#also i think its pretty obvious that she wasnt actually gonna let the world end so she could stay with sonic

[sonknuxadow]

i think people give elise too much shit for her little outburst at the end of sonic 06 because if i was running a country at 17 and had been repressing my emotions for 10 years straight and one day i got kidnapped like 500 times and ended up befriending the guy who rescued me and while spending time with him i felt like i really got to be myself and have fun for the first time in forever and formed a really meaningful relationship with him only for some weird demon rat thing to show up and kill him right in front of me just to make me cry so the destructive fire god that my dad sealed inside my body would be unleashed and then in order to save the world i had to reset the timeline and forget we ever met i would have become the joker

[thekingofwinterblog]

It’s all for his sake - Endeavor and the Sunk Cost Fallacy

My hero academia 301 is a pretty interesting chapter, but for me, the most notable piece of it was how Endeavour reacted to the realization that Touya couldnt surpass All Might.

upon realizing that his son might not be able to do it because of inborn physical limitations, he immediatly stopped his training, which frankly was the responsible and adult thing to do. 

This stint of real parenthood did not last long however.

After taking the matter to a doctor, he is flat out told that not only cant Touya achive what endeavor wants, but it is a direct result of his incredibly selfish and irresponsible attempt to play god, by trying to breed the “perfect” hero into being.

It is how you react when you lose however, that shows who you really are, and endeavor illustrates that very, very well.

Upon being told in no uncertain terms that his attempts at Breeding an heir failed magnificently, producing a child that was not capable of resisting his own immense power, but also admonished by his doctor for even attempting it, and adviced not to try again, Endeavor instead doubled down, while focusing on the child he screwed over from the start with his attempt at genetic manipulation.

It was all for him you see. Endeavor doesnt use those words, but that is how he spins it here. it was all for Touya, all for his sake. if i stop now, then Touya was all for nothing, a mistake, im doing this for my son.

if im doing this for my son, then im not responsible for any of this.

his wife however, calls him out on it, as she understands Touya much, much more than endeavor does. or rather, she sees him fully as a human being, instead of as a thing, a weapon, a failed attempt at an heir.

Unlike Endeavor, Rei is able to see the way this all is affecting her son. She is able to see, and understand that Touya has fully accepted what Endeavor wanted him to be. a stronger, and better version of himself. however, unlike Endeavor, she only cares about him as a person.

Endeavour by comparison isnt completely uncaring about Touya. like most abusive parents, he does possess love for his offspring, but it is forever tainted by the fact that however much he might care, or not care about Touya, any familial love he has for his son is tainted by the fact that to Endeavor, he is a failed experiment, a failed heir, not his child. 

He is the golden child that Endeavor was building up as his true and only heir, who he breed, trained, and molded to for that single purpose, and now that he’s reached a point where he cant continue that legacy.

so, its time to abandon him, and start over new, despite literarily having just learned how stupid this plan was, and that it can, in fact, go completely wrong, with a quirk that will fuck over the person he brings into the world.

Of course, Endeavor doesnt use those words to frame it. there is no way to pretend to be a hero, if you phrase it like that after all. Intead, this is the words he uses.

this is a very important series of panels for a great number of reasons, some that can be debated, argued, and we will probably never know the full truth to the questions because this is a series published in 2020′s shonen jump, and there are things that probably wasnt gonna fly with Hori’s editors, if it was the case.

but lets start with what can not be debated. Endeavor’s words here.

“If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice... Touya... Cant surpass him.”

These are very telling words, and however you believe The third and fourth children of the Todoroki family was concieved, there is not denying the meaning of what he’s saying here.

The only way that my son will stop being an idiot and fall into line, is if we have another baby. that is the only Right way to move forward. it is morally right, because if we dont do this, then he’s going to destroy himself.

there are two ways to interpret this scene.

The charitable way is to read it as the fact that he used Rei’s oldest son’s mental state as a justification of guilting his wife to have a third child, to give this attempt at a superpowered breeding project another shot, despite the fact that they now know that this can lead to a child who is essentially born crippled from his own powers, and despite the fact that Rei obviously understands the effect of them continuing this insanity will have on their oldest son.

the uncharitable way to look at it, is that he used this as justification for flat out raping her, and forcing a third, and then later a fourth child on her.

I personally believe the last one, given a number of factors shown in this chapter(the way this page is framed, the fact Rei obviously didnt want a third child, given she predicted exactly how touya would react, the way her eyes would latet turn when she looks at who is presumably touya which really brings to mind how she would later react to her youngest son’s face after her mental breakdown, etc.), but i’ll frankly admitt that withouth a direct quote from Hori, its impossible to know for sure one way or another. 

either way however, this is a very good example of Endeavor both being influenced by, and using Sunk Cost Fallacy to justify bringing another potentially crippled child into the world for his own, selfish goals.

sunk cost Fallacy, is a mental reaction to when you invest more time and resources into a project, that you becomes so emotionally invested into said project that you will continue to invest into it, even if it reaches a point that it becomes clear that the resources you put into it, far, far outweighs the potential gains you can achieve.

because if you give up after having invested years, and years of effort to breed, raise, and train a kid, and then all that effort was absolutely wasted. hence he choose to keep going, despite having learned what a terrible idea this is.

He doesnt care about the fact that his next child might be even more crippled than his firstborn, he doesnt care about his son’s actual wellbeing. he cares about the fact that if he doesnt continue this insanity, then not only will he not achieve his dreams, but everything he did to get to this point was for absolutely nothing.

and endeavor cannot accept that. and so long as he can justify breeding more children into the world, and there being any chance they might inherit both quirks perfectly, he doesnt care about anything else.

and the moment he realised that this kid wasnt gonna cut it either, he did it again. it is not a coincidence, that the age gap between Endeavor’s second, third, and fourth children were all 3-4 years apart. because thats the age where you can usually tell when a quirk will manifest or not, as established earlier in the series.

While she isnt brought up directly by Endeavor as a justification, it is very telling that Endeavor decided on having a third child, only after his second child was old enough that he could tell that that there was no chance she could take the place as his heir instead.

So, he had his third child, and as time passed and it became obvious that he wasn’t gonna be able to fulfill Endeavor’s goals either, he dumped him, and instead breed a fourth child into existence.

and finally, he struck gold. he did it. he produced Shoto.

everything was finally worth it, and now, everything would be absolutely fine. the cost fallacy had reached its end, and it was now all full sails ahead.

except of course it wasnt.

His oldest son, now in middle school, had been raised from birth to believe he would surpass his father, only to be thrown away, and getting to see his father try to replace him, not once, but twice.

frankly, this scene is probably my favorite in the chapter, because it goes to show Endeavor’s mindset. Natsuo made a point that their father completely ignored his older children. and he did... from Natsuo’s perspective. however, having a more thourough picture of things, we can clearly see that this wasnt the case with Touya.

Endeavor genuinly cared for Touya, enough that once he got that child he tried to breed into existence 4 times, he genuinly wanted him to just abandon trying to be a hero. he genuinly thinks of himself as a good dad here, wanting his son to abandon the mission he set out for him before he was born. of course, with context, this heartwarming scene is incredibly sad and insidious, because we understand why Endeavor got so attached to his oldest child. because he WAS the golden child. he was the child Endeavor genuinly cared about, and invested in, and trained personally with great warmth and enthusiasm.

And not only did he abandon him as a failed project the moment he realized he wasnt gonna live up to his ridiculous standards, but he literarily created 2 more kids to try and replace him, just as his oldest son was old enough to understand what exactly his dad was doing. over the course of this chapter, we get to see Touya’s start as a 5-8 year old, his deteriorating mental state over the years, until he finally seemed to reach the breaking point with Shoto’s birth sometime in his middle school years 12-15. 

Endeavor is in this scene, just not capable of understanding why Touya so desperately wants to become a hero, when obviously he isnt physically able to do so. he isnt able to understand that he is 100% to blame for the fact that his son is having a full emotional breakdown after literaly being replaced by his siblings. 

In other words, Endeavor genuinly think’s he’s a good person. a person who has made a few mistakes along the way sure, but a person who was always justified in the end, and now that he’s having to face the fact that as dabi would later say “The past never dies” and has to face the aftermath of his inane attempt to play god for the pettiest of reasons, things simply arent going to work out.

He isnt going to have a happy family, who can now put the awful early years behind them, he put way too much effort, caused too much suffering and sacrificed too many years of his life for this not to work out as he wants.

after all, if he walks away from this project now, and lets Shoto have a normal childhood, and decide for himself, with no pressure from him, wheter or not to become a hero, then the sunk cost fallacy will have reached a negative end. it will all have been for nothing.

and we know he did eventually double down on this mentality, literarily beating into Shoto that he WAS going to become a hero, and there was not but’s or no’s about it.

there was no way that Endeavor was EVER going to let things be for nothing. His treatment of his older children could not be for nothing. His treatment of his wife could not be for nothing. His treatment of Shoto, and the way he beat him black and blue to train him, could not be for nothing.

Because if it all was for nothing, if everything he feels guilty about was for absolutely nothing, then he was in fact, a bad, bad person, who had no justification for anything he ever did.

[badatusernames]

CHOJI, SHIKAMARU, LEE, GAARA & HINATA!! ITS A LOT IM SORRY

THANK U FOR THIS...admittedly some answers may be a lil short just so i can like. Get to them all.

