#I've heard so many bullshit excuses

[just-broken-thoughts]

Why do they always say: "I was reading the text on your top," or "oh, I was just daydreaming," while they actually mean: "I was staring at your boobs because they're spectacular."

Men always look at a woman’s heart first, it’s not our fault her boobs are in the way

[mrsbarnesblog]

one step at a time

masterlist

summary: after being rejected by you, the person who managed to catch Rafe's attention in a way no one else ever had, he goes spiraling into his addiction even more. you happened to be the only one who was able to pull him out of the turmoil in which he had buried himself in the last years.

words count: 6.5k

warnings: drug addiction, withdrawls, mutual pinning, angsty with happy ending

a/n: i've been writing and rewriting it since august and i still don't know whether i like the final result or not, so i'm ready for your feedback. aaaand happy new year to all of you, my precious followers. hope this one will bring you only the best💘

You felt your skin getting hotter under the intense gaze of a particular guy who had been starring at you whenever you two were in the same room. The one who was present in your head all the time, no matter how hard you tried to get distracted and convince yourself that it was not the person that you needed in your life.

Rafe Cameron.

He was in a circle of his so-called friends, mostly not paying attention to them and instead watching you. You didn’t know when it started to happen—when the looks that you gave to each other started to get longer and more frequent, when your eyes started to search around the rooms until they found what they wanted, when the small talks that you had during official Kook’s events became so awkward and nervous.

Your fathers worked together for a few years, so you weren’t friends, more like acquaintances who occasionally attended the same galas and parties, where you usually ended up in the same circle of people. And who, well, might have developed a secret crush on each other. 

The thing is, you didn’t know why you felt that way. Rafe was certainly not the nicest person on the island, yet you didn’t have a real reason to hate him either. He was a menace; he was spoiled and thrived on attention from others. But Rafe was undeniably hot, so damn attractive without even trying, and you just wanted him. Your whole body was gravitating towards him, no matter how you tried to get this bullshit out of your head. 

Still, you knew for a fact that no matter how much even his presence in the room affected you, seeing him do countless and countless lines at every party pushed you away from him more than anything else ever could. You were not the one to ever judge people for their addictions, but seeing many times what drugs did to people, you didn’t want to deal with it at all. Remembering the first time you noticed it, the first time Sarah cried because of how her brother became so reckless and that she was scared for him, a shiever ran down your spine. 

You excused yourself and left from inside the house when the air became to thick with the smell of smoke, alcohol, and sweat from people all around you and when your thoughts started to wander in the familiar direction. You found a semi-quiet space at the balcony on the second floor, but it didn’t take too long until someone else went there, as you heard footsteps approaching you. 

“What are you doing here alone?” You instantly turned around at the sound of Rafe’s smooth voice, only to catch him looking at you up and down with a gleam in his eyes. You heart raced, almost breaking out of your ribcage, while you tried to visibly not freak out.

“Nothing, just needed some fresh air.” You shrugged. “And why are you here?” 

“Honestly?” He chuckled, seemingly feeling nervous, as his right hand started rubbing the back of his neck. “I followed you.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, kinda wanted to talk to you alone for a long time.” He stepped closer, mostly looking at the floor and licking his lips. You didn’t know whether it was the chill air or the fact that Rafe’s presence had a weird influence on you, but you shivered. “You’re so pretty tonight, y’know? I mean, always. Thought I could ask you to hang out sometime. Like without shit tons of people around us?”

Your eyes followed the movements of his slightly trembling hands and the realization that he was high again made your heart sink. It were drugs speaking, you were sure that he wouldn’t have done it with a sober mind, so you just pursed your lips at the bitter feeling in your chest. 

Rafe was almost jittery, either from finally asking you out or the powder that was currently flooding his system — he didn’t even know that himself. He wanted to ask you out for ages, always thinking about the way you pulled his attention like a magnet, the way he craved you more with every passing day, but it seemed like there was never a good moment for that. 

“Rafe…” You breathed out his name, your eyes finally finding his. Pupils dilated, almost covering the pretty blue color, and the look so distant, weird, as if he wasn’t even fully there. “I can’t. This is wrong. I don’t want to do it like that.” 

“You-you’re looking at me. I know I’m not fucking crazy. You look at me the same way I look at you, don’t bullshit me, Y/N.” His eyes narrowed, his throat suddenly dry from the nerves and a hurting feeling of rejection. He stepped closer, which seemed like a way to intimidate you, but you weren't afraid of him, not even in this state of mind. 

“I’m not… denying it, okay? I like you, for some reason.” Your cheeks heated, and you started fidgeting with your fingers, but still looking up at him with seriousness and concern. “But I hate your lifestyle, Rafe. Say whatever you want, but this is not normal. You’re high even right now—I see it in your eyes. Will you even remember this party, me, our conversation the next morning?”

Was it anger that was bubbling inside of him right now? Or maybe agitation? Whatever it was, it hurt him deeply, more than he could admit. For the first time ever, Rafe actually, genuinely, became interested in someone, not with the intention of a meaningless hook up, but just because something was pulling him towards you. And, of course, he had to fuck everything up again with his dumb ass desicions. 

Who was he kidding, thinking that you wouldn’t care about the coke? You were possibly the sweetest person on the island, despite being a kook, and he had never even heard any rumors about you doing anything illegal. You were just the definition of a rich girl who enjoyed her perfect life on an island, hanging out with your friends, doing your hobbies, and never getting into trouble. 

Rafe just wanted to hit his head against the wall from the amount of mixed feelings and thoughts that his poor overstimulated mind was experiencing right now. 

“Rafe, please listen and understand what I say. I’m not rejecting you. I’m just saying that I can’t commit to anything if you’re not even fully there. If the situation was different, I would’ve happily accepted it.” His attention was focused on the floor, but from the way his jaw was clenching while you were talking, you knew that he was listening. “These people are not your friends, because they let you do that and they do not care. You should stop destroying your mind and your body with drugs while you can.” 

You tried to reach out to touch him, but he flinched. 

“Yeah, I–I get it. See ya later.” He mumbled under his breath, not even looking at you.

“Rafe, wait! Rafe!” You tried to call out, but he was already gone, mixing in the croud of people in the main room.

You pushed on the button on the doorbell for the third time, but it seemed like Cameron’s house was silent. Rafe’s truck was on the driveway, as was his red bike, so you knew that he must be home. 

After that talk with Rafe almost three weeks ago, you only heard about him and caught a few glimpses with his friends at Figure 8. People talked that he had gone even crazier than usual and that Shoupe arrested him twice. You were worried that it might be your fault, but just when you decided to catch Rafe the next time you see him, he vanished for the whole day. 

You had to call Sarah to ask what was wrong with her brother, making up a stupid excuse for your sudden interest, and the only thing that she told you was him not getting out of his room and acting weird.

Maybe it was a bad idea to come here uninvited when clearly no one else besides Rafe was home, or because you weren’t even that close, but it was too late to go back when you opened the front door and slowly went up the stairs to his room. 

You were in the house a few times already, when your families had their usual gatherings together, so you pretty much knew where you had to look for Rafe. You stopped in front of his door, unsure of your actions, but before you could run away like a child, your hand had already knocked on the door.

The soft groans and mumbling were heard inside, as well as the sound of the bedsheets and something falling on the floor. Your first thought about him having someone over there made your heart drop for a second, but another groan, almost painful, filled you with concern.  

“Get—get the fuck away, Sarah. T-told you a million fu-ucking times.” Rafe’s voice was hoarse, and it seemed like he was trembling with the way it shaked. You heard cussing and more groans. He did not sound like himself with those strange pauses and unusual sounds, which made the level of your worry skyrocket. What if he was doing coke in there, or maybe something stronger? His ego must’ve gotten hurt because of your rejection, and now he was putting that shit up his nose again. 

“It’s not Sarah, Rafe. Open, please.” You rested your head on the door, listening to the complete silence after your words. He was thinking—you knew that. He was trying to figure something out, and the fact that you didn’t know what was exactly happening frightened you. "Fuck, are you doing it again? I won’t go until you open the door. Rafe, this is not funny!” 

You didn’t expect to see what was in front of you. As soon as the door opened, another version of Rafe was looking at you. He was barely standing straight, gripping the side of the door for dear life, shaking like a leaf and sweating. His face was pale, with almost white lips and bloodshot, exhausted eyes. 

You gasped, covering your mouth with your hand, but stepped closer to take a hold of his face. He took something worse than cocaine. He’s high again. It’s bad. Your mind immediately went to a dark place, already feeling tears at the brim of your eyes. 

That’s when Rafe’s eyes met yours, and you froze in place. 

“You are clean.” You said, not asked, breathlessly. Tired, red, and slightly watery, but still clear, eyes looked right at you with a mixture of shame and relief. He licked his lips a few times, probably dehydrated, trying to stay focused on you despite feeling too sick to stand up straight. “Oh my god, Rafe, I thought—What's happening?” 

When he didn’t respond to you, with a new wave of confidence, you pushed him back into the darkness of the room, closing the door behind you and looking around. It was a mess, but no empty bottles, white powder, or random credit cards were seen, and you sighed with relief. 

Rafe was barely holding himself up. His body was fighting against him, craving that poisonous relief again. He swayed on his legs, suddenly feeling way too hot again, even though his skin was covered in goosebumps. It started to become more than he could handle, but another reminder that you were, in fact, right in front of him came in the form of your hands holding his face. 

Your soft eyes were searching for something in him while he tried to focus on your face. He thought that maybe he started hallucinating because, why else would you be there? Rafe leaned forward as his face curled in pain. You hummed in response, taking some of his body weight on yourself. Your hands stayed on his face, while his own trembling ones fell on your waist for some kind of support. 

At first, he thought that he was mad at you. After you rejected him, when he finally found power in himself to talk to you at that party, he was furious. He came back to his friends, immediately pulling out a plastic bag from his pocket and emptying it on the table in front of him. He inhaled more than he needed, hurt and angry from what you said to him. It blocked his mind for some time as everything around got muffled and blurry. His heart was pounding, his breath shallow, but his mind spun faster than he could keep up with. Every word you’d said echoed in his head, sharper and more painful each time.

It went on like that for some time, and at one point Rafe couldn’t even figure out what day it was. Everything was just a blur of parties, his coke buddies, and countless lines on every surface possible. It was bad, and at the back of his mind he knew that he was spiraling somewhere he wouldn’t be able to get out of, but then again, he had no one to try for. Ward didn’t care as long as Rafe didn’t cause any problems; his sisters gave him stares that he thought were either pity or disgust, as you... you weren’t there to fully see it all, so he did everything to prove God knows what, knowing damn well that it was hurt.  

The coke gave him fleeting moments of numbness, but it never lasted. The hurt always came back, heavier and sharper, gnawing at him when the highs faded and the quiet of his thoughts became unbearable.

It all was adding up, until one time Sarah caught him blacked out on the couch besides the pool. He still didn’t know whether it was a game of his mind or it happened actually, but he remembered her faint silhouette, sitting in front of him. She sounded like she was crying, but he wasn’t sure—too high to actually understand. What he remembers were her words, that surprisingly his mind was able to comprehend even in that state. “I thought you were gonna get better. I thought Y/N would be the one to pull you out of this.” Her voice cracked, a mix of sadness and disappointment that cut through the fog in his brain. “But look at you, Rafe. You’re worse than ever.”

Rafe’s vision blurred, though he couldn’t tell if it was from the high or the emotion clawing its way to the surface. He tried to move, to sit up, but his body felt like lead. He hated how vulnerable he felt in that moment, laid out in front of his sister like a broken mess.

“He cares about you, you know. She told me a long time ago how much she liked you. I know you do too. And you could’ve had it all if only you were able to get out of your own way.” Sarah said, her voice soft but edged with frustration. “But instead, you’re here, killing yourself slowly over something that you could fix. Or maybe you’re just too scared to try.”

“I’m not scared.” He gritted his teeth, groaning at the baanging noises in his head.

“Then prove it. Fix your life, Rafe. Until it’s too late.” 

He didn't remember what happened after that, but then he woke up with a more clear head, still confused and disoriented. Sarah’s words were hanging at the back of his head.

What was he even trying to prove? To you? To himself? He’d spent so much time running from the pain, from the rejection, from the fear that he hadn’t realized he was running in circles, destroying everything in his path.

Rafe stood shakily, gripping the back of the couch for support. His reflection in the sliding glass door caught his eye, and he barely recognized the person staring back. Bloodshot eyes, hollow cheeks, and a gauntness that hadn’t been there before. It was a version of himself he couldn’t stand to look at anymore.

He wasn’t sure where to start or if he even knew how to fix it, but he knew one thing: Sarah, once, was right. If he didn’t make a change now, it would be too late. Too late for you to ever see him as someone worth caring about again. Too late to prove to himself that he could be better.

Dragging a hand down his face, Rafe took a shaky breath. One step at a time, he thought, Sarah’s voice still echoing in his mind. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he could do it. He didn’t know if it would be enough, but for the first time, he wanted to try.

“It burns. I feel like my body is on fuckin’ fire. It’s in my veins. I can’t take it anymore, Y/N.” Rafe’s eyes flattered, and his breathing became heavier as another wave of heat washed over him. “I don’t wanna take coke again, but shit—-“

“You can, Rafe. I know you can. You’re doing so well. You have to fight it just a little longer.” You ran your thumbs over his cheeks and realized that he was way too hot. “You need to cool off a little. Can you take a cold shower? Can you do that by yourself?” You slightly patted his cheek until his eyes focused back on yours.

“You actually came?” His voice was hesitant, almost fragile, and a sad smile touched your lips.

“I did. I’ll help you, okay?”

“Mhm… Stay here? Please.” He almost begged, leaning into your touch and licking his dry lips again. With your touch still lingering on his face, Rafe stumbled into his private bathroom while you decided to prepare everything for him. 

After politely rummaging through the room, you found new bed sheets to replace the old ones. Then you quickly aired the room, brought a couple water bottles from the kitchen downstairs, and turned on only one light to not disturb Rafe and his sensitive mind right now. 

As you were cleaning up, you got lost in your thoughts about what had happened in the past few weeks. From Rafe asking you out, then seemingly going crazy because of your rejection, and now his attempt to quit drugs. Not that you didn’t believe in him, but he was so stubborn, and with the amount of problems constantly surrounding him, it wouldn’t be so surprising if he had just ignored you and continued living his own way. 

But you wanted him to get clean so badly because you hated the way coke was affecting him. You knew him for a pretty long time now, and you couldn’t miss the changes in his behavior after he started using. You wanted to see the real him, wanted to help him out, no matter how cliche it sounded. 

You hated that he was so careless about his own body and mind that he willingly put that shit up his nose again and again, thinking that it would change anything. You had feelings for Rafe, you did for a long time, no matter how many people openly said that he was a disaster and a big problem. One thing that you knew for sure was that if he really wanted to try, then you would support him. 

You heard the bathroom door creak open and turned to see Rafe leaning against the frame. He looked exhausted, his damp hair falling into his eyes, his skin pale but no longer feverish. He wore a fresh pair of sweatpants, the towel he had used slung loosely around his shoulders. His expression was a mix of vulnerability and shame, like he wasn’t sure he deserved the care you were giving him.

“Hey.” You said softly, walking over to him. “You feeling any better?”

He nodded faintly, his eyes meeting yours. “A little.” He admitted, though his voice was hoarse. “Thanks for… all this.”

You shook your head. “You don’t have to thank me. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Rafe’s movements were a little slower than usual when he came closer to you, as if he craved your presence around him. “Just made you a fresh bed. I also brought some water because you’re probably dehydrated. You should try to fall asleep, and I’ll stay here if you want to.” You softly smiled, not missing the way his eyes were glued to your lips, as if he were trying to understand you better. 

“Yeah—shit, I mean okay.” Rafe started breathing heavily again, shaking his head to clear the fog and trying to stop his hands from shaking. 

In a few minutes, you managed to get you both into his bed, with you sitting against the headboard and Rafe’s head comfortably placed on the pillow on your lap. He was facing you, so you could see the way his eyes were flattering while he tried to control himself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked quietly, mindlessly running your hands through his long hair.

“Didn’t think that you would care about it, ‘cause you clearly said no to me.” He shrugged, while one of his hands sneaked under the pillow on your legs and touched your thigh. It wasn’t sexual in any way, but it gave Rafe some kind of comfort.

“I care about you. You are my friend.”

“I don’t wanna be your friend, Y/N.” 

