#AND YOU BET I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW YESTERDAYS UPLOAD

[woolysstuff]

I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM

Evil!Sun my beloved (Edit// This Evil!Sun is from TSAMS and is not an AU of mine guys)

Bonus doodle

[papergirllife]

Chapter 3

Synopsis:

You don’t know what it’s like to be free, to make your own choices, and live your own life. For your whole life, your parents have been treating you like a puppet on strings, controlling your life to every single detail, as well as ignoring the fact that you have feelings. Other times, when you disobey their wishes, or speak up about your own opinions, they bash you down with words, in other words, psychological abuse, has led you down the long winded road of depression and anxiety. What happens when you meet a man who’s willing to be your guide out of this terrible downpour? Would you give a shot at happily ever after?

Warnings:

big age gap (kinda?)

issues on anxiety

issues on depression (mild)

issues on parental abuse

smut (maybe)

Tag List: @etherealtyjaem​ ,  @caratzennie  , @johnnysuhnflower  ,  @euphoricchannie  ,  @yeollieseo  ,  @jjhmk  , @sherzess , @wonderfulkoreanpop​

(lmk if you wanna be on the list)

You’ve been seeing Mr Suh, correction, Johnny, his first name, as per requested by Johnny himself.

“Mr Suh makes me feel older than I already am, you make me feel like a teenager all over again, so you have to call me Johnny. Let me relive my days when I was still a college kid.”

You didn’t mind, things aren’t as awkward between the two of you anymore, Johnny’s been spending time with you, although the two of you never established any sort of labelling towards what this relationship is. You and Johnny only hung out and had meals together, trying out different cuisines, watching movies, even going as far as skipping a day at work to go to the amusement park. He even bought you to an arcade when you told him you haven’t had the chance to venture to one since you were in grade school.

“Why haven’t you ever been to one for so long?” Johnny asked when he finished a round of pinball.

“They said it was a waste of time and that I should spend more time studying,” you said, wondering why Johnny would ask that, isn’t it the same for all the kids?

Whenever you mention your confining life to Johnny, he’d have a faraway look in his eyes, jaw locked in silent rebuke, he doesn’t say anything, he pulls you close, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. He would be quite for almost half an hour before he goes back to regular cheerful Johnny, telling you lame jokes that you would surprisingly find funny.

You didn’t have a phone, since your parents forbid you to have one, the only means of communicating is through your email account on your laptop, and even that you must always bear in mind to delete his mails right after, and take further precaution, you didn’t allow him to initiate the sending.

Johnny wanted to buy you one, but you rejected him promptly, you didn’t want him to spend so much money on you, he already spends lots on taking you out to eat. You gave him the excuse that it was too dangerous, and the consequences of getting caught are severe.

You often questioned your relationship with Johnny, you aren’t dumb, you’ve googled him and saw gossip news portals uploading photos of him and some model going out and about in hotels, but those headlines were months ago, the latest news about him was from his interview with Times magazine.

You never had the guts to ask him, you don’t know what you mean to him. What right do you have to question his whereabouts and what he does? He’ll probably be bored of you after he’s known all of you.

You know you shouldn’t think of Johnny that way, it is mean to assume what he’s thinking, especially how well he’s treating you, but seeing those headlines gives you a sense of insecurity, you keep telling yourself that this won’t last, but the thought of not seeing him again made your hair stand. He’s making you happy, a distraction towards the negativity you face in that house you live in, but for how long?

House. You never called it a home, unless you were telling your boss you were leaving, to prevent anyone from questioning your odd way of describing it. It was never a home to you. To you, a home is a place where you feel happy, safe, and most importantly, loved. The closest you’ve ever felt to having these feelings were your grandma and Joh... No, you don’t love him, and he doesn’t love you. What were you thinking?

You pushed those thoughts away as you opened your laptop to double check the files that you’ve typed out for your parent’s next important meeting that was supposed to be taking place first thing tomorrow. But when you went through your folders, the files were nowhere to be seen. It’s then you realised that the notification that keeps urging you to update the laptop was gone, it wasn’t the first time you updated the laptop and found out some files were missing, so you would never update the laptop at such a crucial time.

You took the laptop out to your father who was watching some news on his phone in the dining area to ask him if he had updated the software without alerting you.

“Yes, I did. What about it?” he asked, annoyance on his face due to the sudden disturbance.

“The files are missing because of the update,” you informed him.

“What files?” 

“The files for tomorrow’s meeting, they’re missing,” you told him as you mentally prepared yourself for what’s to come.

“What do you mean missing?! I bet it was because you saved it wrongly again! Your retarded brain never works does it?! Do you know how important those files are?! You always work on them late at night blurry eyed, of course you didn’t save them properly! You could’ve worked on them in the morning before work. but no... You want to ‘exercise’! What a waste of time!” You’re not pretty anyways, what are you doing them for huh?!” Your father shouted, his eyes blazing in rage, his fist slamming onto the glass.

While your father was shouting, your mother was checking the laptop as she complains about how clueless you are. It was like your brain couldn’t take the amount of hurtful words piercing into your mind like daggers, you let out a high pitched scream as tears threatened to fall, your hands covering your ears as your eyes were a blur.

When you could see properly again, you could make up words which sounded like ‘how dare you’ from your father, next thing you registered were the fury in his eyes as he advances on you, hand above his head, ready to hit you. You didn’t know what came over you, but the first thing you did was kicking him away. That’s when a full on fight broke out.

You were filled with rage, your mind wasn’t registering what you were doing. You went into a flight or fight stance and started thrashing and kicking as his hands were holding painfully tight on your wrists after you tried punching him.

Your mom urges the both of you not to fight, her voice barely registering in your head as she sits still on the high chair by the kitchen island, not bothered to even try to cease the fight.

When you finally pushed him away, you ran into your room and locked it. Your chest was heaving from the panic attack that just started, you tried your best to calm yourself down, reminding yourself to breathe, it was suffocating, controlling your breathing as more tears made its way out of your eyes.

When it all stopped, your body succumbed into mental exhaustion, passing out on your bed as the tears finally ceased.

You only woke up for dinner last night, and proceeded to sleep again. Yesterday’s events made you feel numb, other than the pain from the bruises on your arms.

There was a big ugly one on your left upper arm, its colour an ugly shade of green and purple.  A few other less serious ones scattered around your lower arms. In other words, you look like a wreck.

You wore a jacket to run even though you were sweating from your previous cardio work outs, feeling a little better after the endorphins in your body kicked in. When you got back, you quickly showered and ate a toast. When you asked for your mother’s phone to remind your boss you were going to take the day off, she told you that weren’t needed at the meeting anymore and that she finished everything last night.

“Just call to say that you’ll be going to work,” she said, not even looking in your direction when she handed you her phone.

But when you called to inform your boss, he told you that he had another part time coming in, and that it was too short of a notice. You said thank you and hung up, but said that you’ll be at work on time today before handing it back to your mother.

You really needed to escape for the day.

You opened the laptop and sent an email to Johnny.

I’m free today. Wanna go out?

You sat on your bed staring at the ceiling as you were sure it was going to be a bit before he replied, but just as you closed your eyes, you heard a distant chime from your laptop.

I’m rushing some stuff at the office today. I’m so sorry, Y/N.

Can I stay in your office? I really wanna get out of the house.

You sounded like a spoiled kid begging for attention, but you really wanted to see him today.

Sure. But you might get bored :) .

I’m leaving the house now :) .

For a 26 year old businessman, he sure loves to use emoticons.

You got changed into jeans and a jacket, you don’t usually wear one if you were going to a secluded area with Johnny, but you had to hide all the marks from last night. You just noticed that they hurt after you accidentally knocked your wrist against something.

You took the bus to the address Johnny wrote down on your diary, it was after one of your dinners together, and he jokingly said that you could always swing by if you wanted, you didn’t know you were going to actually do that.

The bus station wasn’t too far of a walk from his office, since it was just downtown Seoul where the Korea’s financial hub was located.

As you were nearing the office buildings, you stood out like a sore thumb, given the way you were dressed and your age. The people kept giving you stink eyes and sideway glances.

Suh Capital Partners. That was it.

You walked in the rotating doors, only to be greeted by masses of people walking around with smart pads, files, talking on the phone while the assistants take notes. Johnny didn’t mention his company being this big.

You admired the facade of the lobby, it displayed the latest news on a large monitor while futuristic lights hung from the high ceiling, the walls were a perfect balance of steel and wood with a wall of plants filled the wall behind the reception area. 

You realised that the people stopped what they were doing before and started looking at you curiously when one of the nicely dressed women from the reception walked up to you.

“Excuse me, miss. May I ask who are you looking for?” the woman asked, her eyes scanning you from top to toe.

You froze at your spot from how cold she sounded, like she didn’t want you around to ruin the aesthetic of the company. You reminded yourself that you weren’t going to see her anytime soon after this and that if you did make a fool of yourself then so be it.

“I’m looking for Mr Suh,” you told her.

She looked taken aback from your answer, but gave you the ugliest sneer when she recovered.

“Miss, this isn’t a school, you can’t just walk in here and demand to see someone without an appointment. Mr Suh is the head of this company, not someone you can just meet without an agreement from him. Please leave this instance,” she said, her tone high pitched enough to gather everyone’s attention, you swore you heard someone laughing a few feet away.

“But...

“That’s my guest, Ms Park.”

You whipped your head back to see Johnny standing behind you. But instead of his usual warm honey eyes, his eyes were a cold and staring daggers into the woman in front of you.

“I’m so sorry, Mr Suh. I’ll get back to my work now,” the woman bowed apologetically, going as far as doing it numerous times.

“I’m going to need a key card for her, Ms Park. Send it up to me when you’re done,” Johnny said, but his eyes were scanning the crowd, his employees immediately went back to what they were doing, the large lobby void of any sound other than people rushing to the lift lobby to escape the scene.

Johnny placed a hand behind your back and guided you to the lift lobby after most of the people have taken the ride up to their respective floors.

“I’m sorry,” you said after the coast was clear.

Johnny’s intimidating stance broke as confusion takes over his face.

“What are you sorry for?” Johnny asked, he should be the one saying sorry.

“I’m such an embarrassment, coming here in my jeans and jacket with a canvas bag, looking like a kid,” you said, fingers nervously tugging the straps of your old bag.

“Hey, hey, hey. Nothing’s wrong with being young and dressing your age. They’re just grumpy from all the work. Don’t take their words into account, and you look great. Perfection as always,” Johnny said reassuringly, hands placed on your shoulder, the warmth of his palms calming you slightly.

“No....

You buried your face into your hands as he patted your head, you sneakily glanced up to see him smiling at you with a toothy grin. But you quickly regained posture as you saw an elevator door open with many pairs of legs.

Johnny wasn’t going in even though the lift was going up, that’s when people in the lift realised it was him, and quickly came out of the lift, saying sorry and greeting Johnny.

Johnny guided you in after the lift was cleared empty. His staff looking at you curiously, you weren’t used to having so many pairs of eyes on you, their curious eyes burning holes into you.

Johnny could sense your anxiousness from the way you were hiding behind his tall figure as the two of you walked into his office, there weren’t many people at that time, given the fact that only direct reports of his business partners came up to hand in documents.

You only felt yourself loosen up a bit after you took a seat on Johnny’s armchair in his huge office, overlooking Seoul’s skyline and the cars that were buzzing about on the roads. The view made you calm down a bit from the journey coming up here.

You felt the chair dip as Johnny took a seat on its armrest, his hands coming up to give your shoulders a nice massage. Johnny smiled at the way your eyes lit up from his comforting touch as you looked back to smile at him, he felt a warm feeling deep in his belly as he takes in your beautiful features and the warmth of your shoulders on his fingertips. But as he puts more pressure onto your shoulders, you wince slightly, which didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Did your boss at work make you lift heavy stuff again?” Johnny asked, his hands ceased all movements, fearing that he would hurt you again.

You automatically thought of your fight with your father last night, it might be because of the force exerted from when he had pushed you.

“N-no, I just didn’t sleep well last night. I watched a horror movie and had a nightmare,” you lied, not knowing how he would react if you told him the truth.

