#Idk just been thinking about this a lot lately

[mossy-aro]

love as religion; am i doomed? / on aromanticism

all highlighted sections from ‘aromanticism’ by moses sumney - the album notes // other excerpts in order: ‘doomed’ - moses sumney / quote by Naïmah Janse / earthlings - sayaka murata / ‘sun bleached flies’ - ethel cain / unknown / ‘doomed’ - final verse

[mixelation]

been rotating a minakushi/mikoto concept, help

concept is basically: kushina and minato have an open relationship because he takes Long Missions; kushina starts hooking up with mikoto. kushina and minato would have been 19-20 when itachi is born, so i think mikoto is definitely already married. on the fence about how much fugaku knows about this and his opinion. leaning towards "fugaku is cool with mikoto hooking up with other women, because their marriage is largely political and he doesn't consider kushina a threat to their marriage*"

*for multiple reasons-- kushina can't get mikoto pregnant (important because this is why he married mikoto), kushina's not going to displace him as head of house or head of clan or gain sway within the clan from it (because she's not an uchiha), my understanding is that in japanese culture f/f romance is often seen as a phase/immature and not necessarily "real"

anyway then minato gets nominated for hokage and is back in konoha mostly full time again. instead of breaking up with mikoto, kushina pitches a threesome, and mikoto goes for it without consulting or telling fugaku. itachi is a toddler and she'd thought she'd be going back to active missions but the clan wants her to be a perfect housewife with more babies and she loves her kid but she's BORED and minakushi make her feel good. kushina is kind of envisioning this as a continuation of the "vaguely open marriage" arrangement mikoto has because kushina is not a homewrecker, but minato doesn't give a shit (and is maybe even MORE into it?) so she changes her mind quickly. she and mikoto are "best friends" so no one blinks an eye at mikoto occasionally being over late

threesome doesn't last very long because minato becoming hokage means a lot of power for him but also a lot of loss of privacy. they mutually agree to break it off and mikoto and kushina remain close friends. the timeline is such that sasuke is definitely fugaku's, but also people will question this later (i went back and forth on it, because i don't think minato is the type to abandon a baby thta's biologically his, and mikoto isn't the type to slip up with her contraceptive & i like the idea that ninja contraceptives are really really good)

anyway. flash forward a year and a half-ish and naruto is born. the affair creates a butterfly effect where, idk, there's an uchiha guard or maybe even mikoto herself on kushina's protection squad, and this is enough to tip the obito vs minato battle hard enough in minato's favor that his intervention is better. leaning towards the kyuubi being partially extracted such that there's still an attack on the village itself, but kushina reseals it into her and comes out physically spent but in no danger of dying.

so the namikaze-uzumaki family is all alive, but kushina isn't doing well physically or mentally and minato is both exhausted and stupid busy trying to clean up the mess and they have a one day old baby and no family help. (kakashi is fourteen and jiraiya is off trying to track down the mask man, and yep that's about all they have to lean on.) so mikoto shows up with baby sauske strapped to her back and is like "okay, we're a village and we help each other"

kushina: no, no, i want to be a good mom, i can do this--

mikoto: we're helping each other. you're helping me by sitting with the babies while they nap and i'm helping you by making a list of chores that need to be done by the help your husband, our benign dictator, is going to assign

kushina: but i want to be the one who--

mikoto: i know, i wanted to too. but you need to rest and hiring someone to clean your house because your husband won't your husband can't feels SO good

and mikoto tells fugaku she's basically living at her friend's just while she gets back on her feet (and isn't this SO good for the clan, her helping the hokage's wife with their baby), but then she just. never really leaves

for this AU i'm also toying with the idea of fugaku/the uchiha in general still wanting a coup and mikoto NOT wanting it because she wants to fuck the hokage in this universe, so there's some drama about what happens if the hokage cucks the uchiha clan head??? but also mikoto lets itachi be pushed through the ranks because she wants him to take over as clan head ASAP

[fragileinthemaking]

hii, i hope youre doing well today and i was curious about some things about your ed (possible tw later?). I've been in your situation (somewhat, not to this extent) and am currently bul1mic with exercise as the form of purging/slowly healing idk. I wanted to know first of all how do you manage to burn more than 1k calories in a day because that is literally INSANE, I never thought that its possibls so I'm really really curious about your methods.

I also wanted to know your opinion on healing and the ed itself. Do you wish you never had one, do you hate counting c@ls, do you miss your life before the ed? Did it help you in any way (did you notice physical changes)? Are you experiencing any health problems because of it, are you dizzy or yellowish, have you ever fainted? Do you feel proud when skipping meals or anybody points out something ab the ed? Do you wish to heal but don't have the courage/will to, are you forced into healing, are you comfortable in the ed and want to continue and not start a healing process? How do you feel when you overeat or can't exercise the c@ls out? How do you feel about the future, do you wish to continue like so, do you wish to heal or neither of them?

