#IF I DONT HAVE A JOB WITH HIGH PAY—
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I DONT EVEN HAVE AN EXTRA HOLIDAY BUT MY BROTHER GETS EXTRA 2?!?!?!?!??!?!
sucks are those festives that come on Sunday. ( means free college for a full week )
#im yapping so much cause ive nothing to write or do#rotting in bed wondering what I saw in there in my college#was so happy before but now I regret cause june july months suck#they dont have festives and no holidays#one festive ONE UNIQUE FESTIVE comes on SUNDAY#so no holidays but ny bro gets 2 extra.#ITS FUCKING RAINING and some schools get rain check holidays#AND ME????? FUCKING DISSOLVE IN WATER BUT GET HERE#oh i love my colllege#IF I DONT HAVE A JOB WITH HIGH PAY—#someone help I am losing it T^T#nounou rambles
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weird 2 say but sometimes i wish i was more into hobby/medium so id have an excuse or wasteless purpose to get more of it. Like. Wish I had purpose within watercolor illustration and as a medium in general so I could get those fancy artisinal watercolors just bc they look so beautiful
#(and i also wish i had a high paying job to support this bc some of those thangs are so expensive)#i know quality differs between em but i also dont care i just like pretty colors#its like how i got cheap alcohol markers i sparsely use but i dont regret it bc i love looking at them...#makes me happy to have a rainbow of pleasant looking supplies near me#i would NOT drop the money on artisinal watercolors though bc thats too much for something i wont use but god theyre so pretty#i see single pans of gorgeous colors and i wish i had a reason to Own it...and put it to use#talkys#like it would not be enough to have them i want to have them AND use them
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so sorry if this is a stupid question but like... how do u age up characters, not like literally but like in a writing sence (cause ur suo fics were honestly amazing)
this isn't a stupid question at all, it's actually something I struggle a lot with LOL and I'm glad to hear that you liked how I handled it in my suo fics - thank you for reading 🥺!
here are the approaches I take to generally ageing people up:
think about their canon characterization - not just their traits and habits, but also their motivations/values and where their character arc is heading
think about what kind of path they'd be heading toward as an adulthood (in material, mundane terms - university, type of work, relationships, major life events, etc). sometimes the series will give you careers they're heading towards, but wherever that's not the case, I usually like to stick to very realistic career paths because it grounds them into a realistic kind of adult context that we would be able to relate to. if they're getting into some kind of exceptional career (like, for instance, yakuza membership lol, but even if I kept them in delinquent groups like shishitoren or roppo-ichiza), then I usually go out of my way to justify it.
now this is the tricky part - think about how the events of their adulthood would affect their motivations/values, traits, habits, and larger character arc. the motivations/values and character arc pieces are very important, because it basically defines the adult characterization. (that's why so much of the suo fic revolves around his master and the effect of losing him, and what it does to his values and character arc!)
I also like to think about how other, normal adults would perceive this new aged-up version of them - the typical salaryman, the typical convenience store worker, etc. I find it helps recontextualize the character away from the canon setting and toward a more realistic, adult context. this is mostly so I'm not viewing the character through rose coloured glasses as I'm writing them lol (eg, someone who may be charming to us because of our attachment to them in canon might in fact be a neurotic loser to the average well-adjusted adult).
sorry I yapped so much rip - hopefully this helps!!!!
#fyi the average delinquent nowadays in japan tends to age out of the behaviour and become a regular member of society#after high school#so in the suo fic universe most of them went onto normal jobs and didnt stay on as bofurin or shishitoren#or continue with any kind of crime#suo is a complete freak for having gone into organized crime LMFAOOO#and even sakura only ended up in the red light district and roppo ichiza because i dont think he would have#many other opportunities open to him in terms of career path#like i dont think our boy is going to uni#but! it's a good place for him :) he works an honest job at a bar somewhere and helps clean up petty crime with roppo ichiza#pays his taxes and has a savings account. has friends and loved ones. very nonviolent overall#umemiya and kaji have mortgages in this universe#i cant stress enough how suo is a literal freak in comparison to the rest of them LMFAO#yueshuo.asks#asks.anon#yakuza suo tag#<- for these tags
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Hey I'm graduating college in may and I just kinda realized that I'll be Done Done with school after that. Not fake-done like I was graduating high school, where I'd have to go to college at the start of the fall. And not fake-done like I was in any of my semesters I took off.
