#I've gone from being like
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My thoughts on Way after three episodes can be summed up by:
He "loves" Babe so much that he's out here messing with his mind and causing him to lose races. And, if the preview is to be trusted, he learned nothing from Babe losing in this episode and is gonna keep up the mind fuckery and then he's gonna crash. He's doing all this, possibly has been for 10 years, and Babe still doesn't want him. Give it up Deelisish!
Can his future man show up like now? Can he get some dick? Cause he needs some dick and it's never gonna be from Babe. lol
#pit babe#pit babe the series#like my god#I've gone from being like#he's so pathetic but he has reason to distrust Charlie#to#he really didn't actually have anything to go on about Charlie#yeah Charlie is shady but he doesn't get credit for finding that out cause he only cares cause he's jealous#and when he did find it out was he nice to his bestie he's in love with#his bestie he's in love with who whole ass has Charlie's name in his phone with a heart emoji#no he's like WE DON'T LOVE OR TRUST ANYONE JUST US#and is fucking with the money now by messing with Babe's head before a race#and may be responsible for him whole ass crashing???#and like nah#NAH#babe doesn't love you way he's never gonna love you let it go#best friends don't sabotage their friend's happiness cause they're mad they can't get his dick instead#ooo I'm heated#I'm literally about to get violent#I'm having so much fun yelling at my laptop during this show lol#regular clyde
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yall ever think Shen Yuan went through like, internet withdrawal after being transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu? Like, he's canonically a NEET shut-in who did nothing but spend his time online, you can't tell me that for the first week or first few weeks of being SQQ he wasn't twitchy.
Like, reaching instinctively to his pockets for a phone that wasn't there, having an obsessive itch in the back of his mind that he should check and see if X or Y novel or webcomic has updated -- only to realize he can't anymore and being irritated by it. Wanting to go and see if there's new posts about this or that, but again realizing that he can't.
When he's bored or uncomfortable or just feels like wanting to escape he tries to go for his phone to distract himself, but oops! Not there anymore, and now he has to find a new and different way to distract himself from his feelings. And going through system notifications, quests, etc only does so much.
And there's that Tetris Effect too. SQQ makes a mistake while writing and instinctively goes to backspace on it except hey-ho that's not a keyboard and now he just dipped his pinkie into a bottle of ink or on a still-drying letter.
With him scrambling to fix his reputation and learn how to be a peak lord, I think his abrupt cold-turkey from all things internet would just be another straw on the camel's back that he promptly Ignores until it goes away on its own after he acclimates to his new surroundings.
#svsss#mxtx svsss#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#i think him learning how to be a peak lord and cultivation and everything else would help distract him from the internet withdrawal for the#most part. but the moment there's a lull in the day and his mind wanders or he becomes bored or stressed and he instinctively reaches back#for his phone and realizes it isn't there it just sends a spike of panic/frustration/irritation through him because its a familiar comfort#and now its gone. like this is all based off my own experiences from being Chronically Online but i just think its neat to think about#in that same vein i think it also pushes him into getting into the arts on QJP. Like as the peak lord naturally he would be doing this kind#of stuff but hes NOT the peak lord but to keep up appearances he has to know how to do this stuff. and finds it??? actually quite rewarding#even more than getting into an argument online or getting a new merch item. he's making or doing this stuff. he starts drawing and finishes#a piece and regardless of its skill level he feels something unclog in his chest. like sediment being scraped off the bottom of a creek and#being washed downstream. a weight that's been slogging through his veins suddenly untangled. physical proof of his efforts that feels great#starry is incapable of NOT giving her favorite blorbos more hobbies. starry is incapable of not giving her favorites artsy hobbies#this is probably NOT a new or original thought whatsoever but im throwing it out there anyways bc it fascinates me. i love transmigration#and albeit i've only read isekai manhwa/manhua there's a common theme of the people there assimilating into their new lives relatively quic#which i know is for ease of transition and getting to the rest of the story. but WHAT IF.#i have still not read svsss yet and idk when i'll be able to BUT have some thoughts anyways
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NO ONE ELSE CAN HELP YOU
NO ONE ELSE CAN HELP YOU
(objectober 2024 day 20: dream)
