#(also all of them are fucked up and lack the skills to help eachother most of the time)

[wishiwerethesun]

I love how good at masking Nightwing is

[dumbass-duo-showdown]

Propaganda masterpost for desertduo

They are two idiots thinking eachother's udeas are good and then somehow winning

They are two idiots thinking eachother's udeas are good and then somehow winning

They don’t have a single brain cell between them. They poked the goat to “see what would happen” and ended up getting their bases covered in duped ender dragon eggs.

Particularly in Hermitcraft, they are the most chaotic together. Chaotic in the most stupid of ways. Example: they blew up an intricate machine from one of the most "threatening" people on the server, stopped posting for a while, tried fixing it and failed, and tried apologizing with diamonds (Grian), theme park gifts (Scar), and by calling the victim "handsome" and "smart" and everything they could think of. And THEN, when Doc (the victim) retaliated with very intricate pranks that take a lot of skill and knowledge, they teamed up, went to the perimeter they were banned from as their alter egos as a loophole, and FILLED the ENTIRE PLACE (and it's a ginormous hole down to bedrock, many chunks wide) with CHICKENS. Just. A lot of chickens. Chickens everywhere. Oh my god. And another thing. Grian loves pressing buttons, like ADORES it (that's how the machine broke in the first place) and Scar... well. He gets confused easily and also breaks a lot of machines. So when people in the server build stuff, they have to both Grian-proof it (make sure an overexcited person who loves pressing buttons won't break the system) and Scar-safe it (make sure it's easily understandable and won't be broken like that). But now they also have to GRIAN-AND-SCAR-PROOF their stuff, because i swear, they multiply each other's dumbassery like by 100. And all that is just from the current arc of Hermitcraft season NINE. If we go back to season eight for a second, Grian decided to fake being AFK in all his friends' bases, and when he got to Scar's, Scar built him a ROLLERCOASTER RIDE to the BOAT TOTEM (boatem) HOLE THAT GOES BEYOND BEDROCK. People constantly fell there in the season and it was hell gearing themselves back up. But Scar was sure they were gonna land on the boatem and thought Grian was asleep because of time differences. But he failed and both died either way. And good fucking thing Grian was watching it all happen. Scar was SINGING him a SONG. You could even HEAR HIM COMING UP WITH IT BEFORE THE ACTUAL RIDE. Scar by FAR had the BEST reaction to the AFK experiment. And GODDD they're such idiots together. Unless they're in it for survival (aka the Life series) in which case Grian basically becomes his nanny let's be real. Scar is way too prone to die. He dies literally all the time and someone's gotta have him on a leash.

grian thinks that hes the responsible one in the dynamic but really hes just as much a chaos gremlin as scar is

they enable each other constantly. fellow builders to friends to enemies to friends to enemies to f

they share two braincells with each other and they do not work half the time. The number of things they fucked up is not even countable. One of them will be like "I'll save you!" and then both of them need someone to come and save them. They also are connected at the hip and love to annoy each other and other people so so much. they need help

They are so. so. Pesky british bird who loves explosions and has an attention span of 2 + catboy scammer who likes to lick magic and die badly. They are perfect for each other and their friendship is so precious to me. They are canonically soulmates. Currently theyre camping out on the edge of their enemy's giant hole because they accidentally exploded his machine together while Grian was procrastinating. The situation escalated because Grian likes war and Scar likes chaos so now theyre sitting directly in the path of their enemy's giant TNT-pooping goat mecha. Their plan? Build a buttercup-themed mecha to fight it because buttercups are poisonous to goats

They have caused a lot of chaos and destruction due to their lack of braincells /pos

Scar dragged Grian to the desert on a llama to monopolize on its sand, they blew up their friend’s tunnel bore, and rode a roller coaster together. They just bounce a braincell back and forth basically.

They ping pong a brian cell between each other and the few times it produces a thought the idea is always a bad one

they have two brain cells between them and they are not sure where they left them, they actively search for trouble and act sincerely shocked when it bites them on the ass, very orange cat coded if you ask me

Things only work out for them by pure luck. They both think they have the braincell and will be the one to pull each other through but they are both wrong. Tripping over their own feet and stumbling so hard and yet still coming out on top just because the others fall over harder

They get in a room together and its like all braincells disappear. They blew up their neighbors redstone, they filled his base with thousands of chickens, they die nonstop, they bully the other (in a friendly way) constantly and then do the exact same thing, theyre dunbasses ur honor

Theyre literally, just an echochamber of dumb. They actively lose braincells when around eachother. Grian seems smart and calculated but he can never get anything to work properly and scar is just an absolute hazard to himself and grian tries to keep him safe. They both die in minecraft so much. Grian also just has a habit of pressing every button lever or chest he ever sees. Even if its an obvious trap. He breaks stuff so easily. Grian WILL press the big button on top of the tnt block thats in plain sight. Especially right after scar says "i wonder what that does". Theyre duo can be summed up to trickster dumbass and dumbass with a heart of gold. They literally started a prank war by accidentally blowing up someones redstone. They are the unattended children on every server theyre in.

long live the science bros.

One owed the other a life debt for killing them with a creeper (it was just a prank, bro) and so they spent the season trying to monopolize all of the sand in a desert, and that's jusr scraping the surface of how stupid they are.

[snekdood]

I really appreciate your perspective and I'm happy you were able to dig out out of the alt right pipeline with some help (i think it will always take some help since if you're completely blind to being progressive you're gonna need some sort of guide to help you)

the problem is definitely empathy. I understand why people dont want to have empathy for some of maybe the shittiest ppl you'd never want to get to know personally, but at the end of the day- it's that lack of empathy and attempting to understand that keeps people trapped in those alt right places. if no ones willing to educate you and theres only one place you're welcome with open arms, it can't be a surprise then when people stubbornly stay in that place and never change, even if they're worse off for it. because, where else is there to go?

The concerns of working class republicans- while a lot of it is conspiracy theory bs, it does usually boil down to our general feeling of anti establishment for most ppl on the left and right, it's just unfortunately before the left could get there and help explain why the world is the way it is and why you feel the way you do, right wingers are much more quick to swoop down and give you their weird conspiracy theories as if they're proselytizing christianity (which they often do too)

this is why i think part of education about antisemitism NEEDS to include conspiracy theories and dog whistles- if i'd've known about that, the origins of those things and how they're used essentially as propaganda, I probably would've known what I was looking at when I was trying to be a new ager when I was 14. antisemitism is so subtle and insidious and it infects so much of our lives and I think I would've benefited from being taught that in school before I ever interacted with any new age shit. thats what I dont think a lot of conservatives get about "CRT" or whatever to begin with- it's not about Blaming Your Poor Poor White Baby, it's about teaching your kid to have empathy and understanding for someone who they just don't have the same experiences as. that's all teaching people about people's oppression is about, empathy.

but anyways- kinda back calling back to that other persons point about our education system on this post (different rb chain), the issue is we dont teach kids how to have empathy and understanding and good communication skills now, and nowadays online people feel like they have to be very black and white and polarized from eachother so if you're not being taught to understand, communicate your ideas and defend them (without getting too defensive), you instead just set up these little camps of "the good people i agree with" and "the stinky people i disagree with" and instead of seeing potential people to build a bridge with and bring over and maybe have them actually come to understand your perspective, you divide people up into enemies to block out and never interact with or try to bring over or friends that are already in the in group who can never do wrong, which I think is antithetical to the whole point of political activism- like... dont you want to at least try to get your ideas to win people over???

it's not about just figuring out who your friends are, yes you need that social safety net, but you also need to be able to reach other people (that you dont have to befriend...) who might be more partial to your ideas than you realize, they've just never been given the grace to change and grow and understand. it can be very difficult coming from a fucked up rw family and trying to grow out of that and not become like those ppl in it and I don't think people really understand the weight of that sometimes, especially when you want to be a good person and change and grow and everyone assumes you're just stunted where you are and never tries with you.

And then the right comes in and swoops in where no one else would and "teaches you how the world is" (in their weird twisted fuckin minds' way). So yeah, I am kinda a firm believer of trying to get there before the right does, and in a lot of cases that starts in school which is why the right targets the education system so much, bc ig god forbid kids have a bit of empathy and actually learn the ENTIRE history of our world, the good the bad and the ugly and not just the parts where settler ass white ppl pat themselves on the back for thinking they're so great.

There are genuinely people online that instead of actually bringing people to the left, at this point, would prefer that anyone who was previously not on the left but who tries to be *stays* outside of the left, because i guess its just easier to comprehend when the world is put into little shitty boxes you labeled for them instead of actually thinking for once and having the nuance to understand them. Like thats wild to me that theres people who would prefer you not be on the left or not try to be. Yall GENUINELY do not care about advocating for your side politically in any capacity. Its LITERALLY just a clique you’ve found yourself in. And theres nothing progressive about that or being exclusive, wtf do you think this shit is, a night club? Grow the fuck up, honestly.

[kurixta]

Wholesome Trainwreck headcanons

Despite acting cocky and confident most of the time, if Volo is shown genuine love and affection, he melts to it

At first in their relationship, Volo was actually a bit shy and acted like he didn’t care for it when Emmet gave him affection. Over time, he became more open about his feelings to Emmet and loves the things he does for him. Also despite the amount of time they are together, Volo is still weak to sweet things Emmet does or says

Emmet 100% does PDA, but he does try to minimize it since Volo isn’t the biggest fan of others seeing him “vulnerable” (he still allows it though)

Emmet fucking covers Volo in so many kisses, he needs to be stopped (Volo pretends he hates it but he very much does NOT)

Emmet’s body is often cold and Volo has a lot of body heat, so it’s perfect when they cuddle or hold hands

They have small fun competitions against eachother, and the winner playfully makes fun of the loser(who can get to this one place they’re going to faster, who can endure something the longest, etc.)

Volo immensely helps Emmet cope with the disappearance of Ingo, and while he knows he can never fill the void that Ingo left, he can make sure he’s there for Emmet when he needs it

Emmet and Volo both want the world to be a better place, but Emmet tries to show Volo that there’s still good in it. And he can still make it better without having to destroy it (he knows of Volo’s past endeavors)

Because of being immortal, Volo grew a large sense of apathy for many things in the world. Emmet being in his life gives him something to care about, as well as Emmet also helping him be more enthusiastic about some things

Volo buys Emmet a lot of small trinkets of things he thinks he would like, sometimes even making things himself due the large amount of skills he’s built up over the years

When Volo shows Emmet affection (which is a less often than vice versa), Emmet gets red and enjoys every second of it

Volo is a MASSIVE history nerd, and he gets REALLY into it when he’s describing historical events, legends, and myths. If he was alive during the time, he also goes into detail his experiences and what he heard during the period. While Emmet is not as enthusiastic, he is incredibly interested when Volo explains all of this; both because he loves Volo and the things he’s saying are genuinely intriguing.

Emmet frequently ends up sleeping at the table, passing out from exhaustion due to his lack of care for his health when looking into ways to get Ingo back, doing paperwork, etc. Volo ends up bringing Emmet to bed (with a lot of work, that man is built like a wall) and makes sure he gets a lot of rest. When he wakes up, he likes to “make fun” of Emmet a little bit for being the one to disregard his “safety checks”

When one of them is upset/sad, the other cuddles up to them and they lay together in silence. It’s comforting

They both tend to be protective of one another, so going against one of them wouldn’t be the best idea

Emmet teaches Volo more about Multi battling, and eventually they end up becoming a team and fight other trainers (with not much of a losing streak at all)

[sailorhyunjinz]

~ ℙ𝕦𝕣𝕡𝕝𝕖 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕀𝕀 ~

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: SMUT! Dom!Minho x sub!reader criminal!skz, gang!au, angst(?), criminality, mentions of scars, mentions of blood, mentions of injuries, explicit language, mentions of robbery, mentions of police, mentions of cuts, alcohol consumption, mentions of fights, public sex, PIV, fingering, unsafe sex (STAY SAFE), orgasm (m/f), cum, slight bulge kink, squint to see the degradation. 

PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS SINCE THIS PIECE CONTAINS VIOLENCE!

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 2.6 k 

ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖: EEEEP part 2 of purple hearts that is more of a background story to the first one so if you haven’t read the first one please do so here!~ (also jesus fucking christ did i struggle with this sooo... don’t expect much lmao)

OH if you want a song recommendation; A good song never dies - Saint Motel (fits this fic heheh...) 

A loud bang erupted through the room alerting the 7 other boys. Bangchan’s fist was firmly planted on the table as he looked at the shoked faces off the seven boys.

“We can’t go on like this anymore”

He spoke in a raspy voice, his breath quivering as the other boys avoided eye contact with both Bangchan and between themselves.

“Did you see what happened out there?!” Felix flinched at Chan’s loud shout as Changbin smirked, spinning in the office chair and staring at the ceiling. 

“It’s not that serious, Chan! Just a couple bruises tha-” Changbin started speaking but was soon cut off.

“Nonsense!” Chan growled out. “All of this because that son of a bitch won’t get a job, we included you because you were a detective. You were useful once, Minho”.

The entire room glanced over at Minho. His cheek scarred, a droplet of blood desended down from his knuckles as he swept his hair back with one hand. 

“Not my fault, you wanted me to plan the different robbing schemes so how the fuck can I work, huh? Ever though about that?” He spat on the floor as his gaze was locked with Bangchan’s. The leader getting visibly annoyed by Minho’s tone. 

“Calm down everybody” Seungmin said, carefully nudging at the curtain infront of the window and looking down at the blue and red lights that was flashing all over town. “Continue like this and we’ll all be dead meat for the police”.

Hyunjin was sitting across from Changbin, only the big white table seperating them as a lonely lightbulb hanged in the middle. 

“I agree with Chan, Minho used to help by getting access to information only the detectives had but now... well, he’s not doing much” he scratched the back of his neck while talking. 

Minho was aggrivated by his words, ready to lunge at anyone that dared to open their mouth about how he wasnt helpful after he’d been fired from his job as a detective.

“I-I’m gonna find a job, not like you fuckers sitting here and living off others pain”. He tried to defend himself but only earned a scoff from Felix.

“Please,,, don’t try to judge us when you’re in it yourself” Felix remarked snarkily, sitting on the cold stone flooring. A first aid kit was laid out infront of him as he treated a big wound on his forearm, wrapping bandage over the cut and hissing as the material stinged against the raw wound. 

“I’ll find my ways, don’t worry” he devilishly smirks, many of the boys sighing and rolling their eyes. All except one. Bangchan. His blood was boiling. Did Minho not see how the whole groups future was hanging on by a thin red thread? The red representing how much blood has been shed by these boys in order to survive in this vile world.

Silence filled the room, only the faint sound of police sirens could be heard from outside. Minho clenched his jaw, looking around at the silent boys before grabbing his coat from the wobbly coathanger and exiting the mobs headquarter, shutting the door loud enough to startle both Jeongin and Jisung. Confused glances were exchanged while Bangchan just stood at the end of the table, staring out into the dark night. 

---

The nightlife was well and alive in the big city. Music blaring, people chattering and cars humming. The neon lights were all around him as well as the vast crowds of people enjoying the night. Minho walked into a bar that was a couple of blocks away from where he and the boys had been moments earlier, robbing a jewely store and beating up the owners until puddles of blood formed around them. Most of the times it was easy but today the police were a step ahead and bad planning by Bangchan almost led to the boys in handcuffs. Luckily, all eight managed to escape, leaving the bodies and the spray painted SKZ mob logo on the old fashioned walls of the jewerly store. 

The bar reeked of alcohol as the lights were low, only a couple of silhouette visible. Unsteady bar chairs decorated the dim bar along with a wall of fancy liquor bottles and as Minho sat down he looked down at the bar table before croaking out;

“One boulevardier“ 

He licked his lips as he looked cockily at the bartender that quickly nodded, intimidated by the wound on his cheek. Minho rubbed the back of his neck whilst comtemplating his life choices. Graduated with a law degree, once being a well respected detective but what was he worth now? He was just a dirty criminal, ruining lives in order to survive. The drink was placed infront of him, a coaster on the bottom of the wide glas as the drink condensed, forming beeds of liquid on the rim. Just as he lifted the glas to his chapped lips you tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Excuse me” 

You stood behind his hunched figure and met his gaze as he turned around, drink in hand. You show your detective badge before speaking.

“y/n, y/l/n. Happened to see any commotion here tonight, sir?

He scoffs which makes you confused as you look him straight into his cold brown eyes.

