#thanks for sticking around through my selfishness though i appreciate it <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[kastillia]

[justafandomfollower]

Thoughts on Stargirl S02E01

Season 2 is here! So, I watched the first episode last night and, while I don’t often do this for TV shows I watch, wanted to share/write up my thoughts about the episode. I mean, overall, I thought it was really good and I was grinning like a loon to see the familiar characters back onscreen. But, more than that, I had some thoughts on individual characters.

First, I really really liked the way they handled Courtney’s “overworking” as Stargirl. A lot of other shows would have the debate about how being Stargirl is dangerous and she’s just a teenager, etc., etc. But they hashed that out last season, and they’re not bringing it up again here, which should be the bare minimum but ends up just being refreshing. Pat never says she needs to put away the staff (except for that last bit where he grounds her, and even that’s temporary). Instead, he cautions her to find a balance between the superhero and non-superhero parts of her life, to pass her classes, get good grades, get some sleep, learn to take breaks every now and again, and think about her future.

I do think Courtney will ultimately be proven right about the threats that are out there (I mean, duh, we saw Cindy and Eclipso right there), but nothing Pat said was wrong, or telling her that there were no threats. So, yeah. Big fan of that part. As for Green Lantern’s daughter, while Courtney was her usual “act first, think later” self, I also kind of can’t blame her, because someone did sneak into their house and steal important JSA relics. There were faults on both sides here.

The rest of my thoughts I’ve thrown under a read-more because it’s long and rambling:

I’m pretty solid and happy with where the other three JSA kids are at the moment, but I figured I’d still break it down a little.

Yolanda: I like that she’s struggling with what she did, even months later. I like that she knows she can’t say anything at church, I like that she’s still able to talk about it with Courtney, and I like that Courtney was supportive without outright agreeing with or condemning her actions. It’s a tough thing for kids to talk about, and while an experienced adult like Pat might be able to understand it better, I like that Yolanda’s not completely bottling it up.

On that note, though, they said Cindy might have gotten crushed when the satellite came down, “like Brainwave”, so there’s a possibility here that nobody else knows what Yolanda did, which’ll be interesting to see play out, if that’s true.

Rick: Again, I like where he’s at. He’s more confident in who he is, a little more settled, but also still lost. He claims Tyler as his name again and knows he’s a hero, but he doesn’t know where he goes from here. I think that’s part of why he’s seeking out Grundy, because he’s still clinging to that part of his past because he doesn’t have any clue of what’s in his future.

He’s still very much an angry teenager new at being a superhero, ranting to that teacher about how he saved her, but knowing his character (and acknowledging how crappy that teacher was), I can’t entirely blame him for that. Was it a good move? No. Did it make sense? Absolutely.

Speaking of that teacher, she was not a good one. Can I understand her wariness about the bad boy of the school suddenly getting every answer right? Sure. But, 1) it’s been months, so surely there’s been some gradual improvement, 2) that’s not the way to do it; talk to him about it, sure, but don’t refuse to accept his explanations, and 3) refusing to accept his name change is a jerk move that a figure of authority shouldn’t be making. I could wave away the first one from TV-time-skipping-magic, but not the other two. I don’t really think we’ll see this character again (but maybe in summer school), but she’s more of a vessel to show us 1) how Rick’s changed and 2) how the way others see him hasn’t, so, I suppose, in that regard, she did her job.

Beth: It’s neat that the goggles still seem to be (mostly) working, but it’s the AI that’s not functioning. Not the route I’d thought they’d go, but it’s really interesting because it gives Beth a chance to expand her skill set, or at least expand it to the viewer, and give her a role as a coder/computer scientist. It also doesn’t cheapen the “death” of the AI that happened last season.

Also, like the others (Rick at school with the teachers, Courtney and Yolanda having a discussion in the middle of main street, even Pat with STRIPE), she’s not great at hiding her activities. They’re just goggles, maybe, and she could explain them away fairly easy, but I don’t like the way she just leaves them out around the house. I’m okay with it for now because 1) she’s a teenager, still learning, and they are pretty innocuous, 2) some of it’s probably just TV “requirements”, like not wanting to cut from scene to scene or whatever (idk, I’m not in the TV business), and 3) her parents seem pretty clueless.

And speaking of her parents, man did I not like them even more this season. Every time I saw them on screen my mind went straight to: “good people, terrible parents”. Did they ever even want a kid, or did they just like the idea of having a kid to fit into their “perfect lives” until even that wasn’t enough to keep them together? They’re barely aware of what Beth does on a day to day basis, she still seems to be the one doing all the cooking, and they forget to tell her they’re coming home late? Bad parenting, and selfish parenting at that.

Overall, my mood about Beth this episode can be summed up like this: Do I like Beth struggling? No. Does it open up possibilities for what could be a really intriguing character arc? Yeah.

My biggest complaint about our JSA is that there weren’t really any scenes of them together, but that’s more of the time constraints of having so many characters we needed to get concrete information on regarding where they stand. They had that nice patrol scene in the beginning to let us know they’re all still solid friends, so I’m happy enough with that for now.

Other thoughts:

Barbara wasn’t really in it much (no mention of her job, though the newspaper article did say something about The American Dream going through changes after the death of its leader or something like that), but I can sympathize with her wanting a vacation and not getting one. It’ll be interesting to see how okay she is with Courtney as Stargirl as things get more dangerous.

Mike, likewise, wasn’t much present, but it’s clear he’s still struggling to be a part of things. Pat wasn’t wrong, when he said that the discipline, etc. from having a job was important, but it still feels like he’s brushing Mike aside and not letting him be involved, so I can see some more resentment brewing this season. Better than last season, but c’mon Pat. Mike just wants to help. Still, hopefully we’ll get a better idea of where Mike stands in future episodes.

Artemis. Really interesting the way she brushed aside her parents being in jail as them being wrongly convicted. I’ve seen Young Justice, so I’m looking forward to seeing if they turn her into a villain or hero here.

Zeek. (Is that how he spelled it? It looked like that on his hat.) I’m, probably unnecessarily, wary of how interested he was in working with Pat at the show (does he know something?) but for now I’m mostly just mildly amused at his “I don’t care what you do on your time, but hey, do you think that robot could use a flamethrower?”. Also. Pat. C’mon man. You’ve been in this business for decades. Hide your robot better. (Though, I’ll admit, he was only resigned when he realized Zeek had found it, so... Did he have an excuse ready? Did he just not read Zeek as a threat? I’m probably reading too much into this, but it’ll again be interesting to see where it goes.)

Cameron’s back, seemingly unaware of everything, and it looks like his murderous grandparents are taking care of him. Not great, but, eh, we’ll see what happens.

Sylvester is still tracking down Pat. I’m a little bit glad the landlord either didn’t give him, or didn’t have, Pat’s information from that end scene last season. I’m also interested to see if Maggie (Mike’s Mom, if my understanding of comics I haven’t read is correct) sticks around. Sylvester seems supremely unworried and in a mostly good mood, despite his desire to track down Pat, so I really want to know what’s up with him. I’ve seen some fan theories of time travel and him being a displaced Starman, which could be interesting, but I have no idea if they’re accurate. He certainly seems to be the real deal, at least with all the right memories.

Cindy and Eclipso. That opening scene was creepy, and made me question if I’d turned on the right show, and the connection with the McNider family is really interesting. Did not like the way she had Mike’s picture, but from a writing POV I really liked it. I don’t want Mike to go villain, but I mostly trust the writers to see how this plays out.

Other thoughts: The town seems to have moved on from the mind control/satellite-dish-from-the-football-field thing, so I’m guessing there weren’t too many causalities. New principal makes sense, and I like that they didn’t need to shove it in our face to remind us what happened to the old one (plus that scene where Courtney bumps into her kid; nice and simple and shows a little of how he’s coping). I appreciate that Henry hasn’t been forgotten. No glimpse of Yolanda’s home life yet, or Rick’s uncle. No idea how Rick managed to change his name, but the threat he was hiding from is more or less gone, so it makes sense.

I may have forgotten something here or there, but anyone who’s made it this far deserves a cookie, so, thanks for reading! I’m always up for discussion if anyone wants to add on or debate any of my points.

[what-breaks-my-heart]

Here are some brief thoughts on kdrama that started airing in 2020 that I've watched. I said brief, but those who have been following me would appreciate that this is indeed, brief.

The list is in alphabetical order.

1. 365: Repeat the Year (MBC)

Disclosure: I am a HUGE Lee Joon Hyuk stan. He is second only to Hyun Bin on my list. The fact that this drama is on the top of this list is a happy coincidence 🥰🥰

I was soooooooo excited when I knew Lee Joon Hyuk was to star in a new drama. MBC made the announcement of the drama late last year, and I was literally walking to the office when I saw the announcement on ig.

The premise of the drama was pretty straightforward. 10 people were given the chance to travel back in time exactly one year prior. Mysterious things kept happening to the people who took the trip, so our Detective Ji “Fluffy-Hair” Hyung Joo and webtoon writer Shin “Self-Hater” Ga Hyun joined hands to figure out what exactly happened.

Once they finally figured out what caused the mysterious cases, they faced a great dilemma on what to do, with our Fluffy Hair detective running as a fugitive.

The ending was really sad, and I really wished it ended differently, but the main character of the story was our Fluffy Hair detective, and him having to live on and reset the whole thing from the new past was a nice touch to the ending.

This drama was full of surprises, twist and turn, and it is certainly a drama I would consider rewatching in the future.

2. Do You Like Brahms? (SBS)

Many people criticised the second half of this drama. Apparently the year 2020 is the year when kdramaland keeps being a disappointment, and many people are quick to include this drama in the list of disappointing drama, despite having a good beginning.

I beg to differ though. To me this drama feels more of a healing drama, wherein the characters are forced to deal with their issues. And anyone who has had to go through any form of therapy knows how hard healing process is.

TL;DR: The main leads are both people who have been mentally abused by the people around them, except for Cha Young In, because she was the only reason I did not throw my remote control at my 50-inch TV.

Park Joon Young is your classic example of a ‘gifted kid’ struggle. He was seen as a young, talented pianist who had a bright future ahead of him. But people started to treat him more like a trophy than a human being, so he decided to take a sabbatical, much to the criticism of people in the music industry. Park Joon Young realised that his passion in playing the piano has faded away, no thanks to his abusive piano professor who belittled him again and again, and practically brainwashed him into being a people pleaser. You could see how Park Joon Young was not himself in the beginning of the drama once you finish the drama.

Chae Song Ah took interest in violin at a later age (much later than professional musicians) and decided to pursue her dream by enrolling into a music programme. Her classmates were all younger than her, and it didn’t help that they all learnt music since much younger. I love how Song Ah did not give up on her dream easily and gave it her all, before she finally decided to let go of her dream to become a musician. The metaphor of her love for violin and Joon Young hurting her again and again and she just endured it though.. I cried like a mess well I am a mess but that’s a separate issue

Special shout out to Cha Young In who was there for both of them.

3. Flower of Evil (tvN)

If thriller is your thing, consider this drama. If you are one of those people who like to see your characters being tortured (physically and mentally), this drama is a MUST WATCH. And if you enjoy watching Lee Joon Ki playing a character who is put at a great distress because he is trying to run from his past, go watch this drama.

More importantly, if you enjoy a drama where your ML is sexy, attends to house chores and takes care of his bright young daughter while his wife goes crazy for solving violent crimes, a devoted husband who is attentive and a tender person but also a freak in the sheets, you are wasting every single of your breath not watching this drama.

I mean look at this man teasing his wife about his stamina.

Flower of Evil did not feel draggy at all. Everything that happened within the first 6 episodes could have been an entire drama if this was written by someone else. Seriously, this drama kept me at the edge of my couch!

The dynamic of HS and JW screams POWER COUPLE but at the same time it broke my heart how they were pushed into corners too many times by the people around them I do hope they had some sexy times while they were in the corners though

The focus on their wedding rings throughout the drama symbolised their unbreakable bond. The wedding rings were literally the very last thing that kept them together when JW stumbled upon evidences that pointed against HS.

JW, whose compass was only trusting what she saw, and not what she heard, tried to break the stigma of women being at a disadvantage in the police force. Heck, she was better than her entire team when it came to solving cases, her being the only woman in the team. Who said women cannot make good cops?

The plot twist though.. And the climax.. To this day, I still listen to this soundtrack from the drama and cry just thinking of the climax.

4. Into the Ring (also known as Memorials) (KBS2)

I didn’t even plan on watching this drama. I was channel surfing and saw Park Sung Hoon looking all depressed in the first episode and ran into Koo Se Ra. Girl was UNHINGED and determined to fight for her way.

Her motivation was initially on getting a stable pay check from being a district representative (it was only 60 million won which is like USD55k so it’s not that much) but she eventually became the district representative who fought for the benefit of the people and did not care for the political warfare that took place.

Came along Seo Gong Myung, a government officer in the local government office who was demoted from planning unit of the accounting department or something to be a secretariat to the district assembly. Seo Gong Myung sticks to his principle no matter what, which surprise surprise, is HATED by everyone in the district government.

Turns out our main leads were friends when they were kids so Se Ra kept teasing him and dragging him into her scheme of fighting for the people, which Gong Myung agreed to, not so much because he was a community-loving person, but because he was afraid Se Ra would get into trouble since she was as straight as a ruler.

Long story short, our leads fell for each other, and their relationship was HILAIROUS to watch. I think I speak for everyone who watched the drama that we had no reason to believe Se Ra did not peg Gong Myung for fun 😝😝

They were so cute together awwww

5. Kairos (MBC)

This is another drama that I stumbled into. Only this time, I saw Nam Gyu Ri and I remember seeing her ig post on a new drama so I decided to give it a go. She wrecked my heart in 49 Days so I decided to check this out for funsies. Hooo boy was I in for a major surprise.

The first two episodes got me hooketh!! I still cannot believe how the drama managed to keep me on my edge especially during the last 5 minutes of every episode. The pacing is even faster than Flower of Evil, and since this drama went back and forth between past and future, it keeps me guessing whether their efforts would bear fruit.

Will Kim “Sexy Brain” Seo Jin  and Han “I-Know-No-Fear” Ae Ri succeed in fighting the evil, who at this point in time remains unknown? I know Chairman Yoo Seo Il is currently being hinted as the culprit behind everything but I know better that he is just a puppet who sold his soul to the real devil who most likely is in the higher ranks in politics. I mean he even hinted at his remorse for what happened with Taejung Town 19 years prior. My suspicion is he is trying to cover up whatever happened because otherwise his own family would be at risk, so his only option is to redeem himself by doing something about the Taejung Town. I could be wrong, but regardless of who turns out to be the real villain in the story, I can say I am so satisfied by how the story has progressed so far.

The time paradox still hurts my brain, but I am choosing that this drama does not assume that time is linear.

There is still not enough people watching this drama and I’m begging you all to go and catch up before it ends in two weeks time.

6. More than Friends (JTBC)

A little trivia: I reblog most of the posts from @kdramastuff even if I am not watching the show at the point of reblogging the posts. I had been following her posts on this drama for 3 weeks, and I finally decided to marathon all 6 episodes and joined the watching party.

More than Friends was another drama that many people called a disappointment but I had a different opinion on it. Yes, I used to be the nerd who had different opinions on many things in high school sue me

The drama is premised on Kyung Woo Yeon who is said to have a crush on her high school friend, Lee Soo for 10 years. Lee Soo is nowhere near to be the perfect boyfriend material. He is selfish, does not care about other people’s feelings, and was always a lone ranger.

BUUUUUUT, Lee Soo seemed to show signs of care and affection (even though it was not at all for a normal person’s standard) for Woo Yeon. Surprisingly, he seemed to only do it for Woo Yeon and gave attention to Woo Yeon alone, even though he could practically pick and choose anyone he liked from the swarm of girls who were chasing him.

One day, he told Woo Yeon that he had to leave to the US to study, which made our girl sad. She decided to confess at the airport, but he outright turned her down, saying he only wanted to be friends with her. Over the time, they kept running into each other by coincidence (note: her name Woo Yeon is a wordplay on coincidence in Korean). Later, it was revealed that he wanted her to always be by his side, but he has built a wall as tall as the Great Wall of China before the idea of love so he didn’t realise what his true feeling for Woo Yeon was all along.

Woo Yeon, who felt sick of the ten-year crush, decided to end the “curse” and kissed him by the beach, thinking of getting a closure on her crush.

Long story short, Lee Soo finally realised his feeling for her and decided to confess, but by that time, a young, handsome, rich CEO of a conglomerate has entered into the picture. Cue the game of cat and mouse between Lee Soo and Woo Yeon about resentment, regret and relationship.

This drama was promoted as a romcom, but it feels more like a slice-of-life drama with a mix of melo and romcom in there. Seriously, I cried buckets watching this drama, not something you’d expect from a romcom. The dialogues were well-written, with each episode revolving around a specific theme. This was such a good drama coming from a rookie writer.

This drama did not have that many viewers to begin with, and many of those few people dropped it along the way, including the one who was responsible in getting me hooked into this drama :p  By the end of it, there were so few people talking about this drama in the tag (shout out to @dohyunsoo @have-yet-to-decide @starfire-s @thbn-anything​ for keeping me company to the very end of this drama)

This drama broke my record of screenshots per episode and total screenshots for any show. Until now, I have yet to finish posting them. I should probably upload more screenshots later tonight.

This drama had some AMAZING shots in the first half, with beautiful sceneries mostly in Seoul. It’s like what they said, “a daily occurrence for you, a trip for me”.

7. Oh My Baby (tvN)

I did not even remember watching this drama!! It was only after scrolling through my gallery that I saw I had shared some posts on my ig story about the drama.

It was in the middle of a lockdown when this drama aired and many of my memories from back then feel so distant to me.

The plot was not THAT good, but this drama is something you may consider if you like torturing yourself about the struggle of wanting to have a baby.

8. Once Again (KBS2)

Arguably one of the weekend family drama KBS2 in a while that kept me waiting for new episodes in front of my TV. Some people are turned off by weekend family drama because they tend to have slow pacing which makes viewers feel like they are being dragged to one of those boring corporate events that you would rather miss and wish you could be literally anywhere else.

Because this drama had more pairing than the typical weekend family drama, the story did take some time before it was on full momentum. It did feel like the drama could have been better with even one less sibling to worry about, but it was a fun watch in the middle of lockdown.

Will I watch it again? I’d rather rewatch House of Bluebird (starring Lee Joon Hyuk and Lee Sang Yeob as friends to enemies to friends again) because that drama spoke to me in a way that was more relatable. No hate to Once Again though. I just prefer House of Bluebird better.

Note: Justice for Song Ga Hee and her lovely son, Kim Ji Hoon. He had to grow up so much because of what happened to his mother, that it broke Ga Hee’s heart. And mine of course

9. Secret Forest 2 (tvN)

I watched Secret Forest once it has finished and I fell in love with the drama! Imagine my excitement when they announced Secret Forest 2 with my three main characters reprising their roles. No hate to Yoon Se Ah, I love her, but her screen time in Secret Forest was not enough to make me excited about her return. But I was pleased with her role in Secret Forest 2 and I hope if there is a third season, her character gets the redemption arc that she yearns for.

Secret Forest 2 was not as intense as the brilliant original, but I understood that it had to do with the overall theme of the season, and the theme required the script to be as such. Some people may argue me on this, but I still think what they pulled off was brilliant.

Too bad there was a severe lack of Lee Joon Hyuk on my screen though.

10. Tale of the Nine-Tailed (tvN)

Well. This drama went far beyond my expectation. The OTP was to die for. No such thing as miscommunication trope. This drama did not waste time on unnecessary drama. The pacing was incredibly fast, even faster than Kairos. Although to be fair, Kairos had to play with two different timelines and required time to establish the setting.

I’m sad about what happened to Lee Rang, but he did what he did, and he would never be able to erase that much pain from his memory even if the deities decided to be lenient on him because of his roles in killing off Imoogi. A fresh start as a human seemed like a fair reset to his life, and I hope he lives well, surrounded by people who love him.

I was never a fan of Jo Bo Ah (no hate on her, I was just indifferent) but this drama opened my eyes to what an incredible actress she is. I wish her a successful career ahead.

[poppykru]

This is a collection of my favourite canonverse fanfiction. I actually started reading bellarke fanfiction last year when season 6 premiered so a lot of the fanfics you see are old and popular within fandom. Nevertheless, I love them and they deserve the recognition for how awesome they are. 😊 I went through my bookmarks twice and I am sure I still missed some, but this is getting really big and has now taken me so long to compile so this is the list. I’ll update it once the show is over. For now though, enjoy! 

To all the writers, thank you for your beautiful works! I appreciate you so much! 💖

Most are one shots because that is just my preference for format. Some fanfics are within the universe, but not part of canon (e.g. Ark AUs) so I have put at at the bottom under Canonverse AUs. I tried to list them in order of time in canon but some were difficult to classify. 

One more thing, this is a Bellarke fic rec. If it was a general the 100 fic rec, this would include some great non-ship fics I’ve read or other ships. I might do a mini fic rec with those. (Also, I’ll probably post a big AUs fic rec, because my true love is AUs and i have read some masterpieces everyone needs to read!)

With that I am done. I hope you enjoy my collection and please don’t forget to show all these amazing fanfic writers some love - give kudos, bookmark, comment! Let’s support our content creators! 💖

Single Chapter

Inconceivable by @johnnyjaqobis​

Explicit | 8,798 words

Bellamy and Clarke have to perform a ritual to seal a grounder aliance. It’s unconventional.

Just the Beating of Our Hearts by @hiddenpolkadots​

General Audiences | Fluff | 4,683 words

He leans into it, tilting his body towards her where she still stands between his legs, and they’re so, so close, breathing in each other’s air before his eyes flick up to meet her gaze and then— Abby opens the door and steps out of the supply closet. “Clarke.”

or, 3 times Bellamy gets hurt and one time he isn’t.

Strong as an ox by @wellsjahasghost​

Season 1 | Teen and Up | 5,399 words

Clarke tries to rescue Bellamy from some Grounders holding him captive, but things don’t go quite as planned

Here we go Season 1 The line between love and lust does not exist.

Meet me in the Morning by @argyledpenguin​

1x03 | Explicit |Time Loop AU | 25,375 words

“I guess one of us is messed up,” he said, “and it’s part of our hallucination that the other is, too.” He paused. “Seems appropriately hellish that my mind sticks me with you.” She pursed her lips. “Likewise.” Clarke is trapped in a stupid time loop, and guess who’s trapped with her?

Sing the rage of Peleus’ son Achilles by @viansian​

Season 1 | Mature | Angst | 10,858 words

“I have spent my entire life afraid of men thought to be gods,” he finally says. “I’ll tell you a secret, princess: these men? The ones who claim to be deities? Their blood isn’t ichor. They bleed red like the rest of us, and sometimes they need to be reminded of that.” or Clarke is abducted by the grounders. Bellamy freaks out.

and just as the sun chases after the moon (i will always chase after you) by @viansian​

Post season 1 | Teen and Up | 12,013 words

He had once gone into hell for Octavia. He wonders at what point he had begun to love Clarke as much as his sister.

In the Silence Between Worlds (that’s where I’ll find you) by @viansian​

Season 2 | General Audiences | Fluff | 12,647 words

It’s a goddamn tragedy that both of them could be so incredibly in love with each other and yet neither could notice it.

aka everyone knows Bellamy and Clarke are in love except for Bellamy and Clarke.

