#always pushing people away
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I feel so alone
#i feel empty and barren and desolate and lonely#so lonely#I am isolated and deserted and I have only myself to blame#always pushing people away#my best friend (my only true friend) is slowly walking away from me and it's my own fault#she's the only person I can and want to talk to and she's the only one in my life who even TRIES to understand me#even when I don't understand myself#she's the person in the world that knows me the best but even she doesn't know the true me#if she did she'd hate me. she'd despise me#I am chidish and egotistical and mean and jealous and selfish#I know this is most likely the mean voice in my mind talking but I just know she's gonna leave me very soon#it has been a long time coming#she's going through a very hard time herself#so it's just not fair for me to be so dependent on her for my well-being whe she's struggling so much#I've been very selfish#relying on her so much while she's dealing with her own pain#I'm a burden at this point#everyone is growing and moving forward and i'm just stuck in the same place unable to move#I'm a nuisance and a failure and she's bound to move on and leave me behind#meanwhile I'm just lying in my bed crying and throwing a pity party for myself#I'm afraid she's only sticking by me because she feels obligated to or because she's just used to having me around#or because she pitties me#I guess i'm just... mourning a friendship I don't think I can salvage anymore#soon i'll have no one#it hurts
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Head empty, only thinking about Ultra Protective Big Brother Mario at all times and how ever since he was a literal baby who just learned to walk, his first, strongest instinct, as unthinking and instantaneous as a reflex, as breathing, has been to position himself in between Luigi and the slightest hint of danger with absolutely ZERO hesitation
(Their expressions are EXACTLY the same in the 1st and 3rd image!!!! Some things never change!!!! LOOK HOW HARD I CAN CRY!!!!!)
#mario movie#mario movie spoilers#super mario bros movie#super mario bros movie spoilers#cherrysip edits#other people: what was the point of the dog scene#me: HOW DARE YOU I WILL ALWAYS CHERISH MORE PROTECTIVE MARIO#one thing i noticed when i saw it on saturday night is that mario and luigi don't dive away when the dog first pounces#mario purposefully SHOVES luigi out of harm's way and only stumbles back because of the force of the push#HE IS JUST SO WHOLEHEARTEDLY FOCUSED ON LUIGI'S SAFETY AND I WEEP AND WEEP#no joke when i was first driving to the movie theater i thought#'i really need there to be a moment where mario holds his arm out in front of luigi protectively. that would prove to me#that the movie is doing them RIGHT'#AND I WAS PLEASED
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No thoughts, just Darry “I’m not a violent dog, I don’t know why I bite” Curtis
#all he wants is to protect the people he loves#he doesn’t understand why he’s only good at pushing them away#no matter how much he washes his hands they’ll always sting from the force of hitting his kid brother#dally thrives on violence u can’t take that away from him in favor of putting a quote next to him#the outsiders#the outsiders darry#darry curtis#the outsiders headcanons#the outsiders fanfiction
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instead of focusing on what member unfollowed him, or making up additional allegations, please just wish the best for the victim who had to endure his torment. please wish the best for all the women in south korea right now with the current uprise in SA crimes as well as chatrooms filled with nonconsensual content. wish the best for the underage girls who have also fallen victim to these crimes by other underaged men. the women who don’t have the courage to come forward and speak about this because of the society they live in.