Done Done. As in I accomplished my degree, and I won't ever have to go back to school if I don't want to. What a beautiful, beautiful thought.
#speculation nation#i enjoy learning but not in school. school is the soul killer. there's a reason it's taking me 10 years to get my bachelors.#failed classes and switched majors and part time school (so i could work and pay my way thru) and semesters taken off...#for 9 and a half years now it's been a fucking shadow hanging over my head.#just gotta keep going just gotta persevere. slow and steady wins the race.#and well im nearly there now. holy fuck tho i didnt miss full time school lmfao#i went to part time a few years back to save my fuckin self bc it was just *impossible* to do full time school And work to support myself.#and even part time school plus a job was horrible. but i did it anyways.#and here i am now with my lovely life insurance from my awful paternal death. life sure happens as it will huh.#which will let me complete school in a neat 10 years. graduated high school in 2015 and college in 2025. wild.#not glad my dad died but im grateful that ive gotten this opportunity afterwards.#sure is strange the ways life goes.#anyways yeah im in deadlines hell rn with all these fucking projects but ONCE I FINISH THEM#i will be done with this semester. my second to last semester.#theyre releasing class schedules today for next semester too and im a little antsy. cant edit until next week regardless#but i wanna KNOWWWWW what i got. best case scenario i get my 3 classes i need to graduate#plus my orchestra and bowling. so i have a full 12 credit hours. to be full time still.#im scared of not having gotten 3 classes bc theyre selectives yea so i dont need These classes Specifically#but also it'll be a pain in my fucking ass if i have to go scrounging. and i wanna have my first choices...#but we'll see. i selected several fall-through options and i dont need any single specific class to graduate.#so long as i have 3... thatll be enough...#AUGHHHHH college!!!! im almost done!!!!! i might get straight As this semester!!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to email my professor about setting up the book meeting lol. i should do that today.
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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it's always good to have a break. i don't know how non-music college compares, but music school is A Lot Of Work, constantly practicing, rehearsing, playing. lots of homework. there's also the mental and emotional aspect; being an artist you need to separate your art from your sense of self and self worth, and it's pretty difficult sometimes. not to mention, it is a competitive field, so there's always wondering about how you measure up to others, auditioning, if you'll even get the job or into the festival or whatever.
the past two semesters have been rough for me, even though i had a great summer in between, it was a lot of change (not just bc of first/second year of school) in a short amount of time and a lot of that change was bc i wanted it and it was on my shoulders to work to practice to prove i can do it. and i did! i can! i still have a long way to go, but i can do it. i often think or worry i don't deserve to be here, but it's reassuring to know that 1) lots of other people, even people i look up, feel that way too and 2) i AM here, so enough people who know what they're doing think i can do it, and who am i to argue?
however, to my original point, it is good to have a break. i love music, and i would not be doing this if i didn't. but i think i really burned myself out this semester, and as soon as i was on break, i stopped practicing at all for like a week and a half, and then after that i practiced only a bit at the end of the day just to play my instrument.
what i've been doing instead is sleeping in a lot, watching a lot of tv and reading lots of comics, and also just Reading and listening to music. i've also been drawing a lot.
it's good to take a break. i am a musician, and always will be, but i am also a person who likes to sleep and eat and who is obsessed with superman and likes hanging out with my friends.
#i'm in music school because 1) i love music 2) i want it to be my job#i am not a music machine#i am a human person#i honestly don't know how to avoid burning myself out again#there's things i can do better than last semester for sure#but i've burnt out every semester so far and even before that#i had good grades in high school i was and still am a good student and i need to stop valuing myself on that bc if i do i think i'll#accidentally kill myself#i was beating myself to shit for not being able to do things that are technically possible but practically impossible#and i still do but slightly less#i am a musician but i am a person and i think what i need to do is treat school slightly more like work#compartmentalize it a bit more#it helps that i've had a few gigs now which somehow relieves the 'im not good enough' pressure#im still not sure how ill ever make a living but for right now i very thankfully very luckily dont have to worry about that yet#and i AM slowly getting more and more work even if that work doesnt pay a living wage in the slightest#and its not like your career takes off immediately either#i think this semester i should talk to more grad students to talk about how their careers went#and i will be smarter about things#not that i wasn't smart before but i will be more efficient#disciplined etc#i am pretty disciplined already but like More.#something my teacher has also told me lol im a good student but im not in a career to be a student im in a career#to perform#bluebird.txt#back to my original point. compartmentalize.#i love art i love drawing i occasionally love writing music even though its also a bitch#i love that i can have these hobbies and be decently good at them and try on my own to get better at them#without it determining the course of my life#violaposting#um. happy new year? i'm just Marinating
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getting paid is crazy, i just arranged shipping for a package ive been waiting for all year and i could pick the slightly more expensive tracked option without feeling like i wont have anything to eat tonight :oo
#hakuna matata#i dont have like. a full time job. and this temporary baito wont pay any bills but. it is enough for little things like this!#and it doesnt feel bad. i kinda really need to get a full time job#this minimal sense of security is already giving me an insane high#like what do you mean i can buy paper to make christmas gifts without feeling like im going bankrupt!!!!!
