ashiyk

[ashiyk]

fleurentcue, I hate the winds in 2025

[ashiyk]

[ashiyk]

“We tend to think of the erotic as an easy, tantalizing sexual arousal. I speak of the erotic as the deepest life force, a force which moves us toward living in a fundamental way.”

— Audre Lorde, Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power (via slug-girl)

[ashiyk]

Megan Fernandes, “Magical Realism in America,” in I Do Everything I’m Told

[ashiyk]

Temporary Vows, Caroline Bird

[ashiyk]

"dead doesn't mean absent...", tathev simonyan

[ashiyk]

based on something I saw a bit back

[ashiyk]

hey sexy what time do you plan on being done grieving

[ashiyk]

one of the hardest parts is that you cannot engage in arguments without an honest partner. a person has to be genuinely willing to consider your point of view. when elon saluted, you have eyes and you saw it too. when they're saying "nooo it wasn't that," it's not honest. they also know it's the nazi salute, they're just seeing how long and how far they can push you.

i cannot stress this enough: know when to step away. know when it's just a troll. know when you're putting energy into the wrong areas. it is so fucking tempting to get into hour-long debates. i got caught in one literally hours after it happened. i am not coming to you from a place of calm suggestion: i'm mostly reminding myself, partly out of desperation.

like you, i feel incredibly, unspeakably upset. if nothing else, i feel fucking gaslit. i keep returning to how cliche passages from 1984 have become. i keep thinking - how fucking stupid do you think we are? i keep thinking - holy shit. he's going to get away with it.

lately when i get really upset about something like this, i instead look for volunteering opportunities in my community. this has been genuinely amazing and has helped me feel like i'm actually fucking doing something. yes i still make the posts and i still doomscroll. these days, though, i take "invest in your community" as a demand, not a suggestion. going to library events. checking in with friends. helping others.

it does actually help; turning nebulous anger into something real and useable. i am still learning this, by the way. but i have noticed that when i am pulled down to their level, i walk away feeling incapacitated, red-black with rage, blurry with stress and the horrible sense of an inescapable destiny.

and meanwhile, every time i instead try to move forward positively, with the real intention just being i'm going to help someone today if it fucking kills me - change happens like, immediately. the hour of effort i spend helping out people in my community has massively improved my burnout and anxiety.

to be honest it is all still burning a hole in me. the casual acceptance of white nationalism under barely-coherent threadbare excuses. the ceaseless unbearable rage and unfocused helplessness are still present but, like. these days i get up, i make coffee, i go help somebody. i fucking put my back into it. rather than saying to myself when is someone gonna do something - i am someone. and i am going to fucking do something. perfect is the enemy of good. i am not trying to be perfect, i'm trying to do good.

i don't know if i'm ever gonna, like. change anything on a real level. but i do know i fucking tried. and it is slowly, kinda - helping me feel better.

[ashiyk]

“Where exactly do you put your hands on somebody who hurts everywhere?”

— Charles D’Ambrosio, The Dead Fish Museum: Stories

[ashiyk]

can someone invent a type of letting go that actually feels good instead of feeling like your soul is getting ripped out via large intestine

[ashiyk]

I study using the reverse Pomodoro method where I focus for 5 minutes and fool around for the rest 25 minutes.

[ashiyk]

mary oliver, upstream

[ashiyk]

Devotions (2017), 'The Pond' (2015) Mary Oliver, p. 26.

[ashiyk]

"I hope that in the future they invent a small golden light that follows you everywhere and when something is about to end, it shines brightly so you know it's about to end. And if you're never going to see someone again, it'll shine brightly and both of you can be polite and say, "It was nice to have you in my life while I did, good luck with everything that happens after now." And maybe if you're never going to eat at the same restaurant again, it'll shine and you can order everything off the menu you've never tried. Maybe, if someone's about to buy your car, the light will shine and you can take it for one last spin. Maybe, if you're with a group of friends who'll never be together again, all your lights will shine at the same time and you'll know, and then you can hold each other and whisper, "This was so good. Oh my God, this was so good.""

- lain Thomas, "The Light That Shines When Things End"

[ashiyk]

applying for the position of your good luck charm that's kept in your pocket and looked at adoringly

[ashiyk]

do you ever sit there in your bed with your head in your hands and it's like you can just imagine 9 swords behind you