#Impact of stress on OCD

[livingwellnessblog]

Understanding OCD: Beyond Cleanliness and Perfection

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a complex mental health condition often oversimplified. Beyond the common themes like contamination or perfectionism, there exists a spectrum of obsessions and compulsions.

Understanding OCD: Beyond Cleanliness and Perfection Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition that often gets reduced to stereotypes of excessive cleanliness and organization. While these aspects do represent a subtype of OCD, this disorder is far more complex, with a range of lesser-known themes that impact individuals profoundly. What is an OCD Theme? In essence, OCD…

[lastoneout]

haha I was already in dubious emotional territory and then I just had to see the EXACT kind of thing that triggers my fucking OCD so now I feel like crying because I cannot get this image out of my head no matter how hard I try to think about something else, it just keeps popping back up, can't wait for this to make me nauseous and keep me awake at night for the next week or two

[guided-by-stars]

Siffrin deals with his anxieties (both rational and irrational) by performing rituals and compulsions. These rituals can become obsessive, especially in times of heightened stress, and often focus around either checking things, or numbers. They also deal with intrusive thoughts, with such frequency and intensity that it impacts their ability to function. Those...are all symptoms of OCD.

Let's define some terms, before we go into examples. What are obsessions in this context? This often refers to obsessive thoughts/anxieties/mindsets. These are prevalent, reoccurring, sometimes disturbing, often irrational fears. Intrusive thoughts are one example of this, though not all obsessions are intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are specifically unwanted and very distressing and often graphic thoughts or images in one's mind. An example of such is this:

Next, are compulsions and rituals. Compulsions are actions that one takes to break the obsession spiral. These either soothe the root fear (though usually temporarily), or quiet the disturbing thought or image. Rituals are "safe" compulsions, decided as such either by repetition or irrational logic. The wording that Siffrin uses when questioned about obsessive checking of pillars is as follows:

One of the most common mental justifications for compulsions is "But what if?". The perceived cost of performing a compulsion is often weighed as nothing against the potential of something truly awful happening. "What if?" carries a lot of weight for people dealing with OCD- often one knows that both the fears and the compulsions are irrational and logically one cannot control the Universe by tapping a certain amount of times on a table, checking for the tenth time if your alarm was set, or repeating a phrase multiple times in your mind. However, the weight of the potential fear is just so great that one cannot take the chance, even knowing that. This paradoxical position of both awareness and delusion that many with OCD have is called "OCD with insight" (1)

This post became....much longer than I planned, so the rest will be under the cut. Please read the rest though!!! There's so much more to it! ☆

The diagnostic criteria for OCD in the ICD (2) and the DSM (3) are relatively similar (though the DSM focuses a lot more on ruling out other causes for similar behavior like anxiety disorders and delusional disorders), and focus on the obsessions being self-sustaining and the rituals being often time consuming and frustrating to have to do. However, not all compulsions are even notable enough to the person to cause any frustration or discomfort, nor are all of them consciously done with any sort of logic behind them. It's quite common for people to perform compulsions without even having a reasoning for why (4).

Hey, weren't we talking about Siffrin ISAT? What's with all this research paper bullshit? Can't you just show me where in the game my blorbo shows signs of mental disorders???!?

Well, one example of rituals that Siffrin engages in is repeating phrases, either out loud or in their head. The number they tend to come back to, again and again, is three. This is shown when they are explaining Wish Craft, and despite the fact that the specific number of repetitions of your wish genuinely doesn't matter, just that it's repeated at all, they instinctively say to repeat your wish three times, before catching themselves and correcting their error.

...When Loop explains their Wish to Siffrin, they say it three times as well. "I wished it could be over. I wished I could get out of here. I wished for someone to help me."

Whenever Siffrin wants something to go right, throughout the game, he also almost always repeats his desired outcome three times.

It's a noticeable enough habit that his party members mention it, when in the trap room. They've noticed the ritualistic mumbling that he does whenever he wants something to go right.

It's not just when they want something to go right that they're doing it though. They repeat things three times when they're panicking, too, to calm themselves down. When they loop back after beating the king:

It's not even just thinking or saying things either, they take actions in threes too, to soothe themselves. After Kingquest:

You can see both thinking things in threes and acting in threes here. It's everywhere. If you look through the game again, you won't be able to help but notice how often they do things in threes.

Speaking of the coughing though, that's another one of the compulsions they do. Covering their mouth, coughing, gagging, they do all of those when trying to banish disturbing memories or thoughts from their mind.

After looping when refusing to try to say the name of their country when the King asks.

Notice again, they repeat "You know" three times. Like I said, you'll start seeing that EVERYWHERE now.

To note, if you try to say it once and try not to say it another time, you'll get this instead:

Three breaths, here.

I could go on, but I don't think I need to.

Another important factor when considering OCD is the need for control. People with OCD not only report a lower level of perceived control over their thoughts and actions, and not only tend to need a higher level of control than the average person to feel safe and comfortable, but also, the less control over their environment they have, the more that OCD symptoms often intensify. (5)

Siffrin is in a paradoxical position here, in regards to control. When they first realize they're in a timeloop, they're absolutely ESTATIC. The first bathroom break monologue exemplifies exactly WHY he's so euphoric at this point:

He's euphoric with CONTROL. No matter what happens, he can always try again. He's safe. He can keep everyone he loves safe. He has SO MUCH CONTROL.

When the illusion shatters, after he's dragged back when they beat the king, that's when he realizes how little control he actually has. Sure, he can decide when he loops (most of the time) but he can't decide to STOP looping. He's trapped. The more he tries to escape, the less control he seems to have (Eg, what happens to Bonnie). After that, we can see him start to have intrusive thoughts, engage in more ritualistic behavior, and end up in more unhealthy anxiety spirals.

...And, we see him lean into the little control he DOES have (looping) more. Any time he's in a stressful situation? Any time that the control he has over a situation starts slipping away? Is Bonnie yelling at him with tears in their eyes and telling him to die? Is Isabeau pulling away from their shaking grip on his collar? Is Odile confronting him on his suspicious behavior? Are things OUT OF CONTROL? ...Control is taken back. Forcefully. He can't handle loosing more control, not when he already feels so helpless and trapped.

Talking about the bathroom scenes, there's another one I want to point out. The first Friendquest run. It's the perfect example of delusional anxieties and compulsions used to quiet the distressing thought, rather than soothe them.

...Yeah.

Siffrin is suddenly overcome with the anxiety that the simple act of believing that his plan could work will somehow make it not come true anymore. This is an example of "magical thinking", or a belief that defies the scientific or culturally accepted laws of causality (eg. "If I step on a crack, my mother's back will break"). It's specifically an example of TAF, or "Thought-action fusion", which is the belief that one's mere thoughts can cause completely unrelated actions to happen in the real world. This is an essential part of how compulsions can genuinely relieve anxiety, and is actually one of the differences between those with other anxiety disorders and those with OCD. Magical thinking is essential to OCD. (6)

This exchange also showcases an example of how compulsions done to quiet rather than to soothe can sometimes involve self harming behaviors to "shake" the thought out of one's mind. In this case, him hitting his own head and focusing on the pain rather than on the thought. Most definitely not a healthy way to deal with it! But what else do we expect from Siffrin, honestly.