“Be careful when watching these movies, Y/N. If you went to work and your boss really made you move heavy things today, then you would’ve strain your muscles,” Johnny said, going back to massaging your shoulders, but this time gently applying pressure on that spot, rubbing it in clockwise circles to ease the pain.

“I’m fine, Johnny. Didn’t you have work to rush? I don’t want to keep you away from important matters. And my shoulders feel much better now,” you said, moving away from his hands even though you could’ve let him do that forever, it felt so comforting, borderline addictive.

“Okay, I’ll tend to your shoulders again later.” Johnny said as he lays his head on top of yours, a gesture that he had came up with whenever he wanted to show affection to you without crossing uncharted territories, your heart sped up whenever he does that.

You were just sitting on the couch reading one of your old books when you looked up and saw Johnny frowning at his laptop, you placed your book down and made your way to Johnny.

“Don’t frown like that, you’ll get frown lines when you’ll get older, it’ll spoil your handsome face,” you joked.

Your hands reach out to smooth the creases on his forehead, a smile coming back to Johnny’s face.

“Thank you,” he said, taking your busy hand into his, lightly tracing the area between your thumb and your index finger.

“What’s bothering you?” you asked, unbeknownst to you, your lips were unconsciously set in a pout.

“There’s some documents that are supposed to be sent to my office in Chicago, but the English that’s written here isn’t up to standards, I’m worried the staff there won’t understand what the document is stating. I don’t mind correcting it, but I have other things to tend to as well,” Johnny explained to you.

“Can I take a look at it? I had Cambridge classes for 8 years. Guess it’s finally coming in handy. I mean only if you think I’m capable, I don’t want you to think I’m boasting or anything, I just really wanna help...

“Y/N, sweet, I trust you. Just let me get you a laptop,” he said before dialling to his secretary.

Once Johnny sent the files to that laptop, you started correcting some grammatical errors and replaced some terms that weren’t as professional, when Johnny was done with his meeting, you were done with the documents as well.

“Here, take a look. There might be mistakes,” you said after sending him the files back.

“You were reading ‘me before you’, I think you’re fine, Y/N,” Johnny deadpanned.

“Just take a look, just in case,” you pleaded, doe eyes capturing his heart. Nodding, Johnny smiles, doing as you said.

Johnny scanned through the documents, his eyes lighting up brighter after each sentence, a proud smile making way on his face. When he was done, he pulled you close by the waist, and gave you a warm hug, his head nuzzling into your sweater.

“Thank you so much, sweetheart. I thought I needed to work overtime because of this,” he said, his voice was slightly muffled by the cotton.

“You’re welcome. You can always send me these files when I’m not here, I don’t want you to overwork yourself,” you offered.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Wanna grab lunch? I can hear your stomach rumbling,” Johnny asked after pulling away, a cheeky glint in his eyes.

You could feel your cheeks heating up in embarrassment, as you hit Johnny’s shoulders lightly for his teasing, a smile creeping up your face.

“No, I’m not...

“Come on, I know this really nice French restaurant around the corner...

“Johnny I have the file you were...

Doyoung stops in his tracks as he sees you and Johnny being so close to each other.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a guest,” Doyoung apologises, but his eyes were still wide in disbelief.

“Doyoung. This is Y/N. Y/N, Doyoung is one of my business partners, his dad was my dad’s business partner so now it’s his turn,” Johnny introduces his friend to you, telling you a bit of his background.

You gave Doyoung a tiny bow and soft hello, nerves wrecking up at meeting someone you often see on telly whenever their company has a press conference. You could sense an air of discomfort as Doyoung gives you a questioning look.

“You can just put the files on my desk Doyoung. I’ll take a look at them after my lunch break.”

When the evening rolled in, Johnny had to drive you home before your mom questioned your whereabouts.

“I really enjoyed having you by my side today, Y/N,” Johnny said sincerely after pulling up outside the gated area.

“I should be the one thanking you, I can’t believe those snails cost so much, yet you won’t let me pay you back whenever we have meals together,” you retorted, recalling how your eyes almost flew out of their sockets when you stole a glance at the bill.

“Money is not an issue, Y/N. I told you that many times before,” Johnny reminded you.

“I’ll see you on Saturday?” you asked, changing the subject before he offers to buy you a house or something.

“Yeah,” Johnny said, chuckling at how you diverted his attention.

Johnny unlocked the doors of his car, but right before you pulled onto the handle, Johnny pulled your arm, the place where one of the bigger bruises were located at, making you wince at the unexpected pain.

“Y/N I wanted to ask, wait. Are you in pain? Are you hurt? Did I accidentally hurt you?” Johnny asked his eyes wide in worry.

Before you could protest, Johnny pushed up the sleeves of your sweater, revealing the big ugly bruise on your upper arm, and several others that went downwards until your wrist.

You looked up at Johnny, scanning his face that was frozen in shock, eyes not believing what he’s seeing. His fingers gently tracing every bruise, his other hand rotating your arm gently, to see if there’s more.

“Y/N... Who did this to you?” Johnny questioned, but deep down in his gut, he’s sure it’s who he thinks it is.

“No one, Johnny. I just fell down when I woke up,” you said, lying through your teeth, you didn’t want to, but that was your survival instinct whenever someone asks about your parents.

“Don’t lie to me Y/N, it’s them isn’t it? They hit you. Why didn’t you tell me?” Johnny demanded, he questions why you don’t trust him, was he not worthy in your eyes?

“It’s nothing, Johnny. Goodnight,” you said in a breath before turning away.

You quickly got out of his car and ran to your lift lobby, Johnny was following behind you. But before he could step into the premise, you shut the glass door which could only be opened with a security card on him, mouthing the words sorry before you made your way into a lift.

Johnny banged at the door, shouting for you to come back, before the security guards asked him to leave. He could feel a prickle in his heart as he sees the bruises in his head, the image fresh. He felt red hot anger boiling in his heart, he was going to get you out of that horrible place, no matter what it takes.

[nurseofren]

Keeping Your Promise - Chapter 22

Read on AO3

Read chapter twenty-one

Title: CONNECTION LOST

Words: 5800

Warnings: Rape (bow out if you need to, I will include a brief summary in the end notes), graphic descriptions of violence, graphic descriptions of trauma.

Summary: When it rains, it pours. And then the world starts to explode. So it's all just a giant mess.

ST Rambles: Did not upload yesterday because I wanted to take my time instead of rush this thing out. I truly hope you all have enjoyed the story thus far.

Okay, so. My ADN classes and clinical start again on Thursday. What this means: I'm taking a 2-3 week break from writing so I can get into a good rhythm for school and just find my bearings. I think this is a perfect place to take a break. It'll act as an intermission in a way. Jeez, I think you all have earned one by now.

[MASTERLIST]

Excess saline dripped in crimson creaks toward the floor, a bog forming beneath a shaking foot onto a towel. Two empty flushes laid in their respective positions, remaining diagonal to each other as they’d landed earlier. Another towel was set below your thigh as you propped it onto the bathroom counter with your knee bent over the edge, choosing to remain standing rather than chance losing the ability to crawl up from the floor if you’d sat. With every thumb-push of the syringe plunger new streaks of liquid agony soaked into the red, throbbing, raging wounds; each lick of searing solution reminding you of their harbinger, your tongue stained in acrid remembrance of the words which had fallen from it.

I hate you. The phrase you’d feared most had turned out to be the least insidious, its existence light-hearted in relation to the ones that came quickly after. The simple statement had catalyzed the catastrophe, its memory burning what remained of your heart, ashes now dormant and gray within your chest, each beat superficial in the way it sustained a life you no longer wanted. It was difficult to name what you were feeling, the uncertainty rooted in the fact that you were twisted in the clutch of grief and guilt while also floating in a nebula of numbness, the contradiction dissonant and dizzying.

With each haunting phrase, each sharp with a venomous bite, new collections of misery scathed into the scarring tissue, each tear acidic in its salty existence. A recoil was earned whenever recalling the wrath that inhabited Kylo Ren’s tone when he called you a liar, its mental presence ricocheting between your ears and setting your skin aflame with goosebumps, each wave of heated chills revitalizing the blistering burns as they settled into their intentional permanence.

Upon your left thigh, bright and belligerent and baleful, sitting just above the hem of your uniform, stung the evidence of Kylo Ren’s indignation. Staring down at the welts – two pointed, laser-sharp letters – shame accompanied the initial longing regard you held for the brand. You now bore the undeniable truth of your time with Kylo Ren, a raised K set in finality next to a partnering R, the pain-inked initials tied to a turmoil laden conflict you didn’t want to acknowledge. It was too pitiful, too pathetic and disgusting even in the infancy of its consideration.

At the fringes of your mind, the dark corners of consciousness you rarely visited, sprung an aching truth that thrashed against every belief you thought you’d once held. Yet, with each shiv of shaky air, every dagger of dread pitted in pain, you came closer to accepting it. Barely below the surface now, even as the injury pulsated with piercing torment, smarted in sync with the blatant beat of your heart, you could not deny the fact that you felt deserving of its detriment and relieved by its reality. As you tended to the wounds, using whatever scrapped supplies you’d accidentally brought home from the med bay, you fought to react in a way that would be appropriate to this situation.

The malice-born mark should have tinged your blood with fury. In its wake, the aura of red which bled outward from each initial should have filled your lungs with an indisputable hostility towards their maker. Right now, suffering in solitude, you were supposed to be cursing Kylo Ren, spitting his name and screaming hellfire over him as he’d singed into you. There was an overwhelming presence of heavy self-set expectation to sink into an unrivaled hatred for the creature you’d left in that room, the same who’d left less permanent proof in the past. Though, while the targeted tissue throbbed below your trembling hands as you attempted to apply an antibacterial protectant, you found it impossible to feel anything but misery for him.

The haunting image of Kylo Ren’s fleeting soul tore talons into your chest, a coughed sob echoing in your empty residence as you replayed the tangible change in his demeanor. Had light been scarce you swore you could’ve seen the shroud of darkness fog into his sclera, set his jaw flat and firm as he’d backed away from you. Swiping the salve over your wound you shuddered into yourself, time barely hindering the void tone with which he’d rescinded his trust, the abandonment in his voice contradicting the promise you’d made him the night he’d spoken protection over you.

Time ticked on, each second one of slow suffering. As you healed the outward wounds, inward ones formed fresh and raw, head pounding with pain and regret. Even that made wrought you with guilt. The whole reason you’d gone through with Snoke’s plan was to save Mason; his life had been equated to a trading card and it had been your doing. The least you could do was free him from the hell only intended for you. But, similar to the way regarded your new scars, shame took root in the acceptance that you didn’t deem the deal a fair wager.

Maybe it was just the immediacy of the situation, or maybe you were crueler than you’d once believed, but as you’d watched Kylo rip away from you, there was a silent moment where you wished you could allow yourself to embrace the selfishness that would keep him in your life. If you’d had the time to think on it, or if the ultimatum had been less dire, less fatal, in that moment you were swallowed by the fact that your choice would have been Kylo. Completely, entirely, wholly, undoubtedly, instantaneously. Mason had been a comfort for years, someone to rely on, the boy you’d founded a fictional future with. But you’d never wanted him the way you did Kylo. It was the most foreign, mortifying thought you’d ever held, but, however small, there was a part of you that would always choose Kylo. Over Mason. Over anyone.

“Fuck!” Anger swelled as a flare of pain lashed under your touch while applying a saline saturated gauze. “I hate this!” No one was around to hear you, but that was always when the harshest truths hit.

Steadying yourself with the counter and the door, you hobbled away from your working position, affected leg just barely grazing the ground while you made your way into the kitchen. “How did this even fucking happen? Why did it have to be me?” You stood away from a drawer, activating it and digging around until you found a roll of paper tape. “I left here this morning hating him. Why can’t I just go back? I-,” a strangle of tears came, fingers prying uselessly to find the start. “I want to go back.” Thick and faltered, the words fell from devastated lips.

