#It barely made me happy
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Man, it is JOEVER.
#Not even writing makes me feel better#Yesterday I sat in a restaurant and wrote for literal hours#And at the end of it I didn't care at all#It barely made me happy#I was just sitting in my closet trying to record my most recently finished chapter#And I literally left my closet without recording a single sentence because I feel like what I wrote sucks ass#I feel no connection to it#I genuinely feel nothing when I re-read it#It's like all my love and joy and excitement for the very craft of writing has disappeared#This was like#My one reason for staying alive but I feel like I genuinely don't give a shit about it anymore#I feel next to no desire to continue working with this craft I've loved since I was a child#Might fuck around and tell my therapist I have a crush on her just to feel SOMETHING#I am in deep with this depression shit#It is not looking good#Ohh and I called a hotline and told the woman who picked up I was dealing with transference or whatever#And she was like#That wouldn't be enough for her to terminate your relationship#And that's very good to hear because boy do I have some shit to tell her next session#I might just have to lay it bare#I'm fucked#If I kill myself will y'all tell the TRAs that I had the fattest ass on radblr?#I'm not a radfem but like#Pretty please?
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
2024 Belgian Grand Prix - Mark Webber clapping for his boy (FINALLY!)
#DAY IVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT OH MY GODDDDDDDDD#no bcs i was pretty happy/excited abt the end of this race#but mark showing up literally made me start hyperventilating#LIKE ??????#USUSALLY WE NEVER SEE HIM AROUND OSCAR LIKE THIS?????#LIKE WEVE BARELY EVER IF EVEN HAD ANY FOOTAGE OF HIM CONGRATULATING OSCAR????#^ in F1 that is#BUT AAAAAAHHHHHHHHGGG G GIFNALLY#FINALLY HE IS THERE AND WE GET TO SEE HIM LOOKING AT HIS BOY#f1#formula 1#mark webber#oscar piastri#2024 belgian gp#2024 belgian grand prix#oscarmark#we do a little bit of f1
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
jim being canonically the shortest one of the triumvirate is genuinely so important to me lmao, like yesssssss, let that beefy babe be shorter than both his boyfriends!!!!
#james t kirk#star trek#star trek tos#st:tos#it's me and i against the tide of ppl shrinking bones lmaooo. which is fine obviously whatever makes ppl happy - go forth & shrink the doc!#but jim canonically being the shortest.......i love it so much.......he absolutely lowkey has a chip on his shoulder about it.......#he is SO beefy and strong and can haul both his boyfriends around!!!! but it doesn't change the fact that he's shorter <33333333#it's only like an inch difference between him and bones but jim hates it!!! and also pretends he doesn't hate it <3333#jim kirk my beloved!!!!!!!!!!!#there's some casual comment made about it and then *six hours* later jim is like 'AND FOR THE RECORD I AM *BARELY* SHORTER THAN YOU'#and bones is just '............what? where is this coming from???? and jim's like 'THAT REMARK THE PRIESTESS MADE SIX HOURS AGO'#and bones is just '..........when we're no longer in the middle of a firefight we should probably talk about this and why you're so upset'#'in the meantime though can we please get out of this firefight because i don't wanna die'#spock; SUPER helpfully: and as the doctor is taller than you captain he does make a more visible target#bones; scrubbing his hand across his face: SPOCK YOU'RE NOT HELPING#spock: .....i did not realize you expected me to#mcspirk
642 notes
·
View notes
Text
yeah like having to deal with the obnoxious middle aged women who thrift to resell wasn't bad enough, now we got the braindead fast fashion bozos cluttering things up too.
