i-am-total-sketch

[i-am-total-sketch]

Two Night Stand

I Made a Wattpad

Chapter 1:The ex who fucked it up

Chapter 2: Not Quite Stranger Danger

Chapter 3: All We Got to Do I Just Be Friends

Chapter 2: Not Quite Stranger Danger

Chapter 4:B.U.D.D.Y?

Chapter 5: The Night is still young (WARNING: Fingering)

Who was performing again? Some EDM artist I had never heard of. But that didn't matter at all to me. What mattered to me was that I would be getting free alcohol and dancing the night away.

 Before going abroad I was a total homebody. I loved to dance but none of my friends even wanted to try it. So i hosted movie nights and alcohol free events for us, and it was cool. But I was a dancing machine who needed to move. When I had taken orgo, I befriended the only other black girl in the class and we really hit it off.

She understood my perils on every level. Suburban black girl, premed, dry personality. Hell, we would get drunk before parties and come home and watch justice league together. She was honestly my saving grace. And because all black people knew each other and the entire football team was black at this pwi, she got me in to every football party known to man, and we were kept safe by all of the big brother type figures in the room. She was honestly my antioxidant saving me from all the free radicals college had to offer. I honestly loved Linda like another sister.

She invited her bestie over and the three of us pregamed up a storm. Playing loud rap music on the tv speakers and drinking 151 like sailors. It was great. She helped me try to tame my frizzy roots but at the end of the day we settled on covering it with a beanie. The braids I had left in created "Beach waves" on my puffy hair and honestly it wasn't bad. I slapped on some dark berry colored liquid lipstick that I had gotten from the local beauty supply at home, and used my elf liner to make the most perfect wing anyone has ever seen in the history of wings. I put on some chunky heeled boots, and high waisted leggings. Heels always made my already curvy ass look perkier. I threw on a crop top, careful not to get makeup on it. I looked great. In my eyes, I could give Lauren London a run for her money! I was ready.

We went to the sports arena where the artist was playing and to my dismay the crowd was kind of dead. The last two years I had gone to springfest with my ex, once as a couple and the second time as friends, and I was hoping that I could make this one, the one without him, the best one. I went up to the crowd and swayed with the music, but this wasn't really hip swaying music, it was more jumping and fist pumping music. I spotted some of my old movie night friends and we took at least 100 selfies together. We laughed together at how dead the crowd was. I spotted Linda and her bestie Jessie conversing with some orgo friends out of the corner of my eye. It was so lame. But we all knew that the actual festivities happened after the concert at the after parties on campus. All I had to do was stay awake until then.

Between running to grab water bottles and free pizza in the back of the area and socializing with friends, I saw Derek enter the space, and right behind Derek was Cavan. I don't know why I was so excited to see him, more so than my actual friend. But I shoved that thought to the back of my mind. I ran up to them, quickly giving Derek a hug, and passed the two of them the water bottles that were meant for my other friends. Derek was clearly on something, but I didn't want to ask. Cavan was strangely sober.

I eyed him up and down. "Did you not drink?" My own words coming out slower than normal.

"Naw, I'm not into stuff like this." His hands were in the pockets of his bomber jacket.

"Okay well have fun!" I was really too intoxicated to say much more and I ran back to sway with my friends. It was 100% not my scene and I ended up heading home early with my friends. Linda and Jessie decided to take naps before going out again in 2 hours when the concert would end. I texted derek. "Are y'all having fun."

"Eh. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we came back"

I don't know what force compelled me but I had never left my apartment quicker. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the spanking flooding back into my memory, but I went back with the hopes of talking to Cavan.

The front door again was open and this time so was Derek's apartment. I waltzed in, noticing the red fairy lights were the only illumination. "Hello?"

"What." I looked down at the couch where the voice was coming from. Cvan was sitting and playing games on his phone.

"Where's Derek?"

"He's out."

"Oh." I pretended to be disappointed and took the seat next to Cavan on the couch.

He looked up from his phone. "So I saw the shot cup was empty."

"Yeah, because I drank it all like the bad bitch I am."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Really? Because when I tried to drink my water when I got home it tasted suspiciously like it had been mixed with jin."

The cat was out of the bag, I stayed silent Damn, how did I not notice that it was his water. I was honestly too tipsy to really care. Too tipsy to care about his water and too tipsy to care about rejection. So I changed positions, and layed down, my head in his lap, facing up at him. "I'm still tougher than you."

He brushed me off completely, ignoring my statement. But he put his phone down and rested his hand on my head.

