dogs he saw in public while out, him and Hank taking selfies, Hank who once got drunk and stole his phone and took pictures of himself, you and Connor selfies, (if you two are romantically together, sometimes just pictures of you, many, many pictures of you) and, you, Hank, Sumo and him all in a photo together. Maybe a couple of photos with his other friends too such as Markus etc etc but it’s mainly those.

Connor love’s physical touch, platonically, romantically, all of it. Every day he gives Hank a good morning hug, and a good night hug (best son ever fr) and every time he sees you he squeezes you into a tight hug and won’t let go for a good minute (if you two are in love he’ll also pepper your entire face with kisses for that entire minute finishing off with a smooch on the lips)

Ok that’s all for now, I love Connor fr he’s my favourite I would die for him.

I know this was super cringe but I had sm fun doing this.

Ok it’s like 2AM I should go to bed

Bye bye!

[widevibratobitch]

moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love

[krispiecake]

i hope that everyone is aware that i am trying SO HARD to be normal but the universe is TESTING ME.

[silverislander]

prof said congrats for writing up a proposal so early i am going to get a good grade in. well this is literally going to be graded. but yk the meme

[munamania]

something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

[waybrightgender]

google how to get someone to stop reading about crypto and using degenerate

[woahthisguy4721]

.

[hatsalad]

.

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

[lesbianhowlpendragon]

feeling Hopeless 🤩🤩🤩

[h4m1lt0ns]

HEARTBREAK SYNDROME.

episode ten :: MADNESS, BADNESS.

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ pairing ︴lewis hamilton x y/n

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ genre ︴social media au / irl snippets

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ summary ﹔lewis + y/n = combination

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ face claim ﹔ wonyoung jang (28)

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ warnings ﹕ excessive cussing, none.

☆ IMESSAGE with : LEW <3

y/n: lew are u awake

lew <3: yeah i’m up

y/n: wait did i wake u up

lew <3: no no dw i couldn’t sleep

lew <3: why are you up tho doll?

lew <3: it’s almost two in the morning

y/n: i couldn’t sleep either <3

y/n: remember the demo lyrics i showed you like three days ago??

lew <3: the one you began writing on the boat?

y/n: yeahhhh that one

lew <3: yeah ofc

y/n: can u help me finish it?

y/n: if you’re not busy ofc

lew <3: never too busy for you doll

lew <3: plus i’m not really doing anything rn

y/n:

lew <3: you and those memes lmfao

lew <3: how can i help you doll

y/n: oh

y/n: i was actually hoping you’d come over

y/n: i’m just chilling in my home studio

lew <3: studio you said???

lew <3: you don’t even have to ask twice

lew <3: putting on my shoes

y/n: omg oh my god okay omg

y/n: y/n x xnda????

lew <3: whewwwwwww 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

lew <3: let me cook alright

y/n: get in there lewis

lew <3: omw !!!

y/n: pls bring roscoe

lew <3: dw i will

lew <3: i said your name once and he immediately woke up

y/n: 😭😭

y/n: i miss him sm

lew <3: on our way doll :)))

y/n

♡ liked by lewishamilton, yukitsunoda0511 and 7,204,108 others.

y/n it’s just me and you

tagged: roscoelovescoco, lewishamitlon

592,495 comments.

username Y/N’S IN THE STUDIO ALERT 🚨

username BITCH IS THAT ROSCOE???!?!?????!?!?

→ username IT IS SHE TAGGED THE ACCOUNT

→ username ROSCOE MUSICAL DEBUT???

→ username producer tag is woof woof

username y/n???? and lewis??? in the studio???? i’m excited????

username YESSSS NEW MUSIC SOON PLS 🔥🔥🔥

username LET HER COOK LET HER COOK 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

username YES GOD PLS

username Y/N AND XNDA????

→ roscoelovescoco y/ns ands roscoe

→ username HOE YOU AINT SLICK

→ username LEWIS DROP THE SONG IMMEDIATELY

→ username OKAY SO THIS JUST CONFIRMED IT

→ username WORLDS COLLIDING????

→ username IM SOOOOOO NORMAL ABT THIS

username LEWIS AND Y/N IN THE STUDIO????

→ username i personally, am frothing at the mouth.

→ username real

carlossainz55 babysitting duty?

