#Imagine how powerful she would look like
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Okok but hear me out, Integra Hellsing dressing as a vampire. Please think about it, about the powerful woman that she is rocking with vampire fashion just for one day, maybe because it called her attention or because Seras suggested she should wear something more than suits, or because she thought they would suit her well and damn it did. What if she used them all?? What if she walked to the round table, wearing one of these??







#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#hellsing alucard#alucard#alutegra#integra hellsing#sir integra#seras victoria#Alucard would be drooling I know he would#Seras would be so proud#She will find it weird but then find a guilty pleasure#THAT WHILE SHE WEARS A PONYTAIL#Imagine how powerful she would look like#Should I draw this
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I think I need MelVik connecting when Viktor was on his sick bed. they had been amicable before, maybe a little more than that due to their connection through Jayce and her presence around Hextech and such. but they weren't entirely friends. not yet.
and she goes to see him. perhaps she feels a tinge of guilt at assuming the worst about Jayce, or her bleeding heart makes her feel responsible for keeping Jayce out of the lab when Viktor had needed him. maybe Jayce needs to step out for a moment, and she soothes his worry by promising to sit with Viktor. maybe she just wants to be closer to the man that's so painfully important to the one she loves, wants to befriend him, wants to know him, all before it's far too late.
maybe it's a little bit of each.
but she goes to see him. she sits in the chair that Jayce has nearly worn a hole through, and keeps a semi-awkward distance between them, not knowing what is too close and too far.
this man is dying. he is dying and he has accepted that. he looks like a corpse. cold emanates off of him. he is something she doesn't fully understand.
she doesn't know how to approach.
but she does.
she greets softly and speaks softly and hesitates to touch, but rests a hand over Viktor's and feels how cold he is, even as a sickly warmth brews in his bones, leeching the warmth from his skin and the energy from his body.
he seems surprised she's there. it feels out of place. like the song and dance of their dynamic has shifted, and now he needs to relearn the steps. and now this is a dance of two, not three.
she will tell Viktor, in enough detail to be understood and not enough to be awkward, where Jayce was. because it feels right to confess. it's not an apology, but the avoidance of keeping something like a secret from a dying man.
Viktor will probably just nod and say something self deprecating, because what else do you say when your body is already making a joke of itself? before assuring her that Jayce is not his keeper, that she is not to blame, but even that comes off as some twisted attempt at humor. sue him for being sardonic as he lay dying.
but unlike Jayce, who will cringe at the jokes, she will hide a smile behind her fingers, muffling a soft, if not saddened, chuckle in her palm.
Viktor's eyes will light up ever so slightly.
she'll feel awkward once more. should she have laughed? was this playing into a complex? was this right of her?
Viktor will smile weakly.
she'll feel a little less awkward.
she will realize Viktor needs someone to laugh with. that Jayce, bless his soul, cannot be that person for Viktor. his worry has brewed too long. it's too strong.
but maybe a fresh face like Mel's can be there to smile when Jayce cannot. will laugh when Jayce cannot. can make cheeky jokes and pokes and prods.
the three fit together like 3 pieces of 3 broken puzzles. they fit together, not perfectly, but they fit, and create a finished object, even if off kilter her and uneven there. but it's ok, they're making due.
#jaymelvik#melvik#but this post is specifically about rhe MelVik brainrot#but Jayce is there in the background#something about their dynamic. in power. in physicality. in where they're from and how they got to the position they're in.#it's all so interesting#I think it would be so interesting to see these two come together more#and I think them coming together at the very end of Viktor's story (pre hexcore) would be bittersweet#they're running out of time before they even become anything#they both know that#but maybe that's what Viktor needs#someone who cares. but doesn't know him. does not know hum enough ti care so deeply it hurts.#and Mel is very physically affectionate without it being overboard#(looks at Jayce and how he cannot be chill with keeping his hands to himself)#like I think they would just be sweet#im imagining them curled up in her big bed. he's covered in blankets and she's resting on his shoulder. watching him breathe.#she's warm like the sun and he's keeping her grounded to earth#and the banter would go crazy. those are two gossip girls if given the chance#mel medarda#viktor arcane#she's everything Jayce can't be for Viktor. she can laugh and smile when Jayce can't. she can keep her cool.#Viktor needs that energy in his life#arcane
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Thinking about @gehtsis’s children and how terrifying it would be to get their team assigned to help you escape from a mystery dungeon.