This was as far as I had ever gotten when in came to flirting. I spent most of my formative years with my grandma and learned how to interact mostly from watched Monique on the Parkers. Somehow that usually worked, maybe because I was a semi attractive female. But I didn't think it would work here. So i just looked up at him, with my big eyes. I hope they were glowing in the dim light, but I'll never know what he saw. Where was this even going. What was I even doing. Here I was half drunk, laying in some guys lap that I had just met, looking up at him hoping my eyes are reflecting all of my dirty thoughts. I sat up, and sat on his lap, placing my hands on either side of his head, resting on the back of the couch. "I said, I'm still stronger than you." What the fuck was I doing.

His eyes turned playful. "You definitely are not, look how small your arms are."

I had seen this joke on the internet. When a girls says she wants to fight, it usually means she wants to fuck. In my 20 years of life, that statement had never been truer than it was now. I recalled the boys I used to dryly bully, hoping they would take the hint. This was as close as I had ever gotten to success.

I rested my full body weight on him. "No, I'm tough, you can't beat me." What was this voice coming out of me. Who was this talking. It like my subconscious had taken over and was trying to use intimidation to flirt. But before my thoughts could race anymore, Cavan had grabbed me by the waist and pinned me onto the loveseat. I blinked up at him, hoping my eyes were telling him to just kiss me.

Instead he just grabbed me again. He put his arm around my waist and rolled us so that he was on the couch and I was laying on top of him. Something about how easily he handled me was a turn on. My ex had never been any kinds of rough with me, I was this flower that was too delicate to do anything with but penetrate and kiss gently. My ex had referred to every session as "making love". But I didn't want to "make love." I hadn't been touched in over a year and here was this man setting my hormones on fire. I wanted to be fucked. Cavan looked down at me. I chickened out and tried to make my face as innocent as possible. No desire could be read on my face. He wrapped his arm around my waist and to make our positions more comfortable. His hand rested on the small of my back and I could feel how comfortable he was. I was comfortable, and where I wanted to be. I slowly started dozing off, and he did too.

I don't know how long we were napping, because next thing I knew there were three loud knocks on the door. Opened my eyes, figuring out my location orienting myself. The front door to the apartment opened, and Derek walked in looking at me with a blank expression. I tried to sit up but Cavan's arm was holding me in place. I looked up at him only to see that he hadn't been sleeping at all. Derek sighed and continued into his apartment followed by a group of our japanese class friends. Fuck. How do I play this off. Clearly they were all intoxicated, except for Ling who eye'd me and Cavan suspiciously.

The room was filled with drunken slurred half japanese and loud laughter. I was trapped on Cavan's body, feigning sleepiness. "This is all men are good for huh, personal space heaters and opening pickle jars." The room erupted in laughter and finally Cavan let me go and I got up. He sat up on the couch, slumping in his seat as if he were the most exhausted man on the planet. I was suddenly more alert than ever. I chatted with my friends and listened to a story about a fight breaking out over the last slice of the free pizza. This time Derek pulled out some plum wine from his own mini fridge in his room and we all took part, except Ling and Cavan. It was still early, I honestly should have been leaving soon.

Suddenly Cavan got up from his seat. "I drank too much, i'm gunna go to bed. Bro let me sleep in your bed."

Derek once again gave a blank look, but he always had a blank look. "Yeah, sure, there's just a lot of crap on my bed."

Cavan stood up and stumbled. Instinctively I got up to help, it was the future doctor in me. "Jeeze when did you drink so much," my words still slow as I was coming down from my tipsy. "Let me help you."

I took his arm and silently walked him to Derek's room. It was like a month of old laundry had been dumped on the bed. I shut the door behind us and looked at Cavan, "Are you okay?"

He straightened up and came closer to me. And finally it clicked that I had been tricked into being alone with the one person I 100% wanted to be alone with.

His lips found mine instantly and we began to kiss. My hands cupped his cheeks as he wrapped his arms around my waist. Our tongues danced, dipping in and tasting one another. There was a desperation to it on my part. Each kiss was like fire in my veins, and I only wanted more of it. This dance for dominance was quickly won by Cavan and I rested my hands on his shoulders as he pulled me in closer. His hand reached lower to palm my ass and I let out a small whimper. "Be quiet, or they will hear you."

I'm not the type to make noise. With my ex I had been the queen of silence every time, except for my first time. But something about this was different. He was grabbing me so roughtly, so tightly, as if he was just as desperate to have me too. He broke away and whispered, "When did you start wanting this." His touched his forehead to mine.

"When you smacked my ass and missed."

"I didn't miss. Get on the bed."

