#ITS ALSO THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL FOR ME!!
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Th-the gays
THEYRE HERE
#My art#blogsona#HAPPY PRIDE MONTH#pansexual#asexual#yk I couldn’t resist making one of these or myself teehee#ITS ALSO THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL FOR ME!!#WHOOOOOOO#I WORE MY RAINBOW SNAP BRACELET TODAY
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Everything is very horrible today in an autistic meltdown kinda way so either I'll pop off and draw a lot or lay face down in bed doing nothing for several hours we'll just have to see
#the worst thing is its not just any one thing#its a build up of terrible terrible terrible#and when i do fibally get set off it seems like its over smthn really fuckinf stupid#RAGHHH#i will explain actually cause most of it woild piss anyone off#my whole family is off of school/work today except me#my siblings went to the movies#i had to go to work and work was fuxking SLAMMED#so i had a pretty shitty day already work wise#then i learn like an hour before i leave that i have to pick up my siblings#in the rain#in the dark#and also two othee peoplw are gonna be there so my car will be litetally full#and its in the busiest part of town#AND i have to pick up dinner beforehand#so that combined with evweything elae aboit today was already upsettint#and then the coworker i dont fucking like started fuckung around with smthn#not doing his aork#which is why i dont like him cause he never gets anything done#so that was sort of the last straw ig#anyway my manaher was bejng really nice befoee i left cause i was obviously upsey#but i was like ' listen i am literally about to have a meltdown so i have to go i cant do this rn '#i feel bad about it#but whats worse briefly inconviencing my manager or having a whole fucking meltdown in frojt of everyone#muppets ref ha#anyway#i just wish my parents respected me#even a little bit#cause they sure fucking dont#not me nor my time haha!
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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i don't want to go home
#bang dream#bandori#imai lisa#mmmh its summer its time to rotate last year's lisa summer event mental breakdown#okay here come the thoughts#the beach has been already mentionned in bs1 as somewhere lisa would go often after quitting music#and i often think its bc since she leaves literally next to yukina it was to avoid her#which makes that even in middle school she would go to the beach and not want to go home as a way to escape#then theres the summer event#where they mentionned that when she was a child when she went to the beach she didnt went to go home at the end of the day#which directly connects to her in her last summer as a high schooler where she is scared of the future#and where she basically is taken by her fears as a child (her younger self tugging on her skirt)#also its a night scene bc i often think about how yukina compared her to the sun AND the moon#and the moon to me represents that melancholic side that lisa is so extremely prone to#theres probably more i forgot to type. but u see im already deep in the trenches
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read the tags !! // officially quit
#⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀#ok first of all why am i writing in tags you may ask#well i find it less awkward to express in my tags rather in the actual post it self since im one hell of an awkward piece of shit hihi#ANYWAY TO THE TOPIC OF ME QUITING#this has been very long due#like i mean everyone has to have seen it coming#specially since i dont post as frequently and j lost most of my motivation#one. because school is my current priority#two. is my personal life !!! i’ve been vry vry busy keeping up with irl frends and also my family#but the main reason had to be my lack of motivation as in its non existent#next topic !!!#i will be deleting most of my asks and random posts soem of which are memorable to me will be rbloged to my personal acc !#ah and yes will i be coming back?#probably will be lurking time to time but who knows i might actually come back on joshuas bday solely to post a joshua mb HAHAHAHA#ilovemyman frr#I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST THIS ON THE DAY JOSHUA ACTUALLY POSTED ON HIS IG#ok im getting sooooo off topic#but like hooray my last theme is actually jjong toram HAHAH#i actually quited before november like the end of oct but i was too lazy to make a post about it hehehe#but luvi knew ofc :>#anyway if were close moots frel free to add me in discord not like im actually really active#@stariaz. ���#who knows i might actually take this back if suddenly the little devil inside me decides to revive itself#anyway this is user k-yujin offically(?) signing off 🤓🤓#ALSOOO DOESNT MEAN I QUITED PPLCAN USE MY STUFF W/O GIVING CREDS !!! (ehem ehem my dividers 👁)#please give creds or i will literally come alive#i still have someone who acts as my eyes here even though j wont post no more#guys i have to wake up at 5 am gud night 🤩#also i cut my hair 😶#thabks for 3.4k though 🫵🫵