EDIT: IDK WHY IT LOOKS LIKE THIS. IM SO TIRED. IM SORRY ITS JUST A LONGASS NARUTO POST ON YOUR DASH I TRIED MY FUCKIN BEST YALL

SEND ME A CHARACTER AND I’LL DO THIS;

Chouji (man i’ve seen it spelled both ways and i’m just used to typing Chouji at this point sorry)

Sexuality Headcanon: Pansexual!!  Gender Headcanon: Cis male A ship I have with said character: SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARUUUU, my god...just, everything about their dynamic makes my heart melt, the way they’re both people who are easily dismissed by others and how they have such UNFALTERING FAITH in each other. chouji knows how much of a genius shikamaru is, knows very well the fact that despite his laziness, once he commits to something he’s in it for the LONG HAUL, the way shikamaru just believes so steadfastly in chouji, considering him stronger than NEJI FOR FUCKS SAKE...they like. get one another, the kind of relationship where you can be yakking away one minute and then just sitting in contented silence the next. they can just laze around. maybe play video games and snack. and sometimes...kiss. and it’s so chill even with that latent tenderness their later relationship develops and they both just feel so safe and KNOWN and familiar like. love your best friend. anyway everyone slept on shikacho and y’all should be ashamed the naruto fandom is enormous and finding pretty much ANY content for it is almost impossible aside from the small (if lovely and amazing) tag and i’m pretty hyperfixated on it if you couldn’t tell holy SHIT.  A BROTP I have with said character: i’m really not a fan of ino taking potshots at him for his weight and outright shaming him, but once she grows out of that i absolutely love their friendship. listen, you know that post thats like--hold on

thats just them, thanks. A NOTP I have with said character: i have nothing against karui but canon is fucking dead to me and my opinions on p much all the “endgame” ships range from utterly neutral to absolute loathing. their relationship is on neither end of the spectrum, but. eh. definitely not into it. A random headcanon: he keeps nursing injured animals back to health because he’s just that fucking sweet and bringing them back to his house to keep them warm and safe while they recover and his team knows vaguely about this and ino and shikamaru like to poke fun at him for it but since they don’t tend to encounter said animals, it’s not really a huge deal.

of course they stop by his house one day bc he hadn’t shown up for training which is annoying and frankly a little concerning and finding the house mostly empty ino just bursts on into chouji’s room only to immediately have the opossum he’s been caring for latch its little paws on her face and cling.

it’s a bad morning. General Opinion over said character: literally one of my absolute favorites of all time and it really breaks my heart how overlooked he is in the fandom (seriously y’all...). i think kishimoto is kind of a stupid hack and the Fat Jokes are really grating and it sucks to see that so intrinsically tied to his character (like. just let him be fat. jesus christ) but his kindness and overall relaxed, loyal and lovable nature has me just melting. i adore him. 

Shikamaru

Sexuality Headcanon: He’s gay, scoob. (I could also talk a lot about how his earlier misogyny is both a product of being a whiny tween and also some internalized frustration of like WHATS SO GREAT ABOUT GIRLS. UGH. I DONT. STOP TELLING ME IM GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH ONE ONE DAY DAD JESUS. and let’s be real, thats frustrating, even if it aint an excuse)  Gender Headcanon: he uses he/him pronouns because it’s just what he’s used to and comfortable with but man gender is such a drag... A ship I have with said character: SEE ABOVE SHIKACHO RANT A BROTP I have with said character: naruto! he and naruto have a really adorable friendship and i love love LOVE that he and chouji were shown to be kind and accepting of him even when most people were shunning him. also he’s so fucking dumb i love seeing shikamaru meticulously plan out something only to have naruto shriek into battle and ruin all of it. love those guys. stupid bros.  A NOTP I have with said character: ok. im sorry i just. loathe sh*katema i really do. i haaaate the way kishimoto writes this whole “ew a GIRL” “ew a MAN” vibe with the like OOOH BUT THEYRE GONNA LIKE EACH OTHER vibe like. 

don’t get me wrong i adore them as friends, i think they’re fantastic scathing and witty pals who bitch about anything and everything including each other

but they’re also both gay and kishimoto can suck my nuts byeeee A random headcanon: sometimes pakkun just fucking Shows up and chills with him. shikamaru wants absolutely no part of this but is way too lazy to like. do anything about it so it’s just this guy and a dog sitting in a field chillin and occasionally him piping up like ‘hey kid. remember when i bit your hand? yeah? haha, man time sure does fly.” while shikamaru is just. go aWAY.   General Opinion over said character: if you told 9 year old me watching naruto for the first time my favs were gonna be a three way tie of lee, shikamaru and chouji i never would have fucking believed you but here we are. i love him. i absolutely love him. he’s such a whiny bastard and a really good depiction of burnout genius who doesnt want to do ANYTHING, but his intellect is an absolute DELIGHT to watch. i love him very much. 

Lee

Sexuality Headcanon: he’s pan!! this is a boy that crushes easily and crushes hard on just about anyone!!!! Gender Headcanon: cis male A ship I have with said character: ok i ship him a lot with neji actually? what with how neji grows during the course of the series to regard lee with the respect he deserves is really sweet and there’s just something so infinitely adorable about him going around being the hammiest, most ridiculously earnest, kind and enthusiastic person and neji, now that he isn’t constantly bitter and angry at the world can finally really see that? lee is always happily dropkicking his way into his life, like he wouldn’t have it any other way, and i think that’s just...so sweet A BROTP I have with said character: SAKURAAAAA. oh my GOD do i adore their relationship. ever since lee saved her and basically just gave her a glimpse of his...lee-ness, the fact her negative opinion of him IMMEDIATELY flipped and gave her such a strong admiration and fondness for him kills me DEAD. she always treats him with so much respect and the fact she’s quick to rag on anyone making fun of him melts my HEART!! and on lee’s side, his little crush on her is adorable of course, but the sheer strength of the friendship that comes from it is more than infatuation could ever offer him. i want them to hang out together and talk about their troubles...i want them to make each other laugh and be so very kind to each other...i want sakura to storm over and throw him over her shoulder to TAKE A BREAK ALREADY when he’s been training too hard for too long. god. A NOTP I have with said character: honestly i’m pretty happy with a lot of lee ships! the only ones i view with obvious disdain are the ones with creepy age gaps honestly. A random headcanon: out of everyone in the leaf genin, he’s probably the closest anyone’s ever come to someone who EVERYONE is at least distantly friendly towards. like god have you SEEN how warm and inviting and concerned he is the SECOND he sees that naruto is feeling down? i get the sense he’s immediately inclined to provide that kind of support to any of his comrades, even the ones that Resist it.

you think sasuke is the most popular among the leaf genin? puh-LEASE. everyone looks on rock lee with at least a LITTLE bit of warmth. thats just fact. General Opinion over said character: since my first viewing of naruto he has been my Absolute fav, and while chouji and shikamaru are veeery close to stealing that spot, one look at him and i feel he’s gonna be on top forever. probably the best written character kishimoto’s ever produced that’s remained in  the main cast (tho i dont speak for shipudden onwards who fucking knows, but the truth of it is is i adore rock lee)

Gaara

Sexuality Headcanon: Panromantic Asexual Gender Headcanon: kind of like shikamaru, i feel like he uses he/him pronouns but also doesn’t particularly....Care? A ship I have with said character: ok so it wasnt until my naruto rewatch that i really started falling into this but i think him and naruto are super cute? while i loathe kishimoto for ruining so much abt this show he really is good at creating good foils to naruto, and gaara is no exception--and the way naruto changes his life by just kicking his ass (and proving he’s not just a Simp or smth) and then just, extending genuine empathy and a REAL sense of truly relating to where he’s coming from re:his upbringing? the EFFECT it has on him, bro!!!! my god!!! i feel like they’re that opposites attract ship that don’t clash constantly but instead fall into this adorable synergy and understanding? and i think thats so sweet A BROTP I have with said character: ...is it cheating to just put temari and kankuro here? bc they are literally his siblings but my GOD do i love their relationship. there’s something so deeply sad about their initial situation??? like having siblings that either are deeply fucking afraid of you or clearly don’t care for your well being whatsoever, it’s such a tragic scenario, and the times where they really do show legitimate care for gaara just breaks my heart...but the GROWTH. THE DEVELOPMENT. THE HEALING. i love the sand siblings so much, i am a STRONG advocate of seeing the development from estranged family to loving, occasionally bickering siblings who absolutely Love Each Other A NOTP I have with said character: uhhhh same with lee in that i don’t really mind most of the ships i’ve seen him in? while i don’t particularly ship gaalee i think its also Very Cute, and really it all just seems pretty valid as long as people aren’t being creepy? A random headcanon: i’ve been wracking my brain for one for a good 20 minutes and i just don’t have one he’s such a mystery to me/????? i love him but he is an enigma?? General Opinion over said character: oh my god he’s such an edgelord in the beginning. i’ve been doing a lot of this naruto rewatch with my friend @drashseed (a simply phenomenal fella 10/10 follow him) and every single time he talked the only valid response just became “ok gaara”

but his backstory? utterly HEARTWRENCHING. and his growth is just. absolutely divine, i adore him. thank you mister sandman for doing so much for us all.

Hinata

Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual Gender Headcanon: cis woman A ship I have with said character: listen. i think kibahina is........Really Really cute. he cares about her so MUCH??? and there’s a certain tenderness to his interactions with her that’s just really evident whenever you see em together? i really love that you get the sense hinata is COMFORTABLE around him!!! like! i feel like hinata really deserves to have a partner who sees her when she ISN’T blushing and stammering? when she’s like? legitimately comfortable and being HERSELF? (dgmw the blushing is adorable i fucking love her but its one of the gripes i have with naruhina that so much of it is just naruto being oblivious and her having a small panic attack) the comfort she and kiba have make for a chill, adorable relationship i just cry over constantly A BROTP I have with said character: so i was GONNA put naruto here, but technically i already put him there for shikamaru’s so i’m gonna say neji!!! uhhh OBVIOUSLY they got off to a. very rough start but the way their dynamic changed (or perhaps in a way reverted back to the times they interacted before neji’s father died and temporarily killed his Human Decency) into this respect and fondness that’s just...such a delight to watch? i’m a SUCKER for slow and mutual reconciliation and there are just so many sweet moments between them. they are FAMILY, BRO!!! THEY CARE FOR EACH OTHER, BRO!!!!!!!!!! A NOTP I have with said character: ...at the risk of sounding like a broken record, i think a lot of hinata ships are quite cute? i guess i’m gonna have to say sasuke. because like.

has. he ever even looked at her. please. jesus christ. she deserves so much better. A random headcanon: she is a LOT physically stronger than she looks!! a lot of her combat techniques rely on taijustu after all so it’d make sense that she puts a lot of effort into physical training alongside chakra control.

i’m trying to say she’s strong. not as strong as sakura but. she can lift her bf up over her head (he’s dying hes dying he’s dYING he lOVES HER SO MUCH). it’s pretty fuckign badass

General Opinion over said character: i LOVE her??? honest to god i really really do--honestly while i dislike the direction they went in canon with her, i really loved seeing her be motivated to grow and change the parts of herself she hated to become a stronger person.

that and she’s so fucking cute and sweet and i just??????? bless her honestly.

