#IS THAT A WEED? IM CALLING THE POLICE

[localgardenweed]

Just saw the new video Hargreaves posted via tiktok and im sorry i sighed seeing the Tord clip im sorry gang i cant get myself hyped.

I dont know why but for a while now all the Tord stuff has been leaving a bad taste in my mouth cause before it was “guys dont ask us about Tord stop asking ugh so annoying” to “hey guys dropping more Tord merch, episodes, spinoff show and also gonna send him over to do a concert with Miku” or some shit like ok they realized he is a cash cow its okay to admit that but idk, as much as I love Tord i feel like it would have been better to let him go bury him in satin laid down on a bed of roses sunk into the river at dawn sent away with the words of a love song. I know people love Tord and I DO TOO if you look through my old stuff you knew he was like one of my favs and also ya know the whole oc x canon stuff but i dont know, knowing Larson wanted Tord out of the show after he left just for him to be brought back in The End, show ended and like hm well this is it to Beyond dropping and getting made fun of for wanting him back to then turning him into a cash cow and whole joke and middle finger to fans who wanted him back by teasing them with him behind a paywall or just murdering him on screen. I know they need money this shit doesn’t come for free but idk it always left a bad taste in my mouth. For those who are happy for the possible probably maybe return of Tord, good for you guys, but im gonna hold off on celebrating.

[joshnekuu]

Dog was acting weird and twitchy this morning so I called late into work to take her to the er and my mom and I are just stressed as hell and the doctor comes in and tells us that it’s pretty likely the dog just ate some fuckin weed and she’s just high.

[analogboii]

so on nct 127s new album, they have a song called "gas" and i IMMEDIATELY made a weed joke. im peak comedy actually. hilarious.

[inaweofdiana]

[gnzma]

"aigh' look miss prez i ain't THAT stupid i grow it on the back of the shady ho--

--actually i dunno if you'd like that alternative either--"

" Are you using the money I give you to buy WEED ? " Mom voice.

[urfavlarry]

sbg group as things me and my friends said🤞

Taylor: What was that city under the sea called?

Logan: Spongebob!

——————————————

Tyler: Do you guys think mr. Thomas ever smoked weed?

——————————————

Mr. Thomas: how do you say “what time is it?” in french?

Aiden: ferero rosher

——————————————

Taylor stressin tf out in front of the board: how do you write “c” ?

——————————————

Mr. Thomas: Define numerals.

Ashlyn: Numbers.

——————————————

school gets a bomb threat and everyone is evacuating

everyone thinks its a joke and suddenly they see police

Ben: okay so it probably wasnt a joke guys

Taylor: i dont care, those police officers are pretty hot

Aiden: this place about to bloooow

Tyler: Do you guys think the fat ass teacher finally exploded?

Ashlyn: i swear to god if i call my mom telling her our school got a bomb threat, she will tell me “okay great, im at work bye”.

Logan: we were supposed to grab our stuff..

——————————————

Ashlyn: YOU FUCKING BIT— oh hi mr Thomas!

——————————————

Aiden: lets go tan outside *lays down in the middle of a sidewalk*

——————————————

Ashlyn: *breaks up with someone* *climbs a tree 15 minutes later*

——————————————

*friends sister gives birth and they get sent a photo of a baby*

Aiden: fresh out the oven

——————————————

*screaming, throwing shit, going bad shit crazy over a small thing*

Ben: I DONT FUCKING HAVE ANGER ISSUES GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

——————————————

*in the middle of a heated argument*

Taylor: guys calm down, in this place we dont argue, were calm and collected human beings with zero mental issues

——————————————

*planning a gift for a teacher*

Ashlyn: yall are worse then women you keep changing your fucking minds about everything every two seconds

——————————————

*Aiden counting a math problem and finally gets the answer*

Aiden: one point two and a half (1.25)

*everyone bursts out laughing*

Aiden: what?

Mr. Thomas: okay you got the answer correct but read it again.

Aiden: OH!

——————————————

[a-roguish-gambit]

Something hilarious I just realized regarding the turn of the century au cast vs regular x men evolution cast

Cannabis among other highly restricted drugs today would have been over the counter medicine at the turn of the century that any one could pick up. The FDA was only just becoming a thing since it's inception during the teddy Roosevelt administration and during that time edible tablets were considered medicine and the only restriction on them is that there had to be a prominent lable saying what the drug contianed. Cannabis tablets were used to treat headaches, cramps, etc.

Meanwhile the og Evo cast were early 2000s teens steeped in D.A.R.E. program culture (Except the international kids) ESPECIALLY SCOTT.

Imagine the absolute conniption 2000s Scott would have seeing his 1912 self make sure every girl had a bottle of cannabis tablets in their bathrooms for their time of the month or worse yet, actively giving jean cannabis tablets for a headache brought on by her powers.

Modern Scott: "THATS WEED IM CALLING THE FUCKING POLICE"

1910s Scott:"???? It's an FDA approved pharmaceutical drug?"

Modern Scott:"ITS DANGEROUS! IT WILL FRY YOUR BRAIN!!! HAVENT YOU SEEN THE DARE MATERIAL?!"

1910s Scott:"fry your brain....that's silly! the professor uses it for his own headaches!"

