#IM NEVER GONNA BE STABLE ABOUT IT
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The KCSC sent more than 20K requests to delete posts related to prostitution and porn to Tumblr from January to June 2017.
Text
the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
genuinely, how do you learn to cope with the idea you'll have mental health issues for the rest of your life? how to you learn to find peace with the fact that rock bottom is always going to be just around the corner and theres nothing you can really do to stop it?
#i guess this is rhetorical but also if you have genuine tips i probably do want to hear them#im trying to adopt a 'be happy now because youll be sad later' attitude but some days its so hard to deal with the idea ill never be fully#in control. ill never be fullt stable. something will always set me off. ill always downswing#im at peace with the idea that whatevers wrong in my head is for life i just need to figure out how to be content knowing itll always be#bad again.#id like it to be easier#nyxtalks#idk stupid shit sent me panicking and the lingering effects have me catastophising and near crying about things that literally dont exist#its just in my head. i am seeing something that isnt there and i must remind myself that#and this is by no means a bad day in the scheme of things for me either#i just had a few awful thoughts#but it reminds me of how bad i get#idk its not that serious its fine#im gonna. maybe try and find something positive in the world now and stop thinking things that arent even true
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
As for my post this morning. If anyone was worried. Me personally I'm okay (I guess) but my dad's in the hospital and things r still very up in the air. So.
#speculation nation#bracing myself for the possibility of Major Grief.....2!!!!#well actualy more like 3 or 4 or 5 (lol lol lol)#but likely the worst one bc it's. my dad. that's my dad.#i left work early to visit him at the hospital. hes stable rn at least (he wasnt this morning)#he wasnt conscious though. and i really really hope he ends up okay#but. i still saw my dad unconscious in a hospital bed hooked up to like a million tubes and#thats my dad. Thats my Dad.#im really trying to not do my processing until after i know for sure how things are gonna go#dont wanna start grieving until after he's officially gone#so im trying not to think about it. but it's still... yeah. unpleasant.#and theres a part of me thats so so resentful. if i have to have a dead parent why would it be the Good one?#take my fucking mom instead. hell my life would even be BETTER without her. horrible as that is to say.#but it's my dad. he's not perfect. he has his flaws. but he's still tried in a way she never ever did.#seeing him like that makes me feel so... small. makes me remember being picked up by him.#makes me remember riding on the back of his harley as a tiny little 10 year old with a helmet that was giant on me#we'll hope for the best. we'll hope for a recovery. even if not a full recovery. i just want to have my dad.#sorry. this is probably too real for my tumblr dot com. it's just been... a lot today.#negative/#death/#hospitals ment/#idfk. sorry
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay, but on the flip side, Eddie's arc with time and loneliness and the sudden "I'm gonna die alone" thing could mean we could get Eddie properly trapped. Because, yes, he was alone in the bridge, but his radio was working and he had no reason to believe Buck wouldn't get to him. Now you put him alone in a sinking ship, stakes are higher, water can make the radios not work, so much can go wrong in a call like that. I'm saying Buck could drown, but remember the finale speculation where Buck would have to choose who to save? Bobby. Eddie. Water. Panic. It's all still possible.
#just thinking about it#my brain just went huh wouldn't it be funny if they drowned Eddie#and i was like NO#but its plausible#Buck just died#Eddie has been relatively stable for a while#it could go wrong for eddie#and we know Buck goes berserker over Eddie in danger#but he's reactions to bobby are much more like a kid who doesn't know what to do#so to conflicts there could be interesting#and eddie was never the one going missing or getting seriously injured in a main event disaster#his near death experiences are pretty contained to him#so that's also a possibility#no but Buck getting trapped saving Eddie and Eddie jumping back in to get Buck tho#just both scenarios happening#the possible implications of Buck dying for Eddie#it could go SO HARD#im gonna go crazy#911 speculation#911 spoilers#911#drown buck 2024
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was going down the old yt rabit hole, just watching 9 almost 10 year old videos nbd, and I came across the age old argument/explination/confusion/huh/what/¯\_(ツ)_/¯ of Mangle of Five Nights at Freddy's FUCK'N TWO's gender. Along the lines of; his pronouns are Loudly he/him in-game, but the fandom would not shut up about, but it's a girl, look at her, girl foxy. Period done shut up about it-BUT THEY'RE CALLED HE/HIM!!! Fuck it, they go by they/them now, fuck you, fuck me, fuck Mangle and it's gender. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is ALL those fandom fights ending in fire and tears and bloodshed came back full force and I went
"FUCK IT, BIGENDER MANGLE!" As like a knee-jerk reaction because GOD it's been a fight in the trenches for literally almost a decade. AND THEN I went "oh fuck, bigender Mangle. It all makes sense now." And then holy choir rang out and god in her holy he/her glory bestowed upon me some mediocre cheesecake of which I ate all of it in one sitting...Where was I? Ah yea, amazing how fast that war could have ended if being bigender was more widely known back then, but hey, we can finally put down the pitchforks now right?