“Detective? At least you got to keep your job”

Minho turns back and you stand there, wondering if he’s drunk or just refusing to cooperate.

“Sir, I asked you if you’d seen anything that could lead us to the SKZ mob? I’m pretty sure you know who they are. You know, the ones that makes the entire city shake of fear.” 

“Sure, I know of them.” He smirked with his answer.

He patted the empty bar chair next to him, signaling for you to sit which caught you off guard. You were hesitant since he didn’t look like the friendliest type but you nodded, slowly sitting down next to him. 

“Look, I might even surprise you about how much I know” he remarked, steadily raising the glas to his dry lips. 

“Is that so? How do you know so much?” you asked, geniunly interested in him and that scar on his cheek.

“Former detective” he stated simply. 

Your eyebrows jerked at his words. ‘Former detective?’ you thought, losing his job must have been hard on him judging from his scruffy appearence and by the way he waved his finger at the bartender, ordering another drink. 

“Then why did you lose your job?” Curiosity was going to be the death of you.

“Aren’t you asking too many questions, baby?”

Who was he calling baby? The two of you had met minutes ago but something in the way his voice rang through that word caused shivers to descend down your spine. 

“I’m a detective, that my job and you should know that” you replied sassily, not knowing what to do with the butterflies in your stomach upon hearing him call you baby. 

“I could help you but it comes with a cost.”

He moved his hand in a circular motion, swirling the liquor as the floating ice cubes bumped against eachother, the sound being completely masked by the distinct chattering of other guests. 

“Well,,, what do you want me to do?” You looked at him as he stared straight ahead, his silvery earring swaying as he turned his head towards you, grinning. 

“A job and you.” 

His deep brown eyes seemed to draw you in but you had to resist, you were on a patrolling shift after all. 

“I’m s-sorry,,, This is not appropriate behaviour” you say as you try to get up before being abruptly pulled back by your wrist, the purple heart on your bracelet reflecting in the minimally lit bar. 

“I know damn well that there is a promotion looming in the air” he said, not breaking eye contact with the bracelet on your arm. He was right. If he had valuable information it could change your career, make you climb higher in the ladder of success and peer down at all your co-workers that were once laughing at your lack of skills.

“H-how’d you know?” you said, flustered at his big hand that was still tightly gripping your wrist. He flashed his devilish grin before yanking you by the arm, dragging you to the bathroom. 

“W-wait,,, what are you-”

Pushing the door to the bathroom open, he slammed you against a cubical as he crashed his lips onto yours. Luckily the bathroom was empty leaving Minho without any hesitation to fuck you so hard that you’d be longing for more, fuck you so that you’d be left with no other choice but to hire him. You melted in his touch and as much as you knew how wrong this was something about his mysterious aura had you answering his kiss, pursing your lips and slipping your tongue inside of him. The kiss quickly got heated, sparks flying as his fingertips lightly nudged on the band of your jeans. Minho tilted his head, cupping your warm soft cheek with his brittle and bloody hands as you moaned into the kiss, adrenaline rushing through you at the thought of getting caught at any moment. 

Minho pulled you into a cubical, your bracelet jingling from the sudden movement. Locking the door, he put his hand by the side of your head and towered over you making you feel helpless. You needed him inside of you. 

“Deal?” he leaned over to your ear, his hot breath tickled your ear and all you could do was nod as you desperatly clenched around nothing. 

You reattached your lips on his, the bitter taste of liquor spreading in your mouth as your tongues fought for dominance. Minho stroked your hair until his hand slowly moved to peel off your shirt, exposing your bra strap. His touch on your bare shoulder made you shudder and your core quivering in anticipation, feeling a wet patch on your underwear. His hand unbuttoned your pants causing you to gulp loudly, holding the back of his neck to deepen the kiss.  Without warning his cold fingertips slid down beneath your panties, grazing your sopping folds and feeling himself get painfully hard, not wanting to admit the effect you had on him. 

“Already this wet, babygirl?” 

He broke the kiss, looking at your pained expression as he inserted a finger into your dripping pussy. Your eyes tightly shut as your hands wrapped around his arm, needing something to hold on to before your trembling legs gave up on you. You quickly stripped yourself from your pants and underwear, the fabric pooling around your feet and touching the surprisingly clean bathroom tiles. 

“Needy I see” he scoffed, inserting a second finger and sending you over the moon with pleasure, your hands still wrapped around his wrist. 

“s-shut up, you m-made me like this” you stutter back at him, trying to impose some sort of dominance but Minho only swiped his tongue across his bottom lip, looking at you with hungry dark eyes. A broken moan escaped your lips that glistened from saliva, Minho curled his fingers upwards, grazing your g-spot with every move. Before another strained moan managed to escape your lips he retracted his fingers, lapping off your juices from his long fingers with a mischievous look in his eyes. 

“Turn around”

His cold voice pierced your eardrums and as if you’d been hexed you complied, your body moving to his command. Your hot cheek pressed up against the cubical door as Minho’s body was dangerously close to yours, his clothed bulge rubbing against your bare ass. The sound of his belt unbuckling echoed as you pressed your ass up against his bulge, desperate for his cock. 

In a swift motion both his pants and underwear dropped down to the floor, his erect veiny member springing out, the tip shining with precum. He pumped his length a couple of times before rubbing the tip against your dripping heat making you mewl out in suspense, the burning feeling in your core growing stronger. Minho alined himself with your entrance, slowly pushing in the tip to which you hissed, a momentary sting hitting your senses. He teased you by dragging his fingertips across your buttcheeks and up your spine, goosebumps erupting. 

Not being able to control yourself you pushed your butt out making you sink deeper on his length, earning a groan from the dark haired boy. 

“Desperate much?” he cooed from behind you. 

Your hands formed into fists as they held you body up from the door.

“F-fuck,,, hurry, I’m still on my shift you know?” you spat out at him, your legs shaking from how his dick stretched out your tight walls. 

“Whatever you say”

He laced his fingers through your hair, grabbing a fistful before turning his hand and yanking you towards him, your back arching as his hips slam against yours causing your butt to jiggle. You choked on your own moan as Minho’s hand tightly held you by the roots. 

The movement repeated and got harder by each thrust causing you to bite your lip in order to stop from screaming out in pleasure. Heat rose to your cheeks as your eyes rolled back into your skull, stray pieces of hair landing infront of your hair. Sweat beaded on Minho’s forehead, his groans getting louder as he neared his sweet release. 

“S-so tight,,, fuck.” He spoke haltingly, hating the fact that you made him weak. In order to hold on for longer you clenched around him not knowing that he’d grunt loudly.

“Now you’re c-clenching around me like a little whore?” 

A string of moans ensued from your delicate lips upon hearing his new nickname to you. How did he know that you liked it? You could only nod, your speech all slurred from the impact of his dick burrowing deep into your cervix. The knot in your stomach tightened, your head dazed as Minho’s thrusts became uneven, the grip on your hair tightening. Not feeling your legs any longer the knot unraveled, your body shivering from the orgasm that washed upon you, your juices coating Minho’s dick that was still pounding into you at an immense speed. 

“A-aah,,,s-shit!” you screamed out as he rushed after his own orgasm, overstimulating you in the meantime. Tears prickled in the corners of your watery eyes as Minho’s last moan echoed in the room, the moan being high in pitch. He pulled out of you leaving your cunt dripping as he pumped his length a couple of times, throwing his head back before his white cum spurted onto your butt, feeling the warm substance drip down your leg. The two of you panted, chest heaving as your forehead made contact with the door, legs weak. 

In your peripheral vision you see the boy stretching out a paper towel, his chest heaving as he wiped off the small sweat beads with the back of his hand. You shake your head in order to come back to earth before taking the paper towel from his hand, muttering a small “thank you”. 

“So what you say, babygirl?” His dick turning flaccid before pulling up his pants, looking at you wonderingly. You wipe off the cum and discard the paper in a small waste bin before you reach down to grab your panties and pants, pulling them briskly up. You reach for your back pocket, holding out a business card between your pointer and long finger with one hand, the other hand messing with your hair, making it look presentable. 

“Call me on Monday” you say before stumbling out of the cubical, leaving the grinning boy behind you. 

[xtrash-writing-trashx420]

Cheeky Minx || John Shelby x OC

//Welcoming the New Recruit//

"Makenna Aoife MacTavish, A.K.A. Makenna Muldoon; Duchess of Glenbrook, Aged 23

Served at the Somme as a field nurse and,"

The man before me takes a pause and looks up at me in faux surprise, as if the information on the paper he's gawking at isn't exactly why he's come seeking me out, and then continues in an almost condescending manner;

"Hm... and soforth was awarded title as Duchess and Sole Proprietor of Glenbrook Estates and Enterprises in Boston for her acts of valor.," He pauses again to throw down the file he was reading and light himself a cigarette.

I take in every detail, knowing that this meeting can end up only one of two ways, and assess the scenario. Tilting my head slightly and leaning back into the armchair in front of his desk, I cross my legs; his eyes glance from his ministrations with the box of matches he's holding and zip down to my left thigh where one strip of honeyed milk lies perfectly exposed between my black leather garter holster and my thigh-high nylon stockings.

I see the slight glint of mirth cross his steel blue eyes as he catches my not-so-subtle warning and continues to light his cigarette. I watch as he pulls his drag, the way his fingers just barely drape the stick of tobacco between them without effort, the way his eyes study mine, the way his free hand keeps switching between his knee and the top of the desk.

'A gangster like this doesn't get nervous over one woman with a snubnose purse pistol... Who is he waiting for?'

"I'll take one, while your at it." He smirks at this, and goes to hand me the one he's smoking. It's my turn to smirk, as I nod to his pack.

"A new one, if you don't mind." He raises his eyebrow, but nevertheless, complies. As I lean forward to take the cigarette, he lights another match and lights it for me, leaning over his desk so I don't have to.

'A gentlemanly gangster, not too hard on the eyes either.,' I admit to myself, studying his sharp features and piercing eyes.

Finally, after what seems like ages of simply sitting across and analyzing eachother, he continues.

"You're titled Duchess of Glenbrook but the common people call you Miss Kenna. You have 15 bars, 2 breeders farms, a horse track and 27 plots of real estate, and that's just in London alone. Glenbrook Estates is what, a mansion? And it says here you have 3 vacation homes as well." He scoffs and throws the file down on his desk.

"Well, let's get on with it, Mr. Shelby, as you well know, I'm a busy woman.," My voice is far too suave for my liking, but the situation calls for a little theater. "I would assume you called me here for a reason, this is hardly the place for a business meeting with someone of my status."

I sound like a proper posh cunt, and it seems as if he's taking the bait as he groans out a sigh and leans back into his chair. He lifts a hand to rub his temples, and then slams his fist on his desk in a motion so fast and loud, I was almost startled.

Almost.

He seems unfazed my lack of reaction, and continues on.

"Let's not pretend like you don't know what I want. You have influence all over, spies everywhere, and a very high standing. Everyone knows who you are. Nothing happens without you knowing about it.-"

"-As if I don't already know that-" I snappily interject.

"And I want your men, and your cooperation when we take over London. You're the most untouchable woman in all of North America. If you tell someone not to fuck with us, they won't. And those that do, you have ways of making it so they never existed."

I frown, sinking into the armchair infront of his desk once more and taking a long drag of my smoke.

"I see."

For the next few minutes we simply stare at eachother while we finish off our smokes, picking, analyzing, contemplating. Finally, after he offers me the crystal ashtray to put out, I appraise him and ask one simple question.