→ y/n third wheeling duty actually

→ lewishamilton i was the third wheel 🙋🏾

→ username OHMYGODOHMYGOD

→ username Y/N X XNDA WHEN

[liked by lewishamilton]

username OMFGGGGGGG

roscoelovescoco i’s missed yous y/ns 🐾

→ username i once again say, hoe you ain’t slick 🤨

username there’s so much going on i don’t know where to look.

username LEWIS WAS THEREEEEEEE

username BRO IM BOUT TO EXPLODE

y/l/nestate glad you’re in the studio but please get some sleep 🎀

jensonbutton another banger album coming?

→ y/n maybe 🤭

→ username HUHHHHHH

username FATHER JENSON

→ username ANOTHER ALBUM????

→ username MA’AM YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT AND DIP

→ username Y/N COME BACK 🔪

→ username AYEEEEYOOOOOO

→ username SCREAMINGGGG

→ username BWOAHHHHHH

→ username Y/N I SWEARRRRRR

☆ IMESSAGE with : BOARD OF DIRECTORS.

princess george: so y/n

y/n: jesus christ

princess george: wrong

honey badger: lmfao

y/n: oh this feels like a threat

yukino: it is 🔪🔪🔪

PIERRE GASLYYYY: ^^^

y/n: OH???????

princess george: you and lewis huh 😏

y/n: don’t ever use that emoji ever again omfg

my baby lando: look at her trying to dodge the topic

babygirl alex: no bc literally

chili!: what were you doing in the studio w a boy in the middle of the night young lady 🤨

y/n: papa????

chal eclair: answer the question bae ❤️🔪

wifey lily: yet another man trying to steal my wife i see

angel carmen: no bc has he no self respect? frolicking with a married woman?

girlfriend kika: my wife specifically??

y/n: oh my god 🤭 babe i’m blushing

alabono: bro answer the question

y/n: 🙄🙄🙄🙄

y/n: he helped me with a demo i’m working on

y/n: we wrote a song together is all

yukino: a part of me wants to believe you but the other says you’re hiding shit 🧐

y/n: omfg yuki how dare you

chal eclair: oh so you just hung out?

y/n: yeah man

PIERRE GASLYYYY: “yeah man” right.

PIERRE GASLYYYY: you liar

PIERRE GASLYYYY: roscoe was still at your house this morning when kika facetimed you so lewis is also probably still there

yukino: SO YOU ARE HIDING SHIT???

y/n: wAIT

babygirl alex: LIARRRRRRRR

angel carmen: HOW COULD YOU

y/n: HOLD AWNNNNNN

honey badger: CAN WE EVEN TRUST YOU MATE

chili!: ^^^^^^^

y/n: OKAY

y/n: LISTEN

my baby lando: 👂🏼👂🏼👂🏼👂🏼👂🏼

y/n: roscoe is at my house bc i’m babysitting him today, lew is busy and i’m keeping an eye on him while in the studio

chal eclair: LEW?????

chal eclair: HE HAS A NICKNAME NOW??

chal eclair: I WAITED TWO YEARS TO GET A NICKNAME AND HE GETS ONE EASILY?

chal eclair: THE BEST I GET OUT OF YOU IS SHAL LEGLEG AND HE GETS A CUTE “LEW”?

chal eclair: no.

chal eclair: tell him to pull up

babygirl alex: relax u can’t hurt a fly even if you wanted

yukino: it’s okay charles i’ll hurt him for you

y/n: neither of you is hurting anyone

my baby lando: i smell a potential father figure

y/n: omg shut up

honey badger: she says as she giggles and kicks her feet

y/n: STOPPP

wifey lily: OH SO YOU ARE GIGGLING KICKING YOUR FEET

yukino: down MISERABLE

y/n: NO IM NOT

princess george: what did he do that has you kicking your feet 🤨

chili!: ^^^^^^

babygirl alex: ^^^^^

yukino: ^^^^^^^

honey badger: ^^^^^

y/n: we didn’t do anything oh my god

alabono: we didn’t ask if YALL did something

alabono: we asked what did HE do

alabono: exposed ur self dummy

wifey lily: i’m so proud of you for clocking that babe

alabono: 😌

my baby lando: WAIT

honey badger: YOU TWOOOO DID SOMETHING

yukino: y/n, spill or i crash into lewis next race

y/n: listen. good fucking god.

y/n: i’m literally powering off my phone after this.

y/n: we kissed in the recording both

my baby lando: HUHHHLDOWIFIW

wifey lily: WHATTTTTDOYOUMEANKISSED

chili!: KISSED??? LIKE MWAH MWAH

alabono: MWAH MWAH IS KILLING MEEEE

PIERRE GASLYYYY: Y/N ANSWER THE PHONE

babygirl alex: THEY KISSEDDDDKDOSK

girlfriend kika: LOOOOOOSING IN MY MIND

honey badger: BITCH COME BACK HERE

angel carmen: MY KNEES ARE WEAK WDYM KISS

princess george: YOU DID WHAT WHERE

chal eclair: HE STILL GOT A NICE ENOUGH NICKNAME BEFORE ME MATE.

y/n added to their story!