Giving up on your hands you ripped your teeth into the waxy material, spitting the torn tape from your mouth once you finally found the start tab. A rush of hysterics hit, lungs stuttering in defensive laughter. “You can probably fucking hear me, I bet! What, you saw me then, why not now? Why wouldn’t you see me like this, you fucked, disgusting, wretched, voyeuristic scum!”

Pressing down on the damp gauze, keeping it in place, you reached into the drawer once more to grab a roll of left over Kerlix. Tearing it open – again, with your teeth – you pressed it against your upper thigh and held it in place, regarding your scars covered the surface area that spanned the length of your pinky, both horizontally and vertically. Wrapping the rolled gauze continuously around your upper thigh, you couldn’t help but appreciate how precise and clean the letters were. Even brandishing a pen of pain Kylo Ren’s handwriting was beautiful, the thought bringing you a hesitant warmth with a short burst of guilt. The uproar of conflict currently battling in your soul would surely be the death of you.

Taking the last strip of tape, you secured the dressing, smoothing your left hand over it to make sure friction was minimal. While doing so, you caught sight of a flashing message scrawling across in bright red capital letters. The radar had disappeared altogether, not only vacant of the red dot indicative of Kylo’s location, but even of the faint red lines it had moved across. Waiting until the message cycled through until the beginning, you felt your lungs empty as the last letter solidified the severance from your Master.

CONNECTION LOST

“No. No. No no no. Why?” Frenzied fingers tread through sweat sodden roots, pain shooting up your leg as it bore new weight. “I didn’t ever want this! Why? Why? Why?” Sinking to the floor, willfully basking in the pain, you crumpled onto the tile until ice bit the backs of your calves.

Heaves of air collected and left in rushed lungfuls, choked cries reverberating through the room while the heels of your hands dammed the influx of tears. A frantic effort was made to think of anything else, a distraction sought in the face of your now official loss. Cycling through this morning you recalled conversations held by stormtroopers on the Command Shuttle, sharing news and celebrating in the fact that the Republic had been destroyed just prior to landing on Takodana. Mason had gone out of his way all those weeks ago to tell you of the mandatory rally, only for neither of you to be on Starkiller to attend it. It had to have been at least two hours since it occurred, its contents and importance still a mystery to you. A shawl of shivers fell onto heavy shoulders, that feeling of dread you’d felt this morning reminding you of how this day had begun on an off note, like it was destined for doom.

A click and a hiss came from behind, your heart stalling and nose sniffling. The only other person who could have access to your residence was-

“Kylo?” It was a quiet plead.

There was no response, no movement. Unease struck the hairs on the back of your neck. Looking back to your watch, the same message still running across the screen, you didn’t know what to think. The first thing that came to mind was to grovel, to take his sudden presence in stride and fulfill your wishes of selfishness. This was your opportunity to tell him everything, already knowing the excruciating truth of not doing so earlier. Him coming back gave you the chance to right all the wrong done today.

Sloppy, careless movements brought you to your knees. Seething, you remained here while the stinging diminished. “Kylo, none of it was true! You were right. I don’t hate you. I don’t. I promise, I don’t. I can’t.” Confessions were abundant while he evaded your senses. “Snoke. It was all Snoke. He threatened Mason, and, and I had to. Please, you have to understand!”

There was still no answer, but a hiss; it was similar to the mask’s muzzle, but not exact. The difference was strange, like your ears were playing tricks. The sound was closer than the door, still out of sight.

“Kylo, I’m so sorry! I’ll do any- ah!” No matter how tender you tried to be, attempting to stand without pain proved impossible. “I’ll do anything. But please know that I didn’t mean any of that! You aren’t irredeemable. You’re not a bastard. I never… I never want to forget you.”

“And you won’t, I promise. Though, I’d prefer you call me by my name.”

Just as soon as you’d regained an upright posture, you nearly lost it. It was Robbie. He was in your residence. He was here. Robbie was here, talking, with you. At you.

“You know the one.” He came into view, armor intact other than his helmet. “Miss me?”

“How are you- how did you get-,”

“Mm, you really should be more careful, especially with belongings like this.” Robbie, wicked eyes slithering down your stature, held a black rectangle between two fingers. “You never know who might get a hold of them.”

As light glinted over the object your chest sunk in instant realization. It had been so long ago, such a minute occurrence that you hadn’t thought anything of it. All those weeks ago, only a few days after Kylo had barred your practice, you had lost the keycard he’d given you. The one that had been folded into his note was lost in an accidental run-in with a stormtrooper. Its absence had only been noticed a few hours after losing it in the cafeteria, when leaving Mason’s and having to get an emergency replacement that day.

“Don’t do this. You don’t have to do this.” A hobbled step neared you towards the counter.

“I told you the last time we spoke—” the card hit the floor with a booming clip, its sound lost in your pulse “—this isn’t over.” A slow step carried him forward, sending you back further. “Almost, but not just yet.”

His presence was mutilating, every muscle tensing even as your leg throbbed in rejection. The edge of the counter bit at the small of your back, hands gripping into the edges.

“Why are you doing this? Why now? Why me?” It seemed that was the question of the day. Two quivering lips took turns quieting pain and hiding fear.

“Why am I doing this?” He was a madman, visage void of sanity. Another calculated step forward, your pulse peaking. “I knew you were stupid, but this? Come on, you don’t actually think you’re completely innocent here, do you?”

One final step and he was smothering you, fury sweltering as it drifted from his skin to yours. His jugular vein was throbbing to match one prominent on his forehead. Kylo’s eyes may have resembled the emptiness of death, but Robbie’s were swimming with a vengeful desire to deliver it. Vomit rose when you smelled his breath, felt it hot over your nose in his proximity.

“Maybe you can learn, though.” He brushed a piece of your hair behind your ear, clammy hands slick over burning skin, scanning eyes set in thought. “Maybe you’re not completely helpless after all.”

Two hands strangled your own, tightened them to the counter as he pressed his chest against you, leaning down until he could bury his nose in the collar of your uniform. A complete breath hadn’t come since seeing him, head dizzying with thoughts of blame, rejection, and emergency.

“Why are you apologizing to Ren, huh?” Violating lips pressed into your neck, a whimper leaving as you fought to escape him, searching for the fasted route to safety while he couldn’t see you. “Say sorry to me, baby. It’s that simple.”

Self defense was useless against his armor. His lips pulled at your lobe, a gag forming at the touch. Twisting away from him, you peered down to the drawer and found a pair of scissors, their red handle bright in your periphery. The crushing weight over your hands became bruising, your throat thirsty for escape. The only way to evade him was to indulge him, to distract him with the very thing he sought most.

Repulsion clawed at your stomach. “You want me to apologize, correct?” Sultry words hid the sickness they brought.

Robbie hummed into your neck, nose now buried in your hair while he bucked his hips into you, fire sprouting from your wounds under the pressure. “That’s all I’ve wanted this whole time,” just as Snoke had claimed your last name, Robbie clutched your first, rolling it off in a purr.

“I bet you want me to say your name, too, right? You’d like that a lot?” Today had tested your ability to hide your true intentions. Brushing your thumbs along his hold, as much as you could under their restriction, you eyed the scissors. “The name I gave you?”

A grunt left him, another thrust into your brand fuzzing your vision. “Yes. Say my name. Apologize to me.”

Eyes shut tight while Robbie continued in his unwanted nearness, you swallowed hard. “Kiss me, then.” He stopped moving, shoulders still as air stalled in his lungs. “Kiss me and I’ll apologize. I’ll say your name.” It was a desperate hope to hold that he wouldn’t hear the shakiness of the offer.

“Dammit,” he breathed, “you can’t be taught.” Rage grated against his throat, grip leaving your hands and wrapping around your neck. He leaned you back over the counter, the stance awkward and agonizing. “What a stupid bitch! You think this is a trade? You ruined my life! You gave me an identity and ripped it away like it was nothing! Like I was nothing!”

Black pulsed at the corners of your vision, his face doubling and dizzying as you reached for the drawer, fingers inching over nondescript items. “Apologize! And maybe, maybe! I will let you leave here. How does that sound?”

Grappling your free hand over his clutch, you gagged for words, none escaping his compression while you collected saliva at the back of your mouth. You mouthed his name, eyes full of feigned pleads while your fingers found the scissors’ handle.

Robbie’s jaw quivered more while he watched you struggle. Your manipulation was working. That seemed to be a theme today. Though, this one was much easier to endure. Two murderous eyes flickered between yours, quicker and quicker with each movement until he released your throat just enough for you to form words.

Fist locked onto your weapon, adrenaline readying, you stared directly at him and hocked a gob of hot spit into his eyes. He went to shake it free, but your hand came up and slashed down through his brow and over his left cheek. Robbie’s hands flooded towards his face as you pushed him out of the way, scissors still in hand while you rushed for the door. But your leg was a hindrance, dragging behind you, eventually only hopping on the one when the pain began to cut deeper with each stride.

The door activated per your touch and basked you in the light of freedom, only for your head to fly backward as a fist dragged you away from safety. A string of winces left in line with a pouted scream. It barely registered but the exit hissed shut again, your forehead cracking against it with the same force that’d just been around your throat.

“This is what I’ve been waiting for—” a harsh inhale came at your nape “—you knew it all along. Away for months only to get new fucking security the moment you return?”

He had you pinned, legs splayed and arms flung out. Your forearms framed your head, his hands flat over your wrists and stealing every bit of opportunity. The scissors hung loosely under your hand, teetering closer to the floor with each second.

“You left me! I woke up and you were gone. Such a fucking cunt, and for no reason.”

“You are psychotic you sick, vile creature!” Pain seethed into your tone, bandage rubbing into the raised skin.

Robbie trembled with anger, his body vibrating at your back as he pressed further into your right hand so the scissors finally fell. “Maybe that voice was never beautiful.” His right arm bent your elbow behind your back so his abdomen could trap it there; when he was satisfied, he reached it around you so it lay flat in front of your mouth, grip wrapping around your left forearm. His head pushed into yours so your mouth went flush with his arm and your nose could barely attempt at breathing. “Maybe it was only ever annoying. Useless.”

You couldn’t escape him. There were no defenses left to attempt, the only one now bloodied at your feet. All you could do was endure. There was nothing left. No time. No saviors. All that remained was an overwhelming sense of guilt and a pestering question: did you deserve this? After all you’d done, all you’d been forced to do and go through with? In some way, was this karma? In turn for hurting the one you loved, you would be hurt by one who you’d wanted to love? Was this the restoration of balance?

A stifling hand rushed under your skirt, taking time to grope at the flesh over your underwear. Every effort to flex away from him was wasted, and there was so little left to fight for. The message that flashed over your left wrist taunted you, held you just as captive as the monster behind you; in saving two lives, doing what you thought was right, you had given up every aspect of your own. Robbie had snaked his touch beneath the thin fabric, now moving it aside and preparing his own clothing, and the only thing you could focus on was the patterned scrawl on your watch.

It was mocking you, emphasizing its point in the darkest moment of your life, your body stiff and scared with no lasting dignity. There was less than a person, less than a shell now. Each organ working to keep you alive was doing so in vain, purpose fleeting from your foggy thoughts; you’d returned to heal wounds you’d grown to want, and now you wouldn’t live to see them scab over.

You wretched onto his arm, biting down onto the flexed muscle, when you felt the head of his penis swipe over the back of your injured leg. Vomit threatened when his hips circled and he moaned, breath thick and satisfied.

“No, you’ll never forget me,” he huffed, “You won’t have the time.”

Robbie readied himself for penetration, your tears hot and obstructed at his arm, your eyes peering over at the watch as you tried to die at your own will first. Furious, unrefined disgust and shame stabbed your soul when you felt him proceed, felt him buck into you. Your brain couldn’t decide whether to catch fire or burn out, didn’t want to accept this as one of the last things you’d feel.

His breath shuddered at your neck, your cries silent and shattered beneath him. He attempted to speak, but something happened. Something sudden and fleeting and rapturous. A miracle born in the absence of hope.

The lights went out. Pitch blackness swallowed you, enveloped him and in tow distracted him. His restraints weakened and you slammed your head back against his, adrenaline softening the blow.

“Fuck!” Robbie tripped backwards, leaving you completely.

