#ITS ALSO THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL FOR ME!!
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Th-the gays
THEYRE HERE
#My art#blogsona#HAPPY PRIDE MONTH#pansexual#asexual#yk I couldn’t resist making one of these or myself teehee#ITS ALSO THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL FOR ME!!#WHOOOOOOO#I WORE MY RAINBOW SNAP BRACELET TODAY
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Everything is very horrible today in an autistic meltdown kinda way so either I'll pop off and draw a lot or lay face down in bed doing nothing for several hours we'll just have to see
#the worst thing is its not just any one thing#its a build up of terrible terrible terrible#and when i do fibally get set off it seems like its over smthn really fuckinf stupid#RAGHHH#i will explain actually cause most of it woild piss anyone off#my whole family is off of school/work today except me#my siblings went to the movies#i had to go to work and work was fuxking SLAMMED#so i had a pretty shitty day already work wise#then i learn like an hour before i leave that i have to pick up my siblings#in the rain#in the dark#and also two othee peoplw are gonna be there so my car will be litetally full#and its in the busiest part of town#AND i have to pick up dinner beforehand#so that combined with evweything elae aboit today was already upsettint#and then the coworker i dont fucking like started fuckung around with smthn#not doing his aork#which is why i dont like him cause he never gets anything done#so that was sort of the last straw ig#anyway my manaher was bejng really nice befoee i left cause i was obviously upsey#but i was like ' listen i am literally about to have a meltdown so i have to go i cant do this rn '#i feel bad about it#but whats worse briefly inconviencing my manager or having a whole fucking meltdown in frojt of everyone#muppets ref ha#anyway#i just wish my parents respected me#even a little bit#cause they sure fucking dont#not me nor my time haha!
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just realized ive posted art almost every single day since the start of the year and the only day i didnt was cuz of work. lets fucking GOOOOOO
#im somehow feeling the worst ive felt in years and also the most productive at the same time. and idk how thats possible#i feel like ive unlocked smth that i couldnt last year. like when i finished school i said Ok art is my full time job now.#thats how many hours i should be putting in. and then i proceeded to do nothing all year#but this year so far i get up and go to my desk and just work on stuff. which is crazy#i feel like its cuz im switching lanes#like i can do furries (work) or portfolio stuff (work) or whatever else (fun) and All of those r productive#so when im tired of 1 thing i just switch to another#but also i hate my art more than ever rn. so my brain does feel toxic poisoned by it#but it just makes me angry and spiteful. like im gonna get better if it kills me. i will stop flopping if it kills me#but also feel like im posting too much. like im oversaturating#not special if its every day. not special means nobody cares. u know#idk. anwyays. ill figure it out#x
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Kinda forgot i let him hang there for the day but fuck it he can stay…. Why not…. Theyre friends now…
#snap shots#i promise i wont post pics of mini mags every day i just think hes silly to look at sometimes … i love him….#i got the pumpkin last month impulsively with mybrother fjsnKWSJJ#also i was very lucky to find one of those metal beaded straps .. and it was purple too ..#i just took it from an old charm i had but now He Can Hang :]#i thought of putting him on my school bag with my kirby plush keychain but i like having him in my pocket instead ….#also the metal bead straps are annoying to clip and unclip i aint doin all that#anyway. heres to me Not Sleeping ima doodle a bit dkKSSNAK#i spent all day on comm work i deserve a lil doodle break before bed .. esp cause i have a math quiz tomorrow 😔#its on graphs an shit it’ll be easy but anyway goodniiiight
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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read the tags !! // officially quit
#⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀#ok first of all why am i writing in tags you may ask#well i find it less awkward to express in my tags rather in the actual post it self since im one hell of an awkward piece of shit hihi#ANYWAY TO THE TOPIC OF ME QUITING#this has been very long due#like i mean everyone has to have seen it coming#specially since i dont post as frequently and j lost most of my motivation#one. because school is my current priority#two. is my personal life !!! i’ve been vry vry busy keeping up with irl frends and also my family#but the main reason had to be my lack of motivation as in its non existent#next topic !!!#i will be deleting most of my asks and random posts soem of which are memorable to me will be rbloged to my personal acc !#ah and yes will i be coming back?#probably will be lurking time to time but who knows i might actually come back on joshuas bday solely to post a joshua mb HAHAHAHA#ilovemyman frr#I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST THIS ON THE DAY JOSHUA ACTUALLY POSTED ON HIS IG#ok im getting sooooo off topic#but like hooray my last theme is actually jjong toram HAHAH#i actually quited before november like the end of oct but i was too lazy to make a post about it hehehe#but luvi knew ofc :>#anyway if were close moots frel free to add me in discord not like im actually really active#@stariaz. 🤓#who knows i might actually take this back if suddenly the little devil inside me decides to revive itself#anyway this is user k-yujin offically(?) signing off 🤓🤓#ALSOOO DOESNT MEAN I QUITED PPLCAN USE MY STUFF W/O GIVING CREDS !!! (ehem ehem my dividers 👁)#please give creds or i will literally come alive#i still have someone who acts as my eyes here even though j wont post no more#guys i have to wake up at 5 am gud night 🤩#also i cut my hair 😶#thabks for 3.4k though 🫵🫵
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i don't want to go home
#bang dream#bandori#imai lisa#mmmh its summer its time to rotate last year's lisa summer event mental breakdown#okay here come the thoughts#the beach has been already mentionned in bs1 as somewhere lisa would go often after quitting music#and i often think its bc since she leaves literally next to yukina it was to avoid her#which makes that even in middle school she would go to the beach and not want to go home as a way to escape#then theres the summer event#where they mentionned that when she was a child when she went to the beach she didnt went to go home at the end of the day#which directly connects to her in her last summer as a high schooler where she is scared of the future#and where she basically is taken by her fears as a child (her younger self tugging on her skirt)#also its a night scene bc i often think about how yukina compared her to the sun AND the moon#and the moon to me represents that melancholic side that lisa is so extremely prone to#theres probably more i forgot to type. but u see im already deep in the trenches
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if you see me comment under your posts ignore me do not answer me i'm procrastinating (actually do reply to me hehe... 🥺)
#jesus christ this semester is insane its barely week two and i've already#1) had insomnia once. like i barely got a wink of sleep one day and#2) i already have felt like. as if a truck ran me over. like defeated and dejected and tired#AND ITS ONLY WEEK TWO. TUESDAY MIND YOU not even friday#help me. but it's ok we got this#i don't know what is going on with me this time around. maybe it's the classes.#for some reason i've got a LOT to do already. like for the remainder of february i'll have a test every week. and on the last week i'll hav#two of them#maybe im whining this is probably normal. i think.#like i am already considering deleting tumblr so i won't be distracted but i only do this like. later on yanno?!?!#it's probably normal i must endure#also my schedule this time around is absolute crap and many other things unrelated to school but again#Its Fine Its Whatever we all got responsibilities i'll survive i got this
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was randomly motivated to animate tonight
#BUT HEYYY atleast im animating#i started the first one like a month or so ago and finally picked it up again#bec i tried doing a new one and i had no idea what i wasd oing LOL#i had a better caption in my mind but i forgor#i was gonna clean up the first one a bit more but it looks alright#jerms art#gif#animation#loop#art#what . do i tagthis as#beginner animator#i definitley still need to learn more thou#also i lied . i was motivated because i watched a video about one pieces new opening#and i was like FUCK i wanna be like that#i dont care even if im not feeling the right art vibes tonight#its better to start later than never#im sorry primary school me i failed you#hopefully this motivation and hope lasts more than . a day
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Oooohhh the urge to yap about my ocs and the world they live in......