its ok shirt, i will love you like somebody else apparently couldn't even if you shed microplastics into the water supply and will fall apart after 7 wears. and then i'll sew you back together like anyone with two braincells to rub together Should
#doodles#ms paint#thrifting#fast fashion#anti shein#anti fast fashion#dat me#life is paint#art#reminder that learning to sew is incredibly easy you can do it on youtube in two minutes#machine sewing? five minutes. for the bare fucking basics.#stop buying on chinese fast fashion websites. stop buying from American brands who upsell you on fast fashion. learn to mend your clothes#stop trying to follow trends that last 2 weeks and find your Own Style because then you'll always be confident and happy with what you wear#buy natural fibers when possible. wool is so durable and will keep you so so warm in the winter#IM GOING TO START BITING PEOPLE !!!!!!!! IM GOING TO START BITING PEOPLE#COMPLACENT CONSUMERISM IS A NIGHTMARE#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i made that up btw. yornge is not real. i didnt want to say the real brand. fuck 'em#do i need to start googling the brands i find in the thrift stores now. jesus christ
402 notes
·
View notes
Text
favourite thing: his new habit of saying uhuh/mhm and also this
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/470a64e5035a4f73ecd03aed03a6f15d/e69239a2135b2f41-30/s400x600/b5c9f774937bcafb67ac0191921351417db77b09.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/353861b9ed60972a724e8154761a74e6/e69239a2135b2f41-5f/s500x750/602ac4bdb945261d9f21dad98f96780cda369bf7.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/474526a3bc16523ac186873d25fce8e8/e69239a2135b2f41-24/s540x810/f26259c9f5863c68a590741f81ed568cb51e5122.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/748f662a751e3b84f0acc4890f3e1b91/e69239a2135b2f41-00/s400x600/36899788655f83d31c2dbea35d553758e29517eb.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/175aa6e3226b11c9bd36188dff379279/e69239a2135b2f41-1a/s540x810/5d2f1caea747970ac09e7a021907389ddc0470de.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e56d550c332f8a46fc9ee3c50fdba56a/e69239a2135b2f41-3a/s540x810/6330832d9e8d30636df06ae58974cd0cb9854041.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/04356bb147f9a2b2a5f79fb4fbf3e791/e69239a2135b2f41-d2/s400x600/5bec4a969c461dd6abe9ca9f5085562a742781ac.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/706d2f819d2c082dc9f3636fbbff8c8b/e69239a2135b2f41-12/s400x600/569c5393db91511c46b3dbd0c2cf54c3c170df3a.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c9996576e8342137a2656a67200f537e/e69239a2135b2f41-19/s540x810/5e414e1e5d6d8ee0bad4f18c8e74ef9884395e0d.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a4232ebc156ea4b3532d2c2c1de781e8/e69239a2135b2f41-a6/s400x600/6968f4f610ffad939dbda61f498fa64e818db117.jpg)
#the first time he did it in unmortricken i was like Fuck Yes and little did i know he would just keep doing it the whole time#DESPERATELY hoping they keep both of these things. i Love when characters have tiny little habits sprinkled in their actions#to me these things kinda sorta symbolise him no longer being afraid to really be himself#like he no longer has to hide certain things about himself that inside of the cfc wouldve made him appear ‘suspicious’#since he IS like so much different than any other morty ever#also barely related but like. em is fundamentally such a good character bc everytime we see him he’s feeling something different#in his first appearance he was cold and distant because at the time he was new to being free and was strictly focused on his goal and wasn’#even sure if it would work#in his second appearance he seemed hopeful and honest both of these things just being a trap to get the people of the citadel to trust him#and his old colder self unfurling near the end after he successfully becomes president#in his third appearance he seems giddy almost. he’s constantly giggling before and after sentences and he’s super eager to just Get The Hel#Out. and also to reveal the truth to morty prime. make it so that he doesn’t have to be the one to shoulder everything anymore.#and this fourth appearance. apart from a few little details he really just seems happy and comfortable. the entire episode he was just doin#whatever he wanted and nobody got in his way at all. and i could not be happier#normal about this character!#rick and morty#evil morty#rick and morty spoilers#odiespeak
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Guess who accidentally deleted the animation before I posted it on here and had to use cobalt to get my own video
yt link
#not meeeee what?#art#my art#video#animation#my animations#invader zim#nickelodeon#gir iz#zim iz#dib membrane#gaz membrane#ignore how weird dibs hand looks PLEASE i forgot i had to animate it and barely drew it. help#and. i reused the fuckin. what are they called i cant remember#movey things for each character#so its off beat!!! HAHHHAHAHHHA OKAY#im making a better animation rn promise#this is just filler for now#<- just saying that because im upset with how it turned out#i really like the animation i did of gir doing popipo though...#frame by frame is really hard for me so im happy i made it look so good
288 notes
·
View notes
Text
mommy let you use her ipad, you were barely two
and it did all the things we designed it to do
now look at you, look at you!