#dandy's doodles#inanimate insanity#ii#ii mephone#i don't feel like tagging the others... individually they're not that important anyway#objectober#objectober 2024#featuring lyrics from dream by roar :) one of my favorite songs of theirs#roar has an incredible capacity for expressing helplessness and isolation in their songs. it's so heart-wrenching. horribly real#i don't know the 'real' meaning but i've always seen dream as being about wanting to make your parents happy#and feeling like you're always failing#and now that they're gone you feel totally lost cuz you've based your whole life around making them happy#and you feel so alone and scared without them#and you don't know whether to continue following what they would've wanted#or to pursue dreams you feel you can never achieve without their support#i may or may not be projecting... but in any case it's very VERY fitting for mephone#and the prompt immediately made me think of the song and him... so...#very fond of how this turned out :)
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This family dinner is gonna fucking suck
#'ox-eyed' is a term I stole from Homer (along with 'dog faced')#In this cultural context the term is used to compliment brown eyes. Not just applied to brown eyes in general but to describe#someone's as uniquely pretty (usually with the implication of a soft or calm gaze). Applied more frequently to women than men.#I've gone over Ganmachen before but that one refers to the ox birth sign and is a mostly complimentary epithet for people who#have the associated traits. It literally means 'ox faced' but the mache/machen word for face doesn't refer to the anatomical face#rather some perceived essential/fundamental aspect of one's nature being their 'face'#There's a ton of other '-faced' epithets both in regards to birth signs and not#and adding the -machen suffix to a description of a person emphasizes the quality being described#Like calling someone 'brave-faced' would be a bigger compliment than just 'brave'- describes this bravery as fundamental to their being#(I don't write this kind out in-text though because the concept of 'faced as descriptive emphasis' doesn't work in english)#(I'd just say like 'very brave' or etc)#'braileig' is the term for a horse foal in the western Highlands dialect. This started as Brakul insulting Janeys with the descriptor#'little lost foal in a blizzard' (which more biting than it sounds- describes someone as pitifully helpless). Janeys was paying#more attention than he thought and had picked up enough to recognize that he was being called a horse baby. Brakul eventually#started using just 'braileig' as a nickname
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Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!
Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.
You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.
I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...
I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.
#years of being overworked. underpaid. and literally manipulated and gaslit lmfao#it does not feel good to beg to be treated equally. and then told to be satisfied with less than that#it has been repeatedly demoralizing and insulting#and im not doing it again#i would rather nanny again (most exhausting job ive ever had) than work with them again#but. i would rather not!#I'd rather continue to make comics#but to do it full time i would need like 500 patrons on the $5 tier minimum...#which is SO MANY PEOPLE and incomprehensible to me#ive already proven to myself i can live on 25k a year but obviously its tight (i live in socal)#this. is not what this post is about#it's so hard for me not to complain about them#i feel bad for my current patrons i only share stuff on discord as of right now#well i do the merch packages but like#it's mostly just my discord#just dont have the time or energy to manage my patreon#cause idk if yall know but patreons site is TERRIBLE from the creator side???#it takes like 5 minutes to upload a single post it's ridiculous#so i cant manage it rn. I've thought about hiring someone to help me with it but i cant afford any help#anyways ultimately this is informing people its gonna end#and is turning into a vent around all of the stress surrounding that#like i literally had to take a couple months to just be sad its gonna end and come to terms with that#its hard! it's hard feeling so tossed aside and having your stories controlled even in part by someone else#anyways yeah#i havent finished writing the last arc yet#so theres space for me to fit stuff if theres something people really want#so id like to get in what i could if i can!#text post#sorry i always turn any thoughts about comics into vents about webtoon#theyre so ass man..... it's fine. im gone in may...
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asking because i know tagging courtesy varies among fandoms and i've always gone by the "if they have dialogue they get tagged" rule but i've also heard people complain about overtagging characters if there's no real focus on them so? i'm curious to see what other people think.