Modern Scott:"*unintelligible irate boy scout noises*The Professor?! No...no way..." *Faints*

1910s Scott:"oh dear....jean get the ammonia salts!"

[getting-spooky-on-a-friday-night]

Robert: RADFORD!! IS THAT A WEED!?!

Radford, holding a crayon: No.. this is a cray-

Robert: IM CALLING THE POLICE

Robert: *dials 911 on the microwave*

Microwave: 911 what's your emergency

[sheluvslani]

Not What It Looks Like Pt. 1

Request: Omg Lani, I’m so fucking high rn and I gots an idea. What about a ghostface Amber fic where she breaks into r’s house as ghostface. I kinda want it to be like in scream 1996 with Tatum where r goes: “don’t kill me Mr ghostface, I wanna be in the sequel.” But like ghostface/amber spares them for s*x in return. And then r finds out it’s Amber bc of the way ghostface is fucking them. ITS A LOT, I KNOW BUT I FEEL LIKE IM COOKING UP SOMETHING HERE- (anyway, I love your work ;3, keep doing yo shi bsf)

Pairing: Ghostface!Amber x fem!reader

Summary: Ghostface breaks into r’s apartment, fearing for her life, r would do anything to survive.

Warning: Ghostface, breaking in, red text color is ghostface talking, set in scream 5 but with certain characters added from scream 6🤓

A/n: okay Walter white, I see you cooking up something other than that weed :3 I love this request tho, istg I gotta get high more often to create ideas this good LMAO! No but seriously, this sounds amazing and thank you for asking me to write this! (Plus, I find it funny that you censored sex)

You were at your friend Tara’s dorm with the rest of your friend group, playing uno and getting drunk. You were sat down between Tara and your girlfriend Amber. She rested her hand on your thigh as she watched the game, sipping on her beer. 

“Uno!” You raised your hands in the air as a sign in victory, the rest of the group groaning and slamming their cards down onto the wooden dining table.

As you cheered and gloated in front of everyone’s face, the news on the TV started blaring, the siren blaring in your ears.

“Breaking News: Blackmore University film student by the name of Jason Carvey was found brutally stabbed in his dorm. The mutilated body of his roommate, Gary Bruckner, has been found crammed inside the fridge. A bloody Ghostface mask was found on the scene, police ran a DNA test and concluded that the mask belonged to Billy Loomis,”

“The infamous Ghostface of Woodsboro,” You and the group finished the sentence in unison. After the Woodsboro attack, the group moved to New York to live a “normal life”

But it looks like the plans gone to shit.

Amber reached over for the remote and shut the TV off. When you looked at her, her expression was stone cold, her jaw clenched as she stared at the blank screen. You originally thought it was from shock, but there was something in the way her lips pursed too hard that made it seem odd.

“It’s probably not even Ghostface this time, just some random looking for a thrill.” Mindy said as she got up to grab another beer.

“I’m sorry, Catherine Obvious, but have you been here for the past year?” Chad waved his hand in front of Mindy’s face when she sat down. “It’s obviously him… they followed us.” He leaned back his chair, drumming his fingers on his arm.

The room was silent for a moment, everyone taking in the information that no one wanted to hear.

“We need to go.” Sam stared down in the middle of the table, her eyes burning holes into the colorful Uno cards. 

“Psh, Sam, it’ll be fine. Don’t be dramatic.” Amber smirked as she wrapped her arm around your shoulder, her attitude completely different than what it was 10 seconds ago.

Sam threw a death-glance at Amber, about to cuss her out before Anika spoke up, 

“Yeah, I think we’ll be fine. If anything, we have cute boy across the street to help us.” Anika smirked as Sam’s face grew a bright red, muttering something under her breath before beelining to her room.

“Well. I say we call it a night.” Chad said as he stretched his arms over his head.

Everyone agreed and collected their belongings while Mindy was (rightfully) the one to help clean up everything.

————————————————————————

Amber had her arm wrapped around your waist as she walked you back to your dorm. When you arrived, Amber softly kissed your cheek as her other hand traveled up your shoulder, her fingers digging into your skin.

“Be safe, y/n. I can’t handle another one of Sam’s hour-long speeches about sticking together.”

You softly chuckled as she swept a strand of hair from your face. “I’ll try. But if anything happens, I’ll call you. Goodnight, Amber.” You softly squeezed her arm before letting go, entering your dorm as you blew her a kiss.

You locked the door behind you, placing your phone and keys on the entryway table. You stretched your arms above your head, your muscles tense from the game and a pounding headache from the news and the amount of alcohol in your system. 

You walked into your bedroom, taking off your shoes before grabbing a pair of pajamas and heading to the bathroom, your steps slow and relaxed.

The hot water of the shower rained down on you, your muscles relaxing from the aroma of the lavender bodywash that Amber bought for you. The soap suds ran down your curves, collecting at the foot of the shower before being washed away.

When you finished and wrapped yourself in a towel, you walked to the sink to brush your teeth. The spearmint toothpaste lingered in your mouth before being replaced with the strong taste of the cool mint mouthwash you spat out into the sink.

You put in a black bra and a pair of black panties before grabbing your pajamas. The blue cotton antic stuck to your damp body as you pulled the shirt over your head and stepped into the matching pants.