(objectober 2024 day 10: internet)
#dandy's doodles#inanimate insanity#ii#ii steve cobs#ii mephone#ii spoilers#ii 16 spoilers#objectober#objectober 2024#okay i'll be honest. the final drawing barely fits the prompt#however! it was inspired by it#'internet' immediately made me think of 'welcome to the internet' by bo burnham#and my mind instantly jumped to 'and it did all the things we designed it to do'#and y'know... steve cobs designed mephone to be able to create things#and so in a way mephone is fulfilling his purpose by creating the contestants#he's fulfilling his purpose by doing what his dad did#and then that made me think of the garden of eden story#where god creates both adam and the tree of knowledge#he tells adam not to eat its fruit and yet adam inevitably does; thus adam gains free will#and one has to wonder if that was god's intention all along - for humans to have free will#whereby adam - through the apparent defiance of god - is able to become exactly what he was created for#and y'know... mephone making his show as a rebellion against cobs...#only for that very show to be a creation borne of his intended purpose#so yeah. my mind jumped from bo burnham to the biblical creation of man#anyway!! very very happy with how this turned out#my favorite part is the charger snakes. i'm so glad i came up with that idea#also cobs' arm! that turned out really well! i referenced my own hand for his!!#in any event... it turns out i really really like biblical imagery and symbolism huh#also yes i did stay up all night like a maniac drawing this. the idea came to me and i just had to see it through :D i'm glad i did
217 notes
·
View notes
Text
♡。゚.(*♡´‿` 人´‿` ♡*)゚♡ °・ boyfriends™
#hope the quality is okay:D#not sure what i feel about this coloring lmao but i had to start somewhere#911#911 abc#911 on abc#911edit#911 edit#911gifs#911 gifs#buddie#buddieedit#eddia diaz#eddiediazedit#evan buckley#evanbuckleyedit#911verse#my gifsets#290924#had to start with a super simple gifset lmao#im 100% prepared for this to get 0 notes cause ive been inactive for so long and barely posted 911#but whatever making this made me happy <3#no.18#9111
184 notes
·
View notes
Text
Siffrin but while he's incredibly touch-starved he's ALSO bitey.
He gives you a hug and then bites you affectionately. If you try to touch them and they don't want to be touched/aren't expecting it/don't like you he bites you.
Isabeau and Siffrin sitting next to each other and Siffrin leans over and bites Isabeau's arm.
Siffrin constantly needing to have something crunchy/chewy in their mouth because nom nom bitey biting nice feeling or else they will chew on something inedible (clothes, hair, pencil, etc.).
Siffrin biting his pillow in his sleep.
Siffrin getting so fed up with the King during one of the loops that they find a gap in the King's armor and bite him.
Do you see the vision. Can you see where I'm going with this. Bitey Siffrin. Bites you bites you bites-
#the main point is bitey siffrin. he bites for any reason. ANY reason. NOBODY is safe#has anyone else thought of this before?? idk but I'm running with this headcanon (has barely interacted with the isat fandom)#anyway YES I'm projecting onto him (giving siffrin my habits/autism)#YES I'm giving them sharp teeth in my headcanons/fanart#constantly switching between he/him and they/them pronouns for Siffrin gives me happy brain :D#I made this post while dealing with a headache so if anything is worded weird then. yeah :D#bitey siffrin au#cloud does a ramble :3#cloud's 12am thoughts#isat#in stars and time#isat siffrin#siffrin#in stars and time siffrin#isat isabeau#in stars and time isabeau#isabeau#isafrin#isat king#in stars and time king
119 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Is...is it over? Is he — ?" "Yes. He's gone." "What does that mean for us?!"