[iridescentides]

hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity. 

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

[enixamyram]

Hey, guess what, I’ve found another screen rant I want to react to! I wasn’t planning to do any more but, reading through this article, I just have SO many problems with it... So Let’s do another, agree or disagree with a Screenrant article made by someone with no bias at all. (Sarcasm for the last part by the way.) So let’s see:

Agreed with this point. People act like, if the characters weren’t on screen then they disappeared or something. Maybe they were just living their own lives?

... I don’t even understand this article. Apparently this is 20 things people get wrong and this point is that the timeline can make sense, but then OP goes on to say “However, the more characters were introduced and the more worlds the characters ventured into, it became clearer and clearer that time didn't work the same way everywhere... However, in a world of fairytales, expecting anything more than that is simply asking too much. What does it matter, exactly, when some of these events took place as long as we know that they were a long time ago in a universe not at all like our own?”

Like, so that means this isn’t something people get wrong - the timeline DOESN’T make sense - so what the hell is it doing in this article? You can’t claim you’ve solved it just because you shrug and go “yeah but it’s magic so what do you expect?”

I mean the text directly conflicts the title/bullet point. Luckily I can still safely say I disagree, both with the title and the text because the timeline became f*cked, and just making an embarrassed shrugging face doesn’t change that.

I can’t even say disagree because this is just plain wrong! I don’t quite understand this writer. I can’t tell what they’re deal is, like did they just give a poor title to their article?

Season 1 - The Original Curse Season 2 - Belle and Sneezy lost their memories. Season 3 - Everyone lost a year. Season 5 - Camelot Season 6 - Emma lost her memories Season 7 - Another Curse.

Notice how I left out 4? Well this is where I’m getting confused because this is what OP had to say about Season 4: “While season four dabbled with alternate universes, memories were never wiped or reset in the way they were in every other season.”

... But their memories WERE wiped! They were essentially in a curse because their memories WERE wiped and they WERE given new identities just like the original curse. So yes, memory wipes did in fact happen every single season!

So I can’t agree or disagree because maybe some people do call Ruby a lesbian, but most everyone I talk to calls her bi... So I’ma just skip this one.

Note: She’s bi people. This is canon. If you don’t agree then tough shit.

Agreed, there’s plenty of other ways true love can be proven. TLK is probably just the most convenient, lol.

Kind of agree? I mean I think most people do know and acknowledge this but I guess it can sometimes escape people without realising in passing sentences?

This is true. It was a lame and terrible reveal that made no sense but it was revealed.

... Like, I’m getting confused again. Because this title either doesn’t fit or the writer lives under a rock because no one get’s this wrong! Everyone - rightfully - calls out Zelena for what she did. Even Zelena fans admit what she did was messed up!

... I do agree, I don’t think she made up for all the awful things she did and she definitely became “one of the team” way too quickly for my liking. (I’m hesitant because I suddenly have an idea what side of the fandom wrote this article and I can pretty much predict where it’s going.)

AND THERE IT IS!

DISAGREE.  DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE.

“Nothing says good guy like being an older man who takes advantage of a young girl, impregnates her, and lets her go to jail for crimes you yourself committed.” First off, we don’t know his age. Second, he didn’t ‘impregnant’ her. She got pregnant. It takes two to tango though I doubt the writer knows this. And third, Emma went to jail for HER crimes. Sorry, dear writer, but let me just fill you in. Aiding and abetting a fellow criminal IS A CRIME! Emma did wrong and she was punished for it. I don’t necessarily agree with what Neal did but he is not responsible for where Emma ended up.

“Even further, nothing says good guy like someone who mocks the woman he allegedly loves for the years of trauma, suffering, and scars she endured as a result of your callous, selfish behavior.” ... WHEN?!

“... Neal Cassidy became more and more like the selfish, frequently malicious parents who raised him.” ... Again, WHEN?! Like seriously, selfish maybe but malicious?!

“In no world would he have been the right man for Emma or a good father to Henry because he could never accept accountability for any of his many wrongdoings.” Except, you know, Neal knew Henry all of five minutes and was already dedicated to being a great dad to him and literally was WAY better at being a father to Henry than Hook ever was to the kid. And I added the Hook part because my God, the writer of this article couldn’t be more obvious a CS shipper if they had every sentence end with swans and pirate flags.

It’s amazing how, even dead, they’re still threatened by Neal’s character.

Maybe this was true in S6, but by S7 they had clearly retconned it, making the Wish Realm a very real place. Otherwise there’s a ton of plot holes and you’ve got to be a real idiot to say you’d rather accept plot holes than that the Wish Realm might actually be real.

(Also, just saying, another terrible title because what happened to Emma and Regina when they were in the Wish Realm very much DID happen. So again, really poor titles for this article that clearly doesn’t know what it’s point is.)

... She VIOLATED everyone’s minds by erasing their memories and TRIED TO MURDER ZELENA!

She may have had good intentions but that doesn’t change the fact that she was a villain for a season! Dude, have you never heard the phrase “the road to hell was paved with good intentions”?! I’ll defend Emma turning Hook into a Dark One for sure, but trying to completely ignore the awful things she did?! Jesus Christ!

Again... What? OP... Everyone already KNOWS this. This article is meant to be things people gets wrong but, honestly, I think OP’s the only idiot who gets things wrong at this point. So I’m once again torn because I agree with the statement but I don’t agree that this is something people get wrong.

*Sigh* OP’s giving me a migraine. Not because their statement is incorrect, but because all their reasoning is!

“Regina, as we know, went back and forth to points outside of Maine many times during the preceding 28 years.” It was actually explained, by Regina herself to Hook in Season 2, that because she (and he) had no cursed memories, crossing the town line would not affect them.

“Greg and Tamara are also able to cross the town lines, with Greg even remembering the tiny town for years and years after a traumatic encounter within it during his childhood.” Again. The town line affects people who ARE CURSED! This is made very clear! Henry can also cross the town line when he went to get Emma.

The title, once again, is misleading. People are able to leave - so long as they don’t CROSS THE TOWN LINE. That’s the part CURSED people are not able to do.

I’ve given up Agreeing and Disagreeing at this point. OP’s points are making my brain hurt so let’s just move on.

You’re right OP. It did serve a purpose. It’s purpose was to be a cash grab!

Apparently OP’s excuse is that Anna and Elsa helped Emma come into her own as a magic user? Like yeah, I’m calling bullshit. Emma had no problem using her magic until they brought Frozen in, then they made a whole storyline of Emma having problems just to justify having Elsa struggle and then help her with it.

And after they left they were barely even mentioned. So, again. NO PURPOSE. (Apart from a cash grab.)

Okay, so actually, I do agree. Regina is still Henry’s mum but the fact is, his adoption can’t be legal because Regina would need to have lied on her application and all the usual checks usually done for people wanting to adopt couldn’t possibly have happened.

I was going to agree on technicality but you know what? No.

DISAGREE!

Just because the couples aren’t perfect doesn’t make them toxic. (Using OP’s examples:) “Robin's relationship with Regina results in his being repeatedly assaulted and fathering a child as a result of that assault.” Wow, dude, wait to blame the girlfriend for some of the bad stuff that happened in Robin’s life. I sure feel sorry for whoever you end up with if this is how you see it. “Hook and Emma frequently lie to one another as well,” Lying does not equal a toxic relationship! Certain lies, maybe, but general lying is just what people do when they’re embarrassed or ashamed or upset. What counts is what you’re lying about and also whether or not you come clean about it.

The only one I’ll agree with is RumBelle but even then OP completely misses the reason WHY they’re a toxic relationship. Instead they generalise it into very un-toxic details.

... Again... Like... I agree with the statement but NO ONE GETS THIS WRONG!

OP is clearly just using this article as an excuse to bash Regina. And I’m not a Regina fan, but no, dude, if you’re gonna do this then make a “20 of the worst things Regina ever did” list. Not a “20 things people get wrong” and then list a bunch of things that one in ten people gets wrong!

And now OP’s repeating. Because I’m pretty sure this was covered in the 4th one? Like, agree. I guess. But it feels like OP was running out of things and figured Regina bashing again would be too obvious or something.

Okay. Now this is something a lot of people won’t agree with but... I do.

I agree the show was intended to be Emma’s story and that it then got popular and other characters got popular and it branched out into something more.

... However OP is still a colossus idiot because they ended on this sentence:

“It's what made the concept of a seventh season without almost any of the Charmings such a laughable concept - and such a colossal failure, as well.” And while Season 7 may not be the masterpiece I pretend it is to piss of anti’s, it is also far from the worst. OP just hates it because their fav wasn’t centre stage and they’re bitter as hell.

Wow this was probably the stupidest article yet. OP either clearly doesn’t know what they were meant to be doing (a list of things people often forget about the show) or they just wanted to make a list where they bitched a few points and couldn’t be bothered to think of a catchy title or reason why. Either way, OP’s an idiot and most of these points are ridiculously dumb.

[firebuug]

ok here’s this. pokemon au ramble. because this week has just been me loving my ocs but bass boosted. under the cut!! this post will be REALLY long mainly because of the teams sorry!

pokemon au is pure bc no deaths or rlly bad things happen

buggy is a trainer who went on the pokemon journey for fun and as a coming-of-age kinda thing(also because he may or may not have burnt his house down with a litwick), but kinda stopped getting gym badges half way and decided to settle down and just take the road casually. he settled down with apoccy and they both run a little pokemon sanctuary and care for pokemon that aren’t able to go back to the wild or have some little quirk (for example a litwick that cant keep itself lit easily). he likes battling for fun rather than for glory, and when his rival (farrow, obvs) was like “ha im gonna beat u and become the champion and ur not” he was like “i mean ok have fun!” which makes farrow pissed. he’s a guy who really cares about pokemon’s feelings and basically got back into action from pokemon santuary-ing and fought against the coven (the bad guy team) to stop them from hurting anyone.

team: 

- Ari (talonflame) (he flies around on her!)