You shook your head at his stubbornness, sliding your fingers down the side of his face. “I know, but we are. At least for now.” Rafe scoffed, tightening the grip on your thigh and trembling as another wave of chills washed over his body. “Sh-h. Remember, I didn’t say ‘no’. I said that I can’t commit to anything if you’re not fully here. It would be unfair for both of us. So now you have to get better, and then we’ll work from there.” His tired eyes met yours as if he were trying to understand whether you were serious or not. “When was the last time you used anything?”

“Yesterday morning.” 

“Mhm, so it’s your second day already. That’s amazing, Ray.” 

Rafe just hummed in response, his mouth suddenly feeling extremely dry. You made him drink some water, trying to convince him that his body needed to get rid of the toxins, and one of the best ways to do it was by drinking a lot of fluids. He was surprisingly obedient, just going back to his previous position with one hand on your leg and facing you. 

You two settled into a comfortable silence, both too lost in your own heads and thoughts. 

Rafe’s eyes didn’t leave your face. No matter how hard it was for him to focus, he studied your features that were perfectly illuminated by the small lamp. He looked at you countless times, always sneaking glances when no one would notice, but right now he thought that you looked the most beautiful. With a soft smile and eyes and slightly messy hair. 

Your hand that was brushing through his dump hair and then touching his face like a feather was almost too good to be true, making Rafe almost forget about the poisonous cravings and unusual reactions of his body. You, you, you—were the only thing on his mind. It was soothing and peaceful. It was calming the storm in his head, so Rafe didn’t want this moment to ever end. 

You mindlessly traced lines on Rafe’s face, just admiring the way he seemed to be calm and relaxed, as much as it was possible in his condition, and how it differentiated from the way he had always acted. Maybe it was stupid on your part to get closer with Rafe so easily, because, let’s face it, he could go back to his habits as soon as you stepped out of the house. Everyone around you constantly talked about him being the type of person who would never change to please somebody and who would never put his pride aside. 

But no matter how hard you tried, the boy in front of you, the one who looked at you with trust and unusual softness, made your heart beat faster. Your body and mind were screaming that you did the right thing and that he was worth saving, so you couldn’t just walk away and pretend to feel nothing. 

As you watched his eyes start to flutter with sleepiness, your own hands slowed down. With the wave of comfort that his company and the atmosphere of the room had brought you, you didn’t notice how you fell asleep. 

The next few days were rough for both of you, with Rafe trying to pull his shit together and not give up and with you trying to be as helpful as possible. He struggled a lot. You saw that pretty clearly, but what you also saw was how actually strong Rafe was and how determined he became to get through it. 

It was underestimating to say that your help and support meant everything to him. Your words of encouragement, your genuine kindness and willingness to help, your visits and time that you spend in his room—it all made it seem like the efforts were not worthless and that there was a reason to fight. 

After almost a week since the day you first fell asleep in Rafe’s bed, your relationship started progressing rapidly. You started actually getting to know each other, and countless text messages and phone calls were proof of that. 

He was feeling much better; the worst of the withdrawal symptoms had passed, and the fog in his mind started to lift. It wasn’t perfect, and there were moments where he felt overwhelmed by the weight of everything he had to face, but he was getting there. You could see it in the way he started to smile more often and how his voice had grown steadier on the phone; he became calmer and wasn’t always on the edge of snapping. 

Your attraction to Rafe grew rapidly whenever you saw the real version of him, the one that was soft and caring, brought up to the surface—the one that had been buried beneath layers of anger, frustration, and his addiction. The version of him that you knew had always been there but had been clouded for so long. It was these moments, the quiet ones when he was relaxed and open, when his vulnerability came through, that made your heart ache in ways you hadn’t expected.

Sitting on the porch at your house, you thought about Rafe and your time together, and your tummy fluttered with anticipation for what was yet to come. You saw that longing look in Rafe's eyes, and you weren’t one bit surprised because that night he clearly said that your friendship was not enough for him, but you hoped to move slowly. 

Even if your breath always hitched whenever he stepped closer or lowered himself to say something to you. 

Even if your heart skipped a bit whenever you saw a message with his name next to it. 

A notification from your phone brought you back to the present, and as soon as you saw Rafe’s text, you proved yourself right. Your heart skipped a beat again as a shy smile touched your lips. 

Café near the beach? My treat. I have something to show you

k, i’ll be there in fifteen

When you got out of the taxi, your eyes scanned the people sitting in the open area under the light of the setting sun, but you didn’t see one particular guy who started messing with your head in the best way possible. 

That was until you saw someone turning their head back, as if they sensed you standing there, and your mouth fell open in shock. 

You came closer as Rafe stood up from his chair with a smug look on his face, but your eyes were too hungry, taking him in, to even try to be respectful. 

“Your hair! Oh god, Rafe! How—why—when?" Your hand reached out to touch his freshly buzzed hair, rubbing it back and forth. 

“Texted you as soon as I finished. Just wanted to get rid of the past, y’know.” He shrugged, soft eyes studying your face that was way closer while you inspected his new haircut. “Don’t you like it?”

“It’s hot—I mean, you look hot. It suits you.” You stepped back, looking up and down, trying to memorize a new image. Rafe did look hotter. You suddenly noticed his sharp jawline, strong neck, and shoulders. Damn, he looked bigger. He looked healthier. With that spark in his blue eyes, smoothed, tan skin, and muscles... Oh god, you felt your face getting hotter as your eyes lingered on his arms way too long. 

How the hell did you miss his sudden transformation from being a frat guy to a rich golden boy? Was it the effect of his quitting drugs and finally drifting apart with his previous lifestyle and friends?

“It definitely does. Though I'll miss playing with them.” You mumbled, suddenly nervous and shy under his gaze.

“You think I look hot, hm?” He teased, placing a firm yet gentle hand on your lower back.

Touchy, but never overstepping. 

“Don’t you know that already?” You bit your lip to hold back a smile, placing your hands on Rafe’s upper arms and looking up through your lashes. You both felt that sudden tickling feeling running through your veins at the eye contact, and it made you both start smiling without any words being said. 

“A’ight, I think we should go get something to eat.” 

You were going around the people who flooded the beach house that you were currently in. With you constantly spending time with Rafe, your friends almost begged you to the party, only to leave you almost instantly as they got too interested in the experience of alcohol. Not that you were too upset about it, because you still asked Rafe to come with you, and he was more than happy to do anything for you. 

The music was too loud in the main room, and you went through the back door to an open yard that led right to the beach and was still full of drunk people, but at least there was some fresh air, and Rafe had already been waiting for you on the bench near the big wooden table with lots of drinks. 

You left him just for a few minutes just to use a bathroom, but when you stepped outside, you saw him talking to a guy that you had only seen around when Rafe was doing drugs. Your heart started beating faster at the sight of their obviously not so calm conversation, and you rushed closer to know what was happening. 

“Rare? What’s going on?” You stepped beside him, brushing your hand against his stiff back. “What do you want from him?” You pointed a finger at the guy whose name you didn’t bother to remember, and he just snickered back at you. 

“Nothing. It’s alright, sweetheart.” 

“Quit being a pussy, man. I have the best shit with me today. You’ll get high as a kite.” The guy completely ignored you, only looking at Rafe. You could physically feel the anxiety washing over you at the thought of it happening again, of Rafe just walking away with him right now and leaving you here alone. 

You tugged at his arm, trying to catch his attention. “Rafe, you promised. We should go now, please.” He looked back at you, nodding without hesitation and catching your hand to interlace your fingers. 

“Told you that I quit it. Go chase someone else, Hugh.” 

“Because of this bitch?” The moment this word left his mouth, Rafe’s hands gripped the front of Hugh’s t-shirt, backing him against the table and knocking over a few bottles. 

“Call her a bitch one more fucking time and I’ll knock off your teeth.” The guy lifted his hands in surrender, as Rafe was seething with anger, without a doubt meaning what he just said. 

You tugged gently on his arm again, trying to ease the situation. “Rafe, let’s just go, please.” You urged, your voice soft but firm, hoping to ground him before things escalated any further.

Rafe’s breath was heavy, his grip on Hugh’s shirt still tight, but his eyes were fixed on you now, softening at your touch. Slowly, he released Hugh, stepping back and running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, we’re done here.” Rafe muttered, his voice low and controlled, though the anger still simmered beneath the surface. You guided him away from the curious people, who were already whispering about the unfolded scene.

You sat on a wooden bench under a giant tree, with your legs thrown over Rafe’s and almost no distance between you two. It happened so instantly, so naturally, that none of you even thought about it. Rafe had his warm hands laying on your thighs and knees and rubbing your exposed skin in small circles, keeping his eyes down.

A silence lingered between the two of you, and while Rafe was too lost in his head, you took your time to admire him. You spent so much time together over the past month, not because you felt obliged to, but because it was simply amazing. Underneath all of those layers, you found real Rafe, the one who was teasing, who was funny, and the one who was super protective and incredibly caring.

You had never expected to be absolutely down for a man like him, but he was getting so much better with every passing day, never giving you a reason to doubt his intentions. Of course you didn’t forget Rafe’s words about him wanting to be more than your friend, and it lingered over your head every time you caught him staring at you. Though he had never rushed anything, wanting to have that natural bond between you grow stronger and only showing his hidden desires with glances full of admiration and with careful touches. 

Rafe’s head suddenly shot up, eyes clear yet narrowed. He smirked, seeing you already looking at him and subconsciously tightening his hold on your leg. He held eye contact for a few seconds, making a smile tug at your lips before he looked away, shaking his head with a deep chuckle. 

“What?” You half-whispered, suddenly feeling shy. 

“Do you even know what you’re doing to me?” You tilt your head slightly to the side, trying to hold back a smile, but miserably fail when he moves a tiny bit closer and all you can see, feel, and smell is him. “You’re like— I’m— Fuck, you made me stutter like a damn middle schooler…” He was completely infatuated by you, barely able to handle his violently beating heart.  

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, the sound warm and full of affection. The way Rafe was fumbling with his words, clearly flustered, made you feel something deep in your chest—a flutter that wasn’t just attraction but something more vulnerable, something you hadn’t expected to feel when you first started spending time together.

“Rafe…” You whispered, leaning in just a little, your voice low and teasing. “You’re so cute when you’re like this.”

His eyes darkened slightly at your words, the smirk on his lips turning into something more sincere, more tender. He took a deep breath, shifting so he was closer, his chest nearly touching yours. His fingers slowly and carefully traced the edge of your skirt, and the way his gaze flickered between your eyes and your lips made the air feel thick with tension.

“Don’t do that.” He said softly, his voice a mixture of amusement and longing. “I’m trying not to make this harder for myself.”

“Trying?” You raised an eyebrow, your teasing smile not leaving your lips. You knew exactly what you were doing, enjoying every second of his reaction. “You’re doing a pretty terrible job of it.”

Rafe exhaled sharply, his hand now resting on your waist, his thumb brushing back and forth slowly as if he were trying to steady himself. You could feel his breath on your skin, warm and erratic. He leaned forward just enough to close the space between your faces, his lips hovering over yours, but not touching. The energy in the air around you suddenly shifted, and you raised your hand to his neck to pull him even closer.

“I don’t want to rush this.” Rafe murmured, his voice low and serious, his forehead gently pressing against yours. “But god… you make it so damn hard to hold back.”

You could feel his heart beating against yours, the rhythm erratic but strong. You didn’t speak for a moment, simply breathing with him, caught up in the quiet intensity of the moment.

“You don’t have to hold back. I’m not going anywhere, Ray.” You said softly, your voice almost a promise.

And with that, the tension seemed to snap, the silent understanding between you both growing stronger. He finally closed the space between you, his lips pressing gently against yours, tentative at first, as if he were still unsure but desperate to feel you. And as the kiss deepened, as he pulled you closer to his body, you were completely lost. 

The kiss deepened further, his tongue gently coaxing yours into a slow dance. He was lost in you, the intensity of the moment making everything else fade away. The way you responded, so naturally, so eagerly, only fueled his desire. Rafe’s grip on you tightened, pulling you onto his lap, your bodies fully pressed together now, the heat of his body seeping into yours.

When he finally pulled back, his lips still brushed against yours, his breath shaky and uneven. He looked at you, his eyes full of something deeper than just desire—there was a tenderness, raw and vulnerable, something that had been buried beneath the walls he’d built around himself.

"Thank you." Rafe breathed out, his voice thick with emotion. "For being here. For helping me... through all of this. I don’t think I could have done it without you."

You smiled softly, licking your lips before speaking. “You don’t have to thank me. You should be proud of yourself for being able to do that.” You traced your fingers down the side of his face. “Just promise me you won’t stop trying if something hard happens, okay? You have me, and you have your sixers who care about you too.”

“Okay. I won’t. I promise.” Turning his head to the side to place a kiss on the palm of your hand that lingered on his face, Rafe pulled your body closer to him. There was still a lot to work on, but hidden away from other people, you finally savoured a quiet moment between you two, and for the first time, there was nothing but peace and warmth in both of your hearts. 

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝑆𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐺𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑒

Summary: Black Family sucked. That's what your friends, your family and boyfriend said. They were obsessed with being "pure" and ready to do anything to achieve that... But none of you would have known exactly what measures they would go.

A/N: I went overboard with this one, and had to seperate it to two parts. So, hopefully, next week, you guys will have a second part. But I'm sleepy while uploading this so... Forgive me if there are some mistakes, I'll fix them later. REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

Trigger Warning: Mentions of torture and abuse, some very slight make out mentions(?), typical Black family, 8.2K words.

Pairing: Regulus Black x Pureblood!Fem!Reader

Prompts: "No one makes me smile the way you do.", "I've always loved that about you.", " I know I don't say it a lot, but I really do love you." and "You're all I'll ever need to feel better." from this prompt list ; 3,6,7,8,9, 19, 22, 29, 30 and 31 from the kissing prompts 4 of my "SUMMER CELEBRATION" event.

Part2

Regulus wasn't seen.

It wasn't like he wasn't at the school where you both called your home, he definetly was. There were glimpses of him in lessons, or Quidditch practices, there were slight whispers of his rich and silky voice as he spoke to his friends in the Great Hall, one that you could always catch no matter where or when. It was the same voice that whispered you sweet good mornings, the same voice that told you soft spoken, full of love and adoration, words as he danced with you in somewhere away from the prying eyes, his own blue-ish gray ones looking extra ethereal and captivating at the moonlight that shone on both of you, contouring his sharp face so beautifully that often left you speechles.

Speechles at how this amazing, caring and loving boy was yours. And he often felt the same about you, about how lucky he was for finding you in that library corner, drowning in books and hair messy, at his lowest point.

A point where no one really made it an effort to listen to him, to know him.

By his friends, his parents... His own brother.

But, even if he wasn’t heard or seen by his family, Regulus Black was seen in Hogwarts, by many others... But not you.

Not today.

He was avoiding you.

It hurted you whenever he distanced himself. He often did this, but even then, he would tell you that he just needed to be alone and gather his thoughts after a kiss to your forehead and then return a few hours later with your favourite dessert from one of the house elves. They even learnt when to bake them for him and you, after witnessing how bice you treated them and such, they were happy to stay awake a few more hours so that you two could be happy.

And of course, you understood that everyone could need some alone time in this hectic life, Regulus more than anyone, but this much of being alone...

He didn't even come to dinner time, instead saying some bullshit about wanting to sleep and tell you to eat with your friends after a soft kiss to your cheeks and a short kiss to your lips. He would always lay some on your lips, and even pepper your whole face with them. His kisses were always so passionate, they left you a breathless mess at the place he kissed you, making you jump on him as you both laughed in delight.

Be it his dorm, you would jump on the bed and you two would play fight, looking into each others eyes as he would hover over you, a hand on your waist with a thight grip as his breath fanned your face, his nose touching yours as he would muzzle his to your neck. You are beautiful, he would whisper before his kisses would turn urgent and you both’s clothes would soon be thrown away at somewhere.

Regulus Black was a passionate young man, someone who felt deeply... But that passion was slowly dying.

And it was your greatest fear coming true.

“Excuse me, guys... I don’t have an appeatite...” you slowly got up as you looked at them, apologizing with your eyes. People always thought them to be such fuckers but Barty and Evan, as long as they weren’t in their teasing romance, were actually great friends of you and Regulus... Barty was the first one who adopted you in the group, back before you were sorted in any houses, in the train and... Perhaps, you were the only one they loved in another house.

“Where are ya goin’? Ya haven’ eaten anythin’?” Barty pointed to your plate as a sheepish look came over you, lips tugging to a sweet smile, hoping that he would let it pass. He wouldn’t have fallen for the puppy eyes, not for the 97th time, had Evan not pointed to who was missing on their table as well.