Stunned at the event, you stalled, not knowing what to do. You couldn’t move quick enough, Robbie catching your knee in his bent over position. It was nearly impossible to see him, but the red cast of your watch threw crimson shadows just far enough to glint off his bloodied features. He wasn’t going to give up until one of you was dead.

“Get off of me!” Of course he’d attached himself to the leg currently rippling pain through your body.

“We’re not finished!” A rough tug brought you down next to him where he attempted to climb on top of you, your fingers digging into his eyes and sending him to his back.

“No—” scrambling fingers searched the dark for your earlier weapon, drying blood sticking when you found it “—we’re not.”

Red. Everything was red. Robbie’s face. The blood which dripped from it. Your hands, the same blood streaking and drying in place. He couldn’t see you’d gained the upper hand. In a final glance over the animal beside you, searching him for humanity and drawing a blank, you felt your heart stutter with a decision that would mark you for life. A mark you’d make yourself.

Interlocking your fingers over the red handle, two steady hands pulsating over the hard object, you brought your arms up and slammed them down with insurgence, hitting the break in his uniform over his right inner thigh. Robbie roared in response, his howls echoing into the nothingness which surrounded him. The red haze of your radar glinted off the pool of blood forming beneath him. With each second, each flashing moment, it grew wider and fuller.

With a hard swallow, relief barely recognizable, you looked into his wide eyes just as the ground began to shake. “Now we’re done.”

Without dropping his stare, your hand slammed to activate the door and you backed out of your residence, watching him fade from view when it locked in front of you. It had to be done. He would’ve done the same. It was him or you. In searching for a reason why, you saw a change in the light coming from your watch. The flashing was different, and it started vibrating. Lifting it to your face, you found the message missing and the radar returned. It was fading in and out, though.

No matter, you were rushed back into the reality of people running past and into the floor lobby. A crowd surrounded the elevator, anger being pushed into the button when it wouldn’t respond. You and your floormates were exiles, the floor continuing its violent shaking. A cloud of rushed and flustered conversation plumed down the hall before every face turned towards you.

“Stairs,” said a quiet collection. “Stairs!”

A group of two dozen people stormed in your direction, their speed scaring you past your pain and into the stairwell. The group moved over each other, the leader switching between you and two men. It was a hushed chaos of stomping feet and fast breath. Nobody would make any noise other than the occasional grunt. On the fourth flight of stairs, more and more people piling out from the doors of their respective floors, your leg began to ache again. Though every step burned into you, you knew you had to escape this. You’d escaped much worse just a minute ago, and, for whatever reason, you were still living. Unknown to you, only revealing itself when it was entirely too necessary, there was a fight in you, and whether it be for yourself or someone or something else, you indulged in it with each step.

When the now stampede of officers of all backgrounds pushed past the doors into the Elite docking bay an alarming new mayhem ripped into realization. Hoards of people were fumbling and climbing over each other while screams tore through the room from all directions. TIEs were being crowded with as many bodies that could fit, and then some. The group you’d arrived with all flailed out, each person on their own journey towards safety.

Right where you’d left it earlier, before every horrible thing had gone on, sat the Command Shuttle. Even this far you could hear the engines stirring. Your legs took over and carried you as fast as they could, no matter the injury or barricades of people. The hell that had been born on this forsaken base would die with it, but you refused to do the same.

Each stride brought you closer the now ascending ramp, watching it close as you caught a glimpse of the future you wanted and were going to fight like hell to protect. One, two, three sloppy paces and your foot caught on the elevated ramp, your body sliding into the ship as it closed completely under you.

Desperate breaths stifled a groan as you slid across the floor. A white boot stomped in front of your face as you remained splayed and heaving beside it.

“Clearance?” It was a command, however useless as you felt the ship lift from the ground.

A dark thought crossed your mind – well, do you want my watch, or my keycard, or my uniform, or my leg? Rolling over you found General Hux standing on your opposite side. A thick gulp came as you patted your left arm to your chest, tracing over R – E – N to point towards your position.

“I’m his nurse.” Each word was separate and gasped. “His. I’m his. Commander Ren, I’m his nurse.”

The stormtrooper looked to Hux for approval, only for Hux to look at you with grim, stunned eyes and nod his head. “She’s authorized,” he said. He turned toward the bow of the ship. “Proceed to Ren’s location.”

Remaining on the floor, you felt the ship vibrate into your tired chest, felt the adrenaline course through you in violent pulsations. A veil was cast over your mind, everything close yet distant, present yet past. The only thing you registered was when the ship descended once more and sent your body towards the hatch again. Gripping onto the edge of a seat you strained your arms to keep still, not knowing what was going on, just aware you were still breathing.

Six pairs of boots crowded and fled the now open hatch, frigid air stinging over heated skin. “We’ll get his right, you three get his left!”

Ren’s location? Get his left? “What’s going on? Where is Ren?”

Your questions fell on absent ears, Hux now standing and staring out at the threshold until turning his body to allow the men more room.

“He’s breathing, General, but-,”

“But what?” It was the loudest you’d been since screaming in the halls.

Forcing yourself onto your knees, relying on the adrenaline keeping your own pain at bay, you stood to see your Commander being lowered onto the ground, three men at either of his sides seemingly struggling under his weight.

It was an automatic response to rush to him, to begin searching for injuries and checking for airway, breathing, and circulation hindrances. There wasn’t much hiding the emergency residing over his right side, splitting the skin and muscle apart in a broken, bloody stripe. It flayed his face, red streaks spilling from it and glinting in the low light of the ship.

“Stars! Someone get me some light!” you screamed, command taking over. This was your patient. This was your future. You were going to protect him. No matter what, that’s what you were going to do.

Two soldiers jumped at your voice, flooding away and falling into the wall when the ship catapulted upward once more. One grappled for the back wall and pulled a black box with a red medic symbol engraved on top. He threw it to the second and the three next to you scattered so he could open it for you and shine an overhead light.

“Hey! You three—” you barely glanced at the men before gesturing them down “—take these and apply heavy pressure when I say, understand?”

None of them moved when you threw three dense collection pads toward them. “DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” They all quickly grabbed one and waited for your go ahead.

Angling yourself so you could finally find Kylo’s eyes, you leaned over him and watched as he seethed away; you didn’t know if this was a reaction aimed towards you or due to the very obvious pain he was in.

“Kylo,” you whispered, knowing it was too loud and chaotic for anyone else to hear or care, “you’re going to feel pressure and then it’s going to be really painful, but I need to make sure the bleeding stops. Just be prepared.”

He looked up at you like he’d never met you, like you were a perfect stranger. It wasn’t the nothingness from before, but instead something more alive. Wonderment, almost. Or shock. That was a more reasonable emotion at this moment.

Keeping his stare, you gestured the three waiting men with your hand. “Now.”

The men plunged the sponges into his wound and watched as the material expanded and filled with blood. Kylo’s jaw set firm and fluttered by his ear. A quiet grunt left him while your own breath caught. Watching him so pained and wounded was an impossible act. The only thought you’d allow yourself to have was of the relief you’d have once he was being cared for by a team from wherever the ship was heading.

Something warm washed over your right knee. Looking away from him you found it was more blood, another wound on the side of his abdomen dripping through his uniform.

“Fuck, I swear!” You threw your hands over it, pushing deep into his tissue. “How much longer till-,”

The ship answered your question before you could finish it, slightly angling to the side as it went into a rough, screeching landing. Kylo grimaced at this just slightly, lip trembling only a second before he returned to that same shock, staring up at you in silence.

Light seared into the ship when the ramp fell without effort, hitting the floor with two loud bangs. Before you could register, a team of medical professionals slid a transfer board below him and went to move. You grabbed one of the handles on the side, remaining at his waist while you watched him, keeping steady pressure over his abdomen. Blood sopping onto your hands and burying Robbie’s.

“How long has he been like this?” came an indiscriminate voice from behind you. A man, again. The same one who’d helped you with Talia. The physician you’d worked with to save your patient.

“We collected him probably five minutes ago. Initially I only noticed the one gash but found another two minutes ago. There has been constant pressure applied since discovery. The patient is semi-alert, not responding verbally, but appears to be awake.” There was no time for stuttering, the group closing in on the entrance to the Elite med bay.

“Another one right over his shoulder, sir.” Another voice, female this time, came from behind.

“I’m ordering stat fluids and blood replacement therapy. Along with that I will instruct the pharmacy to have antibiotics ready and for the arrival team to gain the appropriate IV access first thing.” The team pushed into the assessment room you’d come to know all too well, your feet stopping as the physician’s did next to you.

“Do you approve of those orders?” He snaked his head to get your attention.

Stunned, shell-shocked eyes peered up at him, head dizzy and ears rushing with blood. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re his nurse. You got him this far. Do you think anything else needs to be added to the immediate care plan?”

You’d meant to say no, to agree that the physician was appropriate and logical in his treatment. Instead, your eyes fluttered shut as sound began to fade. The ceiling grew in distance while you felt your knees give out.

“Get her head!”

The last thing you registered was a hand at the back of your neck and the sound of urgent feet rushing toward you. There was a faint set of three beeps which accompanied your fall, monitors running beyond the threshold where Kylo was receiving care. A team was caring for him. He was safe. You could rest now. You could heal now.

And so you did.

[ssixa]

Chance Encounter//Mark Tuan x Y/N

Description: Walking into the night shift at the hospital proves to keep you on your toes. Nights are left to the universe so you can only hope that tonight will be decent. What happens when you find out that one of your patients is THE Mark Tuan from GOT7? how do you try to deal with the chaos erupting from this chance encounter? and how many times do you have to tell yourself that you love your job?

Genre: fluff, slight cringe

Pairing: Black Fem ReaderxMark Tuan (though I will say there isn’t much description of black characteristics)

Word count: 4.4K

Warning: explicit language

A/n: uploading this while I’m in the middle of lecture. Nothing crazy to add though. I was trying to be more specific with the collage, but why is it so hard to find a picture of an actual black woman arm?! (this will most definitely make sense when you read this chapter lol). I really try not to use the same photos twice, but it happens. hope y’all enjoy chapter 3!

*All pic collages are made by me unless I state otherwise. Individual pictures in the collage are not mine and I give credit to where credit is due.

Chapter 3

For shifts being 12 hours long, they always seem to go by quickly. Fortunately, this shift was one of them. Nothing else crazy happened the rest of the shift. More flirting from Mr. Tuan, more me getting slightly flustered by it, got in an argument with a confused elderly patient who...well...it’s too long to explain, actually got to eat dinner, etc. Before I knew it, it was 6:50am. I was finishing up on my last bit of charting when I heard the patient phone at the desk go off. I groveled because I was hoping it wasn’t one of my patient’s who needed something extensive done. I got up and headed to the phone. I checked the screen and saw a room number I know all too well...Mr. Tuan. I answer the phone,

“How may I help you?” I question just like I do any other patient.

“Oh, I was wondering if I could get a cup of coffee” he says politely.

“Sure! how many creamers and sugars” I respond.

“Um, how about 3 creamers and 6 sugars?” he responds giddily.

“Coming right up” I speak up happily. Maybe a little too happily because all I receive is a giggle at the end. I’m just happy that the request wasn’t anything major that involved me having to leave super late like I normally do. It definitely isn’t that Mark’s face would be the last face (of my patients) I would see before going home. I head to the pantry where the snacks and juices are located. I remember the nurses mentioning making a fresh pot of coffee a little while earlier, while I prefer my red bull. I grab a little styrofoam cup, fill it up with coffee, grab the requested amount of creamers and sugars, and head to Mark’s room. 

I reach Mark’s room and proceed to knock. I make my way in and I’m greeted by a bright smile so early in the morning, the poor guy looked tired though. The one of a few downsides of night shift is having to wake up patients while they sleep. I know I’m angry when someone wakes me up from my slumber, so I try to be as polite to them when I go into their rooms at 3am in the morning. I set the coffee, creamers, and sugars down on the table and pull the table across him so it’s an easier reach; and also that breakfast would be served soon so there won’t be much to do for the people bringing the food. 

Once I set down everything, I look to Mark who just has a tired smile on his face. 

