#I really hope at least ONE of these stupid jobs I applied to ends up panning out

[ranger-kellyn]

ugh god I love getting to work and immediately dealing with passive-aggressive bullshit

[ladykailitha]

Never Hold Back Your Step... Part 10

Hello! Just a little morsel of this wonderful for you all. Next week should be me being back on this and the other WIPs full time and hopefully get them done. I'd say this one and Well Met By Moonlight are the closest to being done.

I never intended this one to get anywhere close to canon, but I was talked into going all the way to the end of season four, though it is seriously looking season 5 will get there before I finish book 3.

Not that anything in season five will change the trajectory of this story unless they bring Eddie back.

Anyway...the reason I'm even bringing it up is if you're hoping for a season three re-write, you aren't going to get one. Not really. I'm going to gloss over a lot of it except the end with Billy and the Mind Flayer.

In this chapter a wild, angry, Robin appears. And the shorts. Can't forget those.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

~

It really shouldn’t have been a surprise that Steve got offered the job at Scoops Ahoy. But of all the places he applied at and yes he applied at all of them, dad, only they offered him a position.

But he sucked it up and went to orientation. He sat there with roughly a half of dozen kids his age and tried not squirm in his seat as at least half of them glared daggers at him. The worst offender was a blonde girl with freckles and blue eyes who kept sneering at him.

The manager walked them through the employee handbook and took their information for tax purposes. And then the final nail in the coffin hit and Steve was mortally wounded.

The uniform.

Oh god, was the thing hideous. He was sure that he was going to be the laughing stock of all of Hawkins. The little shorts, the ridiculous red scarf and the stupid hat. If his dad wasn’t so insistent about the thing, he’d quit. He’d beg Mr. Jones back for his job at the rec center.

But as it was he had to take two sets of this terrible outfit with a pained smile and clenched jaw.

The only good thing he got out of this nightmare was that his mom let him buy new sneakers to go with the damn thing.

He stood in front of the mirror with a sickening sense of dread, he was going to have to find something to put in front of the shorts otherwise the things bordered on the obscene. It showed his package to unfortunate degree.

~

Steve’s first day of work was a nightmare and considering the past couple of years, that really was saying something.

He was scheduled to work with the blonde girl who was trying to bore daggers into him with her eyes.

Her name was Robin Buckley, she was about to enter her senior year of Hawkins High, and she rode her bike into work each day.

She looked at the white towel he had tucked into the front of his shorts with a raised eyebrow. “That isn’t part of the uniform, you know?” she sneered, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

He sighed. She reminded him of Mike. A chip on her shoulder and an axe to grind. “I’ve already cleared it with the manager,” he picked up the corner of it and waved it her direction. “It’s either the towel or an arrest for public indecency.”

Robin eyed the towel suspiciously. “And if I talk to Paul, he’ll tell me the same thing?”

He threw his arms in the air in exasperation. “Yes!”

She rolled her eyes and started pulling off the lids of the ice cream, so Steve took that as the matter being closed and got to work pulling the chairs off of the tables and tucking them in.

Once they got everything open, ready for business, and serving customers Steve realized he had another problem. One he didn’t know how to manage.

At all.

“Why didn’t you flirt with her?” Robin asked after a pretty blonde girl left with her double strawberry cone.

Steve blinked at her a moment before he realized what had happened. The girl had been batting her eyelashes and twirling her hair around a finger. She had been hitting on him hard and he hadn’t noticed.

Shit.

“Not my type,” he muttered, wiping down the counter even though it was already spotless. “I prefer brunettes.”

“Ew...” she hissed. “I didn’t want to know that.”

Steve rolled his eyes and just kept his mouth shut for the rest of their shift together.

~

Eddie couldn’t stop laughing. He was doubled over on the couch and just rolling with laughter.

“It’s not funny!” Steve protested. “This is dire. What the hell am I supposed to do?”

Eddie wiped the tears from his eyes as he struggled to sit up. “I’m sorry, babe, but you have to admit that’s one hell of problem to have.”

Steve buried his head into hands with a groan. If it wasn’t him that was facing down this particular barrel, he’d be right beside Eddie laughing his ass off.

“Flirt badly.”

Steve raised his head to look at his boyfriend. “What?”

“Flirt badly,” Eddie repeated. “You know what works, so do the opposite of that.”

Steve scratched his face as he thought about it. That could work. “I can try. I just didn’t want you thinking that I was ashamed of you or that I was looking for someone else if I did that.”

Eddie pulled him in for a hug and kissed the top of his head. “And I appreciate that, sweetheart but you don’t have to worry about that from me. If there is anyone that understands what you’re going through, baby, it’s me.���

Steve let out a shuddering breath.

“Yeah, okay.”

He lifted his head and pressed a kiss to the underside of Eddie’s jaw. Eddie hummed happily.

“I’m going to have to come visit you so I can see you in those slutty little shorts.”

Steve groaned for a different reason. “Please don’t. And don’t tell any of our friends I work there, either. It’s bad enough that the kids are going to find out and mock me.”

Eddie lifted his chin a little higher so he could look him in the eyes. “There might be some light mocking, but it’s not going to be malicious or mean. You’re going to get enough of that from the kids.”

Steve let his eyelids flutter shut as he kissed him warm and tenderly. It was hard for him to let go the fact that he had real friends now, friends that wouldn’t mock or tease him just because they could.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Okay.”

Eddie got to his feet and helped Steve to his. “Come on, darlin’, let me cheer you up.”

Steve willingly follow him into his bedroom. He was just glad Uncle Wayne wasn’t home. He had learned the hard way there was no way that Steve could keep quiet when Eddie was making love to him.

Eddie kicked his door closed behind them and Steve let himself be taken care of.

~

Steve didn’t work with Robin all of the time, but when he did he wanted to pour melted ice cream over her head. She was a bitch and while Steve was a fan of that in general, she was being a bitch to him for no reason he could discern.

Then the first of the kids arrived. It was Mike and Lucas. Which normally isn’t a problem, but without the tempering aspects of Dustin and Will’s nature keeping them in check, the sass was out on display.

“Come on, Steve,” Mike was saying when he finally tuned back into their whining. “We spent all our money at the music shop and now we don’t have any money for the movie.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “And how is that my problem?”

“All the shops have a back hallway that link up to each other,” Lucas explained. “So you if let us through then we can slip into the theater and we can see the movie without paying.”

He was about to say no when Eddie walked in. So because he wanted to actually spend time with his boyfriend, he agreed to them out of his hair.

Plus he knew the movie they wanted to see and thought it would be fucking hilarious for them to have nightmares about it and then have to explain to their parents how they saw a movie they weren’t supposed to without giving up their source.

Mike’s in particular would bring him joy because he would absolutely narc on Steve but no one would believe him because of his strong dislike for him.

He came back from letting the kids through to see Eddie being served by Robin.

“I’ll take a double bowl,” he muttered. “Play-dough and bubble gum please.”

Steve had bit down on his tongue to keep from laughing when he saw how hard Robin was trying to keep the look of disgust off her face.

“Are you really going to eat that?” she asked, handing it over.

Steve patted her on the shoulder. “Yep, yep he is. I’m taking my break, but I’ll be right here if you need anything.”

She looked at the two of them in shock. “You two know each other?”

“Yep! Since before Christmas,” Eddie said grinning at her.

“He helped me out when I was puking in class from the concussion Hargrove gave me,” Steve added.

“Gross!” she sneered.

Steve and Eddie just shrugged her off and went to go sit at a booth.

“That stuff will give you cavities,” Steve said, leaning forward to peer into Eddie’s styrofoam cup.

Eddie threw back his head and laughed. “Like you wouldn’t live off the butterscotch one if you had a chance.”

He cocked his head to the side and then shrugged. “Fair.”

“I will say I’m feeling a little deceived at the moment,” Eddie said with a wink.

“Oh?”

Eddie took a big bite of his ice cream and shook his head fondly. “Those shorts aren’t as nearly as short as advertised.”

This time Steve threw his head back and laughed. “It’s not the length that makes the obscene, sunshine. It’s how tight they are.”

“If you say so, big boy,” Eddie huffed digging into his ice cream for another big bite. “So is the music shop here any good?”

Steve shook his head. “Not for a dyed in the wool metal fan such as yourself. Mike was complaining about how it was all pop and new age. And huge fucking country section.”

Eddie sneered around his spoon. “One day I will find good music in this town.”

“Maybe that’s the sign that you should get out of Ford,” Steve said. “After you graduate for Wayne of course.”

“It’s Dodge.”

Steve looked up to see Robin sneering at him again. “What is?”

“The saying,” she said leaning forward. “It’s get out of Dodge.”

“Why would it be dodge?” he asked with a frown of confusion.

“That’s the name of the frontier town that the saying is referring to,” Eddie said gently.

Steve mouthed ‘oh’ and then nodded. “Gotcha.”

Robin scoffed. “So you’ll take his word for it over mine?”

Eddie and Steve shared a glance.

“Yeah,” he said shaking his head slightly. “Because I know him?”

Robin’s head reared back in shock.

“He’s got you there, birdie,” Eddie said, finishing off the last of his ice cream.

She scoffed again and went into the back to ignore them both.

“I think that’s my cue to leave, darlin’,” Eddie cooed. “I’ll see you tonight, all right?”

Steve nodded. “My parents have left again, with ‘plans’ to return for the 4th of July, so just come on over.”

Eddie nodded back and gave Steve’s shoulder a squeeze as he threw out his cup, wiping his hands on a napkin.

Steve watched as he left, feeling as if Robin’s eyes were boring into the back of his head again.

It was going to be a long summer.

~

Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

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[lokisprettygirl]

Utopia (Modern! Daemon Targaryen x female reader) (Non Canon AU) (18+)

Series Masterlist

Summary: Appointed as a sous chef for the ship Queen Utopia you befriend the charming Daemon Targaryen and quickly develop an unrequited crush on him, not really knowing that your lives are about to get tangled in more ways than one.

Warning: 18+, smut, sex, menstrual sex, unprotected sex.

Note : I'll try to keep this fic short as there's no sub plot but expect 4-5 chapters at least. This fic may not be what you think it is 👀

Deadly locks is not finished but I had to get this chapter out of my head

“Y/n.. Chef Dalton wants to see you..like right now” You let out a sigh of resignation as Emma chased after you, so eager to bring you to Chef Dalton. You were really hoping to find a moment of solitude in your room to rest.

“My shift is over Emma, I'll see him tomorrow” you said to her so she crossed ahead in front of you to glare at you.

“Are you trying to get fired?” Emma asked you so you crossed your arms in frustration.

“Yeah? And they'll find the new sous chef in the middle of the sea?” You asked her so she sighed and glared at you in disapproval “Look i really need to go to my room, and take a painkiller or my insides are going to churn out of my uterus because of this cramp” You yelled in frustration, as you were at the end of your rope. Your stomach was swirling in pain, and you felt like you were about to vomit.

As the door to room no. 143 opened up, you saw him. Him. Daemon Targaryen. The Bane of your existence, well not really, you had an unrequited crush on him but that wasn't really his fault.

“What's going on ladies?” his husky voice made you feel flushed so you looked away.

“Hey Daemon” Emma giggled at him and he winked at her.

“Darling, you heard her she's in pain..she looks awful –” your eyebrows scrunched as he said that.

“Thank you” you murmured so he chuckled in response.

“Tell Dalton she's not feeling well ..he will understand” Emma nodded and sighed before she walked away to speak with Dalton.

“Come here–” Daemon grabbed your arm and took you to his room so you groaned internally but obliged“Take this” he offered you a pill so you glared at him

“I'm not going to take some pill from a guy i have known for a month” you said to him so he chuckled.

“Ouchh love ..i thought we were becoming best of friends” he faked an offense so you took the pill and swallowed it “It's for my migraine attacks..very potent..you'll feel better soon”

“Thank you Daemon..I'll go lie down in my room” he nodded as you said that. You didn't want to be around him in such close proximity, especially in his room because you were afraid of doing something really stupid. As soon as you got into your room, you couldn't help but sigh in relief. You laid down, kicking your shoes off to the side in favor of pure bliss and comfort.

You had officially met Daemon, the lead singer and guitarist of his band The Dragonriders, on your first trip from London to NYC aboard the Queen Utopia ship .You had watched them perform before in the club you used to visit frequently with Emma, she was your old friend and she was also the one managing the band. She had insisted you apply for the job at Queen Utopia, the cruise ship was launched just a month prior and had taken only four trips from NYC to London until now.

You had no intention of crushing on the lead singer guitarist of the band but it happened.

His blonde hair and mischievous smirk was enough apparently. But he didn't feel the same way, you could tell, he was in love already with the lead singer of the band. They were together for years but as they embarked on this journey she broke up with him , however he was still hung up on her.

Every night after your shift ended, you made it a nightly ritual to watch them play at the entertainment center. You observed as Daemon, sang his heart out for her, with his eyes fixed only on her as he belted out every song.

Initially you didn't really notice him, sure he was strikingly good looking but in an unconventional way, he was the type of guy you'd have to have a conversation with in order to truly see his beauty.

“Beauty? A guy's beauty? Really y/n?”

As the pain medication kicked in, your cramp gradually subsided, which allowed you to finally relax. As you were finally drifting off to sleep, you heard a knock on your door and groaned again because you had to get up.

There was no one on the other side of the door. Instead, you found a gift basket outside your door containing a get-well soon card, chocolates, and other comforting snacks.

“Feel better soon. Daemon”

Why the fuck he had to be so nice?

Now that the cramp was gone you really wanted to go see his band play at the entertainment center. You took your time to shower and change into a comfortable outfit of jeans and a shirt. Besides, there wasn't much else to do on this ship anyways.

As you made your way to the venue, you spotted Criston and Aemond tweaking their equipments.

Criston Cole was the drummer in the band and Aemond was their bassist, Aemond was also Daemon's cousin.

Cole had been trying to hit on you since you all got here but of course your eyes were on somebody else, someone who wasn't really available.

As you made yourself comfortable at the bar, you observed Daemon and Lily engaged in a conversation, with her giggling at everything he was saying and he seemed so proud of himself for making her feel that way. It didn't take a genius to see why he was so in love with her, she was beautiful like an angel and she was exceptionally talented as well.

“You know you should just tell him that you want to bone him” Emma sat next to you so you glared at her.

“I don't want to bone him okay?”

“Then stop giving him the bedroom eyes”

You rolled your eyes as she said that.

“So what's their deal, like why did they break up?” You asked her sheepishly and she chuckled in response.

“I don't know..they had been together for years since they were kids..I guess she wanted to explore what else is out there ..she's a dreamer”

“Huhh?”

You leaned back in your bar stool as the sound of his guitar riff blasted in the air. It was the opening to I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic monkeys.

They occasionally played their original music but there weren't many of that so the band mostly opted to play cover songs

Secrets I have held in my heart

Are harder to hide than I thought

Maybe I just wanna be yours

I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours

“I'd cream my panties if someone looked at me like that while singing” Emma said as she sipped on her drink, you groaned internally as you watched Daemon and Lily eye fucking each other on the stage.

You had been groaning a lot these days and most of the time Daemon was the reason.

Once the show was over Lily and others ran up to you both.

“Great show guys” Emma immediately hopped off the stool to go hug them one by one,

“Thanks darling..I'm gonna go get a drink” Lily said as she excused herself from you two so you gave her a smile.

“Hey grumpy..i thought I wouldn't see you tonight” Daemon mumbled as he hugged you.

“Well I'm not here ..I'm just a ghost” you said to him and his eyes widened playfully.

“You know what helps with cramps?” He asked you so you looked at him curiously and waited for an answer..

“Sex”

“You're disgusting Targaryen”

“Just being honest..tried and tested”

“Ewww” he smiled but as he watched Lily having a conversation with a new hot passenger his smile faded. He was fuming with jealousy you could tell so you ordered a strong whisky and offered it to him.

“You know…this helps with that” you mumbled under your breath so he rolled his eyes but accepted the drink.

After several rounds of drinks, Emma suggested that you and everyone else should head to the club in order to celebrate the night. Emma's proposal was met with a general agreement from all the band members except you, “You guys should go ..I don't want to impose” you mumbled politely

“Ohh bollocks you're a part of the group now baby” Cole winked at you and it made you want to smack him for some reason.

“Grumpy” Daemon said under his breath so you sighed and eventually agreed, it was actually really nice to have people on the ship you could hangout with, otherwise it would have gotten really lonely really fast.

As you all reached the club Daemon asked you to dance with him.

“Look i know you want to make your girlfriend jealous n all but I'm not going to be that chick for you” you said to him while you were already hand in hand making your way to the floor.

“I just wished to dance”

“Sure you did”

As you both became more and more inebriated, your minds drifted into an altered state, allowing you to let loose and revel in the moment. You felt like you were on top of the world, filled with the type of carefree joy you haven't experienced in a long time. However every time his eyes lingered away from you and got stuck on Lily you noticed it and it hurt..

Later that night, as he walked you to the room he was quiet and he seemed upset as well because he had clearly seen Lily walking out of the club with that hot guy she had met before.

“It doesn't suit you” you said to him as you entered your room so he grabbed your arm and pulled you into his chest which immediately made your breath hitch in your chest.

“What doesn't suit me?” the smirk on his face was apparent as he questioned you.

“This whole heartbroken hung up guy look..you're a handsome man..hot ..sexy even..like extremely sexy and you can have anyone you want -”

He smiled as he looked at you, your entire being cringed at the cliche phrases you had used just now but as his fingers curled around your scalp you suddenly felt so shy and taken aback..this was going to be a mistake you knew that.

“You think I'm sexy?” He asked you so you nodded.

“Show me”

“What?”

“Show me how sexy do you think I am”

“Daemon you're drunk-”

“So are you”

“I know”

Without wasting a second further he leaned into you and kissed you and you wanted to stop him and push him away, not because you didn't want to do it but because you didn't want to be rebound fling. Despite your better judgment, you felt yourself succumb to his kiss and leaned into him to kiss him back feverishly..

“I'm on my periods “ you mumbled between the kiss so he chuckled.

“I don't care..I'll be gentle i promise..i know you want this darling..i see the way you look at me” His voice lowered to a seductive whisper as he laid you down on the bed and you propped yourself on the elbow to see him undress. Eyes blew out of the sockets as he took off his shirt, you knew he was muscular but you didn't expect him to be chiseled so perfectly.

Your mouth gaped as he lowered down his pants and he hurriedly unbuttoned your jeans to pull it off you ..

“Fuck I don't have the condom” he groaned as he looked down at you but the frown on his face disappeared as he leaned down to kiss you again.

