#Idk man this shit was never okay
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#I'm genuinely just so fucking angry at the abuse i went through and still am#Idk tbh if you described it as anything else you'd be lying#It's fucking 3.38am and I'm just so fucking pissed off#Idk man it's not that fucking hard to be decent normal parents and not tell them to at worst sometimes tell them to kill themselves#Tw vent#Vent#I just idk#I'm so fucking angry#I have no idea how i survived but like#I need to talk to a fucking therapist at some point#Idk man this shit was never okay#I'm so tired of having to basically fight for my life and future#And waiting fucking decades for freedom and a normal life#Just a normal fucking life#That's all I wanted how fucking hard could it be????
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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
Sure has been a year.
#terri#niart#got my wisdom toofies out#well 2 out of 4#still got stitches#idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless#also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash#i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet#I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for#the difference is like night and day#old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day#new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day#i am sobbing#the right people are out there#don't lose hope#i've never felt this platonically loved honestly#also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd#just#a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out#this piece was such a strain and i just#don't have patience for art rn#this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers#i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh#ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH#i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now#Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man
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Day 355 | id in alt
I was out here just "Wow I should color this so they know I'm gonna put air Jordans on Kugisaki Nobara fortnite tomorrow" then I didn't and just slapped some random shit on. She looks nice though.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#tsukumo yuki#god I MISS HERRRR#Kugisaki looks good in most things because shes just fashion like that y'know#she could nuke tokyo and i would agree because shes one of the few jjk characters that actually know how to serve#no im definitely not referencing akira (i am)#i genuinely think Kugisaki and Tsukumo would've been a wonderful duo#its not just because Gojo cant teach for shit its also because hes clearly fucking picky with his students#Gojo has favorites and its fucking obvious and i hate him#there's people he deems as strong and others he deems as...normal i guess??? idk#shes crazy but she dosent have the inherited strong bullshit that gojo leans so much on. which makes her lesser to him in a way#i am going to bash that mans head in with a rock#but anyway yuki would be so fucking good for Kugisaki because well their ideals clash but also mix so well#two people with boundless rage and yuki actually having the time and the love to accompany that rage to see somebody through to the end y'no#imagine putting two people so violently both okay and not okay with dying together and maximizing their joint slay#ALSO LIKE THE SYMBOLISM They both create something that cannot simply be undone so easily#a permanent wound a permanent mass. something that is both fleeting but can change everything in an instant#grge clearly dont think so but since when have we given a flying fuck what that bitch thinks abt women at this point LMAO#Motherfucking one eyed white freak needs to stick to yaoi#never trust a mf who wiped shit on they pee hole for shits n giggles to write#BUTCH? FUTCH? FEMME? KUGISAKI CAN DO ALL OF IT#but im mostly leaning with the butchification of Kugisaki post everything
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DRAWING SOME TJOC!AU BOYES AGAIN!!!!
Bonus:
#no i will not elaborate. this is an insane au i made in *checks notes* 2020.#my art#au adventures#tjoc!mike#reaper!red#william afton#henry miller#... okay ill elaborate#au where henry miller took mike afton and used him as a pawn#and said use basically meant taking him and throwing him into tjoc story mode#and uhhh idk man tjoc!mike went a LITTLE crazy. just a little.#anyways red (mike's oc twin because fuck you) also got his shit fucked over by miller#so now hes a reaper boi and trying to stop mike and miller#idk! i like em :3#i never post here anymore so SCATTER JUMPSCARE
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This is far from my best work, but it's 1:30am, and I needed to get this down before I slept or lost my mind. So here, take a snippet of Rook seeing Zara again for the first time in 3 years.