I begin brightly, “hope you enjoy your coffee Mr. Taun.”

He looked at me with such a calm look, I guess he was done with the flirting from doing it all night. He comments,

“You seem happy to see me so early in the morning”, maybe I jumped the broom to think he was done with the flirting. 

“Well I’m happy that I get to go home in a few minutes and sleep until coming back tonight. Also the fact that your request isn’t something to keep me here for a long time” I reply happily. 

“So, you’re coming back tonight? Do you ever get enough sleep?” he questions.

“I do, but luckily I only work weekend nights so my sleep schedule doesn’t get super messed up.”

“Oh so you at least get the week off, that’s good” he says earnestly.

“Well, kinda. I have another job I work during the week and on Saturday mornings. So I end up going from there, then home for a little while, then come here for the night” I reply nonchalantly.

“Do you ever rest? You must be tired a lot” he says slightly concerned. 

“Well look who’s talking Mr. Idol” I laugh.

“Yeah you have a point, but just make sure not to push yourself too much. I can at least vouch the damage exhaustion can do” he solemnly replies.

“Don’t worry, once fall starts I won’t be working as much because of school” I say. 

“You’re in school too! You’re insane you know that right haha” he laughs.

“And like I said before, look who’s talking Mr. Idol” I laugh along. I don’t understand why he’s so worried when everyone who knows idol life knows how hard and tiresome it is. It’s sweet though. I look at my watch and see it’s already 7am.

“Well mr. Tuan, I have to go now, my bed is calling for me. I’ll probably see you later tonight” I state walking towards the door. He looks at me with slight confusion,

“Are you not going to be my tech tonight?”

“What? will you miss me if I’m not?” I say sarcastically

“Yes…” I hate when he does that. He gets so serious all of the sudden and I know he’s just trying to mess with me, well not this time pretty boy.

“Oh yeah sure, I bet you’ll just miss teasing me. I only say that ‘probably’ because they could switch my rooming assignments, but to be honest, that rarely ever happens with me since I only work two shifts back to back” I conclude. For a second I thought I saw a slight smile, what a weird dude. We say our sorta last goodbye and I leave the room. Though it’s been an exciting and yet weird shift, I’m just happy to be finally going home.

~Later That Day~

Back again for another shift. Everything is the same as last night and previous shifts. When I check the census, I see that I have one less patient. I guess someone was discharged during the day, good, one less person to look after. I make my way around my rooms, happily greeting my patients who are happy and surprised to see me back again. Then I reach Mark’s room, yet again, a couple deep breaths and my knuckles hit the wooden door. I walk in and I’m greeted by a soft smile...wow...didn’t realize how I missed that smile within a short amount of time. This whole thing is still so surreal to me. 

I see that the manager’s back, but luckily no death glares this time. He actually looks at me pleasantly and I look at Mark,

“Um, Mr. Tuan, did you tell your manager something about me? He doesn’t look like he wants to kill me like he looked yesterday”I question slightly side eyeing the manager. 

“Oh, I just told him how great you were last night, even put up with my annoyingness. He found it impressive that anyone could put up with me for 12 hours straight that wasn’t him, other managers, and the members” he laughed.

“That makes a lot more sense, I’m glad then. Honestly though, I still see you as the quiet member even though there are plenty of videos that truly prove the opposite” I mention. 

“Yeah, I’m still pretty introverted though. The members really bring out my goofy side” he scoffs. I can tell that his members really mean a lot to him, it’s really in the eyes. The small glint I saw in his eyes for just a second, it was really...beautiful. y/n, this isn’t the time. I continue on with the typical routine where I get his vitals and ask the same questions. I even asked his manager if he wanted anything and he asked for a cup of coffee; no problem there. Since I wanted to get more on his good side, I decided to get it for him and add in some graham crackers with it (nice touch y/n). 

Mark watched as I gave his manager the requested item plus the bonus gift. He smirks,

“Really? I don’t recall him asking for crackers. Someone’s trying to make a good impression, but why don’t you treat me that nicely? When I asked for coffee this morning, you really only just brought what I asked” he whined with puppy dog eyes.

“First, you got me on his good side so I would love to keep it that way. Also the fact that he has to keep tabs on you and the other 6 members, I feel for him. So of course I would like to show my appreciation towards him. He must also really be worried about you...ya know” I say shyly. Thank goodness I’m wearing a mask…

“M-my y-y/n is so caring” Mark fake sobs. I roll my eyes at the over acting. For someone so quiet and yet so loud, Mark will never make any sense to me. I continue on with small talk, but excuse myself to finish up my vital roundings. I say goodbye to Mark and the manager and be on my way. 

I had a gut feeling that tonight’s shift wasn’t going to go as smoothly as last night’s. It always happens that way unfortunately. Though I had one patient discharge during the day shift, I gained two more meaning my section was close to its max. One particular new patient had some extra strength for being elderly; she would make a great teammate on a kickball team. While the nurse was trying to get her info and do her duty to get her fully admitted she started kicking and screaming. Another nurse came to help and I entered the room not long after. It was quite the sight though, both nurses having to hold down the limbs of the patient. I told the other nurse that I got it and she would be ok to leave since this technically wasn’t her patient to deal with. She nodded and I took her position holding the patient’s legs. 

An intense stare off between my new patient and I was a battle I knew I could win. I could tell by her eyes, and because I got a report on her from the nurse before she arrived, that she wasn't all there in the head. As the nurse started putting the restraints on our new patient, I slowly let go of her legs because it seemed she had calmed down a bit, boy oh boy was that a mistake. Only about a minute after letting go of her legs do I find a foot flying in my direction. I managed to shield my face with my forearm and block it, but I knew a bruise would be forming there pretty soon and my arm would be sore for a while. I wince in pain, but managed to grab her legs again until we would be able to restrain her. The nurse looked at me and began to ask,

“y/n you ok? That looked like a nasty hit” said the nurse.

“Yeah I’m fine, I just know I shouldn’t push myself for a while” I say to her. She looked and nodded in agreement. She double checks my arm to make sure nothing is out of place and deems I should be alright. I thanked her, asked if there was anything she needed me to do and she said no. I walked out and went to sit at one of the computers to try and clear my mind. After a little while I decided it was best to get some ice and some gauze to wrap and cool off my hurt arm to reduce any possible swelling that could occur. By the time I was done, I saw it was about the time for me to check up on my patients and to see if they needed anything. I made my way room to room while keeping the small ice pack on my arm. Fortunately, I was able to keep it hidden from the majority of the patients (some were asleep at this point anyways)...key word is majority. When I got to Mark’s room, I knocked slightly afraid he would be asleep and I didn’t want to wake him. He was awake, of course, and talking on the phone. When he heard me open the door he turned his head and smiled,

“Hey y/n, great timing! I’m chatting with the members, do you want to say hi?” he asked. This I was very grateful for since the last time was very much a surprise.

“Um sure, as long as I’m not interrupting anything” I say softly.

“Nah, they never do anything that important or they wouldn’t be talking to me” he laughed. The laughing quickly halted when he noticed the ice pack on my arm.

“y/n, what happened to your arm?” he questions, unable to take his eyes off my injured arm.

“Oh nothing to worry about” I smile and wave the hand of the injured arm. Big mistake. I slightly winced a bit and put the ice pack right back down on the arm. Mark mutes the facetime call and flips his phone over. He grabs my arm to bring it closer to him and again I slightly wince in pain.

“y/n...what happened?” he deadpanned.

“Honestly it’s nothing, one of my new patients just has a killer kick for being in her 80s. It’s fine, but unfortunately no bath for you tonight” I laughed, but he didn’t. He looks a bit concerned, but I try my best to brush off his worries. 

“Mr. Tuan I promise it’s nothing serious. In retrospect, I should be the one worried about you given I’m a fan” I say trying to make light of the moment. It partially works, but I know the worry is still there. 

“y/n you don’t have to worry about the bath. The doctor came by and said I could move around with some assistance so I’ll just hop into the shower chair. Luckily, I don’t think I’ll plan a shower for tonight...it’s not like I’ve done much but sit here” he laughed lightly. I smiled glad he was over it, but forgot he was still kinda holding onto my arm.

“Um Mr. Tuan, you’re still kinda holding on to my arm and if you don’t mind I would like to put the ice pack back on it before any possible swelling occurs” I laugh. His eyes grow big, fully forgetting that he has a hold of my arm. He lets go quickly and the room is filled with an awkward silence. Well, almost silent. We started hearing noises and I started getting a little creeped out because...night shift. That’s when I remembered,

“Mr. Tuan I would’ve hoped to have befriended your group members by now. You might want to show you're still alive before they think I did something to you” I laugh. He realizes the whole purpose of me being in the room was that I get to talk to his members. He flipped the phone back over and un-muted it,

“Hey~ sorry idiots, I had to talk to y/n about something” Mark started.

“Who you callin an idiot...idiot” BamBam replied almost instantly. Wow so he really is this extra even when not around fans and cameras huh.

“So are we going to get to meet her or what?” Yugyeom blurts out in Korean. I laugh a little at how childish this giant is. Mark turns the camera to me and I’m met with five faces I’ve grown to know since debut.

“Hi~ I’m y/n and I’m such a big fan! Like this is honestly crazy, though I would’ve loved to meet y’all in a different situation” I relay softly. 

“AYE WASSUP y/n!!” Jackson screams

“Jackson you’re too loud, but hello y/n it is nice to finally meet you” Jinyoung says with a sweet motherly smile. I couldn’t help but laugh at the situation, this is all super crazy. 

As I continue to receive warm greetings from the five I realize there’s someone missing. I look to Mark and whisper,

“Where’s JB?” 

He roles his eyes and proceeds with 

“He had some songs he was working on so he couldn’t join” he replied.

“Wow she really must be head over heels for JB huh?” I hear Jackson comment. I panic slightly,

“I was just wondering where he was, I would’ve wondered the same about any of y’all if a person wasn’t here!” I ramble. 

“...wait, but how---Mr. Tuan you didn’t!!” I look at Mark with daggers that're sharper than any needle. He raised his arms up in defensive mode quickly and rebutted,

“I promise I didn’t say anything! I learned my lesson last time so I kept my mouth shut I promise!” he said hysterically, but trying to laugh away the situation. I keep the daggers on him until I hear someone speak up in Korean 

“JB was actually texting us and bragging about how he’s your favorite member and your favorite idol overall” Youngjae speaks up laughingly. I look at Mark and he translates what Youngjae just said, but I find it hard to believe. 

“Jackson is Mr. Tuan translation right or will I have to make his hospital stay longer?” I said evilly.  

“No, his translation was right, JB was bragging about it in the group chat” Jackson said irritatedly. I was shocked, like I can’t believe my bias was this excited that I’m one of his fans. 

“But on your favorite list, what place am I on there sweetheart?” he smirked. Really, this again? And paired with the smirk too...Lord help me.

“Umm~ are you sure you want to know?” I question.

“You and I are tied Jackson. She’s been a fan of Markson so you can tell she’s been around for a while” Mark interjects.

“I’m pretty sure he asked me the question, Markipoo~”I roll my eyes

“I told you not to call me that!!” he grumbled. Laughter filled the room from me and the boys on the facetime call.

“OMG she knows about the nickname!!” BamBam exclaimed. All the boys had tears welling up in their eyes. I couldn’t help but laugh along too, though I had to keep my voice down. Not that I would get in trouble, but I’m at work so I don’t want to seem like I’m just hanging out too much. Then again, I’m done with all my duties for a while so it’s not too crazy to stay here for a little while. 

“But, Mark is right. JB is my favorite member, but Mark and Jackson are tied for second. Even then, apart from JB being my favorite member that doesn’t mean I love y’all any less. I think I would equally pass out if I met any of y’all in real life” I mention.

“Well?” Jinyoung questions

“Well...what?” I asked back confused.

“You’re not passed out” Yugyeom finished.

“Haha, well at this point I don’t think I could be surprised by Mr. Tuan anymore” I laugh tiredly. I could tell they wanted me to continue given their curious looks. 