“Are you on pills honey?” He asked you so you nodded like the desperate whore you were.

“Oh good girl ..you're a good girl” he whispered in your ear and your fingers clutched onto his biceps as he suddenly pushed his cock inside you, the wetness from your arousal as well as the unfortunate bleeding made it so slick and easier for him to thrust in and out of you

“Daemon–”

“Shhhh baby quiet..don't talk..”

The sound of his cock slipping in and out of you made your head spin even more and more, this was a mistake you knew that but you felt helpless, you had been lusting after him for a month so you took your chances in your inebriated state.

“Oh yeah..fuck..” he grunted and moaned and every little noise he made only somehow increased your arousal for him “Such a tight cunt ..oh precious lily I love you”

And there it was, the mumbling of her name that somehow made you feel sober for a moment ..

“It's y/n” you mumbled softly, almost on the verge of breaking into tears so he leaned down and kissed you again.

“I know? What's wrong?” He asked you so you looked at him for a moment but then you didn't say anything, you didn't want to ruin the moment. Instead of pushing him away like you should have done in the first place you kissed him instead.

“Keep going..fuck me please”

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur, you remembered him stumbling his way into the bathroom to clean up and then he helped you do the same and then he puked his guts out in the sink which you had to clean up.

The next morning when you woke up he was not there in the room but you didn't have the time to worry about that or nurse the pounding headache you had because you really had to be in the kitchen. Your shift was going to start in five minutes. However as the hours passed you began to feel nervous about last night, you had a crush on him and he was in love with someone else, you really wanted to turn back the time and stop yourself somehow from fucking up this badly.

As soon as you had a moment of free time after your shift, you located Emma and inquired about the band's current whereabouts. Upon learning that they were rehearsing, you felt an immediate compulsion to make your way to the rehearsal room to speak with Daemon. You wanted to tell him that you weren't expecting anything from him, even though the truth couldn't have been farther from it.

“Hey” you said to Daemon as you knocked on the door of the rehearsal hall and they all passed a look at each other before Daemon excused himself and walked towards you, he grabbed your arm harshly and pulled you outside.

“What are you doing?” he let go of your arm as he spoke, he seemed upset.

“Calm down..I just wanted to talk” you chuckled to lighten up the moment but it didn't really work.

“About what?”

“Daemon”

“It was just sex..we are adults ..we were both drunk and we had sex..that's it..” he was talking to you as if you were five and didn't really understand the situation.

“I know I just–”

“Are you going to be a clinger now? Really? I like you y/n i do ..but only as a friend” his tone was offensive and that only infuriated you further.

“You're being a jerk, you know that?” he chuckled as you said that but then his jaw clenched.

“Really? Didn't seem to think so when you were moaning my name in bed like a whore?”

You slapped him on the cheek, his words were really hurtful not only because he was being mean but also because you actually liked him and you had never been spoken to this way before so it really bothered you.

“I thought we were friends -”

“We are and that's why I was hoping you won't create a scene”

“I just wanted to talk” you raised your voice so he glared at you.

“About what? We slept together..big deal”

“Okay now i know that..forget that i said anything” you turned around to leave and he didn't stop you or anything.

He didn't care at all.

Daemon huffed as he went back to the rehearsal room. What was he thinking last night? Well that was the problem he wasn't really thinking, Lily was talking on the phone while Cole came to him and looked at him suspiciously.

“What was that about?” He asked Daemon to which he responded with a sigh,

“I messed up..we fucked last night..I fucked y/n..don't tell Lily” Daemon said hurriedly

“Why not? She's not your girlfriend anymore” Cole asked, there was a look of amusement on his face.

"I can't afford for her to think I'm messing around. She'll realize what she's missing out on and come crawling back.”

“What about y/n?”

“What about her?” Cole looked at him so Daemon rolled his eyes “We are adults, we were drunk and had sex..big deal” he repeated the same words he had said to you even though the guilt had started to creep in already.

He wasn't a mean bloke, especially not with girls like you but he had been the biggest arse of the century just now.

“Does she feel the same way? she doesn't seem the type to sleep around either” Cole asked him curiously.

“I don't care”

“Cool..so I have my shot open here huh ?” Cole winked at him and Daemon's smile faded, now sure he didn't want to date you or even sleep with you again but then why did the thought of Cole having sex with you made him feel uneasy?

Memories of your body underneath him last night flashed through his mind throughout the day, the way you looked so beautiful and how you responded to his touch and – no he had to stop thinking. He was just feeling guilty for hurting your feelings or whatever, he had a sweet friend in you and he had ruined that now with his big mouth.

At night as they played again at the entertainment center, his eyes looked around for you but you weren't there and he felt even more horrible so once their set was finished he took the lift to the lower deck and made his way to the employee's quarters to go see you. With bated breaths he knocked on your door.

“What do you want?” You asked him as you glared at him.

“I'm sorry about this morning” his voice no longer held the hint of insulting arrogance as before but that doesn't mean you were ready to forgive him.

“Fine..you can go now”

“Y/n..can we just talk?”

“No i hate that..I hate talking and i definitely don't need a speech ..it was my fault too..i knew you were hung up on someone so I should have been more careful” your eyes teared up as you spoke, making your voice quiver and you despised the way your body has betrayed you just now by being so fucking weak.

“I like you y/n..as my friend and as my neighbor here”

“I just told you I hate the talk”

"I know, I know, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not just some total wanker who did this just to hurt you, yeah?” you crossed your arms as he said that.

“Okay I get that”

He nodded but he didn't know what else to say to you so he wished you a good night and decided to go to sleep himself as for some reason this thing between you two had really bothered him.

For several days, you successfully dodged any potential encounters with Daemon. Though you noticed him watching you from a distance whenever you guys bumped into each other in the mess hall or the entertainment center but you understood that it was nothing more than guilt and embarrassment on his part. You did your best to keep your distance but one night when you noticed that he wasn't performing with the band, your concerns grew.

“Hey lily..where's Daemon tonight?” You asked her as you met up with her at the bar so she gave you a smile as she turned away from the gentleman she was speaking with

“Ohh he had a headache so he's in his room”

“You mean the migraine?” you asked her so she chuckled.

“Yeah same difference”

You excused yourself as you wanted to check up on him now as any other neighbor would. He brought you a gift basket when you had cramps.

You were just being a good neighbour.

You made your way to his quarter and knocked incessantly but when he didn't open after a few knocks you decided to twist the knob and see it for yourself.

“Lily is that you?” You rolled your eyes as you heard his low and gravelly voice.

“No it's someone you don't want to see”

You neared the switch board to turn on the lights as you spoke.

“Don't turn on the lights please.. it hurts”

You sat down on the bed as he said that and then you huffed as you laid down next to him, albeit maintaining a proper distance from him..you didn't want to come across as a clinger.

You turned your head to look at him as your eyes have now adjusted to the dark, he was shirtless and had placed a cold towel on his face, that probably helped with the symptoms.

“Does my perfume bother you? I'll go if it's intense” you said to him so he reached for your arm, you were thankful for the darkness because you didn't want him to see how much he was affecting you.

“No stay…distract me”

“How?”

“Sing”

“I'm awful at singing”

“Try”

You sighed as he said that.

“No.. I'm not going to sing. You know sometimes I get this smell of wet wood around me even though it's not there and then I have this intense headache..is that a migraine?” You asked him so he pulled the towel away from his face to look at you.

“Could be”

You didn't say anything after that so he cleared his throat before he spoke again.

“Y/n”

‘mmm”

“I'm sorry”

“It's okay..it wasn't just you..i should have been careful and i should have known better” he chuckled as you said that

“Well I'm not sorry about the night ..I'm sorry about how i treated you the next morning”

You couldn't help but smile as he said that. Well at least he was feeling something.

“Well perhaps you're not a jerk after all”

“Thank you..that means alot to me”

“Why?”

“Because you're my friend and I have grown to really care about you y/n”

You went to sleep that night worrying about your blooming feelings for the man that you knew would never feel the same way about you.

You fell into a deep slumber that was only disrupted by the sudden chaos that erupted around you in the form of screams and the wailing of sirens. As you woke up the warning red light in the room was flashing continuously,

“Attention, this is the Captain speaking. Our ship is taking on water, and we need to abandon ship immediately. I repeat this is an emergency. We are experiencing a major breach in the hull, and our lifeboats and life preservers are ready to be deployed. Do not try to save your belongings. Your safety is your first priority. We repeat, this is an emergency”

A sense of excruciating fear washed over you as you heard the message on the speaker, your life was about to change forever.

"Abandon ship immediately”

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Note : Let me know if you want to be tagged

[steddieas-shegoes]

Headcanons: insecure Steve?????

He didn’t get into college.

It shouldn’t have come as a shock, but for some reason, he thought he’d get into at least one he applied to.

Looked like he’d be spending his summer trying to figure out a backup.

But for now, he was going to cry about it at Skull Rock.

His previous make out spot had turned into the spot he went to think, which mostly led to crying alone.

It was stupid, really.

Especially when he heard footsteps coming, sticks crunching under feet.

He quickly wiped at his eyes, keeping his face buried as much as he could in hopes the person would walk away.

“Oh. Sorry. Didn’t know someone would be here.”

Steve looked up at the voice.

He knew that voice, but this was the last place he expected to hear it.

Eddie Munson stared up at him from the ground, just as shocked to see him as he was.

“Why are you here?”

“Uh. Couldn’t meet at school today so figured I’d meet my customers here.”

“Other people are here?”

“They will be.” Eddie cleared his throat. “You okay man?”

Steve nodded, though he knew it probably didn’t look very convincing.

“You don’t seem okay.”

“Then why did you ask?”

Steve didn’t mean to snap at him. He had nothing personal against Eddie, not like so many of the jocks seemed to. He just wasn’t in the mood.

“Not everyday you see the King of Hawkins crying on Skull Rock. Figured it must be pretty serious.”

Steve hopped down, figured he could probably escape and cry in the privacy of his own home now. Maybe let himself think about all the ways he let everyone down on the drive there.

“Yeah, well. Not having a future is pretty serious.”

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t get into any colleges. Probably won’t live to see my next birthday when my dad finds out. Everyone I care about is smart and will leave. I’ll be here. Probably working dead end jobs forever.”

Eddie came closer to him.

Steve resisted backing up.

He was too tired to pretend he really cared about anything right now.

“You know, it’s not the end of the world to have one shitty thing happen. You’ve got lots of resources, man. You’ll figure something out.”

“Doubtful. My resources are my dad’s money, which will stop the second he finds out I’m an idiot and useless and couldn’t even get into a state school.”

Eddie’s forehead creased, mouth turning further into a frown.

“You don’t actually believe that you’re useless, do you?”

Steve shrugged.

“C’mon man. You’re not useless. Everyone has a purpose. Maybe you haven’t found yours yet, or maybe you don’t realize what it is, but it’s there.”

Steve remained silent as Eddie got closer.

“College isn’t for everyone. Maybe you have something better waiting to happen.”

Eddie gave him a comforting smile, and placed his hand on his shoulder for a moment.

“Yeah. Maybe. I guess.”

“There ya go! That’s kinda the spirit!”

Steve let out a small but genuine laugh.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah, Harrington. Don’t make a habit of crying where I’m working, okay?”

“Sure thing.”

As Steve walked away, he couldn’t help but think about how easy it was for Eddie to make him feel better.

How he had no reason to help, but did.

[camaro-and-smokes]

It's Always Been You

💙❄️ Here's my @harringroveholidayexchange fic I wrote for @freezef4wn ❄️💙

Characters: Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley, Eddie Munson, Max Mayfield Warnings: No Warnings Tags: No Upside Down, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, POV Alternating, Gay Billy Hargrove, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Feelings Realization, Mutual Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Billy & Max Have a Good Relationship, Past Mungrove hinted, Past buckleway hinted, the Byers never moved to California, Getting Together, First Kiss Words: 13,557

Summary: Billy’s presence had become comforting. Having someone to talk to who was here seemingly from their own will, even if not entirely, made Steve feel less lonely. At least he wouldn’t leave. Even if they agreed to disagree on many things, Billy found Steve’s lousy jokes funny and was sharp as hell. Steve just had started then pay attention to things he’d never had before. When the light at the bar hit Billy’s hair just the right way, it created a bright halo around his head. The way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he grinned widely, his tongue stuck between his teeth, the way his laugher rang loud and bright…

And in this special purgatory Steve had spent the last few months.

Read on AO3 >>

::::::::::

The snow fell in lazy flakes outside Family Video, each one a tiny reminder of the winter that had gripped Hawkins early this year. Steve leaned against the counter, drumming his fingers on the scratched Formica surface, tracking the descent of one particularly large snowflake with his gaze.

The bell above the door chimed, jolting Steve from his reverie. Mrs. Thompson, a blonde, well-shaped woman, walked in. Like she always did on a Friday.

And like every time, Steve plastered on his most charming smile. “Mrs. T, come in to get your weekly rom-com fix?”

Mrs. Thompson chuckled, her eyes twinkling. “Oh, you know me too well, Steve. But I think I’ll shake things up this time. Got anything new?”

“Well, let’s see what we can find for you. Action? Romance? How about a little of both?”

Steve had repeated those words way too many times to his own liking. For years, even. At twenty-three, he was still stuck in this stupid job and this stupid town where everything seemed to stay all the same.

After graduating, he had applied to colleges, but none of them had accepted him. So, he’d kept this job, thinking it was just temporary. Thinking something better would come up, maybe a job in Indianapolis or Chicago. But it never had happened, he never really went looking, and here he was, still in Hawkins and at the same dead-end job.

All his friends had moved away to study and the only ones left were the kids who also were now old enough to graduate next year. Then everyone would be gone, and he’d still be here, in this town, alone.

Well, except for Billy. Yeah, him. They’d turned from rivals to…acquaintances over an incident.

+++

Steve had seen Billy with the brunette many, many times. She was gorgeous, of course. It was always the gorgeous ones who attracted each other. And the way she and Billy seemed to be glued from the hip year after year made Steve sure they’d get married and have two kids, a picket fence, and a golden retriever.

But then Steve went to the men’s bathroom at Hideaway one Saturday night. He heard the very distinct noises of an intimate encounter from one stall and decided to be quick about his business.

Now, in a bar bathroom, there are two rules; you don’t try to get a peek at what others are packing, and if you hear noises of two consenting adults, you make your own visit quick and let them finish.

So, Steve had been concentrated on his own business and was already hopeful of being able to slip out before the couple would come out.

But just as he turned around to leave, the stall door opened—and the couple turned out to be Billy’s brunette with another woman . Which was a surprise. Though fair, Steve had made a conclusion based on hearing only the orgasm of a woman and not thought of the possibility of that being caused by another one.

When he returned to the bar, he saw them sit down at the booth where Billy was waiting. And it seemed that Billy was totally unfazed. Poor bastard didn’t probably even know.

Steve knew it really was none of his business, but witnessing a guy being cheated first hand made him feel uneasy. If someone had seen Nancy cheating when they’d gone out, he would’ve wanted to be told about it.

Which was why, when he later noticed the women had left, he picked up his beer and walked over to Billy's table. “Hey. Um…I, uh, I saw something earlier and you might want to hear about it.”

Billy cocked his head as he looked up. “What?”

“I saw your gal earlier, in the men’s bathroom.”

Billy snorted. “She’s not my gal.”

Steve looked at him, puzzled. “Huh?”

“Yeah. I assume you saw her in there with…” His voice lowered. “A girl?”

Okay, so Billy knew. Which made Steve’s insides twist even more. He nodded.

Billy took a pull from his cigarette. “Yeah. She’s not my gal.”

“Oh…OH.”

“Yeah, oh.”

“Hmm. Right. Because I, uh, I…I always thought…you’re always glued from the hip. Seemed normal to assume that.”

Billy’s smile faltered just for a second before returning to his face. “Well, it’s not good to assume things.”

“Ah…yeah, you’re right. Of course. Sorry,” Steve said, shaking his head. “I’ll go nurse my embarrassment to the bar and leave you alone.”

“Well, the seat is free now since they left.”

The invitation surprised Steve. Billy’s calm demeanor overall surprised him. They hadn’t really even talked after high school and Steve had been happy about it, since Billy had always been as loud and crass as ever.

“But by no means go back and sit at the bar alone if you prefer that,” Billy continued after a moment, a smile tucking the corner of his mouth. “Since it seems to be so hard to decide.”

“Uh, no, I…I’ll stay,” Steve said, feeling stupid. He must’ve frozen from surprise.

The worn leather seat creaked as he sat across from Billy. He didn’t really know what to talk about with him. Cars? Steve knew shit about cars. Movies? Billy came by Family Video almost weekly to rent a movie or two for him and Max. Max . He knew Max. A little.

“So…I heard that Max is applying to college.”

Billy nodded and took a sip from his beer. “Yup. She’s planning on getting out of this town.”

“That’s how it’s supposed to be,” Steve said quietly. “She’s got a good chance at scholarships, I guess?”

“Yeah. Though I’m playing it safe. Been saving a little to make sure she can make it.”

Steve’s brows shot up. “You’re helping with her tuitions?”

“If it comes to that, yeah.” Billy raised his eyes from his glass to look at Steve. “Did you assume that I’d stick around in his hellhole just because it’s such a fine place to live in?”

“Uh…” was all Steve could get out of his mouth. He felt mortified for having a foot in his mouth like this. Apparently finding out that Billy wasn’t a total asshole anymore and was generous to that extent had sprained his brain.

Billy chuckled and took another pull of his smoke. “Yeah, turns out there actually is more to me at twenty-two than there was at eighteen. I was surprised too.”

Steve squeezed his eyes closed. “I’m sorry. I’m being such a dick right now.” He looked at Billy. “Can we start over?” He reached his hand over the table. “Hi, I’m Steve Harrington.”

Billy chuckled as he took Steve’s hand and shook it. “Hargrove. Billy.”

+ + +

That night, Steve had stayed at the table for a few more hours. They’d ordered more beer and just talked. Steve had learned that the reason Billy hadn’t taken off to California, like he’d always loudly announced to everyone at school, was that his dad had split to flee tax fraud charges—which was the very same reason that had brought the family to Hawkins in the first place. So, when Max and Susan had been left to their own devices, Billy had let his grip loosen from fulfilling his own dream, at least for a while, gotten a job, and stayed to help them. To help Max .

It seemed that Billy had changed for the better. Even if he wasn’t about to marry the brunette, whose name was Heather, he had a lot of good things going for him in this hellhole .

