#still I just feel like. dumb I guess. in all these interactions.
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vampiremourning · 1 year ago
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#anyway the most exciting conversation I had today was explaining how I managed to fuck up the dog’s haircut#(he’s squirmy that’s it that’s the reason)#moving on though the main issue is I still need like. the crutch of being online almost#and I guess even though it feels awkward and lowkey uncool I’m glad there are apps for people just looking to find friends#downside is I can forget they’re there bc the notifs don’t work great#or I panic because I’m too hyper aware of myself with new people. why can’t this be easy what’s wrong with me#I get embarrassed by how much longer my replies are than the other person’s#I can’t help it I guess#if it’s short I feel like it’s coming off inauthentic so I overcorrect#but then conversation kinda fizzles anyway. which is okay! not everyone will be a winner and that’s fine#I know this and it makes me feel slightly better#still I just feel like. dumb I guess. in all these interactions.#that’s the word. because I’m perfectly comfortable with myself until I feel like i start to notice That Change in someoneone#anyone else who gets told they give off Uncanny Valley energy knows what this is.#like I can tell I did something wrong but on paper I did everything right#and I just kinda fold every time. bc there’s usually no salvaging a conversation past that point.#it’s Not that it’s easier to be alone bc I’m not having a good time clearly but something drives me to keep going despite it all#idk it’s stupid I wish I could just cut this feeling out and detach completely#I know it wouldn’t bother me to be pushed slowly away at least.#I’d really be the person who solved the lament configuration just to Hang Out lmao#I wish I didn’t make posts like these here btw.#that also makes me feel dumb but it’s like if I don’t at least put this down somewhere it’d be worse#I think tomorrow I’ll clean a bit. it’ll be something to do that has a visible result.#not like anything else that’s going on lol
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starpros-sunshine · 1 month ago
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I think the reason I'm so uncomfortable in conversation with cis men is because in my life the image I've grown up with is that from the American movies and while there's so much to be said about how women in those are basically objects or exclusively love interests or just Really Really forgettable I feel like there's also something to be mentioned about how most of these men are all the same pseudo-tough-guy character that's cool and suave and sexy and the only emotion he's capable of is nonchalant banter (it feels worth mentioning that the American movies I'm referring to are all from the last century I have no idea if that's changed in these last years but a gut feeling tells me no) and I also barely talk to the guys from my grade so the result of kind of growing up with that is that I just genuinely can not imagine real cis men with a complex inner emotional landscape. Maybe this is also an empathy thing but I genuinely can not imagine most cishet guys doing normal people things in their free time that aren't gaming or going to the gym or...idk. making music too I suppose. It's quite comical really but I just can not imagine cishet men with interests or doing stuff like having crushes and it's so strange because I know for a fact I am generally speaking not a sexist person but this little tidbit of apparently just not being able to view cishet men as normal people? Can't get that to go away even if I logically know it's silly. There's a point in this post about how toxic masculinity is a huge issue and affects even those not affected by it and runs really really deep or whatever but I'm too tired to coherently put it together. On the positive side now I get really happy when I see men online talk about how much they love their wives and all that because it's like "wow! Crazy you really are just a normal dude and not some James Bond knock-off like I thought every cishet man was supposed to be! Thank god!"
#i also think thats why I like poets so much#i mean sure there's poets that were complicated as people but what other kind of person would actually express emotions like that#you can really get me with men that are just genuienly chill and nice dudes because something in me does not believe they actually exist#and that scares me a little i have to confess that scares me a little#men scare me a little and that's so sad#women too but in a different way#that's just because I'm shy and awkward#thats more fear of the interaction#but with cis men it's just genuine fear of the human being#well more of an intense discomfort but still#i can talk to them but it's always awkward and stilted and I'm stuttering and tripping over words and all that#there's genuienly one man I can have an actual conversation with. one. well besides my father but thats different#it's also that underlying fear of being judged#I can handle being judged by a woman just fine we're on equal footing there we're good#but with men? nope. I just stay quiet before I can say anything dumb#i do wonder sometimes where that came from but I guess it's really just the stuff I grew up with#i mean I was basically raised by movies and audio dramas#and almost all of them were. older. on the older side. but not Old. that stuff came later#surprisingly though there's a whole string of musical comedies from the 30s where the main guys main thing is just thag he's really down bad#for this woman who almost never is also really down bad for him#never really heard talk of being a lovesick teenager who really wanted to go out with that one girl but was always too shy to ask from a man#in an old film. but also not really in real life i won't lie there.#anyways back to topic can we as a society please allow men to be cringefail and sappy in a genuine way instead of pretending to be cool#we need to bring back the romantic era where everyone actually made a big deal out of stuff like friendship and feelings#boy i should sleep
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earanie · 2 months ago
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i guess this is the year i learn stuff about myself if nothing else.
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nerdy-novelist017 · 6 months ago
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Little Bunny (Benny Cross x Shy!Reader)
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First time writing fanfic in years but what can I say? I see Austin Butler smoking a cigarette and giving Bedroom Eyes™️ and I'm suddenly a poet. Enjoy!
Part 2 here
Word Count- 2.7k+
Summary- Being surrounded by loud motorcycles, drunk bikers and hungry eyes was not something you'd ever experienced before. Neither was the intense blue gaze of a certain blonde biker.
*****
You didn’t belong here. That much was obvious. You in your white dress blowing softly around your thighs from the summer’s evening breeze. You in your kitten heels sinking into the mud beneath you. You . . . holding your Tupperware filled with homemade cookies. You felt the eyes of just about every person there burning into you as you walked across the grassy field, trailing slightly behind your friend as she made her way to the picnic benches in the center of what looked to be a makeshift race track. 
This is not at all what you pictured when Kathy had told you last night about a cookout and race she was going to. She had said that it was hosted by one of her friends in a club and that you should come to. You were just going to gently shoot her proposition down, but with one of your New Year's Resolutions being to push yourself to be more outgoing and attempt to break the shy vice that often gripped you tight, you reluctantly agreed. In a pathetic attempt to get the nerves to go away, you were up all night baking, something you found to be therapeutic as it gave your hands a task other than nervously tapping on something. Kathy didn’t specify what kind of club she was in, but she was always friendly and outgoing so you really had no idea what to expect, going in blind. When she made a comment about your choice of heels for the environment, you raised a brow, offering to run back inside to change. 
“Don’t worry about it,” she had said as she grinned at you from behind the wheel. “I think the club is goin’ ta love you.”
Standing here now . . . you would have never guessed this was the kind of club she was a part of. Sure, you noticed how her clothing changed some and she smoked a lot more, but seeing her interact with these bikers was shocking. She was like a different person. No, not different. She was still the same Kathy you had been friends with since 8th grade. She was just more confident now.
“Hey, who’s your new friend, Kathy?” someone called from your left. You glanced over at the many sets of hungry eyes that raked over your body as if they were a pack of wild dogs and you were a small rabbit. Your eyes widened as you looked to your other side to find a crowd gathered there too. “Introduce me to your little friend.”
“Fuck off, Richie,” Kathy called out nonchalantly, not even sparing them a look. You quickened your pace to be right on her heels, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the possibility of being left alone to these people.
“Kathy, I–I don’t think I should be here,” you whispered but if she heard your words, she ignored them. “When you said club, I was expecting a–a book club or something. . .”
“Don’t be silly.” She glanced at you over her shoulder, a smirk capturing her features. “I didn’t think I belonged neither, but look at me now. ’Sides, this club is way more fun than books, trust me.”
Before you could protest anymore, she led you to a table and you nearly collided into her when she stopped abruptly, your eyes still jumping around to the leather jackets and grime covered faces. You move to stand beside her, attempting to grab her arm and signal that you wanted to leave but she didn’t meet your gaze. Instead, she pointed a finger at the man sitting in the middle, legs spread leisurely, cigarette hanging from his mouth. 
“This is Johnny, he runs this club,” she introduced, moving along down the line. “That’s Brucie and his wife Gail. This big dumb idiot is Cockroach.” He throws a beer cap at her but she ducks out of the way. “That’s Cal and Corky behind them. . .”
With each member she introduced, you felt your courage sinking further and further into the ground. They each (including the woman) had an air of intimidation that screamed don’t fuck with me. Their leather jackets and ripped jeans hardened their appearances and you felt extremely out of place with your perfectly curled hair and manicured nails. They looked like people your parents had warned you to stay away from your entire youth. Growing up with difficulty making friends has left you somewhat naive and you’d never been around a crowd like this.  Yet suddenly, here you were, a helpless gazelle tossed directly into the lion’s den. Your heart pounded in your chest and you’re sure every person here can hear it echoing off the metal bikes surrounding you. 
“. . . and that’s Benny,” she finished and nodded in the direction of the person on the furthest left. Your eyes travelled up his long legs which are stretched out over the seat, up to where he’s sitting on the table. Your gaze lingered for a moment over the cigarette smoke pluming from between his lips before finally locking with his, and it took your breath away. It was like all the boys you had ever known in life, the ones you had been out on boring dates with, were just that – boys. This was a man. That was evident in his furrowed brow, his dark and unreadable expression, the way his piercing gaze moved from your face down to your toes and back up again. Trouble, his aura screamed, run far away from me. And you desperately want to grab Kathy’s arm and beg her to take you home, but she’s already moved away, making her way over to a cooler of beers, leaving you standing before them like an offering. You think maybe she had asked you if you wanted one before she left, but it’s hard to hear anything over the pounding of your heart in your ears, and even harder to focus on anything besides not breaking the intense eye contact the blonde in front of you was maintaining. 
“Whatcha got there?” someone from the table in front of you asked and you blinked, snapping back into the present. 
Benny had never seen anything like you. He watched from his seat atop the table as you blinked down at your pink Tupperware bowl. You looked like a doll freshly plucked straight from the box, every hair perfectly in place and not a speck on your pretty dress. The thought of running his hand up your thigh and dipping beneath the hem of that pristine dress, leaving a smudged trail of grease along your clean skin corrupted his mind, setting his teeth on edge with desire. The sun was just beginning to set over your left shoulder casted you in a warm glow that seemed almost ethereal, a picture of innocence and unspoiled charm. Your eyes, almost comically wide, glanced back up to him only for a second before moving to the others to find the owner of that previous question.
“Cookies,” you said so softly that Benny could barely hear you from where he was. And he knew then and there that he was a goner. 
The familiar pop of a motorcycle backfiring echoed through the air and you practically jumped out of your skin at the sound. You were just a little bunny, he mused, a smirk pulling at his lips. In one smooth motion, he pushed himself off the table, flicking the rest of his cigarette butt to the ground and stood to his full height. Driven by a fervor burning deep in his belly, it only took him a few strides before he stood in front of you, close enough to smell the sweet perfume you were wearing, close enough to see the blush tinting your face, close enough to touch you.
“What kind of cookies?” he asked in a low voice, hoping not to scare away this little bunny.
You glanced over your shoulder towards the parked cars and, for a moment, Benny thought you might try to book it, but then you moved your chin back and suddenly you were gracing him with your beautiful gaze again. He noticed the slight tremble of your slim fingers as they removed the lid and held the bowl out in an offer. In that moment, the air seemed to crackle with an unspoken connection, a promise of worlds colliding. No, he’d never seen anything like you.
“They’re chocolate chip,” you replied, eyes fluttering to the middle of his chest to avoid eye-contact. 
He lifted a hand slowly, dipping his head in an attempt to catch your eyes once more. He waited patiently until your gaze fluttered back up to meet his before he raised a brow in question. You gave just the slightest nod, and he dipped his hand into the bowl, retrieving one of your cookies.
You were locked into place, knees weak and head swimming as you watched him bring your cookie up to his lips. You wanted to look away, hell, you wanted to run away. But you couldn’t. You were drowning in his ocean eyes, unable to breathe as he bit into the cookie. Your gaze dropped briefly to his mouth as he swiped at it with the back on his hand, the muscles of his forearm flexing beneath tanned skin.
“Take her for a ride, Benny!” someone shouted from behind him and you suddenly remembered the rest of the group.
“Show her how to ride, Benny!” More egging. You took a hesitant step back, holding the bowl to your chest as if it would somehow deflect their teasing. You peeked around Benny trying to get Kathy’s attention, but she’s already sat down at another table, conversing with a small group of women. The women looked just as mean and tough as the men and you swallowed the lump forming in your throat. You take another step backwards. This was a mistake. You should have never come here. You needed to go home. These people – these animals – would eat you alive. The idea of just walking home crossed your mind briefly. But you were miles from your house, and you weren’t exactly sure where you even were – some farmhouse out on the other side of town. You needed to get Kathy aside to ask her to drive you home. 
“You ever been on a motorcycle before, Little Bunny?” Benny asked you, his voice hushed and almost drowned out by the razzing from behind him.
Your brow furrowed at the nickname. Was he making fun of you? Daring to look into his ruggedly handsome face again, you attempted to read his expression for any signs of malice. Surprised to find something kind swirling in his eyes, your lips parted to say something, but the words were stuck in your throat. “Mm-mm,”
He flashed a glimpse of his white teeth with a secretive smile as he took a step closer. “Can I be your first?”
“What?” Suddenly your mouth felt as though it were filled with cotton. 