I loved him first by emmaofmisthaven

Season 2 | Teen and Up | Unrequited Love | 1,306 words

Clarke is missing and Bellamy is going after her. From Octavia’s POV.

Eight Minutes Against a Tree by @cupcakesandtv​

Season 2 | Explicit | 2,320 words

Clarke and Bellamy use each other to relieve tension.

The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Sky Person by @ponyregrets​ 

Season 2 | General Audiences | Fluff | 2,320 words 

Clarke and Bellamy don’t know how to relationship.

Here be Dragons by ms_scarlet

Post 2x08-2x09 | General Audiences | Hurt/Comfort | 1,121 words

“Well, here we are.” She gestures towards the space beyond the electrified wire in front of them. “We fell from space only to find a pit full of monsters except they didn’t warn us that we’d find them in ourselves.”

All You Have is Your Fire by @hawthornewhisperer​

Post 2x09 | Teen and Up | Angst | 2,402 words

Bellamy didn’t think he could survive Mount Weather. But he did, and somehow the aftermath is almost worse.

Do you look like me? Do you feel like me? by heroic

Post 2x16 | Teen and Up | 511 words

There are some selfish wants Clarke will not allow herself, even when everything is dirt with decomposing bodies.

Gifts by winterwaters

Post season 2 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 4,154 words

Bellarke are at a grounder festival. Clarke is pretty and Bellamy is flustered. Fluff.

What We Have to Do  by ms_scarlet

Post season 2 | Teen and Up | Hurt/Comfort | 4,910 words

As the air turned cooler, the forest burst into color and the leaves started to fall, and all Bellamy saw was death and decay. He realized that Clarke had been gone longer than he’d known her. He’d lived most of his life without knowing her, so it didn’t seem like it should be such a striking realization, but crashing to Earth was such a cataclysmic event, he realized he’d been thinking of it as a new life beginning and now she’d been out of it longer than she was there.

This One’s for the Faithless by @argyledpenguin​

Post season 2 | Explicit | Angst | 22,645 words

“He couldn’t worry about her, about how she’d fare, and whether she’d find her way home eventually, or make a home with strangers, learning to forget the friends she’d killed for. He needed to worry about those friends, to look after their people like she’d asked him to. “She doesn’t need us to go after her,” Raven said. “She knows how to survive.” They’d trust her to return when she was ready, and to look after herself in the meantime.”

who cares if we're trashed by @probably-voldemort​

Season 3 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 2,180 words

"Propose to Bellamy." Murphy said it like it was easy, like she wasn't drunk off her ass, like she wasn't hopelessly in love with him. "Unless you're chicken."

The End Where We Begin by katebishoop

Pre 3x06 | Teen and Up | Kid fic | 10,553

Clarke and Bellamy are tired of war and bloodshed. So they run.

Hungry Hearts by @insideimfeelinpurrdy​

Post 3x16 | Explicit | Hurt/Comfort | 5,663 words

We all swallow lies when our hearts are hungry.

Field Medicine by storyskein

Post season 3 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 3,558 words

Clarke decides that Bellamy needs to learn first-aid because his bandage wrapping technique is pitiful.

I’ve Got You Here by ms_scarlet

Post Season 3 | Explicit | Hurt/Comfort | 18,383 words

“Here.” He thrusts one of the cups at her and she sets the rake aside to accept it. “You owe me a drink.”

Five Years Later by storyskein

Post Season 3 | Explicit | Fluff | 6,845 words

Five years later, and everything is finally right

To the Order of Night by storyskein

Post season 3 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 2,620 words

Bellamy and Clarke hang out after a long day of preparing for Arkadia’s exodus. Drinking, poker, and cuddling ensue.

Soap by @verbam​

Post Season 3 | Teen and Up | 3,571 words

Perhaps because of the late hour, or the heat limiting most duties to half day shifts, the hammam is surprisingly empty when they reach it, their voices going hushed in the echoing room. Clarke realizes as she glances at Bellamy that they’ve never been entirely alone here together. They’ve rinsed off here together before, but that’s easier when they’re surrounded by their friends: Bellamy distracted by Brian snapping a towel at him and Jasper splashing everyone in cold water. Clarke tends to sit with Raven, stretching their legs out on the warmed metal after they’ve scrubbed down and enjoying the steam and hubbub of Arkadians around them.

Right Within Your Heart (This is How It Starts) by @prosciuttoe​

Post Season 3 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 6,270 words

Bellamy has never had a enjoyable Christmas. Clarke seeks to rectify that.

Cold Bones by @insideimfeelinpurrdy​

Season 4 | Explicit | Major Character Death | tw: depression | 4,152 words

The world dies screaming, protesting violently at every turn, fighting for survival. He dies silently, whispering reassurances into the radio, walking fast and with purpose but without hope. The apocalypse can’t be stopped, and there aren’t enough lifeboats. Bellamy decides to take himself out of the equation.

if it was safer underground, we wouldn’t be on a boat  by heroic

Season 4 | Teen and Up | 1,005 words

Did you feel it, too? Clarke wants to go back and ask, lean herself against the bark and look at Bellamy in the night. Do you miss this too, when everything hurt and we still thought we could be better than we are?

And If My Heart Should Stop by @octannibal-blake​

4x06 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 1,905 words

The one where bellamy decides it’s time to tell Clarke how he feels.

Whenever the End by @sometimesrosy​

4x11 | Mature | 2,173 words

It’s the night before the conclave and the end of the world is nigh. Clarke and Bellamy needs to sleep and Clarke convinces him to share her bed. But waking up in his arms crosses the distance they’ve kept between them.

How I learned to stop worrying and love the apocalypse by @kindclaws​

4x12-13 | Explicit | Time Loop AU, Exes to Lovers | 16,407 words

Bellamy and Clarke keep reliving the last few hours before Pramfaya.

Just enough, but not enough by @rycewritestrash​

Post Seaosn 4 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 1,173 words

They’re leaning against the rover, sharing an apple, back and forth, discussing their plans for the day when Bellamy says, “We should get married,” in the same tone he’d use if they were talking about what’s for dinner.

The Silence by @sometimesrosy​

Season 5 | Teen and Up | Reunion fic | 5,872 words

Clarke and Madi stumble upon spacekru, finally returned. Everyone greets her, except Bellamy.

Think of Me as Time of Day by @octannibal-blake​

Season 5 | Teen and Up | Reunion fic | 5,872 words

Three times Bellamy misses Clarke and one time he doesn’t have to.

You’re Just Another Recovering Heart by @prosciuttoe​

Season 5 | Mature | Pining | 10,814 words

Bellamy gets into the habit of writing letters to the girl he left behind in the six years they’re apart. But as it turns out, Clarke’s alive, and she’s read them. Or: the fallout of a love confession six years in the making.

Forty Yards by @the-most-beautiful-broom​

Season 5 | Teen and Up | Angst | 3,825 words

Bellamy and Clarke are caught in the crossfire of an Eligius/Wonkru battle, and in the fury of it all, Bellamy refuses to leave Clarke behind.

I’m so fucking happy you’re alive/swear to god I’m down if you’re down  by heroic  

5x13 | General Audiences | 679 words

He wants to go back there, to press his hands against the bare skin of her back, to breathe her in.

I Feel Like We're as Close as Strangers by @eyessharpweaponshot​

Season 5 | Explicit | Angst | 7,277 words

“This isn’t about Madi," Bellamy tells her, voice even and certain. "It isn’t about me leaving you on Earth." Clarke’s expression is steel but he can read the discomfort off her a mile away. She’s holding her arms too tightly, her teeth clenched like she’s said too much. "This is about Echo." Even though he knows it is, his heart is still belting in his chest while he waits for a response. The knowledge is overwhelming - because if this is about Echo, it means Clarke might…she might… "Why would this be about Echo?" Clarke says blankly, like she’s bored - like he’s way off the mark. He’s not. "You tell me."

Astra inclinant  by @hermesmultivitamins​

Post season 5 | Not Rater | Sharing A Bed | 1,814 words

The inevitability of Clarke and Bellamy is obvious to everyone except themselves. Or, the story of how it took 130 years and two planets for Clarke and Bellamy to realize what everyone else already knew.

Do You Feel the Way We’re Falling out of Touch? by @eyessharpweaponshot​

Season 6 | Explicit | Time Loop AU, Angst | 13,279 words

Clarke and Bellamy are over and he has moved on, it’s just something Clarke has to accept. They have a job to do and that’s what is important now. They spend the entire day at odds with one another, being distant and lying about their true feelings. When they’re stuck in a time loop because of their inability to be honest though, it’s time to start admitting some things - and it turns out to be a little harder than expected.

Bad Moon Rising by @bettsfic​

6x02 | Teen and Up | Angst, Hurt/Comfort | 1,700 words

Afterglow by @queenginnys​ 

Post 6x10 | Teen and Up | Love Confessions | 1,085 words

Bellamy and Clarke have a lot to discuss after Clarke survives Josephine.

Sick of Losing Soulmates by @pawprinterfanfic​

Post 6x10 | Teen and Up | Hurt/Comfort | 4,884 words

Clarke and Bellamy talk after the events at Gabriel's. After almost losing her again, Bellamy intends to not let emotions go unspoken.

Our Own Stars by bellofthetolppl

Season 6 | General Audiences | Angst | 3,477 words

Bellamy gets hurt when he tries to find Octavia after she disappeared in the Anomaly and once Clarke finds out, she goes crazy. Kind of like 6x10 but the roles are reversed and she's worried sick about him. 

feet on the ground, head in the sky by fathomless

Season 6 | General Audiences | Hurt/Comfort | 2,547 words

three times Bellamy kissed Clarke's forehead and one time she kissed his.

Like Being Submerged in Your Contradictions by WelpThisIsHappening

Season 6 | Explicit | Fluff | 4,491 words

She supposes she's not surprised.

Clarke probably should have expected it. After all, her romantic track record is not really all that impressive. But. She hoped. And to say that she's a little disappointed to find out sex with Bellamy is not as great as she wanted it to be is an understatement.

So now he wants to talk about it. Figures.

The House Don't Fall When the Bones Are Good by @ponyregrets​

Post Canon | Teen and Up | Afterlife | Crossover with The Good Place | 6,019 words

Clarke wakes up and has a conversation with a man wearing a bowtie.

We Burned Bright by @marauders-groupie​

Mature

Collection of canon-compliant drabbles

Multichapter

Small Favours by @kay-emm-gee​

8 chapters | Season 1 | Teen and Up | Fluff | 24,203 words

Small favors born out of sheer necessity (part I, part II) forge a unique intimacy (part III, part IV, part V, part VI) that brings forth intense chemistry (part VII, part VIII).

 Or, how Bellamy & Clarke take their time falling in love.

Survivor’s guilt by @wellsjahasghost​

4 chapters | Post season 3 | Explicit | Angst, Kid fic | 102,671 words

“There’s no one else to live for anymore.” Clarke utters those words without too much emotion. They’ve had time over the years to reflect on all the people ripped away from their lives. It’s no longer a fierce, stabbing pain, just a kind of endless ache that surges and subsides with every breath they take. After all their efforts, they failed. The story of the SkaiKru would die with them. “We’re the last of our people.”

Bellamy finally looks up at her tone of voice and after a pause he says, slowly, “We don’t have to be.”

Hold me Still by bellofthetolppl

9 chapters | Season 4 | General Audiences | Angst | 45,863 words

“I can’t see, what’s happening to me?” or Bellamy is blinded in an accident.

The Twelfth Level by @jemleofan​

13 chapters | Canon-compliant until 4x03 | Explicit | 62,085 words

The death wave is rapidly approaching. Clarke and Bellamy make a startling discovery: Cadogan’s cult has survived underground and is willing to shelter Skaikru from the impending disaster. But at what price?

This one’s for you by @andthelightbulbclicks​

48 Chapters | Post season 4 | Slow Burn | 60,535 words

Ficlets glimpsing at those 2,199 days, and after…

The Price of Peace by @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky​

18 chapters | Season 6 | Teen and Up | Angst, Hurt/Comfort | 11,0987 words

Upon landing in the new world, it seemed like humanity finally had a chance at peace. When suddenly something is taken from them, Bellamy and crew must find a way to navigate this new world when it feels like it’s falling apart.

Bury A Friend, Try To Wake Up  by @talistheintrovert​

7 chapter | Teen and Up | Angst | 75,289 word

A few weeks after settling in to the new planet, Clarke seems to be acting strangely. Almost like she's two different people. Bellamy is determined to get to the bottom of it.

Canonverse AUs 

Single Chapter 

Winners Don’t Always Get Lucky Breaks by @cupcakesandtv​

Explicit | Ark AU, Arranged Marriage, Domestic Bellarke | 23,501 words

Bellamy and Clarke are roped into Abby’s political games and have to get married. 

Just as You Are Mine by @prosciuttoe​

Explicit | Arranged Marriage AU, Grounder!Bellamy | 23,637 words

In hindsight, marrying a total stranger may not have been one of Clarke’s brightest ideas. (Clarke seals an alliance with the Broadleaf clan by marrying Bellamy Blake.)

Darkest of marks by @important-metaphors​

Explicit | Ark AU, Angst | 21,162 words

After Jake Griffin’s prediction about the system failure turns out to be wrong, Clarke is given a second chance on the Ark. Janitor Bellamy Blake may or may not complicate everything for her.

Shadows Run From Yesterday by @important-metaphors​

Explicit | Ark AU | 14,053 words

Thirteen nations have operational space stations at the time of the bombs and Clarke Griffin is among the survivors. When she loses those dearest to her, she finds an ally in the person she least expects.

In My House on the Hill (there is room for you still) by @argyledpenguin​

Explicit | Ark AU, Angst | 24,066 words

“There were nights when the clinic was busy, forcing Clarke to scarf down a snack in between patients. But those nights were rare. Usually, there was time to take a break for lunch, to sketch for an hour, to talk to Bellamy, or to try to. It turned out that Bellamy wasn’t a talker. Or a friendly, pleasant person in general. But she got used to it. To him.” Clarke meets Bellamy on the ark.

Multichapter 

How You Stay Alive by @wellsjahasghost​

3 chapters | Explicit | Reincarnation AU | 88,303 words

You and him will live again by my hand. But whether you fall in love again is entirely up to you.” Nine lifetimes where Clarke and Bellamy meet again, and again, and again.

In his heart of hearts by @bilexualclarke​

2 chapters | Explicit | Ark AU, Enemies to Friends to Lovers | 12,808 words

She looks at him expectantly when he walks in, daring him to say something. His interactions with Clarke since their first day have consisted of “hello” “goodbye” and the occasional glare when he scoffs at something corny she says to a patient. But right now, he can’t help but take the bait. “Mommy pull some strings for you, Princess?” Clarke deflates a bit, and for a second it dawns on him that maybe she was waiting for him to congratulate her? But then, “Go fuck yourself.”

Bound by the secrets we share by troubledpancakes

4 chapters | Explicit | Ark AU | 48,523 words

Ninety-seven years ago, a nuclear apocalypse rendered planet Earth unlivable, leaving only the four-hundred people on the twelve space stations as its survivors. Over three generations, these twelve nations joined together to form the unified Ark Station. To preserve the human race, the leaders of the Ark implemented strict measures including: capital punishment for anyone over the age of eighteen, a ration system based on job placement, and the arrangement of marriages based on genetic compatibility. If the human race was to return to Earth, it had to be strong to survive. Clarke Griffin turned eighteen and celebrated her birthday with a marriage ceremony.

[a-shakespearean-in-paris]

Favorite Passages of 2020

thought I’d start a new tag for writers for the end of the year--favorite lines/ passages written. There might be a tag like this already but hey I felt like taking a trip down memory lane. I feel like this year has seen me grow a lot. I finished 3 WIPs from 3 different fandoms and decided to make a part 2 of a previously finished fic. What a year, what a year, am I right? Fic writing has certainly made the days easier, made me happy and taken my mind off of situations. 

Obviously the year isn’t over yet maybe something will overtake this, but I felt like taking a trip through memory lane. Also, number five has some light smut.

tagging @laraslandlockedblues @ma-sulevin @kemvee @galadrieljones @thevikingwoman @jentrevellan @wardenari @roguelioness @idrelle @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold @queen-kass-the-writer @ellenembee

1. Only Lovers, Resident Evil, Leon S. Kennedy x Ada Wong

She laughs to herself. One moment, they told each other last night. And this is it. They were fools. They’re still fools. Happy, sated, blissful fools. And lovers.

And yet, it’d be cruel not to tell him, to let him live in an illusion. 

“You don’t love me,” she whispers. “you love the me you think about when you’re lonely.” 

“Not lonely now.” 

He glances at her with a mischievous, knowing look. “Neither am I,” she tells him, and she even plays the part, tells him she loves him too. They’re only lovers now, after all. 

“You didn’t have to say that,” he says. “I know what’s true.”

“Then what’s true?” 

He rises, faces her. He cups her cheek, caresses her face. He follows with a gentle kiss.

“Now,” he whispers. “Us.”

***This is from my one shot of Leon and Ada from the Resident Evil games. I played the game over quarantine and my twelve year old feels for the femme fatale and hot agent reignited, so I wanted to tribute that. Now I like Leon and Ada vastly more than Leon and Claire because I just find it more interesting--but beyond that I really wanted to explore an enemies to lovers relationship. They’re on two different sides of a war but they can’t help that attraction and pull, and I just like the idea they kind of see each other sometimes and release some tension, though both skirt around the idea of love. I like this passage because it encapsulates their tense yet dynamic and even romantic pull. Plus when I wrote “you don’t love me, you love the me you think about when you’re lonely” I just felt really powerful and badass, and I collect badass lines that come to my head for future wham lines in my writing, and I am 90 percent sure this was one such line. Either that or it came to me as I was writing, but I honestly don’t remember. 

2.  Love Song on Sapphire Isle, GOT, Jaime x Brienne

From the palace, there’s a strum of a lute, the sound intermingling with the crash of the waves that’s melodic and lulling. They stand side by side, listening to the song—a love song, though Jaime says she is his love song, his greatest adventure.  And she wraps her arms around him, and tells him he is her love song, and her later. Though now, she thinks her later has turned into an always.

***This is from my Jaime and Brienne longfic, a pseudo fix it that really just made me feel better after how disappointed I was with where they took Jaime and Brienne’s arc in the show. Come on George make them each other’s true love in the books I know you are prove those people who can’t read subtext wrong In the fic the term “later,” is part of their romantic dynamic, Jaime and Brienne always telling each other there will be time for romance later before the battle. then they get their later and and they’re stuck in a rut, not knowing what exactly to do. The last chapter, a snap shot of their “later,” years after the penultimate fic chapter, shows the life they’ve built. I tell my kids in my class that their final lines in a paper should pack a punch, and I think with everything that happened in the fic and the idea of later, it was the perfect final line. 

3.The Sweetest Sorrow, RDR2. Arthur Morgan x Charlotte Balfour

Come back, she said to him, sitting by their favorite spot in the clearing by the water. I know what you said, and I accepted it, but it is not easy to be the one that waits. It’s not fair that I am always the one that waits. These men in old stories, men like Arthur who masqueraded as an outlaw but were also knights, thought they had the harder duties. Charlotte, though she would always sing for Arthur and the good man underneath that always won over the evil bad man he claimed to be, was tired of singing songs of those men. She sung praises for Penelope and other women like her, the waiters. She sung for herself and her strength, and waited for the day when she could show him again just how strong she was, as strong as him. If only he would come back, one more time. She made sure to pour longings and promises in their parting kiss after he said that she gave him his dream. She kissed him to woo him back.

“Come back,” she said, and she hoped the wind carried her prayers. Come back to me Arthur, she wrote on her journal in her lap. She prayed that her longing, tangible in the words she wrote and spoke would make him stronger, beat that vile thing that had made it’s way into her once proud man and withering him. If he came back and it turned that he had given her his ailment, they could be brave together. She was tired of being brave alone. She was good at being alone, but that didn’t mean she had to endure it.

Come back.

Arthur was made to believe he was alone, and he had to be alone with his ailment. She couldn’t rely on their last conversation, her last kiss to him. Once he was away from her she knew his duty and self-sacrifice would win. Why, why did she not go with him, why did she allow herself to think she had to be the one that stayed? If she was his equal, she would have showed him.

Come back.

He wasn’t alone. He could find a way back to her once everything was fixed, but nothing could ever become truly fixed. Would he remain and remain, hopelessly fixing until he became too frail and withered? She knew him. He would. He was too much of a good man, especially now.

Come back.

It wasn’t that she wanted him to be selfish. She wanted him to be true to himself. But that man was wrestling with a giant called doubt.

Come back.

The wind blew her journal to the last few dozen pages. She hadn’t realized how worn it was before, how the binding was tearing and the pages weren’t sticking to the spine as they used to. Come back, she wrote. Come back to me Arthur. Again and again, she wrote, more furious than the last, her hand flying through her remaining blank pages. The wind was strong, and before she could catch one of the pages that ripped out, she could only watch as the wind ripped it’s away across the stream. More pages began to fly from her journal with all the same messages, come back, come back, Arthur come back, don’t leave me in this dark, cruel place where I can’t find you. Some fell in the river, some were carried to the clearing behind her.

She lost all her blank pages. She didn’t mourn.

“Come back,” she said once more, for the final time. “Come back.”

***So I stopped updating this fic in 2019 because I lost the muse. Frankly too I spent the bulk of writing this story in an unhappy mood, and I associated a lot of my feelings of the time when I thought about going back. however, wanting to replay RDR2 made me fall for Arthur all over again, and made me want to come back to this world, so I reread it and tidied it up and went back. I found I no longer associated the fic with my mood at the time and could appreciate it as it’s own thing. The meta of this section and why I’m found of it is that the idea of blank pages is associated with Arthur and Charlotte’s relationship.  they want to write a story together and fill up their blank pages together. Plus I am just very attached to the image of Charlotte writing in a journal and the pages getting lost in the wind. Also love the literary references and allusions in this fic, and you can see that here. Truth to be told i think this is one of my technically best fics for it’s consistency and build. Also, Arthur lives.   

4. Memoirs of a Long, Long Time, Morrigan x Warden

Rowan had no shame. Once outside the blacksmith’s, he took Morrigan’s hand, leading her out by the water. He held up his hand to Alistair, Leliana and Sten, promising it would be one moment, and one moment only.

“Yes?” she asked, with a dollop of sugary sweetness

He didn’t play games. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Why are you?” she fired back. “We are here for the Arl, not to save the entire village."

“Look around,” he told her. “Who will help these people if I do not?”

“Yet to accept a kiss? From that woman? Shall we keep our list? Leliana, that girl in the chantry, the tavern wench…me….”

He didn’t care if Alistair, Leliana, and Sten were all watching. “You know what I feel for you is different,” he muttered.

“Oh? Is it?”

“Shall I kiss you now to prove it?”

“But I do wonder if you would, gallant knight from a story book? You—”

He took her hand and pulled their bodies closer together, her words disappearing. “Am I a knight, or rogue?” he asked her. “No. I’m a Grey Warden.”

She bit her lip, mesmerized by his. Oh, to have done it then before battle, in front of his companions.

It was a nice thought, but it wasn’t what he wanted.