At least Billy was here by his own choice.

From that onward, whenever they ran into each other, they exchanged a few words. Sat at the same table at the bar, sometimes played some pool—Billy always won.

They weren’t exactly friends, but yeah, they knew of each other.

Steve was drawn back from his reverie, Mrs. Thompson nudging his arm.

“Are you alright?”

“Huh?”

“You went all glassy-eyed there for a minute. Thought you’d faint on me.”

“Uh, right. No, I’m fi—I’m fine.” He ran a hand over his face. “Just a bit tired today. That’s all.” He looked at the shelf of films again, returning to his role as the helpful video store clerk. “How about ‘Romancing the Stone’? Adventure, romance, and Michael Douglas looking ruggedly handsome. Can’t go wrong there.”

Mrs. Thompson giggled, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. “Oh, you! I’m not sure if my husband would approve.”

“Well, this is for you and not for him, am I right?”

Mrs. Thompson giggled again, a faint blush coloring her cheeks, then nodded enthusiastically.

“Alright, I’ll rang you up on it then.”

As the bell chimed when Mrs. Thompson walked out with her film and silence settled over the store, Steve’s smile faded. He looked back at the window, watching the snow continue its relentless fall. In the reflection, he saw someone who was trapped, yearning for something he couldn’t quite name.

With a sigh, he picked up stack of tapes, put them on the small trolley and walked to the shelves. There were always more movies to organize, more customers to small talk with.

And maybe a chance that Billy might walk through that door and change everything.

Yeah.

Billy, who always came in on Fridays around five pm to pick up a movie for Max and El and one for himself. Billy, whose weekly five-minute visit to Family Video Steve always waited like the moon to rise…

Steve wasn’t sure at which point exactly he’d started to think more of Billy. He’d known for a while now that his interest wasn’t limited to just girls, so the realization itself wasn’t a total surprise. That it was Billy, then again, was.

Billy’s presence had become comforting. Having someone to talk to who was here seemingly from their own will, even if not entirely, made him feel less lonely. At least he wouldn’t leave. Even if they agreed to disagree on many things, and Steve still couldn’t fathom why Billy was so infatuated with his friend Eddie’s band Corroded Coffin. But Billy also found Steve’s lousy jokes funny and was sharp as hell.

He’d just started then pay attention to things he’d never had before. When the light at the bar hit Billy’s hair just the right way, it created a bright halo around his head. The way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he grinned widely, his tongue stuck between his teeth, the way his laugher rang loud and bright…

And in this special purgatory Steve had spent the last few months.

The door bell chimed again and Steve turned, expecting another customer, but found himself face-to-face with Robin. Her hair was dusted with snow, her cheeks flushed from the cold.

“Hey!” Steve said, setting the tapes down and walked to her, enveloping her in a tight hug. “Didn’t know you were in town!”

“In other words,” Robin said, “you didn’t think I’d come home for Thanksgiving?”

“I didn’t say that,” Steve replied with sheepish a smile.

“Of course I’m home for thanksgiving! Wouldn’t miss the chance to see you on the side.”

“Well, I’m glad I’m not entirely forgettable,” Steve chuckled.

“Saw you recommended Mrs. Thompson ‘Romancing the Stone’, Casanova,” she quipped, sidling up to the counter. “You know, there are other movies in this store.”

Steve clutched his chest in mock offense. “You wound me! I’ll have you know ‘Romancing the Stone’ is a cinematic masterpiece.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure Mrs. Thompson’s appreciation for cinema is what’s got you pushing it so hard,” Robin retorted, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Steve rolled his eyes. “I have you know that I’ve actually given up on that kind of behavior.”

“Oh? You just think of someone special nowadays?”

Steve fidgeted with the hem of his vest. “Maybe.”

Robin’s eyes widened. “Who?” Then she scrunched her nose. “Don’t say it’s one of your hookups. You know what happens with them.”

“Nope, no a hookup. At all. I kind of…know of…know them.”

Robin tilted her head. “Them?”

Steve knew it would turn into a full-blown interrogation until he finally revealed who he was thinking of. Might as well tell her now. “Billy Hargrove,” he sighed, deflated.

The name hung in the air between them, and Steve felt a mix of relief and terror wash over him. He watched Robin’s face carefully, searching for any sign of judgment or disgust.

When she didn’t reply, Steve asked, “Everything alright?”

“Um…yeah. I’m just…why him?”

“Well, we’ve been talking here and there and…you know how it goes.”

Her gaze softened. “You start noticing things and thinking it might actually be nice to know more about them?”

Steve nodded.

“Is he a nice person? I remember him as not much so.”

“He’s saving to help Max get through college.”

Robin looked gobsmacked. “Oh, wow.”

Smile tucked the corner of Steve’s mouth. “That’s what I said.”

“Well, you know how you can find out if they feel the same? You talk to them.”

Steve sighed, leaning against the counter. “He isn’t gay.” He paused. “I think. Besides, I don’t want to ruin our perfectly well-functioning knowing of each other. He’s one of the few good things about this town.”

Steve would’ve wanted to talk more, but the bell above the door chimed, and his heart leapt into his throat. Billy strode in, his hair and shoulders dusted with snow, his eyes scanning the store.

Steve’s palms instantly went clammy, and he straightened up, trying to appear nonchalant. He tried to act cool, fumbling with a stack of returns on the counter as he noticed Robin had vanished from his side as if into thin air. Thanks for the support, Robin.

“Hey, Harrington!” Billy called out, his voice filling the quiet store. “Got any recommendations for a snowy evening?”

Steve’s mind raced, searching for a witty response. “Depends,” he managed, proud that his voice didn’t betray the butterflies in his stomach. “Are we talking ‘National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation ’ kind of night, or more ‘The Shining’ situation?”

Billy laughed, the sound warming Steve from the inside out. Steve couldn’t hold back a smile of his own.

“Man, you really do have a movie for every occasion, don’t you?”

Steve shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. “It’s a gift, I suppose.”

As Billy browsed the shelves, Steve’s eyes traced the familiar lines of his profile, the way his jacket clung to his shoulders. He forced himself to look away and busied himself with reorganizing the counter.

“So, how’s the garage?” Steve asked, desperate to keep the conversation flowing.

Billy shrugged, picking up a VHS case, reading the description on the back cover. “Same old, same old. You know how it is. Cars break down, we fix ‘em. Day in, day out.”

“Yeah, rinse and repeat,” Steve murmured, a familiar ache settling in his chest. “I know exactly how it is.”

As Billy turned to leave a moment later, ‘Commando’ for him and ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ for Max tucked under his arm, Steve’s gaze followed him, lingering on the way some of his curls escaped from his messy bun. The bell above the door chimed, a bittersweet sound that seemed to echo Steve’s internal struggle.

“See you around, Harrington,” Billy called over his shoulder, flashing that crooked smile that never failed to make Steve’s heart skip a beat.

“Yeah, see you,” Steve replied, his voice barely above a whisper. He watched Billy’s retreating figure through the store window, a familiar longing settling deep in his bones. The urge to call out, to say something—anything—more meaningful than their usual banter clawed at his throat, but the words remained stubbornly lodged there.

As Billy disappeared past the windows, Steve let out a heavy sigh. Robin appeared at the other side of the counter, wrapping her unbelievably long scarf around her neck.

“You left me alone with him!” Steve seethed.

“Well, I couldn’t be sure I could’ve kept myself from saying something.”

“Hey, as if it would go over well if I said anything,” Steve retorted. “‘Oh, hey Billy, by the way, I know we chat here and there. Surprise! I’m into you. Wanna grab a beer?’”

“Well, what if it worked? What if he said ‘Sure, let’s get that beer’?” she asked, shaking her head. “Sometimes I think you’re more afraid of things working out than falling apart.”

Steve turned to her, his brow furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, this time actually offended.

“Maybe you’ve become so used to being an uncommitted guy that the idea of actually putting yourself out there terrifies you.”

Her words hit Steve like a punch to the gut, and he opened his mouth to argue, then closed it again, realizing she was right.

He knew he’d become that guy who was good enough for having fun with, but not worth pursuing seriously for. It had become easy, not needing to even think of a future together anymore.

He had become easy.

It disgusted him. He didn’t want to be like that. He wanted to take care of someone and to be cared for. To build a future. But the thought of rejection and destroying a perfectly functional knowing of each other was downright terrifying.

+++

The acrid smell of motor oil and the rhythmic clanking of tools filled the air as Billy slid out from under the rusty Chevy he’d been working on. He wiped his grease-stained hands on a rag, eyeing the car’s undercarriage with a mixture of pride and frustration.

“Hey, Hargrove!” called out Mr. Wilkinson, the garage’s owner. “Mrs. Anderson’s here for her oil change. Think you can handle it?”

Billy nodded, pushing a stray curl away from his face. “No problem, boss. I’ll get right on it.”

When he walked through the door to the waiting area, he saw Mrs. Anderson waiting there. He felt a familiar tightness in his chest. She had been his high school English teacher, and he felt a twinge of embarrassment remembering his younger self’s antics in her class.

“Well, if it isn’t Billy Hargrove,” Mrs. Anderson said, a hint of surprise in her voice. “I hardly recognized you without the attitude.”

Billy forced a smile. “Good to see you, Mrs. A. Oil change, was it?”

She gave Billy the keys, and as he sauntered to the car and drove it in, he found himself grateful for a little small talk and doing the same mechanical work he’d done a thousand times before; hoist the car up, drain the oil, lower the car back down, change the filters, fill the oil, send the client on their way.

It all was a far cry from what he’d been at school, lashing out at anyone who got too close.

“You know, Billy,” Mrs. Anderson said as he returned and gave the keys back to her, “I always knew you had potential. It’s good to see you’ve found your footing.”

Billy felt a warmth spread through his chest, mingled with a twinge of regret. “Thanks, Mrs. A. I appreciate that.”

He returned to the car he had been working on earlier, but his mind was elsewhere. The repeating sounds of work and engines running badly and then well a moment later after fixing the issues echoed the hollow feeling in his chest. The same scenery, the same faces, the same damn routine every since day.

While Mr. Wilkinson had told Billy he was the perfect candidate to take over the garage when he’d retire in a few years’ time and had also begun to train him for the job, it only eased his mood a little. Sure, now he had future prospects, something solid waiting for him in a few years’ time that also guaranteed Max getting her college education for sure.

But it didn’t change the fact that his own life missed something more. Someone. Steve.

God, Steve.

Even after all these years, just thinking about him made Billy’s heart race. He could picture Steve’s easy smile, the way his hair fell across his forehead, the dark eyes that seemed to hold so many secrets.

“Earth to Billy,” a voice called, snapping him out of his reverie. It was Joe, his coworker, waving a wrench at him. “You gonna finish with that rust bucket or just stare into space all day?”

Billy forced a laugh. “Just zoned out for a second.”

But as he walked back under the hoisted car, Billy’s mind wandered again. What would it be like to actually connect with Steve? To tell him how he felt?

“You’re dreaming, Hargrove”, he muttered to himself. Steve’s straight, and even if he wasn’t…this is Hawkins.

Even so, a small part of him couldn’t help but wonder. What if there was a chance for something more?

Billy stared at the chassis, trying to dislodge the thoughts. They’d grown closer since the incident in late August, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that had taken root in his heart; that something was finally happening between them. Something that might make him feel alive in this dead-end town.

The sudden sound of footsteps pulled Billy from his reverie. He tensed, his fingers tightening around the wrench in his hand. The footsteps were hesitant, unfamiliar. Not the confident stride of his boss or the casual gait of a regular customer.

A throat cleared awkwardly behind him. “Uh, excuse me?”

Billy’s breath caught in his throat. He knew that voice. Slowly, he turned to look at the direction of the voice, his eyes widening as they landed on the figure standing by the car.

Harrington stood there, looking as handsome as ever, even in a stupid turtleneck and jeans. His dark hair was slightly disheveled, probably from taking off his woolen hat. His eyes darted around the garage before settling on Billy.

“Hey,” Steve said, his voice a mix of relief and uncertainty. “I think…something’s broken in my car. It keeps this squealing noise and the lights keep flickering from time to time. I was hoping if you could…” His words trailed off. “I’m not sure if it’s serious or not,” he said, gesturing vaguely towards the outside.

Billy’s heart raced as he struggled to maintain his composure. He nodded, trying to appear nonchalant despite the whirlwind of emotions churning inside him. “Yeah, sure. Maybe the alternator belt is finished. When do the lights flicker?”

As Steve began to explain, Billy found himself captivated by the way Steve’s lips moved, the slight furrow of his brow as he described the car’s symptoms. Billy forced himself to focus on the words, not the speaker, even as his mind screamed at him to say something, anything, to bridge the gap between them.

Instead, he listened silently, nodding at appropriate intervals, all the while wondering if Steve could hear the thundering of his heart in the quiet of the garage.

He wiped his grease-stained hands on a rag, his mind racing as he searched for the right words. “Yeah, I think it’s the belt,” he said, his voice steadier than he felt. “I can take a look to make sure.”

Steve nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “That’d be great. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Billy replied, clearing his throat, desperate to fill the silence. “Uhm, can you drive it in?”

When the car was inside, he opened the hood and looked for the culprit as the engine was running idle.

Steve leaned against a nearby workbench, his posture casual, but the fidgeting of his fingers betraying a hint of nervousness.

Billy couldn’t come up with anything to say, so he leaned further into the motor than was necessary. He already knew what was wrong, but his cheeks were so warm that he knew they were beet red and he just couldn’t get up and face Steve, not yet. Might as well check everything that ever needed checking.

“Yeah, alternator belt is worn, it has to be replaced,” Billy said when he finally felt sure enough to lean back up.

“Oh, okay,” Steve said, rubbing his hands on his thighs. “How long it takes to fix it?”

“It just needs to be replaced. But we don’t have one that fits your car here right now. We don’t serve European cars that often so I have to order it from Chicago. We can have it here by tomorrow afternoon.”

Steve looked mortified. “Do I have to leave it here for the time being?”

Billy shook his head. “No, if you don’t mind the off chance that it snaps off while driving. But if you drive carefully, you should be just fine for a few more days. Bring it in the day after tomorrow.”

Steve nodded, still evading Billy’s eyes, his cheeks flushed.

A sudden thought hit Billy. What if Steve…What. If?

“Yeah, uh, I’ll bring it in then. I’ll ask a ride back from Dustin. He can pay back a little for the driving lessons that way,” Steve said as he took the keys from Billy.

Their hands brushed slightly together at the exchange, and both of them stopped for a moment, making the air between them charged.

Then Steve moved his hand and turned to get into the car, breaking the moment.

Billy opened the garage door for Steve to reverse out. He followed the BMW with his gaze until it turned the corner and vanished between buildings.

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself as he pressed the button to close the door.

He got back to work on the Chevy and walked under it to continue where he left off. But he couldn’t shake the electricity that had gone through him when their hands had touched and the way Steve had seemed nervous. Had there been a flicker of something more? Or was he just dreaming?

Billy sighed, wiping his brow with the back of his hand and leaving a streak of grease. He couldn’t keep doing this to himself. Steve was straight, probably uninterested, and completely oblivious to the turmoil he was causing in his heart.

+++

The fluorescent lights of Family Video cast an eerie glow over the faded movie posters lining the walls. Steve sighed, drumming his fingers on the worn counter as he watched the clock tick by with agonizing slowness.

Another day, another shift in this dead-end job.

“Excuse me, do you have any new releases?” a middle-aged woman approached, interrupting his brooding.

Steve plastered on his best customer service smile. “Sure thing. What are you looking for?”

As he guided her through the new releases section and then rang her up, Steve’s mind wandered. Is this really all there is? Recommending movies to people living vicariously through a screen while my own life passes me by?

“Thanks for your help,” the woman said, jolting Steve back to reality.

“No problem. Enjoy your movie night,” he replied automatically, already feeling the familiar restlessness creeping back in.

The bell above the door chimed, and Dustin, Mike, and Lucas strolled in, laughing and shoving each other playfully.

Dustin walked to the counter and tilted his head, squinting. “You’re brooding again. Tell me it isn’t the you-know-who.”

Steve shook his head, trying to dispel the melancholy thoughts. “Just thinking that next year this time, you’re all somewhere else. And I’ll still be here.”

“You know, that’s entirely your own choice,” Dustin said. “You could leave anytime you want.”

“I guess,” Steve replied. Dustin was the last person he wanted to infect with his misery, so he changed the subject. “Die Hard is coming out on VHS just before Christmas.”

“It doesn’t make it a Christmas film!” Lucas shouted from somewhere between aisles.

“It literally takes place on Christmas,” Dustin shouted back. “How much more Christmas can a film get?”

Steve listened to the familiar bickering between the teenagers with a twinge of envy. To be that carefree again, with the entire world ahead of you…

Focus on the positives , he told himself. At least you have a job. At least you have a roof over your head. But the pep talk rang hollow, doing little to ease the gnawing sense of being stuck.

As his shift finally ended and Sarah, the new girl, took over, Steve grabbed his jacket and headed out into the chilly evening air.

On impulse, he decided to go to Hideaway for a beer or two. It was Saturday, and he didn’t have a shift tomorrow—and besides, he’d just sit in front of the TV the whole evening and fall asleep on the worn couch and then wake up at two am to an aching back.

And especially he didn’t hope that Billy was also at the bar. Nu-uh.

The familiar creak of the Hideaway door announced his arrival, and the warm, smoky atmosphere of the bar enveloped him. Dim lights cast long shadows across the worn wooden floor, and the low hum of conversation mingled with the soft strains of classic rock from the jukebox.

Steve’s eyes scanned the room, his heart rate picking up when he spotted Billy in a booth at the back of the bar. His shoulders were hunched over a beer, his long hair tied back in its usual messy bun.

Steeling himself, Steve approached. “Hey, man,” he said, sitting across from Billy. “How’s it going?”

Billy raised his gaze, his piercing blue eyes meeting Steve’s. “Didn’t expect to see you here tonight. How’s the car?”

“Yeah, I, uh…the car’s fine. Thanks for that.” Steve signaled the bartender for a drink. “So, what’s your excuse for being here? You got nothing else to do on a Saturday night?”

“Nah. Could’ve gone to Indianapolis. But didn’t. You could do that too.”

“Yeah. Maybe. Wouldn’t want to spend money on a hotel though. Couldn’t make it home after a binge in a bar. Here I can walk home if it comes to that.”

“I thought you still lived in that mansion in Loch Nora. With the beemer and all.”

“Nope. Wanted to get away from that empty house. I guess my folks are selling it, moving to Chicago full time.”