He nodded over at the lineup of motorcycles to your left and waited for his question to fully sink in. You tilted your head, wondering if the double inuendo was intentional or if everything that came out of his mouth dripped with an underlying sensuality.
Trouble, trouble, trouble. That word rang out in your head like a siren, attempting to warn you and that’s when you realized that there wasn’t an ocean in his eyes. It was a blazing fire. There was a fire in his eyes and it threatened to burn every complacently comfortable thing inside you, threatened to burn every perfectly built wall surrounding your heart. 
You shook your head. “No, thank you. I don’t like going fast and I know that’s what you . . . bikers do.”
Was that a polite response? You weren’t sure because the smile on his face grew despite the fact that you just declined his offer. Any time you’ve ever rejected a man’s offer, they’d frown, grumble under their breath and walk away. But this man — Benny— just stood there, sliding his hands in the pockets of his jean jacket, tilting his head slightly as he stared down at you with a smile. He was confusing!
“Excuse me,” you muttered as you sidestepped him, quickly approaching the picnic bench Kathy had migrated to. Your cheeks burned as a few members of the crowd whistled. You set the Tupperware bowl on the table and several hands dipped in to retrieve the goods as you planted yourself next to Kathy. 
“Is this a gang?” You whispered to your friend and she laughed into her beer bottle. Since when did she drink beer?
“Gee, that Benny sure is a hunk, huh?” She deflected your question as she raised an eyebrow at you suggestively. 
Feeling his gaze still burning into you, you didn’t risk a glance back at him. “I don’t feel comfortable here, Kathy.”
“Do you want a beer?” She asked as she placed a cold one in front of you. 
“No,” you replied quietly. “Can we go now?”
She sighed. “Alright, fine. Can I finish my beer at least?”
You nodded but your relief was short lived when another biker woman sat down from across Kathy and began talking with her. Agonizing minutes ticked by. You drummed your fingers on the worn wooden table top, watching as Kathy sipped leisurely from her beer. Someone shouted as the racing bikes fired up, startling you. That’s it. 
“I’ll wait for you in the car,” you told Kathy and ignored the disappointment on her face as you stood and spun. You halted in your tracks when you find Benny still standing where you left him, still watching you. You kept your head down as you walked past him quickly making your way to the car. 
Weaving in between other cars and motorcycles parked in the far field, you breathed a sigh of relief when you made it to Kathy’s car. Once sitting inside the passenger seat of her pickup truck, you slammed the door shut behind you. Embarrassment burned your core and you groaned as you brought your hands up to cover your face. They probably thought you were some niave girl who was afraid of her own shadow. And you probably were but you clung to the slight relief that you would never have to see any of these people ever again. 
You jumped at the knock on your window. A tall figure stood outside your door and your heart jumped into your throat as you scrambled to roll down the manual window. Benny stooped over and held up your pink Tupperware bowl. 
“You left this.” One side of his mouth quirked up. “I’d say they were a hit.”
You glanced down at the empty bowl in shock. You had baked two dozen cookies and they were gone within minutes of leaving it on the table. A smile tugged at your lips at the thought of someone appreciating your hard work. “Thank you.”
You reached for the bowl, fingers brushing softly against his. A jolt of electricity traveled up your arm, through your chest before settling hotly in your lower belly. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth as he lowered himself to lean against your door, arms resting over the window frame. His eyes roamed over your face as if he were trying to memorize every detail. Your mind struggled to find something to say to him to get him to go away but all thoughts were halted in their tracks as his eyes found yours again. Instinctively, you felt yourself leaning in a little closer to him, your faces only inches apart. 
“Can I at least give you a ride home?” His gravely voice broke through the thick silence. 
“Kathy is—” you started as you glanced over his shoulder to the direction of where you left your friend. Your words died on your tongue as you noticed her surrounded by a small group now, a fresh beer in her hand. 
Your gaze returned to him and you felt heat creep up your neck. “I—I’m wearing a dress though. . .”
“I’ll be sitting in front of you. Nobody will be able to see anything.” 
You fixed him with an incredulous expression before looking away. Silence settled between you again and you waited for him to walk away. Only, he never did. He just . . . waited.
"Are you just going to keep asking?" you griped as you turned to look back at him.
"I like to think of it as more of an offer." There was a teasing undertone laced in his words and you narrowed your eyes at him to keep from smiling.
“I won’t drive fast,” he said softly and your heart fluttered at the gentle promise. 
Trouble. Your head still reminded you even as you found yourself getting hypnotized by the intense blue of his eyes, so close to yours. Despite the sincerity in his eyes, there was still that darkness, that fire that burned through. That burning fire, threatening to cover a dark past. And you could see it, there was a dangerous undertone in that fire. Trouble, and yet you couldn’t hide the smile as your fingers reached to open the door. 
This fire you needed to touch — at least once, just to see how hot it truly burned. 
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faerociousbeast · 2 years ago
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hmmmm.hmmhmhmhmhmhmmmmmmm i think ive figured it out
#vague#<- but its broader fandom stuff so no worries or anything#anyways. this particular pairing just isnt doing it for me and i know the CORE reason#but another reason is... literally everyone collectively seems to be completely fucking wrong?#not to say im better or smarter but in this instance everyones like.... fandomized it TOO much.#to the point where the nuance and shite from canon that actually couldve intrigued me simply. isnt there#theyre interpreting them so strangely when its like. no you idiots these two fuckers have way too many layers for you to dumb down#to things like ohh flirt and flustered. ohh has a crush but mad about it.#like... i guess???? if youre having fun go for it?#but usually theres at least a few people who refer to the actual material and in this case ive found NOTHING#i went out searching in the wild bc i truly do wish to be convinced#but even the most analytical meta posts i saw were... still pulling at straws quite frankly#maybe its bc i havent interacted with the fandom as much?#so instead of interpreting material to fit my previous assumptions and headcanons or whatever#im seeing it how it is Or. something.#neither of these two are that straightforward and pretending they are is....#you have SO many other options who actually do have the dynamic youre projecting#these two are a little fucked up. you all who claim to be such fans have... somehow fallen for the masks#which again deeply intriguing but not something i feel like dealing with#and i also dont care about the pairing enough to correct people unless someone else convinces me its worth it#so ill just sit here and go :/ constantly i suppose
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yayll · 4 months ago
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~ a little something about Dazai slowly moving you in without you knowing ~
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"Osamu, can I borrow a comb or something? I can't seem to find my hairbrush..."
You call out as you rummage through your duffle bag you brought to spend the weekend at his place. you do this as much as you can, it's lovely to spend time with the one you love... And also because he loses all sanity and rationality if he goes a few days without seeing you. You've been there before, and it's a nightmare for both you and anyone interacting with him. Poor baby!
He perks up, staring at you from across the room, chin resting on his palm and his eyes half-lidded. He's thinking about the day he hid that from you, along with a few other garments. He calls back, sounding scattered.
"Mm? Oh, you can borrow anything you want! Mine's behind the bathroom mirror."
"Okay!"
You open the mirror, and the shelf has not only your hairbrush, but one of your hair clips too. You tilt your head, calling back out.
"Nevermind! Found some of my stuff. Guess I left them here last time, heh."
He jumps at your new finding, quietly cursing himself for not hiding that before you came over. Dazai sighs deeply and immediately hops off the stool, beelining it to you. He clears his throat, playing dumb like the demon he is.
"Well, I think you should still use mine. Please, yours looks all old and yucky. If you keep using it all of your hair will fall out and you'll be bald and hate yourself for the rest of your life and nobody will want you! Except for me, of course~"
"... Um, I don't think so?"
"Well I do! Now, come on, let's get these silky locks in check."
He spins you around and immediately starts combing out your hair, humming a little tune to himself as he does so. He makes a mental note to hide the shirt and pajama shorts he kept last weekend too, that's for when he's alone at night. He also needs to make sure you willingly start leaving things, otherwise you'll freak if you're missing half your stuff. He's so gentle with you and having the time of his life, lightly dusting his fingers against the nape of your neck. He stifles a giggle behind that little smirk plastered on his face when you squirm a bit. He'll make sure you do it plenty of more times before you leave later. Maybe you'll finally beg like he's been wanting you to!
"There. All done."
He presses a soft kiss at the top of your head and you flash him a sweet smile. He could honestly pass out right there. And if he fell down, he'd be at your feet, and then he could be at your knees. Oh! And then you'd fuss over him and never leave his sight. And then... So so so cute...
You get a thoughtful look on your face, and turn to face him fully, popping his delusional little bubble.
"... Come to think of it, I feel like I always lose stuff at your place. You'll gather it for me if you find it, Osamu?"
At the mention of his name, he feels his entire body heat up. He blinks twice and tilts his head innocently. God, you look breathtaking when you're confused. He'll have to take a photo sometime for his album. You love posing for those, and he loves looking at you.
"Sure, but why don't you just... Leave things here from now on? You're here alllll the time, might as well just keep stuff here for safe keeping. I'll be the noble keeper of your things!"
You raise a brow, huffing into a laugh.
"Yeah? Is that what you want to be?"
His voice then becomes softer, needier, and dead serious. He stares right into your beautiful eyes, drowning himself in them. He mutters.
"For you, I'll be anything you want me to be. Afterall, I'm nothing more than a boy made of clay~"
You blush at that. Really hard. Amazing! he thinks. He reaches for your soft face that feels hot to the touch, cupping it inbetween his bandaged hands as he delicately rubs circles on your temples with the pad of his thumb. You wish you could look anywhere else right now because you're falling apart under him and he knows it.
"When you move in, you can do anything you want with the place. Especially with me."
"... Shouldn't we talk more about this another time?"
"Mmm no, not really."
He replies, his Hazelnut eyes go a little darker as he looks down at you.
"Hm, I think we should, cause you're too fast for me. You're like a Hare." You giggle as you say that, eyes twinkling.
"I like bunnies. I like you..."
He mumbles, going straight for your lips before you can say anything else.
Needless to say, you didn't get very far into the discussion after that. He wouldn't let that happen. And that's okay! He can adapt! He thinks he IS being a little pushy and a little too fast for your taste. He's sooo sorry, he'll take it slower next time. In between the sloppy kisses and the very indecent ways he uses his hands to toy with you, he desperately whispers in your ear one last time before he devours you fully.
"... We're staying together forever and ever, yeah?"
"Mmphhhmm..."
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bunny-jpeg · 2 months ago
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kink-o-ween - day twenty-one
toto wolff - degradation kink
cw: smut/pwp, dom/sub, age gap (20/50), bratty!reader, groping, dirty talk/degrading language, doggy style, hair pulling
kink-o-ween master-list
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toto tapped his foot as he watched you by your joyful self. while another man would find it endearing, but not the older, wiser toto wolff. he had over two decades over you, he could see the tricks of a dumb little girl.
"treasure." he said, standing up a little straighter. so you'll look away from your flirty interaction with the mechanic next to you and towards your lover. but when you didn't he whistled to your like you were a dog.
and like an obedient puppy, you looked over. you perked up with shock and toto just grinned.
you were on your stomach in the your hotel room with your shirt (toto's shirt) pulled up and exposed your round ass to the older man. your panties were still on but pulled past the cheeks to give toto a lot of room to grope and feel. toto wasn't a gentle lover, it wasn't in him to do so. the years made him yearn for a squirming younger lover who he could twist to his liking.
and you in turn loved when older men spoke down to you and bullied you and your cunt into an absolute submission. to be marked and in away owned by an older man. especially a man like him. his words were often filthy, degrading you until you were a whimpering mess. your words of defense died on your tongue which only spurred him on.
"you are a bad girl." he looked at you like you were a piece of meat. "nothing but a whore, but i guessed i'm not wrong about that. you only care about cock. you are cock hungry." he grabbed your cheek roughly and your back arched.
you replied, "no, no." you tried to squirm out of his grasp, but he kept you onto the bed. toto wouldn't let you get that far away from him.
"yes, yes, schatzi." you are a little slut. you love the attention of older men. any man who'll look at you." his voice was a growl and you felt the reverberations through your body.
you whimpered at his words and you were forced to tilted your head to the side to let him kiss your neck. it made you shiver.
"but, it's okay." he said before he laid a smack on your ass. he was in an undershirt and his dark briefs. and you were just in the shirt and panties. near naked on the lavish bed. he pressed more kisses against you before he took the shirt off of your body. his lips trailed down your back, "it's okay that you're a whore. because you're my slut. beautiful little slut."
you squirmed, but when toto let go of you, you didn't move away. he stripped himself of his clothes. you felt his hungry gaze on you as you raised your hips a little higher. he made a soft groaning noise.
you reached behinf yourself and got your panties down your ass and exposed your slick, sweet pussy to him.
"so well behaved. maybe too well behaved." he said which made you moan, "maybe it's time to put my treasure on a tighter leash." and he lined his cock with your pussy and sank down into you to the base. he felt perfectly, after all the times, he had to work your pussy to accommodate him. you were made perfect for his heavy cock now.
now he could get into you with ease.
"no one else could fuck you right, not like me." he said his volume was a little lower, but the tone was stern. it made your toes curl.
toto yanked your hair to pull your head away from the soft pillows. he asked, "now, schatzi. wirst du dich benehmen? you'll be a good girl for me?" you knew enough german to understand the question.
you nodded, "yes, i will be good for you." you whined, then he grasped your hair a little tighter. you whined, "fuck, honey."