Another example of a self-harming compulsion being used to "shake" out a distressing and unwanted thought, also including a more minor example of magical thinking:

Researchers and psychologists have often attempted to divide OCD into subtypes. This has usually been done because different types of obsessions often demand different treatment plans. (7) The actual divisions have varied from researcher to researcher, but one type that consistently comes up, is harm OCD/moral OCD. (Of note, one person usually, but not always, fits into multiple subtypes. I personally think Siffrin fits into multiple) Harm OCD is characterized by a fixation on believing one is a bad person and causing harm to others, often despite others expressing the contrary. This often comes along with very intense self-criticism and judgement.

After repeating a Friendquest route multiple times:

Mal Du Pays fight:

Siffrin specifically is fixated on the worry that the knowledge that they gained by looping gives them an unfair power dynamic with their party, and taking any action informed by that knowledge means that they're taking advantage of them or forcing them to do what he wants. This is despite the fact that, no matter what he chooses to do, they are still autonomous beings who do what they want. He has less control than he thinks.

Also from the Mal Du Pays fight:

("You should've died for me. You should've died to protect me. You should've died to protect me.", "You can wish and wish and wish all you want.", "They'll forget you. They'll forget you. They'll forget you.")

And what of Loop? They're also a Siffrin, right? Examination of the self from an outside perspective has given them time to introspect a bit more. They directly name and point out one of Siffrin's rituals. @dormont pointed this out, in one of his posts. (8)

Loop says, here:

They understand why Siffrin is doing this. Siffrin is afraid that he'll forget again. There was no warning, before the Island vanished from everyone's mind. The coin is a physical reminder that he forgot his first family, that he can't forget this one too. He often rolls it in his pocket, but sometimes grips it tightly, or flips it. In his mind, touching it will prevent him from forgetting again.

Now this is fascinating when thinking about One Hat, because in that eventuality Siffrin, after failing to find Loop at the Favor Tree, leaves his coin where Loop used to sit. This shows that he's doing better mentally, in Act 6. That he trusts himself more to remember, that he doesn't need the coin anymore.

Throughout the game, Loop keeps the comedy mask glued tight to their starry face. Because of that (and the fact that we don't see inside of their head), we don't get to see much of their own obsessions or compulsions. But there is one time where their mask slips. During Two Hats.

When they start becoming more and more distressed, they fall back into repetitions of three:

And if they win the fight....

And after the fight...

But of course, it's not all in distress. What was I saying, at the start of the post? The other reason why Siffrin repeats things in threes? When he wants something to go right, right? When he has a desired outcome, when he's sharpening his knife, when he's carving a figure. "Please be sharp, please be sharp, please be sharp."? At the end of it all, as Loop is fading away:

"I'll see you again soon, I promise! I super promise! I super duper promise!"

And Siffrin understands exactly the intention and desire that they pressed into that repetition. After Loop is completely gone, they mirror their actions.

("You flip it once, twice, three times.")

("You will see each other again.")

Additional resources:

1: Taylor, E. (2020). Discordant knowing: A puzzle about insight in Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder. Mind & Language, 37(1), 73–93. https://doi.org/10.1111/mila.12301

(About the concept of insight in irrational cycles in OCD! Very interesting)

2: ICD 10: The complete official code set. Internet Archive. (2017).

(ICD 10, Account is needed to read the full thing)

3: American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.)

(DSM 5, for reference)

4: Starcevic, V., Berle, D., Brakoulias, V., Sammut, P., Moses, K., Milicevic, D., & Hannan, A. (2011). Functions of compulsions in Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder. Australian & New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, 45(6), 449–457. https://doi.org/10.3109/00048674.2011.567243

(Article about reasonings behind compulsions. Honestly I think a lot of the "other reasons" categorized here for compulsions are just...different manifestations of reducing anxiety. But it's still helpful to show how sometimes compulsions are done subconsciously)

5. Moulding, R., & Kyrios, M. (2007). Desire for control, sense of control and obsessive-compulsive symptoms. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 31(6), 759–772. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-006-9086-x

(Article around OCD and the need for control)

6. Kingdon, B. L., Egan, S. J., & Rees, C. S. (2011). The illusory beliefs inventory: A new measure of magical thinking and its relationship with obsessive compulsive disorder. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 40(1), 39–53. https://doi.org/10.1017/s1352465811000245

(Article about magical thinking/TAF/history of the other studies done on the importance of them in OCD & creating a better framework to assess them)

(7) McKay, D., Abramowitz, J. S., Calamari, J. E., Kyrios, M., Radomsky, A., Sookman, D., Taylor, S., & Wilhelm, S. (2004). A critical evaluation of Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder subtypes: Symptoms versus mechanisms. Clinical Psychology Review, 24(3), 283–313. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2004.04.003

(Critical overview of the concept of OCD subtypes and what their purpose is)

(8)

(Eve's post :]. Check the replies for more elaboration!)

[imagionationstation]

“How often DOES Donnie get hugged?”

Answering that Ask: Part Two of Two. (Part One)

I was trying to come up with theories, but the best one that I had was a halfhearted theory on touch aversion? Like, maybe he doesn’t like sudden physical contact and his brothers don’t want to present a hug (physical interaction) with him first?

But, that can’t be the case. Physical interaction consistently comes from both sides and neither ever seems bothered by it.

Of course, lack of hugs does not mean a lack of affection.

They’ve just learned to show it in different means.

Leo tends to be supportive or protective, but in small ways, easily missed if you blink. He speaks up for Donnie’s habits “We all deal with stress in different ways.” and takes a genuine interest in what he does. He looks over blueprints, waxes the ShellRaiser, and listens to (often mission-related) explanations from his brother.

He also tries to protect Donnie from his own OCD tendencies. All three of them knows that Donnie has little chance with winning over April, but Donnie’s obsession has latched on tight. Unless she tells him herself, he’s not going to respond in a positive way to their objections. (People with OCD may quiet down about their tendencies, but that doesn’t make the problems themselves go away. It could only make Donnie distance himself from them.)

“What?!” “Why would you tell him that?”

“Because he has no shot with April.”

“Yeah, but you don’t tell him that.”

Leo seems to know exactly how that kind of news would impact Donnie. If anything, Raph probably made the situation worse. Now he could feel insecure or alone. And in feeling alone, Donnie may choose to do things, like, say, break into a Kraang facility on a rescue mission without his leader or teammates to have his back?

As for Raph…

His moments with Donnie are always the bigger ones that are somehow STILL blink or you miss it. He consistently assuring Donnie when something horrible or upsetting happens. Raph tends to step up when Donnie needs that strength and reassurance to ground him. He does his best to pick Donnie back up when he falls, but he doesn’t offer platitudes or false hope. It’s never his style. And Revenge Of The Triceratons, is a brilliant example of this.

“You’re smart enough to built a robot like Metalhead, right? Maybe there’s a way you can rebuilt Fugitoid.”

His brothers know he’s struggling, and their cheer in response to Donnie simply getting the Fugitoid’s head to turn back on is perfect. Exactly what he needs while he’s fretting about everything.

One of my favorites:

Splinter’s main means of grounding his sons when they’re stressed or upset seems to be a hand on the said-son’s shoulder. I LOVE when his older brothers copy that when he’s in distress.

I may never get over the fluff in the show.

HIS BIG BROTHERS ARE SILLY BILLYS BUT THEY LOVE HIM

[frankiensteinsmonster]

Is it invalid to worry about your environmental impact as a person who lives on this planet (especially when loads of other people seem to live in ignorant bliss or openly just do not care)?

