#I've been ruminating again

[velvet-thirst]

it's absolutely wild that I'm a psych major studying to be a therapist, and yet I have no idea how to fix (or at least properly cope with and heal from) my own shit. Yet when I go to a therapist, I am too self-aware, and it just ends up being me rambling about my issues and trauma while the therapist nods for an hour.

Or they are like 'have you tried journaling?' No Bethany through all the therapists I've seen, and all my 28 years of life I've never considered or tried journaling. Ground breaking.

[lotus-pear]

mourning black and the death of ideals

[tinylongwing]

Vide Noir's dual narrative structure

All right, here it is, me making good on at least one of my meta threats. Lord Huron's album Vide Noir can be interpreted as an album with two parallel, contrasting narratives - that of the lead protagonist Buck Vernon, as well as that of Johnnie Redmayne.

Disclaimer: this is an interpretation I think is pretty sound and well-reasoned, but I make no claim to any of this being proven canon information.

---

For those unfamiliar or who need a reminder, the primary narrative is this: the year is 1967, and we start near the end of Buck's journey, as he awakens from being black-brained (Lost in Time and Space). Having just suffered an overdose on the drug vide noir, his memories are slow to return to him, but return they do - his fiancee, Leigh/Lee Green (from here on Leigh but both spellings have been used), left him without a word one night, and he decided to follow, heading west to Los Angeles from their home town of Detroit, Michigan. He's been struggling to find her, checking every bar in the city in case she was booked to sing at one as her move was the result of her chasing her dream of becoming a singer. He doesn't remember a lot about himself, really, after that overdose, but he remembers her, and his love for her makes him desperate to find her.

We're then taken back to the night he left to find her (Never Ever) and his journey is mostly linear from there - he meets a fortune teller, Lady Moonbeam, who tells him that pursuing Leigh will end in his ruin, but he refuses to accept her advice and pushes on (Ancient Names I & II). He laments that he's been some kind of fuckup, that maybe he chased Leigh away through his own behavior, but that he still loves her and begs for her to return (Wait By the River). At some point around here he also learns of the drug vide noir and contemplates using it himself for clues.

(Note that unlike in the movie, in the album, nothing suggests that Buck suffered from a murder attempt by Z'Oiseau's henchmen but that instead he may have overdosed himself in an attempt to find Lee. However, there's plenty of reason to suspect that the film is the canon interpretation here anyway and the henchmen kidnapping Buck just doesn't make for a song I guess.)

One way or another, he winds up black-brained, where some deep existential truths of the universe are revealed to him (Secret of Life - namely that everyone and everything dies in the end, and that a human life is brief, fleeting, and ultimately meaningless within the context of the universe as a whole). He somehow reawakens rather than dying (Back from the Edge) and, again, understands that nothing he does will ever matter, has never mattered*, but that *even though* he's suffered greatly already on this quest, he's still committed to trying to find Leigh, pitting himself against that careless universe (The Balancer's Eye).

So he keeps searching (When the Night is Over) until he finds a clue, or a helping hand of some sort, that leads him on the right path to his beloved Leigh (Moonbeam). We get one more reminder of the forces at work here - vide noir is some awful stuff, it nearly killed him, Leigh herself is hooked on it now, it shows you terrible truths and nightmares beyond human comprehension (Vide Noir) - and when all is said and done, as Buck thinks he's about to "rescue" Leigh from her fate and bring her back to his fantasy of a perfect happy life together, she rejects him. He came all this way through time and space, and she doesn't love him at all in the end (Emerald Star).

---

I consider this the primary narrative here because it makes use of all the songs on the album, it has a clear start and ending and a mostly linear structure, and the album basically serves as a soundtrack to Buck's fool's errand. The film agrees - every scene is centered around his journey, after all. But we have context from Lord Huron's other albums, as well as the lyrics and musical stylings of multiple songs on Vide Noir, that show us that Buck isn't necessarily the only narrator on this album. Strange Trails, of course, came out three years prior, and features songs by multiple fictional bands performing songs which serve as narration for a diverse cast of characters. Unlike on Strange Trails, where each track has a writer or band specifically named and assigned to it as well as a character narrative, Vide Noir does not give us such conclusive information, but we can still put clues together to understand at least some of who the in-universe performers might be on Vide Noir.

Most likely, multiple of these songs are by the Buck Vernon Band - this is pretty obvious. Buck's semi-autobiographical music is all over Strange Trails, usually referencing a girl he loves, sometimes referencing that the girl left him, often giving her different names, all starting with L (Fool For Love's "Lily", and "Louisa").

But the other band that we can easily identify as performers on Vide Noir are the Phantom Riders. For those who need an introduction, this is the band composed of four members of the World Enders gang, with Dale Redmayne at the helm as lead writer. They were seen previously on Strange Trails as well, with banger surf/rockabilly hits like Hurricane, Until the Night Turns, and The World Ender. As a storytelling tool, they are primarily brought in to tell us about the man-turned-undead horror entity known as The World Ender himself, and then otherwise mostly we get their songs about Dale's brother Johnnie Redmayne, who is introduced to us in Strange Trails as a fun-loving and presumably fairly young guy, a thrillseeker and hedonist, who lives for the moment as if the world could end any day. The Buck Vernon Band jumps in between some of these songs with an interjection to tell us that wait, Johnnie is dead, or was, but he got back up. In Dead Man's Hand, Buck speculates that Johnnie could have been murdered or may have killed himself, accidentally or intentionally, upon first seeing him. It's in Vide Noir that we actually learn more about the circumstances of Johnnie's death.

Before we get to that, let's first identify which Vide Noir songs are by the Phantom Riders. This isn't all that hard to do. Any song that references The World Ender is presumably theirs - that gives us Secret of Life right away ("I sit alone in the dark, and I try to remember the words you spoke when you summoned the Ender"). This is reinforced in the Alive From Whispering Pines webseries, episode 423 - Secret of Life, when played, shows a skeleton prop the band has jokingly referred to as Cobb Avery on their social media posts in the past, and after the song ends in this episode, the tune continues in a slowed and distorted fashion through a clip of a WBUB movie version of Dead Man's Hand showing Johnnie rising from the pavement when Buck is about to bury him.

Ancient Names Parts I and II are presumably written by the same band as a two-part song. In the Vide Noir film, the Phantom Riders are performing Part II in the underground club. Additionally, in Alive From Whispering Pines episode 426, after Tubbs Tarbell is done reminiscing about the band and their nihilism, Ancient Names Part II is the next song covered - and often in this series, the structure of the segments between songs are intentional and related to either the song they precede or the song they follow, so it's likely that the placement of the Phantom Riders' appearance followed by a track they're associated with is meant to help confirm them as the performers. In addition, Ancient Names Part I references a fortune teller, and we know from the film that the fortune teller in question, Lady Moonbeam, is associated with the World Enders and knows the Redmaynes.

The last track on Vide Noir that is most likely theirs is the title track, Vide Noir. We have two points of evidence for this - one lyrical ("Many evils have I enjoyed, prowling the night raising hell with the boys" which feels like a pretty direct reference to the World Enders' nighttime violence) and one musical - the main melody of Vide Noir is identical to that of Ancient Names (and Fortune Teller's Theme, actually). In Strange Trails, using the same melody for multiple songs was an easy way to tie Frankie Lou's songs together, and here we can see that it ties two Phantom Riders tracks together directly, indicating that not only are they both by the same band, but that Vide Noir is a followup to Ancient Names part I, in which our fortune teller did warn us things would go very, very wrong.

(And besides all of that, the Phantom Riders tracks on Vide Noir all tend to be similar in musical style - psychedelia-flavored garage rock with a heavy bass line, in contrast to other songs on the album.)