- Lulu (chandelure) (his absolute baby and child)

- Fluffy (ampharos) (he named it fluffy when it was a mareep but then it evolved a bit and it wasnt fluffy anymore. its name is still fluffy tho)

- Big Boy (pelipper) (he’s a big ocean enthusiast but can’t swim and is a bit afraid of the water, so he uses pelipper to navigate over it and help him fish)

- Ellis (sylveon) (he wanted him to be a flareon but he loved them a lot and he ended up becoming a sylveon but buggy still loves him 100%)

- Musha (musharna) (musha helps him go to sleep easier and stay awake better as well, it’s basically his service pokemon ahghjhdjkf. she’s usually floating by his side!)

i think mendel would be a pokemon professor bc he studies pokemon. how he was even trusted enough to hand out pokemon to small children is a mystery, but gene takes care of most of the friendly stuff with handing u ur pokemon and stuff, mendel just does the research. later on it’s revealed that mendel is part of the region’s bad guy group, the coven! (>:3cc) their goal is to fuse multiple powerful pokemon together into the perfect pokemon that is able to beat everything and everyone else, in a combination of every type in existence. (Idk if this is the plot of any game bc i dont remember the plot of any game past pokemon b/w honestly) eventually the protag gets them to not fucking destroy everything and befriend the big boy pokemon (juggy, but like pokemon) and the coven disbands their group and just live life as normal people not criminals bc pokemon verse is best verse

team: - Juggy (sivally) (idk shit about sivally or the sumo plot but it looks like a fusion pokemon and its cute so like um there we go ig. in the actual au itd probably be a completely new pokemon but im lazy)

- Cofagrigus (obvious reasons. if i didnt want to keep this au pure i wouldve mentioned he still grave digs)

-Mimikyu (shut up its cute)

- Flabebe (flowere) (”oh what a pretty flower, it will be great to work on. oh no its a pokemon. guess its my child now”)

- Arbok (its a snake he loves snakes he gives it little pats on the head and rattatas)

- Claydol (it has a ton of red eyes and its black and red what more do you want from him. also he thinks it is cool and its psychic so like hhuiionnghgh yeah)

gene is a pokemon docdor (he heals those boys up for you and takes care of them) and helps mendel out in research since they both share an interest in researching pokemon!!! he doesn’t know that hes part of the bad guy team that snatches up pokemon and doesn’t question any weird things he decides to research about until like the end. he’s really nice and’ll probably catch up to you along your journey just to see how you’re doing, check up on you, and give you cool stuff like the master ball n stuff. he has a big greenhouse where he grows berries and’ll give you some as gifts along the way. he battles you occasionally to see how strong you’ve gotten and’ll heal your pokemon when your done, giving you tips. he likes hanging out around forests and little garden areas.

team:

- Serperior (long boi. good noodle boi.)

- Comfey (C O M F E Y flowere boi) 

- I lost my old gene team im so sad so i dont remember any of it

- Bitty (budew) (BABY BOY BABY! he loves them sm) (it evolves into roserade later on but shhhshhh baby budew)

- Swanna (pretty birb!!) (helps him water the plants in the greenhouse!!)

- Ana (unfezant) (HE NEEDS ANA OK)

- Audino (mega) (he needs that healy pokemon it’s essential) (theyre his little helper)

farrow is the stereotypical rival guy tbh. with buggy he was like “im gonna be better than u” and buggy was like “stop bullying me” but then just “ok” so he got bored. with skuggy it was more competitive, and they even battled each other right at the victory road’s entrance to see who was better, but they never got to complete the elite 4 trial since the coven juggy shit happened and they basically had to team up temporarily to stop these guys. when all of that was done farrow got back to challenging the elite four and trying to become champion, but he’s still struggling and is trying to train his team to become better while skuggy went “eh i’m done that was fun tho” and gave up. farrow hates being seen as weak and wants to have the strongest team, but he still loves his pokemon even if he pushes them near the limit sometimes while all focused up on winning.

team:

- Ally (linoone) (theres no possum pokemon and im mad but he likes ferrets too so) (or uh. long raccoon?) (either way he loves ally and she’s kind of a tank)

- Mittens (incineroar) (this was his starter, somehow, since he took the traditional trainer coming-of-age path and went to become the best.) (he loves his cat even if it did become....bipedal and buff??????) (They share the same big ego and victory flexing) (he rides on mittens’s shoulders sometimes or mittens carries him with arms in the air like a king)

- Rogue (liepard) (cate!!) (also it really fits him!!!) (he loves his thief cat and steals everyone’s items with it and makes them mad) (skuggy has cursed this cat out for stealing all his pokemon’s items at least twice before while both her and farrow looked on grinning smugly)

- Jasper (noivern) (i associate farrow with bats a lot, i think he likes bats now) (big fuckig boy who farrow flies on and farrow really likes battling with) (when farrow is out travelling and is tired and it’s late but he can’t find anywhere to stay, jasper shields him and makes whats basically a mini tent with his wings around him)

- Doggo (houndoom) (Farrow named him doggo as a joke but it stuck) (Fire dog with evil aesthetic! Farrow loves this) (He’s a good dog and farrow pats him for doing good work. he sniffs out berries and items for him on the road and is like his guard dog.)

- Snippy (gliscor) (another bat babey) (i might change it but idk) (it’s a sneakey boy) (he is also a tank and poisons everyone’s pokemon) (farrow accidentally gets stung by him like twice a week)

skuggy is a trainer who set out on the pokemon journey as a means to get out of his shitty house and family, collecting pokemon to help defend himself, but ended up really loving pokemon (especially bug types) and trying to take on a few gyms while he was at it. eventually he met farrow and it became kind of like a little race to see who can get the most gym badges first, giving him a motivation to travel the region and take on the elite 4. after the juggy fiasco he got a bit tired of fighting and decided he valued his pokemon a lot since they defended him and helped him fight back so he said “yknow what im gonna take a break from our race thing, im just gonna find somewhere to finally stay and chil out” while farrow was shaking the elite four’s door like “LET ME IIIIIN”. he’s kinda chill now and is thinking about going back and trying to fight the 4 someday, but for now he’s just a guy who catches bugs. he and gene hang out sometimes and go into forests n stuff. he’s still a butcher in this world ig. mans gotta make some money

team:

- Clove (scolipede) (his first pokemon, he caught it and went with it, but got really attached really fast) (she is his baby and he made it so far with her by his side and is really proud of both clove and himself for getting this far) 

- Big Tony (armaldo) (he found a fossil pokemon and kept it since it’s rock type and can help ward off fire types, which is a big weakness of his team, but he ended up loving big tony too. i know theyre supposed to be like 4 foot 9 but please imagine big tony as a BIG boy that skuggy can ride on its shoulders and back to get around.)

- Babie (ribombee) (he caught this thing and said “this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen.” went on to destroy dragon types and be the best bee ever.) (actually it’s pretty weak but skuggy believes in them)

- Toaster (heracross) (heracross was too cute for skuggy NOT to catch. it’s the powerhouse. this boy rips thru pokemon likes it’s nothing. unless it’s a fire or flying type. then it dies.) (it likes to f i t e and shares skuggy’s quick temper, because u know what they say, like pokemon like trainer)

- Big old boy (stoutland) (this was also one of the first pokemon he’s ever caught and it was really strong, defended him well and was kind of like the tank of the team, so he kept it. he likes sleeping on its back, and sometimes it has to remember it isn’t a tiny dog anymore because it tries to jump at skuggy to greet him and he gets fucking smashed.) (hes a very good boy, he’s very fluffy, and skuggy loves him so much and owes him his life)

- Jeff (swadloon) (skuggy loves his emo-looking son.) (ever since he beat depression in the dick he just cant help but see himself in swadloon) (but swadloon is happy, just very comfy and grumpy) (swadloon loves skuggy and skuggy loves swadloon) (i mean just look at him) (it’s perfect for skuggy)

okay i’m done here there’s obviously more people but this post is getting alarmingly long and i still need to make their teams. if u read this entire thing u deserve 20 cat images and more jesus christ u madman !!!!!!

[thelifetimechannel]

The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.  

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

[zofias]

tod spoliers 

ever since i finished tower of dawn i’ve been wanting to write down my thoughts about it so here goes nothing lmao feel free to ignore this 

ok so tod started off pretty nicely sjm laid out the southern continent very descriptively and i was thoroughly invested bc well i was totally excited to read tod from the start and when i finally got my hands on it i was ready but not ready lol my emotions about it are just all over the place basically 

anyways i really enjoyed the aspects of the southern continent and the history of it the story of the khagans and how they are chosen was interesting the whole khagan gets to choose which child he/she wants as his/her heir was smth i got truly interested in bc its always the first born child who gets to take the crown or w/e so that was a nice change and the siblings that were introduced in tod were all dissimilar they all had such strengths to be heirs since they all specialized/lead different things like hasar had armadas and lead them sartaq had his aerial army kashin was a solider and controlled the armies on land arghun had his network of spies like i enjoyed that they all were individually so powerful i guess like thru each chapter you’d think the khagan would choose a different sibling but i was really happy that sartaq was chosen tho i did kinda feel like he would end up being heir like it became a bit obvious bc he seemed to be the one who took a stand and was like imma leave if you dont help aelin and co. 