#is this the product of growing up lonely with one best friend for 11 years of your life so when she wasnt in school you mae up imaginary#friends and it started off as one but then steadily increased and now your 14 with an entire kingdom with a high population of around 132#and couting because you couldnt stop making ocs based on your interests or hyperfixations or literally anything else to the point where you#could scroll on insta or tt for 5 minutes and think about your little kingdom and think of a character that would fill about 50 plot holes#and this kingdom got so out of hand in your head that you decided to make religons countries languages royal families politics new laws of#physics powers and more because one day you watched avatar the last airbender and decided people could now do water manipulation and#suddenly 50% of characters now possess some sort of magical ability and they all live in a world together that somehow retains peace and#love because the actual name of the planet they live on is peace but just in the language that you made up in your mind. just a little#reminder i started this at 6-7 years old with my gacha life phase going strong which is also how i designed each and every one of my ocs btw#going back this is originally being my imaginary friends I MYSELF AM IMPLEMENTED INTO THIS STORY as it started with my old online persona#that has now become a separate character and now I am a character inside this whole lore so every day i am always thinking about this planet#i made in my head and did i mention ive my favourite genres are action mystery and fantasy??? yeah so thats a main theme#so like theres tons of fighting and betrayal outside of the planet which dives deep into character lores and the whole story line that#this planet follows and i have separated aus of if this wasnt a peaceful planet and if there was some sort of intergalactic war because yes#i am a voltron fan where influential ocs die and thinking or writing that causes me to genuinely tear but because like ive said THESE ARE MY#IMAGINARY FRIENDS they may be imaginary but ive had them for YEARS and theyve been friends with me longer than 99% of my friends so they#mean the world to me so i tend to stray away from the war aus and push that mkre towards my other fics and headcanons thag are heartbreaking#... so anyways!!!#kadens yap session#no but srsly if i were to actually talk to people about this id be shaking in my boots i could not and itd take HOURS#its just a silly world i live in thays all :3
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day three,,,, i would have had liked to work a bit more on this but alas, that did not happen,,
#sorruu i didnt get to post this before the hour turned over#i was procrastinationg with it and then forgor until now#i did draw it on the correct day though gyahhhh#wanyway hough wahh ive been wanting to draw wakou minori for a while now#i really like how she looks sniffles#she is so cool to me i didnt do her justice please look her up#i would draw here again but i dont want to have any repeats this month#also unrealted but i did in fact not get expelled#my schools headmaster is just fucking stuipf and did not understandwhat i meant at all#but waetever#this also means that the original issue i had in regards to my IT coursework never got resolved#sighs so deeply#also i realised later that like half of the tags on my last post dissappeared ??#im not sure what happened there#the lore is now incomplete#its not currently resulting in anything tragic though so dont feel there is point in me reexplamig#i dont know who let me do two coursework subjects its going to be the death of me#espeically because i am reoccupied with drawing singins robots#or in this case talking robots#as wakou minori is a talk synth#i might draw again sometime later actully#digital art#mine#my art#fanart#vocal synth#A.I.VOICE#wakou minori#doodle
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making another lighthouse and pier
#leaf's posts#ocean autism is getting me#also holy shit ive had no time today#last day of school then after scool beach picnic till after dark#now its really late#at least tomorrow graduation is pretty late#so ill have time to actually do things#minecraft#mineblr
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post ankle-twisting clarity
#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee#so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like#so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like#overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down#happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently#my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful#tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when#they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me#because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds#which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and#instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not#totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the#animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted#sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my#faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can#just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development#rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3#doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)
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I am also the youngest but I am the favorite (as the one who has never gone to prison it’s not hard lmao) and I feel Pietro vibes hard but I think it’s more of “being a little fucking gremlin” that gives youngest vibes to me.
Also say the word and I’ll fight your brother for you. You’re awesome and deserve good things.