#i think the fear of overtagging comes more from bigger fandoms#idk i've gone through character tags in small fandoms with less than 20 works i'll take a single line of dialogue#i do get the frustration of being excited to read something with an obscure character but then find out they're not really in it#which is why i try to order character tags from main to least important#(getting close to finishing the ST Picard/Voyager fic and i feel like all of the voyager characters are present enough to each be tagged#but i'm still not really sure what the courtesy is)#(yes this is what i'm thinking about instead of finishing the first draft)#fanfic#my posts#my polls
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pokeani where everything is the exact same but Zoey was allowed to be even more butch
#my pokeani thoughts lack relevance or meaningful insight#but they're correct. to me personally. and that's what matters#i mean idk. some of them aren't. i don't stand by some old posts but so it goes.#i still get notes on 2+ year old posts and it's like whyyyy are you here and howwww did you find this#but if people are still finding and enjoying old shit i've said then sure. go off. have fun. i'll just die mad about it ddfjhdsksf (joking)#if I deleted and ran from the concept of ever having been cringe then i would have nothing to my name and that feels worse than being cring#e.#i have confidently said some very silly things in my life. just in general. and I will continue to do so. and it'll be fine.#my own brain cares more about that than my friends do so it's a me problem to be honest. and that's comforting.#ok we've gone from butch zoey to 'here's how to comfort your brain during an RSD episode' so i guess we're done here.
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Anyone else ever thinking about the constant nightmares Dick was having at the beginning of his solo in the nineties(in which he was Robin again and trying to catch a little boy who’s face he could never make out and was always too late) that culminated in the fear gas induced hallucination issue wherein there’s another faceless young boy who eventually introduces himself as Jason
And the dreams were subsequently never brought up again
The closest we got was the hallucination he had in his secret files where he spent the whole time talking to Robin
Because I am. I am thinking about it a lot
#dc#dick grayson#jason todd#the amount that dick blames himself for jason's death while refusing to blame himself for it is astounding.#i think about it so often#because like. he is NOT like 'woe is me if i had only been there this never would've happened' he's not sitting here like#i killed jason. this is my fault.#in fact it's far from it. outwardly everything i've read from the nineties he refuses to think about or talk about jason at ALL#we get these weird isolated moments where the ghost of jason's presence is obviously HERE but even then dick isn't acknowledging it#'there's a boy falling. i never see his face. he's calling out. i never hear what he says.'#'this kid who brings the newspaper is just a kid. i don't know him.'#'i am talking to robin. just robin.'#everywhere you turn dick is surrounded by the idea of jason. he's haunted by him.#but he refuses to see it. he won't let it in#jason is gone and dick can't bring himself to think about it. won't let himself grieve.#lets the guilt he feels about not being around for jason and not knowing about what was going on and not being on the planet#and not letting himself think about the situation or jason at all. lets all of that guilt eat him slowly. lets it fester in his mind#because he can't acknowledge it. but everything he does is because of it
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jumping off the back of the post about genres of song lyrics, another thing about tmbg's lyrics in particular is that even when they write about pleasant themes, they still manage to frequently do so through a sinister lens:
the experience of having children and looking after them:
a nice little nightlight protecting a child muses on the shortcomings it would have outside its assigned responsibility:
fantasising about getting high in the park with your crush:
#tmbg#AND. I love it.#please feel free to add to this btw. I feel like there's more flansburgh examples but they're dropping out of my head#I've gone on and on about ''sleeping in the flowers'' already. so I won't repeat myself too much in the tags here#but I can also see how it's intended to come across as playful. like.#it's two people in love having a silly exchange between each other#I also like the little interlude from the nightlight's lullaby-of-sorts to the child to describing how it would make a really bad lighthous#''man it's a good thing I'm not one of those. I'm too small. if I did that then people at sea would crash and drown horribly hahaha#anyway good night''#and actually re: nanobots. it only just occurred to me#I'd gotten 'newborn citizenship of the micronations'' being a verbose way to describe. babies lol#but is the start of verse about the actual birth of a child and getting so distracted by the preparation and stress#that you almost forget oh yeah. I have this kid now :)#and thinking about how even tho your worries around that are now over you'll focus instead on all the future responsibilities you'll have#how does something written in such a detatched way manage to be so sweet