“I won’t kiss you now,” he said, “though a kiss before battle is what the bards sing of. I’d rather wait to kiss you when you aren’t so…salty. Kisses taste better that way.”

The temptress, Witch of the Wilds smiled, both agreeing with him, and knowing he did indeed want her lips and her lips alone. She stood by his side in battle, and then stood by his side come morning when the village remained. When Bella thanked him again after they came to the tavern with for complimentary glass of mead—a small reprieve before they would head to Castle Redcliffe— Morrigan said nothing and merely stood by his side, her arm pressed against his. When his mead sat untouched on the counter after a few sips, she took his glass and took a sip.

“I suppose I am to wait till after we storm the castle?” she asked.

“If I find a small grotto to take you. I hear kisses happen only in beautiful places.”

“Then we should do it anywhere you are.”

He flushed with vanity. He knew he looked tired, with dark, purplish circles under his eyes and scraggly hair that was growing out, though at least it had some wave to it. He lost weight as well, as his cheeks were hollower. His beard was growing as well, and he knew soon he would need to trim it. Frankly, he looked like what he was: a tired man who slept in the woods and was forced to settle every squabble in Redcliffe Village. And yet the Witch of the Wilds, who looked at radiant as she did when he first met her, would have him anywhere. She liked him as he was: tired and frankly annoyed.

He took one last sip of mead before suggesting they meet Teagan. After that, he would be one step closer to his kiss.

Or, not.

***I always wanted to write Morrigan x Warden. I was so close to making the Warden in In Waking Dreams a male that romanced Morrigan and had Kieran with her, but I chickened out and went with what I was most familiar with, a female Cousland who romanced Alistair. Well, 2020. Time to do the creative things that once scared me lol. If I had the will I’d rewrite IWD just to stick in Morrigan and Rowan, but that would be too hard and mess with the timeline, of Cullen and Lyd’s relationship, because the hero of Ferelden is Hawke’s Warden contact in this fic, and there’s no way Rowan wouldn’t visit his wife and son....I mean maybe I can do it but I don’t have the energy, I’d rather just keep IWD as it is, and I do like the Warden in that fic.

Anyway this fic reminds me a lot of a play---fitting because Rowan was once an actor. I really enjoy their dialogue and banter and I think Rowan’s knightish, charming ways come across in his dialogue. Also I’m proud of the way the story is told. It’s his memories, interspersed with the current time, also switches to Morrigan at Skyhold. ****

5. In Waking Dreams: Dragon Age, Cullen x Quiz

Lydia knew it immediately before he handed it to her, the book of Ferelden myths and legends, with the story of Cliodna, the Avvar priestess who roamed the world looking for her lover nestled within the pages. Lydia had a copy before, though different than the one Cullen handed to her. This was the one his mother held in her hands as she read to her children, the one that survived the Blight to be held in Cullen’s hands again, to be given to his lover.

“Cliodna and Concohbar,” Lydia said thumbing through the pages, captivated by the drawing of the long, dark-haired woman, reunited and swimming in the constellations with the man she loved, the final illustration of the book. Her gaze fell back to Cullen, his expression soft.

“Us,” she said.

“We’re us,” he said. “But they do remind of a certain couple I know.” He caressed her face. “We’re in the same constellation, you and I.”

They couldn’t wait. They made love upstairs in his room, the book safely tucked away on his dresser. He sat on the edge of the bed, peeling off her clothes one by one, slowly and savoring each new patch of revealed skin. He pressed a kiss to her belly as she stood fully nude and himself still clothed—though she helped him rid himself of his shirt as he kicked off his boots and pushed down his trousers and smalls. She sat on his thighs, slid her hands down his body, filled herself with him to the brim. He wrote love letters of a happy birthday on her body, made her come against his hand as she thrust herself down and back upon him, riding his thighs as his calloused hands dug into her hips. Moonlight spilled through the gap in his roof, creating her favorite painting—one of a reverent, loving Cullen—a slight Commander to him in the way he whispered how good she felt, how her want was leaking on him, but unquestionably he was her Cullen.

She spoke his name, a chant and prayer stronger than one she ever prayed to the Maker, his arms wrapping around her and grasping as he shuddered and came, pouring inside of her, resting his head against her beating heart.

“My darling,” she said, covered in both their sweats. “My love.”

“Be honest,” he said against her breasts, peering at her. “Would you have preferred our secret place, something else today? You said you wanted quiet.”

She stroked his bearded face, tousled his hair. “What you all did was perfect. And you coordinated it?”

“Mostly Josephine. But I had some ideas.”

She grinned. “Darling. You have given me the happiest of days.”

***Well, I always wanted to continue IWD, just got caught up in other fandoms. Plus I didn’t think I was ready yet. Believe me I tried but I had no clue where to start. Well, I finally learned: Lydia’s birthday, Cullen throwing her a party. Actually I do enjoy this whole chapter--it’s Lydia and Cullen being romantic and fun and throwing out their pet names, the two just enjoying each other as they are. It’s so refreshing to see them happy and not uptight in a canon fic, because oooh boy rereading the fic and getting back into the world made me realize just how damn dramatic they are, lol. And I wouldn’t have it any other way, we high drama here or we go home. Anyway, really happy to be back, like over the moon even, and I had a reader tell me my writing has improved since I finished in 2018. So, it was quite nice to hear, quite affirming.******

Part of me has never gotten rid of my innate flowy language, but I do think I have improved with just saying what I need to say with no embellishment at certain points. 

[freddiesaysalright]

Just Like a Woman - Part 9

A Roger Taylor x Reader Story

Summary: You and Roger were once in love when you were young. Only, he went on to be a rock star, and you went on to be a lawyer. Now, quite against your will, you’re representing him in his divorce.

Word Count: 3.4k

Tag List:  @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @26-7-49​, @drowsebaby​, @moon-stars-soul​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @ixchel-9275​, @jennyggggrrr​, @zyanmaik​, @mypassionfortrash​, @a19103​, @madeinheavxn​, @beepbeephardy​, @rrogerchxrm​, @qweenly, @blisshemmings​, @seasidecrowbar​, @internationalkpoplova, @ellystone​, @takemetoneverland420​, @coffeexcigarette​, @lookuptotheskiesandsee​, @thatpunkmaximoff​, @angelkissys​, @rocknroll-stolemyass​, @simonedk​, @anotheronebitesrogertaylor​, @peterquillzblog, @mrfahrenhcit​, @joseph-mozzerella​, @theprettyandthereckless​, @flick-ofthe-wrist​, @johndeaconshands​, @rogerandhiscar​, @queenmaracasandlove​, @sunflower-ben​, @cubetriangle, @amy-brooklyn99​, @scorpiogemini, @kiainspace​, @itsabenthing​, @bookandband​, @makemeyourwife-loveofmylife​, @grazessa​, @borhapqueen92​, @theonsasheart​, @vektorivittu​, @chanti-frn, @brianssixpence​, @dancingcoolcat​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: It’s time for some courtroom actions, baby!!

Warning(s): Descriptions of assault

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8

Part 9 here we go!!!

Weeks passed. Nick was pleading self defense and refused to negotiate, so it was going to trial. In front of a jury. Dominique was struggling with having to relive the events of that night over and over again. You, Roger, and Bill were trying to keep her spirits up in the conference room before the trial was set to begin.

“Just one more time, Dom,” Roger told her.

She looked at him with watery eyes. “I’m telling you I can’t do this anymore.”

“We can get him, though, if you just power through,” Bill added. “We’ve got your testimony, photographs of your injuries, and then the witness who found you. Our case is solid. And you’ve said yourself you don’t want this to happen to anyone else.”

“I know, but…” she trailed off.

“What is it, Dom?” you asked gently. “Speak your mind.”

“It’s not helping me recover,” she said quietly. “Maybe that’s selfish, but every time I have to tell another room full of people what happened to me, I feel again all this...shame and guilt. And don’t tell me it’s not my fault, Roger, I know it isn’t, I just…”

He closed his mouth.

“We understand,” you told her. “But we’re all here for you, okay? I know you can do this. But if you’re not feeling up to it anymore, we’ll support that too.”

She paused, looking at the ground. “I’m tired.”

“You can’t give up now,” Roger said. “We’re so close.”

She sighed, refusing to meet his gaze. When she blinked, a tear rolled down her cheek.

“Dom, we’re going to support you no matter what you decide,” you said. “But Roger is right, it’ll be only one last time. And we can put that man away.”

“You said you want to get him,” Bill said. “So let’s get him.”

She sighed. “I...yes. I still want that.”

He knelt in front of her and took her hand. 

“Like Y/N said, we’re with you,” he said. “We’ll all be standing right beside you and in front.”

You and Roger exchanged a surprised look at Bill’s uncharacteristic tenderness.

She smiled at last. “Thank you.”

“Alright, let’s prepare for this trial,” he said, grinning back.

“One thing,” you interjected. “Tim sent over the final copy of the divorce settlement. I got a call from the judge that it needs to be finalized before the trial begins.”

“We can sign it now?” Roger wondered.

“Yeah,” you said. “Remarkably, Tim was comfortable with you both signing with just me and Bill as witnesses.”

You put the papers down on the table. Bill handed Dominique a pen. She signed and slid it over to Roger. He picked up the pen and stared at the papers for a moment. For a feeling second, you feared he would refuse to sign it. If he didn’t, what did that say about where he stood with you? But then, after he glanced at Dom, he swiftly scrawled his signature across the line and dated it.

Just like that, their marriage was over.

“Could we have a moment, please?” Roger asked.

“Sure,” you replied.

You took Bill’s arm and led him out of the conference room. Roger looked at Dominique.

“Just because we’ve signed these papers doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you,” he said. “And how this trial will go.”

“I know, Rog,” she returned. “I still care about you too. And I appreciate your support more than you know.”

“I still love you,” he said. “Just….not…”

“You don’t have to say it,” she told him. “I understand, alright? We’re all friends here. I’m not angry at you - at least, not anymore,” she finished with a chuckle. “I think all this has shown me what really matters.”

A beat passed.

“I love you too, you know,” she said. 

He smiled. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met.”

“Now you’re just trying to flatter me,” she teased.

“I’m not, Dom,” he said. “You’re...impressive. And I’m sorry I couldn’t -”

“Let’s not go there,” she interrupted. “Let’s leave it at loving each other. Alright?”

He took a deep breath. “Yeah, alright.”

With that, he waved you and Bill back in. You picked up the paper.

“Alright, I’ll give this to Jane to process,” you said. “Are you two okay?”

“We’re perfect,” Dominique said. “But I’m starving. Is it alright if I go get some lunch before we prep for trial?”

“Sure,” Bill said. “I’ll go with you. I know a great Italian place just around the corner from here.”

She smiled and you were certain you saw her blush. “Well, alright, then.”

They left together, Bill placing a gentle hand on the small of Dominique’s back as they walked to the elevator.

“Wow,” Roger joked. “Our marriage isn’t even cold yet, and he’s making a move.”

“I don’t think this is normal Bill, though,” you said. “I think he likes her.”

“Well, if he likes her, I’m alright with it, but if he’s just trying to get a shag in, I’m not,” he said.

“Relax, Roger,” you said. “If that’s what he wanted, he’d be more obvious about it.”

“Well, while they’re gone, you wanna start the trial prep?” he asked.

“We need Dom for that,” you said.

“Well, we can do my part,” he argued.

Your brow furrowed. “Roger, are you under the impression that you’re going to be called as a witness?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he demanded. “She’s my wife, isn’t she?”

“Ex-wife,” you reminded him. “But you’re not a witness to the crime. You’re just a concerned loved one. I’m sorry, but you’re not relevant to the case.”

“Like hell, I’m not,” he protested. 

“Roger, think for a moment,” you insisted. “You didn’t see the crime take place, you didn’t come across her body, and you’ve had no interaction with the defendant. What exactly would your testimony do besides look like an emotional manipulation of the jury?”

“Maybe that could help,” he said.

“No, we’re sticking to the facts,” you asserted. “The facts are the strength of this case, and if we stray from that we only give the defense weapons to use against us.”

He huffed irritably and sat down in a chair.

You opened your mouth to scold him for pouting, but at that moment there was a knock on the door. A man stood there - tall and handsome in a Ken doll sort of way, with a swaggering stance that made you already hate him.

“Can I help you?” you asked, sharper than you meant to sound.

“I’m Glen Harrington,” he said. “I’m the new attorney for Nick Sully. I’ve come to speak with Dominique Beyrand.”

“She’s represented by counsel, you can’t speak to her,” you replied.

“You’re sharp,” he said, looking you over. “Love that in a woman.”

Roger jumped up from his chair. “Watch it.”

Glen ignored him.

“Anyway,” Glen continued. “I only wanted to have a chat. We’re not in court -”

“I don’t care if we’re in your fucking hot tub, you can’t speak to her,” you snapped.

“Are you her lawyer?” he wondered. “God, I’d love to see what the two of you would do alone in a room together.”

You scowled at him.

“I’m the second chair,” you said. “She’s with the first chair lawyer now. And she won’t be speaking with you.”

“Well, maybe you and I could have a conversation,” he suggested, winking at you. “Although, usually with me, you’ll just end up saying my name.”

Roger could stand it no longer. He put himself between you and Glen and pushed the latter back a step.

“Watch. It.” Roger warned.

“Who’s this, your boyfriend?” Glen questioned, laughter behind his eyes.

“He is,” you answered. “And I believe he told you to watch it, pig.”

“You can’t win ‘em all,” he sighed, and then stepped further away from Roger. “I’ll see you in court tomorrow...I didn’t catch your name.”

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you practically spat at him.

“Well, Y/N, I’ll see you in court,” he said.

“Oink,” you retorted.

He smirked, turned on his heel, and left. Roger rounded on you.

“How do you put up with that?” he cried.

You shrugged. “This industry has been a boy’s club as long as I’ve been in it. I’m not afraid of some crass remarks.”

“But that was ridiculous!”

“He’s just trying to intimidate me,” you explained. “I’ll admit, that was a bit more than I’ve seen before, but I can handle myself.”

“Alright, but I’m gonna be in that courtroom every day,” he said.

You chuckled. “You were going to do that anyway.”

“True, but now it’s different,” he said. “He came on to you.”

“And I will feel securely protected knowing you’re there,” you joked.

“Don’t tease me, Y/N, I’m serious,” he said. “I don’t like the way he spoke to you.”

You softened, seeing the earnest need in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Roger,” you said. “I really do appreciate you defending me. I guess I make a joke out of it so that it really can’t frighten me.”

He pulled you into his arms. You settled into him. The pressure of everything was hitting you. The trial, this new ass of a lawyer, your concern for Dominique going forward...it felt like too much. But with Roger’s arms around you, it felt lighter. You knew you could walk into that courtroom with confidence.

Bill did the opening statement. Your stomach squirmed with anticipation. There was a lot at stake here and you didn’t want to mess it up. Then, Glen stood up and made his opening statement as well. Bill sat down and gave Dominique’s hand a squeeze. She returned with a grateful smile. When Glen had returned to his seat, the judge, Seymore Walsh, looked at Bill.

“You may begin,” he said.

Bill stood up. “The prosecution would first like to call Ms. Dominique Beyrand to the stand.”

Dominique stood up from her seat at the table. She took a deep breath and then, with her head high and shoulders back, she walked up to the witness stand. She took her oath, and you saw her hand just barely trembling as she did, and then sat down. Bill came out from his place behind the table.

“Ms. Beyrand, take us through what happened the night you went on a date with Mr. Sully here,” he said, indicating Nick.

“Well, Nick and I met at a bar a few days before,” she began. “We flirted and he asked for my number, which I gave him. He called the next day and we arranged to meet that Saturday.”

“What happened when you met up again?” Bill pressed.

“At first, things were great,” she said. “We were chatting, flirting just like before. But it started to get late and I was ready to head home. He offered me a ride. I agreed, thinking it was awfully generous of him. Only...it wasn’t.”

“What happened in the car?” he asked gently.

“He kissed me,” she said. “I didn’t pull away at first because I don’t mind a kiss or two. Only things started to heat up, so I tried to push him away. He said that I wasn’t being fair. He’d bought me drinks and I’d flirted all night, so it wasn’t right for me to turn him down. Then, he grabbed my breast.”

She paused a moment and gathered herself.

“When he did that, I pushed him off,” she said. “So, he slapped me. I slapped him back. He punched me in the eye. We started fighting. He was still grabbing at me and hitting me. He got me by the throat once. I felt like I was going to pass out. But I broke free, and tried to get out of the car. That was when he slammed my head against the door. It’s all sort of fuzzy, but after that, I don’t remember anything.”

“So, let me see if I’m hearing you correctly,” he said. “He asks you on a date, pays for the drinks like a gentleman, he even offers you a ride home - only to sexually assault you in the car?”

“Yes,” Dominique said. “That is my testimony.” 

“For clarification, when he attempted his sexual advance, did you use the words ‘no’ or ‘stop’?” Bill asked.

“I did,” she said. “More than once. When he was hitting me, I was begging him to stop.”

“Are you certain he heard you?” he asked.

“Yes,” she went on. “Because he kept telling me to shut up.”

“I see,” he said. “Well, thank you for your testimony, I have no further questions.”

Glen got to his feet. He cleared his throat as he approached Dominique. She looked nervously at him.

“Ms. Beyrand, it is your testimony that you were attracted to my client, right?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said firmly. “I was attracted to him before he beat me within an inch of my life.”

You stole a look at Roger and beamed. You saw the pride in his face as well.

Glen ignored it. “Is it also your testimony that my client bought your drinks the night you went out?”

“It is,” she replied. “But that does not entitle him to -”

“I’m not saying it does,” he interrupted. “But we all know the implications. Society has taught us that drinks and flirting is usually a lead up to...something more.”

He took that moment to turn and wink at you. 

“Objection!” you cried, jumping to your feet.

Judge Walsh looked at you with disbelief. “Ms. Y/L/N, what exactly are you objecting to?”

“He - well - he winked at me and I didn’t like it,” you said, heat rushing to your cheeks. 

“The objection is overruled,” he said. “But, Mr. Harrington, do not wink again at opposing counsel. Focus on your witness.”

“Of course, your honor,” Glen said. “Now, Ms. Beyrand, you also testified that you struck my client, yes?”

“Yes,” she said. “Only because he struck me first.”

“When you claim my client was assaulting you, why did you not continue to strike back?”

“I tried,” she said. “But after that punch, I was a bit dazed. Not to mention your client is a professional kickboxer, so he had the upper hand.”

“This is shit,” Roger hissed to you. “He’s just asking her to repeat herself.”

“He wants her to say it differently than before so he can twist it,” you whispered back. “Don’t worry, she’s doing great.”

Fortunately, Glen was unable to get Dominique to change even one part of her testimony. Her wording was clear and consistent, the same as when Bill was questioning her. Finally, Glen gave up, and Dominique was allowed to return to her seat. Roger put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. She smiled shakily at him.

Now, it was your turn. You stood up.

“Your honor, the prosecution calls Miss Lucy Thomas to the stand,” you said.

Miss Thomas strutted up to the witness stand, took her oath - though not without rolling her eyes - and then sat down. You approached.

“Miss Thomas, tell us what happened on the night you found Ms. Beyrand,” you told her.

“I was out for my nightly jog through my neighborhood,” she began. “On my usual path, I saw a person lying in the grass. At first I thought it was one of those drunk hobos again, but she was awfully still. I got closer and realized it was a woman.”

“Can you identify that woman?” you requested.

She extended her hand, pointer finger out, toward Dominique. 

“That one,” she said, and then promptly returned her hand to her lap. “Although you’d hardly recognize her with her face all bruised and blood everywhere. It was disgusting.”

“What did you think when you saw her condition?” you asked.

“I honestly thought she was dead,” she answered with a shrug. “But then I saw that she was breathing. So I went to the nearest payphone and called the police.”

“What did it appear had happened to her?” you asked.

“Objection!” Glen interrupted. “Your honor, Miss Thomas is not a medical professional, therefore her speculations about what happened to Ms. Beyrand are guesses that should not be admissible as evidence.”

 “Sustained,” Judge Walsh said, and then looked at you. “Counsel, keep your questions strictly what the witness can actually attest to.”

“Sure,” you agreed, then returned to Miss Thomas. “Were you able to make contact with Mrs. Beyrand?”

“I tried, but she was out cold,” she said. “Like I said, I thought she was dead. It’s a miracle she’s alive right now.”

“Thank you,” you said. You faced Glen. “Your witness.”

You returned to your seat as Glen got up, buttoning his blazer. He sauntered over to the witness stand. Miss Thomas looked at him like a jungle cat about to pounce.

“Miss Thomas, you say you were out jogging when you found Ms. Beyrand, right?” he began.

She glowered at him.

“Objection!” she cried, and then looked at Judge Walsh. “Your honor, I’m bored. If this lawyer is going to be so unattractive he could at least be interesting.”

Glen blinked and stepped back. “Excuse me?”

You bit your lip to keep from laughing. The judge just looked at her, stunned.

“Miss Thomas, you are a witness,” he reminded her sharply. “You do not make objections, only attorneys may do that.”

“I’m sorry - unattractive?” Glen interjected.

“Yes,” Miss Thomas snapped. “I’m penile psychic, and you’re not getting laid nearly as much as you’d like people to think. Maybe it’s the odd shape of your nose or that your hands are freakishly small that makes you so repulsive to women. But it could also be that you’re just an asshole.”

You heard Roger snicker behind you and you shushed him as subtly as you could.

“You don’t even know me!” he argued.

“I don’t really have to,” she returned coolly.

He sputtered a moment before the judge intervened.

“Miss Thomas, that’s enough,” he scolded. “Answer his question and from here on, refrain from commenting on his sex appeal.”

“Well, then let me just say that he has a tiny -”

“No!” you and Glen both cried. You with desperation and him with offense.

A pregnant pause hung in the room. Roger was biting down on his lip so hard he almost broke the skin. Dominique tried to give him a harsh look, but a smile was on her lips as well.

Glen cleared his throat. “The question, Miss Thomas, was -”

“I remember what it was,” she cut across him. “The answer is yes. I was jogging. Like I’ve already said.”

“It was autumn and quite late at night,” he said. “Why were you jogging at that time?”

“There’s fewer people out so I feel safer,” she replied. “Plus, I like the cold. It reminds me to be myself.”

“You feel safer jogging alone at night?” he questioned.

“Yes,” she said. “Little did I know there were psychos like your client out there, I’ll have to start carrying pepper spray.”

“Objection!” Glen groaned, looking at the judge.

“Miss Thomas,” Judge Walsh warned. “Please remember your answers should pertain only to the question asked.”

“Fine,” she sighed, rolling her eyes again.

“Now, Miss Thomas, did you see anyone else by the time you came across Mrs. Beyrand?” Glen asked.

“No, she was alone,” she said. “Bleeding from her head and face. Barely alive. She was alone.”

She shot a meaningful look toward the jury. Glen swallowed.

“No further questions,” he said, and returned to his seat.

Judge Walsh released Miss Thomas. After that, Bill called Officer Colmes. He explained the blood on the dress. You examined one of the medics who took Dominique to the hospital, and he affirmed that Dominique appeared to have been beaten by someone. Your final witness was the doctor, who confirmed the source of Dominique’s injuries, and was able to point them out on the photographs taken just after she was brought in. You saw the jury wince at the first picture. The doctor also testified that the blood type found on Dominique’s dress - aside from her own - matched Nick Sully’s. As did the hair. All the evidence was pointing to Nick and you were feeling confident.

