#Ignore me saying I hated it yesterday

[sastielsfandom]

Will The Stars Watch Over Me?

Sam could hear Dean and Bobby laughing about something in the living room. He wished he could focus on it, but all he thought about was the panic room. A looming reminder of why his craving was a bad idea.

He stepped out ages ago, walking around the property, pacing back and forth, biting his nails into nothing.

Reminding himself of the way he hated the taste of the sulfur, how it remained on his tongue hours later. The power felt great, the electric energy that flowed through his veins. But it wasn't enough. Not to go through a detox like that again.

Unsurprisingly, he found himself lying on top of the Impala, ignoring the cold metal, covering his exposed skin so he could gaze up without distraction.

The sky... If only words could explain the starry night that he reached up for. Stars crossed the entire sky, the moon stood tall, nearly full.

The stars swirled around in his mind, he pieced together the memorized figures him and Dean learned together. Despite knowing he's near, safe inside the only place they've called home, he felt lonely staring at the endless sky.

He sighed, remembering when he thought about the time he believed the stars were angels peering down at them. Watching humanity, watching over them as guardians, just like when he was younger, he prayed to them.

An open prayer that his thoughts cried out for, a dam of emotions pouring out. Wishing for salvation, how does one become clean? What does he need to do? He'll do it! God knows he would, given the opportunity.

Just give him the strength, tell him his duties, what is owed and he'll pay the price. He can't handle being a monster, it's the thought that appears whenever he sees himself in the mirror. Don't let that be his reality.

Dean sees it now, his Dad always did. Maybe his Mom saw it to, Hell, if it wasn't for Dean being here, Bobby would tell him to stay away. He's sure of it.

His hands are bleeding for salvation, does anyone see it? He can be good, what's the sign? Where does he have to be to be washed clean of his sins?

There was someone who heard every single word Sam prayed, his longing for something holy to ease his pains, Castiel touched down on Earth.

Following the voice that called out for salvation so loudly, so earnestly. It was devotion that even angels lack.

It led Castiel to the Impala, sitting in Bobby Singers yard. Where Sam laid, crying to the stars with the hope that dwindled every day.

"Sam?" Castiel called out. Normally Sam would turn at the sound of Castiel's wings, but he didn't hear them. He jumped hearing Castiel's voice, rushed to wipe of the loose tears that flowed down his face. Sitting up as if the Impala was now scorching hot.

He shook off his thoughts that were stuck in his throat, "Hey, Cas, Dean is inside."

"I'm aware," Castiel said, Bobby Singer and Dean Winchester were both soundly asleep. One of the parties snoring loudly, "I... I came to see you."

"I'm not doing anything I'm not supposed to," Sam said, laying back down, hands wiping his face, "Just... Staring at the sky."

There were many things Castiel wanted to say, but couldn't. Too many things jumbled together, the only phrase that made sense was one, "May I join?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah, yeah, of course," Sam said, scooting over, "Of course you can."

Castiel had intended to stay where they stood, but decided to take Sam's invitation to sit next to him, "It's a beautiful night."

"Yeah," Sam agreed, his mind tried to think of words that would suffice and paint their beauty but he couldn't think of anything. He let the idea go, letting the attempt die off his tongue.

Castiel took in the night sky, seeing more than Sam could, "I would pray to them too."

"I didn't, I didn't think it would be heard," Sam admitted, keeping his eyes locked onto the night.

Castiel looked at Sam's face that glowed beautifully underneath the sky's light, "Any angel could hear it, but many wouldn't listen."

"But you did?"

"Of course," Castiel said, looking back up at the stars, "the prayer came from you."

It sounded so simple and sincere, it took away Sam's breath, if it were anyone else, Sam wouldn't believe it. But Castiel is known for his bluntness and honesty, Sam had to believe it.

Castiel felt Sam shiver as a breeze flew into the, sending chills over both, "You're cold and tired," Castiel evaluated, "you should rest."

"In a minute," Sam said, his head spinning from Castiel's words. It almost sounded as if he was important to Castiel, but that couldn't be. Not in the way Sam wished to be.

Castiel carefully nudged Sam, "It's been a minute."

Knowing Castiel, it had been exactly one minute, Sam let out a sigh that hid his laugh, "Okay, yeah, it has been."

Sam sat up, finding Castiel's hand extended towards him, as they stood on the ground already. Sam didn't need it, but took it. Relishing in the warmness that was radiating off of Castiel.

One he planned to cherish for the brief moment, but Castiel didn't drop his hand, instead, Castiel led them inside.

Walking through the house, hand in hand, Sam could tell immediately the other two called it a night. Neither where they had been when he first got some fresh air.

Sam didn't know where Castiel was going until he stood in the room Bobby cleared out for him long ago, where he's laid his head plenty of times. Sam didn't know Castiel knew this was his space, and only once they were in, did Castiel let go.

Unwilling to let himself feel disappointed, Sam shed off his extra layers and shoes. Feeling a little awkward with Castiel right there watching, but he didn't want the angel to leave quite yet.

