#It's hard to cope without distractions. I keep thinking about things.

[fourfuckinghorsemen]

I should probably try to sleep.

[emmabirb8]

Bill Cipher really is the funkiest little guy, isn't he?

He's a demon. He had parents. He destroyed his home dimension save for one singular atom. He was born different from the rest of his people and could see in 3D. He's a narcissistic maniac. He misses his mommy. He's a cruel, manipulative asshole. He accidentally got a little too attached and fell in love with a human, then had a drunken meltdown when they broke up. He created a throne of frozen human agony and tried to kill two twelve year olds.

He's incredibly lonely.

Personally, my biggest takeaway from The Book of Bill is the confirmation that my suspicions about him are (most likely) correct. Bill Cipher is miserable. He's been miserable since losing his family and entire home dimension, and everything he's done since then is nothing but one big attempt to distract himself from his mistakes.

Like, okay. I get that Bill is a master manipulator. He's a big fat liar, and everything he says and does is meant to be taken with a grain of salt. He wants readers and viewers to feel bad for him. He wants us to sympathize and woobify and get attached so he can use that to his advantage. BUT ALSO, I think The Book of Bill still sheds light on the fact that he IS broken deep down.

Everything that we know of Bill is almost entirely a meticulously constructed facade. He's a faker. He's all smoke and mirrors. He suffered a massive trauma (whether it happened on purpose or by accident is up for debate since he is nothing if not a horrendously unreliable narrator), and he had to find some way to cope. So he decided to live in denial. Denial of his failures, his true feelings, and, ultimately, everything that he is. He described the "entity" that destroyed his home dimension as a "monster," and, knowing what we know, that's what he believes about himself. He told Ford the answer of who that entity was would "eat [him] alive" and, in actuality, I think that was more of a thinly veiled admission that his deep-seated guilt over what he did eats him alive. Bill buried that guilt, all those negative feelings, all his mistakes deep, DEEP down, and then decided that if he was a monster, he might as well be a damn fierce one.

Bill became great at manipulation because that was the key to making his whole scheme work -- if he could control what everyone thought of him, make people fear him, bend them to his will and squeeze whatever he can out of them, he could be the meanest, nastiest, most cunning monster to ever exist, and he could keep living in denial. They can't make fun of you for your differences, for being weird (something I suspect happened to him in his home dimension) if you're the KING of weird and can kill with the snap of your fingers. If they fear you, they won't look too closely, into the tiny minuscule cracks in your facade, and see the painful truth.

Bill leaned hard into his role as Nightmare Demon to fool himself into believing all of that too.

But like I said, he's lonely. He has no one (besides his "henchmaniacs," but they're no substitute for real connection). I find it SO interesting how he speaks to Ford in The Book of Bill. "We both know you don't really want to be left alone. Admit it, you LOVE how important I make you feel. . . . [N]obody else really gets you, do they? Without me, you'll always feel unseen, surrounded by dolts who don't recognize your true potential. You've always felt alone in a crowd, haven't you? . . . you have no friends, and if you died out here in the snow, who would even miss you?" -- I think he's projecting. Those are all things that are true about himself and his connection to Ford, but he's pinning it on Ford because he can't bring himself to face it head on.

Bill Cipher is a villain. He's evil. He's a demon. He really did ALL OF THAT.

But he is also a pathetic dorky sopping wet meow meow of a character who is constantly desperately trying to run away from himself.

And now, in the Theraprism, he has no access to his usual coping mechanisms. He has no choice but to finally face reality and figure out a way to do what he's been avoiding doing for literal millennia: to just be.

[satureja13]

As a story teller, what advice would you give to fellow Simmers who want to start a story but struggle?

For example: How did you start story telling and which obstacles did you have to shove out of the way to finally start? What made it easier for you to put yourself out there? Did you gain any personal rewards/benefits by telling your stories? How do you set up a story post? Pics first or plotting the episode? Where do you find inspiration? What did you wish you knew earlier? Or anything else that comes to your mind that could be of any help. I see quite a lot of posts from struggling future story tellers and I thought it would be nice to collect a few tips.

Questions are very welcome too!

(My answers below the cut)

How to actually start:

I do read quite a lot and also watch series and movies - and what really turns me off is an infodump at the beginning. So I try to avoid that. And that also makes it easy to start. All the lore and background stories can happen later and you don't have to plot that out before you start. (Our current story started as a playtest and hundreds of episodes later, we have a lore as deep as the Mariana Trench ö.Ö') So don't let it stop you. It all evolves over time, when you ask yourself: Why did x have to move and go to a new school? Why is y restraining himself to hit on the cute guy? Why is z so annoyed of y and why is he the only one who thinks like this? How do they cope with stuff that happens to them? Why does x react in another way than y on the same event? ... There is a plot behind literally everything if you just take your time and look closely. Like a three year old child: "Why do we eat cute animals?" ö.ö' Showing your character's feelings and why they are who they are also helps you and the reader to form a connection to them. It never ceases to amaze me when story tellers are able to create characters that grow on you even though they are annoying and vulnerable and have flaws. (Like Terry Pratchett for example, or the characters in The Big Bang Theory.)

Which obstacles did you have to shove out of the way to finally start? I have a few obstacles to overcome putting my stories out there. ADHD often keeps me from concentrating and getting things done. It's hard to stick with something when you're distracted all the time. And I have a weird way of thinking. I'm also autistic and writing about feelings and how others think and stuff, is so, so hard for me. My stories are weird because of all of that and I know it. But I think they are quite unique and fun because of that and I wouldn't want it any other way :3 Plus my english isn't very good. Writing in a different language is quite an obstacle to overcome ö.Ö' But I can't write anything in my native language, I even take my notes in english. I have no idea why. Just sounds wrong to me.

What made it easier for me? - starting slowly I started this tumblr over ten years ago to post about my builds. Only a few people saw and liked my stuff so I got bolder and also shared gameplay pics and, after a while, a few stories. - passion I love my Sims, I think that helps a lot. After all these years, I'm still eager to see what they are up to and to tell about their shenanigans and adventures. - keeping expectations low Of you and your audience. It does not have to be perfect and not everyone will like what you do. That's just a fact. You'll get better at your own pace. I think tumblr is the perfect place to start a story, because if someone doesn't like your stuff, they don't have to follow you. - it's an outlet for my creativity. My ADHD brain is running on warp speed. Sitting down and putting some of these ideas and thoughts in a shape and make them real is relieving for me - and exciting! What rewards/benefits did/do I gain? - learning new stuff: I'm still learning english and just a few days ago, I shed tears of joy because I could finally understand an american series without subtitles! Also Photo editing. I kept looking for better ways to edit my screenshots and I learned so much! My Sims even inspired me to craft some stuff in RL ^^' - changing my point of view Telling about 6 different charcters is quite a challenge. Things that happen to them affect them in different ways and they have their own way to cope with stuff. They helped my autistic me a lot to make me see what's going on with people around me and to understand them.

- healing Seeing how the characters in my story cope with hardships and following them through difficult times helped me a lot. I could never express how glad and grateful I am I started all this. But I am. - fun I'm having fun doing what I do. And I think that's the motor that runs this whole thing. I think the readers can feel if you're commited to what you do.

How do I set up a story post? I have a rough idea where the story is going and what's supposed to happen next. Then I go ingame and take the screenshots, my Sims add a few ideas themselves - and I go with it. I write the post around the screenshots and what happened ingame. Like this, it's still surprising and thrilling - even for me, the story teller.

Where do I find inspiration? My brain goes without filters and I need a lot of time to get back on track after challenging days. But this sponge in my head also soaks up so many ideas! I get inspired by anything. Music, series, things I see... Sometimes, that sponge gets squished and I get to see glimpsesof future episodes and I just think 'whoa!' and take notes.

What advice can I give? Use the things that keep you from starting to your advantage - to make your story special and unique. Don't worry too much. Other people don't see things as serious as you might think. Write for your own healing and growth. There are mutuals who will like what you have to tell. You don't have to please everybody. Read others' stories, watch movies/series you like and note what you liked or disliked. That gives you a rough direction of where your story could go (that was a great advice from youtuber Grayson Taylor, link is below).

What I wish I knew earlier? That there are great youtube channels for writers! I know, that's kind of obvious, but I don't feel like a writer. I barely managed to finish school. And I thought those channels might be too sophisticated and dry, you know? But there are aweome ones. Like Grayson Taylor (who is an author) and Bookfox, (who is editor and author), for example.

You'll never know where it leads. Our current story started when I made four of my favourite adult Sims teenagers to check out the Highschool Years pack. That was ~ 2 1/2 years ago - and I hated school from the bottom of my heart, so I was very sure this wouldn't take long and we could go back to our ongoing story (spoiler: we didn't...). And: the first chapters the Boys spent at school were truely healing for me. I didn't plan anything of it ^^'

Don't be afraid. I'm here on tumblr for over ten years and I never got any hate on my stories or the other stuff I post. Though, I turned anon off. You decide what you see on your dash, that's the great thing here on tumblr. You just get as much drama as you invite in. For me, tumblr is my save place and I still say this is one of the best communities I've ever been part of (on and off line). Thank you <3

[compassionatereminders]

Hi! I wanted to answer the anon who was asking about what ADHD meds do & don’t help with as someone who was late-diagnosed and started meds this year. However, the effect of ADHD meds and even experience of ADHD itself varies heavily from person to person, so do keep that in mind!