#i’ve seen a lot of people make this about how the members must feel#which i get but at the same time it pushes the attention onto them instead of the actual victim in this#it pushes the attention away from the reality korean women live in#instead of blaming bg stans for being ‘stupid’ enough to trust these men#blame the men for not being able to be even SLIGHTLY decent and normal#not all men but somehow always a men 🤔
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god, armand as a character is giving me serious brainrot. he's such a control freak because he desperately needs to derive meaning from something—anything. whether it's god, rituals, or coven life, he needs to give a purpose to his existence. this is why he upholds these stringent laws and regulations in both of his covens, which are ultimately destroyed by someone he loves who stands outside it all. and he kind of just allows that destruction, despite all of his power, because he is also... bored? it's like he's on autopilot, going through life in this meticulously constructed routine until he meets lestat and later louis, who both refuse to adhere to his carefully crafted structures and disrupt the status quo. this is attractive to armand because deep down, underneath his all masked emotions, he is very lonely and desperate for connection! which is just awfully human for such an ancient powerful being
imagine being this old and alone, how do you endure? armand tries to find value in these rigid structures because otherwise, his life feels empty. "he needs rules to give him purpose" but in the end, this doesn't fulfill him completely because, despite his feigned confidence and stoicism, he is insecure, needy, and traumatized. this is why he seeks out chaos despite having spent all this time trying to control everything and everyone around him. he lets it happen—for love, but also, i think, because unconsciously he desires that total loss of control, which allows him to actually feel something real. every few decades, he almost intentionally lets his entire world, the world he worked so hard to manipulate into his will, be ruined. yet, when he tells daniel he "let it happen," he is lying, too (at least about lestat) because he presents himself as more passive, composed, and reasonable than he really was when his way of life was threatened. he just tells himself that he wanted it that way all along so he remains the one in control. i need to see him crack
#it's just such a fun contrast with the relationship louis has with lestat#armand seems detached but he also shows just enough vulnerability to make him seem like a more stable tender option for louis#like he almost seems more “open” than lestat who masks his insecurity with bravado and acts on emotion and impulse and pushes people away#but armand is just as much hiding his real self from louis because he is always trying to manipulate#because he has carefully constructed his entire personality around protecting louis and serving him#he just fascinates me so much and i love assad's subtle performance#interview with the vampire#iwtv#armand#assad zaman#loumand
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I'm crying,they knew exactly what they were doing with these two
#starscream#hashtag#they made them friends for a reason 😭#transformers#earthspark#tf earthspark#transformers earthspark#tfe#tfe spoilers#earthspark starscream#earthspark hashtag#hashtag malto#parallels#the I'm alone part is quite literally a direct parallel hashtag realizing she wasn't alone she always had her family by her side giving her#courage to stand against mandroid#whereas even while starscream had people who geniunely wanted to care for him like bee windblade metalhawk#the trauma he had from megatron constantly ingraining the message that he was a failure that deserved to be alone prevented him from#developing these connections without pushing them away#I have high hopes for s2
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Softly, slowly, I want to love you anyway (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Loop#Isabeau#Siffrin#Sloopis Sloopis Sloopis#Top tier polyship heck yes#Poor Loop :'0 Give them love now!!!#Kinda-sorta inspired by my Loop fic - that transformation had to be difficult ;;#The ones with Isabeau are deffo more Star of Your Dreams tho <3 Isa's so sweet weh#Loop honey letting people in is like The Thing that will help The Most#Always deflecting giving outs letting people off the hook at their own expense :'( Pushing others away is easier than letting them see ;;#It's why Isa's such a good boy!! He genuinely wants to know to be close to see the real them - both of them!!!#It's work but it's worth it <3#And obviously Sif understands haha#If ever a pair needed some self-love it was these two like Sheesh#Loop still wouldn't make it easy hehe <3 They're just like that#It'd be so easy for Sif to accidentally hurt them and need to backtrack and it's worse because Loop would Get It#They understand each other so intrinsically and yet Sif still has - will always have - a victory that Loop never got to ;;#Even loving each other and sharing what they currently have it's still a painful reminder of what they left behind :'0 Loooop </3#They really are fun to draw hehe Loop's eyes are so pretty ♪ And actual sparkles on the dark gradient this time! Yes!#I debated whether I wanted their tears to be visible - blotted out by how bright their head is? But went with it for expression reasons#Gods can you imagine how beautiful their tears would be tho? Little prisms splitting up their white light#Although that would imply colour lol - I mean if Anyone Would have a bit of colour it Would be Loop sooooo#Hmngh love 'em
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“Bye.”