I know it's A LOT of questions actually and I'm really sorry about it, I will explain now. When I was deep in my ed I never actually thought about it and what is going on with my life and I'm genuinely curious as to how it sounds and how my perspective was, I'm really trying not to offend you right now so please don't answer to anything if I'm offending you in any way!!

Hii I'm fine with any questions but damn that's alot (not in a negative way just alot of words and im bad at reading large groups of text)

First of all tw for ed stuff anyone that doesnt want to see this

with the burning 1k c4ls. my (almost) daily exercise typically burns around 500-700. secondly im a minor, im in school, pe is a legal requirement and that burns between 300-900 depending on what we do so combining those i can burn up to 1600 a day or if i do my normal stuff for twice as long that can also reach 1000 which i sometimes do on weekends when i have more time.

healing is something which if you want i highly encourage you get. i wish i had never gotten one, i wish i had never started counting c4ls, i wish i had spoken to someone before it got worse. i no longer feel like im able to get help and ive gotten myself to deep in the rabbit hole to get my mindset out so if you want help and its never to late then do it. get the help you need ill support you all the way.

i hate counting c4ls. i only eat in public when i have to and i always have to secretly look at the c4ls and hope nobody sees. ive written them on my hand afew times when theyre really random numbers and have been questioned about it so just had to lie to my friends which i hate doing. life before an ed fells like it would be so much more free and i would be more careless and do whatever i want without wondering how many c4ls in burning/gaining from that activity. if i could go back to when i started having an ed i absolutely would and change whatever i can to not end up like this.

the only physical symptom ive had is my stomach getting smaller but im waiting for the day my thighs / ass (idk what a more appropriate name would be) get smaller as they make me insecure. im not sure if its from having an ed but im almost always dizzy espescially when i stand up to fast. ive never fainted or been yellowed.

when i skip i dont feel proud more like im doing something correct and nobodys ever pointed out an ed but if they did i would deny it but secretly be proud someone noticed. i dont want to heal. i might have in the past but currently i have no plan to. i want to continue my ed without help. (my mindset is just 'if its a problem its your job to fix it' and i dont want to fix it). ive been put in counselling which has 6(i think) sessions left but if they think im really bad then i might be put in actual therapy. ive hinted about an ed with things like 'i often skip meals' and 'i just forget' or 'i dont have an appetite' and secretly hope they might catch on and get me help.

when i overeat or cant burn the c4ls i just feel sick and like im a failure. theres not really anything else i just feel bad and like i failed at having an ed. for the future my main goal is to reach my ugw and stay there getting lower if possible but not higher unless i really want help.

That was alot of questions but i feel like this is a place where i can talk about whatever(especially my ed) without anyone judging me or knowing who i am. im glad i could think about my ed on a deeper level other than just 'hmm weight be gone pls' so like thanks?? idk i hope i answered everything i might have missed a question. im always open to any question anyone has i just like talking to people and getting to know them.

[chronurgy]

I love tumblr and don't want to leave but I do have concerns about the site's longevity so I'd love to have some sort of backup social media but I don't know where to go? Twitter is dying if not dead, reddit doesn't fill nearly the same niche, I'm not doing video so tiktok is out of the question, but what else is there? Where do you guys think you'll go? Where are you all keeping your backups?

[sotvtaughtmehowtofeel]

Want to write a comment on AO3 but don’t know how? Lemme help! Choose as many of these prompts as you like:

1. What was your favorite part?

2. How did it make you feel? Did you laugh out loud? Did you cry? What parts made you feel something?

3. What emotion were you left with when you finished the chapter?

4. Did any particular lines stick out to you? Which ones?

5. Did something remind you of something from the source material? Talk about that!

6. Did anything surprise you?

7. Did anything stand out to you?

I know some people get anxious writing comments but I PROMISE YOU you will make the writer’s day! Even if you just pick one of these things to elaborate on in your comment, the writer will appreciate it! If you write a long comment, the writer will remember it for ages!!

YOU CAN WRITE THE BEST COMMENT SOMEONE HAS EVER GOTTEN!! I believe in you!! 💜 please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or doubts!