#gamingnetwork#vgedit#videogameedit#gamingedit#dailygaming#gameplaydaily#bg3edit#bgedit#mybg3#baldur's gate#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate edit#mybg#astarion#astarion ancunin#bg3 astarion#this scene made me so happy#the fact that he can articulate this....hes grown so much :)#delight watching in the bg like oh i love him i need to pat his head#bare chest#blood
216 notes
·
View notes
Text
more clone^2 memes because i think they're funny
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/331a14e4ea43ec7e22c907cbe13a3444/73b22560762d0f91-d3/s540x810/6d82a2897477ab8c25ee6994cbb74984ab55d208.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/aef0e7a628f4b596f1b0db96b1ca30b8/73b22560762d0f91-15/s500x750/abd7ce65d638762f746adee0cfe8ef2da07b6607.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/fd47a6cec50a74654a79a52ad955774c/73b22560762d0f91-5c/s540x810/d0888b1703b3b24274b04df4f5da86cc7d348932.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ff510c31086ab6e6e2cbb632cacf1a42/73b22560762d0f91-ee/s500x750/18c7fc0e36a685e769ba95948d444bb2653d9c9f.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2f21c1d1231ffadab73bcf2663795bb5/73b22560762d0f91-b9/s540x810/6e9db1c714be0b6e09b1caa9a87a10f8a42a282c.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/606e7d932100e8e5ca3d2e5da045ba62/73b22560762d0f91-3e/s640x960/34145b0dbd83435531559abe1da587da8c93e1cf.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7e291e552766098ba0ad51eb01372530/73b22560762d0f91-8e/s500x750/ab19a7c4bd8b6766f82204cf78c826efdf6fb8dc.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f930529e1dbe08f055cd560f0ce87af8/73b22560762d0f91-51/s500x750/054d4aecdbc11dd0bc2722ef0fcea37d1df28b55.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0db8724bb09eabd142846ec49ae94fb6/73b22560762d0f91-73/s540x810/76a680a4283c8dac2110ca153f3b8c56ca3c6207.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f319803a278fb947f1a6467c5ad596d2/73b22560762d0f91-ff/s540x810/31cd2c3e7f72bcaf505cc030d50b6d51fb76fa37.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/eb54f12c8bfdec2d80cd932c33d2d94a/73b22560762d0f91-f2/s500x750/4cfbb6a29ad616bd7c2783cc3d6186036e0626e8.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/eebd1a9a227096770dd9ddb16df73266/73b22560762d0f91-57/s500x750/7a1d82cfdc2406e196ecbfcf96cde627c720480e.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/02769e0773e4bc9b6c26fe84b61e8155/73b22560762d0f91-09/s500x750/283958c0ea3d8ca4d29117240261df918b7b6818.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/776e6dcd1e3badd284a41bfe396efb3b/73b22560762d0f91-c8/s540x810/5d2b3e38c4719373cc0399aca102f380e5280456.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d6b58d02d7e31a60522d6a62fbafd6ec/73b22560762d0f91-44/s540x810/b56891aa178025c7aafa5a70cdbd6fed1db4ae0c.jpg)
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is not the ghost king#so canon to clone^2 and clone damian the portal that ends up transporting damian to amity park is left pr ambiguous#so really how he got there could be one of many things whether it be through divine intervention or clockwork's doing or hell#it could've also been quite literally the 1 in 1 millionth chance that a natural portal opened up beneath him and sent him to amity#and was a happy accident#but the idea that the laz pits or another adjacent such entity heard damian wanting an older brother (he meant og damian but oops never-#specified) and then sends him to the one person who could fulfill that wish and make him happy at the same time.