If these are what my heroes look like I'm 99% certain I'd be screaming and running the other way. Menacing cryptid-looking grim reaper and cursed psychic clay doll. I love them.
#I know you said to go wild with their designs while drawing these two in the post formally introducing them#but I loved Erida’s design as you’ve drawn her too much to take many liberties with her#Gaia meanwhile got scarring on her arms that i hc is from her using Hyper Beam with a tad too much zest while defending Erida#and vaguely eyelash-like markings (I enjoy the idea of Gaia basically having the PMD equivalent of Adonis-level attractiveness---#--- like. she's looks like she's chiseled by a master sculptor who was in the mood to give everyone on earth the most lamentable crushes---#--- and I thought it would be funny to give her eyelash-resembling markings as a bit of goofy humor bc of how funny it'd be to---#--- pair this trait up with a bishie sparkle effect.#The bishie sparkle gag specifically needs to have Erida in the bg looking like she hasn't slept a full 8 hours in her life imho.)#On another note Gehtsis did you see the Ultra Sun pokedex entry for claydol???#“If it gets wet its body melts. When rain starts to fall it wraps its whole body up with its psychic powers to protect itself.”#I'm imagining Gaia being completely unaffected by a torrential downpour and Erida is standing next to her looking like a drowned rat#I don't know why I'm being so mean to Erida rn I seriously love her so much. I just show that love through bullying I guess ^^;#pmd oc#pmd ocs#pokemon mystery dungeon#pokémon mystery dungeon#pmd explorers#pmd eos#pmd sky#pmd2#pmd#stuff by sofie
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Do you think the idea of severance came from Harmony's own desire to be free of the grief and ties to the labor they endured at that Factory?
#do you think she would be happier if she didnt have to remember the toil? if she didnt have to carry the grief into work and then work into-#obvs terrible but the consistent themes of exploitation under lumon like. only these old men under the direct legacy of kier are safe#the religious element weaved into the corporate bullshit is so ough like combined horrors#imagine youre daydreaming of a methodology to just escape your work and your life and then the ceo#of the faith-mired corporation that has you working in a factory as a child. in a town with no prospects. clearly targeted--#the CEO is like. This Looks Promising. takes your whole concept and then brings it to life while enacting the horrors on other people that#you can only observe#like no wonder she is Observing them. severance is like an accidental pregnancy she was forced to give up to adoption....#no wonder she is so fascinated by Mark/Gemma etc#its like she had a kid and then was told she could play Nanny#and her bizarre borderline fascination and horror with mark and wanting him to escape on a human level but also being so indoctrinated...#like shes been with lumon for so long.#shes fascinating. is she trustworthy? absolutely not lmao#if she does manage to resist power from Lumon and whatever paltry attempts at recognition... she would be a great asset against severance.#but would she????? idk. what if she'd rather just get custody of her child? aha 😭#why would devon call herrrrrrr r omg#personal q#severance spoilers#factory work teenager Harmony: you know what would be cool. if my friends didnt gave to work while they had to work#the designs looked very technical etc I am actually very curious about how long that happened. did she workshop it#only to be given additional education to fulfill the engineering of th vision?#we've all been at work and wished we could just work and not have to remember it#imagine your ceo being like
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bard!riz is so important to me bc the kind of character he would be if the truth-fear balance tips all the way to fear esp. bc he takes so much pride in canon in the fact that his parents are brave badass people and he's following their footsteps. but also bc I have so much fun thinking abt bard!kipperlilly
#not art#she would suck SO much more it would own#sighs dreamily imagining influencer kipperlilly.... kinda love the idea that she's still like the ''frontman'' of her party#and so would still run for student body president#would be a full tossup with the bad kids for now tho. kristen's still a good candidate for the arc#bc (I did lock down sorcerer for her) something abt actively sharing her power that she kinda held onto as Hers rather than A God's#would be good for her. but also riz overcompensating esp. for a previous sophomore year and putting himself out there#esp. in a sense ''filling the seat bc someone else worse might“ and it burning him out#him coming up against Influencer Girl With 374927474837 Sponsors would be insane. he would hate it. he would also 100% do it#trying to think if any other bad kid would run.... fabian even after multiclassing would probs be like if you even Look at me. its on sight#fig does not subscribe to this power structure. adaine is allergic to sunlight and showing her face#gorgug.... he might be in. depends on how it goes for him in sophomore year#even proximity to that kinda popularity might still be scary to him but he Is great at conflict resolution#it would be fun if kipperlilly expectes to run up against someone playing her own game and instead got gorgug who is A Wall#ah...beautiful pictures in my mind.......