With those songs identified, we should also be aware of just how much Lord Huron seem to love their dual narratives. In Strange Trails, we have a really concrete example of this with The Night We Met. This song was in-universe written by Frankie Lou, presumably about her doomed relationship with Z'Oiseau and how much she wishes she had never met him to begin with (as she echoes in her dialogue in the Vide Noir film when speaking to Buck in her dressing room). However, the music video for this song shows not Frankie and Z'Oiseau, but instead Buck, driving west, while reflecting on his own failure to keep Leigh, wishing he could go back in time and fix things, and meanwhile kind of hallucinating her as he goes. In the album Long Lost, we get another dual narrative in I Lied, which is performed by Donny and Midge but is also sung by Leigh in Vide Noir, foreshadowing her breakup with and lack of love for Buck. There are certainly other dual narratives in both of those albums to be found as well - so what we should keep in mind here is that often, songs can be written and performed by a character or band in order to narrate for themselves or someone close to them, but that just as in our real-world movie soundtracks or our favorite character playlists on spotify, those songs can be applied to other characters in different (but somewhat similar) situations than the ones they were written for.

So! We have four Phantom Riders tracks on Vide Noir, all of which were presumably not written originally in-universe about Buck Vernon, because why would they be, Buck and the World Enders only briefly cross paths and at the very least we know that Ancient Names Part II was written well before he ever met them. Instead, it makes the most sense if like the bulk of the Phantom Riders songs, these tracks serve Johnnie's narration instead.

---

If that's the case, what does that give us? Winding around and through Buck's journey is this second storyline. Johnnie Redmayne, having used and enjoyed vide noir himself abundantly ("I had a vision tonight that the world was ending" as one probable example), decides it's time to get his hands on bulk quantities so as to get the Enders in on controlling the flow of the drug in LA rather than letting Z'Oiseau maintain a monopoly, thereby also increasing revenue for the members of the gang.

It's Moonbeam who warns him to knock it off first. We know, thanks to the film, that he'd spoken to her at some point about his plans to investigate the source of the drug at Tobey's arcade and try to get his hands on some to sell. Whatever his exact plan was, in Ancient Names Part 1, Moonbeam warns him that pursuing this is going to get him killed. Vide noir isn't just a drug, it's something extremely dangerous, tied to dangerous people, and he needs to get away from "her" (and note that frequently throughout music history, drugs have been personified as a "her" or an unnamed lover, whether for poetic reasons or to evade censorship that might come from talking directly about drug use - and Cursed, off Strange Trails, is one more in-universe example, where "her" refers both to Leigh Green and to drug use, specifically vide noir).

Immediately afterward, Ancient Names Part 2, in addition to serving as a very classic sort of World Enders nihilism anthem, can easily be interpreted as Johnnie saying "fuck that, I do what I want, you only live one life anyway and even if it kills me, I want to make my mark before I go out." Death is something hypothetical - sure, it'll get him some day, it gets everyone, and maybe Moonbeam is even right, but he isn't going to let her warning stop him.

On Strange Trails, Buck and Johnnie cross paths at Dead Man's Hand. On this album they only cross thematically, and the pivotal moment of intersection might be Secret of Life. This song may be the point at which Buck learns some forbidden secrets revealed by taking vide noir as discussed above, but its lyrics speak a lot more specifically to Johnnie's experience, implying some connection between him, vide noir, and the World Ender.

It may be that as we see with Buck in the film, perhaps Johnnie too has suffered the effects of being black-brained prior to taking it due to the time and space-bending effects of the drug (notice, for example, in Strange Trails we get Johnnie's story in a scrambled chronological order) and here he's confronted with the harsh truths of what those past visions of his possible future mean for him: he has been set on a path that is no longer avoidable due to his eventual future overdose. So perhaps it's at this point that he acknowledges that he is going to die sooner rather than later and that his life and death will not have meant anything to the greater cosmos, but this information, which was new to Buck, is not something Johnnie fears. Johnnie is hardly new to this point of view. He's seen past echoes of the knowledge imparted by vide noir throughout his life, both in his future visions of the end of the world (again see Until The Night Turns) and in the knowledge passed on through other World Enders, including their own motto ("The fair, the brave, the good must die", or in Secret of Life here, "The darkness comes for all of us").

(As an aside, there's still a lot to unravel with Secret of Life that I haven't touched on here. It's a fascinating song with some really mysterious lyrics. I've speculated at length in the LH discord about some additional interpretations this song could yield but won't veer off topic here.)

And yet despite what looks like a very certain and dire end, Johnnie maintains hope that perhaps he, too, will live past this. Because if Cobb Avery did, why can't he? This is part of the gang's core mythos - their founder is a dead man. He clawed his way back out of the grave for revenge, they thought it was just so fucking cool that he was unkillable that they had to join him, and together they dismantled the Winthrop Corporation, one murder at a time. When the police finally caught up to him, they lynched him - but the noose did nothing, for he was already dead, and now in the form of a skeleton, he called the gang to his side (see Strange Trails: The World Ender comic book). In the ensuing chaos, he flees, the gang heads west and relocates to east Los Angeles, and in the time contemporary with the events of Vide Noir, he is still present among them but this appears to be unknown to the public (Daily Trails prop, by Kim Berens, used in both Vide Noir and Alive From Whispering Pines where it was modified to Ten years later).

Whether The World Ender is readily visible to and known by most members of the gang at this point is unknown, but we know that those who were black-brained can see him (in the film, Buck sees him approaching, bumps into him, plunges into a hallucination of his own future, and when he comes too, the Ender is gone). Given the Secret of Life lyrics, it's reasonable to guess that Johnnie at least can see the World Ender just fine and one way or another, in speaking with him and in conjunction with consuming vide noir, has learned enough secret knowledge to make some kind of choice - and this is what later enables him, too, to drag his way back to the world of the living.

Fate catches up to Johnnie and as we learn in the film, his death was at the hands of Z'Oiseau's henchmen for trying to gain access to dealing in vide noir. Like Buck, he is black-brained - forced to swallow enough of the drug to kill him. And so the track Vide Noir opens with the Fortune Teller's Theme previously heard in Ancient Names Part 1, and that tune is woven through the track - Moonbeam's "I warned you, I told you so" to both of these fools who disregarded her advice. Although, again, the lyrics are clearly meant primarily to narrate for Johnnie - "Many evils have I enjoyed, prowling the night raising hell with the boys, getting high on a pure black void" sounds a lot more like what Johnnie gets up to than Buck. We are given a glimpse of his last words and final thoughts as life slips away and his consciousness is sent straight to the final edge of the cosmos.

---

So ultimately, this is what we're left with:

Vide Noir is an album that tells the story of Buck Vernon, whose fiancee has left him. His journey culminates in a near-brush with death, in finding Leigh, and in learning that she does not love him and that he's nothing, his life is worth nothing more than dust and that none of it mattered or will ever matter, that once he eventually dies he will vanish and be forgotten in time.

Vide Noir also tells the story of Johnnie Redmayne, who for once tries to do something that isn't just for his own hedonistic pleasure but that might actually help bring in money to support his friends and family, but he's too headstrong and impulsive to listen to the warnings he's given, and is killed in the attempt.

One lives who probably shouldn't have and comes out at rock bottom and now has to work out how to move on from here, and one dies a nihilist who should presumably just accept the inevitability of death, but has the knowledge and absolute stubborn determination to enable his eventual return, following in the footsteps of Cobb Avery.

And what happens to both of them afterward? Well, we don't know. Hopefully some day (SOON?? BEN PLEASE) we'll get the opportunity to find out!