“looking for her boyfriend, I see...” you gave a sad smile at Evan as he nodded to the entrance of the Great Hall. He, too, was aware that something was... more wrong with the Black as well, but none of them could come close enough to question him without getting blasted off. “Go. That boy never admits, but he is very dependant on you... He needs you.”

But, if there was anyone who could do that... And perhaps, it was you he wanted to have with him, it would be you.

He had seen from first-hand experience how good you affected the boy, how he seemed happier. Though he would always tease him for the heart eyes he sent your way, or how he would get up from his seat and hug you at the entrance of the Great Hall as soon as he sees you, and also accompany you to his side as you talked with his friends and then, sit with you in your side of the table with your friends at lunch time or dinner, he was glad he found some solace in you.

He was aware of the “pureblood nonsense” most “pureblood” families believed in, his and Blacks for example, and did anything to make their children believe in it too. Regulus was still considered lucky in his eyes, for having Sirius protecting him since he didn’t have someone that would protect him.

And now that they were friends, there was no way in hell that he would allow him to relapse into those bad thoughts that could never actualy stop swirl in his head.

You beamed at Evan as your sprinted from them, Evan yelling after you that they would bring some food for you two while Barty hissed about you not doing any funny business. Evan elbowed him hard as Barty whined about how Regulus was becoming soft, and pink, and domestic around him so much that he couldn’t take it anymore. I love our girlie, and cold bitch of a friend but they both make me... sick...

You couldn’t care less about what they said though. Your mind was only on Regulus and how in pain he looked earlier, even when he tried to hide it behind his steel look. You wondered if it was the anniversary of his brother leaving him behind, but quickly checked it out. Maybe his parents were strict and harsh to him again? But he always said he was used to their harsh ways of teaching...

And now that you stopped in front of the the door seperating you from the Slytherin Common Room... You realized that you didn’t know much about your own boyfriend as much as you were supposed to. And that thought made you frown as you looked down for a moment. You knew how... intense things can get with the “pureblood thing”, even though your family wasn’t that harsh when it came to that ideology, you could only imagine what was going on behind the Black household’s closed door by what Sirius had told you.

Pain, screams and suffering enough to make even the strongest wizard or witch cry their eyes out, just to escape, just to... end it all.

Much like the sniffles coming from insidehis dorm after you entered, sniffles that did nothing to ease your nervousness.

And there he was, your absolutely soft and loving and perfect boyfriend, laying on his side as he clutched his cushion thightly while sobbing uncontrollably , his body heaving up and down as his cries rolled off his tongue and reached your ears. Your heart clenched painfully at the heartbroken boy before you, twisting an invisible knife deeper and deeper with each of his cries as you slowly walked up to him and sat down on the bed, alerting him to your presence before putting your hand on his shoulder and caressing his shoulder comfortingly with sad eyes.

“Reggie...” you knew how he hated that nickname, even throwing a fit to Evan how he didn’t like, though he always said he preferred only you to say it, so when he didn’t react even at that name, you sprinted to his other side after applying a locking charm to the door, guessing he would want to be alone with you right now withour anyone barging in.

At first, he tried to deny you and your touch, but you were persistent. When you said yes to date him, you made a promise to him that day: even if your ways split, you would still be there for him through thick and thin.

You wouldn’t ve another person who left him alone.

“I’m not leaving, I’m here... You’re safe, Regulus...”

And perhaps, it was the way your voice so softly comforted him and how your hands glided through his black curls, or maybe he was too tired after crying his heart out. Whatever it was, he suddenly got up and launched at you, burrying his face to your neck as you sat down on your butt and swayed him from side to side like a baby. Regulus was a man who fought until his last breath, someone who rebelled silently, someone who stood on his ground so strictly that you often thought there would be nothing that could break him.

What happened to him to make him turn into a mess?

What did they do this time?

He was talking, rambling about how bad it was and how she was gonna kill him for it but you didn’t know what “it” was. Your frown hardened by each passing second as his rambles got more intense with fear, fear of his own mother.

“ I-I h-had to leave... I had to leave there, Y/N! They... They wanted-“ another choked sob raked through him as you hugged him even thighter than previously, lifting his head in a hurry and desperately searching for your eyes, to see if you believed him, if you were trully there, if you were... real.

You held onto his face softly, running your thumb up amd down through the bridge of his nose as you kissed his lips to prove to him that you were real, and he was safe in Hogwarts, making him feel all of you as his tears wet your lips, leaving a bitter taste at your tongue.

Not from the salty taste, but the pain they held.

Your mind already finished his sentence without him actually doing so. Because there was only one thing you both feared, one thing that kept him awake at most nights...

One thing that made him cry onto your shoulders that much...

“Did they... Did they do it?” your shaky whisper shook him from the half-trance he was in, and your question made you shiver as if You-Know-Who’s hands were around your neck, your shoulders, the death and chaos that followed him around reeking even in the comforting bubble you two had in Regulus’ dorm.

He shook his head as his hands twisted the silk of your robe. “No... Bella came to the house, said that she wanted to take me to him... The Dark Lord. She said it would be an honor to fight for his cause...” he paused  to gulp down the bile that rose to his throat, clenching his eyes shut and focusing on your comforting smell and warmth. He slowly calmed down and looked at you with his ocean blue eyes, wondering how it was possible for you to net be like his own family, how you were so kind and different than others. When he first saw you in the Great Hall, everyone was looking at you in awe, some were jealous and some were scared. Mostly half-bloods and muggle-borns who was now aware of your family and how in danger they were with a school full of purebloods who mostly wanted to get rid of them.

But just as your kindness and warmth eased him many times, they eased those who once feared you as you welcomed them all happily with open arms, making them promise to turn to you if something were troubling them. You proved everyone that you and your family wasn’t like those psychopaths who was hellbent on killing them, even if it made you be branded as “blood-traitor”. You didn’t seem like you cared much about it, rather spending time with your friends even when nasty Slytherins threw insults at you. All you did was to flip them off and go back to whatever you were doing...

And this was why he hesitated to talk to you at the beginning, both from his family status and the nasty comments that would be thrown at you from his house in Hogwarts. He thought you were only kind to muggle-borns and half-breeds since they were being bullied constantly and, harsh to the purebloods who insulted you.

And he was a pureblood... which meant that you would defiently flip him off and even hurt him.

Which proved to be wrong soon, when he cautiously walked up to you in potion class and asked for help as you turned around and gave him a wide smile as you patted the spot next to you. He didn’t want to think back to how close you two were as you listed the ingredients behind him and looked from his head and down at the cauldron to see if he was doing it right.

But it was the happiest he had ever been as you smiled at him and patted his back proudly as you called for the Professor and showed him your works. That was the moment he realized that he could talk to you without any fear, and also, come to you with some of his problems whether you were able to solve them or not. But perhaps, the biggest discovery about his first meeting with you was...

Knowing deep down that he would fall for you, and your dedication for those close to you.

He was proven right, and it was also a joy to realize this as much as it pained him.  He knew with what kind of burden he came, and he didn’t want to do that to you. It wasn’t fair to such a sunshine person like you. But he had been a bit more selfish than he wanted to admit in his life, and he needed a light... A hope that showed him, told him that his days that was often covered with darkness would be gone soon.

He didn’t know what he did to deserve you, to have you return his feelings almost 2 years ago, but he was so damn glad to Merlin that you were in his life, that you were his light, his saviour.

Just a few minutes ago, he was miserable and scared and didn’t know what else to do. He felt like he was cornered like a wild, hurt animal, not knowing or seeing a way out.

But at least... He had you, he would always have you.

It wasn’t like he didn't come clean with this, his family and how they supported Voldemort. It was actually one of the main reasons that even if he loved you, his heart called for you, he would never try to court you. He couldn’t bring himself to be the reason your smile would fall, the reason you would be dragged into his mess.

But still... Both of you naively thought that he had more time, that you both had more time to act like a normal couple living a pink romance.

That was what you wanted to have. For Regulus to feel safe and happiness, away from the tragedy that was his family.

Apparently, Merlin had other plans.

“B-But... You’re still in school? I thought they wouldn’t...” your voice died down as horror filled you for what was coming to your ways. You were aware of their bond with the Dark Lord, and that they would make either him or Sirius join the DeathEaters too. Sirius was safe now that he ran away and seeked help from James, and you were happy for him. Sirius, James and Remus were your friends anyways, you loved hanging out with them or tutoring them.

Which meant almost all the time.

They were nice people, happy to help you at any time and anywhere, or well, every person who they loved and cherished...

That was exactly why you didn’t understand when Sirius appeared in James’ house alone, leaving his little brother, 14 at that time, alone in such a “hellhole”.

Alone and defenceless, crying much like now as he curled in a ball...

But deep down, you knew that Sirius was worried about him too. You knew him, and listened to him as he cried to you about how he wasn’t used to feeling safe and how worried sick he was for his brother. Something must have happened for Regulus to not let him come with his brother, and Sirius to not drag him away from that house.He, after all, was a stubborn little shit whether the situation was good or not.

 But whatever it was that made both of them not to talk for months and reconcile, it came back to bite everyone’s ass.

“I know, love... I know...” he kissed the tip of your nose as he tried to comfort you back, feeling your fear as his. That was one of the reasons why he fell for you: You felt everyone’s pain even when they really didn’t deserve it.

And though he liked watching you get protective and help someone out while he stood behind and admired you, the tears sitting at the corner of your lovely eyes did nothing but break him even more as he wiped them away, kissing just under your eyes softly, afraid of inflicting you with even more pain.

“That’s what I said, that I should finish school first but... Mother said it was full of dirty wizards and witches, muggleborns and half-bloods. She said I was better off without all those scums....” your brows furrowed at how Walburga Black was so... full of hatred at those who wasn’t like her, her sons included. You probably never saw another human who was so full of hatred, her negativity pouring as venom, trying to poison everyone just as she once was. You had a good guess of why she was like this, why she always threw hatred and so many curses on practically everyone.

After all, none of her sons turned out to be like the Black family. Both of them didn’t support the “Pureblood nonsense” like they did, and Sirius was brave enough to rebel against them while Regulus did it more silently. He showed himself to be just like the perfect Black heir, did everything they asked for and stood tall against them.

He wasn’t brainwashed by them, and though they weren’t proud of him- and could never be- You were so damn proud for him, just like a certain older brother.

You didn’t know it but Regulus, had it been not for you, he feared he would have actually believed in them and what they said, solely for the reason that he wanted them to love him, to acknowledge him as a son. They wanted perfection and he wanted to be perfect, he needed to be perfect.

Because if he wasn’t... Who would he be to anyone?

You are Regulus Arcturus Black, he remembers you telling him after he finally came clean to you about what was in his mind, after asking you out. He was so sure you would decline, laugh it off or anything remotely that told him you didn’t feel the same, before he felt your soft hands slowly taking hold of his downcasted head as his eyes widened in surprise at how... content you looked with the same smile that ignited a fire deep in his soul that it never died, and would never do.. And you are a great man who is kind, strong and powerful, brave too! You are my favourite person in the whole world and I’ll spend an eternity reminding of who you are... Starting with, my boyfriend.

Silence scretchted between you two as he smiled softly at the memory, a perfect one to cast a Patronus perhaps. He desperately wished that this was one of those times you sneaked into his dorm for a nightly fate when he would for sure know that you would scare away all the demons in his head...

But unfortunately, the reality was something else. Something even more demonic and evil than the usual nightmares that haunted him.

Something that tore both him and you apart by how scary it was.

“What did you do... Regulus, did you do it?” he didn’t speak, just took your hands and put them on his sleeve, wanted you to look yourself. Because he didn’t have enough energy anymore. Suddenly, as you slowly pulled his sleeve up, the reality of what would have happened if he didn’t fight against them crashed him.

He would never see you saunter into the Great Hall every time, he wouldn’t sneak out in the middle of the night to have a late night date with you, he wouldn’t be the one to walk with you to your next class, he wouldn’t wait for you for food, he wouldn’t go to Hogsmeade and look at you as you begged to have some more candy from Honey &Dukes, he wouldn’t watch as yougot embrassed cutely...

He wouldn’t be there to love you, and you wouldn’t be there to love him.

You took a sharp intake of breath as you felt his skin over his dress shirt, as if somehow, you would feel the dark tint of the skull and snake symbol over his forearm. You would never judge him, never dare to do such thing. How could you, when you knew how much pain he would have to endure for it, knowing how much it would hurt him?

If that happened, if he yielded and accepted-or rather forced to- you would surely feel helpless and scared, for him. But then, there would absolutely be nothing stopping you from taking him to safety, and possibly going apeshit crazy at them for doing something, something he didn’t want to, on him.

“I just... I just wanted to be enough, for them t-to just... love us.” Your heart broke as stray tears escaped your eyes at how broken he sounded, how even amidst his pain, he still cated for his brother. Regulus took your silence and gasp as a bad sign, he murmured sadly with his eyes downcasted once more as he rubbed your tender flesh. He already felt like a total douchebag, including the voice that screamed at him that he was just like his family with you crying in front of him and him not being able to do anything, that he didn’t deserve anything good in life. And your soft cries didn’t help how he already felt helpless either.

“Don’t cry, love... I know that’s stupid but-“

“No it's no... Not if it’s making you feel like this...” you murmured as you took his hand between yours, squeezing his elegant and long fingers one by one as a way to comfort him as he smiled down at you, seated on his bed as the silky green color complimented you in the best way possible. His eyes looked at your body as the light casted on you made you look ethereal and take his breath away with your beauty. He looked down at your hands as they caressed his hands and wrist comfortingly, before pulling it up to reveal... smooth skin, without any dark ink covering it.

But...

Your hands stopped at feeling a bump on his perfect skin... A bump that wasn’t to be there... Alongside with bruises and yellow-ish tints on his arm...

“T-They... They did crucio o-on you?” you stammered out as you lofted his arm closer to yourself, looking between him and the bruises he had with wide eyes.

“Bella...” he said sadly as his hands clutched your arm thight, as if his life depended on you. And in a way, it did. You were his whole life, the only thing he had, and he would be nothing without you. “She did it, later mother beat me and threw insults and crucio at me...”

“I didn’t even say anything at first... Until she included you.  How she would destroy you, ruin you since you were being a distraction to me and what was more important.” He explained as he took your hands between his and kissed them, a gesture that often left you a blushing mess, and continued. “That’s when I decided that it was enough. That all the pain she inflicted on us, on me was over. I had a life, my life... I would never let her or anyone hurt you, so I fought back and... well, you know the rest.” He mumbled shyly as he peered at you, trying to determine what the effect of his words were to you. Flushed cheeks and wide eyes? That’s something he expected. Shuffling like a cat in embrassment? Also expected, that was something you usually did with him which was another thing that he found adorable.

But what wasn’t expected was what left your mouth.

“I’ve always loved that about you...” you whispered out eith softest eye possible and this time, it was the Regulus Black who blushed.

“What do you mean?”

You shrugged your shoulders as he frowned, but upon you not looking at him and the sudden urge to hide yourself, he smirked and threw his arms around your waist to pull you against him as he nuzzled his face to your neck while your hands played with his curls. He was glad that once sad and bad vibe left to a more pleasant and happy one as he shared this moment with you, with hugging and kissing.

You giggled as the ticklish feeling his lips left on yourbskin made you groan while trying to stop him, so that you could get those words out. You loved his kisses and how they made you feel, but you had to say this... Or else it would eat you alive, and then you would be frowning the whole next day.

“I mean-hey, stop! I’m trying to be romantic here!” you swatted his hand away as it slowly slithered upwards aling the expanse of your naked back, ruhhing circles on the flesh there as he hummed. “I thought it was my thing, love?”

“Yeah, but now, I changed it! It’s mine now, you did it a lot. Now, will you please listen, my pretty and handsome boyfriend?”

“Hmm... Gotta think, love... Maybe after a kiss?” he wiggled his brows playfully as you rolled your eyes but did so, smiling into the soft and lingering kiss you both shared.

Ugh, this boy... Always looking for way to smooch me...

“Now that you had your kiss,” you said after being parted from him, panting at the intensity of the kiss and trying hard to not dive back at the sight of his pink and swollen lips, you continued with a finger idly rubbing his lips and then his beauty mark under his chin.

“I love your brave heart. Even if you might not think so, you have been standing up against them for so long and you, protecting me even if I wasn’t there further proves it...” you looked at him with a kind look and took his hand to place it on your chest, right where your heart was as you continued.

“I love how you always know how to make me smile, no one makes me smile the way you do, my days better and surprise me. I love how you always seem like you don’t care but actually listen when there is something we, any of us, want or when something is bothering us.”

