#Idk if panic is the right word
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kimetsu-chan · 6 months ago
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Kimmie you are absolutely beautiful! Don't say that! >:3
I'm just literally telling everyone inspiration 😔
Okay, nonie, I need you to know that your ask came at the perfect time because I am actively panicking over my appearance rn.
like, it’s not good
so thank you
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lazylittledragon · 2 months ago
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hi! I absolutely love your art and I get so happy when I see it come up on my feed! 🥰
if I can ask, why does cyra use a cane sometimes? I just saw your art where gale and cyra are with their newborn and cyra is walking with their toddler and she has a cane and I was curious.
have a good day! 😁💚
thank you so much!!!
i don't think i've said much about it other than 'she almost died' aksdhsh but everything went very wrong when the first one was born and she got sepsis, which can really fuck you up long term and she developed chronic fatigue.
she definitely tells the children that she's got a sword hidden inside it
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ruminativevagrant · 1 month ago
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"Problems"
I saw somebody else attempt to transcribe this writing made by adam, but they couldnt decipher some things, so i thought id try. there are some other handwritings of his that i plan to also decipher in the future (to the best of my abilities)
Problems:
The lights were too bright.
There were too many dirty dishes.
I kept spilling food and such.
You were in the room while I was in the kitchen.
The spiders.
My arms kept touching things.
My hair touched Ryan's towel in the morning.
There were not tissues.
There were not tissues in the pantry.
My corn was too wet.
My quinoa fork was dropped with quinoa and I had to pick it up and there were not tissues and my hands had quinoa on them.
It was too warm.
You were speaking angrily.
There were not enough towels.
My hair touched my desk towel when picking up quinoa.
I could not eat my quinoa because I dropped the fork.
The corn had spots.
Ryan used the bathroom - the bathroom was not clean before I was asleep now.
There are more reasons.
My towel fell into the shower twice.
External(?) water was on both eyes in the shower.
You threatened me twice.
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judging by the content of the writing, i'd guess this was written when he was younger, my estimate would be maybe age 10-13.
i dont know any context behind why exactly this was written, but its obviously a list of things that had upset adam throughout the course of a day. perhaps it was written as a way for him to communicate what lead up to a panic attack.
i think this is a very clear example of how severe his ocd and sensory sensitivities were, and how things that would be miniscule inconveniences to others were deeply disturbing and debilitating for him. I often see people judge adam for requiring so much accomodation or perceive him as being controlling or demanding, and I think it comes from a lack of understanding of just how truly difficult it is to live and function with these issues.
i also find two of the problems listed here particularly interesting: "You were speaking angrily." "You threatened me twice." even if the person in question, presumably one of his parents(or even both) were not doing those things, adam had perceived it that way.
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puppyeared · 1 year ago
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footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia
#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain#way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right#but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion#this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me#how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk#I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it#but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid#theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some#universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice#source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING#THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific#than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍#nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I#really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk#the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will#understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿#Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best#but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment#im rambling the short version is I have adhd#yapping
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ratwars · 12 days ago
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My new plan of action is to be more unapologetically me at work while still being work me because I am fucking tired of everything and my lack of fucks has apparently hit a new level so instead of fretting about that I am just accepting the damage periods of unemployment does to my personality (work personality? Ability to maintain said personality?) And going with it. If it works great. If it doesn't then they gotta fire me it is whatever I am not even pretending like I care to make a cookie cutter impression.
#i taught my boss's boss how to sneak alcohol into venues at the end of the day (she asked. usually i would be like oh idk about all that.#nah fuck it whatever i got you) but i also balanced it with explaining how working for promoters works because her teenager daughter has#some overlapping interests and i was like ohhh well let me tell you what she should look into when she turns 18 but some of them she might#need to wait till 21#so maybe itll be okay despite the hiccup with me learning how their pto police kinda fucking sucks and i acted like it could be a deal#breaker. but said maybe not i would have to wait and see.#which is true. i didnt fake it i went full “idk if i really need this job but lets see if i *want* this job instead* ya know yall seem like#great ppl doing great work 😌D#did send them into a panic accidentally at the end of the night like “thank you all for your help today and everything” and homegirl was#like leaning back in her chair like o#*like 🤨 oh shit? but no i meant just with training in general#should not have worded it like that because it did sound like i was about to be like “but this isnt the right fit for me so I wont be back#nooooo. whoops. lmao.#i realize this is from the accumulation of my personal flaws and my general abrasiveness but#they shouldnt let me start at new orgs this many times. they should because i sadly need money and a career but really.#i like to think my skill hard work and extremely decent attendance makes it balance out#but i do think i am like hi im here to ruffle your feathers because i do not have the attitude you are expecting as an employer in#(redacted) but it is gonna be like. just enough it might l#*piss some ppl off but not enough for others. but some of you will adore me. you probably shouldnt#but you will. in fact you may cry if i leave as historical proof shows.#and oh i will leave. eventually. because i fucking love leaving#but if you cant figure that out from my resume and took me at my word (fair tho) then that is on you#hopefully though this is okay and i can stay put 2-3 years and promote or transfer. their pto sucks less after 3 years anyways because#that policy becomes less of an issue#but idk. we shall see. they also have blackout months for time off. which like. i am also not keen on.#but like they do also offer overtime those same months so ehhhh#i like extra money but kinda also hate working weekends. so idk.#like is that a benefit? i dont know that that offsets it.#im picky because shittier employers in shittier jobs had better time off benefits so. like cmon now.#-pers
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kodzukoi · 1 year ago
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have to make the decision of my LIFE rn:
do i pull for blade (idek if i have guaranteed- i don't think i do) or do i wait for kafka..................