"word words are music to my ears. i know you enjoy when i touch you like this. when i call you named, when i'm mean. i bet you tell all your friends about how spoiled you are."
your head was dropped back towards the covers while toto fucked you with a feverish pace. he was in control and you loved it. the domineering presence of his movements made you feel hot.
he continued to rut up inside of you. he was pulled in by your sweet noises, to egg him on. your sweet noises and sweeter cunt.
"schatzi." he said, a voice like honey as he hit the deepest parts of you. his cock bullied up into you. he saw you try to grasp the covers. the next time he'd bind your arms behind your back.
the pleasure bled into your core and it left you breathless. your were near drooling on the sheets. your back arched further as you felt the wetness between your legs grow.
"i need you, i want you. and i don't want anyone else to have you. you're mine. to sink my teeth into you. i have to find a way to keep me from flirting with you. a ring, maybe? a collar? maybe the scent of my cum on your breath."
his words only turned you on further and you pathetically gasped into the sheets. the pleasure was all so much and you loved it.
"please, toto." you whined. you very being yearned for him. you moaned and the pleasure overrode everything else in your head. you could feel the throb in your core, maybe toto's words were true. that you were a slut, but you were only toto's slut. no one else's.
"perfect for me." he said, "beyond words." it only sent you over the head. pleasure gripped you and you climaxed.
"please, toto!" you moaned loudly as you felt the pleasure grip you and radiate through your body.
toto was further aroused and pushed further into you. he got you to an angle that made you see stars. he fucked you until he got every inch inside of you with a final thrust. he finished inside of you. he panted heavily through his nose and he moved you up and down on his cock a few more times.
he curled over you and kissed your sweaty back while you basked in the after shivers of sex. when he finished kissing you, he laid out beside you on the bed. you grabbed him by the face to kiss him while you both laid in bed together. he draped an arm around your waist.
"am i a slut?" you asked.
he pushed your hair and kissed your forehead, "mmm, schatzi. you may be something. but i know regardless of how much you flirt. you will always end up in my bed at the end of the day. because you are mine." <3
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rikkiz · 2 months ago
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hii cici! t’s meeee :3 ‘🎀’ anon .. ♡ are you open for a request? I NEED to take this out .. since ’m ovulating 🥺, i’d love to request Riki with bulge kink and spanking the reader’s a$$ also covered the reader’s mouth as she was causing too much noise with her crying and m♡aning. he got so JEALOUS ’cause reader were too close to her male friends, Riki noticed reader’s friend holding reader’s waist, holding her hands, stroking her hair so he had to punish reader. PLEASE!🫸🏻🫷🏻 thank you so much, i hope you have an nice day ♡ and i love you, cici! :33
Jealous - Nishimura Riki
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Riki had invited you to a party at Heeseung's place. He invited you. No one else. You had come with him. So, he was awfully confused and annoyed that you were not only not with him but with some guys that he didn't exactly love.
He watched your interactions with them from across the room. He seethed at the way this one particular guy was touching you. His hands hold onto your waist before moving to hold your hands or stroke your hair every once in a while. What bothered Riki the most, though, was how you just let him. You didn't try to push him away or didn't even look uncomfortable in the slightest and he hated it.
Although he couldn't exactly hate the guy for it since you weren't exactly pushing him away or telling him no and because no one really knew that he and you had a thing going on.
What was that thing? He wasn't sure. I guess it could be seen as friends with benefits but it was so much more. Riki knew you felt that way as well. That's what made him even more pissed about this whole ordeal.
As soon as that guy left your hip to go to the bathroom and you headed to go get a drink from the kitchen, Riki was grabbing your wrist and pulling you along with him upstairs.
You didn't fight him off though, you just let him pull you along which was telling.
He pulled you into some guest room with him and honestly, it was surprising that no one was in here yet, hooking up. Riki shut and locked the door before letting you go, making you stumble onto the bed.
"Are you fucking serious?" Riki asked as he walked over to the bed.
You look up at him from where you lie on the bed, "What?" You meekly ask but you both knew that you weren't dumb.
Riki doesn't say anything before manhandling you so that you were now flipped over on your stomach and he spanks your butt with some force, causing you to let out a whine.
He sits down on the edge of the bed, "Come here." Riki says, his jaw clenched.
You bite your lip before going over and lying across his lap, already knowing what is going to happen. Without any warning, you feel his hand make contact with your ass over your skirt.
"Letting him touch you like that when you know you're mine." Riki scolds before landing another smack on your ass.
You can't even bring yourself to defend yourself because he was right. You were his, whether it was official or not, you both knew it, yet you were doing stuff like that.
Riki spanks you a few more times as a form of punishment for what you did out there but that's all because at this point you were crying and babbling. He didn't need anyone to know what was happening in here, not right now. Though, maybe that guy hearing it wouldn't be too bad.
Riki has you sit up from where you lay across his lap. He then instructs you to get undressed and you do as he says, you never argued much with him. Riki also gets undressed as he eyes you the whole time.
You sit back down at the edge of the bed and he comes over, standing in between your legs. He pushes you up a little bit more to make things a bit more comfortable because despite how mad he was at you, he still loved you. He spreads your legs apart before sliding inside.
Riki then starts to fuck you hard and deeply. You hold onto his biceps for support as he stabilizes himself on the mattress. All that you could hear in the room for a while was the sound of skin slapping, your pussy, and the both of your sounds of pleasure.
Riki glances down for a moment and he can see a bulge forming every time he fucks into you, making him grin.
"Look, baby." He says but you don't process his words, too lost in pleasure. "Look." He says a bit more firmly and you look into his eyes before looking down at where he looked. You both look down at the bulge that formed in your stomach as he fucked you and it made him fucking crazy.
"Fuck." He groaned out as he continued to fuck you, going a bit harder, and it wasn't long before you were cumming. He fucked you through it before he was pulling out and cumming on your thighs because he didn't want to risk anything. Not yet, anyway.
You lie back and he leans over onto you, he can feel the stickiness of his release against his hips from your thighs as he leans down but he doesn't care right now.
He leaned in and kissed your neck a little messily before pulling away and looking down at you.
"Don't pull that shit again." He firmly says and your nodding obediently.
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A/N: Hi 🎀 anon! I hope you like what I did with this! Love you!! You're so sweet :)
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caffeinateddino · 4 months ago
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i wanna see Kuchel Ackerman interacting with reader SO BAD. so here it is! levi x reader modern au (Gender neutral pronouns for reader. SFW)
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You stepped into Levi's teashop again, just like you did every morning for the past four months. Before any other customer came in, you’d arrive, order the exact same tea, flirt with him (or at least try to), get rejected, and then leave.
"Hi, handsome!" you chirped as you walked through the door, flashing him your brightest smile. "You're looking as pret-tea as usual." So proud of your cheeky pickup lines, weren’t you?
Levi sighed, his brows furrowing as he wiped the counter. "Good morning," he muttered, not looking up. "Regular?"
Oh, isn't he just the sweetest? Already knowing your favorite order—you wish. He knew a ton of things about you by now, but not because he was interested. No, it was because you reintroduced yourself AT LEAST twice a week. He knew your name, age, job, the name of your first fish, and even that middle school friend you still had beef with. He knew it all.
"Aww, look at you! Memorizing my order?" you teased, leaning on the counter to get a better look at him.
"No," he deadpanned. "It’s just the cheapest tea in the shop, and you order it every time you come in." He stepped back like you were a germ that he had to stay away from
“There’s a customer already?” an unfamiliar voice called from the prep area. You frowned—new employee? But no, as soon as she stepped out, you realized this wasn’t just anyone. She was one of the most jaw-dropping women you'd ever seen. Long black hair, steel-grey eyes, pale skin, and a sweet smile as she walked to the counter. Definitely related to Levi.
Ignoring Levi, she smiled directly at you. “Hi, what can we get for you today?”
Okay, you were persistent, but you weren’t dumb. She was obviously related to him. His sister? His mom? Either way, time to impress.
“I already got the ord—” Levi started, but you cut him off.
“Hi! I love your eyes!” you said, beaming at her. She smiled, a little shyly. “You’re so sweet, thank you.”
“I’m changing my order,” you declared, causing Levi to pause and raise an eyebrow. “I’ll have a cup of jasmine tea,” you continued, scanning the menu above. “And, uh... lemon cheesecake, and that thing.. I can’t pronounce.”
You were picking the most expensive items on the menu. Levi couldn’t help the faint smile that tugged at his lips.
“Sure, dear, we’ll get it right out for you,” the woman—probably his mom—replied sweetly, turning to help Levi. Getting a smile from someone related to him? Wild. You thought his whole bloodline had to be as stoic as he was.
After you got your tea and moved to a table by the window, you glanced back at the counter. Kuchel nudged Levi with her elbow, her eyes glinting with amusement. "So... who’s that?" she asked, a teasing lilt to her voice.
"Tch. No one. Just a regular customer," Levi replied with a shrug, continuing to wipe the counter as if it was his life’s mission.
“Really? They seemed interested in you,” she added, clearly enjoying the moment. Levi sighed. Maybe bringing his mother here had been a mistake. “They are,” he admitted, moving to brew a fresh pot of tea.
Kuchel’s smile widened. "They're pretty, aren’t they?" He paused, visibly uncomfortable but unable to deny it. “… I guess?”
"Alright then," Kuchel said, clearly up to something, before leaving the counter to sit across from you.
'Oh god,' Levi thought, feeling a headache coming on. He knew what his mom was about to do…
You blinked in surprise as Levi’s mom—Kuchel —sat right across from you, a warm smile on her face. You glanced at Levi, who was now standing behind the counter with the most deadpan expression, silently begging the universe to stop this.
“So, how long have you been coming to this shop?” Kuchel asked, leaning in like this was a cozy little chat between best friends.
You tried not to choke on your tea. “Uh, about four months now. I, uh, really like the tea here.”
And the view, you thought but wisely kept to yourself.
“Four months! That’s dedication,” she remarked with a knowing smile. “Levi must really enjoy seeing such a loyal customer every morning.” Levi’s eye twitched from across the room.
“Uh, yeah, it’s nice to see a familiar face,” you said, laughing nervously. Kuchel nodded, clearly entertained. “You know, he doesn’t usually get attached to customers, but I think you might be special.” She paused dramatically, then added, “He talks about you all the time.”
Your heart skipped a beat. Wait, what?
Levi nearly dropped the teapot. “Mom,” he said sharply, voice low with a warning edge. what the fuck now
“Oh, hush, I’m just making conversation,” Kuchel waved him off, fully embracing her mom duties. “He mentioned just the other day how you always come in so cheerful and—” she leaned in as if sharing a secret—“how you flirt with him every morning.”
Your face burned, and Levi’s hand gripped the counter so tightly it might break.
You stammered. “H-he told you that?”
“Well, no, but it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” she winked. “And you know, Levi here could use someone with your energy. He’s always so serious, isn’t he?” She turned her head slightly to address her son. “Levi, dear, you should take some notes—this one knows how to have fun.”
Levi groaned audibly. “Mom, please.”
You almost choked on your tea again. This was both mortifying and the best thing that had ever happened.
Kuchel continued undeterred. “He’s really sweet once you get to know him, you know? Sure, he’s got that broody, ‘I-don’t-care-about-anything’ look, but deep down, he’s very caring. Protective, too. He always makes sure I’m taken care of. Isn’t that right, Levi?”
Levi’s glare could’ve melted steel at this point. “I am right here, Mom.”
“Oh, don’t be so shy,” she teased, ignoring him completely. “What’s your name, dear?” she asked, turning back to you.
You told her, still a bit flustered but managing to smile. Kuchel’s face lit up.
“What a beautiful name! It would sound so lovely with ‘Ackerman,’ don’t you think?”
You almost spat out your tea. Levi nearly knocked over a stack of teacups. “Mom!”
Kuchel giggled, clearly enjoying every second of this. “What? I’m just saying. No harm in thinking about the future, right?”
Levi closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath, as if summoning every ounce of patience in his body. “I’m going to the back,” he muttered, turning away before his mom could cause any further damage.
Kuchel just smiled after him, unfazed. “Well, he’ll come around eventually. Boys like him always do. Anyway, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like, dear. And don’t worry—I’ll make sure he brews your tea just right.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at this point. “Thank you. I’ll definitely keep coming back.”
As Levi disappeared into the back of the shop, probably questioning every life decision that led him to this moment, Kuchel leaned in one last time. “Don’t give up on him,” she whispered conspiratorially. “He needs someone to loosen him up. And between you and me…” She grinned, eyes twinkling. “I think you’re perfect for the job.”
You were certain Levi was somewhere back there facepalming so hard, but honestly? You were starting to like Kuchel a lot.
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stigmalarity · 1 year ago
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college roommate!Miguel x reader
| gn! reader, masturbation, dildos, voyeurism
College Roommate!Miguel who gets back to your shared apartment after class and is puzzled by the noise complaint tacked to the door. 
The fine print describes loud noises during the hours that he’s not at home, meaning it would have to be you. But that’s still odd.
In the handful of months that the two of you have been roommates, he’s never known you to be loud. In actuality, most people would probably consider you the perfect roommate. You’re quiet, clean up after yourself, cook extra food for him, stay on top of chores, and mostly stick to your room. When the two of you do spend time together, it’s never awkward, just… comfortable. Neither of you feel the need to over-exert yourselves with social interaction while in the comforts of your own home.