You threw your dirty clothes into the weaven laundry hamper, the bin rocking against the wall for a split second. 

You sat down in front of your vanity, grabbing your brush and running it through the knots in your hair. The brush caught on one particularly big knot in your hair. As you struggled to brush it out, the landline that was sitting on your bedside table started ringing.

“Unknown Number”

The words flashed on the tiny screen as the ringing filled the room.

 Once you brushed out the tangle, you reached over to press the “accept” button on the landline.

“Hello? Y/n speaking. ” You called out as you ran a hand through your hair.

“Hello? Is Maria there?” The voice on the other line was adenoidal and croaky.

Maria was your roommate who was currently out of town, visiting her parents.

“No, she’s not available. Might I ask who this is?”

“I’m Joey. I’m in her trig class” The caller cleared their throat.

“Oh yeah? Joey from trigonometry. How come I’ve never heard of you, Joey from trigonometry?” You smirked as you teased the poor person on the other line.

“You sound exactly like how she describes you.”

“She talks about me?

“I don’t think I can really talk about that.”

“What does she say about me?”

“She says that you’re creative. You love reading and TV and movies.”

“Lots of people love movies.”

“Yeah, but she says you love scary movies and that you guys have that in common.”

“She told me the other day, she wonders…” The voice trailed off for a moment before continuing.

“What’s your favorite scary movie?”

Your ear perked up as you faced the landline, the bright green color of the screen stared at you, blinking the numbers over and over again.

“Well, I really liked “X”. It’s great representation of the psycho-biddy genre.”

“Sounds kinda boring to me. Have you ever seen Stab?”

“Once, i think. At a sleepover when I was, like, 12.”

“You lived in Woodsboro when you were a kid and you don’t know Stab?”

Now that, caught your attention. No one exceopt for the rest of the group knew you were from Woodsboro. You picked up the phone, pulling it to your ear as you made your way back into the living room to grab your cell.

“How’d you know I lived in Woodsboro?”

The voice on the other line was replaced by heavy breathing and the sound of rummaging.

“This isn’t fucking funny, Amber.”

“I told you, this isn’t Amber. But you’re looking particularly fetching tonight. Those blue pajamas really fit you.”

“What do you want?” You grabbed your phone and pulled up the dial button, as you pressed in the 9 and 1, the voice boomed again.

“Stop right there, y/n. You call the cops, you die. You hang up the phone, you die. It’s not hard getting into your dorm. Especially when you leave your window unlocked.”

That’s when you felt the slight breeze behind you. As you turned around, you saw that the living room window was wide open, the wind flowing with the curtains.

You bolted to the window, slamming it shut and locking it. You ran into your room, locking the door behind you.

The voice came on the landline again, “Come on, y/n… Don’t be shy, come and find me…”

You searched every nook and cranny in your room, carefully making sure there was no sign of Ghostface here.

When you searched under your bed, you found a bloody Ghostface mask, more blood stuck to your hands the longer you held it… it was easy to recognize this one too…

Mickey Alteri

The 2nd Ghostface

“What the fu-,” was all you could manage to get out before you heard the doors of your closet adjacent to the bed, crashing open. A black-robed figure sprinting at you was the last thing you saw before being tackled to the ground by Ghostface. A knife was pressed against your throat from the person above you, the voice changer crackled with every heavy breath.

“Surprise, y/n.”

[tea-twords]

Title

ehehehe first fic im writing after what feels like a year or two or a billion. But im actually feeling it rn so im gonna give it a shot. AND PLS FORGIVE ME FOR BAD WRITING IM SO RUSTY RIGHT NOW IM TRYINT TO GET THR HANG OF IT

So a few headcanons I used for this fic before we get into it:

Whenever the Arataki gang is in jail for some stupid as ever thing, Shinobu gets a bit antsy after a while cause she’s the type of person to always need something to do. Not doing anything makes her a bit anxious

Heizou is very good at reading people’s emotions but that’s probably canon enough

Shinobu knows a way to make a functioning bracelet out of like 4 naku weed stems somehow

So um aha no idea how to format so I’ll try my best

And also a warning for some swear words, I also hc Shinobu swears at her ler while getting wrecked

Lee: Kuki Shinobu

Ler: Shikanoin Heizou

————————————————————————

God the day Heizou had today was surely a good one.

He returned to the police station after a day of substantial progress on his investigation into a new case to hear what sounded like a chorus of angels (and a few devils) breaking out in song.

Heizou’s immediate thought was “What in Celestia is going on”, as would anyone else think if they were in his current predicament.

He figured out pretty quickly that the culprits for this outcry of song were none other than the one and only Arataki Itto and his buddies, Mamoru, Genta, and Akira. Having been arrested for “disturbing the peace” (having a whole karaoke session right in front of komore tea house and actively inviting any passerby to join them), they decided to take their…passion, for karaoke to their prison cells and somehow managed to get some of the other inmates to sing along.

It was pretty hilarious, to say the least. It took almost all of Heizou’s willpower to not to burst out laughing as his fellow officers attempted to get the situation under control.

“I’ve got to tell Shinobu about this”

So now here he was, walking through hanamizaka, looking for the places Shinobu can commonly be found. Something was off though…

She’s not here.

“That’s troubling…” Heizou thought. “Where could she be, if not here? Definitely not any shrines, maybe at a shop? Or perhaps the by the sea!”