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One little known fact about Sherry is that she has a ridiculously high spice tolerance. The Sinners find this out on accident when dining out at a restaurant of Hong Lu's choice, where he tells them about a certain spicy mustard served there that they can dip their food in.
Most of the Sinners are incapable of handling the sting but Sherry just keeps eating the mustard. She's in tears and has to keep scrunching up her face, but she absolutely loves the burning sensation whenever she takes a bite. Hong Lu, of course, is very happy she likes it, and Ryōshū is mildly impressed she can handle it, but the other Sinners are a bit terrified of just how much spice Sherry can handle.
#I have wanted to make this post for MONTHS‚ but I couldn't find a good way to phrase it ...#but tonight I discovered horseradish has the same flavor and produces the same sensation as that mustard‚ and it all finally came together#Hong Lu is absolutely delighted when he finds out Sherry likes spicy food‚ by the way--he's happy to share something with her#I like to think he really likes her but never knows how to get closer to her--she seems so intimidating to him#I love imagining him going‚ ''Wow! You have a really high spice tolerance‚ Sherry!'' while everyone else looks on in horror#except Ryōshū--I can't imagine her not handling spice well#but the other Sinners ...?#*maybe* Outis would be able to handle mild spice‚ but not to the same extent as Sherry‚ Ryōshū‚ and Hong Lu#... she'd be impressed‚ too‚ I think#oh--and I can't forget Yi Sang ... he could handle some spice for sure#also‚ once he gets over the sheer shock of Sherry being able to eat the spicy mustard‚ Heathcliff does think her reaction to it is cute#p: writhing in the hellfire of a powerful brush 🔥#p: strange encounters take place in a secret dream 💎#si: to a great mind‚ nothing is little 🤎#LCB Sherlock#limbus oc#scattered pages
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shout out to that one time I watched the PRISMCorps Magical Girl lore video and the first few episodes of TGAMM in veeery close proximity. too much time on this xP loong ramble in the tags
#crossover#tgamm#prism corps#prismcorps#molly mcgee#scratch mcgee#tgamm scratch#my art stuff#shitpost#ok if you think about this too hard it starts to fall apart I only did this for PRISM Scratch bc its hilarious but the basic rundown is:#the idea behind PRISM creatures are that they basically design the outfit and powers and all that for their bonded magical person#since scratch doesn't really like her at the beginnning so I can imagine that he would've expected her to hate the 'grim reaper' theme but.#of course. she spins it into being a 'grin reaper' to help enhappify brighton because she's that awesome#Being a young Magical girl in PRISM is kind of like being a child soldier so its not a good look for the town huh#UHH ooh their symbol is the weird chairman's face. which I thought would be cute since it already looks like a heart#you can't see her hood but maybe you can imagine she can pull it down to do that weird face shroud with the chairman's robes idk#the lines on her one sock and on her weird jester pants were supposed to resemble smiling sharp teeth but eh#I do like her ghost bun and the mask on her face kinda like how all the ghosts have that. eye. shadow. thing?#First time tackling the shows style so i'll do better next time#i'll do the katscrewmi in this style some other time but I'm done with this for now rghagagaaah
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i am allowed one (1) cringe warrior cats opinion and it's that hawkfrost and mothwing should've been leopardtiger kits
#warrior cats#leopardtiger#hawkfrost#mothwing#for the record i agree with everything about leopardtiger being a bad ship for leopardstars character#she deserves better motives than “uwu she was in LOVE!!!”#so in my mind this would be less of a romantic nuclear family thing and more of a political marriage/honor siring thing#like “imagine how powerful our genes combined would be”#and i like to think riverclan struggled for a while with 2 sort of factions regarding tigerclan; supporters and opposers#so hawk and moth being kits of both tiger and leopard would make them extremely contentious#moth being a medic would likely be opposed by both sides either bc “she was destined to be a powerful foe” or “we cannot have the child of#riverclans greatest blight be our representative to starclan“#also like. mothwing looks likd leopardstar lmao
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weird thing about the inhumans is that theyre obscure enough to not really have an audience and also havent really appeared *that* much throughout their entire 60 year existence. however they also well known enough that the mcu took a crack at it and permanently affected their comics and their old roles and sectors are gone to make room for the New MCU Versions. truly such a thing is practically unheard of.
