#and i will be smarter about things
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loverboybrightsideghost · 5 days ago
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it's always good to have a break. i don't know how non-music college compares, but music school is A Lot Of Work, constantly practicing, rehearsing, playing. lots of homework. there's also the mental and emotional aspect; being an artist you need to separate your art from your sense of self and self worth, and it's pretty difficult sometimes. not to mention, it is a competitive field, so there's always wondering about how you measure up to others, auditioning, if you'll even get the job or into the festival or whatever.
the past two semesters have been rough for me, even though i had a great summer in between, it was a lot of change (not just bc of first/second year of school) in a short amount of time and a lot of that change was bc i wanted it and it was on my shoulders to work to practice to prove i can do it. and i did! i can! i still have a long way to go, but i can do it. i often think or worry i don't deserve to be here, but it's reassuring to know that 1) lots of other people, even people i look up, feel that way too and 2) i AM here, so enough people who know what they're doing think i can do it, and who am i to argue?
however, to my original point, it is good to have a break. i love music, and i would not be doing this if i didn't. but i think i really burned myself out this semester, and as soon as i was on break, i stopped practicing at all for like a week and a half, and then after that i practiced only a bit at the end of the day just to play my instrument.
what i've been doing instead is sleeping in a lot, watching a lot of tv and reading lots of comics, and also just Reading and listening to music. i've also been drawing a lot.
it's good to take a break. i am a musician, and always will be, but i am also a person who likes to sleep and eat and who is obsessed with superman and likes hanging out with my friends.
#i'm in music school because 1) i love music 2) i want it to be my job#i am not a music machine#i am a human person#i honestly don't know how to avoid burning myself out again#there's things i can do better than last semester for sure#but i've burnt out every semester so far and even before that#i had good grades in high school i was and still am a good student and i need to stop valuing myself on that bc if i do i think i'll#accidentally kill myself#i was beating myself to shit for not being able to do things that are technically possible but practically impossible#and i still do but slightly less#i am a musician but i am a person and i think what i need to do is treat school slightly more like work#compartmentalize it a bit more#it helps that i've had a few gigs now which somehow relieves the 'im not good enough' pressure#im still not sure how ill ever make a living but for right now i very thankfully very luckily dont have to worry about that yet#and i AM slowly getting more and more work even if that work doesnt pay a living wage in the slightest#and its not like your career takes off immediately either#i think this semester i should talk to more grad students to talk about how their careers went#and i will be smarter about things#not that i wasn't smart before but i will be more efficient#disciplined etc#i am pretty disciplined already but like More.#something my teacher has also told me lol im a good student but im not in a career to be a student im in a career#to perform#bluebird.txt#back to my original point. compartmentalize.#i love art i love drawing i occasionally love writing music even though its also a bitch#i love that i can have these hobbies and be decently good at them and try on my own to get better at them#without it determining the course of my life#violaposting#um. happy new year? i'm just Marinating
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heph · 2 months ago
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Did Ford know how distracting he was in booty shorts 😐
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monofazz · 3 months ago
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I think Deceptibee AU fans should consider the hilarious potential of a Starscream and Bee dynamic in this kind of situation—
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woolysstuff · 1 year ago
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I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM
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Evil!Sun my beloved (Edit// This Evil!Sun is from TSAMS and is not an AU of mine guys)
Bonus doodle
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zombieslab · 23 days ago
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they plague my every thought
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.
i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.
it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.
#warm up#writeblr#i spent a lot of time picturing our future#how funny to think: in each version of our future#i was never myself#i was someone smarter kinder braver#better adept.#who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me#i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me#people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you.#it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy#the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself:#if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay.#for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing.#and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made#it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'.#a few days ago while i was doing something else#i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized .#you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly.#you said: you're doing this to manipulate me.#you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO#SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me.#i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness#you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.