Heizou began to walk in the direction of the shore. It wasn’t the most logical place to look next, but something was telling him he’d get lucky there.

“Hey, Shinobu!”

He called out to the green haired girl sitting in front of the sea next to a maroon drawstring bag. She held her mask to her face, but lowered it once she saw who called out to her.

“Oh, hey.”

“My intuition told me I might find you here. I’ve got to tell you about what happened today at the-…hey are you okay?”

Heizou paused mid sentence after taking a closer look at Shinobu. She was making bracelets out of naku weed and sango pearls, but something was wrong. Her back was unusually straight, her eyebrows slightly furrowed, her movements on the bracelet were sharper than needed, and she was switching sitting positions in the sand like twice a minute. She seemed…bored. Restless. Anxious.

“Yeah, I’m fine, why?”

“I’m here to talk if you need. Somethings wrong.” Heizou said, sitting down next to her.

Shinobu sighed and looked back down at the bracelet she had just finished making.

“Nothing crazy serious, I guess I’ve just been bored. I’ve done all I needed to do today, but the idea of doing nothing is just uncomfortable…It’s weird. I’m always cleaning up after the gang’s messes, but now..”

“You don’t know what to do now since there aren’t any messes to clean.” He finished for her.

“Yeah, pretty much. Gotta keep myself busy.”

“I take it that’s why you’re making bracelets by the sea?”

“I’ve got nothing better to do, so yeah. Just a hobby to pass the time.”

“They’re beautiful.”

Shinobu smiled. She looked back up at Heizou to find him marveling at the one currently in her hand. Little sango pearls were intertwined in a wreath of naku weeds. She’d been wanting to make bracelets with them ever since she picked some up during Boss’s rock and roll event at watatsumi island.

“You want one?”

“Only if there are extras.”

She opened the bag next to her to reveal she had made quite the supply of bracelets already.

“Woah…you’ve been here a while, I see.”

“Heh, yeah. By the sea is a nice place to be.”

“That rhymed.”

“Thank you.”

They sat in silence for a little longer, admiring the coming sunset before Heizou spoke up again.

“I also noticed you aren’t wearing your mask at the moment.”

“I felt like breathing the air by the ocean a little better. It helps when you need calming down. And I don’t have to keep the mask on if it’s just you here, you know who I am.”

“I guess that’s true. Still, it’s not often I get to see you without it.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts.” Shinobu said, already almost done with her next bracelet. “This one is gonna be yours.”

“Ooh, really? It’s an honor to watch the craftsman work.” He said peering excitedly at his future bracelet in-the-making.

She finished up quickly and handed it to him.

“I added an extra sango pearl, cause you’re one of my best friends.”

“Awww, really? That means so much, Shinobu, thank you.” Heizou said, his expression softening greatly. He looked like this emoji 🥺.

“Y-yeah..” Shinobu mumbled, averting her eyes.

“Aww, are you blushing?” He teased, moving a little closer to get a better look.

“No! And stop awwing at me!” She hid her face, preventing him from getting that better look.

Heizou pouted. “Shinobu come onnn, I never get to see your face! Especially not your blushing one, you can’t deny me this opportunity.”

“Shut up. You’ve seen me blush before anyway…”

“But not without the mask! Pleaseee?”

“I would rather plunge in the sea in front of us.”

Yeah, she won’t budge. Heizou has to use his secret weapon now.

From where he was sitting next to her, he wrapped his arms around her in a hug and looked up at her with puppy eyes.

“Pleaseeee?”

“H-hey! Careful! I’m not even gonna look at you.” She said, flinching first at the sudden contact but still keeping her face hidden with her hands and knees.

“Hm, “careful”, you say?”

The silence was loud. She couldn’t see his face, but she knew exactly what expression he had on.

“Wipe that smirk off your face off your face, and don’t even think about it.”

Heizou giggled mischievously. One because he did in fact have a smirk on his face, and two because he now had a new idea. An idea to get her to finally show her face, and you know, maybe help her feel a little better.

“Careful? Careful with what?” He said, lightly tapping at her sides. Nothing unbearable, but still getting a reaction.

“Heizou, noho! I’ll kill you! Don’t even try!”

“Threatening a detective with murder now, huh? I thought we were best friends, Shinobu.” He said sarcastically, glancing at his new bracelet on his wrist.

Shinobu tried desperately to squirm out of his hold. It was over for her if he went through with this, she’ll never hear the end of it.

“I personally can’t believe I didn’t think of how ticklish you can be earlier!”

“Heizou I swehehear…”

“Oh, this is good for me. Now I’ll get to see your blushing face and your laughing face without the mask at the same time!” Heizou said, picking up the pace and now scribbling his fingers at her sides.”

“Noho you wohohohont! Heheizohou!!” She giggled, her hands instinctively grabbing his wrists. However, unfortunately, due to his place behind her, she had much less leverage and it was quite futile.

“You’re suhuhuch a piehece of shihihit! AHAha-!! Asshohole!” At her remark he gave her a quick tase to the side, clearly elevating her reaction.

“Now that’s no way to talk to one of your best friends.”

“Shhuhut the fuck uhuhup!! You’re nohohot my behehest friehehend, dickhead!” She retorted, squirming in any way she could to not show him her face in this state.