#agatha harkness comic fans i cant begin to imagine how yall feel since 2021#my dad is usually a very big 'they shouldnt change TOO much from tbe comics“ guy. but he has absolutely 0 problems with mcu agatha#tnd it pisses me offffff. like thats not even the same person. literally nobody in thaf agatha show is tbe same person. its not even CLOSE.#i get upset about how they switched karnak and maximus for who has no powers#if they changed the entire fucking Everything i would be performing a version of the cell block tango rn#and then seeing mcu fans get MAD about agatha looking slightly older at the end bc shes like. Not Young and Pretty anymore. ohhh myyy goddd#i wouldnt be able to handle it. oh my god i dont even want to look at those spaces ever again and i am completely neutral on agatha#this got so far off topic. agatha fans i know theres gotta be some of you out tbere im so sorry the mcu did this to you </3#anyways. i miss them. crystal ill never be over how mcu only fans think of u as nothing else but annoying. ill fight for u queen#i dont even know what to tag this as. this might stay in the drafts ELL OH ELL
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thinking about hag romance sparring 🤭 which I think is a very rare event bc god forbid astarion breaks a nail but in the off chances they do it becomes a matter of who fights more dirty bc shri’iia overpowers him in strength but he has faster reflexes and he’s very inclined to cheat. so then it becomes this fun little spar where it’s his dual daggers vs her one polearm, astarion always trying to disarm her by doing funky moves and distracting her vs shri’iia going for his shin and ankles so he trips over. then they forego the weapons and end up just rolling around the floor like kittens trying to pin each other down - which astarion does bc he has a secret third knife that he whips out and holds over her that forces her to yield and shri’iia’s like oh noooo u caught meeee. che..! whatever should I dooooo 🤭🤭😏😏 very quickly becomes foreplay and whoever was watching them spar is just like brother eughhhhh 😟😟😒😒🤢🚫🚫
#believer that when they get together they’re a bit obnoxious with the flirting that everyone’s just like 😒😒😒 can u not.#…..I thought this was a classy party…..😒😒🚫🚫🚫#I do like the idea of shri’iia sparring with people. she prob does it a lot with lae’zel bc of the diff fighting styles#n karlach too but I always think shri’iia’s fighting is very elegant/dance like with the way she moves etc#like my hc that drows are very elegant but they move with precision and force kind of like tango dancing if that makes sense???#like very sharp powerful and quick movements. but it’s also fluid… that’s how I imagine shri’iia fights..#n bc she always uses a halberd or a polearm it becomes her dance partner of a sort#and when she charges up for a smite I like the visual that the divine energy flows from her hand then down the shaft of her weapon#then to the blade. like with lurraggath since the blade is black but with cracks the divine energy/light spills out of the cracks n it#looks very cool…!!!! anyway. I like the idea of shri’iia sparring w the other strong ladies and learning their fighting style#like lae’zel’s very disciplined style where her battle stances and forms are like perfect and calculated#vs karlach’s brute strength and finesse from fighting down the hells#n eventually shri’iia’s own style develops and adapts features she picked up from those ^ two#idt she’ll learn anything from astarion… she prob just enjoys rolling on the floor with him#I also like the idea of her duelling with wyll too I think that would b so fun#but wyll has honor and shri’iia has not so she prob cheats a lot in their duels loool#maybe he teaches her how to use a rapier….fun fact that was shri’iia’s og weapon n the reason why I made her a drow#bc of the rapier proficiency but then I changed it to halberd bc she looks nicer with it loool
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I'm so sane. Only sane people think about "Life is Strange but isekai'd into Paper Mario TTYD". I'm so sane I swear.