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seventeendeer · 5 months ago
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this isn't at all meant to be condescending or finger-waggy because 100% we all have blind spots like this, but I'm really, really hoping that the people who never found Gaiman's approach to his own fandom concerning in any way will take this all as a learning moment.
he was an older, hyper-famous author engaging directly and frequently with an online audience of largely vulnerable young marginalized people. he presented himself as cultured and worldly, and made himself approachable as someone to go to for advice, encouragement and "wisdom." his manner of speech was extremely pathos-heavy and clearly intended to be comforting and encouraging in exactly the way his target demographic needed it to be to swallow every word. the way he spoke about stories and creativity was designed to make young creative hopefuls feel special and important, while sweeping real analytical techniques under the rug - in hindsight, likely so no one would think too critically about the disturbing amount of patriarchal abuse played for cheap shock value and voyerism in his own body of works.
Gaiman saw a target demographic that was desperate for an older creative role model to tell them they were worth something, and he exploited that pain to twist a narrative around himself where he was king and any critique leveled at him or his works were the enemy.
to be clear, he could have been innocent. he could totally have been just an out-of-touch old man saying nice things to people because he wanted to be kind and he thought he was a lot smarter than he really was. red flags are warning signs, not a surefire way to tell if someone is actually "secretly shitty."
but if you used to look up to him, PLEASE take this moment to revisit the ideas you absorbed from him. did you take his words to heart because they seemed to have objective merit? or did you take them to heart because it felt good to believe what he said? do you still hold these values? does knowing he was intentionally manipulating his online audience make you less certain? do you need more information from a different source before deciding one way or another?
again, I'm just really, really hoping people on here will take a moment to reevaluate the ideas and opinions he's injected into tumblr fandom culture, because his reach is immense and he has absolutely been manipulating popular perception of relevant topics to gain further influence and control the narrative around both his own and Pratchett's legacy. please, please take this moment to notice what he's been doing - and next time someone tries to pull the same shit, hopefully we'll be able to apply what we've learned from experience.
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“So, babysitting?”
Alberu follows after the delinquent. From the record the vice-principal gave him access to, Cale frequently drinks alcohol, he often gets himself into a lot of fights, and he barely passed his classes at the end of the grading period. The teachers never call on him in class, girls and boys avoid him alike, and he is- supposedly- completely intolerable.
Which is why Alberu Crossman, who’s only a little older yet infinitely more mature has been assigned by the principal (his father) to get the troublemaker under thumb. Cale's father is quite wealthy, actually, and since there isn't much known about the successor to the Henituse family... it'd be bad if he had to be expelled.
Cale scowled. “Yes, babysitting, your highness. Please, leave if you must,” He jeers at Alberu, but internally he thinks, 'No, really. Please leave.' Otherwise, he might get caught in the act.
Of not actually being Cale.
Roksu aims a sour expression at Alberu, who returns it with a more flowery one. Acting as his twin for the day had been easy enough, mainly because being trash is great!- until Alberu Crossman strolled into his lunch period and introduced himself.
He is even following him out of the school to his job. Well, this job is Roksu’s and not Cale’s, but because he can’t ditch work nor can he get glib-tongued Alberu off his tail-
Well shit.
Thankfully, the kids call him hyung. Except Raon, who calls him human. Hopefully Alberu doesn’t look into it too much. If everything goes right, Alberu Crossman will be Cale's problem to deal with tomorrow. As it should have been.
“I didn’t know you liked kids, Cale,” Alberu smiles charmingly, walking side by side with Roksu. “Can you introduce me?” Roksu struggles to not put on his own disarming smile out of spite, instead plastering on a classic Cale Sneer™. It fits on his face perfectly, like he’s playing a character in a play.
They enter the building and ‘Cale’ guides Alberu to a colorful playroom, decked out in toys and a fountain of running water as the centerpiece (A gift from his father, who is still upset that Roksu doesn't visit more often). There’s a tray of fruits and oatmeal on the small table in the corner of the room, except not a soul to be seen. Picking up a bowl of oatmeal and finding the ceramic to still be hot, Roksu almost smiles.