☆ IMESSAGE with : LEW <3

lew <3: today was as long as a mf

lew <3: i got home and wondered why i couldn’t hear any barking

lew <3: forgot my boy was with u lol

y/n: oh fuck u seem rly rly tired

y/n: it’s okay i’ll drop him off dw

y/n: lol at least one of us got work done

lew <3: was ur day not good?

lew <3: what happened doll

y/n: roscoe is soooo fucking adorable :(

y/n: i literally couldn’t pay attention to anything that wasn’t him

y/n: he’s so so so cute it’s was so distracting 🥹 and the problem was that i had him on my lap the entire morning and when i stopped cuddling him he started whining and crying n i felt like a monster

lew <3: awww

lew <3: ur so cute

lew <3: i feel terrible knowing i can’t take him everywhere with me

y/n: he’s so babie i love him soooo much

lew <3: more than me?

y/n: yes obv 🙄 know ur place

lew <3: lmfaoooo

lew <3: come over already doll

y/n: aw man ur taking roscoe away from me :’(

lew <3: i miss my son

lew <3: and i miss my doll too

y/n: making me blush lew

lew <3: if not me then who will

lew <3: btw ur staying for dinner

lew <3: u don’t have a say in this :)

y/n: yes sir!!

lew <3: oh?

lew <3: sir huh?

y/n: 🫢🤭

lew <3: come over.

y/n: omwwww

lewishamilton added to their story!

[papil0nglegs]

Can I request tf2 mercs with a reader who honestly looks really sweet and nice, but they're actually really blunt and rude like every time they open their mouth it's just "YOU #### ILL ### YOUR ### UNTIL YOU ######!!!"

Sweet n’ Sour 🎀

Mercs x “nice”! Reader

(pt.2)

A/n: MWAH I LOVE THIS IDEA SM. Rn I’m planning to make a fic of my own after this then I’ll be doing more requests afterwards so please be sure to suggests something I may do!!

Warnings: Harsh insults, Suggestive, Patronizing

Scout

Somebody warn him before he does some stupid shit like asking you out

At first he saw you as some ditzy babe he can pull unlike how classy Ms Pauling was, so he didn’t go to spy for you

I mean he still would’ve gotten his ass handed to him if he went to spy

“Sup princess, was wondering if you’d let me pop a soda with you and maybe you’d let me pop something else” lip bite

“..can you pop that giant disgusting pimple on your forehead instead??”

he ran to his room and began to cry, spy had some questions

“…what did you do? What did you say to him?”

“Omfg, what are you his dad? Jesus it hasn’t even been a week here and I’m already so fuckin tired of these guys god it’s like middle school all over again”

You just rambled on how annoyed you were

Oh yeah, he did pop that pimple eventually

Scout (like the child he is) went to spy because he genuinely wanted to know what he did wrong, like seriously wanted to know

“And then she friggin’ told me I had a gross pimple on my face and none of it wasn’t my fault!! I mean-seriously do chics just decide to be bitchy whenever they want?”

“Scout. You went up to a woman, a real woman, patronized her, and what? You thought she was going to suddenly want to be your ‘babe’ as you call it?”

“…okay I see how she could’ve took it the wrong way, BUT”

Spy smacked the shit out of him lol

He was so scared of you even if you did fight alongside him, he was scared you were gonna chew him up again the way you did before.

At the same time it did get him pretty hard to see you out there, something about you yelling at enemies swearing to kill them and their families just got him going

“CANT SNEAK AWAY FROM THIS AK MOTHERFUCKER”

“Uhh, I need to go take a dump or sumthin’ like dat”

He always thought about asking you out but the way you responded to his attempt at hooking up with you was enough to make hide his feelings

But you definitely weren’t one to hide yours, you quickly recognized that his dumbassery turned your laced panties into a slip n’ slide. So of course you went up to him asking to go out

“Hey Jeremy, I saw you out there bashing that heavy’s head in like it was nothing. You looked cute”

“Oh, y-yeah I mean pfft it’s what I do I mean it’s nothing special unless you think it’s sumthin’ special which I totally agree with you if you think it’s cool-“

“Shh- how about when we go back to the base I help you with some new techniques and you show me some of yours?”