...Right?
"There are still only 2 genders, no one can be both at once!"
Motherfu-
#fnaf#mangle fnaf#mangle the fox#huh. never used that tag before.#five nights at freddys#fnaf 2#shit this franchise is getting Old. maybe even OLD#just 1:30am thoughts no worry about me guys...im mentally stable...well more mentally stable than I was 42 hours ago. and the past...week?#2 weeks? o_o you know it's bad when you don't know when your last solid memory was.#OH MY GOSH. ON A VERY UNRELATED NOTE I FOUND OLD PHOTOS OF MY DAD'S PLACE ON THE INTERNET /WHEN HE WAS STILL LIVING THERE!!!/#HE STILL HAS A DISH ON THE BACK OF THE SINK! HE STILL SITS ON THE RECLINER TO THE RIGHT! I COULD SEE HIS COFFEE MUG ON THE ENDTABLE!#MY OLD PILLOW! HIS /PAINTING!/ MY FUCKING ROCKS IN THE PLAY AREA IN THE HALLWAY TO THE KITCHEN!#THEY EVEN HAVE PICTURES OF THE UPSTAIRS! OF WHICH I HAVEN'T SEEN SINCE HE MOVED /DOWNSTAIRS!/#THE PICTURES WERE TAKEN 11 FUC-FUCKING YEARS AGO! HE STILL LIVES THERE! ON THIS WEBSITE /HE STILL LIVES THERE!!/#GAH-IM GONNA CRY AGAIN JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!#yes. yes I cried about it Big time when I got downstairs in the gallery. I was expecting it to all be gutted from looking at the upstairs.#but the first photo. the first fucking photo that was downstairs was.....his. fucking. room. the layout was a bit different to the last tim#he changed it. but...fuck man. fuck. yeah. I started sobbing...the picture that got me full crying though was the hallway going into the#livingroom. I could see the tv. the shelf above his bedroom door. the door to the outside halway. the carpet the speaker the doors to the#basement and bathroom. the bathroom door crakced upen Just Right so the cats have a harder time getting in there...#the hallway I used most to walk into the living room because we used the back door to drop me off...I could feel the couch I slept on for#too many years for my developing bones...all those painted walls and the matching coffee table that got moved and moved throughout#fuck#fuck.#none of it is there. and i still don't know what happened to the cats. or his painting or his movies or his games or the mug i got him#shit. ignore these tags. i just needed someone to know. I think most of my family is tired of me being sad about this...I can't help it tho#I don't think I'm ever getting closure...and I just need someone to know whenever... I'm gonna eat cheesecake now...#....god i miss that livingroom. I fucking miss him....#this post was just supposed to be about mangle im sorry guys...though...i can see why mangle led me back to mac...#I'll never know about that too...never even got to drink with him...we missed so many years because of my mom's shitty ex...