Before you would break, the defense would get to call a witness. Glen looked at you with a wicked gleam in his eye.

“Your honor, the defense calls Mr. Roger Taylor to the stand.”

[toribun]

(I don’t know who made this gif, please contact me so I can give you credit!)

αγάπη

co written and edited by @iama

Words :: 4,1k

Pairing :: idol!/soulmate!Jimin x soulmate!reader

Warnings :: swearing, culture crash, hinting to smut, Jimin is kinda an ass in this chapter not gonna lie.

a/n :: I know this chapter has taken forever to be posted, but I really struggled with finishing this chapter. It never felt right nor was it fun to write. Luckily the lovely and kind @iama offered help. She is basically the only reason why I was able to finish this chapter. Show her lots of love, because don't think I would even have continued this story without her💕

Thank you for giving me motivation again.

Chapter 3

You were wrong. 

He was way more nervous than you.

He was so nervous in fact, that his hands started to shake as soon as you had turned around to face him instead of looking at him through the mirror that hanged at the elevator wall. You could see the sweat starting to form at his hairline and his neck as soon as you got eye contact with him. He looked like he was about to do a job interview with the devil. 

” are you okay?”

He didn't express his answer with words, only a quick nod with his head. His gaze switched between his feet and your eyes. He didn't dare to hold his gaze on you for too long though, only for a few seconds before it fell to the ground again.  

The ding of the elevator door brought him more confidence. The doors started too slowly close. You were too afraid to step out or do anything about the closing doors, scared that the sudden move would scare him even more. But you didn't need to do anything anyway, before the doors would get a chance to close, he stepped forward and put his foot in between the sliding doors, making the elevator doors open.

You noticed how closer he was to you now. So close that you could see all the small imperfections on his face. The small blackheads decorating his nose, the slight redness on his ears, the pimple that was starting to form at the center of his forehead, and the small and almost invisible black hairs on his upper lip and chin.  He was still the most beautiful person you had ever seen, no one else could compare, not even Mrs. Kim. 

He put his right hand up to drag it through his hair once, the sweat at his hairline being dragged back into his hair. You could see him having an internal debate, he was trying to say something, you could tell by the way his mouth would slightly open before closing again. 

” come, I made food for you.” 

His accent was heavy, but he pronounced every word with such precision that you had no problem understanding what he was trying to say. 

He said come once more and made hand gestures to follow him out into the hallway instead of just standing in the middle of the elevator. He started walking backward to make sure that you followed him completely out. He didn't take his eyes off you anymore, almost like you would suddenly disappear if he did. 

” sure, yeah, I am not that hungry though so I hope you haven't put too much effort into this.”  

He shakes his head up and down, it made you unsure if he had truly understood the whole sentence you had said. You had to remind yourself to speak clearly, simple, and slow from now on. Junseo’s words on your mind. You had to make Jimin comfortable and make him feel good about his language skills. You didn't want him to feel bad about himself or make him think that you don't appreciate his time and effort in learning a new language for you. 

You had zooned out for a moment, letting your thoughts go back to your and Junseo’s conversation in the airport lounge. You haven't even seen Jimin’s attempt to take your hand in his. You had only seen his begging eyes filled to the brim with hope. He let out a small whine, only then did you see his right hand only a few centimeters away from your left hand. 

You know what he is trying to do.  

He already has the connection with you. And you know that the distance between you two is killing him at the moment. But you also know that as soon as you touch him the link will start to form for you too. And you didn't know if you were ready to feel Jimin’s emotions, heartbeat, and distance. And maybe that was selfish of you, as he was only standing a few centimeters away from you with tears threatening to spill from the corners of his eyes. But you weren't ready for that commitment yet. You wanted a little more freedom exploring your new hometown without having your heart explode in pain due to the distance you would put between you and him. And you wanted to see him with clear eyes before the soulmate bond made you completely blind. You wanted to fall in love without the bond.

” please.” 

Jimin’s desperate voice brought you back from your thoughts. You met his eyes once again. He had let his tears fall. Straining his cheeks and neck. The foundation he was wearing washed away with the continuous flow of tears. The sweat on his body was not helping him either. He looked like a mess, a beautiful mess, but still a mess.

You saw that his patience was running out. His eyes went from sad and desperate to aggressive in a matter of seconds. He must have thought that enough was enough, as he started to close the small distance between you. You tried to take a big step back but was met with the closed elevator door blocking your path. The metal door slightly shook when your back met with it.  

He was breathing hard, his whole-body damp with sweat. The thin white clothing he was wearing was sticking to his skin making you able to see his trained stomach and arms. On his rib was a tattoo that stood out against the rest of his olive skin. You couldn't tell what was written, but you saw that the tattoo was made up of big bold letters. You wondered what meaning it had to him.

He started walking towards you, only letting a few centimeters be between you. He placed his right arm beside your head on the door. You could see his fist tightening from the corner of your eye. 

He looks completely out of it. And even though you haven't known him for long, you could still tell that this wasn't him. This is the bond playing with his mind.

“Jimin, just relax I am going to touch you soon, just give me more time.” 

He tilted his head back, his neck on full display for you his Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed, he then took a deep breath in and out. 

” say my name again.” he said with lust dripping from his voice.  

Both of you had only gotten your letters four days ago, this reaction shouldn't be happening unless you had gone well over a week without each other after receiving your letters. You wondered if it was an option to call Junseo and tell him Jimin had gone crazy, but you know he wouldn't be here in time to save you from Jimin’s touch. 

” Jimin, just take a step back and-.” 

He didn’t let you finish though. He let his head fall to your shoulder with his nose turned towards your neck. He let out a long moan. His hands made its way around your waist, squeezing your flesh.

You felt the bond start immediately. The first thing you could feel was his heartbeat inside you beating slow and steady. Then the utterly content feeling of being in his arms hit you with such an overwhelming strength that when his emotion came, you didn't know how to handle it. You instantly felt your knees give out and sweat starting to form at your back. His hands were the only thing keeping you standing at this point.  

” hush jagiya.” he whispered into your neck.

His emotions we're overwhelming you. You could feel the love, happiness, admiration, craving, and excitement. You didn't know it was possible to feel so many emotions at the same time before now. 

You didn't understand how it was possible to live with this connection nor did you understand how men could live their whole lives while feeling someone else inside them. It had to be torturing to live like this without the other person beside you. You started to understand Jimin’s reaction to you standing in front of him. You feel the desperate need to be close to him, but you know the feeling isn't coming from you. It was coming from him. 

“ You are thinking (y/n). Stop thinking, only me now.”

You could feel his lust strong and heavy through the bond. It came in waves, the next one always stronger than the one before. He was pressing his hips into your stomach. You could feel his hard erection grinding into you. It came to a point where you didn't know if it was your lust or his lust you were feeling.  

” Jimin I need you to back off. We can go inside and talk about this, you don't want to have sex only a couple of minutes after meeting me, I promise. It’s only the bond getting to your head.”  

He shakes his head a little, not leaving the warmth of your neck.

” No, don't want not touch you.” 

He was struggling more to put together his sentences now that the lust had taken over his mind.  

Okay, let's try a different approach (y/n). You can be mad and tell him off later.  

” I am hungry, let's eat together Jimin.” 

It seemed to work because you could slowly feel the lust start to fade. It was replaced with confusion then realization. 

You were left with completely soaked underwear as the only reminder to what happened only a second before.  

Jimin slowly lifted his head from your shoulder, brushing his jawline and chin against your cheek in the process of doing so. 

His hands remained on your body. Feeling every single curve, squeezing, and pulling.

He looked like a mess. Dried tears, sweat, and heavy breathing. Still you thought it wasn't possible to find someone cuter than him after he started to smile from ear to ear. 

” I made food for you.” 

You could feel the pride through the bond. He was proud of himself and it made your heart warm. You couldn't help the smile that made its way on your face. 

” yeah I know, let's eat Jimin. I am really excited to see what you have made.” 

He nodded happily, the smile never leaving his face. Then he took a small step back, his hands slowly leaving your waist and hips alone. But just a second after his hands left you, his right hand made its way into your left. He struggled a little with making you understand that he wanted your fingers to be intertwined, but we’re more than happy once you finally understood what he was trying to do.

” come, come, come.” He said while he was tugging on your hand.  

You followed him through the hallway. You didn't realize before now, but you were already in his apartment. The elevator had taken you straight into his home. The painting of him and six other men on the wall was enough confirmation on that. 

You tried to take in as much as possible while he was dragging you deeper into his home. This was the place you would be spending all your time for the next weeks. So, you tried your best to make a map in your head of where everything was placed and where all the different rooms were as he dragged you through every corner of his home. He had even made sure to show you all the different drawers and all of its content in every single room. You tried your best not to laugh as he showed you where his underwear and socks were located, but it was hard not to. He likely felt the embarrassment and awkwardness through the bond, because he became red and flustered only a few seconds later. It made you a little sad, seeing him so proud of his neatly folded boxers only to become embarrassed because of your embarrassment. 

Was this a cultural thing for Koreans. Show your soulmate how tidy and clean you are?  

The living room was undoubtedly the room that impressed you the most. The huge windows made up the whole wall for both this and the next floor. The view of Seoul was impossible to ignore, even though you were standing far away from the windows. 

Beautiful white stairs were on both sides of the living room, leading up to the second floor. The second floor considered of only a few paintings and sculptures with 4 different doors leading to bedrooms and bathrooms. 

The kitchen and living room were made into one room, giving the already huge room an even more open feeling. There were small details placed everywhere, it made you wonder if he has hired someone to design his home or if he did it himself. 

The kitchen was modern but still gave you a warm feeling. There were several different plants placed throughout the kitchen, it looked like some of them were herbs, but you could be wrong. You could only really tell after smelling them. 

There was a huge dining table behind you decorated with many beautiful plates filled with all different kinds of food that you have never seen before. The smell of all the different dishes was filling the room with the smell of different spices you didn't know what was. It was exotic and exciting. 

” Namjoon-Hyung and Jin-Hyung help me make food.”  

You have to admit, he was extremely cute when he tried to put his sentences together. All that focus on such a cute little face.  

” that’s very nice of them Jimin.” 

He let your hand go only to put his hands around your waist to push the two of you towards the table filled with all the goods. 

Then you saw it. On small pink cards were the names and descriptions of each and every dish written in English. He picked up one of them and said the name in Korean before using the pink card as a script to describe to you what everything was. 

He really had planned everything.  

It has been a few hours since you first arrived at Jimin’s apartment. He had made you taste each and every dish he had prepared and tried his best to explain what they all were. He also held a small chopsticks course for you to try to make it easier for you to pick up the food. However, not everything was easy to pick up with chopsticks, so everything you couldn't manage to get with your chopsticks we're fed to you by Jimin. 

Jimin seems like a nice guy, the only problem is the fact that he touched you without permission. You tried not to let the feeling of betrayal and annoyance get through the bond, but it was awkward just sitting with him and pretending nothing had happened. He had no idea that he did something wrong either. You would have felt it through the bond. Or maybe he was an extremely good actor and a master of keeping his feelings to himself. It made sense; he has been able to practice for many years. You were the newbie to this. 

You didn't know how you could explain to him that what he did was wrong, with the little words he knew in English. It would only lead to confusion. And you didn't want to have another person translate this awkward but unfair situation either. This was between you and him, and you will have a conversation with him about it, just not right now or anytime soon.

He looked happy though, really happy. You could also feel it through the bond. He was happy, but you felt another feeling too. You couldn't pinpoint it, but it felt like a fear of disappointment. But then again it could be your feeling. You didn't understand how to separate your feeling and his feelings yet. Right now, it just felt like one. It was distracting, not to know your own feelings anymore. The only thing you could focus on was trying to separate them from each other.

Jimin didn't seem to mind you spacing out all the time. The only thing he cared about was that his body was touching yours at all times. He had brought you around the apartment to show you all the different rooms, never letting go of your hand. There were three bedrooms, four bathrooms, a dance/ gym, a huge kitchen and living room area, and a mini-cinema room. The mini cinema was perhaps your favorite room and probably where you would spend most of your time. It was simple and cute. Not anything fancy or luxurious, just a projector and a small couch with lots of blankets and pillows. 

Nothing in his insanely big apartment was overwhelmingly luxurious. Everything in his home had a purpose and nothing was screaming ’rich guy with too much money that doesn't know what the hell to use it on’. It made you a lot more comfortable, knowing that he wasn't one to show off.

You had gotten into a little argument about the sleeping arrangement after he explained that his room was also your room now. You had tried to explain to him that you wanted one of the guest rooms for the time being, but he didn't seem to understand what was wrong about his room. You hadn't searched for any information about Korean soulmate culture before coming here, even though that would have been good information to have right now. 

You gave yourself a mental note to make some research on what was normal here.

You already knew that there would likely be some culture crashes here and there. Especially when it came to soulmate culture. Your country had lots of laws protecting the woman's right under the process of newly matched soulmates. And in your culture, it was normal for the woman not wanting to be touched the first day or even week. It was also completely normal for the woman to sleep in a different room the first few weeks as it's kinda awkward to sleep beside someone you don't know, even if they were your soulmate. 

You guessed Korea's soulmate culture was much more straight forward. He forcefully touched you even though you practically begged him not to. And he is expecting you to sleep beside him tonight. It was hard not to be mad, but then again this was presumably just another culture crash. And you knew you and Jimin would face a lot of problems connected to cultural differences. 

This would be a learning process for both of you. You knew that. You would just have to talk, listen, and agree to disagree with a lot of things. That's the only way this would work.  

He just had to learn better English first. So that both of you knew what you were agreeing to disagree on. Or maybe you just had to learn Korean.

The night arrived faster than you wanted it too. You and Jimin had been spending almost the whole day on the big couch in the living room, talking about the past, present, and future. A lot of Google translate we're involved but also a lot of hand gestures and weird sounds. The both of you were able to communicate on a basic level but still have deep and meaningful conversations. It made you relieved and hopeful for the future.

It was only when he suggested the both of you to go to bed to sleep that you started to lose a little of that hope you had previously gotten.

” No.”

That stupid little shithead.

”Lisen, it only for a couple of weeks, until we get to know each other better. Besides, it's not like I am going to sleep in a different house. I am literally on the other side of that wall!”

He just shakes his head continuously while you talked. He was leaning on the side of the doorframe to his room. His arms were folded making his muscles pop and his brows furrowed harshly on his forehead. He did not look pleased with your request.

” No.”

You didn't get what the problem was. You would get to see each other in the morning. You had gotten the impression that Koreans were practically the most respectful people on the earth. Mrs. Kim was a walking example of that. Jet here he was, acting like the biggest drama queen in the universe

” Just give me one night to myself Jimin. Please, I am too tired to fight about this now. I have literally been on a plane for a whole day. Don't do this to me.”

His posture didn't change one bit. Arms still folded and brows still pulled tight together.

” I say no.”

He unfolds his arms so that he could point towards the king-sized bed in his room. His whole arm we're flexing. You feel his frustration growing larger by the seconds.

” This is your bed.”

Then he used the same finger to point to the bed in the room you had tried to sneak into only a few minutes before.

” That is for friend. Not soulmate.”

He was stubborn as hell. You weren't necessarily known for being the most patient woman, but you thanked God for giving you enough of it to not start screaming on the guy standing in front of you.

” Jimin, please just-.”

He didn't give you more time to try to convince him. One of his hands went around you back and the other around the bend of your knees. Everything had happened so fast that you didn't even realize what was happening before he was placing you carefully down on his bed. The soft bed sank a little by your weight.

He didn't say anything, just turned around and walked straight into his closet. Seconds later he appeared with a baggy white shirt and a pair of boxers. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed and gave you the two items. He looked more relaxed now that you were laying on his bed. His eyes were kind, and his arms were no longer flexing with the frustration he previously had.

” You change to this, is more comfortable.”

two people can play the game you are playing Jimin. Don't think otherwise.

” No.”

You instantly felt the confusion through the bond, but it was quickly replaced with frustration. His mouth opened and it looked like he was ready to scold you. But it never came. He closes his mouth again and looked down on his feet nodding a few times.

” Okay.”

He stood up and walked to the other side of the bed. His side of the bed. Then turned off the lights. You could hear him taking off his skirt and pants, but the room was too dark to see him actually doing it. Then you felt the covers being lifted before his wight we're evenly placed along the bed.

He was going to sleep without another word. Letting you lay on top of the covers in your not so comfortable jumpsuit.

Maybe you should have just done what he asked. Because there was no way you would be able to fall asleep in your jumpsuit. You would just have to wait until you were certain that the man beside you were fast asleep before changing. You didn't want him to know that you did as he told you to.

One thing was for sure. You were not going to sleep without knowing more about Korean Soulmate culture. So you took your phone out of your pocket ready to search every corner of the internet for information.

After many hours of researching on Korean soulmate etiquette, you fell asleep determined that night that you would confront Jimin tomorrow.

[faulty-writes]

I have an idea for the Bakugou vs Mirio sequel! Three words: obligatory beach episode. Class 1-A has a beach day and The Big 3 tag along. There's swimsuits, the two bicker over who's gonna help Y/N with her sunscreen, and just general summer love shenanigans. Mirio and Bakugou do agree on a 'temporary truce' somewhere in the middle of the trip when they catch Mineta perving on Y/N, but once he's dealt with it's right back to hating each other. They (rly Mirio) TRY to behave for her, though.

When Mirio had first heard that Class 1-A was having a beach day, well he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to help. Of course, there was an alternative motive for his volunteering to be a monitor. The Big Three was going to tag along as a group, however, his intention was to fully make sure Bakugou didn’t get his hands on you. Maybe it was a little selfish but he still didn’t appreciate the way Bakugou had treated you and he wasn’t about to let the angry blond be alone with you. So somehow he convinced Nejire and Tamaki to join the first years on their trip.

Of course, he was also a little eager to show off his body in a way that didn’t necessarily use his quirk. The sun felt amazing on his skin and he smiled as he heard the gentle crash of the waves against the sand. It was beautiful, however, he didn’t have much time to enjoy it. His goal was set, to find you. Of course, on his way, he had bumped into Bakugou who also seemed to be looking for you. “Back off, dumbass! Y/n is mine and I’ll be damned if you fuck up this trip for me, got it!?” he snapped at the third year, but Mirio just laughed him off.

“Hey now, that’s not really nice!” he pointed out as he placed his hands on his hips. “Besides, she isn’t an object. I think I’ve told you that before, right?” Bakugou growled in response and curled his hands into fists. “Just stay out of my way!” he snapped before pushing against Mirio’s chest and continuing his search, of course, Mirio didn’t let him get far. He trailed behind the younger male and they both paused when they saw you. Sitting on your towel toward the middle of the beach. Their eyes scanning you, taking in how you looked in that bathing suit.

Mirio cleared his throat, trying to ignore the blush on his face and though Bakugou had an equally red face. He was the first one to charge over to you, which took Mirio by surprise. “Hey, wait!” he called after him and Bakugou once more tried to shove the third year away. “I said back off, hedge head!” he snapped and Mirio frowned, “Hedge head?” he repeated, unsure of where Bakugou had gotten that nickname from. However, they both seemed to forget you were sitting in front of them. “Um...hi guys, what’s up?” you questioned, somewhat hoping they wouldn’t start a fight like last time.

You really didn’t want to be in the middle of drama again. But they both seemed to turn their attention to you with large smiles, “Hi y/n!” Mirio was the first to greet you. “Need help with your sunscreen?” he questioned and Bakugou growled, “Eh Y/n, don't listen to him. I can help you, I’m better at applying sunscreen!” he claimed and Mirio laughed, crossing his arms over his chest. “How exactly are you better?” he questioned and Bakugou turned to glare at him.

A sigh escaped as you slowly tiptoed away, eventually finding Mina and joining her and the rest of the girls in a friendly volleyball game. Mirio and Bakugou had taken search after you, almost relieved when they saw you playing a harmless beach game. Mirio smiled and watched as you delivered some nice hits and blocks. He turned to look at Bakugou who had his arms crossed and an annoyed expression on his face. He chuckled and looked around at the small crowd forming, most of which consisted of the male students from Class 1-A but Mirio noticed something as he looked at them.

It seemed the young boys were only interested in the chest physics of your game, rather than the actual sport itself. Which somehow bothered Mirio, given you looked amazing in your swimsuit but there was more to you than just your body or at least he thought so. He elbowed Bakugou, “Hey,” he whispered, “Do you notice the stares?” Bakugou turned to him with a glare. “Eh!?” he snapped and Mirio hushed him before continuing. “They seem to be awfully interested in Y/n.” he continued, though Iida and Midoriya seemed to be the most appropriate out of the boys.

“So what?” Bakugou said and Mirio shrugged, “I don’t want Y/n to be bothered by all of this so…” he frowned a bit and extended his hand out to Bakugou who seemed both confused and angry. “I want a temporary truce, at least to make sure Y/n is protected from all these guys,” he said, and though Bakugou didn’t like the idea of a truce with someone he was competing with. He nonetheless took Mirio’s hand. “At least until that problem is solved, then it’s back enemies. Got it!?” he snapped and Mirio smiled in return. “Got it,” he said, though he failed to notice that Mineta seemed to be the worst out of the crowd.

He was practically drooling and making comments there were less than appropriate. But you and the rest of the girls seemed to pay him no mind, at least not until later. Somehow Mineta had set his sights on you and despite the fact you were actively trying to avoid Mirio and Bakugou, Mineta was an added annoyance. You couldn’t help but feel his eyes on you and tried to shrug it off as your beach day continued. You eventually found another spot to sunbathe, played in the water for a bit, and even got a treat from the ice cream truck. Of course, you hadn’t expected Mineta to come up to you when a bit of ice cream dropped from the stick and onto your chest. “Gee, that seems like quite the problem. Want me to lick it off?” the purple menace questioned.

You froze, your eyes growing wide. “Uh...what?” you responded before a voice broke through the air. “Back the fuck off!” immediately you recognized it was Bakugou and he was glaring at Mineta, his hands held out and fingers spread as multiple explosions sounded from his palms. Mirio was right behind him and decided to try and pull the angry blond away. “No need for violence, hey there friend,” he said, referring to Mineta who still looked terrified. “Can you not talk to Y/n that way, she’s kind of special to me and well, there’s no need to make anyone feel uncomfortable,” he explained though Mineta seemed more afraid of the fact that Mirio was at least four times his size and his smile came off as intimidating.

“Huh?” Mirio blinked when Mineta took off running, “Well, that’s a little weird.” he said as he rubbed the back of his head. However, you were busy trying to wipe off the ice cream and Mirio turned his head when he noticed this. Bakugou merely licked his lips, “Oh here, you can use my towel.” Mirio insisted as he pulled it off his shoulder. “Oh uh...thanks,” you replied, “Pff.” Bakugou huffed and crossed his arms.

“Why the hell did you stop me!? I could have had that little dumbass taken care of.” Mirio frowned and turned to him. “Violence isn’t always the answer you know.” Bakugou scraped his teeth together, “What the hell are you talking about dumbass!?” he snapped, “There’s violence everywhere, I don’t give a damn if you’re a sunshine boy! Even you should be able to see it.” Mirio chuckled, “Well...sometimes it’s best to distance yourself from it, isn’t that right, Y/n?” he turned to look at you, but much like before you had chosen to walk away from the almost fight between Mirio and Bakugou.