Miguel likes being around you. He thinks you’re pretty.
He brings up the complaint that night as you cook dinner side-by-side.
“By the way, I came home to a noise complaint today,” he says, chopping up veggies to throw into the noodle dish you’re making. “It said something about loud noises, but it’s only during the hours when I’m not around. Have you heard anything?”
He doesn’t look at your face, but he notices the way you pause.
“Oh, um,” you start, stirring up the noodles in the wok. “I dunno, I must have been playing my music a little too loud while you were at school. My bad,” you reply. “I’ll try to keep it down.”
Miguel shrugs. “Got it. No worries,” he replies. Since he’s never experienced you being loud, he doesn’t really know what else it could be. He lifts the cutting board, and sweeps the veggies into the wok.
It’s not until a week later when his final lecture of the day gets canceled that he figures out what the noise complaint could have been about.
He doesn’t see you when he walks in, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. It’s only when he takes out his headphones that he hears it.
His first guess is that you’re crying, and it’s technically none of his business to figure out why. As he gets closer, though, he hears it; slick, wet sounds accompanied by your voice, a bit muffled, letting out the most debauched, lecherous wails he’s ever heard.
By some sheer, dumb stroke of fate, your door is open just a crack. His palms are sweating and his pants are tightening as he approaches. He considers turning away when suddenly he hears you, clear as day. You must have pulled away from whatever you had been pressing your face into.
“F-fuh- oh, god- Fuck, Miguel!”
All the blood in his body rushes to his cock, and he’s stepping closer faster than he can think, his eyes trained on that crack in the door. When he sees you, his mind goes blank.
You’re on your knees on the bed, your chest pressed to the sheets and your cheek turned away from him. Your arm is tucked under your torso and between your legs, fucking yourself silly with a flesh tan dildo that for a moment, reminds him of his own cock. Your pretty hole is absolutely soaked, and there's a frothy, white ring gathered at the base of the dildo that he wants to see you lick off.
He stays there, his hand squeezing at his now ridiculously hard cock over his pants as you push yourself up to face the headboard, adjust the dildo underneath you, and start bouncing.
You moan his name again. Then, as if remembering something, you press your hand over your mouth, swallowed by the sleeve of the hoodie that your other hand is tugging up your waist. The bed creaks beneath you, but you keep going.
Arousal lurches hot in his stomach when he realizes the hoodie is one he’s been missing for weeks.
Miguel only lets himself watch for a few more moments, hungrily taking in every inch of you, every noise that escapes your pretty lips and committing it to memory before he turns around and walks back to the door. He opens it wide, then slams it shut, loud enough for you to hear. Your moaning ceases. 
His eyes are trained on your bedroom door as you rush over and shut it completely.
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weebsinstash · 1 year ago
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I'm sorry but I can't stop thinking about a certain angsty idea
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Like pretty sure this is implying getting married is a canon event? But in a way, doesn't that kind of, really strip the choice and actual love and magic out of it? Or, could you at least understand the idea of a Spiderperson who may feel that way? Did you genuinely fall in love with someone if it was "supposed" to happen? And the universe could fall apart if you don't so you arent really even given a choice to say no? Isn't that like having a preprogrammed robot instead of a true lover?
Still kinda obsessed with the concept of a Spider Reader where you didn't get scouted by Miguel until after you had already lost your loved ones, but, it's clear that some Spiders are scouted before they have all of their events (Pav), and, I can't stop thinking about, you're in the Spider Society and making friends and having fun and stuff and you're. Still supposed to get married or have a relationship or something and you're just, completely avoiding having anything at all, not even dating anyone, nothing really feels natural to you and you just don't really want anything?
Months and months and months pass and you've turned multiple people down in your home dimension and Spiders at the Society are told not to interact with you in certain ways, which becomes overboard when no one ever seems to want to hug you or even high five you or touch you at all (because "oh don't let them get a crush on you, they can't break canon" or some dumb paranoia) which just eventually develops into isolating you from the Spider Society, and they all think, "ok good they'll spend more time at home and then start the route for this canon event and we can talk to them again" but it just. Doesn't happen. You're starting to show up to the Society less and less but the only thing that changes when you get back home is a loneliness that you fill with a pet and some platonic friends
Peter B is trying to "subtly" nudge you. "Ya know kid, aren't you in your 20s now? Isn't it time you try and, I dunno, get into college or something? You've got so much potential!" as he willingly omits how he met his wife in college and maybe it's in the model that you could meet your spouse there too as a potential option
But I like the idea and already lowkey established concept that canon changes and has tweaks here and there and can be bent in certain ways so, imagine like, idk, imagine Reader already being with the person who is supposed to your soul mate, and, you find out about The Model or whatever, the Arachno Humanoid Poly Mutiverse or whatever, and you just realize kind of on accident that, oh having a relationship at all is kind of just another prison for you to be in, huh? Another choice stripped away from you, another thing that made you feel like a rubber stamp in existence in the weird copy/paste Spider Society. So you just. You don't intentionally bomb the relationship but you become so extremely depressed and refuse to talk about it with your SO that they actually leave you, making the choice independently, changing canon but not breaking it
But here's Miguel, which I guess you could imagine as a protective obsessive romantic figure or even platonic parental, and he's all but grinding his teeth because, as he sees it, you're not only risking completely breaking your canon which you know Would Fucking Kill You, but, why are you constantly shooting down what are supposed to be good changes for your life? No relationships? No college? No aspirations at all? Why are you not living up to your full potential? He's so frustrated because he KNOWS you could "be better than this" and that you're "supposed to" be better than this, but you just seem. Depressed and defeated. He wants you to be better because it's better for your life, your future, your safety (even if depending on preference it absolutely gets under his skin to see you with anyone else romantically or sexually)
And I have no idea how they would externally force you into some kind of relationship but, I've also thought about, alternatively, the tried and true "Reader lost their home dimension but somehow didn't disappear and lives on Earth 928B now" (the movie specifics its 928b ok, pet peeve I know, 928 is comic Miguel, 928b is ATSV movie Miguel) and eventually, somehow, your bracelet comes off one day and you're about to freak out and it's like, wait, you aren't glitching??? Why aren't you glitching? I mean, you're happy to not be in pain and flashing colors, but, this doesn't make sense? And you don't wanna tempt fate but you don't bother to get a new bracelet or, other people are around to witness this weird event and so, Miguel is immediately investigating what happened. I imagine maybe they scan you with the Go Home Machine and it's just like "ha ha yeah you're home already :)" you know like some "Dimensional Match: 928B" and the machine doesn't even activate, it just scans you with the drone, is like "yeah you're good lmao" and goes back to sleep
And now Miguel is like, you know. Understandably concerned because now there are two Spiders for Nueva York, but, also, he's just like, unbeknownst to you absolutely over the moon necause if you're technically a part of his dimension now, maybe you can complete your canon and have some sort of happy ending. But. Miguel never had his wedding either? Or at least not the "true" one, like how Peter moves on from Gwen to Mary Jane? Cue Miguel suddenly spending suspicious amounts of time on his platform in the dark looking at holograms and algorithms and asking Lyla to calculate the probability of you two maybe becoming spouses for each other
AND YOU'RE SO FUCKED IF IT SAYS YOU CAN LMAO. Cause now not only is he all the more obsessed with you (you were BROUGHT to his dimension by a miracle, can't you SEE you're destined for each other) but now it's "don't you understand? Not only are we MEANT for each other, you don't have a choice! You CANT break canon!" And he's fucking putting a finger in your face and lecturing you about how, you know what, it's ok if you're scared and you're not ready. You know why? Because you two were made for each other, and, he must have been made to be this strong so he can protect you and make decisions on your behalf, right? It's all in The Model. It's all in God's Plan. The two of you are going to get married whether you think it's the love you're fantasizing about or not, and Miguel is more than thrilled that he was essentially just handed a certified excuse to keep you all to himself on a silver platter
Also. I guess this is preferential but. Imagine if Earth 928B's solution to two Spidermen, like how Miles' "corrected" itself with getting rid of blonde Peter, what if the universe and canon just went, "actually it's all cool though cause technically one of them isn't going to technically in name be a Spider anymore, they're going to be forcibly turned into a cute little pampered house spouse" and ON GOD he's getting children out of you if you're capable of it and that ISN'T optional. He's thinking you can start at AT LEAST three babies and then talk about how many more from there? He's always wanted a large family with lots of cute little girls and boys, you know 👉👈
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batmanisagatewaydrug · 5 months ago
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do u have any resources for how to do like . ok not sex ed per se. but i’m in a position where im interacting pretty regularly with a couple of 16-18 year old coworkers (im late 20s) & they see me as kind of a mentor or older sister figure. i’ve been finding myself in a position where they’ll try to get my advice on what seem like risk taking behaviors & i have a hard time balancing my advice between my belief in personal autonomy (ie they’re adults and have the right to make their own bad decisions) and OH GOD THAT GUY IS 30 RUN YOURE TOO YOUNG FOR HIM. bc in my experience telling teens that they’re immature or too young for something tends to be a nonstarter in terms of . them actually listening to advice. especially when theyre 17 but have a job and a lease. so i guess what im asking is do u have any resources or advice on how to parent high schoolers? im too young to be a father but i have found myself in this position and its giving me gray hair
okay listen. as someone who answers questions for a LOT of teenagers on here, the model I've always tried to embrace is "this is an intelligent person with thoughts, feelings, and desires that are exactly as complex as an adults, they just have slightly less lived experience in which to contextualize things." it's completely possible to give someone younger than you advice the same way you might offer input to someone your own age; just offer information without acting like they're dumb for needing it.
in the case of the age thing, you've obviously already clocked that "you're too young for him" is an approach that can easily come across as condescending and shut you down as a reliable your of advice. instead, let's try reframing this in a way that puts the issue where it belongs: on the 30 year old trying to date a teenager. it's not "ew, you're too young," it's "ew, I've known a lot of guys like him and they're always trying to date teenagers becase they think teenagers are dumb and easy to manipulate. people his own age probably all think he's a loser."
but, more importantly, it's not your job to stop them from making any risky decisions ever, okay? some of them are still going to want to hang out with that 30 year old. your role in that case is to help minimize harm. you can't make them ditch their creepy older boyfriend, but you can make sure they understand how to have safer sex, their options for protection, the realities of STIs and how to get tested + treated, the risk of pregnancy and options for unplanned pregnancies if that's an option. you can't run anyone's life for them, but you can always give them tools to be safer!
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wynnyfryd · 1 year ago
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Trailer park Steve AU part 11
part 1 | part 10 | ao3
cw: period-typical homophobic language, explicit sexual content (if you are under 18 then kindly GO ON NYOW GIT come back when you grow your first gray pube)
It feels crazy, after all that, to just get up and face the day. Feels like last Fall all over again: he’s concussed in the back of class getting bagel crumbs on a worksheet with his face still pulverized. There’s a gross pang in his chest as he goes about his morning routine, his heart all squishy and bruised like some dickhead smashed a plate over it, but whatever, he guesses. Public education and minimum wage wait for no one.
Robin grills him the whole car ride: “Oh, my god, is he okay?? Is he alive? Is your mom okay? What the hell, Steve?” and he lets her ramble with wide, worried eyes; doesn’t even get to the part about Eddie. When they pull up to the school she gets out of the car and comes around to his side, knocks on his window and leans in when he rolls it down to give him a ridiculously long hug.
"Robinnn," he grumbles; his face is mashed against her boobs. "People are gonna think we're dating."
She bends to hug him tighter still, her bony ass hanging out his window where the whole school can see. "I'd date you in a second."
"You've literally said that you wouldn't."
"Platonically, I would!!"
She gives him one last squeeze, and he watches her waddle off, trumpet case awkwardly smacking her calves.
And then he just... goes to work. He goes to stand around a nearly empty store and pretend like he even has any work to do, restocks the already full displays of candy and buffs the countertops until they shine. Three hours in and he's run out of ways to look busy and Keith is “doing admin stuff” in the back, so he gives his mom a call. Makes sure she's okay; did she eat anything yet; any updates on Ernie?
She’s fine, she's not hungry, he's alive but that's all they know for now, her tone distantly polite like Steve's nothing more than a friendly cold caller.
He shoves his fingers in his eyes ’til he sees stars when they hang up.
He calls the Henderson house next, leaves a message to apologize for skipping out early, promises that he'll be there next Wednesday and he can bring dessert this time. There’s a lunch rush after that, but the day still drags like a bad hangover, a dull throbbing in his bones, and when he finally gets home he collapses onto his bed and passes out on top of the covers with his dumb work vest still on.
Eddie's acting weird.
Steve sees him again on Friday, spots him and his uncle having a smoke out on the porch and wanders over to say hello. Wayne seems happy enough to chat; gives him all the news on Ernie — "Bastard's unkillable," he says, almost impressed. He’s stable now, should be home any day.
Eddie, on the other hand, spends the entire interaction behaving like a skittish cat, eyes darting to and from Steve, leg jiggling as he quietly puffs his cig.
Steve half expects him to slink off and come back to drop a dead mouse at his feet.