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
i can def relate to having an abusive mother, the worst part is that people always assume mothers to be good people. thankfully my dad and mother don't live together so i chose to stay with my dad permanently but my dad's girlfriend is constantly talking about how i should make up with my mother because "you only get one mom" and she completely ignores me when i try to talk about how abusive my mother was
yeah. ugh. sorry about your situation anon. it sucks and im sending sympathies
#ask#i just dunno what to do with myself#as if complex trauma isnt enough im now dealing with a lot of complicated situations regarding what to do now#i dont live there anymore. but my siblings do. hi guys i have 4 younger siblings#and me as much as everybody else just wishes there was a nice family to help us develop stable and normal#so im doing my damn best. im trying to stay in contact with the kids. im hoping they have a better support system than i did#but family policy means the teens get no texting privacy no internet time. so as if i can fucking stay in touch and look out for them anywa#i dont think i can do anything. it feels inevitable that every kid is gonna get completely fractured like me#and the only other alternative risks making it worse and uncomfortable when its none of my business anymore#(taking up my therapist on calling cps. lol)#i cant talk about it with my siblings (no real access to them) and it makes me insane#i cant talk to my dad because he has enough shit and i dont want to drive the family to pieces#i cant talk to my mum because she has a habit of abusing the kids and then telling them its because *I* made her mad; blame me#what am i meant to do#as if the past isnt a lot to process right now. im also dealing with the present that this is probably ongoing and theres fuck all i can do#sorry for venting. im in hell. im trying to be normal and failing spectacularly#abuse#domestic abuse#for cw#i wish i didnt have to worry. i wish this was never a problem in the first place
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
expanded list of things that are annoying me
my leg hurts
my dyshydr*sis is flaring up and it’s so uncomfortable putting my hand underwater lol
my hair is too long and heavy and i need to cut it
we’re about to drive around and look at holiday lights and i just want to stay in bed but i also don’t want to miss seeing the lights but i hate being in the backseat of the car bc it reminds me of my grandparents bc it used to be their car. and i don’t have a row all to myself anymore so it’s super cramped and claustrophobic
terraforming in acnh is so exhausting
im insecure / overthinking abt my new room lol. should i let myself be excited about this when im about to turn 24 and i really should be focusing on trying to move out? i know i can move through life at my own pace but i don’t want to be like. That person who still lives at home. which is mean to people who do that bc it’s nothing to be ashamed of and becoming more common i think. but i just am insecure about it and feel hesitant to let myself really get excited bc i shouldn’t set my sights on living there for more than a few months at the most. but also… i really want this to be my next step i think. but it is it just bc im scared to be an independent adult. lol
#purrs#need to stop typing bc now we are driving and i don’t have wifi so i don’t know if this will even post. but i just keep thinking abt how#most of the ppl around me have moved out by now. how my dad went out of state for college and never went back. and how my mom did live at#home until she was 25 but she was fully independent and paid rent and bought her own groceries and had a car and would go out w her friends#and go on dates and had a serious boyfriend and like. i am about to be a year younger than she was when she moved out and i am so much#farther behind and scared that i will never get it together. i need to learn how to drive and i kept saying i was gonna use my winter break#to start learning how for real and now my winter break starts in 2 days and im freaking out lol i really really don’t want to. i NEED to#drive so i stop being That Person and being cut of and helpless and dependent but i really don’t want to! if i did not need to to function I#in the world i would not. because im scared shitless and i just want to be stable and steady a stop having to keep pushing myself. im tired
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
This is 1000% random but came to mind regarding the duck movie. I sometimies watch movies without sound if I think they might ~suck~ like that... so just a tip if you want to see it but not sort of experience it :D hahahha
heh, well. ive already seen it fully so the damage has been done. i bought it even, thinking i would want to rewatch it, but i really REALLY dont think i will. ever. i have watched a LOT of bad movies for my stupid infatuations over the years so honestly im used to it.