“I love how thoughtful you are, even when it breaks you... Just like how when Sirius left home, and you came to me crying. Not because you felt anger or hatred, which would have been understanable by the way, but rather joy. Joy, because you knew that it was a new start for him so that he could live a normal life even if it killed you.” A scoff left you in the middle of your speech  remembering how your best friend left his little brother like that but soon disappeared when you remembered how broken he was when he talked about his brother.

Regulus, though, was in shock. Because no one in his life had ever been that thoughful and attentive to the way he felt. No one really saw what was hidden behind his strong façade but yet again, you weren’t “no one” and he was always going to be understood.

From now on, and until forever.

“you don’t think I’m... broken? Bad?” he mumbled as he looked at you through his lashes, head down but still smiling. Your heart soared for the boy before you and you leant down to capture his lips with yours, but not before uttering one lost heartfelt sentence.

“All I know is that I love you, that you deserve everything good in life.”

Regulus sniffled once more as he accepted your kiss, humming happily as he allowed you to deepen it. Little shocks went through his body and he wondered if you felt it too but didn’t dwell on it more. He only accepted your unconditional love.

“I know I don’t say it out loud much, but I really do love you so much... You’re all I’ll ever need to feel better.”

“And I love you, love... So much.” You whispered silently, kissing the topnof his head as he thightened his hold on you. Everything was nice and silent once more, only the sounds from the crickets and owls reaching both of your ears. You kissed his head, his forehead and cheek contionously while he laughed, genuinely laughed since he came back, while trying to make you stop. He knew trying to physically stop you wouldn’t work, so he opted for other ways.

Like, kissing you desperately from your neck as he breathed out to tour most sensitive part of the column of your neck, gracefully out only for him to kiss, to mark.

And he wasn’t wrong. When you felt his hot lips on your neck trailing wet and fast kisses up and down your neck, you gasped and let him do as he wanted. Your legs opened for him to step between them, hovering over you with both of his hands on each side of your head as he gazed at you with love and clear desperation. At that moment, you two weren’t just two lovers who were fucking around.

You two were soulmates that understood each other on another level.

He suddenly stopped his ministrations and just looked down at you from above you for a few seconds before sighing dejectedly.

“I don’t want to live there... But I don’t know where-“

“You are not going back to that place, Regulus. Not again, I won’t allow it.” You sternly cut him as you rose up on your hands, brows knitted together while you pushed yourself up as he lowered back and looked at you as if you were crazy.

“B-but... I have nowhere else to go! They would cut me off of the tapestry and disown me! Sirius had James and-“ he exclaimed in distress as he started to shake again, shaking his head at the sudden panic of the reality and what he was supposed to do. He was so caught up in the comfort he had after so long that he had forgotten about what was waiting for him.

His mother with her wand out to use even mkre gruesome punishments, forcing him to come to their meeting and kill innocents...

He couldn’t get help if they did it, and how would his brother look at him if he were to get that damned mark? He already didn’t consider him as a brother, he would definetly refuse to have anything to do with him after he sees it.

And you? How would you accept him like that? A vicious killer who would have to work for the Dark Lord even if it was the last thing he wanted?

You wouldn’t deserve it, you wouldn’t want it, you wouldn’t love him, you wouldn’t accept him, he would be all alone and then be killed as-

“And you have me..! You could stay with me and my family, you know they would do anything to protect us.”

Your desperate call for him was what made him come back to his senses, from the panic attack he had at just thinking about the possibilities. He didn’t register what you said at first. Inside his mind, there seemed to be a constant whirl and buzzing sound as if he was fighting back against a huge storm and he was just... trying, trying and trying but failing in the end.

But it was because he tried to do it alone. He was never allowed to ask for help since it was a “sign of weakness” as his father called it, but now that he had a different circle of people, different friends and above all you, he didn’t have to fear anything.

The way Regulus broke down at the mere mention of his family house( something that was supposed to be comforting) broke you, the sight of the kind boy you knew being treated that way... You couldn’t allow it anymore. There was no way you were letting him go to that house, back into Walburga’s waiting arms as she was waiting to point that damned wand to her own son and mercilessly torture him.

And, to prevent it, a bright idea came to your mind. Sure, there was a potential that your parents would be shocked, more likely have questions as to why they were hosting the boy but thwy would understand... and hopefully help him out.

“You know how my mum adores you, they would gladly help us both.” You weren’t lying to comfort him or yourself, it was true. Last summer, when you brought him to your house after he told something about his whereabouts to his mother, he stayed with you and he would always be thankful for what you did for him that summer. Because those 3 months were the best he had in a long time. At first, when he witnessed the pure love and care there was between all of you, he felt jealous and angry.

Jealous because he didn’t have, and could never have, what you had. He felt the bitter pangs of knives every time you kissed your parents, they brought you home made meals to your room as you showed him the cool muggle books or listened to songs on your bed as you held hands and looked at each other with lovesick smiles. The way you bravely sneaked into the guest room just to fall asleep with him, to comfort him so that he didn’t feel alone changed him in a way, made him more brave.

You didn’t have to know, but your mum always checked on him during night to see if he was doing fine and smiled whemever she saw you both sleeping while hugging each other as if your lives depended on it.

But even when he was jealous of you and your parents, though never serious, he had a clear mind to judge the situation and then... he realized how they included him to their casual lifes as well, just like you did.

It was like a famy thing, huh?

How your mother requested him to come to the kitchen and later taught him how to cook some meals, tasted what she cooked and even helped her out around the house all the while listening to her talk shit about almost every family in the wizarding world, except Weasleys, with a huge smile on his face.

He could never dare to do that in his own house, but here, in your own... He was sitting with your mother on the kitchen with a cup of tea and biscuits while they talked and talked. She took after her mother, both inner and outer beauty, he would think as he gazed at the way your mum talked and even threw some praises at him here and there which didn’t fail to make him blush.

He really wanted to be a part of that life, he needed it... He had never been happier than he was at that time and to hear you say that he could be...

“I can? You... Promise?” he hopefully asked with tears in his eyes as you nodded uour head immediately, bringing him for yet another hug as you kissed his nape softly.

“Yes, I promise. You and I, forever and then even more... Remember?” he suddenly surged forward and took your face in his hands, inhaling your shampoo before diving for a passionate kiss as his hands wrapped themselves around your waist and pulled you to his lap. He poured all his love and gratitude into it, teeth clashing together as his lips and tongue desperately searched for yours.

You squealed but then moaned slightly at how hot you suddenly felt, how his movements and kiss heated you up more than normal. This kiss wasn’t normal, this side of Regulus wasn’t normal. He normally was someone who showed his love silently, who kissed you under shadows. You understood it well, he wasn’t a man who liked to show off with physcial affection and rather made his silent care work its magic.

But right now, this Regulus was fragile and sensitive, and his desperate kisses showed it too as he wanted you to... know it.

And Merlin, did you know it...

You held onto his neck and hair as your lips moved against his lips, leaning him back amd making him lay on his back as your body laid on his flush, chest to chest. The kiss was everything you both wanted, it has been so long since he deprivee both himself and you from each other but it wasn’t the time for it to lead to something more.

Not when he was so in pain, and need of comfort.

Besides, there was something else that needed to be talked about if you were doing what you were planning to do. Some people that needed to know, who would gladly move the entire universe for the boy below you

You shyly looked at him with a troubled look and Regulus’ brows knitted together as he worriedly took a hold of your face in his warm palms. “Is something wrong, my love? Was it too much?”

You looked at him in amazement, the fact that he still thought about your comfort when he was the one who needed it bedazzled you. But like you said, it was a trait you loved about him, perhaps the the best one.

You shook your head while taking a huge breath in. “No, love... It was quite... enjoyable.” You flushed under his teasing smirk, cursing at him for making you feel like a little kid being offered candy inside your mind as you cleared your throat and got off of him to sit next to where his body was now leaned back against the head of his bed. He was looking at you with confusion and slight worry, wondering ehat was on your mind as his hand wandered to your knee and rubbed it gently. To not give him any more scare any longer, you took in his glorious sight and continued.

“There are two more people who you could turn for help to.”

That was something you both talked about a lot, who he would turn to if shit went wrong and he had to act quick with his escape. You always knew that Regulus shouldn’t stay in that house even a moment longer, but he insisted that he was fine and assured you that everything was under his control with a swift kiss to your forehead.

So you kept your silence. You didn’t talk about it again until he would want to, but still... You told Sirius about the awful things they did to Regulus as he listened with clenched jaw and asked him if there was anything he could help with when the time comes.

Not if... When.

Because everyone knew that the inevitable was waiting right outside the door, and there was no stopping it.

And he of course, immediately offered himself which you declined for the time being since Regulus still believed that he hated his brother. You watched how broken he suddenly seemed after you said it but still nodded, knowing how he fucked everything up by not grabbing him with himself as he left, and gavr you their uncle’s name.

“He is a good man, also like us who didn’t believe in their ways... If there is anyone that could help, it’s him.”

Regulus tilted his head to you as if asking what you meant,  how the hell it was possible that there would be more people who could help him, and with a sigh, you looked at his eyes. “Your uncle Alphard and... Sirius.”

“No... My uncle? That’s fine. But Sirius... He hates me, love. He showed me how he felt about me! He wouldn’t want anything to do with me!” he got up from his bed hastily in panic and went to the open window as he leant over it with his hands in his hair, welcoming the fresh and cool air into his lungs.

You understood where he was coming from, knowing little pieces about how that night went between them and how he... did a lot for Sirius that night, something he didn’t know and probably would never. Some harsh words were apparently exchanged between them and even if they both knew that the other didn’t mean it...

It didn’t hurt any less.

Regulus thought that Sirius chose James over his own brother and hated him for being the way he is.

Sirius thought his little brother wad ashamed of the person he was, how he always caused trouble even as toddlers and made him get hurt even though he would mostly be the one taking the blame for him.

And you thought that the Black brothers were stupidest motherfuckers in the whole world.

Your arms fell helplessly on the bed as you watched Regulus break down, almost, again. You never felt this helpless in your life, and your gut told you that the reason of his agitation was partly because he hated himself for making you go through this, but...

You promised him one year ago that no matter what happens, you would be there for him.

Always.

“No, my love... Sirius loves you and cares about you. I know, because I listened to him as he cried in James’ house.” You walked up to him slowly, took his hand and stood before him as your hand crept up towards his sculpted face and rubbed his cheek softly before tiptoeing and kissing each side of his cheek as he smiled and exhaled slowly.

At that time, things were tense for them. So much so that it affected the school as well.  Sirius was still on edge because of his parents, worried sick for both Regulus and himself, thinking that they were planning something evil about himself. Regulus was hurt because his brother left him, for James, and even called him his “brother” which didn’t seem anything friendly to the poor, young boy who was drowning in his insecurities. It didn’t matter that he was already thinking about also running away, to you probably, but he wasn’t abandoning a brother for another one in his eyes and therefore blamed Sirius for being selfish.

But, as much as you understood both Regulus’ frustration and Sirius’ anger, you also knew that your friend and the older brother of your lover would drop everything to help his little brother out of that shithole.

“Just... Talk to him. Because I know you, you would regret not doing so if you don’t do it.” You sighed out tiredly, the later hours into the night catching up to you as you begged him softly, hoping that he would accept. A part of you feared that he wouldn’t, and tey to solve this by himself like always...

But you were his weakness, the reason he rebelled back and changed his future unknown to either one of you.

He would kill for you, die for you, live for you and turn the whole universe upside down if he had the power.

“Okay... Will you... Will you also be there? For me?” he softly smiled and kissed your nose, leaning his forehead to yours as he waited for your answer with a small smile. You smiled before kissing him deeply, slowly as your lips lingered on his and he closed his eyes slowly as if to savour this moment. You tugged him towards bed with a whine. “ Forever and always... Now, come back to bed.”

At that, a playful smirk found his face since you came in his room. “Now, I thought we could get to that lever later in our relationship, love.” You blushed heavily at how that one innocent sentence seemed so... cozy and something a married couple would say. You hid your face at the sudden flashes of you two being married, living your dreams in a cottage far way from everyone came before your eyes before punching his arm. It didn’t do anything of course, that boy was fit contrary to what people thought by his lanky figure, except making him laugh and kiss your hairline.

“You’re so adorable when you blush... Alright, let’s go and sleep.” You smiled as you watched him get under his duvet and groan in relief when he found a good position to sleep, blushing at how the expanse of his back flexed with each of his movements. You sighed in relief at seeing that he would finally fall into a comforting sleep and moved to quitely get out of his dorm when his monotone yet curious voice reached you, halting you in your steps.

“And, where do you think you are going?” he asked matter of factly as you stood there like a deer, with a hand on the doorknob as you slowly turned to look at him sitting down on his bed and laying halfway down with his torso out. “Uh... Going back to my dorm?”

“And who said you could?” he raised a brow at you questioningly as you laughed awkwardly, turning fully to him with your arms crossed in front of your chest as you looked down at him hesitated.

“I thought you would want to... be-“

“Trust me, love, being alone is the last thing I need right now... I need you...” he shyly said, his cockiness suddenly disappearing as he opened the duvet and offered you to come and sleep with him. His chuckle of disbelief made you scoff at him as you went up to him and got under it without making him repeat himself. He chuckled once more as he pulled you towards him, snuggling to you as your arms wrappes around him and soon you both fell asleep to the comforting embrace of your lover.

When he arrived in his room, he was terrified of going back to Grimmauld House and be forced to accept the Dark Lord’s way. He felt as if there was no other option for him, and he even mentally prepared himself to break up with you to save you from the tragedy. But as you slowly came back to his bed and sat down before inching closer to him and settling right next to him on the single bed, your bodies flushed together as you laid your hand on his chest, right where his heart was beating loudly, he felt hope blossom in his chest.

Even if he chuckled and tried to play the cool Regulus to hide how these all meant a lot to him

He fell asleep peacefully with you between his arms and this time, rather than those nightmares that decorated his dreams as he only saw his mother and the red hue of the cruciotus curse, he now dreamed of future.

A future where he was happy with you, in a country-side...

A future where you would be waiting for him with just as warm and soft embrace, continuing to lighten his days just as you are doing just by existing...

A future where he is safe and happy, with the family you two might create, a family that would be completely different than the one he has.

And, for the first time in 16 years, he had a good nights of smorning.yoy btoh laid under his duvet together, not caring about the teasing he would face the next morning.

[burningcheese-merchant]

Its the cycle of History. Civilizations rise up. He watches them thrive. They eventually fall. Witnessing an expected event over and over with no Change can be desensitizating. After all, there's no reason in madness! (Timekeeper being in a similar boat of boredom only satiated by causing problems on purpose in roundabout ways for lols)

One might say that all he does with Destruction gives him a sense of control. Finally he can play HIS way. Speeding up things so he doesn't end up getting attached. Even better if he can be destroyed in turn some day. The combo of adrenaline and spices make for quite the addiction :3 If it turns out he sent spiced out cookies to Mystic then not even his supposed friend is safe from bull

It's rather interesting with what we've seen in Mystic Flour as the first Beast release. Girlie cared too much til she had no more f to give. BS destroys everything before he could prolly care. Can't wait to see Smilk spiraling into silly[tm] from knowing too much! Time to crave tragedy!!

I know, brother. Trust me. I've made a post addressing this before, and... Well. What I work on and study irl has an awful lot to do with history as a subject lol. I really need you wll to believe me when I say I understand the cycle of history. I know it so well, it hurts. It's part of why I'm such a cynic irl. I know exactly how awful history and people are. I really, truly do.

And you have a point, yeah. It could be a play for control. For things to be the way Burning Spice wants them to be, if only once. Sort of like what I suggested in that post: just cut out the middleman and end it all yourself. Be the "solution" to the "problem", before the problem even actually happens. It's a valid theory. Certainly an interesting one.

It's still bullshit at the end, though. Same with Mystic Flour's reasons for turning bad. Same as all the others' reasons probably will be.

Idk I think I'm just... tired at this point. History is a subject that is very near and dear to my heart for many reasons, and has been my whole life. In studying history, you learn a lot about people and life and the human condition. And part of that is hearing every single excuse for doing evil deeds possible. And in hearing Mystic Flour's backstory, and even Burning Spice's (how little we actually see), all I heard were all those same excuses all over again. And I got sick of hearing them a long time ago.