“Really? I guess that extra pearl was a mistake then…I’m hurt Shinobu, really.” Heizou said, not hurt at all. He knows she doesn’t mean it at all, hell he’ll yell similar things when he’s on the receiving end too. That still doesn’t mean he’ll have mercy just yet, however. He moved one hand up by her ribs, the other hand down by her stomach, and dug in. Not too much pressure, but just enough.

“HeheHEHEY!!” Shinobu laughed. Now he was currently attacking two of her bad spots at the same time, and she knew that he damn well knew what he was doing too.

“HEIZOHOUU!”

“Shinobuuu!”

She continued to giggle brightly, not caring about hiding her face anymore and instead kicking her legs and thrashing around (adorably by the way) and doing whatever she could to escape.

Since hiding her face was no longer Shinobu’s top priority, Heizou had no problem finally seeing her laughing/blushing face without a mask.

“Aww, I see you now~” He teased, grinning down at her wide smile. He began to slow down, having got what he wanted and not wanting her revenge to be too devastating.

“Ahahrehe you happy?”

“Very happy.”

“Greheheat, you can stohohop.”

Taking her for her word that she’s had enough, he finally stopped his attack on her midsection and let her breathe as she slumped on his shoulder.

“Asshole.”

“You know it was fun.”

“You’re still an asshole.”

“Come on, look how relaxed you are now. Much better than how I found you earlier. Oh right, speaking of, I was gonna tell you-“

“Apapap, wait one second.” Shinobu interrupted. “I just want you to know I’ll get you back for your cruelty today, when you least expect it. Could be in a few seconds, could be in a few days. Your intuition won’t be able to save you, detective.”

It was Heizou’s turn to be nervous. Maybe not nervous, actually, more like excited. Anticipation always made things more fun! Not that he’d admit it in this moment.

“Mmmm…o-okay…” He shrank in on himself while Shinobu sat next to him, her eyes hungry to see him in her same position. It always amazed him how easily she could bounce back from getting tickle attacked.

“A-anyway, the four of them in their cells-“ He continued, making the most of the time he has left before his inevitable doom.

Heizou shared the story of how the gang managed to get fellow inmates singing along with them in prison, and they discussed various Arataki gang stories until the sun set.

And yes, Shinobu did eventually get him back.

————————————————————————

@adrienisweird @emiefluff HI GUYS I WROTE SOMETHING

again I apologize for bad writing I just kind of wrote as I went and lost myself in it. Still getting the hang of it but I hope u guys like it and I hope it’s a good start!!

[geraskierfanficprompts]

You angel, I'd love to see them Pass me the dopamine joint

Prompt 141

Many would assume the flirtatious and caring bard to be the most touchstarved of the duo, but they would be wrong. Very very wrong. It was Geralt that sought out Jaskier's personal space like it was an all-curing ambrosia. Day and night, In town or in the woods, warm weather or the late autumn, Geralt would touch him. Always, always touching him. Don't get him wrong! Jaskier loves being groped all day by his rather attractive witcher friend, but it wasn't always the most convenient trait for his witcher to have.

*Growls* "Geralt, please, it's the waitress! She's taking our order."

Geralt clings to Jaskier's arms, plays with his hair, sniffs at his neck. He guides Jaskier with a hand on the shoulder, or an arm around his waist, or one time, - flustering Jaskier greatly - a hand on his hip. When Geralt is worried for him, he grips his arm, shields him with his body, or roams his hands over Jaskier's body, searching for injuries. Geralt is ever-present in Jaskier's personal space. It's just become a thing with them. Even in times of stress, danger, adrenaline. Geralt is fighting a manticore one day, and Jaskier is - admittedly, quite foolishly - in plain view. It wasn't on purpose! He's not an idiot! STOP JUDGING HIM! The beast goes to charge straight for him, and Geralt grabs his arm and whips him to the side, just in time to save him from the beast who then careens off a cliff. Jaskier pants, and feels the familiar weight of Geralt's hands. Geralt is snarling at him, shouting at him, and Jaskier tries very hard to understand, truly, he does, but it's hard. "Damn it, Jaskier, answer me!" Oh! REALLY should be listening now! "Hm?" "Are you hurt? Are you in pain?" "No, no, you- You saved me." Like always. Jaskier stares at his hero. His witcher. His Geralt. His love. For Jaskier does love Geralt. More than anything. And Jaskier seems to realize this fact more and more every day. With every move Geralt makes, with every word he says, with every little touch and caress. He thinks more on this fact later that night around the campfire. Geralt asks him to pass him a waterskin, but when Jaskier reaches to grab it, he hisses in pain. He rolls up his sleeve and sees a bruise in the shape of Geralt's hand on his arm. Right. From when he was saved. "I'm going to find some dinner." Geralt suddenly announces, standing abruptly and already shuffling away. "Wh- But Geralt, what about the watersk-" "I don't need it." He disappears into the bushes and trees, and Jaskier furrows his brow. He was sure they still had some food in their packs, why was Geralt so insistent on leaving? Curious... Even more curious, is in the following days, Geralt is avoiding him. From an outsiders perspective, nothing would appear wrong. But Geralt hasn't touched him once. No embraces, or odd sudden bouts of smelling Jaskier's hair, or holding his hand... He hasn't even stood closer than a meter to him. Jaskier worries to no end. What must he have done? What's changed? Why won't Geralt touch him? It's not until he's bathing one evening and he glances to the still-healing bruise that it clicks. Geralt feels guilty. The damned bleeding-heart is so convinced he's a monster that even a mark that shows protection shows only it's ugliest form to him. When Jaskier sees the bruise on his arm, he remembers Geralt saving him, he remembers the relief, he remembers feeling alive. Geralt only sees a bruise. Something of hurt. Caused by Geralt. Jaskier is so simultaneously horrified and infuriated that he slams open the door of the joined bathroom and marches into main area of the room they'd rented for the night. Still nude. Still dripping. Geralt, sat on the bed, midway through taking off his boots, was certainly shocked.