DO:

- Actually hearing and retaining what people are saying. I was never able to fully experience a college lecture without panic because of only hearing bits and bobs of the lecture, going in one ear and out the other. I can truly focus and actually respond to what people are saying in a single line of thought without desperately trying to stimulate myself as much as possible to maybe get 1/2 of the detail to stick in my brain.

- Time blindness!! At first starting meds it felt like the day went for 500 years. I felt so much slower and mentally calmer, and I was able to complete “simple” tasks in under 15-20 minutes that could normally take me up to 3 hours due to distractions.

- Memory! Off my meds I have an enormously hard time remembering anything I’m trying to accomplish. I bounce from task to task without ever finishing it. On meds I’m able to think “I need to do laundry” and I just. Do the fucking laundry. It’s magical and I’ve cried more than once thinking about how much I’ve spent my life thinking I’m stupid or lazy for not being able to “just do the thing” like everyone else.

- Shutting down/fearful procrastination— I would be stuck doing nothing for days and days because I would want to do a task so badly but overly think about it and essentially paralyze myself in the decision making/getting started process. When I’m on my meds I can just do the fucking thing! Even if I don’t really feel like it! When before I practically had to have the exact perfect circumstance and could never create them, I can just plop myself somewhere and do the fucking thing. Just like I’ve been told all my life— “Even if you don’t want to, do it anyways” except now I have the actual ability to do that like everyone else. Before it was like everyone else was telling me to turn on a light, but I had no switch.

DON’T:

- Help with hyperfixation. Sometimes I can fixate even worse when I’m on my meds, just because my mind is so single stream that I’m able to do things for even more excessive periods. I burn myself out accidentally a lot quicker if I don’t provide myself with manual distractions to take breaks from daily/academic tasks.

- Immediately fix you. It was hard to start meds because I had to unlearn a lot of habits I had developed to cope with my undiagnosed ADHD— such as constantly moving, stimulating myself, having candy, etc. Just because the day became longer didn’t mean my time management became awesome either. I’m still working on tools that help ADHD with my meds!

- Not really a don’t but more so an unexpected side effect was becoming very intensely angry or upset when the medicine wears off. I struggle with emotional dysfunction already but the anger was so severe and I didn’t know that ADHD meds wearing off can cause that.

- Work 100% all of the time. Some days things like stress, poor sleep, poor diet, etc, can alter the way the same dose of meds works for you. Especially if you are nicotine dependent or a regular caffeine consumer, the way your meds work can change on a day by day basis. Some days I feel like the meds aren’t working at all, but more often than not there’s still a difference between myself being unmedicated and medicated.

- Instantly make you better at studying/task completion. Apparently having ADHD for years made me so extremely avoidant of many things that I just don’t have the skill set to do them well yet. Like studying, for example. I still struggle with extreme perfectionism that impedes me outside of ADHD paralysis.

- I’m gonna say it twice but they DONT FIX YOU ON THEIR OWN. Yes, they make your life fucking way better than before especially if you’re an adult with undiagnosed ADHD, but you have to learn how to use tools and learn skills to support yourself for the medication to help you to the max capability! I will definitely say that being on meds helped overhaul my mindset when I’m off meds and improved my perception of myself, but again, the meds can only get me so far!

I hope this helped anon!!!

Thank you for taking the time to share this! I hope anon sees it 💕

[perfectsunlight]

(𝟏𝟔) - 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬

𝗮𝗲𝗿𝗶 𝘂𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗮 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿, 𝗵𝘂𝗵 𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗷𝗶𝗻 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

part of the series: best friends

warnings: alcohol, mentions of sex

word count: 2,462

IVE INKIGAYO STAGE HITS 3 MILLION VIEWS ONLY 6 HOURS AFTER BEING POSTED

Y/N KANG FROM THE KPOP GROUP “IVE” MAKING HER MARK ON THE STAGE

IVE’S LATEST PERFORMANCE EXCITES FANS AROUND THE WORLD

SEULGI’S SISTER, KANG Y/N, PROVING THAT GREATNESS RUNS IN THE FAMILY

INKIGAYO PERFORMANCE BY KOREAN GIRL GROUP “IVE” IS TRENDING #1 ON TWITTER, YOUTUBE, AND MANY OTHERS

all of the headlines were the same. your group’s inkigayo stage went viral. it was no surprise to anyone, especially given how hard you had all been working. the other members would argue that it was you who worked the hardest, especially given everything you were dealing with, but you simply thought of it as doing your job.

which was why, as mentioned before, the only thing better than a good performance was an even better after party.

truth be told, after you had left aeri a voicemail, you deleted her contact entirely. you didn’t have the heart to block her just yet, but only time would tell when you would eventually find the strength to do such a thing.

however, fortunately for you, any thought of aeri was on the backburner. your performance and its success were enough of a well needed distraction for you, especially given the events of last night.

yujin let leeseo stay and enjoy the after party for once, but she was definitely keeping a close eye on her since she knew gaeul and rei would try and get her to drink a little.

there were a lot of other groups there as well, even if they didn’t perform, they were still invited. the energy and music were electrifying. the rhythm from the bass, the alcohol in your cup, and the flashing lights felt euphoric. 

for the first time in weeks, you felt happy. your group was successful, your career was at an all time high, and you were slowly pulling yourself out of a hole that once felt like an endless abyss.

“you look good, y/n!” wonyoung shouted over the music, dancing next to you and gaeul. your roommate was relieved to see you coping much better than you had been just a week prior. she was worried about you not being able to pick yourself back up in time for the performance, but you did it. you gave it your all on that stage, and the result ended up in your favor.

“thank you, wony!” your genuine smile made both of your group members feel relieved. all of them could tell a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders since you finally cut ties with the aespa member.

for them, it was obvious that you were much happier without aeri. even your sister noticed it when she watched your performance in her living room. wendy and irene also congratulated you through a quick text, and they both commented on how happy you looked on that stage. 

even if they didn’t know the reason why, it was obvious to everyone that you were much happier now.

even aeri herself noticed it.

i saw you dancing in a crowded room

you look so happy when i'm not with you

originally, only the other three members had been invited to the after party since giselle was still “grounded” as she referred to it. but after the company discussed it over, they decided to send her at the last minute in hope of giving her a chance to be seen with her members in a way that would seem positive.

except, aeri didn’t want to be there. she didn’t want to run into you and face the look of heartbreak on your face. your voicemail already haunted her enough.

she watched her phone ring when you called, and was about to answer too, but she was too late once the call icon disappeared. giselle didn’t think much of it at the time, but then when she heard your voicemail? 

aeri almost ran to the ive dorm barefoot and in pajamas. but she didn’t. 

and now, merely 24 hours later, she could finally see with her own two eyes the truth that she had been running from this entire time.

you truly were happier without her. 

but then you saw me, caught you by surprise

a single teardrop falling from your eye

the rapper swirled the shot glass in her hand, watching the chinese whiskey dance around the ice. it was similar to the way aeri was dancing around you. from where she sat at the bar, she could see you perfectly through the cracks in the bodies of others.

your hair was slightly disheveled, but your stage makeup was still perfectly intact despite the thin layer of sweat lacing your brows. you had been dancing all night, quite literally. 

she watched you throw your head back in a fit of laughter. it was probably due to something gaeul had said. you often mentioned the jokes she made whenever she had you come over. it was one of her favorite parts about seeing you.

aeri nearly jumped out of her seat when she saw your eyes meet hers. even though it was just for a fleeting moment, she could see the look of heartbreak and disappointment flash in your eyes.

it made her immediately turn her head to the side, focusing on the ever so interesting patterns of the bartop and the way her fingernails tapped against it.

she waited a few moments before turning to look in your direction again, physically feeling her tense shoulders relax when she saw her favorite smile return to your face.

it was ironic, truly. this whole mess started with her not noticing you at a party. and yet here the roles were reversed, with you not noticing her. 

the only difference this time was that aeri didn’t want you to notice her.

i don’t know why i run away

i’ll make you cry when i run away

to be quite honest, aeri didn’t know why she ran in the beginning. she wanted to reach out to you and have you explain everything, but her pride refused to yield. her pride and her fear of heartbreak caused her to run.

she ran from her feelings for you for so long, which was why when she had the courage to finally accept them, your confession about your sex life with yunjin felt like a knife to her heart.

aeri wasn’t stupid. she knew when you started falling for her after that night. she noticed it in your touches, in your kisses, in the way you clung to her more. it scared her.

at least, initially it did. over time she reciprocated the same feelings that she had ran from for so long. 

however, aeri was tired of running. which was why she had to walk away from you, too.

you could’ve asked me why i broke your heart

you could’ve told me that you fell apart

which was why when she finally got your voicemail, she couldn’t help but cry with you. she felt everything you had felt, but due to her petty actions and stupid mistakes, it ended up with the both of you losing each other.

as she watched you and wonyoung dance to the song currently playing, she felt the ghost of a smile form on her lips.

you were feeling happier than ever right now, but aeri couldn’t feel any more miserable than she already was right now.

at least, that’s what she thought.