He feels his brows knit together, agitation creeping in. It's not like he thought they'd be best friends after a single night of ceasefire or anything — as if they'd start braiding each other's hair and trading their deepest, darkest secrets or whatever queer shit — but like…
He thought they might be cool now. At least a little bit.
And Eddie's not being rude to him, exactly, but that's somehow even worse. The polite disinterest. The subtle shift to the left. Back and away.
“Okay, well, uh...” Steve glances at Eddie, who's looking anywhere but him. Fucking fascinated by a loose thread on his ripped jeans, apparently, plucking at it with anxious fingers. “See ya around, I guess?”
Wayne says not be a stranger, and Eddie gives him a quick nod. “See ya.”
Steve grinds his teeth about it for the rest of the afternoon, then decides, like, screw this. It's a Friday night; he's not sitting around sulking all evening because Eddie Munson hurt his feelings.
He calls up a girl — some pretty blonde chick he remembers from the cheer squad — and sets up a date for later that night. Takes her to the drive-in, buys her a vanilla shake. The date's fine; it's good; it's fine. She's pretty enough, and she offers to suck him off when the main feature starts.
It’s not a good blowjob. Arguably one of the worst ones Steve’s had, and he’s had quite a few. She keeps gagging herself with these gross squelching sounds, barely getting even half of his dick in her tiny mouth and not bothering to use her hands to make up the difference. Just leaves them resting on Steve’s thighs while she makes fake whimpering moans like she’s sooo turned on by this; fucking as if; and somewhere in the middle of her repetitive, sloppy bobbing his mind starts to wander off. To the trailer, to the lot fees, the fucking pharmacy bills. Their ever-dwindling savings and what percentage of them he just wasted on this lackluster movie night; surely they’re gonna run out any day now; tick tock, tick tock.
"Um," the girl squeaks as she pulls off with a gross slurp. Steve looks down at his lap, sees he's gone soft. "Am I, like, doing something wrong, or...?"
Her voice is high and quiet, innocent and sweet, and Steve feels like an asshole. He squeezes himself at the base, gives a few quick strokes to get himself up again. "No, you're perfect, honey," he lies. "Stick out your tongue for me?"
She bats her eyes demurely and rolls over onto her side, gives him some kind of sexy pout before opening her mouth so he can jerk off over her. Steve works his wrist; tries not to be rude and look away, but her colors are all wrong. Strawberry hair. Blue irises. He squeezes his eyes shut, moves his hand faster and thinks of dark brown. Dark hair, dark lashes, dark eyes like the deep woods. Endless. Sort of mesmerizing. Nancy? "Oh, fuck," he gasps as he comes.
The girl squeals and jerks away from him, hands flying to her face. "Oh, my god! Oh, my god! You got it in my nose!"
"Sorry,” Steve grunts, shuddering through an aftershock. There’s cum on his hand, on his pants; all over this poor girl’s face. He thinks he got some in her eyelashes. "Shit, sorry, let me, uh—"
He leans over and rifles through the glove box, trying to find a napkin for her. No dice. Best he can do is an old McDonald's wrapper with a grease stain on the side. "Here, does— does this work?"
“Ew!”
“Sorry, I mean it’s that or my shirt, but then I’d have to drive you home shirtless, so-”
“Ugh,” she gives him a bitchy look. Tries to, anyway. One eye is glued shut. “Just give me that, please.”
His limp, spitty cock is still hanging from his pants when he passes her the wrapper. Flaccid and sad, like a white flag of surrender, and a bubble of hysterical laughter slips out. A choked burst of it, a pufferfished pfffft as it explodes past his lips. He’s not sure if it's the orgasm or the ridiculousness of the situation or if he's just plain lost his mind, but the girl glares at him, which...
There's still a glob of jizz on her cheek, so it doesn’t help matters much.
"I think you should take me home."
"Y-yep. Sorry. Yeah."
“Like now.”
Steve tucks himself into his jeans.
part 12
tagging whoever commented yesterday if your settings will let me @slutforcoffein @annabanannabeth @rani-mayida @awolfstudio @noodle-shenaniganery @yourmom-isgay @zombiecreatures @anne-bennett-cosplayer @thestarslittleking @evillittleguy @acedorerryn @messrs-weasley @bronwenmarie @lololol-1234 @estrellami-1 @jaytriesstuff @space-invading-pigeon @violetsteve @ahsokatanoss @slowandsteddie @zoeweee @silver-snaffles @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple @thealwithnoname @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @hellion-child @stevesbipanic @trensu @steves-strapcollection @hotluncheddie
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separatist-apologist · 4 months ago
Text
Guilty As Sin
Summary: Rhys has been watching Feyre Archeron for a long time. Thinking about what he'd do if he ever had her. How he'd keep her.
And now he has her.
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TW: Dubious consent, blood kink, knife play
Read On AO3
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It would be, perhaps, Rhysand’s greatest triumph to kill Tamlin Rosewood. After all, Tamlin had set him down this path so many years before—when they’d been teenagers, two boys from questionable, if not wealthy homes, looking for something to make them feel alive. Tamlin had asked Rhys if he wanted to see something cool, and then let him watch as Tamlin sliced apart a local vagrant. It should have been horrifying. Disgusting.
And yet Rhysand had found the whole thing fascinating. More fascinating still was how easy it was to claim his first kill. Rhysand needed a moral code to keep himself in line, to keep from just jamming a blade into every person who passed him on the street. Tamlin had suggested it, too, perhaps recognizing Rhys’ propensity for violence. Or maybe he knew all too well how enjoyable snuffing out life was. How close to God it made Rhys feel.
Pick those that can fight back.
People who’ve wasted their life.
Do the world a  favor.
Of course they’d eventually turn on each other. How long before two serial killers realized the world might be better off without at least one of them? It had been a cat and mouse game ever since, trying to catch the other unaware and going to ground when they failed. Tamlin had come close a couple times while Rhys had mostly just watched.
Waited.
Bided his time until Tamlin genuinely believed himself to be a god. That Rhys was so afraid of him he wouldn’t dare. Tamlin had let his guard down just enough to find himself a girlfriend he apparently liked. And she, Rhys decided, was going to be how he finally killed Tamlin. Collateral in their feud, he told himself. After all, any woman dumb enough to fall for Tamlin wasn’t worth much. 
He’d looked her up—Feyre Archeron. Her profile picture on facebook was an artbrush, but she’d helpfully listed every job she’d ever had since high school—and there had been many. Rhys ran them all down until he got to the art studio she taught at and, because he liked a little drama in his life, signed him up for one of her intro classes. 
He had been unaware he would be the only adult in said class until a wave of bouncy, giggly children had stormed through the doors, taking seats at easels while their parents vanished. He could have slipped out—he’d meant to, he swore it. But Feyre Archeron had come waltzing in wearing a baby blue sweater, sleeves rolled to her elbows, the hem hanging just beneath her ass, and oh. Rhys stayed in his chair, if only to admire the curve of her hips in those cotton soft leggings.
She didn’t seem like Tamlin’s usual type. There was a softness to her features, a constellation of freckles dotted across her nose alongside a splatter of violet ink in those cerulean eyes, that made Rhys certain she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Her full mouth curved into an easy smile, gaze settling on him.
“Did you mean to sign up for this?” she asked him, eliciting another round of giggles from the children. There was no malice to her words, playful and sweet. He wanted to put his hands on her. Was she corruptible? Oh, how Rhys wanted to find out. His plans reshaped themselves as they looked at the other, though Feyre didn’t know it. Killing her wasn’t an option, not anymore. No. He’d take her for himself, stripping Tamlin of everything he cared about before finally spilling his blood. And he’d start with perfect, pretty Feyre Archeron.
Rhys offered her a lazy smile, running a hand through his ebony hair. “My skill level is comparable, I’m certain.”
“I guess we’ll see,” she replied, her delight evident. Rhys felt her amusement reflected in his own body. When was the last time anyone had charmed him by sight alone? Nevermind how funny he found her, watching as she interacted with each student with the kind of unending patience he could only dream of. It begged the question—what did Tamlin want with her? He knew Tamlin, and of all the virtues Tamlin might claim to have, patience certainly wasn’t one of them.
He had a famously vicious temper. 
Did Feyre know her boyfriend was a serial killer? Did Tamlin know his girlfriend taught school children in her spare time? What would be more abhorrent to who? Rhys never managed to untangle that, just like he never managed to make his brush strokes half as nice as the eight year old beside him. Rhys lingered, waiting until the kids were gone and Feyre was cleaning up to say something to her.
“I’m not some kind of weirdo, I hope you know,” he began, drawing a pretty laugh from prettier lips. 
“No? I might have thought so if I hadn’t seen how abysmal you are with a brush. I teach preschoolers on Tuesdays. You might be better suited in that class.”
“You wound me, Ms. Archeron,” he replied, one hand pressed to his chest. “You didn’t like my house?”
“Oh, was that what it is?” she asked, squinting at his muddied colors on the paper. “I thought you were painting me a stormy sky.”
“I’ll paint whatever you tell me to,” Rhys quipped, noting how her cheeks flushed. No ring on her finger—god, but how incredible to seduce her out from under Tamlin’s nose. For Tamlin not to realize he was losing everything to his old nemesis. How long before Tamlin learned of Rhysand’s treachery? Rhysand was a patient man. It was one of his better qualities, few as they were.
He’d send Tamlin a wedding invitation inked in blood, fuck his new wife, and then, as a gift to her, bring her Tamlin’s still beating heart.
Wife? That was a weird thought.
Rhys cleared his head. He was merely excited at the prospect of punishing Tamlin—that was all. Feyre was beautiful, but hardly wife material. Besides, the kind of woman who spent her time teaching children to color within the lines didn’t want to get shackled to the likes of him. Not long-term, at any rate. Rhys had dated plenty of women, all of whom woke up one morning deeply unsettled and certain they were making a mistake. He couldn’t blame them—he would make an awful husband. 
A good lay, though? He could give her that. 
“Watch yourself Rhysand.”
“Come, now,” he said, rising from the little metal stool he’d been sitting on. She was so much smaller than him—lithe and lovely, so breakable in a way that made him want to be careful rather than rough. “Only my enemies call me Rhysand.”
“Fine. Watch yourself Rhys. I’ll think you’re flirting if you’re not careful,” Feyre said, twisting that thick, golden brown hair off her face with a paintbrush. Something within him stirred at the sight of wispy tendrils framing her face, fingers twitching with the urge to brush them from her cheekbones. 
“Careful isn’t how anyone who knows me would describe me. Besides…maybe I am flirting.”
This was the part where she told him she had a boyfriend. Rhys waited, catching the flicker of indecision streak over her features. He could practically hear her rationalizing it in her mind—there was no harm in a little flirting.
Oh, Tamlin. Rhys cocked his head. How far could he take this before she broke? If he could just get his hands into those tight leggings of hers, she’d forget all about that blonde haired bastard. C’mon, Rhys urged.
His silent plea fell on deaf ears. Too good for the likes of him, Feyre said, “Well, if you were flirting, I’d have to tell you that I have a boyfriend.”
“Lucky him,” Rhys replied, gut twisting despite his easy expression. “I know when I’ve been beat. See you around Feyre.”
And then he left, still smiling to himself as he went. She had no idea, of course. 
But Rhys would be seeing her very soon.
– 
Feyre stared down at the meal, ruined again. Behind her, Tamlin practically seethed with unseen anger. She could feel him working to leash his temper, to resist the urge to tell her I told you so.
I told you you’re a terrible cook.
“I’ll order dinner,” Tamlin said, ignoring the way Feyre blinked back tears. Bracing the ledge of the sink, she stared out the open window into the dark. She was trying—didn’t that matter? It wasn’t that badly burned, besides. They could have eaten around it. Feyre wished Tamlin would sit down, tell her it looked good, and eat it. Was that so much to ask? 
Apparently, given the heavy, long-suffering sigh from the man behind her. “You don’t need to try so hard, Feyre. You have me.”
“It’s—” She choked back the urge to scream that it wasn’t about impressing him. It was about care, about showing him that she loved him in some tangible way. Doing something for him so that he, in turn, might do something for her. Might do or say something that made her feel seen and safe. 
It had been a year of the stretching silence and the long sighs. Of not technically doing anything that would cause her to break up with her, all while giving off an air of not liking her very much. Well—that wasn’t fair. When the lights were out and they were in bed, Tamlin was very attentive. Detached, somehow—he never wanted her to look him in the eye—but he knew every place to touch and tease to make her writhe. And that was too often enough to convince her it was better to stay and hope whatever was bothering him faded and he went back to the love sick fool she’d first fallen in love with.
It didn’t help that Rhysand—Rhys—was still lodged firmly in her brain three days post meeting him. He’d been…well…he’d been beautiful. And charming. And funny, too. Endearing, even, as the kids teased him for his poor paint work. And when he’d said he was flirting, well…Feyre had imagined sending Tamlin a quick text message.
This is over. Don’t call me again. 
Throwing away a year on a man with a roguish smile seemed like a call for help. Still, he’d been on her mind, unshakable as her relationship with Tamlin stagnated like pond water. He ordered food without consulting her, ate it silently, all the while staring at his phone. He worked for a security firm and spent so much time watching the cameras, tracking people with a single-minded devotion she wished he’d focus on her.