#bulletbilltime rambling#life is strange#paper mario ttyd#another one in the 'absolutely stupid ideas' pile that I am taking way too seriously#somehow not the weirdest nintendo property I've tried to put LiS in.#but yeah there's like... something darkly fascinating there#both properties feature a great calamity involving a storm#and imagining regular old max with no fighting abilities whatsoever using her powers to overcome stuff mario can just jump on#is deeply fascinating to me#it turns a lot of these conflicts into more cerebral ones#not even 'talk it out' but like... 'outsmart your opponent so they can be defeated without needing to attack'.#and imagining max coming into her own as she learns to outwit dragons and pirate ghosts and the like#I even imagined the intro sequence but it's rachel sweet-talking the shopkeep into letting her try to open the box#so she can then run off and pawn it off to get coins so she and chloe can leave rogueport#however since the shopkeep is a plant the x-nauts are immediately alerted and they catch up to her before she can find a pawn shop#so the peach segments are now peach and rachel trying to figure out how to get info down to the others.#chloe works as a mechanic on the excess express btw. it was the closest I could think to a car mechanic type job for her to have#max and chloe would find each other as max is heading to glitz pit#and then chloe immediately gets max to join her as a tag team duo to get the championship#taking advantage of her abilities to lay the smackdown on their enemies#ALSO MAX AND CHLOE ON FLAVIO'S SHIP??? HELLO THIS IS TOO PERFECT#chloe gets way too into it and seeks out a pirate outfit and goads max into getting one too#meanwhile goombella and the others are just sitting there looking at them like 'when are they gonna kiss'#(mario is conspicuously absent because peach never sent him the map)#(in this AU peach is chased down by the x-nauts before she can try to send it and ends up giving it to max as a desperate gambit)#(since them trying to take it from her means they probably want it for evil and from a quick interaction she can tell Max is a kind soul)#oh yeah also shadow queen causing a storm like the one in arcadia bay is a given#that's just... duh#anyway this crossover is stupid and insane and I am EXTREMELY invested in plotting out a story with it now#will I write it? fuck if I know. nanowrimo's right around the corner tho......
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// Minthara leaves with her consort to Menzoberranzan post-game and decides to put to practice some of the most valuable things she's learned during her adventure which are that making them feel valued and wanted for the first time in their lives is actually a great way to manipulate drow into servitude.
#minthara vc: ive been thinking about 'being the bigger person' and ive decided it's a shit idea#gatekeeping gaslighting girlbossing her way through menzoberranzan#some learn the power of kindndess and friendship and grow from their shared trauma#minthara learns how to be a better villain#and replicate the abuse she suffered against others because if they could subdue HER imagine what that would do in weaker minds#she looks at the moral of the whole game and goes mhhh yeah no i don't like that I'll do the exact opposite#;about#abuse ment tw
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Also, her drawing blood from someone kind of Fucked Her Up, because that went against a lot of what she was about. Even if it was an Angel and such.
But it was also mildly freeing and that's the part that really gets to her. It wasn't unenjoyable, and she's also a bit prone to having a temper. Even if she's curbed that a bit.
All of this to say that she has a lot of mental barriers up keeping her from actually reaching her demonic potential and I do not think actually getting in a real life-or-death fight is good for that.
#not for free [ ooc ]#Is A Rainbow [ Charlie Headcanons ]#“noble are you spinning this to how she gets more powers because you're a canon-divergent b--” yes#i want the lava arm at LEAST. perhaps more. imagine.#but she's still charlie at the end of the day and she's a little gumdrop. just. y'know. now she has trauma! oh boy!#aka her not being at least on par with the overlords would be silly so if i subtly slide in some of the stuff some of them can do#into her toolbelt nobody should look at me /hj sakhvdbasjh#even if she's. not really aware she's at that sort of level because she's never fucking Done Anything like that#am i making sense? idk if i'm making sense. i'm very tired and the pain meds hit like a truck oomfies
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Jujutsu Kaisen Observation #4:
i do not like how well i can understand Mai. geez.