[defness]

→ drawing the same pose over and over again and feels cringe

→ realizes that these drawings are simply pre-ref drawings to figure out one's design so I can Draw Them

→ no longer feels cringe

[saekkas]

𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐙𝐄; CLOSED!

as a gift from me for all of your love and support, i'll be holding a little event! i don't know how many of you are interested in joining but i hope you'll enjoy this <3

— event masterlist

❥ prompt games: send an ask containing a character + 1-2 prompts of your choice, and i'll write it for you (think: blurb/drabble/fic/hc, depending on how much the prompt(s) inspires me)

❥ rules:

i currently only write for blue lock

the characters i write for include: isagi, kaiser, sae, rin

you're free to send in prompts with other characters but i might butcher their characterization :<

feel free to send in some of your own prompts!

i only write sfw and suggestive, so no sending in nsfw ones

❥ you can find the prompt list here

©𝐒𝐀𝐄𝐊𝐊𝐀𝐒; do not plagiarize, redistribute, reword, or re-publish my work on here or to any other websites.

[asiantuntija]

something something starting anew....

[monstermp3]

.

[mistbow]

True Names and the Seraphic Culture

A name, when given to a person, is used as a unique identifier for that individual. In the case of “true names”, a concept that exists in many cultures around the world, a true name is believed to express the true nature of its owner, with the notion that words can have magical properties and thus can be used as magical invocation of sorts.

In the world of Zestiria, there too exists true names that use an ancient language. As indicated in Berseria, revealing one’s true name either means a sign of utmost trust or practically a love confession, but why is that exactly, is what I’m trying to find out here.

As said before, this idea is barely original, and like many things that are in Zestiria, it is likely inspired by similar concepts in real world. In the ancient world, names were thought to be extremely powerful and act as a separate manifestation of a deity in some ways. This viewpoint, for example, is responsible for the reluctance to use the proper name of God in Hebrew writing or speech (YHWH), as well as the common understanding in ancient magic that magical rituals had to be carried out “in [someone’s] name”: by invoking a spirit by name, one was thought to be able to summon that spirit’s power for some kind of miracle or magic.

In Japan, it is extremely impolite to call others by their given names unless you are really close, since it feels very personal. There is the custom, “jitsumei keihi zoku” (“実名敬避俗”), basically meaning “the practice of avoiding the real name out of respect” (“実名を敬って避ける習俗”); when using kanji, addressing a person by their real name was permitted only for parents or masters. This was because a person’s real name was strongly associated with their spiritual personality, and it was believed that the mention of that name could control that spiritual personality.

To further illustrate this point, the personal names of Emperors were referred to as imina (諱), which means “taboo name” (忌み名, imina), and they were only to be referred to with their secondary names (副称) or honorific titles. Even more, you can see how the names of kami and emperors in Kojiki or Nihon Shoki were not their actual names, but more their titles, as the actual names themselves are believed to have been forgotten so only their titles had been handed down. For example, we have the kami Izanami-no-Mikoto and Izanagi-no-Mikoto, and if we assume that the “iza” part of their names stands for “誘語” (izanafukotoba) meaning “invitation”, as in, kami that invited each other for the birth of the nation, then these are clearly titles that were later dedicated, not their real names.

(Outside of Emperors, when a person died, their personal name would then be referred to as an imina as well and was no longer used, instead, the person was to be referred to by their okurina, 諡, or posthumous name.)

In Three Sovereigns (三皇) traditions of medieval Daoism, in the corpus that claims that those who chant it can become an emperor, talismans (符) and diagrams (圖) depict the true form (真形) and true names (真名) of spirits, which gives a visual representation of a supramundane being’s “image” (象), its metaphysical substance, its most fundamental identity, its immutable essence. It was believed that diagrams (圖), functioned together with the written word (文; 書), reveal a universal plan—at once cosmic and divine. Humans, then, inhabited an encoded world that sages decoded and made accessible to society in material form. Though the true name of a spirit inscribed on a talisman is legible only to those supramundane beings, and that name gives “control” over the entity whose name is possessed.

This is in line with how true names work in Zestiria.

天族は普段使う名前とは別に、自身の性質を表す真の名をもつ。古代語によるこの真名は、天族同士あるいは天族と導師が契約するうえで必要となる。ただし、自身の本質を知られることになるため、通常は他人に開示するようなものではない。

Apart from their regular names, seraphim have true names that express their nature. This true name, in Ancient Tongue, is necessary for pacts with each other or with the Shepherd. However, it is not usually disclosed to others because it reveals one’s true nature.

真名は天族が生まれながらに持つ隠し名で、対象者の人柄や性格、宿命などをもとにつけ��れたもの。

A true name is a hidden name that the seraph is born with and is based on the subject’s personality, character, and destiny, among other things.

真名を用いた契約で相手との関係が決定づけられることから、親しい間柄でも秘密にするのが通例だが、ミクリオはスレイに真名を明かしていたため、ライラを驚かせた。

Since a pact using a true name determines the relationship with the other party, it is customary to keep it a secret even in close relationships, but Mikleo had revealed his true name to Sorey, which surprised Lailah.

Seems like true names are mostly reserved for pacts only, whether it’s with other seraphim (Prime Lord-Sub Lord pact) or with a human (Shepherd pact). Interestingly, the Shepherd pact is likened to a marriage in Japanese, being called koshiire (輿入れ) which means marriage in Japanese, however, this is not to be taken only in that way, because if translated literally, it means “entering the palanquin” because in the past, the bride was supposed to arrive at the groom’s house in a palanquin. In the context of Zestiria, it’s better to see the Shepherd as a palanquin for the seraph to enter, since the Shepherd offers their body to become the vessel for the seraph, and as such, they basically share the Shepherd’s body itself.

導師になることを主神への「輿入れ」とも言うが、己の肉体を天族の器とし、その伴侶となる導師は、まさに嫁入りさながらの関係と言える。

Becoming the Shepherd is also referred to as “entering the palanquin” to the Prime Lord. The Shepherd who makes their flesh and body the vessel of the seraph and becomes their partner can be likened to a marriage-like relationship, so to speak.

I mean, seeing it this way, the Shepherd’s body can certainly be seen as a household of itself lol. Though the Prime Lord runs the household, so to speak.

天族は、霊応力が高く純粋で穢れのない人間を、「器」にして宿ることができる。この契約を「輿入れ」といい、器になった人間は「導師」と呼ばれる。

この契約は天族が「主」で導師が「従」であり、導師から一方的に破棄することはできない。

Seraphim can use a human being with high resonance, pure and without malevolence, as a “vessel” to dwell in. This pact is called “marriage” and the person who becomes the vessel is called a “Shepherd”.

In this pact, the seraph is the “master” while the “Shepherd” is the “servant”, so the pact cannot be unilaterally broken by the Shepherd.

So we can see how true names, then, tie into all this:

In exchange of the Shepherd protecting the Prime Lord (and their Sub Lords) from malevolence by acting as their pure vessel, the Shepherd can use the seraphim’s powers by invoking their true names (Armatization).

In case of Prime Lord and their Sub Lords, the Sub Lords have to obey the Prime Lord, and the Prime Lord can issue commands and restrict the Sub Lords under them.

Pretty obvious enough that the act of giving one’s true name in a pact basically meaning giving up control over oneself to the other party just from looking at the terms above. That is a really dangerous thing to do as this can be misused. Also the whole “marriage” metaphors mean that it’s a sacred thing.

Now, how and when do seraphim know what their true names are?

The answer varies.

In Berseria, Eizen realized it pretty late, though speaking of Berseria, since malakhim basically have no will of their own, true names work kind of differently, since true names are said to be the essence of their lives, yet they basically can be said as beings with no “lives” to steer on their own.