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was randomly motivated to animate tonight
#BUT HEYYY atleast im animating#i started the first one like a month or so ago and finally picked it up again#bec i tried doing a new one and i had no idea what i wasd oing LOL#i had a better caption in my mind but i forgor#i was gonna clean up the first one a bit more but it looks alright#jerms art#gif#animation#loop#art#what . do i tagthis as#beginner animator#i definitley still need to learn more thou#also i lied . i was motivated because i watched a video about one pieces new opening#and i was like FUCK i wanna be like that#i dont care even if im not feeling the right art vibes tonight#its better to start later than never#im sorry primary school me i failed you#hopefully this motivation and hope lasts more than . a day
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day three,,,, i would have had liked to work a bit more on this but alas, that did not happen,,
#sorruu i didnt get to post this before the hour turned over#i was procrastinationg with it and then forgor until now#i did draw it on the correct day though gyahhhh#wanyway hough wahh ive been wanting to draw wakou minori for a while now#i really like how she looks sniffles#she is so cool to me i didnt do her justice please look her up#i would draw here again but i dont want to have any repeats this month#also unrealted but i did in fact not get expelled#my schools headmaster is just fucking stuipf and did not understandwhat i meant at all#but waetever#this also means that the original issue i had in regards to my IT coursework never got resolved#sighs so deeply#also i realised later that like half of the tags on my last post dissappeared ??#im not sure what happened there#the lore is now incomplete#its not currently resulting in anything tragic though so dont feel there is point in me reexplamig#i dont know who let me do two coursework subjects its going to be the death of me#espeically because i am reoccupied with drawing singins robots#or in this case talking robots#as wakou minori is a talk synth#i might draw again sometime later actully#digital art#mine#my art#fanart#vocal synth#A.I.VOICE#wakou minori#doodle
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making another lighthouse and pier
#leaf's posts#ocean autism is getting me#also holy shit ive had no time today#last day of school then after scool beach picnic till after dark#now its really late#at least tomorrow graduation is pretty late#so ill have time to actually do things#minecraft#mineblr
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I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all
#guys i love they might be giants. did you know about this#me days before the show: crying because i will see they might be giants#me days after the show: crying because i saw they might be giants#truth is that i didn't actually full on cry until yesterday evening though so once i was back home so it was all officially over#and it was time to just slow down and realize that oh well wow. so all that just happened. like for realsies#i also finally looked through my videos and my recording of the whole show (yes as an archivist freak who records audio from most concerts#i obviously had to record this one also. now i can listen to it again and again and be remided that i didn't dream it all up after all)#but yeah all this and now i'm supposed to move on and go back to my stupid daily life#like i didn't just have one of those real actual life experiences and moments of pure fun that other people generally get from time to time#and that i haven't had since idk even when a year and a half ago#thats the last time i consider truly amazing on a level somewhat comparable to this. but back to the show and the whole thing.#like this wouldn't have been quite as perfect if i didn't share that time with fellow fans / friends that i ended up attending the show wit#you don't realize how badly you've been wanting to be included in things and for people to be genuinely fond of you and like your company#until you get included and shown that fondness. like wow i'm allowed to have fun too after all. can it happen again someday please. anyway#i'm just glad that in midst of my big bad awful times i could have this truly amazing 10/10 time#and i guess it doesn't have to be the last such time right. even if it's easy to give into the feeling that it is#but ok anyway i'll get to that proper show recap later when i can think clearly again#and maybe more on that more personal side of it all too because well i have many more thoughts obviously#but whether i get to that in 3 days or 3 months is a mystery for now. just kind of a lot to think about once again#and my stupid baka life continues on also whether i like it or not so that has to be taken into consideration as well#time to think again about school that i'm so totally fully failing now with my two weeks long absence yayyy. its fine i'll figure it all out#goosepost
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cnstars hiiai impression translations!