#Im not gonna pretend like it doesnt hurt a little seeing the kind of movie joe is ok with attaching his name to#I was vaguely aware he was conservative but i will admit i didnt really have it shoved in my face until this#It reminds me of one of my closest friends here who just...we meshed in a that natural immediate connection way#And one day we were sitting in the getty villa just chatting and i was talking about the amazing documentary the Janes on h * b *o#And he just casually threw out there that he was pro life and anti abortion and he kind of wished he could force a woman#To carry his child against her wishes#He insinuated that when he was younger he got someone pregnant on accident and she refused to have the baby and got an abortion#And he felt it was a violation of his rights not to be able to force her to have a baby#And let me tell you i was like a slap in the face#Like that is...it is so discounting a womans right to her own body#It was chilling to hear a guy who i vibed with so well talk about a woman as if she's just a body and nothing else#I personally have been lucky or ugly enough that its never been an issue i have no idea how i feel about it#I mean my grandma WAS catholic and that seeps down no matter how lapsed i am#So i dont think i would have an abortion? But like i said i really genuinely like kids and in an ideal world would want that#But god im in my thirties now and still not financially stable enough to support a child i have no idea what i would have done#Had i gotten pregnant on accident#I spent most of my twenties recovering from an abusive relationship and not letting men touch me so it was never a question#Im just saying its a womans body its her life pregnancy is simple for some but for others its a life altering experience#It should be her right to choose :( and i wish men respected women enough considered them human enough to recognize that#If the shoe were on the other foot what man would let a woman decide that he must be pregant for 9 months#ALSO for fucks sake women shouldnt have to be practically celibate like i was just to prevent any accident from happening#Also also it is so fucked up that the same people who are pro life are also the bob types - skeptical of adoption#Like this is how you get unwanted kids in the world and take it from me that kids childhood is really really weird#Like knowing from a young age that you are what ruined your mothers life????? Fucking weird man i dont think i will ever process it#Especially being a woman now and recognizing that yeah i kinda did ruin my mothers life but it was neither of our fault#It was the pressure of society and people Trying To Do What They Are Supposed To#Meanwhile my dad was the I Could Never Love Other Peoples Kids and I Hate All Children That Arent My Own type#So yeah i guess i have a lot of negative feelings about this movie after all#Anyway it might have completely killed the joe infatuation LOL probably for the best#Dont even get me started on the blink or you miss it homophobia with bonus weird almost racism in the therapy scenes
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
x
#y’all I’m exhausted#my cat keeps going on the litter box but not doing anything#and I think she just doesn’t like the stuff in it and the box is too small so I ordered a new one but it will take two days to get here and#I don’t know what to do!!!!!!!#and I keep waking up when I hear she gets on it in the middle of the night in stress checking whether she’s doing something#and she isn’t#and I keep having nightmares of her dying and having to tell her owner she didn’t last a week with me and she never should’ve brought her#last time she went on it was what? Sunday early morning?#its Tuesday it’ll be fine#but you know?????????#I also had to leave her behind for the first time today because I need to go to work#I stretched it by one day by working from home yesterday but yk#im so FRANTIC and I’m so stressed and my supervisor is leaving on holiday for three weeks so I’m in charge of the big stuff suddenly#which I’m not stable enough for atm at all I shouldn’t be in charge of anything in this state of mind#also apparently my dad is hurting a lot over not speaking to me and yeah my man same but ?????? what am I gonna do huh#it took me a WHOLE month to feel normal again after the disaster that was December we can’t keep doing this#I cried in the middle of a fancy restaurant last night#and then as if that wasn’t bad enough had to have a talk with my mum about racism and body image and religious trauma and how she can’t keep#getting in the middle of my dad and me and then it spiralled into a conversation abojt how my dad impacted HER#and how the divorce was hell for her for a reason because the emotional abuse was. hm.#and hearing that! also how much weight she lost then which I always thought was because she was sick but no it was him#very difficult to hear#fuuuuckkkkk meeeeeee y’all#and I can Feel my brain going around in circles like it’s anxiety central and I can’t stop it atm#shit man.#UGH#I HATE THIS SOMEONE KNOCK ME THE FUCK OUT#@ [redacted] go ahead honestly
1 note
·
View note
Photo
Unfortunately, the right has no sympathy or compassion.
Low-wage workers are not who you think. #Fightfor15
#my gramma: *had to become the breadwinner of her household (had two older(?) siblings and at least one parent still but nobody else could#manage it) barely into her teens and kept it up even as her son never moved out and until her eventual retirement*#my mom: wow my mom was such a strong woman 🤩💖#also my mom: why should we raise minimum wage? only teenagers looking for spending money are gonna need it.#also also my mom: *agrees with dad when he goes off about how 'if the schools are children's only stable meal then their parents are#choosing not to do enough and should get cps called! im not letting the govt waste my tax dollars like this!'*#no sense of irony. absolutely none whatsoever.