Not at all.

But as disabled people* I really think we should allow ourselves those accommodations we need/that would make our lives easier.

Bottled body wash lathers easier and saves you that tiny bit of energy while you're washing up? Can't seem take care of your bar of soap so it runs out fast because it's always wet and actively makes your bathroom harder to clean? You deserve to preserve your energy and keep yourself clean. Use it.

Bottled water means your executive dysfunction won't get in the way of you getting hydrated? Means you can keep water by your bed so you don't have to endure the physical pain of walking to the kitchen? Means your OCD symptoms won't prevent you from drinking water for hours-days at a time? You deserve to drink water without stressing. Drink it.

Paper plates and plastic utensils mean you get to eat without having to worry about dishes + prevents you from having an overwhelming sink full of every dish you own covered in rotting, smelly food that may even attract bugs and cause them to breed in your sink? You deserve to eat freely and live in a clean and safe environment. Use them.

Can't wash clothes on the regular let alone cleaning rags due to energy/executive function, ability, finances, ect.? Use paper towels. For whatever reason you need them. Spills so you don't take up your only clean towel and risk it sitting + developing mold and mildew. Wiping off your counters. Dusting. Drying your dishes. Drying your hands. I literally do not give a fuck. Use them!

Use frozen vegetables that come in plastic bags and frozen meals that come in single use plastic and floss sticks and plastic cups and precut fruit and veg and whatever little necessary 'convenience' you can think of that makes your life easier. Just because you Technically, Physically can pull it off doesn't mean you should and it's important we think about the consequences of our actions even if we're the only ones really impacted by them. You're important. And for a lot of us, these things are what makes the difference between Getting Things Done At All and sitting in shame because we can't bring ourselves to make our own everything and do everything the long or right way. We put too much pressure on ourselves to make up for what abled people aren't doing themselves. If Anybody deserves a break it's us.

Don't misconstrue this as discouragement from doing what you can or whatever, but I need all of us to be a lot more realistic about what impacts our lives and which trade offs are worth it for our own sake.

It's unfortunate that we don't have options for more sustainable resources when it comes to taking care of ourselves, but it shouldn't fall on us to choose between a significantly more difficult life or feeling guilt free. Advocate where you can for better treatment of the planet, and until that can happen-- non-disabled people can and should pick up the slack for us. They literally have that option and the impact they face is an infinitesimal inconvenience compared to the real health/quality of life consequences that build up in such a severe way over time. We deserve that little bit of leeway.

*disabled includes both physical and mental ailments on this post btw

[anonzentimes]

zen am i just projecting or am i cooking when i say komahina are both soooo incredibly anxiety disorder coded

like i’ll start with nagito bc to me that one’s more obvious. this guy has ocd. holy SHIT nagito has ocd. and it’s completely reasonable for him to have developed it! his luck means that things go wrong for very little reason all the time, he knows the luck has Rules to it, of course he’d develop little “rituals” (read: compulsions) to try to minimize bad luck. plus, frontotemporal dementia often causes symptoms of ocd as well (though i’d argue he very well could have developed the disorder before his diagnosis). nagito is always so convinced that Something Bad is going to happen Because Of Him even if he has nothing to do with the situation. “xyz thing happened earlier so something awful will happen now” that is obsessive-compulsive thinking!!! i just know he counts every step and Has to close doors 8 Times “just in case.” he probably has some form of moral ocd as well considering how convinced he is that he’s a terrible person who isn’t worth anything. oh and of course he doomspirals like no fucking other

as for hajime. i might really be projecting with this one but also i’m Right. generalized anxiety disorder. his primary fear response is fight. hajime is so stressed out about everything all the time and this is why he’s kind of bitchy. he’s Anxious. you see this a lot in the prologue where even before monokuma shows up hajime Is Not Trusting Of This Situation bc what the fuck!!! where is he!! what do you MEAN just enjoy it how did he get here!!! he’s surrounded by strange people on a strange island with a fucking stuffed rabbit and you expect him to NOT freak out??? hello??? he passed out for sure bc his adrenaline response got so intense that his blood pressure got weird and oh down he goes. but it also shows in subtler ways. his thought patterns and constant questioning of things— he overthinks a LOT, from monokuma’s plans to why his classmates are Like That to I Must Be So Normal to his mystery talent to What Is Nagito’s Deal Actually. in the prologue and chapter one, nagito gets hajime to calm down by distracting him— specifically, he teases hajime and riles him up. this gives him a healthy outlet to put that fight response energy into, and thus the anxiety recedes. hajime calls himself a “coward” in nagito’s 5th (? maybe 4th) fte— before i got my gad diagnosis, i thought of myself as being overly sensitive and nervous— hajime, who isn’t very good at deciphering emotions in general (likely due to not being able to talk about them at home but that’s a different story), would probably see his anxiety and identify it as cowardice. he also just… worries. constantly. about everything. whenever a classmate goes missing, whenever nagito goes missing (he proceeds to question WHY he’s worrying with nagito a lot which ties back to the overthinking), whenever anything new happens on the island, etc. mainly though i think hajime’s gad shows in his insecurities. he is deeply afraid of mediocrity, of his best not being enough. i think a lot of his fears stem from the idea of being forgettable or unremarkable— he wants to make an impact on the world, and the thought of dying before he can, whether it be in the killing game or just the rat race of life, horrifies him. but he doesn’t know who he is, he doesn’t know how to make that impact. he’s terrified that he, hajime hinata, is not enough. that he’s boring, unremarkable, destined to be just another salaryman, part of the mob. that’s why he worries about his talent so much, that’s why it hurts so much when nagito starts treating him worse in chapter 4 (someone who was once his biggest source of comfort is now affirming his worst fears), and that’s why he was such a good target for the kamukura project. hpa saw his insecurity and fear and preyed on it. most people wouldn’t sacrifice themselves for some experimental project. but when you’ve fought to get to a place that you pray will be able to make you special, and they tell you “we can make you special, but it will change who you are,” and you Don’t Like who you are because you feel deep down that who you are will never be enough, well. why wouldn’t you take the offer? you get to Be Something. you get to make an impact. who cares if you lose yourself? that guy was boring.

ANYWAYS that got away from me a little bit. i could keep going (like abt hajime’s fight response and nagito’s fawn response) but this ask is long enough lmao. point it they both have undiagnosed anxiety disorders i know it i Know It please tell me you see what i see

Hii!!! Sorry it’s taken me so long to get around to answering this! I was waiting for a good moment to type up a response since I think such a long ask, especially from an oomf, deserves a thought out reply. To be straightforward and simple: yes, absolutely yes! I think the interpretations that Hajime has anxiety disorder and Nagito has ocd is very fitting. I don’t know as much about ocd as I do about anxiety, so I don’t really talk about it in fear that I may be rude or inaccurate, but I definitely so heavily agree every time I see it. As for the anxiety disorder I’m not sure if I really have it but my anxiety is a pain and I am taking supplements and have started taking meds for it recently (fingers crossed those actually do anything helpful), but this is to say that I relate to Hajime a lot in those sort of moments and when you phrase it like that I realize it is probably because of the anxiety he experiences alongside his character beats. For Nagito I can say, “Yeah! Everybody makes such great points about him having Ocd! I really like that interpretation even if I don’t know about it as much,” and then with Hajime it’s like “Yes! This is canon to me I know about this and I say so and relate to him and it fits incredibly well!” :D

also lowkey I’ve been having that weird feeling where I miss them,,, and reading this has made me miss them less so thank you very much hehe I love Hajime and Nagito very much and agree with your points heavily, appreciate you sending this!