“I’m going out,” he told her abruptly, only after Feyre had changed into a tiny slip of a nightdress, thinking she’d feel better if they at least had sex. His pine green gaze slid down her body without a hint of interest or appreciation. Just an acknowledgement that she had nearly every inch of her skin out for him before looking back to her face. “You can wait up, if you want.” How romantic, she wanted to scream. She felt utterly pathetic, a neglected housewife married for twenty years while her husband had an affair. Only Tamlin’s affair was with his job and Feyre would never come first. 
Say nothing, she ordered herself. And yet her traitorous lips said, “Couldn’t it wait another night?”
He regarded her without emotion. “It can’t. Get some sleep, Feyre. I’ll be in later.” Tamlin turned without a look back, swiping his car keys thrown haphazardly on the dresser, and strode from the room. Feyre didn’t, listening to the sound of the soft snick of the closing door and the sound of tires pulling away from the curb.
What was more pathetic, she wondered as she padded into the kitchen for a drink for water? Staying up late to seduce him, thus allowing him to have everything he wanted without doing any work at all, or staying with him when she was so miserable in the first place? Was this love?
Feyre didn’t get a chance to answer any of those questions. 
There, in the hall, stood a tall, muscular…man? They certainly seemed masculine, with broad shoulders that tapered into a rather nice waist beneath that high necked sweater. Matching black pants and a belt would have made him look rather nice, had he not been holding a massive, jagged knife in one gloved hand.
The ghost face mask obscuring his features didn’t help, either. Feyre didn’t move, heart hammering against her ribs. Scream. Run. Do something.
“There you are,” a deep, rich voice spoke from beneath the mask, “I’ve been looking for you.” 
“Don’t hurt me,” Feyre whispered, rooted in place as he made his way towards her. She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, drinking in the heady smell of his cologne and that horrible knife glinting beneath the artificial lights beaming overhead. 
With his free hand, he reached toward her and to her credit, Feyre didn’t flinch. She merely stood utterly still as he brushed his knuckles over her cheekbone before sliding his gloved thumb over her lip.
“Hurt you? Darling, I’m here to rescue you.”
Her brain couldn’t make sense of those dark words dripping with the promise of…the promise of what? Feyre tried a step backward, tripping over her own nervous feet to fall to the ground. The man lunged and she braced herself for the pain of his blade, for blood and misery before finally death. But all she found was fingers around her body, hoisting her into the air.
She flailed, heel connecting with his jaw. He swore and the two fell to the ground gracelessly a second time, him tearing her nightdress to keep her pinned beneath him.
“I do so like you like this,” he all but growled as she tried to yank that mask off his face. If she was going to kill her, she deserved to look him in the eyes. His fingers curled around her wrists, subduing her quickly—easily, before gathering both in one big, broad hand. The other came over her mouth and nose, cutting off her ability to breathe.
“Don’t fight me,” he whispered as she kicked out her legs from beneath him. Why was this happening? She was going to die. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
A tear slid down her cheek. How could he say that as he was suffocating her with his hand? She  continued to writhe, for all the good it did her, her screaming mind drowning out the words her attacker was saying. Lungs burning, desperately trying to gasp for air, Feyre couldn’t control her limbs. She felt herself getting dizzy, choking on her own pooling spit.
“I’m not going to kill you,” her attacker said, his voice far away. “Stop fighting me and I’ll remove my hand.” Her body went limp as she complied immediately, willing to do anything if it meant she could breathe again. And true to his word, her attacker removed his hand, letting her take a gasping, sobbing breath of air. 
“Good girl,” he praised softly, caressing her cheek a second time. “If you do everything I say, no one has to get hurt. Can you stand?”
“No,” Feyre said, eyes closed as she focused only on the sensation of air in her body. She wasn’t going to help him abduct her, besides. Not that it mattered. He had her wrists bound before he picked her back up like she was weightless to him, walking her toward her front door with ease.
“My boyfriend has cameras on the door,” she said, unsure if she was warning this man or helping him. “He’s going to see you.”
A chuckle rumbled from his broad chest. “Oh, I am well aware. Your boyfriend is too busy hunting tonight to check…and by the time he does, you and I will be long gone.”
The cool night air was like a caress against her clammy skin. Feyre saw the car—sleek and dark—parked so brazenly in the drive. 
“The police will find you,” she warned, deciding for a little boldness despite her swimming head and desperate desire to fall asleep.
“That would require Tamlin to call them…and he won’t. No, my darling—this is personal and you’re simply caught up in the middle of it. Now—can I trust you to behave in my back seat, or do you need to go in the trunk? I don’t want to put you back there…but I will.”
“What do you mean?” Feyre demanded, mind swimming.
“I mean, I don’t want to die on the road—”
“About hunting,” she interrupted, looking up at that ghostface mask. “About Tamlin not calling the police.”
Her attacker seemed to hesitate, muscles going taut beneath her. “I had a whole presentation planned. Why spoil it?”
“Tell me.”
“Your boyfriend is a killer—just like me. He taught me, in fact—or rather, we taught each other. He can’t involve the police without risking himself so he won’t.”
“Am I bait?”
“Oh, Feyre darling, you are so much more than that. For now, you’re merely my guest. Now—can I trust you in the car?”
Ferye closed her eyes. If she wanted to survive, she’d have to be careful. She had the thought just as her attacker laid her in the back of his car. She panicked, seeing him hovering over her, and immediately kicked him in the throat. He stumbled back as Feyre filled her lungs with air and screamed. She didn’t yell help—but screamed at the top of her lungs hoping a neighbor would come out.
“Fucking shit,” the kidnapper groaned, lunging forward. With her wrists bound, Feyre couldn’t do much, especially when he picked her back up. “Go ahead. Scream as loud as you want—-” She screamed directly against his ear, causing him to jerk back a step. He didn’t speak, merely popped his trunk and dumped her unceremoniously inside.
“Remember I tried,” he said before slamming it shut. Feyre immediately started looking for the little hatch that would open it, pulling it with her teeth.
The masked man was waiting, arms crossed over his chest. “Why must you make this difficult?”
“I hate you,” she bit back, heart racing in her throat. He only sighed before producing masking tape. After a moment, she found it pressed over her eyes and mouth before he bound her ankles, too.
“Open my trunk and roll out,” he dared her, the sound of his voice somehow more terrifying than the sight of him. “See how far that gets you.”
He slammed the trunk again, leaving Feyre alone in the dark. She screamed against the tape, trying to break it until her wrists were raw. He’d begun driving, the music faint through the fabric of the backseats. Would it have been smarter to pretend to be his friend? To lull him into a false sense of security? Feyre had never been particularly patient. In fact, she was spontaneous to a fault, acting without thinking and hoping it all worked out. Of course, that was for school assignments and ghosting friends—never because she’d been kidnapped.
Think, Feyre. 
She couldn’t, though. Not beyond her immediate problem, which was the tape over her mouth and eyes. If she could just get it off, Feyre thought she’d be able to think more clearly. Figure out a plan and execute it. She rubbed until her wrists ached and her head pounded, but at no point did she manage to do anything but chafe her skin, exhaling for air roughly through her nose. 
Eventually, the car came to a stop, the music cutting off abruptly. Lost to the dark, Feyre went limp as the sound of shoes on gravel flooded her senses. A moment later, cold air rushed into the trunk as hands lifted her in the air.
“You’re a terrible actress,” her captor murmured, his amusement plain. “I’m going to unbind you when we get inside. Are you listening to me? Nod your head.” Feyre did.
She heard the sound of numbers being keyed into a pad followed by the smell of warm cedar, drowning out the unmistakable scent of snow. Feyre was set on something soft—a sofa, before the tape was peeled off her eyes, and then her mouth. She was in a cabin, she realized. Well decorated and comfortable—and likely remote. Had he taken her up into the Illyrian Mountains?
“People will be looking for me—”
“No they won’t,” he replied smoothly, reaching for the edge of his mask. He was showing her his face? Feyre panicked—the only reason he’d do that was if he didn’t intend for her to tell anyone. She almost begged him not to, but a second later he’d peeled it back, revealing…well. Not what she’d imagined.
He was handsome, the asshole. Dark hair paired with eyes so blue they seemed violet were the first things she noticed. He was staring down at her, his sensual lips curled into a smile. The sharpness of his jaw and his high cheekbones gave him an almost aristocratic air, and his warm, brown skin was utterly unblemished and smooth. 
She’d been imagining him as some ugly man. This was worse, somehow. If he was caught, he’d have prison groupies. People would wonder if he’d really done anything horrible at all given how lovely he was to look at. That charming smile certainly didn’t help. 
"I remember you," she said. "From the art studio."
Rhys grinned. 
“Let me explain to you how things are going to work between us,” he began, running a hand through his thick hair. “There is nowhere for you to run, and if you try, you’re likely to plummet to your death or freeze before I find you. No one is looking for you. Repeat that as often as you need to. Tamlin will make all your excuses. He’s not going to rescue you. Until I’m done, you are at my mercy.”
“Are you going to kill me?” she asked, wishing she could curl herself into a small ball. 
He chuckled. “No, Feyre. I’m not going to kill you. I think we might get along perfectly well so long as you don’t do anything foolish.”
Like running away. The look on his face told her he expected her to. She didn’t have shoes, was dressed in a pair of leggings and an oversized t-shirt. She wouldn’t get far, but maybe he was lying. Maybe he banked on her fear to keep her compliant. 
He made a show of pulling a pocket knife from his pants and freeing her, frowning at her raw, bruised wrists. Feyre drew them against her chest, looking up at him warily. “What now?” He shrugged. “I don’t care what you do, so long as you remain within these walls.”
Fat chance of that. But Feyre nodded, hoping she looked properly scared. The cabin itself was small, and filled with cameras. He’d see her. Fine. He had to sleep at some point—he couldn’t be monitoring her all day, every day.
It was a bit of a stretch to call it a cabin given the home had two floors. It was remote, though, and seemed to function mostly off the grid, and had a rather nice kitchen she doubted he knew how to use. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a den he seemed to work out of—she wasn’t sure, given he didn’t open that door and merely gestured to it with a casual, don’t go in there.
Maybe it was where he tortured his victims. 
Feyre was given a room down the hall from him, devoid of a lock. “Look up,” he murmured, chin gutting toward the camera. “Wave to Tamlin.”
Feyre glanced up, unsure which of them she hated more. “He can see me?”
“He’ll see this,” Rhys murmured, leaning against the doorframe. “It’s easy enough to send it to him.”
“You could get back at him without involving me,” she heard herself say, wondering if that made her a traitor. This had nothing to do with her, and Feyre felt as if she was being punished unfairly for whatever was going on between Rhys and Tamlin. 
He shrugged. “Consider this a rescue.”
A rescue? Feyre was going to kill him. Maybe he saw it, because he nodded toward the twin bed shoved in the corner. “There’s some clothes in the closet you can use—”
“Who did they belong to?” she demanded, heart leaping in her throat.
“My cousin,” he replied, eyes narrowed. As if he were offended she might suggest there’d been another captive in the room. Feyre didn’t want to think about that—it made her panic all over again. 
Rhys left after a few more self satisfied words around how he’d find her if she tried to escape so not to bother. Feyre wasn’t listening, already thinking about escaping through the window. Was it locked? Her bedroom door wasn’t, which felt like a test. Was he hoping she’d try and escape? 
Feyre sat on the edge of that bed and talked herself into her plan. Ignoring that it was cold and isolated and that she was woefully unprepared, Feyre instead thought about Rhys.
He wasn’t a god. He was only a man. He might have cameras on her, might have her watched, but he couldn’t search miles and miles of forest. The only advantage he had, supposedly, was that he knew she was missing before anyone else did. Feyre had grown up running through the backwoods and something about the slick way Rhys had his hair shoved off his stupid, too-perfect, face, told her he could not boast the same.
Feyre found booties in the back of the closet, and a million pairs of leggings hanging in the closet besides sweaters that were far too big for her frame. They’d double as a blanket, she decided as she pulled it all on. 
He was probably watching her. Feyre turned toward the camera and the blinking red light and offered her middle finger before throwing open that window. 
“For fucks sake!” Rhys’s voice called from somewhere inside the cabin. Feyre scrambled out the window, toppling feet over head into the frigid snow. Rhys’s fingers skimmed her ankle, attempting to drag her back inside. 
Scrambling to her feet as he came right out behind her in that stupid mask, Feyre realized it was a lot harder to run in snow than she’d expected. She had a head start on him for a solid ten seconds before he slammed into her, taking them both back to the ground. Rhys was made of solid muscle and was heavy. 
His bare hand wrapped around her throat, arching her neck upward until his lips touched her ear. “I told you not to,” he said as she writhed beneath him, desperately trying to get out from under him. 
“I don’t care what you say!” Feyre screamed. Rhys grabbed her arms, holding them in one broad hand as he restrained her thoroughly.
“You will—” he began, but Feyre head butted him, earning a furious curse in her ear. He half fell to his side, losing his grip on her wrists, which gave her time to scramble back to her feet. Rhys was just behind, grabbing her around her middle before hauling her up on his shoulder.
Feyre screamed, and though Rhys stumbled, he didn’t drop her like she’d hoped he would. 
“Scream all you want,” Rhys roared in response, as if he needed to make his point. “No one can hear you!”