Trying, and failing, to keep his voice from shaking, [Rook] said “Hello, Captain.” Mouth still open in surprise, [Zara] replied “Well, hello yourself.” The reality of what she was seeing seemed to hit her as she rounded the desk. “Rook, is that really you?” He nodded. “It’s me.” Zara ran towards him, stopping just short of touching him, and said “What did she do to you?” Rook’s heart stuttered and he had to brush his fingers together to confirm Sigmar’s ring was still in place. Could she possibly see through its illusion? But then he remembered what Lanny had said. She knew where you were. His throat clenched and he choked out “Two years.” A wave of grief swept across Zara’s face as she said “I’m so, so sorry.” Rook shook his head vigorously. “It’s not your fault.” Zara ignored him. “It is my fault. I failed you. As your captain, it’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed you.” Rook wanted to say something, to reassure her, but she pushed on. “She sent me letters, told me all the terrible things she was doing to you. I… I let you down.” Those words hit Rook with the force of a dozen cannonballs. Lanny had said that Zara knew Wolf had him, but knowing that Zara had been aware of what Wolf was doing to him… somehow that was more painful than any wound Wolf had ever inflicted. He barely managed to force his next words out around the lump in his throat. “Where were you?” And why didn’t you come? “She said she’d kill you if I came to get you. Or if I hired anyone to get you. You’re standing here because I stopped sailing.”
(honorary one-time tag for @space-writes bc I remember you enjoyed my other bits about Rook and Zara.)
#morrigan.text#my writing#dnd writing#oc: Rook#oc: Zara#btw when I say that what she said was more painful than any wound wolf inflicted I'm not just talking about her not saving him.#it also just hurts him to know that she was hurting too.#she left him with that woman for two years (to save his life yes. but she left him there all the same) and yet half of his thoughts are#''I'm sorry I hurt you.''#ROOK. MY BELOVED BABY BOY. PLEASE.#STOP APOLOGIZING.#also if anyone needs a cheering up after this please know that their conversation got interrupted by a giant snake showing up and zara#immediately asking Rook ''WHAT DID YOU DO???'' bc she knows her boy.#and he's like ''idk I just woke up like an hour ago'' and then he suddenly remembers that he swore like 3 times (town rules say no to that)#and he just goes ''SHIT'' and Zara fucking clamps her hand over his mouth and says ''take that back!''#and through her hand he says ''how the fuck am I supposed to take that back?'' and she just clamps his mouth harder.#oh. and the time he swore earlier was bc he stepped outside and got spit on by a bull and he was like ''is this normal??''#and someone said ''I've never seen that happen but these animals are part of [big snake almost-god]'s menagerie'' and hands Rook a paper#with all the town rules (there are many). And he goes ''what the fuck?'' and then he gets to the rule that reads ''no swearing'' and he goe#''SHIT!'' and then he realizes what he says and goes ''AAAHHHH.'' and I was cackling.#I was doing this on purpose btw. I knew that this would make the snake mad at me and I did it anyway bc I am a chaos gremlin.#however I did NOT know I would get Rook's only friend from before the party killed by doing this. RIP Jay. I loved you so much.#but yeah. my boy swears like a sailor bc he is one. and it did in fact get people killed. But it was funny to me.#ALSO when she met the party the first thing she said was ''thank you for saving my boy'' and I almost sobbed.#like yeah. he is her boy.#I'm going to explode just thinking about it.#okay if you read all these tags I love you forever and please feel free to yell at my idiot boy in the comments/tags/wherever.#maybe if enough of us join in he'll actually listen. (no he won't)#OH RIGHT. And the party is finally staring to realize how much of a capital L Liar this man is.#because they can literally see him catching himself about to say ''I'm fine'' every time they ask how he's doing
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im so glad i live under a rock and never look at anybodys posts ever bc omfg me when gus shows me her feed and i keep getting mad like every 9 things i see because i go "thats from the dears outro. does anybody know thats from the dears outro. do they care" and keep seeing people use anime ops/eds or niconico douga meme songs thinking its a tiktok song and not from the source LIKE OMG. IM GOING TO KILL EVERYBODY AND THEN MYSELF.