but you walked past me like i wasn’t there

and just pretended that you didn’t care

her heart sank to her stomach when she saw you and your group members walking towards the bar. she moved her hair in front of her eyes in an attempt to hide herself, but truth be told, she knew you had seen her. 

she knew that she was there. but you refused to even acknowledge her presence as you walked past her, laughing and shouting at gaeul to get you whatever she was getting.

you and aeri had been friends for so long that you could recognize each other from a mile away. and when things got more intimate between you two, you both knew that even in the dark, you had each other’s bodies memorized. 

the both of you knew everything about each other like the back of your hands. which was why aeri knew it stung so much for you to ignore her just like that, even if she deserved it.

i made you think that i would always stay

i said some things that i should never say

the night of the date, or rather the argument since the date never really happened, aeri drove back to somi’s place and got absolutely wasted. she was so hurt, and somi was blasting XOXO so loud that she was positive everyone on that block heard it. 

she remembered how she curled into a ball on somi’s bathroom floor, crying her heart out because of how much it hurt. however, she wasn’t just hurt because of everything you had told her.

she was hurting because of everything she told you. 

it hurt her, to hurt you. except, she didn’t realize that fully until after she had been caught with jeno.

she should have never agreed with him to “get back” at you. but she was so hurt, and drunk on both pain and some japanese liquor that night that she couldn’t think straight. even though the articles said they were both sober, it could not have been any further from the truth.

just like how she wasn’t actually dating jeno either. SM only said that to try and help make the situation look better and deal with damage control. in their eyes, a couple caught having sex looked much better than two single idols being drunk and horny.

she regretted it in the moment, but she regretted it even more when she heard from karina that seulgi was looking for her. 

needless to say, giselle had been walking on eggshells whenever she was in the company building.

yeah i broke your heart like someone did to mine

and now you won’t love me for a second time

aeri knew she had broken your heart, but as cliche as it sounds, she broke yours out of retaliation since you broke hers.

it wasn’t intentional, and she knew that, but the cycle of heartbreak began and ended with both of you getting hurt.

and now, the aespa member was well aware that you were no longer willing to have her in your life. not as a lover, or as a friend.

girl take me back, ‘cause i wanna stay

save your tears for another

the SM rapper knew better than to try and fix things with you. you wanted nothing to do with her, and your voicemail was your final goodbye to her.

even though she wanted to run up to you right now, hold your hand and dance with you under the illuminated lights, she knew she couldn’t.

giselle wanted to kiss you in front of everyone, and tell you over and over again how proud of you she was. you had always worked so hard, even as a trainee. it was one of the many things gigi admired about you.

it was the sum of these admirations that made her fall in love with you. 

she didn’t want to be the reason you cried anymore. she wanted you to cry over things like winning awards, breaking records, and giving speeches. she didn’t want you to cry over her and her wretched heart. 

in her eyes, it wasn’t worth it. she wasn’t worth crying over.

i realize i’m much too late

and you deserve someone better

you felt a tap on your shoulder, and when you turned around you couldn’t fight the smile that crept onto your face.

“hi, stranger.”

yunjin’s arms wrapped you in the tightest hug she could muster up. “you did so good, y/n.” she grinned and pulled back to look at you. she had seen you at your lowest. when you were hurting because of giselle, even from the very beginning, she was there.

you and yunjin had a very long talk the day she slipped under your covers. yunjin had explained herself fully, and also told you why she did what she did. she even told you that aeri had been the one to text first that night.

however, at the time you were upset, but looking back on it, you were sort of grateful she did that. you knew you would have ran back to giselle in a heartbeat, and the vicious cycle would have only continued.

even though you and the american were not together, you had both agreed to take things slowly to see where they went. yunjin had confessed to you indirectly, but you knew how she felt. she was still moving on from chaewon, and you were still moving on from aeri.

but the two of you had each other, and you were willing to see where things with your new “best friend” would go in the future.

“thank you, jen.” the music changed to a more upbeat song, which prompted yunjin to grab you by the hand and drag you more towards her members. 

as aeri watched you disappear further from her sight from the bar, she downed the shot in her hand. the bitter taste in her mouth matched the bitter feeling in her heart. but it was only directed at herself, and not you.

aeri knew you deserved better, even though she wanted to be the best option for you. she knew she couldn’t. it was too late for her.

she motioned for the bartender to give her another shot of baijiu. he poured the white liquor into another glass and slid it towards her. with her left hand, she held the glass out and in your direction.

she was making a final toast to you.

“to my best friend,” 

she whispered to herself, the music and ambience of the party drowning out everything around her. she caught one final glimpse of you laughing and holding onto yunjin, just like you had done with her in what felt like forever ago.

this was the first and final toast to your friendship, and the shattered pieces of a relationship that unfortunately was never meant to be.

the glass met her lips as she downed the liquor, feeling the bitterness slide down her throat. she wiped her eyes gently, not sure if she was crying because of the alcohol or because of you.

(she knew the reason why. she just didn’t want to admit it.)

“i love you, too.”

save your tears for another day

-

a/n: the end :)

p.s. a toast with the left hand is considered more heartfelt since your left hand is closer to your heart

[requiemsystem]

HOW I COPE WITH PSYCHOSIS AS A PSYCHOSIS HOLDER IN A DID SYSTEM

DISCLAIMER: you do not have to have DID as well to use this advice. i'm just sharing my experience as someone who has both a psychotic disorder and DID. i am not a professional, this is all based on what helps me. COPING WITH HALLUCINATIONS distractions. can be anything, i prefer sensory-based distractions. listening to music is personally one of my favorite ones, as my hallucinations tend to be auditory. find whatever works for you and go with that. reminders. reminding yourself that it's just a hallucination and will pass. also reminding yourself that the things you hallucinate do not make you a bad person, if your hallucinations are especially distressing or tell you to do bad things. remind yourself that just because you may hear a voice say you have to do something, you still have the free will of choosing if you do it or not. i don't have much other advice for hallucinations, since i mostly deal with delusions, but if anyone else has something to add feel free. COPING WITH DELUSIONS reality checking. try looking at things from different perspectives, maybe ask a therapist or trusted friend for their opinion as well. think about if what is happening really seems plausible or not. chances are, this won't completely get rid of the delusion, but it may lessen the intensity for a bit. emotional validation. learn to validate the feelings without validating the belief. for example, i am having a thought that this is happening, and it is very scary for me. make sure to do this carefully, as to not feed into the delusion. distractions. similar to with hallucinations, distractions can be useful in coping with delusions as well. i especially like mental focused coping skills, such as listing all items that fit a specific category. they're very useful for making you think of something else actively. GENERAL COPING identify your triggers. this can be hard to do without therapy but try keeping track of your symptoms and see if they happen at a specific time. do they tend to happen when you are feeling down? how about when you are feeling up? do they happen more at a specific time of year or month or time of day? does a specific activity trigger them? try logging your symptoms along with what you were doing and how you were feeling at the time, you may be able to identify patterns over time. - undisclosed

[borderlinereminders]

This is an article I've shared before that I've written, but I wanted to share it again so that I could post the text below the read more for those that aren't comfortable clicking to an external site.

This is a post about how to work on avoiding giving into harmful urges.

Something that comes up a lot in BPD, but also a number of other disorders, is impulse control and urges.

It can be so hard to not give in. For example, when feeling angry, we might have an urge to scream at someone, say something hurtful, harm ourselves or any number of things.

It’s really important to learn how to cope with harmful impulses and urges.

One way to do this is what is called Urge Surfing. Urge surfing is about “riding the wave” of an urge. The longer you resist an urge, the stronger it seems to get, much like the building of a wave. If you do give into an urge, that teaches your brain that giving into the urge is the only way to make it go away. However, research has shown that urges generally last for 20 to 30 minutes. It may feel like it’s going to keep on getting stronger and stronger until you give into it, but much like a wave, it will break and go away if you can avoid it.

Trying to directly stop an urge can be difficult. If you have ever tried to swim directly against a wave, you know that it can be exhausting. Especially as it gets stronger, it can feel like a wave will overwhelm you. On the other hand, if you swim to the side or otherwise do not work directly against the wave, you can move out of its power or give it time to break and dissipate without using nearly as much energy. Working with urges can be exactly the same.

One way I resist an urge is the “not now, later” approach. With this approach, I tell myself that, “Okay, you want to do that thing? That’s fine, but it has to be later.” I find this works for a lot of things because when I outright tell myself, “no,” I find it harder to let go of the urge. By telling myself I can give into the urge, but do it later, I find I can ignore the urge in less discomfort and usually by the time later arrives (I like a “sleep on it” rule for later, depending on the situation), the urge has passed and I can move on. If I do this repeatedly, I teach my brain to understand that the urge will go away whether I act on it or not.

Some things that can be useful to do when Urge Surfing:

Recognize and acknowledge that you are having an urge

Notice and describe the thoughts and feelings you are having, without trying to change or suppress them. This may be uncomfortable, but that’s okay. Discomfort while feeling an urge is normal.

Remind yourself:

There is nothing wrong with having urges. They are normal and natural parts of having addictions, habits and desires.

Discomfort is okay.

An urge is a desire, not a need. I can have an urge and choose not to act.

Urges are temporary. They will pass, whether I give into them or not.

Some other things you can do are focus on distracting yourself whether that’s by activities you like, grounding techniques or just overall keeping busy.