“Tamlin is going—”
“He’s not coming!” Rhys interrupted, his fury finally scaring her. She hadn’t been frightened before—not truly. But right then, draped over Rhys’s shoulder while he wore that mask in the dark, his voice dripping with condemnation, Feyre was frightened. He sounded irate, dragging her back into that cabin with sure steps.
He didn’t take her back to that same room. Instead, Rhys dropped her into a different one—one that looked distinctly lived in. One that belonged to him, she realized. Feyre attempted to scramble up but Rhys was consistently faster. He had one leg, and then the other bound to the posts at the end of the footboard.
He sat on the bed beside her, laptop resting on his thigh. He pulled that mask up over his face, tossing it to the bed beside her. 
“Look for yourself,” Rhys snarled, shoving the open messages on the screen in front of her face. “Look and see how much he loves you.”
There were a slew of messages between them, and yet Feyre’s eyes snagged only on one.
Kill her then. 
She waited to see if she’d cry, but nothing came. “You’re lying.”
“He’s not coming for you,” Rhys informed her, eyes bouncing over her face as if he were searching for something. “This is between us, and you’ve become collateral.”
“Then why don’t you kill me?” Feyre snapped, yanking at her ankles trapped in the leather cuffs. They were bondage cuffs, she realized, rather than handcuffs. 
“Why would I kill you?” he replied, cocking his head to the side. “Tamlin might not be mounting some heroic rescue, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t view you as his. His little toy to play with until he gets tired of her…” Rhys murmured, sliding the side of his finger along her neck. “I’m not supposed to touch.”
“Don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t do this.”
“I asked you not to leave,” he continued, ignoring her plea as his fingers made their way down her shoulder. “Left the door open so you knew you could move freely through the house. You’re so desperate to get back to him, but I know what he does to pretty little things like you. Where they end up. How their families mourn.”
“Stop,” she whispered, unsure which terrified her more—his touch, or the threat of what Tamlin might eventually do.
Rhys caught her wrist, binding it over her head before Feyre’s mind could catch up with his actions. She was wholly restrained and he was holding a knife as he walked around the bed. 
“You’re still bait,” he murmured, one hand sliding over a wooden bedpost. “He can see us right now, you know. He’s watching, hoping I’ll kill you before you tell me something you shouldn’t.”
“He doesn’t tell me anything,” she whispered, trying in vain to wriggle away. 
“If you didn’t know anything, he wouldn’t have responded at all. He’s slipped up—you know something,” Rhys declared, running the sharp edge of his blade across her leggings. The fabric snagged, ripping neatly from ankle to waistband.
“I swear I don’t,” she protested as cool air caressed over her now exposed thighs. He wasn’t done as he ruined that oversized blue sweater, too, leaving her in nothing but the shredded remains of fabric. Violet eyes swept over her now naked form and rather than sadistic amusement, Feyre swore she saw unguarded desire staring back at her.
“You do,” Rhys murmured, pausing between her legs. She tried to hide herself from view, but she was restricted by the restraints. “You just don’t remember.”
“How is this supposed to help?”
“Who said anything about helping?” Rhys questioned, tossing his knife beside his mask. The weapon left a small impression atop the black duvet, sharp end pointing toward her ribcage as if to warn her not to try anything.
Feyre pulled against her restraints, for all the good it did her. “Then what are you doing?”
“I’ve been watching you for a long time,” Rhys told her without moving. He did, however, gesture behind him to a wall half hidden in shadow. There, hanging in a gold frame, hung a familiar work of art. Her first ever painting sold—it was a moody seascape Tamlin had accused of being cliche. She’d been brand new, and yet talented enough to be accepted into a showing where an anonymous buyer had overpaid for it.
Feyre still had that first check tucked away in a desk drawer, and when she felt overwhelmed or dejected, she’d pull it out to look at. That same buyer had purchased something from every collection she’d done, always paying far more than she was asking. 
“That was you?”
“I have an eye for beautiful things you know,” he informed her, his gaze a brand against her skin. 
“You’re jealous?”
“Desperately,” he replied without irony. “It’s always been like that between us. He has everything I want.”
“Rhys,” she whispered, unable to look at him anymore. She wanted to tell him not to do this, and didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing she was afraid. 
“He’s watching,” Rhys told her, glancing over his shoulder. “Keeps hacking into my system to see what you’re doing. Will you smile for him, Feyre? Let him think you’re happy?”
“Just let me go,” she pleaded as her captor slid to his knees between her legs. “I won’t say anything.”
“I can’t,” he murmured, lips ghosting over sensitive skin. “I want to keep you.”
Alive, was the unspoken word between them. Did he realize that was a low bar? A bar already set in hell, so far beneath his feet there ought to be no trouble clearing it. And yet…Feyre turned her head as he kissed up his leg, stomach tight from anxiety. 
“Like this?”
He shrugged. “I’d untie you, but I think you’d kill me with your bare hands if I did.”
“I think you’d like it,” she shot back, squirming when she felt his warm breath tease between her legs. 
“I’m hard just thinking about it,” he agreed with a grin. 
His tongue slid up the center of her pussy before Feyre could think of a good comeback. She yelped, trying—and failing—to escape the feeling. It had been too long since someone had done this for her, which was how Feyre explained the bolt of lust racing through her. He didn’t stop, eyes pinned to her face to see if she liked what he was doing.
Feyre was resolved not to react. Men always tired of this act after a minute or two, doubly so when they weren’t being catered to on their back, but instead forced to kneel. It was easy, at least in the beginning, to ignore his tongue teasing her clit. She thought about how cold the snow had been when she’d fallen out the window and reminded herself he’d shoved her in a trunk. That he was a killer, too, and toying with her boyfriend.
Or ex-boyfriend. Feyre wasn’t really sure what they were anymore. She supposed they were over, given he’d told Rhys to kill her. Feyre’s eyes slid to the camera in the corner of the room and somehow, she could feel him watching. Could feel his anger, too—as if this were all her fault. As if she’d kidnapped herself, tied herself up, and was now being forced into pleasure, too.
Are you happy now? Feyre wanted to scream it. 
“Eyes on me,” Rhys growled, forcing her to look back down at him. How long had it been, anyway? Her body hummed at the loss of contact, proving that though she was trying not to feel anything, she couldn’t block him out entirely.
“You’re wasting your time,” she whispered.
“All my time belongs to you now,” was his frustrating reply. He returned his tongue back to her pussy and this time, though she tried, Feyre couldn’t refocus on anything but his touch. It was all wrong—his mask lay on the bed, the knife still pointed toward her, inches away from her exposed skin.
For all she knew, he was lying to her and would kill her when he finished.
“Please stop,” she whispered, pulling on her restraints.
“Come, then,” he said in response, his voice muffled. 
Feyre didn’t want to come. For a while, she writhed against her restraints until he physically pinned her to the bed, holding her still so he could continue his slow torture. Feyre thought he liked when she fought him—that he wanted to bring her under submission. She held herself back, whimpering from the effort as she counted in her head. 
“Do you need a distraction?” Rhys murmured when he heard her reciting the ingredients to a recipe. “Something to turn off that meddling brain of yours?”
“No,” she gasped, but he was on his feet, hands undoing his dark trousers. “I don’t need—I’m fine, I’ll finish—”
“I know you will,” he replied, pulling his long, thick cock from his pants. Feyre couldn’t not look at it as Rhys moved around the bed, extending his restraints so he could reposition her. Feyre fought him, slapping Rhys hard in the face when he undid her arms. He grunted but didn’t react other than to sigh, his frustration plain. With the longer rope, he could tie her hands to the bedposts without overextending her arms while her head now hung off the edge of the bed.
“I won’t,” she informed him.
“You will,” Rhys replied, pinching her nose when she pressed her lips together. As he waited for her to take a breath, he rubbed his cock over her cheek while his other hand slid across her breasts to play with her nipples.
Feyre tried—oh, how she tried—but in the end, she had to take a gasping breath of air. He pushed the head of his cock between her teeth, not caring when sensitive flesh scraped roughly against the jagged edges. The hand that had once pinched her nose now held her throat, squeezing just enough to warn her not to try and bite. 
She did anyway.
“Don’t do that again,” he warned, taking his knife and resting it on her stomach. Feyre didn’t believe he’d use it until he took the hilt and began using the smooth silver to tease against her clit.
She couldn’t argue with him, mouth filled with his cock. She widened her jaw to take a breath as he angled his hips, pushing himself further until he was backed up against her throat. Feyre gagged lightly, praying he wouldn’t keep going. 
She didn’t want to throw up.
Clearly neither did Rhys. Groaning softly, he whispered, “You suck so well.”
She wasn’t doing anything, really—Rhys moved his hips, setting the pace so he could fuck her mouth. Feyre screamed around him when she felt him push the hilt of the knife into her body so he, too, could fuck her with it. He’d been right about one thing—sucking his cock kept her focused on what was happening between her legs. She could think of nothing else, her mind torn between the air coming into her lungs and what Rhys was currently doing with his mouth. 
With his legs spread, he’d returned to licking her clit, focused wholly on that and nothing else. How did he not cut himself on the blade, she wondered as she tried to wriggle the knife out of her pussy.
It didn’t work. Whatever he was doing, he was skilled. Feyre was reacting, her body tightening around the hilt of the blade thanks to the skill of his tongue. Rhys groaned when she sucked in more air than she’d meant to, lips forming a seal around his shaft.
“Just like that baby,” he moaned before picking up his pace. She was going to come and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Feyre tried, eyes leaking from the cock bruising her throat as saliva dripped down her neck. He was going to come, too.
Quick, she realized with some relief. He was timing himself with her, well aware she was close to completion. At least he wouldn’t draw it out? Or he had something else planned. Feyre didn’t know.
Didn’t want to know.
Didn’t want to admit that this was the best she’d felt in a long, long time. How fucked up was it that she hadn’t been able to get off for months, and now, tied up and forced, she was careening toward the sort of pleasure that threatened to unmake her. Was this how stockholm syndrome worked? Her body, flooded with pleasure, began to think that maybe it wasn’t so bad to be stuck here with him.
“Keep sucking,” Rhys moaned again, his hips losing some of their controlled rhythm. Maybe it was better to just get it over with. Feyre sucked around him, though she refused to move her head and help him.
Rhys licked faster, moving in precise circles until her hips began to roll into him, chasing the inevitable. Feyre clenched, finding purchase on the hilt of the blade. Rhys rubbed it just against the perfect spot, his tongue unwavering and Feyre was undone. She screamed around his cock, body bowing off the bed and directly into his mouth. She heard him curse though she didn’t care, half ruined from the pleasure now ribboning through her. Feyre was a star, white hot as it erupted over a silent sky.
She’d forgotten, just for a second, he still had his cock buried in her throat. With a twitching jerk, Rhys came into her throat, his come spilling out the sides of her mouth to join the mess of spit pooling along her collarbone. 
Panting, he pulled himself out of her to show her the knife coated in her own release and dripping with blood. His blood, she realized with alarm, noting the gash sliced over his palm.
“I got too excited,” he breathed, wiping it over her naked breasts. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”
“Untie me,” she whispered, tugging against the restraints. “Please, untie me—”
Despite his injured hand, Rhys was quick about it, undoing her hands first, and then her feet. She’d told herself she was going to hit him for what had just happened, but instead Feyre merely sat up while he stepped out, half naked from the waist down, only to return with a warm rag he used to wipe up the mess of come and blood. 
“I’m not going to kill you,” he whispered into her hair, pulling her against his chest. 
Feyre looked up at him, unsure if she believed him. “Tamlin told you to.”
“I wouldn’t kill my worst enemy to satisfy him.”
She swallowed. “And…if I wanted to kill him?”
Rhys grinned. “Say less, pretty baby. Say less.”
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bluecollarmcandtf · 9 months ago
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"Dude, I took over your dad's body.."
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"...and goddamn is there a lot of him to work with! I've been a ghost for years now, but I've never been inside a 6' 3" ex-linebacker! I've been checking him out all afternoon, and let me tell you that this man is big and hairy all over," he punctuates his comment with a wink.
Your dad, the man you've looked up to your entire life, is saying things you don't want to think about while casually laying on the couch in nothing but a robe and booty shorts. The urge to puke is suppressed, but you know that Jimmy has crossed a line here. Your deceased friend has possessed bullies, professors, and more, but he's never had the balls to take over your own family. What was he thinking?
"I jumped into him while he was at work. I think his coworkers probably found it strange when I picked up his briefcase and waddled his ass out the door," Jimmy chuckles at the memory, "But don't worry. Your old man had plenty of sick days he wasn't gonna use."
It doesn't take long for you to burst out in anger at the spirit controlling your father. Your face is hot, and you can't stand to watch your dad get puppetted around like a fool!
"Calm the fuck down!" he swears uncharacteristically, "Give this big guy a hug. Come here. Daddy needs some love..."
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The thought of hugging your father while he's being forced to act like this feels wrong, but you relent. A part of you is glad for the embrace. It might not actually be your dad, but paternal comfort is exactly what you need right now, and your real dad isn't the type to give his child a hug.
"That's it, son," Jimmy pets your head with your father's thick hands, "Let daddy take care of you. Let your dumb old fart-of-a-father give you some much-needed attention."