#oh idk shit about this show im#doing a trend#IT MAKES ME MAD BC LIKE AT LEAST WITH THE DEARS OUTTRO ONE ESPECIALLY LIKE#90% OF THE PEOPLE DOING THESE PARODIES HATE SUS GOONER ANIME. AND IDK HOW TO SAY THIS BUT DEARS IS SUCH A GOONER ANIME#I DONT EVEN LIKE DEARS BC THERES NOT ENOUGH MALESUB UNDERTONES BUT OMFGGG THIS IS LIKE PEOPLE CANCELLING KANGEL BC THEY DIDNT KNOW#SHIT ABOUT HER. also dont get it twisted i love gooner anime its a foundational part of our society.#IM A CRANKY RAGGEDY ASS OLD MAN SHAKING MY FIST AT THE SUN OKAY#im sorry i just... i cant handle me going OMG I LOVE THIS SHOW YOURE PARODYING!!!! and then hearing op go#bangs head into wall. will the pain ever end. urusei yatsura is insanely popular too why is this happening doesnt everybody watch this show#maybe its because im also spoiled with how the japanese will remake entire anime ops with the highest quality ever#but thats also because to do that level of shit you need to have equal amounts of passion for your parody and the source content#i like the bakemonogatari parody ops people make but id never make one myself until i finally watch that shit#bc idk im kind of a cranky bitch where i like when you can tell the creator loves the series they're making it for and the series they are#recreating from#im the type of mf who wont make a parody of an op/ed even if i like it a lot only bc i dont want people to think i like the source#robooty bitching and moaning moment. taking digitals advice and letting myself be a free hater on this blog
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Made myself sad over the thought of what if the champions ever met their younger selves
Like imagine Lance ruffling his younger self's hair, young Lance is there w his shoulders raised, an arm over his eyes, hiding his tears, Dratini on his shoulders trying to comfort him, and Lance, voice ever so soft, like he was afraid anyone would hear him, afraid of anyone to hear his voice crack, "you're enough."
Imagine Steven sitting with his younger self, young Steven holding Beldum close as he cries, and Steven's there pulling him to a side hug, he looks away, almost fighting back his own tears, he clutched his mother's emerald pendant tight in his fist, "I miss her too."
Imagine Wallace kneeling in front of his younger self, young Wallace was wearing a tattered dress, tears in his eyes as he held his cheek, hiding a bruise, and Wallace is there wiping the stray tears away. He smiles softly, his own heart aching, "there's nothing wrong with you."
Imagine Cynthia hugging her younger self, young Cynthia was holding her hand over her recently scarred left eye, her other hand was clutching Cynthia's shirt tight, sobbing her heart out. Cynthia pulls her impossibly closer, stroking her hair as she tries to hide her own tears, "it wasn't your fault."
Imagine Iris sitting with her younger self at the roof of Opelucid's Gym, watching over the city, watching everyone minding their business, and Iris just smiles at her younger self, giving her a pat on her shoulder, trying to mask the waver in her voice, "soon they'll see how strong you'll be."
Imagine Diantha with her younger self, young Dia was carrying her Carbink, happy to show her beloved partner pokemon off, and Diantha smiles at her with a sadness she thought she had buried along with her pokemon. She gently pats the head of her Carbink, something she never thought she could ever feel again, "take care of them, okay?"
Imagine Hau comforting his younger self, imagine him telling young Hau that everything will be fine, that soon he'll prove he's more than just a terrified little kid hiding behind his grandfather, prove he's more than that, that he too will be strong like the others, "just be brave. Be the bravest ever."
Imagine Leon placing his cap on his younger self's head, laughing as he did, and he watched in amusement as younger Leon looked at him with his best angry look, then his smile turned somber, and he turned to look at the view from his tower, how isolating it was for a ten year old, how they left a child to bear the responsibilities of the region, "it's quite lonely here, don't you think?"
Imagine Geeta sitting w her younger self at the end of the stairway to the Academy, both sitting in silence as they watch Pawniard run around catching a stray Marill. Geeta then turned to her, her younger self, so lonely and quiet and friendless, then she placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze, even though her own hands were trembling, "don't worry, someone out there would want to be your friend."