Scout didn’t know if that was a metaphor for sex or if he was going to get his ass destroyed by you, but either way the answer was gonna be yes

Medic

When you first joined the team he never really expressed that he thought you wouldn’t be a good edition to the team

It only ever showed while on a mission, he’d almost never Uber you because he thought of you as weak

The first time he really interacted with you was in the battlefield he kept on using his syringe gun instead of healing the the team

You got so frustrated with him and just had to say something

“MEDIC PUT THE FUCKING GUN AWAY AND UBER HEAVY YOU FOUR-EYE BITCH” you screamed, slapping his gun way and shaking his collar

He blushed at the sight of you snapping at him, so unexpected yet so.. hot

“Oh, ja.. of course ♡”

The love in this man’s eyes compared to the hate in yours was astonishing, of course he immediately went to go do what you told him, all for you and only you

As soon as the match finished he couldn’t stop thinking about how much fury you had, he was definitely going to pocket you in the next match

It was so exciting to see you, so beautiful, yet so aggressive on the field

He’s always calming you whenever you get angry, basically this photo

We all know Medic likes to be a bit messy himself with his bonesaw, you hate it when he gets messy around you

“Ugh!! Medic! You got blood on my skirt, do we need to get your ass another pair of glasses??”

“Now now, I itz nothing to worry about my love. I know my vway around a blood stain!”

“Okay,, but if this thing is still on here by then you’re buying me another.”

He enjoys watching you get ready in your pretty outfits and makeup. Medic is well maintenance but it doesn’t compare to how long it takes for you to get ready

You defending him is his fav thing ever, he never shows it a lot but he loves it when you cuss out mercs who think they aren’t getting enough healing

“SCOUT YOU PEICE OF SHIT STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM MEDIC IF YOU WANT HEALING!!”

“Aww, y/n ☺️”

No but you guys are so cute, esp when he Ubering you

He’s always cheering you on as you tear the enemy team apart

“You’re doing well my perle!!”

“Thanks my love! WHO WANTS THEIR BALLS CRUSHED”

Soldier

As soon soldier saw you he was kinda annoyed in a way? He didn’t want to kick you out or anything but he did want you to prove yourself to him, he wasn’t just gonna let a wuss fight alongside him

He once tried to push you to your limit by making you do some exercise but nothing could’ve prepared him for how you were gonna respond

“DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME 40 CUPCAKE”

“Uh-uh I KNOW ur not talking to me bitch”

“DID I STUTTER?”

“DID I STUTTER?? DONT YOU HAVE LIKE AN EAGLE TO WALK OR SOMETHING? GO SHOVE A ROCKET UP YOUR ASS”

You continued to give him the death stare, but soldier just stood there

You guys made out hard, right there and then. He just couldn’t resist, we all know how he feels about strong ladies

After that the All-American Soldier we once knew turned into a loverboy, he lives and breathes to love you

But since soldier has the lowest IQ out of all of the mercs he tends to get you on your nerves a lot

“Soldier, sweetie!! Why are we dying so much what’s the biggie? 😚”

“APOLOGIES CUPCAKE, BUT IT APPEARS I HAVE KILLED ANOTHER SOLDIER. AND IN THE GREAT NAME OF LADY LIBERTY, I MUST BURY IT IN HER HONOR.”

“SOLDIER GET YOUR ASS ON THE POINT RIGHT FUCKING NOW.”

“..copy that”

He always straightens his back every time he’s in your presence, he always wants to show how tough he is and that he respects you

The team gets so overstimulated whenever you two are on the same mission, especially Spy. It always ends with him getting a headache

He’ll try to get you cute gifts, but sometimes what Soldier considers ‘cute’ can be um

“Yehhehehe, SWEETHEART, I HAVE A SUPRIIISE”

“Is it another ear necklace? Soldier I told you to stop giving me those they’re gross..”

“NEGATIVE!”

“sigh Finally, what is it?”

“A BOW MADE OUT OF MY TISSUE. DOCTOR HELPED ME MAKE IT.”

“..okay this is actually cute as fuck”

For the most part soldier means no harm, he just wants to love you. Even if it means giving you jewelry made out of the flesh of his enemies <33