#was really funny to me within the context of the lilo and stitch meme. the meme can also be seen the other way around with danny as lilo#and damian as stitch. but danny being stitch was infinitely funnier and ~technically~ more accurate imo#danny technically IS a nice angel but also. he's a developing menace to society (just ask wes) and he's going to make damian one too#danny being from the midwest means he has a midwestern accent and thats not something the bats know how to handle when they finally meet hi#hey look at that! my meme making skills are steadily improving. im no longer making the same joke six different times in different formats#those first two images i made a few days ago the rest i made in the last thirty minutes in a spur of clone^2 induced inspiration#and procrastination of writing the cfau rewrite of the first post. we are 10k words deep folks and just barely got past the 1st gala reunio#dunking on the giw is a god-given right and danny WILL pass it down to damian
771 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have finally found a literary reference to Apollo riding griffins:
"When fair Apollo leaves Delphi's shrine and visits the altars of the north, Castalia's waters differ in no wise from those of any common stream, nor the laurel from any common tree; sad and silent is the cave and the shrine without a worshipper. But if Phoebus is there, Phoebus returned from Scythian climes to his Delphic tripod, guiding thither his yoked griffins, the woods, the caves regain their voice, the streams their life"
– Claudian, On the Sixth Consulship of the Emperor Honorius (trans. Maurice Platnauer)
Thank you Claudian, I shall cherish this.
#you don't understand how happy this made me#because for something that's such a recurring theme in sculptures#griffins barely appear as Apollo's animals in literature#griffins#mine
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/bbd55958ce6a09ccf6e6bccc20575005/eb373236297021c2-47/s540x810/13f4e49c165b7ca4bae7c4b54af3c22656ff8093.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8b420fd0b953be25141c253b1d1bf438/eb373236297021c2-3b/s540x810/fa805dcf6e829258e292dc02ce031f55e4d4ff7d.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2a6e25265ed4ec62a87aae7dd1420fac/eb373236297021c2-c1/s540x810/801b35ccb6463eed8a7e334e98c466052ec614bb.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/49636be71968c14cfc52ad1caf2a00d4/eb373236297021c2-64/s540x810/be2f8554d1ad9e001c016461fd0c2b4c7cc20f1b.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/bad0b1bd0e55789961a8aa943701512e/eb373236297021c2-ac/s540x810/e2ec25ed26375e4e9399e39a82bc60814adbdf36.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a6252e826c4f378113a44367286e93fa/eb373236297021c2-b2/s540x810/e3c7638b278b50aca39d28b39bdd41993f15d96e.jpg)
i believe that to some extent Andre knows he's fucked up and this headcanon is one of the hills I will die on in the farewell tape, Cal says that “you can’t cure somebody who has nothing wrong with them.”
Andre, on the other hand, admits they might be seen as hypocrites. he's not gonna back out, he still thinks it's the right thing for him to do, but he seems to acknowledge that people will not perceive it the same way. he tries to explain that no matter what it’ll look like, it’s not murder for the sake of murder - not in his eyes at least. there's a (sick and twisted) lesson hidden in this tragedy.
to some extent, Andre is aware of what’s going on with him, what exactly shaped him into who he is now. he sees the cause and effect of being bullied, of feeling rejected and alienated, and not being able to do anything about it because that's just who he is. he can kick and scream and shout but he will never change who he is at his core and this realization is crushing for a 17/18-year-old. this and all the implications of a missing sense of belonging.
he knows he’s messed up. he knows what would fix him and he’s convinced it’s out of his reach. he looks at other students and he thinks: it’ll never be me. and he's angry that they have something he will never have.
his awareness doesn't help though. if anything, it fuels his frustration. what adults know to be a temporary problem (high school) seemed like an insurmountable obstacle, the end of everything.