「《器》の盟約は、心と心の契りだ。互いの心が通うことで、聖隷の真名を対魔士は感じ取り、言葉に表しているに過ぎない。もっとも、意思を奪われた聖隷に心も真名もない。対魔士どもが口にするのは自己満足の戯言だ」

“The pact of ‘vessel’ is a heart-to-heart pledge. By communicating with each other’s heart, the Exorcist senses the true name of the malak and expresses it in words. However, a malak whose will has been taken away from them has neither a heart nor a true name, so what comes out of those Exorcists’ mouths [that they say is a true name] is just nonsense for their self-satisfaction.”

One interesting case, though, is Phi:

「テレサ様のときは覚えてないけど、エレノアとの契約の瞬間は、とても優しくてあたたかい気持ちになった。エレノアが唱えた真名を聞いた僕は『前から知っていた』ように感じたよ」

“I don’t remember how it felt with Lady Teresa, but the moment I made the pact with Eleanor, it felt gentle and warm. When I heard the true name that Eleanor chanted, I felt like I’d always known it from before.”

So, a human (with high resonance) can feel a seraph’s true name and put it in words. If this isn’t literal slavery, it can actually be kind of seen as romantic, but only if the power is balanced between both parties.

MIKLEO: I’ve been wondering about this true name that I had felt in my heart long before I even learned words. Its meaning has always felt mysterious to me… MIKLEO: But now that I’ve seen that memory, I understand. A sorrowful wish in despair gave birth to me; it is the name of that wish. MIKLEO: It might be a curse, or fate, but we know of [comprehend in its entirety, sense, viscerally feel] the hope that resides within this vessel called life. SOREY: …Yeah, we can’t let everyone’s, our wishes to be tainted. SOREY: Reach it out, Mikleo! SOREY: Luzrov Rulay [Mikleo the Enforcer]!

In the manga, Mikleo seemed to immediately realize what his true name was, even before he learned language to communicate, he just felt it. If we take everything (manga, novel, World Guidance, Perfect Guide, etc.), we can surmise that he was born with that true name from Michael’s despair/hope as well as Muse’s prayers.

(There’s something mysterious, inexplicable about a name being able to tell of your entire being, knowing your name in the physical world even before that earthly name is given to you by your parents, or others. This, I feel, is one of those things that are beyond mortal or even seraph understanding; how a true name can be so all-encompassing that it can even predict your fate, without you feeling being dictated by it: because only seraphim with true will can feel these true names, that are so innate to them.)

Alright. Now we go into how each of the seraphim tells Sorey their true name. The game only really shows how Lailah told her, which was when she was inside him as the vessel.

However, the novels detailed each of how the seraph told Sorey their true name in the final battle, just before Sorey called their name and fired each of the bullet.

幼い頃、真名を持つミクリオを羨ましがり、ジイジを困らせたこともあった。

When he was a child, he was envious of Mikleo who had a true name, and this had troubled Gramps too.

たったひとりで導師を待っていた彼女が、炎の中でそっと教えてくれた名。

The name she told him softly in the flames, as she waited alone for the Shepherd.

これを教えるのは、お兄ちゃんの他にあなただけ、と言われた真名だった。

“I only told this to you, aside from my older brother,” a true name told to be that.

あいつの分もちゃんとお前の力になると、笑いながら教えてくれた名。

“I’ll be your strength, for him too,” a true name told with a smile on his face.

As a bonus, Dezel’s was detailed during his pact early in the novel.

スレイはデゼルの神器を掲げ、彼が低い声で告げた真名を高らかに呼んだ。

Sorey held up the Dezel’s Divine Artifact and loudly called out his true name, which he had told him in a low voice before.

Curiously enough, everyone’s details were pretty detailed except for Mikleo’s. How did he tell his true name to Sorey again? We don’t even know if his true name was told, or felt. We only know that Sorey managed to trouble Gramps with how he didn’t have a true name, and though I do have my own headcanon, but again, a headcanon is only a headcanon. They don’t seem to want to say exactly how it went through, even though out of all the seraphim using Sorey as their vessel, only Mikleo gave it to him outside of a pact (outside of something that is duty-bound, so it’s definitely personal), lol.

(Makes Mikleo seemingly treating his true name nilly-willy seem more hilarious though. I wonder if Gramps or anyone in the village told him, or heck, reprimanded him for doing something so... reckless? I mean, if we relate this back to all the “pact = marriage” and “pact = giving your true name” thing... [well, Sorey’s pact with Lailah is basically seen as limited to his duty and not actual, personal marriage, but still]... the implication is. Something. I’m not going to say it out loud here [I mean, Berseria has done that already anyway, lol].)

But yeah. Make that of what you will.

(To note: Interesting as well is that how seraphim form romantic [and perhaps sexual?] relationships, when they don’t need to and can’t procreate, though I do know that romantic/sexual relationships aren’t just for that. But still. The culture is fascinating to me.)

[aberooski]

Okay so I had a thought about the Stormshipping/Mario crossover now that I started trying to write this thing for real

Back to the bit I mentioned before a while back about Chazz and Peach gaslighting Bowser into believing the Toads' misunderstanding that Chazz is an actual prince. I originally thought Chazz would be the one doing it, now I think it would be best if it was Peach initiating that interaction.

___

Imagine it: Chazz and Peach are brought up from the dungeon and are brought before Bowser so y'know, he can gloat about his big plans for defeating Mario and taking over the Mushroom Kingdom and antagonize them as is on brand for the guy. During this, Chazz, being his typical self, is being a fucking smart ass and only succeeding in pissing Bowser off.

Bowser is mad af and fed up with this kid, so Bowser swipes and scoops him up in his claws, alarming Peach in the background. Bowser growls and squeezes his claws around Chazz while he squirms to try and get loose at the very least, if not free. Bowser threatens Chazz, and now Peach has had enough. She has to help somehow, she has to protect him, she's already made that promise to herself so no way will she allow him to come to harm on her watch if she can help it!

And thus, Peach panics for a second thinking of what she can do, when it comes to her. She interjects and tells Bowser that he mustn't hurt this boy, its would be a terrible mistake on his part! Bowser ignores her and is just kinda like yeah yeah, whatever you say. To which Peach interjects again, "But don't you understand? He's not just any boy from another world, he's a prince!" Or she says something like that at least

At which time everything stops. Bowser then turns his attention fully to her, very interested by what she just said, and Chazz looks on in shock and confusion at her as well, wondering just what in the fresh hell she thinks she's doing.

And as the scene goes, Chazz catches on to what she's doing and they tag team this plan to convince Bowser that Chazz is indeed a genuine prince and that Atticus and Alexis are powerful warriors and now that they're coming to rescue him, Bowser's in big trouble. Bowser falls for it, sending Kammy and Kamek to go spy on Atticus and Alexis and the Mario bros and deal with the sibling quad, sending Chazz and Peach back to the dungeon where they can bond more over this moment 😌

___

I loved the idea of Chazz doing it and Peach following his lead, but for me now it makes more sense to do it the other way around. Peach has taken responsibility for Chazz and his wellbeing because she's an adult and he's a teenager, essentially still a child, and also because he was caught up in this and kidnapped because of her. She pulls this stunt, which ultimately backfires on them when Bowser finds out they were bullshitting him, because she was trying to protect him from Bowser in exchange for Chazz getting kidnapped trying to protect her.

AAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS AU ALL OVER AGAIN GUYS !!! 😭😭

[selfshippinglover]

vent(ignore)

[mapofredemption]

beautiful post and additions

idk something about the way lucio clearly just loves animals and how he hated training and how morga said he was never a good hunter and how he ran away from a lame bear even she thought he would be able to fight off. something about caring for animals everyone else seems to disparage, mercedes and melchior were hated and feared by everyone in the palace, camio was seen as an irritating nuisance, the eels, the stove salamander, even. something about a little boy with so much love to give and no humans willing to take it.