ok lets move onto yrene towers at first i didnt know how to feel about her only bc we didnt get into her character as much yet but when she went to see chaol and nesryn for the first time i was literally laughing also idk why but the dynamic between her chaol in that first meeting made just go yup they gonna fall in love im a sucker for haters to lovers trope ok she literally despised him for a good few chapters lol yrene is freaking amazing and so badass her story was smth i really enjoyed i was really interested in her powers and all about the healers she wanted to make a difference and help her ppl and she got her wish in the end what was really cool about her was that she taught young ppl self defense even tho she knew not so much she wanted to give those girls a change to fight back and when the torre was attacked she knew how frightened that made them and made chaol come teach bc he’d be a good distraction from all the horrors i just really loved the way her mind works she was invested in the art of healing so thoroughly and yrene never backed down she was so determined to find answers like i loved her so much she was amazing slm may have faults but the way she writes female characters is really empowering LISTEN I NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW YRENE PUSHED HASAR INTO THE WATER i legit started laughing so hard like i needed that it was so good yrene is everything if you dont want to read this book bc of chaol read for yrene ok that’s all im going to say yrene was wonderful 

chaol westfall my first thought about him was ‘my baby i hope you heal and get to fight again’ like reading about how much he didnt like it in his chair was really sad i mean i get it chaol was always really determined and he like being ready to fight and then he lost movement in his legs and his world turned upside down like when yrene was healing him and he was feeling all the darkness and remembering what his father did to him when i read that his father literally pushed/threw him out of the house made me tear up chaol hit his head hard and the son of a bitch father didnt even let chaol’s mother come to him and terrin saw and chaol felt guilty for leaving him i just was so hurt reading that and also few guards helped him leave anielle and his damn father banished them to the mountains like i hated chaol’s father and now i just cant the darkness chaol had in him was so much did he hate himself? i think so but he was so angry and things were haunting him it just made my heart hurt i loved tower of dawn bc we got to see everything about chaol what he felt what he realized it was really good throughout he kept thinking about dorian and always was so loyal to him i love it when they reunite i need sjm to have them hug for a good hour or more tbh like its needed what also made my heart shatter was what he felt for aelin in his darkness you can see how he loved her and his hate for her too like i dont know how to explain it it made me feel idk his darkness was terrible and at some parts i had to put the book down to stop feeling too much idk chaol has gone through so much and it was nice to see what he felt he conquered his darkness and realized and accepted himself his journey was rough but he found himself i was so excited to read this book only bc of him he has always been one of my fav book characters and this made me love him so much more 

CHAROENE???? i dont know chaol and yrene’s shipname but imma tell you i love them together their dynamic was wonderful they slowly became friends and trusted one another they had to somewhat quickly open up to one another bc it was the only way chaol was going to heal physically and emotionally i enjoyed seeing how they developed their relationship it was nice chaol deserved to love someone who cared for him so much my favorite part was when they got into a fight and yrene was walking away and chaol wanted to go after so he willed himself to walk ever so slightly and as he was somewhat getting closer to yrene she began teasing him and moving away to make him walk more it was so cute i liked their relationship a lot they both felt equally comfortable to talk to one another and it was like a balance you know what actually my fav part was their day out in the city when they just rode horses and yrene was healing ppl it was sweet and calm and when they went out to eat just the two of them with no agenda they both deserved smth like that i loved it ik most ppl are going to say sjm wanted to just pair everyone off with a love interest but i love these two it was unexpected esp the fact that they are linked to each other and they’re married!! but i love it im a sucker for that bond stuff ok this relationship made me love tod so much 

nesryn faliq when she was first introduced in queen of shadows i was 50/50 on how i felt about her like i liked her but also somewhat didnt but let me tell you tod made me love her chaol was an idiot for using her as he did and she realized it and it seemed she was ok with it but i loved that she got to have her adventure i loved that she got to return to home and see her family she got to explore the lands of antica with sartaq and kadara what made me like her more was that she was didnt let opportunities pass her by she decided to go with sartaq and find her adventure on her own tho i did sort of predict that her and sartaq were going to become a thing after their little flight on kadara in the beginning idk it just seemed like they would be a thing which they did but i liked it she deserved someone like sartaq there was a lot of mutual respect in their relationship which i admired i loved that thru nesryn we got to learn more about antica and the history and everything like its her home and we got to see what she felt and loved about it that was my favorite thing i also loved that she got her own ruk!! AND NESRYN CAN SING that was so amazing like it adds so much more to her i love her 

a few other things one FUCKING MAEVE IS A VALG QUEEN I HATE HER like that made me so mad and now i want to know how everyone will react to this and what they will do i hope aelin NO ROWAN RIPS HER TO SHREDS another thing lysandra and falkan being her uncle was amazing i loved that we got to learn somewhat as to how lysandra got her powers butterfly the horse made this book a million times better again yrene pushing hasar into the water was hilarious hasar deserved it lmao i really wished someone did smth like to arghun kadara deserves appreciation for being an awesome ruk when she got trapped in the spiderweb i was a wreck also again MAEVE IS A VALG QUEEN what on earth and duva being possessed by valg and throwing her younger sister off a balcony i cried and duva was pregnant that was just so sad im so happy that yrene saved her life im happy that one else died i mean chaol came close obviously again and yrene and him are now linked which is cool but also like terribly dangerous i want to see what sjm is going to do with that the healers were so cool i loved reading about the torre and the origins and everything i hope we get to see more about them yrene is bringing hundreds of them with her so it could be a possibility there was just so much going on in this book lmao

i know i just hit the surface with a lot of this but i really wanted to get my view on the three mains out chaol yrene and nesryn are amazing and you know what i loved that this book was about them finding out where they fit into this war thats booming chaol was uncertain and felt he had nothing to offer bc he was injured but realized that the chair wasnt limiting him but he himself was nesryn found that she can be her own adventure she found that her home country was her place yrene discovered that her powers could save people who are possessed by the valg and that was epic i loved that this book was more about all these characters discovering who they are rather than anything else i loved it so much i was so excited for it and it didnt disappoint me 

if you read my stupid rambling i am so grateful for you haha thank you if you want to leave your opinion go right ahead whether it agrees with mine or not im up for anything lmao also there are probably so many spelling errors im so sorry lol 

~EDIT~ UM I FORGOT TO ADD ABOUT THE FIREHEART CHAPTER I COULDNT HANDLE IT IT RUINED ME OK IM JUST NOT OK AND THE FACT THAT MAEVE HAS AND MAEVE IS VALG MAKES EVERYTHING WORSE I JUST THIS IS TERRIFYING AELIN BETTER BE OKAY I NEED HER TO BE OKAY!!! 

[wwoofcsa]

My weekend with pet

During my week with karla, i noticed (because it was pretty obvious) that i couldnt stop talking to petrina. We were like teenagers, messaging back and forth all day, day dreaming of one another and sharing everything under the sun. I was madly in love, like fall on your face in love with this girl and a plethora of bizzare things were circling our relationship (all of them super cosmic and hard to explain) that just gave me more reasons highting the importance of this relationship at this time. After intense and hilarious conversations, a thought popped in my head, maybe id buy a flight down to KL to see her for a few days? We chatted about it, but i was still feeling hesitations, i was afraid to let go and indulge in this realtionship. My entire life, im trying to find balance, and i was afraid that i was falling too deep into desire. BUT, after some conversations, i surrendered and jumped into the pool of love and bought my flight. A few days later, after pai, i was driving to the airport in chiang mai, hopping on the plane, and arriving in KL. I couldnt fucking wait! So i arrived, and we eased gently into one another, this was the first time we’d really spent time alone together, without any other stimulation to entertain us. But we eased smoothly the first night, as we laughed and talked and eventually fell asleep. The next morning we had planned to trip together. We had spoken about stepping a bit further out into the universe and taking a tab and a half each, and then adding some mushrooms on top. So we went and got some breakfast, made some food, set some intentions, and took the dive together. I lead the death meditation for her, and it felt like a  really lovely start to our trip. And there we went, our rocket ship left the atmosphere and the next ten hours were an intense explosion of connectedness, realizations and honoring the intriguing relationship that fell upon us. There were times that we held eachother so tight, that it was like we were a meteor flying through space, inpenatrable on the outside, but safe and gentle on the inside. It was as if i had lived multiple complete lives with petrina. Each life, a completely seperate reality, similar to mr. nobody. In one life, we were two kids that met each other and were full of lust. In another, we were partners with a child, all of us covered in with shalls and warming up by a fire in the winter of northern thailand. Another life, petrina was my daughter and i was letting her know how much her mother (petrina) and i loved her. 

The trip was incredibly powerful and intense, and near the end, we became slightly more sexual. Neither of us spoke, and i noticed that i wasnt sure what she was wanting from me. There were definitly signs that she desired pleasure, but at the same time it felt like a very surface feeling. I noticed that she wasnt recipricating touch, and that although we were being sexual, there seemed to be a slight distance making its way between us. Near the end of the trip, i started thinking about some of the things i had said earlier on, and that perhaps some of the things i had said earlier, may have caused a feeling of her needing to distance herself. I tried to open up and share and process the trip, but i could see that she was holding back a bit. I told her whenever she was ready to share, id love to hear. We fell asleep and the next morning she went to shower, closing the door and i could feel a continuance of the distance. It dawned on me that only a few days before, i was wearing the mask she was wearing of distance, and now it was my turn to feel the other side. I realized then, that neither of these roles were mine to play, and that mine was a secure one, and that i wanted to continue handling the situation from a place of truth and compassion, and not from anxiety and insecurity. So i meditated a few minutes as she showered, and when she came out, i asked if could share with her. She agreed and listened intently as i explained that i had noticed my mind finding insecurities, and only weeks ago i was on the other side of the coin. I realized that while i wanted to give her love, i never want to hold her back from anything, and that i really just wanted to make the most of our short time together. I wanted to end our beautiful weekend on a note that would send us into the world feeling good, and not one of regret and feeling foolish. I wanted to face my feelings, and confront them. I told her i was sorry, cause she expressed that she wasnt great with confrontation, but if we were gonna have a relationship of any kind, this is how we gotta do it. 

Pet was incredibly receptive and opened up a great deal about how she was feeling the night before. She opened up and we talked about the lust we were feeling the night before, and how it didnt feel great, that i wanted to give her love, but it felt cheapened by lust. I pointed out that i noticed she hadnt even touched me, and while that was ok, it just felt as if i was giving and she was receiving, instead of us mutually sharing love. The day continued on and our relationship truly blossomed. I learned the importance of communicating from a secure place, of not attacking, and not trying to pin my feelings on external events occuring, rather just to express my feelings and intentions. It was truly a game changer. We had a fucking blast the rest of the day, laying together in bed, getting coldstone ice cream, and going to see the new spiderman movie. 

Spiderman was hilarious, as we didnt realize that it was a cartoon. We arrived at the theater a few minutes late, and couldnt figure out what was going on. We left the theater and asked someone if we had made a mistake but the employee assured us that we had entered the correct theater. After reentering, we did some quick google searching and concluded, that we had in fact chosen to go see an animated spiderman, but since we were already there, we might as well enjoy it. And we did. It was a fucking awesome movie. I realized that night, that it didnt really matter what we were doing, as long as we were hanging out together, i was happy. 