He delayed getting in bed, placing away his belongings that he'd normally wait to do in the morning. Walking slower than he needed to, but Castiel didn't say anything about it. So Sam didn't.

Castiel stood there waiting as Sam slipped into his bed, once Sam was content, as snug as could be, Castiel walked over. Pulling the covers up a little higher, "Good night, Sam."

Sam's eyelids were heavy, he yawned, welcoming the familiar feeling of falling, "Good night, Castiel."

Unsure if the words made it past his mind as his breathing evened out. While it was the cue to leave, Castiel stayed, hiding their visibility, sitting close by.

Castiel can't wash away everything Sam prayed for, can't give him that salvation, but he could keep the nightmares at bay. And hopefully, with their words, make him see the hero he is.

[disdaidal]

Someone who constantly embarks on ship wars and fandom wank... doesn't sound too mentally stable. It's sad, really.

Dedicating all that energy and free time to arguing about fictional characters and their relationships, instead of channeling it into something more relaxing or creative, sounds destructive.

Seek help, please. Before it devours you completely.

[jrueships]

im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐

[68thsposts]

.◇ TW (vent )

(sorry if you see this ,you can scroll past it if you want i just wanted to write what happend in case i forget since my memoriescan get muddy )

[astral-catastrophe]

I love the point in friend drama where the main culprit hasn’t apologized because they don’t see the issue and I’m left seething until some tipping point, culprit is now asking what they did wrong but oh no no no it’d be too easy to ask me, instead asking the friend I’m not mad with

[francisforever2014]

my older sister is visiting rn (two weeks before i go back to school btw and everybody seems to forget that i am also VISITING) and she is bending over fucking backwards to be nice to her bc they were estranged for years and my sister has just now started making an effort with her again (deserved) which is like . sweet but it’s also driving me fucking crazy like everything my sister says she’s like WOWWWWW SOOOOO TRUE like goddamn all she said is she likes avocado toast too .

[binders-and-beanies]

.

[jinhyun]

.

[nerevar-quote-and-star]

I don't get the point of hating on someone for liking a fictional character, unless they're like actively using that character's flawed ideologies in real life. I've followed you for quite a while and you've been nothing but sensible

Plus yeah, Ulfric is a well written character. He is interesting. Personally, I'm a diehard Imperial, but I admit he's one of the most intriguing characters in the game even if I disagree with him entirely.

It's a poll about game characters, people, and not even their ideologies. Stop using this for targeting people.

I'm touched that you think I'm sensible because that is exactly what I try to be with this blog (and irl but I digress)! Thank you.

It comes back to the (wrong) idea that people can't write about or engage with something without fully supporting what that thing is saying. I used to be a diehard Loki fangirl and I never agreed with his attempted genocide of Jotunheim or invasion of Earth or his usurpations of Odin or his numerous attempts to kill Thor. I just thought he was a compelling character and oh so pretty ahhh but there are people who condemn fans just for liking him. If we had that mentality with everyone in irl, I imagine many of us would have few friends, if any.

We're all here to have fun. Who actually signed up for Tumblr wanting to sow discord and cause (bad) drama? Not many, realistically. A few, maybe, but they're not worth engaging with.

You're right: stop using this fun fandom activity for targeting people.

Also: I respect your Ulfric opinions. They're valid. Thank you for being so nice.

[liebelesbe]

hrm i need a different therapist i think

[cloneboywonder]

im so CWCcoded

[itcouldbeyourlastmistake]

this is all so fucking unfair I can’t

[ranger-kellyn]

ugh god I love getting to work and immediately dealing with passive-aggressive bullshit

[floral-hex]

So this is my thing now, I’m afraid to go to sleep. This is kinda bullshit, brain.

[to-dance-beneath-the-diamond-sky]

i hate having to put on my talking to middle aged middle class white people voice

[icharchivist]

cw: child abuse (psychological, grooming, ect)

also speaking of parental abuse there's also this text of how Millie wants to be Tyra's mother, but she doesn't want anything that makes Tyra unique.

She started loving Tyra the moment she saw her find some dinosaure when she was dying in the cold and starved after being separated from her parents, seeing that despite her situation, Tyra was so excited about finding a Tyranosaure she was forgetting how desperate her situation was and instead loved the dino right away.

Millie saw how excited Tyra was about it, and loved Tyra right away enough to decide to make her hers.

But Millie hates dinosaurs, she finds them disgusting, she uses them as tool and keeps insulting them, hates that Tyra sees them as her family.

she used the dinos as bait to get Tyra to pay attention to her, and she used a particularities of the dino to mind control Tyra

but even now as Tyra is being brainwashed, everytime she looks at the dinos, Millie just tells her "don't look at those disgusting things, just look at me, your momma"

and it's another level of control that rings way too true on parents who """"""love""""" their children, but not for who they are -- just for what it brings them.

yes Tyra is cute. But everything she likes, everything that makes her happy, is disgusting. So it needs to be removed from Tyra's life. Her love and her excitement has to carry over to Millie, not to the stuff she actually like.

it's something way too real and it's genuinely giving me the yikes it makes me unwell.