"What do you want from me?"

~~~~~~~

It's been 2 months since my meeting with Thomas Shelby at his gambling den, and 6 days since our last correspondence.

"Pack what you can in a suitcase and my men will come to collect you on Thursday. You're not safe."

No explanation, no reasoning, just that little tidbit over the phone while gunshots rang true and the sounds of men fighting grumbled in the background before he abruptly hung up. And since Thursday had come and gone the day after the call, I had resorted to relieving all of my staff save for my most trusted.

The only ones left on premises were my gate guards, my doormen, and my butler amd personal guard Carleton, who had only worked for me for 2 years but I was rather well aquanted with. We had hit it off rather well, and I considered him more friend than staff. He was a tall, broad shouldered Jewish man with a scruffy, large beard and bright eyes that reminded me of a child's, with a contradictory scowl that would make a grizzly piss himself.

Initially after receiving the warning, I had brushed it off without care. Being hunted was nothing new to me after all, being a woman who had served in the war and in other more internal battles of politics. But this was different.

I remember after the call I had snorted in laughter, summing it up as a joke and continuing on with my day. I had been untouchable, faceless and anonymous since the war. Only the most internal government files and most skilled intelligence organizations even knew what I looked like, let alone my real name. That was what had led me to agree to take up business with Thomas in the first place. But 2 months into business with the bloke and I show up to my race track to find every single one of my employees and horses shot and beat to hell.

Since then, I had taken to locking myself in my art studio with my easels and paints to distract myself; though it did little to nothing to soothe my racing mind. For the millionth time in just that day, I wondered why I wasn't safe, I wondered if Thomas and his Blinders had been picked off by their enemies, I wondered if my name had been let slip by one of his lackies in a braw deal that ended badly. I couldn't understand how I had gone from being untouchable, to going into hiding.

The only constant in each equation was none other than Thomas Shelby, and I made a mental note to tear him a new asshole when I got the chance.

I gave a start, knocked from my thoughts as Carleton entered with my afternoon tea, and my paintbrush skewed off stroke.

"Oh, fuck." I swore crassly, looking around my desk to find the paint I had used on the background to cover my mistake; not noticing my butler's sarcastic and smug grin over my classless use of vulgarity.

"Your tea, and lunch, Miss Muldoon." He presented my tray with grandiose show of putting it on my desk and lifting the cover to reveal my tea and what looked to be ladyfingers and some sort of meat sandwich. I didn't care, I was starving and anxious, so I sat and ate, thankful for the distraction.

"Don't be so smug, Carleton, I'm going mad up here." I complained as I ate, gesturing around me. "That smug bastard Shelby is going to pay for this. I've lived so comfortably until now."

"Speaking of, madam, you received a telegram."

"Oh bother, burn it."

"It seems important, ma'am. It mentions the race track."

At this I lean back to look over at him, he's moved clear halfway across the room to speak, and he's shifting his weight and wringing his hands. I sigh, and wave him on. He reads it out slowly, and I "tsk" in disappointment.

"You haven't been practicing," I chastise him, pulling a "give it here" motion with my fingers and taking the telegraph from him as soon as he's close enough. "Have you even read any of the practice books I've given you?"

"...No, ma'am, it's more difficult when you're not helping."

I glance at him with an incredulous look.

"That's no excuse, and you know it." I say, finally taking a moment to look at and read the telegraph in my hands, but it doesn't matter, because as soon as I go to focus, a gunshot resounds from outside the estate by the gates.

With a start, I get up and run to the window, moving the curtains to get a better view. I hear Carleton move the opposite way, closing the doors behind him as he leaves.

I continue to watch out the window, trying to see whats happening, though not to much success. The large fountain in my front garden is centre view from this room and all I can see behind it is a motorcar at my gate and my gatemen pointing their rifles at it. As I walk along the windows to try to catch a better view, I just barely see an arm come out the window of the motorcar with a piece of paper clutched in their outstretched hand before my gatemen move to unlock the gate and let the car through.

That's all I need to see to know.

The Peaky Blinders are outside my house.

(SO this will be a series based off of a slightly Mary-Sue character but it just is part of the story, please don't hate me for it lol. It'll make sense as to why she's this massive standing character later on. She's still a normal ass broad with hormones and issues so its okay lmfao. But anywhoooo, this is basically just a filler character intro to explain why Kenna is around and stuff. John will be in the next chapter, don't worry 😉 also my dumbass didn't proof-read this because its 6:00am and I NEED sleep. )

[bogkeep]

i wrote down a rough outline for the Timian Fable and Vinta Qir story, just to have it written down Somewhere, and i feel like it’s only fair to share it with people who care about them!! i wrote it in a google doc but i’m gonna copypaste it under the readmore, so i hope the formatting isn’t too fucky.

(here’s a toyhouse page for my iphimery characters)

Prince Aljanah (third son of the queen, pretty far down in line to the throne, generally bored, has zero responsibilities and zero accountability) seduces Timian mostly for the heck of it. I mean, Timian is super cute, so like. Why not. He gives him a smooch and a stealthy “think about it, OK?” and oh god does Timian ever think about it. It’s a really Big Conflict in his brain because he has a DUTY and this goes against ALL DUTY and Aljanah is almost literally his employer (his loyalty is sworn to the royal family) so it’s like! What the hell is he supposed to do!! What the prince wants is supposed to trump what he wants, unless it puts the royal family’s safety in jeopardy, and AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH (and he kind of really wants to?? There’s a lot to unpack here?????)

 There’s some genuine friendship in there, where Aljanah helps Timian overcome some trauma around magic, but for the most part Timian is left pining for a relationship Aljanah isn’t interested in.

(Aljanah teaches Timian some light magic maybe??? Timian isn’t too keen on using it, ever. He does learn some very useful magic blocks though.)

Vinta is on a mission to assassinate Aljanah. Timian stops them and they are equally measured in strength. Vinta is about to use their magic (which they only use as a last resort), but Timian then has a moment of Gay (their faces are very close together) and blurts out something like “oh... you’re beautiful” which takes Vinta so unexpectedly aback they kind of… flee

Vinta tries again another time, but Timian is there again to meet them, and this time Vinta goes straight for the magic - which freaks Timian out bc trauma, but he remembers what Aljanah taught him and counters it. The ordeal leaves both of them so exhausted, they kind of just lie down and… start bonding over how magic kinda sucks. Very begrudgingly, on Vinta’s part at least. 

(“Please don’t forget me?” “I don’t think I could even if I wanted to”) Unsure If Vinta Agrees To Stop The Assassination But They Certainly Seem Very Unhappy About The Prospect Of One

Despite it seeming like Timian may never meet Vinta again… Vinta keeps showing up. Not as an assassin in the dark, but like, on the street? Off the clock? So they sort of start hanging out?? Vinta has a real knack for finding Timian anywhere, anytime… one time they come across him singing by himself down by the water, but they don’t approach him. Just sit down and listen out of sight, a little guilty for intruding. 

Timian seems awfully forgiving of Vinta attempting to murder his crush, but hey, Vinta was just trying to do his job. Timian seems extremely reluctant to talk about Aljanah at all ever though. Vinta slowly pieces together that Timian has some really strong and painful feelings towards the prince. IT’S COMPLICATED

Vinta never ever addresses the whole “you’re beautiful” thing. Timian never brings it up either. THEY’RE BOTH THINKING ABOUT IT, CONSTANTLY

This is like. The first time either of them has a friend who’s really their equal and who kind of really gets them. It’s so incredibly precious and neither wants to mess that up. This has never happened before in the history of gay

Timian’s relationship to romance/sexuality is very… he has a duty, you know? He has to be stronger than that and not let it ever distract him. So of course Aljanah comes along and MESSES ALL OF IT UP. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

He has some issues. He’s working on it. 

In all honesty he started out very clueless like he didn’t recognize crushes as crushes for such a long time because “they’re just such lovely friends :)” you know. So it was very easy to say he was above these things BUT HE WASN’T!! HE WASN’T!!! HE WAS JUST A DUMBASS!!! What Aljanah does is essentially just confront the dumbassery head on and it’s like oh no *pictures of all his dear lovely friends spill out of pocket* “i’m gay???” “always was”

Vinta’s relationship to romance/sexuality was to repress all of it because they don’t belong to themself. They were like, keenly aware every time Some Feeling showed up uninvited and they would throttle it and shove it down where it never got to flourish. 1) they can’t have it 2) they don’t deserve it So don’t even try, you know? There’s no fucking point. 

AND SO THEY PINE FOR ONE ANOTHER

I mean they kind of… help each other a lot, sharing traumas, letting the other that they deserve to have nice things, and be a person maybe?? Maybe duty isn’t all there is for them out there? Sounds fake but ok [gazes longingly into each other’s eyes]

Vinta never goes through with the assassination on prince Aljanah but sometimes they kind of really want to. Not because of a job, but because oh my god Aljanah broke Timian’s heart and also AAUGHH HE DOESN’T DESERVE TIMIAN’S DEVOTION THIS IS UPSETTING I DON’T KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH THIS DSJKSDJKDSFJB!!

They also gotta deal with the pressure from the assassin’s guild. Since they’re one of the top assassins they got a lot of leeway at first, but now that they’re questioning both their purpose and loyalty and kind of push back… it’s getting kind of dangerous maybe. The other assassins start getting on their case as well and Vinta has to keep up appearances and prove that they’re not too Weak to do it.  Vinta has a lot of pride in their skills ok. Pride is one of the emotions they’ve let themself foster.

Meanwhile Timian is kind of slowly able to let go of his yearning for Aljanah, because he’s found a relationship that’s filling in all the wounds from what he’s not getting from the prince?? Like he’s investing in a friendship that’s actually fulfilling and a two way street? And maybe?? Something More?? SJAJHSDJKA???

It’s giving Timain the ability to set a boundary between himself and Aljanah that was sorely lacking before. Things are still kind of Strange and a little Painful but he’s on a healthier path and we’re all very proud of him

Look I haven’t thought too hard about the actual plot with the assassination and stuff but imagine that other assassins take on the mission to kill Aljanah and VINTA TEAMS UP WITH TIMIAN TO PROTECT THE GARBAGE PRINCE BECAUSE HE MATTERS TO TIMIAN. 

Aljanah hasn’t met Vinta before (he just sleeps through assassination attempts for the most time, it happens frequently enough that he just accepts that this is his lot in life???) and is like oh thank you and who do I owe the honor and Vinta just punches him in the face

Since that was overall confusing, Timian and Vinta kind of have to talk about it, and Vinta admits to having some… Selfish And Greedy Feelings and they are clearly not ready to confess properly yet

Timian has, for better or for worse, learnt some things from Aljanah. “You want to see something selfish?” he says, kissing Vinta. “Think about it, OK?” he says before he goes, leaving a VERY DAZED Vinta just standing there

[MORE THINGS HAPPEN????]

In the future. When Vinta has quit the guild and Timian is no longer a royal guard, and they make a home together and create a life where they no longer work in violence… 

Vinta collects knives because they love knifes. Knives have always felt Safe to them because magic has been the dangerous tool. Vinta gets really good at woodworking.

Timian helps out at an apothecary. Which is funny because his name just means thyme in norwegian. He doesn’t keep any polearms around, but if necessary he can wield a really mean pitchfork.

They’re both highly skilled fighters, but don’t try to drag them into any pointless wars, ok? It won’t end well for you.

They love and care eachother 

[planetjisungie]

lucky charms- h.rj

characters; ravenclaw! renjun x hufflepuff! reader ft. gryffindor! mark and gryffindor! jeno (sigh)

summary; with the exams coming up, you need a little help with your charms. well you dont, you just needed an excuse to talk to your long time crush, huang renjun

an; i literally changed this on the spot 🤡 plot holes here i come- (also id like to think jeno is more of a hufflepuff but idk man)

sigh okay this is a long boi

end of year exams were in just a few weeks

yay, your absolute favourite !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sarcasm

now, charms

in room 99, classroom 2E in the south tower

i did my research

you were pretty good at charms, not nearly as good as you were in the care of magical creatures and herbology though

still above averagely good

you know who else was good at charms?

huang renjun

the star ravenclaw prince boy, the pride of the house and a very beautiful boy

best boi renjun

if jeno was being quite honest he was SICK AND TIRED of hearing you two pine over eachother

jeno met you in first year, and you quickly became best friends and even ended up in the same house as eachother

despite having different friend groups (your friend group consisted of you and eunji), you stayed best friends until now aka 5th year

just go with it okay

so as he was saying before i digressed, jeno physically is pained as he watched the longing glances both you and renjun throw when the other isnt looking

but it isnt his business to meddle with your lack of relationship problems

best boi part 2

BUT! but! he will give you both a tiny! eensy! little! minuscule! nudge

that nudge being forming a plan with you

you were slightly reluctant when jenos very enthusiastic face greeted you at the table saying he had ‘a totally brilliant, spectacular, show stopping, wonderful, flawless plan’

this was jeno we were talking about

the same boy who planned the failed midnight snack run a few weeks before

and as soon as he mentioned renjun your eyes narrowed

"proceed."

the plan was for jeno to ask renjun to tutor his friend who was falling behind in charms

said friend was you

and you were ahead of the class

bUT!! you agreed because he wasnt in your class, so there was no way he could know that right?

wrong.

who was in your class?

mark lee. one of renjuns best friends.

also the boyfriend of eunji and the reason you wanted to gauge your eyeballs out everytime you turned around to talk to them

thats right eunji ditched you to sit next to her little markie. bitch.

nonetheless, you agreed because your dumb, spontaneous ass forgot that renjun even knew mark, because if someone said ‘whos mark?’ you would go ‘eunjis boyfriend’

so of course, when all the students were making their way to their class, jeno caught up with renjun seeing as they both had muggle studdies

"hey man, i have a favour to ask"

stage one of operation: stop the oblivious fuckers from pining over eachother (that name may need some revamping) was a-go

"depends what said favour is"

smart boi™️

"is it possible to tutor one of my friends in charms for the upcoming OWLs?"

oh? this piqued china pretty boys interest

"i mean, sure, i could do with some revision too. tell them to meet me at the library after school"

and so jeno walked away with a smug smirk, victorious

and when jeno told you he had agreed later in potions, you were yet you werent surprised

so of you trotted after last period, kinda nervous because youre about to be in the literal breathing proximity of renjun

like obviously youve talked to him before but this time it was just you and him

alone

no get those thoughts out of your head

n e ways u perv

renjun sat at the back table, textbooks and notebooks with his neat writing in both chinese and korean all over the pages

smart boi part 2

so seeing him not looking at you

attention whore

wow why am i so mean today

you sat down and cleared your throat, placing your blank notebooks on the table so the boy wouldnt get suspicious

you had to pray to whatever gods were listening for your cheeks not to flare up the colour of the strawberries you had for breakfast

healthy girl™️

and the gods apparently answered your prayers

because as soon as renjun looked up and into your eyes you swore you were too distracted for your blood cells to even think about moving towards your face

and renjun nearly had a heart attack (by aoa)

poor boy

jeno had NOT told him that he would be tutoring you

he was going to be choked later

"sorry im late"

renjun was nearly offended that you would even apologise to him for being late by

2 minutes and 48 seconds

"no no its okay i havent been here long"

that was a lie he had study period last and has been sat in the same goddamn chair for an hour already but your presence made his ass cheeks ache less

so he started teaching you, but ???

you seemed to fully grasp the concepts

confused boi

excuse me ma’am/sir/señor/señorita whatever you prefer to go by-

you need to brush up on your acting skills dude

appalling smh your drama teacher back from your muggle school would be completely distraught

so for the next hour renjun ‘tutored’ you

things you already knew but this was a dream-

and actually he was a funny guy

he was also muggle born, so you could both relate over things you experienced as a kid

this lead to a raging debate over dora the explorer

that bitch was shaded in said debate, fully annihilated

hola soy dora your asshole

but,, it was fun. because jeno was pureblood and grew up knowing about all his magicky stuff so he was kinda boring sometimes

no tea no shade

but you ended the session with smiles on both your faces, cheeks literally aching with how hard youd been laughing and smiling

so lads

the next day at breakfast renjun was all happy, plonking himself next to mark at the gryffindor table because

man does not give a SHIT about the looks he was getting. he is huang renjun.

"why are you so smiley this morning? and why didn’t you come to my common room last night"

the gryffindor common room was the dreamie hang out

no one dared tell THE mark lee to go somewhere else with his friends

"sorry, last night i was tutoring y/n in charms" smiley boy still

mark seagull eyebrows: activated

excuse him?? charms?? you?? the one who got an outstanding in your report card??

something smells fishy here

"renjun... y/n got an outstanding on her charms"

eunji who had magically appeared next to mark basically said what he was just thinking

confused boi part ??

"wait what?"

but later on he didnt question you about it

he silently observed you

he told himself that anyway

quite honestly if you were spending time with him he was not about to complain

he was staring at you, simply put

my leng bby (thats you, youre my leng bby)

so for the next 2 weeks every day after school you would meet up to ‘catch up’ on your charms

that being said it literally always, every time, ended up with you two talking about something unrelated

like the 5th day you had a conversation about which series of power rangers was better

"SPD, obviously"

AM I THAT OLD?? on god i hate it here

"no, y/n, we all know that dino force is better"

i agree with y/n on this one pal

on the 7th day you talked about muggle sports that you both enjoyed

"i played a lot of cricket"

"cricket? okay tory"

"i am NOT a tory"

on the last day when you should have been, you know, LEARNING

you were having a lovely old chinwag about the x factor

"simon cowell is a king"

"i agree"

legend behaviour if you ask me

wait does chinwag exist in other countries??? translation: chat

so of course the exams came up

but you were dreading them for a different reason

this meant the end of tutoring with renjun

this was super bittersweet, you wanted to spend more time with eachother

you literally could it wasn’t that deep both of you are so dumb smh aint nothing stopping you

jeno agrees with me too, mans pulling out his hair still as you had somehow not gotten together yet

it was like watching snails race, incredibly frustrating but you know that there is the finish line somwhere over the horizon