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#so as u can see I'm rewatching the hobbit#and I've just had that realization#that we don't talk enough about the certain parallelism between Elrond and Celebrimbor#like everyone appreciates the way the house of Fëanor went from 'get thee gone' to 'speak friend and enter' thanks to Tyelpë#but I've just realized how much I love the fact that it's paralleled in the Doriath's royal family thanks to Elrond#appreciation post for Elrond and Celebrimbor being way chiller than their ancestors#something something about Doriath with harsh immigration laws and then there's Imladris -the path literally appears when u need it#silmarillion#the silmarillion#elrond#celebrimbor#imladris#*cough cough*#no visa doriath
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#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
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Can you please draw Edgar and Johnny stargazing or something like that
Day 8 - Stargazing
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Nny#Edgar#I actually went and looked up what constellations are most visible around this time of year lol#I've never gone looking for Pegasus :0 I wonder how much we can see from here#Gotta be a clear night for it! Chilly#So cold that their noses have gone red haha - they're all bundled up but that car hood has to be freezing#I super didn't want to draw a car so I mostly cheated lol ♪ It's close enough!#I could've drawn them on a late-night picnic I guess but them laying on the hood of the car is just the Most Correct y'know?#They're gonna be frozen solid once they're done lol#Oh no however will they warm up lol#That said they're not even touching while sitting out here haha ♪ Nny doesn't like it! His arm is fully over his waist!#Did Nny have the beanie or did he borrow it? Who's to say#Edgar would have a matching scarf to go with his favourite shirt tho he's a dork like that <3#Same reason he'd know which constellation Nny's pointing at like that - bookish nerd ♥#Gosh this one was close to being posted outside of the usual 2:30 time! Hopefully that won't be a theme#Wish me luck ♫
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childhood friends danny and jason miscellaneous thoughts: because why not, i'm reworking ch2 because it no longer fits with the remaster of chapter 1 so i've been thinking of them, and i love talking about them. which you should totally go read the remaster because its 26k words and im very proud of it and it barely got any attention.
First off Ellie vapes. Mostly because I think its real fucking funny. The first time Danny finds out about it he gets all up in arms about it. Ellie at first thinks its because she's smoking -- which, helloooo pot meet kettle, Danny has been smoking for a lot longer than she has.
And then he throws a curveball at her and says he's upset specifically because its vaping. Like no, no. Dammit, if you're gonna fuck up your lungs you gotta do it properly, none of this cotton-candy flavored nonsense.
He plays it up for laughs and it's largely non-serious 'i can't believe you're using a vape', if only to hide the fact that he is genuinely displeased with his little sister smoking. Self-destructive behaviors and bad habits are his thing, thank you very much.
But, well, he knows he'd be a hypocrite if he told her he didn't like that she was smoking. He's aware its bad for him, but habits are hard to break and he's not particularly keen to break this one in particular.
Danny bullies her relentlessly about it whenever she vapes in front of him. Like don't be a loser, Elle, carry a carton of cigs and a lighter in your back pocket like the rest of us degenerates.
[more under the cut]
Secondly: Danny's piercings? He got the first lobe piercings as a lost bet from Sam in junior year, and they did it in her room with a needle, a small bottle of blood blossom extract, and an apple. He broke out in hives for a week after thanks to the blood blossom, but it prevented the hole from healing up :)
He got the rest done professionally at a piercing place in the Ghost Zone. He asked Johnny where to find it. Sam and Johnny (and Kitty) nearly convinced him into getting snakebites. He got an eyebrow piercing instead.
Danny's undercut is also self-done, he did it because Technus shot at him with an ectoblast and it missed hitting him, but set his hair on fire. Danny got it out pretty quickly, but it left his hair lopsided and obviously looking like it got burned by something. He went to Sam for help after the fight. He liked the way it looks so he's kept it that way since.