You can't help but chuckle at the self-deprecating joke. Your real dad was too proud to laugh at himself, and he'd never made an effort to be anything other than distant and formal with you. In fact, there was a lot your real dad would never do; he'd never leave the office in the middle of the day, he'd never lay around the house like a lazy bum, and he'd certainly never let his hairy chest and thick legs be on full display in front of his disappointing gay son.
Suddenly, while still embraced, you realize there's something poking into your waist.
"Sorry, dude," your father whispers in your ear, "I guess your dad is just happy to see you."
You push him away, insisting that Jimmy needs to stay out of family members' bodies because this just feels so wrong! You search the pair of unnaturally blank eyes for any sign that Jimmy might be listening to you.
"You need to relax, bro," your dad (Jimmy) groans in annoyance. He looks disappointed, but then he sparks up and gives you a new look of excitement. "Son," he says with exaggerated machismo, "Take a page from my book and learn to chill out. It doesn't matter what the world thinks about you or me. I'll prove it to you..."
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With a placid grin and blank gaze, your father lumbers past and marches straight out the front door of the house. You're almost too stunned to follow. Was Jimmy really going to parade your dad's body around the neighborhood in nothing but his robe?
"Afternoon, neighbor," your father's rumbling tone bellows across the street, "Lovely weather, today. My son thought I should take my fat hairy gut for a little stroll in the sun. You know us dads have got to keep our boys happy. Am I right?"
Mr. Jones stares at your father from his porch, just as shocked as you are. He often drank beers with this man and every other neighborhood dad at backyard barbecues and living room game watches. This was not how he normally interacted with the man, and it obviously struck him as weird.
"You alright, Bob?" he asks hesitantly.
"Right as rain, neighbor!" Jimmy answers with a tone that's too goofy to pass as my dad's, "If that's how you're staring at me now, I wonder what'll happen if I take this robe off..."
Before Mr. Jones can process the flirtation in your father's voice, you shuffle your dad further down the street and away from the whole interaction. That may have been hilarious, but Jimmy was going to destroy any reputation and respect your father had around here!
You demand to know where Jimmy is going with this body. It's not like you have any ability to even slow the ghost down when he's got the weight and strength of your 200 lb father.
"I'm thinking the park. Your dad could use some cardio," he smirks, an unfamiliar expression on the grown man's face, "Or maybe the public bathroom on the north end. You know, it has that hole in the stall..."
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No amount of reasoning or arguments can change Jimmy's mind. Apparently he's set on wearing your father to the city's most notorious gay hookup spot.
"Don't look at me like that," his gravelly voice sounds amused by your frustration, "With me in charge, your dad will be the dirtiest slut that bathroom's ever seen. Don't you think it'll be funny to see such a massive, manly bear serving man after man in there?"
You sigh in disbelief.
"Or...maybe I don't have to rent out your dad's body to a bunch of strangers..."
You wonder where he's going with this. It sounds like an ultimatum is coming, and you don't like the idea of your crazy dead friend giving you an ultimatum.
"...your dad could hold off on bottoming for strangers...if...you let him be your submissive little bitch."
The choice is an annoying one, but you're pretty sure you can't let your dad have unprotected sex with strangers in a public place. This is what he'd want right?
"That's what I thought," the grin on your father's face twists maniacally. He tussles your hair like he's the proudest dad in the world, "Let's head on back home, buddy. Daddy's gonna lick every inch of sweat off that body of yours. He's got years of emotional absence to make up for."
One of his beefy arms cradles your back and turns you around. You're relieved to no longer be headed towards the public bathroom, but you're still a little nervous about what awaits you at home. How does Jimmy expect you to enjoy any of this when it's your dad doing all these things to you?
"Daddy's gonna treat you to a night that's all about you," he goes on, "Cooking you dinner, rubbing your feet, cuddling on the couch, and so much more. I want you to think of some humiliating things daddy can do for you while we walk back. Make sure they're extra degrading or your dad will just have to step out of the house and degrade himself where the entire city can see..."
The last comment gives you butterflies in your stomach, but it also gives you a bit of a hard-on. Maybe Jimmy playing with your dad wasn't so scary of an idea after all. With him possessed, anything was on the table: personal affirmations, some much needed bonding, roleplay, revenge, humiliation. Heck, you could even give your father a golden shower and Jimmy would have him smiling through it!
Walking home, you steal glances at your dad, towering over you as his rotund gut leads the way. Home can't come fast enough!
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littlexscarletxwitch · 1 year ago
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Hi, would you be able to do a mutual pining yelena x avenger!reader kinda thing where yelena has been ignoring reader because she doesn’t know to how to deal with her feelings and when reader confronts her, yelena admits that she likes her? Mainly angst with fluff at the end if possible. Love your fics!!
── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗶 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂
paring: yelena belova x fem!reader
tag(s): fluff, some angst, mutual pinning, nat being the big sis
warning(s): yel having a hard time admitting her feelings, grammatical errors, unedited
word count: 1.8k
note: Soooooo sorry it took me soooo long to post this. I FUCKING LOVED THIS REQUEST btw. Also guys, it's taking me so long to post fic because a) my laptop is just a bitch and won't work, and b) I guess I'm going through a writer's block and it's kinda hard to find the motivation to write. But I'll try my best. Lots of love, M <3
requests are open! + check my rules + masterlist <3
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Your legs were sore, you couldn't feel your arms anymore and you were gasping for air, but it wasn’t over until one of you was down.
“Can’t we take a break?” you whined out as you tried dodging Yelena’s fist but still made contact with your body and you groaned out in pain. 
“Focus, Y/n,” Steve called out, before Yelena would punch again. 
You knew she was holding back, measuring her strength, she always would when training with you. And you didn’t know if you found that reassuring or mocking. You kicked her in the stomach, but it still did not affect her, it was quite the opposite really. 
“That’s all you got?”
“Why? Wanna try something else?” you teasingly said while winking at her. 
You got her off guard, she wasn’t expecting your cocky self to show up while training, and seized the moment to swift her off her feet and got on top of her. 
“Was this what you had in mind?”
Your hands quickly found her wrists while your body pressed into her abdomen pushing her down so she wouldn’t get out of your hold. 
“Okay, I think it’s enough,” Steve called out, sensing you had gone off track. 
Both you and Yelena knew that she could easily get out of your hold, but still it took her two minutes to do so. You didn’t want to let her go that easily, you felt your whole body burning just by the thought of her skin against yours, still you stood up and got on moving before the two of you could have a say on what just had happened. 
That was how it always went with Yelena, one moment you had the courage to openly flirt with her and a second later you would run back to your dorm second guessing the whole interaction. You wanted to do more, each and every time, but she was so nonchalant about you flirting with her that you convinced yourself that it was just that, a flirty friendship. 
And most of the time you were okay with it, playing dumb about your own feelings. But then shit like that would happen, you would brush her skin, or would make her laugh, or just look at her, and the thought of a friendship would fly out of your mind. That was why you would lock up in your room, trying to calm and persuade yourself to not let your stupid feelings get in the way. 
And the same stupid thing would happen to Yelena, which you didn’t know about. 
“You want to talk about it?” Yelena heard her sister's voice as she watched you heading out the training room. 
“I wasn’t holding back, I swear.”
“Not about your punching,” she raised her brow at her little sister. 
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Yelena shrugged it off as she grabbed her bottle of water and took a big sip. 
“Lena, I know you,” Natasha took advantage of the fact that her sister was chugging down water. “I know we don’t do feelings, we don’t trust people. But that was the old us, that was the red room. We have to put that shitty part of our lives behind us for good.”
“And I have,” Yelena scoffed. 
“Then why haven't you done something about it?” Yelena knew her sister meant you, she didn’t have to clarify. “At least, give it a go,” Natasha sighed. “If not for you, then for her.”
“She doesn’t—.”
“You never know, Lena. Neither will she, if you don’t tell her,” and with that Natasha left her sister to her own thoughts.
“Suka,” she mumbled under her breath, because Natasha was right. She was always right about everything, it was the power that came with being a big sister—her big sister—, and she hated it when she was right. 
She knew she had to do something about it, about you. But the fear of rejection, of feeling unwanted felt too much to bear. She wasn’t going to open up her heart just for someone else to crush it. But maybe, just maybe she could trust you not to crush it. 
[...]
Still, it was easier said than done. It took her a full week to finally come to the conclusion that she was, actually, madly in love with you. A week full of stress and anxiety because deep down she felt like she didn’t deserve to have these feelings towards you. 
And now that she knew exactly how she felt about you, it fucking terrified her. So she did what she thought was best and put some space in between the two of you. The thought of you clouded her brain and it was starting to affect her line of work, and she couldn’t have that. Being part of the avengers gave her life meaning, and she was not going to let her stupid feelings ruin that for her. Even though she wanted to be close to you, and just melt into your arms.
Of course, her coldness didn’t go unnoticed by you. You were confused, though. It wasn’t like Yelena to just shut you out. Even though you wanted more than just a friendship out of her, you wanted to consider yourself a friend of hers and it hurt that she was just avoiding you. 
You didn’t know what was going on, she just felt out of your reach. You asked her sister about it, she just told you to give her space and she would be okay, before muttering something under her breath and went on with her day. You asked Kate and she just completely avoided the topic and changed the subject.
The more she didn’t talk to you, not even glance at your direction, the more you felt like you had done something wrong, maybe she had found out about your feelings and now she was avoiding you because of them. She probably felt uncomfortable about them, she probably wanted nothing to do with you. And who were you to decide otherwise?
You talked to Steve, making sure to not have more training lessons with her, only to find out she had already asked the same thing. You knew it was stupid to feel as if your heart was breaking since you wanted the same thing, but it did feel like shattering to pieces. You just nodded, a tight smile finding its way to your lips and went to your room before shedding any tears. 
This whole thing was bullshit. Yes, maybe she didn’t feel the same way you did about her. But the both of you were full grown-ups, you should be professional about it and act like nothing had happened. Because in reality it didn’t, not that you were aware of it. So you decided that you were going to give her a piece of your mind. 
You searched for her throughout the entire building and finally found her in the training room. Of course she was there, you should have thought of coming there earlier. 
For a trained assassin she didn’t notice your presence, too caught up in her own mind, focusing on her breathing and throwing punches at the boxing bag. 
You cleared your throat. “Got a minute?”
She looked over her shoulder, finally acknowledging you there, and you swore you watched as her whole body just tensed up by the sound of your voice. 
“I’m kinda busy right now,” she mumbled before throwing two more punches. 
“It won’t take long,” you insisted, wanting to get this over with. 
“Look, I really need to—.”
You cut her off. “I don’t know who told you or how you found out, but yes, it’s true, okay?” you finally got her attention. “I just thought you would be professional enough to not let this get in the way and pretend like nothing happened. Which is what I also wish for.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You avoiding me,” you quickly mumbled, a tint of concussion in your tone. “I get it, but let’s just put this behind us and act like propper adults.”
“No, I’m aware of that part,” she scoffed, embarrassed to admit to you what she had been up to. “What I mean is, what have I found out?”
Your brows furrowed. “About my… me… and you,” you gave yourself a second to think her words through. “Hold on a second, you don’t know?” 
“What don’t I know?”
“You don’t,” you finally added two plus two and realised that Yelena had no recollection whatsoever about your feelings, but still something was off. “Why have you been avoiding me then?”
You watched her as her mouth opened and closed, searching for the right words. 
“What did I ever do to you for you to completely avoid me, huh?”
“You did nothing, I just…”
“You just what?” you scoffed, now anger filling your tone. “You just decided it was fun to ignore me?”
“No! God, no.”
“Then what is it?!” the two of you were pretty much screaming at each other. 
“Because I like you, damn it!” she finally confessed. “Is it so hard to see?”
Your eyes winded. “You like me? You have been avoiding me because you like me?”
“I know, not my brightest moment. But it's just that you… you just…” she gestured to her brain. “You’re just stuck here, and I can’t get you out. At first I was scared to admit my own feelings to myself,” she took a deep breath. “But then Tasha said something and it made me realise that there’s nothing wrong with having feelings. But then I had to admit to myself that I really fucking like you. And I just… I just got scared because you might not feel the same way, and you might just push me away,” another deep breath. “And I decided that I would push you away first… and so I did.”
“So you like me.”
“Yes,” her brows furrowed.  “Was that all you got?”
“I mean… it’s the part that matters most,” you grinned at her. 
“What do you mean?”
“I really fucking like you too,” you said cupping her cheeks. “I thought you knew and that was why you were avoiding me. But now I get it, I make you nervous,” you said teasingly. 
“I wouldn’t use that word…” you rolled your eyes before shutting her off with your lips, finally giving in and kissing her. 
“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now,” you whispered over her lips as you deepened the kiss. 
Her lips were soft and rough, and they had some saltiness to them due to her being all sweaty. But you didn’t mind at all, in fact you really like it. 
“Remember last time we were here?” you whispered in her ear, trailing a path of kiss down her jaw and neck. 
“You mean… that time we last trained?” she sounded breathlessly and it sent a shiver down your whole body. 
“If I remember correctly, which I know I do…” you gently bit her skin earning a hiss out of her lips. “You were on the grown and I was on top of you, remember?”
“Yes…” she said as her fingers ran through your hair. 
“Want to pick up where we left it off?”
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Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3
-M
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