so you took your exams and both of you passed with flying colours, obviously

smart kids

and you ran right to renjun to celebrate

seeing as he had

not really helped you but you thought that he thought he helped you

oh no honey he knew that you didnt need help

but he didnt know whether to confront you about it?

rip your guilty conscience

so after a long discussion with mark, our china boy decided to ask why the heck you wanted his help when you were absolutely fully capable

unlike mark

and when you saw him approach you first in the halls your heart went

NYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

that was the sound of a fast motorbike

"hi y/n"

‘damn renjun, couldnt have thought of anything better than that?’

"uhh hi renjun"

awkward silence by stray kids

"i just wanted to know why you asked for my help"

okay where is the nearest shovel and what is the most efficient way to dig a large hole-

as if renjun sensed your panic radiating off you in waves

which he did

"not that it was an issue! i enjoyed spending time with you, it was just, you didnt really need help"

he was a pure boy

so you puffed your cheeks and decided to just come clean

somewhere, jeno felt his senses tingling

"genuinely i just wanted to spend some time with you because i really like you"

renjun froze and wanted to smack his head into a wall

bruh

you noticed his expression and panicked yet again

stop panicking man its okay i gotchu

"it was jenos idea"

blame jeno is always a fool-proof plan b

unless you get pregnant, that would not be a good idea

so i guess its not fool proof

BUT I DIGRESS

renjun face palms and groans

"youre kidding me! all this time we wasted doing boringass charms work when we couldve gone on dates"

confusion™️

but?? you felt hopeful??

"i dont think im on the same wavelength"

"i like you too dumbass"

oH so YOURE the dumbass??

yes, yes you are renjun is best boi, accept the L which is really a W bc renjun likes you back

jeno who had found his way to you, listening from around the corner sighed in happiness

"fucking finally!!"

[multifandomwriter18]

13, 16, and 37 for reader x turtles? I'm partial to Leo, Raph, or Donnie, but you decide! I love your stuff!! Hope this request isnt too boring 🐢🐢❤🐢💙🐢💜🐢

~Hi darling! Thanks for requesting. Number 13 was already done but I'll be more than happy to do your other two requests! I hope liked them!!~

-Also I decided to write both at the same time so enjoy.-

Raph x reader: Prompt - "Okay, I know we're all a bit sleep deprived and aggressive but let's be rational about this."

There has been a huge spike of crime going on in the city of the New York. Especially with the Foot which only meant that the boys were always out and taking these goons down.

Its wasn't much of a battle with them. They were horribly skilled and of course stand no chance against the team but after a while it gets tiring and becomes alot on them to deal with.

You can't even remember the last time you had seen Raph let alone talked to him, texted or called him. The last time you were able to even hang out with him was about a few weeks ago. And with work and your own life becoming busy it was getting harder and harder.

And even if you had days off you couldn't go down to the lair because for the most the day the boys would be sleeping. Their whole sleep schedule was messed up and clearly an angry and sleep deprived Raphael was not something you were willing to deal with as of right now.

After so many weeks of not seeing them, you decided to take the chance and go visit them.

You get yourself ready and take the trip to the lair. And it was a mess. You could already feel the tension between all the brothers and the lack of sleep was clearly noticable.

"Hey angelcakes." Mikey greeted as you smiled in reply, "hey MC. How is everything going?" You asked as the youngest sibling sunk lower into the couch. "We're doing great, angelcakes." He replied; sarcasm noted.

"Let me guess, Raph and Leo got into a tussle again?" You asked as he only nodded as he started to doze off. You take the venture towards the dojo where Raph was of course working out to blow off steam.

You peeked into the dojo to see Raph ramming his fists into the red punching bag. His muscles pulsed and clenched with each strike to the bag. His teeth clenched and lack of sleep framed his features.

"Raph?" You said softly as he only grunted in reply.

"Raph," you repeated as he finally looked over at you. At first he didn't want to believe it. He thought he was seeing things but once you walked over to him he knew you were real.

"(Y/n)..."

"Hey Red." You greeted as he looked down at you. "How are you doing?" You asked as he sighed, "how does it look like?" He asked as he turned back to his punching bag.

"I'm going fucking insane." He growled out as you sighed, "I know...Mikey told me..." you replied softly as he cursed under his breath. "You and Leo got into another fight?"

"He's been driving me insane. He's always on my fucking case." He cussed out as he rammed his fists harder at the punching bag.

"And these fucking Foot soldiers are non-stop and its getting annoying, they're almost as annoying as Mikey! Leo won't shut up and keeps acting like he acts like he knows everythin' and on top of that I have to deal with-ugh!" He snapped as he striked the bag once more, knocking it right off the chain and made me fly across the dojo.

Your eyes widened for a moment as you witnessed the punching bag sag to the ground. Raph was fired up now, his chest rose and fell in a fast pace, his large hands clenched into fists and his teeth gritted against eachother.

"Okay, I know we're all a bit sleep deprived and aggressive but let's be rational about this." You said softly as you gently rested a hand on his large forearm.

He took in deep and shallow breaths as he turned to look at him. "Just focus on me okay?" You added on as you used your other hand to caress his cheek.

"S-sorry.." he mumbled out as he leaned into your touch. "I know that it's been stressful. Everyone is tired and getting annoyed with this but you need to stay strong and work together." You said softly as he sighed, "it's hard to do that when I got everyone on my case.."

"I know...Leo can be stern but you gotta understand that he's also stressed out."

"I know...."

You smiled softly as you stroked your thumb against his cheek as be began to relax a bit more. "I missed you..." he barely managed out. "I missed you too." You replied as his gaze locked on yours and you smiled once more.

"How about you get some rest...it looks like you haven't slept in ages." You advised as he chuckled softly in reply, "I look that bad?"

"No, I still think you look handsome." You replied as you kissed his cheek. "You just got here though..."

"Who said I wouldn't nap with you?" You asked as he began to smile as he takes your hand in his and you both venture to his room for a 'nap'. Hey at least it unstressed him. *wink-wink-nudge-nudge*

Donnie x reader: Prompt - "If I mean nothing to you, then why do you hold me like I'm your world?"

You and Donnie have been great friends. Since the moment you and your roommate April had crossed paths with them. You were quite a nerd yourself and was always fascinated with Donnie's lab experiments and inventions.

But after many months of being close friends you had came to realization that what you were feeling towards Donnie wasn't just a friend like emotion. You liked-no loved him more than just a friend.

Donnie was the shoulder to cry on when you needed him most. The both of you supported eachother through everything. Anytime you were down he'd be at your apartment in a heartbeat as you would do the same for him. You both would spend many hours with eachother.

Either binge watching your favorite movies and or t.v shows. From making explosions in his lab, laughing, sharing good moments together or simply ranting about your problems or things that have been on your mind.

Yes your friendship with him is unbreakable but you were in love with him and he was head over heels for April.

April is great, she's nice and an amazing friend. You never had a problem with her. You two were also inseparable and sometimes you really hated the burst of emotions you had for her. You hated her for how Donnie admires her. You hated how his heart was only beating for her.

You wanted him to look at you the way he looks at her. You wanted him to see you the way you saw him. But...you can't force someone to love you...and god it hurt. It hurt alot...

It hurts how he would find a way to clear his schedule to be with April and sometimes he would hang out with her alot more than you. Maybe he didn't notice how it hurt you, maybe he did? You didn't know. But what you did know was that you couldn't deal with it any longer.

So visits to the lair became less frequent. You stayed away from the lab and half the time you would make up lame excuses of to why you couldn't come down to visit.

The brothers knew why. Hell they knew you had an insane crush on Donnie and when they realized of how you never came down to visit they knew why.

"Does our friendship mean anything to you?" Donnie asked as you turned to look at him. You were in the dojo, reading a book since the other brothers were out doing god knows what which left you and Donnie on your own in the lair.

"Does it mean anything to you?" You asked sourly as you forced yourself to continue reading but at this point the words became blurry and hard to read.

"Of course it does!"

"Oh really? Cause it doesn't seem like you do!" You snapped as you put your book away and glared at him.

"Says the one who hasn't been here in weeks!" He fired back as you rolled your eyes, "why do you care? You had April didn't you!" You spat as you hated how your voice became wobbly and weak.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"All I hear is 'oh April is so great!'. 'April is so smart! Oh April is this, oh April is that!' You make up so much time for her and nothing for me!" You yelled out as Donnie was speechless for words.

"That's-that's not true!"

"Yes it is! You treat her better than me! And then I'm left for seconds?! How is that fair on me!" You cried out as the tears rolled down your cheeks.

"Who has helped you in the lab? Me! Who has been there for you when you needed someone? Me! I thought I was your best friend, and then when April comes along I mean nothing to you!" You added on as Donnie's eyes dimmed.

You sniffled, trying to contain the sob from escaping you. "But I tried. I tried so hard to role with it because I love you..." you choked out.

His golden eyes widened as you let out a dry laugh. "I have loved you for so long and the fact that I still do-" you forced yourself to stop yourself as you shake your head.

"(Y/n) I-"

"I'm done." You forced out, not wanting to hear another word. You run past him only to have him grab your arm, "(Y/n), wait!"

You looked up at him, anger and betrayal filled your eyes as the tears swam in your (e/c) eyes, the warm tears streamed down your cheeks.

His own eyes grew misty as they filled with sadness and something else that you couldn't figure it out but at this point you didn't care.

"Let me ask you this." You forced out as your breathing became shallow as each word that escaped your mouth wobbled and trembled. "If I mean nothing to you, then why do you hold me like I'm your world?" You asked as Donnie's eyes widened for a moment before they dimmed once again.

You worked down the hard swallow and his hand released your arm and you nearly broke into tears right in front of him.

You stepped away from him and ran out of the dojo. The sob finally breaks out of you and god you wished...you really wished he had chased after you. That he would beg you not to go and hold you so close and never let you go but...

But that never happened and god it hurt. It hurt you so much...

Not every story has to end with a happy ending. Things happen and people change. And though the truth can sometimes hurt you, it also gives you the ability to heal.

And that takes time. It takes time to heal and it takes strength in order to move forward. And with that comes struggle but struggle become an allie as we take that struggle and learn from it.

And eventually we become stronger and are able to get back up and finally heal. Yes it will take time, it will hurt for some time but if there is one thing I know dear reader is that we cannot let the past hold onto us. We cannot let the pain take hold and drag us into the deep.

Past will be a distant memory and we can learn from it...

And as the long time saying goes, when one door closes...

Another opens...

☆▪︎End▪︎☆

Okay so we got fluff and shit tone of angst...I hope you enjoyed the imagine guys and I'm deeply sorry if I dampened anyone's mood. TSYM FOR REQUESTING LOVE!

[lovemesomesurveys]

Name:  Stephanie.

Country: USA.

Age:  31.

Gender(s): Female

Height:  ~5′4

weight:  70-something lbs.

eye color: Brown.

skin color:  White.

Heritage: I’ve been really wanting to do one of those ancestry dna or 23 and me tests to find out exactly what I am. Relationship status:  Single.

Are you physically healthy?  No.

Are you mentally healthy? Nope

Job?:  No job.

school:  I graduated college back in 2015.

Favs:

Animal:  Dogs and giraffes.

Flower:  I don’t really have one.

Movie:  I have many favorites.

TV show: I have many favorites.

Music:  I like variety.

Band:  One of them will always be Linkin Park.

Video Game: Mario Bros games and Animal Crossing: New Horizon

Gaming Console: Nintendo Switch.

Name:  Alexander. ;)

Person:  My family.

Love life:

1: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope.

2: Do you love them? 

3: Are you still in love with an ex? No.

4: How many people have you dated?  Two.

5: Do you think you’ll get married?  No.

6: Have you ever been emotionally/physically abused in a relationship?  No.

7: Have you ever hurt your partner by accident without knowing it? I’m single, but no I don’t think I have in the past. But if I didn’t know it then I wouldn’t know?

8: Whats important to you in a relationship?  Communication, trust, understanding, patience.

9: Do you have to see them everyday? ( or hear from them)? I’m singleeee. 

10: Do you think you can love someone within 2 weeks? I personally don’t think so.

Friendship and Family:

1: How many friends do you have?  Zero.

2: What type of friend are you?  Not a good one anymore.

3: Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? Yeah. My former best friend and I were friends for almost 15 years.

4: Do you have one best friend, more or none?  One, my mom. 

5: Have you ever had a friend just stop being your friend and you never knew why?  Yes.

6: Do you get along with family?  Yes.

7: Do you have a family member you hate?  No.

8: Does your family accept who you are?  Yes.

9: Are you an only child or have siblings?  I have 2 brothers. 

10: Do you have parents that still live together? Yes.

School:

1:What grade are you in? I’m not.

2: Are you in Middle, High, or college? ( or neither)?  Neither, like I said I graduated college back in 2015.

3: Whats your favorite class?  English was always my favorite. In college I enjoyed most of my psych classes.

4: Do you have a fav school year?  Elementary school years.

5: Are you a good student?  I was, yeah.

6: Do you think homework is good or bad?  I wouldn’t say it’s good or bad. I mean, I get seeing if you’re understanding then material and whatnot and applying it. I guess it depends on the amount assigned and what type of assignment it is. 

7: Have you ever had a teacher who was really funny but had poor teaching skills?  Yes.

8: Is your GPA high or low?  It was high.

9: Do you like to particpate in conversations in the class room or are you the listener?  I was definitely a listener. I haaaaated classes that made class discussion apart of your grade.

10: Do you take part in extra school events? (eg. Plays, sports, leadership,clubs)? I was in clubs in high school and the psych club in college, even serving as a board member.

Health

1: Do you need to lose or gain weight?  I definitely need to put on some weight.

2: Have you ever had the swine flu? (H1n1)  No. I remember being scared about getting it and that whole thing wasn’t even on the level of covid. 

3: Do you like to go to the doctors?  Nooo. I’ve had more than my share of doctor appointments of all different kinds all throughout my life. They still make me anxious and stressed out, they’re definitely not something I find enjoyable.

4: Have you ever puked in school or at work?  I remember getting sick once in kindergarten and having to rush outside to the trash can.

5: Have you ever been extremely sick where you couldnt even leave your bed? Yes, I’ve experienced that several times.

6: Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? I hate actually doing it, but afterwards I usually do feel better. There are times where it gets to the point where I wish I would just do it already and get it over with cause I know it’d help me feel better. That’s when I’m really not feeling well.

7: Have you ever coughed up blood?  No.

8: Should you be eating healthier ? Yes.

9: Do you lie to your doctor?  I downplay some things or not share certain things, admittedly. :X

10: Have you ever taken too much advils?  No. That would make me sick.

Mental Health:

1: Do you have a mental illness?  Yes.

2: Do you take anti-depressants? No.

3: Are you mentally stable?  Uhhh.

4: Have you ever been misdiagnosed? Yes.

5: Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? Maybe.

6: Is self diagnosing good or bad? I don’t see an issue with researching yourself and thinking you may have something, but it’s important to take that information to a doctor. However, sadly I know that not everyone is able to do that. And I also have a problem with doing that myself, which I think can cause unnecessary stress. I also think people tend to throw around labels and say they have something when they don’t. Gah, it’s a slippery slope.

7: Should we give more money to mental health research?  Yes, absolutely.

8: Do you think everyone has a chance to over come their mental disorders?  I think many can learn to better manage some of them, but I feel like they’re always going to be there. 

9: Would you ever not date someone if they had a severe disorder? ( Schizophrenia,BPD, mood disorders)? I don’t know and I’m probably horrible for saying that. I have my mental disorders and I know it can be a lot for people to be around and handle. I just... I don’t know if I’d be able to be there for them in a way they might need ya know? I lack the experience. I can’t say no for certain. I think it would just really depend on the situation and if I learned more about it. 

10: Does mental illness run in your family? Yes.

SEX

1: Virgin?  Yes.

2: what age did you lose it? 3: Did you take sex ed? 6th grade, middle school, and a health and psych class my freshman year in high school.

4: Does size matter?

5: Whats your favorite poistions?

6: Does virginity exist? I believe so. I know some feel it’s not a real thing or a social construct, but to me it’s a thing. It’s someone who hasn’t had sex. When you have sex, you’re said to have lost your virginity and to me that just means in the very literal sense that you’re not a virgin anymore. I’m not referring to it as something deeper. Although, it can be for some people. And while I don’t think it’s like losing some part of yourself or something life altering, I personally feel like I would feel a change in some way. I also want to add that it’s something I want “lose” or share with someone special. I don’t know, man. I’m sure I’m not explaining it well. It’s just a personal thing.

7: Do you think sex is overated?  I wouldn’t know.

8: Is making love and fucking different? One just sounds more romantic and slow and passionate and the other sounds rough lol 9: Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies?  Yeah.

10: If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? If it’s not consensual or your choice then you can choose not to count it is how I see it. Like yes, technically they’ve had sex, but something so horrific and traumatic doesn’t count. Losing their virginity should be done their way, with someone they want to share that with. In the situation they were raped, they’re allowed to take their power and control back and count it when they do so with someone they want to do, consensually. 

Check the box:

1.My hair color is: [x] Brown [] Black [] Blonde [x]Red [] Funky colors [] Auburn [] more than one color <<< It’s a mix of my natural color and red because I haven’t dyed it since February.

2.Eye color: []Blue []Grey [x]Brown []Light brown []dark brown []green []amber [] I have two different colors of eyes

3.I am a : []Male [x] Female []Trans Male [] Trans Female []Gender Fluid [] I dont have a gender []Non Binary [] other

4: I am: []Fit [] Average [x]Skinny []Fat

5: I love my : [x]Hair []Eyes []Smile []Teeth []Skin []everything about myself []None of these.  <<< Italicized because I only like my hair when it’s been dyed and my roots aren’t showing haha... unlike now.

6: I hate my: [x]Hair []eyes [xx]smile [x]teeth [x]skin [x] everything about myself [] I dont hate anything about myself

7: My feet are: [x]Small []Wide []Narrow []long []large [x]Ugly []Pretty

8: I have a hard time: []Finding something to wear [x]Making Friends [x] making food [x]staying focused