yk in retrospect any time ive hung out with people and ive been A Little Shit and i tell them im the youngest in my family they always say 'i can tell' so i think youre onto something
#snap chats#like kayla had this friend and when the three of us would hang out id be. A Menace as per usual#and one day she was just like 'do you have older siblings' and when i was like Yeah Three she was like 'that explains a lot'#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAAN leave me alone ... im sorry im so funny and charming and witty ... i stole those traits from my sisters#ALSO DONT BEEF WITH MY BRO LMAO PLEASE he's the last person who deserves anything bad to happen to him i promise#theres no one in the world more deserving of good things than him i cannot stress this enough he was just being funny#i always joke about how our mom hates me so floor was open to the joke gejGELKJGELAK it was funny too. no harm done#if we should fight anyone its my mom .... why would i fight my brother when we have to deal with her together right ....#anyway congrats on not going to prison anon !!!!!! keep it up 👍#oh yeah hi i meant to be on more today but even with school over for now i still had some stuff to take care of today#and then i got tomorrow ....... busy bee i am ....#next week Officially i should be in I Can Kinda Breathe territory. i still have work but at least its just comm work and not school
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I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all
#guys i love they might be giants. did you know about this#me days before the show: crying because i will see they might be giants#me days after the show: crying because i saw they might be giants#truth is that i didn't actually full on cry until yesterday evening though so once i was back home so it was all officially over#and it was time to just slow down and realize that oh well wow. so all that just happened. like for realsies#i also finally looked through my videos and my recording of the whole show (yes as an archivist freak who records audio from most concerts#i obviously had to record this one also. now i can listen to it again and again and be remided that i didn't dream it all up after all)#but yeah all this and now i'm supposed to move on and go back to my stupid daily life#like i didn't just have one of those real actual life experiences and moments of pure fun that other people generally get from time to time#and that i haven't had since idk even when a year and a half ago#thats the last time i consider truly amazing on a level somewhat comparable to this. but back to the show and the whole thing.#like this wouldn't have been quite as perfect if i didn't share that time with fellow fans / friends that i ended up attending the show wit#you don't realize how badly you've been wanting to be included in things and for people to be genuinely fond of you and like your company#until you get included and shown that fondness. like wow i'm allowed to have fun too after all. can it happen again someday please. anyway#i'm just glad that in midst of my big bad awful times i could have this truly amazing 10/10 time#and i guess it doesn't have to be the last such time right. even if it's easy to give into the feeling that it is#but ok anyway i'll get to that proper show recap later when i can think clearly again#and maybe more on that more personal side of it all too because well i have many more thoughts obviously#but whether i get to that in 3 days or 3 months is a mystery for now. just kind of a lot to think about once again#and my stupid baka life continues on also whether i like it or not so that has to be taken into consideration as well#time to think again about school that i'm so totally fully failing now with my two weeks long absence yayyy. its fine i'll figure it all out#goosepost
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cnstars hiiai impression translations!
first two are in the context of alkaloid, second two are keito lecture
tl notes and original text under cut
the phrase 一窍不通 (yī qiào bù tōng) - knows nothing is used several times across all slides to describe hiiro's inexperience
slide 1: hiiro says he keeps aira's words close to heart 至今 (zhì jīn) - to this day slide 2: 懵懵懂懂 (měng měng dǒng dǒng) - ignorant is also used to describe hiiro's inexperience, 迷茫 (mí máng) - confused/lost and 脆弱 (cì ruò) - fragile are used to describe hiiro's mental state after the incident with his brother slide 3: hiiro uses the phrase 拓宽眼界 (tà kuān yǎn jiè) - broaden horizons, 亲切 (qīn qiè) - kindly slide 4: 欲望 (yù wàng) - desire is used to describe hiiro's passion for learning, aira describes hiiro's practicing after lectures as 热衷 (rè zhōng) - (to be) keen on/eager to do so
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#hiiro amagi#aira shiratori#hiiai#enstars#i dont translate often so i apologize if the wording is confusing!!#and feel free to point out any mistakes#breathes heavily. the keeps close to heart to this day line absolutely destroyed me j was half crying while typing it out#hiiro hasn't mentioned that day specifically at all since it happened so seeing him finally say it is so. ragh#its not mentioned explicitly but i interpreted “those words he said to me” as The Lines from thermometry (mainstory ch 160)#EVEN TO THIS DAY!! TO THIS DAY!!!!!! HE WILL NEVER FORGET!!!!!#also the last line in aira -> hiiro keito lecture version kind of confused me#but i think its just aira being grateful that keito made him join keito lecture bc he is Not Very Good at school#and hiiro remembers everything they learn and can help him out even more#okay i need to do my actual homework now#bye bye#happy hiiai#⭑ tea rambles
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