Remind yourself that you are in control. As hard as it is, you can choose not to act on your urge. It may feel impossible, but you can do it, and reminding yourself of that can help.

If it helps you, you can journal about your feelings and urges. Sometimes writing them down can help us realize why the urge isn’t good to give into. With that said, you can also spend some time thinking about why you shouldn’t do the thing you want to do. For example, you don’t want to yell at your friend because you know the feeling you’re experiencing is temporary and you don’t want to cause them unfair hurt which can also have lasting effects on your friendship. (With that said, if after you are calmer and you rationally think that cutting a friend off is better for your own mental health, then you should do that.)

And as time goes on, the urge should get less. This can help us because we are aware the discomfort we are in won’t last. If we feel like the discomfort won’t go away until we act on the urge, we are more likely to act on the urge to make it stop. Remind yourself that it will pass on its own.

Over time, Urge Surfing can help your brain learn that it doesn’t need to react to urges. It can help to make urges easier to avoid giving into, in the long-term.

[more-cardigan-than-woman]

The School Trip: Ch 1- Bus Trip

Summary: Jason and yourself are teachers at a high school. This long weekend you are taking all the science kids in your class to Central City to visit Star Labs and the handsome lit teacher has come along as an extra chaperone.

ScienceTeacher!Reader x EnglishTeacher!Jason Todd.

WC: 1.3k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, Slowish burn, multiple parts. mutual pining, teenagers, swearing, NO CAPES, smutty books.

"Mason, you gotta put that under the bus." Jason says, as Mason attempts to carry his full duffle bag through the door of the bus.

"But it's got all my stuff in it?"

"Yeah, all our stuff is under there. It'll be fine." He sees the boy's arms stiffen around the bag, "And how's cherry going to sit next to you with your bags taking up the room?"

"Good point, sir." 

"Nice work," you smile, nudging Jason in the.arm, "thought we'd have to travel with his smelly socks for a second there."

"Unlucky for you, you gotta sit next to my stinky socks the whole way instead." Jason jokes, enjoying the way your nose crinkles at the thought. It’s a small thing, but fuck its cute. This is going to be a long ass weekend, hopefully he can get to know you a bit better. He’s tried over the last few months since you started at his school, but there was always something pulling him away, whether it be curious kids asking questions or the need to get out and get home as soon as possible, there was always something. But now he’s got 3 nights and nearly 4 whole days to get to know the cute science teacher who always seems so much cleverer than him. One thing he knows for certain, something you always seem open to talk about is your cats, Rex and Cody. He’s seen pictures of the Russian Blue and the Orange kitties on your desk and it was the second thing he ever knew about you. 

Zoning back into reality as you try to usher him further onto the bus, before trying to push past him, "how are the cats going to cope without you for a few days?" he asks, not wanting to get into his interrogation of all your interests too early on.

"They'll be good. I've got a friend staying with them."

"A boyfriend?" Jason's eyes stare at your feet as you hop on the bus in front of him. He wants to look at your ass, it looks so good in those fucking jeans, but this is a work trip and he's so thankful that there's 30 fucking kids between you to keep him distracted. He just wants to get to know you, he tells himself, to make a new friend. He had so few friends in the staff, it wouldn’t be appropriate at all.

"Nah, my bestie. She's really cool." You smile as you take your seat at the front of the bus, the loud noise of thirty mouths going at once clogging your ears, "I think you'd like her."

"If she's anything like you-" he's cut off by a loud f bomb called out from the back of the bus and Jason's curiosity dies as Mr Todd rises in his chest.

"Yo! Young people!" You call before Jason even has a chance to stand up, "Mr Todd here is an old soul, so how bout we keep the F bombs to a hushed whisper, yeah?" A quiet sigh of 'yes miss' spread through the seats. "Maybe give him the illusion that the science program isn't running a meth lab?"

"Don't tell him that miss," Keira calls from the middle.

"He'll want a cut of our profits," Jayda laughs.

"Don't cross her, she'll make us do essay's." Andrew sniggers crouched behind a seat.

When their quiet charter starts up again, you turn to sit back down noticing Jason talking to the driver behind you.

"We're ready to go." Jason taking his seat next to you, his legs bunched up, the small confines of the front seat not enough for his massive legs. You try not to think about sitting next to him, about his wide frame nudging you as you bounce along, the long highway towards Central City. You need a distraction, something else to think about and not how his arms look under that fucking cardigan.

"Awesome, can't wait to spend my weekend with these delinquents."

"You're really good with them, you know."

"It's not hard. They're good kids."

"Some of them," he peers around, catching Theo pulling something from his bag.

"Nah, all my kids are great."

The driver pulls from the curb and you push into your handbag, pulling out a book.

"Can I ask you something?" Jason leans over, whispering in your ear.

""You can."

"Are you really selling meth with the kids?"

"Why? You a narc?"

"No. I just- you just- you said and i-"

"Dude chill," you slap him playfully with your book, "you don't need to be so serious."

"So should I read this instead?" He jokes, taking in the risque cover of the book, over the dark fae and his barely dressed companion, "how does a Misty Door work?"

"Shhh." You hush him, snatching the book back, "they think I enjoy reading science journals, don't blow my cover."

"Your secret's safe with me."

4 hrs and 1 nap later.

"Ok, people. We're at our stops for the night. Dinner will be at 6 and Miss has your room keys. Don't wander too far and try not to light anything on fire."

"Try our best." Keira calls out, giving him a wave as the kids start to grab their things and pile from the bus.

"Watch this." You smile at him, your hand wrapping around his bicep as a reflex to get him to stop. But then he looks down at you and you feel your heart start to race, shit. You shouldn’t have touched him. Now he’s looking at you like he’s got a bug on his arm, “Sorry,” you pull your arm away and he ducks back under the bus, "Todd, you're missing it!" you turn from him, not wanting to miss the display yourself. You heard a thud behind you and turn to see him rubbing at a spot on his head, what the fuck was he doing?

He can feel his face heating up, his heart is racing and all you did was have a hand on him. What is going on with him today? Couldn't be the way you let out little snores when you fell on him as you passed through the forest or the delight at how dirty your books are. Calm, calm down, a friend, yeah. She's just being friendly, he convinced himself, but when you call him he can help but respond. Maybe a bit too quickly, "What? What did I miss?"

"Look." You tilt your head towards the crowd of girls, "look what they're doing." You raise your brows in the direction of the young women, trying to get him to notice.

"What are they doing?"

"Just watch."

The girls each walk into the grassy park area near the hotel, each one pulling out a notebook.

"What's in those bags?" Jason asks, noticing how they're laying them in front of them.

"Magic." you nudge him, gently, trying to keep to yourself after the way he reacted to your touch before. "they're doing-"

"Magic? Really? Are they going to turn us into worms?'

"You still wanna hang out with me if I was a worm?"

"Don't think I got much choice. You're the only other adult I know in this city."

"Not for long. We're about to meet the hotel clerk and grab everyone's room keys."

"Yeah, I'm sure she'd be a hoot to hang out with “ he gestures towards the older looking woman behind the counter, the light pink and blue cardigan wrapped over her shoulders and the long pearl string connected to her glasses.

"You never know. She might be a secret spy."

"Now that would be impressive.

“Wouldn't it? She'd look killer in a catsuit and heels.”

“OK, you ruined it.”

“Nah, I made it better.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“I will, cheers. Now let's go sort this shit out.”

“Lead the way.”

Ch 2: Dinner

Taglist: @littleredwing89 @ilikw @bubbles-incorrect-yb @megumisbabymama @nutmeg030 @gone-batty-fics @lovelyrissa @igotanidea @parkjammys @princessbl0ss0m

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

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Ch. 29: 00:00

Hyeri returns to Haeun’s place later Christmas night to see Haeun still hasn’t returned from spending the holiday with family. Hyeri goes into the guest room where she’s been staying during her time here and grabs a few of her things to take into the bathroom so she can wash up. The bathroom is just down the hall so her weak legs carry her to the shower where she stands motionless under the water once it’s reached the perfect temperature. Then she cries.

She never imagined this day would go the way it has. She expected Yoongi to cook her a meal and give her great gifts. She expected him to apologize to her every chance he got. She didn’t expect him to perform a song he had written for her. She didn’t expect any of the emotions that came surging out as he sang to her. There was no way she could say no to giving him another chance. She let everything out to him and she feels free now that she has. Yet for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to agree to return home.

Yoongi pleaded for her to stay, but something held her back. She told him she would give him another chance and that she really wanted to make things work, but something felt like going back home now would be taking too big of a step much too fast. Maybe it’s because these few weeks have given her a chance to not be distracted. She’s been able to focus more on shooting her series and less on what’s happening with Yoongi and who’s waiting outside their home with a camera. Though it’s not perfect, she can’t deny the degree of weight that had been lifted when she didn’t find herself dreading going home. She would get to Haeun’s place, shower, then get a decent sleep without laying awake for hours thinking of how she can’t trust the person she’s laying next to. She feels better rested when she gets to set and needs less coffee and makeup to mask her constant fatigue. This isn’t just for her relationship with Yoongi, she’s doing this for her series that she’s putting her everything into. For her career. For their future.