[phantomrose96]

I'm thinking about Tumblr Live again and ruminating on WHY it's such a huge flop and I think I've figured it out: They've completely refused to make it a tumblr feature...

By which I mean (begrudgingly goes to unsnooze Tumblr live) this:

^This is meant with zero insult or derision to the people above, but these are absolutely not Tumblr users.

Every single thumbnail I've ever seen for Tumblr live seems to say "This is for clout!" "This is for a thirst trap!" "This is for influencers!" "This is for Tiktok wannabe stars!" "This is for showing your pretty filtered face and reaping what people on Instagram and Tiktok are desperately chasing!"

I'm remembering that Reddit has (or had) livestreams you could tune into like this. I've tapped into some. Ones I remember offhand include:

a guy just wandering around downtown in his city silently showing people the streets and stuff

a guy streaming his attempt to beat the last level of Celeste

a guy streaming his dog he was petting

And that, that was Reddit. That was undoubtedly just regular Reddit users going "oh stream feature? yeah okay. here's my dog." "here's my video game." "here's my street corner in Prague."

And when I think of all the recent successful Tumblr features, they're all things that correctly tapped into actual Tumblr user interests. Blaze had people go "haha yeah here's my dog." "here's my advertisement for a horse lawyer (lawyer who is a horse)." They let us buy crabs because, fuck it, crabs. The blue checkmarks were funny. Polls turned into the fandom brackets people have desperately wanted to make for a decade+. I'd wager the merch that calls on old Tumblr memes is at least decently successful.

If Tumblr Live wanted the chance to be successful, it should have been angled toward Tumblr users. "Here, you can livestream your cat if you want." "You can livestream yourself working on some fanart and chatting." "You can livestream yourself going bird watching because birds are your hyperfixation and you can identify them all by their song to all your followers who want to tune in for bird facts."

But Tumblr Live has never tried to be that. It ONLY seems like it wants to be a Tiktok-clone, Instagram-clone, clout-chaser baited-hook trying to pull converts over from Tiktok/Insta/etc who are trying to grow their influencer brand, which Tumblr is lethally hostile to.

(And ALL of this is only touching on the concept behind what's happening here. I haven't even touched on the third-party streaming service and questionable data protection.)

Like fine, I guess I get it from a business model of trying to grow your userbase--since catering to your existing userbase doesn't pull in new meat. But this will not work. Because anyone, tumblr-native or not, trying to grow themselves as an influencer will NOT find success here. This place is not a place of honor. No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here. Nothing valued is here. What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. We will not watch your Shein haul stream.

[shouyuus]

insane thought but vi makes you sit on her lap while you do your makeup bc she just wants to be close at all times. i’m having visions 🧙‍♀️ of her just resting her head on your shoulder and smiling so fondly at you in the mirror, just observing you…… ugh 😞

OKAY but can we talk about it; there's an amazing tiktoker who has a whole series on breaking down the psychology of arcane via the fights, body language, communication, etc and how that all goes towards the storytelling and they do it rly well so i'll just let you guys ruminate on the 44 part arcane series they've doNE BUT. the thing they've said over and over again about how the way vi shows love and affection is FULL HAND CONTACT, like more so than even physical touch (ALTHO IM SURE THATS AN EXTENSION OF IT YALL), it's the hand thing

SO. like college roommate!vi after you guys have made it official, and ur both going to some kind of party, and you've already done vi's make up (and gotten SUPER distracted during it because well, it ended up with you straddling her lap and basically trying very hard not to fuck up her eyeliner bc her hands were ALL OVER your thighs and waist, inching up your shirt and teasing your skin), so now you've gotta do yours, and as much as you love and adore her, you know if you ask her to do your makeup in exchange you'll end up looking like you're going to an avril lavigne concert at age 13 which is NOT always a bad thing but just not the vibe you're going for tonight right.

so imagine sitting at your vanity, her with her chin hooked over your shoulder, and her arms wrapped around your waist, your back against her chest. and she's so warm, she's always been warm, but you always notice it more when you're like this -- the contours of your body fitted so perfectly against each other, like jigsaw pieces clicking into place for the very first time and realizing that this is where they were always meant to be.

"which one -- the darker one? or the lighter one?" you ask, holding up an eyeshadow palette to show her over your shoulder. and you feel her hand twitch on your stomach, but she doesn't shift either of them, just nuzzles deeper into the crook of your neck.

"mmm... the lighter one," she says, "goes better with the dress you picked out.

you laugh, nodding, and dabbing a finger into the lighter shimmer shadow, leaning forward slightly to apply it across your eyelids. vi lets out a tiny whine as your back separates from her chest. and a second later, she's leaning forward too, chasing the contact. you cast her an exasperated smile in the mirror as she pouts at you over your shoulder.

"vi -- you're gonna make me mess up!"

"okay, okay, fine," but she's definitely still whining about it, barely letting up her hold as you shift your seat on her lap to give yourself a bit more stability as you go back to doing your makeup.

"what do you think?" you ask, pulling back and relaxing against her once more.

vi only tugs you in tighter, her fingers curled around your middle.

"i think you look beautiful, but... i always think that, so..."

you crinkle your nose, feeling a familiar heat wash into your cheeks.

"you don't think it's too much glitter?"

vi shakes her head, chuckling.

"nope. no such thing."

your lips twitch wider, "correct answer."

"mm... see? i pay attention," she says, nosing along your neck, her breath hot on your skin.

"i -- i've never said you don't!" you say, squeaking slightly as vi smirks into your shoulder.

"i know." a kiss.

"v-vi..."

"hm?" another kiss.

"what're you --"

"what's it -- look like --?" her teeth skimming along the junction of your neck.

"i-it looks like you're trying to make us even later f-for this party than we already are."

vi hums, shrugging as she sinks her teeth into your bare skin.

"well if we're already late --"

"vi! w-we promised we'd go --"

"and we will --" you feel the tips of her fingers teasing into the waistband of your sleep shorts, and you think that at least you haven't changed into your dress yet.

"we're gonna ruin our makeup!"

vi's hands pause, and a second later, she sighs, her face appearing over your shoulder in the reflected image of the mirror. she blows a strand of pink hair from her face.

"fine... but if it's a boring party --"

you roll your eyes, "we can irish exit as hard as you want."

vi's smirk smears sideways and you immediately bite down on your bottom lip.

"your words, cupcake. not mine."

you grin, leaning forward again to wing out your eyeliner and apply the most waterproof kind of mascara you can as vi watches you with indulgent eyes and a knowing smile.

in the end, you don't end up leaving the party early. but you do manage to desecrate of the bedrooms upstairs. though you only feel kinda bad for it because, well, you can't just throw a party, invite the entire girls rugby team, and not expect some level of debauchery, right?

right.