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steampunk-raven · 11 months ago
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spider in room but everyone else is asleep so no one can help me :/ panic time i guess lol
#having scary things in my room is fun because i get to play the game of “which phobia am i MORE scared of: being around lifelong phobia of#mine OR the phobia of leaving my room and risking Being Perceived”#right now it’s the second one :/ which is pretty funny given that every else is fucking ASLEEP so there’s your proof that phobias can be#SUPER irrational lmao#but also my arachnophobia isn’t the worst like I’ll avoid places where spiders were near recently but i can still sometimes watch videos of#them sooo. yay for me lol? this isn’t true for other bugs (yes ik spiders aren’t bugs but my phobias don’t) which sucks for me because the#second most scary one is viewed as beautiful by most people and so many people love them. noooooo thank you. number one most scary aren’t#talked about but idk why they’re super common. and terrifying and OUT TO FUCKING GET ME. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS RUN *AT* ME#bugs love me. if i think about their existence too much i will have a panic attack. this is not a good relationship.#except for silk moths specifically. Ive never seen one irl and are still a little scared but i have a dnd character who loves them so same#ALSO BEES. I love bees. Not scared at all beyond like a normal reasonable “don’t fuck with them” kinda thing. bees are great i love bees#most of the stingy ones I’m ok with individually actually. i dislike the massive loud swarms of them but on their own they’re cute lol#(also to the bug and/or spider lovers i am not a kill bugs kinda person if this is worded weirdly that is because I’m having a fucking pani#attack please be nice)
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vampiremourning · 1 year ago
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#anyway the most exciting conversation I had today was explaining how I managed to fuck up the dog’s haircut#(he’s squirmy that’s it that’s the reason)#moving on though the main issue is I still need like. the crutch of being online almost#and I guess even though it feels awkward and lowkey uncool I’m glad there are apps for people just looking to find friends#downside is I can forget they’re there bc the notifs don’t work great#or I panic because I’m too hyper aware of myself with new people. why can’t this be easy what’s wrong with me#I get embarrassed by how much longer my replies are than the other person’s#I can’t help it I guess#if it’s short I feel like it’s coming off inauthentic so I overcorrect#but then conversation kinda fizzles anyway. which is okay! not everyone will be a winner and that’s fine#I know this and it makes me feel slightly better#still I just feel like. dumb I guess. in all these interactions.#that’s the word. because I’m perfectly comfortable with myself until I feel like i start to notice That Change in someoneone#anyone else who gets told they give off Uncanny Valley energy knows what this is.#like I can tell I did something wrong but on paper I did everything right#and I just kinda fold every time. bc there’s usually no salvaging a conversation past that point.#it’s Not that it’s easier to be alone bc I’m not having a good time clearly but something drives me to keep going despite it all#idk it’s stupid I wish I could just cut this feeling out and detach completely#I know it wouldn’t bother me to be pushed slowly away at least.#I’d really be the person who solved the lament configuration just to Hang Out lmao#I wish I didn’t make posts like these here btw.#that also makes me feel dumb but it’s like if I don’t at least put this down somewhere it’d be worse#I think tomorrow I’ll clean a bit. it’ll be something to do that has a visible result.#not like anything else that’s going on lol
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emily-mooon · 1 year ago
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This Fire Emblem AU for Stranger Things has me in a chokehold cause instead of doing Jancy week or historical au week stuff, I’m fleshing out the designs I made for the party yesterday and thinking about what classes the other characters would be and their colour palettes.