When Haeun returned home, Hyeri told her about everything Yoongi did for her including his emotional performance. “Hyeri-ya!” Haeun shouts after Hyeri said she agreed to give Yoongi another chance. “What the hell are you doing here then??” If things went well she can’t understand why Hyeri isn’t home with Yoongi instead of sitting on her couch with a glass of wine.

“I’m giving him another chance, but I told him I’m not going home yet,” Hyeri explains.

“Why? After all of that you still had the strength to get up and leave?”

“I’m not ready, unnie,” Hyeri pouts. “I just want things to be simple the way they were when we first started dating. You know how stressed I get about work, I don’t want to be stressed about my relationship on top of that. That day I left and the media saw me leaving made it so hard for me to focus the rest of the day. I don’t want to deal with that, especially if there are more things that come out about him. More…people.”

Haeun understands what Hyeri is saying, though she would have advised that Hyeri return home since it would be hard for them to see each other with their schedules. Hyeri knows it will be challenging, but they’ve navigated busy schedules when they first started dating and made it through. She just wants to go back to that for a while, when it was so simple.

The next day she spoke to Yoongi and he asked her to come home again. She explained to him her reasoning the way she explained it to Haeun. Yoongi understands and let Hyeri know he doesn’t want to do anything to make her feel forced or pressured. He still longs for her day and night though.

So they start slow. Texting between their busy schedules and a phone call before bed. Both of them preparing for their respective New Years festivities they’ve been slotted to attend, then Yoongi texting Hyeri goodnight after she fell asleep on the phone. Hyeri getting an unexpected free hour during the day and wanting to talk to Yoongi but that was the same hour he decided to take a nap in his studio therefore missing her call. By New Year’s Eve they’re relying on shared calendar updates and fan sightings to keep up with one another.

Hyeri is hosting a New Year’s Eve broadcast for one of Korea’s national TV stations, while Yoongi and the guys are performing at a New Year’s festival shortly before midnight to bring in the new year. Neither of them have been able to talk much since a few texts they managed to send to one another earlier in the day. The rest of the day has been a whirlwind of rehearsals, hair and makeup, socializing, then finally showtime.

The broadcast Hyeri is hosting is only set to last only half an hour after the final countdown of the year. With their performance leading right into the countdown, Yoongi hardly has time to catch his breath before the crowd is cheering and they’ve all crossed over into a new year. All 7 of the guys cheer and hug with an unspoken feeling of relief that somehow they managed to survive this tumultuous year. Everyone is healthy now and that’s all they could ask for.

As soon as Yoongi is able to steal a quick second, he immediately pulls his phone out to get a glimpse of Hyeri’s broadcast, even if for just a short minute. She’s wearing a sparkling blue knee length dress and a tiny silver top hat that matches the green one her co-host is wearing. She’s also wearing the beautifully shiny teardrop necklace Yoongi gave her. Seeing her wearing it while smiling at the camera makes his face light up with joy.

Just as quickly he was able to pull up the stream, he’s having to turn it off as he and the guys are pulled in another direction. Lots of cheers and interviews coming from all around until the party finally starts to wind down. The guys were invited to a private New Year’s after party being hosted by a producer and close friend of theirs. Lots of industry figures are set to be there, most of which are attending as a way to celebrate comfortably and privately without cameras around. The guys decide to go since it’s their friend and so they can relax for once before calling it a night and going home.

The atmosphere at the party is buzzing with electricity. It’s like a club with everyone dancing, chatting, and having drinks all around. The guys stick together for the most part making sure someone is at least near Yoongi at all times. They don’t want to police him, but they want to make sure they’re nearby for support. Yoongi appreciates it greatly. This is the first party he’s been to since he’s been clean, plus it’s New Year’s so drinks are flowing all around him, the added support is relieving.

Things start off great with all 7 of them socializing. While the rest of the guys have their pick at alcoholic drinks, Hobi decided to stay sober with Yoongi for the night. While everyone is having specially made cocktails, Hobi brings back alcohol free mocktails for them to sip on. It saves Yoongi from people unknowingly offering him a drink. Outside of the 7 of them, no one has any idea about Yoongi’s struggle with alcohol. This helps keep it that way.

Unfortunately, after his third mocktail Yoongi is starting to weaken. Looking at everyone around him enjoying the night with a good buzz is stirring up a little jealousy in him. He still has Hoseok next to him, but now his sober presence has lost its effectiveness. It’s New Year’s, why can’t he have one drink to celebrate?

As soon as the intrusive thoughts begin to grow, Yoongi whispers to Hobi that he’s starting to have a hard time. Hobi takes him to a back corner of the room and grabs a cup of water for him. Yoongi sips the water and takes a moment to breathe.

“I don’t think I can stay,” Yoongi says. “It’s starting to be too much.”

“It’s ok, hyung,” Hobi replies. He’s thankful that Yoongi is being honest about this and would much rather him head home than try to fight the urge silently. “If you’ve reached your limit it’s ok. You did good today.” Hobi’s smile shines brighter than the strobe lights blinking across the room.

“Thanks, Hoba,” Yoongi says forcing a smile. He appreciates the good job, but he feels like he’s not fully in the clear yet. He still has to make it out of the party, to his car, and home, without giving in to the whisper tickling the back of his neck that’s telling him it would be fine if he just has one drink to celebrate.

Yoongi stands and maps his route to the door in his mind. He tries to move quickly but it’s not easy with the place packed with so many people. After every step he’s having to swerve and dodge around people like he’s in a video game. When he finally makes it out the door he quickly walks across the parking lot towards his car. The faster he can get out of there and get home, the better.

“Yoongi!”

The voice behind him startles him and nearly sends him into shock until he turns around and sees Hyeri running between the parked cars to get to him.

“Hyeri?” He says catching her as she jumps into his arms. He isn’t sure why she’s suddenly running to him like this, but he’s not complaining. Her timing is perfect and warmth is calming.

Once Hyeri’s event ended she learned of this after party being held and decided to stop by after she learned that the guys would possibly be there. Yoongi would possibly be there. When she arrived she immediately saw Hobi who told her Yoongi had just left. Hoping she wasn’t too late, she ran back outside where she saw him across the few rows of cars. Running and jumping into his arms the way she did wasn’t planned but she felt something take over her legs and she couldn’t stop.

“I’m glad I caught you,” she says breathing a sigh of relief. “Hobi told me you had just left so I thought I was too late.”

“No,” he smiles giving her a light squeeze. “You’re right on time. Did you come here looking for me?”

“Well,” she looks up at him with a soft smile. “I wanted to make sure my first kiss of the year was with you, not on set with In-woo.” She lifts herself on her toes and links her lips with his.

How does this feel so brand new to him? They’ve kissed many times, but for some reason today means the most to him. No amount of fireworks can compare to the sparks lighting up between them. He thought he was about to crumble, but he once again finds safety in her impeccable timing. He wants to take advantage of this moment together.

“Do you have a little time?” He asks. “We don’t have to go anywhere or anything, we can just sit in my car and talk if you want.”

“Yeah,” she smiles. “I have time.”

Hyeri follows Yoongi to his car where they both instinctively get in the backseat. This isn’t the first time they’ve taken refuge in a car just for a moment alone, but it definitely takes them back to the early days of their relationship. There’s a nostalgia to the way they cuddle close to each other while remaining vigilant for anyone who may walk by and see them.

“I miss you,” Yoongi smiles with relief. “You have no idea how much I needed you right now.”

“You look like you need some sleep,” she says noticing the way he looks exhausted and distressed.

“I was having a hard time in there,” he admits. “I was fine at first, but then I don’t know what happened it just felt like the walls were suddenly closing in so I left.”

“You made the right choice,” she smiles. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, babe.” He pulls her closer into his body feeling a sense of accomplishment from hearing her praise. “You look so beautiful.”

“Thanks,” she blushes. Even after 3 and a half years together she still gets shy whenever he compliments her.

“I guess you weren’t kidding when you said you wanted to start over from when we first started dating,” he jokes. “When did you get so shy around me?” He strokes her chin pulling an even bigger sheepish smile from her.

“I’m not,” she giggles.

“Really?” He giggles playfully mocking her and making her laugh.

“Hush.” She playfully pushes him then immediately leans back into his chest.

“If you say so,” he smiles kissing her forehead. Then he lifts her chin and kisses her lips. He feels like he’s being overcome by a strong current of pure comfort. Coming from what became a stressful challenge for him inside, this comfort feels ten times stronger in this moment.

Hyeri loves the feeling. The butterflies that flutter wildly within her gives her a rush she hasn’t felt in so long. She doesn’t want to get out of his car anytime soon, but it’s already nearly 3 am. Still, she stays attached to his lips with her arms clutching around his torso hoping time will be kind, but it’s not and Yoongi is aware of this too. Perhaps more than she does, he wants nothing more than to stay attached to her, especially after the mild panic he was experiencing right before she came running towards him.

“Hyeri,” he whispers almost freezing at the sight of her looking much too good to let go. “Come home with me.”

“Yoongi,” she starts. “You know-“

“I know,” he interrupts. “I’m not asking you to stay if you’re not ready, but just for tonight? Will you stay the night with me?”

“Just the night?”

“If you want,” he nods.

Hyeri feels so stupid suddenly. She thought Yoongi would beg and plead the way he did on Christmas, but ever since she explained her feelings and reasoning why she didn’t want to go home yet, he hasn’t tried to press her. Her initial thought was that he was asking her to come home to stay, but she should have known better than to think he would try pressuring her. She feels stupid for even doing this in the first place, of course she wants to stay the night with him. She wants to spend every night with him.