[sonknuxadow]

i think people give elise too much shit for her little outburst at the end of sonic 06 because if i was running a country at 17 and had been repressing my emotions for 10 years straight and one day i got kidnapped like 500 times and ended up befriending the guy who rescued me and while spending time with him i felt like i really got to be myself and have fun for the first time in forever and formed a really meaningful relationship with him only for some weird demon rat thing to show up and kill him right in front of me just to make me cry so the destructive fire god that my dad sealed inside my body would be unleashed and then in order to save the world i had to reset the timeline and forget we ever met i would have become the joker

[ilkkawhat]

I know I've mentioned the Journal before, but this Saturday marks the one year anniversary of the day that I decided to play Alan Wake 2 for the first time, and my life changed for the better. I've used this journal to keep track of various gameplay stats (not pictured is the AW2 page where I'm literally keeping a tally of how many times I've played it which I'm in my tenth full playthrough); notes such as the stash puzzles, deer heads, etc though I still gotta finish the list of nursery rhymes and maps beyond cauldron lake; dreams I've had involving alan or anything remedy related; doodles and drawings (which is huge for me on a personal level cause I have this like. slightly traumatic experience with drawing early in my life that I won't go into detail here); and even a few poems I wrote...and I hadn't written poems since maybe high school.

This year has been rough on a personal level especially with work but like other cornerstone obsession's I've had, Alan's journey resonated with me on so many levels and gives me strength to keep going. The night I bought and played AW2 on a whim just because I saw a meme that "friendship ended with Silent Hill now Alan Wake 2 is my best friend" will go down as a tremendous turning point in my life. I was on a creative dry spell, I had stopped everything and never thought I'd start again, I had exiled myself from any sort of fandom space/interaction thinking I was poison, isolated myself to such a terrible degree from my family and friends, I was in such a deep depression and a new level of hopelessness than I had ever been in before, and I can just go on and on forever on how much this game means to me but the most important thing Alan Wake taught me is the beginning of the final draft, that realization that all is not lost, that my life is not just a loop of depression then fleeting joy then depression then fleeting joy then depression then fleeting joy (yes, sometimes I wonder if I'm bipolar) and his monologue sums it up best:

A fictional poet once said "Beyond the shadow you settle for, there is a miracle, illuminated." I will not settle for a shadow. I will find the miracle, through the night. It's not just victims and monsters; I see now, there are heroes as well. We can find our way through the darkness. We will break through the surface and crash into the light.

[automatonknight]

id: a digital fullbody drawing of a knight, visible from the side. besides silver armor, he’s wearing cowboy chaps with a floral pattern and spurs. his helmet also has a white, blue and brown feather attached to it. he’s lifting his legs up slightly and one of his hands is on his belt, while he’s raising the other one up and pointing and something. the background is black. end id

[creaturefeaster]

I haven't been able to draw in a little while now...... but i feel the urge boobling(bubbling) underneath....... i think it may be time to update some character designs.

[beeholyshit]

My little bebes ❤️

[blighted-lights]

children of war.

[atthebell]

I would love the context,

i don't even know where to begin but basically because cellbit is extremely famous and for a very long time was EXTREMELY disliked within brazilian content creation circles/by fans (due to a myriad of factors-- partially some legit criticism, partially people lashing out because he doesn't like parasocial stuff, partially people deciding he's just a good punching bag, and also the stuff with his ex for many years made a lot of people feel justified in how awful they were to him). this isn't like that wild on its own BUT the amount of ex-friends/colleagues/ex-ordem cast members who will just randomly decide to talk shit about him for no reason is genuinely crazy. like watching old vods where he plays with other people will be wild because he'll be playing with like four people who since then have said absolutely batshit stuff about him, and it's kind of crazy just how many people it is. like you know how people don't talk enough about how there is a version of parasociality that involves being obsessed with hating someone? that's kind of how many, many people were/are with cellbit, particularly fans, and particularly ordem fans. the crew from the fear pong video + a few others are like. the small crew of people who haven't talked shit about him, alongside newer gringo friends of his.

this isn't a great explanation because there's too much context to really get into in a single or even a few posts, but tl;dr people talk shit about cellbit constantly and he was making a joke about how at least matt and everyone would be doing it to his face rather than, say, on-stream while he's asleep without talking to him about said issues beforehand

[deadbaguette]

There is the overwhelming urge sometimes to just suddenly… refer to the Iliad characters with the epithets. All. the. time.

[waterfallofspace]

Anyone else not able to say 'bless you', either because it feels too personal, embarrassing, slightly erotic or a mixture of all of the above-

Buuuuuut also whenever an event interrupts the conversation, you feel so much more awkward not saying anything/commenting on it at all, and so you wish you could just... say that phrase, or have some other thing that makes sense to say to just- shrug it off???

[thetorturedlovergirl]

Vampire thasmin vampire thasmin vampire thasmin vampire thasmin vampire thasmin vampire thasmin vampire thasmin vampire thasmin vampire thasmin vampire thasmin vampire thasmin vampire Thasmin vamp-

[thebirdandhersong]

Lol