[tetedurfarm]

get started in meat rabbits masterpost!

yesterday i accidentally hijacked a friend's post and got way more engagement than i expected, which is both amazing and exhausting. so today i present to you: a big post full of resources and answers to the most common questions i've been getting! please refer to this now before dming me with questions <3

information below the cut!

why rabbits?

because they're one of (and in my opinion, THE,) best small-scale meat animal out there. they are relatively small, extremely quiet, can live in cages and therefore do not take up much space, and have a higher feed conversion rate (meaning they make more meat per lb of feed) than chickens, and their poop is AMAZING for gardening! in the footprint of a washer and dryer you can have a trio of breeding animals and space for growing out their litters if you use stacking cages. you just can't beat that.

what do they taste like?

like chicken or turkey. domestic rabbit meat is a very mild, white meat, and can be substituted for chicken in almost every meal. most of my rabbit i grind into mince and use it in place of ground beef. my rabbits, at least, get enough fat to make it unnecessary to cut the mince with pork or beef fat, so even the burgers are really juicy!

will you sell me some meat?

unfortunately in the state of washington it is illegal to sell meat that has been processed at home. at best i could sell you a whole rabbit but you'd have to butcher it yourself.

how much do they cost?

this depends heavily on where you live, though imo they have a fairly low upfront cost relative to other livestock. your biggest upfront expensive will be cages, though you can find good deals on cages and other equipment at livestock auctions/swaps and craiglist/kijiji/similar. the rabbits themselves can be anywhere from free to $100+, though i personally would not pay more than $30-$35 USD for a meat animal (but again, your average prices may vary.) after that, it's all in the price of feed.

feed costs vary from area to area and brand to brand - generally a locally milled feed will be a bit more cost-effective but they can also be lower quality so do your research. depending on your area, you can also feed rabbits partially or even completely on forage or pasture, just make sure you keep an eye on your parasite loads and weights to ensure they are eating enough.

this is a good site that discusses rabbit safe forage: https://riseandshinerabbitry.com/2012/02/26/safe-food-list-for-rabbits/

and this is a good site discussing hay: https://hoppyharlequinsrabbitry.weebly.com/hay-chart.html

this page is focused on other larger livestock but is a decent basic rundown on reading a feed lablel: https://s3.wp.wsu.edu/uploads/sites/2070/2023/03/FS138E_Reading-a-Feed-Tag.pdf

and a basic overview of rabbit nutrition: https://www.merckvetmanual.com/exotic-and-laboratory-animals/rabbits/nutrition-of-rabbits#Pelleted-Diets_v54343534

i do not personally believe that feeding hay is necessary for rabbits to be healthy, which is contrary to what most of you may have heard from online sources. we'll talk about that in a minute. all commercially-available pelleted rabbit feets are made with hay, and the 'long-stem' thing you read about is based on studies in ruminant animals that DO need a 'grass mat' to digest properly...but rabbits are not ruminants. they chew up their hay into fine dust, which is basically what pellets are anyway.

what other equipment do i need?

obviously, your first step should be cages. i prefer cages that are either 24x24 or 30x30 inches depending on the size of the rabbit. you generally want a cage big enough for the animal to lay flat on its belly with its legs out and not touch at least one of the sides (i prefer them to be able to touch none,) and tall enough that they can sit up comfortably. i like to err on the side of larger for breeding does, since their nestbox will take up floor space for a few weeks, and the kits need room to run around and grow before they are weaned. weaned kits need a larger cage or hutch to grow out in until they are eating size.

these cages can be wire bottomed or solid bottomed, just be aware of the hygiene differences between these styles of cages. wire cages are not evil, and will not harm a rabbit's feet provided it has proper density of fur. you can avoid foot problems by buying and breeding rabbits with well-furred feet.

other necessary equipment includes: feeders (j-feefers or pro-b feeders are my favourites), some way to provide water such as bottles, crocks, or an automatic watering system, a hay rack if you want to provide hay, grooming tools such as combs and brushes (if applicable; most rabbits will not need much grooming,) nail clippers, a first-aid kit containing things such as scissors, vet wrap, antibiotic gels and drops, saline solution, fenbendazole (brand name panacur, a dewormer,) gas medications such as simethicone/gas-x, critical care (a specially formulated powdered feed that you can mix into a gruel and syringe feed rabbits that won't eat on their own,) probiotic powder, electrolyte powder, and of course, toys!

make sure any provided toys are edible (so avoid plastic,) and will not get turned into mush and cause dirty mats in the cage when peed on. toilet paper and paper towel tubes are great, as are just chunks of untreated lumber offcuts, wooden baby blocks, or soda boxes. if you have some splurging money, bird toy websites like abirdtoy.com have amazing selections of things that rabbits love destroying. i recommend the refillable skewers!

what about vet care?

this is a fairly divisive topic. most vets do not know much about rabbits, and those that do are typically operating on outdated or simply untrue information that aligns with animal rights groups. therefore, a lot of meat and show breeders do not trust or use vets unless the situations are dire or there is disease testing to be done, and then generally we'll go to our state's ag exstension or college lab. i don't want to come off as anti-vet, i am far from it. but i and most people i know have not had good experiences with vets treating rabbits.

in general, exotic animal vet care (and yes, rabbits are considered exotic pets,) is extremely cost-prohibitive in general, much less when you have multiple animals. like most farmers, rabbit breeders typically handle basic medical situations ourselves.

medirabbit is a great resource for rabbit medical information including illnesses and medication dosages: https://www.medirabbit.com/

how many rabbits do i need?

the average litter size is between 5 and 8 kits, and rabbits can breed montly (though i recommend giving the girls breaks between litters depending on how they kept condition.) a trio of one buck and two does can produce a very good amount of meat for a one or two person household. my spouse and i lived on five or six litters a year for a very long time, using rabbit as our primary meat source!

do they need friends?

no. despite what house rabbit circles tell you, rabbits do NOT need companions and in fact having cagemates can stress them out unnecessarily. rabbits live in warrens in the wild, yes, but that is a survival tactic and the warrens are usually very violent and only work because they can run away when they need to. in capitivity, rabbits that are cohabitated can and commonly will KILL one another. it is much safer and less stressful to keep rabbits in their own spaces. i promise they won't mind.

rabbit colonies, where they are raised together in more 'natural' systems, are becoming very popular with homesteading circles but you should not jump into colonies as your first way to keep rabbits. they require just as much if not even more time and effort to manage than your typical cage setup. plus, you have to have the space to do that, which not everyone has.

can you help me find rabbits?

maybe! if you live in the united states and are comfortable sharing your local craigslist, i can take a look and link you to any rabbits or equipment i think would be worth your time. if you are local to me in western washington's i-5 corridor counties, i may have rabbits i can sell you for the price of feed and gas, but that depends on availability. if you are on the olympic peninsula in kitsam, jefferson, or clallam counties, hit up my buddy ren @buttonbuckfarm for similar services.

arent't they really fragile?

yes and no. rabbits are prey animals with an extremely specialised digestive system. if you are familiar with horses...same deal. if a rabbit stops eating, it will die, and they love bloating/colicking just like horses. there are also a few diseases that are common in rabbits that you should keep an eye out for, especially if you pasture or forage raise.

that being said, rabbits are not made of glass. you can flip them, you can poke them, prod them, put them in a car, drive them across the country, and squish them into weird shapes on a show table. as long as you take precautions during stressful situations and desensitise them to things like handling and transport early, they're shockingly physically hardy despite their sensitive guts.

i'm scared to kill them...what if i mess up?

it's perfectly understandable to fear the end of the process of raising rabbits. and accidents do happen. slaughter is a skill that must be practiced, and maybe you can take solace in knowing that we have all messed one up at some point or another. when this happens, the only thing you can do is try again as quickly as you can until you can confirm the animal is dead. and then take a minute to decompress.

it comes easy to me, but i know that is not true for everyone. but i am a firm believer that if you are going to eat meat, you should know where it comes from and how it gets to your plate. the best thing we can do for our food is to give it a wonderful life, kill as kindly as we can, and use as much of it as we are able.

here is the AVMA's list of approved humane slaughter methods: https://www.avma.org/sites/default/files/2020-02/Guidelines-on-Euthanasia-2020.pdf

and you can find pretty good videos of the various methods demonstrated on rabbits specifically on youtube:

broomstick, choke chain, bunny ballista, hopper popper

please be aware that the above videos show animals being killed. though if you are reading this i imagine you are prepared to see that.