“Ok,” she smiles and nods. “Just for the night.”

Yoongi’s face lights up and he gives her another kiss. They both jump out of the car with Yoongi getting in the driver’s seat and Hyeri heading towards her car. The entire way home Yoongi can’t stop smiling. He’s filled with so much excitement to have Hyeri come home even if it’s just for one night. He made it through the night without having a drink and he’s getting to spend a little time with Hyeri, he couldn’t be happier right now.

When they arrive, Hyeri immediately goes to the bathroom to undress and get ready for bed. Out of pure habit she tosses her dress aside, throws on one of Yoongi’s t-shirts, and returns to him waiting for her in bed. They’ve both had a long and tiring day, so without saying much they cuddle close, kiss goodnight, then drift off to sleep under the blanket of each other’s arms.

When Yoongi wakes up the next day, Hyeri is still sleeping soundly next to him. All he can do is lay there a while and smile at a sight he’s missed for weeks. He isn’t sure if she’s missed him the way he’s missed her, but he hopes she stays home for good after this. It’s been quiet and lonely at home and seeing her things still there made him long for her more. He hasn’t felt so refreshed in the morning since she left, although right now it’s more like early afternoon. Regardless, he knows she loves waking up to a good meal, so he reluctantly slides out of bed to go to the kitchen and make brunch.

Things have been busy lately so Yoongi hasn’t done much cooking, but thankfully he always has some pork belly, eggs, and veggies on hand. He cooks everything up nicely just the way Hyeri likes, and as usual it summons her out of her sleep and into the kitchen.

“Morning,” she says shuffling up to him to see what he’s making.

“Afternoon,” he smiles. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” she smiles back. She’s not going to say how she hasn’t slept so good in a long time, but she’s certainly having a hard time convincing herself that she still needs a bit more time. “I think my body is starting to feel the effects of being on my feet all night though.”

“Sit,” he points to the chair. “Just relax.” He turns off the stove and plates his creation before placing it in front of her. He then grabs a couple of bottles of citrus tea out of the fridge and takes a seat next to her.

“Thanks,” she says taking a bite of pork belly.

The two indulge in a mostly quiet lunch, though it’s not awkward at all. They’ve had many silent meals because they’re just that comfortable with each other. They don’t always need to say anything to enjoy each other’s company, it’s a comfortable silence they didn’t realize they had missed so much.

After their meal they relocate to the couch where Yoongi begins massaging Hyeri’s feet as she lounges across the couch with her feet in his lap. It’s become a bit of a routine on the days they have free time together, Yoongi can always sense when Hyeri needs a massage on any part of her body and he spends the day trying to take her every ache away.

“I can’t believe I got you the best foot massager I could find yet I’m still massaging your feet by hand,” Yoongi jokes.

“No one is making you rub my feet,” Hyeri laughs.

“That’s true,” he says stopping his hand movements and moving her feet aside.

“Oh,” she pouts.

“Where’s your foot massager,” he teases almost melting at her adorable pout.

“Haeun is probably using it right now,” she laughs. Haeun has spent the better part of the last week trying to take the lavish piece of relaxation off of Hyeri’s hands. Hyeri agreed to let Haeun use it as rent payment for her time staying there but made it clear she was taking it when she leaves.

“Haeun?” Yoongi tilts his head with a brow raised.

“Yeah…..” she hesitates. Secret is out now, though part of her doesn’t even care anymore because she’s thinking she may stay home for good now. Maybe.

“You hate me that much that you didn’t want to tell me you were staying with your best friend?”

“It’s not that, I just…” Hyeri sits upright bringing her feet down to the floor. “I knew you would try to find me and at the time I left I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want to see or talk to you or think about you. When I saw all of the people outside with their cameras I was even more upset, especially since they got photos of me leaving and I just don’t want to have to deal with that right now. So no, I didn’t want you to know I was staying with Haeun. I didn’t want you, or the media, or any other crazy person trying to follow you find me and have my name thrown across the internet again. You did more than just betray my trust, Yoongi. You caused me a lot of hurt in so many ways and I don’t even know what I did to deserve it.”

“You didn’t,” he shakes his head. “You didn’t deserve anything I put you through and I’ll regret it til the day I die. I know this all started because I was upset with you, but you did absolutely nothing to deserve everything I did. I wasn’t myself, Hyeri, and I know that’s not an excuse, I just couldn’t get control of myself. If I hadn’t been so seriously fucked up all of the time I would have never cheated on you. Never in my right fucking mind would I have done that.”

“I believe you, but I still can’t trust you. I never once thought that you weren’t sorry for what you’ve done. When I first confronted you I thought you would lie straight to my face, but you told me the truth when you could’ve easily fed me any bullshit story.”

“I couldn’t lie to you,” he says. “That would have only made me feel worse…how did you know what the truth was?” He tilts his head and raises a brow in suspicion. “Did one of the guys tell you? It was Namjoon wasn’t it?”

“No,” she shakes her head. “You told me. That night Jin carried your drunk ass home, you kept talking and talking. You said a lot because you thought you were talking to Jin, but even after he left you didn’t even realize it was me you were talking to. I was so upset, and even more the next morning when I saw you. I was ready to leave that day if you were to lie to me. I was in the guest room that entire night mentally preparing myself to pack my shit and leave. Then you admitted everything to me and I wasn’t sure what to do. I was so sure you’d lie that I never thought of what to do next if you didn’t.”

Yoongi sits silently trying to recall any memory from the night of their end of tour dinner. The only thing he remembers is drinking that entire day and waking up with the worst hangover the next morning. He shakes his head hating the thought of how bad he was that night.

“It’s ok,” Hyeri assures. “I didn’t know what to do then, but I think I finally know what I want to do now.”

“What’s that?” Yoongi asks.

“I want to stay,” she admits.

“Stay?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “Rebuilding trust is going to take time, and I know it won’t be easy, but I still want to work on it. I want to stay and work through this with you.”

“Stay?” He asks again.

“I have to be on set early tomorrow, but I’ll get my things from Haeun’s place and come here after I’m done shooting.” She reaches up to stroke his cheek which pulls out his biggest gummy smile.

Yoongi feels like he’s been waiting his entire life to hear her say those words. Someone could come steal every single one of his possessions and it wouldn’t be able to wipe the smile off his face. He won’t fuck this up again.

[broodwolf221]

triple checks it's the right blog this time...

so I'm having a p shitty week and I'm gonna cope by talking abt my meta for solas, mostly in terms of his personality and behavior. I have a LOT of meta abt his past and nature and future but that's... another post, lmao

some of his key and/or most interesting characteristics:

kind

selfish

reserved

arrogant

empathetic

detached

now, let's dig into these

kind: he clearly and consistently wants people to be happy or to alleviate their suffering. he's glad the inquisition helps refugees, he's glad (dialogue, not approval iirc) when you take the time to find the apostate supply caches in the hinterlands, he makes a point of connecting with every single companion, even ones who regularly degrade him. and in trespasser, he goes to extreme lengths to keep southern thedas from falling to the qun, because he wants the people - those he knows and those he doesn't - to be happy and at relative peace.

this is one of the most remarkable things he does imo, bc if he'd just let the situation develop, he'd have an absolutely clear path to achieving his goals. yes, he'd need to get the anchor another way, but that's hardly impossible. what matters is that by stopping the war, he gives the inquisition/inquisitor clearance to pursue him without distraction, while also arguably giving the qunari the ability to focus on strengthening the veil, bc i cant imagine the viddasala and her people were the only ones of all qunari to have/know of that goal

selfish: if romancing lavellan, he understands one aspect of his selfishness, because it's a relationship he should have shut down HARD. but his feelings are real... and he selfishly gives in to them, even knowing he'll break their heart. he does try to pull away, he does eventually break up with lavellan, but by then the damage is done. even the offer to remove their vallaslin is selfish in its way - he's trying to give them a piece of the truth, but instead delivers a cruelty and leaves them whether they accept or deny his offer.

but he's selfish in another important way, too: he's convinced of his own perspective. he thinks bc he literally knows more (which, yeah, tbf he does), that his pov holds more weight. he's willing to change the world bc of his guilt about it ofc, but also bc he's - selfishly, self-centered - convinced that he's RIGHT to do so. he's not traditionally selfish - in many ways he's selfless, overwhelmingly willing to sacrifice all his own chances at happiness and peace in order to restore the world - but his selfishness (which ties in with his arrogance) is shown in his self-conviction.

he makes excuses, but honestly? he could have told the inquisitor who and what he was. he could have done that! he could ask for help reconnecting the fade with the waking world. dreadwolf could be about the inquisition gathering together myriad experts and looking for ways to do it that aren't destructive. but he's so assured that his path is the right one, the only one.