I'm not sure I necessarily see what Mystic Flour did as "caring too much until she had nothing left to give". I see it, I see what you're saying and it's valid, I just... it reads more as outright naivety to me. Girlie acts like she's never heard of greedy people before. "There were people who wished for selfish things and wanted my powers for themselves" uh yeah lol. That happens. There are people like that out there. You should know better than to think otherwise. You should also know better than to just go ahead and grant every single person's wishes. It inevitably leads to greed and entitlement. But regardless, that's no fucking reason to want to wipe out all of man/cookiekind. That's fucking stupid. Some shitty people took advantage of me, therefore every single person on earth should lose their individuality and die. Fuck you, you miserable bitch (I know it's more complicated than that, I'm just distilling it because MF legitimately does irritate me as a character lol)

"I'm bored" oh man. Oh jeez. That's the worst thing that could ever happen to someone, now isn't it. You're so bored, it seems, that you can't even be bothered to explain why or how. Are you tired of building something up and caring about it, only for it to be destroyed, over and over again? Did you lose someone important to you while enforcing that cycle? Are you overwhelmed by the burden of the responsibility you were given without choice, and thus slowly driven to madness? All of the above? None? It doesn't matter because those are stupid, too. And they're rendered stupid because you use them as an excuse to hurt people that have nothing to do with anything. "I destroy things to regain a semblance of control over my life and to prevent attachment" cool motive, still murder. If you (and MF, too) are that bothered by the way things are then just fucking kill yourself. Why not? End your oh so terrible suffering instead of inflicting it on everyone else. But they won't, and neither did the other Beasts, because they are all fundamentally dumb, selfish, hypocritical cowards.

Or, how about this: ABDICATE. You don't want the power and responsibility? Give it to somebody else. You don't want to help uphold balance? Fine, that's fair. LET SOMEONE ELSE DO IT, THEN. Have the humility and integrity to admit you're not cut out for the job instead of doing this heinous shit. The Ancients worked for the power and accepted the responsibility that came with it. That's why they're better than you and always will be. They're not bummed out by immortality or the cycle of history or whatever else you want to cry about. They live their lives and do right by others and get the job done. It's obvious you can't, so just man up and step down. Or don't. Hoard the power and neglect the responsibility and be a blight on society instead of coming to terms with your own shortcomings. Because that's easier, isn't it? Being evil is the easy way out. That's why so many people are. Because they're too weak to try anything else.

That's all the Beasts were and continue to me, to me. Weak. They are right to be unhappy with whatever unfortunate circumstances befell them. They are right to resent their creators and the burden they bestowed upon them. But they are wrong to punish everyone else for it. It's selfishness. Weak moral and spiritual fiber. Congratulations, Mystic Flour, you've proven that your apathy is fake by trying so hard to get the Soul Jam back and wanting to steamroll everyone else's rights, thoughts and feelings with your own. Congratulations, Burning Spice, you're still perpetuating the cycle of history by being the exact same bloodthirsty tyrant as every single one before and after you. I've seen these clowns before, history is full of them. And they all start grating on you after a while lol.

Idk if any of this made sense. I think I'm just irritated with the Beasts (and with villains in general, maybe, to a degree) and your ask gave me an excuse to ramble semi-coherently about it lol. I nevertheless appreciate you telling me your thoughts. You have good and interesting ones. I wish you a wonderful New Year and a big basket full of delicious bonbons

[that-stone-butch]

You're kidding yourself if you think you're a real feminist. Men will never defend you the way you defend them.

okay, let's set aside the fact that you're blatantly wrong; that i have friends and loved ones who are men. that men are among the people who, out in the real world, have stood up against homophobia in general and stood up for me in specific. that i have heard genuinely thoughtful and well-intentioned contributions to the greater cause of feminism from real men in my life.

let's pretend you're right. so what? am i supposed to grow resentful of them, and their privilege? am i supposed to try and get one up on them by shit-talking and abusing them to anyone who'll listen? am i supposed to pursue political change that somehow disempowers men?

like, what do you want me to do? what does your worldview actually do? except for harming marginalized men, disenfranchised men, men who experience racism and homophobia? alienating potential allies? if we buy into your childish worldview and believe that all men are evil, that men are inherently a category of people that aren't worth any work understanding or helping, that don't have a place in feminist frameworks of political and socioeconomic theory, then what's the point? should we kill em all? what's your solution, aside from trying to shut people like me down for having nuanced discussion of sexism and the effects it has on people of all genders?

on top of the fact that you're dead wrong that men would 'never defend me,' i see what's up with your reductive bullshit. it's an excuse not to try. if all men are shitty, then there's no reason to try and reach out to them politically, socially, in solidarity or intersectionality.

see, i work with men all day. among them are some pretty cool dudes, and some assholes. people who i would consider my friends, and political allies, and those that i've had to report to HR. because this shit? it's complicated. there are good men and there are assholes, and if you want to pretend that because of a few assholes men as an entire category don't merit nuanced discussion in feminist circles, then you're either an idiot or you're scared. probably both.

you can sit on your ass sending anon hate all you want, but intersectional feminism is out here actually achieving community building and solidarity. i know which worldview i'm putting my efforts into. i will always call out sexism, will always be critical of systems that do perpetuate misogyny and double-standards, networks of behavior and cultural biases that prop men up above people of other genders, but if you think many men aren't going to be a vital part of that discussion, then there's no point to any of this. and that's fucking stupid.

[ddejavvu]

headcannon for Remus

I feel like remus would be the type of person to stop you (and his friends) from getting in trouble and then saying "the blame would be on me" as an excuse cuz he's trying to show he doesn't care much. We all know he's just subconsciously the responsible and logical one in the group so he'd try not to make a big deal outta it. (P.s. I do this a lot with my friends and sister, and Ik damn well that I won't get the blame)

Remus, for his own protection, acts aloof. You understand why, he can't let on too many weaknesses or else the people that aren't too fond of him would only have more to work with. But if you observe him carefully, you can see the tenderness escape his mouth through words disguised as insults.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, Prongs." Remus drawls, thumbing through the pages of his history of magic textbook, in search of an answer, "You're losing your touch."

"It sounds fun!" You gush, "The freezing charm works fine, we've tested it before! And we skate on the lake all the time in the winter, what's the problem now?"

"The problem now is that you're trying to synthetically freeze the lake," He narrows his eyes at you over the spine of the book, "And you've only tested the freezing charm out on a glass of water. Do you understand how much more manpower you'll need to freeze the black lake? It means you'll need all hands on deck, and I'm not serving detention just because you wanted to ice skate in May."

"I don't buy it," Sirius decides, and Remus tucks his head slightly further towards the book, "I think you're worried about us, Moony."

"I am. I'm worried that you'll die after I choke you out for getting us caught," Remus muses, eyes stuck on a spot in the text rather than scanning the words, "And I'm even more worried about getting thrown in Azkaban for murder."

"That's bullshit!" James gawps, and you agree.

"I think you're worried it'll crack," You hum, "And that we'll fall in, and one of us might get scooped up by the squid, or dragged down by a grindylow. I think you think it's too dangerous."

Sirius and James look pleased at your evaluation, and Remus the opposite. You know the boy's heart is full of nothing but love and adoration (alright, a smidge of annoyance) for you all, but you're well used to the tough persona he puts on.

"You're delusional," Remus diagnoses, "I think you've actually gone mad."

"Don't worry Moony," James gushes, standing from his own bed and crossing to crawl onto Remus's, "We'll stay safe! We'll all cuddle up with you right here-" At his words, you and Sirius bolt for the bed as well, squeezing yourself around him on the mattress despite his protests, "-and we'll stay away from the dangerous lake."

"Promise," You croon, pressing a kiss to his scarred cheek that feels suspiciously hot beneath your lips. Sirius does the same on his other side, and James feels left out, so he tips Remus's head back to kiss upside-down at his forehead.

"Alright, s'enough," Remus snaps, grumbling as you all settle in while he tries focusing on his studies, "Dangerous lake. Forget the squid, I'll drown the lot of you."

[dross-the-fish]

Mini Rant

Piggy backing off of my last anon ask. It makes me mad when the go to defense from US Americans is "They didn't teach us anything in school" because it's such a bullshit excuse. It's the one they use the most and it's the least justifiable. I went through the US school system, I know it's shitty but most of what I learned and retained I didn't learn in school anyway. I always feel tempted to ask these people: Have you never just been curious? Have you never felt bored and had a question pop into your head so you tried to look up an answer? Have you never seen or heard about something and wanted to know more? I've fallen down so many wonderful rabbit holes just because I randomly had a question and in my pursuit of an answer it lead me to looking up a bunch of related topics. Topics I didn't even think would interest me and some didn't but were good to know anyway. And even if you are just that fundamentally incurious, once your perception of something is challenged why do you feel the need to say out loud "I didn't learn that?" Why not instead go and research deeper into the topic once you realize your information was faulty? That's also happened to me before. I don't know why someone takes something like "desert and camels" at face value when people talk about the Middle East, but they do and it's infuriating.

[rainbowsky]

Hello Rainbowsky,

Is Rocco using the 227 kadian a coincidence? If not, I really can’t understand why on earth did he choose that time to post.

I was happy to know that he defended WYB but I really felt bad when I saw the time.

Rainbowsky, what do you think?

With all due respect, Anon - and everyone else who has messaged me about this...

I am deeply disappointed by BXG these past couple days - more so than I've been maybe even in YEARS. Y'all are behaving like a bunch of toxic solos, many of you being blindly instigated by toxic solos who are manipulating your feelings for their own ends.

DD went to an event and had a good time, looked amazing - one of the rare occasions where he's not wearing a plain black suit - posted multiple amazing videos and photo sets, was the guest of honor and the most anticipated face of the evening...

And all anyone GAF about is this petty drama bullshit.

I've gotten so many messages about Rocco and the various toxic and often deeply homophobic rumors going around about him, about GQ and their supposed rift with GG, about this stupid F'n kadian, and I've had only ONE message about DD and how great he looked and how great it was to see him in such a casual feeling setting, looking relaxed and happy.

This is toxic fandom, in a nutshell. This is toxic fandom.

I had thought y'all were above all that. I really had. But it seems Tumblr really is no less toxic than Twitter. At least, that's what it feels like these past couple days.

What do I think of this kadian moment? I think that it was likely intentional, and I find myself laughing at how sassy he is. That's what I think. GG's fans were pushing a hateful lie about DD - which it seems like all they're good for these days - and flooding his photo post with comments about DD supposedly lying about his height, and his response was to slap them with the facts.

If the kadian was intentional - and I suspect it probably was - it was a slap on XFX, not on GG. Because fuck them, seriously. Fuck them for constantly dogging DD's every step with hate hs on Weibo. You've probably heard about so many of the attacks on DD over the last while. "Desperate illiterate", his height, etc. What you might not know is that every single one of them is orchestrated and pushed by XFX.

2/27 is XFX's shame (that sadly they have no shame about). It is NOT GG's shame. He did no wrong, and everyone knows it. His fans haven't learned a thing, and keep doing this kind of garbage, which might one day lead to GG's downfall or to another period of having to lie low in obscurity, etc.

The kadian shows the post to be directed squarely at XFX, where it belongs. Nothing more. The only people who will notice or care about it are the assholes in the comments arguing. Bystanders won't notice or care. It does absolutely NOTHING to harm GG. It just embarrasses and calls out XFX.

If DD can go hang out with and be the guest of honor for an event that is a huge feather in Rocco's cap, making Rocco look good in China and internationally - the man is getting a lot of accolades for the event - if he can walk the red carpet with him and be friendly with and have an obviously good relationship with him (Edit: and can hug him like a good friend), then no fan has any excuse for holding any kind of grudge against him.

There is no one closer to GG than DD, so if Rocco is OK with DD, he's OK with me. End of fucking story.

People who are reading into this all kinds of conspiracy theory BS need to go touch some grass. Seriously.

This is a fandom of GG and DD, not of Rocco Liu. Stop focusing on stupid shit, people.

[stvrl0st]

I saw your recent blog, people are saying that permashift is bad and unhealthy! Why ? Can u explain please why ?

I'll ll try my best to answer this one, so please excuse and correct me if I'm wrong.

ALRIGHT. SO.

Some people (mainly on tiktok, from what I've seen) think it's bad & unhealthy because they either believe it's not real (which is ridiculous because some of them are literally shifters) or because (from what I've seen) it can take a massive toll on people's mental health, which, yes, I agree THAT is bad, but usually when that happens we take a little break from trying to shift, and that "its mainly children that want to permashift and that's not good"

IT. DOES. NOT. MATTER.

I mean, if they're 9 or something, yes, but they shouldn't even have a device. But I know SO many people that discovered shifting from the age of 11 or 12. And it's really not unhealthy. It's just deciding not to come back. It's THAT simple. (sorry got off topic a little bit)

Anyway, back to the question, some people think it's dangerous, selfish, and, like I said, bad, I don't know why. And I've seen a few people say that "we were put in THIS reality for a reason" and that's also one of the reasons why they hate it.

(If you ask me, that's the most ridiculous bullshit I've ever heard)

I've seen SHIFTERS say that. SHIFTERS. That's the whole purpose of shifting. Knowing that THIS reality is not the only one. And not even our right one sometimes.

And back to the "it's mainly children" topic, I've always believed that people have every right to do whatever they want when it comes to shifting because let's all face the facts. This world sucks. We can all agree that we ALL have something we hate about this reality, and yes, while there are shifters who are 11 or 12, they have EVERY. SINGLE. RIGHT. to permashift.

And if I knew about shifting when I was at that age, believe me, I would've started trying a while ago. EVERY. SHIFTER. NO. MATTER. THE. AGE. IS. VALID.

And they have EVERY. RIGHT. to shift, permashift, and respawn. Whatever they want to do.

I just wanted to say that. Back to topic.

So, like I said, some people don't think it's real and that we're not allowed to do it. (I'm sorry, I probably said that a million times already), and if im being honest, I don't know how to explain the question, and I thats why I said at the beginning, please excuse/correct me if i got anything wrong.

Also, sorry again. BACK TO TOPIC.

I saw a few people say that THIS is our reality, as in, forever, and that yes, we can shift, but we're not allowed to permashift.

That's obviously not true.

Some people think permashifting is selfish because "you would be leaving your family!!" (Oh. Not like that one of the reasons why some people do it.) They wouldn't know. Nobody would expect the person that permashifted.

So, probably time to wrap things up. Basically, if you didn't want to read all of the short version is, they think it's bad, selfish, and not real.

That's the best I could do<3

[delusionalvenusian]

The Long Con, Pt. 1

Pairing: Max Burnett x Fem!Reader (no use of y/n, reader eventually has a nickname)

Summary: Max, having parted ways with Madeline, still can't let go of his lust for a lavish life. He now finds himself at upscale hotel bars scouting out wealthy widows and divorcees to bed and steal from to keep afloat while he cooks up his first big solo con. What seems like a business-as-usual one night stand could just end up being his perfect long con. Or hers.

Warnings: 18+ only, smuuuuuuuuuut (pretty much right off the bat, but there is a plot in there somewhere), oral, unprotected p in v, swearing, drinking, kissing, dubcon (sorta), kinda subby Max, Max and reader are both little assholes

Word count: ~4k

a/n: Hellooooooo! I don't really know what the market is for this kind of thing since I've been out of the fanfic writing world for over a decade now, but I've had this little story brewing in my head since watching Sharper when it was first released and finally started putting it into words and feeling courageous enough to publish it somewhere on the off chance someone will enjoy it. This will be a few parts, but I'm not exactly sure how many at this point. Anyway, I so hope you enjoy this if you stumble upon it and give it a shot. :)

___________________________

Max swirled the whiskey in his glass as he leaned coolly against the bar, scanning the dim Manhattan establishment for what felt like the hundredth time, trying to locate his next mark.

With what he’d heard about the clientele here, he had expected the evening to go much smoother—get in, find a desperate 50-something to leave with, pocket some cash and blank checks after fucking her to sleep, repeat—but, after an hour or so of misses, he was ready to call it a night. Weekday evenings were usually perfect for this little game he’d adopted to pass the time while he figured out his next big solo move since breaking from Madeline. The too-young girls looking for rich old men weren’t out until the weekend, and the mature divorcees were out scouting for their next fling, more than happy to accept his attention. But tonight was a quiet one, and he was growing more frustrated with each dud he spotted. Downing the rest of the amber liquid, he slammed the glass down on the bar and moved to head for the door.

“Easy there!” He heard from behind. He turned quickly to study the source of the honeyed voice. “Excuse me,” she asked, effortlessly getting the bartender’s attention as soon as she stepped up to the bar.  “Could I get a vodka tonic, extra lime, and keep them coming, please? Actually, go ahead and make that a double.” She smiled softly at the bartender’s confirming nod and spun to face the crowd of patrons as she waited for her drink. Her gaze shifted lazily around the room, meeting Max’s eyes as he sized her up. “See something you like?”