[aidenlydia]

hey ho!! the 09 simon sh anon here (what a weird title. anyways) first of all, thank you for replying! didn't know you hc simon as autistic, which makes him, in a way, even more relatable to me <33

i have another question, this time about simons and johnnys relationship. you mentioned that johnny helps simon cope, especially with his aggression / sh. do you have any specific headcanons how simon does that? do they have any specific rituals for when simon starts struggling? and also, the other way around, when johnny starts struggling with his OCD and depression?

cw: self-harm

Oh boy do I have a lot of thoughts about this. But first some definitions for those who are unfamiliar:

Autistic Meltdown - a intense response to overwhelming stress or dysregulation, leading to loss of control over behavior and difficulty calming down. Common signs include crying, yelling, rocking, pacing, dissociating, intense stimming and aggressive or self-injurious behavior (hitting, biting, kicking).

Shutdown - a form of meltdown where a person becomes extremely still, silent and withdrawn rather than outwardly aggressive.

Stimming - repetition of certain physical movements or vocalizations that autistic people use to calm themselves down or express their feelings.

Intrusive thoughts - unwanted thoughts that pop into one's mind without warning, at any time. They're often repetitive and can be disturbing or distressing.

Obsessions - intrusive thoughts that are hard to manage, get stuck in one's head and have a negative impact on daily life.

Compulsions - repetitive things one feels they have to do (mentally or physically) in order to reduce distress and anxiety caused by obsessions (to make things feel right again). One might know that it doesn't make sense to carry out a compulsion, but is unable to resist doing it.

I think the first step is being patient and not judging each other.

The way Ghost feels during and after a meltdown is complete loss of control, accompanied by shame. That's why SH is so easy to fall back to. It re-establishes some sense of control, which can be both a relief and a punishment at the same time.

Similarly with MacTavish, when his intrusive thoughts get the better of him and he starts spinning his wheels (getting stuck in compulsions and increasingly agitated) he knows he's both out of control and unable to stop it while probably being judged if witnessed.

It boils down to not being understood and feeling like everyone thinks you're crazy. Your self-esteem and sense of belonging take a massive hit. But having someone witness you at such a low point and support you through it, without thinking less of you afterwards, already makes a huge difference.

I don't think MacTavish knows he has OCD, he's probably only aware of the stereotype (obsession with being clean and organized) and thinks of his own symptoms as "a weakness" he needs to hide and overcome by sheer willpower to be able to keep his job and the respect of his colleagues.

Ghost isn't blind to it, he notices a lot of MacTavish's quirks and insecurities that others don't. He takes them seriously, wants to understand and help.

Part of MacTavish's depression is connected to his OCD - it makes him very anxious and tired. If anything goes wrong his depressed mind will find a way to blame himself and his compulsions get worse in response to his new intrusive thoughts/obsessions. Anything can become an obsession and the excessive misery caused by it makes him feel even more depressed. And on it goes.

At first Ghost falls into the trap of wanting to help and relieve MacTavish of some of his distress by accommodating one or more of his compulsions - it seems to make him feel better. However the more you give into compulsions, the stronger they get and end up making the symptoms worse in the long run.

The key to truly support MacTavish is to help him resist his compulsions. Ghost learns firsthand that endorsing the behaviors does more harm than good, including giving reassurance, which is a common symptom of OCD (and the most heartbreaking for both parties. It feels like a rejection to MacTavish and Ghost feels so mean for doing it, but it is for MacTavish's own good).

You can read more about it here: If You Love Someone With OCD, You May Need to Stop Reassuring Them That Everything Is OK

Of course Ghost can still validate his feelings, recognizing how upset it makes MacTavish and remind him to be patient and compassionate with himself while also staying consistent in his encouragement to keep resisting. Instead of trying to make the distress go away, Ghost helps him to accept it and ride it out together. Sometimes while in the thick of it they resort to distraction (doing something else to take his mind off it, which isn't exactly the best go-to coping skill) and physical affection (for emotional support). During a crisis situation Ghost will usually fold and let him give into a compulsion, he still has to learn how to deal with those.

Another thing that helps MacTavish a lot is when Ghost starts telling him about some of his own intrusive thoughts (everyone can have them). It makes him feel less alone/more normal, helps him open up more about his worries and reaffirms his belief that Ghost doesn't think he's crazy or a bad person. Remember, he doesn't know he has OCD yet.

I'm not sure Ghost would know or even suspect he has Autism either, autistic afab kids don't fit the "typical" stereotype and are often overlooked. He probably got called weird and off-putting his entire life, as well as being bullied without even realizing it. He only knows he isn't like the others and prefers to be alone because everyone understands the world and communication in a way he just doesn't.

He embraces his weirdness instead of hiding it, doesn't care if people think his mask is corny or that they should keep their distance from a freak like him. He's tired of not being understood, so he isolates himself and doesn't try to change anyone's mind anymore.

Nobody really gets him until MacTavish. He tends to leave a negative first impression; being perceived as rude, aggressive and disrespectful because of missed social cues. His meltdowns are mistaken for childish tantrums or manipulation. MacTavish can tell he's definitely odd, but he appreciates Ghost's straightforwardness and blunt honesty instead of being offended by it. Ghost responds well to MacTavish because he needs very clear and direct communication without it being condescending and patronizing, which MacTavish is naturally very good at. No mind games, no reading between the lines.

It's also why Ghost doesn't mind taking his mask off in front of him, not only does he trust MacTavish enough to be vulnerable, but he doesn't fear being off-putting or having his facial expressions (or lack thereof) misunderstood. They are similar in that regard, MacTavish has resting angry face and is often mistaken as aggressive, intimidating or confrontational because of it. Ghost sees there's a much more sensitive and thoughtful man underneath the hard exterior.

MacTavish doesn't have much experience with meltdowns, but can tell Ghost isn't escalating on purpose. It starts with Ghost showing signs of anxiety - pacing, rocking or becoming very still and quiet. He tries to calm himself down by fidgeting/stimming, bouncing his leg, grinding his teeth or biting at his lip. Sometimes he will ask repetitive questions, seeking reassurance, or become increasingly nonverbal. He is easily frustrated and has difficulty communicating or expressing himself clearly.

Meltdowns can be triggered by many things at once, a mix of distress intolerance, emotional regulation issues and sensory overloads. Meaning lack of sleep, stress, too many unexpressed emotions, change in routine/big life changes, too much noise, being touched too much, bright lights (that's why he wears sunglasses), too much smell, not getting enough air, ect. It can be completely overwhelming.

MacTavish responds by staying calm and quiet, not talking over Ghost and moving slowly. Any additional stimulus makes the overload worse. He gives Ghost space, doesn't touch him without permission and never punishes him for "losing it" during his meltdown or afterwards. He gets Ghost into a safe, quiet room or place until it's over. Things that help Ghost calm down is silence, a cold compress on his forehead, noise canceling headphones, laying down with the lights out and MacTavish's entire weight laid on top of him or something cold to drink.

After meltdowns Ghost feels exhausted and either needs some time alone to recharge or becomes very clingy for a while. He often doesn't remember what exactly happened and is very self-critical, but MacTavish won't allow him to be ashamed of himself or engage in his typical SH behavior, opting for calming affection and distraction instead.