[crushedsweets]

Hello! I hope you are well!

Do you think it’s possible for you to go into Jeff and Nina’s relationship please? Like are they together or is like Jeff taking advantage of Nina liking him so much?

Sorry if you’ve already done this! I love your writing, you’re so talented 🕸️ x

its actually crazy to me that i havent actually written a thing about jeff and nina oh my god. thank you by the way you are so sweet. of course tw for manipulation, abuse, etc

OK BACKSTORY

nina is a year or two younger than jeff, and was only around 12-13 when she found out about jeffs murders and rampages. since she was like 7, she was always obsessed with horror movies, gore, eventually true crime and stuff . . just awful things that kids shouldnt have access to but thats what the internet does

she started behaving incredibly weird after her obsession with jeff began (though she was always odd). just really creepy true crime fan behavior in school, acted completely rebelious and eventually cut a shallow smile into her cheeks. her parents were livid and sent her to her to live with her grandparents in Mississippi.

eventually she realized jeffs brother moved to alabama, a state away. she was 18, at the lowest point in her life, and there was now speculation that jeff died after his most recent murder in the arkensaw household in tuscaloosa, alabama.

SO SHE MOVED. stole a ton of money and jewlery and stuff from her grandparents, barely managed to secure a dingy apartment in tuscaloosa, and she went On The Hunt.

she's constantly spamming fangirl rhetoric on creepy forums and catches jeffs eye. dunno exactly how, but he ends up meeting up with her, where he realizes she was just. perfect ? like, he found her annoying from the getgo and knew she was a weirdo, but he knew how easy she'd perfect to manipulate, how much shit he could get from her, and she immediately was like 'COME HOME WITH ME ILL MAKE U DINNER' . so he does. theyre about 19-20 here.

okACTUAL RELATIONSHIP

they never actually date in the traditional sense. neither of them asked the other out, jeff doesnt even touch her if he doesn't have to. he does not love her. but nina truly, fully, completely believes they're together. she swaps between calling him her boyfriend and fiance. she tells all her coworkers about how 'oh my boyfriend finally proposed! im engaged guys!' and 'ohh we're thinking about kids..!! he said he wants a girl:)' and all of that. which its all lies, she just lies and lies and lies all the damn time about how great jeff treats her and how in love they are. she does it to all the other creeps too for a period of time, telling toby and nat about how kind jeff is to her and they know shes lying.

jeffs not really mean to her most of the time. she'll make him food, do his laundry, she's lied to the police for him, she's probably been an accessory to murder ... definitely actually since she's cleaning and bleaching his bloody clothes... so he's Nice (?)

by nice i mean like. he'll let her sit and rest her head on his shoulder, let her hold his hand, let her say she loves him. he'll joke with her sometimes, play video games with her, bring her on walks or whatever. wore a bracelet she made for him once. (emphasis on once). he tells her she's pretty if she asks

but again, he's using her - just for a place to stay, some extra money, and he'll even send her on runs to go get weed or something from dealers that give discounts to pretty girls. he won't hug her, won't buy her things, won't help clean up, etc.

NONE OF THIS IS SHIPPING OR ROMANTIC LIKE ITS ALL REALLY SAD AND HORRIBLE. most of the creeps are inherently violent, half are murderers, almost none have any emotional regulation . . theyre just very . yeah.

which is why eventually, he kinda like, loses his shit - he starts screaming about how she's a dumbass who threw her life away for him, how he doesnt give a shit about her, he's shoving chairs around, knocking things off tables. eventually he stabs her, once in the side of her stomach, and leaves.

nina knows jane from the other creeps and calls her as she's frantically trying to fix her own wound, and jane swiftly gets her. jane doesnt like her but jane has morals and knows jeffs mistreating nina - but ninas losing her shit when jane mentions a hospital and refuses to go to the ER, so she ends up in jack's cabin getting stitched up.

theyre all kinda shocked that jeff didnt just kill her. its real weird for him to stab her once and leave, but jeff knew how far ninas devotion went and completely expected her to grovel at his feet and beg for forgiveness, and now he can continue using her just like before . but nina twisted it in her head and convinced herself 'oh its because he loves me! he didnt kill me because he loves me! BUT HE'S MAD AT ME AND I CAN'T FIND HIM AND WHAT IF HE'S WITH SOME OTHER GIRL I NEED TO FIX THIS' but literally nobody wants to help her 'get back' with him because like ...... why would they ?????

so she gets onto whitepages, finds liu, and ends up on his doorstep.

that's where my drawing of her crying on lius kitchen floor comes from

ive kinda hit a point in the story where like... this part is the 'current' plot ??? like this is where we are at in this very moment . so i have nothing concrete for the future...

but overall she does get over him, thats probably where ill put more emphasis on her friendship with nat/toby and her eventual little sister type relationship with liu... i just need to figure out how to do that without it coming off as like 'and she went to therapy and everything was fine !^_^'

i want jeff ... to be... vbery miserab;e....... basically.