#dont mind me im just thinking how so many high school problems seem like the end of the world#and then you grow up and you're like 'ok that was some insane shit and I didn't deserve most of it'#and then you process it and heal and go on with your life because the world is too wide for you to dwell on all that stuff#alternatively you're shocked that you really let yourself wallow in sadness over shit that now just makes you laugh and seems so trivial#my point is that if he had decided to drop the zd plans and then graduated and grown up he could have been happy#he could have made it but he didn't give himself a chance#high school is not where your world ends#in fact it's barely even a beginning its a fucking prologue#and when people are so down that they can't grasp it - this is what leads to tragedies#zero day#zero day 2003#andre kriegman#cal gabriel
218 notes
·
View notes
Text
Our love was made for movie screens
For @saltpepperbeard 💕 Show: Our Flag Means Death - Season 1 & 2 Music: All I Want by Kodaline YouTube
#ofmd#our flag means death#ofmdedit#ofmdaily#ofmdsource#ofmd s2#gentlebeard#blackbonnet#edward teach#stede bonnet#ofmd edit#ofmd video#ella’s edit#my dearest jodi. my wifey. my babe! 💕✨#HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!#how am i meant to show my love for you if not with a video edit made especially for YOU!#there's fluff. there's angst. there's more fluff and emotions!!!! all wrapped up with a neat little bow#i have barely slept for like 4 days because of this but WIFEY YOU DESERVE THIS LITTLE GIFT!!#(also it's entirely my fault because this vid was supposed to be 1 minute long and then it got away from me and here we are asbsjksdks)#you better cry in my dms later 😤#no but for real you're fantastic and sweet and just the right amount of insane and ilysm!!!!!!! have the most wonderful birthday ever!!#❤️#💍
582 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thinking about how much Taylor probably wanted her partner to experience the show that she spent so much time creating and rehearsing, that included music they made together and he saw her write about their life and she was probably so excited for him to see it and then he just never went…And now she sings “and if you wanted me you really should’ve showed” every night and is now talking to someone that went to that show, has been gushing about it and her and it’s making me feel a lot of things.
#taylor swift#like I can’t believe that he just didn’t even bother to show up#he got to watch her put this thing together/write with her/see her write about their life and just said nope#like she moved and made things work around his schedule and his work and if I were her I would be pissed if he couldn’t do the bare minimum#for me and my work and something that is a career and life high#like Travis seems very sweet and like a bit of a goofball and it seems like he makes her happy#like he said her show was great and shot his shot and extended an invitation and she took him up on it!
911 notes
·
View notes
Text
@dragonprincedrabbles prompt Harrow + Damian, Breathe
—
A particularly nasty cold works its way through the castle, the first winter after they move in. Even Sarai gets the sniffles, though fortunately no more than that. Being sick and six months' pregnant would be truly miserable.
Callum stays healthy, thanks to diligent hand-washing and restriction from the areas of the castle where germs are most freely spread, but he grows moody and standoffish. He was already struggling to adjust, obviously feeling like an out-of-place guest in the castle and seeing Harrow as more like a distant uncle than a stepfather. Sarai knows he needs time—the only way encourage growing into a home and family is to allow the space to do so, and then step back. She just hates seeing her son unhappy.
Then Claudia, the one playmate he's truly grown close with, gets sick enough to spend a week in bed, and he starts acting out in ways he never has before. Not even when Damian was dying.
Harrow spends most of that week with Viren, who is understandably beside himself over his daughter's condition, mild though it is. Once she's undeniably on the mend and Harrow's able to escape, Sarai shares her own frustration and worries about her son. Always thoughtful, he suggests that they go to the lodge—there's a blanket of fresh snow on the ground, and a change of scene and activities will do Callum good.
It's a fantastic idea, one Sarai is embarrassed she didn't think of herself. Of course, she's not exactly used to having an entire lodge to retreat to for relaxation.
The first few days go better than she could ever hope—he and Harrow sled, build snowmen and snow banthers, and have snowball fights more epic than any Border skirmish. Sarai joins them sometimes, though she feels a little too pregnant for some of the more vigorous activities and is content to watch from inside, sipping hot cider. Callum runs to her pink-cheeked and laughing when they come back inside, happier every day than he has been in weeks. In the evenings, he falls asleep on the couch, nestled between them as Harrow reads aloud in his deep, soothing voice.
Then the castle cold catches up with Harrow.