96K notes
·
View notes
Text
Trying not to jump the gun and expect today to be shit but it's my sister's bday and i'll have to spend the whole day around her and our dad who both treat me like shit
#vark posts#its just like constantly talking down on me and bashing me for everything its really frustrating#they like to make it a point that they think im stupid and dramatic too#its been like this for years#what especially sucks is that my sister and i used to be so close i'd brag about it#now we rarely talk because she really doesnt give a fuck what i say#i think its cause shes gotten so attached to my dad to the point where his morals and opinions on ppl are now also hers#and my dad and i have a rocky as hell relationship#im talkin like throwing shit at me and kickin me out type shit#AND ill have to deal with being misgendered and deadnamed all day which ive gotten used to not having to deal with#and they never include me on plans aka i never know whats going on and they wont tell me so i dont get to prepare for whatever it is#i tried explaining that to my sister yesterday that im always kept in the dark on shit and i just wanna be able to prepare for the day#cause i dont like when all day plans are surprises#and girl had the audacity to get mad at me#she acts SO woke but the moment i ask for the most basic accommodation that is almost def related to my adhd or autism i get bashed on#sorry its just 8am and im tired and cranky lmao#i also just know theyre gonna shit on me for being tired its one of their faves#as if i dont work closing shifts smh#i promise im fine and stable im just UGGHH#godspeed besties
0 notes
Text
certified Mental Illness Moment:tm:
#/ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\#i want to throw my stupid brain directly into the fucking sun.#sometimes i have a moment where i think im mentally stable! :)#and then someone i care about says something in a way/in a tone that i percieve as them being mad at me#and off i fucking go spiralling again#i dont know how to describe what im feeling#some parts sad. some parts angry. very hurt probably? it feels like ill never be able to be happy again#just gonna call that depresso espresso.#yes i know I'm being extremely unreasonable and that i shouldnt feel this way. i also dont want me to be feeling this way.#why can't i just be fucking normal
1 note
·
View note
Text
...
#im still procrastinating so bear with me#ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system#bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i#moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me#like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them#like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract#and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone#surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow#i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents#like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case#its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl#bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my#skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control#and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with#the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum#its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all#still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working#sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain#works better in the early morning rip#unrelated
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Not gonna reblog the original because I'm not about to spread transphobic takes around. But here's a reminder to all young trans men who want to take T some day that being on testosterone does not make you violent. It does not change your personality. It does not make you unstable and dangerous. You don't need to go on psych meds in conjunction with T just because you're on T. I can't believe we're still saying this. Unfortunately this take came from a trans woman. Throwing your trans siblings under the bus will not get you more support from conservatives, trust me.
I'm back on T after a long break. I feel more emotionally stable than before. I am having less frequent PTSD and anxiety attacks. I am able to calm down easier. Before T, I'd be having anxiety attacks that lasted so long I needed to take medication for them. Now, I'm actually able to self soothe. No idea if it's because of the hormone difference or because knowing I'm back in HRT is just lowering my stress levels, but it's what's happening.
What it does do is make you feel a bit like a teenaged cis boy going through puberty. I'm sleepy, hungry, and horny. Im sweating more and my sweat and piss stink more for some damn reason. The last time I was on T, I was feeling some twinges of irritation at times, but nothing close to violent impulses, and that hasn't even come back this time around. It has never made me forget how people perceived as female are treated. It doesn't make me snap at people, and it ABSOLUTELY did not and does not make me feel sexually violent.
Don't let people scare you. You will still be you on T. You will be able to relax and unclench and stop hiding. You will be able to breathe and feel comfortable in who you are.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
PICREW + QUIZ TAG GAME — [ original post ]
i found this really cool challenge on here and i wanted to share it with you (with an extra suprise)
THE RULES. —
1. take the quiz,
2. do the picrew,
3. take this quiz aswel,
4. reblog this post with your results and tag whoever u think would enjoy this challenge too!
MY RESULTS. —
the first quiz is one 90 procent accurate lol🤞and i tried to make it look like gyaru make up but it just looks like i have white circles under my eyes! and the second quiz is not totally wrong but i don’t really enjoy attention irl and i never heard i was narcissistic before but i do think i’m an attention seeker online, also i never had a lover T^T
SOME OF MY LOVELY MOOTS. — @coquetteky @bluehwale-main @ari-shipping-stuff @sweatyjeans @sunoo-bby @rieuvie @leo-seonghwa @girls4cheol and whoever feels inclined to do it too!!
#not gonna tag anyone just do it if you wanna etcetcetc#its SO hard to make my sona in picrews lmao so i made my sona and then one thats more like me irl?#anyway its funny to me that i got old man cause like obvs some fit but mostly??? its wrong#im never serious if i can help it i am very much no emotionally stable i laugh at everything and i feel lonely about half the time#but eh yknow how it is gamers
3K notes
·
View notes