#the nose rub…… 🥺#don’t listen to anything he or anyone else says about him. he’s a sweet gentle darling boy#more romantic and thoughtful than anyone gives him credit for. and did I say gentle#james spader#alan shore#boston legal#*#kerry washington#onscreenkisses#he’s always pushing people away/letting them go in a way that feels generous ‘I’d be bad for you I’ll break your heart get out now’#but it’s really because he just doesn’t feel he deserves it. anything genuine or lasting#he really does treat the people he cares about well. except himself#allie bear I miss you……
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I need someone to tell me that im not stuck here and things are going to get better. Also they have to know what they're talking about
#I need to be making more money than this#it always seems to start with that#but I feel like I wouldn't be as depressed if I felt like I was on the way to something else#if i could get out of here in about a year#if I was saving up for some achievable goal in a meaningful way#then the things that I hate about my current living situation would grate a lot less#And I wouldn't mind as much being so helpless to stop people defacing things and making things worse#but as it stands i feel like im being pushed down into a corner#which is exactly what i came here to get away from#its just that im not allowed to improve anything around me#To stay away from this noxious shit i guess im expected to never to outside and always huddle down with my fan on#because im not disabled enough to complain abt it#am I???#beggars cant be choosers#cant live in poverty housing and expect the neighborhood to be polite#ig#but how do i get out of it
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thingies
#witch hat tag#orufrey#nother small post (it's not small..) meek post. mild post#sensei QRTed the last one with a sweet message and made my week <3#drawn bc she randomly announced that originally qif & eas were going to be more openly hostile with each other#but she decided after feedback that qifrey would. Restrain himself now he has children in his life.#like pikachu with togepi in pikachu's vacation. She didn't say that part#just love that since i always say i see them as having this kind of autistic warfare expressed in ways other than actual fighting#since their youths. but i guess we don't know how much they had to interact as kids#i just know they're both opposite ends of Autistic Kids: one do-gooder kid who gets REALLY irked when others dont follow The Rules#and the non-verbal autistic kid who IS one push away from actually biting people#Sometimes autistic people shouldnt be friends.#anyway why did she randomly state this now of all times. Are they interacting in the next chapter. But why.#the next chapter scares me. a teaser piece of art she posted is like.....What is actually going to happen here.#What is going to happen .#anyway hope all fans of my silly drawings are doing well out there
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I want to write I want to make girls be weird about each other in MY word docs I want to have creative projects and goals againn :/
#but i am. so tired#i also don't want it to be something i'm forcing myself through because i feel like that always backfires#this year to me has really been about figuring out what is actually important to me and in what ways i can push myself to grow without#sending myself back to square one again#i can kind of feel myself gearing up to create things again and have wants and goals again but it is sooo slow#absolutely everything wipes me out mentally which i guess it always did but now i can like. comprehend it!#i know what is happening in there but i am so clumsy at working around it. i hadn't practiced that a lot before#it's taking like multiple years to recover from stuff that other people seem to recover from easily#it's sooo annoying and it's not really about feeling like i wasted my 20s anymore#i am where i am it was my life and i spent it the way i did so far. i just can't change that#it's more about like Wanting to do so many things and feeling like there is the potential for so much and feeling held back by my own self#there are so many things i want to try now that i'm doing more than bare minimum surviving and it's like i want them all at once#but i can't possibly do them all at least not yet there just is not time or energy or money to do them all right away#i have trouble prioritizing
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i'm always thinking about this line