If Ghost's urge to SH is coming from a place of anger they tear paper in little pieces together, go for a run or exercise. If it's from sadness they hold each other, listen to music, let MacTavish massage him or get out into nature. If it's from feeling numb, he's allowed to flick an elastic band on his wrists or hold ice cubes.

To prevent a meltdown or SH the trigger needs to be recognized early enough to be either removed in time or given a coping strategy. They develop a code sign for Ghost to use when he feels unstable, so MacTavish can help him regulate or get him away to somewhere quiet where they can properly communicate. The more Ghost trusts him, the easier it is for Ghost to communicate and disclose his distress. When Ghost becomes nonverbal they either write or speak in sign language to navigate the situation.

After leaving the military they struggle more with their relationship and gain a deeper understanding of each other by finally getting diagnosed. They end up going to therapy together where they learn how to properly manage MacTavish's compulsions and get him treatment for depression. They develop relationship strategies and identify Ghost's meltdown and SH triggers as well.

I think this is a good place to stop for now. Perhaps one day I'll get into my DID Ghost headcanon/ideas, but my fingers hurt from typing so it will have to wait lmao

This is a continuation from a previous post

[luci-luck]

Earth “ponies” go first! MASSIVE autism dump comin’ atcha live

TW: ableism , grief , parental death (just in case the tags failed)

This is more so for me but I still wanted to share 🫶

Sandstone (Pinkie):

- b i g puppy energy

- Built for work but prefers to play

- Has crystal pony genes but depression makes them subdued. Can only go full crystal mode in a moment of pure and raw jubilation.

- after constantly being told who she’s supposed to be, they rejected the idea of labels entirely

- no labels for gender or sexuality means loving Pinkie does not impact your sexuality score!

- (intersex is not about gender but biological sex. That being said many intersex people use intergender as their gender as it relates to their experience as an intersex person.)

- deals with internalized ableism due to conservative fillyhood environment. Feels bad when they need to ask for help/support. Got herself an unofficial certificate in psychology so he can be his own therapist (it doesn’t work out)

- Parents would totally support the pony version of Autism Speaks just saying. Pinkie’s dad thinks neurodivergency is curable with hard work and the right attitude whilst her mom mourns the loss of her son after the diagnosis.

- ADHD makes xeir rejection sensitivity off the charts

- Internal battery runs on the company of others so can’t ever live alone.

- Had problems with food insecurity

- Relies on sugar as a steady supply of dopamine

- Can have moments of poor motor control. Clumsy

- Eyesight is bad but doesn’t wear glasses. Afraid that ponies will start thinking he is smart and they will expect even more from him. (In human world she wears contacts)

- Feels embarrassed being high support needs and just wants to be treated like everybody else. Hates when xer parents call her “special”

- Also hates being infantilized but is not confident in their decision making

- Xe is a sensory seeker unlike the rest of their family who are all sensory avoiders. Sisters compromise and try to meet his needs. Pinkie in turn tries to be mindful of their touch aversion but finds it hard sometimes. “Everypony’s just so scoop-able!”

- Trained Gummy to “stay”. Is very proud of his emotional support gator

Applejack:

- Is incredibly strong for her size

- feels like she has to constantly prove herself worthy of taking over the farm. Has gotten into arguments with Big Mac about overexerting herself

- Is a hinny (donkey mom and stallion dad) (ofc hinnies are supposed to have tails more like horse but I love the lion tail on AJ so 💁‍♀️) (I said mule in ALT text because most people don’t know what a hinny is)

- Because of this, she is more calm under pressure and thinks more logically

- has major depression from grief and ptsd (duh)

- Isn’t used to being in a stress free environment so she creates the stress

- Likes running the apple stand but certain families trigger her

- Obsessed with anything from the past generation. A time when her parents were young and happy

- Can be a bit insensitive to other’s problems and wants them to “put on their big girl pants” like she had to.

- Feels like she has to fill in the roles her parents used to do. Especially so Applebloom and Granny don’t have to stress over as many things.

- Was in the process of cutting her mane when she remembered that AB liked to braid it so she stopped half way.

- Is the mom of the friend group. Makes sure everyone’s needs are met before tending to her own. (Which is bad btw)

- Has problems with insomnia but getting better.

- Struggles with OCD and will repeat unnecessary tasks if she believes it will help protect her family

- Has an emotional support dog named Winona who also reminds AJ to take breaks 🐕‍🦺

- Sees no point in getting her chronic pain checked out. Will hopefully change her mind in the future. Wears leg braces to ease the soreness.

- Got diagnosed later on. Grief masked her autistic traits.

- Also has a hard time asking for help but has gotten better after she found out that Applebloom has been internalizing that mindset. She must lead by example

- Stick around long enough and she’ll happily invite you over with a hot cup of cider 🍺

- (Other people tend to fall in love while getting to know someone. Demiromantics however need to get to know the person first and then develop romantic feelings later)

- Thought she wasn’t capable of developing crushes until she got to know Coloratura.

[theolivetree123]

Voice claim: Bennett - Genshin Impact (JP)

Character Details

Age: 17

Height: 163 cm

Sexuality: Bisexual

Birthday: March 4th

Nicknames: Hops (by Neige), fluff, cottontail, and rabbit (by @ashipiko 's Niko)

Dominant Hand: Left

Dorm: Lepuvince (My own RSA dorm)

Grade: Sophomore (2nd Year)

Likes: Wood carvings, professionalism, gemstones, flowers (specifically sunflowers)

Dislikes: Being called cute, people touching his ears (unless it's a family member or a s/o)

Favorite Food: Carrots, blueberries, snickerdoodles

Least Favorite Food: Limes, or just anything sour

Best Subject: PE

Club: Martial Arts Club (run by my Mulan twst oc)

Hobbies: Wood carving, Martial Arts

Homeland: Shaftlands

Family: mother (Bonnie) and father

Twisted from: Judy Hopps from Zootopia

Character Info

Hopper is a very assertive young man, known in RSA for his immense bravery and extraordinary knowledge in combat. Being the Housewarden of Lepuvince, he values bravery and justice above all.

Growing up, Hopper had always valued bravery and justice. His father taught him all about how to fight and save people, which led Hopper to have many friends, but also many enemies. This did not discourage him, though, as he would be top of his class almost every year and learn many different types of hand-to-hand combat in his free time.

As the years went on, Hopper started to be enveloped in his schoolwork and, as a consequence, lost many of his friends. Yet, he still moved on, determined to be strong and dependable like his father. Many times throughout his middle school life, he would be bullied for his height or how cutesy he looked, but he would just ignore them all. He needed to be just like his father.

One day, Hopper's mother saw just how hard he was on himself and decided to take him out of school early. Once Hopper got home, his mother told him to come help her on their farm. There, Hopper's mother forced him to finally have fun and do something without the stress of being the best, and once the sun set, Hopper's mother gave him a little carving of a rabbit as a thank you gift.

Since then, Hopper has tried his best to be the best he can be, but still saving time for his own health. Though, he gets bored of his life sometimes, wanting to have fun again like he did with his mom that one day. He wonders a lot about what it would be like to have a partner that would break him out of his comfort zone and make him have fun. Yet, he always thinks he's too busy for love.