Billy nodded and lighted a smoke. He offered one to Steve, but Steve just shook his head.

After a while of silence, Steve continued. “Yeah, they’re leaving and I’ll still be stuck here.”

Billy nodded, taking a swig of his beer. “Hawkins’s got a way of making you feel trapped, doesn’t it? Like you’re stuck in quicksand, and the more you struggle, the deeper you sink.”

Steve felt a surge of connection, realizing Billy understood exactly how he felt. “Exactly. It’s like…I had all these dreams, you know? Things I wanted to do, places I wanted to see. But now I’m here, working at the video store, and it’s like time’s just…stopped.”

Billy leaned in, his voice low. “I know what you mean. Sometimes I look around the garage and wonder if this is all there is. If I’ll be changing oil and fixing transmissions for the rest of my life.”

“What would you do?” Steve asked, genuinely curious. “If you could do anything, go anywhere?”

Billy’s eyes lit up, a rare genuine smile spreading across his face. “I used to dream about California. But now…I’ve always wanted to restore classic cars. Not just fix them, but really bring them back to life, you know? There’s this shop in Chicago that specializes in it. Sometimes I dream about apprenticing there.”

Steve nodded, feeling a warmth spread through his chest. “That sounds amazing. You’d probably be great at that.”

His heart skipped a beat as Billy’s smile lingered, the warmth of their conversation settling around them like a comfortable blanket. He found himself studying Billy’s face, noticing the long lashes that spread like a shadow over his cheeks as he looked down at his beer, the slight stubble along his jawline catching the dim bar light.

“What?” Billy asked, his grin fading to a look of confusion.

Steve quickly averted his gaze, heat rising to his cheeks. “Nothing, just…thinking.”

But his mind was racing. When had Billy become more yo him than just the bully from high school? When had his presence started to make his palms sweat and pulse quicken?

Billy shifted in his seat, his fingers drumming an uneven rhythm on the tabletop. “So, uh, you want another beer?”

“Sure,” Steve replied, grateful for the distraction.

As Billy made his way to the bar, Steve couldn’t help but watch him go. The way Billy moved, confident yet somehow guarded, stirred something in Steve he wasn’t sure how to handle.

“Get it together,” Steve muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair. “It’s Billy, for crying out loud.”

But that was precisely the problem.

Billy returned, setting a fresh beer in front of Steve. Their fingers brushed as Steve reached for the glass, sending a spark through Steve.

“Thanks,” Steve managed, his voice slightly strained.

Billy nodded, settling back into his seat. He seemed to avoid eye contact, his gaze darting around the bar. “No problem. So, uh, you’ve been seeing anyone lately?”

The question caught Steve off guard. “Me? No, not really. You know how it is in this town.”

Billy’s shoulders visibly relaxed. “Yeah, tell me about it. Slim pickings, right?”

Steve laughed, but it felt hollow. How could he explain that the only person he was interested in was sitting right across from him? That the thought of admitting his feelings—of potentially losing their perfectly functional knowing of each other—was paralyzing?

“Right,” Steve agreed, taking a long swig of his beer. “Slim pickings.”

+ + +

Billy felt warmth flowing over him. For the first time, he was talking with Steve about something else than the weather or movies. It felt comforting. Maybe there was something between them. Something more than just… knowing of each other. He’d hoped for it for so long. Hell, he’d settle just for a friendship, if nothing else. Which was probably as good as they’d ever get. Steve being straight and all.

Suddenly there was a commotion at the bar, people loudly greeting someone, and he turned to look. His heart leapt at the sight of the familiar long dark hair—Eddie.

“Holy shit, it’s really him,” Billy said, a grin spreading across his face.

“Who?” Steve asked, frowning, as he turned to look.

“Eddie!” Billy got up. “I’m gonna go say hi.”

Billy walked to Eddie. “Well, look what the cat dragged in,” he said, getting Eddie’s attention.

Eddie’s eyes lit up, that mischievous spark Billy remembered so well dancing in them. “Billy! Man, it’s good to see you!”

They embraced, Billy’s chest tightening with genuine joy. “Welcome back, you crazy bastard. How long’s it been?”

“Too damn long,” Eddie laughed. “LA wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Figured I’d come home, see what trouble I can stir up here.”

+++

As they caught up, Steve watched from the table, his stomach churning. Seeing Eddie’s arm slung easily around Billy’s shoulders sent a jolt of jealousy through him.

So, they used to be friends. No big deal.

But it felt like a big deal. Steve’s eyes lingered on Billy’s animated face, the way he laughed at something Eddie said. A familiar ache bloomed in Steve’s chest, one he’d been trying to ignore for months.

Billy got Eddie a beer and lead them to the booth where Steve was waiting.

Steve plastered on a smile, willing himself to make space in the booth. “Eddie, man, welcome back,” he said, hoping his voice sounded steadier than he felt.

Eddie’s grin was easy, genuine. “Steve! Good to see you. How’ve you been?”

“Oh, you know,” Steve shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. “Same old Hawkins. Nothing new.”

“You still work at the video store?” Eddie asked as he sat next to Steve.

“Yeah, still sorting tapes for a living.”

“Hey, that’s a respectable job. Unless like a guitarist who turns out to be only good for serving drinks to the real rockstars.”

As Eddie launched into a story about his time in LA, Steve found his gaze drawn to Billy. The way Billy’s eyes sparkled as he listened, the curl of his lips as he smiled—it was like a punch to the gut.

They look way too comfortable with each other. What if they were…

He shook his head, trying to focus on Eddie’s words. It’s nothing, it doesn’t matter , Steve told himself firmly. Friends. That’s all.

But as Billy’s laughter echoed at the booth, Steve couldn’t quite make himself believe it.

Suddenly, he felt like he was suffocating.

+++

Billy’s brow furrowed as he observed the shift in Steve’s demeanor. The nervous energy from earlier had transformed into something more guarded, almost defensive.

Steve’s gaze darted between him and Eddie, a flicker of something—uncertainty? Jealousy?—in his eyes.

“Everything okay?” Billy asked Steve softly, confusion and concern mingling in his chest. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Eddie’s arrival had disrupted more than just their conversation.

Steve nodded stiffly, his earlier warmth replaced by a forced smile. “Yeah, fine. I should probably get going, actually. Thanks for the beers, Billy.”

As Steve got up to leave, Billy felt a pang of disappointment. What had just happened? The connection he’d felt just moments ago seemed to slip away, leaving him with more questions than answers.

As Steve made his way towards the door, Billy shouted after him, making Steve turn to look at him. “We’re going to grab something to eat tomorrow. You’re welcome to join us,” Billy offered, hoping to ease the tension.

Eddie looked at Billy for a moment, surprised. “Uh, yeah. Yeah. Sure.”

Steve’s eyes widened slightly, a conflicted expression crossing his face. “Oh, I…I wouldn’t want to intrude,” he stammered.

Billy felt a twinge in his chest, torn between his friendship with Eddie and his desire to connect with Steve. He watched as Steve’s gaze darted between them, a mix of confusion and something that looked almost like hurt in his eyes.

“It’s no intrusion, man,” Eddie chimed in, oblivious to the undercurrents. “The more the merrier, right?”

Billy nodded, trying to catch Steve’s eye. “Absolutely. What do you say?”

Steve’s internal struggle was evident in the way he hesitated, his facade cracking to reveal the uncertainty beneath. “I…I should probably get going. Thanks for the offer, though,” he said, his voice strained as he turned and left the bar.

After Steve was gone and Billy sat back to the couch, Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Everything okay, man?”

Billy nodded absently, his eyes still fixed on the door. “Yeah, ’s fine,” he mumbled, though his chest felt tight with disappointment.

+++

The string of lights tangled in Steve’s fingers as he stretched to reach the far corner of the ceiling. His arms ached from the repetitive motion, but his mind barely registered the discomfort.

Instead, it replayed the scenes from the last few weeks since Eddie’s return over and over like a broken record.

Billy’s easy laugh. Eddie’s hand on Billy’s shoulder. The easy banter between the two. Billy laughing at Eddie’s stupid jokes. Eddie grinning widely every time Billy jabbed at him. The way they seemed to suddenly do everything together.

It was infuriating.

“Shit,” he muttered as a bulb slipped from his grasp, shattering on the floor of the store. He sighed, descending the ladder with careful steps.

What did it mean? The question gnawed at him, refusing to be silenced. Were they really…? No, he couldn’t let himself go down that path.

As he bent to retrieve the fallen bulb, Steve caught sight of his reflection in the store’s front window. The furrow etched between his brows made him look older, more careworn. He barely recognized himself.

“Fuck it,” he muttered, shaking his head as if he could physically dislodge the doubts clouding his mind. But Billy’s face lingered, his eyes seeming to see right through him.

Steve ran a hand through his hair, mussing it further. “You’re reading too much into things,” he said aloud, his voice echoing in the empty store.

But even as he spoke the words, they rang hollow.

The bell above the door jingled, breaking Steve’s reverie. He turned to see Robin bustling in, her arms laden with a cardboard box overflowing with glittering ornaments.

“Well, don’t you look festive,” she quipped, eyeing Steve’s lackluster expression. “Did Santa put coal in your stocking already?”

Steve couldn’t help but crack a smile. “Hey, I’m working on it. Rome wasn’t decorated in a day, you know.”

“Clearly,” she retorted, setting the box down with a theatrical huff. “Good thing I’m here to rescue your Christmas and not Kevin—who apparently got sick on a Saturday morning. Again. What a surprise. Hand me those tinsel garlands, Scrooge.”

“I was just about to ask, how come you’re here? Your lectures ended already for this year.”

“Yup,” she said, popping the p. “Thought that I’d might as well come home early and to check on you, how you’re doing without my help. Poorly, I see.”

As they worked side by side, draping tinsel and hanging baubles, Steve felt some of the tension ease from his shoulders. Robin’s presence was a welcome distraction, her sarcastic comments and playful jabs pulling him out of his own head.

“So,” she ventured. “Any luck with Hargrove yet?”

Steve paused, a red ornament dangling from his finger. “No,” he replied quietly.

Robin’s eyes narrowed slightly, studying Steve’s face. “Out with it.”

Steve sighed, fiddling with a strand of lights. “It’s nothing, really. I just…I don’t know. Things have been weird lately. With Billy, I mean.”

Robin’s expression softened, the sarcasm fading from her voice. “Weird how?”

As Steve stumbled through an explanation, he couldn’t help but notice the way Robin listened, her usual quips giving way to genuine concern. It struck him then how lucky he was to have her as a friend. He ended his explanation with, “Eddie came back.”

Robin looked at Steve expectantly. “The rockstar-Eddie? So?”

“Well, they’re close and…Billy’s been spending a lot of time with him.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. Weren’t they glued to the hip already back in high school?”

“I guess,” Steve muttered, fiddling with the garland he was holding. “But it could’ve been because, you know…”

“So, you’re still not doing anything about it? Just brooding alone instead of, you know, asking like a normal person?”

Steve’s stomach twisted. “I don’t know if I can—”

“Sure you can,” Robin cut him off, her voice softening. “Look, I know it’s scary. But if you don’t ask, the answer is always no.”

“Yeah, I know,” Steve muttered.

Robin pondered for a while. “Hey, isn’t the traditional Byers-Hopper Christmas Dinner again on next Saturday?”

Steve glanced at her. “Yeah. What of it?” His eyes widened. “You think they’ve invited Billy?”

“Well, Max is always there, isn’t she? Is it such a stretch that he might be tagging along?”

“He’ll probably come with Eddie, anyway. It wouldn’t work.”

“What then if he comes with Eddie? You don’t know for certain they’re together, right?”

“Well, it isn’t the kind of thing you advertise in this town now, is it?” Steve retorted.

Robin stared at him for a moment. “Yeah, as if I didn’t know, dumbass.”

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean it like that.”

“You don’t have to say the words, not immediately. Just…get him a present and give it to him. Let him know you’ve been thinking of him.”

Steve nodded. It actually wasn’t a bad idea. “But I don’t know what he likes.”

Robin hummed and pursed her lips in thought for a moment. “Well, what a guy who works with cars likes?”

“Uh, cars?”

“U-huh. And what particular car?”

“…His own?”

“Bingo!”

Steve pondered the idea for a moment. “Huh. Okay. I can work with that, I guess.”

+ + +

Billy’s mind whirled as he drove through the snow-covered streets of Hawkins and towards Family Video to rent a few films with Max. His chest felt tight, constricted by pent-up longing and fear.

He hadn’t seen Steve for a while and it was bothering him. Which was why they were on their way to the store, renting a film for Max as a prize from good grades as the excuse. And Max herself as a shield.

He probably doesn’t even like guys, he repeated his age-old reasoning like a broken record.

As they parked in front of the store, its neon sign bright in the gray afternoon light, Billy took a deep breath, steeling himself.

The bell above the door jingled as Max stepped inside in front of him, the familiar scent of popcorn and musty carpet washing over them. His eyes scanned the aisles, heart racing as he searched for a glimpse of dark hair.

“You gonna stand there all day, or are we actually renting something?” Max’s voice cut through his thoughts, startling him.

Billy blinked, realizing he’d been frozen in the doorway. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” he grumbled, following her inside. With each step, he felt a mix of anticipation and dread building in his chest, unsure if he was more afraid of seeing Steve than not seeing him at all.

“What’s with you, anyway?” Max asked as she scanned through the new releases shelf. “You didn’t call me shitbird even once while we were driving here.”

Billy chuckled. “Yeah, sorry, shitbird. Happy?”

Max snorted. “So what’s it gonna be today? Another shirtless hero?” she teased, elbowing Billy in the ribs as they meandered down the aisle.

Billy scoffed, but a faint blush crept up his neck. “Shut up, Max. I’m not the one who cried during ‘The Officer and A Gentleman’ last week.”

“Hey, that was a beautiful story!” Max retorted, her voice rising in mock indignation. “Besides, I seem to recall someone getting misty-eyed during—”

“Alright, alright,” Billy cut her off, rolling his eyes but unable to suppress a grin. “Let’s just pick something and get out of here.”

After picking up ‘National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation’ they made their way to the counter, and Billy’s heart leapt into his throat. Steve had appeared behind the counter, his hair slightly tousled as he organized the tapes on the counter.

Billy froze, his palms suddenly sweaty. The sight of Steve, bathed in the soft glow of the overhead lights, made his knees weak. He struggled to maintain his composure, forcing himself to breathe normally.

“Earth to Billy,” Max whispered, nudging him. “You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Billy swallowed hard, his eyes still fixed on Steve. “’m fine,” he muttered, willing his racing heart to slow down. His legs felt like lead as he approached the counter. Steve looked up, his eyes meeting Billy’s, and a flicker of…something—Billy couldn’t exactly tell what—passed over his face.

“Oh, you went with a classic!” Steve said, taking the tape from Max. “Go easy on popcorn with this. It’s guaranteed to make your stomach hurt just from laughing.”

“So…how’s work been?” Billy asked, desperately searching for something to say.

“Same old, same old,” Steve replied with a shrug, his casual demeanor both alluring and frustrating to Billy.

“Haven’t seen you around for a bit.”

The polite smile on Steve’s face faltered as he rang up the film. “Yeah, been busy.”

“U-huh? Well, just so you know…” Billy started and paused. “Hideaway isn’t quite the same without you.”

Steve gave the tape to Max and looked at Billy—actually blushing. “Is that so?” he asked quietly.

Billy nodded, not sure his voice would carry.

Steve smiled, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Maybe I’ll stop by.”

Max interrupted them. “Hey, are we going or what?” she shouted from the door.

“Uh, yeah.” He glanced at Steve before walking away. “See you.”

Max was waiting by the door, her eyebrows raised curiously. As they sat in the truck Billy drove in the winters—he’d learned not to take the Camaro on the icy roads—she looked at Billy. “What the actual hell was that?”

Billy started the car and put it in reverse. “It’s called none of your business, shitbird.”

As he backed the truck out from the spot, making the car swirl slightly on the ice despite it having winter tires, she kept grinning. “Oh, this is so, so good!”

Billy felt his cheeks burning as he stepped on the gas and the car lurched ahead. “You know shit!”

“You’re crushing on him! Even a blind person can see that.”

“Shut up, Max. It’s not like that.”

“Oh, please,” Max scoffed. “I could practically see the hearts in your eyes from across the store. You’ve got it bad.”

“I said drop it,” Billy growled, but there was no real heat behind his words.

“You know, you could just ask him out,” she said. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Billy’s mind immediately supplied a dozen worst-case scenarios, each more mortifying than the last. “You don’t get it,” he sighed. “It’s complicated.”

After he’d dropped Max off at her trailer, Billy drove to his own and slumped onto his bed, the springs creaking under his weight. He ran a hand through his hair, loosening it from its bun. Max’s words echoed in his mind: What’s the worst that could happen?

He sighed, staring at the ceiling. “So many things,” he muttered to the empty room.

Rolling onto his side, Billy caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. His eyes stared back, filled with a mixture of longing and fear. How hard can it be to talk to someone you already know?

But Steve wasn’t just someone. He was the culmination of years of hidden feelings, of stolen glances in high school hallways, of dreams Billy had barely allowed himself to acknowledge.

What if the reason he hadn’t come to the Hideaway lately because he had found someon…?

Billy couldn’t finish the thought. The possibility of losing even the fantasy of a relationship with Steve was paralyzing.

+ + +

The neon Budweiser sign cast a soft red glow across Billy’s face as he hunched over the bar, nursing his fourth whiskey of the night. Familiar sounds of the Hideaway washed over him—raucous laughter from the pool tables, the clink of glasses, classic rock crackling through ancient speakers.

Billy’s gaze drifted to Eddie behind the bar, his long dark curls falling over his face as he mixed a rare cocktail.

Eddie glanced at him and gestured to Billy’s nearly empty glass. “Another?”

Billy nodded, pushing it forward. As Eddie poured, Billy leaned in closer. The whiskey had loosened something inside him, melting away his usual walls.

“Can I tell you something?” Billy’s voice came out rougher than he intended. His hands trembled slightly as he wrapped them around the fresh drink.

Eddie’s eyes met his, curiosity and concern mingling in their depths. “Of course, man. What’s on your mind?”

Billy took a deep breath, the words he’d kept locked away bubbling up inside him. His heart raced as he searched Eddie’s face, wondering if the concern on it would turn into judgment. He decided to just go for it.

“It’s Steve,” Billy began, his voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s driving me nuts.”