Alberu frowns. Where are the kids he's supposed to babysit?
Roksu tells the empty air, "Come on out."
Three children appear out of nowhere in front of them.
“Hyung!”
“Human! You’re back!”
“Hyung, nya.” On examines Alberu some more.
All of the kids had been revealed the moment that Roksu spoke, as Raon unveiled the invisibility on them.
Raon runs up and grabs Roksu’s hand, who places it on his head, rubbing the black hair comfortingly. “Mm.” Raon beams at the affection.
“Raon, On, Hong,” they each look up at him at the call of their names. “This is Alberu Crossman, he is doing a report on my trashy behavior. Don’t be rude."
All three children become hostile immediately. “He isn't trash!”
On observes Alberu with an intense glare. Raon shifts under Roksu’s hand, his deep blue eyes glinting with magic. Roksu positions him away from the older teen’s view. Raon grips onto Roksu’s pant leg with a vengeance. Hong stares openly, offensive.
Alberu smiles at them.
"I'm visiting with Cale Hyung for today, nice to meet you."
Hong gasps suddenly.
“He-!” On gives her brother a look, and he clamps his hands over his mouth. Alberu feels a deep curiosity, as if something isn’t quite as it seems.
Roksu sighs. It’s going to be a long hour.
At the midway point, Alberu has easily disarmed the children. They look fascinated at the magic he shows them, while Roksu can only rub a palm over Raon’s shoulder as a warning to keep his dragon magic under control. He's still just a child that wants to brag. Everything is going well.
Bang!
“Hey Roksu! How was-“ Cale bursts through the door, bright red hair equipped with a shit-eating grin, wearing clothes far less fancy than his usual. He tenses up, frozen in place when he spots Alberu on the floor, politely sitting "crisscross applesauce" with the children. Roksu narrows a withering glare at his twin.
“… Roksu?”
Alberu looks at ‘Cale,’ sitting next to him, the one he's spent the entire day with, who is trying to send what must be the real Cale into the sun with his eyes.
“Ha… ha?” Cale winces. Roksu wipes his expression from his face.
“Cale-hyung, run! That’s the human’s bad look!” Alberu’s eyes widen as he watches the confirmed real Cale bolt back into the hallway and out of the front door. Alberu whips his head back toward the stranger behind him, who is a perfect replica of the Cale who ran like Hell. Cale has an identical twin?? Since when? Why doesn't he go to school?
Roksu levels an emotionless gaze at Alberu. “Hello, your highness. Don’t mind me.”
Alberu can only watch in astonishment as this stranger walks out of the playroom, with a smooth and deadly gait as he hunts down his twin like a predator would to prey. He recalls the look 'Roksu' gave him and it sends a shiver down the principal’s son’s spine. That gaze held secrets.
Something about this stranger is even more interesting than the sudden appearance of a twin.
On walks up to him, sitting down in his lap and looking into his eyes. “Roksu-hyung will be back soon, nya!” Hong bounds over and sits next to his sister, grinning widely. Raon huffs and looks at the door. He wants his human to come back.
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binglepringle · 5 months ago
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Idek what this is but here you go 🤲
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unnonexistence · 6 months ago
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imo a core part of the newmann dynamic is like... you've got these two very very intelligent people who have spent most of their lives being Smartest Guy In The Room. which feels great! but also, it's very hard to form close and trusting relationships when everyone else sees you as Smartest Guy In The Room. and if you maybe don't have great social skills to begin with, you can't figure out how to compensate. and it's hard to build up solid self-esteem when the only thing people value you for is your intelligence, and a lot of them resent you for that, too. so really it is very very lonely.
and then they meet! and neither of them is the smartest guy in the room anymore! and that is both EXHILIRATING (omg! someone who gets me!) and TERRIFYING (the fragile pillar i built my whole self-esteem on is crumbling! help!).
they do NOT know how to cope with this. best they can do is being obsessed with each other.