first two are in the context of alkaloid, second two are keito lecture
tl notes and original text under cut
the phrase 一窍不通 (yī qiào bù tōng) - knows nothing is used several times across all slides to describe hiiro's inexperience
slide 1: hiiro says he keeps aira's words close to heart 至今 (zhì jīn) - to this day slide 2: 懵懵懂懂 (měng měng dǒng dǒng) - ignorant is also used to describe hiiro's inexperience, 迷茫 (mí máng) - confused/lost and 脆弱 (cì ruò) - fragile are used to describe hiiro's mental state after the incident with his brother slide 3: hiiro uses the phrase 拓宽眼界 (tà kuān yǎn jiè) - broaden horizons, 亲切 (qīn qiè) - kindly slide 4: 欲望 (yù wàng) - desire is used to describe hiiro's passion for learning, aira describes hiiro's practicing after lectures as 热衷 (rè zhōng) - (to be) keen on/eager to do so
original text
#hiiro amagi#aira shiratori#hiiai#enstars#i dont translate often so i apologize if the wording is confusing!!#and feel free to point out any mistakes#breathes heavily. the keeps close to heart to this day line absolutely destroyed me j was half crying while typing it out#hiiro hasn't mentioned that day specifically at all since it happened so seeing him finally say it is so. ragh#its not mentioned explicitly but i interpreted “those words he said to me” as The Lines from thermometry (mainstory ch 160)#EVEN TO THIS DAY!! TO THIS DAY!!!!!! HE WILL NEVER FORGET!!!!!#also the last line in aira -> hiiro keito lecture version kind of confused me#but i think its just aira being grateful that keito made him join keito lecture bc he is Not Very Good at school#and hiiro remembers everything they learn and can help him out even more#okay i need to do my actual homework now#bye bye#happy hiiai#⭑ tea rambles
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There's a whoooole bunch of undead guys in Motor City! And while I can't go over every single one of them, here's a small selection of zombies you'll see here! You don't have to use the nicknames for them though, we are all aware of how dumb they sound.
YOU try coming up with a way to tell different zombies apart without sounding like a complete dumbass though. >:/
ROMEROS- Your classic zombie. Slow, shambling and trouble in large crowds. These guys outnumber most of the zombie types here 2 to 1. Compared the zombies they're named after, they're far more smarter than them. While you won't catch them using a rock to bash open a window, you'll at the very least be able to hold normal conversations with them as they're well... normal people still more or less!
You could always ask one what brought them back and sometimes they'll tell that it was due to a satellite that came back from Venus. Don't take it to heart though, it's mostly a joke.
LANDERS- Said to be the victims of a disease (probably rabies or mad cow disease or something, we don't fricking know), these zombies are bit uh... complicated. These guys take the longest to get back on track and get them acting like the humans they used to be. It's no fault of their own obviously, but man is their particular strain of zombification a complete BITCH to work with. It makes them bitey, spew-y and all around JERKS the first few months of unlife.
They're alright once you get them back down to normal but you really gotta stick it out through those months to do it. And the kicker? They can only make more of themselves via biting. Or if they've got a cold and are inconsiderate enough to not cover their mouths when they sneeze. Not that you'll catch any of the ones here biting people though. That's rude and they're more likely to be chowing down on junk food than people. They looove stuff like Ding Dongs and stuff like that.
Not every Lander is the same though, since some of them seem to act completely differently to the regular Landers. One of them snuck up on me the other day, it wasn't fun.
TRAINRUNNERS- Okay, forget what I said about the Landers. THESE guys are complicated. Kind of, I mean. They're fast, super durable for the most part and their strain is also spread through bite and boy, does it spread FAST. It's probably for the best that there's so few of them living here. That's nothing against them, of course but uh... it's not fun to deal with?