Relationships

Neige - While Hopper thinks they're just acquaintances, Neige thinks that him and Hopper are best friends. Neige is almost always by Hopper's side, calling himself his #1 fan, much to Hopper's dismay. Though, the two do get along, and sometimes go shopping together.

Elias - Before Elias went to NRC, he enrolled into RSA. There, he befriended Hopper, and the two became inseparable. Though, due to Elias's family business, he had to move. Hopper still talks to Elias, but definitely not as much as he used to, due to Elias now going to RSA's rival school.

Niko - Hopper and Niko's first meeting definitely wasn't the friendliest. The two met during the culture fair, and due to Niko's annoying nature, Hopper had to.... punch him. Since then, they've been friendly enemies, meeting up with each other from time due to coincidence. It started out being just arguments until they gradually realized that they had things in common. The more they talked, the more their hatred turned to friendliness, and Hopper started to think differently about Niko. Something way different.

Random Facts

Hopper HATES pink

Hopper's mom taught him how to carve wood, yet he's still not very good at it.

Hopper has ADHD and OCD

Hopper loves to take care of the horses on his family's farm.

Hopper has a slight fear of intimacy.

Character References

[chdarling]

Now that TLE2 has come to its conclusion, I wanted to come on here and tell you again how much the story means to me and how it has impacted my life. It is truly the greatest fanfiction I have ever read, and also one of my favorite books of all time. The amount of care you have given to character development and world building is pervasive throughout, and both are unmatched. You have humanized these characters in a way that canon almost never did, and I love you and your story for that. As for how obsessed I am with the story, I first read TLE1 in February of 2021, and I simply have not stopped. Whenever I came to the end of what had been published already, I would wait maybe a few weeks and begin the whole thing over again. I like to take it slow and really savor the whole thing, but it is always there, waiting for me. The story feels like home to me. It was comforting to me in 2021 when I spent most of the year in the midst of an intense flare-up of OCD and when I started grad school. And it's been there for me all the way through until I recently graduated with my doctorate. You and TLE have brought me so much joy, both when my life had joy of its own and when it didn't. So thank you, thank you for being courageous and generous enough to share your brilliant talent with the world. ❤️

Ahhhh messages like this mean so much to me. I don’t feel like I ever articulate my responses very well, but to know that TLE (something that has very much been my own coping mechanism) has been any sort of support or joy to someone during a stressful time makes it all feel worthwhile. Thank you so much for sharing with me, and congrats on your doctorate!!!

Much love ❤️

[kodaloveschris]

200 Followers Face Reveal and Get To Know Me 🥰🥰🥰

For one thing I want to say thank you for 200 Followers!! It crazy to think about. I also want to thank everyone for being super accepting and allowing me into the fandom. When I first came into this fandom I was quite intimidated and nervous to start from ground zero again and work my way up. Especially when in the Sam and Colby fandom, I am on top and well known ( having been apart of their fandom since their very first vine almost a decade ago.)

Get to know me 😊

My name is Dakota and I’m 27 years old will be 28 in November (God, I’m old). In September I will be starting my senior year of college. I’m going to school for elementary/middle school education. I’ve been watching the triplets since middle of May. So not very long. My first official video I saw of them was Jake Webber’s favorite food car video they did with him. Then obviously it was the Sam and Colby collab.

I’m currently going through a weight loss journey and have been since March of this year. At the start of my journey, I weighed 319lbs but as of yesterday, I currently weigh 285.2 (almost a 30 pound difference). My main goal is to get back to the weight on my drivers licenses which is 260.

More facts about me

I am 6’3

I have severe OCD, Anxiety, and Depression

I have met Sam and Colby 3 times and they know who I am and Sam follows me on twitter

My favorite triplet is Nick but I still love Matt and Chris

Or as I say it I’m a Nick Girl but a Chris and Matt Whore 😜

But I relate to Matt the most for obvious reasons

I have a soft spot for Nate. I just find him super adorable

I hope to get merch from Fresh Love and Let’s Trip hopefully in their next drops

I was scared to create fan pages for Nick, Matt, and Chris because of my age and me being almost 7 years older than them. I did get a lot of hate for it and still do occasionally. My IRLs and my family think it is weird but who cares about their opinion.

I hope to be able to meet them one day and tell them how much of an impact they have had on my life so far even though they haven’t been apart of it for long.

This might come off as weird but I have some childhood trauma that affects me to this day and when I’m super stressed or anxious I have this series of recurring nightmares where it just started off as Sam and Colby but now Nick, Matt, and Chris are included but the nightmares are them getting hurt or dying in different ways and I never get repeats. I always have to wake up and check social media to see if they are okay and it wasn’t real.

This fandom has made get the spark back for writing fan fiction and I wouldn’t change it for the world

I am grateful for my closest triplets mutual on here @adirtylittleheart. I love you so much and am so grateful that you came into my life. I also love being your drama informant and letting our thirstyness come out and sharing tiktoks of the triplets or our favorite videos etc. ❤️❤️❤️

[rin-and-jade]

Damn it, Back to Square One: A Post about Skill Regression

It's like how that one time you had an interest to practice a cool trick for impressing people, and you're fully committed until it was pulled off perfectly, only to be performed once before its forgotten for a good while.. Yet, when you thought of going back to that well-practiced trick, it barely replicated the results that was from the previous attempt.

How? You perfectly knew how to do it inside your mind, but your hands failed to perform otherwise. Which means being forgetful wasn't the culprit, but to how our brains store these learnt skills--or behaviors. This is an example of skill regression, let's learn more!

TLDR fast pass: AVAILABLE

What was that?!

That setback? - oh, not to shock you with it being a real thing, here's the general definition of it:

"A phenomenon which entails gradual or abrupt loss of previously acquired skills." - PubMed Central

Yikes, um, nevermind. That DOES sound like a shocking problem... but yes, to put it simply, this regression can be regular or abrupt depending on the circumstances that triggers it. Skill regression also can manifest as temporary or permanent loss of any skills, too.

By the way, everyone can experience this type of regression, though for those who are neurodivergent,, they actually risk skill regressing 5x more than a normal person would, double freaking out right now? Save your screams, i haven't said it is doom's day with no cure.

Then why,, why?

im not telling. Just kidding,,

Here's where thing's get complicated.. There's two common neurodivergence, and those two divergence have fully different reasons why a skill regression was triggered. Isn't this wonderful--you're going to read longer than you'd expect now. (Ha! But knowledge is power.) I'll attempt to keep it as concise though;

Those with ADHD, this is why you got setback:

Stress - it can impede how well you perform or think, causing a temporary regression. Tasks that are usually effortless now takes double the amount of effort to achieve the same result.

Unfamiliarity - You might've practiced singing in your own personal home, the unique atmosphere, and audience who resides in that abode feels like a default setting due to exposure and repetition. So, if you were to do it outside in public, or a stage, the sense of anxiety and zero preparation in a different setting causes your brain to simply.. short circuit. It's temporary though.

Executive Dysfunction - because of how it impairs many other processes such as planning, action, memory, and focus,, these impairments can severely impact how you apply the learnt skills to reality. This is a comorbid-related default reason for regression.

Those with Autism, this is why you got setback:

Overstimulation - sensory disruptions and overwhelm can cause an imbalance in cognitive function, it's like how a computer lags from the sheer amount of information and causing all necessary operations to a halt. This is temporary, upon retreating from stressor.