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housecow · 2 months ago
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Have your family or friends made any comments about you gaining so much weight? I mean, your weight gain is crazy. Also, I would like to ask, how has your life changed since you started gaining weight?
no comments—my family and friends are all wonderful, amazing people and would never comment on that sort of thing, lol!!!
it hasn’t changed too much…? i mean. i don’t fit into any of my old clothes and certain things are harder now, but i haven’t reached a tipping point yet 🤭
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jamskateable · 1 year ago
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Gabriel flaunts his pretty body without realizing it. he doesn’t scold any wandering eyes, though. after all, is it such a shame to admire God’s greatest creation?
or he’s just THAT oblivious. no one knows, really.
either way, his charisma, his diligence, and his half-naked lounging have earned him the appreciative eyes and ears of every angel in Heaven.
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ioannemos · 1 year ago
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the particular bad guy of this episode, a little apprehensively: the audience wants to see me die?
nate, with more sincerity than anything he's said to anyone in her presence before: like you wouldn't believe
#and he's not wrong#leverage#my favorite#tv shows#watching the stork job and the way that parker instantly goes 'we have to bail' after seeing the kids has me Feeling a Certain Way#bc i think it's partially like. i think she knows the feeling of 'the known sucks but at least it's the known'#how many times was she let down? was her hope that things would get better left to die?#i know she goes to save them all later but maybe at the time she was just thinking... 'don't give them false hope'#her insistent use of the phrase 'we can't save them' is just. augh. parker bb no#and eliot saying to sophie 'he's right' re nate's sticking to the plan of saving one vs trying to save all of them on the fly is smarter...#just ouch. reminds me of the fishing job where eliot's goal is 'GET HARDISON OUT' and the very clear reluctance with which he tells hardiso#'yeah. i have an idea what they're gonna do. it's gonna be bad. are people gonna die? probably'#bc he doesn't want that! he doesn't want to leave people in the lurch! but GET HARDISON OUT takes precedent for him#and he's doing the same thing here. GET LUKA OUT is taking precedent. he doesn't like it any more than sophie does#i just. ghenghnehganf. i have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about eliot's priorities and how they intersect with his job as the hitter#he's the physical guy. he has to be not just realistic he has to be the pessimist bc if he doesn't plan well enough? he friggin dies man#eliot's always thinking of 'what can a human being survive' bc AS THE HITTER that's HIS weakest point#GHENFGHENFGGHGHEWLAFHGGLRHGI#i have normal feelings of normal intensity about eliot spencer#and parker for that matter! very normal#eliot spencer#parker#you pierce my soul#personal#abbie needs a twitter
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raindropren · 2 months ago
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everytime gem mentions impulse and pearl I get really,,,, I think the word is uncomfortable?
It may be a fun storyline but i get so,, weird when a character is very clearly wanting someone to have a bad reputation with others instead of it happening gradually. Gem even says that impulse hasn't really done anything to her and joel, and yet,,,
not to mention the fact that the only thing Pearl did to gem was trying to get her to eat the cobblestone wall, which yes, would've poisoned her, but also was clearly for funzie's and something that multiple people had done in session 2 at that point, and maybe, maaybbee, be alittle agro with impulse during the cow stuff in session 1? but I,,, i have my own thoughts on that. Anything else is from the last season, and while referencing a past season is very fun, having a whole bias because of one makes me,,,, blah. It's not a bad thing, it's a fun storyline ngl, It just makes me,,, like,,, kinda ill,,,(and not in the "I'M ILL /POS" way,,,) like a,,, weirdly physical ill??? It's so weird to say because,,, I'm completely talking about the characters, I think CC gem is amazing, and really funny for this ngl, but stars above, the character makes me sick feeling.