#imagine giving everything you have and doing your best to break past barriers that you dont know HOW to break#seeing other people do what you're ALWAYS short of doing no matter how hard you try must feel like a personal fault and punishment#especially when you dont feel like theyre working HALF as hard as you. not you: who is ALWAYS struggling#not you: who digs your fingers in the dirt and drags your own body forward like dead weight#not you: who has NEVER taken a break NEVER made an excuse and still the blame for your weakness crashes down on you anyway#not you: with SO MUCH POTENTIAL all this power bubbling underneath your skin and NO WAY TO LET IT OUT#and it stays and it stays and it boils you alive#and you hate yourself for letting it but what else could you have done?#what else could you have done#and the only thing you can do is let go but how can Mai let go? shes a kid. shes hopeful. shes hurt. shes angry.#she wants to go home. she wants to HAVE a home.#what else is she supposed to do? how can she ever ever let go?#that would never be peace for her. it would be death.#fork big brain moment. i think me and gege just synchronized for one magical second#so like. yeah. i get how having that person ALSO be the ONLY one you could look up to and the one who always kept YOU the weakling safe#could just. lead to a seething mass of raw and tangled emotions. and its so- so PERSONAL.#thats the kind of thing that doesnt ever just go away. no matter how much time passes.#ugh. i knew i would end up sympathizing with mai. and shes such an a-hole too. *silently sheds a tear for meself*#and the self-pitying thing shes got going on. and the helplessness. always so forking helpless.#you rage in an effort to change and look. youre still exactly where you started. you'll never be anything but this. pathetic.#OUGH#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#jjk thoughts#Jujutsu Kaisen Observations#Observation Series#Im gonna make this a Thing#for the amusement of absolutely no one by myself#i must derive pleasure from something okay I Am Going Insane
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i just wanted to show off their hair but here have some weird sound as extra.
#grapecase posts#aest: kendis wolfcrossing#kendis tav 2.0#i loathe how bg things curly is wavy#im too tired to be awake and too awake to sleep so here is my rant#[not that i need an excuse]#but actually tthey dont even have curly. its coily [which is fine] and then wavy#like .... i WOULD have preferred more coily styles but curly wouldve been satisfactory#modders TRY but it comes out looking so matted some times#honestly how many coily hair styles does bg even have. like two?#so effing annoying#gotta have my bitch go around like she presses or perm's her hair. which is FINE [i used to] if that is your preference but it isnt kendis#i dont feel#[i did ponder this]#power of iMaGiNaTiOn i guess#i mean i suppose its not the game's fault i wanna redo their hair every few level ups ... but it also is. bc options!#there are some fair/good black styles on nexus but im trying to minimize nexus mods given that it effed up my last kendis tav 2.0 pt
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It always gets me that the name "Gandalf" literally just means "Wand-Elf" or "Stick-Elf". I'm imagining old Gondorians just being like:
Librarian: I saw that weird guy at the library again today.
Guard 1: What weird guy?
Librarian: The old guy with the beard? Kinda elfy-looking, apart from the beard?
Guard 1: Oh, with the big-ass stick?
Librarian: Yeah, looked like he was carrying an entire tree branch.
Guard 2: Yeah, that's the Stick Elf.
Guard 1: Hell yeah, I fuckin' love the Stick Elf.
Librarian: The "Stick Elf"?
Guard 2: He comes by every few years, usually after some weird book or other.
Librarian: Oh. Yeah, he wanted a treatise on goblin breeding habits.
Guard 2: Like, how they have sex? We have books on that?
Librarian: Yeah, turns out we do. I was as surprised as you are.
Guard 1: What'd the Stick Elf need a fuckin' goblin-fuckin' book for?
Librarian: I didn't ask. So you just call him "Stick Elf"?
Guard 2: I mean, he looks kinda elfy and he always has that stick, so, like, yeah.
Guard 1: Dude also has some fuckin' dope pipeweed.
Guard 2: Oh yeah, his pipeweed is awesome.
Librarian: How long has he been coming here?
Guard 2: Oh, for decades. He's, like, super old.
Guard 1: More like fuckin' centuries. Dude's old as balls.
Guard 2: Wait, really?
Guard 1: Yeah, my gran-gran used to talk about him. She loved his pipeweed too.
Librarian: So he's… an immortal pipeweed dealer?
Guard 2: I think he's just, like, a connoisseur. He doesn't sell it or anything. He just always has some really top-notch pipeweed on him.
Archivist: Oh, are we talking about Stick Elf?
Guard 1: Hell yeah we are!
Librarian: You know about the Stick Elf, too?
Archivist: Oh, totally. Stick-Elf's a super chill dude. Gave me some awesome pipeweed when I was maybe 12, and tee-bee-aitch I think I'm still a little buzzed from it.
Guard 1: What'd I tell ya, fuckin' dope pipeweed!
Archivist: Also he's really old.
Guard 1: Old as balls.
Librarian: Yeah, so Éodan and Jenniforomir were telling me.
Archivist: My grandpa used to tell me stories - he said one time he saw Stick Elf enter a smoke-ring contest.
Guard 1: Ooh, I'll bet he kicked fuckin' ass.