I pushed the puled of clothes to the side, and he lifted me so i could squeeze onto the edge of the bed. Cavan's hand has slipped under my shirt, under my bra, and he began to palm my left breast. His lips danced across my neck, small bites being placed in between hard kisses. I was used to gentle, and this was anything but. He pinched my nipple, pulling at it slightly and licked the crook of my neck. My back began to arch asI bit down on my lower lip.

Was this just from the alcohol? I had been drunk at parties many times before, but usually when men approached me I would rebuff them and join my friends. At yet here I was, not being me, in my friend's laundry covered bed, letting his friend suck on my neck and fondle my breasts. And I loved it.

Without warning, his hand left my breast and began traveling to the hem of my leggings. "Pull these down. Not all the way."

I pulled my leggings lower, to the hem of my underwear. I really was not about to be bare cheeked on my friend's bed. Cavan slipped his hand under my leggings, under my underwear, and his fingers grazed over my clit, soft gentle swipes slowly drowning my thoughts in pleasure.. I had no Idea that I was this sensitive, but with just the touch of his fingertip, I was sighing heavy. His lips once again returned to mine and I let him take over, his tongue tasting me. And while I was distracted by his lips, he slipped a finger inside. My gasp lost to his kisses. It was only one, but one had been more than I had had in a year. His finger was so warm and I did not protest as he began to probe. I could feel myself clenching around him, my body begging for his touch to continue. When he added another,a soft grunt left my lips. He stopped kissing me and watched me intently, as his fingers explored me. I was breathing heavy, sweating, and trying to focus, but between the alcohol and his fingers, I was losing that battle. I could feel him slipping in and out slowly, teasing my entrance before letting his fingers dive in again. He leaned in, his forehead pressed against mine as I struggled to keep my eyes open. "Let me see you big beautiful eyes." His fingers pressed against me, in a spot I had been unaware of existed, and suddenly a wave of heat ran thru me. Once again my back arched. I gasped. What was happening. He lowered his head to my neck, planting soft kisses. "There it is."

It took all I had not to cry out as he continued to assault whatever it was he had found inside my aching pussy. I could feel heat rising in my chest, my breathing became labored. It was taking every ounce of restraint to keep quiet. But before these feelings could climb any higher, he stopped. He pulled his two fingers out. "You're so fucking wet." He tasted one finger before giving me the other one to suck. "See how good you taste."

I had never in my life tasted myself. But something in his gaze told me to, so I took his finger in my mouth and began to suck on it. He removed his finger from my mouth, "No, just taste it." I had started off too eager, and this was something he wanted me to savor. I liked his index finger slowly, tasting what he tatesed. And when his finger was clean, he took it away. I could see a soft smile on his lips, the moon was more than enough light after my eyes adjusted to the dark. He pulled up my leggings and helped me off the bed. "You should head back before they suspect something."

Maybe my eyes showed the hurt and the panic before my voice did. "Would you like to come home with me?"

He eyed me curiously and just said "no." His eyes told me there would be no explanation.

I felt like a piece of glass, being shattered. Here I was, wet, dripping, for this man in front of me. He had just had two fingers inside of me and had given me more pleasure in minutes than my ex had in nine months of a relationship. I wanted to melt. I wanted to blow away. I wanted to disappear. But I had to exit this room, and go rejoin all my drunk friends and not be this embarrassed horny mess. So I sighed, fixed my beanie, and pulled my leggings back up, trying to ignore how sticky they were from my own juices. I walked up to him and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks anyways."

He grabbed my hand. "I don't have sex with drunk girls." It was stated so matter of factly. It was 100% logical and safe but it still stung.

"But I'm not drunk."

He gave me a serious look and I knew that my fading tipsy was still enough to make him hold onto his rule. All the feelings of doubt came up again. Was I not enough, even for a one night stand? So I smiled my brightest smile and said "haha, its fine."

And I left the room and closed the door behind me.

The only person outside when I left was Derek. How long had I been in there? I hugged him tightly and he patted me back while I just let the rejection wash over me. I stood there for about a minute before I let go. I smiled up at him too. "Thank Derek, awesome pregame! I'll see you out there later!" He nodded silently and I left the apartment. Walked two buildings down to my own apartment letting tears fall as my own insecurities took over my mind. When I entered, Linda and Jessie were blaring music again, but at the sign of my downtrodden face and streaky make up the two of them rushed over.

"OH my GOD what happened!"

"Conyo, do I have to mess someone up." Jessie was acting as if her 5ft 2 in frame could really mess someone up.