9: I am: []Employed [x]Not employed []retired []I can’t work []Self employed []Looking for a job

10: I love: []the moon []the sun [x]the stars []our galaxy []planets

Bold what is true:

I am Funny

I am a girl

I have no hair

I have curly hair

^ I hate it

I have straight hair

I have a dog

I have a cat

I have both

I love to get drunk

I don’t drink

I love to smoke weed but i hate smoking cigarettes

I love both

I rather have one best friend than 20 friends who i am not close with

My dad died

My mom died

My parents are both dead

My parents are alive

I like to touch my bruises

I have funny teeth

I love Mcdonalds fries

Sometimes when Im alone I sing as loud as I can

even if i cant sing

I believe in God

I believe in the butterfly affect

I hate video games

I wish I was taller

I can’t understand math

I am very good at writing an essay

I never had sex before

I love Mac N Cheese

I love Disney Movies

I prefer Dreamswork over Walt Disney

I am going to College

I finished college

I wish I went to college

I hate my job

I am the boss at my job

I have a feelings for a friend but i cant tell them because it would ruin our friendship

^ I have feelings and i told them

I wish soda was healthy

I sleep with the window opened

This survey was too long

[animeperspectivism]

“7 Seeds”, PTSD and the Elite Team, Analysis and Review.

     "7 Seeds” was originally a manga written and illustrated by Yumi Tamura, and published by Shogakukan. The demographic falls into shojo as well as josei, meaning that it’s a series directed at young girls and women. The story and plot are quite interesting, and I’m saddened to know that there is not a legal English translation of the manga. The anime itself, which is what I will be covering, is really bad, and it’s quite unfortunate that it’s the only legal form of “7 Seeds” that Westerners can experience.

SPOILERS AHEAD, for both seasons.

    The first season is absolutely apalling, and the story only comes around by the end of the second season. I don’t want to talk about the series as a whole, as I’ve already attempted a synopsis of the show but gave up simply because the story is quite extensive, the cast is huge, and it was just turning into a rambling mess. Instead, I’d like to detail the representation of PTSD in the series, specifically occuring in the elite Summer Team A, and even more specifically in the character Ango.

    The series introduces Summer Team A, and we don’t know too much about them, besides how efficient they are at surviving. What the viewers do get to see are the refferences from members on the team to their “final test”, and how some of the incidents and injuries that they see end up reminding them of it. Further on, we find out that Hana, who is one of the main characters that we follow from the Spring Team, is the daughter of the man who helped to organized and train the elite team. When Ango realizes this, he breaks down. He was an asshole in the first place, but as he puts his hands to his head and screams, we dive into a backflash. The story is so badly put together, the scenes are garbage, the cuts are bad, and the animation is even worse. But the story? I really liked it. It is absolutely horrifying, and the kind of trauma that these 7 kids come out of it with, is completely understandable.      Basically, there are a number of kids who are picked and raised in a facility. The backflash begins with a teacher telling them that they’re all special, and that they have the opportunity of heading into the future, of “boarding Noah’s Arc”. These are children, and we’re kind of shown in brief clips of the kids working together, building things, whatever, and it seems relatively normal. What they all knew was that only 7 kids would be able to succeed, so they each felt a need to work hard. But what they didn’t know was what happened to the kids who had failed and were sent away. The backflash shows a brief story of three girls who are close friends, who made some different coloured friendship bracelets, but one of these girls is sent away. She promises that she’ll send letters to them from the “outside world”, but they never recieve anything. At one point, Ango attacks a teacher who is harassing one of the girls, Kotori, and is sent to “solitary punishment” in what they called The Red Room. Dear god. Ango explains what this room is, and it turns out to be a part of a device that shreds livestock to create fertilizer. The room is filled with literal blood and guts, ect., and the punishment is to stand in the sludge for hours or days, we don’t really know how long he’s gone. But what happens is seriously awful. He looks into the blood and a literal hand starts floating, and he recognizes the bracelet that is still connected. It was their friend who had been sent away. The blood that he’s standing in, for however long, is the remains of all of their friends. Fucking sick. The poor fucking guy, traumatized to hell, as anybody would be, he doesn’t tell anyone. He keeps this knowledge inside until the “final test”, when everyone has turned 17. And this test is just about as horrendous. The professors and teachers literally sabotage the tools and training supplies. Hana’s father, Professor Takahashi, reveals to Ango that the theme of the test is “attentiveness”. Kids are injured and killed by these situations that are intentionally set up to pick these kids off, and every event becomes more and more extreme. Food supplies are poisoned, to the extent that they choose to grow their own food, some kids are even found dead due to carbon monoxide poisoning, their school facility is burnt down completely, we see floods and even buildings and mountainsides collapsing on these kids. They’re dying left and right. These kids grew up with eachother, and it seriously affected them as they watched as their friends died, finding out later that this outcome was orchestrated by the teachers that they trusted. 

    Ango, specifically, struggles with a close friend, Shigeru, who realizes that Ango never saw him as an equal, only someone to protect. This is during the “final test”, so Ango is kind of faced with the idea that this is the last chance for him to be one of the 7, and he might have to choose between himself and Shigeru. In the end, after some really bad animation and horrible editing, Shigeru takes it upon himself to cut his rope in the final trial, falling to his death.      By the end of this, when the 7 kids are the only ones left, we get this sad scene where each person is crying, asking why they were chosen? Why was it them and not any other of their close friends that they watched die? This was probably one of my favourite scenes from the series. It was just so real, and made us see the elite team quite differently. They wanted to be one of the top 7, but they were never privvy to the truth of how they would get there, and this moment was when they were really realizing what they were being put through.     In the current timeline of the series, all we’ve seen are a group of assholes who have literally murdered a “civilian” from the Fall Team (he was infected with an airborne virus..?), and then they tested some food and medicine on an injured person later on. They’re a group of kids who have basically never learned empathy. They were raised in a trianing facility, taught to work together until the “final test” when it was literally each individual against every other person. This is the kind of dynamic that we see Ango go through. It’s revealed that one of the elite team’s “duties” is to teach the civilians ways to survive, as well as protect them, but Ango is trapped by the idea that “they” were chosen and that “they” each fought to be here, while the civilians were simply “lucky”. They were chosen for absolutely no reason, they have remotely no useful skills, and Hana is the worst offender in his mind, as she was sent here simply becuase of who her father was. To me, this mindest makes perfect fucking sense. It’s “cause and effect”. Summer A Team have been mentally and physically tortured, and for their entire lives it was a “competition” to even be able to survive in this future. None of the training that we saw ever promoted these people to want to “help” anyone, and until the second season, we really only see the elite members struggle with the idea that they have to work with “unchosen” civillians. 

    By the second season, Ango goes off the rails, he attempts to rape Hana, but an elite team member stops him, and nobody finds out of course.The group then proceeds to look for fresh water in a cave. Hana’s rope is cut by Ryo, because he sees her existence as a detriment to Ango’s fucking mental health, so she falls but survives but ends up in an underground river. Ango goes off by himself, is lost, and kind of gets confused about his whereabouts. Later, in the second season, we see this as well, where his mind goes back to the trauma. He thinks that he’s in the cave where Shigeru died, still in the “final test”. When he sees Hana he comes back, but he chooses not to help her. The other teammates catch up, specifially Kotori, Aramaki, and Haru, who all want to save her, but Hana can’t hold on long enough and disappears into a goddamn hole. She is actually gone after this, for most of the second season even, which is unfortunate because I kind of liked her.

    Anyway, the remaining elite team figure that building a camp and staying close to the fresh water they’ve just found is the best idea. It’s also an important point that a character on the Fall Team is actually pregnant, meaning that she would need somewhere safe to have her baby, and most of the elites decide that it would be a prefferable opportunity to remain at the side of the civilians. And because of Hana’s departure and witnesses who saw Ango refusing to help her, some of the civilians felt that Ango was a danger. The Summer A Team member who stopped Ango’s assult on Hana tells everyone of what he did, therefore adding another charge against him. In the end, it’s only Ryo who is on his side, and everyone decides that banishment is the best punishment.

    Then begins the second season, which I much preffered. We get to follow the Summer B Team, who are residing on some sort of luxury boat (including a sauna? damn). Ryo and Ango actually join the team, not really revealing much about themselves or where they came from, so they’re quite mysterious, but Summer B is a group of pretty eccentric characters. This is the season that builds on Ango’s character, and I think that’s why I liked it so much. The beginning of this season is really nuts, because Ryo and Ango both have to figure out that these people are not actually useless, and that their skills fall into other categories than the survivalist way of being that they were trained in. We see Ryo setting up traps for the team, in the same way that the teachers had done to them during the “final test”. Members are set up to fail, and it’s almost by pure luck that most of these idiots survive. We also see how Ango deals with this, as he’s forced to either accept the outcome that this team of idiots will easily die because they lack any “attentiveness” whatsoever, or he can step in and help them. Ryo at one point closes the windows while the team are warming up with a fire in the cabin, and they start to pass out due to monoxide poisoning. This is reminiscent of the previous traps that actually killed kids, so it’s as if Ryo wants to test this less efficient team. I felt like this was really dumb, because these people are not trained, therefore, what is the point of setting them up? They’re simply going to fail. It might have been a test for Ango specifically, just to see what sort state of mind he’s curently in. He does end up saving the team from the monoxide poisoning, noticing it the earliest. He actually gets attached to this team, really wanting to protect the main female character, Natsu, as she reminds him of Shigeru. 

    Later on in this season, the team adventures into some strange ship that was designed as a sort of “vault” for humanity to attempt survival. The boat is affected by a sort of iron-oxidizing bacteria that has evolved, becoming dangerous and maneating. At first the team gets locked inside, and they all have to work together in order to stop the ship from self-destructing and firing an atom bomb into Japan? I don’t even know. The story was built up and it was relatively interesting, but the growth of the characters was even better. Ango gets lost, separated from Ryo and wanders the ship, finding a level that is extremely affected by the bacteria. Because the area looks a lot like cave walls, his trauma starts to affect him again. He thinks that he’s back in the cave with Shigeru, and he’s searching for him. Ango still has his gun, and ends up firing at Arashi, thinking that he’s actually Professor Takashi, testing him again. The two end up sticking together, attempting to find the others. They do end up finding Natsu, who is in the process of climbing precariously across crane structure. Ango and Arashi are trapped below, and call out to her for help. Natsu herself has really changed since finding herself on this ship. Rather than depending on others to make decisions, she was lost on her own and was forced to trust in herself. Arashi sees how hard she’s pushing herself, but Ango can only view her as a replacement for Shigeru, telling her that she can’t do it and she should just turn back. Natsu is able to get the crane down to them and brings it back up, and the three continue on their way. This is kind of the turning point, as Arashi and Natsu find out about who Ango actually is. He realizes that Natsu isn’t Shigeru, and explains why he has been treating her that way, because he looked down on Shigeru the whole time. Arashi asks him why he never ran away from the facility, and it’s here that Ango realizes that that was an option to them. He kind of breaks down, but Arashi then explains that he and the others were brainwashed. That if it were truly that awful, as Ango has described and as the viewers have been shown, then it was never his choice to stay either, and the guilt that weighs on his shoulders, isn’t truly his to carry. Arashi also brings up that nobody on any of these 7 Seeds teams wanted to be here, and that they are all victims of this governement program. Nobody was able to thoughtfully and honestly make the choice to be put to sleep and sent to the future, and the only thing that they can do now is to survive and do what they can for themselves. 

    That is kind of the end here. I personally liked Ango’s story and his growth, besides being an attempted rapist... He was a majorly brainwashed character, told that only the special ones will be able to rebuild society, and because of the sacrifices of his friends, he felt that it was unfair that completely average people were able to make it here. Honestly, that’s the most fucked up part. Why would random civilians be sent? We saw this question asked a few other times in the series, especially when conflict erupts in the Fall Team when a member becomes pregnant, when the deemed leaders had banned sex altogether. They figured that it would be better not to procreate, as the ones who stuck them in this situation would have wanted. And again, when the Winter Team woke up, all but three people were murdered by a lion. They had no guns, like Summer A Team do, and in the end, only Aramaki, the dude with the wolves, survives. All that these story beats do is point to how shit the 7 Seeds project was. They wanted to mix the elite survivalists with complete noobs, and had no idea what sort of emotions would erupt from this? Also, who thought that emotionally torturing the survivalist team would end up being a positive? Absolutely ridiculous.

    The writing is pretty bad, though, if the manga ends up being released in English (crossing my fingers for a digital release), I may have to check it out. The shoujo romance plot of it may end up being interesting, if not blood-boiling, but I think that if the story up until now, of what the anime has adapted, had more time to build on the characters and their interactions, it may well be a good story. I don’t recommend this series, the editing and direction is horrendous, but I am kind of looking forward to the 3rd season, if it happens.

[giganticactus]

9.20.19

The last three years have felt like an absolute eternity.

On this day, three years ago, my recovery began. Three years ago, I was a shell of a person barely functioning enough to brush my teeth more days of the week than not. I hated myself to the point that I couldn't bare living life as the person I was. There was nothing about my personality or my mind that I did not despise. I had zero goals or hope or dreams for the future. I couldn't see my future beyond only a few days ahead. For a long time, I didn't want to find it.

My personality was a dark ball of depression and loneliness and emptiness. In constant need of an escape. In desperate need for help. I considered myself, no longer human, for a large chunk of 2016. There was no personality or humanity in my body. I was truly nothing but a combination of debilitating mental illnesses. I was living off of nothing else but guilt and codepency on a person I was in a very toxic relationship with at the time.

On this day three years ago, I broke off that relationship. It was the fourth day in a row which I didn't have suicidal thoughts. I felt that I truly had a 1% chance of surviving myself without her. I decided that I had to take that chance while it was in front of me. I had to let go of the one person who I knew was holding me down.

For another two months, I did nothing but sit at home, focused on avoiding triggers and finding ways to cope with the triggers. I played video games at all hours of the day, I forced myself to limit the food I ate while making sure I did still eat, trying to eat food that wasn't pure junk. Drank water as often as I thought about it. Focused on the parts of me that I hated most and tried my best not to hate them.

I realized, in the beginning of my recovery, that I had to build myself back up into a human being again. I had to recreate my personality and my relationships and social skills. I had to create motivation to get anywhere in my physical life. And it dawned on me. If I have to build myself back up, why would I go back to the person who put me onto this position in the first place?

The qualities that I wanted most in the person I wanted to be were: motivated, and didn't immediately run away from anything bigger than a mild inconveinece. I wanted to face challenges head on, I wanted to want to overcome obstacles. I've always been such a lazy person by nature that I wanted nothing to do with anything that wasn't completely easy to me. As I slowly built this person over the coming months, I got a temporary job working at Walmart over the holidays.

That seasonal job at Walmart that I spent 40 hours a week at for six weeks, was the best thing to happen to me in my recovery. It was just challenging enough that I was able to thrive from the challenges. I got my first hint of customer service skills, I worked as part of a team, I made friends. I learned a lot of responsibility and I rode my bike everyday to get there. But the number one thing that job did for me, was give me a sense of purpose. People relied on me. I had a job to do and I didn't have the option of walking away from it. I had a purpose. I hadn't had that feeling my entire life. And I must say, I was pretty good at it. I learned things pretty fast and honestly the only negative quality I had at that job was that I lacked a sense of urgency. But it wasn't hard to work around, and it definitely improved in the weeks I worked there. Two of my biggest fears were handling difficult customers and answering phones. Both of which I had to endure, and nine times out of ten they turned out well. I always had other people to fall back on as a safety net if I messed up. I was only eighteen, and the youngest worker in the store. Everybody looked out for me when I needed it and gave me a little push when I needed it as well. That job gave me a completely different outlook on the working industry and who Walmart is as a company. Both, in very positive light.

After that job ended, I was unemployed for five months. In that time I went back to my previous habits after my recovery began, but I was also a little more diligent about looking for another job. I had a small lick of motivation to find another purpose, but had trouble finding work that was close enough to ride my bike to, and would hire me with only six weeks of work experience.

I was hanging out with a friend of mine that April. He brought along a friend of his that we went to high school with. This friend was a shiftlead at my favorite place to eat. He asked me about what I was doing at the time, and when I told him I wasn't in school and didn't have a job, he told me that his work was desperate for hires. I was unsure about it, mostly because the store was a two and a half mile trip from my house, and the idea of riding my bike that far everyday sounded just a little bit like a real life horror movie. I told him I would think about it and he gave me his phone number for when I made my decision. A week later, he set up an interview with his manager for me and told me when to come in. I rode my back at two o'clock in the afternoon in early may to this interview where I was hired on the spot.