And if takes a while to get a Lander back on track, then it takes even longer for a Trainrunner. Which is not as pleasant as you can imagine when they get out of control but hey, we push through. Some of them are kind of prickly people to deal with though. We're not sure if that's because of the way their strain affects their brains or if some of them are natural born jerks. But either way, if you see some literally rotten looking people with varicose like veins and wearing sunglasses (their eyes ARE kind of gross looking), then you're seeing a Trainrunner. Just be cool around them and you'll be okay.
I dunno who originally coined their nickname though. We don't even have trains here?
NEWDEADS- A sort of catchall term for zombies that don't fit in the standard definition of zombie but are similar enough to their regular counterparts to qualify as one. It's not too uncommon to see a Newdead with a pulse (That's me!) but as long as they have a couple of traits seen in either Romeros, Landers, or Trainrunners, they can count as a Newdead. The one difference between a Newdead and the other zombie types though is that Newdeads don't have to worry about losing control and going on a complete rampage just to eat some dang flesh. Newdeads are kind of like humans the most? But also kind of not? They're stuck in a weird in between of being both and neither.
Don't ask how a zombie can have a pulse though. Yeah, I know it doesn't make sense but we're all made and sometimes rot and decompose in different ways and you'll break your brain trying to understand it so don't fricking question it. We're all kind of dead and that's just it! :>
Anyways, that should be just about every type of zombie seen here mostly! Might have missed a few but I can always edit this thing. Or just make new pamphlets. Either one. Next one's going to be about vampires and let me tell you that one's gonna be wayyyy easier! Well bye! ^_^b <- (me giving you a thumbs up)
#//yeah don't ask how much time this took to put together. it took enough and we'll leave it at that DBSHJFHNJ#//was originally going to make this a photopost but it got a little wordy so i turned it into a post that was written ic by lambda#//also keeping to what i said on my last post these guys all have traits that are taken from different zombie movies! right up to their-#//-nicknames being references or allusions to the movies their brand of undead is from#//i wanted to work in dead.ites too but didn't have anything past a short 'these guys are demons using people's corpses to get around.-'#//'- no they are not super old school vampires. there's a difference.' but nothing else was coming up so their section got scrapped rip#//'mocha does that mean most of motor city qualifies as newdeads?' perhaps#//anyways if it wasn't obvious romeros are your classic day/dawn of the de.ad zombie#//landers take cues from zombie.land and its sequel double tap#//and trainrunners are based off of the ones from train to bu.san#//might go and tweak these later but basically the gist is these movies do exist in lambda's universe and there's enough undead for people-#//-to be like 'huh you guys kind of remind me of this movie' for there to be little silly names for it#//ANYWAYS ZOMBIE POST GO THROWS IT AT YOU ALL#hidden depths {info}#city of second chances {motor city}
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Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"
#quote from MLP:FIW#sorryyyy been kinda angry about my step family all day#sorry but im so tired of my Stepmom acting like she raised decent kids#my step brother is like 25 and living in my dads home. hes unironically an andrew tate fan and treats his very disabled girlfriend like shit#step sister always got compred to my sister who's the same age and put step sis in the light every time EVEN THO MY SIS WAS LITERALLY BETTER#<- like grades n shit#also both step sibs are gross. never cleans up ever. step brother and his gf are banned from the basement#step bro went to juvy when he was 16 and step sis had a trial last year and almost went to jail#also step sis has mono and would rather die than cover her mouth#i feel bad for SB's girlfriend because she has no other support system and sometimes it feels like SB or SS is trying to kill her?????#my dad threatened to kick out the adults if the house is dirty (adults being SB. SBG. SS. My sister. Aunt.)