"It's nothing" I said, pulling off my hat and taking off my heels. "I think I'm going to stay in tonight."

They looked at each other but before they could pry further, I closed my door and got into my bed. I started Sugar by Maroon 5 on my headphones, and just let the feelings of inadequacy wash over me.  

[i-am-total-sketch]

I Made a Wattpad

Chapter 1:The ex who fucked it up

Chapter 2: Not Quite Stranger Danger

Chapter 3: All We Got to Do I Just Be Friends

Chapter 4: B.U.D.D.Y?

I had showered and put on the leggings I wanted to wear, but that was about all the change that I had made in two hours. Why? Because all I could think about was how much I had liked getting my ass hit by some strange kid I had met this morning. 

It was a completely new sensation. The spank had more bark that bite to it, but the sound of it was what turned me on first, then the light sting of my ass later. This was all really new and how was I supposed to process it. So I didn't. But just because I wasn't processing doesn't mean I wasn't moving.

I was adding more frizz serum to my braids hoping that it would keep some shine on my straightened hair. I could see the ends and the roots frizzing up but I really wasn't about to apply more heat to my hair. I tied the two braids back into one bun and went back to Derek's house. The plan was to smoke hookah for the first time and get tipsy before heading out with my roommates later. The second plan was to not talk to Cavan.

I walked over to Derek's building and the front door was propped open. I went up the two flights of stairs and heard music blaring. The door was unlocked and when I went in, it was a group of all art kids and choir kids smoking various things and drinking. I forgot that Derek ran with a ...different type of crowd. I smiled at his roommate Jason and his equally as generic girlfriend who's names escaped me. I was in a sea of blonds and green eyes and I realized I actually didn't know any of these people. Derek was walking around taking photos with his DSLR camera snapping photos of any and everything. I sighed, and caught Cavan slumped in one of the single seat chairs facing the window. So I sat in the chair facing him. Thinking I could at least handle the asshole I know vs the assholes I don't know.

"Hey."

His eyes shifted up in my direction. He grumbled in response. Suddenly Jason slammed the hookah down on the table next to us, heating the coal and handing the inhalation piece to me. "Go! Try it! It's mango flavored!" So i inhaled as much as I could, fruity smoke filling my mouth before letting out one big gust of smoke and coughing. I handed it back to Jason. Cavan laughed at me.

"Hey, I've only ever smoked cigarettes before." And I had. I bought a pack when I was in Japan because a pack was 4 dollars and I wanted to cross it off my bucket list.

He smirked again. I don't think this kid knew how to smile. "Wanna smoke then?" I looked around the room, there was no way our smoke combined wouldn't set off the fire alarm. "Outside."

I looked out the window. Being that Derek was on the third floor, his apartment had a mini balcony. Not really meant for anything other than display. Before I had time to protest, Cavan was already standing and climbing over the window sill to go outside.

Like a sheep I followed. I was having trouble getting off the sil to the balcony and asked for help. "Could you lend a hand?"

Without even turning to look at me Cavan just replied "I know you can make it. You aren't weak"

I grumbled some more before finally being able to jump onto the balcony. The height was dizzying but it still beat being stuck in a room with artsiefartsies and singers over-enunciating every syllable. He pulled out a pack of Marlboros and handed me one. He took one for himself and produced a lighter from his pocket. He quickly lit his and with the cig between his lips mumbled "come here." I placed the cig between my lips and he leaned towards me, lighting my cigarette with his. I pulled in a long drag and got mine to light. Smoke blew out my nose and I pulled the cig away holding it between my index and middle finger. "You clearly don't smoke, you're holding it wrong."

"Hey, I'm sorry I care about my fucking lungs."

We stood on the balcony and smoked. I could only do about half of the stick before my head began to spin. I threw it to the ground and stepped on it. Cavan had no problem finishing his, quickly too. Without saying anything he went back to the window sil and went inside. And me being afraid of heights was quick to join him.

We went back inside with all the noise. But sat in our same seats. I began to chat away. Mindlessly, about anything. Something told me that Cavan was not this big bad wolf he was making himself out to be. My usual shyness around strangers, which comes in the form of sarcasm and sass, had somehow gone way. And Cavan sat there, small smile in place listening to whatever I was talking about. It was pleasant in a room full of strangers. There was one person who was less of a stranger.

[i-am-total-sketch]

More sketches, more oc’s

[i-am-total-sketch]

Me sketching over breakfast.