[mountainloversclub]

🥬

IS THAT A WEED? IM CALLING THE POLICE

[world0fmadness]

BLISS

andreas “ BSOD ” betinger x reader

♡ general dating headcanons for andreas!

୨୧ funnily enough, i used to date a guy called andreas! online dating, obviously, but he was sweet lolol! this was kind of interesting to write because i have had a lot of not so great experiences with heroin but please don’t worry anon, i was perfectly comfortable writing this for you <3

♡ requested by anon | view my metal masterlists here and here

reading music recommendations: worlds forgotten boy by billy idol - im zeichen des bosen by grausamkeit

♡ okay so, i cannot just make dating headcanons for andreas and not mention heroin…

୨୧ i think to be in a relationship with him, you wouldn’t have to do heroin yourself but you would have to be supportive of his use and not degrade him nor try to talk him out of doing it

♡ i think your attempts at getting him to stop something he enjoys so much and brings him pleasure would bug him real bad, no matter how much you mean it out of love and care for him, he’s been doing it for so long and he likes it, it’s very likely he’s been loving heroin, and hating it, for longer than he’s loved you… it’s a very difficult situation for both him and you at times…

୨୧ your attempts would likely annoy him so much, he would just break up with you if you don’t stop, no hesitation and in a fit of anger

♡ he’d probably be a little upset about the breakup because he did love you but he’ll quickly soothe his heartbreak with some bliss in the form of a drug

୨୧ so if you want a relationship with andreas, you’ll just have to be okay with having a relationship with heroin too, even if not a direct relationship!

♡ i won’t go too deep into this but if you enjoy doing heroin too, that’s just great! he loves you even more

୨୧ though i will go a bit deeper into smoking weed with him because that’s a lot more casual and easier to talk about for me

♡ first of all, he absolutely loves rolling blunts on your ass!

୨୧ i mean, it’s just perfect to him! he gets to make a perfect blunt for himself, and you if you want to get high too, and he gets the most amazing view of your gorgeous ass, packing and rolling the blunt much slower than usual just to eye up and fondle the fat of your ass for longer!

♡ if you tilt your head over your shoulder and raise an eyebrow at him, asking just what is taking so long, he’ll probably just throw you a cheeky smirk before sinking his teeth into your ass cheek and mumbling against the skin

“ nothing… just your ass, you have a great ass, you know that? fucking perfect ass… ” ( he is an ass guy and no one can convince me otherwise )

୨୧ well he is an ass guy but to be honest, he’s pretty feral for your body as a whole… this nasty little guy loves covering your body in bite marks, bruises and hickeys… maybe track marks too, if you’re into doing heavy drugs with him…

♡ i’m unsure if andreas ever did cocaine, he most likely did, he’d obviously like snorting lines off your ass too!

୨୧ or even snorting the snow white lines from your upper back as he pounds into you from behind, slowing just a little as to not let any of the powder go to waste on the sheets below

♡ if you’re english or just speak much more english than him, he always asks you to teach him how to say very weird and obscure words, he really wants his english to be better

୨୧ he definitely lets out loud laughs at how strange some words sound when translated to english, but he doesn’t laugh for long before his face drops and gets really scarily serious, looking you dead in the eyes and starting a way too deep and philosophical conversation about why it sounds like that…

♡ that’s just the kind of high person i see him as, flat in the middle of being overly comedic and overly serious about things

୨୧ you’d probably get immensely irritated by his run ins with police and near regular time in jail but it’s just another one of those things you’d have to learn to deal with or just break up with him because he is not a man fond of change

♡ when andreas is in prison, all he really requests is letters and phone calls from you, the mix of not having drugs on the inside and not hearing your voice at nearly all times of the day is damn near enough to drive him crazy

୨୧ so just send him letters and call him whenever you can, he really appreciates it and makes the most of them!

♡ would he maybe request you send him some risqué or fully nude photographs of yourself with your letters? and lean closer into the phone, away from guards, to whisper filthy things down the line to you? well, yes…

୨୧ like i said, he’ll make the most of them so of course he’ll be wanting some spank bank material for the stay!