2017 was a year of recovery. I continued to build myself up and find habits that made me happy and healthy as I could be. I was truly the happiest I've ever been, in 2017. My depression quickly withered to a pebble because of this job and the friends I made. Riding my bike was great exercise, and I worked at a salad restaurant and was eating good healthy food. I was honestly of top of the fucking world.

In March of 2018, I met a boy. He was filling in from another store while we were short staffed. He was big and he was goofy and about as friendly as a stranger can get. Something about him drew me toward him. I knew from the day we met, that he was someone special. After a few days of chatting and working together, we and two other worker friends of mine hung out after work one day. He was the last one I brought home that night, and when he learned in to kiss me, I though "fuck it", and it was the best "what's the worst that could happen" decision I've made in my entire life.

We dated for one year and two weeks before breaking things off for complicated reasons. It wasn't a good breakup (if those exist), but it definitely wasn't a bad one. After we got out bearings and thoughts and feelings sorted, a week later we met up for the first time again to talk. Things weren't awkward, but it was sad. After that, we decided to remain friends for fear of losing eachother. There was a short period over the summer that we lost touch, while I was on my bender, but a month later we got to talking and hanging out again. We are in a very good place right now and see eachother often, once or twice a week. He is my best friend. And while the idea of getting back together has been kind of the elephant in the room for the last few weeks, for right now I'm enjoying the time I can spend with him.

My health and happiness fluctuate a lot. I currently just got out of a deep depression pit myself, due to denial of an environmental stressor I've chosen to ignore for nearly a year.

What truly matters, is doing my best. Finding what works and what doesn't. Keeping myself as far away as possible from where I was three years ago. The number one thing, is learning to love who I am. Changing the negative qualities that I can, and accepting the ones that I can't. Taking actions to keep myself as healthy and happy as possible while maintaining relationships and a shitty career.

I'm endlessly grateful for where I am today. I'm endlessly grateful for the journey I had to take to get here, and for the opportunities and decisions I will have in the future.

Right now, I'm finding reasons to be happy. Holding onto the people around me, finding balance between things I have and want and need, and finding goals and hope for the future. I am doing really good right now, recovering from my bender. I realized this time last year, that I will be in recovery for the rest of my life. And I know that its okay. Recovery means coming up from the down. The journey ahead looking better than the path left behind. I'm endlessly grateful.

Overall, I'm fairly happy. I have family whom I love and love me. I don't have many friends but the few close friends I have are extremely important to me. The situation at work is going better than it has been, and I'm currently looking for a second job. I've moved out of my dads house and hope to move out on my own pretty soon. Things look good right now. I have hope. I have things to look forward to, I have a better hold of saving money, and have a million things I want to save for. For instance, buying a new car and taking trips to Colorado to hold me over until I can eventually move there.

Recovery is a process I'm well familiar with. Rock bottom and I are old friends that I plan to never reunite with.

One last note I want to leave, is a message to the person I left on September 20th, 2016.

I see you. I see you as a human being. I see you as a human being with struggles. When I think about who you were three years ago, I see a human being.

I remember everything. The words said, the feelings felt, the anger and love and hatred shared. The memories and experiences, I remember it all.

I know now, especially after a similar friendship I had this past summer, what our relationship looked like. What it really was. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I saw a certain comment on social media that hit me like a train. And I had a whole new perspective to the situation.

I've always known what you did to me. How your words and your actions affected me. I know how codependent I became. How much I dreaded the idea of living life without you. How much I hated you some days and loved you on others. How desperate I was for your attention and the empty feeling I had whenever you would push me away. How grateful I was for the times you were there.

I've realized lately, of the impact I had on you. While I've never gotten your direct take on everything, I do now know some things. I know that I put you into a harmful situation. I trapped you in a spot that any action you took could become dangerous. At a young age, another person depended on you in a way that no person should. I realize now, the pressure I put on you. The damage I had to have caused at the time.

I don't know your true intentions of the time. I don't know what you thought or how you felt. I know that you hid a lot from me. I know now that it truly was for the better of both of us. I expected far more from you than I never should have asked. I see it now. I see the intensity of the impact it must have had.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did. I'm sorry for everything I said. I'm sorry for putting you in that situation that I depended on you so instensely. I'm sorry for the pressure. I'm sorry for the despair and desperation. I never should have done that to you. I'm truly, insanely sorry. I don't blame you for a single thing. I forgive you for any hardships caused. I'm sorry for any hardships I had caused you and your family. You didn't deserve it. I'm sorry.

[highbuttonsports]

The Leafs, The NHL and 2020

First and foremost I want to start off by saying fuck 2020. It’s been full of tragedies, sickness, death, racism and everything in between. As someone who follows sports religiously and has always used sports as an escape from reality, I’ve found it very strange to not be able to get lost in a game, a highlight reel, or conversations surrounding sports. This has been a difficult time for the world as a whole and there are many more important issues that are happening besides a lack of sports but I’m not going through all of them as my passion for writing is hockey and the Leafs.

Is hockey coming back? I believe so. Is that right? Without being a Doctor I really can’t answer that so I’m going to trust the NHL and the NHLPA in their decision to return safely inside their bubbles. The plans I’ve heard about in the hub cities are really impressive and extremely thought-out. Although the NHL has not confirmed the 2 hub cities, Rear Admiral from @spittinchiclets podcast tweeted out yesterday evening that “Vancouver is gonna be the second hub (along with vegas).” Also earlier yesterday NHL insider Chris Johnston tweeted out that “phase 2 will be expanded to 12 players for on-ice sessions.” The previous on ice maximum was limited to 6 players and the new maximum of 12 skaters is in effect as of today. This may come as a bit of a shock to the hockey community after learning Friday that 11 of 200 players have tested positive for Covid-19 but it seems like they are moving forward as planned. I’m sure the NHL expected some positive cases and given the rapid growth of the virus in the United States, this isn’t shocking. The faster they get into their bubbles in the Hub cities mentioned the better, quarantine the positive cases like anywhere else in the world and continue regular testing. The key to this whole “hub city” plan will be to keep these bubbles as airtight as they can and keep up with testing in my opinion.

I didn’t really want to go here but ill express my feelings quickly. Out of the 11 players who tested positive for Covid-19 there was 1 name mentioned and that was Auston Matthews. Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun posted on twitter Friday that Matthews has tested positive for Covid-19. This is the first player in the NHL who has been publically named by the media and of course it was Simmons who broke the story. Shortly after the breaking news The Toronto Maple Leafs put out a statement basically saying that they will not be commenting on reports surrounding the testing for any of the players or staff and that a person’s medical information in this regard is private. None of the other respected hockey insiders such as Bob Mackenzie, Elliotte Friedman, or Chris Johnston even commented on the story out of respect for the player and his family. Simmons has shown over the years that he has no boundaries and no respect for players personal lives and the online world let him know that this past weekend. TSN Overdrive, a Toronto based radio show deleted hour 1 from all podcast platforms shortly after they put it out which included Simmons talking about his story, even they didn’t want to be associated with him and that says a lot.

Now let’s dig into the best of 5 play-in series between the Leafs and Blue Jackets and take a look at how these 2 teams match up. I firmly believe this isn’t going to be like any playoffs I’ve ever witnessed. Players aren’t going into this beaten and battered by an 82 game regular season, instead, they are going to a fan-less arena with no crowd noise, no home-ice advantage, and this will be a very different feel for the players. Some players will do fine with this but I think a lot of players feed off the energy of a full arena and I’m not sure how this will impact them. Most teams will have full, rested benches that will be itching to go when the puck drops. These teams are almost polar opposites when comparing team stats, and overall team structure. Columbus is low scoring, defensively-minded, hard-nosed, and extremely well-coached by John Tortorella. While on the other hand, we have the high flying offensively minded, high risk — high-reward Maple Leafs. One thing to note is that even though Sheldon Keefe hasn’t had a full season with the team or even a healthy team by any means he has done remarkable work thus far. Since taking over the bench he has posted a 27–15–5 record which translates to a .628 PTS %. For comparison sake, Mike Babcock had over a .628 PTS% once in his last 9 seasons coaching in the NHL. We’ve seen dramatic improvements on special teams, all-around team chemistry, the lines, the ice-time, and what’s not working is being constantly changed with Keefe. The Leafs have also been without Morgan Rielly, Jake Muzzin, Ilya Mikeyev and multiple other key players for much of this season and they still managed to find success under their new coach. I’m beyond excited to have Rielly back in the lineup as he was nursing an injury during the beginning of the season and was never really himself. When he is playing to his potential he is the type of player that elevates everyones game around him. The goaltending battle between Andersen and Merzlikins could end up being the deciding factor in this series. Elvis has yet to face the Maple Leafs or play an NHL playoff game and Andersen has proven to sometimes start slow at the beginning of seasons which is kind of what this is at this point isn’t it? Andersen has spent almost all his time with Matthews during the pandemic shutdown until recently when he traveled to LA after reportedly testing negative for Covid-19. I think that much time with Auston who is a big game player will prove to be a positive thing for Freddy moving forward. When guys spend a lot of alone time together and grow as friends they really want to push themselves to compete for their buddy and teammates which will ultimately be a good thing for the Leafs. As I mentioned before this is going to resemble the start to a season where we see looser hockey, more mistakes and more goals before defensive structures and timing are locked down by teams which give the Leafs the advantage. They are highly skilled and can burn teams offensively in a hurry and if the D is healthy and plays tighter under Keefe I believe the Leafs should be able to get this done and move onto the real playoffs. The Jackets are going to play a physical style of game and I think the Leafs are up to that challenge, especially with Clifford on the bench. We’ve seen a side of Auston, JT, Kap, Holl and others before the season got shutdown that we weren’t used too. Guys were sticking up for eachother and getting a bit feisty out there, now I don’t know if that is all Clifford but I’m sure having him around helps.

Camp will be interesting as highly touted prospect Nick Robertson has been added to the expanded playoff roster along with Egor Korshkov and Kenny Agostino. Now you might say there's no way these guys get into the lineup but remember this isn't a regular playoff and they need to win 3 games to even get into the playoffs so whoever excels at camp, exhibition games, and who proves they are ready to go will most likely play. Hard to say if everyone will show up in shape ready to play after being quarantined without gym facilities for 3+ months. My lineup predictions are as follows (presuming Matthews is healthy).

Hyman-Matthews-Marner, Mikeyev-Tavares-Nylander, Engvall-Kerfoot-Kapanen, Clifford-Spezza-Gauthier

Rielly-Barrie, Muzzin-Holl, Dermott-Ceci

Andersen, Campbell

Also note, depending on how things go Keefe won't hesitate to make any changes he sees necessary such as swapping Ceci for Sandin or Gauthier for Korshkov, Roberton Etc. I kept Engvall in the lineup because he really showed he can PK and finish in a streaky fashion which might come in handy, he has high hockey IQ and I feel he can be trusted out there. Mikeyev coming back is also a massive boost to the club and I hope he takes off right where he left off, flying around and endorsing soup. Another advantage going into this series is that Tortorella and Keefe don't know each other's tendencies and that we finally have a coach who will adapt on the fly and that coaches to win.

Chris K.

[serpent-energy]

My Immediate, Bewildered, Emotionally Charged: Post-Election 2016 REACTION (through quite expressive language)

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Post-Election Feelings; Who is Needy?

Can We Divide The Greedy?

Written by Sean Kadagian

Scattered, yet Organized

Hollow, yet always,

is there a prize.

--

This massive, omnipotent, and the great: Economic Wheel--which I capitalize by the way due to its obvious and vast, and clearly apparent greatness-- in which America has created, ever and perpetually being moved in every direction, visible in waves with its motion being dictated by this invisible hand that feeds on pettiness, classism, and greed--its movement has been rapid and inconsistent and now the country divides. We stand, we move, in divided patterns. Static interrupted vibrations to feel across the lands.

Protests in masses of White because the "minorities" know there's no use and worse has happened to them so the whining Whites march in anger because their apparent, and only other possible, savior, Hillary Clinton-- the rigid, two-faced, emmy-award-winning politician who lost to none other but a reality-TV star with one of the weirdest haircuts and owner of the strangest most ridiculous faces to have ever been politically behold. Which would you want? I'd rather a blind date show up and see what they got.

Is this the best America has to offer? Some people say it is. That they grew up in American families, being taught at a young age American values and what to aspire to. But it isn't. It's not the best we got and to think so is naive and ignorant. We have better. But the money isn't in better. At least it wasn't during this political race and the multiple comical debates that so many people had to watch as the dutiful and informed Americans they are. And we were all left with the most appaulling two options in history.

Bullying and ripping on eachother is what America saw their two presidential candidates doing on stage for hours when we were supposed to get down to what's going on in our country. I, for one, am a recovering heroin junky, addict, whatever--among (of course) many many other things. It's been a little over a year since I've been off the junk, but I lost five years of my life to it including multiple overdoses. During the presidential race, I maybe heard mention of it...I don't know, I can probably count it on one hand. And I'd really have to think about it and if they even mentioned it five, loud and clear times.

And I'm not being selfish. It's an epidemic. Each candidate coined it this actual term unveiling the gravity of the situation. Even the current and momentarily remaining president, Barrack Obama said this probably the clearest and most seemingly heartfelt. He sure he is good at what he does though...Who knows if it really is a concern of his, or the others that can really, actually change the current status-quo pertaining to the epidemic. But, and again, like I already said, I can count on one hand how many times it's been mentioned in combination of all three people.

Addicts are dying to a drug many do not fear anymore because once painkillers (opiates and opioids) began becoming more regulated, and OxyContin went off the market not too long after it got sued for originally and initially stating that their drug, which is essentially so close to the feeling of heroin that many call it "pharmaceutical heroin", is not addictive. They got sued hundreds of millions of dollars. Did they care? Of course not. They must be showering in their hundred dollar bills daily. Profiting off the deaths and terrible addictions to what many people originally addicted to Oxys and other painkillers switched to, and with little fear, like I had--heroin.

My greatest problem, which also inludes a kind of question, is I want to know exactly how Wall Street is proffiting off the opium being manufactured to heroin and many millions of pharmaceutical opioids and opiates, sent across seas from Afghanistan (mainly), as well as Mexico? How much are they proffiting and do they feel any remorse or guilt? Or is money really the most addictive and destructive creation man ever gave birth to? I blame money. But I also blame the psychopaths and sociopaths walking around Wall Street proffiting off screwing so many people over.

I still struggle with temptations, because, as we all know, heroin is heroin. And heroin always fixes things. Temporarily of course, but it also grabs you by the crotch after that first shot.

Do they want a youth dying out to an epidemic the government is literally completely to fault here? Sure, some doctors were crooked and would take certain favors in order to write out extra scripts to people, as Florida became known as not too many years ago, the Pill Mill.

It's known. So sure, it's an epidemic. But what do we do?

Do we revert to things like eastern philosophical approaches like meditation, finding our true selves and some peace within, as well as the practice of mindfulness? It's an idea. It's a start. It's an approach. And it's being done with some success. But when an ex junky is truly uncomfortable, out comes the voice tempting one to reach for the syringe one more time. Just to feel okay.

Or is the reason because our society doesn't offer much hope to our youth as they grow to teenagers and struggle with their identities and existential questions, like Do I fit into this society? And then into their early twenties...

With so much competition...With such an overwhelming number in our nation's populus...it sure gets a little bit crowded and just a tad overwhelming up in here...

When a friend wants you to try something saying it makes you feel better and you already don't feel comfortable in your own skin, what is your first instinct? I was a curious cat. And boy did it help. And then ruin...everything. The amount of tears and worry my family had gone through during my days of active addiction is heart-breaking.

And now...

Now, readjusting and re-entering a society that was already one that angered me before my addiction because of its size, intimidation in the amount of people doing what I wish to do...I feel like I lost out on years of learning. And although I'm not particularly an unintelligent person, I have lost years of chances to learn and harnass life skills which I lack and am only now learning

This entry of feelings through words was, at first thought, going to be about the nation and its clear divide because of the election results. But instead I brought up a problem that I went through and am still dealing with, because my learning takes place almost everyday. And this is happening in every single state of our great goddamn America.

--

Donald Trump said a lot of words. A lot of things he wants to not exist anymore. One of which, is the drugs that come through the border like it's water through a siv. He wants that to be eliminated. So many things, to me, it seems he doesn't understand. Although I do, and seemingly always get the feeling that he just says things for shock value and for votes...also for division and exitement. We must remember, he was a reality television star, as I mentioned somewhere in the beginning. He's a show-man who, out of mass division and disagreement and lack of seeing things through one lense instead of way-too-many, became the elected president to take office in January.