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applying to more jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!haha :))))))))))))))))))
#i guess this isnt too personal but i work in the library field and to be an actual librarian you need a masters degree in library science#(which i dont have yet. i dont even have my bachelors until june)#(but i DO have almost 8 years of public library EXPERIENCE which has to count for something right?)#anyway my hopes are low that i will get any of these jobs and getting lower by the second because they ALL require an mlis#and thats fine! i dont mind working an assistant job until im 40 if thats what it takes#but i just need to FIND ONE#i just need ONE job that pays at least 30k. maybe even at least 25k and i could make that work#im not in a position to move out rn bc im still paying for college which kind of limits my choices#so im trying to keep it together lmao. when i graduate i may still only be able to get a part time but maybe at a high enough wage#and then i can MOVE there and i wont be pissing money into my gas tank#:( i wish i picked a different field#i know i can change my field whenever and i fucking WILL at this point but i need something NOW so i can move out#and all i have is public library experience :(#when i graduate ill start thinking genuinely about alternative fields i could get my foot in but for now im just sad and poor and stuck#i think about how different my life could have gone if i chose literally any other field and it makes me burst into tears#i HATE money. i hate having to fucking worry about this all the time#like i love it (bc i need it desperately) but there is nothing i hate more#well. back to applications :(#im being so dramatic btw. for ref ive literally applied to 2 jobs my entire life and only been rejected to one of them#which happened last month#i do think these people will all reject me but i dont have evidence yet to become all kms about it#im just scared lol
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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english is the only thing im good at. it's the only thing that ever made me feel proud. i knew for so long that it was my purpose. i can't do nothing but translate and i will never make a living with the only thing i ever felt passion for. i'm stuck like this because i can't even find the will to finish high school and i hate myself so much for it. no amount of volunteering or anglophone friends will fill me if i can't have a job to prove how fucking good i am.
#saw a girl that I can't even describe what kind of relationship we had working at this place and i just started crying akl the way back home#trying to explain to my boyfriend what the fuck happened to me#she's puerto rican she was raised speaking english she knows but i knew more and it's such an asshole thing to say but i was so proud#that i was better than her. i learned bt myself and i knew so much more.#and im so envious that she gets to work teaching english and i don't. and it's literally because i was just too stupid to finish high school#lmao#i was doing so fucking good in university. i really really was. and then covid 💀#im sad now#we still dont have a fridge so i had to do the walk of shame to my mom's to take our stuff there#oh poor thing u cant afford a new one no i cant👍no we didn't even have that much stuff to begin with👍no i still dont have a serious job👍#nope they don't pay me it's volunteer👍
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im finally not jobless
it took me 200+ applications (not on indeed but directly on compan websites) and almost 2 years since graduating college (WHERE I EARNED A BACHELORS WITH CUM LAUDE HONORS). im 24 years old and i was just now able to secure a job that wasn't given to me out of pity. it should NOT have taken me 6 years of adulthood to get even a chance at having a normal life, out of those 200 applications i only had 3 interviews, all online except for this final one. it should NOT be this hard to get a job in a country with help wanted signs everywhere. i wish every single ceo/boss/boomer in this country had to go through the pain and suffering of job hunting when you have no nepotism to help you.