Unpredictability - routine and stability is where people with ASD function at peak, obstacles that got caught up in the way breaks this flow of mind, as if a train had derailed from it's tracks. Depending on if it is solvable or not, it can be temporary or permanent regression.

Inconsistency - Skills need to be practiced, and often require repetition to further ingrain it. Without it, you would have difficulty applying to different contexts or even worse, fail to create a solid neural pathway and decayed. It can vary from temporary or permanent regression.

Other conditions that cause skill regression:

Neurogenerative diseases such as Alzheimer or Parkinson

Brain damage

Psychological disorders such as depression, OCD, Schizophrenia

Nutrient deficiencies that impact brain function

Withdrawal side effects

Stress

The issue complicates even further when you have other conditions, and/or have ADHD and Autism at the same time. This causes higher chances of overlapping and potential stressors that triggers the regression.

How is this system related?

I promise this post is also related to systemhood, but the basics on this phenomenon still has to be taught so you and i are on the same page. This has been sufficient, so let's finally get to the point of this post!

Right, this is where the questions start flooding, "why do alters have different proficiency?" "why are some unaffected, yet others are susceptible?", and other kinds. Let me go straight to the point.

Alters retain different memories, and they don't get to choose what they remember. These memories can be explicit or implicit information:

Implicit - Where actions are unconsciously adapted and performed, needing no conscious awareness or effort. Automatic. E.g. riding a bike, writing, holding cutlery.

Explicit - Where actions require active recall and thinking in order to be performed. Manual. E.g. math multiplication, reading comprehension, speaking (needs vocabulary)

Skill regression can impact two main aspects such as:

Your social skills - how you pronounce, how to start speaking, or how you use the words, or stay engaged in a conversation

Your motor skills - how you do independent actions, how well is your rough and soft skills, or muscle memory

And sometimes, you can have both skills impacted

Which means.. what the part remembers, can also impact different kinds of regression it will be susceptible too. For those who have shared skills but cannot perform as good, or at all, compared to the proficient alter, this regression is natural due to the dissociative element.

Something feels wrong..

What was that? You just had a realization which unintentionally causes you to function worser than ever without the skills returning?

It seems like you learnt to do things when masking. It basically means when you are used to living in a tight little box, and finally got out of it,, it is more difficult to fit in there again which conveys the strain in upkeeping the skills you had learnt previously.

The purpose of masking is to function on a daily basis to avoid conflict or negative experiences,, it can be as simple as conforming to the norm of "eye contact when talking" or alternatively it is how you cope while being unaware of your condition (such as baring uncomfortable textures, thinking everyone feels that way)

Problem here is, because it feels wrong/unaddressed yet it keeps you going, it will take more energy the longer you upkeep these skills in a masked state as the core issue wasn't tackled. This will slowly bring you to a burnout. So when you realize that this isn't the norm, your mind just drops everything on the ground in relief as its silently detrimental to your health, no matter how convinced you it is helpful.

This is a permanent skill regression caused by any kinds of exhaustion.

Things won't go back to normal?!

Sadly... no. Good news is, you can always build a new framework!

Though, you will be immediately greeted with a problem: hypersensitivity.

After realizing and being aware of the situation, the accumulated stress, and any other factors that comes into play,, being overwhelmed would happen in a daily basis when left unaddressed, so make sure to minimize the sensory/emotional stressors and pay attention to any heightened senses. Also incorporate regulation tools, since if emotions were suppressed when masking, unmasking means releasing these pent-up feelings, making emotions more intense than usual.

Burnout is not normal exhaustion too, so refrain from overexerting yourself and implement lots and lots of rest.

From here on, it will be easier to re-learn everything from the start, and specifically in ways that accommodates your needs. It takes plenty of time in order to see results, if you need any help in this aspect, you are always free to reach out to me or search for any resources regarding this.

Another reminder for yourself, this type of skill regression also cause other symptoms such as trouble focusing, poor memory, and overall difficulty in doing regular tasks as it feels taxing.

Last notes

Okay my bad, you must've expected that alters are involved with skill regression due to CDD's--but apparently, it is closer to neurodivergent experiences that manifested in systemhood.

What are your thoughts on this? I was surprised myself, were you too? Let me know what's interesting in this post so far, and other questions you might have!

- j

--

TLDR

What is Skill Regression?

Skill regression is the loss of previously acquired skills, either temporarily or permanently.

More common in neurodivergent individuals (e.g., ADHD, autism).

Causes of Skill Regression:

ADHD:

Stress: Impairs performance.

Unfamiliarity: New settings cause anxiety.

Executive Dysfunction: Affects planning and memory.

Autism:

Overstimulation: Sensory overload disrupts function.

Unpredictability: Routine disruptions cause setbacks.

Inconsistency: Lack of practice leads to skill decay.

Other Conditions That Cause Skill Regression:

Neurodegenerative diseases (Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s)

Brain damage

Psychological disorders (depression, OCD, schizophrenia)

Nutrient deficiencies

Withdrawal side effects

Stress

Skill Regression in Systems:

Alters may have different skill levels due to varied memories and experiences.

Dissociative elements can naturally cause skill regression.

Addressing Skill Regression:

Build new frameworks tailored to your needs.

Minimize stressors and incorporate regulation tools.

Ensure plenty of rest to avoid burnout.

Skill regression is more correlated to neurodivergence which in return affects system experiences, rather than where being a system causes skill regression.

[birdco]

Anyway here's my Licorice Cookie Headcannons.

(This is my head cannon design for him. I made the edit.)

Backstory.

-Licorice was born into the Licorice tribe; A tribe that prides its magicians and known for its strict manner. Which slowly caused a resentment of the tribe to grow inside of him.

-The Licorice tribe has been the victim of extreme prejudice for the Cacao kingdom due to its relation with the Licorice sea. This caused Licorice to hate all other Cacao tribes, specifically the milk tribe.

-Licorice's mother was neglectful of him, mostly letting him live off of history, magic and fairytale books.

-As he grew Licorice began to strive to become a famous wizard in history. And with that, his expectations for himself grew out of control.

-After finding Dark Enchantress and getting information of a growing party-The COD- Licorice turned to the Dark arts because of his insecurity.

-In his kingdom, it is highly illegal to practice Dark magic. And is punishable by a type of crucifixion. So, when found out, Licorice would be persecuted. The way was by a cursed dagger, that from impact (such as a slash.) Would set you aflame. However, after two stabs Licorice would stay alive.

-Loosing himself, Licorice brought a storm upon the Licorice tribe which would destroy the entire village. Aswell as killing all the residents, some he killed personally.

-His mother had cursed him before he murdered her. A curse that slowly killed and corrupted him, his killer being his own magic. Licorice is very much aware of this curse. Infact, he has the curse tattooed on his wrist as a joke.

Alr that's over, here's some semi important trivia.

-Licorice has tried his hardest to recreate life with pure magic. This, being represented when reviving his dead cat (That would become Bat-cat.) Then, creating his best project; Poison Mushroom Cookie. Licorice *grew* Mushroom, and serves as their father figure. He is very protective over them.

-Licorice has a SMALL obsession with Red Velvet Cookie.

-Licorice currently has a "project" going on involving resurrection. He wants to perfect his craft, and make it simple. So he will either grave rob or simply kidnap cookies (typically Red Velvet's enemies.) To test his theories.

-Licorice plans every kidnap, with from what tools to what the air must smell like.

-Licorice has undiagnosed OCD and Autism.