She was perfect. Younger than his usual target, but old enough to have the resources he needed. Her glossy blown out hair and subtle designer label ensemble screamed trust fund baby. Her drink order suggested she was ready to loosen up for the evening, and she was at least regular enough here that she didn’t have to give a card for a tab. No ring on her finger. Cool demeanor. And she was much easier on the eyes than the women he had suffered the last few months to get by. Perfect.

“Absolutely,” he replied, pulling his most seductive smirk.

She chuckled amusedly, cocking her brow. “Forward.”

Max sidled back up to the bar to settle next to his prey, gesturing to the bartender for another. “Let me buy you a drink?”

“Not wasting any time, are we?” She took a sip of her cocktail as soon as it reached her hand. “No introductions, just right down to business. I respect that.”

“I’m—”

“No, unh-unh,” she interrupted with a fluid wave of her hand, “I don’t care. We’ve both got the same motive, so let’s just skip the unnecessary bullshit. Trust me, it’s so much more fun with no names.”

Max could hear the jackpot jingle ring in his brain as he registered her words. Beyond perfect. He wouldn’t even have to bother with creating an identity for the night or convincing her to take him home. Admittedly, it did suck some of the fun out of his scheme, but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He clinked his glass against hers in enthusiastic agreement.

“Great. I’ve got this one, so next one’s on you.” She downed a few gulps of her drink and gave him a slow once over. “Not bad. I usually only catch old pervs here.”

Max snickered. “Glad to hear I don’t look like a perv.”

“You don’t look like an old perv,” she corrected.

“So then tell me what I look like,” Max prompted as he softly ran his knuckles up her bicep from elbow to shoulder, twisting her hair around his finger.

She studied his features for another moment through narrowed eyes before responding. “Attractive. New money. Arrogant, for sure. Devious— you’ve got that glint in your eye, I see it. And here tonight, so definitely a perv.”

“You’re here tonight, what does that make you?”

She smiled up at him teasingly. “You’ll just have to come back to my room and find out, I guess.”

_______________

The walk from the bar, through the hotel lobby, and to the elevator was a short one, and Max couldn’t have been more thankful. The flowing liquor and flirtatious banter coupled with the anticipation of his scheme playing out successfully had his excitement at peak. The attraction certainly didn’t hurt either. It had been months since he found himself entangled with someone he felt legitimate physical desire for—not that that mattered to him in the end so long as he left with his pockets satisfactorily lined, but it was a welcome change.

She kept her hands to herself as she led Max to the elevators, unable to leave behind the strict societal manners she was raised on and give in to her temptation to grab him and take him in the nearest secluded corner. It had been months since she’d had a good lay, and Max’s assertive air had her convinced that he’d be the one to break that depressing trend. Impatient and aroused as ever, she fought not to drum her fingers or tap her foot waiting for the elevator to finish its slow descent, not wanting to drop her poised façade and let Max see how desperate she was to be alone with him, to touch him, to taste him. She let out a silent breath in relief as the doors finally parted, quickly fishing a key out and stepping in.

Max’s eyes lit up watching her insert the key and press the accompanying “P” button. Penthouse. His cock jumped in exhilaration, and suddenly his hands were on her as the elevator doors closed. The touch of his hands on her waist and his soft breath on her neck threatened to break her and make her go feral. She fought her urge to whip around, grab his hair roughly, and pull his lips to meet hers—her resolve to appear as composed as possible still strong. As Max wound himself around her like the snake he was, pressing his body to hers and peppering lazy kisses along her throat, she counted down the seconds until the elevator stopped at her floor.

Stepping out of the claustrophobic box into the airy suite instantly flipped the switch on her demeanor. The freedom of absolute privacy from the outside world washed over her and she suddenly found herself unreservedly overtaken by the lust that had been simmering within her, pulling Max out of the elevator by the lapel of his jacket. Greedy lips collided while hands caressed skin and pulled hair. Neither wanting to waste another second, they clumsily made their way through the bedroom doorway, quickly discarding the last of each other’s clothing.

Max continued backing her toward the plush bed as she nipped and sucked at his neck. The groan he let out at her teeth grazing his skin told her he liked a little dominance. When the backs of her knees met the side of the bed she disconnected from him, looking into his eyes through her long lashes and shaking her head as she rounded on him and shoved him down instead. Max grinned devilishly as she straddled him and roughly reclaimed his lips.

“Touch me,” she said breathily between sloppy kisses, guiding his right hand from her hair at the nape of her neck down to her aching core.

“Right down to business. I respect that,” Max said, teasingly repeating her words from earlier that evening. Without hesitation, he inserted two digits, eliciting a deep moan from her right into his mouth. “So wet for me.” He gathered her slick and languidly drew out his fingers to tightly circle her swollen clit.

The sob she let out was nearly animal as he applied just the right amount of pressure but kept his movement frustratingly slow. “Fuck,” she keened, “faster.”

Max bit her bottom lip and quickened his pace ever so slightly. “’Atta girl, tell me what to do.”

She slid a hand down his chest and abdomen, grasping his firm cock, and quickly jerked his head back by the hair with the other to look him in his dilated eyes. “Make me cum and you can have whatever you want,” she promised as she stroked him so softly that he physically ached for more.

He tried to hide the breath that caught in his throat and laid back on his elbows. “Get up here,” he said, grabbing the backs of her thighs and pulling her toward his face. She laughed sensually as she shuffled her way up his torso. He greeted her throbbing bundle of nerves with a smooth lap of his tongue and hooked his arms around each thigh to draw her down until she was sat on him completely. He teased her no longer, tasting her sweetness deeply and sucking her clit, immediately turning her into a whimpering mess.

“Fuck, yes. Just like that, don’t stop.” Her cries of satisfaction and writhing on Max’s skilled tongue elicited his own moans and had him bucking his hips in anticipation of burying himself deep inside her wet heat. “Yes! Right there, right there” she chanted. Max increased the pace of his massage and shook his head, sucking her in impossibly deeper, his encouraging moans sending vibrations through her body and overstimulating her. She couldn’t form words any longer as the growing knot in her stomach came undone and she convulsed, crying out the god she did or didn’t believe in and releasing her orgasm into Max’s welcoming mouth.

Max—ever the proud lover—didn’t stop until she’d nearly collapsed. He finally freed her tender clit when she pulled his hair so hard it threatened to rip out at the root. Despite her promise, she didn’t wait for Max’s direction before taking her next steps, needing him inside of her as soon as humanly possible. She slithered down his body until her wanting core hovered just above his painfully hard cock. Before she could grip him herself, Max grabbed her roughly by the hip to hold her steady as he lined himself up and ran his leaking tip through her soaked folds. They moaned in unison while he repeated his movements once, twice, three times, until he abruptly thrust up into her. He bottomed out, sheathing her completely, and gave her a moment to adjust to his size.

Without a word, she ran a hand up his chiseled abdomen and placed it on his chest for leverage as she began to slowly rise up off of him. She stopped as the head of his dick reached her entrance, just before it could fall out, and sank back down as slowly as she had risen. Max threw his head back into the mattress, eyes rolled far back in his head, and cried out in ecstasy. She lifted herself again, reiterating her slow descent and moaned proudly at the sight of Max’s nods of pleasure. “You like that, huh, baby,” she cooed.

“Mhmm,” Max nodded again.

“Use your words. Tell me what you want,” she said, continuing to lazily ride him, drawing out each lift and descent.

Max grunted as her cervix bumped his sensitive tip once more. “Need you to ride me,” he said. “So fucking tight and wet for me. Bounce on my cock.” He gave her no chance to quicken her pace herself. He took hold of her ass cheeks brusquely, spreading them slightly, and guiding her down hard over his length, meeting her in the middle with a thrust.

She didn’t protest, giving up control and allowing Max to set his desired pace. It was fast and raucous by this point as Max’s need for release had steadily built up in the act of giving pleasure.

 “God, you’re so fucking good,” she sighed out through a hazy, cock-drunk smile.

Max practically growled at the praise, tightening his grip to hold her in place and giving her everything he had. The bottom of his spine was starting to tingle and his need to cum was taking over.

She intuited the meaning of his increased intensity and woke slightly from her sex-induced fog as she remembered they hadn’t used a condom. “Shit, wait,” she exclaimed. “You can’t cum inside me, you have to pull out.”

“But you feel so fucking good,” he said without really processing the bigger picture. She was right, of course, and had he been in his right mind he would have agreed in an instant.

“Please,” she said through her moans. “Fuck me on my back. I want you to cum all over me.”

The sound of her begging and the thought of her with her legs spread for him, covered in his cum, got his full attention. He flipped them over and kept his rhythm, throwing her legs over his shoulders and hitting even deeper now than before. He watched himself fill her over and over as she writhed beneath him and grabbed at whatever she could get her hands on. The tingling at the base of his spine formed again and his hips jerked erratically. “I’m gonna cum. Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he let out through gritted teeth. He pulled out just in time and she quickly grabbed his shaft, pumping him fervently and letting his ropes of cum spread across her stomach and chest.

Max stayed hovered over her for a moment while he caught his breath, eventually flopping over next to her. As he recovered, she raised herself onto her elbows, surveying the mess they’d painted onto her body together, giggling in her pleasured, post-coital daze. “I’ll clean this up in a minute,” she muttered, collapsing back down with a smile and closing her eyes.

_______________

Max slowly left the bed, careful not to wake the sleeping beauty next to him. She was gorgeous, and she’d been the best fuck he’d had in quite some time, but he had a job to do. Somewhere in the well-decorated penthouse was the money he’d come for. He had no trouble finding and pocketing the cash in her purse that she’d so carelessly left right by the elevator, but $1,500 wasn’t going to get him far—he needed the trust checks. Based on the state of the place, it was clear she had taken up permanent residence there. As stealthily as he could, he tore the place apart searching for the coveted checkbook, growing more and more irritated as he continued to find nothing.

Time passed quickly, and he found himself scavenging through her purse yet again. Knowing nothing was likely to magically appear, he decided to take a moment to study the contents of her wallet. He pulled out her ID card, finally putting a name to the face. He smiled to himself when he read her last name, recognizing it instantly and feeling pride in his ability to successfully spot old money types in a crowd. He was still silently patting himself on the back when the sound of a throat clearing behind him broke the early morning silence he’d been working in. Fuck.

“You’re robbing me,” she asked flatly, seemingly unsurprised. “Pathetic.”

Max chuckled darkly, dropping the charm he’d laid on mere hours ago. “You let a nameless stranger fuck you raw and spend the night in your pretty little penthouse suite. Yeah, I’m pathetic.”

“Oh, please.” She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest as he approached her, ID still clutched in his fingers.

“What’ll you tell daddy when your money’s all gone,” he taunted, brushing a featherlight knuckle across her cheekbone. He was taken aback as she broke into laughter instead of starting to break under his touch like he expected.

“’What’ll you tell daddy when your money’s all gone,’” she mimicked through her laughter. “Man, you are funny. See, for you take all my money, I’d have to have it first, you fucking idiot.”

Max’s eyes widened. Admittedly he hadn’t inquired about her age, trusting that she looked old enough to be an adult, and he hadn’t checked her date of birth on her ID for lack of interest. She stared him down, enjoying seeing the wheels furiously spinning in his head.

“Calm down, I’m not even close to a child,” she assured him. “Daddy is just a misogynist.” Max’s expression turned from alarm to confusion. “We’ll get to that in a second. First, your name.”

“Fuck off,” Max said.

She scoffed sarcastically. “Well, that’s not very nice. It’s only fair now that you know who I am, and you’re trying to take me for everything I’ve got.” She waited a moment, but Max stayed silent. “Ah, come on. You tell me your name, and I won’t have your kneecaps shot out by daddy’s friends.”

Max’s eyes darted toward the window as if he’d be able to see in the flesh the burly henchmen he was now imagining. He’d never been in this position before and he couldn’t confidently call her bluff—how else do these old money types keep their money and connections but through brute force? He resigned with a sigh. “Max.”

“Max,” she repeated. “I’d say nice to meet you, but—well, you get it. Anyway, Max, you can call me Doe.”

Max sneered. “Dough? Like money? The jokes really wri—”

“No,” she interjected. “Doe, D-O-E, like a deer. For my eyes.”

Max snorted derisively. “Okay, Doe.”

“Oh, shut up,” she snapped. “Anyway, misogyny. You know what that word means, right? Maybe a big one for someone of your… station.”

“My station? God, you fucking people. Yes, I know what misogyny means.”

Doe nodded, smiling up at him in jest. “Impressive. See, daddy does have me set up with a trust—you’re right about that. The problem is, daddy doesn’t think women can handle millions, let alone billions of dollars, no matter how old we are or how much education we have or how long we work our asses off to prove ourselves. So, daddy set my trust up with one stipulation: I get married, I get the money.” Max raised a brow as he took in her predicament. “Right? You see my problem, then.”

Max shook his head as if to clear it. “Wait, so you have a billion-fucking-dollar trust waiting for you—billion with a ‘b’—and you won’t just do what you have to do to get it?”

“No, I will not,” she exclaimed, disgusted at the notion of even considering it. “Not in his way, anyway.”

“The will,” Max said, seemingly connecting the dots. “You think he’s leaving it all to you? He won’t let you touch your own trust and you think he’s leaving his entire empire to you?”

Doe glowered at him. She had thought that a possibility at one time, of course, but had long since admitted to herself that he would never entrust her with the family fortune. She’d even hoped that he would at least leave her enough by her standards, but that wasn’t going to happen either. Deep down, Doe wasn’t much different from Max. She wanted her money, she wanted all the money, and the thought of losing the luxurious life she’d grown accustomed to all her life made her sick. She wasn’t cut out for a boring, regular life. And, thus, she found herself here.

“Fuck you,” she retorted. “No, not the will—I’m not a fool. I have a plan, and that’s where you come in.”

Max stared at her in silent confusion.

“Please don’t drool on my floor,” Doe teased, patting his slack jaw. “Here, let me spell it out for you. I went down to the bar last night to hunt, just like you. I’ve been scouting and, like I said, only finding old pervs. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be face to face with a 70-year-old man’s flaccid penis while you wait for the blue pill to kick in? Not worth the fucking money. I physically could not do it anymore. Anyway, I pivoted to the leeches—at least you’re hot, ya know?”

“Leeches?”

“Yes, leeches. You look for money, that’s all you want, and you’ll bleed it from any woman who has it and is charitable enough to look past the Brooks Brothers sale rack suit and take you home,” Doe continued. “Call me altruistic—I scoped you out, caught you in your most desperate moment when you were just about to throw in the towel, and reeled you right in. I’ll admit I wasn’t sure how it would turn out at first, but you’re a fantastic lay.”

“Truly pathetic,” Max muttered.

“Aw, Maxy, don’t be mad,” Doe tutted, running a hand through his sleek hair. “Really, you were so talented even just as a quickie. And then, even better than I expected, I woke up for a little morning round two only to find you trying to burgle me. I mean, truly, what a perfect set up.”

“You’re pitiful,” Max spat, trying to gain some control over the unforeseen situation he now found himself in. “And the saddest part is how easy it all could’ve been. Look at you. You’re beautiful, smart, you could cut practically any man down with that fucking mouth of yours, good in bed, and fucking loaded. You could pull any sucker out there and live happily ever after. Hell, just pick one, get married, get the money, then divorce him.”

“Just good in bed? Not even great?” Max blustered in annoyance at her quips. “Don’t get huffy with me. Anyway, you just laid out the whole plan.” She paused, waiting for it to click for him.

Max’s expression quickly shifted from annoyance to an amused smirk. “I’m the sucker, huh?”

“Now you’re getting it,” Doe smiled back.

“No,” Max said, dropping the smirk in in instant. “Absolutely fucking not.”

Doe laughed sweetly. “Oh, but you are. I wasn’t kidding about the kneecaps.”

Max stepped away from her, pointing an angry finger in her face. “You’re a fucking psychopath. I’m not fucking marrying you.”

Doe rolled her eyes at Max’s aggravation. “Chill out, you’ll get your cut.”

That got Max’s attention. “My cut?” He could feel his frustration diffusing from a boil to a simmer.

“Of course,” Doe said. “What, you didn’t think I’d leave you high and dry, did you? I’m not a monster, like you.” She teased, sidling her way back into his space, gently caressing his chest. “I told you last night, make me cum and you can have whatever you want. You kept up your end of the bargain and I plan to keep mine. We’ll just get married, get the money, split it, and we can go our separate ways. We’ll be set for life—do whatever we want. Billions with a ‘b,’ remember?”

Doe’s soft touch and devious mind coupled with the thought of money the likes of which Max couldn’t fully comprehend had his cock twitching in his briefs. It was extreme—far beyond anything he’d ever planned—but he couldn’t deny it was genius. He’d striven to not be tied to another person in his game again after working with Madeline for so long, ultimately becoming completely unable to trust her as a partner, but this allowed him a freedom to walk away that he’d never had before so long as Doe kept her word. And even if she didn’t, the marriage would grant him access to the funds whether she liked it or not. He had nothing to lose.