As the confession left his lips, Billy felt a weight lift from his chest. But another emotion quickly took its place—fear. What if Eddie thought he was pathetic? What if word got back to Steve? Billy’s thoughts raced as he awaited Eddie’s response, the din of the bar fading away until all he could hear was the pounding of his own heart.

Eddie’s eyes widened slightly, but his expression remained open and understanding. He leaned in closer, matching Billy’s hushed tone. “You’re still thinking about him, after all this time?”

Billy’s fingers tightened around his glass. “Yeah.” He paused, swallowing hard. “I thought there was something finally happening, but…I don’t know anymore. We got closer over the autumn, but now he’s become distant suddenly.”

Eddie nodded slowly, his gaze never leaving Billy’s face. “Yeah, haven’t seen him lately either. You know what happened?”

“He’s been like that since Thanksgiving.”

“Oh,” Eddie said after a while, stretching the word. Then his brows raised. “So, why don’t you go and talk with him? It seems quite obvious what’s going on,” he said softly.

“What do you think is going on?”

Eddie smiled a sad smile. “He’s jealous, man. Of you.”

“Pfft,” Billy scoffed. “As if.”

“No as-ifs,” Eddie said, rubbing his forehead with his hand, frustrated. “Jesus. You’ve pined over him for years and he’s finally warming up to you, only to go incommunicado suddenly when I turn up. Just—please. Talk to the man.”

“Just like that? Where? I can’t tell him that here! Not with dozens of people witnessing it. What if he starts shouting profanities? Calling me names?”

Eddie pondered for a moment. “Do the Byers still organize that Christmas dinner thing?”

“I guess.” Billy furrowed his brow. “You’re suggesting I should do it there?”

“Steve’s still friends with Dustin, right? I can tell Dustin to ask Steve to come. All you need to do is get yourself there somehow.”

“I could ask Max if she’s going,” Billy mused.

“Or if not,” Eddie said with a grin, “you can always just crash the party.”

+ + +

The wind whipped snow against Steve’s face as he pushed through the heavy wooden door of the Hideaway a few nights later. Warmth and the familiar scent of stale beer enveloped them, a stark contrast to the biting cold outside.

His eyes adjusted to the dim light, scanning the familiar faces until he spotted Eddie behind the bar. He made his way over, collapsing onto a worn barstool.

“Rough day?” Eddie asked, already reaching for a bottle.

Steve managed a wry smile. “You could say that. Hit me.”

As Eddie poured, Steve’s mind wandered to Billy—and Eddie. The grab of jealousy around his throat tightened. “So…how’s it going with Billy?” he asked, acting nonchalant.

“Hanging out, listening to music, shooting shit. Why?” Eddie replied, wiping a glass with a towel.

There was something in the way Eddie said the words that made Steve’s stomach churn. He emptied his glass in one swig. “Nothing I guess.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow as he kept on with wiping the glass.

Steve was sure Eddie knew what he was talking about. He tapped the counter with his fingers. “Another one.”

After Eddie had poured the amber liquid into his glass, Steve kept looking at him. “Weren’t you supposed to be headlining stadiums by now?” he asked.

“What can I say?” Eddie smirked. “The bright lights of Hawkins were just too alluring to resist.”

Steve let out a rueful laugh. “Right.”

Eddie suddenly poured himself a drink, too. “Not really supposed to do this, but hell, it’s a slow night, anyway. One doesn’t hurt.” He raised his glass. “To Hawkins?”

Steve hesitated for a moment before clinking his beer against Eddie’s shot glass. “Not that it deserves it, but hey.”

As the night wore on and the drinks flowed, Steve loosened up, but never really got to the point that he felt fully comfortable with Eddie. Between serving other clients, while Eddie had talked in abundance about his life in LA—a far cry from the superstardom everyone thought it had been—he had revealed nothing deeper from his and Billy’s relationship.

It was eating Steve alive. Which meant he maybe took a few drinks too much over the evening.

When he asked for yet another drink, Eddie placed a pint of water in front of him. “This first.”

Steve furrowed his brow as he stared at the glass. “You getting all worried about me now?” he slurred.

“Someone’s gotta look after you.”

Eddie went to serve other customers and Steve dutifully sipped the water, feeling his head clearing a bit.

Maybe Eddie wasn’t a bad guy. Maybe he was better for Billy than he would ever be. He was always whining about being stuck, while it admittedly might’ve been a bit of his own making, and now he was moping over losing a guy he never even knew that well.

When Eddie came back, he smiled at the empty water glass in front of Steve. “I can pour you one beer. But then I’ll close your tap.”

“Fair.”

Eddie poured the beer, and after placing it in front of Steve, he leaned his elbows on the counter, lowering his voice. “You okay, man? You seem…I don’t know, like something’s eating you.”

Steve’s eyes snapped back to Eddie’s face, a flicker of panic churning in his stomach. “’m fine,” he said, a little too quickly. “Just…thinking. About stuff.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Eddie prompted gently.

Steve sighed, tracing patterns in the condensation on his glass. “’s complicated. There’s someone…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “Never mind. It’s stupid.”

A smile tucked the corner of Eddie’s mouth. “Someone? You holding out on your bartender? Who’s the lucky lady?”

Steve’s cheeks flushed, and he looked away. “It’s not…I mean, there isn’t…” he stuttered, then took another long drink of his beer. He glanced towards the door, though not sure if it was to get up and run or just to make sure Billy wouldn’t walk in.

Eddie kept looking at him, not pushing him into talking.

Steve couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I think…” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “…I’m in love with Billy.”

It felt as if the words had punched the air out of the bar—though Steve wasn’t entirely sure if it was just how he felt.

“How long?” Eddie asked simply, his expression neutral.

Steve shrugged, his fingers fidgeting with the napkin on the side of his glass. “For a while. Since autumn. I guess.”

“Have you told him?” Eddie asked gently.

Steve’s head snapped up. “God, no. I can’t…He’d never…It’s Billy, for Christ’s sake,” Steve said, as if that explained everything. In his mind, it did. “He’s straight. And even if he wasn’t, why would he want me?” The doubt that had been gnawing at Steve for a long time spilled out in a rush. “I’m just…me. Pathetic loser, stuck in this dead-end town, working a job I hate. He deserves better.”

Eddie’s eyes softened with understanding. “Steve, man, you’re selling yourself short. He cares about you.”

Steve stared at Eddie for a moment, not quite believing his words. “Oh, come on, you’re shitting me.” When Eddie’s gaze remained serious, it hit Steve. “Oh shit. You’re serious?”

Eddie’s smile was sad, and Steve wasn’t entirely sure why.

“Yeah, he does.”

Steve shot up from his chair. “I gotta go tell him…”

“Whoa there, Romeo!” Eddie said as he rushed out from behind the bar and guided Steve back to lean on the bar. “I think you’ve had enough for tonight.”

Steve blinked, surprised to find the room swaying slightly. “I’m fine, I can drive,” he protested weakly, fumbling for his keys.

Eddie’s hand closed over Steve’s, prying the keys out of it gently but firmly. “Not a chance, man. Come on, I’m not working alone tonight. I’ll clock out early and take you home.”

Steve wanted to argue, but the words felt thick in his mouth. He allowed Eddie to guide him off the barstool, his legs wobbling beneath him.

Eddie steadied him, throwing Steve’s arm over his shoulder. “Let’s get you home.”

The cool night air hit Steve’s face as they stumbled out of the Hideaway. Eddie maneuvered him into the passenger seat of his beat-up truck, the metal band stickers on the dashboard blurring in Steve’s vision.

“Eddie,” Steve mumbled as they drove, streetlights flashing by. “What if…what if I mess everything up?”

Eddie’s eyes stayed on the road, but his voice was gentle. “You won’t, man. Just…talk to him when you’re sober, okay? Be honest.”

Steve’s head lolled against the window, the glass cool against his flushed skin. “Yeah…okay,” he murmured, his eyelids growing heavy.

+ + +

The morning sun stabbed through Steve’s eyelids like a thousand tiny daggers. He groaned, rolling over in his bed, the sheets tangled around his legs. His head throbbed, and his mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

“Oh, fuck,” he groaned, pulling the pillow from under his head and over his face to block the sunlight.

He stayed like that for a moment until the headache became unbearable. Pushing himself up on his elbows, he looked around the room—and realized he was in his own bed.

Good, at least he’d made it home. He had no recollection of leaving the bar, though. Had he driven home or walked? No idea.

“Christ…” he sat up slowly, wincing at the hammering in his skull. The world immediately started swaying, and he had to close his eyes.

His head was killing him. It was bad enough that he had drank this much. And that since it was a weekday—was it? Or not?—he probably had a shift in the afternoon.

“Fucking idiot,” he chided himself as he carefully got up and found the wall to support him on his slow shuffle towards the bathroom.

He splashed cold water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. It reflected his disheveled appearance, pale face with dark circles under his eyes. He turned on the shower and took off his jeans. At least he’d managed to get his shirt and shoes off when coming home. Which was probably an achievement as itself, considering.

Under the warm stream of water, he tried to remember what had happened last night. He remembered going into the bar with the intention of trying to coax information out of Eddie about his and Billy’s relationship. Great idea but incredibly bad execution—he had no recollection whatsoever about what he’d learned, or if he’d learned anything.

So, basically, he was back in square one.

He probably had no choice but to go with Robin’s plan; get the miniature model of the Camaro and give it to Billy at Christmas.

+++

Billy’s reflection stared back at him, a mix of anticipation and dread swirling in his eyes. He adjusted the collar of his red shirt for the tenth time, the curl over his right eye—again.

He hadn’t been this nervous about anything relating to things of the heart for a long time. Not since…well, when he’d asked Eddie to stay—and Eddie had chosen LA over him.

He lit a smoke. He’d tried to go without today, but this was too much. His hands needed something to do.

“So, hey, Steve,” he practiced, wincing at the awkward tremor in his voice. “No, too casual,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “Steve, I’ve been meaning to tell you…”

His heart raced as he imagined Steve’s eyes fixed on him, waiting for the words he’d held back for so long. He took a pull from his smoke, squaring his shoulders and jumping a little to loosen himself.

“You can do this,” he told his reflection, trying to channel the confidence he usually wore like armor. But as he gazed at himself, he saw past the tough exterior all the way inside to the soft center. “Don’t screw this up,” he whispered.

He looked at the small box that was waiting on the bedside table. He’d spend hours on trying to think of something Steve would’ve liked and even tried to gouge some ideas out of Max. She hadn’t really been helpful, just had kept teasing him about his crush. But at least she had promised to keep it to herself for now.

He just hoped Steve would like the gift he’d come up with. And the reason why.

With one last glance in the mirror, he grabbed the present, his new thick leather jacket and keys, heading out into the snowy night.

Max pulled the door of the truck open and hopped in. “How in the hell is it this cold in here? Even mom’s car has a heater.”

“Hey! It’s not the warmest, but gets the job done,” Billy said. “Don’t remember you complaining whenever you needed a lift to Lucas’ place,” he said with a lilt.

Max glared at him before she noticed the present in the nook between the dashboard and the windshield. She reached out to take it. “What’s this?”

Billy slapped her hand away. “You weren’t any help picking it, so you’ll learn when everyone else does.” He paused. “Unless Steve thinks it sucks,” he added quietly.

Max glanced at him. “Hey, I’m sure Steve likes it, whatever it is.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah. He’s great. Like, seriously great.”

“Yeah, he is.”

Warm light glowed from every single window of the Byers-Hopper’s house. Christmas music drifted through the door as they approached, snow crunching underneath their boots.

Max rang the doorbell and glanced at Billy. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it. “Just be yourself.”

Joyce opened the door. “Hi Max! And Billy! My goodness, I haven’t seen you in ages. Come on in!”

The party was in full swing, the living room packed with familiar faces. Garlands and twinkling lights adorned every surface, casting a festive glow over the gathering.

Max vanished somewhere in the house with El, and Billy was left alone in the doorway to the living room. He scanned the room, searching for a sign of Steve. His heart sank as he realized he wasn’t there.

Would he turn up? Steve was friends with the curly haired nerd who was also Lucas’ friend. It would make sense that he’d be invited as well. Maybe he just hadn’t yet arrived.

His thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice calling out to him. “Hey, tough guy!”

Eddie appeared through the crowd, his trademark grin in place as he pushed a red plastic cup into Billy’s hand.

“Thanks,” Billy said, lifting the cup to his nose and sniffing cautiously. “What’s in this?”

Eddie’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Just a little Christmas magic. Trust me, you look like you could use it.”

Billy took a sip, the warmth of whiskey spreading through his chest. He eyed Eddie suspiciously. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Eddie leaned in, his voice dropping conspiratorially. “You’re here for a reason and it ain’t the eggnog.”

Billy’s brow furrowed as he processed Eddie’s words, knowing well this was all Eddie’s idea. “I…I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he mumbled, his carefully constructed confidence crumbling.

Eddie just shook his head, his smile softening. “Sure you don’t.”

+ + +

Steve’s fingers tightened around the gift-wrapped box as he stood on the Byers-Hopper’s snow-dusted front door with Robin, their breaths forming small clouds in the frigid air. The muffled sounds of laughter and music drifted through the closed door, each note amplifying the nervous energy coursing through his body.

“You know, if you squeeze that present any harder, you might just turn it into a diamond,” Robin quipped, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

Steve let out a shaky laugh. “I’m that obvious, huh?”

“Only to someone who knows you,” Robin replied, nudging him with her elbow. “Relax. It’s just Billy.”

Just Billy.

He took a deep breath, steeling himself. “Right. Just Billy. The guy I’m about to confess my feelings to. No big deal,” he muttered, his attempt at sarcasm falling flat.

Robin’s expression softened. “Hey, you’ve got this. And if it all goes south, I’ve got a pint of Rocky Road with your name on it back home.”

Steve managed a weak smile. “Thanks.”

With one last encouraging nod from Robin, Steve reached out and rang the doorbell. The chimes barely faded before the door swung open, bathing them in warm light and the scent of cinnamon and pine.

After leaving their coats in the hall, they stepped into the living room—and Steve’s senses were immediately overwhelmed.

The room had been transformed into a winter wonderland; twinkling lights cast a soft glow over the sea of familiar faces, and in the corner stood a towering Christmas tree, its ornaments glinting like stars.

Steve’s eyes, however, were drawn to a single point across the room. There, leaning against the far wall with a drink in hand, stood Billy. His hair was open, cascading over his shoulders as a wavy waterfall, the trademark curl hanging over his eye.

And then there was…Eddie.

Billy was laughing at something he had said, his eyes crinkling at the corners in a way that made Steve’s heart skip a beat.

The two of them looked so at ease, so comfortable in each other’s presence.

Steve hesitated, then turned away and sauntered towards the kitchen, stopping to lean to the railing of the second floor staircase.

Max’s voice carried over from upstairs. “…Billy’s been talking about him non-stop. I really hope they hit it off so that I wouldn’t have to listen to it anymore.”

A giggle of two girls followed.

Steve froze. His heart, which had been racing with anticipation, now felt like it was plummeting into his stomach.

“They really deserve to be happy,” another girl’s voice—it was probably El—chimed in.

Steve glanced back at Billy, who was laughing at something Eddie had said, his eyes bright and carefree.

I’m such an idiot, Steve thought, his chest constricting. The room suddenly felt too small, too crowded. He needed air.

“I’ll be right back,” he said as he pushed past Robin and towards the backdoor and the backyard.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Robin asked.

“I need air,” he said as he pushed the door open.

The cold night air hit him like a slap to the face as he walked into the backyard. Steve gripped the railing, his breath coming out in visible puffs. The wrapped gift in his hand felt like a lead weight, a reminder of his misplaced hopes.

What was I even thinking, he thought, staring out into the darkness.

His fingers traced the edges of the gift, remembering the care he’d taken in assembling it. Now, it seemed like a foolish gesture. He leaned heavily against the railing, the cold seeping into his bones, matching the chill that had settled in his heart.

+ + +

Billy’s eyes widened when he noticed the odd girl whom with Steve always hanged out with—Robin, if he remembered right—walking towards him with a determined expression and pointing at him with his finger. Without batting an eye, she invaded his space and pushed the finger on his chest, making him lean into the wall.

“You. Have made. My life. A misery.”

His brows furrowed, annoyance flaring inside him. “Excuse me?” He was sure his tone should’ve made her back up, but it didn’t seem to have any effect on her.

If any, it made her feistier.

She grabbed his arm and pushed him in front of her into the kitchen that was empty at the moment. “I have been listening to him talk about you over and over again for the last few months. I don’t know what happened then, but something changed.” She pointed towards the back door. “Finish it. Today.”

Billy’s jaw clenched, his tough facade cracking slightly. “I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Cut the crap,” Robin hissed, her eyes flashing. “He told me about your gal. Takes a beard to know one.”

Billy’s eyes widened. “I still don’t…”

“I know Heather.” The determination on her face faltered. “We were best friends.”

Billy’s mouth hung open. Heather had told him about her first love. Who had been her best friend.

He was utterly lost for words at the revelation, and Robin must’ve realized it since her face softened. “Don’t walk away because you’re scared,” she whispered.

Billy’s shoulders slumped. “What if…”

Robin smiled. “There’s no what-ifs, trust me.” She nodded towards the backdoor. “He’s in there.”

Billy hesitated, his eyes darting towards the door.

Robin gave him a push. “Go.”

+ + +

Billy stepped out into the frigid night, the sudden chill biting through his thin shirt. His breath clouded in front of him as he scanned the backyard, fairy lights twinkling softly against the darkness. Then he saw him—Steve, leaning against the terrace railing, his shoulders hunched against the cold.

Billy’s heart clenched at the sight of Steve’s dejected posture. He approached cautiously. “Hey,” he called softly, his voice barely audible above the muffled sounds of the party inside.

Steve turned at the sound, his eyes widening in surprise. For a moment, hope flickered across his face before being quickly masked by caution. “Hey, Hargrove,” he said, his voice catching slightly. “What are you doing out here?”

Billy stopped a few feet away, suddenly unsure. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I, uh…I noticed you were missing from the party.”

Steve’s laugh was hollow. “Yeah, well…needed some air, I guess.”

They stood facing each other, the tension between them almost tangible. Billy’s mind raced, searching for the right words. He’d imagined this moment countless times, but now that it was here, he felt paralyzed.

“Listen, Steve,” he began, his voice rough with emotion. “I—”

“It’s fine,” Steve interrupted, his expression guarded. “You don’t have to explain. I get it.”

Billy frowned, confusion replacing his nervousness. “Get what?”