#ganon rambles#mcsm#mcsm petra#AGHHHHH AHHHHHH#i feel insane#bursted out laughing over 'you tend to push people away'#yasss feeding into her idea that people abandon her because there's something wrong with her 😋#yeah i'll make your mental illness worse#but anyways it makes sense#you meet her and she's completely alone as opposed to everyone else who already has their established friend groups#and also her line in episode 5 about getting used to having people who worry about her or whatever it was#and she is like a different person in the witherstorm arc lol.#well granted there was the death illness/amnesia but like.#my point... im always crazy about how she goes from closed off and cool abd lonely to like#...crying about her friends#like !!! ahahahahahahahahahaha#literally the most well written character in this stupid game and ashley johnson is such a good va too god#i'm supposed to be doing chores but i had to sit down and talk about petra. grown adult btw
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anyway im obsessed with merwen’s crush era they should’ve kissed more actually 🙄
#shows#bbc merlin#merlin s1#merwen#gwen#merlin#text#tais toi lys#post 1x04 they’re a little awkward around each other but they’re still friends and then one day merlin kisses her out of the blue and they#and they both stop what they’re doing and giggle and then merlin catches her smiling mouth with his—slower this time—and deepens their kiss#and they continue doing that for a few months because they have an unspoken agreement that they DO like each other but they’re far too busy#to ever become romantically involved and then they get Separate crushes on other people and they don’t kiss anymore but there is always a#fondness in their hearts whenever they see each other; a little secret between them! sometimes (when gwen is queen) they make jokes about it#and arthur’s like ‘merlin what are you prattling on about?’ and merlin grins and kisses gwen’s hand before saying ‘oh nothing much sire.#just flirting with your wife!’ and arthur rolls his eyes while gwen giggles and kisses his cheek before she pushes him away#IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM AHAHAHAHAHA SOOOOOO NORMAL#*
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My rambling is always cut off by the tag limits 😔
#you know what I’m saying it here since the tags cut me off#the pink brand shirt was cute actually#it was the sweatband that made it bad#and the tucking in of the shirt#if that wasn’t included it’s a cute look that I see people wear all the time plz I’m begging#Leo isn’t bad at this he just goes too far 😭#and also#I love how Mikey actually has a similar eye for this as Donnie#their disguise hoodies are even identical#which makes sense as they are the more hands on artistic people in the fam just in different ways#alternatively Donnie GAVE Mikey the hoodie which is just as good if not better#but yeah as i was writing prev post I started thinking about the popular ideas of Leo’s style and such and was like man#people always go one or the other for him#plz he’s not a frat boy he really really isn’t 😭#idk it just kinda bothers me when people wave away the fact that his face man status isn’t just pushed by himself but by others too?#*incoherent muttering*#I could write an essay on this but I feel like that would be too long winded even for me kdkdkd
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I need to sleep fr dawg
Anyway, I wish someone would do this for me
#eepity sleepity#I must#sleeping#ig#idk fucking shit man#I’m gonna regret posting this tomorrow I’ll tell you that much#live laugh love lesbians#johnnyboy#I need to find someone to smooch me on the mouth fr#probably will fix my pathetic fuckin pining#bleh#idk what I mean by fix and no I’m not elaborating#I just#I don’t have fuckin anyone to hug me like that dawg#it’s a. lonely existence#I’m always pushing people away when I really don’t want to#i really just need to.#hold someone#idk#it fixes me in a way I can’t explain#when it helps someone else it helps me#dawg#I think that’s my love language#sorry for the vent#vent
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Remember, both Jinx and Cait’s actions are sympathetic and explainable, but both have and will do inexcusable things. Arcane is about very human and flawed characters.
I know “haha girlboss ❤️😩 she can do any crime” is funny but let’s not totally loose our critical reading skills
#🪻.txt#arcane#I think we should talk about how innocent people can be roped into racism actually#especially in this social climate#AND about how a rat pushed into a corner wil do anything to free itself and it won’t always be pretty#Zauns retailiations can be horrible and bloody yes and that doesn’t take away from the pain of Piltover#but Piltover was the first agressor after all#it can be true that caits mom dying truly fucked her up and also that thousands in Zayn were orphaned due to enforcers#and they were a lot younger then she was and are also wholey entitled to their rage#their rage is just much less ‘glamorous’#jinx also doesn’t always kill people who deserve it at all#rip pink haired firelight baddie I’m sorry
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