how do i process them once they're dead?

this is another one you can find pretty good videos of online. visiting a local rabbit show may get you in contact with someone willing to teach you in person, as well!

i am working on a big project website that is basically all i think you should know about raising rabbits, which will include detailed slaughter, skinning, and butchering videos, though as of now these are not available. i plan to have this project at least usably done by the end of the year!

ok so what's the thing with pet owners vs breeders

you may have noticed that i've been doing some 'as you may have heard' debunking in this post. that's because there is a very huge divide between the beliefs and practices of pet rabbit owners versus show and meat breeders and owners. why? well, that's complicated, but the big bad evil guy that is the first place to point at is the House Rabbit Society, or HRS.

the house rabbit society is basically rabbit PETA. i am not joking. here is a big masterpost on all their bullshittery: https://www.tumblr.com/o-i-have-too/185596917579/a-masterpost-of-house-rabbit-society-bullshit

i know this comes off as me having an agenda, and i guess i can't say that i don't, but i believe that the HRS' rules and rhetoric are not just wrong they are actively dangerous to follow. i have owned rabbits for nearly a decade and have produced more somewhere in the 1,500 range of animals in that time. i have owned a LOT of rabbits and have experienced all the different ways they can thrive and die and have done a lot of experimenting to find what works. just about everything the HRS says about caring for rabbits is blatantly false according to my experience. proper wire cage floors do not destroy feet. rabbits do not need hay if they eat a good pelleted diet. pellets are not evil or 'fattening' or the main cause of stasis. rabbits do not need leafy greens or veggies. rabbits do not need to be bonded. they are perfectly happy living alone, in cages. flipping a rabbit is not torture and is in fact sometimes necessary for many reasons. meat and show breeders are generally not contributing to the 'overpopulation' problem - if we don't want an animal most of us just eat them. breeding for meat is not evil if it's done appropriately and they are killed humanely.

unfortunately the HRS won the google SEO game and so their website and the sites of others that believe their rhetoric are the only thing that comes up on the first pages of search results. i'm not saying you have to blindly trust me, but i have the experience, and the combined experience of many of my peers both online and offline, that says that basically everything they believe in and preach is just...not true.

anyway that's it, hope this answers most of your questions! i may add to this in the future depending on what other questions i may get. stay tuned for updates on my website project and in general more farm content, rabbit and otherwise :)

[saintshigaraki]

please, if you have the time and/or are feeling generous, please expand on that horror soulmate ran idea where he likes flexing his influence and power over you while you’re on shift….what kind of restaurant does reader work at? is the high-end kind where customers who look as rich and charming as ran come often…..or is it some regular diner/local favorite and ran likes coming over to call you sweetheart and darling and he likes tipping you $50-$100 bills………………………..he tips bigger and orders so much when he brings some work associates over during their lunch break or something 0_0

dior im so glad you ask bc I've been ruminating over these very questions for like a month....

yandere tw, ran is harassing the shit out of you at work rip, soulmate au, she/her pronouns for reader

i think you work at a really small rundown sort of place open 24 hours. pulling 12-hour shifts 12 days in a row just to pay the bills. it's pure and total chance that ran and his...associates waltz into your establishment. it's late and you're so so exhausted. you absolutely do not like the look of them. they're dressed nicely, too nicely for a place like this and they don't even bother trying to hide the guns peaking out from their waistbands. and beyond that you can smell it on them. you know their type. the type that get too handsy, that hold their tips over your head. make you do a song and dance and for what? the two dollars they'll so generously leave you when all is said and done? it's a fucking joke and you hate them all before they've even said a word to you.

your feet hurt so badly that you're limping a bit when you go to greet them and the smile you put on feels carved into your cheeks, throbbing like a wound. all their faces look the same to you. a big blur of dangerous man after man after man. you write down their orders without really listening. you want this over as fast as possible. you were set to be off in an hour, but with a group this big, you know that's now nothing but a pipe dream. god you're so so tired--

"and what is it you'd recommend, darling?"

something about the voice makes your eyes shoot up. airy, smooth, and nonchalant in a way that makes you grind your teeth and reluctantly pulls your attention. there's a nauseating sort of authority in it that has your hackles raised.

you're a bit shocked when you see who has spoken. he's pretty. long hair, obviously well kept, a tattoo on the side of his neck that makes you rather nervous, but it's his eyes that makes you step back. you feel the shift in the air when your gaze meets his, a crackling energy, two halves being made whole and all the other sappy shit people say when describing their first meeting with their soulmate.

no one mentions how scary it is, though. it's like you've lost a limb. or gained a parasite. you swear you can feel him in the back of your skull, already eating away at you. you don't want this. you don't want this. take it back you almost say aloud. please please take it back.

the man (your soulmate?) doesn't say a word. there's a slight quirk on his lips, but that could be anything. could mean anything.

you take a breath. you're tired—very tired—and now you're imagining things—delusional. your heartbeat slows. everything's fine. it's fine.

"ah ran, you've left the poor thing starstruck," a man to his right says, jostling him a bit.

the man—ran—tilts his head, still waiting, rather patiently, for a reply from his apparently airheaded waitress, struck down by his pretty face.

it's rather scary, being the sole focus of his attention. it's as though he's flaying your skin from your flesh, leaving you defenseless. like you're nothing but a young girl again, alone and cold and hopeless beneath his eyes.

it takes you too long to gather your wits. "the omelets are okay, good for a cold night." you just barely manage to keep the trembling from your voice, a shrillness that would in any way reveal your fear.

he smiles now, a real one. and it scares you. so amused by you, his little shaking waitress. "just okay?" he asks, taking pleasure in teasing you no doubt.

"this isn't a place you come to if you're looking for something gourmet." better to be honest than to get their hopes up. you can smell the money on them.

he laughs and you have to bite back your tears, you really dont like him. there's terror worming it's way beneath your skin. "it was a last resort, i'll go with the omelet, darling."

+

when you bring out their food you assume that will be it, at least for a little while. you'll refill their drinks again and again and again and pray they'll be gone by 2, but the worst of it is done. you'll hide in the back for the most part until they're gone. it'll be fine.

your hopes are quite quickly dashed once you set ran's food in front of him, avoiding eye contact but unable to keep the tremor from your fingers. before you can dart away his hand lashes out, forming a shackle around your wrist. tugging you far closer to him than you'd ever want to be. 

"why don't you join us for a bit. you seem tired. perhaps you're a bit hungry too?" he asks it like a question, but you know it's not. he has that sort of authority about him that lets you know he's used to be listened to. used to giving out orders and having them followed. you don't like it, and you make excuses even though you know it'll bode badly for you.

"i can't sir, i'm so sorry, but im still working and my boss will be--"

he cuts you off quickly and uncaring. "he won't mind."

he most definitely would, you think. your boss reminds you of ran a bit, in the way that he likes to exert power over others. quick to insult you, quick to admonish and threaten. he most definitely would care if he saw you sitting with some customers, even if the rest of the place was deserted.

"sir," you start again, "i could be fired please--"

"what's his name?"

you're taken aback. a bit confused, too. "your boss, darling. what's his name?"

there's a long pause before you say anything at all.

"hikaru," you tell him at last.

he smiles at you, tugs you in even closer. "thank you."

he smells good, you think absently. expensive. 

"hikaru!" he yells suddenly, causing you to practically jump out of your skin. your boss is quick to appear, looking like a beat dog. he seems to recognize ran, and he seems to be scared of him and you really, really don't like that.