Doe placed a delicate kiss on his neck. “So? What do you say,” she asked, pulling him out of his contemplative trance. “60/40?”

Max smiled widely, cupping either side of Doe’s face and, just like the night before, led her backward into the dimly lit bedroom. “Billions with a fucking ‘b,’” he shouted excitedly and captured her mouth in a heated kiss. Doe would get her money and her morning round two.

[prodigal-explorer]

You say that both Palestine and Israel are in the right and wrong, which first of all is the most bullshit I've ever heard.

Stop saying that you're "staying neutral" when it's fucked up, sick headed people like you that the government leeches off of. Its your ignorance that they profit off of, your privilege to lay in bed, to watch a fun movie, to hang out with friends and eat your full plate. That is a privilege that Palestines dream of.

Little kids dreams of Palestine dream of watch TV. They dream of playing outside without the fear of their lives on the line. They dream of going to school, having families, growing old, yet Israel kills them for no reason. This is genocide of innocent civilians.

And don't say "BuT hAmAs!!" As if that's your supporting argument. Nothing, and I mean nothing in the world can justify the genocide happening in Palestine right now. The numbers don't lie, Annie. The 30,000+ people didn't deserve it.

I hope you enjoy riding Israel dick and I hope the true guilt you feel once you finally see past your comfort zone hurts you so bad.

Genuinely, for all of us. Delete your pathetic excuse of an account and never post a thing ever again.

hey!

first of all, i never said that i’m staying neutral. wanting peace isn’t the same as staying neutral. i’m not encouraging the genocide just because i’m holding empathy for both sides and wanting both sides to have peace.

your cruel words are just a further example of all the hate that social media is spreading that isn’t helping anyone. i’m spreading information about charities to SUPPORT PALESTINE. i’m spreading information to uplift the voices of israeli and palestinian people who have LOST FAMILY MEMBERS due to this conflict, and trying to uplift the things THEY are saying. if i deleted my account, all of that stuff would be gone. the stuff that’s helping palestine. so you want palestine to have less help? that’s so woke of you. /s

i never said that israel should be bombing innocent people. i’m not supporting that and i never ever did. i never justified the genocide one single time and the fact that you think i did only goes to show that you didn’t read my posts. you just wanted to get angry and righteous and you chose me to attack, but it’s not going to work. i will apologize for saying that both sides are in the wrong because that is a bit of a bold statement which could easily be taken as excusing the actions of the israeli government, which was not my intention. palestine didn’t do anything to deserve this attack. the actions of hamas do not represent palestine as a whole.

for the record, if i had to choose a side, i would choose palestine. the way that the israeli government is using the money america is feeding them is horrible and disgusting. too many people have died in this conflict. but it is unfair to paint israel as a whole in a light that suggests that they are trying to wipe out the palestinian race because that’s not what’s happening. did you know that in israel, citizens are required BY LAW to serve in the military? they’re sacrificing their lives and being forced to do things they don’t agree with because the government is forcing them. israeli people don’t enjoy doing this. if you’re going to point fingers at someone, point at the 0.01% of israeli government officials who are making these decisions. not at an entire race, an entire population of people who are just doing what they are forced to do. it’s hypocritical to get mad at people for addressing hamas while also accusing all of israel of terrorism when the only real decision makers are the government. it’s the same thing, blaming an entire population for something that only a small group of people are responsible for. neither should be encouraged.

i don’t agree with what the israeli government is doing whatsoever. but that is not an excuse to wish death upon the people who didn’t even make any of these choices. these people were born in israel and they have to follow the laws. you can’t stand here while you’re privileged and on your phone typing angry little paragraphs that you wouldn’t do the same to keep yourself and your family safe.

so many people are using this issue as an excuse to be antisemitic. that is what i’m addressing in these posts. people like you are so fucking performative that you can’t see what the real issue is.

i know both israeli and palestinian people whose families have died. who’s YOUNG family members have died due to this conflict. and you know what they are telling me?

they aren’t telling me to go on social media and attack random people. they aren’t telling me to post about how all israelis/palestinians are awful people who deserve to die. they are telling me that the only way to stop all these innocent children and people as a whole from dying is to promote PEACE. and guess what. it isn’t just palestinian people saying this to me. ITS ISRAELI PEOPLE TOO.

THATS WHAT IM ADDRESSING IN MY POSTS. promoting PEACE is how we can do more for these poor children than just getting angry on social media. when we pick sides and polarize, we create more of a divide between two beautiful nations who deserve to live in peace and harmony. we further remove the chances of there being a reconciliation.

what do you suggest we do? kill all the israeli children? what will that accomplish??? this is so much more complicated than petty revenge. what feeds a war is the possibility of winning. and creating sides and pretending that the other side are full of evil heartless monsters who are doing this for no reason is only making the war WORSE because it fabricated the possibility of one side winning MORE.

so if you think you’re helping anybody with this bullshit, you’re not. your mindset is a prime example of the horrible performative activism that america is doing in order to pretend to be helpful while thousands of innocent children are dying.

maybe put some of this righteous energy into donating, or listening to israeli and palestinian voices instead of talking over them and speaking for them. that’s what would really be helpful in a time like this.

[kissorkill16]

Dreams: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: Bubba visits Nicky in a dream.

Nicky filled up a glass of water, and put one of his prescription pills in. He drank the pill and water, and suddenly felt sleepy.

"Huh. Mr. Murtaugh wasn't lying. These things really make you instantly feel sleepy.", he thought. He walked to his bed, and draped the blankets over his tired body.

Soon enough, everything went dark.

He found himself surrounded by a white void. He looked around to see if anyone else was here, but he didn't see anyone.

"Hello?", Nicky called out. "Is anyone there?"

He kept looking around, not really believing that he was the only one here. His eyes stopped at a sitting figure, they seemed to have grey hair and a maroon dress.

"Excuse me.", he called out to the figure. "Do you know where I am?"

The sitting figure turned their head around to look at him, and Nicky couldn't believe who it was.

Bubba Fein.

She blankly looked at him, and then she smiled. "Hello, little wolf.", she said. "It's been a long while, hasn't it?"

"BUBBA!"

Nicky ran to his grandmother, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace. The old lady stilled for a moment, but then she hugged back.

Out of nowhere, Nicky started crying. Not just crying, but full on bawling. He buried his face into Bubba's shoulder, and Bubba didn't even seem to mind that he was getting her shoulder wet.

"I'm so sorry, Bubba!", he said. "I didn't mean it when I said I hated you, I was just so angry when you called me cursed. But I promise, Bubba, I didn't cause Lucy's death."

Bubba rubbed Nicky's back, "I know you didn't, my love. It's mostly my fault for your outburst. I always made you isolate yourself from everyone, and I backed it up with the bullshit excuse of saying I was just trying to protect you.", she said. "But I really do love you, little wolf."

"I love you too, Bubba. I love you so much."

Bubba took her grandson's hand in her own, "But apart from that, I see you've been making some outstanding progress."

Nicky tilted her head up to look at her, "What do you mean?"

"You've been making so many friends in your little club, and you've made peace with the ones that have made your life hell. It must feel really good, doesn't it?"

Nicky nodded.

"And I'm glad your parents are actually trying to be parents."

"Heh, yeah.", said Nicky. He curled in on himself and buried his face in his knees. "I don't like yelling at people."

Bubba looked at him.

"I love my parents, and I love you, and I love my friends. But when I yell at any of you guys, I always end up feeling bad that I hurt them. I don't want to hurt anyone."

Bubba sighed, "I know you don't, little wolf. No one does. But sometimes, things you've been holding in for a while, and whenever you want to get your point across for someone to listen, you just have to yell out loud.", she looked down at her lap. "I was angry when I heard you've been hanging out with that little Peterson boy, because I thought he was an omen, all because of that murder of crows. I was afraid I was going to lose you, and I just..."

Nicky laid his head on Bubba's shoulder, "I know you just wanted to protect me, even if you did it in your own horrible way, and even if you had a poor way of showing it, you just wanted to keep me safe. I love you for that, Bubba. I've always loved you for trying to protect me."

Bubba smiled.

She planted a kiss on Nicky's head, "And I love you too, my dear. I'm happy with how much you grew.", she said. "The only thing I'm suspicious about is that therapist you've been seeing."

"Mr. Murtaugh?"

Bubba nodded. "I want you to be careful around that man, because you never know what's going on underneath that creepy smile."

Nicky smiled warmly at his grandmother, and gave her another hug.

Nicky woke up, and it took him a while to figure out where he was.

He stood up, recognizing his dark teal wallpaper and disturbing colored pencil drawing on the wall, and his Inventor's Club group photo.

He took a deep breath, and let it out. One thing he didn't even know he was doing was smiling.

"Wow, Mr. Murtaugh was telling the truth. I am smiling.", he thought. "Those things really do wonders, don't they?"

"Narf, breakfast is ready!"

Nicky opened his door and slowly walked out when he heard his mother call out his nickname. He still felt unfamiliar with his surroundings, but he was sure it would all blow away sooner or later.

He felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and that made his morning even better.

[molly-knew-things]

The Real Heartbreak of Beauregard Lionett

(CW: Mentions of Childhood Abuse & Gaslighting)

So, I think you can tell from the content warning what I'm about today.

I hate talking about the sad shit because the Critter Community is one of the funniest, loveliest communities that I consider myself a part of.

But, I made the mistake of going into the YouTube comments section on a particular compilation of Beau moments. So, I thought I'd scream into a megaphone at my followers and mutuals about how upset I am.

Going under the cut so you're not seeing anything you're not feeling!

Take care of yourselves, Critters, and don't forget to love each other!

I've seen too many comments in this comment section trying to excuse Thoreau's behaviour. Trying to justify that Beau being "sent" to the Cobalt Soul was the best thing for her.

I just want to make something real clear...

SHE WAS FUCKING KIDNAPPED

AND HER FATHER PAID MONEY TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.

This wasn't a child acting out, who was just getting sent to a military school.

Thoreau had Beau's entire childhood to try and be a good father. He had her locked up in that house for god knows how long, he could have fucking tried.

But did he? No. The second he found out his wife was pregnant, he arranged for his young adult daughter - who was hurt and hurting, and making all the wrong decisions because of it - to be fucking abducted.

A man so obsessed with keeping what "belongs to him," ramped up to 100 with the excuse of superstition to back it,

(I know that this was his side of the bargain to the Hag, even thought he didn't know it. I acknowledge that, but that's besides the point.)

that he locked his family away and forced so many unfair expectations and restrictions on his child with none of the love and care that a child needs to thrive because she wasn't the 'young beau' he was expecting from his deal.

And people are in this comment section, in this fucking community, trying to justify his bullshit.

Matthew Mercer, the man that brought this fucker to life, has gone on record to describe his behaviours as toxic and to call him one of the 'grossest' characters he's ever portrayed.

And his lines...

And I've not—I've not been the pinnacle of a father, in the same way that you've not been the pinnacle of a daughter. I accept my responsibilities in the things that I've maybe been a bit harsh on. But look what you've become.

I regret choices I've made, and you don't think I don't hold myself responsible for…? I thought I was doing what was best for you, truly.

Textbook gaslighting.

He deflects.

Taking credit for accomplishments made by his victim.

Empty promises of self-reflection.

I won't be discussing the gaslighting further because I'm hardly an authority, and a cursory google search won't change that. But what from what I've heard of gaslighters, he fits the damn bill.

All this to say, please people, please stop trying to justify a terrible father's harmful actions toward his daughter. Paying to have the Cobalt Soul kidnap her isn't the problem. The problem is that it's just the fucked up cherry on top of an entire childhood of poor treatment.

Pain doesn't make people, it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential. It's love that saves them. ~ Caduceus Clay, Dinner with the Devil (2x110) from 3:22:25 through 3:23:11.

Now, go hug a loved one and do something that makes you happy to detox after this long, hard rant of mine.

Have the day you deserve. Don't forget to love each other.

[wisecreationkid]

"Spread your legs." I opened my eyes slowly and glanced at my husband. "You want me to spread my legs? You want to fuck me?" He smirked. "That's right." I spread my legs and groaned softly, arching my back. He was straddling me and I could feel how hard he was. "Please," I whimpered. "Fuck me."

He leaned down and kissed my neck, licking it lightly before moving on to my shoulder. I gasped when his teeth grazed my skin. "Yes, please, gojo, fuck me." He chuckled, sitting up. "As you wish."

He pushed into me and I let out a moan as he filled me. He was so big that it took some time for him to fit all of himself inside of me. Once he was seated fully inside of me, he stilled and looked at me.

"I love you, Amelia." My eyes watered as I thought about the last time we spoke. I looked away, but he grabbed my chin with his hand and forced me to look at him. "Look at me." He waited until I did.

"I love you, Amelia." He moved his hips slightly, and I gasped from the sensation. "I'm sorry for everything. I didn't mean for it to happen this way." I shook my head. "No, I understand. It's fine. "

He groaned and thrust harder. "It's not fine. None of it is fine." I smiled. "I forgive you." He paused and blinked. "What?" I looked up at him. "I forgive you." He paused. "You forgive me?" I nodded.

"Yes." He kissed me lightly. "How can you forgive me after what I've done?" I shrugged. "Because I know that you're truly sorry and you would never do it again." I felt his cock twitch. "Promise me." He paused.

"What?" I bit my lip. "Promise me that you won't hurt me ever again." I scrunched my nose. "Why would you think that I will? Of course, I wouldn't." He frowned. "But what if I do?" I scoffed.

"I doubt you would." He moved his hips faster and deeper. "Amelia, promise me!" I sighed. "Alright. I promise." He kissed me roughly. "And I will keep that promise."

He started to move even faster and I threw my head back, enjoying the sensations of being fucked by the man who was supposed to protect me. When he came, he roared loudly and held me tight against him.

Then he dropped me like a bag of potatoes and left. When I woke up the next morning, I was covered in sweat and was breathing heavily. I looked around and saw that I was alone. I got up and walked outside.

I needed to clear my mind and see the sun rise. I knew that gojo was gone, but I couldn't help it. I was hoping that this time he wouldn't come back, but then I remembered our vows.

We promised each other that we would always be together and now that we were together, I wanted him to stay with me forever. I sat down and started crying. Why did he have to leave me?

Wasn't I enough for him? But the worst thing was that he came back and I was too scared to speak up because of his threat. So here I was, waiting for him, and every time he came back, I was terrified.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. What kind of life was this? Why couldn't I be free? How many years had I spent with this monster? At least ten. And yet I was still here, waiting for him to come back.

I was sick of it. I was tired of being scared all the time. If he ever came back, I was going to say yes and hope that it would be the last time. No more excuses. No more bullshit.

Either we stayed together or he left me for good. I jumped when I heard a door open. I turned around and saw gojo walking towards me. He stopped in front of me and stood there staring at me.

I glared at him and tried to stand up, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me down onto his lap. "Don't move." He growled. "If you try to get up, I will hurt you." I kept my mouth shut.

I knew what he meant. He would hurt me if I tried to escape. I wasn't stupid. I knew what he was capable of. That was why I had been afraid of him for all these years. Suddenly he slapped me hard across the face.

"Get the fuck out of here," he yelled. I rubbed my cheek and stared at him in shock. "Now." He pointed to the road and growled again. "Run." I scrambled off his lap and ran. I didn't dare look back.

All I could think was, 'I hope he doesn't follow me.' I ran and ran and ran. I didn't stop until my legs were numb. I finally reached the end of the road and collapsed on the ground.

A few minutes later, I heard footsteps behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw that it was gojo. I tried to run again, but he caught me before I could even take a step. "Go away." I whispered. He laughed.

"That's not how it works." He pushed me down and straddled me. "Do you want to play nice or do you want to fight?" I stared at him, wide-eyed. "Fight." I snorted. "And lose." Не smiled. "Exactly."

He hit me across the face and I gasped in pain. I kicked him as hard as I could and screamed. He just smirked and hit me back even harder.

This continued for a while until he finally pinned me down and shoved his hand into my hair. "It's time to play," he said softly. I struggled and fought, but he was too strong.

He ripped my shirt open and took off my pants. I kicked him and bit his hand, but it was useless. Finally, he had me naked and he leaned down to kiss me. I closed my eyes and let myself feel his touch.

It felt good. Too good. I knew that I should resist, but I couldn't help it. I didn't care anymore. After a few minutes, he pulled away and stared at me. "You know I can't let you go, right?" I nodded.