“Well, first I didn’t even know it was this Mark Tuan that was my patient last night. He also tended to be a big flirt and joker throughout my shift last night. Then, though I was grateful, he rudely surprised me with a video call with JB. Then I came back in here, but fortunately he at least offered to tell me ahead of time that I would get to talk to you all. So though I’m still a bit nervous getting to meet y’all, I’m beyond the moon right now” I conclude. Wasn’t sure if all I just said made sense, but luckily Mark jumps in to translate to the members that are less fluent in English. Thank goodness to Mark. A chorus of ah’s made their way into the room when Mark finished explaining which signaled an understanding. 

The conversation continued on naturally until I heard the intercom come on, 

“Hey y/n room 123 needs some assistance whenever you’re available” the nurse said.

“Okie dokie, thanks. I’ll head there now” I reply. 

“Well looks like duty calls, it was so nice meeting you all finally!” I continue on happily.

“Awe, bye y/n! Hope we can meet again soon!” Youngjae says. The boys follow with similar melodic phrases as we both said our goodbyes. 

As I was walking out, I say my last goodbye to Mark and that I would be back later when I made my rounds for vitals. 

“Okay, see you later sweetie” Mark joked.

“Yeah yeah whatever” I roll my eyes, exiting the room with a smile. That boy is such a headache sometimes, I swear. Welp, I better go help this patient. I know exactly what this patient’s deal is so I know to hurry because they need to get up to use the bathroom. 

*Mark’s POV*

“Sweetheart huh?” Jackson raises an eyebrow.

“Oh shut up, Jackson. That’s how I’ve been messing with her this whole time, though it seems like she’s used to it by now” Mark speaks up.

“Yeah~ sure, but we’ve never known you to flirt like that especially without other fans and cameras around because at that point you would be forced to. Does our Markipoo have a crush?” Jinyoung taunts.

“You would think I would get more respect as the oldest” Mark sighs

“Haha nope, never” BamBam grins.

“But really Mark, you sure you're not seeing y/n any other way. Your eyes seem to tell something different” Jackson brings up.

“I promise it’s nothing, being here is really boring so y/n is just simple entertainment. Really, you should’ve seen her reactions when we first met” Mark says laughingly. 

“Ok bro, just checking to make sure” BamBam replies. 

*y/n’s POV*

The rest of the shift goes by not as eventfully as the earlier in the shift, but what shift goes by without a bit of craziness. I reach the end of the shift and I’m sitting down at the computer catching up on some back charting. 

“How do I always get caught in this situation? Ugh, I’m going to be here for a while” I mumbled under my breath. Next thing I hear is the patient phone ringing. I cringe just knowing very well it’s one of my patients...it always is. I head to grab the phone and look back at the screen to see the room. 

“This boy is amazingly attentive” I laugh to myself. Of course it’s Mark calling. I pick up the phone and answer in my best customer service voice,

“How can I help you?” I answer.

“It’s almost like you wait for my call, do you wanna hear my voice that much?” Mark says. 

“Mr. Tuan did you need something?” 

“Oh ok, I just wanted another cup of coffee” he says in a small voice. 

“Haha ok coming right up, 3 creamers and 6 sugars right? ” I question.

“Yup, good memory” he laughs.

“Why thank you, sir” I laugh and hang up the phone. Yet again happy that the request isn’t too crazy, I head to the pantry once again. I grab the coffee, creamers, and sugars once again. I think to myself that maybe the manager will be back again like yesterday evening so I decided to grab another cup of coffee. I head to Mark’s room and knock lightly. I leave one cup outside the door in case the manager wasn’t there (I know I could just give Mark the other cup, but nah). As I make my way in I’m met with pleasant smiles from Mark and the manager as well. I take a slight step back to grab the coffee I have sitting outside the room and handed one to Mark and the other to the manager.

Both faces were garnished with bigger smiles than when I walked in and it was honestly satisfying. Not gonna lie, nothing more satisfying then making people happy. I greet the manager and he greets me back. Mark sparks up the conversation while instead of me leaving to finish up my charting, I sign into the computer to finish up (thank goodness for this system sometimes). Mark continues,

“So how was your night?” Mark asked curiously

“Good, that new patient that gave me the wicked kick didn’t cause me any disturbance last night” I laughed. 

Staring down at my arm, Mark asks “Oh yeah! Speaking of which, how is your arm?”

“Still hurts a bit, but nothing a little otc (over the counter) meds can’t handle” I reply.

“That’s good, I hope you don’t push yourself too much with that arm,” he says thoughtfully. I smile to myself, also thankful that I’m yet again black and wearing a mask because Mark would see how red my face would be. Sometimes I hate how he’s still able to mess with me even when he doesn’t intend to intentionally. 

“I won't, I won’t, thanks for the worry though” I say with a small smile.

“This is your last shift right? I remember you telling me you only work weekend nights” he brings up. 

“Oh yeah it is, but as I tell all my patients on Monday mornings, ‘if I don’t see you next weekend, it was very nice getting to be your tech and I surely hope you’re not here when I’m back because who would want to be stuck in a hospital?’” I remark. 

“Haha nice, but I’ll miss teasing you. Besides that, you’re very good at your job so props to you” he relays kindly.

“Hahaha thanks, but you know what I would really love? Is to see you boys at a concert! A sis too broke to get good seats AND plane tickets along with everything else” I fake whine as I sign out of the computer being happy that I’m done with the charting as well. Mark laughed understanding how it could be frustrating, but also knowing he doesn’t have the ability to decide where the group tours. 

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll have to see,” he laughs. I laugh along as well, but it struck me that this would be the last time I would get to talk with Mark. It was expected obviously, but could you blame a girl. This isn’t a new feeling because it tends to happen whenever I get close to patients, Mark just so happens to be one I’ve known for years, even if he had just heard of me Saturday night.

We say our last farewells since it was 7am. It’s unfortunate, but it is what it is. I head towards the door and turn around one last time. A slight smile graces both Mark and I’s face,

“Have a good day Mr. Tuan” I say.

“Have a good life y/n” he replies with a soft smile. 

Previous/Next

[petitelepus]

Halloween, 3. Kidnapped

I’m so sorry I didn’t upload anything yesterday, I was at my fiend’s birthday party and everyone were drinking and I can’t remember shit! Have this short chapter and please forgive me! DX

It wasn’t a regular night in Solar-6 as you and your crew mates were docking in the Lehl, a big spacious city where mechs and femmes all over the universe could rest their tired wires and joints and just enjoy time there. Like you were doing in a bar with your buddies from lonely vessel of Star Riot.

”There is no way you can do that!” Hipjoint laughed at you as you finished off your fifth pint of high grade. You slammed the pint on the table and everyone wooed at you. Just how such a small minibot like you could drink like a big mech could?

”What do you want to bet on that I can drink pint empty faster than you?” You challenged as waiter brought you your next pint. Hipjoint dug around his possessions and put a chip full of credits on the table between your drinks.

”10 000 credits if you can drink faster than I can.” He challenged and you laughed. ”You’re on!”

You both took your pints and set them over your lips as some other femme counted and set you off! Where as Hipjoint was careful not to spill, you were no way careful as you turned the whole pint upside down and emptied it into your mouth and intake in one go, risking of getting the high grade into your ventilation system, but still managing to swallow.

In manner of 5 seconds, your pint was empty and you laughed as everyone cheered at you. You slammed your last pint on the table and reached your hand to take your well earned credits while Hipjoint finished his drink. You waved the credit chip in front of his face and put it for safe keeping for later.

”Thank you for the easy money, Ill return to ship now to snooze of this buzz I’m feeling in my circuits!” You declared as you got up from your seat on the table and made your way to open bar’s door. Mechs and femmes wished you good night as you exited and you took a look at the planet’s night sky. Or was it a day? You weren’t sure, this planet didn’t have day or sun to swirl around to.

You hobbled on your legs as you left to walk across the city to your crew’s ship. The streets were pretty empty, almost hollow so it must have been nighttime, but seriously, whole city through to your ship? Whoever suggested to go bar hopping? You regretted it, sleep hanging heavy over your processor and tempting you to use the credits you earned to go and take a room at motel for the night, but your cheap side wanted to save them.

You wobbled your way through the streets when you heard something. Someone moaning? You glanced to the side and you saw two shadowy figures on the ally. You smiled thinking you got the chance to witness to lovers pleasuring each other, but against your better judgement you made your way towards them.

”Hey ya! Isn’t it a little late to get frisky?” You laughed as you walked towards them but the closer you got the more you saw. There weren’t two mechs handling each other but four mechs surrounding one mech with their brain module in their mouth.

The scream got stuck on your intake and you stumbled to get away, to warn other mechs about this, but no avail. It was like someone had drugged you. Everything happened in slow motion. You were backing away, ready to run for your life when suddenly a pair of arms caught your arms and lifted you up from the ground.

”Tarn, we got a witness. What do you want to do with them?” You heard a voice behind you and you immediately connected it to your holder. You tried to struggle with all your might, but no avail. His hold was strong as iron.

”Hold her a second for us. We’re in middle of something…!” Someone from the big group said and suddenly the mech in their care woke up moaning in horror and bit into brain module in his mouth at once. The sight was sickening, energon flying from place to another and the mech fell down dead.

The sight was sickening and it didn’t take a lot in your drunken state to purge your tanks out of all the high grade you had consumed during last hours or partying. The consumed high grade tainted your body and ground as you threw all it up.

You heard a steps coming closer to you, but in your overcharged state you were too sick to actually notice them. Until someone talked.

”She’s overcharged as frag.” The one holding you with his smaller set of arms said and his nose wrinkled at the smell of high grade you gave off. ”Stinks…! She doesn’t probably even remember this happening…”

”Now now Helex…” Someone said as he walked up to you, grabbing your chin, forcing you to look at him through your hazy vision, oral lubricant dripping down your chin. You stared weakly at his crimson optics showing behind Decepticon mask and he chuckled. ”We’re the infamous Decepticon Justice Division. We kill traitors and Autobots. No expections made.”

He let go of your chin, letting your helm loll downwards as you were too weak to hold it even properly up. Honestly, you were also scared shitless. DJD? You actually came across the infamous DJD!? You were as good as dead.

You were just about to say good bye to life itself when you heard a noise. A patrol bots! They would walk around the city making sure anything forbidden wasn’t done and they would make sure to get reinforcement! They were your chance of help!

You opened your mouth to cry out for help but the mech hiding you slammed a large hand over your whole face and leaned against your audial receptor to wisher menacing threat. ”Quiet or I’ll put you in my smelter and smelt you alive….!”

You cried out in fear but his palm muffled all the sound that left from your mouth. Soon enough the patrolling mechs passed you by and you were left alone with Decepticon Justice Division. Your optics widened in fear as the purple mech with Decepticon mask leaned down to get a look at you.

”Small little thing, aren’t you…? Lucky for you, we may have use for you.” He said and you thought you heard a grin behind his mask, but you couldn’t tell for sure. With a flick of his hand, he commanded everyone to move.

”We’re leaving! Take the femme with us. She might be use for us…!”

[shibuemiyuu]

Desires - Hakuoki Fanfiction

So... I’ve decided to post my Hakuoki fanfiction that I’m currently writing in here. I’ve posted this fic in Ao3 and in ffnet. It’s still not finish and English is not my primary language. But if you still want to read it, please try and I hope you may enjoy this story of mine.

And as you can guess from the picture, the pairing will be Hijikata and Chizuru

I have up to chapter 17 for this story already and still working for the other chapters. Up to chapter 9, it’s not the beta version, means I did all the editing and there will be some grammatical errors. But for the rest of the chapters someone (ImpracticalOni) has helped me to do the editing.

The story started after the incident in Shimabara when Chizuru dressed up as a geiko. And for the prequel of the story, you can read in here.

Here’s the prologue of the story. And if you like my story and want to read the continuation, do tell me if you want to be tagged when I upload another chapter in Tumblr. 

May you enjoy the story, then.

Miyuu

Prologue

'It wasn't supposed to be like this.'