#My sister does SO MUCH HOUSEWORK and nobody cares and im mad#also bullshit rules recently have made my potential eating disorder worse#i don't think its healthy to rather starve than wash a dish but i actually have cried several times over this#not to mention how much i accidentally starve myself#also our food has been less and less because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat anymore because of my step family#also i have to share the smallest room with my sister. its okay tho ilh and i wouldn't want to get rid of her#sometimes it feels like my stepmom doesn't like me or my sisters because we're “weird”. childish interests and artistic#she lectured me about having missing assignments and I started crying#i said i just forgot to turn in some before the deadline and she called me lazy#<- Oops! so close. its actually THE MENTAL ILLNESS#my sisters and i feel like shit#i feel like my safe space is with my oldest sister.#and you all too! i love you guys#i just feel trapped. trapped by my step family. trapped by my own mind.#i was just starting to feel free from the burden of school and she just made me feel more stressed.#i didn't want to study because she killed the little motivation I had#Spanish exam is now “Fuck it we ball”#sorry for the personal post
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A collection of memes I made while rereading the Inkheart trilogy, of varying effort (incl. the inspirational quotes)
Inkspell 📜
For the life of me I can't find the exasperated lines from both of them that sparked this but this was the vibe (<- forgot to write it down)
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(Dustfinger) "'But I will not take a sword in my hand, if that's what you're hoping. You know I'm no good with such things.'" // (Mo) "And Mo felt a dragging sensation in his breast, as if his hatred had given birth to something, something that wanted to kill." // (Resa) "It was Mortola who taught her to hate." // (Farid) "'We can cut their throats before they make a sound. It will be easy!'" // (Meggie) "I hope you catch the plague here and drop dead like flies."
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"'There's a story... Roxanne knows it,' he said. '... Tell her I'm going to find out if the story is true.'"
❤️📜💀❤️📜💀❤️📜💀❤️📜💀
Inkdeath 💀
"Loving someone merely meant pain. Nothing but pain."
"'Write what you like,' replied Mo, cutting through the leather again. The bookbinder wouldn't feel the words."
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"It sounded as if his mother were breaking into small pieces... But he wanted to keep her... He wanted to go back to Ombra. That was his castle. He was frightened of his grandfather..." // "'Your grandfather has a son now. So his grandson doesn't count for much...'"
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He wished them all to hell. Orpheus and the Piper and his grandfather. He wanted to be like the Bluejay and the Black Prince--and then he'd kill them all. Every last one of them." // "He opened it, and Mo forgot to breathe. Pages soaked in blood. Jacopo was looking at him... Mo clutched the pencil in his fingers and opened the White Book."
"His mere name used to quicken her pulse, but now she hardly listened as he told her about his plans... Her heart leaped only when... Doria was suddenly standing there in front of her." (Girl if I had to play second fiddle to my bf he'd be gone too)
#inkheart#inkspell#inkdeath#think the last time i read them all i was in middle school. now here i am with a degree lol#i couldnt stop thinking about the inkheart movie now here i am again#anyway enjoy the memes like i enjoyed the reread#and also making the memes#please enjoy the dustfingers rough day one specifically its my baby#anyway i kept reading lines about jacopo to my roomie and wed both stare at each other and go 'DO IT. JACOPO.'#JACOPO. IGNORE ALL OUTSIDE DISTRACTIONS. REVEAL THE WHITE BOOK#also ignore the fact i used merida for that one meme idk any other redheaded children off the top of my head#you go you deranged little nine year old#ALSO s/o to 'i know little of killing but i could learn for you' get his ass dustfinger#theres a few more memes but tumblr cut me off on adding images so you get only the finest selection lol
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Hey, so for the Human Au, how do think Julie would go about her life? Considering her personality in the website, I would think that he takes up different part-time jobs, but mainly likes working at the community center, mainly for the summer/after school programs where they can come up with and host fun activities for the kids!
no yeah that's pretty much what i was thinking! she bounces from job to job - she probably has a roster of seasonal ones that she rotates between. Julie really does seem like an every-gal yk? doing just one thing all the time would be soooo boring
i like the idea of summer / after school programs a lot actually! since canon Julie is big on games and fun, i'm sure she'd be a great choice for those sorts of things. i bet she works a seasonal summer camp in their county!