Sarai suddenly finds herself caught between overseeing regular deliveries of hot soup and honeyed tea to her husband and near-constant tantrums from her son. Everything becomes a battle—getting up in the morning, what food he'll eat for any meal and when, putting on warm clothes before going outside, baths, bedtime. After a particularly bad fit over wanting to go ice skating—it's not cold enough for Sarai to trust the pond's ice without it being checked—she gathers him up into her lap for a talk.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" she says, rocking them both gently back and forth while he snuggles in her arms. "I can tell you're having a lot of big feelings—are you sad or mad that Harrow can't play anymore? Do you miss the castle?"
He shakes his head against her chest, but says nothing.
"Did something happen that scared you? Have you had bad dreams?"
Callum hesitates, then buries his face in her shirt, clinging to her. "I'm sorry, Mom," he says through fresh tears. "It's all my fault, I'm so sorry—"
She shushes him soothingly, stroking his hair. "I'm right here. It's okay to be overwhelmed. You haven't done anything wrong."
He takes a hiccuping breath. "But I did! I—I wished that King Harrow would die, so we could go home. I just wanted everything to be like it was before, with Dad. Now he's—I don't want him to die!"
He's crying hysterically again, and Sarai holds him tight. All the pieces suddenly come together—this year's cold takes root in the chest, leading to a wet, hacking cough. Harrow's coughing fits, while already subsiding, had been loud and frequent for the first few days. Loud enough to be heard from nearly anywhere in the lodge.
She and Damian had kept the worst of his condition from Callum, but not everything could be hidden, especially if Damian was to have any kind of life in his remaining time. So Callum saw when he coughed convulsively until he strained to breathe, air barely wheezing in and out of his lungs. Even if that wasn't the case, he'd heard his father's labored, rattling breaths at the end.
"Oh, sweetie," she says. "He's not going to die, I promise. He'll be just fine in a few days."
Callum shakes his head wildly, clinging to her. "I'm sorry," he sobs again.
"It's okay," Sarai soothes him, rubbing slow circles into his back. "It's okay, Callum. Sometimes, when we're angry or scared, we think or say things we don't really mean. There have been a lot of big changes, and that can feel scary and unfair. I wish we could have done things differently."
She swallows around the lump forming in her throat. "Your dad—I was angry and scared for a long time, when we found out how sick he was. I was angry that he wouldn't get to see you grow up, and I was scared of what life would be like without him. I had a lot of mean thoughts about people who I knew loved me, and were only trying to help. I didn't let those thoughts take root, and I know you won't, either—you'll breathe, and let them out."
She inhales deeply through her nose and exhales slowly through her mouth, repeating until Callum was breathing with her. His crying slows as he relaxes.
"Harrow can't ever replace your dad, but whatever he becomes to you, I know he loves you very much." She hugs him close, smiling when he hugs her back. "How about this? We can toast some cheese sandwiches and bring some soup up to him for lunch, like a picnic. He'll be happy to see you."
Callum nods, rubbing his nose with his sleeve. Sarai pokes it lightly. "Then, if the Crownguard say the ice is safe, we can go skating."
"Maybe, instead of skating," Callum says tentatively, as he hops down from her lap, "we could play a game from the game room this afternoon."
So Harrow can play, too. All of us together. She smiles, levering herself up from the couch. "That's a wonderful idea, sweetie. Go pick one out, and I'll start the sandwiches."
She's still smiling as he scampers off excitedly, and she heads for the kitchen. Lunch and games with all three of them, together—it looks like they just might be becoming a family.
#the dragon prince#sarai#harrow#callum#happy birdthday harrow#grilled cheese makes everything better fight me#anyway it's always hilarious to me how much the change of ezran's s1 age from 8 to 10 WRECKS any kind of sanity in the pre-series timeline#like sarai almost HAS to be pregnant before she and harrow get married#and that's all like just barely a year after damian died so they've probably been dating for a while#it's the kind of blended family situation aita posts are made of lmao#kradogsfic
58 notes
·
View notes