[i-am-total-sketch]

Two Night Stand

I Made a Wattpad

Chapter 1:The ex who fucked it up

Chapter 2: Not Quite Stranger Danger

Chapter 3: All We Got to Do I Just Be Friends

I think Ling and I initially thought that Cavan was grumpy because he has been woken up from his sleep but he was generally just a mean son of a bitch. 

His humor was dry to the point where no one laughed and he just generally had an apathetic disposition. The only time he seemed to speak was in order to make quips and other sarcastic remarks. In other words, this guy was annoying with a capital A. But he was Derek's friend so we had to put up with him.

We were playing some new variation on blackjack 21 and I didn't think it was possible for all 4 players to be bad at the game. We had tried to make it more interesting by adding alcohol and tiny shots of wine proved to be doing nothing for anyone. Ling excused herself and placed me as her drinker for any losses. And when the wine ran out, Cavan pulled out a bottle of cheap gin from his backpack/suitcase.

"Is that rum!" I asked stupidly. The only alcohol I had ever managed to purchase was a cheap 3 dollar bottle of rum that the liquor store on campus was practically giving away.

"Nope, it's way better, gin. Here." He shoved the bottle at me and I unscrewed the white cap. I sniffed it and had to pull away. "Just take a sip, jeez"

"Shut up." I held my nose and drank from the bottle, half a sip and I was ready to gag. "What the hell is this, it tastes like a mouth wash and pine trees"

"I guess you have no taste in alcohol."

"This shit looks cheap anyways, I bet your taste is terrible" and this is how we went. Bickering until Derek pointed out that it was springfest and we needed to start day drinking faster. He offered for us to stark taking real shots of this cheap 80 proof gin instead of cheap wine. I, being the excited junior in a room full of seniors, agreed. Soon all of us, minus Ling, were coherently drunk off of cheap gin. The game became more fun, but not any easier and we laughed at how easy it was to lose.

"Hit me." I said, an Ace joining my 5 and 10. "Ace is also 1, so now I have 16, hit me"

Ling shook her head. "You know this never works"

"Hit Me!"

She sighed and pulled out another card. "Jack, that makes 26"

Cavan laughed at me. "You suck at this game." He took the mini red solo cup I had and poured more clear liquid into it.

"I'm not drinking that."

"You were talking all this big game a minute ago, what happened? You're a wimp?"

I glared. "I'll have you know I'm the lightest of lightweights! I don't feel safe drinking beyond this point."

"Pussy."

I glared harder. "Sorry I enjoy safe drinking"

"Well I'm gunna leave this here," he said, "and if you want my respect you are going to finish it by the end of the night."

I don't know why but I took it as a challenge. I didn't have to listen to a word this dumbass said but the idea of losing to him made my blood boil. "Fine, let me sober up first"

"Pussy."

This time Ling interjected. "How about we changed the punishment! Instead of drinking, the loser has to get spanked! Ha ha won't that be embarrassing." Ling was technically an adult, and technically the oldest one in the room. But between her height and her love of snoopy she could often be mistaken for the youngest. The punishment was childish, but safer than drinking. And the idea of getting to hit Cavan after he was a jerk all night made me smile.

"Deal," I said glaring at Cavan.

"Deal."

Cavan got up quickly to go to the bathroom and I poured my shot of gin into a water bottle. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, and he would think I won. Derek and Ying had been too wrapped up in a conversation in a conversation about who was cuter, snoopy or rilakuma, to pay attention. Cavan came back from the bathroom after his presumed leak and we began talking about the game again.

Derek remained silent as always. "But you will be taking my punishments too." Ling said matter of factly hitting my butt in jest. I wanted to argue, but it would be a losing battle anyway. So I reluctantly agreed and we started a new round of blackjack.

This time Cavan was my dealer. 5. 7. That makes 12. This is a low enough number, I don't need to get 21 i just need to beat him.

He turned his cards over, 8 and 4, also 12. This was more intense that the matches of Yu-gi-oh I used to watch as a kid on Saturday mornings. "Hit me"

I got one more card, he took one too. I flipped mine over. A Jack, again. I had lost, 22. My only saving grace would be if Cavan also lost. My poor ass was too perfect to be hit. Second to my hair, it was my favorite part of my body. I would never let someone as terrible as Cavan even dream of touching it. He turned over one more card for himself and smirked at the 9 of diamonds that he triumphantly flipped over. "You cheated, do over"

"No"

"I'm not letting you touch my butt"

"Okay."

I blinked twice at him. Okay? Okay? Maybe only I was the one with the grudge and out for blood. Ling just laughed at me and smacked my shoulder, and i began to laugh too. This was all dumb anyways.