He talked about rebuilding America's infrastructure. That's a thought. His 100 Day Plan sounds completely naive and unreachable. I don't know what will happen...but as I merely mentioned one problem pertaining to the heroin epidemic, though a terribly horrific, and worst of all-- realistic problem--other problems such as the now-clearer-than-ever: systemic racism that is evident where minorities live and where and how whites live.

Yes our country is still segregated, and if you don't think so, just take a walk around some inner cities and then take a drive through a suburbia where upper-middle-class whites live. It's just a visual. Most of the time, visuals don't lie. They just tell. The actual blunt truth in so many ways is hard to accept at one's core and then still walk around with a kind of lightness and have empathy for all of mankind. I certainly don't. Though I am moreso than not, a highly sympathetic and understanding, and (well, I'd like to think so) a person than tries to embody and radiate kindness and benevolence.

Working like ants in a farm and buzzing bees to their flowers and back to their nest for more and more honey. How much money can we stack before we can say we've done it?We've reached the final level and now we can explore this world for what it really is, and not what the American media and national blue-tube shining artificial light and colors and loud dialogues demeaning other people, all trying to one up eachother--tells you.

I wish to lift you up.

I see colors, sure. The color of one's skin I am speaking of now, of course . But I know, as it is a fact, that we are all human beings. Really...period. One species. The only difference between I, a considered white person, and another person with black skin (just for this example), is our backgrounds and where we came from. Which is vast. Sure. But my background and where I came from can vary greatly from just another white person's. To have this in the forefront's of our collective conscience is important. To blame, maybe, just the American government. The whole lot. Maybe, no definitely, the god damn mother fucking media. God, it's really starting to just sound like a dirty, scummy word. "Telling you the truth, but of course, only how we see it!" Should be most of their slogans with a white man's face smiling a fake-white, fake-inviting smile.

Usually I get along with all different colors, ethnicities, races, and hopefully the aliens that I'm  waiting for to come down and show me something exciting and meaningful.

What I'm trying to say is, as long as you wish and remain aware of the energy and vibrations (vibes) you are giving off to others, more often than not, the reaction from the opposite person you are interacting with will be that of, nothing more, than a human. True humanness is openness, benevolence, a hint of curiosity, and hopefully a sure feeling of kindness.

If my openness and kindness in turn breaks through the possible shell that another person had to create as a protection to the brutalities and hard-to-handle emotions that any pill could barely touch....if I can break through that wall--a wall in which we all have in one form or another...it's just adaptation to our surroundings...But yes! If I can break that wall, there is nothing like your good vibes being reciprocated with enthusiasm and comfort by the opposite person.

"Come play over here, man. What's your name by the way?" he said with some excitement and curiosity.

"I'm Sean. You follow the Knicks?" I replied with a kind of joy resulting from the clear fact that I'd just broken through a seemingly hard-shelled-wearing human being.

Another human being's shell they created over time for safety to outside stimuli eventually becomes one of familiarity, therefore, comfortability. We like what we know. To open up and break that kind of shield from the discovered dangers of the world, it's a scary process. Makes me wonder why something like romance isn't being preached and put on a pedastal for being one of the most wonderful things in the world anymore.

My journey is to become naked. Metaphorically of course. I can get literally naked anytime I want... Anyway, point is, my aim--my long, elongated aim--is to shed myself and rid myself of my hardened and old and, in spots, witheringshell. Like a turtle that just needs to get out. Maybe then they could run fast. Maybe then I'd be laughing last.

All I know is that I blame Society. There. I said it. Well, typed it.

I blame Society.

Oh, how you raised me!

The fear and the letdown from childhood to the years of my confusing teens.

Excitement to letdown. My creative creations and of how they lay around in the thousands all around my entire life. Poetry. Short stories. Writings, songs, broken instruments, and instruments needing tuning.

So I hope.

I hope because wishing is childish. Look at what happened to my Santa Clause. Sure I don't blame my parents, but maybe Society could've dropped that fairytale decades ago...start raising some realists instead of people still believing that that Utopia we've all daydreamed and drempt of at one point or another throughout our lives still could happen if only people just tried a little harder. Perfection is a myth, yet we are driven, and we are driven, and we are set to be constantly driven, and I think sooner or later we'll be driving straight into these god damn brick walls like drunken fools. Just right into them. Fucking....

Crash.

--

So crash the Market! Erase those irritating, really, meaningless and useless numbers and abbreviations rolling by constantly at the bottom of the screen. Maybe some sexy french girl speaking in english with her seductive accent in a smokey, breathey voice will tell us: "A new era is coming. We must, and we are now starting, as you see: completely eliminate all that is meaningless, useless, loveless...drenched with countless people trying to get one up on eachother...forever attempting this endless climb up a ladder wrongly labeled success...Paradise is in meditation in the most basic form of the word. You now must become aware of your surroundings, your body, others, and how you act towards and around others. Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

If I truly heard something like this I wouldn't give a shit what hi-tech anarchist group hacked the whole thing and gave and laid out this kick-ass short and sexy interrupted speech. I'd be psyched. Ecstatic probably. Do you think you would you agree with enthusiasm as well? Also, maybe, with a kind of exhaustion and some word like finally banging around the outer-layers of your mind?

Are you waiting for something to be done to change these ways that really are so immature and beneath our growth--and when bringing up how long humans have been on this planet, and more specifically pertaining to us: how long America has been a nation--don't you think we should be a little further a long than we are? Just a tad? Not technologically. Referring to products and all the useless fun stuff that's sold in our country while other human beings across seas are starving to death every few seconds....I'm reffering to all that....we're good on that part. So good it's sickening. The fact is: so much of what is in our country is outdated and must be updated with not profit in mind, but of betterment for the entire country. Until a movement in government begins and makes any progress regardless of how slow it is, it's clear that all the fun -isms will remain engrained into our country's way of life. Classism and racism am I hinting towards especially. Sexism...that's a whole 'nother horse. I'll just leave that over here for now...

And Art is scattered in the airs of the internet and searching for reads, views, likes, acceptance, appreciation, and of course, somebody saying: A job well done Bucko. Do you like my face? Maybe soon they'll have reconstructive facial surgery for people just simply discontent with the appearance of their own face, disregarding any actual injury.

But that's how bad power--and the lack thereof--can make somebody. In this instance I am pertaining this reference to the many people in power truly, actually dictating how the millions inside their nation lives. Okay, maybe not dictating because what they're really doing is merely perpetuating a system that's been in place for almost close to a century now. The only positive I see with Donald Trump becoming president and taking office in January of 2017 (what a laugh even writing that out) is that there's no doubt he will create much needed tension and create an exciting kind of friction within the government, and congress. Tell you what, I'll be watching the news everyday once he's president. I can't imagine a more hysterical and perfect man to run the country. He's the epitome of our country really if you think about it. In two big ways. Self-absorbed, pretends to be somebody he's not. I'm not even sure who or what the guy is really about...besides himself I mean. I'm no doctor or nothin', but if I were, I think it'd be a safe to assume that our soon-to-be president Donald Trump might just be a sociopath. Sure is a funny one though. As long as you don't take this thing too seriously that is.

How much more self-absorbed do you think we can really become as a nation? The media, the just so awesome five-minute long commercials on TVwhile I'm just trying to watch Old School and let my brain melt a little bit (meanwhile I'm being told if only only ONLY I had some odd-word for a pillow that I'd dream of the most beautifully seductively enticing naked women in HD, or something better than HD they were saying...I don't know...they're really all just words to me)--and the many billboards throughout the cities and highways all across the country. Yes, you, whoever is reading these lonely, probably overly-extended words trying too hard to get you to understand that...never mind...the writer is of no importance here....I am only, and innocently, wondering, how often do you feel less than because of how often one in America is told by these things (the media, comwmercials, billboards, filtered news stations) that without many certain products, their attraction to the rest of mankind...to the rest of humanity, is nil to lesss than. Hideous. Prozac nation, right?

If one were to think abstractly for a second, yet with a simple lense on, that all humans need is sleep, food, and sex, then one can let go of all the materialistic American bullshit and maybe go on a hike and close your eyes in the sun and tell yourself as long as I can neutralize all the hectic westernized false-needs by false-claims like a burn on one's skin with the right ointment, you must tell yourself that it's okay. That once that thought--that it's okay--makes its way to the very depths of your mind and becomes, in the future, part of your foundational structure in your consciousness and even subconscious, then you will find contentment. Then you will know what peace is. It's transcendental. It's transformational. It's enlightening. To grab, grab, grab, or just lazily watch what's on TV, the individual is feeding their psyche too much negative stimulation. It creates a path for us of shallowness unless we question what is and wha is being presented by the millions and zillions. I believe Trump as President may actually spark this to happen more across the seas of people in the country. I don't believe the average American accepts everything that funny man with a sick hairdoe says. When one disagrees with something, it's either because they have the actual knowledge and know it to be false, or they just feel it deep at their core that they're getting jerked around--then they either wonder why and search for the truth, or if their an apathetic old bloke, they do what apathetic people do: they don't care.

So I ask only you: How much more can they make us American people feel less than whole and perfect, even in our imperfections? You know most none of the crap being advertised to "better our hollow and meaningless lives" is something your average--or any-- actually needs?

You ever think they'll let us be? My creativity is dwindling and I've been forgetting to read. A real statistic for no one to see. Is that how you might possibly feel? Hold on, I have another thought. I'll be right back. Just wait on the dot.

--

Of that which I disagree and don't approve of, I find a deep-seeded kind of resentment inside of me...sometimes lazily and apathetically it lives, and sometimes quite dramatically, and at times seemingly tragically-- it screams. All aimed towards the terribly angering act and overall facade that our government puts on and wears like a designer robe, exposing some terrible truths sporadically, but then tying the belt around the waist and once again recoiling into itself to hide all the things that normal citizens "just wouldn't understand" (in a demeaning voice just like how it'd sound).

I also blame quite seriously and heavily our American society as a whole--if you couldn't already strongly tell.

Yes. Fact.

And this was just a quick entry into a computer that actually baffles me most of the time in all my honesty to give, which brings in itself a kind of embarassment and slight shame that I, a "first-world", white American male of 24 years old, am quite technologically retarded pertaining to all the new phones and new computers that put out their new updates and (at times, so they hope) aesthetically more pleasing devices. It's all just confusing to the point of pointlessness. Settle down guys. Maybe go work on the holograum idea or something or other boys. All these contraptions being manipulated and sold to thinking they are far more superior to the prior device that came out only six or so goddamned prior to this one! At second thought...I don't believe I should feel any type of less for not staying up to date on the countless updates these corporate devices keep putting out. Instead I just don't buy into every new... New, if that makes any sense. I used to like shiny Pokemon cards when I was a kid. But I'm not a kid anymore. I'm fine with what I got. So move on with your whole "You are less if you do not buy and consume and become our latest piece of trash truly pointless product". Because if you have the last couple, I'd skip the next few.

See, I'm not here to prove much more than a feeling of frustration and confusion through language and hopefully some interesting clarity. Okay, now flash back to me talking about my not so bright days of breathing my old, wretched Junky air. I lost five years to my heroin addiction, and even had to be revived once. Basically, and I'll say it again for reiiteration, I lost out on learning the ways and tricks to this world and this cunningly, and oh so deceiving: Planet Earth while most others not sticking needles in their bodies advanced and adapted as they did. All I'm saying is I'm trying in a country that seems to be breaking stalemate and coming out of the closet a little bit in terms of all the skeletons that are just standing there like zombies, now with the doors open, we see them, but my wonder is Now what?

So,

If America is the captain of this planet, and does influence through numerous, simply countless things such as (the easy and known ones:) music, movies, our media, and especially pertaining to what we allow other nations to know, and more specifically: what we allow other nations as well as our own to think...

Oh yes, so if we are the Influence...the ones to Look At when the shit hits the fan...if we are the preached endlessly to be Saviors of this world... Then we must start looking within our own country. We must start looking at the faces of the youth. Ages eighteen to twenty five or something or other. Interview. Ask questions. The right Questions. I can gaurantee all the debates on police brutality and the past killings and (most-likely) future killings to come, as well as the sexy topic of "Gun Control", will be idiotically debated back and forth by people that either know the massive amount of stupidity behind their claims, or we just allow dumbasses for average Americans--many of whom pick a news channel and stay with it and either agree, disagree, get mad at, or fall apathetically into a depression about--those Americans are listening to humans much less than a real...

Human...

Being.

It's all choice.

And many are content with the ladder floating around somewhere inside their noggins, aiming to take that next step towards (corporate) ascension and please the God that will be pleased with their job.

And then there are the thinkers. The searchers. The creative types. Could be left brains, or might be right brain people. I forget. Who cares anyway?

Thing is, the disconnection from those many Americans who come back from a shitty day of work doing something they hate, turn on the news and the perfectly blushed faces with too white of teeth--and they are arguing at random how the whites of the middle class and lower are being forgotten and how it became that way and why they are dissatisfied with their lives, and the person that flicks this on...it only heavily and seriously validates his feelings. So why wouldn't this person eventually vote for someone like Donald Trump? The liar, actor, masoginist, childish man with an odd bleached yellow hair cap...the man who spoke to struggling whites of that calibar during his stops in American towns and cities for talks. That's only one reason some voted for Trump. Not that I can sit here all day and just name the many reasons people voted for him besides discontentment, which branches out to many theories.

As I mentioned, segregation by race, and by class, which, and without any kind of humor, seems to mainly (and not-so-curiously) be those of color: black, brown, whatever...if you're not pure, we won't give you different bathrooms, but your living conditions are going to be shit and your schools are going to be and going to remain a joke offering that close to non-existent chance to excel and go to college and see what one of your stature can make of yourself....No. Most end up in jail from selling drugs, getting caught with drugs, trying to make it in the Hip-Hop scene here in America, or practice practice practice the game of basketball till one can shoot with their eyes closed. Stephen Curry is now the bar that has been raised and set and idolized and instead of philosophers or lawyers or other people with like-jobs, most blacks, and even hispanics, have idols that are more often than not, sports players, and/or rappers. A philosopher or lawyer or doctor won't lay out a possible path for success in packed living conditions and the only dreams seemingly possible is sports or music because of the many that have made it of their "color". How so insanely petty when I type the word out...color. Well, many of them aim for those goals. Is that odd? It's logical. I get it. And most of the time, as I said, me, the one writing all this rubbish out, is a (technically) man with white skin...I'm White...it's how we currently label eachother. It makes sense, again, yes, sure-- but it separates.

Will we ever just look at eachother as human beings?

Is kindness looked at as a weakness and is hardness a characteristic of the stereotypical Male in America? Do many wish to hold onto that coldness and hectic spiraling thoughts that must fester inside their being and psyche?

I gave it up. I had to. I still judge at times. Hopefully judge is the wrong word for it. I don't know. All I know is that when I go into Manhattan I see so many people trying to be people. Wearing designer clothes and big, you know, those too-big kinds of arrogant looking sunglasses? I see girls looking at me in my peripherals and when I look they quickly look away. I question why a lot. And also wonder if the beautiful girls I see in the city that I wish I could just take and bring into my life and see what might happen, if they really have an interesting personality and possibly even a fascinating past..but most I just walk past and see in incriments of five seconds or less and then they're gone.

We're all trying to be somebody during one's years in the 20s. I'm twenty-four and I probably wear a new mask every couple weeks. Maybe less. Sometimes it's every other day.

Who should I be today?

If I pretend everything will be just dandy will it snow so we can build snowmen together with bundles of joy in our hearts?! Oh, and bring a carrot for the nose!

I just want to grow. Grow inside a society that constantly feels too hard for me.

I have things to say.

And I love making strangers smile.

I think if you can make another person smile or laugh throughout your day then you made a positive contribution to mankind and just made their day a little more worth while.

It's a tough life. Of that is for sure.

But it's the ride and the waves!

Still learning to behave.

Oh, and you think Osama was really hiding in a cave....?

Words to dissect,

I think I'll go give this brain a rest before Trump comes out and builds us all Trump Tents instead of my cozy, cozy bed....

So Good Rest for now,

my friend of only friends...

For it's always the beginning.

And then it's the end.

oh yes, and we work!