-The reason why Licorice is obsessed with Red Velvet is-first he wanted to power of dating his bosses son.-yet it slowly turned to a romantic obsession as their relationship progressed. What started this obsession was the first time Licorice met Red Velvet. He would taunt and built him until Red Velvet diddled him...

Alright here's the nonimportant trivia.

-IDGAF About the bts update Licorice loves metal with his dying soul.

-Licorice has a terrible sleep schedule, like seriously, he goes to bed at 3 am. (His" job "requires him to wake up at 5.)

-His role -which is rather low- is a scout. Yet at first he was a bodyguard..But that obviously failed terribly.

-Licorice melts when he sweats or gets extremely stressed. It isn't like his skin falling off, but he'll feel his body dribble and shit or smth.

-Licorice has a insecurity about his masculinity, but also embraces it at times.

-Licorice loves to cross dress- privately of course. Yet he'll possibly take photos of himself crossdressing.

-He creates the majority of his clothes because of his sewing hobby.

-There's this large x shaped scar on his chest, nobody asks about it anymore. But if they do its a apparent "exile scar."

-Licorice swears he's straight despite his love for Red Velvet. Infact he's a lil bit homophobic at times when people push into the idea of him being into men.

-Licorice has a tattoo of the Licorice Sea on his thigh (that moves up to his hips.)

-Licorice is VERY tall. This is because he wears bigass boots.

I might update this or maybe another whole ass post about more, but I'm too tired too and I'm gonna eep. Gn.

[17gz]

i haaaate that adhd was the big pop psych issue for a while bc i rly had to fight to see a psychiatrist and my diagnosis was so fast bc of how bad it was messing with my day to day life.... cannot stress enough how bad it was impacting my ability to do school work and keep up with day to day chores the list goes on... like its still difficult for me to have to operate around every day and it can become debilitating very fast... its not some fun quirky thing for me its fucked up a lot of stuff in my life and i require extra time and patience and help in my life to keep up with things...

and now if i disclose that i have adhd to someone 99% of the time the response is just "ohhh god everyone and their mom has adhd now and everyone thinks that having hobbies is a symptom of adhd"

and i always have to give the speech of "i really hate the way people talk about it and i completely agree that most people dont have it and are just trying to hop on a weird bandwagon and i hate when people use that as a defense for their shitty actions and turn every trait a person has into a symptom. that being said i legitimately have been diagnosed with type C adhd by a psychiatrist and have been in routine appointments and have had to learn cbt and dbt to make sure i can function better."

like god ppl have done this with ocd and then adhd and now its autism whats next. doesnt help that i've had ocd all my life too

[astriiformes]

Having one of those weeks where I'm fighting my brain and my brain is winning, and it's hard not to feel a little depressed about it.

I'm excited about my classes this semester but they're definitely going to be more work. And I'm already struggling with motivation and still don't have a lot of good solutions, so it's all too easy to despair. I'm trying to get ahead of it and made an appointment with an academic skills coach at school, but I don't know how much they can help me with when the real problem is my out-of-control ADHD. Not to mention the anxieties it leaves me with about my future.

I still have no idea what I'm going to do after I graduate and it's starting to hit me really hard. I'd like to go to grad school, but I don't know if I can do it, or if I can uproot us from our support system like that, or if it's the right choice for actual employment prospects. But thinking about giving up on it makes me miserable. And my anxiety about all this is starting to bleed into my daily life at school, too, which is only making me feel worse.

Money is not good. I'm definitely overworking myself to try to make up for it, but we are not in a good place financially and I'm starting to beat myself up every time I pay for anything, but especially stuff that's non-essential. I just about made myself cry today thinking about nabbing a ticket for the Mountain Goats concert here this spring because I have friends going and it'd make me happy but is it really worth it?* When it comes down to it, I am just not getting enough financial aid to support two people and have eaten through almost all my savings trying to make it work, which only makes me more stressed about having something better lined up when I graduate. Except I don't think I will. Which is really bad.

*Please do not offer to help me pay for it. I think Dys the OCD demon would physically attack me if someone tried to buy me something frivolous because of a tumblr vent post.

I'm also just... questioning every social interaction I have, online and off. Turning them around in my head over and over and trying to figure out if I misstepped or misspoke or made someone upset, even when there's no real reason to think I did. It's exhausting, and I know it's indicative of larger problems but it's also just making me feel like my current floundering is impacting my relationships, too.

I don't know. I've been feeling weird and sad the last few days and I can't think of any real ways to stop feeling weird and sad, especially when money is tight and I feel like I'm fumbling every social interaction, making good distractions harder to come by. I hope the semester goes okay, but I'm getting pretty worried it won't. And I'm tired of the future being something that makes me feel sad and scared instead of hopeful things will get better.

[clonerightsagenda]

HDM episode 5:

Will and his mom have a pretty nice home considering they only receive a "subsistence" payment from John Parry's trust.

As stated before, I wasn't expecting this much Will content in season 1, but I suppose it makes sense because a lot of the harassment and bullying is described as things that were happening to him prior to the events of the book, and obviously we can't do narrative exposition dumps on screen. Although they sure are trying with the Prophecy Voiceover in this episode. Don't care for that.

More added-in tension between Lyra and the gyptians for some reason.

Additional Farder Coram/Serafina drama, although I suppose Lyra could've just not been privy to it in the book. His story that she wanted to tear the universe apart over the death of their son while he wanted to peacefully mourn and that's what split them up is weird, though, given that in the books Serafina mentions that witches accept that the men and sons in their lives are brief, fleeting things.

I always imagined the witches riding cloud pine branches like broomsticks but Serafina Just Does That, I guess

The true most important foreshadowing of this episode... Will's omelette.

So much stress for his mother who struggles with mental illness (OCD? depression? schizophrenia?) but also there are actually people out to get her. And even her loving son assumes she's delusional. (Liked the detail of her realizing someone had been in the house because the cat was stuck outside. Amateurs. Chekhov's Moxie... she will fire again.)

Pan is embracing their Arctic vacation and being an Arctic fox. Warm

The sewing machine is a great hiding place, honestly, because I bet no hired goon would ever think to look there.

I don't object to switching Tony out for Billy as the severed child Lyra finds - it lets us see the impact of the child's death - but I *am* annoyed that they cut out the villagers' and rescue party's revulsion. Everyone (including the people who came to rescue them) instinctively retreating from a severed child because they're so horrified by their mutilation was really memorable, as is Lyra furiously telling them to stop. Most of all, I'm mad that they took out the dried fish and we lost the moments of the villagers trying to ask her to pay for the fish (are you fucking kidding me) and Lyra's reaction to the rescue party taking the fish away. That's the part of the book that makes me tear up, and I'm disappointed that it wasn't there. It was all he had to hold on to!!!

Iorek: This shit is getting dark. I'm out.

Had to look this up because I was confused (again, just reread the book! Almost like chowing down on an entire novel in an afternoon doesn't always give you perfect recall) but as I thought I remembered, before Asriel tears a hole between the worlds, all man-made doorways passed through Citigazze, including the ones Boreal used. However, they've got him walking directly between his world and ours. To simplify things, I guess?

I mentioned "oh this is going to be a dark episode. well, this is kind of a dark series" which made me think, the first book involves Lyra looking for Roger, and she loses him. The second book is Will looking for his father, and he loses him. At least TGC has the wins of destroying Bolvangar and defeating Iofur. TSK really does not have any wins at all.