Steve looked away, his grip tightening on the porch railing. “You and…I overheard Max talking with someone earlier. About…about someone you’re interested in. Eddie. It’s no biggie. Your secret is safe with me.”

Billy’s heart skipped a beat. At the same time, he made a note of having a talk with Max later. “Uh…” he said softly, taking a step closer. “I think you’ve…misunderstood.”

Steve’s eyes snapped back to Billy. “What do you mean?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Billy took a deep breath, steeling himself. The cold air nipped at his exposed chest, but he barely noticed. All he could focus on was Steve, standing there, looking both vulnerable and guarded.

“We’re just friends with Eddie.” He looked down at his feet. “Ever since he chose stardom and fame. If you get my drift.”

Steve’s eyes widened, his lips parting in surprise. “Oh.” he breathed, disbelief clear in his voice.

Billy nodded, feeling the bittersweet pang of the past. “Yeah, oh.”

“So, uh,” Steve began, clearing his throat. “This guy she was talking about…”

A small smile tucked the corner of Billy’s mouth. “Not Eddie.”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Right.”

Their eyes met, and the world seemed to narrow to just the two of them. The tension between them was palpable, crackling like electricity in the air.

Steve’s words cut through it. “I actually have something for you.”

Billy’s heart skipped a beat. “You do?”

Steve nodded, hesitating for a moment before taking the small present that was sitting on the railing next to him and holding it out to Billy.

Billy took it and turned it around. “What is it?”

“Open it and you’ll see.”

Billy unwrapped the box and opened the lid to see a miniature model of a Camaro, an exact replica of his prized possession. The details were perfect, right down to the blue color.

“You seem to be inseparable from that car, so I thought…” Steve said, his voice soft and slightly uncertain. “It’s a stupid toy, I know, but…”

Billy stared at the car, a lump forming in his throat. His eyes widened as he studied it, drinking in every intricate detail of the model. The familiar curves of the body, the tiny white text in the wheels, even the tiny license plate—it was all there.

“Steve, this is…” Billy’s voice trailed off, thick with emotion. He swallowed hard, his eyes meeting Steve’s gaze. “It’s incredible. Thank you.”

A warmth bloomed in Billy’s chest, spreading through him like wildfire. Could this mean what he thought it meant? The care and attention Steve had put into this gift—it had to be more than just friendship, right? A glimmer of hope sparked within him, making his heart race.

“I’m glad you like it,” Steve said softly, a shy smile playing at his lips.

Billy cleared his throat, suddenly remembering his own gift. “I, uh…I have something for you too.” He reached into his pocket, fumbling slightly as he pulled out a small object wrapped in tissue paper. He held it out to Steve. “Merry Christmas.”

Steve took the gift and unwrapped it to reveal an intricately carved Zippo lighter. For a moment, he looked confused.

Billy saw the surprised look on Steve’s face. “I know you don’t smoke. It’s, uh…I was thinking that, uh,…if you had a lighter, then…then you could always give me light when I needed it.”

Steve looked up, his dark eyes questioning. Billy felt his resolve wavering under that intense gaze, and he looked down at his feet.

“I’ve been holding onto this for a long time,” Billy said, his words coming out in a rush. “Since high school, actually. I…I’ve, uh, had a crush on you.” His hands were shaking now, and he held the box of the miniature model with his both hands to hide it. “I never thought I had a chance, but after the my gal thing…I don’t know. Something changed.”

He finally dared to look at Steve’s face, bracing himself for rejection. Instead, he saw a mix of emotions flashing across Steve’s features—surprise, confusion, and something else Billy couldn’t quite identify.

+++

Steve was silent for a long moment, processing Billy’s words. His heart was racing, a whirlwind of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He’d never imagined Billy harboring these feelings for him, especially not this long. The revelation sent a jolt through him.

“I…” he started, his voice thick with emotion. “Since Eddie came back, I thought you two were…” His eyes met Billy’s, filled with a newfound intensity. “You’re right. Something changed back then. But I was scared, you know? Scared of ruining…whatever we had, scared of what you’d say.” He took a step closer, his voice dropping to a near-whisper. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

Billy’s blue gaze met Steve’s dark eyes, and in that moment, the tension that had simmered beneath the surface suddenly crystallized into something tangible, something undeniable.

+++

Billy’s heart thundered in his chest, his tough exterior crumbling in the face of this newfound vulnerability. He saw his own longing reflected in Steve’s eyes, and it took his breath away. “Steve,” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion. “I never thought…I mean, I hoped, but…”

Steve nodded, understanding flooding his features. “I know,” he murmured, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “Me too.”

The world around them seemed to fade away, the falling snow and the chill in the air forgotten. Billy found himself drawn forward, as if pulled by an invisible thread. He moved slowly, giving Steve every opportunity to back away, but he stood his ground, gaze never wavering.

Billy’s hand trembled slightly as he reached up to cup Steve’s cheek. The warmth of his skin against Billy’s palm sent a shiver down his spine. He leaned in, pausing just a breath away from Steve’s lips. “Is this okay?” he asked softly, his heart in his throat.

Steve’s response was to close the distance between them, pressing his lips gently against Billy’s. The kiss was tender, almost hesitant at first, but quickly deepened as the pent-up emotion poured out. Billy’s fingers tangled in Steve’s dark hair, pulling him closer, while Steve’s arms wrapped around Billy’s waist, anchoring them together.

As they kissed, Billy’s mind raced. How many nights had he lain awake, alone in his trailer, imagining this very moment? How many times had he watched Steve from afar, certain that his feelings would never be returned?

Now, with Steve’s body pressed against his own, those doubts seemed ridiculous.

When they finally broke apart, both were panting. Billy rested his forehead against Steve’s, unwilling to let go. The cold winter air swirled around them, highlighting the heat building between their bodies.

Steve’s fingers brushed Billy’s back gently. “What do we do now?” he asked, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

The distant sound of laughter from inside the house filtered into the backyard, reminding them of the world beyond this moment.

Billy took a deep breath, reality slowly seeping back in. “I guess…we should go back,” he said reluctantly. He didn’t want to go back. He wanted to go somewhere with Steve. Alone with Steve.

“I don’t want to waste any more time,” Steve said with a soft smile. “Let’s get our coats and go somewhere, just the two of us. We have so much catching up to do. Right?”

A wide smile spread across Billy’s face. “You read my mind.” He marveled at the way Steve blushed at his words. “You know,” he said, his voice low, “I always thought I’d leave this place first chance I got.”

Steve nodded, his fingers still drawing circles on Billy’s back. “And now?”

“I’m starting to think that it was the right choice to stay this long.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, his voice barely audible, “me too.”

[pascaloverx]

Sweet Love

Summary: You're an up-and-coming writer, congratulations. To protect your beloved job, you're willing to do anything. Even strike a deal with the devil, better known as your sister's neighbor. You and Dean Winchester don't really see eye to eye, but in a moment of desperation, you agree to collaborate with him for a greater good.

Author's Notes: Many characters do not belong to me but to the Supernatural Universe (2005-2020). I hope you enjoy the fanfic's story. The fanfic will contain strong language and future adult content.

chapter one chapter three

CHAPTER TWO

It's been two days since you made your agreement with Dean, and there's no sign of him. You even thought about going to him, but he always seems to be busy screwing someone. Literally. Yesterday, a beautiful man left his apartment, and you gave up on going to Dean's place because you swore it was Castiel. Well, to put it briefly, Castiel is Dean's great love story. At least, that's what you think. When you moved into your sister's apartment, Castiel lived with Dean. They seemed like quite the couple, even though officially they said they were having a "casual thing." But about a year ago, Castiel broke up with Dean. Rumors say Castiel wanted emotional commitment, and that's Dean's biggest nightmare. So when you saw a handsome man very similar to Castiel and wearing a trench coat like Castiel used to wear, you thought they had made amends. But in the end, it wasn't Castiel. This makes you sure that Dean is avoiding helping you. It could be because he's quite stupid when he wants to be, or because he didn't see any benefit in helping you.

You then decide to try writing the long-awaited smut, describing how the male protagonist's skin smells like men's deodorant and cheap moisturizer, and how the female protagonist is intrigued by the male protagonist's eyes. You try and try, but your protagonists don't seem to want a physical connection. If only your publisher would accept this. But you're just a few steps away from becoming permanently unemployed. So, wearing a somewhat revealing nightgown and your Stitch slippers, you practically run to Dean's apartment door. But you can't bring yourself to knock on his door; courage is lacking. Or perhaps you feel humiliated.  You turn around, thinking about what you'll have to do to apply for any other job. Or how it will be to move back in with your mother when you're already too old for it to seem like a viable option.

"Do you make a habit of standing in front of other people's apartments?" Dean Winchester asks, opening the door to his apartment. You turn around delicately as if caught off guard. The feeling of embarrassment washes over you.

"No, actually, it's something I exclusively do with you, sweetheart. Can you explain why you gave up on helping me?" You speak, feigning confidence. Dean looks you up and down.

"You're going to regret this, you know?" Dean says boastfully as I walk further and further out of his apartment, you noticing that he's in a bathrobe and him apparently noticing that you're in a nightgown.

"Dean, I'm not a little girl. You don't need to protect me. I just want you to help me. Do you understand this?" You get closer to him. Your face getting closer to his. You feel the strange need to kiss him.

"Sam thinks our partnership is a bad idea. According to him, I'm taking advantage of the fact that your sister is away to try to lead you down the wrong path." Dean tries to explain the reason why he hasn't helped you yet.

"Is he right?" You ask, smiling mischievously as you keep your eyes locked on Dean's. He looks at you, as if calculating what answer to give you. You presume he's undecided between lying or not. In reality, it means he wants to take advantage of you.

"Probably is. The problem is, everyone knows you and me, it's not gonna work out. Either you'll give up on me, or I'll mess everything up." He says, looking intensely at you, as you hold onto the edge of the robe he's wearing and bring your faces closer together.

"I didn't come here to play cat and mouse with you, Winchester. Now, tell me how to start a romantic story with a bit of sexual tension and forget your worries." You say, cutting straight to the point.

"What are we doing now. Analyzing each other halfway between our apartments. Casually wondering if it wouldn't be interesting to take off the few pieces of clothing we're wearing?" Dean's suggestion sounds good, but in your head it sounds like a warning. What you and he are doing is building sexual tension. Analyzing each other's bodies, observing details such as what they are wearing and moving closer and closer.

"Are you saying this is the method you're going to use to help me? Try to fuck me?" You say, moving away from him a little and coughing falsely. That was letting you embarrassed, in a good way.

"What better way than to practice with you? Write about what you're experiencing right now, about your filthiest thoughts about me, you, and the floor of my house. Maybe the shower, or the mattress?" Dean says, approaching you step by step, making you lose your breath. Your head lightly knocks on your door. Or rather at the door of your sister's apartment.

"What's the next step in your help?" You speak almost in a whisper next to Dean who is face to face with you. His fingers then lightly travel around your waist, holding you steady. He wants to tease you. 

"Imagine that your character is going to do exactly what I'm doing, seduction works like that. But something good about seduction is knowing when to do things. Now it would be easy to win you over but leaving you eager for more, it's much better. " Dean says, letting go of your waist and composing himself.

"You're more useful than you seem. I hope you know you're going to need more than that if you want to help me with this book." You say trying not to seem affected by him.

"Get ready, kitten. I know very well how to help you. Just try to take it to the professional. I don't know how to deal with people who are in love with me." Dean says smiling and you roll your eyes. How arrogant he is. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, idiot." You say, opening the door to your sister's apartment and closing it in Dean's face. You then run to get your computer and write down everything about what just happened.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Merry Christmas! And a lil update from Kiko

Hi. I just needed to get some things out and I’m honestly not sure if I’ll even post this after I finish typing it.

I hope everyone is doing well and having a restful holiday with their families. I’m grateful for everyone here in our lil corner, and wish you all a very Merry Christmas and am looking forward to what 2025(that’s insane to type) brings all of us! (Especially more Goinko 👀)

My update below the cut.

I finished moving today. Finished moving out of a house that, when I moved into it, I thought it would help improve my marriage that was already failing. I thought the things that were happening around us in our old apartment were the catalyst for our arguments and constant fighting, for his refusal to try marriage counseling. I thought that our apartment flooding and the black mold growing in the corners were what caused so much discontent and anger. I thought my boss constantly yelling at me was the reason I was exhausted and unable to handle my husband’s constant criticism and arguing when I got home. But those were only small factors that piled on top of larger issues that lay beneath two incompatible people, one of which was reaching her absolute limit with existing because she was constantly told that any version of who she really was was hard to love and impossible to like.

When we moved into that house, we were so excited. I was so excited for the new possibilities. Then we adopted Atlas and I really thought things could only go up. I was wrong.

I’ve been working on getting things moved over the past month, emptying out the three bedroom house and moving into a one bedroom apartment. I had to figure out how to try to pay rent on unemployment that was only a fraction of what the expenses were, and ended up having to deal with my ex-husband’s condescending accusations that my lack of savings and inability to pay the rent was due to my own shortcomings and not the lack of a job, or the fact that my entire life’s savings disappeared and never returned not long after we got married. I had to deal with him treating me like a stupid teenager who got in over their head when I didn’t get to up and leave all of my rental problems behind for him to fix. I had to fix the broken light switches and stained walls and carpets from his tantrums when he would throw and kick things in my direction but never directly at me so that he could still brag that he’d never hit me. He left within six days of me finally admitting I wanted a divorce, after he forced it out of me by threatening with it like he always did. He up and left, took Atlas without letting me say goodbye, and left everything he didn’t want for me to deal with and try to figure out how to get rid of or sell. Half-finished DIY projects and an electric lawn mower with no battery because he took that to be spiteful.

The past month has been a constant go-go-go while I worked part time, applied for jobs, and cleaned out the house as best I could while living with the constant dread of what I’m going to do once unemployment runs out. It may seem like nothing to some, but I’ve been at my limit all year and I’ve been running on empty for at least the past two years.

I felt a whirlwind of emotions today as I stood in the doorway and stared at the empty house, wiped clean of the evidence that I ever lived there. That the space once held all my hope that if I could just do better, my marriage would be fine, now empty and perfectly spotless thanks to the cleaners who did an incredible job. With the scent of cleaning products and carpet shampoo in the air, it all hit me at once that even though I’ve spent the past month cursing everything to do with that house and saying I wanted nothing more than to be done, I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to leave it behind because it was the last connection I had to the illusion of happiness I’d clung to for so long. A happiness that never truly existed in the first place. Instead of spending Christmas Eve with family, I was finishing up leaving behind a place I’d called home and genuinely loved so much when I moved in. I spent Christmas Eve alone, sobbing as I tried to come to terms with the fact that I felt so unbelievably sad for reasons I couldn’t begin to understand or explain. I don’t miss him. I don’t miss how he treated me or looked at me or spoke to me. I don’t want him back in my life in any way, so why did I feel so damn sad and reluctant to close that front door a final time?

There’s also the anger and bitterness that’s really begun to creep up lately. The rage that burns my chest at the fact that he gets to pretend he did nothing wrong and still treat me like it was all my fault. When he claims he couldn’t pay rent for a place he signed a contract for while he still has a full time job and a $6,000+ bonus coming in a week, while I scrape by on unemployment and still manage to make ends meet after being left with thousands in debt and no savings from the divorce.

Today was me closing out a chapter of my life that there was a time I never thought would come to an end. Officially leaving behind the last thing that truly tied me to my ex husband in any way. I won’t get my full deposit back because there was too much for me to do alone, and I didn’t have any type of energy left to keep working on it. But it’s done. I’ll have more time now to focus on something other than moving, which means I’ll be working and applying for jobs, but also trying to get back into writing more regularly again.

I’ll be around a bit for the holidays because I have a few days off. But like I said before, I hope everyone is resting and having a wonderful time with their families or whatever they’re spending their time doing!