A beautiful weekend of celebrating ourselves, with the lovely petrina

Things i learned from my acid trip with petrina.

There was this feeling in the depth of my being, that a large chapter of my life was coming to a close, and that this next chapter was about to commence. I could feel this third of my life, the third where i was making decisions for me and only me, was ending, and i was entering a realm where i would truly feel comfortable to make desicions that considered not only myself, but also others around me. Thats not to say that that hasnt happened in the past stage, but this would be the predominant work of this stage. A stage of giving back. As if the early ears of my life were focused on taking and utilizing resources from my parents and the world around me, and then i left for israel and i started thinking about caring for myself and taking less from those around me. I focused on learning and diving into the things that were interesting to me, and filtering a many great things that were interesing and letting those core healing practices emerge organically. I now feel like im arriving a stage, where i can truly allow for opportunites to come, that will help me dive to the depths of some of these realms that ive started digging in. Whether its a 21 day meditation course, or a month long ayuhasca retreat, im reading to get deeper. In addition, my relationshpi with petrina highlighted a desire that i had for a family, one of these days, a most unconventional family, and i believe that in this chapter of life, i will start to arrive to a place of emotional stability and groundedness.

In addition, i had an interesting experience, as i was showering during the trip. I could feel, very clearly, how much energy i had been storing in my dreads. This was stale energy that id been carrying around with me, weighing down on me for weeks, through pai and chiang mai. It was a profound experience, washing away all of this old, stale energy that was no longer serving me. I cant even explain how much lighter i felt after the shower, after coming to the understanding of just how much we carry with us and within us from the past and if we dont take time to cleans and wash, it really does build up.  it was awesome (like actually awe-some)

Another huge take away, was was omni present during the entire trip, was the idea of depth. I think for my entire life, ive been searching for depth, in almost everything that i do. Ive been trying to find tools to allow myself to experience the world in a more subtle and deeper way. During the trip, i feel like a door was opened that allowed me to see just how deep things can be in relation to how deep i have been living. It was truly humbling to see just how much of the mountain i had left to climb, but to see that there was a direction and deeper conciuosness (ironically, weeks later i would start my ayurvedic yoga/bodywork therapist trainging, where i would be consistantly practicing going to the depth of myself and of the world around me.)

Indulgance vs. discipline vs. balance

Lastly, something that petrina brought to my life, was this question between when its right to let go and indulge, when its right to hold back and be disciplined and how to find the balance between them. Obviously if you are always disciplined, you lose out on letting go, and living in the moment to some degree. On the other hand, if you are always indulging, it may be harder to reach a more sublte reality, or a deeper path.

An example of this would be, if i ate the entire cake by myself, i would miss out on a much deeper experience of sharing with others (a more eudonomic happiness vs. just sensual pleasure), or i would be trading sensual pleasure for pain and discomfort in my body later on. Or very simply, giving into sensual pleasures constantly, will be atempting to fill a void, that will just grow and grow (as both max and zen buddhism teach)

Having said that, if im constantly holding myself back, i may deprive myself of the simple and beautiful pleasures of life. In my attempt to get deeper, i will miss a very important lesson, in letting go and being present with what is, in flowing with the environment vs. trying to control everything. 

It’s been a very interesting idea to play with and observe in myself

[trpg-dingusmaster]

two druids and a bard almost ruin dm’s fanfiction, dm responds by being a weenie

I went to play dnd at the shop a while ago, again my friend who usually plays the unicorn in my game came with- this time there was room a the table so she joined the game. there were a lot of people missing but also one new guy? or at east one guy I’ve never seen before. he and I helped her build a character. he did most of the work since they were both playing druids anyway.

the dm this time was the guy who plays the one handed girl in edwardian/victorian england (90lbs FineCoal) campaign, and the tabaxi in the official event campaign. 

This guys campaign was, I was told, a High Seas themed 5e. I had made a character for this when I was first told about it i dunno a month or two ago? 1/2 orc bard, Bassun (like a bassoon) Drun. 

it turns out this campaign is coming to an end though so it doesnt matter. I had kept missing weeks this game was going on because of work and it seems like a WHOLE LOT of stuff went on between when I made my character and yesterday. heres a few few things, and getting even this ,uch was like pulling teeth to be honest. a lot of these details lead me to believe this is some kind of kingdom hearts fanfiction? but it was never explicitly escribed as such.

-characters all have keyblades? some more than one. each having a special ability of some kind though it doesnt seen to always correspond with the theme of the keyblade? like- mine is basically just a magical electric-keyboard-guitar? thing? but is special ability is to turn into a really big gun??? unless I misunderstood?? I thought it was weird though so I never used it.

-there are Nobodies- both monsterous and humaniod I think? But the humanoid ones might be called Shamans? (but the could be a different faction?)  which cannot be hurt by any magic or attacks not done with the keyblades. and several spells that probably we shouldnt have needed to make any rolls for we had  to roll to see if they effected them or something? I think someone said it was because they can become incorporeal nearly at will? and/or because they can shift into a pocket plain as a means of travel through the material plain?

-non magic using classes get 2 first level spells or 1 second level spell with dm approval they can cast through the keyblade only, these spells are attached to it permanently and cant be changed. these spells can be used 1/long rest. spells are taken from a class list that either fits the keyblade theme or some arbitrary choice by the dm im not sure

-magic user classes can cast either all of their spells through the keyblade or the same unchangeable 2 first level or 1 second level I’m not sure. but at the very least I  know I can cast shatter with it? 

-there are things called orbs? which are collected from defeated nobodies (I think?) and theycan be used to do stuff like- get new keyblades or to do something that sounded like buying spell slots but not quite? I’m not sure.

-there are god like entities in physical form that are just?? around?? but also somethat are not in physical form?? some of them have avatars that are around doing stuff?? both god like beings and their avatars are kill able? 

Theres something called the cursed lands which seems to be some kind of separate plain seeping into and corrupting the material plain? it seems to have some natural mind effecting abilities? and is where the main antagonists are hiding out? I get the feeling its based off of some end game locations in some kh game or another.

I’m thinking maybe if I was more familiar with kingdom hearts maybe I’d have some idea about whats going on? I’ve only played 1, 2, and chain of memories so....  I dunno if any of the weird stuff here is from the other KH content or what. I suspect the ‘Sea’ is actually SPACE/multiverse and the ‘islands’ are actually distinct worlds/universes.

Also, its not really very 5e? the way the game goes is very like how the 90lbs FineCoal is played but combat sort of resembles 5e where the other doesnt.

the game was very chaotic and confusing but this time it was basically no fun, like at all. my self, my friend, and the new guy were unfamiliar with the setting and its rules and no one felt the need to explain. nearly everything we tried to do ended up being not allowed either by setting rules or just because it was too far removed from the dms expectations and thus would ruin his narrative, I assume based on what things did work.

Which brings me to how the dm was being a weenie. Instead of just explaining to us you cant use this or do that and you don’t have such and such ability because game rules, even if it wasn’t true we wouldn’t have known or just honestly saying: I cant let you do that because it ruins the story I’m trying to tell, that would have been one thing, but what he chose to do was punish characters/players for doing stuff didn’t want us to do whether or not we knew what we were trying to do was allowed, with no explanation. this ranged from giving damage or curses to characters or destroying character equipment, and even going so far as to allow players to roll for actions or saves with crazy high difficulty but disregarding the roll entirely even if it was a natural 20 ift he result didn’t work with what he wanted to happen. this was a literal exchange between a player and the dm:

-can I roll to stop that?

-you can try hehehe

-natural 20!

-...I dont care... you still fail. (no, he wasnt kidding)

here are some things that were not allowed or deemed really annoying for... reasons? (even if what we were doing should have been allowed based on what we understood of the rules we were told, like- magic cast through the keyblade effects Nobodies... except when the dm doesnt want it to because it ruins the plot)

casting identify, casting locate object, casting warding wind, casting pass without a trace, casting wind wall, casting glyph of warding, casting lesser restoration, casting remove curse, leaving an npc behind for in character plot reasons also they were a distracting attempt at slapstick comedy (this npcs weapon of choice was a frying pan) which no one wanted to bring into the end game, having in character conversation while the rest of the party participated in the plot that only they understood, wanting to start changing character alignment for the better because plot, asking how big a space was, asking how far away things were, inspiring the party (my bards equipment was broken for this). asking for explicit approval before trying to take an action. 

one guy, whos been playing this campaign since it was started got so fed up with the dm being a weenie he nearly left. It seems this kind of behavior- punishing with out explanation or obvious reason, was common throughout and it really fits with what I’ve come to learn about this guy and how he plays these games. I can only hope he learns and grows out of it.

if youre going to run a railroading style campaign or adventure, thats fine and a perfectly valid way to run a game, but please be clear with the players- ALL of them that’s whats going on and such are your expectations for the game, also if there are weird homebrew rules you REALLY need to make sure ALL of your players have some grasp on what they are.

if my friend and I, I assume also the new guy, had known more about the setting and the dms expectations we would have chosen and built our characters, or at least played them, differently. Maybe we could have been a constructive part of the group instead of three annoying piles of dead weight everyone was frustrated with by the end of the session.

or I dunno, maybe don’t have three new people jump into the tail end of an unnecessarily complicated homebrew campaign with no real context.

we could have done something else, I could have run a little one shot  at another table or helped people make characters for the murder hobo game. if I’m there the next time this game is going I might do that, because i really didn’t enjoy this. The whole thing hardly even felt like a game? It felt more like we were just being lead through the dms fanfiction. He intends to start another campaign once this is done, to stay in the rotation, I’m not sure if I’m gonna do that one either.

 I might at least give it a try once, mostly to confirm my suspicion that even though he owns a copy of the PHB and possibly the DMG I’m not sure he actually read them. I mean, look, I understand being a dm is hard especially if youre still new and learning, I’m still learning too, but that’s no excuse to be a weenie to your players. You know? You have to communicate and yeah sometimes you gotta compromise sometimes you gotta improvise, thats like, a pretty big part of games like this isnt it?