and it's... a complicated selfishness, too, because part of it is that he feels like he deserves to be punished. he thinks he needs to walk this path alone not bc the inquisitor is incapable, but because 1) He Knows What's Right, and 2) He Deserves To Suffer (to alleviate his guilt about his "sins" - which is selfish in a complicated and roundabout way)

reserved: the superficial aspect of this is obvious: he's lying about his identity. but he's also reserved as part of his core character - according to him, he used to be reckless, quick to fight. I think his reserve is something he grew into, a willingness to play the long game, an understanding that information given can never be taken away. it leads to other things - a hesitance to trust, for example - but it's just a part of him now. I think even if he found someone to be 100% open with, he'd STILL be reserved by nature

arrogant: my man is an arrogant ass, no denying it. ofc he knows so much more about history than those around him, but he's also so willing to fight about it, to condescend, to trivialize. when he realizes he has a genuinely receptive audience his tone changes, so I think a lot of this stems from defensiveness and a deep familiarity with needing to justify his every expressed opinion, but... he's still an ass. his conversation with a dalish inquisitor at haven? yikes.

he's also regularly convinced that his interpretations are the correct ones. like wrt my recent post about the mages after Faded For Her, I have to assume that he thinks the inquisitor sparing them demonstrates disdain for the inherent value of spirits and their sentience, even if the real reason is a lot more complicated. he jumps to conclusions and states them like facts and it takes a lot for him to begin to deconstruct them

empathetic: this ties in with his kindness ofc, but its worth a unique mention. he is incredibly empathetic. he cares about what happens to people, to spirits, even to your enemies in a way - he talks with bull about how he doesn't like to relish his victories in combat because the people he kills could have been something else, someone else. he cares about wolves (I WONDER WHY... but also like, him being fen'harel doesn't mean he HAS to care about wolves, but he does, bc he cares about animals, too), he cares about the farmers being attacked by wolves, he cares about the refugees, he's understanding towards speaker anais and the cult that grew up around the rifts... he not only cares, he understands where people are coming from, regardless of who they are or how they behave

detached: this one lessens somewhat over the course of the game, but he's deeply, fundamentally detached to the world he woke up in and the people who inhabit it. its a little ironic when u look at his kindness and empathy, but it doesn't negate his detachment. i tend to think of him as seeing everything through a fog, feeling like he's not really there at least as much as he feels like everyone else is not really there.

not joking or exaggerating, he must have such terrible trouble with disassociation/derealization. ive seen people bring up excellent points wrt this that i dont feel a need to rehash, but suffice to say: while he still cares, everything he experiences is at a remove. this stems from shock, trauma, guilt, fear, and profound culture shock.

[bijoutarot]

Their Current Thoughts

Pick An Image

Image 1

“I wish I could take back my words”

Your person is currently regretting something that they said to you in the heat of the moment. It could have been an argument between you two and things got out of hand. This person is sorry that they crossed the line and said hurtful things. This person is very attracted to you. There’s a fire burning inside of them that is hard to control sometimes. They need more self control. They are so attracted to you and it fires them up just thinking about you with someone else. They love the way you dress, your fragrance, your eyes. It is very mesmerizing for them. You often catch them staring at you with heart eyes.

Image 2

“I want to tell you how I feel”

This person is head over heels in love with you. They are very shy when it comes to discussing anything to do with emotions. This is someone who keeps a stern temperament. Almost like someone who is too cool to show emotions. You find it frustrating how people do not see the side you see when you two are alone. Something about you turns this person to a warm, comforting teddy bear. You often want to be held by them and be comforted. This person makes you feel safe. They have good news they can’t wait to share with you. They are too cool to show that they are excited about this opportunity 😂. There is a song that they play over and over again that reminds them of you. It’s a song you would not believe 😊.

Image 3

“I hid who I really am from you”

This person is currently separated from you. They are thinking back about where did they go wrong in this relationship? They are surrounded by distractions. This is how they are coping with not having you around anymore. This person is overworking and burning themselves out in an attempt to not think about you. They figure, if I stay busy I won’t think about… Your person is reflecting about their immature ways. In their mind they were protecting their feelings but it was pushing you away. This person left before you could leave.

Image 4

“I wonder if you are happy without me”

This is a karmic connection from your past. This person likes to shop a lot. Every new sneaker and trending designer is in their collection. They love to look their best. Sometimes they care about what people think too much. It is often to show people what they have. They come off very materialistic and that always irritated you. This person deep down was very insecure. They didn’t like things about themselves that you loved about them. You always complimented them but they never seen their beauty. Someone has brought you up recently and they lied about what happened. They didn’t want to say that this separation is mostly their fault. They certainly couldn’t say that they couldn’t let you get close to them.

[fleshwerks]

i think what ultimately grinds me with assan is that he's a symptom of a greater narrative issue. i'm always wary of games introducing a comic relief 'pet' character, really, or introducing a pet to make a character more endearing, and assan i feel is very much a distraction, a cheap emotional punch, or a character added for the sake of having it. i'll be repeating myself a lot under the 'keep reading' but i'm just trying to organise my thoughts on this.

i can almost hear the writer's room going 'we want to have a cute griffon for this game'. 'cool. what for?' 'well a pet is an easy way to foster emotional attachment, and also, because griffons.' 'cool, but... why would our protagonist even have a griffon? how do we get our character a griffon when they're all but extinct and guarded by this insular faction of cursed warriors?' 'oh. umm. i guess we need a warden then to have a plausible reason for why this cute distraction is there.'

davrin didn't come to the party and brought the griffon along. the griffon is the main attraction and sadly davrin feels like a bit of a plain vessel just so that the party could have a cute mythical pet.

it's like 'assan and his uh... his elf.' And it's a common criticism. you just need to look at entire posts and threads about the choice between davrin and harding and see that it's basically top to bottom 'i saved davrin because i couldn't let assan die.' somehow the damned animal is a bigger draw than the actual black dalish warden man

which you could say is a reach, but bioware historically has been really very uncharitable to its black male companion characters. and now there's another one, and he's being completely overshadowed by an awkwardly designed feather duster. i don't think davrin's origin and his actual design are irrelevant to the issue at hand, not even a little.

when the first thing you think of when you hear the name 'davrin' is 'assan the griffon', you've got a big problem. and now that epler has come out and said it with full heart that they literally hinged all of davrin's 'saveability' on assan, i don't really know what i'm supposed to think here outside

'we couldn't make this guy cool enough to compete with a blandified harding, so here's a cute ass pet to even the scales! the pet's the real star!

that's what i mean when i say 'a greater narrative issue'. i'm sure someone will tell me i'm interpreting it uncharitably, but i'd like to counter that with 'either epler misspoke badly, or you're just coping.' man said what he said.

and the fans are openly saying it that even they caught themselves thinking 'oh no, not assan!' when davrin fell, and realising that apparently in the moment they had more fear and compassion davrin's pet griff than the man himself. and now frankly it's be fine if it was like the milk-coloured cullen type instead of davrin, but it's not. it's another rare black companion character getting the shaft. again. you can't ignore the optics here.

sacrifice davrin if you must, but at least have the decorum to respect the pet griff's decision to die with him instead of whinging 'nooo why did he have to dive after himmmm!' that? that is your reaction to 'black dude dies first'? 'no, no, not the dooooog?!'

though honestly the davrin v harding dies choice was already loaded, because harding may be lily pale but in-game she's still dwarves' last connection to their original nature, power and birthright. meanwhile the relative nobodies like lucanis and frankly neve too can merrily waltz into the sunset. this is what i mean by cheap exploitative emotional punches. the guy with the cute rare near-extinct pet, or the dwarves' and titans' one last hope. whilst everybody else's pretty much ordinary compared to the sole keeper of a powerful near-extinct species and the even more rare dwarf with connection to titans without having gone full drone zombie. just to make it 'hard' while the relative normies keep on keeping going.

[temtoni]

Pt.3 of the Doomed!Au

This time around JAY!

Timeline time:

- So the ninja return to Ninjago from the Neverrealm but without Zane

- They once again start grieving the loss of their teammate but since in Ninjago theres always something going on they are still doing missions

- On one of these said missions Jay finds an unfinished video game “Prime Empire” he sees this as something to do and as something that can distract him from everything going on

- For the next weeks ,heck months even he’s working on finishing the game in his room. Shutting everyone out and coming out of his room only every two days or so for the essentials

- The others get incredibly irritated and annoyed by his behavior but don’t really do anything because they think that this is his way of coping

- Nya though is pissed she needs his support right now but no all he does is lock himself up so she goes to “talk” to him

- They have a big argument about what grief is how to deal with it and everything. Nya thinks Jay should be there for her since she is his girlfriend but he’s to busy trying to deal with the loss of two of his brothers

- Nya then purely out of anger tells him that she’s breaking up with him and runs off, Jay tries to follow her but is way to exhausted (I mean he hasn’t been eating what was he expecting)

- So he decides to continue doing the thing that has been distracting him from his emotions

- After a week or so of useless programming he gets fed up and releases a big charge of electricity onto his computer

- Since he’s currently pretty weak and because it was a high voltage, he passes out and causes a blackout in Ninjago

- When he wakes up he’s in an weirdly familiar place he realizes its the game and that he has trapped himself inside its code

- Meanwhile in Ninjago many arcade cabinets and computers or so started glitching after the blackout and one after the other starts up “prime empire” while Jay finishes up the game from inside of it

- He also figures out that he can leave the game but it causes both him and his game to glitch like crazy

- the Ninja find out and try to talk to him but all he does is make a message appear on the screen and ban them from the game

—————————————————————————

Sooo Jay, Jay in this au is isn’t a hero or a villain he’s just Jay. He doesn’t trap people in his game like unagami but it is kinda hard to leave as you have to get through the main story line first or well die. If you asked him as to why he’s staying in the digital world he would answer sth along the lines of “The people here want me to be here” “They need me to be here” etc. He wants to make sure that the players are having fun and he keeps adding more and more features.