as busy ants and busy bees pollinating their flowers for their honey-comb hives on the trees.

for peace

one day,

We will find it

And if not all of us before I close my eyes for my final time here,

Then I will leave blessed.

Blessed to have known that such a life of Duality exists,

for if one does not know the lower, darker vibrating energies that cause fear and discomfort-- then one will never know the pure beauty, joy, and ecstasy of life;

I'm in love with the Yins and the Yangs.

So just hold me close, for my bed is only so big.

Now I'm thinking of something of greatnes and purpose.

Oh yes, in my heart of only one hearts...I know

I will find you.

Oh yes, here I come

And if this does anything for your comfort due to all my prior words trying to make sense of a confusing American time, I'll say it, for it is nothing less than the truth

Yes I promise,

that one day in the future,

nearing the end

we'll all just float away....you and me, together, all of us

Like all the atoms and tiny molecules that we all are

We will cease to be

and just

disappear

in mid-air

Evaporate,

The Final Scare.

[kin0seok]

IAU(Idol Arts University)

this is the first fic I’ve ever written. I’m not a writer so don’t judge lol.

this is pretty much fluff, comedy and thirst, there won’t be any smut sorry. read if it you want. I’m writing this for my own enjoyment really, but some mutuals told me i should post it. 

SF9 X Pentagon X Laith & Kari (there will be other random idols thrown in here and there)

This a multi chapter fic and it’s gonna be hella long

The Main characters are fixed. their based off of me and my BFF

I’m Laith in the story btw. 

IAU is a somewhat Small Private Arts university. This is what happens when two boy crazy/Thirsty girls get thrown in the mix of it. 

                                    Chapter 1: This is Paradise

Laith had just stopped the moving truck in front of their new place when she looked at her bff Kari and said “Can you believe we just bought this place, what are we about to get ourselves into?”

“I honestly can’t, but it should be a fun adventure!” Kari replied, “And Dahlia said this place should be paradise for the two of us!”

“why do you think she would say that?” she looked at Laith with a slightly puzzled look before opening the door of the truck and hoping out.

Laith shrugged slightly while wondering the same thing to herself. She did find it odd that Dahlia said that, but then again she did know her and kari the best out of all of their friends. What exactly would be paradise to the two of them?

The two girls had decided it was time for something new in their lives, they were getting tired of the same old boring thing day in and day out, they were craving adventure. Adventure so happened to find them one day when their friend Dahlia offered to sell them her place and her business. She owned a cafe and dance & music studio near a private arts university, it had practice rooms for dancing and sound proof rooms for practicing music and also a few small recording studios. Dahlia thought it was perfect for the artsy town, there were already a few cafes in town and a couple of dance and music studios but she figured one with a cafe connected would be perfect for a place that was near the school. Plus there wasn’t a dance or music studio near the school, of course they probably had to have their own stuff in the university but it was a small university that opened only about 30 years ago and only had about 200 or so students. So Dahlia opened her business a few years ago and it was always frequented by the students of the university, so much so that the school decided to sign a contract with her to make it exclusive to the universities students.

Laith hopped out of the truck and looked around, the business was located a few blocks away from the school in a beautiful neighborhood of vintage brownstone houses. Laith had always wanted to live in a place like this, being a small town girl she wasn’t a big fan of cities so she never had the opportunity to live in a place like this before, but she decided it was time for something new and she’d seen pictures of Dahlia’s house and she absolutely loved it.

Kari came around to the side of the truck that Laith was standing on and looked at her watch. “ Where the hell is Dahlia? She said she’d meet us here at 9 a.m.”

“You know Dahlia.” Laith replied, “ When has she ever been on time for anything? Hell her mom even says she was late for her own birth!” “Shit you right.” Kari replied with a chuckle, their friend honestly was never on time for anything. It would have been better to tell her to meet them and hour earlier and have her actually show up on time.  

Just then a loud Harley Davidson motorcycle pulled up in front of the moving truck and a long legged brunette with pale skin and bright green eyes got off of it. “Sorry I’m late guys, trying to put a whole house's worth of things into storage is a bitch and a half!”

“It’s cool Dahlia, we were expecting it.” Laith said to her long time friend, “Don’t you think we know about your lack of time management?”

“My time management skills aren’t that bad! Anyways, come here and hug me you bitches, it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other!” Dahlia replied as she ran up to the two friends and embraced both of them.

The two girls embraced for a while, it had been almost 3 years since they’d seen each other. Of course there was facetime and the skype call here and there but they hadn’t all been in the same place at the same time for what seemed like an eternity. They had all been best friends since college, meeting when Laith and Dahlia were seniors and Karina had just entered their university as a freshman. They had met in a boring English Lit. class that Laith had needed to retake after failing for the 3rd time and Dahlia had decided to keep her company, and hopefully she could help her pass this time. They had both just happened to sit next to Kari who was sitting in a row of the lecture hall alone when their super attractive professor walked in and Laith looked at Dahlia and said “I might have to fail this shit for a 4th time!” to which Kari replied, “Bitch me too! I mean not for a 4th time cause this is my first time taking the class, but if he keeps teaching it there may be a 4th time.”

To that comment Laith replied “I’m Laith and this is Dahlia, we’re now best friends and you can’t object to it.” while extending her hand for a handshake.

“I’m totally cool with this!” Kari replied placing her hand in Laith’s and shaking it. There and then begin the crazy friendship that belonged to the 3 of them. They were practically the same person. Especially Laith and Kari, there was no separating them since that day.

“Sooo…. Are we just gonna stand out here hugging all day or what?” Kari finally asked. They’d been driving all day and now that they were here she was ready to move her stuff in and get things started.

“Oh!” Dahlia exclaimed, “I have to give you guys the keys and go over stuff for the business and studios with you guys before my flight in 4 hours!”

“God forbid you’re actually late for something again!” Laith replied sarcastically, “Though i’ve never known you to be late for a flight. I guess you’re only on time when it’s something you want to do.”

“I mean I could just totally keep the keys if you’re going to be a bitch” Dahlia looked to her and said as she began to dangle a set of keys in front of Laith’s face. “Behold the keys of paradise! I can totally keep them if that’s what you want.”

Laith grabbed the keys out of Dahlia’s hands. “The fuck you are, and anyways why do you keep calling this place paradise?”

“You’ll see.” Dahlia told her with a wink while she placed her arms around Kari’s Shoulders, “Anyways I’m going to take Kari inside the cafe and go over business stuff because I know how much you hate it. You can start moving boxes Ms. She-Hulk.” And With that Dahlia and Kari turned and proceeded to walk into the cafe.  

“Who the fuck are you calling a She-Hulk!” Laith yelled after her while walking to the back of the truck and opening it so she could start moving some boxes in. “I can’t help that I’m slightly strong.”

Looking into the truck Laith begin to survey what was inside and decided to move the boxes of unimportant non-breakable stuff first and save the rest for when Kari came back. She grabbed 2 somewhat heavy boxes filled with books and stacked them on top of eachother. After getting the boxes situated in her hands Laith realized that she couldn’t see over them, “Well shit.” she exclaimed to herself, “I probably should just bring in one at a time, but i don’t feel like taking multiple trips.” She stood there and thought for a moment before deciding. “Fuck it, We’ll do it live and the house is just right there. What could possibly go wrong.”

In Laith’s case a lot could go wrong in a short period of time. As she began to walk towards the house with the two boxes she forgot to account for the height of the curb as she stepped up. The tip of her shoe clipped the curb and being unable to stop herself she began to fall forward.

“OH FUCK!” She cried out as she prepared herself to faceplant in the worse way possible with the two boxes. Luckily for her a curious bystander had been watching her as she talked with herself about whether she should carry both the boxes in at once or just one at a time.

“Whoa!” The bystander said as he ran towards Laith and caught her and the boxes before they hit the ground. “Are you ok?”

Having closed her eyes in preparation for her untimely demise because of the street curb Laith slowly opened them upon realizing someone had saved her. “I’m totally good!” Laith replied to the stranger as she got herself upright. Bending down she lightly rubbed the ankle she had tripped with checking for any sore spots, the last thing she needed was an injury before her new life could begin.

“Luckily for me I’m pretty sturdy! I think my body was made strong because I”m so -.” Laith’s words were halted mid sentence as she finally looked up at the stranger and was met with one of the most handsome faces she’d ever seen.

“Holy shit… I mean thanks!” she said as she tried not to look anymore weird than she already did.

The boy was tall with perfectly tanned skin, a strong neck with a very attractive adams apple. Which led to a jawline almost sharp enough to kill a man, plump lips perfectly high cheekbones and attractive kind eyes.

“You must be one of the new owners of the cafe and studio!” He said to Laith While motioning behind him to the cafe, “Dahlia noona said that two of her friends had bought it from her!”

“Yes I am.” Was all Laith could say in response to the gorgeous guy that was standing in front of her. Most of her mental strength was being used try to get her face to not look like a deer that was about to be hit by a 1 ton truck. She wasn’t sure if she was succeeding because the gorgeous guy let out a light chuckle. God why was even his laugh hot as fuck Laith thought to herself.

The stranger stuck out his hand and offered it to Laith to shake, “I’m Hongseok. You are?...” he asked her while looking at her expectantly waiting for her to take the hand he offered.

Still feeling awestruck it took Laith a minute or two to realize that Hongseok was Introducing himself to her. “Oh! Sorry!” she exclaimed while taking his hand and shaking it, “I’m Laith. You know Dahlia?” she asked him.

“Yeah I”m a Junior at IAU. I come here all the time, our school set it up to where the students have exclusive rights to use the cafe and studios.”

“Oh yeah, Dahlia told me all about that! By the way, what does IAU mean?” Laith asked him, to be honest she wasn’t very familiar with the school. She new a few famous and actors came from the school but she’d never looked it up.

“Idol Arts University. It’s just a few blocks that way.” Hongseok said point to the direction in front of him, “Speaking of which I should go, I’m gonna be late for class! If you’re still moving stuff in when i’m finished with classes I’ll come and help you move the furniture and stuff in, how does that sound?”

“That sounds like the best thing ever” Laith replied trying not to seem like she was totally down for him to move anything and everything she owned, “I’m sure we’ll still be moving stuff in, if you haven’t noticed we have a lot of shit.”

Looking over into the truck Hongseok replied, “It seems like you do! Well Laith it was nice meeting, and I’ll be back later to help you move. I really gotta go though!” And with that the boy jogged off in the direction he sad the university was in.

Forgetting the two boxes she had planned on bringing into the house just moments ago Laith ran inside the cafe to go tell Kari what just happened. “BITCH! She was right!” she exclaimed.

“What the hell are you talking about Laith.” Kari replied looking at her friend curiously. Who was right?

“Dahlia was right! This place is paradise.” Laith as she begin to tell her friend about everything that just went down outside. “He’s Fucking gorgeous! I nearly needed a whole bottle of water just looking at him!”

“For real?!” Kari exclaimed with excitement, then suddenly sounding slightly dejected she said, “Damn, why did you have to meet him first?”

“Don’t worry.” Dahlia suddenly interjected, “There is more where that came from.” A grin suddenly appeared on her face. “I wasn’t lying when I said this place would be paradise for you two. I know what kind of boy crazy thirsty hoes you two are. Did you not look up what kind of school IAU is?”

“No…..” Kari responded looking at Dahlia with a look that clearly said ‘why would we possibly need to look that up?’

“It’s an all boys school, and all the boys that go there are that gorgeous.” Dahlia told them . Smiling even bigger as Kari and Laith looked at each other with wide eyes.

“If the way Laith Just described this Hongseok guy is true, then this place is fucking paradise!” Kari exclaimed suddenly feeling very excited

“Oh it is.” Dahlia said to them, “I hope you’re prepared for what you just walked in to.

“You bet your ass we are!” Laith excitedly said “Dahlia I’m now going to leave everything I own to you in my will.”

“Even that gorgeous black and red victorian dress?” Dahlia asked, she’d been eyeing that dress since Laith showed her the picture of it.

“No, everything but that, I’m getting buried in that.” Laith said. There was no way in hell Dahlia was getting her hands on that dress. And as the friends bantered back and for a while, neither Kari nor Laith knew what one hell of a ride this new adventure was going to be for them.

[callmewhisper-blog]

13 November, 2018

Today I have almost finished my Contain The Found Object project for art. I had to borrow one of Sir Chewy’s dog bone things for it. It will be placed in a rather weird looking clay orb thing with rocks and twigs and a clay snake on top. The orb is kind of like a big rubber band ball looking thing, pretty much. If I get a picture of it when it is complete, then I will try to add it on here, since my description skills are sort of… lacking.

Derek started talking to me out of nowhere today in class… well technically before class. Just asked what chapter I was on in the homework. That was about it. I told him I was on chapter three, really I’m stuck on chapter one, and that I will be doing homework all week pretty much. He said that was how his week was looking too, and then I joked about running away and finding alcohol with what's his name from Anthropology. I can only ever remember the guy’s nickname…. Flippy. 

Anyhow, the 11th was dad’s 43rd birthday, and as always it was also veterans day. The 12th was Jenevive’s birthday. I think she just turned 24… maybe 23? I can’t remember which. In July, I will be turning 22… and I still don’t have a photo ID. Sucks to be me I guess, haha.

Nancy has been having it rough lately, I’m not sure how to help her, but I know she needs it.

As for Alvin and Marsha? I don’t know and I don’t want to know. They can keep their drama away from me and I won’t mind at all.

This week has been nothing but course evaluations so far. It’s annoying. But after those we get to go back to class as usual. I guess it’s not so bad….

I’m really bad at keeping up with this whole journal thing, I’ve noticed the long gaps in between entries and I find it almost laughable, really.

Sam came over on Friday night. We played a bunch of PS4 games, took a walk, grabbed some Chinese food and watched most of Deadpool 2 before we got tired. Saturday afternoon I went home, obviously, and monday I came back here to school after my doctor’s appointment.

That’s honestly about it, really. I haven’t had much else exciting go on lately. I have a surprise for Kane when I see him next. So, I guess I am low-key hoping that we get scheduled together over my thanksgiving break.

I had asked for them to put me on for my whole break, since I really don’t want to deal with grandma. She’s been so mean lately. She has been ripping people apart and screaming at them over nothing, really. Mom, me, etc… There’s no reasoning with her, no calming her down… she’s just been a bitch. She told mom that Alexis’ friend Gena has no friends and is completely ignorant and obnoxious. Mom explained that Gena has autism, like my brother, so she doesn’t have social skills. Grandma’s response was “I don’t know about that.”  I had told her the same thing before, and she told me to stop making excuses for other people’s behavior. I wasn’t making an excuse, I was trying to explain why she is the way she is… which isn’t rude or obnoxious, by the way. She just doesn’t get when things are jokes, so she takes everything seriously. Oh, and I should mention my grandma formed this opinion because Gena doesn’t believe in God. SO WHAT!?

She’s just been so nasty with everyone and I really don’t want to deal with all of that. I know me well enough to know that if she starts her shit over thanksgiving dinner, I will open my mouth and things will go terribly wrong. So, my solution to the problem is going to work. My psychiatrist said I should work on not using avoidance strategies, but in this case I think it’s the best way to go.

In lighter news, Alexis is going to the dance with her friend Lance. They both like eachother but neither kid has the guts to ask the other, so I told Alexis that I was confiscating MY Fallout 4 disc until she asked him. She keeps saying I took HER game and complaining, but truth is…. I bought it, it’s mine and the PS4 is mine too! The only game that is hers is the new Spiderman game. That’s it. The other ones are MINE….the console is MINE. Either way, I’m not giving it to her until she asks the kid.

I have dress rehearsal for _____ (our school’s talent competition) on the 28th. The show is the 30th. The first place prize is 200 dollars, and I don’t know if 2nd and 3rd get anything or not. I forget…. I just know that I have 15 days to get the 25 language version of Let It Go memorised perfectly. I keep tripping up towards the end. I will be alright though, I’m sure.

On top of this, we have our chorus concert on December 7th. I’ve got lots of things going on it seems. Finals, chorus concert, a competition….

In other news, I think I have a serious man problem here. I never use to be so guy crazy, but lately it’s just bad. I see them and I’m just like “Whoa….”

Kind of like “DUDE” in my accounting class.

On a much more serious note, recently in Pittsburgh there was a shooting at a synagogue called the Tree of Life Congregation. I think eleven people died, and I am not entirely sure how many were injured. Pastor Man made a beautiful sermon on how hate has no place in our church, and how we must love everyone as god loved everyone, with no exceptions to that rule. He did it in honor of what had happened there, and he put a sign in the garden of the church that said in many languages, “Hate has no place here.”

I worked that sunday, so I didn’t get to attend, however, I did write to the synagogue. I told them about what our pastor had done, I told them about how, despite our difference of religion I still wish for the families of victims and injured to be able to mourn and heal peacefully, and that I hope god may bless them all with some sense of comfort in these times, because Pastor Man was exactly right, hate has no place here. No place anywhere. I never hated Jewish people anyhow, but I still think the message needs to be heard.

If it were a mosque, though, and not a synagogue, would people still react with such kind hearts? I find it sad that I have to even question that… but we live in an age where people will help anyone but a Muslim. Anyone but a middle eastern person. Anyone but a gay person. Anyone but a minority….

“For god so loved the world, he gave his only son.”  Reads the bible. It does not say “For god so loved the world, except the..” If you want to pretend you are high and mighty, remember that verse. God so loved the WORLD. The whole fucking world. Jews, Muslims, Gays, Hindus, Crippled kids, the good, the bad, the rich, the poor, the sick, the healthy…. The whole damn world. No exceptions.

We are not God. We do not get to choose what race, religion, sexual orientation or culture is right or wrong, if any! That’s not our place.

People fear what they don’t understand. Fear can lead to hate, and this year has showed that many many times in the last 10 and ½ months. So maybe, just maybe, we should stop being so fucking afraid. Love thy neighbor and all that…. It’s not a hard concept.