“Oh great! Your dumbass scared her away! Idiot.” The angry blond growled and Mirio tapped his chin. “She has my towel, well I don’t mind! She can keep it for as long as she needs it. But I am a little worried about Mineta.” Bakugou’s anger disappeared for a moment. “Yeah…” he said, turning to look away. His hands curling into fists. “I’m going to find her first!” he declared before taking off and Mirio nearly panicked, running right behind him. One day maybe the boys would eventually come to another compromise, but not today.

[cherryblossomflowers]

An Old Life Meets A New (Pt22)

Pairing: Jensen x Daughter, Danneel x Stepdaughter, Jared x Niece

Warnings: Slight Cussing, Angst, Fluff, Death Mentioned, Car Accident Mentioned, Anxiety/Depression, Arguing, Panic Attacks, Yelling, Fighting, Sex Mentioned

Summary: After the recent death of her mother, Harper must adjust to her new life in the Ackles home, this includes a new stepmother, half-siblings, and reconnecting with her father.

A/N: Long Chapter Alert! Poor Harper, that’s all I can say. The woman, Lizzy, is Harper’s mother’s name and Dennis is Harper’s mother’s boyfriend in case there is any confusion. No hate on Danneel or Jensen please. Feedback is greatly appreciated!

***ASK OPEN***

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An Old Life Meets A New Masterlist

Chapter 22

"I don't want to hear it," said Harper, "It's clear to me now that you didn't care, Dad. You didn't even fight to stay in my life."

"Yes I did, Harper. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Let me finish the story, then you'll understand," replied Jensen.

Harper pouted and crossed her arms, "What could you possibly say to change my mind?"

Jensen sighed, "Believe me, it's important that you know this part."

Harper rolled her eyes, "Maybe...maybe Mom was right. You leaving us was better for everyone."

Jensen felt his heart break, "Harper, please. I really think you need to know about this."

"Fine, proceed," Harper replied, not making eye contact.

Jensen looked forward, "It was your spring ballet recital..."

*FLASHBACK*

An 8-year-old Harper was dancing on stage in Central Park. It was her ballet solo in the recital. She stuck out from the other girls in her blue ballet tutu, but she didn't care. She smiled as she danced, enjoying every minute of her solo.

Jensen sat in the front of the crowd, his smile beamed as he watched his little girl shine on stage. Lizzy and her new boyfriend, Dennis, sat next to Jensen as they watched Harper.

Once Harper's solo finished, the crowd erupted in applause and everyone was on their feet, especially Jensen.

He was whistling and clapping as loud as he could. He didn't care if anyone stared at him or made fun of him. This was his daughter's moment. He was there for her.

The ballet dancers walked off stage to their teacher as the crowd dispersed. Lizzy and Dennis had started to walk away during the applause, but that was pretty normal. Jensen wanted to stay and see Harper.

The ballet dancers ran out from backstage to go find their parents. Harper caught Jensen's eye and ran right to him.

He grabbed her and picked her up, tossing her into the air, "Babygirl, that was tremendous! You're such an amazing dancer!"

Harper giggled, "Thanks, Daddy," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

When she did this, Jensen noticed a small bruise on her arm. He lifted her sleeve to see more bruises on her upper arm to her shoulder.

"Harper, honey, what are all these bruises from?" he asked.

Harper shrugged, "I fell during warm ups. I'm okay though, I promise."

Jensen nodded, confused as to how bruises like that could be all over her arm. He smiled at his daughter and spun in a circle, making the girl laugh. This gesture also made Jensen smile.

He stopped when he saw Harper's mom and her boyfriend standing over by the stage. Lizzy gave Jensen a look, which Jensen figured was a way to tell him to come to her.

Harper looked at Jensen, "Where are we going, Daddy?"

"Over to your mom and Dennis," he answered.

Harper seemed scared and shook her head, "Can't we stay over here? Just you and me?"

Jensen have her a questioning look, "Don't you want Mom to tell you how good your dancing was?"

Harper looked over at her mother then back to Jensen, shaking her head.

Jensen chuckled, "Are you getting shy? My little girl?" he said as he tickled her stomach.

Harper giggled, "No, Daddy! Stop!"

"There's the smile I love to see," Jensen kissed her cheek.

Jensen made his way over to where Lizzy and Dennis were standing. Harper clung to Jensen as they got closer.

Lizzy looked up and met Harper's eye, "There she is."

Harper turned her head into Jensen's neck to avoid her mother. Lizzy noticed this and held out her arms to take Harper from Jensen.

"No, it's okay. I got her," said Jensen, squeezing Harper.

Lizzy rolled her eyes, "Okay, fine."

The four continued to walk in the park in mostly silence. Jensen every once in a while would try to spark a conversation, but Lizzy or Dennis would shut it down with one word answers. Harper was clearly tired from dancing and slowly drifting to sleep on Jensen's shoulder.

"Why don't we head back to your place, Lizzy, and let Harper rest?" asked Jensen.

Lizzy let out a breath, "Jensen, let's talk," she turned to Dennis, "Babe, can you take Harper for a bit?"

Dennis walked up to Jensen and carefully took Harper from his arms as not to wake her. Jensen didn't seem to happy in Dennis taking Harper, but he didn't protest.

Dennis walked away with Harper while Lizzy grabbed Jensen's arm and pulling him in the opposite direction.

Lizzy stopped and pulled Jensen close, "When's the baby due?"

Jensen shrugged, "Sometime next week I think."

"So this is the last time you'll be seeing Harper," Lizzy said quietly.

Jensen felt angry in that moment, "Now hold on, Lizzy. I'm sure there is something you and I can work out. Maybe Harper can spend summers with me or something."

Lizzy shook her head, "And be exposed to your new family? Jensen, I am not going to let that happen."

"What's so wrong with her hanging out with her stepmother and meeting her sister?"

"I can think of a million things wrong with that! But only one that matters: Harper will not be raised in two families. I refuse to let it happen," said Lizzy.

Jensen had tears in his eyes, "So that's the reason? That's the reason why I can no longer see my daughter is because of your selfishness?"

Lizzy scoffed, "I am not being selfish, Ackles. Harper will not be raised in two different households with two different families. She already asks too many questions. 'Why doesn't Daddy just stay? Why are you with someone else, don't you love Daddy?' Tell me, what's going to happen if she goes down to Texas this summer, huh? I'll tell you what'll happen. She'll come back here and ask more questions like 'Why does Daddy have another family? Does he not love me anymore?' And I am not about to put my daughter through that."

Tears were rolling down Jensen's face, "You know better than that Elizabeth. Harper loves me, she loves Danneel, and she loves Jared. You can't take her from all that. It'll crush her."

"I don't care, Jensen. My daughter-"

"She's not just your daughter! She's our daughter. That means I get a say in what happens in her life," Jensen yelled.

"You get a say, huh? So tell me, Ackles. If you get a say of what happens in her life, why don't you just take her with you back to Texas? Let her live and grow up there. Let her be a celebrities daughter, getting bombarded by paparazzi and interviewers everyday."

"Lizzy-"

"Take her away from ballet and her friends here, but don't worry she'll find new ones right? And she'll have Danneel. Might as well let her be with her real mother, right?"

"Lizzy please-"

"And when she starts crying to come back to New York, you can be the one to tell her no. That her life is in Texas is her forever home."

"Elizabeth, stop!"

There were so many eyes on Jensen now. Lizzy and Dennis for sure, but the people walking around in the park also stopped to see the argument.

Jensen took a deep breath, "Lizzy I don't want to fight about this. You know I can't take Harper from her home in New York. She's doing amazing things here. She has ballet and her friends and her mother. She loves Texas, but she loves New York more."

"Let me tell you something, Ackles. See that man over there with our daughter," Lizzy said pointing at Dennis, "That man has been more of a father to Harper in the last 5 months then you have in 8 years."

Jensen rolled his eyes, "Oh please. I've done more for Harper then he ever will. You forget, I have come to see Harper every 3 weeks for 8 years. I call and talk to her everyday. You're acting like I've never been there for her!"

Lizzy got in Jensen's face, her voice barely above a whisper, "Oh, I guess Harper didn't tell you. Last night, she called Dennis 'Dad'."

Jensen took a step back. He felt all the air being pulled from his lungs and his heart start to break.

Lizzy crossed her arms and smirked, "So don't act all innocent here Jensen. She obviously doesn't see you in that way."

Jensen tried one last time to get through to Lizzy, "Please, Elizabeth. Let me continue to see my daughter. I'll do anything to stay in her life. Please."

Lizzy turned her back to Jensen and crossed her arms, "Nothing will change my mind, Jensen. Harper is getting older, and she doesn't need to deal with the stress of two families and a father that doesn't stick around."

"But Lizzy-"

"Jensen Ross Ackles, I swear if you do not leave right this minute," Lizzy turned around, her teeth clenched and voice barely above a whisper, "I'll tell Harper the reason you left me," she paused, "Was because you didn't want her."

Jensen's face went pale, "You wouldn't dare. You know that's not the reason I left, Lizzy. You wouldn't do that to me."

"Really? Do you want to take that bet?" asked Lizzy.

Jensen turned to look at a sleeping Harper in Dennis's arms. Tears filled his eyes as he turned back to Lizzy.

"Dennis and I can raise Harper on our own without any help from you," Lizzy stated.

"Dennis? Lizzy, have you seen Harper around him? She doesn't want anything to do with him," Jensen argued back.

Lizzy turned to look at Harper, "Well it seems to me she's perfectly fine, sound asleep in his arms. I love Dennis and he loves me, more than you ever did. He even treats Harper like his own."

A single tear fell down Jensen's face. He felt defeated. There was nothing he could do, he's lost.

"So you have two options, Ackles. You can either catch a cab to the airport right now and never look back, or I can walk right over there and tell Harper you never wanted her, you never loved or cared about her, and you wished she had never been born."

"But Lizzy, you know none of that's true. I just wasn't ready for kids at the time. After being around her for the last 8 years I know now that I was wrong. I'm ready to be a parent, and I want to be a father to Harper," begged Jensen.

Lizzy turned to Jensen and whispered, "Leave, Jensen, now. For good. Forever."

Jensen felt hurt. His chest ached, his heart was breaking, and he felt like he couldn't fight anymore.

"Fine, I'll leave."

"One other thing before you go. As long as I am living on this planet, you will never tell Harper about this. About why you're leaving," Lizzy spoke.

Jensen nodded, "Okay."

"You will not call her, you will not visit her, and you will forget about us. She will grow up without you in her life. She'll be better off forgetting you exist."

"Yes, ma'am. But...can I at least get...one last picture with Harper?" Jensen pleaded.

Lizzy rolled her eyes at Jensen, "Just one. Then you go."

Jensen nodded and made his was over to Dennis and Harper. He held out his arms to take Harper from Dennis. He handed her over to Jensen, who squeezed the little girl tightly.

Harper mumbled, "Daddy?"

The tears came back to Jensen's eyes, "I'm right here babygirl. I'm here."

Jensen set her down to her feet and stared at her.

Harper reached her hand up, "Daddy, you're crying. Are you sad?"

Jensen made eye contact with Lizzy, who was talking to Dennis. He shook his head, "No baby. I'm okay."

Harper smiled, "Then smile, silly!"

Jensen chuckled, "You always know how to bring a smile to my face, don't you?"

"Well yeah, you're my Daddy. Of course I know how to make you smile," Harper giggled.

Jensen laid a hand on her face, "I have a favor to ask, Harper. Before I get on the plane to go back to Texas."

"Okie dokie, what is it?" Harper asked.

"Can I get a picture with you?" Jensen smiled at her.

"Of course. Always able to give back to my fans," Harper spun in a circle.

Jensen chuckled at his daughter, took her hand and walked with her over to Lizzy and Dennis. Lizzy smiled at her daughter while Dennis rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Hey, Lizzy. Could you take a picture of Harper and I?" Jensen asked her.

Lizzy took out her phone and opened the camera app, "Get close, you two."

Jensen took a knee next to Harper as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Lizzy's flash went off, capturing the picture of Jensen and Harper.

As she put her phone away, she said, "I'll text it to you later."

Jensen turned Harper to face him, "Okay, babygirl. I got to go now."

In an instant, tears flooded Harper's eye, "But Daddy-"

"No buts this time, Harper. Daddy has to go. But I want you to know something. I love you very much, and I will always love you, okay? No matter what." Jensen replied, tears forming in his own eyes.

Harper jumped to hug Jensen around his neck. Jensen stood up and squeezed the little girl tightly.

She didn't know it, but that was the last hug she'd get from him. Jensen made sure to hug her extra tightly. He wanted that hug to last forever, but it couldn't.

Jensen set her down and kissed her cheek, "Be good, okay?"

Harper nodded, "Will you call me when you land?"

Jensen looked up to Lizzy who gave him a stern look.

He sighed, "Of course, babygirl."

Jensen walked away from them, turning back once to wave at Harper. She waved back before Dennis grabbed her arm and started pulling her in the opposite direction to leave the park.

As Jensen made his way to the airport, the tears that were flowing down his face never stopped. His heart was breaking the further he got from New York.

When he landed, he looked down at his phone. Lizzy had sent him the photo from the park. He saved it in his photos, turned off his phone completely, and never looked back.

*FLASHBACK END*

Harper was hugging a pillow as Jensen finished telling the story. He had his head in his hands as he cried.

"I wanted to tell you that day, Harper. I really did. But I couldn't. I was so scared of what your mother would do that I just did what she told me and left," Jensen said fighting tears.

Harper's tears were constant as well, "But why now? Why did you wait for 7 years?"

Jensen let out a deep sigh, "Because I was stupid. I should've told you sooner, but I didn't know if your mom would allow it. I really should've told you the day you got here but I was so scared of how you would react."

"So, Mom was the reason all along?" asked Harper.

Jensen nodded, "I didn't want her feeding you lies. I had to protect you. I'm so sorry, Harper."

Harper thought for a moment, "Does anyone else know?"

"I told Jared this morning, not in full detail but the important parts. I told Danneel when the twins were born. Nobody else though."

Jensen and Harper sat in silence for a while, neither knowing what to say.

Harper sighed and quietly spoke, "Can I...be alone for a while?"

Jensen stood up and walked towards her door, but before he left he turned back to her, "If you want to talk about it, I'm here."

Harper faked a smile to him as he walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

She sat there, crying into her pillow for a long time. She looked up at the photo of her mom on her nightstand. Picking it up to look at it, Harper's saddness turned into anger as she threw the photo across the room, shattering it into pieces.

Harper laid down in her bed, still hugging the pillow, and cried herself to sleep.

                                   ---------------------------

The next morning, Jensen and Danneel were in the kitchen brewing coffee. JJ, Arrow, and Zeppelin were in the living room watching the rain fall from the sky from the open windows.

Jensen hardly slept that night. He assumed Harper also didn't sleep. As much as he wanted to check on her during the night, he resisted so she could have some space.

Danneel laid a hand on Jensen's back, "Why don't I go see if she's awake?"

Jensen shook his head, "No, I should do it."

"Okay. Come get me though if you need help," replied Danneel, kissing his cheek.

Jensen trudged up the stairs, past the dining area and TV room, and down the hallway to Harper's bedroom.

He knocked lightly on her door before turning the handle and pushing the door open, "Harper? Honey are you awake?"

He looked inside and saw Harper still fast asleep, the blankets covering her face. He saw the broken glass and frame on the ground, figuring it was the photo on her nightstand as it was no longer there. When he looked up at the wall, he took note that she finished her painting.

He smiled and thought, Wow, she did a pretty good job.

Jensen sat down on the edge of her bed, "Harper, I know you're still probably upset, so I thought maybe you and I could hang out for the day. Just the two of us. We could go for a drive, watch a movie, anything you'd like."

He laid a hand down on her shoulder, but soon realized that was not her shoulder. He stood up quickly and pulled the blankets off the bed.

Harper wasn't there.

Jensen was panicked as he ran out of the room and back into the kitchen. Once he got there, he instantly got Danneel's attention with the words, "Harper's gone!"

--------------------------------

Masterlist

My Cherry Blossoms

@mlovesstories​ @chessurkait​ @adorable-minibot​ @desiredposion​ @idksupernatural​ @thevelvetseries​ @spnfamily-j2​ @let-me-luve-you @obsessedwithfandomsx @wecantgiggleitsafandom

@mangueweaschester @unicornmadness2444 @emery--nicole--morrison @starchildwild

[dandyvespa]

I-Land Final Episode and Thoughts *SPOILERS! duh*

For anyone who has kept up with I-Land, I understand how emotional and nerve-wracking this episode was for them.  After developing a connection with a lot of the participants and sharing in their memories, its hard to see anyone being let go.  It has been just as much of journey for them as it was for the fans who supported them and at the end of the day, regardless of who debuts, there will be people who will be disappointed by the final results.  But please please PLEASE understand that you should not put the blame on them or even break them down just because your favorite did not make it.  All of these boys worked hard to get where they are and though it stings for those who did not make it, please support whatever flower path any of them have taken and continue to support and spread love.  With that being said, I would just like to use the rest of this post on my final thoughts on the episode and debut line.  If you are caught up with the show, please read ahead.  Thank you :)

First I would like to say that the preparations done for the final performance, the OT22 interaction and performance, the funny bits of preparing PR videos, dividing roles, and playing Truth or Dare, and the home-cooked meals sent from their parents were all just an emotional roller coaster.  I laughed and I cried.  To see those boys grow was something very special to me and to see their individual selves shine through personalities or skills were always a treat.  Having these segments were really meant to lighten the mood for the final lineup to come.  Personally, Sunghoon developed the most out of his shy exterior and his personality was so confident and funny in the pre-recorded videos.  I also thought Jay... could never escape his dark history LOL.   Also Heeseung’s brother teasing him and telling him to tell Jay he adores him was very cute.  Seeing everyone help each other with the PR videos was adorable and heart-warming (Heeseung even had a whole production team haha).  Jungwon dressed up as a sheep still sticks with me though haha.  Seeing OT22 come together also had me in tears and stitches.  It was so cute seeing them all hang out in I-land and despite how whack it was for the Grounders to never experience it, they looked so happy being with their friends and taking part in this little world even if it was for a short time. Also loved how they would easily throw others under the bus during Truth or Dare and the Questions they voted on.  The love and support their parents got and how each of them could not hold back their tears was really the icing on the cake.  No matter where these boys go, their family will always be their for them more than anything else.  Just all those moments leading up to their debut lineup really put a toll on me and it just made me feel like a proud mom

Okay the team name?  I am sooooooooooo glad its not Dragon Gee or Dee or whatever that speculated name was going around on Twitter.  Enhypen is odd but in a good way.   Its different and it will stick with time even though I still may just call them the I-Land group for now lol.  Pretty curious about what the fandom name will be too (but honestly I think I would still call myself an Eggie haha).

TXT and BTS’s presence was neat.  I wish more of the TXT member’s got to speak but having them all physically there was nice.  Though I will say it was just awkward not seeing them cheer as much.  I also felt like BTS was just bored at some points or were just glazing over when having to wait on each member getting called out.  They did have their humorous moments which was nice to see, definitely lifted the tension in the room and I’m glad they joked a bit (especially Suga losing it lol) instead of remaining completely serious.  Their advice and encouragement were all appreciated too.  Jhope being an avid viewer really showed.  Also plus points for Jungwon getting Jungkook’s attention uwu.   I still wish they could have interacted more and mentored some of them over the course of the show.  The slim TXT interactions with Heeseung such as Taehyun and Yeonjun’s reactions made me wanting more damn it.  But hey, at least we get to see them more often in the BigHit building.  I love a good family.

So the Calling performance was A M A Z I N G.  I personally thought they were so coherent as a group and made me wishing OT9.  There were some who really shine in their parts, but I think all of them stood out one or more times to me.  The dance was pretty powerful and a lot of them improved vocally.  Again, it makes me feel like a proud mom seeing them all at this point, grown and amazing.  The Into the I-Land performance also made me feel that way as well.  They all looked so good together and were pretty in sync given that they were fucking 22 of them.  The nostalgia was really hitting in me and I also teared uo like a big ass baby.  But can I just say... and let’s be real here.... Every single song on this show has been a bop and I would be thrilled to see a whole Soundtrack Album for I-Land on Spotify.  Like P L E A S E.

Now onto the debut line! I was S H O C K E D.  You can clearly tell these votes were not rigged in the slightest and this was solely based on global votes always shifting which was appreciated.  I did not see this order coming and it did turn out slightly different then my post on my preferred I-Land debut line.  So starting with number 1.... YANG FUCKING JUNGWON.   I was pleasantly surprised and I literally jumped out of my bed when I heard him place first instead of Sunoo.  This was the complete definition of people who initially slept on him finally waking.  I was soooo thrilled.  Bro really came in last by the last Producer vote and then climbed all the way to first.  Our lovely sheep garden and hidden ace, a big congrats!  

Jay also left his cursed 6th spot and got second! Again another well-deserved man who gave it his all from the beginning and was no stranger to being straightforward and a go getter.  His stubbornness and hilarity will lead this group lol.  

Jake getting third was a big shock as well.  Our icon of improvement!  To think he was always on the verge of getting placed out of the top 7 members and made it here? Also considering his benefit put him in 7th once when he literally could have been the eliminated member that episode.  UGH.  Our Aussie boy did great and seriously improved performance after performance.  

Next up.... NIKIIIIIII.  Now I’m gonna be real I thought it was gonna be K.  I never placed Niki in my debut prediction, but his Flame On performance really change everything for me.  Actually, just the whole second part of I-Land was very impactful for him.  I was always hesitant about his sportsmanship and whether he was too selfish in the first part (the constant evil-editing did not help, Mnet...), but thanks to other members, he really matured and took a greater lead in things.  I really began to fall for him when we got to see him more playful and interactive with other members.  Like I really thought he was much happier and understanding throughout the second half of the show.  So kudos to him!  

Coming in 5th place was Heeseung.  I was actually confused man.  When he was called first at this point, I just knew this global vote line up will be verrrry different.  I was still relieved that he made it and seeing him choke up, this boy who has been going at it the longest among the 9 participants at 3 years to finally debut.... Gosh I could not.  As someone who is also Heeseung biased, I was so so so happy for him.  Think we all know regardless of which place he got, the boy was destined to debut.  My Ace heart feels full ^^.  Go get him Leader!!!

Now 6th place... my Ice Prince... Sunghoon! I was actually the most nervous for him.  I saw so many people saying that Sunghoon was last in votes or was in danger because a lot of people had the mentality that given his popularity they should reserve the votes for the people who would most likely be eliminated.  I think that’s why Heeseung and Sunoo were scored low too.  Now I am also biased towards him.  I was thinking like what would I do if none of my favorite Bighit trainees (Heeseung, Jay, Sunghoon, and Jungwon) do not make it?  But when he was called to take up the last spot in global voting, I did a back flip (not really but yeah lol).  Given that Sunghoon has never gotten any brutal feedback from the Producers and has always adapted to each concept, he deserved this.  Just everything he has been through... And shifting his life from being an ice skater of 10 years to this path as an idol.... hold up let me get some damn tissues.  May he continue to break out of his shell and show his continuous charms!