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Vlad brought up Jason once(1) in a taunt during a fight, and this was after Jason disappeared from the ghost zone, and Danny very. very nearly killed him on the spot. He hasn't done it since.
Which leads into the other thing: Grief Triggers! As I call them. All Banshees have them in this au.
While all banshees are, in general, in a permanent state of grief, Grief Triggers are a specific emotional response that can cause them to spiral into a state of intense, sometimes debilitating sorrow, and most of the time causes them to start wailing.
Banshees know what their Grief Triggers are and in general tend to try and build up a form of resistance against it so that, if something occurs that happens to trigger said grief, they can at least either get away from other ghosts to let loose or have enough control over themselves that it'll take more work to send them spiraling.
As expected, Jason is Danny's grief trigger. He's built up a pretty good resistance to it so that hey, talking about him and his death is easier than when Danny was fourteen. But a little more prodding and it will trigger, especially depending on who brings him up and how. (See: Vlad)
Grief Triggers also manifest relatively the same; with the induction of an intense state of grief and sorrow, but how a banshee acts on it can sometimes vary. Again, it depends on who triggers it and how. Some of them can get,,, violent, depending on how it happens.
Rath, this au's 'Dan', is a case of a banshee being put into the grief state caused by grief triggers and... never really leaving it. Which they usually do on their own, or with help depending on the severity of it.
At the time it happened Danny was going through the worst week of his life a second time: his best friend's ghost disappeared, then his family and friends all died right in front of him, and then he was stuck with someone who wasn't helping him through that grief.
He was already in the grieving state when Vlad tore out his ghost half. As a result, Vlad only made it worse. With that fury thrown into the mix, Vlad ended up getting torn apart and nobody else was close enough with nor could they get close enough to Rath to help him come down from the wailing state.
So Rath ended up getting stuck in a perpetual negative feedback loop of absolute misery, and well... drove himself insane. The rest of the world became collateral as a result.
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the difference between Danny and Jason lies in the fact that Jason died, while Danny is dead.
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I'm having more thoughts on the CFAU/TMWS universe banshees, actually.
Banshees are either born in the ghost zone from ectoplasm and are ecto-entities and work as banshees as how we know of them, or they're human spirits that died mourning someone and that grief was so intense that it turned them into a banshee. They're a little more rare.
These banshees typically mourn only one person, or sometimes they follow their Realm-born counterparts and choose a family to mourn for. Typically their own.
Ember is not a banshee; human spirit banshees are always mourning another person. However, her abilities emulate certain qualities of banshees: like the beautiful singing. But in comparison to an actual banshee, Ember's voice pales.
Does this mean Danny has the better singing voice? Yeah. Ember is incensed by this.
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If canon Danny and CFAU/TMWS Danny met, I think canon Danny would be kinda unsettled or off put by CFAU.
CFAU Danny still has some pretty core Danny traits, at least I like to think so -- his general drive to help people just out of compassion for them (even if it manifests differently at first due to trauma), his wit and humor, his fear of failing to protect his loved ones, all of those resonate with canon Danny.
However, canon Danny, as far as I can remember and as far as his wiki goes, rarely gets extremely angry or emotional. He gets irritated and he gets annoyed but him getting mad I don't think happens super often. CFAU Danny is the angrier one between Jason and Danny. It's one of the things I consider a division point between him and canon Danny as it's a result of him growing up in Crime Alley. Canon Danny is canonically shy and meek prior to becoming Phantom, CFAU Danny couldn't be -- he'd be dead already.
CFAU Danny's anger would off put canon Danny, in my opinion. His anger, his smoking, and for lack of a better term, his bloodlust would unsettle him.
Like, for example, say CFAU Danny gets transported to a canon (or canon-adjacent) Danny's universe. He's staying with canon for a little bit as they brainstorm how to get him back home, and CFAU Danny goes to school with canon if only so that he's not stuck in the house all day.