#also it would be a cute frank-julie bestie thing#cause frank is a university professor#so then julie being in the education system as a camp counselor / school programs person whatever brains not braining rn#I Just Think It Would Be Sweet! and Fitting!#part of me wants to change Frank from university professor to like a uhhh elementary school teacher#but nah. but lets just say the local schools will have field trips and uh. idk a 'bug day'#yk how kindergartens and elementary schools would sometimes have a giant snake brought in or whatever#well i imagine that in this au frank keeps insects as 'pets'#(not pets as in companion animal but. he has a lot of arthropod tanks in his house lol)#so maybe a couple times a year he gets to interact with kids and julie's probably there too!#ohhhh maybe sometimes he'll go to the summer camp for like. education day or whatever#to talk about insects and animal safety or somethn#he's out there with a tarantula chilling on his head...#most of the kids are disinterested but one or two are so Intrigued and its. adorable. anyway this is about julie#rambles from the bog#wh modern human au#i like to think that both julie and barnaby have seasonal jobs at the county fair#it just lasts a few weeks but they have a good time! barnaby can put his clowning degree to Use!#but im having a great time picturing julie coming up with games and stuff and putting it to good use!#i bet she'd be great at finding compromises and solutions to those Schoolyard Problems yk#i said schoolyard problems and flashbacked to the multiple bad injuries at my elementary. & the seizure in hs...#hm. i saw a lot of serious shit. anyhow not the point#i bet julie is that one guy where whenever someone brings up an odd job she's like 'yeah ive done that'#slingin ice cream? catering? florist delivery? doughnut baker? budtender? running bingo night? Yes To It All!#i bet that in a way... howdy is jealous...
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filler doodles about how i comedically whitewashed myself as a child (despite also being the darkest i had and still have ever been in my entire life) because i cannot wrap my head around it
#filler art#my art#i was also short haired at the time so its odd i drew myself as having very long hair but is it any more weird than me whitwashing myself no#i remember i also imagined myself to grow up as a white girl like#HUH??? like i was so convinced i was going to look like all the white main character girls on television ... i had to look like one#all of this was probably because of the lack of representation in tv i could find at the time tbh#BECAUSE THIS WASNT AN ISSUE OF MY DAY TO DAY LIFE NOOOOOO#in here being... moreno?!?! . brown?!?!! EVEN IF LIGHT IS MILES MORE COMMON THAN BEING WHITE#AND ITS SO MUCH MROE SILLIER BECAUSE I WAS MCUH MORE DARK THAN I CURRENTLY AM BACK THEN#as of now im more so lightskinned . nowhere near white but im not very dark either because i dont see rhe sun often ww so im pale#BACK THEN I GOT BURNT ON THE SUN AS A HOBBY im serious i sat on the hot rock floor with burning sun climate bevause it was nice#NOT EVEN THE CURLS COULD BE SAVED I HAD TO PORTRAY MYSELF AS STRAIGHT HAIRED FOR WHATEVER REASON#like on my defense i did straighten my hair out a lot as a young child but THAT LASTED LIKE 2 DAYS EVERY TIME#so 90% i was curls so its funny#ALSO WHY DID WE CALL THE CREAM COLOR “THE SKIN COLOR” WHAT#like. it wasnt just me . whole elementary school knew if you asked for rhe skin color you talkin about thay#any tone of brown simply did not work I DONT KNOW WHY WE WERE ALL LIKE THIS???#thankfully at the age of 10 i realized i infact had melanin but .. i coudlnt accept i had black hair still💀💀#so my skin and hqir color were always the same in portrayals ITS SO FUNNY IM SORRY#I FIDN THIS INSANELY FUNNY IM SO SORRY#dont feel too concerned i wasnt ashamed of my skin color or anything but i had the warped idea i would look white soon#not if you keep cooking youself in the sun you wont /j#i dont know what to say about how i draw myself now a days i dont draw myself as myself but i know i aint white now its okay 🩷 (/hj)
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Hopefully going in the mountains will stabilise my sanity for a bit
#sunflower rambles#everything just feels like its collapsing on me#not only are we dealing with so much bullshit and debts and money issues but now i also get treated like shit as a person#and this is the last day before school starts#i think im gonna combust
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