♡ when he sends letters back to you, he usually drags some words out for unknown reasons, it’s just one of those things with him! he’d probably somehow find a way to harm himself just a tiny bit to drip a small amount of blood onto the paper, sending a real, intimate piece of him back to you

୨୧ if you’ve never seen or read “ wir kinder vom bahnhof zoo ” be prepared for him to be absolutely shocked and stare at you blankly for a couple seconds after telling him, then he’ll be trying to find a way to show you the movie as soon as possible

♡ obviously, he already owns the book! he’ll probably read it to you himself since the copy he has is in german, he’ll either try to read it in one long go to you after taking some heroin but quickly gives up, his mouth drying up every sentence and irritating him

୨୧ so it probably becomes a ritual for him to instead read a chapter to you before bed, your head resting on his flat, pale chest as he reads in a gravely voice, one hand holding the book open as another fondles your ass under the blankets or plays with your hair

♡ andreas really likes making out with you and very risky public displays of affection! he has no care for people watching nor what they think and an indecent exposure charge? well, just add it to the hundreds of other charges on his record, he could care less

୨୧ sloppy, open mouthed make out sessions with you literally always lead to sex and he’ll be damned if he won’t make out with you in public so i’m sure you know what that means but if you don’t? it just means a lot of public sex, against walls, on benches, laying in the grass and so on… you guys, especially andreas, don’t even try to hide what you’re doing… he is loud as hell! grunting and groaning deeply as his hips slam against yours, his cock driving deeper inside of you as your hands slide under his shirt, nails digging into his back, much to his pleasure, of course…

“ awh, fuck! fuck fuck fuck! feels so good, so fucking tight… always so fucking wet… ” ( usually andreas will let out a string of curses and dirty talk in german too, slipping back into his native tongue in the midst of the deep pleasure he’s receiving )

♡ when andreas is released from jail, every time all he wants to do is very simple!

୨୧ he just wants to get home, get naked, do some drugs, listen to some music, probably whiplash smile, it takes him way back, and fuck you… that’s it!

♡ he is a very easy to please man, most of the time, anyways <3

[octuscle]

Dear representatives of the company Chronivak.

Аbout 2 weeks ago, we sent a group of experts headed by Professor Boych to you. Unfortunately, we did not receive any data from them and they did not return from the mission themselves. The General expert group of our Service is forced to send a new expert intelligence group to you, accompanied by the federal police and Marshal Lemo. Also, a representative of the general company of the Service, Mr. Alex Hrantz, will come to you. We strongly recommend not to obstruct the investigation, and to cancel your application as soon as possible if it poses a threat to the normal way of things in our world.

sincerely, Alex Hrantz

AASS

:P! the aass agin. Bruhs lebitchky and boyz have settled in well in the basement. Smoking weed, pumping iron, fucking. Whoever needs a gym buddy or a dealer @ chronivac, go 2 the basement gym 2 deez 2. Whatre the names of the 2 whomst r cumin now? lemon and schwanz? doesnt " schwanz" mean "dick" in german? im lmao! ill try 2 werk thru as many support calls as possible after my holiday. The desk is full enuff. The request frum alex d is almost 2 wks old. :P! now the ph1 is ringing 2. It's the security service frum reception. Wat do they want?

Sir, change of plans, sir! Apparently it's not allowed to turn AASS staff into stoners. And there are reports against me from today alone for violations of the Aliens Act, labour law, the Data Protection Ordinance and personal rights. That is why I have been temporarily suspended and transferred to the AASS security service.

New incoming support requests will only be accepted in exceptional cases. Anonymous requests that have not yet been answered will only be answered in exceptional cases. The processing of non-anonymous requests will be delayed.

Chronivac Inc and the AASS regret the circumstances that have occurred. The private use of Chronivac is not affected by these measures. Thank you for your confidence in our application!

[mythicalcowboyatheart]

Idk if you take requests or not but if so could you write a fluffy fic where Spencer picks up reader from jail he had to bail her and her friends out for marijuana possession ship or something and she’s really embarrassed but he keeps joking about how cute she’d look in prison orange and how he wants to frame her mugshot

Jail bird

An: i laghed so hard when I read this request! Of course ill wright this because im a bit of a stoner lol

You just wanted to have fun with your friend Remona. That's what this night was supposed to be fun! Just you and your best friend smoking some devils lettuce after a stressful week. But nether one of you expected your friends got busted speeding an the way back to your place after going to your weed dealer. The blue and red lights flashed as you and Romona got out of the car like the officer told you as he checked the car. And of corse he found your weed in the car.

Both of you were loaded in to the police car and tooken to the police station. You both got your mug shots tooken and you got to make your one phone call so you called the only person you knew would probably be up this late at night, hopefully your saving grace Spencer.

The phone rang. "Hello?" Spencer awnsers "hey Spence can I ask you something and you can't laugh." "I can't promise I won't but yeah sure." "can you come and pick me and Ro up from the police station?" You hear laughing on the other end of the line. "Im not joking Spencer!" "Okay, okay! I'll be there soon, and in case I can't get you out make sure you assert dominance first." He laughs out the last part and hangs up.

It took Spencer about 15 minutes to get to the station.He stopped by the front desk and was handed what looks like a piece of paper. since it was your first offense you and Remona just were able to leave with Spencer. Once you were out the cell you ran up and hugged Spencer and kissed his cheek. "Your awesome!" "Oh I know jail bird." Spencer said with a smirk. Remona said her goodbyes and left in her car.

"and also..." Spencer says holding up the paper he was handed at the front desk. "This is getting framed." You looked at the paper and it was your mugshot. Your jaw dropped. "Spencer Charnas no your not!" You say trying to snach it out of his hand, he raised it around your reach."nope this is my payment for getting you." You sigh "whatever!" "And plus you look hot in this mugshot." Spencer smirks softly kissing you.

An: idk if this is how jail and stuff work lol