"is there something i can help you with, sir?" he asks, timid as a mouse. your heart stops. there's something wrong here, you think. there's something very wrong and it's too late. its too late.

you're sitting beside ran now, his arm wrapped around you and his hand rubbing your shaking shoulder soothingly. "you wouldn't mind if she joined us, would you? we could use the company."

your boss' eyes flit over to you, just barely, before he bows his head again. "of course not, sir. it's no problem at all."

ran turns to you at that. "you hear that, darling. no problem at all." you look down and can't help but notice drops of red marring the pristine white of his dress shirt. it's right on the cuff. it's dried now, more brown than anything else but you recognize it for what it is.

you can't help but think you've stepped into a bear trap of sorts, and now your foot has been cut clean off. you’re screaming and screaming, trying to staunch the bleeding and ran won’t stop smiling. 

[xamag-draws]

BBR thoughts 2024

Since I mentioned that I finally dusted off an old project of mine and was ruminating on how I'd remake it, I thought I'd elaborate a little, now that I've solidified some concepts. For funsies

This is gonna be a bit of a long and unfocused one, but I don't share my personal thoughts here often, especially the stuff about my projects I always marinate in. And for once it's something that people have existing context for, so hey why not

So for anyone who hasn't been following me for a gajillion years, The Black Brick Road of OZ was a webcomic that I posted around 2013-2015, back when I was in highschool going on college (which is kinda crazy to think about). It was sort of a darker twist on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, although I definitely leaned a lot more into dark humor more than anything in those first few chapters

I don't think it's available to read anywhere anymore, and I know people have been asking me about it. So here's the full proper archive of BBR, as full as it can be with deceased Flash

I totally used it as an excuse to shamelessly and self-indulgently experiment. It had interactive pages and GIFs and was wayyy too overproduced for what I could handle or what was necessary, but I did have great fun making it while it lasted

Unfortunately, that excess and the fact that I've changed too much as a person by the time I was in college is what ultimately killed it. The direction I wanted to go in was practically unrecognizable from the original idea started back in 2011, so there were many old hold-ups that I felt ruined it

At the time I kinda wished I could start/rewrite it all over, but considering that I pretty much had the entire script done at that point, it felt like a pointless sisyphean task. So I just put it on a shelf and didn't look back for about 8 years, because I didn't know what else to do

Now to be fair, the nature of my art has always been iterative and cyclical; when I feel like my creative juices have run dry I prefer to leave a project to marinate and move on to something else; cycle through other old things and bring in new skills and perspectives into the mix when I'm ready again. Not very productive, but it is what makes me happy to work on my OCs; I'm doomed to hit a wall with them eventually and I need some time to be able to find a new direction

So that said, I'm glad that BBR was left to marinate for that long. I don't think I was prepared, emotionally or intellectually, to tackle it again until now. The Wizard of Oz book (and the entire series of them, really) has always been near and dear to my heart, but there's a lot of context around it that I'm only unpacking now that I'm older

I think I always inherently feel negatively about the stuff I've made in the past, like its faults always jump out to me more than the positives, especially the more time passes. I've never liked that, and I do really appreciate the kind things people have to say about BBR to this day. The fact that it still can be recognized and remembered is very sweet

When I left it, I already found it "kinda cringe", and that feeling only deepened with years. When I took my first look back at it, asking the question "how would I rewrite it now?", at first I took a very cynical approach, as in "everything would have to be torn down"

But the more I sat on it, the more I found that I still see some merit and charm in the ideas I was putting out; I just didn't know how to execute them at the time (not to pretend that I know what I'm doing now, but I certainly know more at least). Turns out a lot of my old concepts could be changed substantially with just a few small tweaks. So I'd say that's a nicer way to think about my previous work

If you haven't seen yet, I posted a first draft of my new designs for some of the characters (the main group, the Goods and the Wickeds). Definitely subject to change, but more or less how I see them now

I'm just playing with these concepts; by no means would I attempt to remake BBR right this moment. Call it a pipe dream among my other ones. But just for fun, this is the direction I'd like to take:

Nowadays I'd probably make it a visual novel, with more emphasis on the visual part than the novel because I'm no English prose writer by any means. It'd still let me play a little with the interactivity while helping cut some corners on the drawing part (only some, I imagine I'd go hog wild anyway)

I've always intended for some events inspired by the sequel books to take place in BBR's past. Stuff like Jinjur's revolt or Ozma's rule preceeds the main events here. So I think it would be fun to follow the past of a few key characters alongside the main story. One chapter focusing on the present quest to see the Wizard, then one focusing on the past events (that are maybe reflective thematically); rinse and repeat

I'm also sticking a little closer to the original text in some regards. Not everything that I enjoy from the books would be translated here, it's still just a very loose fantasy on the material; but I'd like to be closer in spirit at least

I like mature, wise and powerful Glinda, I like kind and vulnerable Tin Man, I like the Wizard being a pathetic yet loveable liar, so I'm sprinkling in more of that for example

I'd like to keep some whimsy, but make it more grounded and a bit more serious to be coherent in tone. I think the original TWWOOZ book was a more realistic fantasy in some ways, even for the standards of the time; I like its simple but vivid tactile descriptions and details like bringing attention that Dorothy needed to eat and sleep

I find it funny that Baum specifically was averse to making his books scary or unpleasant, finding that unnecessary for telling a compelling kids story, but they still can get pretty dark and disturbing, at least for our modern sensibilities. Let's just say that I intend to use the Evoldo and Chopfyt storylines for my purposes. In that way, I feel like a "darker" Wizard of Oz retelling can still mostly be tonally in line with the original and balance it with enough heart and occasional humor

I slowly grew to appreciate the quaint old-timey quality of the original series, as well. The first book is both timeless and very much a product of the 1900s. Originally I tried to give it a little modern or at least anachronistic spin, but it was moreso because it's what I knew best, so these days I'd rather intentionally lean into the time period. Still not fully historically accurate by any means, but at least directly acknowledging the influence

The events of the story span across 40 years of these characters' lives, so I'm drawing inspiration from the entire so-called La Belle Epoque: the time period around 1880s-1920s. Basically I'm cooking, and my soup is old Victorian fashion morphing into Edwardian fashion and slowly inching towards flappers

Some new Dolly outfits

Lots of crazy things, political changes and innovations were happening at the turn of the century, which I think is noted and reflected by Baum in the books as well; the character of Tik-Tok might not blow any minds now, but he was one of the first robot characters in literature at that point; and don't even get me started on Jinjur, etc. Plenty of really interesting stuff one could lightly ponder in an Oz adaptation these days

Aesthetically, art nouveau has always been a big artistic influence for me, and it'd definitely be its time to shine here. John R. Neill's illustrations of the Oz books often keep me company as well. Nouveau architecture in particular fits that fairytale whimsy extremely well imo

I'd allow myself a little bit of art deco here and there, but ultimately its intimidating geometrical splendor is an antithetical to the flowery nature of nouveau and I associate it with a completely different era. Definitely fitting some characters like my Wicked Witch of the West, but shouldn't be overused

One of my main problems with the original BBR was that eventually I lost track of what it was even about; and the original ending felt too mean and unfulfilling to be worth it. Now I'd like to stick to the theme of home and family as my main theme, but in a different, more bittersweet way than in the book

An interesting connection I made is that a lot of my aforementioned older key characters (the Witches, Jinjur, the Nome King, etc) all came from the same reformatory as kids, that's how they know each other. In my recent research I learned that in those reformatories it was usually frowned upon to release the children back to the families, which were seen as the original corrupting influence regardless of the circumstance. The reformatory did everything in its power to cut that connection and make itself the only family those wayward kids were supposed to know and love. That's an unexpected tie into the theme of home that I'd like to explore as well

So yeah that's the current state of it. I have a bunch of outfit concepts I'm slowly cooking, although I'm now sure whether I'd post them... But I do miss these funny guys, and I'm glad some people still do as well :)