#I swear to god if I see anyone shipping Hankcon I will block u

[wjehfshs]

I forgot to take my meds so I’m gonna do some silly short imagines/scenarios with COD and DBH characters x reader

Warnings??: swearing. Cringe and uncreative :3, but I’m having fun so… reader being chaotic and silly

Mentions of smoking/cigars at one point and blood at one point but not too bad

A really fucked up looking cake made by reader and Connor

Somewhat Connor x reader

Price being basically the dad of everyone

Hank and Connor being the best father son duo

Hank kinda being a father figure overall

Hank also creating an abomination

OOC Connor??? Sorta??? Idk if headcanons about Deviant Connor count as OOC we don’t really see much of Deviant Connors personality.

COD imagines

Reader: who’s got their hands on their favourite food and they’re devouring it (may or may not be inspired by me at dinner earlier today)

Everyone else: looking on in fear and awe, their food basically untouched as reader is basically oblivious to the world

Soap: “Jesus fuckin Christ lad/lass, could ya slow down?! It’s givin’ me a stomach ache just looking at ya”

Reader: who stops dead in their tracks, food stuffed in their mouth as they are mid chew, fork with more food on it held up in midair as if they are about to take another bite. And they start slowly chewing again as they slowly descend back into their episode of shovelling food down their throat

Soap: “that’s fuckin it, bloody hell im eatin in my room” as he picks up his plate and walks off

Reader: walking back inside with a plastic tub that seems to be wet and heavy.

Price: “what have you done this time.”

Reader: “noooothing” they smile a little to themselves as they try to conceal their laughter

Price: “let me look in the tub. Now.”

Reader: backing off not wanting to make him angry.

Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Rudy, Alejandro, and Graves: All siting peacefully in the main area.

Price: in the background “Why the fuck did you bring a fucking baby Shark inside?!”

Ghost: covered in glitter, absolutely pissed beyond belief “would you like to tell me why there was a bucket of glitter sat on top of my door?!”

Reader: “well that’s actually a funny story you see…” starts booking it in the opposite direction

Ghost: chasing after them at full speed, still covered in glitter, leaving a glitter trail behind him.

Everyone: very confused as to why there is a glitter trail eventually leading to a locked door with a glitter covered Ghost banging on it with reader crying/laughing behind it out of both fear and it being the funniest shit they have seen all day

COD headcanons

I like to imagine Gaz really likes Beyoncé so if he’s ever put on cleaning duty he will wait until everyone’s asleep and he’ll listen to Beyoncé with his headphones on while cleaning, he’s definitely been caught a couple times by Price or Graves or something. He never lived it down but it still didn’t stop his love for Beyoncé.

Soap really loves olives, like, REALLY loves them so much so to the point where every time they get a supply of Olives they have to lock them away so Soap doesn’t take them too his room and eat them all in one sitting (side note: I hate olives, I really fucking hate olives)

Ghost likes hello kitty because it reminds him of the softer things in life (which he doesn’t really get to see much I can imagine) so back at home he has a bunch of hello kitty stuff such as plushies all placed neatly on his bed along with some other stuff like bed sheets, but he refuses to take any of it with him on missions even if he can keep it in his room in the Barracks because he’s just so scared that if the Barracks get attacked his plushies will either get dirty/bloody or straight up “injured” and he just loves them too much to let that happen, just quietly he thinks if that where to ever happen his entire world would fucking crumble in front of him (self inserting myself a bit bc I love my plushies this much too and I love hello kitty)

Price although he smokes cigars he knows how it can make Gaz worry (worried son moment frfr) so he’s trying to stop so he’s taken up chewing a shit load of gum. He will sneak in an occasional cigar if he gets too stressed out on a mission. He just needs that relief for a second but he swears he’ll stop next time (he doesn’t).

Soap likes to collect bath toys, ever since he got his nickname “Soap” he’s taken a liking to collecting bath toys (specifically rubber ducky’s) whenever he’s back at home.

Graves is a full blown homosexual but he’s too scared to admit it so he denies it every time.

DBH imagines

Hank: getting home after reader and Connor (deviant Connor, sorry I really only write deviant Connor bc he holds a special place in my heart and any kind of Connor hurts me) get a day off “Hey im homeeee…”

Reader: covered in flour and butter

Connor: the ends of his fingers are charred black a bit from the oven and he has icing bits in his hair

Reader and Connor collectively: “We made you a cake! :D”

The cake in question:

Hank: literal fucking tears in his eyes out of pure terror and stress. “…Thanks guys, I’m not. I’m not hungry right now but I’ll eat it later” as he slowly shuffles to his room with a shell shocked look on his face.

Connor and Reader: Looking at each other with the stupidest and biggest smile on their faces.

(This is inspired by a tik tok audio)

Connor: who’s deviant but is still used to being a machine so he analyses every single little thing. He walks up to reader. “You’re hair smells different today, did you use a different shampoo?”

Reader: slowly turning around with a scared smile on their face. “That’s actually really… creepy”

Connor: (in his head) “creepy? Am I. Creepy?” But on the outside he looks like he’s on the verge of tears

Reader: who sees his expression and immediately hugs him just to assure him they’re not mad just giving him a heads up that it’s kinda weird, they still love him tho (either platonically or romantically)

Hank: in the kitchen making something

Connor: “Hey Hank, what are you making?” As he makes the mistake, the traumatic life changing mistake of looking in the pot

Hank: who’s boiling fucking raw chicken with nothing but hot water. “Chicken.” He says bluntly as he cleans up and puts the chicken on the plate and eats it while it’s completely unseasoned and practically raw

Connor: from the sheer shock of the encounter he goes into overload and he’s getting warning systems all over telling him sometimes wrong

Reader: who has to sit Connor down as they try not to gag from Hanks creation he dares to call a “meal”

DBH headcanons

Neither Hank nor Connor can cook for shit so 90% of the time it’s either microwaveable food or take out for Hank.

Since Connor turned Deviant he developed social anxiety but when he’s around people such as Hank or reader he’s so silly, he gets so stupid and funny it’s so cute to see him like that (I want to squeeze him and put him in my pocket then have him surgically inserted into my heart permanently I love him so much)

Connors autistic

Hanks Bi

Connors Pansexual

Connor and Hank so father son activities such as play catch outside and walk Sumo (with reader ofc)

Hank had his house renovated to have an extra room put in for Connor (and if you also want to live there an extra room for you but if your romantically in a relationship with Connor you would probably just have a bed put in Connors room and Connor, although he doesn’t need sleep, he’ll go into sleeping mode with you on the bed as you two cuddle)

Connor saved up enough money to buy a phone so once he got it all set up the camera roll is just filled with pictures of Sumo, other dogs he saw in public while out, him and Hank taking selfies, Hank who once got drunk and stole his phone and took pictures of himself, you and Connor selfies, (if you two are romantically together, sometimes just pictures of you, many, many pictures of you) and, you, Hank, Sumo and him all in a photo together. Maybe a couple of photos with his other friends too such as Markus etc etc but it’s mainly those.

Connor love’s physical touch, platonically, romantically, all of it. Every day he gives Hank a good morning hug, and a good night hug (best son ever fr) and every time he sees you he squeezes you into a tight hug and won’t let go for a good minute (if you two are in love he’ll also pepper your entire face with kisses for that entire minute finishing off with a smooch on the lips)

Ok that’s all for now, I love Connor fr he’s my favourite I would die for him.

I know this was super cringe but I had sm fun doing this.

Ok it’s like 2AM I should go to bed

Bye bye!