[survivorarabia]

FINALE “#PerceptionIsReality” - Richie

Ruthie

I had to change my vote to Emmott because he was all over the place, I adore him so much though and I hate that mine and Alex's plan got messed up because of my big mouth about Lena's idol, rip me. </3

Ruthie

I FELT THIS COMING.   I really hope Alex and Nicole win, I was so right about taking them to final 3.  PLEASE WIN YOU GUYS. <3 

Emmott

when you create enough paranoia and drama.... people play idols for you :-) THAT WAS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD LITERALLY LIKE 10 MINUTES BEFORE TRIBAL LENA AND RICHIE ARE LIKE "come vote ruthie" and SO RUTHIE IS LITERALLY MY MUM AND I GENUINELY LOVE HER! she is the sweetest human being to ever graced the planet!!!!! lena and richie have promised me f3, and i am sticking to that LIKE SUPER GLUE! BUT if they break it, the will hear from my laywer!!!!!!!!! THIS IS CRAZY I CAN'T BELIEVE IM HERE. i think the jury hates me a lot, but i think i can swing enough votes at the end against lena and richie to maybeeee have a shot? omg im so shook i cant even explain it

Lena

Honestly I am at a loss for words right now... I cannot believe Richie, myself, and Emmott blindsided Ruthie. Alex had immunity otherwise it would have been him. But we have to make sure Alex doesn't win this next challenge... We have to. I was just talking to Ruthie and Nicole about a final 3 earlier today but then I realized, to get Alex.. we have to get Ruthie out too. I thought Nicole and Ruthie were extremely close but they apparently weren't.. I wish I had known that, because I could have just approached Nicole and saved my idol for next time. I have a chance at winning this game now as long as Alex is next to go.. I can't believe I beat my Palawan placement, though. I am in a total state of shock over this.

Emmott

HOW DID I END UP WORKING WITH LENA OMG WHAT A QUEEN I LOVE HER SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!

Alex

This is so fucking ugly Lena, you can go and fuck yourself.

Richie

i did........ that http://68.media.tumblr.com/0cb56c37723d7349c4e2f9ee90ac112e/tumblr_of3p98IyeO1vzwwmeo2_250.gif it was like 30 minutes before the vote and ruthie said that she was on call with emmott earlier and something inside me just... light up... ruthie and alex were playing the jury so hard and i wasnt going to just sit there and let it happen.... so i went to lena and was destroyed alex and ruthie's game and just went for it i was like fuck it if this goes bad at least im making a move to try and better myself and i just told lena how ruthie was the glue bc of her relationship with nicole and her relationship with alex so if we went to final 5 with those 3 we would be fucked and i just kept emphasizing how crucial of a role ruthie has played in every relationship in this game and lena 15 minutes before the vote was in lena said "Hear me out, okay? I think we should vote for Ruthie...."  and i was like http://68.media.tumblr.com/f0127660609c51a34bdfa74033903285/tumblr_of3pd5e6Md1vzwwmeo7_250.gif so that was amazing but then lena followed that statement by saying  "I have a plan....... and an idol" and it was like the gates of heaven opened and i saw the light that this was actually going to happen i actually pulled this off and huge shout out to lena bc whew!!!!!!! this was super hard bc the family alliance was such a great thing personally and strategically and i loved every moment of working as a group but fuck it sucks that that was the move i felt had to be done..... now i have to deal with the clean up which is nahhhhhhhht gonna be pretty but whew it was exciting ;)

Nicole

WHEW. OKAY. THIS HAS BEEN A CRAZY ROUND AND I HAVEN'T MADE A CONFESSIONAL IN FOREVER SO HERE IT GOES. Ruthie was my #1 in this game, she is so sweet and honestly one of my favorite people in this community! BUT, she did have a really good game and I can see why people would want her out. Anyway, I don't know where I stand all I know is the immunity being Maverick Bird literally stressed me tf out and I'm glad it was changed to endurance 

Alex

http://img.ifcdn.com/images/c9f3d0124cac6fe0da52957cfff351bd749537fafbd3106156ed92780d73ea2d_1.jpg

Alex

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Ruthie Motta, who was tragically voted out exactly one (1) round before I was planning on doing it, how dare you Lena, you stole my kill So.  Uh.  Last night was a time.  Good news, flushed the idol!  Bad news, Ruthie died.  So, uh, that really sucks.  And it's mostly because I wasn't around so now I feel like I'm on the bottom all of a sudden. I feel like I had so much I wanted to say about this and now I don't have any of it any more.  It sucks.  This sucks.  Ruthie and I have been together this whole game, 32 days.  And now she's gone, and I...I don't know who to lean on, who I can talk to, who I can even trust at this point.  Does Richie want me out next?  Does Lena?  Is Nicole really still with me or is she about to drive a bus over me? The Family's dead, and without Immunity, I don't know how to pick up the pieces.  I don't know how to talk to Lena without wanting to shout at her.  I just...I don't know.  I'm adrift, and I'm not giving up, but it's...it's gonna be a new game now.  And every round from here on in.  I'm much less confident about making the end than I was before.

Alex

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon, to Alex's last stand. I thought I would have had that Immunity, but obviously Lena and Richie wanted to make sure I didn't have it, and it worked.  Congrats to them. The only thing I can do now is throw myself on their mercy and point out what a jury threat Emmott is.  Do I believe it?  Not necessarily.  But I'm not wrong that he has a couple votes on lockdown, regardless of who else is there, in Issy and Aren.  The only thing I can do is sell that I just want to make 4, that Nicole and I aren't together, and that Emmott needs to go now. Will it work?  Maybe.  But Richie & Lena hold my life in their hands, and I hate that.  I hate not having any control at all.  In some ways it's my fault because I burned my bridges sufficiently with Emmott to the point that I'm not getting shit from him, but that's also on him too. I wish I had more to say here, but I don't.  It's not up to me anymore.  It's all on them.

Richie

its been like 2 days since the last tribal council where me and lena did THAT and i'm still not over how simultaneously iconic and heartbreaking of a move that was... ruthie is the epitome of genuine kindness and alex is someone i have enjoyed having a genuine connection with since day 1 so betraying them sucks but like also its a game and what i did and what me and lena pulled off.... whew!!!!!!!! i knew that alex was going to feel super betrayed and go HARD af in this immunity challenge and i am an endurance flop, i love sleep it's my #1 priority, but like i knew i wanted this win and my body hates me but i somehow pulled out a win so holy shit im going to final 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://68.media.tumblr.com/73479bdb2a4e827a39fa094ecc4d5759/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo4_250.gif but let's be real yeah i'm happy and all but of course it wouldnt be a richie confessional without a Meltdown™so lets just jump right into the spiraling :D i dont know what to do.... lmao... how many times have i said that in this game? but literally i don't know what to do britney_spears_"shocking".jpg.... voting out alex is the obvious thing to do right now because me/lena/emmott just formed a final 3, alex is capable of winning immunity if he stays around, and from the start of this game everyone has pegged alex as this huge threat whos in control of this game and since #PerceptionIsReality if thats what people on the jury have been saying if he gets to the end that perception could hand him the win even if theres some bitter jurors who dont like him.... buuuuuuut if he leaves there goes my meat shield like if he's in final 4 NO ONE is going to take him to final 3 so its like a guaranteed all eyes on him as the target and i can slip right into the finale.. if he's gone these of 3 might look at me and think i'm a threat and im fucked because i cant deflect but if i keep him around as a meat shield and he wins final 4 immunity im fucked too so its like..... UGHHHh http://68.media.tumblr.com/8fc26ad4738d3292b68f2e6cf5195ec7/tumblr_of3ougvqUC1vzwwmeo5_250.gif

Alex

I gave it my best go.  It just wasn't enough.  They've shut off the side of themselves that would respond to my emotional pleas.  It's cold, but I understand. It's the right move for them, strategically.  I can't fault them there.  I just can't pretend it doesn't hurt. We had this.  No, fuck that.  I had this.  I was so close I could taste it.  I've never been that close.  But I made one mistake and it all spiraled. I don't regret how I played.  I can't.  I don't know what I could have done better. I'm tearing up now, sorry.  I'll get over it, I know.  Eventually.

Lena

I cannot believe everything has gone off without a hitch. Ruthie went. Alex went. I actually believe I have a chance at winning this game. Even if I don't, I want it to be Richie and Nicole sitting with me at the end and they both have played wonderful games. I'm at a loss for words right now, I cannot believe I made it this far.

Richie

http://68.media.tumblr.com/a1c42de3eca8896fdcf68bd083a2a0b8/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo8_r1_250.gif so i voted out alex at the last tribal council which killed me as a person bc i was still not over voting out ruthie and then to vote out the other person in the alliance that i loved being a part of…. that sucked!!!!!!!!!!!! but i did it because i knew that letting alex get to the end was handing the jury someone that they had been talking up all game and i couldnt do it…. and he told me that he would throw the f4 immunity challenge if i didnt vote him out he just didnt want emmott to get to the end and i said that he was too much of a game player to mean that and i voted him out because i thought that i could take out emmott at f4 bc he has votes locked in but here we are in the final 4 and emmott has immunity and im just………. im fucked and it sucks because it means that there’s a good chance i’m getting voted out and if somehow i magically mist my way into staying this week theres an equally good chance that i won’t win this game with emmott having friends on the jury so its like…. fuck dude im an end justifies the means type of person and i played hard and i fucked over everyone in this game and its very very likely that it was all for nothing http://68.media.tumblr.com/d70acd9f7d12febd8c49717661e19834/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo6_r1_250.gif   