Without the alcohol the car game had lost its appeal. So we just went back to talking. We gossiped about all the local idiots in our respective grades and the shenanigans they got themselves into. Cavan stopped listening early on seeing as how the only people he knew on campus were all in this room. Ling quickly spotted his disinterred and asked him. "Where do you go to school, Cavan?"

"I don't. I'm in the military." Ling and I looked perplexed. We really did live in this college bubble where everyone was expected to go. "It was too expensive and I'm not into school anyways. Plus I got to be a citizen."

He told us stories of being on the boat for months on end, and traveling places. He told us about his broken home and how he has trouble forming attachments. His tragic backstory kind of made his personality more understandable. It was like watching a lifetime movie in person and I clearly had sympathy written all over my face. "Don't look at me like that, it's all fine now." He generally seemed apathetic about his own story, likes he's been dealing with it for so long that it no longer mattered. But that's just my own privileged brain trying to interpret his words.

He suddenly didn't seem like such a bad guy. Still a moody asshole, but not a bad guy. Time was flying and I still had to shower and get ready. Derek was going to set up his Hookah in the room in about two hours, so I had time to get a base coat of foundation on my face before coming back. I looked at Ling and she understood it was time to go. I grabbed the empty glasses of tea off the table. Getting up to go put them in the kitchen "Derek, I'm just gunna go put-"

~SMACK~

I didn't get to finish my sentence because a jolt of electricity traveled up my spine, up to my brain and down to my pussy all in that split second.  This was a completely new sensation and it caught me off guard.  I controlled my body, no hitching of breath, no flinching in surprise.   I slowly turned around and there was Cavan on the floor behind me. When I stood up, he had lunged forward to get one good smack at my ass. He was there smirking up at me, victory written all over his face. I had never been spanked before, in any context besides disciplinary when I was a kid. This spank was electrifying and I liked it. I glared down at it. "You missed."

His smirk fell. "What the fuck are you talking about."

"My ass his up here, fuckwad. You were too low, you got the back of my thigh." He had hit perfectly low enough. My body knew that perfectly well but I couldn't let him win. And besides, I was reading into this way too much and a smack was a smack. "You had one shot and you blew it."

I started laughing as confidently as I could, putting the glasses in the sink, before leaving with Ling.

"That looked like it hurt" said Ling once we were outside.

"Naw, it was fine. He's an butthole tho. I hate that kid." I tried to curse less when it was just Ling and I.

"I didn't think he was too bad."

"You're butt wasn't the one used as bait."

"Fair." and Ling began to laugh at my expense But this was a ridiculous story, so I laughed too. We parted ways and I went back to my apartment in order to get ready for the concert later tonight.

[i-am-total-sketch]

Two Night Stand

I Made a Wattpad

Chapter 1:The ex who fucked it up

Chapter 2: Not Quite Stranger Danger

Spring semester Junior Year, things were looking up. 

I had spent the fall abroad, in a dream location. Learning a second language and getting closer to the other people in my major. I had been a dream and I was afraid it would end in the spring. But being on campus again was no refreshing. My ex was abroad in the spring semester so i wouldn't have to be fake polite. I was still ashamed to be thinking about him but after having not been laid since then, so of course he would pop into my mind. All I had to do was think about how he would only tell me he loved me when he was drunk and instantly any positive memories would dissolve. I had started focusing more on diversifying my studies. Taking more liberal arts to balance out my science classes and it made me a happier person.

I had new friends from going abroad and a semester of positive experiences to hold me over. I was learning to love myself again. And it was smooth sailing.

In the middle of the semester, like most undergraduate locations, there was a concert. I was excited to go with friends and experience all kinds of recreational drugs that had been on my bucket list. I was and always will be a goody two shoes so this was my chance to be bad. I'm the kid you invited to your events so your parents will give you the okay to go. I'm the friend your mom low key compares you to when she gets mad. But I'm also the boring friend. This was me trying to get out of my shell. Springfest would be my one day to be wild.

I straightened my hair, taking hours and gallons of heat protectant. It wasn't perfectly straight, but as straight as you could get natural hair at 350 degrees on a flat iron. I put it in two flat braids, hoping to put a kink in it, before slapping on sweats and running to my friend's house to morning fun. I could hear music blasting from the frats on the main road, and was glad that my group of friends lived in student housing a distance away. I walked to the second building in my complex and waited for my friend Ling to show up. She had gone abroad with me and we had gotten a lot closer. We were meeting up early to help our friend Derek set up for his all day pregame. Ling was super straight laced, this wasn't her usual scene, but Derek had lured her in with promises of making bubble tea. So here we were knocking on Derek's door at 10 AM on a saturday. We knocked for several minutes, no noise on the other side.