The thought was flashing in her mind the second she got up and after realizing the situation she had been at the moment, that was the thing that appeared in her mind. Looking at the man beside her that slept tightly, not to mention of herself that currently didn't presentable because of her naked body, which just covered by a thin sheet that she didn't know and remember from where she had gotten... Well, the man himself was pretty much naked as her.

She bit her lips. 'I bet he would not even remember that he met with me yesterday. He was slightly drunk when we saw each other.' A sigh escaped from her lips. 'And the talked that we shared last night... The things that he will never tell me when he is sober and awake.' Last night was more than just a night that full of passion. She turned her head to the sleeping man. Her gazed landed on his face. 'Such a handsome face.'  She stretched her hand to touch his hair, but pulled back again a second later.

The man shifted from his laying position and now was facing her. She looked to the body that had held, hug, embraced her with such passion last night. How lean and sturdy. How safe she felt to be closed to him. Then she moved her eyes to his hands. The long fingers and the callouses on it; it's big, yet that hands had given a wave to her body that she never knew. And she would not allow any other man to give her that kind of feeling again. Not that she had any plans to have another in the near future.

Her gazed back to the face again, but this time she settled on his lips. The mouth that had kissed her with such hunger and passion. He was called an Oni, a demon by everyone. But last night, the demon was not the cold and stoic demon that he was known of. In their heated moment, he said that the demon was a demon that was unleashed because of her. The hungry kisses, the passionate gazed, the heated touches. He had told her that he couldn't hold the demon any longer. And in the end, he devoured her.

The sun hadn't come up yet. The sky outside was still dark. She guessed that she had just asleep for two or three hours before she woke up. She moved her body and her muscles were screaming because of the soreness of her night activity.

'We did it twice... I guess.'  Her cheeks blushed furiously. When she was touched by him, all of rational thoughts were flying out of the windows. Her most treasured assets... she had given it to him. She knew that there's nothing to blame for her action except for her feelings. Without realizing it, she had fallen very deeply that she was certain she couldn't ever ran from it. From the moment she joined the force, many things had happened that in the end made her heart, gradually, belonged to him without she realized about it. And now, he also had her body.

She shook her head lightly to ease her mind from her thoughts of last night. Then, with much difficulty, like she had been running on marathon for hours, she moved and gathered her clothes. She tried to get dress without much noises, while hoped beyond anything that the man would not open his eyes yet.

She had come here with a very different intention. The other knew that she was meeting with her fellow and only female friend of her ilk, she had asked a permission to meet with this said friend. But, what they didn't knew was what had transpired in the meeting place after that. Not that she was prepared of this encounter. Then again... It already happened.

Even though the others would wonder and ask her of why she didn't return to the compound last night, at least she could give a believable reason to be told. This said friend of her was known to be spontaneous with something unexpected, like to ask her to stay over the night with her. All the captains knew it. So, none would suspect anything if she didn't come back. No one would ever suspect that last night, after meeting with her friend, that surprisingly asked her to meet her in Shimabara... Well, her connection with one of the maiko sure come in handy. But yeah, no one would ever thought that after meeting with her, she would stumble to a lone figure that she wouldn't ever think in thousand years would drink sake alone, in Sumi, one of the inn at Shimabara. To come to Shimabara instead of other places just to drink sake was a bit... unusual. It's a red light district the he had come to after all.

She had a suspicion that he came to Shimabara to do that 'kind-of-things' that man usually came to this kind-of-place. She had heard enough from one of the captains to know about what kind of place the red light district was. But she didn't find any kind of traces of him being with another woman before she stumbled into his room. Then again, she wanted to know who was dared enough to approach the infamous oni-fukuchou of the Shinsengumi....

It just a coincidence that she found him was drinking alone in one room. That night, she was pushed by some other drunk man. She was still dressing as a man, that's why the other man just brushed her off and walked to one of the room in his drunken state. Meanwhile, she fell to a room which happened to be next to the room she was in before. And there..... she found him.

An unexpected encounter that at the end would escalate to such things that she would just dare to dream it before.

'He would not remember of meeting with me last night.' She assured her thought once again. She had dressed and walked slowly to the door. Before she walked out completely from the room, she turned and glanced to the sleeping man. 'Knowing him, he will try to take responsibility if he knows what have happened.' She closed her eyes and felt bitter. 'I won't take any pity from him. He didn't force me last night. I did it on my account. It was my decision.' She opened her eyes again and determination could be seen in her brown eyes. 'That's why it's better if he doesn't know. I will keep your passion and care for me last night. I'm sure I won't meet the you from last night ever again.'

She looked to the sleeping man with a wistful smile before she said her parting word.

"Sayonara," she said softly. Then she walked outside the room, leaving the red light district and went straight to the Headquarters. She didn't turn to look back, afraid that her resolved would crumble if she saw his face again.

And that's why she didn't knew that before she completely exited the room they were sharing last night, the said man had opened his eyes. As somber and awake as he could be.

When he heard her parting word, his eyes fluttered open and he saw her retreating figure exiting the room. Then he felt something was pricking in his chest. What was this weird sensation that he felt pricking at his chest? Was it from hearing her parting word? Or was it because he saw her exiting the room? Or what?

"Tch."

He shifted and laid on his back. It didn't take a smart man to asses his situation. After all, even if he was drunk, his mind would always know of whatever happened when he was in his drunken state. And last night was not an exception. He clenched his hand in a tight fist, closing his eyes. He punched the floor, feeling so helpless for the first time since he became the vice commander of Shinsengumi.

His mind was blank. He uttered what he felt that moment with a defeated tone.

"Damn it."

To be continued

[ourfavcanadianshawn]

No Feelings Allowed|S.M|Chapter Five {its all in the goodbyes}

<<Last Chapter|Masterlist|Next Chapter>>

A/n: THIS TOOK SO LONG TO UPLOAD GUYS. I am so sorry and hope this part makes up for it! Halfway to end, lets go!

word count: 1795

prompt: shawn and y/n have some unfinished business that they decide to…tend to

“Why do we keep playing this game like there are no feelings involved, when in the end that’s all there’s ever been?” { @i-see-you-mendes }

Shawn’s eyes stared, emotionless, at the sound board lighting up before him. His head was dipped down and it felt as if a blonder nested on his shoulders. His hair was damaged from frustration. His head totally in another world.

“Shawn?” A voice called out. “Shawn what’s up man?” The same voice called out.

“Huh.” Shawn’s eyes unfroze, frantically looking up. “What’s wrong?” The voice which belonged to Ian asked again.

“It’s Y/n if I’m being honest.” Shawn shook his head, his eyes trailing back down to the sound board, “What she did the other night..”

“What did she say?”

“Well it’s not anything she said...it’s just something she did. I just saw a little fire start in her eyes and I felt...as if I just bought myself a trip to my grave.” He sneered, diving his head down into his hands.

“Shawn...are you wanting to drop out of the bet?”

“What?!?” He slung up, “I do NOT have feelings for Y/n.”

“That’s bullshit!” Shawn added on, charging towards Ian.

“Really? Cause this...” Ian gestured to the sound board, “sounds different.”

Ian’s hand glided down a red lever and Shawn’s voice rang over the booth.

“...Let the games begin

Anything to keep it the same

I only did this to prove

I did not have feelings for you

But darling, I was only lying to myself....”

Shawn slapped the lever up and shut the new song of his up. “Shawn...is there something you want to tell me?”

“How the fuck is this ever gonna benefit us?” Shawn snarked to Brian.

“To show Aaliyah that you two are still best friends.” Brian argued, quieting Shawn. “I still don’t get why I have to.” Y/n coldly shouldered, sitting down at the kitchen table. “Cause Aaliyah wanted us two to go with her to a Maple Leafs game.” Shawn rolled his eyes and shot up out of his chair. “That’s why you have to go. Aaliyah loves you two. She will be crushed if she finds out that you two are not best friends at the moment.” Brian groaned while running his hands up and down his face.

“We will always be best friends, but right before that...we’re opponents.” Shawn narrowed his eyes and stared at Y/n intently. She rolled her eyes back and leaned into her chair. “Whatever.” She huffed.

“Seven o’clock tonight, opponent.” Shawn exited the room, grazing past Y/n.

“Y/n I’m so happy to see you!” Aaliyah screamed as she slung the door open to meet Y/n’s smile. “Hey Aaliyah, what’s up?” Y/n stepped inside of a home she knew like the back of her hand.

“Nothing much, just not seeing you for what three years now?” Aaliyah arched a eyebrow towards Y/n. “Yeah, sorry. Just a lot had happened.” She breathed, pulling Aaliyah into a hug.

“Come on, I made sandwiches before we go. Shawn is outside, writing.”

“Wow...I cannot believe how much you’ve done in the course of three years.” Y/n complimented.

“I know right.” Aaliyah nodded, taking another bite of her sandwich.

Y/n’s eyes wondered to the sliding glass doors that led to the backyard. She saw a curly headed brunette sitting on the screened in porch, strumming away to his guitar.

“Hey Liyah, I’m gonna go talk to Shawn for a minute.” Her voice spoke up, still focused on the glass doors.

“Ok I’m gonna go pee.” Aaliyah nodded and ran to her bathroom.

Y/n jut nodded along and found her way to outside. She hugged her Maple Leafs jersey tighter to her torso as she stepped out.

“Hey...” She hesitated. A tension brewed as his eyes met hers. His eyes were no longer the light rich caramel color they normally were, they were now more sunken bitter dark orbs. The smile he wore so proudly was now a line of discrimination.

“Hey.” He spat, adjusting his guitar on his lap. His torso was decorated with a jersey similar to hers, except he had a gray hoodie on under his. She wore a white hoodie under hers.

Shawn continued to strum a tune that was very familiar to the both of them. He started to him to the words and narrowed his eyes into the distance.

“And if this is what it takes, let me be the one to bear the pain. Oh and if this is what it takes, I’ll break down these walls that are in our way. If this is what it takes.” He sung under his breath, avoiding eye contact with her. “You still sing that song?” Her shoulders were squared, and her chest felt twisted with shock.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He shook his head, “Just because we haven’t been on the greatest terms lately doesn’t mean I would forget about the song.”

“Oh.” She slipped her hands behind her back. “Oh? Oh, is all you have to say to me?” He fired, shooting a death stare right up at her. “What do you want me to say? Thanks for singing the song you wrote about Lauren? I’m sorry Shawn, but you knew I was going through something far more difficult than Lauren was.” Her eyes were filled of envy.

“No...I meant to–“ “You meant to what Shawn?” She yelled at him, not giving his any chance to speak.

He shot up and threw his guitar on the chair he was sat at. His eyes were blinking daggers. “I wrote that song about you!” He yelled, shoving past her into the house. A heavy weight fell over her chest as she watched him once again walk away just like at high school graduation.

“Okay everyone last photo, I promise.” Karen called out, making everyone squeeze together. “My butt hurts from squatting.” Brian whined, adjusting himself in a much more uncomfortable position. “Man up.” Shawn slapped his head.

“Hey little miss valedictorian, over here!” Karen pointed over to Y/n.

Y/n turned her head a little more and focused on the camera. Shawn slipped his arms around her waist and put his head on her shoulder.

“1...2...3.” A bright flash went off and everyone groaned. “Okay mom that’s it.” Shawn yelled, taking the camera from his mom and shoving towards his dad.

Everyone started to say their goodbyes as the ceremony was coming at a end. Y/n hugged Lauren goodbye and felt a whisper in her ear, “I know you like Shawn...”

“What?” Her voice barely audible. “It’s okay...we broke up two weeks ago. I realized you should have a shot at him. Well more he actually broke up with me for tour buttttt—“ “What do you mean tour?” Y/n heart broke. Her breathing became unsteady. “He’s going on his first World Tour Y/n as the main event. He didn’t tell you. Because he planned on...oh my gosh...I said nothing Y/n.” Lauren squeaked and ran away. “What?” Y/n mumbled under her breath.

“Y/n! Shawn’s looking for you. He’s on the roof of the school.” Matt jogged in front of Y/n and pointed to the roof. “Okay, will I see you at my house for the celebration party?” Her head cocked to the side, starting to walk away. “I wouldn’t miss it!” He called out.