#my 1st job was chipotle. my friend was manager and her manager said he wouldnt have hired me if she wasnt my friend#thats such a cold thing to say to someone#i only lasted 2 weeks because my feet were bleeding from standing all day and i couldnt handle the amount of work for the pay. and customer#my 2nd job was a factory type job where my mom and dad work. i was being yelled at by my mom/supervisor all day and only getting a few hrs#of sleep because i was still a full time student#i lasted 3 months#my 3rd job was being a caregiver for my aunt who had a stroke. she died in december#its so upsetting typing out the amount time i wasted trying to get SOMEWHERE in life#i dont even have a car because ive never had enough money. no apartment after college#ive suffered too long#i didnt expect to get this one. i have clear social anxiety with autistic traits#maybe because i expected nothing i managed to survive the interview#this job only required a high school diploma. i think they still wouldnt have hired me if i didnt go to college#job hunting#new job#suffering#pain#recruitment#united states#personal rant#rant post#crying#nepotism#boomer#$17 an hour. originally it was $14 on the application.
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How much time in a day do you think you do art? Personally do you think that's a good amount?
i couldn't say, my days are unstructured. i sleep very late because i can only get in the zone when everyone's asleep and wont bother me, but im prone to distraction when I get to do whatever i want, too.
i wake up late without enough sleep and end up loafed and in bed for a good chunk of the day (and night) trying to regain energy (and daydreaming)... cant draw much during the day regardless of being left alone or not bc i get frustrated having to anticipate things like eating....i just want to get in the zone for hrs and not have to care abt such things...
whatever the amount is its definitely not enough and i was going to try to actually calculate it before i realized itd just make me sad. all i do is waste time
#im not having a good brain day so i dont want to make it worse#skunk mail#Anonymous#can u imagine being unemployed with 0 responsibilities + 0 socializing and still being this lazy#idek how ill draw or improve much when i have a job#and have to fight harder to keep myself sane and alive#there's people studying for their intensive degrees for high paying jobs who are doing better at art than me bc they dont waste time#and arent stupid#also ''bother me'' sounds a little mean...bothering cld mean anything thats why it sucks#sometimes i Want to go out so i cant draw because im anticipating my parents going out and me being able to tag along#so i cant focus bc what if i have to do something in a few hrs
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I’m so excited I’m like literally shaking
#so I work at like seasonal job multiple stores and shit some more far out and in the boonies than others#and like before I was at my current job I managed this shitshow camp store#literally was so horrible but only bcs my boss sucked and pushed all his responsibilities to me while I still had to do MY JOB#like darkest time of my life trying to keep that store from falling apart until eventually I was like fuck this#transferee to a different property in a different state and like stalked this lady who would come help us and she hired me as her assistant#like truly amazing I love her so much my boss is the fucking best#but now at my property we have a camp store with no manager being run to the ground#so they asked me to go manage it…#and lLIKEEEE ITS IN THE HIGH CIUNTRY#SOOO NO SERVICE LIVING IN A TENT SHARED SHOWER DORMS#IM SO EXCITEDDD#and also I’ll be at 9k feet elevation SO ILL SEE STARSS!#im at 5thoussnd feet rn and it’s just not the same#my shitty store was at 7 thousand but the year before I lived at 8 thousand feet and the stars are so magical#but everyone else I work with feels bad I ‘have to’ go up there and run the store for a few weeks#I’m like literally MY PLEASURE#working in a camp store is literally summer camp vibes#and I’m such a retail girl boss they didn’t even brief me they were like you know how to open and close a store#AND I DONT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF INVOICESSS#that was my nightmare at the last place like they taught all the managers how to recieve and pay invoices but no one else really understood#sooo like a day before months end when invocies HAVE to be paid I’d get stacks from every store on property#and like just my store was already a lot to go through bcs we did groceries and gas and beer and retail merch#but lol I came to my current place and they have a whole office just for that lotta sweet lady’s in accounting I’m like damn??#they did me so dirty????#best part about being a warehouse girl with previous retail management experience is thissss#pray for me though I haven’t managed other humans in 2 years and they’re union employees so I just have to follow all the rules#love the union but I’m scared of breaking any labor laws since I’ve never managed humans in the state in living in#last state was horrible there was no lunch break laws
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good morning kazui nation the theory of kazui having very traditional gender-role parent(s) stays winning
#conflicted between sobbing in the corner and being excited over more evidence for that theory#like he wanted kazui to grow up to be a strong man?? to have a high paying traditionally masculine job???#i dont think its that much of a stretch to say he was very opinionated on who kazui could marry either / when that should happen (young)#he/kazui's parents in general are the reason he felt obligated to marry hinako (send tweet)#milgram#kazui mukuhara
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