This lil corner has been one of the few positive things in my life, something I never thought would come of my random Gojo brain worm almost two years ago. Thank you all again for the support and love you’ve given this year. I’m really excited for what next year will bring. (Like maybe a short tattoo au one shot)

- Kiko 💕

[harlequinoccult]

thank you for explaining the caustic personality!! honestly Vulpine might as well have caustic as his main w apathetic tendencies instead, ig ill find out when the demo is updated XD both personality types fit him too well. honestly he's not that aggressive as a person, he's actually mostly quite polite, but he does have a tendency to stare. the ones who really get to see his aggressive side are the people he dislikes (Host better fucking prepare himself-)

well i figured i'd just finish what i started, and continue on my never-ending ramble. usually i like making Ariel an orphan, it's a bit of a callback to his roots and it fits him, but this time i think the second option i usually go for him fits best: single child of a single mother. she's the only family he has that he knows of, a very loving, religious and hard working lady who was shunned from the community for getting pregnant out of wedlock. the very first fights Ari would get into in his childhood were against kids who would say some unsavory shit abt his mom. having a mother who was blindly dedicated to the same church that constantly made her suffer for the mistake of having a kid without a husband also played a very big part into Ariel becoming an atheist and rebelling against the church in his teen years.

she was p absent as a parent, having to work p much the whole day to be able to support them both, but she tried her best the moments when she was present, and Ari recognizes that and loves her dearly. he started stealing things and got his first job quite young to try to help her pay the bills.

he got arrested when he was around 18 yo, probably getting caught on one of his "heists", trying to steal from the richer houses around, and he hasn't seen her since then. his time in prison was... bad. really fucking bad. the worst, lowest point of his life, in fact.

i have no idea how the legal system works in england and i have no desire to learn, but for what's worth he is caught trying to escape at least once, and spends 2 miserable years in there until he finally manages to leave.

did he actually complete his sentence? lol. lmao.

no. no he didn't. be it by a month, a year, a day, the important thing is he didn't.

is Ariel Fox even his real name? i doubt it. that would be stupid wouldn't it, illegally immigrating to a different country after escaping from prison and using your real ass name to do it, he's smarter than that.

fun fact abt Ari: he does not want to go back to prison. he'll kill himself before they have the chance to catch him.

on a... "unrelated" note, the reason why Carter managed to wrap such a tight leash on Ariel is bc he learned smth he shouldn't have and he's holding that little secret right over his head. im sure you can't possibly guess what he found out that would make Ariel put up w his shit the way he did-

so the fact that Ari ends up in this city (i forgor the name and i can't leave the askbox to check or ill lose everything i typed 😭) is honestly not rlly much of a surprise, nor is the fact that he's p much alone despite living there for years. he's always been a bit of an outcast, a loner, someone who avoids people on purpose. he hasn't seen his mom since he left england, but he looks her up every once in a while. debates whether he should call her. decides it's for the best that he doesn't.

he starts over. new life, new me, or whatever the hell people say. starts off already with shifty connections, he needs a fake identity and a fake birth certificate and a fake everything if he has any hope of passing by unscathed, after all. needs to lay low. not call too much attention. be a nobody. wait until things calm down a bit.

he stays at least a year living like that, settling in, subduing his accent until he can pass it off as having learned it from a family member or some other bullshit. applies for university. becomes just another american college student.

meets someone.

falls in love.

has them taken from him. has his entire life destroyed. again. needs to try to pick himself up. again. is struck with such crippling grief unlike anything he has ever felt before. it's almost as bad as the two worst years of his life.

almost.

he's never letting anything like that happen to him ever again.

anyway! as mentioned before, he was working on getting a doctorate when Carter came along, and he sort of had to drop out after that, to the dismay of his teachers. what was he getting a doctorate on? honestly p much anything would be in-character for Ariel, he's an everything nerd, from language to history to engineering to biology that man wants to know quite literally everything the world has to offer him. his infodumps are the most complete and varied possible, he's a walking talking encyclopedia.

he's an extremely paranoid person who overthinks everything including his own overthinking and really, if nothing else here's to hoping that OD can at least teach him to loosen up a bit-

he never enjoyed doing drugs very much, despite partaking in them quite often in his youth. he's way more likely to experience a bad trip than a good one, so he learned to stay away from them as much as possible, but alcohol and nicotine were a completely different story. he's still addicted to nicotine to this day, the one drug he allows himself to never let go. he was an alcoholic through a big chunk of his life, until someone did Very Bad Things to him when he was too drunk to be able to fight back. that experience just flipped a switch inside of him, it broke him badly enough to make him promise himself to never touch another drop of alcohol in his life, a promise he did very well by until Carter killed his beloved and he had the worst relapse of his life. he's back to being a straight edge now tho, its fine! its not fine

he has immense distaste for the cops of the city, but part of him is kinda grateful that they're so bad at their job or else he would be Fucked. he absolutely despised doing work for Carter, even after he became so numb to it all it made him want to tear his own heart out just to make sure it was still beating. i cannot stress enough how much he suffered inside at the start, part of the reason he started drinking again was to try to ignore how much all of it hurt. at least he could try to make sure Carter didn’t kill innocents. he couldn't really be sure every time, but he tried. he really did.

he probably tried killing Carter at least once. or thought abt it, at the very least. made plans. had it all figured out in his head, down to the last detail, how he would do it and get away with it. ngl, he was probably on the verge of putting it into action when Host sent him that email and just gave him the perfect chance to do it just like that-

as a killer, Vulpine is very much the stealthy type, hiding in the shadows, walking withouth making a sound. if its a group, he'll pick them off one by one, until someone notices and all hell breaks loose or until all of them are dead. if he's forced to kill someone he doesn't think deserves it, he's merciful. very quick, clean deaths, going straight for the vitals, almost painless. if it's someone he thinks deserves to suffer, however... well, he's always been curious to know what a human vivisection would look like.

truth is, he's a sadist. well, a sadomasochist really, but he gets off on making people suffer, and he hates it. he especially hates the fact that hurting the person he loves is such a tantalizing thought. marking them blue and black, covering them in red, it's not really his fault blood is such a beautiful thing, is it? and if his lover wants to do the same to him, well, he's more than happy to oblige. anything for his love. except bondage. getting tied up/held down is actually a pretty bad trigger for him, he hates it, no matter the context

ok well i think that's everything! thanks for indulging me!!

-🦊

The ask is somewhere around here, i know it, but with caustic mcs, Carter assumed they were all bark and no bite. Fitting, i think.

And, given everything, OD is a fitting match, they like learning and they are smart -in their own way- the drugs and partying is for themselves, they aren't the type to pressure people into drugs, in fact, they can and will tell you about the various side effects of any given drug because they think its legitimately interesting.

[skaruresonic]

... I never realized before how similar in headbashing stupidity "an immunitary disease is kept in remission by low gravity" and "Super Silver can rip away a virus that mutated people on a cellular level" are as cures for illnesses.

At least I know that the Metal Virus crap was because Flynn made it too OP and so he had to find a solution to the problem he created no matter what. Again, I reiterate that we did not need to know the nitty gritty of Maria's illness beyond "she was terminally ill and that's why Gerald was desperate to find a cure". It's not about "muh super saiyan hedgehog franchise", it's that a much more elegant solution 1) exists, and 2) did not need to be told (and 3) it directly goes against what shown in the games)

I'm still not convinced the low gravity thing wasn't all Flynn's doing, because

A.) Maekawa seemed to not be privy to it; he simply said if ST changed the original vision, that's their prerogative. A statement which doesn't really prove anything on its own. If he knew anything, he would have provided a less nonchalant answer,

and B.) it's the exact brand of nitpicky inanity Flynn employed in the comic. Characters spent aaaaaages agonizing over why they couldn't solve the metal virus through the usual channels, only for "tear the virus off like it's a second skin because the plot demands it" to be the solution.

Like, Eggman spent paragraphs explaining how the virus changes you at the cellular level. So what, pray tell, did Silver exactly do?

It's an asspull. Something that sounds good on the surface for all of two seconds before you apply a modicum of thought to it. And then you get told to shut up because you're thinking too hard.

Nah, man. I shouldn't have to do the writer's job because he's not thinking hard enough.

---

Again, I reiterate that we did not need to know the nitty gritty of Maria's illness beyond "she was terminally ill and that's why Gerald was desperate to find a cure". It's not about "muh super saiyan hedgehog franchise", it's that a much more elegant solution 1) exists, and 2) did not need to be told (and 3) it directly goes against what shown in the games)

"It doesn't have to be realistic, relax" is a weird hill to die on when SA2 is one of the few games that are grounded in reality, inasmuch a Sonic game can be grounded in reality. I could see that argument for, like, Mania, but SA2? Especially given the fact that Maria's illness is the reason Gerald created life, with all the existential implications attached? You're gonna treat it as the same tier as "What do rings do?"

I know I always harp on the "weapons of mass destruction" thing, but it can't be understated just how weirdly topical such a thing is for a game released in June 2001. You can apply this to other elements as well, such as the commercial bent and the focus on government conspiracies. It all converges to create an unreplicable atmosphere that is uniquely early aughts.

Y2K was a weird time for everyone; the world feared the end at the stroke of midnight on January 1st, and didn't quite understand how technology would play a part in shaping the future. In fact, Maekawa managed to convince ST to set their next adventure in space in order to celebrate the new millennium. SA2 is a time capsule of those cultural hopes and anxieties.

You cannot ignore that part when analyzing the game. You cannot ignore how art reflects reality in this case. Tails saying he caught the news of Sonic's arrest on "satellite TV" would be the modern equivalent of saying he caught it while watching YouTube. The words "weapon of mass destruction" leaving Shadow's mouth would be like if Infinite mentioned drone strikes in Forces.

Although subsequent games do allude to real-life every now and again, like ShTH and its one-off mentions of Japan and France - they're just that, tidbits. None are as deeply contemporaneous to their time as SA2. None have it as baked into their grain in the same manner as SA2.

...To say nothing of the usual "just because the games take place in a setting with supersonic hedgehogs doesn't render them unworthy of critical examination." Should go without saying.

also what the fuck, people are calling it "space AIDS." maybe choose a bigger fish to fry

[vintage-bentley]

The spoilers anon - it's exactly the starmaker Crowley / unnoticed nobody Aziraphale I wanted to talk about. To be fair, I've also only read spoilers by other people, so if that turns out to be wrong, I'll be the most overjoyed. This decision to include pre-fall Crowley was so stupid! How could Neilman look at his book, which is at it's core about two *equal* *nobodies*, and fuck it up so badly!!! Crowley isn't an important arch/angel, he's just some guy! So is Aziraphale! They are two cogs of the machine who were brave enough to rebel! That's the whole point!!!

Not to mention the slew of overpowered-Crowley-who-intimidates-Aziraphale-and-who-everyone-bows-down-to fanfics this is going to inspire 😒

I’m actually really really excited to see the pre-fall era. It’s a big part of any heaven/hell related story, and I’m excited to see a fleshed out backstory for the husbands.

However.

It would’ve been really easy to ham up the idea that Heaven works like any other job, and have Crowley be similar to a construction worker. As you said, just a cog in the machine. The universe is so huge and there’s so many stars and nebulas and whatnot, it makes sense that the angels working on them would just be like worker bees, probably overseen by higher angels (especially given the quote was “I HELPED build that one”). I was hoping that would be the case for Crowley, and that Aziraphale would have something similar, probably a job working on Eden. I love the idea of pre-fall Crowley being associated with above and pre-fall Aziraphale being associated with below, then they swap the associations because of Crowley falling.

This isn’t a relationship that should have a power imbalance, even if it’s not present any more. They’re supposed to be two sides of one coin, complete nobodies who got lucky enough to be sent up to Earth, and who ended up siding with Earth over their respective “sides”. I was hoping this concept would apply to their pre-fall backstory, as well. I don’t think Crowley’s going to canonically be an Archangel at least, but it does sound like he’s at least one rank higher than Aziraphale. I’m not a fan.

I also am hesitant to like the idea of them meeting before Eden. The wall scene was such a perfect meet-cute scenario, and I love the idea of Crowley meeting Aziraphale for the first time and falling in love with him damn near immediately. As well as the idea that when Aziraphale was so eager to go on about Eden at the airbase, it was because that’s the story of how he met Crowley his husband.

I don’t like the idea of a fork being thrown in that. The story was good how it was. My best-case scenario was a pre-fall scene where they walk by each other but don’t notice each other…there’s something poetic about it with the audience knowing these two passer-by’s are one day going to be the centre of each other’s lives. I think scenarios where they knew each other in Heaven should be left to fan fiction.

However…now that you bring up that certain genre of GO fanfic, I’m starting to wonder if, because this information is very much he-said-she-said, this is just fan interpretation. Like hypothetically let’s say fans saw episode 3 of season 1 early, and came back telling everyone they saw woman Crowley. We’d freak out, but then go watch it and see a very much male Crowley who just has long hair. So it’s possible that, just like it would be in that scenario, this is just fans seeing what they want to see, and believing it.

However I did hear something about Crowley requesting assistance from a lesser angel and that being Aziraphale. I’m taking it with a grain of salt, though.

[a-s-levynn]

15, 30, and 44 for the nosy anon questions! Hope you're having a good day ❤

🫶🏻 Thank you for indulging me to spend time on the train! It got long because 30 kinda turned into oversharey bitching at the end but i had to get it out while i was at it, sorry 😅

Under the cut: fav movie, what i hate about school/work and a random fact about anything.

15: Favorite movie

This is a two answer question depending on how we measure favourite. Do we see the emotional impact or which movie i've seen the most?

If the first, it's definitely Naked (1993, by Mike Leigh). I've only seen it 3 times but boy did it unlock something. I'm not sure what exactly but it had an effect. It's not an easy watchfor sure, but it definitely worth a shot if you are not the 'i only watch light-hearted comedies' type.

On the other hand the movie i've seen the most is either Drive or Blade Runner. Probably Blade Runner wins the numbers but not by much. I love cyberpunk as a genre and after my favourite novel this is what i love about the genre at the core.

30: What I hate the most about work/school

Now i have a bit of a perspective on both, let's talk both.

Mind you this is my perspective on the country i grew up and live, this is not a general opinion.

What i hated about school the most was the fact that we learned a lot of unnecessary things. We accumulate such a large amount of lexical/encyclopedical knowledge that offers next to nothing in a practical sense. And that is by how we measure knowledge. So in an academic sense i'm considered dumb because i can't pull out 50 historical dates out of my arse. Which i can found in any chronological works or somesuch. It's equivalent to saying a fish is stupid 'cause it cannot climb a tree like a cat. I always despised the fact that we never really learned anything with practical application. Like how to prepare an envelope for postage? How to read a proper map? How to fill out a check for bills. Fuckin' how the rules of the road works. And then uni is a whole another beast on it's own because there are no real seminars anymore and it is basically a self-teaching club in most cases.

With work, i find it inherently stupid that the younger you are the less off days you have. You hear from everywhere that 'go travel when you are still young' like no shit, i'd love to but i have 23 off days per year and 19 of them is fixed so that leaves me with 4 fucking days to use at my leasure. Otherwise i can on unpaid vacations but then i have no money and i'll get fired because i'm not working. Retirement age is so high at this point that i either not gonna live long enough or be in no condition to finally go see the world. I despise the 40 hours (5days, 8hours) work weeks. I know that's the standard. I knkw there are jobs that are worse (which is borders on inhuman in my eyes but that's an other can of worms) As someone who lives alone, 2 days of weekend is so fucking short. When am i supposed to do anything? One day taken up by the housework and the other is either for friends which leaves me with no resting time or i rest and ignore my friends. I know i know many fi d it enough but i'm neurodivergent. I have exectuive dysfunction. I have trouble sleeping so i'm constantly tired. I know it's a me problem but like.. i know a lot of people who are in the same shoes. (This also applies to school btw. It's fucking horrid that you are in there for at least 8 hours a day and you have addition homework and than extra curricular shit and then you are left there withouth time for friends basically.) This is the general qualms of my life regarding my work.

A more immediate one is the fact that i work at a religious organization's library and i'm not religious. I'm not straight and definitely left leaning. So i mostly just keep to myself and do my job. Which is at least appreciated but still the crap i hear sometimes is.. Let's just say i kinda have an existential crisis every three days just by overhearing conversations on the hallways. But it pays the bills better than any other alternative and i really needed to start to work after uni and there wasn't many options during covid. (Not that i make good money in general, i'm only managing to live comfortably because i live in my friend's smaller room and she doesn't ask market price for it. When i have to move out i have no idea what i'm gonna do..) Not that there is many options right now especially with all the crap happaning in the family.. But at least both my bosses are nice and nobody tried to convert me yet. That day would be the one when i hand in my resignation even if it makes me homless i think. But so far it's fine. But i'm definitely not making friends over there.

44: A random fact about anything

Uuhhh my favourite random fact is actually is pretty well known i think, but it never fails to amuse me that wombat poop is square. Look i'm a simple person with childbrain. I find these kinda stupid things fun and interesting just as much as deeper discussions and any kind of wonders and inventions and whatnot. So my random fact is wombat poop. It is square. 😌

[audhdwitch]

all of the fucking housing spells i've been casting

(a lot of these happened around the same time but i don't remember exactly which order any of this happened. remember: always write down your process when it's fresh in your mind. except for when you're going to be homeless in 3 weeks and don't have the spoons and are just trying to fucking make it)

using "equal opportunity" symbol as nexus point in most spells

lighting candles, burning lavender oil in common spaces and dedicating household chores to hestia

set up semi-permanent altar space in the cavern under my loft bed. dedicated an offering bowl to hestia, offered some trinkets including a key necklace that i started wearing out to showings.

get discriminated against a LOT at showings lmao. absolutely no one wants to house a group of visibly disabled and/or queer polycule of kids that look like they're college freshmen at the oldest.

asked each housemate to donate something to the offering bowl; burned lavender oil and did a tarot spread about our prospects. verdict: final stretch. almost there.

start trying to remember to dedicate a small offering tray of food to hestia whenever i have the spoons to make food for myself. got to have dinner/tea with hestia a couple of times. she makes me feel unmasked. i don't feel any pressure to make myself Look Presentable before her; she is most pleased with me when i am unmasked and feeling safe and comfortable in my own space.

start trying to build hestia playlist. having trouble finding the right vibe; am somewhat drawn to classical music that reminds me of summer camp.

set up temporary altar on dining room table when housemates cook and we get to have dinner together. burn candles and leave offering to invite hestia's presence

created name sigils for housemates with consent. can't decide on a sigil for myself; using my signature seems to work just fine.

started carving name sigils into side taper candles with nexus sigil on bottom. have done this multiple times; have had burned some candles "dry" and others dressed with either peppermint* (luck, prosperity, abundance) OR lavender oil (home, hestia)

started researching crystal grids + sacred geometry. math is hard.

A has a job lined up but it won't start for a while and they're trying to get a better one in the meantime. give up on applying to "equal opportunity" but still absolutely predatory property management company that will gladly take the fee for your application for properties that you won't qualify for, and that you shouldn't bother applying to anyway, and will keep taking your money as long as you're stupid enough to keep trying

established spell parameters. i was definitely the least specific about the time frame; i mostly had the non-specific "before the end of september" floating around in my head even though our lease ends on the 17th. i did consciously decide to not specify further, hoping that by relinquishing a stricter timeline we could perhaps exchange for snagging something within our budget.

took a walk down to the beach and drew sigils (A drew one that I didn't see, and i drew the nexus sigil + name sigils) in secluded areas of sand where the rising tide would wash it away under the light of the recent super blue moon. the ocean is bio-luminescent this time of year in our area; we stood and watched the electric waves crashing onto the shore as the tide crept up.

started gathering materials for crystal grid and research more correspondences. research is not really helping me much tbh; eventually i gave up looking up how-to's and started more going based off vibes. i know literally everyone says so but it really IS better to do things in a way that make sense for your brain. if it doesn't resonate with you, disregard it.

created name sigils for pets. sketched rough approximation of configuration and started experimenting with crystal positioning. got housemates to identify which areas they could use the most assistance in (finances, stress, focus, etc). including the pets really balances the whole thing out tbh.