"Do you think he's asleep?" I asked.

"He better not be, i was promised tea!" Ling was only 5 ft tall but super feisty when it came to food and drinks. She continued to pound on the door. "Derek, those bubbles better be fresh!"

Suddenly the door opened. Derek was still half asleep. Oversized tee shirt, boxer briefs, long black hair half in his face. He had one eye open as if the other was still trying to get some sleep. Honestly, he was beautiful. If I hadn't been here before I honestly would have mistaken my friend for a girl. "Derek, you look like a princess" shouted Ling.

He nodded and opened the door the rest of the way, letting us in as we chatted loudly about nothing in particular. "Oh, my friend is sleeping on the couch" Derek added nonchalantly.

I turned my head and there on the couch was a man with his jacket strewn over his face, fully dressed, passed out on the tiny dorm room couch. Dennis continued down the hallway back into his room, to get ready for the day, leaving me and Ling with this stranger.

I turned to Ling. "dare desu ka? (who is this)"

"Shiranai yo( i dont know)" was her reply. Thank god we had taken classes in this so we could gossip in peace.

Ling was chinese american, and so was Derek. I was too stupid to learn Mandarin so I had chosen Japanese instead. After combing through the weebs and the fetishizers, there were a few cool people left in the department, Ling and Derek being two of them. And since I coudn't speak mandarin or shangai-nese or fuzhou-nese, Japanese was the gossip language of choice.

"Chugokugo ga wakaru kana?(I wonder if he speaks chinese too) "

"Hontou ni ki ni shinai, demo kore ha chotto okashii to omou. Doushiste kare ha so-fa de neteiru? Okite! (I dont really care, but i think this is a little strange. Why is he sleeping on the sofa. Wake up!)"

We continued to chat and giggle, until Derek came back out in his usual baggy attire. We made out bubble tea and chatted loudly some more, the stranger on the couch shifting.

Finally I was nosy enough to ask. "Hey Derek, Who's your friend here and does he speak japanese too?"

The friend finally sat up. Ripping the jacket off his face. "Oh my god you guys are honestly so fucking loud. And why would I speak Japanese, I'm fucking korean"

I turned slowly, and our eyes met. His were hazel and still sleep deprived. His eyes had to be the only outstanding feature on him because the rest of this guy was entirely average. "Hey, who are you yelling at," I retorted. "And look, the rest of us here speak japanese so it wasn't a ridiculous question!" The answer didn't seem to soothe his feelings and he continued to sleepily glare.

"oi , kono yatsu (look at this asshole)" I said to Ling, and she began to laugh.

"Hey, at least talk about me in english!" I looked back up at the stranger.

"Well who the fuck am I talking about right now, I don't even know your name?"

"It's Cavan."

"Well, nice to meet you Cavan"

Derek suddenly whipped out a deck of cards. He nodded his head towards his friend. "I think we should play, and invite him too," said Derek

So Ling and I grabbed our luke warm bubble tea glasses and shuffled over to the generic living room set that matched the set I had in my apartment two buildings over. "Move over, you're taking up too much room."

Derek and Ling had taken the two single armchairs leaving Cavan and I to share the loveseat. He seemed annoyed at the idea of moving and grunted before making space for me.

Derek and Ling looked at each other. It was about to be a long day.

[i-am-total-sketch]

Two Night Stand

Chapter 1: The ex who fucked it up

“The best way to get over old dick, is new dick”

This is what my friends had told me countless times over the past year.  I had given up 9 months of my life to a man who talked to me about love and spending our lives together. Yet here I was, a year later, still holding out for something.  My relationship had been a dream, but it was one that began to unravel slowly.  I knew something was wrong when he started pointing out how adorable mixed children, were, but neither apparent ethnicities of these children matched my own.  I knew more was wrong when his best friend would come over, while I was there, to invite him out to  party and they would leave instantly, leaving me to chat with the leftover  roommate. Suddenly his female classmate started coming around more often and I began third wheeling on “lunch” because I guess he began to feel guilty.  But I wasn’t one to question it either.  I knew our time was up, I was desperately grasping for it, but not willing to call him out on this behavior because I knew it would just push him away quicker.  And then it happened.  I was a sophomore in college, coming back to school from winter break a day early to spend time with him, and upon my arrival I texted him.

“Guess who’s back!”

“I’m coming up. We need to talk.”