Ok the producer choice for 7th place... Again did not see that coming.  Sunoo constantly ranking high in global votes only to be one of the deciding factors was another big surprise.  I have said that Sunoo’s sunshine personality would be needed, especially if the group were to do cute or youthful concepts.  His health had been concerning, but he was able to manage himself so well.  Even with powerful choreo!  He is not really one of the best dancers but he had always been able to do his part.  I really thought the Producers would choose K, but I really thought Bang PD boiled it down to overall skill and personality appeal.  He even claimed that Sunoo would connect best with the world with his joyful outlook.  I honestly could not agree more. I just people do not rail him for being picked as they should now understand he is not just some cute face and has proven that multiple times.  Sunshine Fighting! :)

The eliminated trainees were K and Daniel.  Though I thought Daniel has improved a lot, he was just outshined.  I also think at his age he should have more time spent in sharpening his skills.  What was more devastating was K.  He looked like he was obliterated.  I mean both of them were naturally sad, but K was just gone to me.  I was really hoping that he would make the debut line.  K has shown himself as a performer multiple times and was praised for his choreography skills.  He even showed to have learned from past behaviors and matured more as a person when taking the leader role.  To see him grow and understand where he went wrong.... ugh I really could not bear him looking that way.  His thoughts were all over the place and he could barely choke out what he wanted to say.  I just hope he meant what he said and actually continues to enjoy music and develop himself as a performer.  I knew how much his mom was initially livid at the idea of him becoming an idol so I hope he gets another chance at showing her that he can still do this. Now understand this does not mean you should blame Sunoo for being chosen or complain that Sunoo does not deserve it.  I already feel like he is gonna be haunted with the grim reminder that he was chosen instead and think that he doesn’t deserve this because he is not as skilled as K.  And people are gonna bandwagon hate on him... and again I say please DO NOT DO THAT.  At the end of the day, no matter how much you want OT9 or OT22, this is a survival show and these participants signed up for this.  Yes there will be fans who are disappointed, but you shouldn’t waste your anger on the other trainees who were able to succeed instead of your faves. I don’t want this moment to completely wreck K or Daniel’s chances at being an idol again.  Same goes for rest of the eliminated I-Land members.  This is definitely not the end for any of them so please go on with hope guys because I know you will still have many people’s support!  They will end up on the same stage as their colleagues one day.  

The last thing I want to say is that though this has been a tough journey and though there may be people who will not be satisfied with the debut line, everyone worked hard.  From the participants to the fans and even the Producers, all of them played a special role in making I-Land bearable and exciting to watch.  This is a big congrats to everyone who took part in the show despite having to go through many hardships.  With that being said let us continue to support the futures of the eliminated I-Land members as well as the grand success of Enhypen.  I smell 4th gen leaders :D. Welcome to the BigHit family Enhypen and may your fans, your wings, fly you even higher once you officially debut. F I G H T I N G!

Now... will you guys join in during the next season of I-Land for the next global girl group? :3

.... Ya’ll already know I am lol.

[misskimtaemin]

Only Temporary: Part 3

Taehyung x Female Reader Genre: angst, fluff ❄️☁️ wk: 2.2k

Characters: Y/N, Jaekyong, Taehyung Summary: Y/N finally does something she should have done a long time ago. Taetae comes through as the bestest boy and sweetest friend.

Date: 5 months ago

In that instant, you knew what that message meant for your relationship. In that instant, his weird behavior over the past 3 weeks finally made sense. For you, this bond was important and something worth trying for. For Jaekyong, it was replaceable. It was insignificant. Shaky breaths escaped your mouth as you looked over your boyfriend’s sleeping form in your bed. It wasn’t fair how peaceful and at ease he was when your heart was just shattered to pieces. Without giving yourself too much time to think, you dialed the number waiting to hear the voice on the other side. You were met with a giddy sounding Hyeji.

“Hi Kyongie baby! Calling me already? I thought we were going out for breakfast tomorrow, but I guess you just missed my voice, huh?” she giggled.

That was all you needed to hear before you pressed the red button to end the call. This wasn’t a misunderstanding and it was definitely not something that Jaekyong could just try to haphazardly explain away. 

It was truly now or never. The amount of courage that washed over you in that moment was a welcome change to the usually soft-spoken and agreeable Y/N. You walked over to the side of the bed where your boyfriend lay and looked down at him swearing to yourself that you were not going to let your resolve waver.

“YAH, Jaekyong! Wake up.” 

He shifted around in your bed before sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“Y/N” he said with an exasperated tone. 

“What do you want? Why’d you wake me up?”

“Because I think Hyeji had something important to say to you” you spat back at him while you shoved his phone in his face with the text message on display.

You could see Jaekyong’s face go from tired to confused to “holy shit” in a matter of seconds. He reached up and snatched his phone out of your hands before sputtering out anything he could think of to try and cover his ass.

“Since when do we go through eachother’s shit? Anyway, it’s not what you think. Just some random girl who was at Dongsoo’s.” he said without looking into your eyes. It was so obvious that he was lying.

“Just some random girl who has your number, calls you baby, and says that you two were going out for breakfast!?” you said scathingly.

“So you were gonna go out to breakfast with Hyeji and then come back to me when you felt like it? Is this why you’ve been so distant lately? You're cheating on me?” You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes but you refused to break in front of him. You didn’t need to hear his response to know that it was true.

“Get out” you mumbled quietly.

“You can’t be serious, it's 3 am” Jaekyong said with an incredulous look on his face.

“GET OUT” you said louder this time, surprising yourself at the yell that escaped your lips. You were enraged and hurt and felt so betrayed.

“Damn, ok Y/N! You’re fucking crazy, you know that right? You’re overreacting and being pranoid as hell. She’s just a friend, but whatever.”

You couldn't believe that in a time like this, Jaekyong had the nerve to make you seem like you were the person in the wrong. He has always been selfish, but this was a new low, even for him.

“I’m done with being your afterthought. Just give me my key and get the hell out of my apartment Jae”

With a glaring look on his face, Jaekyong threw the covers off of his body and swung his legs down from your bed. He stood up and you took one long gaze at the man before you whom you loved with your whole heart. 

He grabbed his jeans off your floor and pulled his keys out. It took what felt like ages while you watched him fiddle with the keyring. He removed your apartment key and threw it at the ground in front of you. He wordlessly dressed himself and shuffled over to stand directly in front of you. 

He reached up to cup your chin in his right hand. His thumb rested right below your bottom lip and the rest of his fingers laid under your chin. He tilted your head up so that your eyes were locked and with a slick smile said “Call me when you’ve pulled the stick out your ass, babe.”

With that, he left. The only evidence of someone else having been in your apartment was the loud slam that came from your front door as he left you alone with your thoughts.

When you were finally alone, the dam broke and the tears flowed endlessly as you sank to the floor. You were proud of yourself for holding your ground, but you couldn’t shake the empty feeling inside of your chest. It felt like there was a gaping hole where your heart should be and every breath felt labored. You longed for comfort and for someone to just hold you and stroke your hair, someone to let you know that everything would be ok. 

Your mind immediately went to Taehyung. He was the only person who you could be one hundred percent free with. Though you were in a relationship with Jaekyong, Taehyung held a special place in your heart since childhood that no one else could ever fill. You told yourself that everyone had a best friend like this, so to you, it wasn’t that weird that he played such an important role in your life. He was always there for you, you were always there for him, and this was one of those moments where you needed him the most. 

You checked the clock unsure of how long you've been crouched on the floor crying. Seeing that it was 3:37, you felt bad about calling him so late. Looking at your cell phone, you went back and forth between whether or not you should bother him at this time, but you were sure that he’d understand. You dialed his number and waited for him to pick up.

“Y/N-ah” Taehyung croaked. 

Guilt washed over you at hearing his sleepy voice.You fumbled for words not sure how to explain what just happened.

“Hey, Taetae -I uh.... Um, it's just that-” was all you could get out before Taehyung cut you off.

“A-Are you crying, Y/N? What happened? Is everything ok?”

The amount of concern in his voice was characteristic of Taehyung. He’s the type of person who cares deeply for the ones that he loves. He could immediately tell that something was wrong and you made a mental note to be more appreciative of how empathetic and insightful your best friend was.

“He’s been cheating on me”

Taehyung let out a soft sigh.

“Oh, Y/N...I’m so sorry”

“I tried so hard for us to work” you sobbed into the phone.

“I know you did Y/N. Where are you right now? Are you home?”

“Mmhmm”

“Hold tight for me, ok? I’ll be right there”

“Tae, you don’t have to come over. I just wanted to talk. Your words always have a way of making me feel better”

“That’s because I know you better than you know yourself Y/N-ie” Tae said with a chuckle. “Anyway, I know I don’t have to come over, but I want to. See you in a few, ok?”

You knew that there was no use in trying to fight it so you just sighed and agreed. Taehyung’s place was only about a12 minute walk away so you decided to freshen up not wanting him to see you looking like a mess.

Taehyung’s POV

“Anyway, I know I don’t have to come over, but I want to. See you in a few, ok?”

Pissed off wouldn’t even begin to describe how you were feeling at the moment.

“What a piece of shit!” you said out loud to yourself. “I always hated that guy”

You got out of bed and threw on a t-shirt and ruffled your hair a bit. As you walked to your front door, an idea hit you. You turned around and walked to your closet to search for the hoodie that you knew was Y/N’s favorite. Once you laid eyes on the dark green material, you grabbed it and set out to help comfort your best friend.

The walk to Y/N’s apartment was a familiar route to you. You guys would always hang out at your place listening to songs you wrote while Y/N just stared at you and listened to you talking about different chords, notes, and melodies. Afterwards, you would always walk Y/N home just to spend a few more minutes with her.

There was never another girl who meant as much to you as Y/N did. Sure, you had dated plenty of girls, but none of it was serious. It was hard to juggle a romantic relationship, a successful music career, spend time with your family, and spend time with your best friend. In the end, the romantic relationships just fell by the wayside because as much as it was hard to admit, at some point, you developed feelings for Y/N that were more than platonic. You were too afraid to ruin what was already golden between the two of you. Too bad she didn’t feel the same way, or at least that’s what you convinced yourself to believe. 

All of the deep thinking kept you occupied and before you knew it, you were at Y/N’s doorstep waiting for her to answer your knocks. When the door opened, you were met with the most dejected face you have ever seen on Y/N. Despite this, she was still beautiful and you were shocked at how the girl from your childhood had the ability to make your heart skip a beat.

“Hey Taetae”

Y/N looked up at you like a sad puppy.

“Hi Y/N” you said as you wrapped your arms around her and pulled her in for an embrace. Her warm vanilla scent filled your nose. She felt tense at first but began to loosen up in your arms as you felt a wet spot on your t-shirt start to form where her tears made themselves at home.

“I brought you something”

You broke the hug and held up her favorite green hoodie. Her eyes lit up at you as she immediately grabbed the sweatshirt from your hands and put it on. She was swimming in the fabric that fit you perfectly, but somehow managed to reach mid thigh on her frame. She closed the front door and you followed her into her bedroom.

“Thanks for coming Taehyung-ie. I don’t know what I would do without you”

“Lucky for you, you don’t ever have to worry about that” you said with a smirk.

“Unless I get tired of seeing your face” Y/N joked. A bubble forming from her stuffy nose.

“Yah, go blow your nose Y/N! And don’t be so sassy!” you joked back.

You made yourself comfortable sitting on Y/N’s bed with your back against the headboard. Through the many years of your friendship, you both had many sleepovers at each other's childhood homes so this was nothing weird for the two of you. 

Y/N climbed onto the bed, wedged herself under your left arm and laid her head on your shoulder. It felt nice being close to your best friend again. When Y/N and Jaekyong started dating, you guys spent less time together because he was jealous and always said negative things about you. Out of respect for their relationship, you decided to only hang out alone in public places instead of at each other's places.

“You know, Y/N, he never deserved you.” you said softly.

You reached your right arm around the front of both of you and rubbed her arm up and down.

“I know you are right Tae, it's just hard to accept that he’d do this to me. I mean, I've given so much to make this relationship work and he just threw it all away like it meant nothing. There were times when he would make me feel insecure but I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. Now I just fell stupid.”

You let out a deep sigh and tisked at her comment.

“Y/N I’m not trying to be right, I'm just telling you the truth. There is no reason for you to feel stupid or ashamed that you gave the relationship your all. That's just who you are and why you are so special. Anyone would be blind not to see how great of a person you are. It’s unfortunate that Jaekyong’s such a jerk and I’m sorry that you had to experience this with him. That’s why I said he never deserved you. He never appreciated all that you had to give.”

“Thank you so much Tae” Y/N whispered.

You both just sat and enjoyed each other's company until you heard Y/N’s soft snores hit your ears. You leaned down and kissed the top of her head before you turned off the bedroom lamp and drifted off to sleep.

[billie-ford]

1 2 3 4 

A Home Made

18

What felt like hours in the agonizingly cramped space were only made worse by the sudden sound of a foreign voice from above and the threatening rattle of the wood concealing Billie within. A conversation was taking place. She couldn’t make out the words or even the voices providing them but after too long the hinges squeaked and an already cramped Billie shoved her folded frame as far into the shadowed corner as possible, afraid that the rapid beat of her heart and the increasing shake of her breathes had begun to emit sound.

“Billie?” It was Jesus.

It was the feeling of an officer finding her after a home invasion. A sigh of relief subdued the shake of her shoulders as the Hilltop resident pulled her from the bunker and dusted her off.

“Are you sure they’re gone?”

He nodded, “I watched them all go.”

“Millie? Sasha? Maggie? Where are they? Are they okay?” “Come with me.”

Though the speed of her stride matched his, there was an urgency in her step as they made their way through the long winding halls of Gregory’s mansion until they reached the french doors of his office, Billie throwing them open to find the three women stood along his desk. Millie smiled at her, relieved, and ran to hug her aunt who, much like before, took her into her arms tightly.

“Jesus hid us in a closet.” She mumbled into the fabric of Billie’s shirt before pulling back to smile warmly at Jesus. Billie looked to him too, nodding in silent thanks which he returned with a kindly gaze.

“Ah, Billie..” The familiar monotone pitch of Gregory’s voice made Billie’s jaw clench as she turned to acknowledge the older man. Since the day they met he had an unmistaken glint of disdain in his eye for her and this moment in time was no exception; after all they were asking an awful lot to be refuged within his community with the lurking danger of the Saviors.

“I was just telling your friends about Ms. Caitlin’s famous rhubarb preserve you all can take with you on your journey home. Our way of saying thank you for all the help you’ve been during your time in the Hilltop Colony.”

Billie’s ears perked like a curious dog, “who said anything about leaving?”

That same glint in his eye darkened his iris as he took a sip of whiskey before clearing his throat. “Well, seeing as how the Saviors could come back for whatever reason I’d say it’s best for the three- four of you to be gone to avoid any further..uh..close calls.”

The adults shared a look before Billie spoke again. “We had a deal, Gregory.”

“We did. And now that deal is done. I can’t risk the safety of my community for three strangers who wandered in-”

“Your community’s safety or your own hyde?”

Gregory guffawed, “well what difference does it make?”

Before Billie could say more, taking a confident step forward, Sasha grabbed her gently by the arm, halting her movements. “We’ll go.” She said. “But Maggie stays... We’ll call it even on everything we’ve done around here.”

He looked her up and down, the blue in his eyes suddenly clouded with attraction rather than contempt. It made Billie’s skin crawl as she scowled. “No deal. But it’s been lovely having you here.”

“Just tell me how we can make this work.”

Those owlish eyes that harbored so much attraction fell to the low neck-line of Sasha’s t-shirt. He licked his lips at the sight of the day’s sweat glistening off of dark skin, highlighting collarbone and cleavage. “I think we’d need to...meet on that one-on-one just to explore-”

“Go to Hell.” Maggie growled through gritted teeth.

With an eyeroll and a huff Billie grabbed Millie by the wrist. “C’mon, Mills.” Before another word was spoken she was hauling the teen out of the room and outside to the community grounds.

“What are you doing?” Millie squeaked.

“You’re going home.” “What? No!”

She tore herself from her grip, staring in wide-eyed disbelief at her aunt. “I can’t go! I just got here.”

Avoiding the gazes of the community members that watched them curiously Billie pulled the teen close and through a clenched jaw spoke, “That man in there couldn’t give a rat’s ass if you lived forever or died tomorrow. And after everything that’s happened I will not risk your life for a single thing a’right? Every second you’re here is a risk. It’s a risk for all of us. You and I both are going back to Alexandria before anything can get out of hand. You got me?”

“Bill-” “Do you understand me, Millie?”

The teen sighed. “I understand, Billie..”

“Go get your things and meet me at my trailer. We’re gone once I’m packed..”

19

“You don’t have to listen to Gregory- You can’t you leave!”

Maggie followed Billie closely as she scurried around her trailer, tossing books and papers over her shoulder while locating clothing to stuff into her bag.

“I never should have stayed, Maggie. I was being selfish... I-I can’t even imagine how many questions everyone has back home, Rosita’s probably worried sick- they don’t even have anyone to lead them! I need to go back, a’right? It’s best for all of us.”

“I need you too, Billie. I wouldn’t have even gotten here if it weren’t for you- gosh, would you just stop and look at me?” Billie huffed and dropped the things in her hands to the couch before turning towards the mother-to-be. Maggie reached out for her friends’ elbow, the gentlest of touches, and rubbed her skin to the effect of Billie relaxing her shoulders. “This is our home now. I told Gregory- Jesus told Gregory we aren’t going anywhere. Just stay.”

Billie chewed her bottom lip nervously, thoughtful eyes darting around the room. She shook her head slightly, more to herself than the woman standing before her. “I have to go, Maggs...”

Sadness filled her eyes when she realized her friend couldn’t be shaken on this and she sighed with a defeated understanding. Had roles been reversed, Maggie would have wanted to get home to Glenn just as bad. “Stay the night. Just one last dinner before you go.”

“I have-” “Just..just the night.” 

The door to the trailer whined on it’s hinges and both women snapped their heads towards the intruder. It was only Millie. “I’m ready to go...” She muttered, back pack thrown over her shoulder and a jar of rhubarb preserve in her fist. Billie looked between the two. Maggie was almost positive that if she could read the thoughts behind her eyes, she could write a novel a day. It almost frustrated her; seeing how Billie’s mind raced yet hardly ever being let in on what it all was. 

“You can leave your bag here for the night.” Maggie’s eyes lightened. “We can stay one last night.”

The teen let out a breath of relief and dumped the heavy bag to the floor. “Thank God. I really didn’t want to do all that walking again.”

Maggie laughed, outstretching both arms to clasp the Fords on their shoulders. “Come by my trailer later tonight, we can all eat there.”

Billie agreed and with that, Maggie headed off to relay to Sasha and Jesus the news of their departure.

20

The countertop stove sizzled as Millie tossed slice after slice of bread into the hot pan, the delicious aroma of heated butter and melting cheese mingling with the fresh tomato soup bubbling in the pot beside it. The bluesy rock of Chuck Berry played from the small radio Billie brought along while she vibrantly told one of her stories over her third Budweiser of the night.

“I turn my back for two seconds and BAM! She’s getting churned up in the neighbors fuckin’ lawnmower!” Maggie gasped with a sputtered laugh. “And the thing is, I hated the nasty thing every day I had it. But the second she was gone? Mourned her for months.”

Maggie shook her head in amused disbelief. “Rest in peace, Milk dud the snake.”

“You don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone..” Billie muttered before taking another swig of her beer. Maggie found that once a beer or two was in a Ford sibling you could get them to loosen up in just about any situation, and sinisterly she wondered if she could convince her to stick around under such influence. The door opened behind them, which caused Maggie to jerk forward, alert, and spin around to see Sasha walking through the door way.

“Is that an apple pie?” She was standing to take the dish before the sweet smell had even reached Billie just a few steps behind her. Sasha pulled back the cloth concealing the sweet treat with a huff.

“How did you know?” “I could smell it from the other side of the door.”

“That’s pregnancy for ya,” Billie mumbled between bites of grilled cheese, “heightens all the senses.” She watched as Maggie cleared the table for the dessert, digging a fork into the flaky crust and taking an unreasonably large bite. “You wanna plate, mama?”

“No, I’m good.”

Billie swiveled on her seat to face Sasha who sat on the couch just behind her, a pensive look knitting her brows together as she rubbed thumbs over two daggers pulled from her boots.

“Jesus give you those?” Billie asked. She nodded. “S’he still around? Wanted to talk to him about mapping out routes between here and Alexandria, y’know, for safety purposes.”

“Oh, there’s some things I wanted to add to his list before he goes out.” Maggie added with a mouthful of apples and dough, “kids need something to write with - pens, pencils.”

Millie chuckled, “Maybe they can draw up some posters when Maggie runs for president.”

Sasha sighed. “He left already. He told me to tell you, but I-I forgot.” Billie stared at her. She stumbled over her words, and her palms rubbed absentmindedly against her outer thighs. Maggie hmphed in disappointment.

“Okay. Maybe next time... I’m gonna get some milk.” And before Sasha could protest to get it for her, she stood quickly and scurried out the door. Billie’s eyes darted between the door and Sasha who looked back at her friend with an inquisitive look of her own. 

“Millie go help her.” Billie ordered.

“Help her get milk?”

She cut her eyes at the teen who dropped the spatula in hand with a hard exhale and stormed out of the room. You could just ask me to leave, she mumbled. With arms crossed and an ankle swung over her knee, Billie turned back to Sasha. 

“What?”

“You lyin’ to Maggs about somethin’?” “What makes you think that?” “I can read it on ya.”

She rolled her eyes. Sometimes, Billie was just too much like Abraham, remit the pet names and know-it-all grin he gave when successfully catching someone in a lie. It was something Sasha would miss about him, but she didn’t love it coming from the younger Ford.

“It’s for her own good.” “Why?” “Billie-” “Is it Negan?”

The color drained from her face, her silence bloated the room. Billie was standing now, hands on the table as she leaned forward as if inspecting Sasha’s expression for clues. “You want to kill Negan.” They held a stare that felt threatening before Billie grunted. “Do I really have to tell you why that’s a bad idea?”

“I didn’t want to tell her because I knew she would want to help me. And..and I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you would want to talk me out of it. But if it’s just me than it doesn’t fall on either of you when it happens.

“But it ain’t just you. You think I wanna pick daisies with the bitch that killed my brother?” “I didn’t say you did.”

Sasha stepped forward, her breath brushing Billie’s face as she searched her eyes with a pleading look. “If you care about Maggie, you don’t say anything about this. You’re going back to Alexandria where you and Millie will be safe and I’m staying here, and I have to keep her safe.”

“S’at where Jesus’ is goin’? To find where he lives?” “He was the only one I could trust to stay quiet about it.”

Billie wanted to yell at her, to shove her, to knock some sense into her for planning what would end up being a suicide mission behind their backs. But she knew she had to understand why she wanted to do it, and she knew that if she dug up enough repressed emotions still attached to that night she would end up joining her. Maybe it was the fact she felt more defeated than aggressive these days or the fact that she had grown content with all the memories she had of the brother slain by Negan, but she knew if they went out to wherever it was he hung his hat; they’d be buried right next to Abraham.