A applied for a better paying job that it really wants. assigned crystals for financial stability/prosperity at their request.

spent literally hours painstakingly building the final version of crystal grid configuration in image editing software. could i have probably found something that would have fit the bill? probably. i didn't do that tho. i built the whole damn thing myself lol.

family spotify plan got cancelled. rip, can't afford premium myself until we have a fucking house.

brainstorming for spell jar to use as a "battery" in the center of the crystal grid. initially conceived it as a sweetening jar to make landlords

broke up with bf. having a weird time of it. it was the right decision but i feel so bad about it. also, now that i'm no longer worrying about my relationship, i have more time to worry about being homeless.

collected dandelion puff and started drying some leaves in my space

we visit some university resources about housing and ebt.

had A rubber duck for me/got A's opinion on crystal positioning/grid balancing. am somewhat concerned about the grid overdoing it bc this is definitely the most complicated spell i've done to date; some worry based on the fact that i've been using crystals for financial prosperity/stability for M in grid brainstorming and after we got back from uni resource center M got a call from the county saying their ebt was deducted for working more hours in the summer. honestly kind of a huge blow to them; they've been recovering from top surgery and haven't been able to work for almost a month, so this is going to cut our grocery budget quite a bit.

and also... A got the job!!! great news - we can start including its offer letter with hours/ in our packet.

i do some tarot readings abt my life trajectory. oof. i have disorganized attachment style and hella ptsd. additionally, it looks like it's time for a career change; i apply for a part-time position i got an email notification for the other day.

initially was considering burning tea lights on top of the spell jar to burn off excess energy and avoid it collapsing in on itself. if feels ready to implement.

spell jar giving me trouble. yes, sweetening landlords' perceptions of us would probably help. we have been applying to places and writing personal statements and building The Packet to hopefully appeal to them, but places get snatched up in seconds here so we mostly just need to get lucky and be in the right place at the right time. also, ants are a problem and i'm a little weary of using honey (i don't have a whole lot of ingredients at my disposal)

i do, however, have a lot of bee pollen. that might work. pollen is more associated with hard work than honey (which i associate more with reward) and we just need shit to finally pay off.

at a client's house and had a slow day on the craigslist rental listings grind and was trying to burn off extra nervousness by checking the complexes we'd signed up for email notifications for. lo and behold - a single unit available, fits all our criteria and they only require we make 2x rent (almost unheard of in our area). got in touch with my housemates to start trying to apply NOW bc the way their website works, it's literally first come first serve - the second an application is submitted, the listing is marked unavailable again until the applicant completes the approval process (at which point the listing will go back up on their website).

we managed to be on the apartment complex website in the 20 minutes between the listing going live and the time email notifications went out about its availability. A submitted their app first and we called first thing the next morning to confirm that they received it - they have. we're in the system.

okay. we all submitted on friday - too late to be approved same-day, but we'll hear back from them on monday. it's the waiting game now.

try to go home to finalize the crystal grid in a more formal ritual like i'd been planning. doesn't work out; i can do it at my client's house, though. it's not ideal and i think the grid would possibly be more effective if it were housed in the place we all currently live, but that's fine. i feel safe enough in the client's house (they are so kind to me, it's like sleeping over and grandma and grandpa's)

finally established crystal grid with emphases on luck, endurance, financial stability, and a minor glamour to make us more appealing to property managers. used "hard work paying off" spell jar as battery. i suspect the crystals on top of the spell jar don't hurt us but they do feel somewhat superfluous in the context of the grid. may donate them to hestia's bowl instead; the garnet was hers already. was initially going to burn candles dressed w peppermint oil but decided on lavender oil instead.

starting to feel like "liked songs" on shuffle is perfectly acceptable to dedicate to hestia; after all, she's most comfortable when i'm most comfortable.

i actually think i'm going to burn more carved and dressed candles to charge it; i feel the hematite balances out the grid enough that i'm not risking overloading. could also be feeling more balanced bc it's not at home feeding off all four of our energies, just mine? plus it feels good to do something while we wait.

please. please. please.

[wenamedthedogkylo]

#only small addition I have is you *know* some of the outsourcing of captions is being transferred to specifically Uber-style gig jobs#In fact I do know - I briefly attempted one a few years back!#And hearing that this stuff tends to require special training#puts into perspective why it was taking me multiple hours to caption one episode of television

@saxoboneless hope you don't mind me building off your tags, but yes this is 10000000% part of the problem! And is sort of what I was talking about when I mentioned people starting up "shitty little slopshops of people who can prove a high WPM rate to type up captions for a pittance."

For a while both before and after my job at the captioning company, I was inundated with "transcription jobs" that were basically just "can you type above 90-120 words per minute? can you hear things? take our placement test to see if you could do transcription!" And all these "companies" wanted was for you to have a home computer that you could type fast on, maybe some headphones, and that’s it. Oh, and the rates? One of the worst I remember seeing was $0.10 per word. Best I can remember seeing was around $0.30 per word. Absolutely abysmal.

For reference, that last paragraph is exactly 100 words. And depending on what you're transcribing or captioning, it could easily take an hour or more to do that little even with a stenotype machine and training. But they weren't asking for that. They just want some schmuck who doesn't know about the barebones regulations for captions, who doesn't know how hard a job captioning/transcription really is, and who will accept pennies to do it cuz they don't know better. So if you ended up spending an hour transcribing that 100 words of text, that's between $10-30 for that one hour. And with these companies, that could be all you get for a whole week.

(And that's if they even hired you in the first place—I applied to several in desperation before I got that captioning scheduler job, and even with a WPM that ranged from 90-110 depending on the day, I never once got hired. Sometimes it was a bad day and I made too many mistakes, sometimes they didn't say why they weren't taking me on. It was a complete toss-up.)

So it's only natural that eventually studios, production companies, etc. would completely bypass even that shoddy level of effort and go straight to places like Fiverr and get unprofessional captions for even cheaper. Because hey, at least they're getting captions! That's the law, they don't have to be great captions, they just have to exist. Cuz who cares about DHoH people's money and enjoyment?

And the fact that anyone can just go to a gig site and hire someone to do shitty captions for pennies is absolutely something that needs to be legislated against! It's not something that should be acceptable when it comes to disabled people's basic needs! The Federal Communications Commission and the Department of Justice (the latter is who oversees and enforces the Americans with Disabilities Act) NEED to make some strong changes to our national laws about the absolute bare minimum standards that should be met.

And while I think it's stupid that film/tv sound editing has gotten so bad that even people with perfect hearing and no auditory processing issues need captions now, the silver lining is that maybe now, more people will actually start taking these governing bodies to task about how garbage the standards and practices for captioning are and how much they need to be updated. They don't listen to actually disabled people, but maybe able-bodied and neurotypical people will be able to cause enough fuss to make them pay attention.

I, a hearing person who likes subtitles just as a preference, shouldn't have to read a subtitle that's obvious nonsense, go back a couple seconds, and listen again in order to figure out what's going on. An accessibility feature should not be the most half-assed part of a professionally made production. Scripted media has absolutely no excuse for not having subtitles or having subtitles that aren't perfectly verbatim. Professional captioning services should be ashamed of the shoddy work that they put out. Captions should be treated as a part of the production, just like filming, editing, audio balancing, etc - and anything that releases with missing or bad captions should be seen as unfinished

[dearluigi]

Dear Luigi,

Where to begin? There’s no way to explain to you what’s happened in the last week in this country. I try every day or two but the amount of news that we are barraged with every day is inconceivable. But I think that’s quite the point. This administration wants us so overwhelmed and defeated and complacent so that they can step forward with little resistance, and presumably at some point, make themselves look like saviors to the very people that they wronged. I will not ever fall for it. And as much as I don’t want to be, I am so very angry at the people that already did. My parents being two of them, and 98% of my coworkers being basically the rest.

I’m about to admit to you where I work, and I fear that judgment will be passed on me in doing so. I judge myself every day for making the naive choice to apply there nearly nine years ago, but things were so different then. I don’t think my frontal lobe had fully developed. Interestingly, I was the same age you are now. I think you are probably much more mature than I was, but maybe it also explains some other things about you. Would we all be talking about you if you were my age? Would any of this happened to you? Anyway, I’m getting off track.

I work for a police department. First things first, I am not a cop, I do not like most cops and I am not a cop apologist, and my job is very much behind the scenes and not very customer facing. I don’t really want to say what I do because it’s a very particular role but in a way, I do somewhat help people. In fact, I help a lot of people in the legal system whether that be inmates or maybe lawyers. I don’t really do anything special but people do somewhat rely on me. This is starting to sound like a riddle but I promise it’s not.

I will have many more stories about where I work now that I’ve divulged that, but I bring all this up to talk about yet another decision made by our federal administration this week. Thankfully, a judge has blocked it for now, but Trump proposed halting all federal grants, which obviously affects a lot of things. One of these things are local police departments, which as I’m sure you can imagine is quite ironic given that most of the cops I know (and I would assume most cops in general) are the biggest fucking boot lickers when it comes to Trump. Not only this, but Trump also pardoned insurrectionists who were responsible for physically beating and disabling police officers. And if there’s one thing I know about the police, they will defend their own to no end.

Perhaps that’s why it’s been awful quiet around the department this past week. They’ve always been so outspoken and loud about their ignorant support, but now the silence is deafening. I want to fill that void by screaming at them that this is what they voted for when they decided to be single issue voters (allegedly) and place affordable gas and groceries above all else, which it would seem are about to get exponentially more expensive.

I wanted to be wrong. When my dem friends said there’s no way he could run again after being convicted, I didn’t believe it. When they said there was no way the people would vote him in again, I wanted to have hope that they were right but I didn’t believe that either. And when they said “yes, Project 2025 is crazy but it’ll never actually happen,” I wanted to think they were right, but deep down, I didn’t. I wanted to be wrong. I wanted all the red pilled lint lickers in my life to be right! I wanted us to just have a derisive ass clown of a president who did a few stupid things but really did make life more affordable. I wanted my least favorite person at work to be able to laugh in my face if it meant I was wrong about all the terrible awful atrocities I saw possible. But they aren’t laughing like I thought they’d be. They’re unusually and painfully quiet. And I’m not wrong.

I know this was depressing as all my posts are, but you don’t have to worry about me. Yes I am constantly wavering and can easily be overcome by anxiety at any given moment, but I am beginning to find peace. I will admit I may not be doing it in the healthiest of ways, but if a vodka shot is what gets me through my night and starts emboldening me to feel resistant to the overwhelm of it all, then so be it. They want to see me worried and upset, and if I’m good at anything, it’s refraining from giving men the fucking satisfaction.

— C

[sic-fayl]

Guild Member Next Door (kinda) translation - Part 5

Click here for the previous part - or click here for Part 1!

Disclaimer, as always: This is based on an MTL translation, I do not know Korean myself, I am trying more to stick with the impressions/vibes of a sentence instead of a strict word-for-word meaning - and most importantly, this is only for fun.

Now onto the story:

Title: It’s that guild again

Written by: QualityCakeTime [Hero]

(Screenshot_0003820.jpg)

Remember Poseidon? They’re looking for new members.

I hope no one stumbles into them without knowing what happened haha. This is my warning for all of you, at least.

(65 comments)

-I saw one of their guys in town and he was crazy fast… Shouldn’t that be a bug?

⤷Hey @Illusion Gameplay Are there any more speed bugs right now, other than that one with the new mount?

⤷If it was a legit bug, like what that one Staff did, it would’ve been discovered by others and removed by now. The devs patch up every cool exploit we find… Even the Staff got nerfed in the end.

⤷Maybe off topic, but… I heard you can even fly when you chain specific skills in some way?

⤷⤷Don’t most skills have movement attached anyway?

⤷Is there maybe a mount to be that fast all the time? Because a normal skill would have the usual 40sec cooldown, right?

-Why? Poseidon is a ranked guild, what did they do? You have to say what happened, if you want people to listen to you.

⤷Did you break both your hands? Go search the forums, don’t expect others to spoon-feed you everything. It’s literally right there.

⤷⤷Can you give a link pls? I found tons of posts, but they’re all just full of rumors…

-What a cool promo-post, imma try to get in~ Their conditions aren’t that high anyway, so why not lol, isn’t it easy af as long as you’re the right level? Time to join!

⤷When you inevitably come crying back, just remember we told you so.

⤷Their interviews feel more stressful than the ones at actual large companies.

⤷If there are job seekers or high school senions here, it’s a good guild to apply to for interview practice! The questions are so stupid that it really helps you practice thinking on your feet! I applied three times and got rejected all three - but did I ace the actual interview for my current job thanks to this;;

⤷⤷Madlad lmao you’re too much

⤷⤷No way. What are you even saying? lmaooooooo

⤷⤷⤷I mean lmao, it’s true tho lmaooo That was the first time I met a guild with a personality test in their interview haha

⤷⤷Ah, whatever, sure. What’s the harm anyway? Getting some free practice in? lmaoooo

-Poseidon is evil lol. They recruit you for the ranked season and then throw you out once it’s over, to keep only the buffs you earned them. They take all your effort for themselves… ㅠ Don’t be fooled into joining just because they got some top rankers. Those are og members and new ones are just temporary workhorses for them. If you really go in, they’ll probs just take advantage of you and throw you away like trash after, got it?

⤷Also there’s some kids who got talked into spamming paid boosts for extra guild points as soon as they joined. The regulars save on money by having only newbies boost.

⤷⤷Ugh that’s the worst people. They’re really like that… Thought it was just rumors

⤷⤷LOL But I heard those kids were also pretty sus.

⤷⤷⤷Hi Poseidon

⤷⤷⤷⤷F lmao

⤷⤷⤷Anonymous comment. Because Poseidon totally knows how to be subtle lmao.

-I’m too curious. What do they actually ask you in those interviews? Not that I want to join, I just really wanna know! I’m thinking about switching jobs so…

⤷Lmaoooo Tried and failed last month lol. Was asked about strengths and weaknesses. So, I told them I’m weak against heroes, but make up for it with strong+shiny equipment, so I’m really good against single-target DPS in PvP! But turns out they wanted strengths and weaknesses of my personality…; But when people ask you your strengths and weaknesses while in a game, isn’t it normal to assume what I did? ㅠㅠ And there’s no time to search up answers, because one of them is like a human stopwatch… Only those who can type 400 wpm or higher should try this.

⤷⤷Weirdos lmaooo

⤷⤷Wdym stopwatch?

⤷⤷⤷You only have a limited time to answer and they count you down the whole way;

⤷⤷⤷⤷That’s insane lmaoooo

⤷⤷They asked me about my thoughts on the 4th Industrial Revolution, but I had no clue what it was, so I didn’t know what to say;

⤷⤷⤷Weirdos lmaooooo

⤷⤷⤷Are we applying for a doctor’s thesis here? Lol why are they asking so much stuff?

⤷⤷⤷⤷Fuck, then I can’t even join once I get my degree, because it’s only a bachelor’s;

⤷⤷This. There’s one bastard who types stupid fast lol. And some kid who looked like Isis kept going 5 4 3 2 1 so I got kinda nervous and just left.

⤷They asked me if I prefer dogs or cats lol. I told them I don’t like either because they’re too much work and eat too much, so I prefer small and cute hamsters! They told me I should learn to love all animals equally and then kicked me from the party… Like, were they actually looking for new people or do they just want to mess with everyone?

(Next Part(s))

[izel-01]

Still haven’t been able to find a job, been applying and even reapplying hoping someone would contact me but nothing and I cant stand the idea of calling and getting rejected

So obviously I had to cancel some luxuries that I’ve once had and one of those being Spotify premium, I had the family plan, but with the price change and having no income I can’t have that luxury rn

So I canceled and my younger sister is acting like it’s the end of the world like? I already explained to her that it’s not a necessity sure it’s really nice to have it but if I can’t afford it I have to cancel it and when she woke up to the subscription being canceled she was not happy

She offered to pay, I kept declining bc I don’t think it’s fair that she would pay for something that I originally was paying for and last payment I asked our “ mother “ for to lend me some money ( I’m keeping track how much I owe her it’s not much but still I hate feeling like I owe people money )

Anyways our mother said we’ll talk later about it, my sister and her did talk about it without me ( which idc ) but they kept making “jokes” saying shit like “too bad for those without Spotify premium having to listen to ads” and honestly it was annoying but I ignored them not giving them the time of day

But it hurts cause like I know I can’t afford these luxuries but at least I have a roof over my head and a comfy bed to sleep but it was nice and I miss it but it’s not a necessity and I have having to depend on her for money even though I try not to ask for anything especially since she has to save money for that stupid parasite she’s gonna have but that’s for another day

It just sucks bc I’m the eldest I’m supposed to be the example but I can’t even get a fucking job - I refuse to go back to food service it is not worth my mental health and the pay was not enough - the second oldest doesn’t want a job which imo is fine bc she literally raised the youngest 3 but she doesn’t want to cook, do chores, or learn to drive. And it fucking pisses me off sometimes bc at least she has a purpose living here unlike me

I’m in the way and I know it even if this stupid bitches say I’m not I know I am bc my sister, my best friend, says to “just move out already” , “it’s not that hard”, “nobody wants you here”, etc and ofc it hurts cause the one person who has been through everything with me, who made me suffer (not her fault when we were little but now she should know better), the one who I consider my best friend/my other half is saying this stuff to me in my face

It usually happens when she gets really irritated or when she just snaps at me for any reason which happens almost everyday and I know I may be a bit too much (tough playing with the little ones or “butting” in stuff) but it’s how I show my appreciation and love and concern but she says it’s not my “business” or sum other shit calling me names

One time a while ago around Dec 2021 I’m pretty sure after we had another argument she said something along the lines of “if I was tired then I would not get up cause nobody expects anything from you” and that really hurt I don’t remember the context of what was said I just wrote it down in my notes just her saying that

What do I say to that? How do I move on from that? I obviously didn’t forget but I’ve not forgiven her either. I cook for her I clean after her I try to help her in any way I can I defended and still do to this day from our “mother”- I remember once around middle/high school when our mother was yelling and was about to hit her and I stood out in between them saying she’ll never hit her again and this bitch (the mother) laughed and called me a hypocrite I’ll never forget that and to this day she says she doesn’t remember funny how the most terrible moments of my life she claims of having no memory of and ok my brain is shit cause I physically can’t remember shit at all but I remember that clearly tears in my eyes, scared to death of standing up to her, scared of her but I knew I had to protect my little sister

Anyways it just sucks that I already know I’m a miserable example of the eldest child, but for them to keep reminding me like i don’t know already doesn’t make it better and I can’t tell my supposed best friend bc she is part of the reason why I’m slowly losing my will to do anything and I’m pushing myself everyday trying to cook more help with chores even more to show that I do appreciate them letting me stay here bc according to my mum I’m “ no longer her obligation”

Like I stopped being her child once I turned 15… but she would never dream of doing this to the younger 4 but it’s fine bc at least they have a fighting chance in this cruel world I really want the best for them bc they didn’t asked to be here but it must be nice to not have to suffer what I did

Me and the second oldest like to joke saying we were the free trial and the youngest three have it easy, and jokes aside they do. Like in that show “Good Place” when the main character said sum about her mum sum along the lines of “ if she could’ve been a better mum for ____ then that means she could always change but I wasn’t enough for her to change” and that fucking hit me like a train… cause she did change not for her, not for us, but for them her 3 precious angels (about to be 4) and that “loving husband” of hers, don’t get me wrong that’s a good thing but it hurts seeing them be treated how I deserved to be treated to get that “family” I will always yearn for, it’s still not good tho but hey it’s wayyyy better than my childhood at least I hope it is bc then it would all have been for nothing