Also while the ninja are banned, Cole isn’t Jay hopes that since Cole shares his love for video games he might come visit one day. (He is 100% sure that Cole isn’t dead, the others called him crazy for it)

—————————————————————————

Also (since you can’t see it) he still has fangs from when he was almost turned into a serpentine but he hides them with his scarf.

The updates will now slow down because i have to work and stuff but I am planning on designing the main 6 ninjas at least.

Maybe even some side characters like Akita? i’m not sure yet.

There might be some textposts about more detailed versions of what exactly happened etc maybe even some smaller doodles :)

[key-rk]

Have you ever thought of exploring Drake & LP’s friendship beyond their work of being hero & sidekick?

Mmmm, Personally, I don't think it would change much if they're working or not, since Launchpad tends to be pretty true to himself. Drake not so much, but around Lp, he tends to be quite honest with himself as well. I'm gon ramble a bit about something that bothers me a little when it comes to how the franchise sometimes treats their dynamic. n then go back to the q at the end! (⁠◔⁠‿⁠◔⁠)

One thing I've noticed, and it was incredibly apparent in the new 'Darkwing Duck' comics; was how easily Launchpad is dismissed. In one of the earlier issues (can't remember each one SOZ) Drake states he was going to retire his hero work again and in response to that fact, Launchpad walks out–to find a 'job' elsewhere. Which I think is incredibly absurd. But what's more absurd, is the fact that Drake AND Gosalyn just let him walk out. (DID WE FORGET THE EVENTS OF 'U.F.FOE' OR 'INHERIT THE WIMP'. Gosalyn was so upset by the idea of Launchpad leaving her life, to the point of tears / close to tears.) I just think it's out of character, even if they don't follow the same universe.

The second thing is the episode of 'Dead Duck'. 'Drake dies' and Gosalyn and Lp are left alone. While it isn't explored too much, Gosalyn is now entrusted to Launchpad. Pair that with the fact that that entire episode was Drake's subconscious (unconscious state), it means Drake is actually relying on Lp. He knows something might happen, and he trusts Launchpad to keep his little girl safe. Even if in another episode (?) Launchpad states he'd do just that "take care of Gos as if she were my own" and Drake is hesitant. "Don't give up your day job yet, buddy." Even if he doesn't acknowledge just how important Lp is to him, subconsciously he relies on his friend a lot.

Lastly, it's the episode of 'Time and Punishment', which honestly deserves its own post to ramble about but anyways. Just after Gosalyn disappeared, we were shown Drake in an awful state. Barely doing anything on his own, depressed and grieving. Launchpad stayed and tried hard to distract him (which is a good idea tbh, because a couple times has 'distracting' himself been a way to cope. Especially in this episode.) We also see Launchpad free, roaming amongst the patrolled streets of St. Canard. Which I think is interesting. Darkwarrior has locked away so many people for the most mundane things and yet he allowed Lp to roam free for so long. Subconsciously, at least for a while–he still cared a little for him. Even he, DARKWARRIOR didn't completely throw him away. (I'm a BIT salty about that comic volume😮‍💨)

Anyways.

I think, beyond their hero work, they'd be incredible close. They're a family and that's been expressed a lot. They need each other too. Even if we were to erase the hero/ sidekick job for one second, their characters go beyond that. They both have their desperate need to be needed and wanted, and not to mention how well they bounce off each other. With Lp not taking much to heart and often letting Drake rant and sulk without complaint. Drake needs someone like that. Drake needs someone in his corner to help him out of his little depressive episodes, give advice, to remind him of mundane things like PT meetings. Whereas Launchpad needs to be needed and to help (which was explored). And he would most definitly be needed in a family setting.

They really are a lot more than just Hero/Sidekick. They're family and it's hard to break that bond. The trust in one another is very strong. Drake would keep Launchpad around, raising Gosalyn because he's just as important to her as Drake is. Both characters bring out the best in each other, so I don't think Lp would be quick to leave, nor do I think Drake would be quick to let him go.

uhh yeah

basically, i feel their dynamic would remain the same. If anything, the hero/sidekick thing makes it stronger. Hope this answered it okay, ik I kinda went off and rambled about something semi-related, but I think it was important to point out :)

[perplexingluciddreams]

Today was orthotics appointment. It is at hospital I don't like, Dad not like too because bad parking. When we get there, it was very full loud waiting room. So we wait outside the room in the corridor.

The orthotist Kirsty is very nice! With nice accent. It was loud bad place at first with other patients talking loud - even with noise cancelling headphones I struggle and get very anxious but also feel stuck could not stim like I need. I could not hear what Kirsty or Dad said because the other voices noises were louder even with noise cancelling headphones ☹️.

They could see I didn't cope, so she very kindly, look in other quiet room to see if it is empty. (Usually I go to that room). Yes, it is! So we go in there.

Then talk a lot about old AFOs. And Dad show my list of what is not-good about them. She look at my walking with shoes AND without shoes, and examine look at my legs and feet and move about and feel how hypermobile I am. And where my calf muscles is a bit tight.

She agree that my current AFOs don't work. So we try something different new. Dad showed my pictures of what I think might be better for me. So, she say they can do a similar style of rigid plastic AFO on the outside, with an inner "anklet" that is thinner more flexible plastic going around my ankle and over the top of my foot. Then that part will go inside the bigger rigid AFOs. And, I can have better straps that isn't so bulky and too tough to undo by myself. (They will just go once over, instead of through a ring and double back).

Then, she do a SCAN!! Instead of casts this time :D. I have to hold very very still it takes a LOT of concentration and effort. But I did very well. Dad said the shape of my leg showed up slowly on the screen when she did the light scanner in stripes. I didn't see that because I had to concentrate very much to stay still.

They had to stick a wire to the front of my leg for the scanner. And the tape stuck to my leg hair! And ripped some off when I took it off, ouch! But it was okay, not too sore, just mostly funny. Dad joked about is his genetics for the leg hair.

Overall, very successful appointment and it went much better than I expected! I am still very anxious about it all, because we have several attempts already that didn't work. But, Dad says we will keep on trying until we get exactly what works for me.

I always feel overwhelmed and exhausted after appointment. And always feel like I didn't communicate everything I want to - even with prepare with other people and they say things for me, even if I try try try so hard to do words, it just doesn't happen at the time. And I have automatic response to just nod head "yes" at almost everything, even if I didn't process or understand. So I worry that I seem to say "yes" or agree to things that I don't mean. Especially when I know that there was a lot of talking at the appointment that I didn't process at all. I feel so utterly lost all the time - and there is no way to really express how that affects me my whole entire life.

I hate my inability to communicate ☹️☹️. It goes WAY beyond just not able to speak. Even with all the tools and aids and help from other people... majority of the time it is simply near-impossible for me to interact with another person. It is everything about how I interact with everyone, my whole life long. And then I feel like anything that goes wrong or doesn't work is my fault for not able to communicate or explain something.

Anyway. I am knackered now, so time for rest and Celtic Woman DVD 😄. I try not to think about it anymore, just distract. And try to keep hope, but not too much, so I don't get too disappointed.

I have lemonade (Dad quickly go to shop and buy so I can have my usual fizzy drink treat after appointment 😄, thanks Dad!). And I have snack. And DVD. 😊

[banes-favourite]

How do you think Gortash coped with the HoH, healthy mechanisms or otherwise? And do you think anyone there was ever nice/decent to him (Korilla? Hope?)? Or was it just everyone being awful all the time?

Man I think he'd have such a hard time coping with what was happening to him. I mean, he went there as a child and was basically forced through so much trauma without having the slightest bit of emotional regulation. No one taught him how to cope so he had to figure it all out by himself.

For healthy mechanisms, I think his most visited one would be his talking to himself. Not much to do when you're locked in a cell, too scared to sleep in case you're woken up and beaten for no good reason, so I think he stayed up a lot. He learned to speak with himself, talk about his feelings, his day, like keeping a diary inside his head. It helped him regulate his emotions and work through them, also making sure he never forgets his ultimate plan of escape and fall victim to the given-up behavior all the other debtors and prisoners have. He'd also steal paper and supplies to begin working on his first sketches for machinery, which also helped in keeping him sane.

For unhealthy ones, he definitely learned to hit himself in order to distract from the pain and regain some sense of control (shameless promo about my fic regarding this very idea). It's a common theme I've found around regularly abused people, it helps release the pent-up frustration you have towards your abuser that you can't release in any other way, especially not against them. He'd punch his head and claw at his forearms the most, I think, but he'd also get creative if his feelings of rage were necessarily huge.

I do think there were people that were nice to him, I explained more on another ask. Hope was particularly a God-sent as their talks were the only thing keeping him grounded. She was really nice to him, even warning him about Raphael/Nubaldin's arrivals, so she saved his ass quite a lot.

Korilla,, I can't see her being nice to him idk. At best, she ignored him, at worst, she mocked him for his being there.

Also that skeleton guy you find next to the dinner table? Yeah I think he'd be nice to Gortash too, sharing stories of old about his time back on Faerun.