Billie sighed, even more defeated than before. “It isn’t just you..”

“It sure looks like it.”

21

She shouldn’t have been nostalgic about it before she had even stepped outside of the gates. But Billie had grown to love mornings at the Hilltop. A small sense of peace had settled within her when she opened her eyes to the small trailer around her and watched the day begin from her front row seat on her step with her first cigarette of many. However, this morning she awoke with a dreadful pit in her stomach. She tossed and turned so much through out the night that Millie offered to give her back the bed and before the sun had fully risen she was zipping up her boots and marching out to their private burial ground.

And that was where she had sat for hours, unbothered, listening to the chatter of the community begin just beyond the fence. She stared at her brothers grave almost expectantly, as if waiting for him to rise from the grave and had she not watched his brains get mangled it wouldn’t have been such a far fetched idea. 

‘You can sit there all day and say whatever you wanna say to the dirt but he can’t fuckin’ hear you’. She cringed when she thought about those callous words she had spat at Sasha not long after she had buried a brother of her own. She cringed when she thought about the punch she rightfully earned from her too. It amused Billie how similar she was to the former firefighter, yet she couldn’t find the same courage to set out for Negan’s territory and blow a full metal jacket right through his chest. We’re stronger in numbers. But he has an army. Never stopped us before. But Abe wouldn’t want me to be stupid. He wouldn’t want me getting myself killed over him. But I might not get killed. But I could. I’ve survived worse odds.

Maggie had seen Billie when she woke up, her crouched frame just barely concealed by the wood fence when she made her way through the grounds for breakfast. After what Millie told her last night she wanted to go confront her, ask her why she and Sasha were arguing but it was her last day at Hilltop, and had it been her she would have wanted those last moments to be spent with Glenn’s grave. 

She climbed the ladder to the guards platform, gazing out over the fields not concealed by the Hilltop walls and when she saw the figures that occupied the trail her chest swelled with a gasp. She couldn’t stop the wide grin that spread across her face. She turned back towards the community grounds and yelled as loud as she could. “Billie! Sasha! Millie!”

Trouble? It could be trouble. Billie tossed the rock she had fiddling between her fingers and ran off to find where Maggie was, conscious of the hunting knife on her hip. She came stumbling to a halt behind Maggie as the tall gates to the community opened; that wasn’t trouble at all. Billie’s sights fell on Rosita as the gates creaked open and ran to embrace the woman with tear-filled eyes. She half expected it to be a dream, and she would run right through her before her silhouette dissipated in the air. Yet her frame was solid, her arms welcoming, her grip on Billie just as desperate as their lips met for the first time in over a week. It felt like it had been centuries. Her hair was soft, tangled between her fingers, and her clothes smelled like her, earthy but sweet; Billie didn’t know she could miss a smell.

“What happened here?” Billie’s hand traced the features of Rosita’s face, the callous pad of her thumb falling on the fresh stitches of a vertical gash. She pressed her lips to it tenderly.

“It doesn’t matter. You’re okay?” “I am. We all are.”

She looked around them. Michonne, Tara, Odell, Sasha, Maggie, Millie, Jesus. They were all here and by the look on Michonne’s face - they came for one reason. “You were right from the start. You told us to get ready to fight. I didn’t listen, I couldn’t. I can now.” 

Billie’s eyes darted to Sasha who met her gaze when the words were spoken. They were going to fight - they had to fight. If Billie believed in signs she would have taken their sudden appearance as one; the morning after she told Sasha she didn’t want to fight, after she had planned to head back to Alexandria to settle for slightly more peace - here they were. Billie knew what she had to do now, what was right for her brother. And for the first time in a long time she felt that tingle in her spine that squared her shoulders and lifted her chin high.

She felt hopeful.

[mercury-minded]

What’s in your Future - 5 Years from Now ~ Pick-A-Card 🔮

What a doozy! This one took me a little longer to do, and I wanted to thank @astrologicallygracie for the suggestion! I utilized the angel number 555 with this spread (5 years, 5 groups, 5 cards) because I wanted to bring about large, positive change! So use your intuition and pick a card (left to right: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and find out what 5 years from now has in store for you! 

Group 1

Wow Group 1, this is one bright spread! Something that stood out to me right away here was the prevalence of “cup” symbolism, and all the 2’s!! This really tells me that in 5 years, I’d expect you to have found emotional balance and peace of mind. This whole spread speaks to achieving union between your conscious and subconscious worlds. I’m also getting a strong feeling of children…now, this could mean literal children, or it may be referring to you reconnecting with your inner child. Love, honesty, and authenticity are major themes here. I’m sensing a lot of Leo energy as well. If you don’t have any major leo placements, then this is definitely referring to a person who’s going to be a major fixture in your life around this time. They may exude a lot of fire energy and optimism. Friendships are definitely expanding and you may become part of some different groups. Your existing relationships are also strengthened. It’s like your inner confidence has leaked out and is touching multiple aspects of your life. Your practice of self-love is allowing you to love others more as well! One thing to look out for is someone who potentially may try to come between you and someone else (whether that’s a friend or a romantic interest) - they appear to act kind towards you but there’s some jealousy and resentment in them…they seem to want what you have. Honestly, though there is so much joy and positivity here - it feels like your patience and hard work has been paying off in regards to making your dreams a reality. It may feel like a slow, uphill battle right now, but sticking to your morals, your ideals, and perseverance is going to take you to a much better place in 5 years!

Group 2

In 5 years, there appears to be some confusion that needs to be cleared up. You’re definitely going to be embarking on something new: a new relationship, a new career, new habits, etc. There’s almost a “fake it til you make it” vibe here. Like perhaps the relationship wasn’t meant to be long term - I’m sensing a friends-with-benefits situation turned into commitment and monogamy, or it started out as something purely physical and then feelings developed. It may also be a bit messy, and you both aren’t sure of the other's intentions at first. Regardless of whether it’s a new relationship or a new job opportunity, it does seem to be for the better. Your confusion isn’t long-lived, and it does work out. There’s a definite boost in your self-confidence and independence as a result. I’m getting: “this is your life now. You worked for this, you earned this. No one helped you - you did it yourself”. You seemed to have veered off course previously, and you’ve been redirected back to your intended path. The mercurial energy is so strong in this spread, I’d expect you to have some gemini or virgo personal placements. If you don’t, there’s going to be someone with one (or both) of those placements playing a big role in your life in 5 years. Another thing I’m really picking up on are consequences, and I think this actually plays into some of your confusion. It’s as if these new opportunities are the results of some unexpected consequences to your words (especially) and actions. I don’t know if you currently consider yourself shy, but in 5 years, you really don’t seem to have any trouble expressing yourself! Your throat chakra has no problems helping you speak your mind, but I’d also be wary of it becoming overactive. In 5 years, this group is really turning over a brand new, blank page - hello fresh start!

Group 3 

Wow this is such an uplifting spread! In 5 years, this group seems to be in a very important, influential relationship. There feels like an immediate, known connection, and you are able to freely be yourself and speak your mind. This is really feeling like a transformative bond - like a possible soulmate or twin flame scenario. This is a union between the sensitive, emotional, boundless King of Cups and the strong-willed, charming, intuitive Queen of Wands. Both are spiritual, wise beings but they also help to balance each other out - they make up for what the other lacks. The connection here really is quite powerful, you two have been placed together to teach and encourage one another. One is the “soul” and the other is the “heart”. Keep in mind, neither is the “head”, so this relationship may struggle to feel grounded and secure sometimes. There is quite of bit of pisces and aries influence in this spread. You may have some placements with these signs, or the other individual might. Usually, I would warn that these intense-type relationships can sometimes be a bit bumpy, but I’m really not getting any indication of that. There is just so much insight, understanding, and love to be experienced here. The level of attraction is really powerful too - when you encounter this person, you’re likely to just “know”. They’re going to recognize and appreciate you on a deeper, more spiritual level. This is not someone to play “games” with, to beat around the bush with, or sit on the fence about. This is a genuine, well-intentioned person and they’ll see through any fronts you may put up. In 5 years, it may feel as if you’ve found your other half or missing piece!

Group 4

This group is taking a huge step forward in 5 years. Detachment and letting go are really big themes here. It feels like there was this very authoritative, domineering, “mature”, masculine energy that has made you feel like less than you are. They may have been manipulative and selfish, and made you question and doubt yourself. In 5 years I see you fully stepping out of this shadow, getting out of your head, and following your heart. You’ve discovered wisdom from your trials and harsh experiences and can now finally “exhale” as you take comfort in this newfound stability.  There will still be spells of nostalgia that you go through, but looking back on those harder times won’t be as triggering or upsetting - you’ve overcome those and have found strength in your new endeavors. Speaking of which - I am really getting this “coming out of your shell” imagery! Whether it was this individual that was holding you back or your own insecurities, in 5 years you appear to be traveling, exploring new ideas, and expanding your horizons. I feel you embracing all the unique characteristics of yourself and really pursuing your own interests. If there was a career or major that you felt you needed to have because you “should” or it was expected…I don’t see that working out haha. I’m sensing this wake-up call of sorts, where you recognize that you can no longer live your life for other people and their expectations, that you need to pursue what calls to you. I’m really seeing this energy of peace, it’s like you’ve discovered where you really belong. This group really seems to have accomplished a lot of growth and recovery in 5 years! 

Group 5

There is a new relationship for this group in 5 years! It could be platonic, but I am leaning more towards romantic for some of you. This is someone who comes across as very capable, very put-together - ambitious and level-headed. They exude quite an earthy energy! When you’re with them, it’s like you don’t have to worry as much…this person’s practicality gives you a sense of security, and what’s more: they love providing that for you! The water imagery shows me how emotional this connection will be for you, it’s like you’ve found a safe-haven in a person! You could have some trust issues in the beginning…I’m feeling as though you had/could have a problematic relationship, where perhaps the other person misled you, lied to you, kept secrets from you, etc. Regardless, it was sudden and caught you very off-guard. You may carry the wounds from that, but this new person is not someone you need to worry about! Life is anything but predictable, and this new relationship may shock you just as much, but for the better. In 5 years, you are really going to be feeling beautiful and loved. As much as this other person is going to be contributing to that, I think it’s important to harness that confidence and feel it ourselves - don’t just rely on them to lift you up/elevate your ego. Yes, you’ll have this amazing partner/friend, but don’t forget that you are powerful and desirable all on your own too! The flirty and youthful energy is very prominent here, it really feels like puppy-love to me. This energy seems to carry over into your hobbies and creative pursuits, as you’re feeling more inspired, motivated, and supported. In 5 years, this group seems to have rediscovered their joy, enthusiasm, and pride.

Thank you so much for letting me read for you! Please keep in mind this is a very broad and general reading - so not all aspects may resonate with you. If you’d like a personalized spread, my tarot services can be found here xx

If you’d like to support me and what I do, please consider buying me a coffee ☕️💕 

[blackcatanna]

Kinky TB Adventures (probably) with Okita Part 1: Kyoto Winds

Finally playing another Hakuoki route because I spent 10 hours travelling yesterday and I deserve some imaginary romance, damn it! Choosing Okita because he seems fun and I hate that he disappears from the story pretty early on in most routes and then dies off screen :'(

WARNING: I wrote a lot :) 

Intro:

I don't know why but Kodo's evil old man face made me laugh so much during the intro.

Playing the prologue because it has a hearty chunk of Okita in it and it's been a while since I played the game.

Chizuru talking about the invisible wall between herself and other people is relatable af :')

"I'm not sure if I belong here... No. No, that's all in my head." < < < ME. Hello imposter syndrome, my old friend :')

I now feel like a li'l bitch for complaining about my journey yesterday when Chizuru WALKED nearly 500KM from Edo to Kyoto X_X

I'm loving this old timey film effect on the Kodo flashback.

I feel like Kodo's actions and motivations change depending on the route so I'm not going to try too hard to wrap my head around them here.

I love that "Ronin" is basically shorthand for "Evil Douchebag Thug" in this game X_X

Yukimura: "Be careful, father! Kyoto is a dangerous place!" Also Yukimura: "I have nothing to fear because I look like a BOY :) " Selfless but foolish X_X Although, you could argue that being reckless is selfish because it disregards your loved ones' feelings, should you get hurt.

At least the game gives these ronin names :') although... they don't have eyes. I think I'd rather have eyes, if I had to choose.

"I could still hear the ronin cursing loudly" I just have an image of these three guys running through the streets of Kyoto yelling, "FUCK. SHIT. PISS. ASS."

This game invested a lot in blood effects and sounds and I respect and appreciate that.

"He died with the first blow" Silver linings?

"They were... broken" :'(

Awe, the furies look so happy to see me :') JK, this scene is appropriately chilling. They do have big smiles, though.

More blood splashes and visceral blood descriptions :')

Okita, your sadism is showing.

Or maybe he knows that Saito doesn't like killing his comrades and that's why he wanted to kill them first :O :O :O

"if you just sat back and let them kill the kid, you could have saved us some trouble." -_- I enjoy Okita's banter but I have a feeling that it's going to be a bit one sided because Chizuru doesn't do back talk X_X

WAIT A FUCKING SECOND, WHY IS OKITA NOT BLINKING?!??

Oh here we go. Let's take a moment to worship Hijikata. I still think that Saito and Okita are better looking but sure, let's take a break to gush about "smooth, dark hair" in the moonlight and "the wistfulness of flower petals" "as if the cherry trees were blooming out of season" X_X ick.

HEY. CHIZURU. REMEMBER WHO RESCUED YOU. IT WASN'T THIS FUCKER.

OH GOD, IT CONTINUES, "His voice was cold and quiet, like a blade of ice. Blue-white moonlight lit his slender face.." blah blah ick.

OH, WE'RE STILL NOT DONE?!? "But it wasn't the sword making my breath catch. It was his eyes. They were fierce and hard, but somewhere behind them... I could catch a glimpse of... something else." Blah blah, troubled, mercy, blah

"Run, and I will kill you. Do you understand?" SPLOOSH (yes, I have been watching Archer)

I was sort of joking about being aroused by threats of violence but swords are definitely sexier than... whatever that whole flowery passage was...

Okita still is not blinking O_O

Hijikata telling Okita to shut up is a mood. Sorry, Okita.

Okay, NOW Okita's blinking. Guess all it took was Hijikata suggesting that they're going to kill me for a change. Apparently, only Okita's allowed to threaten to murder me X_X

Side note: if anyone reads this and is wondering if I'm aware that I switch between "You", "Me" and "Chizuru" then yes, I am and no, I don't care.

Apparently, Okita blinking was a fluke. Maybe he only blinks when he is pushed off stride or, like, flustered or surprised?

Also, I don't tend to think of Okita as being especially tall but he's taller than Hijikata!

"So we should just kill people now?" Um... you don't do that?

"What?! Come on, you can't be serious" HE SAID, BLINKING AND THUS BACKING UP MY THEORY.

"Almost as if I was being... drawn into their world..." Oh dear! We wouldn't want that to happen, that's not why we bought the game at all! :P

"A world where there is nothing strange in carrying on a normal conversation in the dead of night with corpses for company." Edgy. Although, I hope that this conversation is far from normal O_O

"As you wish." Hijikata is Saito's Princess Buttercup. I'm not jealous.

WHOA. I was just musing about death as usual and now Okita's RIGHT UP IN MY FACE.

"We did save you, didn't we?" WELL, TECHNICALLY, Saito saved me. You suggested letting the furies KILL ME.

"I didn't realise right away he was speaking to me." How? He's taking up the entire screen?

"Thank you very much." Fair. "I apologise for not thanking you earlier." Okay, calm down. It's not like they gave you a chance to speak in between death threats.

"The man called Hajime also looked confused. His eyes were wide and he had an expression I couldn't place." Then allow me: STARTLED ERMINE. Hijikata's is DISGRUNTLED HORSE and Okita's is SMUG LYNX. Aka: how three different animals react to the discovery that their prey is a girl. I know that horses don't hunt prey. However, they do have to deal with it when their animal subordinates unwittingly capture it.

"He broke out in laughter again, so much so that he was forced to wipe a few tears from his eyes" I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU'RE HAVING SUCH A JOLLY TIME, YOU ASS.

Now that he's figured out that I'm a girl, he's suddenly keen to introduce himself :P

"The one you should be thanking for saving you is Hajime Saito" CORRECT.

Is he deliberately trying to let him kill me by giving out as much info as possible? O_o

"His fingers like iron cables around my arm." Kinky.

"The cause of my horror wasn't the gruesome end that awaited me, but something else entirely." Hanging out with these crazy fuckers.

Chapter 1:

Damn, I wrote a lot more than I had expected for the prologue X_X

"My limbs were tightly bound in tight knots" I wouldn't be surprised if Okita was a shibari expert...

"This is no way to treat a guest of ours" Obviously, Inou-bae is trying to be kind but this feels like something a supervillain would say after their minions bring you to their lair X_X

"he smiled at me and winked" get this man a route! Actually, wait, how old is Chizuru... OKAY, FORGET I SAID THAT. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO FLIRT WITH THIS 16 YEAR OLD GIRL. Although, maybe a dad route? No romance, just familial love. He's a better dad than Kodo. NO DADDY KINKS ALLOWED.

Apparently, Harada and Nagakura being "lively" is supposed to reassure me?!

Ah, Okita and his hilarious jokes about invading my personal space.

I'm so glad that Saito doesn't let him get away with this nonsense <3

And now we're sticking up for Saito and calling out Okita's bs <3

"the smile lingered through his bright eyes" Oo-er

"He looked more like a boy than a man." Says you!

The baka trio look so done X_X

"Their faces were still blessed with youth" Phew. Looks like we'll have some eye candy while we're brutally executed.

A STICK?!? THEY'RE CALLING ME A STICK?! HAVE THEY NOT SEEN THE ANIME INTRO?! CHIZURU HAS TITS!!!

"The hell I will, boy!" Calm down, Kratos.

"You could be taken for interrogating" not if you assholes don't make such a song and dance about me witnessing your shady activities! How would anybody know to interrogate me in the first place?!

"Let's just kill the kid" How about no!!!

"I was just kidding." WERE YOU, or did you just change your tune because daddy Kondou told you off? -_- I don't think Saito's buying your shit.

"Hehe." XD best response!

Side note, how am I the first person to witness the furies in action?! They run around the streets, chopping people up and there are already rumours about the Shinsengumi committing brutal crimes.

Also, how often do they sentence men to death? There are a lot of men in the fury corps and I bet that some choose death or try and run for it and die in the process.

"I think that Souji has a point" BOO, HARADA!

"Uh-oh. Well, this is going to make it even harder for us to simply let you go..." He's doing the not blinking thing again! Maybe that's because his prey is in his sights... O_O Also, thanks a lot, Heisuke X_X

"A man should always be ready to face death. You should make your peace with yours." Okay, first of all, I look like a child to you! Secondly, bit sexist! Not all men choose the path of the warrior. Thirdly, AS IF, I'm just going to lay down and accept my POINTLESS murder just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. No, Nagakura, I am NOT okay with being MURDERED. How dare you imply that I'm a coward for not wanting to die for this BULLSHIT.

Not sure if I mentioned this last time but Sano's casual suicide comments remind me of being at uni :')

"there's something I want to look into." Is it my stuff? Are you going to go through my stuff now? X_X

"I... I'm sorry." I forgive you, Heisuke! As for everyone else who's acting like this is all my fault and you've done nothing wrong, fuck you. Y'all shouldn't be doing evil science in the first place, especially if you're then going to try and justify MURDERING everyone who glimpses the evulz.

This whole bit reminds me of a DnD party where everyone's arguing over whether or not to kill someone. This is definitely more like a DnD argument than your average movie argument X_X

"All right, Saito, take care of the kid." 😍 Yes, Saito, take care of me :D NOT IN A MURDERY WAY O_O

Time to RUN THE FUCK AWAY. Maybe, if they hadn't acted like murdering assholes, I wouldn't be doing this but they don't seem to give a fuck about me so AWAY I GO.

"I knew it was rude, but I had no choice but to try and open the sliding door with my toe." Priorities X_X They kidnapped you, tied you up and threatened to kill you countless times. Honey, you stick it to those fuckers with your shady toe opening.

WE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT OUT OF THE ROOM!!!

"Sorry," No your not -_- "but now we've got to kill you." No you don't!

"Then you may do whatever you like with me." Um, why is this the Okita romance option? XD Don't say those words to that sadist, who knows what he wants to do to you! O_O

"We aren't going to eat you or anything." ...Damn X_X I hope that your stance changes if we get married.

"Heh. Never seen such an innocent girl like you." Ugh. As if. Running around dressed as a boy. Can't be that innocent. Certainly not if he read my last comment :P . Anyway, YOU SOUND CREEPY, TALKING LIKE THAT XD

"All right, all right. Now, tell your big brother... Why were you cross-dressing around Kyoto?" THA FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL YOURSELF?!?? And MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS XD DON'T KINK SHAME ME!

"Well, 'she' claims to be a girl, but it's not like we have any actual proof, right?" Um, I'M not the one who said that I'm a girl and I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. I WILL FIGHT YOU FUCKERS IF YOU COME NEAR ME >:(

"My apologies, but I took the liberty of checking through your belongings." I wouldn't mind, except NOT ONCE did they give me a chance to explain myself or plead my case. He could have just asked whatever he wanted to know and then checked my bags to verify it X_X

"Hey now," HEY NOW, NOW, sing this corrosion to me... No? I'll be quiet :(

"So, you've been withholding information from us?" YOU BARELY GAVE ME A CHANCE TO SPEAK, YOU DICK!

Welp, they've agreed not to kill me and yet Okita's still taking it upon himself to threaten me with death while fixing me with his unblinking, predatory stare X_X

"Gee, didn't take long for you to change your tune once you knew she was a girl, eh Shin?" TRUTH

"Having a lady here at headquarters is sure to brighten things up." Joke's on you: I'm a goth ;P

"you can't just pawn her off on someone else." Okita, nooooooo! Don't make me work for this grumpy bitch!

"I hope you you'll take good care of her." Wink wink, nudge nudge. What's the matter, Hijikata senpai? Am I not pretty enough for you? :'(

"You sons of BITCHES." HEY. HIJIKATA. NO NEED TO INSULT THEIR INNOCENT MOTHERS. Just call them straight up bitches :)

"The Shinsengumi keeping a woman here... If such rumours were to spread, tongues would begin to wag." Yeah, yeah, so we might as well just all fuck. People are going to say we're doing it, regardless, so let's get this over with...

Or I could keep pretending to be a man. That could also work.

"You're gonna get a room, and you're gonna stay in it." FUCK YOU

"I could have sworn we decided she was going to be someone's page" O_O FUCK YOU EVEN MORE, OKITA.

So... lonely... must... find... friends...

Okita and Saito friends :D

When I first played this game, I was really keen to find my "father" but now that I know what he's like, it's hard to muster quite the same level of enthusiasm X_X

"Draw your blade, unless it is merely decoration." Spicy! I'm glad that Yukimura is not so easily goaded into fighting.

"I'm not lying." You tell him, girl!

Saito and Okita's stunned faces when you suggest that you might accidentally hurt Saito are priceless! X_X I guess this shows that you take this seriously, though.

"Excuse me... You don't have to laugh..." XD Is this almost sassy?