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crybaby-bkg · 2 years ago
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I finally parted ways w my old therapist of almost two years to find someone new and after having to hound him for two weeks to get my documentation from him, I’m just now finding out that I have panic disorder like. wow. fucking news to me ig
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folkinsomnia · 1 year ago
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windrunner · 1 year ago
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I've gotten night terrors for the past two nights and i have zero idea why
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kavehater · 7 days ago
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THIS IS SO HUMBLING FR CAUSE the only ppl who did reach out were Hal dahlia and meto (out of the billions of ppl ik)
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#and raisa but I didn’t get back to her so that makes me a bad friend in that regard#I should fix that#idk I don’t think I have a valid excuse per se but like it’s a bit valid bc she disappointed me and it kinda added fuel to the flame of wha#everyone else was doing#dora daily#it was just insult to injury even tho she always said oh sorry I couldn’t reply bc ….#you do realise I can tell when someone is making a legitimate excuse and when someone is making up a dumbass excuse ? most of the time it i#not a legitimate excuse it’s just a dumbass excuse#and if you think I’m so stupid as to not see right through that you’ve got another thing coming#you don’t need to make excuses to me out of social nicety you know#if you don’t gaf that’s completely fine I will not hound you to gaf abt me more 🤷‍♀️#like idk why ppl make it seem we’re tied by some indestructible tether#we’re not exactly bound for life if you don’t like me that much#and I wish ppl would be less reluctant to cut ppl off even if there’s no problem apart from the fact that they realise they do not like the#that much !#like istg if you don’t like me that much idm I swear I don’t just cut me off is all I ask#and it’s strange bc it’s like this is the exact same issue with almost everybody I know right now#it’s strange bc I don’t know why everyone’s like this and#it’s odd to see the way this is at such high frequency like ??? questions all around fr#eh whatever#and the thing is I can tolerate rlly bad abuse without a word so I can endure A LOT. but the reason I just stopped was bc my health actually#plummeted really really bad I’d get panic attacks every time I’d think of speaking to someone#it just felt like every time I’d go to sleep and wake up I’d not get any rest or reprieve from that feeling#then came the heart issues like I swear I genuinely in all ways you look at it I COULDNT speak at all#and if you’re like oh well texting is different to speaking#no I COULD speak irl But it’s the texting that couldn’t happen#like if I tried to even if I was miserable I can do things while utterly miserable it’s fine#but this wasn’t even the miserable benchmark it was something so completely unexplored uncharted territory#I’ll never be able to explain what that period was#but do know I hold all who even asked or remembered I existed in very high regard
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timeisacephalopod · 17 days ago
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I saw a tumblr post like a week ago about people in America wanting to change their votes because they didn't like that trump won but like... You voted for him. If you didn't want him to win enough to want to change your vote after he did why did you vote for him to begin with? Could have voted Harris, independent, or not at all, why vote for a guy you wouldn't have voted for if he won? What fresh hell
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milo-is-rambling · 7 months ago
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Weight talk tw I guess idk how to describe the post sorry im a little high
It’s so weird being around people who talk about weight problems (IOP) and like idk it brings up weird shit in my brain almost anxiety that I should feel bad about myself somehow like I’m doing this wrong being confident idk. Weird self doubt thing that happens when you’ve loved yourself (hmm. Rephrase. I don’t care about being fat. let’s say that.) and then you’re in a room full of people having a group discussion about how they avoid living their life in happy ways because they don’t want to become like you. But you love yourself. But everyone in your life since you were little has been dieting and talking about weight and specific numbers (someone was anxious about gaining seven pounds! SEVEN. If they saw my scale they would shit themselves. I put on seven pounds taking a big bong rip Jesus fucking Christ seven pounds. I wanted to rip my hair out.)
Next time weight issues come up in IOP I’m stepping out of the room. Like idk how to explain it cause it’s like not a trigger but I guess it is ? But it’s just so weird like the way I’m triggered makes me want to cry why does the world hate me for being fat what the fuck !!!!
#me when I gain weight issues through thinking about my own body in a group setting#ughhh#whatever fuck it#taking an anxiety med chavas at work Levi’s on a train (EXCITED!!!!) I’m gonna take my little sedative friend and try to take a nap bc six#and a half hours after the last two days I’ve had is fucking nothing. going to nap city will fix me.#also taking my morning med. I haven’t done that yet I need to eat *stares into camera* to take my meds gahhhh I hate having a human form an#intestines just take the med with one cracker and not get sick what the fuck body I’m so sick of heart burn I want to burn down the world#and now that I’ve had a med increase I get fucking withdrawal symptoms if I miss a morning dose which I found out bc I left my meds at home#accidentally on Monday when I was so overtired and forgot to put them back in my bag for IOP (cause they have food at IOP so I take them#there once I’ve eaten) and then I had a headache for like half of the day and I was so overtired I was crying on the drive home cause I#wanted to sleep so bad and then I got home and my brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up even on the sleep meds until I talked to kath and she#calmed me down just existing the little sweetheart god I love her okay anyways babble over I’m very overtired and a little cranky and my#brother has been in a very bitchy mood recently idk what’s got him on edge but everything is setting him off into little fights like not#just with me he was fighting with mom this morning he’s just kick to getting worked up recently which leads to me being angry wanting to be#rude which means do the opposite which means show extra compassion woohoo coping skills 🗣️🗣️#anyways. post panic attack sedative nap (my beloved) or perhaps work on editing my vlog#I’m high ​ I forgot you can’t hit comma on tags. edit my vlog. vacuum. (I always spell vacuum with two c’s and not two u’s and I think#autocorrect should not correct me on that one bc I think I am right in my soul idk why#there’s another word I’m like that with but I forget what it is . okay bye thank you for listening to my type words goodbye goodnight mwah#it’s ​nap time babyyyyyy#idk if I have to trigger tag this ? someone let me know if I do please
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skylightdistraction · 7 months ago
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