Whether they try and pass CFAU Danny off as canon's cousin or if the town already knows that he's another version of Danny, it doesn't matter. Because insert Dash.
Dash who, in CFAU Danny's world, has since learned not to fuck around with Danny or the other kids because Danny has long since asserted that he will beat his ass if he does. 'Fucking around' always predates the 'finding out', and Danny is happy to act as consequence.
(As my father told me (paraphrased) when I was a small child and full of uncontrollable anger: "there's gonna be a day where you're gonna hit someone, and they're gonna hit you back")
And canon Dash, who is used to canon Danny who kinda just takes it because it means that he won't target other people, would see CFAU Danny. He'd notice the resemblance between him and canon, immediately try and go "oh new target!", and try and bully him the same way he does to canon. And Danny "I am the consequences of your actions" CFAU Fenton, instantly throws hands.
Just, CFAU Danny is kind but he's also Gotham-raised and full of bite; he's meaner than canon is. He's more ruthless too, especially in his ghost fights. The ease of which he slips into violence would, imo, discomfort canon. CFAU and Canon would eventually get along though, they're not so different that they'd be in constant clash of each other.
(Canon Danny and Danyal Al Ghul however,,, thats another post LMAO)
#cw smoking#cw vaping#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dead on main au#childhood friends au#cfau#dpdc#ugh i could have made this two parts probably#i've had a lot of thoughts on banshees in this au and how i could adjust them#what i didn't get into: the ghostly behavioral affects that danny has gone through since dying. the ghostly mood swings and#heightened emotions that he's had to work through for the last five years.#one of my favorite lines in the remaster is danny mentioning offhandedly that he's gotten better at his mood swings ever since being a ghos#but also implying that vlad has been on the receiving end of these mood swings before and it didnt end well for him#like yessss gurl go through permanent irrevocable changes of your physiology and psyche that has ultimately altered you from the person you#used to be. you are now no longer fully human yess gurl pick up those habits and behavioral changes that is common in the species you've#been turned into even if its only halfway.#iirc i don't think i included obsessions in this au and checking the remaster doc and the word doesn't show up once in all 26k words of it#so hey looks like we get this instead#danny's singing voice is permanently ingrained in my head as sounding like hozier#its very very funny to imagine my au dannys meeting canon danny or canon adjacent danny#cfau seeing dan: who tf is that?? | canon: um.. dan? our evil alternate future self? | cfau: THATS your evil future self??#canon: yeah?? does yours not. look like that? | cfau: NO?#look if dan saw rath he would do a doubletake is all im saying and then would go “what the fuck what the fuck what the fUCK”#turning rath into a horror movie abomination is the fun part of this au and he's never even gonna show up#jason died but danny is dead. it lies in the past and the present. the was and the is. one of us got up and the other didn't
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the pathologic cane using as i see it...
MARK IMMORTELL canonically. he has a cane canonically, now whether or not the game wants us to believe he uses it for real or it's an accessory... for real to me. in my mind's eye he has sciatica. it acts up on and off so sometimes he'll be prancing around like a goat swaying his cane like he's trying to hit people with it, sometimes he uses it for real, and sometimes he has a fanciful little wheelchair when the pain's too bad to stand on his two legs. in which case he still holds his cane for hitting people purposes. his cane is a constant thing.
Yulia... she also mentions Leg Problem in P2 so Joy the cane be upon ye. i think her deal is a repetitive strain injury of tendinitis in the knee & ankle, and she never got enough rest for it to heal properly, never did physical therapy, so now, like other types of tendinitis, it flares up from use & some movements/postures. as the rainy & cold season approach, she gets more and more sedentary because the weather makes tendinitis worse by stiffening the tendons, so it gets in vicious cycles of Stiff tendons from the cold -> even less easy to do some stretches to help with the pain -> tendons get stiffer from no stretchin -> even less easy to do some stretches... her cane is an on and off thing, but becomes regular as fall & winter roll around
Notkin as he grows up. in p1 & 2 his spoken dialog mentions (a) bad leg(s); considering his mom died in childbirth (likely His birth) in my mind's eye his bad leg(s) is attributed to having been pulled out of there Fucked Uply. mom didn't make it through a complicated birth and baby got a leg messed up when they hurried to get him outta here. adolescence and getting taller gets him apophysitis (a bone + cartilage inflammation/strain injury often seen in teens because the bones grow faster than the muscles around them) in his knee and he never gets to have the rest needed for it to heal properly so as an adult, while the pain is mostly gone, it flares up sometimes. he's way past giving a fuck what anyone might think about seeing him limp with a cane in hand so he periodically, but quite often uses one. also might use it to hit people.