My heart fluttered at the thought of him coming over immediately.  My brain registered the second half of the message but my heart and other parts of me were just excited to have him back. I put on a fresh layer of my shiny lip gloss and tried to style my hair quickly.  My mop of curls was not really obeying but hey, my 3 day old braid out was still sexy.  He knocked before entering my apartment and I sprang on him, hugging him tight like I hadn’t seen him in a year and a day.  My excitement was not matched.  

He sat at my desk and looked at me with pity and I kept the smile plastered on my face, denial running strong in my veins. “I missed you so much, did you miss me?”  

I knew the answer to that.  Over the course of the past 2 weeks his texts had gone down form paragraphs to one work responses.

“We should break up.”

And with those words it came crashing down.  I cried, I pleaded, I was pathetic.  But this was my first real relationship and I didn’t know how things were supposed to go, but clearly I had fucked something up.  These were the thoughts racing through my head.  But he had made up his mind and there was nothing I could do.  I dragged it out for weeks, looking for excuses to talk. I dragged it out even after I found out that he had secretly been fucking one of my friends behind my back. Even then I stayed pitiful and reached out to him.  Then he started dating his classmate and I knew I was losing him fast.  And yet I wagged my tail like a dog every time he was willing to reply back to my texts out of pity.  I was pathetic.

But no one was saying anything.  I was losing self respect and self worth and no one was saying anything, because I was hiding it so well. But one day It occurred to me.  He had never been nice to me.  He would degrade me and make me feel less than and let his friends join in on the fun.  It was gross. I had put up with it because I was blinded by his thick hair, tan skin, and a large cock.  He had been my first for a lot of things, and because of that I had placed him on this pedestal.  In my mind, he could do no wrong, and any mistakes were due to my own inadequacy. In reality, all I was doing was hurting myself.  

But one day, he texted me to meet him at the library.  This was the first time he had initiated and my heart leot with joy.  But like the grinch, it had shrunk three sizes and my brain was now running the show. I was cynical, and sarcastic, but still hopeful.

I showed up to the library cafe, took a seat with him, coffee in hand and began to sip slowly.  “So whats up?”

He had been sitting with his legs crossed, posed to look out the window dramatically.  His eyes perked up and he sat forward in excitement, almost knocking over his coffee in the process.  I could see that he still drank his black, and remembered how he berated me for drinking mine with milk and sugar.  “I think I’m brilliant.”

“Huh?” He had always been confident in his intelligence but this was new.

“I think i’m going to go down in the history books as one of the greats!  Look at this paper I wrote, comparing….” and slowly I began to filter him out, something I had never done before.

He took out his 10 page paper from his backpack and began to read it outloud to me in the library.  Talking about various philosophers and how no two human beings can fully understand each other due to a lack of shared consciousness and blah blah blah.  He thought every word was liquid gold, and I, as a lesser being, needed to be enlightened by his word. I sat there, slowly draining my coffee, anger growing.  He really called me here to brag about how smart he was and read me his paper knowing that I hated philosophy with a passion because of him.  Was I really worth so little in his head that he felt it was right to waste my time like this.  But I plastered on that smile again.  

“You know what, you are the most arrogant fuck I’ve ever met.  Please don’t call me again to tell me about how great you are.”  

He stopped talking. The conclusion had long been stated and he had been talking about how the professors loved him so and how his classmates were jealous. He blinked at me, slowly turning red. And before he could say anything I left the cafe and went to the study cubicles to keep studying for my own exams.  My goal was to go to med school.  I knew he thought I was stupid but I really did not have time for this because organic chem was calling my name.  

He sent me a slew of angry texts. Cursing me out and calling me rude for saying such mean things to him.  But I finally didn’t care.  He was trash and It had taken me nearly 3 months to realize that my time was being wasted.  I was not going to date again, at least for a while.  I had let this man fuck with my head on multiple levels and I did not want to be in a place where another man could to that again.

And yes, I missed his cock, it was gorgeous.  He had told me that in boarding school back in korea his nickname had been “monster,” it was accurate. I missed when we would play rounds of pin the dick on the cervix.  I missed being held at night.  I missed being showered in kisses. But I didn’t miss him.  It took me so long to realize that I didn’t miss the person, I only missed the idea of them.

My friends watched as I grew by myself.  I would go out but not hook up, because knowing myself, physical would be tied up mental and it would probably end badly.  Boys would ask me out and i would tell them that i wasn’t in the mental space for a new boyfriend.  Some of them took is respectfully, others would hiss out bitch after I told them.  I was better this way, by myself and celibate.

And I stayed this way until next year when I was blown by fate into the arms of a stranger.