"Then you better start fighting again." He started to stroke himself and I shivered. He took my nipple between his teeth and sucked it so hard, I cried out in pain. He grinned. "This is just the beginning."

He took my other nipple and did the same thing. I moaned and bucked beneath him. He chuckled and moved down to my pussy. He licked me slowly and gently. My body trembled and I gasped in pleasure.

Then he thrust his tongue inside me and I cried out in ecstasy. He fucked me with his tongue and fingers, bringing me closer to the edge. I clawed at him and screamed his name. I didn't care who heard me.

I wanted everyone to hear me scream. I climaxed and collapsed against the grass. He crawled on top of me and began to kiss me. "Mine," he whispered. I shook my head. "No. Please." He shrugged.

"If you won't admit it, then it must be done this way." He kissed me again and shoved his cock inside me. I gasped in pain, but I didn't resist. He moved slowly, allowing me to adjust to his size.

Once I could handle it, he started moving faster. My head swam with lust and desire. I never imagined that it could feel this good. He rode me hard and fast, driving me to the edge again.

I screamed his name and came, and this time, I didn't hold anything back. I climaxed and shook like a leaf in the wind. When I was done, I flopped on my back, completely spent.

He collapsed next to me, still inside me. "You're mine now," he whispered. I tried to speak, but I was too tired. The sun was rising when I woke up. I sat up slowly and looked around. Gojo was gone.

I didn't see any sign of him anywhere. I lay back down and fell asleep again. The next time I woke up, I was lying in bed next to him. He was sleeping soundly. I slid out of bed and went to the bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror and tried to make sense of everything. Why did he leave? Why did he have to do that to me? How could he possibly expect me to live with him after that?

And most importantly, what was I going to do about it? As if on cue, the door opened and he walked in. I jumped and turned around, but he just gave me a lazy smile. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you," he said.

I glared at him. "How can I believe that?" He shrugged. "Because I'm going to let you go tomorrow. I don't want to spend my life being hated by my own wife."

He grabbed his clothes and put them on. I was silent. I didn't know what to say. Finally, he sighed and walked over to me. "Look, I know it was wrong of me to force you like that, but I didn't have a choice. "

I did, " I snapped. "Well, it's done now. Let's just move on, okay? " І glowered at him. " You mean, we're supposed to pretend that nothing happened? " He nodded. "

If you really love me, you will forgive me. " I snorted. " Love you? Seriously? " He smiled at me and shook his head. "Yes, Amelia. You were made for me, and I was made for you. We belong together. " I scoffed."

And how do you know that? " He took a step back and looked at me closely. "Because I saw it in your eyes when I had you, Amelia. I saw it in your heart when you accepted me as your husband. ""

No, " I said flatly. " Don't you get it? I don't want to be married to you. I never wanted to marry anyone, much less some stranger from another country. But I have no choice, do I?

" He shook his head. " There's always a choice. Even if you're taken against your will, there's always a choice. " I rolled my eyes. " Okay, fine. So what's my choice?

Do I stay and be miserable, or do I run away? " He chuckled. " You're not running away from me, Amelia. I would find you wherever you ran. " I gasped. " That's impossible! " Не raised an eyebrow. " Really?

I thought you were smarter than that. It may seem like I'm bluffing, but I'm not. I will find you, and I will bring you back here, whether you like it or not. " I gulped. " How can you be so sure? ""

Because I have no intention of letting you go. " He stepped closer to me. " See, I knew you'd come around eventually. I knew you'd see that I was right all along. You're meant to be mine. "

What makes you think that? " He reached behind me and unfastened my robe. I stared at him, open- mouthed, as he dropped it to the floor. His hands trailed down my sides, making me shiver. "

Because this is what you want. This is what you need. You just haven't realized it yet. " His voice was soft, but it had an underlying tone of command to it. I licked my lips, feeling his words sinking into my soul. "

Maybe, " I breathed. He cupped my breasts and rubbed his thumbs across my nipples, sending shivers of pleasure through me. " Are you wet again? " I nodded mutely. He grinned and lowered his mouth to my neck. "

Mmm, yes. You are. " He licked and sucked, driving me wild with desire. I bucked my hips, trying to get him inside me again, but he was already moving down between my legs. " Please, " I whimpered. "

Please, please, please... " He kissed his way down my stomach and pushed my legs apart with his hands. " I'll give you what you want, Amelia. But only if you do what I say. ""

Anything, " I whispered. He smiled cruelly. " You'll do whatever I tell you, won't you? " " Yes, Master. " I bit my lip, waiting for his response. Не stood up and looked me over slowly. " Good girl, " he purred. "

Now, take off those panties and kneel in front of me. " I reached for the waistband and started to tug it down, but he stopped me. " No, no. Do it slowly. Take your time and enjoy it. " "

Yes, Master, " I said softly. I bent over and slid the material down my thighs. Then, I sat on my heels and waited. He came over and ran his hand down my arm, petting me like a dog."

Good girl, " he repeated. " Now, spread your legs for me. " I did as I was told. He knelt between my legs and started to kiss and lick me. I cried out and arched my back, but he held me down gently. "

Relax, baby, " he said. " Just let yourself go. " I shut my eyes and tried to focus on something else. My breath came out in ragged gasps as he continued to touch me. "

I think you liked that, didn't you? " he asked. I nodded, unable to speak. Well, you're going to like this even more. " He stood up and started to undress himself. I couldn't take my eyes off him. " "

Do it, Amelia, " he commanded. I looked up and met his gaze. "Touch me, " he ordered. I put my hands on him and stroked his length through his pants. He groaned and leaned forward, pushing me down on the bed. "

Open your mouth, " he demanded. I opened my mouth and he thrust his cock inside, filling my mouth and throat. I gagged and fought to breathe, but he held me still. " Swallow, " he commanded. " Swallow every drop.

"He moved his hips, fucking my face harder. I could barely keep up with him, but he wouldn't let me stop. " Come on, baby, " he cooed. " Give me everything you have. " "

Yes, Sir, " I moaned, pulling his balls into my mouth and sucking them hard. He grunted and drove deeper into my throat, coming down my throat. He pulled out and fell to his side, breathing heavily. "

Fuck, that was good, " he said. " I'm glad you're finally seeing things my way. " I swallowed hard and rolled onto my side. " So am I, " I said softly. He took my hand and placed it against his chest. "

Feel how strong I am? " he asked. " Yes, " I " And do you know what I can do with that strength? " He chuckled darkly. " I think you know. " He tightened his grip and brought my hand up to his lips. "

I love you, " he said, placing a tender kiss on my palm. " I know, " I whispered back. He kissed my fingers, one by one, until they were tingling with electricity. "

Will you be mine forever? " he asked. "Yes, " I said. He raised my hand and pressed my palm against his lips again. " Say it, " he demanded. "

I will always be yours, Master. " He squeezed my hand so tightly that I thought he might break it. " Say it, " he growled. " I will always be yours, Master, " I whispered. "

That's better, " he said, letting go of my hand. " Now, come here. " Не grabbed my wrist and dragged me over his lap. " What are we doing now, Sir? " he asked innocently. " I'm not sure, Sir, " I answered. "

Oh, really? " he laughed. " Tell me what you want to happen, then. " I stared at him, my heart racing. He knew what I wanted. How could he ask me that? " I want to see you spank me, Sir. "

You want to see me spank you? " he asked, his voice thick with lust. " Yes, Sir, " I replied. He slipped his hands under my dress and slid them up my body. "

Such a good girl, " he crooned. " You're wet for me, aren't you? " I nodded, too embarrassed to speak. He pushed his fingers inside me and started to move them around. I cried out, squirming in his grasp. "

Shhhh, " he said, soothingly. " Just relax. " But how could I relax when he was touching me so intimately? He moved his fingers faster, rubbing my clit and driving me crazy. I felt like I was about to explode. "

Come on, Amelia, " he said. " Give me what I want. " I felt myself coming undone, my orgasm building to an explosive climax. He changed the rhythm of his fingers and I cried out in ecstasy. " Yessss! " I screamed. "

Don't stop, Sir, please don't stop!" He smiled down at me and increased the speed of his fingers. " I'm not going to stop, Amelia. Not ever. " I felt like I had been flung to the end of the universe. "

Yes, Sir, please! Please! " I screamed. He stopped moving his fingers and sat up, taking me with him. I was panting and sweating, my head spinning from the intensity of my orgasm. "

Are you ready to be punished? " he asked. "Yes, Sir, " I gasped. He lifted me off his lap and placed me on the bed. Then he climbed on top of me, pinning me down. " This is going to hurt, " he said softly. "

I know, " I replied. He didn't waste any time. He started spanking me, landing sharp blows on my bottom. The pain was excruciating, but I couldn't help it-I loved it. " Please, Sir, please, more! " I cried out. "

More " he asked, his voice hardening. " More pain, Sir. Please! " "Do you like this? " he asked. "Yes, Sir! " I cried. " Do you like being spanked? " " Yes, Sir! " I screamed. "

Say it! " he demanded. " I love being spanked, Sir! " I sobbed. He continued to spank me until my skin was red and raw. I was writhing in agony, begging him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. "

Stop, Sir, please stop! " I cried out. " No, I won't stop, " he said, his voice filled with malice. " You'll only get worse, and then I'll have to hurt you even more. ""

Please, Sir, I'll be good! " I whimpered. He stopped spanking me long enough to lift me up and position me over his lap. He spread my legs wide and rammed himself into me. "

Oh God, yes! " I screamed as he moved in and out of me. He kept me over his lap, thrusting in and out of me, over and over. I was so close to another orgasm, but I didn't dare tell him."

I can feel it coming, Sir, please! " I pleaded. " Keep quiet, or I'll stop, " he warned. " I won't! " I screamed. " No, you won't, " he said, increasing his pace. " I'm coming! I'm coming! ""

Me too, " he groaned. We both came together, and when we did, we lost control. I felt his teeth sink into my shoulder as he bit me. And then, I felt him bite my thigh. And finally, he bit my bottom. "

No! No, Sir, no! " I wailed, but he was relentless. He kept biting me, marking me as his own. Finally, he stopped, and I sagged against him, sobbing. " It's okay, " he whispered. I've got you now. "

But why? Why did you do that? " I asked, my voice shaking. " Because I wanted to mark you, " he said, his voice cold. " Mark me? " I whispered. " I know you're mine now, and I want everyone to know it. " "

Sir... I think I might be falling in love with you. " " I love you too, Amelia. " My husband was right-I was falling in love with him. After our night together, I had a different perspective on everything. "

How do you feel about being my slave? " he asked me. " I'm yours, " I replied. " Forever? " " Forever. " " Good. Now, let's go back to sleep. "

[tulikkko]

Elephant (2003)

Spoilers for this movie.

Directed and written by Gus Van Sant, Elephant is an hour and a half long film that jumps back and forth between the mornings of several high schoolers, on the day of a school shooting that takes the lives of 13 students. It features Alex Frost and Eric Deulen as the shooters, who are, coincidentally, named Alex and Eric. That's something strange about this movie; most of the cast has the same first name as their character. John Mcfarland is played by John Robinson, Eli is played by Elias McConnell, Jordan Taylor plays Jordan, Carrie Finklea and Nathan Tyson play Carrie and Nathan.

The movie was made only a few years after the Columbine High School tragedy, and was clearly based off it, down to scenes like students being shot in the library or the principal's death.

Watching this film was one of the tensest experiences I've had. We learn that a shooting will happen fairly early and are forced to watch these characters carry out their day and lives, knowing we can only witness what will happen next. What's worse, we never know when the shooting is coming.

We also bear witness to many signs that the boys will be committing this act very soon. Alex is bullied and lonely in school, but this movie manages to portray him in a way that does not make us sympathize with him. While we see what he sees, we are not forced to sit through a bullshit excuse for what he did.

Him and Eric enjoy playing violent video games together, although I admit that's a stupid theory people blame shootings on. They purchase guns on the internet, which stunned me, as I had no idea you could just do so.

Then, there's a slightly conflicting scene, of Alex and Eric implied to be having sex before they shoot up the school. When I first watched it, I believed the two were supposed to be gay, and the film was making some very worrying statements about why 'gay people are dangerous.' But no, upon a rewatch of the scene, they state clearly that it's because neither of them have had sex yet, and they wanted to before they died.

The movie actually includes some refreshing queer commentary, from director/writer Van Sant, who is a gay man. My personal favorite is a scene of a student attending a gay-straight alliance meeting.

The GSA scene is one continuous 360 degree shot of each member's face, as they, including the teacher, discuss topics like 'if a man wears pink and rainbow, is he gay?' and if homosexuality is reversible, according to an article about 'gay rams' reared by farmers. This scene was both impressively shot and scripted, not to mention an amazing portrayal of how most school-issued queer spaces, like the GSA, are a complete joke.

Overall, it's a film made to show people how devastating and traumatic these incidents are, and truly humanizes the victims instead of the shooters, when the news media was doing the complete opposite and sensationalizing the Columbine shootings. As a film, I've heard many call it boring, but I didn't feel that at all. The movie is certainly a painful watch, but a great experience that leaves you feeling changed. I give it a 7.3/10 and I recommend it.

[secret-slides-down-the-mountain]

Trans characters in smut: a self-examination

There's been some discourse about trans characters and sexuality (e.g., trans men are an excuse to write M/M vaginal sex). I almost exclusively write smut one-shots, and I've written a lot of smut with trans characters; this discourse gave me the idea to examine how I write them. Now, this isn't me beating myself up over "bad representation" because that's bullshit; never in a million years will I stop writing trans smut my way. This is just out of curiosity to see what's in my noggin.

I've written 16 smut fics tagged "Trans" (out of ~50). Why so many? I'm transgender; I'm pansexual; I think trans people are hot - in general, that's that. Here are some details from the more interesting ones:

Exhibit A - Cis Male Reader/Trans Male Chr.: The latter character is a short, boyish man who is often headcanoned as transmasc; I'd been drooling over the thought of his pussy for a while, so I decided to write a reader/him fic. I made him a gentle dom, and one of the commenters called him "so mommy", so take that as you will.

Exhibit B - Cis Male Chr./Trans Male Chr.: I wanted to write a brother/brother incest fic. One thing I really like about incest is that family is an unbreakable bond; I decided to make it even more unbreakable by having them deliberately try for a baby. The brothers are equally masculine and cute; I hadn't even thought of making the trans man feminine (I wouldn't want to anyway), probably because that would have diminished his brotherness.

Exhibit C - Trans Male Chr./Trans Female Chr.: The female character is cute, feminine, has a big queer fanbase, and her being trans is a decently popular headcanon; I wanted some smut of her where she is trans, so I made some. I also made the male character trans because T4T is yummy (and also probably because he's a short, boyish man).

Exhibit D - Cis Male Chr./Trans Male Chr.: I'd been completely brainrotted by male breasts, as well as the Male Swimsuit Challenge that was going on at the time, so I decided to make a fic where a trans man teases and arouses someone by being shirtless and bare-chested. One thing I wrote in my notes to try and explain it to myself was: "What's wrong? Isn't it normal for men to be shirtless? uwu"; no front hole stuff, because that would have distracted from the boobs. I did get one comment from someone who said they loved the fic "as a pre T trans boy," so that's pretty cool.

Exhibit E - AMAB Human Turned Into a Robot/Robot/Robot: I assume you've all heard of forcefem and forcemasc. I was intrigued by the idea of transitioning effortlessly without being able to chicken out, but there were two things I didn't like about them: one, I'm non-binary and need enbies, and two, the forcee usually ends up as a mindless drone or slave. So I made a fic where a human is forcibly roboticized, gets a lot of euphoria, and lives happily ever after. god i wish it was me

Exhibit F - Trans Female Chr./Cis Male Chr.: This fic is about a yumejoshi/simp meeting her blorbo and fucking him in person. I made the simp a trans woman because, idk, I thought it would fit better? There's a sad lack of Trans Female Reader/Male Character smut fics out there.

Exhibit G - Cis Female Chr./Trans Female Chr.: This is my only rapefic; a trans supervillainess overpowers and rapes a cis scientist. I'd rather not say where I got the idea, but what I will say is that I tried to make the rapist as "unmonstrous" as possible. She has soft skin, small breasts, and a beautiful face; instead of overpowering the researcher with brute strength, she restrains her with psychic powers and rewrites her mind; I even described her penis as having fine veins and a smooth foreskin, rather than rough and veiny (though I did still call it big and thick).

So, what do you think? Do you have any thoughts on trans smut? Am I cooking? Is the food burning? Is it a bad idea to stir a pot with a girldick? Respectful discussion and discourse, and a little bit of criticism, is welcome.