#pokemon#pokemon champions#pokemon hcs#no bc they were really fucked over in my aus and hcs man#like they were just kids yknow#they were just kids who had to grow up too fast#they were just kids who were left alone by people who shouldve taken care of them#they were just kids who were so fucking scared of facing the real world#but they had no other choice#bc no ones there to hold their hand and tell them its going to be okay#they have to show a brave face for people to take them seriously#and tho some did have good support somehow that still wasnt enough for their walls to break#iris and hau could never fault drayden and hala. they gave them love and support when they needed it#but they were also kinda busy w their own stuff yknow#and its like how leon and diantha couldnt fault their brothers for taking their own childhood away bc they had to raise them#bc their brothers are so important to them. their light in the dark. and they dont want them to go through the same shit they did#like you catching my drift??#idk im like tired na its 11 here na actually cjdmnd#but hey yeah hahah#edit: made changes on geetas bit to fit it more hahah
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(NOT ATSV) my ideal miguel and miles friendship (bordering on enemies) dynamic is where Miles is sort of a Mean Girls figure where he’ll say the worst things to Miguel, who actually has no problems dishing that shit right back out, is usually too fed up or somewhere else mentally to reply. They fight a lot, more physically than verbally, usually in a slapstick comedy type of way. Miles is banned from Nueva York once a month and got a restraining order against Miguel in his own dimension. His parents fucking hate him and Miguel hates them right back. Rio has tried and failed to poison him via food and Jeff is considering hiring a hitman. Gabriel is beloved by them. Miles takes Miguel’s money at least twice a week to go spend it just because he can. Miguel has tried (and succeeded once) to get Miles sick with a future illness because he figured out the lesbian bar Miguel liked to perform at in drag. Miles has cried at least once in every room of Miguel’s apartment and Miguel has been confused on what to do each time besides an awkward hug and pat on the back. People are rightfully worried for Miles’s safety at least 80% of the time but when they aren’t they’re shaking their heads at the two’s antics. They need to be separated until they have a healthy “this is a grown ass man / this is stupid little girl i don’t like at work” relationship and it’ll take an act of god for either of them to realize their current one isn’t healthy at all and has extremely negative impacts on their mental state.
#i wanna write this so badly bc like . this type of relationship with adults as a kid when you can’t 100% trsut them and place your safety +#in their hands is sooo interesting to write esp considering Miguel’s past and what Miles is used to#which is dangerous fights from adults (his villains) but also the loving ones like his parents his neighbors ripeter and peter b etc#and this miguel (imo) wouldn’t hurt miles on purpose because he knows the pain BUT he also doesn’t realize some shit is pain-causing both+#mentally and physically bc yknow some abused kids grow into adults who subconsciously do similar shit#and for Miles and Miguel to finally realize beating the shit out of each other almost constantly and the negative back and forth (if miguel#feels like talking that day) is just. not a good thing#it’s sort of like the way i write pavitr and miles’s relationship regarding their fighting because it’s genuinely helpful but#can seem borderline awful and physically abusive to each other#peter b is so fucking worried sometimes bc he sees Miguel in a completely different way than other people. like he’s off in lala land#like. he’ll see this 15 year old stickbug of a kid fighting his buddy Miguel who has been known to kill#he’ll say some fights tou just can’t win Miles… and Miles is setting Miguel’s apartment on fire#like they have good moments. okay. trust me. but a toxic friendship like the kind you see that people take too seriously from a show like.#idk bluey. or some kids show like that.#spiderverse fans DNI ‼️‼️‼️🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🤦🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾‼️‼️‼️‼️#not ship never ship don’t even tag is as such bc i’ll just delete the post#miles morales#spiderman#spider man#gabriel o’hara#rio morales#jefferson morales#miguel o’hara#m&m posts
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you know when something happens and you're like "eh that's annoying but not a big deal" and then hours later your brain pops back in like "hey! surprise!! i'm actually super upset about this!"