Khan occasionally once he gets into his mind that it's not a big deal & if he needs it he needs it. he already has a messed up knee as a kid (p2 model bandage) but i'm still deciding how extansive of a wound that is. more than what that is i think this guy gets inflammatory arthritis as a plague residual symptom, and while most of it is concentrated in his hands, fingers and wrists, it sometimes, rarely, attacks his ankles & knees, which is when he gets on his legs wobbly like a newborn foal. while his coping mechanism for it is to lie down and suffer through gritted teeth because he still has in mind that showing pain is showing weakness and is undignified of a man of his rank (the imaginary kingdom he once had) he eventually, from being yelled at "hey moron CATCH" and thrown a cane at, gets into his mind that he should use one for such moments and not even his Mortal Enemy* will care. his own would be a fanciful thing, black-lacquered wood, silver rings, a silver dog's head at the end of the handle. too proud and proper to hit people with it but he can't say he doesn't think about it.
Burakh, later in his life (his 40s). he also has a bad leg as of Being In His Twenties, but copes and manages without a physical aid for a while. he's on homemade painkillers and various rest regiments (when he can). when it gets too bad & arthritis sets in around 40s he's on that wood and bone tool in a blink and keeps it. maybe his father used on in his old(er) age... he reuses it...
#fun fact i've had apophysitis as a teen. in my heel. really painful shit. it's gone now Because i got medical equipment rest & PT#& my dad has sciatica. hashtag my dad representation. he knows about the polyhedron he likes it.#he also on and off (mostly off. being real) uses a cane but refuses to make it A Thing which is like. buddy you probably should.#the ''hit peopl with it'' lore comes directly from my dad's paternal great-grandmother. never knew her but he told me many a thing abt her.#inheriting the earth patho tag#also ummm#mark immortell lore#yulia lore#notkin lore#khan lore#burakh lore
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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i was thinking about your dirk and hal poll and i want to mention that i think your concept for ink and iron where dirk creates hal from his reflection by enchanting a mirror is so cool 😌
thank you! hal's predicament and purpose within the canon narrative is so fascinating and i felt it was really important to find a way to explore what i find most interesting with him. i can't take full credit for the concept though i took inspiration from a few placees (one of my friends pitched the idea of the mirror accidentally dumping him onto jake's doorstop for example) but overall i think the idea is very fun and i'm really excited to write more hal stuff!!! also i'm going to take the opportunity to share this oldish doodle i found:
the mispelling of angel as angle was NOT intentional (<- dyslexia haver) but it probably explains a lot. he's pointy
#obviously an AU is going to be different from canon#but i like AUs specifically *because* i have a lot of fun trying to translate canon ideas into another setting or genre in general#in this case its a riff on the fairy tale magic mirror#hal is still an experiment gone wrong/artificial being created to serve a purpose trapped in a non-physical form and denied personhood#as well as being an extension of dirk's selfhood and very literal expression of his self image#this time with extra gender problems as per my original intentions for the fic. which now feel more than a bit heavy handed but whatever#point is hal gets to play up the trapped demon/spirit/almost genie-esque angle isntead of the artificial intelligence schtick in canon#which i am having a lot of fun writing!#he is also a very important plot device. multitalented 💕#for anyone wondering i&i is NOT an abandoned project its just huge and whipping it into shape is slow going#i've taken breaks to work on other stuff too#ink and iron#i guess that's a tag i should start using#even though i'm not too happy with the title still. lmao
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