Archivist: Apparently the guy made an entire warship out of smoke and it flew around shooting down the other rings.
Librarian: And how much of this "fuckin' dope" pipeweed had your grandfather had by this point?
Guard 1: No no, that's totally plausible. Dude's got weird elf powers and shit for sure.
Archivist: He brought fireworks for the king's birthday one year, too.
Guard 1: Oh fuck, I forgot about those! Fuckin' incredible fireworks! Dragons and knights and glowy trees and shit! I was fuckin' 6 years old or something, they totally blew my mind. Hey Éodan, did you see that shit?
Guard 2: No, I think that's before I lived in Gondor.
Guard 1: Wait, you're not from here?
Guard 2: Oh, no, I grew up in Rohan. We moved here when I was, like, thirteen because my uncle Éojeff said he could get my dad a sweet job. And also that there were houses that didn't smell like horseshit.
Guard 1: Oh shit, are you related to Éojeff and Éosteve who run that æbleskiver stand on Norndîl St?
Guard 2: Yeah, they're my uncles!
Guard 1: Shit, they cook a fuckin' great æbleskiver!
Librarian: Ok, hold up a sec, "Stick Elf" can't possibly be his real name.
Guard 1: Why not?
Librarian: What? You think his parents named him in the hopes that he would carry around a fucking tree when he got older?
Guard 2: Maybe they gave him the tree when he was born!
Archivist: I don't think a baby could carry that stick.
Guard 1: You ever seen a baby hanging onto something? They're hella strong.
Archivist: It's not a strength thing, their hands are tiny. That staff is enormous!
Guard 1: My halberd's bigger 'n I am, I can hold it just fine.
Archivist: You're not a baby.
Librarian: Also why would elf parents name their kid "stick ELF"?! Presumably they know that their kid's going to be an elf!
Archivist: Is he actually an elf? I didn't think they grew beards.
Guard 1: How'd he get old as balls if he's not an elf?
Guard 2: His ears aren't that pointy. Maybe he's just a really old guy? Like, a Numémoriam or something?
Guard 1: Did you just say "Numémoriam"?
Guard 2: Nûnenorman? Munimõrbitan? Y'know, those guys like the king that can get super old.
Guard 1: You mean the fuckin' Númenóreans?
Guard 2: Yeah, the Númenóreums.
Archivist: Even the Númenóreans don't live THAT long.
Guard 1: Plus he carries that fuckin' stick around.
Guard 2: Wait, what does the stick have to do with it?
Guard 1: That's an elf thing. Y'know, trees and shit? Very elfy.
Librarian: Ok, look, but his parents naming him "Stick Elf" would be weird whether or not he's an elf. In fact, it's even weirder if he's not - what human names their kid "elf"?
Archivist: Huh. Yeah, you're right, he probably does have another name.
Guard 2: Yeah, I guess so.
Librarian: He's been coming here for decades and nobody's ever asked his real name?
Archivist: I dunno what to tell you, he's Stick Elf. Even his library card just says 'Stick Elf'.
Guard 1: Fuck yeah, the Stick Elf!
Guard 2: Maybe we could, like, ask him his name sometime?
Guard 1: Hey, look, Elrond's over there. He's old as balls too, maybe he knows?
Guard 2: Oh, we shouldn't interru-
Guard 1: HEY ELROND, YOU'RE OLD AS BALLS, RIGHT? WHAT'S THAT OLD ELF WITH THE STICK'S NAME?
Elrond (coming over): Do you mean an old man cloaked all in grey and blue, leaning on a rough-cut staff, who came to the great library this day?
Guard 1: Yeah, the Stick-Elf!
Guard 2: (Sorry to bother you, sir...)
Librarian: He's got to have a real name besides 'the Stick Elf', right?
Elrond: Indeed, for no elf is he. You speak of the wizard Olórin, wisest of the Maiar, older even than Eä itself. Many are his names in many countries: Tharkûn among the Dwarves; Incánus to the south; Mithrandir he is called among my people, the Grey Pilgrim.
Librarian: Oh.
Elrond: And here in the North he is called Stick-Elf.
Librarian: Oh.
Guard 1: Fuck yeah!
#fun fact: the Khuzdul name Tharkûn means 'staff-man'#so the Dwarves also call him 'the stick guy'#on the naming of things#sufficiently verbose prose#that's what I'm Tolkien about
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