#its annoying af#mb i will actually look at open jobs tonight#i don't actually want to leave my job#i just want to be treated with respect by my coworkers#which is a rlly fucking low bar that most coworkers manage to clear#except for the ones i'm stuck working with the most#personal#like my ''career coach'' is going on sabbatical for 3-4 months#and never actually told me#i found out bc my sister told me in secret and then my shitty PM told me#and then today said career coach popped in to be like btwz before i leave! what do you think about this career coach!#and i'm like. okay like i know i know but YOU NEVER TOLD ME#and shitty PM basically made me get on a call to be mad at me for ''making her look bad'' and ''calling into question her integrity#and quality of her work'' when like a) she didn't even fucking DO the work in question b) it was a CLIENT'S decision i was talking abt and#c) DO BETTER FUCKING WORK THEN#and then by the end of the call had wrapped around to being like haha yeah the client def actually did what u said [even tho she'd been mad#BC she claimed they hadn't]#idk i'm just getting rlly genuinely frustrated both with all of this dumb shit#and then like. if i am actually getting paid 20k below what a man who now#has a title BENEATH mine#and the PM's continuing shittiness + the lack of anything actually changing#ugh
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I know you're just supposed to give and give and give and give without ever asking for or expecting anything in return, but I don't know how you guys do it. Don't you ever want someone to pretend to care about a word you say, or to reciprocate even a little of what you put it? Maybe that's selfish, but whatever. I'm just so fucking tired of one-sided friendships
#i knowwwww asking for anything is rude but fuck man cant you at least let me talk sometimes#and not just because You ran out of things to say or You need a distraction or You feel bad about never letting me talk#idk does anyone have any advice for this whole endless giving thing?#like maybe it comes easy to everyone else and im just a selfish piece of shit idk#mike says words#ill drop absolutely everything if you need me but god forbid i wanna talk about one of my problems#like ill bring up how depressed i am and shell just be like 'um... Okay' then make it about herself again augh
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Not sneeze just mental health rambling in the tags
#I’ve spent a very long time trying to change my brain so I can just operate at a neurotypical level#it’s always been impossible and I feel like shit for it#so recently I finally just said#I am not neurotypical and never will be no matter what I do!#so I need to be kind to myself and make the accommodations I need for myself!#which is a work in progress but idk. it’s kind of painful that the neurotypical people in my life act like I’m asking for an arm and a leg#when I’m very genuinely asking if slight changes could be made between us#I absolutely don’t expect anyone to change their lifestyle for me or anything#it’s stuff like not holding long conversations when I’m in the middle of writing because it messes up my flow#and I tell my family beforehand! hey I’m gonna write for a couple of hours does anyone need anything from me before#and they say no! but then ten minutes later will start telling me a story about their day#which I’m okay to hear BEFORE I start a writing session or AFTER#and I goddamn communicate that!!! but they act like I’m asking for nobody to ever speak to me again#another thing is that I CANNOT eat anything past an expiration date#I know it’s still probably good but my brain will just keep saying YOURE GONNA DIE OF FOOD POISONING#so say the half gallon of milk is past its date#I will buy a fresh one to start using myself but I don’t toss the old one because I know others don’t care as much#and they they complain that I’m wasting milk#like I’m sorry it’s 1) my money and 2) how is it being wasted when y’all are happy to drink it til it’s done?#idk man!! neurotypical people sure do say that shit should be easy for neurodivergent people#but they sure do struggle to be slightly accommodating without bitching#idk rant over peace out
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the constant disregard and erasure of the impact hen and chim had on bobby to help him during season 1 is really wild and exhausting
#but not surprising#chimney han#henrietta wilson#hen wilson#bobby nash#911 fox#911 on fox#i will never ever in my life call chim howard#even tho i do love the nickname howie#howie is such a cute nickname#but my mans name is chimney#okay but seriously i cannot stand buck stan’s#buck is a victim always#no one treats him right#he’s woobified always#he’s the most important person on the whole crew and without him their lives would be dog shit#and jeez louise buck stans who ship buddie don’t even like eddie#like if you read their fics or their posts eddie is just kinda there#they lowkey just don’t like him and they think he’s an awful father#hence why there are a number of fics where moments eddie has had with his own child is given to buck#it’s so weird#and it makes me not like buck even tho he’s such a great character and he’s adorable#but damn his stans are exhausting and obnoxious and annoying#anyway hen and chim played a part in bobby becoming better but of course only bucks involvment is mentioned and credited as the most import#and idk why i’m surprised you know#bucks a white male character and they always will get the most attention even if the show has more poc#op
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how long does gege plan to continue this actually
#it’s getting repetitive dude#like yeah okay. sukuna is the strongest smartest most amazing pookie wookie schnookums and you draw him with one hand every week. we get it#atp it goes beyond my favs js dying or something but this is genuinely just bad writing lmao#every 5 chaps its like ‘oh sukuna is in trouble! blah blah nevermind he wins again!’#and gege is continuing this for so long i’m boutta start being inclined to believe the series just ends in sukuna winning#which would be the worst possible ending bc like#wtf did we do this entire last arc for#and instead of giving us some more lore (even abt the favorite child plotkuna) gege just repeats the same process he’s had since gojos death#WHICH WAS IN SEPTEMBER. WE CURRENTLY HAVE MARCH#idk man maybe this is just me being a complaining little loser but i don’t care tbh#gege isn’t doing himself or us a favor with this lmao#but aaaanyways#jjk#jjk 253#jjk manga spoilers#n e ways until that monocle cat comes up with something new i’ll focus my attention on the sand movie i watched yesterday (and on saturday!)#shit truly was generational denis villeneuve i have never doubted you ever#dune 2 was *chefs kiss*
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Me: I should actually proof-read before I post this.