Surprise, Okita likes it when I do what he says despite understandable reservations XD

Saito looks way too happy to be doing this XD was this just a chance for him to show off? :P

IS HE LAUGHING AT ME?!? XD RUDE!

WHA THA FUCK. I think that it was a glitch but there were suddenly about seven Saitos on screen. Maybe that's what it feels like when you're fighting him.

Woah, it happened again, only this time there were two and one was squashed.

I'm fine with there being more Saitos.

Aaaaand he's holding a sword at my throat... Sploosh? Shut up, swords are sexy. I probably watched too many period and fantasy films as a child...

"In the blink of an eye, his face was only inches from mine," O RLY? 😏 WAIT, I'm supposed to be playing Okita's route X_X Must... stop getting distracted...

"Your master should be proud." SAY IT AGAIN 😍

"I then noticed how wildly my heart was beating." Though not from fear, right? ;)

"You all right?" Kind words? FROM OKITA?!?

"polite applause" FROM OKITA!?!

"If you want, we'll keep you company." Yes, Okita, obviously I want that :D

First sign of madness: talking to your own head!

Okita could look less smug about catching me talking to myself -_-

"I wanted to scream, but before I could open my mouth, Saito stepped out from behind the door." X_X Well, they did say they'd keep me company.

"I think that's enough fraternising, Souji." Wait a second...

"I figured if I left the two of you alone, it would be longer before I saw either of you," ... Why does that sound slightly risqué? -_- I feel like this scene changes slightly depending on your affection levels...

-_- The only reason Heisuke is short is because Nagakura's stunted his growth by constantly stealing his food.

"How are we to deal with accepting such insanity?" MOOD.

Wait, does Okita subsist entirely on sake?! O_O

"Try not to worry about eating too much or being a freeloader or something. Just eat your little heart out, okay?" Surprisingly wholesome content from Okita :')

Takeda! <3 My douchey doppelganger!

"your adorable page" -_- Watch it, "big brother"

"I'm not having any of your insolence today." Hijikata temporarily transforming into a villainous English aristocrat.

And after aaaaallll that, I'm just going to stay behind to spend some quality time with Okita, probably X_X

"Huh!? Why? You're finally getting the chance to search for Kodo." GOOD POINT. However, gotta get that dick, amirite?

"Perhaps, I should have gone..." YUP. PROBABLY.

"Are you regretting it? If you are, then you should've just gone with them." TRUTH.

"He smiled wryly before continuing while touching my chin." WEEEEOOOOA WEEEEEOOOOA PHYSICAL CONTACT ALARM. WE HAVE INITIATED PHYSICAL CONTACT. IT WAS WORTH STAYING BEHIND AFTER ALL!

"You don't regret it at all? Not even if you knew that Hajime and I went out of our way to convince Hijikata?" Aw, y'all did that for me? Yeah, this is a terrible decision X_X Except for the part with the chin touching. I guess stalking you overrides all logic?

"I was surprised. Saito did make that promise" and what? You thought he was a liar? Girl.

"It was actually Hajime that convinced Hijikata." Not sure if Okita's being modest but this is making it reeeeally hard for me to stop myself fangirling over Saito. Again.

"When I see Saito later, I need to apologise and give my thanks to him." YOU BETTER. >:(

Did he just call me useless (in a battle)? XD I mean, he's not wrong... As we will no doubt soon find out...

Wait, wait... He just said that if I'm in danger, I will become a nuisance and he'll FRICKIN' STAB ME. WHAT?! DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU THE GREATEST DANGER, OKITA!??

Chapter 2:

Did we ever apologise to Saito? X_X

"Please allow me to continue looking for my father!" Where was this enthusiasm earlier -_-

"If you want that risk, feel free to join us." Ooooooh, scary.

"Remember that you're here to keep me company" Um, excuse me!?

Burn down the city and kidnap the Emperor while everyone else is "losing their shit." This seems like the plan of crazy people o_O

"Would you care to join us." Kondou's making this raid sound like a dinner party X_X

Chizuru getting distracted by the more "elegant" night uniforms while preparing for the raid is a Big Mood.

Am I going crazy or does this game normally give me more choices here? Am I being paranoid or is it now shipping me with Okita? Can't I normally choose to go with Hijikata or stay behind?

"Giving the enemy a good, loud warning that he's about to kick the tar out of them. That's Kondou for you..." Okita kind of has a point X_X

"They sauntered towards the inn" Quite the image.

Oh shit! Okita's fighting Kazama O_O

"Okita was battling a ronin." Damn, you're lucky that Kazama can't read minds X_X

"Thanks for the dance, chump." -_- Kazama's such a dick.

"You're our enemy, so you've gotta die." Okita's philosophy is simple and elegant.

"His sword moved in large, crude arcs, while Okita fought with skill and finesse." Wow, SUPER glad that Kazama can't read minds O_O

EXECUTE PLAN: HURL BOWL AT KAZAMA.

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE: OKITA SENPAI NOTICED ME.

Wait... WHAT WAS THAT "WET CRUNCH" WHEN KAZAMA KICKED OKITA'S CHEST!??!? O_O IS THIS HOW HE GETS TB?!? O_O

"Wet, tearing coughs." OH FUCK O_O

"I like watching children squirm." WTF, Kazama. BEGONE, THOT.

:'O Injured Okita is trying to put himself between me and that crazy bitch <3

Oh damn, he is coughing e blood :'O

"What a fool" UUUURRRRGGGGH KAZAMA IS THE WORST. SOME PEOPLE CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, KAZAMA. AND SOME PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO PUT THEMSELVES IN DANGER BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT MORE THAN THEIR OWN SELFISH NEEDS.

"I... I can still fight..." NO.

"You always said you'd kill me if I got in your way..." OOOOOOOOOOOH! HERE WE GO! THE FAÇADE BEGINS TO SHOW CRACKS *munches popcorn*

Iba... y u no mention our shared childhood?

ISHIDA POWDERED MEDICINE.

Nagakura says that it's delicious... I wonder if it tastes like cough medicine. Cough medicine is delicious. And addictive...

"I would never have thought that Toudou or Okita would return from a fight injured..." Why, Inoue? Are skilled and strong warriors invincible?

"The injured are a burden, so we shall remain here and guard the compound like obedient soldiers." O_O Ouch, Sanan!

Wait, I don't get a choice to go with them?! I KNEW IT. THIS GAME KNOOOOOWS! I'm too far down the Okita path to turn back now, I guess.

"Um... " Chizuru is me trying to make small talk.

Weird isn't necessarily a bad thing, Chizuru! Take it as a compliment!

I feel bad for not realising how badly injured he got during the raid during my other playthroughs X_X

I thought that I'd somehow missed the scene with the children because this playthrough's taking so long because I'm making so many fricking notes X_X Turns out, I have a lot more to say when you actually get to spend time with the chosen boi.

"Oh, don't worry. I didn't kidnap them or anything." ... GOOD!????

"I was bored" Hey, I get lonesome too! Why can't you come play with me? D:

"They take care of me." Pretty cute. :3

"You wanna come play with us?" Duh!

"No" GURL

He really does look like a happy cat when he smiles!

Wow, these children have a lot of attitude.

"It's a place for men to do, um, work." Yes, just normal human work. Nothing funny going on here.

"They're catching bad guys and keeping Kyoto safe" "No, they're not. They're just killing people." These kids are SAVAGE :')

"Can't deny that" ... Way to back me up, Souji...

"I probably hear him talk about death everyday." Wait, really? What exactly does he have to say about death?

"The Shinsengumi are a bunch a weirdos." :') And that makes them extremely lovable!

Last time, I tried defending the Shinsengumi and Okita ended up terrorising a child so LET'S PICK THE OTHER OPTION AND SEE IF THERE'S LESS CRAZY...

"Don't tell me you're taking this seriously?" CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE, OKITA!

"They all look like bad guys." Why? Because they're hot?

"I didn't know what I was supposed to do..." Uh, maybe tell this childries not to judge a book by its cover? Idk, maybe try and suggest that the world is not so black and white? Definitely don't mention the bloodlust.

"Grinning like an idiot." You're just jealous of his happiness, you cynical-ass child

"He's a wuss." UM, pretty sure he's the most powerful member of the Shinsengumi so stfu :P

"He grabbed the child" Oh dear... Here we go...

Okita! Use your words to teach the children a lesson! Not whatever this fucked up shit is X_X

Ah, ruling with fear! :') When has that ever backfired?

"I'll tell them I'm sorry. Then I'll tell them how awesome Kondou is." GUD. >:(

Uuuuugh, I'm so so tired and I've written so much CRAP so I will SLEEP and play the next bit tomorrow! :D

[long-after-love]

Some personal ramblings on love/marriage

(This is actually a non-Beatles post, even though I relate this story to Lennon/McCartney, which is funny)

The other day, I learned something about my cousin. Thanks to anonymity I can tell everything here.

Let's just call him Steve and his wife Anna. An admirable, hard-working, very likable man. His wife is a beautiful and sweet lady whom I also have massive respect for. They have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. The boy inherits his dad's quick wit and his mom's fair complexion. The girl had her father's intense eyes and her mom's gentle charm. I have never known any family that looks so pretty and wholesome, they are the sort that you see in commercials – a bit too perfect to be true. 

Steve is never really close to me, but we are on great terms when we meet. Anna likes me as well. They used to invite me to join them on family trip when I was younger. I looked after the boy and the girl, so that they could have some private couple moments. Steve was openly sweet to his wife, and Anna held his hand all the time. The kids would run around me, laughing out loud at nothing as kids would. I felt like I was watching a movie.

And just recently, everybody in my extended family was shocked to find out that Steve had an illegitimate child that he has supported in secret for more than ten years now. His mistress could not compare with Anna in any way, and the most absurd thing was he wasn't even in love with her. Now everybody are asking, "Why, Steve? Why?" and I could imagine that even Steve was unable to explain it. 

Last week, I called my sister in Australia to ask about her current situation amidst Covid-19 and of course we talked about Steve's little scandal. Here I have to provide some background about her, and my family background. She is a single mom, and she is closer to Steve than anyone in my extended family. When she divorced her husband, my parents were so against it because they thought that she was selfish and the child needed a mom and a dad. My parents were old-fashioned that way – I think they were not wrong from where they stood, back when they had my sister and me. I never thought of my parents as a very loving couple. They rarely fought, but they had zero romantic vibe. I always had the impression that they stayed married because of me and my sister, not because they were in love.

I’ve realized that my mother and my father never ever taught me about sex, and as long as I could remember they’ve never shared the same bed. They did not even have a wedding photo. I guess it was because they were very poor and could not afford to take a photo of that day, but they didn’t even have couple photo either. They had to be with someone else in any photo al all: with me and my sister, or relatives, or in a group photo of friends and acquaintances. My father is a stern, quiet man and my mother is a nurturing, traditional woman. I could understand their love and their bond, but I can’t feel it. Their love was mutually built on their devotion to their kids, aka my sister and me, so to me it was a culmination of shared responsibility, understanding, appreciation, respect and most important, mutual sacrifice. I never saw any true moment of romance between them, I have never, ever seen my parents kissing ever. 

Love and sex in my household was a taboo subject – when I was younger my parents did not want me to have a boyfriend, and then when I got older they wanted me to get married and have kids as soon as possible. 

It sounds a bit ridiculous but I discovered love through The Beatles, and their songs were, in a way, painted my outlook for love. Of course, after all these years consuming other kinds of art I’ve established for myself a far more detailed concept of love, but it is The Beatles that gave me the rough idea. Some might say they were just four young lads singing pop songs about love just like every other pop song out there – I agree with them, at the time they did, and I am sure they didn’t think much about what they were writing – they only wanted to sound good and sell a few records after all. However, I don’t think they were fully aware of their extraordinary talent and their unprecedented influence at the time – such are the stuff that only those with the gift of hindsight like us can see. The Beatles would never know that decades later their songs still changed the life of a little girl in Vietnam for good. Loving The Beatles set me apart not just from my peers then when I was 12, and in a way, I alienated myself from my surrounding because of that. I started drifting away from my parents’ influence consciously (but of course on an unconscious level they still have their influence on me), and became an aberration – not just within the household, but also later on at school or in the workplace, however, I don’t consider being different means I am special, useful, or deserve anything better. Being different is just being different.

Back to the topic of my parents, perhaps my sister felt the same way as I do – we were living in a household where any discussion of love and sex was shadow banned after all. The nearest ideal we can look up to, was Steve’s family. They were the pinnacle of success and domestic bliss. However, before this scandal happened only my sister knew that everything was far from perfect – I happened to realize that she become Anna’s close friend after her divorce. And of course, she wasn’t so surprised about Steve’s illegitimate child at all. 

Through my sister I’ve learned about Steve and Anna’s story. 

Steve and Anna were classmates, and they had been dating for more than 7 years before the marriage. It was 7 years of an on-off relationship. I don’t know anything about Anna, but Steve, at one point, fell in love with another girl (let’s call her Sarah) and even proposed to her. Sarah’s parents did not approve their relationship because they much preferred Anna, and Steve’s parents were against the idea of having Sarah as daughter-in-law as well. Now I need to tell you that I’m from an Asian country where a woman doesn’t simply get married to her husband, she marries the family of her husband as well, so many women have to live with parent-in-laws. Steve’s and Sarah’s families are way too different and they could not stand each other. Due to fierce objections from both sides, they had to break up.

Sarah was still madly in love with Steve then, that even before the wedding she came to meet Anna, and asked her to let him go. My sister told me:

“Steve said that Sarah still saw him one week before the wedding. She told Anna that Steve loved her, and he nodded. It was the worst experience in his life -  having to confront these two women about his feelings. About four or three days later, Anna called Sarah’s parents, begged them to intervene. Sarah’s father had a terrifying meeting with Steve’s family, demanded Steve to break up with Sarah for good and never see her again, because he was supposed to marry Anna and Sarah, of course, would ultimately have to marry someone else as well. After getting married to Anna, Steve had fell into depression in 3 months. He could not sleep, he got up at 3 am just to sit on the roof and smoke or take a walk outside until he had to leave home for work. Finally he got himself together, because he could not just throw his life away – he was the only son of the family and his parents had so much hope in him (once again, where I live, parents valued their sons more than daughters, and women are but a lost cause – it’s an East Asian thing especially for countries being heavily influenced by Confucian’ philosophy). He put on a façade for nearly twenty years. It’s not that he didn’t love Anna – he loves Anna because she is the mother of his kids, he admires her effort and patience, her decision to stick with him despite all the things he did behind her back. He owes her a happy family. He acts out that kind of love publicly and proudly because that is what his conscience forced him to do. On the other hand there is always a vacuum inside him, he longs for the kind of love he had with Sarah and found the ghosts of it in his affairs. The illegitimate child was his accident, he have been quietly supporting the mom and the kid – however due to Covid-19 he cannot make as much money as he could and the financial support was dwindling. The woman was furious, so she decided to expose him. However, Anna still forgave her husband, as she did many times before in silence.” 

I asked my sister if she knew what Sarah was doing now. She said she didn’t know, but according to Steve, Sarah also got married about one month after his wedding. Perhaps that deepened his depression back then, he was shocked that she could find someone so quickly – however, that was the way it should be. He deleted her number, never contacted her again. He said he wouldn’t want the present to mess with the image of Sarah in his mind, and probably Sarah had done the same thing.

Now I’ve come to a point in my life, where I believe that anything can happen. I’m not too surprised that some weird shit happened, I’m just surprised that it happened under my nose. Even in my own relationship with my partner, sometimes I don’t understand what was going on without asking for other people’s different accounts on our relationship. There are so many things we could not tell each other, but from the outside, people could feel it. Then again there are things we want people to see, however true the opposite of them are. We did not lie when we were showing how in love we were, but we were not entirely genuine either.

It is never black and white. But of course, it is also never the perfect balance of black and white or an unanimous grey.

[flordidian]

Which Anne is more like the book: Sullivan vs. AWAE?

I think this one is much harder than Gilbert. While the differences between the Gilberts is a product of the changes made in the writing, the differences between Follows’ and McNulty’s portrayal of Anne mostly come down to their own interpretation of the book. However, I will make the attempt to distinguish them anyways.

Here goes:

Sullivan Productions Anne

Differences

1. Immaturity

Now, in Anne of Green Gables the books and miniseries, Anne is characterized as immature. But, in Anne of Avonlea the book, Anne is nearing adulthood and acts like it. She is by no means completely mature, but she rarely “loses it” or whines. In fact, she also stops talking all the time. In the miniseries, this is not so. In Anne of Avonlea, Anne is as stubborn and immature as always. Sullivan gives Anne another character’s lines for Anne of Windy Poplars as Anne and Diana talk before Diana’s wedding day which do not reflect her impending adulthood. 

The Anne of the miniseries is a bit more immature and naive than the Anne of the book. I get the impression Sullivan enjoyed Anne’s temper and was sore to be rid of it. Unfortunately, Anne is not allowed to grow up in the miniseries and acts not much different than she did at the end of their first movie.

2. Into an older man

Okay, I know a lot of people thought Morgan Harris was handsome, but to me, he was just old. In the book, the two men Anne shows romantic interest in are Royal Gardner and Gilbert. Both are barely older than her and considered super handsome. Royal is also rich and romantic while Gilbert is funny and smart. Meanwhile Morgan is...well...old. Sure he has some money and I guess he likes Anne, but he has a child and a know-it-all attitude.

Maybe this is splitting hairs, but I think Follows’ Anne is different in that her view of an ideal man is different. In the book, Anne is all hooked on romance; she wants to live as the heroines in her favorite novels do. Meanwhile, the Anne in Anne of Avonlea, the miniseries, is attracted to a man who is rich and old. Instead of having lofty standards for herself, Anne in the miniseries is satisfied marrying whoever happens to come along who is not dreadful. Perhaps this shows a lower sense of pride too.

3. Looking for Gilbert WWI

The whole plot of the Continuing Story bugged me. Why would Anne go to Europe to force her husband against his will to not serve his country? I can find no sense in it. The Anne of the book does not always agree with Gilbert, by they are equal partners. If she knew he felt strongly about something, she would change his mind or accept it, not go gallivanting across a war zone. Instead, Sullivan could have had Anne working as a nurse during WWI and saving lives. And/or using her storytelling skills to raise morale.

The Anne Blythe of the Continuing Story is a far cry from the Anne Blythe of the book. The Anne of the miniseries in the third movie has a much different relationship with Gilbert and thinks far more of herself. 

Similarities

1. Romantic

Anne in all three miniseries movies I have watched is true to the book in her romantic nature. The Anne of the books lives in her own idealistic world which is captured well in Sullivan’s version with Anne’s monologues, writing, and behavior around kids. She appreciates nature and sees the good in everything.

2. Stubborn

Anne of the book is rather prideful and struggles to change her mind. The Anne of the miniseries is also stubborn. In the miniseries, Anne sticks to her goals whether ignoring Gilbert, being the best school teacher, or finding her husband. Just like the Anne in the book, no one can convince her to act against her convictions.

3. Self-reliant

One of the things that makes Anne an interesting character, especially for the time, is that she is very independent. Theoretically, her independence stems from her time as an unwanted orphan. Regardless, in the miniseries, Anne’s independence is clearly shown. She studies herself and gets ahead, she keeps writing even though her works get some criticism, and she takes care of herself when her husband is gone. She can get by all on her own.

Anne with an E Anne

Differences

1. Physical manifestation of trauma 

One of the biggest differences in season 1 of Anne with an E is that Anne is actually seen to be affected by her years of neglect and abuse. In the books, Montgomery sort of dismissively addresses it (like with the window friend bit), but does not have Anne exhibit any trauma. The TV show, however, embraces Anne’s horrible past showing her to have triggers and nightmares and horror stories.

Because the Anne of AWAE is affected a lot by her past, she has a harder time making friends and fitting in. She has a reason to be wary of other people. She also comes across more as odd, because of the various triggers she has which the others do not understand and because she has stories like no one has ever heard. Much like Gilbert, AWAE makes their version more of a loner.

2. Activist

Anne in the book stands up for herself, she does, but not in the way of Anne in AWAE. In AWAE, Anne has all sorts of causes; she fights for feminism, gay rights, foxes (I want to say environmentalism, but she doesn’t value the lives of chickens, so I hesitate), and treating everyone the same regardless of race or culture. Anne speaks loud and proud in the show on all of these issues. Anne in the book does have convictions, but she is just not that loud. She does not speak against gender inequality. The only cause she really speaks out about at all is treating children right. 

Anne in AWAE is more of an activist than the Anne in the book. While the Anne of the book may organize a letter writing campaign, the Anne of the show would be leading a march with signs and a bullhorn. The show has a far more outspoken Anne.

3. Good in Everyone

This one is sort of related to the first. Anne in the book assumes the good in everyone which is why she makes friends with some of the least liked people. In the show, they keep in her relationship with Aunt Josephine, but Aunt Josephine in the show is also changed so as to not be one of the least liked people. Instead of a selfish prideful woman, she is just a sad lonely woman who lost her soulmate. In the show, Anne has difficulty seeing the good in the people as evidenced in the number of people she does not get along with. Sure Anne doesn’t like Josie in the books, but the Anne of the show also doesn’t get along with Mr. Phillips, the pastor, all the boys who aren’t Gilbert or Cole, and most of the mothers. I’m guessing this change is related to Anne’s childhood trauma.

The Anne of the show is less friendly and has less friends than the Anne of the book. Perhaps she is automatically guarded or maybe her triggers or oddities threw them off. Or maybe some of them just don’t like an activist telling them to change. Regardless, Anne in the show comes across much more on her own than the Anne of the book who is generally well-regarded.

Similar

1. Romantic

I had to put this on both, because this is one trait the adaptations hit on the nail. Anne in AWAE, like Anne in the book, is memorized by the world around her. She fixes each flaw she sees with her imagination. Her capacity for creativity abounds which can be seen in her artistry in the pageant and her work in school. 

2. Intelligent

AWAE does a good job of showing that Anne is smart. They have her rise through the ranks at school, like in the book, but they do much more. Her conversations with adults meet them phrase for phrase and she cleverly devises plans, like when she saved Ruby’s house or Diana’s sister. She is just as, and truly far more, intelligent as any boy in her town.

3. Confident

In the book, Anne believes in herself, even if she doesn’t always have the highest self-esteem. Anne in AWAE also has confidence. She speaks with boldness. In the book, Anne is willing to talk in front of her class or to the pastor’s wife and is not intimidated. Such is the Anne in AWAE. 

Which Anne is More Like the Book?

I think Meagan Follows’ portrayal better captures the character. Sure, all the stuff in the Continuing Story was dumb and I don’t like that she liked an old guy, but ultimately she reminds me more of Anne. When I read the books, Follows’ Anne voice is heard in my head for her breathy romantic quality so well fits the idealistic character. Her character’s interaction with the other characters also fits the Anne of the book well. Anne of the miniseries gets along well with Marillia with little doubt of Marilla’s affection, her and Diana are chums, and she pretty much gets along with everyone.

AWAE’s Anne doesn’t quite beat Follows’ Anne for me because of her trauma and activism. Neither are bad, per se, they just are not in the book. McNulty’s Anne is much more alone and odd and outspoken than the Anne in the book.

So, that’s my take. What do you think?

Thank you to everyone who suggested this post! @lillypedalsxx @filmmakerdream @thetraveler10