#I've been very selfish

[binnie]

I feel so alone

[camellcat]

stray thought but why didn’t they just let giles die in spiral? like... other than make buffy miserable what does he even do in the later seasons? I feel like it would've been better to just let him go out on a good note than waste away as a character

[evilmagician430]

college is making me want to shoot myself in the head really bad, which is crazy because i thought i was completely done with feeling suicidal after highschool ended. my life is looking up and i have a lot to look forward to.

but the funny thing is. that beautiful future, which is the reason i don't want to die, is only obtainable through going to college and working very hard and stressing myself out all the time. which, in turn, makes me want to die.

[fridayyy-13th]

wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.

[kastillia]

[nervocat]

man.

[imwritesometimes]

my mother, ever trying to invent drama and catastrophe and get me over to her house so she can argue with me, has informed me today, the first time she's talked to me since the last ~catastrophe~ she overreacted to and fought with me, that there is 'water on the side of the house'

outside? yes.

it's been raining on and off here for a while. it is winter. the water is outside. in the yard. I was like. ok.............. it's outside. it's raining. this..... isn't a problem?

this was an offensive answer

[skrunksthatwunk]

head in my hands not me wanting to skip my classes. ITS WEEK TWO

[byanyan]

ㅤborn on june 30th at 3:40 am to eunji byun, a woman who never had any intention of raising a child, byan was taken home by their adoptive parents, hye-jin yoon and dae-seong lee, a couple who had never been able to have a child of their own and had eagerly awaited their arrival. given the name yeong-hwan lee, they were treated exactly as if they were the couple's biological son and learned to refer to the two as eomma and appa (mom and dad).

this was the only period in their life where byan had a very "normal" childhood. and it was good! they were a happy, outgoing kid from the start, always curious and full of energy. they felt loved. they were loved. they don't remember it, but they were even taken to korea to meet their parents' extended family when they were two.

things were good, and it seemed like they were only going to get better when hye-jin unexpectedly discovered that she was pregnant.

byan's sister, hwa-young, was born on september 9th, when they were four years old. given her name because hye-jin was fond of the idea of her children having similar names, even byan was excited by this, and by the concept of having a baby sister. things remained exciting for the first few weeks, but as time passed and the newness of having a baby in the house began to wear off, things started to get... complicated. neither parent had particularly high paying jobs, and hye-jin couldn't afford to take much of a maternity leave. she worked from home, but between work, household chores, and hwa-young, neither she nor dae-seong had much time left over for byan, let alone for themselves. needless to say, it was a stressful time, and with money and energy running thin, byan beginning to act out a couple months in due to a lack in the attention they were used to having didn't exactly help matters.

only a few months before their fifth birthday, byan was placed into the care of a foster family. it wasn't an easy decision for either of their parents to make, but they had never planned for two children and no longer believed that they could properly support or give them both the life they deserved. the decision was made thinking that it would give byan the opportunity for something better, and that if things ever turned around for the family, they could eventually be brought back.

ㅤ—of course, that never happened.

contact was kept for a while, but when it seemed to only make things harder on byan, and subsequently harder on all of them, the decision to cut contact completely and all at once was made. the thought process was that if byan stopped waiting and hoping for the day that they'd get to come home, maybe they would eventually allow themself to settle with another family. at least they were probably young enough that they wouldn't remember all that much from their first four years, right? surely they would move on, and eventually be happier for it.

the last thing byan remembers hearing from eomma and appa didn't even come directly from them. it came through their foster mother, who tried to make it sound exciting that their last name had been changed from lee to byun.

[rapha-reads]

[thefirstvessel]

I just realizing I'm coming up on a year since I resurfaced as Vessel!

[navree]

anyway the only version of jason going non-lethal that makes sense is the version he brings up in #975 where he makes clear that he's going against his moral compass and his convictions on what he thinks is right explicitly so that he can maintain a connection with his family. none of this mealy mouthed 'jason realizes Killing Is Bad' thing (i'm of the opinion that jason's kinda the direct opposite of bruce in that where it would be too easy for the latter to start killing and not stop jason can kill and obviously has but the easier option for him is to just not do it and he does it because that's how his philosophy works) but jason admitting that he's taking the easy way out and being selfish at the expense of his own moral code so that he can still be a part of the batfamily. it's the only thing that makes sense to me.

[bataranqs]

10 Happy Things

May 11, 2024

Slept most of the day let's gooo

My bed and clothes are so warm and cozy

Called my mom and apparently she was out with people but she stepped outside to talk to me for a bit before going back to them and just feeling very very loved

My mom called me back and I talked to my sisters for nearly two hours hwjoiegdjkl we're just absolute nerds the lot of us

The Bible Plan I've been doing these past few days is just re-looking at everything from the basis of just get right with God, are you following Jesus and it's been very comforting to have that reminder like it is relational, it is supposed to be a delightful life we're living, there's no stress at all about doing x or y and if you're supposed to, it will not be anything but good

I can't really move my toes individually (except the ones at the ends) and I think it's kinda cute. They're a pack. They're friends. Do Not Separate.

The Tim Horton's White Hot Chocolate is so insanely good

Dungeon Meshi is such a good manga broooo

There are so many joys that I don't think I'll run out of them, and isn't that just the most delightful thing ever?

When I started this list I was feeling a little tired but now I'm quite happy and excited!! I'm so grateful to Katie for getting me into this, and my friends who also do stuff like this

[disco-lizard]

took a longass bath AND shower so i feel like a brand new person but ugh. i really do wish my therapist would call me back. idk why she hasn't just set up an appointment. i have so many feelings i need to work through and i feel like i can't process any of them without her help. it sucks. i don't want to keep leaning on people who aren't responsible for my failures. i feel so bogged down by everything that's happened this year AND last year. it's like i can't breathe.

[cementcornfield]

.

[tapucocoafgc]

Had a very good talk with my gf last night that basically boiled down to: you can't care for others until you can care for yourself

And it's so obviously like, I needed to clear brain space to do that anyway, but having another person say it put it really starkly into perspective