“Hey.” She forced a smile as she saw her best friend out looking the view. “Hey, I wanted to talk to you.” He gleed. He took her hands in his. “Yeah...but first can I ask you something.” She frowned. “Yeah what is it?” His joy filled eyes searched her face for a answer. “Are you leaving to go on tour?” His body tensed at her words and his smile dropped.

“How did you find out?”

“Lauren...”

“Damnit! What else did she tell you?”

“That you broke up with her...” Y/n blinked, loosening her grip on Shawn’s hands. Her face spelled scared. “Did she say why?” Shawn adverted his gaze away from Y/n. His hands were becoming clams around hers. “Tour?” She knitted her eyebrows together as she asked him.

“...umm yes and no. Listen let’s not worry about that. I meant to ask if you wanted to go on tour with me?” He smiled once again. “Why?—“ “Just think about it, the shows. The fans. I can hire you to be my assistant and I don’t need assistance so it’s like you’re getting hired to hang out with me! It will great.” His eyes beamed at her as he kept rambling. “I mean sure we have to—“ “Shawn I got accepted into University of Toronto. I got the letter yesterday.” She cut him off, fear laced within her voice. “But you’re not taking the spot, are you?” He pleaded.

“I am...” She frowned up at him, watching the life drain from his eyes.

“But...but you said that you didn’t want to go to college.” A sadness rumbled inside of him as he started to shake.

“I know, but I applied to Toronto and I got in...I’m taking the spot Shawn.”

“But you we’re supposed to go my tour together. Supposed to be....” He trailed off. “Supposed to be what Shawn?” Y/n squeezed his hands. “We’re supposed to be to—*honk*” A car cut him off. Our heads snapped down to the parking lot to see Geoff and Shawn’s manager Andrew waving him to come down. “I have to go.” Shawn let go of my hands. He started to turn away and head for the stairs. “Wait Shawn, you’re just leaving...just like that.” Her voice sounded like a broken record, squeaky and out of tune.

“Sorry...Y/n...we’ll see each other again one day.” He smiled and ran down the stairs. And on instant, she ran after him.

“Shawn wait!” She called out after catching up to him in the parking lot.

“What is it?” He smiled as if nothing just happened.

“Have fun! And...I love you.” Three words that were thrown out of her mouth caused his ears to perk up. “Real—“ “Best friends forever?” She smiled and held her arms out. He forced a smile and nodded. He was engulfed with her vanilla scented perfume as he hugged her. “I’m gonna miss you!” He chuckled. “I’m gonna miss you too.” She let and giggled as he kissed her on the cheek. “Bye Y/n...” They waved to each other before he scurried into the car.

“Did you ask her ou—“ “Drive.” Shawn cut Geoff off.

She watched her best friend of nine years and love of her life drive away, not knowing when he would be back. Not knowing if they would still be best friends. Not knowing if he would come home with someone wrapped around his arm. Lauren’s and Geoff’s words kept ringing through her mind. Everything started to add up, the breakup, him wanting her to go on tour with him, Geoff’s cut off words...Shawn was gonna ask her to be his.

[luna-paradoxz]

Our Love

Inspired by the 'Ours' song by Taylor Swift.

Summary - Lucy's day as she waited for him to come back home.

A/N - If you want to support me buy me a Ko-fi or you can commission me. 

Lucy ran through the doors of her office building and hurriedly flashed her Id at the security. He grunted and said her to go. She huffed, the morning was already hard for her, his annoying moods made her feel worse. As she neared the elevator, there the cleaning man smiled at her and greeted her and she greeted back feeling a little better. She entered the elevator last and in a crisp voice told her floor. The strangers as always had a dead look and stale silence making her feel grave and wishing that she had taken the stairs instead but it was too long and she was in heels. She sighed and then he came in her thoughts. Right now if he was here he would have given that childlike smile and told her screaming while acting like he was whispering.

"Look, Luce, they all look so dead just like fishes." and then he would burst out laughing, she would blush in embarrassment and then shoo at him but then see him all giddy she would join him and start laughing. A smile came on her face as she imagined that. She just missed him a lot. The elevator dinged as it stops and suddenly like they all were trying to catch the last minute train, they rushed out of the elevator pushing her, she frowned and snide at some of them which they ignore or snide back making her feel frustrated. She sighed again and went out of it last. She walked to her cubicle and set down her things and hanged her coat as she sat down and powered up her computer. As she looked around she saw the same old every day, everyone vacantly doing there own work, a buzz filling the floor with there countless talks, some of them playing around and doing nothing, she grumbled at them. Obviously later on her boss will give there work to her since it will be near the deadline and she would do it as she is a diligent, good girl. Ah, Lucy hated these kinds of days.

On these kinds of days, she wished more he was here. He would sit beside her and smile and laugh as she scolded him to do a proper work. He would bring her favourite coffee, cappuccino vanilla with an extra shot of vanilla syrup and plenty of whipped cream on the top and on these dread days when she felt bad he would also bring her favourite strawberry cupcakes. She sighed again and checked email, there were some from her boss, One was telling her how a deadline was approaching and she needs her help, again. She then explained what it was, about some new novel from a newbie which was assigned to one of the goofers in the office to edit but as usual he didn't do a proper job at it, she had just checked it yesterday and now she needed someone to do it again, because it is gonna be send to the publishers on the next Monday, only 5 days left. She in the last attached the documents not even bothering to know her opinion. She groaned and cursed under her breath as she glared at the guy who caused her this extra work again. He sensed her glaring and looking away acting all innocent making her wanting to murder him.

She sighed again and got to work, but before that she send out a mail to her boss telling she might need a little time and today she was definitely not gonna do the overwork time. She could care less if she deducted her pay today she was not gonna stay over time. She then got up and took the document to print so she can start editing. but as she went near the printer she saw a sign 'No paper' she wanted to scream, as the world against her today. She groaned and went back to the storeroom to pick up some paper since no one felt the need to refill the paper. When she came back and finally filled it with paper and was gonna print and get on with her work, it said no ink. She was seriously going to murder someone. 'Deep breathes Lucy this is normal, it always happens, calm down.' Calming herself down she now went to get the ink but when she came back there was no printer there anymore. Someone moved it. She sighed again, and now went to the down floor's printer and finally got them print.

She got to her work again and some time passed and she started feeling thirsty. She got up and went to the rest area, taking a plastic cup she stood behind a person as they drank water. One cup, two cups, three cups 'How much water is he going to drink!?' she wanted to scream. She just settled at rolling her eyes and sigh. He finally left and she took a cup and went back to her seat but when she sat down, the idiot beside her thought it was a good idea to throw a paper plane at her. As it hit her she hissed and glared at him making him scared and smiled in fake apology. She just grumbled and went back to her work. She thought of him again if he was here right now he would have hissed at the waterman and make him go away. the idiot beside her would get a threaten and if he acted tough definitely a punch in the face. Imagining it made her smile and giggle a little.

It was lunchtime, she got up and stretched a little as she went to the common area and sat down alone in a corner seat and took out her lunch. She took out her cheese ricotta pasta, and the other box, she removed it and checked it. It was his favourite flaming hot red pasta with plenty of cheese. She giggled as she imagines his face when he would see her bringing this. He would definitely jump in joy and then hug her thanking her. She will need to heat it up before she left the work, she closed it and put it away. She started eating her lunch while reading the latest Sorcerer magazine. She heard whispering and ignored them at first but then she caught her name and listened closely to them.

"It is her Miss Lucy did you see two boxes of lunch. the other one must be for her gangster boyfriend." One shrill dumb voice whispered to her friend, judging her like they knew everything about her.

"Oh my god!" the other exclaimed in a fake gasp. "That means it is true, her being the girlfriend of a gang boss and that she actually ran away from her home." She whispered back in the disgust and hidden excitement of knowing the juicy gossip. Lucy sighed they all were same wherever she went, making up stuff about her which were never true.

"Yes don't you know Yoshida-san saw her one day with a guy with a scar on his neck and wild clothes looking roughed up and he also had many tattoos of various kinds." She provided evidence to support the gossip, prove that it was true and prove their verdict about them, even though they knew nothing about them. She rolled her eyes and looked up glaring at them. Finally, they shut up and looked away acting all innocent.

"She doesn't need to glare that much." The one who started said trying to look she was not at wrong to gossip.

"I bet its all true that's why she is acting like that, all high and mighty. Thinking that being a gangster girlfriend can get her away from everything." The other bravely whispered back, acting all high and mighty. She glared harder at them, feeling irritated. She huffed and hurriedly finished her lunch and got up to go back to her work. Her only sanctuary in this hell hole. She sighed as she sat down, deciding just to focus on her work.

She felt tired and frustrated. She took a small break and took out her notepad to write something so she can get her mind of today. As she passed it on she saw it a small post it, written on it was 'I loved you first, dork.' She felt her smile come back and her energy too as she remembers that day. Just some words from him and it always lifted her spirits, she got back to her work determined to end today's so she could go back home to him.

She saved her document uploaded it on her work drive and then checked the time. It was time for her to leave. She hurriedly gathered up her things and literally ran to the elevator, not caring one bit what others were thinking. She got hurriedly in and bit her lip as she impatiently waited for the elevator to reach the below floor. As it reached feeling excited she waved bye at the only person with her in the elevator with a big giddy smile. He looked surprised and when she ran away he waved back stupidly. She smiled big at the cleaning man and only he knew about her reason for her happiness gave her a high five and she did it back. She smiled at the security guard as he just stared at her with irritated eyes. She just smiled past and went out and ran to catch the bus.

She got on it and sat down on the lone seat near the window and took out her tablet and started paying their videos. It was of them accounting various precious memories of them, with his favourite cat, Happy at there house. Them playing around with leaves in the autumn and then later cleaning with each other as they were scolded by there neighbour, Gray for making a mess. It was of them playing tag and him tackling her to the couch and then locking her in his hold to snuggle against her with Happy joining them later, purring and sleeping again. It was them taking various kinds of selfies together enough to fill up an album. It was them holding hands and trekking through a mountain trail on weekend looking happy and excitement buzzing through them. It was them kissing under the mistletoe at the Christmas party as their friends cheered around them. It was them recording messages for each other as they smiled at each other and tightly gripped each other hands to remind each other that they were still here together and forever.

A tear came into her eyes as she remembered that day. The bus tinged and she saw the stopping sign come up she looked out the window to see it was her stop. She hurriedly gathered her things and put them away as she got up to leave. She thanked the bus driver as she got down the bus. She ran all the way to arrivals gate at the airport as she anxiously looked around for his spiky pink hair and bright smile. At the gate, she saw them exiting one by one, men around his age all wearing the military uniform of their country. Her breath stopped as he came out looking around anxiously just like her. He Looked older, his eyes sunken and darkened a little but still holding the fire in them, he had a hat on but she knew he had cut his hair very small to a crew cut, his body looked a little bit roughed up but still same hot one she always loved. At last, his smile was not there but as soon as their eyes meet, he looked shocked first but then smiled, his bright sunshine smiled which could make her any bad day better.

She threw her things on the floor not caring one bit, he did too. She ran, he did too. They meet in middle and she threw her hands around him and he picked her up, holding her close and twirling her in pure happiness and laughed, she did too. They felt each other's warmth finally after a year making them both drunk in happiness. He put her down and she felt tears coming in hers and his did too a little.

"Welcome back, Natsu." She smiled and kissed him, he kissed her back and they thought 'Ah! finally.' They separated.

"I am back, Luce." He smiled at her and she felt it, all is good in her world today.

Her small pink diamond glittered in her happiness in her middle finger.

A/N - This was my most fast written fic I have ever written seriously. I was listening to old Taylor's songs today and ours came up and it hit me writing it for Nalu and I did and in two hours I had completed it. Godz! Even myself I can't believe I had written a fic so fast. Hehe, I feel really happy with this.

Please don't forget to review and favourite.

Xoxoxo.

[dream-sleeper227]

Honestly yeah I’m so happy with the type of evil!sun they portrayed. Totally emotionless is 100% the kind of evil sun I would have imagined. He’s just through with it all 😭

I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM

Evil!Sun my beloved

Bonus doodle