Also, the fact that multiple other people have been,, eh,, meaner? to "The Family" and instead of also being rival's, enemies,,, not friendly?? with them, they are constantly trying to ally with them in a way. Biggest point is martyn, First session he killed one of their cows to try and force them into a trade, and it worked(kinda)! AND IT WAS IMPULSES COW!!! so ya,,, the fact the entire thing that,,, that was,, just vanished in her thoughts of them is,,, gvbiufhdbkgudfljnrioghdfjk
It's so interesting,, Fascinating, I love it, I hate it, It makes me sick, it's on a C!Scott level of interesting, WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!!!!
There's a weird level of nostalgia that I feel towards what C!gem is doing,,,, It,,, reminds me of a different,,, smp,,,, anyways
She's actively and constantly saying, especially to others, that Impulse and Pearl(But not Scott and Cleo) are basically the villains, that they should be harmed, die and such, to go after them. She tells Skizz to try and kill impulse actively, joel and her give him advice. She says something to Ren, Martyn, and Etho aswell(and I'm 90% sure there's more, i just,,, haven't finished watching the video,,,,) Bdubs and Tango? maybe BIG MAYBE!! they're around quite abit but I can't remember(my memories so bad oh my stars,,,) if She said anything to them. She talks to Scott about it AND I THINK SCOTT??? AGREES????
This girlie confuses me to no end,,, WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!
Also the fact that They are CONSTANTLY on her mind, despite not interacting,, basically at all it seems in session 3. They are in her head, spinning while she desperately tries to get them out, of course, via death in-season <3
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sesamestreep · 3 months ago
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sexy himbo jock interpretations of James Tiberius Kirk are silly and do a disservice to the character for a lot of reasons, not least of which is that it fundamentally ignores all the times in canon when Kirk is faced with a scientific discovery or oddity and you can see the effort it takes for him not to clap and skip with excitement. like in ‘the devil in the dark’ when Spock posits that they might be dealing with a silicon based life form and McCoy’s like “but that’s impossible!” and Kirk literally crosses the room to flirt talk excitedly with Spock about the prospect and how it could work! and what it would mean!
What I’m saying is, Kirk’s gotta be smart and a huge dork because how else could he pull a bad autistic bitch like Spock?
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quadrantadvisor · 1 year ago
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Owl House/Boiling Isles biology headcanons from a fic idea I never wrote:
Witches have a wider range of color vision than humans. A lot of magic puts off infrared light (meaning Luz is missing out on like, half of what spells actually look like).
Humans, however, have a better sense of smell. Witches are better at digesting potentially hazardous materials, but humans have to worry about poisons. Humans are also highly specialized to smell petrichor (via Wikipedia, "able to detect it at concentrations as low as 0.4 parts per billion"), and witches can't smell it at all. (Luz is like, "I miss the rain smells in the human realm so much. On the Boiling Isles the rain just smells like burning :/" and all her friends are like, "what. are you talking about."
Witches don't have an appendix, but they do, coincidentally, also have a random organ that doesn't have much of a purpose and sometimes ruptures and kills you. It's located slightly above the right lung.
Kinda obvious but, ears. Witch ears have a greater curve than human ears and taper into a point. They have some limited mobility, allowing the witch to pinpoint sounds, and they play a part in emotional expression. For a witch, it's not really that strange that human ears are round, it's more that they don't move at all. They're completely stiff, and it makes humans difficult to read. (Luz is lucky she's otherwise very expressive, or else she would come off as nearly emotionless. As it is, sometimes people think she's not being genuine, because her ears don't match the rest of her expression, like when someone smiles without their eyes.)
Humans have slightly denser bones than witches. As a result, humans weigh a bit more on average and put on muscle easier.
Witches can't digest lactose
A high tolerance for most human poisons means that alcohol isn't a popular drug for witches. It technically affects them in a similar way, but their tolerance is such that it's not an effective way to get high. Most of the drugs used recreationally on the Boiling Isles would kill a human instantly.
Witches have a different pulse beat from humans, since their hearts are designed differently to accommodate the bile sac (and grimwalkers' pulses are even more unique, since they have a galdorstone. Rather than the thump of blood valves, Grimwalkers have a sort of magic hum that pulses their circulatory system.)
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