Emmott

I FUCKING MADE IT TOO FTC AND I WON AN IMMUNITY CHALLENGE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL IT TOOK WAS A NEW IDENTITY AND 4 SEASONS TO GET THERE THIS B*STON R*B TEAS AAAHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!! honestly this is the worst game i've ever played and i honestly don't think i'd have a shot at winning if i was up against another 4 people winning is such an amazing concept tho and my game is trash so i guess the rule is you don't put a bumper sticker on a bently sooooo i will probs lose BUT I THINK I HAVE A SHOT BECAUSE THESE 3 ARE ... ????!!! NOT great??!! nicole was a goat lena peaked really late and was innactive af. all she did was play the idol on me which could have been her stupidest move idk?????? richie i am worried tho. he was a kinda goat this entire game and people might vote for him if they were REALLLYYY SALTY AT ME and i have a feeling fawz might hate me i think i have ruthie, issy and aren's vote but the rest i'd really have to give it a shot and put myself out there. when alex left he said "the last time i vote for you. and that's a promise" lIKE DOES THAT MEAN HE WONT VOTE FOR ME AT FTC ??????? IM CONFUSED i think i can maybe get ci'eres vote or jay's IDK im realy fucking stressed coz i wanna win so bad but i think people are gonna be salty coz i flipped on that fawz bullshit but like ???????? its there own fucking faults! if they added me to their alliance  and ACTUALLY TRIED making an effort with me it might be different??? people management GOALS <3 <3 <3 <3 but then i can't say that in my Q&A with the jurors coz  I NEED THEM TO LIKE ME so i might try it in a real passive aggresive way coz like its there fault i flipped so dont be fuckwits to me i just really hope people are forgiving, COZ I THINK I HAVE A SHOT!!!

this is also the worst possible final 4 to go with because they're all almost always OFFLINE !!!!! 

https://67.media.tumblr.com/7c7f38cafbd329aeae09819c0b49f9e6/tumblr_o42c0mpv2F1uakpa5o1_400.gif https://media.giphy.com/media/HqtbJDp8FEivC/giphy.gif https://67.media.tumblr.com/69e723e7fe1a69cb63ba639039d34e63/tumblr_n0abginEZW1se8ddwo1_500.gif

Richie

i’m either literally voting myself out of the game tonight or making a move that will guarantee me a spot in the f3 and there’s no way of knowing which it’s going to be until the votes are read so http://68.media.tumblr.com/e23df711439b4fc6670037aadf007dea/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo5_r1_250.gif i’m really mad at nicole bc she’s in a great position right now and i’m not and i dont like when other people do well.. like ya i like her and good for her being in a powerful position in this game but its rude and i hate it because i want to be that person so its ugly!!!!! nicole came to me and told me that she went to lena saying to vote me out and i was like interesting….. because if lena wasn’t going to go along with that plan she would have come to me and ratted nicole out to ensure that i vote out nicole so i was like hmmm okay…. so the plan right now that i’m taking a gamble on is that emmott votes nicole, lena votes me, i vote lena, and nicole is the deciding force on who goes home and i hate it like all of this could be a lie from nicole to pit me and lena against each other so that we vote for the other one and she stays safe and gets to choose who she goes to the end with, frankly its genius and if this were a different situation i would this theory to lena and turn her against nicole so we would vote out nicole 3-1 however i feel like i have a better shot at getting more votes sitting next to nicole than i do sitting next to lena so its like i could come in 4th from trying and failing the 2-1-1 plan or come in 3rd by voting out nicole 3-1 so i’m hoping if the 2-1-1 plan succeeds and nicole doesnt vote me out i have a shot at trying to secure some votes in the jury and thats all i want…… THIS IS LITERALLY KILLING ME I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!! pretty much this entire game up until 24 hours ago i havent been in a position where i truly felt like i was even remotely in danger of being voted out and now that i’m here staring at my own mortality it……..isn’t fun? i’m hopeful that i’m staying tonight i’ve been working on nicole telling her how much i want to go to the end with her and also telling her i was going to vote for lena in the end (oops lmao) but im a realistic person so i’m not expecting to stay so if i leave tonight and become the final juror to my fellow players sorry i backstabbed and lied to yall for no reason lmao and to the 2 people cheering me on in the vl im sorry to have failed you http://68.media.tumblr.com/5a88f6553fb76a93d3627ae16a5fc278/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo7_r1_250.gif && with that… richie OUT! (?????????)

Richie

A MOTHERFUCKIIIINGGGGG TIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I caaaaaaaaan't go on like this FUCK I want to make it to final 3 so bad but this tie breaker is literally made for Lena to win I'm a literal ball of anxiety that cracks under pressure and she's a fucking speed typer who has found an idol from getting a clue and going to a page so like... I'm doomed but I'm trying to remain positive and not go in with a defeated mindset because then I'll definitely lose but fuck Ive tried so hard and got so far and in the end it doesn't even matter bc I can see my game ending because of emmott and being stupid and a slow typer and I HATE IT UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH http://68.media.tumblr.com/3fd3702c9cdf15d2ac464436c8be0dbb/tumblr_oelryngZFq1vzwwmeo4_250.gif whewwwww okay positive thoughts :) I am going to kick ass in this tie breaker, I want to win, I want to win this game bc if i dont then I singlehandedly destroyed my alliance that I loved and made it so we all lost but if I win that means that I'm a cutthroat strategist that did what I had to do to win so that's what I'm going to do :) :) :) :) :) :)   ...........fucK

Emmott

nicole is literally so irrelevant and she thinks she's made it to the end because she got game. she is literally the worlds biggest GOAT AHAHAHAH omg what a hoe im sick of her. anyone would have taken her shes dead weight! she's made zero impact on this game like she can't even get an idol play right !!!!! don't come for me nicole because you have nothing to support yourself fuck off i hate this game and coz of that hoe im probs gonna lose and i get this is completely emotional and i shouldn't be fighting her in the tribe chat but i hate when unintellegent, dumb, naive, idiotic people act like they smart and got nerve. its my pet peeve. hate dumb people wow. have fun coming SECOND AGAIN HAAHAHAHAHAH

Emmott

LIKE I HATE THE SNARKINESS OF THESE IDIOTS that send memes and instigate fights and are sarcastic and ridiculous like they reckon they're all big online because they can send a shady meme WOW hope those shady memes get you thru life hun <3

Emmott

RICHIE FUCKING WON THE TIE I WANT TO DIE

Emmott

this final 3 is a mess....

Emmott

now im a fucking richole thirdwheel get me outta here

Richie 

FUUUUUUCK!!!! AHHHH!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I JUST WON THE TIE BREAKER AND IM IN THE FINAL THREEE?!?!?! THAT WAS SO STRESSFUL FUCKKKK!!!!! http://68.media.tumblr.com/72c85b4a2d82c49580e83a8a74ce83a1/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo6_250.gif I hate everything I'm so overwhelmed i was bored and stressed out so I facilitated?? drama between Nicole and emmott in the main chat while I waited for Lena to come back so that was the most fun I've had in this game in a while lmao but somehow not as exciting as winning the tie breaker!!!! i  dont know why Nicole kept me because I was passionately trying to vote her out from like f8-f6 but okay cool im happy I didn't WHEW I can't believe this.... Now all that's left is the jury which scares me because I played a weird game like for a while it was intentionally UTR and trying to seem weak to the point where people may think I wasn't playing which could cost me but also looking back I played the middle and literally lied, back stabbed, and voted out every single person on the jury and I had a good social game but that could just make people feel more betrayed rather than being good jury management so I'm nervous and i dont know what approach to take with my speech should I be the unapologetic bitch or should I try to pretend to be likable lmao FUCK I love this game and hate everything about it at the same time it's truly wild richieWHEWWWWWWW these jury questions? fUCK... i wrote a long as jury opening bc hello youve seen my confessionals im obsessed with myself and cant stop talking and apparently that pissed people off bc of their own egos and i get that but also fuck you?????? like alex saying that i took credit for things i dont deserve when firstable BITCH a direct quote from my speech is "I felt grateful to be part of an alliance that worked so well together and functioned off of genuine teamwork I don’t want to take full credit bc it was truly a team effort for a good chunk of this game" and in how many of my confessionals did i talk about how much i loved being in the family and how its literally a team effort? i never once in this game genuinely took sole credit for anything HOWEVER... I'M the one thats here and i'm going to talk up my fucking game to get people to see that i played hard, yes i didnt make some of the moves alone but did i not still make those moves? the family is not trying to win this game I am so thats what i'm going to talk about me..... like i'm literally so annoyed i'm probably going to lose this game because going to come off as such a bitch in my answers but im pissed ofat alex and lena trying to bring me down just because of their own egos like yeah alex made moves and i didnt do the fucking ruthie vote alone but it happened because of ME, it wouldnt have happened without lena but it happened BECAUSE of me so i have those 2 saying that move isnt mine and then julia saying i was alex's sheep??? like fuck you?????? if i was alex's sheep he would be here still and he's not here because its called being in an alliance and working WITH someone and using their threat status as a shield and then cutting them so that youre the one thats at the end like literally i'm so annoyed i want to fight them ALLLLLLLLL... except ciere bc his question was actually really nice and it was the first time i felt validated and im emotional... like alex had 9 minutes of a video dedicated to dragging me and discrediting my game like F U C K  Y O U ! !! ! ! !! ! ! ! !! ! (dear future players, i dont mean this personally but if you get a chance to vent so do i <3) UGHHHH I CANT BELIEVEEEEE i have to keep replaying this 9 minute video of me being dragged to filth which is 94% bullshit, yeah i may have talked myself up a little bit but its the fucking jury speech and im trying to win what the fuck do you want me to do be humble???? no! like if i went back in time and told 13 year old me that 10 years in the future i'd be broke, single, no job, living with my parents, and mentally ill i'd believe it because that part of my reality is realistic... if i went back in time and told 13 year old me that 10 years in the future that i was playing in an online version of the show survivor, yes that show that you watched like 5 years ago is somehow still on, in a CHAT ROOM with STRANGERS and in order to try and get these strangers to give you the NONEXISTENT prize you must watch a 9 minute video of someone from OHIO talk shit about you because of things you strategically said and did, 13 year old me would probably assassinate bill gates to make sure the internet DIED and that reality couldnt exist bceause FUCK!!!!!!!!! emI Deserved To Win: A New Musical ~ Coming Soon richiehttp://68.media.tumblr.com/f60a84f5748d15f8a1625f64c461082e/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo7_250.gif http://68.media.tumblr.com/72c85b4a2d82c49580e83a8a74ce83a1/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo6_250.gif http://68.media.tumblr.com/73479bdb2a4e827a39fa094ecc4d5759/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo4_250.gif