Also me: NAH I’M POSTING IT ALL AS THE FIRST DRAFT BAYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
#Fluent Freshman AU#Is this me working on my desire for things to be perfect and therefore never posting?#Yeah maybe#It's MY New Years Resolution not yours#Yeah I know it's May but FF is the culmination of my current progress with posting first drafts#My shit on Ao3 still goes through like 5 edits 7 rereads 1 text to speech reread and I send it to a friend to look over#And I still struggle not to pull some stuff down or go edit things#But it's done and it's out there#and people like it so maybe it's okay that it's not perfect#IDK man#It's been a weird ride to getting to being able to write FF like this on Tumblr#Rambling#Personal shit about making myself post what I write
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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I think making sweeping generalizations of specific traits being considered "ugly" is not great the same way i think its rude and unnecessary to call others ugly, i also think its worthwhile to acknowledge that certain traits ARE considered "Ugly" due to societal beauty standards, that doesn't make them ACTUALLY ugly, bc beauty is subjective anyway, and can be found Anywhere, and even someone who seems to tick every single box of societal beauty Ideals will almost certainly have at least one trait or feature about their appearance that they are insecure about or feel is "ugly", bc even within the constraints of conventional attractiveness theres subjectivity
also this fish was so fucking Ugly and i adored it so much. i miss him.
he was also gorgeous.
#toy txt post#toy pic post#he passed in like. man. i want to say 2019? his name was Gus. he was a pink kissing gourami#the thing about albino fish is that they always look a little bit sickly and concerning. his head always seemed a little big for his body#like he was really old. when i got him he looked so bad cos he had wounds all over him from dads fish that got infected and the dude#straight up looked like a zombie. every day id wake up and prepare myself to find him dead. but he recovered and never went back in w the#fish that injured him. his face was hideous. he looked pale and sickly. his head was a little too big like he was super old#his scales were iridescent and pretty and shimmery. he had no concept of giving a shit about me finding him beautiful or not. not even on#his mind. simply not something he would think about. now. im sure he'd have some sort of beauty standard to hold himself to for mating if#that had been an option for him. but it wouldnt be the same. idk. i just. i love the idea. of animals that are not traditionally cute or#beautiful or charismatic and the fact that they do not give a single fucking shit what we think of the way they look. BOTH ways. a#a butterfly does not give a single thought tohow beautiful or inspiring you find the colors of its wings. the wolf fish does not care that#humans find it hideous and terrifying. it just looks the way that it does. its fine. its vibing. it just wants to live and survive and get#enough food. yes beauty is everywhere but so is ugly. and there is beauty in ugly. to me. there is beauty in not even thinking about#standards to be conformed to or not. the beauty is irrelevant. its not For You. it doesnt Matter. its just Existing. if you like how it#looks while it exists? great! good for you. if you dont? okay cry about it i guess. this ugly ass fish doesnt give a shit if humans find it#beautiful or not. he was just going to continue to use his lips covered in teeth to scrape biofilm and algae off the surface of rocks and#driftwood and play in the current of the filter.#let girls be ugly the way marine iguanas dont give a shit if humans find them pretty cos theyre just sunning themselves and eating seaweed#off rocks. all humans are beautiful. all humans are ugly. it doesnt matter. let us go dive into the ocean and scrape seaweed off the rocks#and then bask in the sun on a warm rock and not fucking worry about that#anyway also Yes ive seen uglier fish than him.i know they exist. but he was also special cos he was My Fish u see
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